1 00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:06,325 NARRATOR: Marco Polo, one of the world's greatest explorers. 2 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:11,003 In the 13th century, he embarked on an epic journey from Venice to China 3 00:00:11,087 --> 00:00:13,555 that took over three years to complete. 4 00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:17,003 Now Ricky Gervais is sending his mate Karl Pilkington 5 00:00:17,087 --> 00:00:18,884 to follow in his footsteps. 6 00:00:18,967 --> 00:00:21,242 But this time he's got a little company. 7 00:00:22,047 --> 00:00:24,038 Will you stop just puffing and panting like that? 8 00:00:29,367 --> 00:00:32,518 KARL: Jesus Christ! It's like a Primark sale. 9 00:00:32,607 --> 00:00:35,599 He said if he did it again, he'd want some company this time. 10 00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:38,565 He meant me, but I've sent someone in my place. 11 00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:40,603 KARL: Grab hold of that. WARWICK: I can't see. 12 00:00:40,687 --> 00:00:44,157 RICKY: They are like chalk and cheese. Karl whinges all the time. 13 00:00:44,247 --> 00:00:46,715 He's doing me head in. He's treating it like a holiday. 14 00:00:46,807 --> 00:00:49,321 RICKY: He says he doesn't want adventure. He doesn't want stress. 15 00:00:49,407 --> 00:00:50,556 I'm just not a good swimmer. 16 00:00:50,647 --> 00:00:52,126 Once you're in, it'll be fine. 17 00:00:52,207 --> 00:00:55,358 Warwick never says no. He'll take on a challenge. 18 00:00:55,447 --> 00:00:56,800 Tease the camera, tease the camera! 19 00:00:56,887 --> 00:00:59,242 Now do a little bit from Oliver! Good. 20 00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:03,325 It's not the night for this, is it? 21 00:01:03,887 --> 00:01:05,878 - Warwick, you have to do it. - I'm not doing it. 22 00:01:07,727 --> 00:01:09,843 RICKY: They're gonna have the adventure of their lifetime. 23 00:01:09,927 --> 00:01:12,077 Whether they like it or not. 24 00:01:13,287 --> 00:01:14,322 WARWICK: Whoa. 25 00:01:17,847 --> 00:01:20,236 NARRATOR: Previously on An Idiot Abroad. 26 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:22,887 Dick Whittington, he had a cat with him, and you went, 27 00:01:22,967 --> 00:01:24,958 "Why take a cat, take a little mate." 28 00:01:25,047 --> 00:01:26,958 I just think you are going to be a hindrance. 29 00:01:27,047 --> 00:01:29,766 It was your idea to come to the party. You go in there. 30 00:01:29,847 --> 00:01:30,996 This is good. 31 00:01:31,647 --> 00:01:35,162 Brilliant, Warwick. "Bring them over," he said. "Good to have some company." 32 00:01:35,247 --> 00:01:36,919 One, two, one, two. 33 00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:40,079 There's no way that I'm having it that Warwick's a better dancer than me. 34 00:01:40,327 --> 00:01:41,396 No way. 35 00:01:41,487 --> 00:01:43,955 It seems what Warwick wants, Warwick gets. 36 00:01:46,847 --> 00:01:49,156 - I never had a kite. - Put me down. 37 00:01:50,247 --> 00:01:51,760 KARL: What you're gonna see now, 38 00:01:51,847 --> 00:01:53,758 you'll never get the chance to see again. 39 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,280 The Spider Sisters. 40 00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:57,961 I'm just gonna wait outside. Let Karl go and ask his questions, 41 00:01:58,047 --> 00:02:00,481 Do you have the main or do you have the pudding? 42 00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:02,478 WARWICK: I don't know why you're so fascinated with it. 43 00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:04,364 KARL: Because it's something different. 44 00:02:04,567 --> 00:02:07,684 I've done a lot for him now. Let me have a bit of "me time". 45 00:02:22,367 --> 00:02:24,722 KARL: I've come to see them because they're different. 46 00:02:24,967 --> 00:02:27,925 That's all it is, it's not to poke fun, it's because they are different. 47 00:02:28,767 --> 00:02:32,646 People out there are coming in here to see new things. 48 00:02:33,247 --> 00:02:35,807 - Look at the crowd Warwick got. - Hello. 49 00:02:36,127 --> 00:02:38,595 It would be good if Warwick was willing to sit on there 50 00:02:38,687 --> 00:02:40,006 and raise some more money. 51 00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:43,397 I'll sit there, white person, bald, they've never seen that before. 52 00:02:43,487 --> 00:02:46,320 They've never seen a little man before. 53 00:02:47,527 --> 00:02:49,677 Would it make any difference for them, 54 00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:53,123 moneywise, if me and Warwick was to sit on the stage as well? 55 00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:56,324 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 56 00:02:57,727 --> 00:02:59,763 She says it's good, she doesn't mind. 57 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,520 Okay. Let's have a word with Warwick. 58 00:03:03,087 --> 00:03:04,122 Oh. Great. 59 00:03:04,207 --> 00:03:07,961 It's embarrassing. I'm not just going to go and stand there and have people look. 60 00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:11,240 Do you know what I mean? What's the... What's the point? 61 00:03:13,647 --> 00:03:15,638 Karl, what are you doing? 62 00:03:15,727 --> 00:03:20,039 Just when I think you've said the weirdest, stupidest thing ever, 63 00:03:20,127 --> 00:03:21,196 you top it. 64 00:03:21,287 --> 00:03:23,960 I think it's weird that we're putting ourselves on this side. 65 00:03:24,047 --> 00:03:25,878 That's what's making this horrible. 66 00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:28,435 If we just all sat there together it's not a problem. 67 00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:30,759 You sit there, I'll sit behind you. 68 00:03:30,847 --> 00:03:32,883 People come in, I'll give you a centre-parting. 69 00:03:32,967 --> 00:03:34,241 You do what you want to do, 70 00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:37,080 what you need to obviously get it out of your system. 71 00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:39,317 You do that and I'll go outside and wait. 72 00:03:40,647 --> 00:03:42,842 KARL: I don't understand his priorities. 73 00:03:42,927 --> 00:03:46,237 He's happy to dress up as leprechauns and bears and stuff. 74 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,522 But he won't sit on a stage, which he likes, 75 00:03:48,607 --> 00:03:50,563 and he won't let me comb his hair. 76 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,320 Everything we've been through together. 77 00:03:58,207 --> 00:04:00,004 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 78 00:04:00,087 --> 00:04:02,521 MAN: She said, "They'll come to see Warwick." 79 00:04:02,607 --> 00:04:04,359 Why? Why Warwick, not me? 80 00:04:04,447 --> 00:04:06,677 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 81 00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:11,717 I can't see any merit in me doing it. If I had something to do, 82 00:04:11,807 --> 00:04:16,358 something to give here, then, then so be it, it's a performance. 83 00:04:16,447 --> 00:04:20,486 But it isn't. Me just sitting there... It's not... 84 00:04:20,567 --> 00:04:22,797 I'm not bringing anything to the table here am I? 85 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,196 - (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) - What about me? 86 00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:28,646 But round head? 87 00:04:29,607 --> 00:04:31,165 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 88 00:04:43,047 --> 00:04:45,766 What do you look like, Karl? 89 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,762 I need you, you're my partner. 90 00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:53,080 - But what are we doing, then? - I will comb your hair. 91 00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:56,836 - I'll massage you. - Are you alright? Are you alright? 92 00:04:57,807 --> 00:05:00,367 Ben Fogle wouldn't have left James Cracknell. 93 00:05:01,207 --> 00:05:03,402 Cannon and Ball always did stuff together. 94 00:05:03,487 --> 00:05:06,160 The Chuckle Brothers, it wouldn't have worked with one Chuckle. 95 00:05:06,247 --> 00:05:08,238 You are standing there getting an eyeful for free. 96 00:05:08,327 --> 00:05:10,443 Warwick, just get on the fucking stage. 97 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:15,760 Shout his name. "Warwick, Warwick, Warwick, Warwick." 98 00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:18,005 WARWICK: This is ridiculous 99 00:05:18,087 --> 00:05:19,486 Yes! 100 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,726 You bastard. 101 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,635 Thank you very much. 102 00:05:28,447 --> 00:05:30,438 I'm going to bloody kill you. 103 00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:34,006 DIRECTOR: Warwick, are you okay? 104 00:05:34,487 --> 00:05:38,480 Not really. I think I'm having some sort of weird dream here. 105 00:05:40,327 --> 00:05:42,238 Thank you. 106 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,235 - Alright, then, alright. - Go on then, that's it. 107 00:05:53,327 --> 00:05:55,443 That's it, give it a good squeeze. 108 00:05:58,647 --> 00:05:59,796 Very nice. 109 00:05:59,887 --> 00:06:01,366 Thank you, ladies, very much, thank you. 110 00:06:01,447 --> 00:06:02,436 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 111 00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:03,755 Easy. Easy. 112 00:06:10,487 --> 00:06:14,082 Just one bit of fun. That's all it was. 113 00:06:18,327 --> 00:06:21,285 (RICKY ON PHONE) 114 00:06:48,087 --> 00:06:50,601 KARL: You are never going to see the Spider Sisters 115 00:06:50,687 --> 00:06:52,200 - or anything like it again. - WARWICK: Yes, okay. 116 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,198 KARL: You could see this again, quite easily. 117 00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:57,200 WARWICK: Look, I just don't want to talk about that whole scenario again. 118 00:06:57,287 --> 00:06:58,879 It's like Salford Docks, this. 119 00:07:00,207 --> 00:07:02,084 So how far are we going on this boat? 120 00:07:03,247 --> 00:07:05,636 - I'm not in the mood for it. - WARWICK: Why? 121 00:07:05,727 --> 00:07:07,604 KARL: I've got the shits. 122 00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:10,727 It's bit funny how I've got the shits and you haven't. 123 00:07:10,927 --> 00:07:11,962 WARWICK: Well, I'm careful. 124 00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:13,719 KARL: Well, you haven't been getting into it, have you? 125 00:07:13,807 --> 00:07:15,718 You've been having deep-pan pizzas every day. 126 00:07:16,207 --> 00:07:17,606 I wanted you to get ill. 127 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,245 WARWICK: But why does that bother you so much? 128 00:07:19,327 --> 00:07:20,840 KARL: Because then you can be part of the team. 129 00:07:20,927 --> 00:07:23,680 - It's like the Red Arse Gang. - (LAUGHS) 130 00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:26,487 At least then, I don't know, you wouldn't annoy me as much. 131 00:07:26,567 --> 00:07:29,479 It's annoying me how you're not ill and experiencing what everyone else is. 132 00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,922 WARWICK: So if I'm chucking up in the toilet with the shits 133 00:07:32,007 --> 00:07:34,601 you'd come in and pat me on the back and say, "Great, Warwick." 134 00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:36,917 KARL: Well, yeah, I'd have some connection with you. 135 00:07:38,807 --> 00:07:42,356 WARWICK: So your connection with me would be through my arse then? 136 00:07:44,967 --> 00:07:48,243 Come on, better go catch the boat, Karl. 137 00:07:52,527 --> 00:07:55,519 - KARL: Nice smell of piss in the air. - Thank you very much. 138 00:07:57,647 --> 00:07:59,956 Mind your step here, Karl, it's not even hooked on. 139 00:08:01,087 --> 00:08:03,157 Have you ever been on a cruise before? 140 00:08:03,247 --> 00:08:06,523 Nah. And I won't be again if they are all like this. 141 00:08:07,807 --> 00:08:10,002 It's not good when the carpet's damp, now is it? 142 00:08:11,127 --> 00:08:13,925 Fucking hell, the Titanic was brought up and it looked better than this. 143 00:08:15,167 --> 00:08:16,566 WARWICK: Thank you very much. 144 00:08:16,647 --> 00:08:17,875 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 145 00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:21,198 Yeah, it's my room. He's just helping me with my luggage. 146 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:22,720 And there's the toilet, that will be... 147 00:08:22,807 --> 00:08:26,004 To be honest, that is useful for me, the way I am at the moment. 148 00:08:26,087 --> 00:08:27,645 The toilet's got a shower door on it. 149 00:08:27,727 --> 00:08:31,356 That's well handy, the way it's spurting out of my arse. 150 00:08:31,447 --> 00:08:32,482 I'm not joking. 151 00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:34,603 And I know what's happening here, because you've got this room, 152 00:08:34,687 --> 00:08:36,086 so what's mine like? 153 00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:45,200 (GROANS QUIETLY) 154 00:08:46,647 --> 00:08:50,401 Shower... (MOUTHS FART SOUND) 155 00:08:50,807 --> 00:08:52,957 All at the same time. 156 00:08:54,047 --> 00:08:56,959 - That's the toilet? - (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 157 00:09:00,287 --> 00:09:03,199 Loo. Don't use that one. 158 00:09:04,287 --> 00:09:05,276 I've got bad guts. 159 00:09:05,367 --> 00:09:08,245 I'm not doing this. I'm sick of it, I'm just sick of it. 160 00:09:10,047 --> 00:09:13,198 For fuck's sake. Ah, God! (GRUNTS) 161 00:09:17,047 --> 00:09:18,241 (SIGHS) 162 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,924 I just want to see Warwick. 163 00:09:26,167 --> 00:09:28,727 - WARWICK: Hello. - Warwick, I don't know what's going on. 164 00:09:28,807 --> 00:09:30,479 I don't know why you're getting special treatment. 165 00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:33,877 I haven't even got my own toilet. Somebody's already been on my toilet. 166 00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:36,276 There's already something there. We haven't even left dock yet. 167 00:09:36,407 --> 00:09:38,602 - Well, what have you got then? - I haven't got anything. 168 00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:42,243 Just a bed. With about four or five other strangers. 169 00:09:42,327 --> 00:09:43,965 - Are you sharing? - Yes. 170 00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:49,519 It's just annoying me the way that we are not having the same experiences. 171 00:09:49,607 --> 00:09:53,998 So let's go down the little corridor and share the same experience. 172 00:09:54,087 --> 00:09:57,124 What, the same way you made me share the experience with the Spider Sisters? 173 00:09:57,207 --> 00:09:58,322 Yeah. 174 00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:02,718 Well, then, maybe this is sort of payback? 175 00:10:03,087 --> 00:10:06,682 Alright, forget it then. Forget it. You can have your room, then. 176 00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,758 Don't get like that, don't get all arsey. 177 00:10:08,847 --> 00:10:10,121 Stick it up your arse. 178 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:16,202 I shouldn't have mentioned that, I didn't want to upset him. 179 00:10:16,287 --> 00:10:18,005 We're both in this together, we should stick together. 180 00:10:18,087 --> 00:10:20,601 But that's not what he did that day. 181 00:10:22,047 --> 00:10:26,165 I suppose two wrongs don't make a right, does it? I should... (SIGHS) 182 00:10:31,207 --> 00:10:34,085 (RHYTHMIC CLANGING) 183 00:10:44,487 --> 00:10:48,116 (TELEPHONE DIALLING) 184 00:10:48,567 --> 00:10:50,125 (RICKY ON PHONE) 185 00:10:50,207 --> 00:10:51,845 I've had the shits all day. 186 00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:53,838 The cabin that you sorted out for me, 187 00:10:53,927 --> 00:10:55,758 I'm in there with the fucking Grumbleweeds. 188 00:10:55,847 --> 00:10:58,361 There's one toilet between about five of us. 189 00:10:58,447 --> 00:11:00,836 - (RICKY LAUGHING) - Listen to this. 190 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,679 - That's what I'm sharing with. - (RICKY CONTINUES LAUGHING) 191 00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:12,964 It's not on though, it is not on. 192 00:11:14,487 --> 00:11:16,205 (RICKY SINGING) 193 00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:36,806 No, I'm not doing that with him in there. I won't sleep. 194 00:11:36,887 --> 00:11:38,286 (RICKY LAUGHS) 195 00:11:39,687 --> 00:11:41,882 It would bring me nightmares, that. 196 00:11:56,687 --> 00:11:58,120 DIRECTOR: Did you get any sleep, Karl? 197 00:11:58,207 --> 00:12:00,243 Yeah, a few minutes, yeah. 198 00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:04,283 Have you seen Warwick? Did he sleep? 199 00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:12,284 Marco Polo must have been pissed off by this point. 200 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,001 It's horrible, it's horrible. 201 00:12:16,087 --> 00:12:19,124 It's a place to visit in a submarine this, this river. 202 00:12:19,927 --> 00:12:23,044 Look at it, it's polluted to hell and back isn't it? 203 00:12:23,527 --> 00:12:25,358 I know people moan at home, sort of saying, 204 00:12:25,447 --> 00:12:27,881 "Oh, our industries are gone and factories are gone 205 00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:31,004 "and people aren't making things at home." But they are here. 206 00:12:31,087 --> 00:12:32,805 I mean everything you pick up is made in China. 207 00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:34,366 And look what it does to the place. 208 00:12:34,447 --> 00:12:36,722 Factories putting all this shit in the air. 209 00:12:36,807 --> 00:12:40,083 Let them keep it, honestly. We don't want this at home. 210 00:12:40,167 --> 00:12:42,556 It's depressing enough without having skies like this. 211 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,286 You hear it all the time, don't you? 212 00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:48,406 You know, "We don't do anything any more. We don't make anything. " 213 00:12:49,047 --> 00:12:51,402 It's all sort of coffee shops and paninis 214 00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:54,445 and charity shops, but at least we have blue skies. 215 00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:57,604 If you are going to be pissed off at home, be pissed off with a blue sky. 216 00:12:57,687 --> 00:12:59,245 Imagine being pissed off here. 217 00:13:05,087 --> 00:13:06,076 Hello? 218 00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:08,886 (RICKY ON PHONE) 219 00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:11,998 We, er, we knocked that on the head. 220 00:13:13,767 --> 00:13:15,041 Because it was horrible, honestly. 221 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,597 It was misty and the toilets were shocking. 222 00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:20,439 There was turds everywhere. 223 00:13:20,527 --> 00:13:21,676 Gillian McKeith, 224 00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:24,998 that's the only person who would have liked that little boat trip. 225 00:13:38,207 --> 00:13:39,845 - Cool. - A real one? 226 00:13:43,847 --> 00:13:45,883 Wow, that's amazing. Thank you very much. 227 00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:51,244 - Thoughts, Karl? You're speechless... - Are they dangerous at all? 228 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:02,596 Alright, then. 229 00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:08,159 WARWICK: I'm excited about this. 230 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,525 What was the last thing that you saw a panda actually do, 231 00:14:11,607 --> 00:14:13,484 and that you went, "Oh, that's useful." 232 00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:17,401 Well, I do know this. That their urine 233 00:14:17,487 --> 00:14:20,320 is collected by Szechuan tribal people 234 00:14:20,407 --> 00:14:22,159 and if somebody swallowed a needle, 235 00:14:22,247 --> 00:14:24,363 they'd drink it, and it would dissolve the needle. 236 00:14:25,247 --> 00:14:28,319 What we're doing there is saving idiots. 237 00:14:28,407 --> 00:14:31,877 If they're eating needles, that's nature's way of wiping them out. 238 00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:34,322 We're saving everyone now. That's the problem. 239 00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,716 Yeah, I was just giving you a use for a Panda. 240 00:14:36,807 --> 00:14:39,799 Yeah, but it's not good enough, not good enough. 241 00:14:42,327 --> 00:14:45,683 - Hello. Professor Jao? - Yeah. 242 00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:47,803 - Yes, I'm Warwick Davis. - Hello. Nice to meet you. 243 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,959 - Karl. How are you doing, you alright? - Nice to meet you. Good. 244 00:14:51,127 --> 00:14:53,800 (JAO SPEAKING) 245 00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:58,401 What is it? 246 00:14:58,487 --> 00:15:00,717 It's the breeding, they teach breeding behaviour. 247 00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,317 KARL: I'm not wanking off a panda. 248 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,680 Look at this! 249 00:15:18,647 --> 00:15:21,366 (JAO SPEAKING) 250 00:15:33,487 --> 00:15:36,604 So, it's like saying the right thing to the lady first at dinner? 251 00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:40,196 If they don't make the right noise then she's... 252 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,879 - Not interested. - No, thank you. 253 00:15:42,127 --> 00:15:46,245 Do you have different films for it to hear and watch or is it the same? 254 00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,166 I don't know about that. 255 00:15:51,687 --> 00:15:54,360 I don't think that works, does it? And it's the same one. 256 00:15:54,447 --> 00:15:56,517 It's the same film over and over again, 257 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,677 so you're going to get bored of that anyway. 258 00:15:58,767 --> 00:16:01,725 I've seen rude films. You can't watch them more than three times. 259 00:16:01,807 --> 00:16:03,320 You go, "What else have you got? 260 00:16:03,407 --> 00:16:05,682 How many times do you watch them, Warwick? 261 00:16:05,767 --> 00:16:07,519 What, the panda films? 262 00:16:07,607 --> 00:16:09,438 No, I've never watched any other sort of... 263 00:16:09,647 --> 00:16:11,444 You've never watched any rude films? 264 00:16:11,527 --> 00:16:14,166 No, I haven't ever felt I need to, to be honest. 265 00:16:14,327 --> 00:16:15,919 No, it's not about need is it? 266 00:16:16,007 --> 00:16:18,202 It's like how I wanted to see the Spider Women. 267 00:16:18,447 --> 00:16:21,086 It's just, "What's all that about? People watch these. What's going on?" 268 00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:22,156 There's nothing rude about it, it's natural. 269 00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:23,566 So you did it for research purposes? 270 00:16:23,647 --> 00:16:26,719 Yeah, just have a look what goes on. Get some ideas. 271 00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,280 (JAO SPEAKING) 272 00:16:32,207 --> 00:16:34,596 - You're saying we've got to dress up? - Yeah. 273 00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:38,802 But surely that's more dangerous, isn't it? If we look like a panda? 274 00:16:47,247 --> 00:16:49,636 I've been a few bears in my time, but never a panda. 275 00:16:50,207 --> 00:16:51,799 Does this really convince them? 276 00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:55,926 Does it heck. It's bollocks, all this. It's just an excuse to dress us up. 277 00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:58,761 You've got to try and get in the mind of the character now. 278 00:16:58,927 --> 00:17:00,201 Don't start, Warwick, don't start. 279 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,925 It's what it's all about, what do you mean "don't start"? 280 00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:03,963 - Just put your costume on. - Don't just wear it like that. 281 00:17:04,047 --> 00:17:05,639 I'm going to put the hood on when I get in there. 282 00:17:05,727 --> 00:17:08,366 Get involved. Otherwise it's going to look ridiculous. 283 00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,517 I've seen pandas on the telly with people near them. 284 00:17:12,607 --> 00:17:14,757 I've never seen Attenborough dressed up like this. 285 00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:18,122 But I'm just thinking, if something goes tits up, 286 00:17:18,207 --> 00:17:21,836 I can't see where I'm going, I'm hot, I'm going to trip over. 287 00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,486 It's just not safe. 288 00:17:23,767 --> 00:17:26,645 If it kicks off and I have to thump it in the head and I end up injuring it, 289 00:17:26,727 --> 00:17:29,082 again, I'll look like the bad man. 290 00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:31,761 "Karl thumps endangered species in the head". 291 00:17:32,327 --> 00:17:35,000 But, at the end of the day, if it comes at me, I will go at it. 292 00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:36,600 And I'm not being responsible for what happens. 293 00:17:36,687 --> 00:17:39,918 If I have to kick it between the bollocks, that's what's going to happen. 294 00:17:40,847 --> 00:17:43,315 I will kick a panda in the bollocks if I have to. 295 00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:48,807 Do we need to make any sound? What sound does a panda make? 296 00:17:48,887 --> 00:17:51,401 'Cause I probably... I'm gonna be a little baby one. 297 00:17:53,807 --> 00:17:55,684 Chirps? How does that go? 298 00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:57,758 (MAKING CHIRPING NOISES) 299 00:17:57,847 --> 00:17:59,838 What about a mummy panda? What noise? 300 00:18:04,127 --> 00:18:05,526 (MAKING GOAT NOISE) 301 00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:09,442 Yeah, let's just go in, let's go and have a look. 302 00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:12,515 WARWICK: You get in all the gear, 303 00:18:12,607 --> 00:18:14,404 you've got to have the sounds and the behaviour. 304 00:18:14,487 --> 00:18:15,476 We don't know anything the bear. 305 00:18:15,567 --> 00:18:17,717 I bet a panda never does that for example. 306 00:18:18,047 --> 00:18:20,959 Karl you can't stand on your two legs. They never do that. 307 00:18:22,087 --> 00:18:24,282 (MAKES PANDA NOISES) 308 00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:40,361 My mouth? 309 00:18:40,447 --> 00:18:42,756 KARL: Where are you going to? WARWICK: I'm trying to suckle. 310 00:18:43,367 --> 00:18:45,517 - KARL: Here, I'm letting it get here. - Where is it though? 311 00:18:45,607 --> 00:18:47,962 - Where's your head? - I can't see. 312 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,358 - KARL: Grab hold of that. There. - No wonder they are dying out, 313 00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:53,558 if they are like you. 314 00:18:55,927 --> 00:19:00,318 KARL: Let's face it, it's just looking down, thinking, "What's going on?" 315 00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:03,126 It looks like we've been doing the London Marathon and got lost. 316 00:19:03,607 --> 00:19:06,724 Is this, honest to God, on your Mum's life, 317 00:19:06,807 --> 00:19:08,957 is this going to make him come towards us? 318 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:10,799 Just stick with it Karl, honestly. 319 00:19:10,887 --> 00:19:15,642 Just act real, act naturally, like a panda. 320 00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:17,646 KARL: Jesus Christ. 321 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,119 Karl, he's coming down. 322 00:19:22,207 --> 00:19:23,356 - We go out? - Yeah. 323 00:19:23,447 --> 00:19:24,675 - Karl, we've got to go out. - Why? 324 00:19:24,767 --> 00:19:28,316 - It's coming down. - Well, what have we come here for? 325 00:19:30,087 --> 00:19:32,806 It was a lot of effort that, wasn't it? 326 00:19:33,127 --> 00:19:34,799 Just enticed him down. 327 00:19:34,887 --> 00:19:36,445 I just thought we were going to hug it or something. 328 00:19:36,527 --> 00:19:38,677 It's a long way to come just to see that. 329 00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:48,795 Hello. 330 00:19:50,927 --> 00:19:54,237 Just having a nice day. No stress, having a wander about. 331 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:58,044 It's Sunday here, so it's good to see what normal people do. 332 00:20:00,087 --> 00:20:02,157 First restful day we've had. 333 00:20:02,247 --> 00:20:03,999 Do you go to the park much in London? 334 00:20:04,327 --> 00:20:08,366 Yeah, all the time. I love a good walk, a bit of people-watching. 335 00:20:10,007 --> 00:20:13,044 What's this? A giant ear bud isn't it? 336 00:20:13,407 --> 00:20:16,843 What are they copying, is it news headlines or something? It is news. 337 00:20:17,247 --> 00:20:19,761 It's like a really basic Ceefax. 338 00:20:19,847 --> 00:20:22,725 The word on the street, that's where the phrase comes from. 339 00:20:22,807 --> 00:20:25,640 I'm just going to do my signature, I think. 340 00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,001 Just do a little head. 341 00:20:29,287 --> 00:20:31,278 - Good, isn't it? - It is good. 342 00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:39,127 You see, the thing is, it's hard to be an explorer now. 343 00:20:39,207 --> 00:20:40,799 Everything has been found. 344 00:20:40,887 --> 00:20:44,084 It was a piece of piss back then with old Marco, going where he wants 345 00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:46,556 and saying that he's found new land. 346 00:20:46,927 --> 00:20:49,839 Look at that baby. Good God. 347 00:20:50,487 --> 00:20:52,603 Did you see the fat baby? 348 00:20:52,687 --> 00:20:56,760 Karl, it's not overweight, it's just chubby, it's a little puppy fat. 349 00:20:57,247 --> 00:21:02,480 You don't see many fat Chinese do you? It's because the food's not very nice. 350 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:06,407 Are you going to have something to eat, or pizza? 351 00:21:06,487 --> 00:21:07,806 WARWICK: Oh, I quite fancy a pizza. 352 00:21:07,887 --> 00:21:09,240 You've got to have something a bit weird. 353 00:21:09,327 --> 00:21:11,557 And I'll have it with you. 354 00:21:13,207 --> 00:21:15,960 You've got cold pork lung, pig ear... 355 00:21:16,407 --> 00:21:20,719 - I've had pig ear, that's not bad. - Karl, I've got a table. 356 00:21:21,727 --> 00:21:23,604 This isn't that bad, to be fair. 357 00:21:23,687 --> 00:21:25,678 It's only the rabbit head that looks a bit shit. 358 00:21:25,887 --> 00:21:28,481 You get rid of the teeth, you'd think that was a pork chop. 359 00:21:28,967 --> 00:21:31,197 - Warwick, this isn't that bad. - No? 360 00:21:31,287 --> 00:21:33,517 No, they haven't got anything weird. 361 00:21:33,607 --> 00:21:35,643 I thought they'd have well weirder stuff. 362 00:21:37,407 --> 00:21:40,717 - I mean, that doesn't look normal. - KARL: It smells of liquorice, that one. 363 00:21:44,127 --> 00:21:45,480 Here you are, eat one of them. Just shove it in. 364 00:21:45,567 --> 00:21:46,602 Honestly, it's not that bad. 365 00:21:46,687 --> 00:21:49,155 - Can I nibble the edge of it? - It's worse, just shove it in. 366 00:21:53,007 --> 00:21:55,521 - Don't tell me what it is. - That's a lamb bollock. 367 00:21:57,287 --> 00:21:59,926 What's wrong with eating a little sheep bollock, really? 368 00:22:00,047 --> 00:22:01,196 (WARWICK COUGHING) 369 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,723 Stop mentioning testicles. 370 00:22:05,087 --> 00:22:06,520 Right, now, I don't know how you eat one of these, 371 00:22:06,607 --> 00:22:08,484 I think you just pick it up with your hands and have a chunk. 372 00:22:08,567 --> 00:22:12,401 That's like stone, that's solid. Oh, fucking hell, it's a head. 373 00:22:13,087 --> 00:22:15,760 - Just have a bite of that. - I'm not eating it now. 374 00:22:15,847 --> 00:22:17,917 Not now I know it's a head. 375 00:22:21,207 --> 00:22:23,277 - Bloody hell. - Look at that. 376 00:22:23,407 --> 00:22:26,877 - Right, just have a bite of its face. - Stop pushing it to me. 377 00:22:28,167 --> 00:22:30,362 Go on, just have a bite, bite into it. 378 00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:35,163 Oh, fucking hell. You've let me down. 379 00:22:35,247 --> 00:22:37,442 I can't. I'm not letting you down. 380 00:22:38,047 --> 00:22:40,277 - Forget it, forget it, it's stupid. - You've had a bollock before? 381 00:22:40,367 --> 00:22:41,561 I don't want to play your fucking game. 382 00:22:41,647 --> 00:22:44,480 Don't throw bollocks at me like that either. Ridiculous. 383 00:22:46,847 --> 00:22:49,407 WARWICK: I've got a job to do. I didn't want to go down with illness. 384 00:22:49,487 --> 00:22:51,318 KARL: No, but that's part of it, I think. 385 00:22:51,407 --> 00:22:54,444 You are doing travel and then whatever you do, if that happens, 386 00:22:54,527 --> 00:22:56,995 - that's part of the story. - Right. 387 00:22:57,247 --> 00:23:00,364 Honestly, there's people here who would watch Attenborough 388 00:23:00,447 --> 00:23:02,244 and think it's a cooking programme. 389 00:23:03,927 --> 00:23:05,758 WARWICK: Here, look, look at him. 390 00:23:11,047 --> 00:23:12,082 What's he shovin' in? 391 00:23:12,167 --> 00:23:13,646 It's like a little blade. 392 00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:15,683 Oh, yeah. 393 00:23:19,407 --> 00:23:20,886 That's nice that, isn't it? 394 00:23:21,007 --> 00:23:22,884 - Yeah, it is nice. - Yeah, he seems to know... 395 00:23:23,047 --> 00:23:25,686 How far, how far he can go with it. 396 00:23:26,047 --> 00:23:28,686 - Tickling. - Oh, my God. 397 00:23:29,447 --> 00:23:31,039 Jesus, Warwick. 398 00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:33,124 You've had that in your ear. It's the same. 399 00:23:33,207 --> 00:23:35,323 - I didn't have that much. - Well... 400 00:23:35,887 --> 00:23:38,117 No wonder you haven't, like, shit yourself since you've been here. 401 00:23:38,207 --> 00:23:40,721 You've just been... All your orifices blocked up with wax. 402 00:23:41,487 --> 00:23:44,001 Good Jesus. It's disgusting, actually. 403 00:23:44,447 --> 00:23:46,483 You should do your ears, you dirty little shit. 404 00:23:46,567 --> 00:23:48,762 - But it's deep in the ear. - We could actually make like, 405 00:23:48,847 --> 00:23:50,565 a little Madame Tussauds model of Warwick 406 00:23:50,647 --> 00:23:52,399 with the amount of wax that's come out of his head. 407 00:23:56,687 --> 00:23:59,201 KARL: Funny little fella, isn't he? Imagine him as a removal man. 408 00:23:59,607 --> 00:24:01,677 - Yeah. - Pissing about. 409 00:24:02,207 --> 00:24:03,640 Just get them in the van. 410 00:24:20,007 --> 00:24:22,123 WARWICK: We are on our way to see a Buddhist temple, 411 00:24:22,207 --> 00:24:25,756 which is somewhere I really wanted to see in China, but my sinuses are really, 412 00:24:25,847 --> 00:24:30,716 really hurting and... So, yeah, I don't feel so great, to be honest. 413 00:24:31,447 --> 00:24:34,359 I've done a few mountains and that, and you know, hurts your head, 414 00:24:35,087 --> 00:24:37,920 but he's hurting his head before we've even started, so... 415 00:24:38,007 --> 00:24:40,362 Should we knock it on the head? 416 00:24:41,367 --> 00:24:43,722 It's just that you are never going to get this opportunity again. 417 00:24:43,807 --> 00:24:45,081 That's what I'm disappointed about. 418 00:24:45,167 --> 00:24:48,159 Yeah, but if the memory of it is going, "Me head," what's the point? 419 00:24:48,247 --> 00:24:50,886 No, I want to do it, I want to have a go at it, but I don't know... 420 00:24:51,007 --> 00:24:53,157 Shall we just start walking? And just have a go? 421 00:24:53,247 --> 00:24:55,477 Right, let's just start walking. 422 00:24:58,047 --> 00:25:01,596 If he manages to do it on his own two feet he's going to feel a lot better 423 00:25:01,687 --> 00:25:04,485 than, you know, if he's... if he's sat in this. 424 00:25:04,687 --> 00:25:08,839 It's like going up there on a... you know, a chairlift, isn't it? 425 00:25:13,087 --> 00:25:14,759 So what do you know about Buddhism? 426 00:25:15,647 --> 00:25:17,524 Dalai Lama bloke. 427 00:25:18,127 --> 00:25:21,085 He's sort of a happy, stress-free fella, 428 00:25:21,167 --> 00:25:23,442 but he's not living a normal life, is he? 429 00:25:23,887 --> 00:25:27,402 If we all did what he did, how would anything get done? 430 00:25:30,207 --> 00:25:36,885 He sits around, coming up with thoughts, but he's got a bloke to empty his bins, 431 00:25:36,967 --> 00:25:39,765 to wash the pots, to do his food. 432 00:25:41,047 --> 00:25:45,279 If we all did that, we'd still be living in mud huts. 433 00:25:52,447 --> 00:25:53,766 WARWICK: Oh, gosh. 434 00:25:56,367 --> 00:25:57,766 Are you alright, yeah? 435 00:25:58,487 --> 00:26:01,604 I am tired but I'm slightly worried about getting in them. 436 00:26:01,687 --> 00:26:02,722 I don't know how they... 437 00:26:02,807 --> 00:26:04,160 How can they carry someone up these steps? 438 00:26:04,247 --> 00:26:05,839 That's what they do though, it's a little chair. 439 00:26:05,927 --> 00:26:07,042 They're made for it. 440 00:26:07,127 --> 00:26:10,039 If you are getting in there, it's a little bit of a give up early. 441 00:26:11,767 --> 00:26:14,406 Yeah, alright, I don't want to be seen to be giving up. 442 00:26:16,567 --> 00:26:18,603 (WARWICK PANTING) 443 00:26:21,647 --> 00:26:25,003 KARL: He's not cut out for it. He is not cut out for this. 444 00:26:25,087 --> 00:26:27,555 I keep looking behind and he's dropped behind. 445 00:26:29,447 --> 00:26:31,438 He's slowing me down, and I want to move on. 446 00:26:32,727 --> 00:26:34,319 WARWICK: Alright, I'm stopping for a bit. 447 00:26:34,407 --> 00:26:37,399 - Alright. - I mean this is hard anyway, 448 00:26:37,487 --> 00:26:40,559 but with this it's like, it's twice as hard. 449 00:26:41,407 --> 00:26:45,036 Suzanne always has a moan at me. When she's ill, I'm rubbish around her. 450 00:26:45,127 --> 00:26:48,085 "Can't you nip to the supermarket instead?" And all that. 451 00:26:48,327 --> 00:26:50,238 I'm just not good around ill people. 452 00:26:51,287 --> 00:26:53,164 How much further is it? Do you know? 453 00:26:53,247 --> 00:26:55,397 DIRECTOR: Well, I think we're not even... 454 00:26:55,487 --> 00:26:56,761 Not even quarter of the way. 455 00:26:56,847 --> 00:26:58,644 I'm not going to make it. 456 00:26:59,607 --> 00:27:01,598 DIRECTOR: It's okay to not get to the top, Warwick. 457 00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:03,279 No, it's not okay. 458 00:27:07,927 --> 00:27:09,406 Just knock it on the head. 459 00:27:09,487 --> 00:27:12,763 He's not a Buddhist. So why's it so important? 460 00:27:13,327 --> 00:27:18,003 We've come so far through a journey, and kind of... 461 00:27:18,487 --> 00:27:22,605 What we've been through and stuff, it's always managed to keep going and... 462 00:27:23,367 --> 00:27:25,881 He's his own man, if he wants to give up he can. 463 00:27:26,207 --> 00:27:28,357 There's no prize here, we're not going to win something. 464 00:27:28,447 --> 00:27:31,484 There's not a caravan up for grabs if we make it to the top. 465 00:27:32,167 --> 00:27:34,442 It's just a walk, and a temple. 466 00:27:34,887 --> 00:27:36,400 I don't know if it's better just to give up, 467 00:27:36,487 --> 00:27:39,763 "that's what I could do" and that's it, or to jump in there and... 468 00:27:41,007 --> 00:27:41,996 Karl... 469 00:27:42,127 --> 00:27:45,199 Are you giving up? You knocking it on the head? 470 00:27:45,287 --> 00:27:49,405 My head's not up to it today. I want to go up and see it. 471 00:27:50,527 --> 00:27:52,085 You knew your limits down there. 472 00:27:52,167 --> 00:27:54,681 I said, "If you don't want to go, don't do it." And now we're halfway up. 473 00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:57,446 But I do want to go, that's the thing. 474 00:28:01,647 --> 00:28:03,717 It's like dragging round a Henry the Vac. 475 00:28:04,247 --> 00:28:06,602 You know that thing, you're walking and it gets caught under a chair 476 00:28:06,687 --> 00:28:08,837 and you've got to walk back and unblock it. 477 00:28:08,927 --> 00:28:12,237 That's what it's been like, with your big smiling face. 478 00:28:15,847 --> 00:28:18,805 - I'm going to call it a day here. - Definitely? 479 00:28:20,407 --> 00:28:24,400 It's too easy to say, "I've got a headache or my legs or..." 480 00:28:24,487 --> 00:28:26,682 It is easy if you haven't got a headache. 481 00:28:26,807 --> 00:28:30,561 Karl, in my career I've put up with all sorts of stuff. 482 00:28:30,647 --> 00:28:34,765 The stuff I endure in costumes and stuff. It's hard. 483 00:28:34,847 --> 00:28:35,882 But this makes a mockery... 484 00:28:35,967 --> 00:28:37,844 This makes a mockery of the whole Star Wars thing anyway. 485 00:28:37,927 --> 00:28:38,962 You're in the universe. 486 00:28:39,047 --> 00:28:42,642 I didn't see you up there going, "My sinuses." 487 00:28:42,727 --> 00:28:43,876 (IMITATES DARTH VADER) 488 00:28:44,127 --> 00:28:46,482 That's what he sounded like. His nose is blocked. 489 00:28:48,207 --> 00:28:51,279 "Land, I need a Vicks." 490 00:28:55,207 --> 00:28:57,562 I can't. I don't think I'll get all the way. 491 00:28:59,927 --> 00:29:01,565 DIRECTOR: Sometimes, Karl, you see, 492 00:29:01,647 --> 00:29:04,286 I don't think you see what others see, you know? 493 00:29:04,527 --> 00:29:06,085 You were up there, having a go at Warwick. 494 00:29:06,167 --> 00:29:09,477 Warwick's down below actually having a little tear on. 495 00:29:09,567 --> 00:29:11,876 You didn't cry, did you, on camera? 496 00:29:11,967 --> 00:29:13,639 Hang on, I didn't mean to, it's just... 497 00:29:13,927 --> 00:29:17,283 Oh, here we go. I hate that. 498 00:29:18,167 --> 00:29:19,646 I feel like doing it just to annoy him now. 499 00:29:19,727 --> 00:29:21,922 Exactly, that's exactly how I work. 500 00:29:22,287 --> 00:29:24,198 That's how I do it with Suzanne. 501 00:29:24,287 --> 00:29:26,926 "You never wash up." "I do." "You don't." And she does it. 502 00:29:27,447 --> 00:29:30,325 It's the same thing, being pushed. So what I want to say to you is 503 00:29:30,407 --> 00:29:32,238 get off your arse and get walking. 504 00:29:32,327 --> 00:29:34,522 Let's keep going. We can do it. 505 00:29:34,887 --> 00:29:36,559 Oh, bloody hell. 506 00:29:37,607 --> 00:29:38,881 Whoa, Jesus. 507 00:29:42,687 --> 00:29:44,120 Poor fellas. 508 00:29:48,447 --> 00:29:51,598 Now if we do make it up, he can't say he walked all the way. 509 00:29:52,127 --> 00:29:54,038 This is part of the experience as well, isn't it? 510 00:29:54,127 --> 00:29:55,845 Oh, it is now, is it? It wasn't a minute ago. 511 00:29:55,927 --> 00:30:00,796 No, but I thought, you know, travel, it's what it's all about. 512 00:30:02,407 --> 00:30:05,205 WARWICK: Pilkington moves the goal posts once again. 513 00:30:11,247 --> 00:30:14,125 He is like having a little kid with me, because of his height, 514 00:30:14,207 --> 00:30:17,404 and he likes toffees and he likes pizza. I feel like his dad. 515 00:30:17,487 --> 00:30:19,523 And that's what I was acting like when I was coming up the hill. 516 00:30:19,607 --> 00:30:21,120 "Right, come on, son." 517 00:30:21,207 --> 00:30:24,040 And that's how... If I'd got a son, that's how I would have spoke to him. 518 00:30:24,127 --> 00:30:25,606 "Get off your arse and get up here." 519 00:30:28,087 --> 00:30:31,557 - Wow. - Oh, Jesus, it's more stairs. 520 00:30:33,287 --> 00:30:35,437 KARL: I tell you what, you can't be a Buddhist in a wheelchair. 521 00:30:36,967 --> 00:30:39,197 WARWICK: I don't think he realises what he's saying sometimes. 522 00:30:39,327 --> 00:30:41,795 "Yeah, dragging a Henry Vacuum behind me, 523 00:30:41,887 --> 00:30:44,401 "and having to stop and empty it now and again." 524 00:30:44,927 --> 00:30:48,840 I mean, how offensive can you be? But it was what I needed. 525 00:30:49,967 --> 00:30:51,878 I gave him the kick to do it, 526 00:30:51,967 --> 00:30:53,525 and sometimes that's what you need, isn't it? 527 00:30:53,607 --> 00:30:55,199 You need a good leader. 528 00:30:55,287 --> 00:30:58,085 I was like Winston Churchill or something like that. 529 00:31:02,287 --> 00:31:04,676 When you're going through hell, keep going. 530 00:31:05,087 --> 00:31:07,806 That's what I did down there. I was Winston Churchill. 531 00:31:07,927 --> 00:31:10,122 "Don't give me that shit, keep going." 532 00:31:14,927 --> 00:31:18,237 - That's it. - Yes! Here we are! 533 00:31:20,047 --> 00:31:24,325 - That's amazing. - Yeah, that's impressive, that. 534 00:31:25,127 --> 00:31:26,480 Absolutely, yeah. 535 00:31:26,567 --> 00:31:27,761 You see what annoys me, Warwick, right, 536 00:31:27,847 --> 00:31:30,281 you didn't like seeing the woman with two heads. 537 00:31:30,367 --> 00:31:32,756 Suddenly, you are happy with that, she's got six. 538 00:31:32,847 --> 00:31:33,836 (LAUGHING) 539 00:31:34,647 --> 00:31:37,480 Were you really crying before or was that just messing about? 540 00:31:38,287 --> 00:31:39,845 - No, I was. - Why? 541 00:31:40,927 --> 00:31:43,122 I don't know, I think it's something to do with being short. 542 00:31:43,207 --> 00:31:46,643 It's harder to be defeated, do you know what I mean? 543 00:31:46,727 --> 00:31:48,718 It will make it look like an X Factor moment. 544 00:31:48,927 --> 00:31:52,806 You'll be loving that, won't you? They'll have Coldplay under that. 545 00:31:52,887 --> 00:31:54,206 (VOCALISES) 546 00:31:54,447 --> 00:31:56,915 "Will the little man do it?" 547 00:31:57,127 --> 00:31:59,687 I'm telling you. And everyone will be like that. 548 00:32:00,407 --> 00:32:01,601 (WHIMPERS) 549 00:32:02,687 --> 00:32:03,915 WARWICK: Come on. 550 00:32:06,367 --> 00:32:07,482 Coldplay... 551 00:32:09,327 --> 00:32:11,636 KARL: It has brought us closer together. 552 00:32:11,727 --> 00:32:15,402 The one bad thing to come out of this, he's got a disabled badge for his car. 553 00:32:15,487 --> 00:32:18,684 He's gonna get that taken off him. Because you can't be climbing stuff 554 00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:21,042 like this and then getting home and going, "I need to park here." 555 00:32:21,207 --> 00:32:22,959 That's well gone, but I haven't told him. 556 00:32:30,367 --> 00:32:31,766 (RICKY ON PHONE) 557 00:33:09,607 --> 00:33:13,236 KARL: I don't like getting dressed up, especially not to have a meal. 558 00:33:13,567 --> 00:33:17,082 If I'm having a Sunday dinner at home, I normally sit there with nowt on top. 559 00:33:18,207 --> 00:33:19,686 I take my t-shirt off and everything, 560 00:33:19,767 --> 00:33:22,361 because if you drop a bit of chicken and gravy, gravy's got grease in it, 561 00:33:22,447 --> 00:33:23,846 it doesn't come out. 562 00:33:23,927 --> 00:33:27,476 I sit there bare-chested round the table. And I enjoy it. 563 00:33:27,567 --> 00:33:29,523 You don't have to be dressed up. 564 00:33:29,607 --> 00:33:32,041 I'll pop a T-shirt back on when it's time for pudding. 565 00:33:32,407 --> 00:33:34,967 It's going to be alright, this. Ricky's sorted everything out. 566 00:33:35,047 --> 00:33:36,162 It's going to be a lovely evening. 567 00:33:36,247 --> 00:33:40,445 It's really nice that he set this up to celebrate the end of the journey, 568 00:33:40,527 --> 00:33:43,166 and then, erm... in true Ricky style, 569 00:33:44,167 --> 00:33:47,125 he's thrown a bit of a spanner in the works for me. 570 00:33:47,647 --> 00:33:49,126 I got a text from him... 571 00:33:49,207 --> 00:33:51,516 We're not just going up there to look at the view. 572 00:33:51,647 --> 00:33:55,845 He wants Karl to do a skydive. 573 00:33:56,407 --> 00:33:58,875 (SIGHS) It's just faff, isn't it? 574 00:33:59,367 --> 00:34:04,566 Why do this when we've invented buttons? Fannying about. 575 00:34:05,727 --> 00:34:08,195 WARWICK: What Ricky's basically said about tonight is, 576 00:34:08,287 --> 00:34:12,246 "Don't let me down. It's in your hands to get him to do this. 577 00:34:12,327 --> 00:34:14,636 "I don't want the show to finish on a damp squib. 578 00:34:14,927 --> 00:34:19,079 "We've got to end with a big finish, everyone wants to see him jump." 579 00:34:19,167 --> 00:34:22,125 (LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING) 580 00:34:23,727 --> 00:34:28,755 - Are you going to have a pudding? - Yeah. If he's paying, of course. 581 00:34:29,687 --> 00:34:33,202 I'd actually like to see a plate of food that I know is for me, 582 00:34:33,287 --> 00:34:34,959 and it's my job to eat what's on that plate. 583 00:34:35,047 --> 00:34:38,198 But the way they keep sort of bringing out dishes of noodles, 584 00:34:38,287 --> 00:34:40,881 and then some dim sum, and then a dumpling. 585 00:34:40,967 --> 00:34:43,527 It's just like a load of starters, isn't it? 586 00:34:44,487 --> 00:34:46,079 It's going to be nice. 587 00:34:54,687 --> 00:34:58,726 That way. Good thing we dressed up. 588 00:34:59,167 --> 00:35:03,604 I don't know, just for something to eat. It just seems a bit over-the-top to me. 589 00:35:04,087 --> 00:35:06,237 The restaurant's at the top there. Yup. 590 00:35:07,087 --> 00:35:08,566 AUTOMATED LIFT VOICE: Welcome to the Macao Tower. 591 00:35:08,647 --> 00:35:12,879 We hope you enjoy your visit to this 338-metre iconic landmark. 592 00:35:13,967 --> 00:35:17,084 I, um, I got a text from Ricky earlier, 593 00:35:19,167 --> 00:35:20,998 hoping we had a nice time. 594 00:35:23,327 --> 00:35:25,682 They do other stuff here as well as food. 595 00:35:25,807 --> 00:35:29,163 You can do, sort of, extreme, 596 00:35:30,487 --> 00:35:32,205 sort of sports. 597 00:35:32,287 --> 00:35:35,563 - Bungee jumping, funny. - No, no, it's not bungee jumping. 598 00:35:35,647 --> 00:35:37,239 - Yeah, but it is though, isn't it? - No, no, it isn't. 599 00:35:37,327 --> 00:35:40,763 Yeah, but it is. I don't do extreme stuff, Warwick. 600 00:35:41,887 --> 00:35:44,447 - Hello, there, I'm Warwick. Hi, there. - Tony O'Rourke, how are you? 601 00:35:44,527 --> 00:35:46,085 - Hello, Tony, this is Karl. - How are you doing, yeah. 602 00:35:46,167 --> 00:35:48,601 Welcome to Macao Tower. We have various activities. 603 00:35:48,687 --> 00:35:52,282 We have our Skywalk, which is walking the outer room. 604 00:35:52,367 --> 00:35:55,803 We have our Sky Jump. We have our World's Highest Bungee Jump. 605 00:35:56,167 --> 00:35:57,566 So you know what bungee jumping is, yeah? 606 00:35:57,647 --> 00:36:00,115 Yeah, I've been faced with it and I'm not doing it. 607 00:36:00,487 --> 00:36:03,763 Sky Jump is actually designed for those people who could never do a bungee jump. 608 00:36:04,087 --> 00:36:05,315 You guys want to have a look? 609 00:36:05,407 --> 00:36:06,522 Yeah, I'm happy to go outside and have a look, 610 00:36:06,607 --> 00:36:08,245 it's just that I'm not gonna jump. 611 00:36:08,327 --> 00:36:10,557 As you can see, everything is double. 612 00:36:10,647 --> 00:36:13,241 We attach the two attachments to your harness 613 00:36:13,527 --> 00:36:16,963 and then what we do is we slowly, ever so slowly, just lower you to the ground. 614 00:36:17,047 --> 00:36:20,084 It's actually a controlled... What we call a "controlled descent". 615 00:36:21,127 --> 00:36:24,358 - Right. - It's just a gentle ride. 616 00:36:24,607 --> 00:36:27,041 Karl, come here, come here. 617 00:36:27,127 --> 00:36:28,845 Just hang on a second. 618 00:36:29,087 --> 00:36:31,806 Do you remember, like, remember the mountain the other day? 619 00:36:31,887 --> 00:36:34,117 - Yeah. - Right, I didn't want to do it. 620 00:36:34,207 --> 00:36:37,244 I couldn't do it. It's not that I didn't want to. You motivated me to do it. 621 00:36:37,327 --> 00:36:39,397 Yeah, and I'm glad I did. 622 00:36:39,487 --> 00:36:41,239 And the food thing and you were going, "Eat it," 623 00:36:41,327 --> 00:36:43,557 and I would never have gone anywhere near a testicle, 624 00:36:43,647 --> 00:36:46,036 but I did because you were going, "Have it." 625 00:36:46,647 --> 00:36:48,319 Why don't you do it? 626 00:36:48,647 --> 00:36:51,161 This is about you conquering something. 627 00:36:54,007 --> 00:36:56,202 What was the other things that you said you can do? 628 00:36:56,287 --> 00:36:59,643 The Skywalk, which is just walking the perimeter of the tower. 629 00:36:59,727 --> 00:37:02,685 Yeah, that's a doddle, that's easy, walking round that. 630 00:37:04,127 --> 00:37:06,083 There you go, excellent. 631 00:37:09,487 --> 00:37:10,476 Whoa. 632 00:37:10,967 --> 00:37:13,845 Oh, oh, Jesus. 633 00:37:14,127 --> 00:37:16,118 Yeah, I don't like that. 634 00:37:16,767 --> 00:37:19,565 - Karl, have you looked straight down? - Yeah. 635 00:37:20,167 --> 00:37:22,601 WARWICK: Your brain's telling you this can't be real. 636 00:37:23,407 --> 00:37:26,604 You wouldn't be this stupid, surely. 637 00:37:28,127 --> 00:37:30,641 KARL: I don't want any more of a rush than that. 638 00:37:33,127 --> 00:37:34,845 I can understand the view, 639 00:37:35,287 --> 00:37:38,279 but jumping off, I really don't know what it's about. 640 00:37:39,407 --> 00:37:40,806 WARWICK: Shall we go for a wander? 641 00:37:43,527 --> 00:37:45,006 KARL: It's pathetic though, isn't it? 642 00:37:45,087 --> 00:37:46,406 What? 643 00:37:48,647 --> 00:37:50,922 The fact that you won't do the old sky dive? 644 00:37:51,007 --> 00:37:55,125 No, no. Just that Ricky keeps going on about this. 645 00:37:55,367 --> 00:37:57,835 But I don't want to do one, and he can't make me. 646 00:37:57,927 --> 00:37:58,916 And he wouldn't do one. 647 00:37:59,007 --> 00:38:00,838 It's not as if he's been jumping off buildings. 648 00:38:00,927 --> 00:38:03,202 I've never seen him do anything with a slight bit of danger. 649 00:38:03,527 --> 00:38:06,439 There's just nothing in me that makes me want to jump off there. 650 00:38:07,127 --> 00:38:10,676 Sometimes that's what annoys me with films, there's always a happy ending. 651 00:38:10,767 --> 00:38:13,759 Life isn't like that, people don't always get what they want. 652 00:38:13,847 --> 00:38:16,281 My favourite films are Elephant Man, who ends up 653 00:38:16,367 --> 00:38:19,325 killing himself because he's sick of having that head, 654 00:38:19,407 --> 00:38:24,879 and Kes, when his kestrel gets killed by his brother. I don't like happy endings. 655 00:38:26,767 --> 00:38:28,644 Can you sit down on the edge? 656 00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:31,321 I can't get any nearer the edge because I've got tension. 657 00:38:31,407 --> 00:38:33,477 Where are your knees? Have you got knees? 658 00:38:33,687 --> 00:38:36,281 (LAUGHS) Yeah, I have. 659 00:38:37,167 --> 00:38:38,919 We've done this whole thing together, 660 00:38:39,287 --> 00:38:42,563 epic journey, put up with all sorts of stuff. 661 00:38:42,647 --> 00:38:43,682 Yeah. 662 00:38:43,767 --> 00:38:48,602 You know, shouted, hated each other, got on with each other. 663 00:38:48,687 --> 00:38:52,600 We should do the last thing together. I'll do it if you do it. 664 00:38:52,687 --> 00:38:55,679 - Well, I'm not going to be doing it. - It can't be that hard. Look at me, now. 665 00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:57,758 - I'm hanging over here. - Well, that's what I'm saying. 666 00:38:57,847 --> 00:38:59,439 You could do it. 667 00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,325 Right, hook me up. 668 00:39:03,527 --> 00:39:06,485 Have you ever had a dwarf up here before, to do this? 669 00:39:06,567 --> 00:39:08,717 - No. - So this is a world record then. 670 00:39:08,807 --> 00:39:11,924 Check. Rear attachment. 671 00:39:12,167 --> 00:39:13,395 That's, that's making me nervous, all that stuff. 672 00:39:13,487 --> 00:39:14,761 Check. 673 00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:18,123 You're going to feel yourself lifting off. 674 00:39:18,207 --> 00:39:20,880 Nah. No way. Warwick, that is mental. 675 00:39:20,967 --> 00:39:22,923 Bloody hell. 676 00:39:25,167 --> 00:39:26,202 I just looked down there. 677 00:39:27,527 --> 00:39:31,122 - Warwick, are you sure? - Oh, fucking hell. Stay there. 678 00:39:31,207 --> 00:39:33,118 - I'm here. - No way. 679 00:39:33,927 --> 00:39:35,280 No, look at me. 680 00:39:36,687 --> 00:39:38,166 You don't have to do it. 681 00:39:39,367 --> 00:39:41,801 You're idiots, all of you. Spin me around again. 682 00:39:42,087 --> 00:39:43,964 You're going to be fine, let's just do this. 683 00:39:44,047 --> 00:39:48,723 We're going to do it. Okay, Warwick? Sky Jump in five seconds. Four, three... 684 00:39:48,807 --> 00:39:50,525 No, don't say... Don't count down like that. 685 00:39:50,607 --> 00:39:51,756 - Two, one. - Fuck. 686 00:39:51,847 --> 00:39:53,997 - Good luck. - Oh, Fuck! 687 00:39:54,287 --> 00:39:56,005 - Oh, my God! - Fucking Hell. 688 00:39:56,087 --> 00:39:58,123 - Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. - Oh, Jesus. 689 00:39:58,527 --> 00:40:02,156 I don't want to look, I do not want to look, that was way too fast. 690 00:40:03,407 --> 00:40:07,161 (CHEERING) Fucking hell. Ha! 691 00:40:09,047 --> 00:40:10,924 This is amazing. 692 00:40:11,007 --> 00:40:14,363 Oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes. 693 00:40:17,207 --> 00:40:18,526 That's amazing. 694 00:40:18,607 --> 00:40:24,045 Fucking hell. That's so good. That's amazing. 695 00:40:24,727 --> 00:40:26,797 I want to do it again, that is so good. 696 00:40:27,087 --> 00:40:28,520 (TELEPHONE DIALLING) 697 00:40:29,567 --> 00:40:30,556 (RICKY ON PHONE) 698 00:40:30,727 --> 00:40:32,285 Hello, Ricky, it's Warwick. 699 00:40:32,367 --> 00:40:37,043 We are at the top of the Sky tower in Macao. And I just jumped off it. 700 00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:39,756 Yeah. 701 00:40:41,327 --> 00:40:44,683 Yeah, I did it. It felt great. And Karl nearly did it. 702 00:40:44,967 --> 00:40:47,925 Yeah, I just sort of walked around the edge of it. 703 00:40:48,767 --> 00:40:49,995 Well high up. 704 00:40:59,727 --> 00:41:00,842 Yeah. 705 00:41:08,767 --> 00:41:10,917 (SQUAWKS LIKE A CHICKEN) 706 00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:19,157 I'm pleased for Warwick. I feel like I've been part of it. 707 00:41:19,407 --> 00:41:22,558 - I helped him get out on the ledge. - And then you ran away. 708 00:41:22,647 --> 00:41:25,445 Yeah, but... but I helped you do it. That's teamwork, isn't it? 709 00:41:25,527 --> 00:41:26,801 Okay. 710 00:41:32,687 --> 00:41:34,837 Well, that was worth doing wasn't it? It's for my health. 711 00:41:37,767 --> 00:41:39,519 - Finger up the arse? - I'm fine with that. 712 00:41:39,607 --> 00:41:41,996 I'm all checked out up there. Honestly. 713 00:41:42,087 --> 00:41:45,124 And I've had my ears done on this trip as well, so I'm totally... 714 00:41:45,207 --> 00:41:47,323 All orifices are clear. Thank you very much. 715 00:41:49,127 --> 00:41:53,120 Oh, I've seen them, don't worry. In this little harness he's got on, 716 00:41:53,207 --> 00:41:56,438 like a little bunch of grapes being lowered down. 717 00:41:56,527 --> 00:42:00,486 - Cargo. Look at them. - Stop. 718 00:42:00,567 --> 00:42:02,364 It's unbelievable, 'cause they're normal, aren't they? 719 00:42:02,447 --> 00:42:04,597 They're normal-size bollocks. 720 00:42:04,687 --> 00:42:07,201 Well, I don't know. I'm not comparing them to anything. 721 00:42:07,287 --> 00:42:10,677 - Believe me. - Why do we have to... Why... 722 00:42:14,567 --> 00:42:15,556 (LINE DISCONNECTS) 723 00:42:15,727 --> 00:42:17,638 He's gone. That's the end of that. 724 00:42:17,727 --> 00:42:19,001 There you go. 725 00:42:19,687 --> 00:42:21,200 Stop going on about my nuts, will you? 726 00:42:21,287 --> 00:42:22,561 I know, but it's unbelievable. 727 00:42:22,647 --> 00:42:24,956 That's something I won't forget. The Spider Sisters, and them. 728 00:42:25,047 --> 00:42:26,321 (LAUGHS) 729 00:42:26,767 --> 00:42:30,680 That's all you take away from this trip, is the Spider Sisters and my nuts. 730 00:42:30,767 --> 00:42:32,723 - Great. - Let's get something to eat. 731 00:42:34,367 --> 00:42:37,279 (SOMEWHERE PLAYS) 732 00:42:58,527 --> 00:42:59,596 Wow. 733 00:43:15,447 --> 00:43:16,436 Get me down. 734 00:43:19,367 --> 00:43:20,846 Karl, smile. 735 00:43:31,167 --> 00:43:32,520 Knew you were coming. 736 00:43:49,727 --> 00:43:50,716 Whoa. 737 00:43:52,207 --> 00:43:55,517 Are those your knees? Have you got knees? 738 00:43:55,607 --> 00:43:57,404 Yeah, I have, yeah. 739 00:43:58,287 --> 00:43:59,800 I wasn't even attached then. 740 00:44:00,007 --> 00:44:02,202 I could have fell off. Jesus.