1 00:00:39,687 --> 00:00:42,645 Anyone in residence? 2 00:00:42,807 --> 00:00:45,958 You're early. We haven't got to be there till eight. 3 00:00:46,127 --> 00:00:48,118 Oh, yeah. We've got ages. 4 00:00:48,287 --> 00:00:52,041 Can I put a couple of bits through your washing machine? 5 00:00:52,207 --> 00:00:56,041 - Mine conked out this morning. - Whatever. 6 00:00:56,207 --> 00:00:58,516 Can we not make it a late one? 7 00:00:58,687 --> 00:01:01,759 It's tomorrow morning, that big court case with His Nibs. 8 00:01:01,927 --> 00:01:05,317 - Oh, that's right. - The press will have a field day, 9 00:01:05,487 --> 00:01:08,479 Adam Klaus up for propositioning a waitress with a kipper. 10 00:01:08,647 --> 00:01:11,957 I've got to be there as a possible character witness, so... 11 00:01:12,127 --> 00:01:15,119 Only I know what you're like at dinner parties - 12 00:01:15,287 --> 00:01:18,643 blethering away till three o'clock in the... My God! 13 00:01:18,847 --> 00:01:23,557 - What the hell's all this? - Just a few odds and sods. 14 00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:27,840 Odds and sods?! It's like the relief effort to an earthquake zone! 15 00:01:28,607 --> 00:01:33,078 - Are you planning a prison breakout? - So I know what goes with what. 16 00:01:33,247 --> 00:01:37,126 Now, don't upset my system. It's a Zen thing for me, washing. 17 00:01:37,287 --> 00:01:40,677 - I have to be in the mood. - You'll do this by seven? 18 00:01:41,487 --> 00:01:44,479 Are you mad? I thought you could finish it tomorrow. 19 00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:49,044 Oh, yes. I've got Widow Twanky staying. It'll be no sweat. 20 00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:55,559 What are their names again, these friends of yours? 21 00:01:55,727 --> 00:01:57,957 Saul and Sadie Beetroot-Stain? 22 00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:01,796 Bechtenstein. I met her last year at this press thing. 23 00:02:01,967 --> 00:02:04,276 Ever since, she's been badgering me to visit. 24 00:02:04,447 --> 00:02:06,756 I'm convinced she thinks I'm Jewish. 25 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,997 - What do you mean? - What do you mean? 26 00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:10,998 What do you mean, THINKS you're Jewish? 27 00:02:11,847 --> 00:02:14,884 THINKS I'm Jewish. Every time we meet I get this, 28 00:02:15,047 --> 00:02:19,040 "What are you doing for Yom Kippur?" Stuff like that. 29 00:02:20,087 --> 00:02:22,476 - What? - Nothing. No. 30 00:02:23,527 --> 00:02:25,518 She knows about me, though? 31 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,121 - She knows I'm not kosher? - Oh, yeah. 32 00:02:28,327 --> 00:02:32,843 - 'Cause if you've been telling fibs... - Oh, don't be ridiculous. 33 00:02:34,127 --> 00:02:38,279 Dr Creek, we meet at last! Such a pleasure. I've heard all about you. 34 00:02:38,487 --> 00:02:41,001 Maddy, darling! 35 00:02:42,847 --> 00:02:46,681 - Hello. I'm Madeline. Hi. - Jonathan, nice to meet you. 36 00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:51,318 My husband Saul, who's in insurance. Come and meet our new neighbours. 37 00:02:51,487 --> 00:02:56,322 Alice and Lenny Spearfish. They've just bought Tierra Santa on the corner... 38 00:03:04,807 --> 00:03:07,321 So, um... what do you think of my husband's yarmulke? 39 00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:11,241 - He made it himself. - Mmm! Exquisite! 40 00:03:11,407 --> 00:03:14,046 .. ly decorated, 41 00:03:14,207 --> 00:03:16,482 with all the lovely stitching. 42 00:03:16,687 --> 00:03:19,804 You ever need a seamstress, I'm telling you. But then, 43 00:03:20,007 --> 00:03:22,999 you'll be quite handy with a needle yourself, Jonathan. 44 00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:26,079 You're not the first gynaecologist to use that spoon, 45 00:03:26,287 --> 00:03:28,562 but it's always an honour. 46 00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:33,205 Confidentially, I wouldn't mind a word later about one or two matters. 47 00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:37,997 - Yes, actually... - So, Lenny, what business are you in? 48 00:03:38,207 --> 00:03:42,644 - You seem to have done well for yourself. - Yes, we... came into some money, 49 00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:46,686 - totally by chance. - .. would be one way of looking at it. 50 00:03:46,887 --> 00:03:51,563 - Maybe chance had nothing to do with it. - Well... It just happened that way. 51 00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:55,601 Come on, Alice. We can share the secret of our success. 52 00:03:55,807 --> 00:04:01,803 Why shouldn't they know the truth - that I sold my soul to the Devil. 53 00:04:09,607 --> 00:04:13,361 Sorry. I suppose that's a bit of a conversation stopper. 54 00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:19,365 Whoops. "What kind of a cranky tale's he going to spin us?" 55 00:04:20,807 --> 00:04:25,358 Well, no more or less than the truth, I can promise you. 56 00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:30,283 Fine. If you want to cut me off, that's great. 57 00:04:30,447 --> 00:04:34,440 You wouldn't think, two months ago, life had anything left to offer us. 58 00:04:34,647 --> 00:04:40,483 Three years of marriage, we were on the ropes - overdrafts, negative equity... 59 00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:44,125 Every day, we just seemed to sink further down. 60 00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:50,160 It came to a point, one Monday, a few quid in my pocket from that giro, 61 00:04:50,327 --> 00:04:54,957 I don't know... I just had to wash away the pain. 62 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:04,763 Coming home afterwards, well, I'd heard about this place, 63 00:05:04,927 --> 00:05:07,202 the weird kind of stuff they sold. 64 00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:11,918 I don't know... Today, something made me go inside. 65 00:05:31,127 --> 00:05:35,757 He asked me what I was seeking. Solutions? Revelations? 66 00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:40,039 Would I like to know what the future held in store? 67 00:05:40,247 --> 00:05:43,683 I said I had no future, that was the problem. 68 00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:46,481 There was nothing in there I wanted to buy. 69 00:05:46,687 --> 00:05:50,521 He said, in that case, maybe I had something to sell. 70 00:06:07,887 --> 00:06:09,878 What can I say? 71 00:06:10,047 --> 00:06:13,323 It was like some kind of adrenalin surge. 72 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:19,321 The ultimate escape. The ultimate "screw you" to God and the world. 73 00:06:27,647 --> 00:06:29,877 I gave him his commission. 74 00:06:30,087 --> 00:06:34,319 Of course, it was all a con. How could I sell my soul to Satan? 75 00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:39,482 I didn't believe in souls, didn't believe in Satan... 76 00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,883 until the next day. 77 00:06:45,527 --> 00:06:50,157 I'd finally got round to having a go at this dead tree in the garden. 78 00:06:56,607 --> 00:06:57,926 Alice! 79 00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:06,125 To cut a long story short, it was over 200 years old. 80 00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:11,165 I can formally declare, having taken evidence... 81 00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:14,478 They held a coroner's inquest and declared it treasure trove. 82 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:21,124 Overnight, we were £1.3 million richer. 83 00:07:22,087 --> 00:07:24,760 Yeah, that'd be great if you could do that... 84 00:07:24,927 --> 00:07:29,955 The day we moved out, Alice found the document. 85 00:07:30,127 --> 00:07:33,881 Of course, when I told her what it was, she wasn't best pleased. 86 00:07:34,047 --> 00:07:36,607 God and the Bible she took very seriously. 87 00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:38,837 Don't worry about it. It's... 88 00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:44,285 Me? By this time, I didn't know what to believe. 89 00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:12,480 The Fire Brigade's first thought was a short circuit somewhere. 90 00:08:12,647 --> 00:08:15,445 The loss adjuster said no. 91 00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:19,043 The pattern of spread pointed to it starting in the hall, 92 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:24,122 in one of those tea chests, maybe, of old papers. 93 00:08:25,647 --> 00:08:27,365 Caused by? 94 00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:30,242 No one was prepared to say. 95 00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:34,877 Either way, the evidence was gone forever. 96 00:08:37,287 --> 00:08:40,723 Along with everything else. Our entire past. 97 00:08:41,927 --> 00:08:44,646 Our whole life together up to that point. 98 00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:48,358 Burnt to hell. 99 00:08:49,527 --> 00:08:52,519 Well, that was another evening of fun and frolics. 100 00:08:52,687 --> 00:08:56,202 "This is my next-door neighbour. He's in league with Lucifer. " 101 00:08:56,367 --> 00:09:00,724 Followed by a private consultation about her intimate marital problems. 102 00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:04,197 She asked about keeping a cap in place. I thought we're back onto yarmulkes. 103 00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:06,835 I said, "Have you tried toupee tape?" 104 00:09:07,007 --> 00:09:10,966 Why did you tell her I was a doctor? You've got no scruples. 105 00:09:11,127 --> 00:09:14,517 - Truth and fiction, there's no... - Will you shut up for a sec? 106 00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:22,639 For goodness' sake, Alice. Our whole life's a gamble. 107 00:09:22,807 --> 00:09:26,163 Stop being such a misery. The night's young. We're still young. 108 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:30,326 I'm not in the mood for blowing a fortune on a little silver ball. 109 00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,762 You can go on your own! 110 00:09:48,327 --> 00:09:50,887 Can we drop you anywhere? 111 00:09:54,047 --> 00:09:58,359 He's always had the bug. Of course, now he's got the money. 112 00:09:58,527 --> 00:10:02,600 He'll find some club, casino somewhere, and that'll be that. 113 00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:07,920 He's not what you think he is. 114 00:10:08,087 --> 00:10:12,922 That's not the real Lenny, the man I married. It's just... 115 00:10:13,087 --> 00:10:18,002 You're talking about temptations beyond anything he's ever experienced. 116 00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:21,159 Somehow... I don't know... 117 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:27,158 We've got to find a way to deal with all this or... 118 00:10:29,607 --> 00:10:32,565 Well, it was nice meeting you both. 119 00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:43,475 So, when you arrived with his breakfast, Miss Cretiss, 120 00:10:43,647 --> 00:10:46,115 at 8.15 in the morning, 121 00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:51,202 your exact words, through the hotel room door were - 122 00:10:51,367 --> 00:10:54,803 and let's be quite clear about this - 123 00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:59,885 - "Good morning. Room service. " - That's correct. 124 00:11:00,047 --> 00:11:05,679 Not "Good morning. I've come to commit an unnatural act with a grilled herring," 125 00:11:05,847 --> 00:11:08,236 but, "Good morning. Room service. " 126 00:11:08,407 --> 00:11:12,002 - Correct. - Despite which, when he opened the door, 127 00:11:12,207 --> 00:11:18,203 wearing what you described as a "nancy kimono bed jacket", 128 00:11:19,127 --> 00:11:25,043 he made what was to be the first of several improper suggestions. 129 00:11:25,287 --> 00:11:28,518 - Yes, he pointed across the room. - With his finger? 130 00:11:28,727 --> 00:11:31,560 At that stage, just with his finger, 131 00:11:31,727 --> 00:11:35,242 and said, "Let's have it over there on the table. " 132 00:11:35,447 --> 00:11:39,326 "Let's have it over there on the table. " 133 00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,635 And as you crossed the room, 134 00:11:43,807 --> 00:11:50,076 you noticed he had now let his bed jacket fall open with, in your words, 135 00:11:50,247 --> 00:11:53,205 "his wedding tackle standing to attention". 136 00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:56,080 Bearing in mind it was over my shoulder. 137 00:11:57,567 --> 00:12:00,525 - Pardon me? - I was facing the other way, 138 00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:04,282 but I could see it over my shoulder in the mirror. 139 00:12:04,447 --> 00:12:06,722 Quite so, Miss Cretiss. 140 00:12:14,687 --> 00:12:19,317 Can you believe the mendacity, Jonathan, the sheer vindictiveness of some people? 141 00:12:19,487 --> 00:12:21,796 Here, do you want a job? 142 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:25,522 It's no exaggeration to say it's the assassination of Kennedy again. 143 00:12:25,727 --> 00:12:27,763 Actually, it is an exaggeration. 144 00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:32,483 Huh! It's not enough our dates across the Channel are in serious trouble. 145 00:12:32,647 --> 00:12:34,877 Did you see the figures for Paris? 146 00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:37,436 - It's a disaster. - Sorry? 147 00:12:37,607 --> 00:12:40,883 Our Tour de France will be one big oven-ready turkey 148 00:12:41,047 --> 00:12:44,005 if tickets don't start moving in the next seven days, 149 00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:47,557 while I'm stuck here, facing a possible order for six-figure damages. 150 00:13:23,327 --> 00:13:27,036 You just can't see these people for the parasites they are. 151 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:31,120 She'll be on a healthy commission. How much have you signed away now? 152 00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:37,123 An adventurous portfolio, balancing medium- to high-risk investments. 153 00:13:37,287 --> 00:13:41,280 She said, in 12 months, we could double our stake. 154 00:13:42,287 --> 00:13:46,883 Lenny... It's scaring me, all this. 155 00:13:48,607 --> 00:13:51,804 I wondered if we should talk to someone... from the church. 156 00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:56,757 About what? Look, I'm on a roll now for the first time in my life. 157 00:13:56,927 --> 00:14:02,126 - I can't explain it. I don't want to. - You'll have to account for this one day. 158 00:14:02,287 --> 00:14:05,757 One day. You live for one day, you miss out on now. 159 00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:11,596 Now is all we have, Alice. You've got to learn to make the most of it. 160 00:14:29,887 --> 00:14:32,355 Place your bets, please. 161 00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,205 Three, red. 162 00:16:07,487 --> 00:16:11,765 Look, Troy... I paid what I owed. 163 00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:14,558 Everything. 164 00:16:16,207 --> 00:16:18,198 We're even! 165 00:16:18,367 --> 00:16:20,483 Do you think so? 166 00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:36,527 This isn't real! I don't believe you're saying this! 167 00:17:36,727 --> 00:17:40,800 - You paid for some woman...?! - Look, I'm sorry. It happened. 168 00:17:41,647 --> 00:17:44,719 Business transaction. I was barely conscious. 169 00:17:44,887 --> 00:17:49,005 You're missing the point. This guy - her pimp, whatever he was - 170 00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:52,398 fired two bullets into my chest and they bounced off! 171 00:17:52,567 --> 00:17:55,001 No blanks, no bullet-proof vest. 172 00:17:56,807 --> 00:18:01,927 It's all happening to me, Alice. It's like I can't lose anymore. 173 00:18:02,087 --> 00:18:05,159 I have the power to do anything I want. 174 00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:11,962 Look, at no time did I incite her to have sex with a fish. 175 00:18:13,447 --> 00:18:18,840 Like I said, she dropped the tray on my foot. She said, "There goes your kipper. " 176 00:18:19,007 --> 00:18:21,237 - I said, "Oh, f... " - Yes? 177 00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:23,958 "Forget the kipper. " 178 00:18:24,127 --> 00:18:26,641 "Sod the kipper. " "Blow the kipp... " 179 00:18:26,807 --> 00:18:29,196 I- I don't know. I can't remember. 180 00:18:29,407 --> 00:18:35,642 Mr Klaus, isn't the truth that you were aroused by this woman from the moment she walked in? 181 00:18:35,847 --> 00:18:41,046 I was not aroused. I just had a tense night. 182 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:45,280 As any man knows, sometimes it's like that in the morning. 183 00:18:45,487 --> 00:18:49,480 - Like waking up with a stiff neck. - Yes, exactly! 184 00:18:55,087 --> 00:18:58,443 - You been in yet? - No. What are you doing here? 185 00:18:58,607 --> 00:19:02,441 Do you remember Dr Faustus and his missus? 186 00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:07,123 I just got a call from her. It's all getting weirder by the second. 187 00:19:07,327 --> 00:19:13,038 Mr Klaus, do you deny that when Miss Cretiss cried out in shock, 188 00:19:13,207 --> 00:19:19,442 your response was to perform, in front of her, an act of gross indecency with a Union Jack? 189 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,846 No! 190 00:19:22,247 --> 00:19:25,319 I just grabbed for something to cover myself up. 191 00:19:25,527 --> 00:19:30,282 - There were some props on the chair, and I... - Mr Klaus! Yes or no? 192 00:19:30,487 --> 00:19:36,084 When this poor lady screamed, did you or did you not hang a flag on it? 193 00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:43,841 I can't go tonight. I've got to go to the theatre, assuming he gets out alive. 194 00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:45,998 OK. I'll leg it, then. 195 00:19:46,967 --> 00:19:52,678 - Oh, anything I should look out for? - See if those bullet marks wash off. 196 00:20:05,927 --> 00:20:10,603 Of course, the danger is your imagination starts filling in the gaps. 197 00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:15,158 Like this contract with the Devil bursting into flames. 198 00:20:15,327 --> 00:20:18,603 Maybe something else in that tea chest was combustible. 199 00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:23,124 It was just old papers from the loft, letters and diaries of my mum's, 200 00:20:23,287 --> 00:20:28,805 stuff of my dad's - both deceased, but you know how you hang onto things. 201 00:20:28,967 --> 00:20:33,438 - I hate to think what they'd have made of this. - Religious people? 202 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,802 Very proper and correct. 203 00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:42,566 She'd worked in service to dukes and lords. She was very conscious of her place. 204 00:20:42,727 --> 00:20:48,245 He was a devout Catholic. Brought me up with a very clear idea of good and evil. 205 00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:52,076 It's the same in your religion. We both worship the God of Abraham. 206 00:20:52,247 --> 00:20:55,478 Well, yeah... No, sorry. Actually, I'm not... 207 00:20:55,647 --> 00:20:58,366 Anyway, this prostitute thing... 208 00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:05,526 I rang up the police, and they had him straight down there to identify the body. 209 00:21:05,687 --> 00:21:10,715 It seems she'd been double-crossing this bloke she worked for, who's a bit of a psycho. 210 00:21:10,887 --> 00:21:13,037 He just let her have it. 211 00:21:13,207 --> 00:21:16,756 They said if he finds out Lenny's still alive as a witness... 212 00:21:16,967 --> 00:21:21,643 If you're going to put all this in your book, maybe you should inspect the evidence. 213 00:21:26,287 --> 00:21:28,847 Even the police surgeon was baffled. 214 00:21:29,007 --> 00:21:33,046 No, question. They'd gone through my shirt and burnt the skin, 215 00:21:33,207 --> 00:21:37,325 so why didn't they penetrate, when bullets from the same gun...? 216 00:21:43,047 --> 00:21:45,720 You got lucky once, friend. 217 00:21:46,527 --> 00:21:49,837 Twice? I don't think so. 218 00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:51,765 Yeah? 219 00:21:51,927 --> 00:21:54,077 - Come on, then. - Lenny! 220 00:22:03,767 --> 00:22:05,564 See, look. 221 00:22:08,207 --> 00:22:10,004 He can't. 222 00:22:13,087 --> 00:22:15,157 Come on! What's stopping you? 223 00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:23,757 Come on, you bastard! Fire! 224 00:22:44,607 --> 00:22:46,677 He's dead. 225 00:22:52,967 --> 00:22:56,243 He couldn't have been having a fit? What colour was his face? 226 00:22:56,447 --> 00:23:01,441 The only thing I thought I saw was like a little red birthmark on his cheek 227 00:23:01,607 --> 00:23:06,078 that was there one minute, and the next second seemed to have gone. 228 00:23:06,247 --> 00:23:11,605 It's so unreal, this whole thing, like something out of a Frank Capra movie. 229 00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:15,925 There were no entry wounds anywhere on the body? 230 00:23:16,087 --> 00:23:20,717 No poison darts tipped with the venom of an Afghan swamp adder? 231 00:23:20,927 --> 00:23:23,999 No doubt, if they find anything, we'll be the first... 232 00:23:24,167 --> 00:23:26,158 - What are you doing? - What? 233 00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:30,599 - You're not going to iron that?! - Oh, I suppose you just put it on as it is, 234 00:23:30,767 --> 00:23:32,758 all wrinkled to kingdom come. 235 00:23:32,927 --> 00:23:36,363 Take no pride in your laundry of any kind? 236 00:23:37,647 --> 00:23:43,836 So, come on. A man sells his soul to the Devil, then he wakes up and he's a millionaire. 237 00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:49,684 Bullets can't harm him, and a guy that tries to kill him just crumples to the floor. 238 00:23:51,447 --> 00:23:58,239 What if... Lenny Spearfish pulls off this amazing jewel robbery. 239 00:23:58,407 --> 00:24:03,925 To explain away his new-found wealth pretends to dig it up in the back garden. 240 00:24:04,087 --> 00:24:09,445 All this diabolism stuff is just to distract his wife, who takes that stuff seriously. 241 00:24:09,607 --> 00:24:13,839 Plus, it gives him an excuse to start enjoying himself again - 242 00:24:14,007 --> 00:24:16,726 the gambling and sleeping around. 243 00:24:17,327 --> 00:24:21,878 The other guy is in on it, making it all look real, 244 00:24:22,047 --> 00:24:26,916 except he cocks up the bit by the pool and accidentally cracks his head open. 245 00:24:27,127 --> 00:24:30,722 Amazing. I am very impressed. 246 00:24:31,567 --> 00:24:35,765 I never thought that stain would come out, but a little bit of Biotex... 247 00:24:36,487 --> 00:24:39,763 Shame you can't starch your tongue, isn't it? 248 00:24:40,487 --> 00:24:46,756 Try as I might, I don't see Lenny Spearfish as this machiavellian trickster. 249 00:24:46,927 --> 00:24:52,047 A good trick needs invention. It needs precision. It needs expertise. 250 00:24:52,207 --> 00:24:54,641 What else does it need, just as important? 251 00:24:55,847 --> 00:24:59,044 It needs an audience, otherwise what's the point? 252 00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:04,758 Why make a parchment miraculously catch fire if there's no one to see it? 253 00:25:04,927 --> 00:25:08,283 Those bullets bouncing off - who's he trying to impress? 254 00:25:08,447 --> 00:25:13,760 The girl's dead, the killer's just scarpered. The only person spooked was Lenny himself. 255 00:25:13,967 --> 00:25:18,722 Hang on a sec. If we're saying they're not tricks, what are we saying? 256 00:25:20,167 --> 00:25:21,885 What? 257 00:25:22,047 --> 00:25:26,165 It's what you said about being in a Frank Capra movie. 258 00:25:26,367 --> 00:25:30,838 A little light came on suddenly, just for a second, then fizzled out again. 259 00:25:31,007 --> 00:25:32,998 Very irritating. 260 00:25:37,447 --> 00:25:42,396 Do you know what? I'm wondering if everyone's right. Maybe I am Jewish. 261 00:25:42,567 --> 00:25:45,957 There's no telling what's lurking in my family tree. 262 00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:49,836 I never knew if my father had a name, let alone a foreskin. 263 00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:55,559 So, come on. Sunday morning shoppers and all that. No time to hang about. 264 00:26:02,767 --> 00:26:05,759 Are these notes accurate, what she said yesterday? 265 00:26:05,927 --> 00:26:10,398 Of course they're accurate. God! I'm in agony here, Jonathan! 266 00:26:10,567 --> 00:26:14,162 What did you put in this bra, quick-drying cement? 267 00:26:23,887 --> 00:26:30,599 Is this the latest funky idea? A crime writer and a gynaecologist team up to solve murders? 268 00:26:31,527 --> 00:26:33,757 What are you looking for? 269 00:26:33,927 --> 00:26:41,277 She said she saw a little red birthmark on his face that suddenly disappeared. 270 00:26:41,687 --> 00:26:43,917 That ring any bells with you? 271 00:26:45,287 --> 00:26:49,280 Ooh, nice watch. Rolex? 272 00:26:54,807 --> 00:26:58,595 Do you want to hear something you don't want to hear? 273 00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:02,203 - Um... - That woman who came here, 274 00:27:02,367 --> 00:27:06,280 talked him into all those stocks - she's coming back this morning. 275 00:27:07,007 --> 00:27:11,444 Well, I got lawyers to check her out on all the professional registers. 276 00:27:11,607 --> 00:27:14,644 Apparently, her name's not listed anywhere. 277 00:27:16,247 --> 00:27:20,035 Anthea Spacey does not exist. 278 00:27:21,847 --> 00:27:26,125 So, come on, Lenny. How much of all this do you believe? 279 00:27:26,287 --> 00:27:31,281 The Devil has granted you power and prosperity in exchange for your immortal soul 280 00:27:31,447 --> 00:27:35,884 We're here. That guy who tried to kill me is lying in the morgue. 281 00:27:36,047 --> 00:27:38,117 That's not what I asked. 282 00:27:38,287 --> 00:27:41,324 You should ask my wife. She seems pretty convinced. 283 00:27:41,487 --> 00:27:45,241 God-fearing family. Good Catholic parents. 284 00:27:45,407 --> 00:27:48,956 My tribe were all Londoners. Didn't believe in anything. 285 00:27:51,687 --> 00:27:53,882 Part of me still doesn't. 286 00:27:56,007 --> 00:28:01,240 All I know is that something's happened that's turned my life around, 287 00:28:01,407 --> 00:28:05,559 and I don't knock it and I don't question it. 288 00:28:06,207 --> 00:28:10,200 If you'll excuse me, I think that's my business adviser just arrived. 289 00:28:12,327 --> 00:28:15,763 Don't ask me to explain this, Mr Spearfish. I can't. 290 00:28:15,967 --> 00:28:18,527 One expects a little upward movement, a little down, 291 00:28:18,727 --> 00:28:26,122 but early indications across the board are... well, I think healthy barely covers it. 292 00:28:26,287 --> 00:28:31,566 Would you like to know how much money you've made in the last 24 hours? 293 00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:44,037 This is impossible, surely? 294 00:28:44,687 --> 00:28:47,724 Leaky pen. Is there somewhere I could just, er...? 295 00:28:49,247 --> 00:28:52,523 Then I'll try to make some sense of it for you. 296 00:29:09,727 --> 00:29:13,879 - When she comes out, keep her talking. - About what? Where are you off to? 297 00:29:14,647 --> 00:29:18,560 Going for a shufti round her car. See if I can find out who she really is. 298 00:30:20,647 --> 00:30:22,080 Yes? 299 00:30:23,247 --> 00:30:29,880 Let's just say it's not getting any easier. I'm running out of ideas, but... we'll see. 300 00:30:31,087 --> 00:30:33,726 Right. Bye. 301 00:31:29,607 --> 00:31:32,440 Oh... There it is. 302 00:31:53,807 --> 00:31:57,402 You took your time. Have you never driven an automatic before? 303 00:31:57,567 --> 00:32:01,321 I've never driven a car before! I didn't want to risk anything. 304 00:32:05,327 --> 00:32:10,526 She said it wasn't getting any easier and she was running out of ideas. 305 00:32:10,687 --> 00:32:14,805 The guy made an unreal killing on the stock market in one day. 306 00:32:14,967 --> 00:32:20,121 "Unreal" is the word, although things are becoming clearer. 307 00:32:21,407 --> 00:32:26,845 You had a good squint at his chest last night. I don't suppose you looked at his wrists? 308 00:32:27,487 --> 00:32:31,560 We know the man's a gambler and likes a drink, 309 00:32:31,727 --> 00:32:37,404 so there's every reason to take that story about a night on the town at face value. 310 00:32:40,287 --> 00:32:44,166 The guy's obviously loaded. Ripe for some high-class hooker 311 00:32:44,327 --> 00:32:46,921 to whisk him up to her room somewhere. 312 00:32:47,087 --> 00:32:51,285 By this time, he's totally out of it. He'll buy anything she's offering. 313 00:32:51,447 --> 00:32:57,522 Let's imagine that for top dollar, there are some special services she performs. 314 00:32:59,087 --> 00:33:05,925 I'm afraid there's no way those grazes I saw on his wrists were caused by a Rolex. 315 00:33:09,207 --> 00:33:11,004 Aah! 316 00:33:18,847 --> 00:33:22,522 If he had a good time, he wouldn't remember it. 317 00:33:26,367 --> 00:33:30,724 The guy shoots at him in the dark, hits the bedpost or whatever, 318 00:33:30,887 --> 00:33:35,165 the pain in his chest makes him think he's been hit. 319 00:33:36,447 --> 00:33:39,280 The rest of the story is anyone's guess. 320 00:33:39,487 --> 00:33:44,925 I was forgetting you were an expert on handcuffs and their associated abrasions. 321 00:33:45,087 --> 00:33:48,397 I may write a small monograph on the subject. 322 00:33:49,527 --> 00:33:53,042 Which all begs the question, where do we go from here? 323 00:33:54,687 --> 00:33:56,678 My place? 324 00:34:00,087 --> 00:34:04,239 Ooh, you know that feeling when someone's been at your nipples with a spanner? 325 00:34:04,407 --> 00:34:06,557 Oddly enough, no. 326 00:34:06,727 --> 00:34:09,685 You're a bit too nifty with that starch. 327 00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:12,919 Where's your hand? There. 328 00:34:13,567 --> 00:34:16,127 See what you've done to it, look? 329 00:34:16,287 --> 00:34:18,755 All in there... Yeah, and there. 330 00:34:21,807 --> 00:34:23,798 Bloody hell! 331 00:34:28,687 --> 00:34:31,281 - Alice, what...? - It's all over. 332 00:34:36,047 --> 00:34:39,562 If I couldn't live with myself, how could I live with him? 333 00:34:39,727 --> 00:34:43,606 God will forgive, I kept telling him, 334 00:34:43,767 --> 00:34:46,486 but you have to let go. 335 00:34:46,687 --> 00:34:50,885 He had to stop wanting it and just settle for what he had... 336 00:34:51,767 --> 00:34:53,598 before... 337 00:34:54,327 --> 00:34:57,842 "No way," he said. He wasn't going back to those days again. 338 00:34:58,007 --> 00:35:02,159 I said, "Well, you'll have to take the consequences, I can't go on, so... " 339 00:35:04,807 --> 00:35:07,879 It's not like I've stopped loving him, it's just... 340 00:35:08,047 --> 00:35:11,926 I don't know, it frightens me so much, all this. 341 00:35:12,087 --> 00:35:14,203 I just had to get some space. 342 00:35:16,207 --> 00:35:21,486 Of course. You have my bed tonight. We'll grab some sofas. 343 00:35:37,727 --> 00:35:39,206 Yes! 344 00:35:39,367 --> 00:35:42,439 What's happening? Don't tell me the game's afoot, Watson. 345 00:35:43,487 --> 00:35:46,638 Amazing what you can find on the Internet if you know what you're looking for. 346 00:35:46,807 --> 00:35:51,323 - Yeah, what have you got? - Possibly your disappearing birthmark. 347 00:35:51,487 --> 00:35:54,843 Of course, it still doesn't explain why, that's the real puzzler. 348 00:35:55,727 --> 00:36:00,755 - Why what? What you on about? - Sorry, it'll have to keep. I'm late for court. 349 00:36:05,727 --> 00:36:09,197 She said, "Where is it?" I said, "You're sitting on it. " 350 00:36:11,127 --> 00:36:15,723 - Morning. You're looking worryingly chipper. - Excuse me. 351 00:36:15,887 --> 00:36:18,685 Not all is doom and gloom today, Jonathan. 352 00:36:18,847 --> 00:36:22,044 Check out this sudden upsurge in our continental fortunes. 353 00:36:24,167 --> 00:36:26,556 My God! 14 sell-outs. 354 00:36:26,727 --> 00:36:30,481 Requests for extended runs in Paris, Lyon and Toulouse. 355 00:36:30,647 --> 00:36:34,879 The box office finally is blooming - triggered, it seems, by events in this building. 356 00:36:35,047 --> 00:36:38,198 The sniff of a sex scandal. You know the French. 357 00:36:38,367 --> 00:36:41,120 This case has worked wonders for my profile. 358 00:36:41,287 --> 00:36:45,121 Indeed, there's an artist's impression of my profile in this one, 359 00:36:45,287 --> 00:36:48,563 which is extremely flattering if anatomically impossible. 360 00:36:55,167 --> 00:36:57,635 That's very unfortunate. 361 00:36:58,647 --> 00:37:00,956 How serious is she, do you think? 362 00:37:02,607 --> 00:37:04,837 Well, listen... 363 00:37:05,767 --> 00:37:11,125 Maybe you should consider exploiting this to your advantage, because... 364 00:37:11,287 --> 00:37:15,644 I'm thinking if we can get some kind of waiver from her in writing, 365 00:37:15,807 --> 00:37:22,042 it would free you up, then - let's face it - she'd be out of your hair forever. 366 00:37:23,167 --> 00:37:25,965 Yeah... Right. 367 00:37:27,967 --> 00:37:30,117 That sounds good to me. 368 00:37:30,807 --> 00:37:34,959 So, based on your long professional association, Mr Creek, 369 00:37:35,127 --> 00:37:39,040 would you describe Mr Klaus as a celibate man? 370 00:37:41,047 --> 00:37:45,086 - Well, hardly that, no. - A monogamous man, then? 371 00:37:46,807 --> 00:37:49,367 Well, not entirely. 372 00:37:49,567 --> 00:37:52,798 Would you say that he "puts it about a bit"? 373 00:37:56,127 --> 00:37:58,118 Mr Creek? 374 00:38:06,487 --> 00:38:10,719 Mr Creek? I'm still waiting. 375 00:38:16,927 --> 00:38:20,602 - What's up? - Plenty. They want her to sign a document now, 376 00:38:20,767 --> 00:38:25,477 renouncing any future claim on the money, which is in his name. 377 00:38:25,647 --> 00:38:30,846 I said, "You'd have to be barmy. " She said, "If that's what he wants, he's welcome to it. " 378 00:38:31,007 --> 00:38:34,716 She left half an hour ago, aiming to get there for three. 379 00:38:34,887 --> 00:38:37,640 Fine. I'll just have time to fill you in. 380 00:38:37,807 --> 00:38:41,686 - On what? - On what this madness has all been about. 381 00:39:00,727 --> 00:39:03,525 Want her to sign in blood, Lenny? 382 00:39:03,727 --> 00:39:06,400 No one's forcing anyone to do anything. 383 00:39:06,567 --> 00:39:13,279 If Mrs Spearfish chooses to surrender her share for whatever reasons, that's her right. 384 00:39:13,487 --> 00:39:16,877 The marriage having reached a point of irretrievable breakdown, 385 00:39:17,047 --> 00:39:19,356 they should do as they see fit. 386 00:39:22,407 --> 00:39:26,559 - If I'd known it would come to this... - We haven't got all day. 387 00:39:30,207 --> 00:39:33,199 We'll need two witnesses to the signature, so... 388 00:39:37,207 --> 00:39:39,198 If you wouldn't mind? 389 00:39:39,367 --> 00:39:43,599 Well, they've pretty much made up their minds, so why drag it out? 390 00:39:58,167 --> 00:39:59,964 Right, I'll... 391 00:40:02,287 --> 00:40:04,278 I'll say goodbye. 392 00:41:04,567 --> 00:41:08,082 Well, it seems I totally misjudged them. 393 00:41:08,247 --> 00:41:12,684 Oh, I wouldn't say that, Miss Spacey, or whatever your name is. 394 00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:15,640 I think you judged them both to perfection. 395 00:41:16,407 --> 00:41:20,400 Cutting her off without a penny was never the object of the exercise. 396 00:41:20,567 --> 00:41:24,276 The point was to take them to the wire and back. 397 00:41:24,447 --> 00:41:27,086 I haven't a clue what you're talking about. 398 00:41:27,287 --> 00:41:31,246 Clues. Yes, there were plenty of them knocking about, 399 00:41:31,407 --> 00:41:36,401 but they all got obscured by this pact with the Devil nonsense. 400 00:41:36,567 --> 00:41:39,843 Impressionable young couple, one starts dabbling in the occult... 401 00:41:41,767 --> 00:41:46,124 What else would they think when their life started changing for no apparent reason? 402 00:41:46,287 --> 00:41:49,438 They didn't know it would have changed anyway. 403 00:41:49,607 --> 00:41:52,883 That Mickey Mouse manuscript had nothing to do with anything. 404 00:41:54,527 --> 00:41:57,883 You had it when you said this echoed a Frank Capra movie. 405 00:41:59,807 --> 00:42:02,879 Frank Capra? Whose most famous film... 406 00:42:03,047 --> 00:42:06,278 - "It's A Wonderful Life". - .. was all about... 407 00:42:06,447 --> 00:42:09,245 .. a man who's saved by a guardian angel. 408 00:42:12,967 --> 00:42:19,236 Someone, some mystery benefactor, was making all this happen, 409 00:42:19,407 --> 00:42:22,797 someone rich enough to finance buried treasure in the garden 410 00:42:22,967 --> 00:42:25,879 and miracle profits on the stock exchange. 411 00:42:26,047 --> 00:42:28,277 But how was it being engineered? 412 00:42:28,487 --> 00:42:32,639 You haven't just guessed that someone's about to dig up an old tree. 413 00:42:32,807 --> 00:42:37,722 That points to some kind of surveillance, professional operators watching their every move. 414 00:42:39,207 --> 00:42:44,076 The bullet thing was a fluke, but what about that stunt by the pool? 415 00:42:46,607 --> 00:42:50,600 - You got lucky once, friend... - By now, Lenny's on this mad high. 416 00:42:50,767 --> 00:42:54,396 He's got nothing to fear. The Devil will save him. 417 00:42:54,847 --> 00:42:59,398 Sure enough, the guy seizes up, paralysed by some unseen force. 418 00:42:59,567 --> 00:43:02,479 See, look. He can't. 419 00:43:03,407 --> 00:43:09,721 The only clue was a red birthmark that appeared on his face for a second, then vanished. 420 00:43:16,327 --> 00:43:20,320 Of course, it wasn't a birthmark, and it wasn't blood, 421 00:43:21,047 --> 00:43:25,325 and it was a sleepless night before the answer popped into my head. 422 00:43:26,287 --> 00:43:30,041 It was the red dot from a laser gun-sight, 423 00:43:30,927 --> 00:43:34,522 suggesting we were into a very clever piece of technology here. 424 00:43:35,807 --> 00:43:41,006 A weapon that can target and disable without leaving a mark on someone's body. 425 00:43:44,207 --> 00:43:47,483 The 34700 Air-Taser. 426 00:43:48,327 --> 00:43:51,239 Effectively jams the neuro-muscular system 427 00:43:51,407 --> 00:43:55,923 by firing two small probes on a fine wire into the attacker's clothing. 428 00:43:57,647 --> 00:44:00,036 Basically, a kind of long-distance stun gun. 429 00:44:01,007 --> 00:44:06,525 The victim totally loses control of his body, in this case with fatal results. 430 00:44:07,527 --> 00:44:10,564 But who'd be toting something like that around? 431 00:44:12,407 --> 00:44:14,523 If not MI5, then MI something. 432 00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:23,366 Suddenly, we're looking at a figure with so much clout, it's frightening. 433 00:44:23,527 --> 00:44:26,883 And this afternoon in the courtroom, it all dropped into place. 434 00:44:28,847 --> 00:44:32,203 That thing about not knowing what's lurking in your family tree... 435 00:44:34,647 --> 00:44:36,683 Of course, I'd already seen it... 436 00:44:36,887 --> 00:44:38,923 in this house yesterday morning. 437 00:44:41,167 --> 00:44:45,001 Two blue-eyed parents and a brown-eyed daughter? 438 00:44:45,167 --> 00:44:47,635 Genetically, most unlikely. 439 00:44:47,847 --> 00:44:50,077 Yes, the sweetest irony of the lot. 440 00:44:50,247 --> 00:44:54,160 The carefully-disguised gifts and covert protection were all meant for Alice. 441 00:44:56,127 --> 00:44:59,802 Alice's mother would have had every opportunity back in the '60s... 442 00:44:59,967 --> 00:45:06,156 She's worked in service to dukes and lords and... goodness knows who else. 443 00:45:06,367 --> 00:45:11,964 .. for a little dalliance with someone of noble - dare one even say royal? - birth. 444 00:45:13,807 --> 00:45:15,843 How about it, Anthea? 445 00:45:16,007 --> 00:45:19,204 How high up, as they say, does this one go? 446 00:45:22,927 --> 00:45:28,365 You know what my job, my life, would be worth if I told you that? 447 00:45:29,687 --> 00:45:34,681 Well, high enough for any tell-tale letters and diaries in that tea chest 448 00:45:34,847 --> 00:45:40,319 to be torched using some remote-controlled gizmo or other? 449 00:45:45,087 --> 00:45:49,080 Let's just say it was 30 years before the facts became clear. 450 00:45:51,287 --> 00:45:55,246 The brief was to see that she and her family were well provided for, 451 00:45:55,407 --> 00:45:57,796 without alerting them to the truth. 452 00:45:57,967 --> 00:46:00,117 Budget and resources weren't a problem. 453 00:46:14,807 --> 00:46:19,483 Budget and resources weren't a problem, but Lenny Spearfish was. 454 00:46:20,287 --> 00:46:24,075 The spectre of him gambling it all meant you had to move quick. 455 00:46:24,247 --> 00:46:28,320 We could hardly leave her alone with a lunatic with a gun at large. 456 00:46:28,487 --> 00:46:34,642 Then, disaster. Alice walks out on her husband, on everything you've been setting up for her. 457 00:46:34,807 --> 00:46:40,757 I'm no marriage counsellor, but something told me it was still solid enough... underneath. 458 00:46:40,927 --> 00:46:45,842 They just needed shaking up a bit to knock some sense into them, basically. 459 00:46:49,887 --> 00:46:54,199 All this because no one can tell her who her real father is. 460 00:46:54,367 --> 00:46:59,441 They'd rather she lived the rest of her life believing this black magic baloney. 461 00:47:00,287 --> 00:47:02,847 Well, maybe... one day. 462 00:47:04,447 --> 00:47:06,961 In the end, it's not my decision. 463 00:47:08,527 --> 00:47:12,486 So, I think I can rely on you to keep this to yourselves. 464 00:47:12,647 --> 00:47:15,081 Why on earth would you do that? 465 00:47:24,447 --> 00:47:28,565 So, go on, then. Who's your money on? 466 00:47:37,167 --> 00:47:39,362 You're kidding? 467 00:47:40,047 --> 00:47:42,117 I wouldn't put it past him. 468 00:47:45,447 --> 00:47:50,043 And after what has been a deeply distressing time for me, personally and professionally, 469 00:47:50,207 --> 00:47:54,405 I thank God that once again good has triumphed over evil. 470 00:47:54,567 --> 00:47:58,162 Thank you very much indeed. Thank you. Thank you. 471 00:47:58,327 --> 00:48:01,842 - What happened? - Didn't you hear? They threw out the case. 472 00:48:02,007 --> 00:48:03,998 11th-hour evidence. 473 00:48:04,167 --> 00:48:08,445 We acquired statements from six other hotel guests, men of stature, 474 00:48:08,607 --> 00:48:14,284 who have all in the past paid off Miss Cretiss to keep allegations of misconduct out of court. 475 00:48:14,447 --> 00:48:18,076 She was forced to admit this was a scam she'd worked for years, 476 00:48:18,247 --> 00:48:21,762 exploiting compromising situations for personal gain. 477 00:48:25,727 --> 00:48:29,845 These are dated five weeks ago. You could have stopped this coming to court. 478 00:48:30,007 --> 00:48:34,762 And averted all that publicity that got our ticket sales moving in France? 479 00:48:34,927 --> 00:48:41,366 Fortuitous how it's all panned out, although business affairs are a secondary consideration. 480 00:48:41,567 --> 00:48:47,244 What is important is that I have emerged from this whole sordid affair without so much as a stain on my... 481 00:48:47,407 --> 00:48:51,878 Bastard! Think you're such a big-shot! I'll tell you this much - I'd have needed a magnifying glass. 482 00:48:52,087 --> 00:48:55,762 Bloody cheats, that's all you are, the lot of you! 483 00:48:55,927 --> 00:48:59,681 - Oh! Now I've got Coke up my nose. - There's a novelty. 484 00:48:59,847 --> 00:49:05,843 Actually, I can recommend a good laundry service. Come to think of it, if you ever need a gynaeco... 485 00:49:06,007 --> 00:49:08,157 Jewish humour. Don't you love it?