1 00:00:40,887 --> 00:00:43,799 It's hard to find words to describe it. 2 00:00:43,967 --> 00:00:50,076 "Pile of shite" is high on my shortlist. If they'd performed the same play, it would've been a start. 3 00:00:50,247 --> 00:00:52,636 They didn't quite live up to expectations. 4 00:00:52,807 --> 00:00:57,597 If Steve Harrison and Martin Ford get out alive, it'll be a miracle. 5 00:00:57,767 --> 00:01:01,726 What do you think? Join the queue for a refund or can't be arsed? 6 00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:05,675 Large brandy for the road would go down quite well. 7 00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:33,402 Now then, my little poppets. Have you missed me? 8 00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:38,361 I'll bet you're ready for some supper now, aren't you? 9 00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:43,846 - I thought there was a rule about pets here? - Don't. Tragic story. 10 00:01:44,007 --> 00:01:47,920 A friend of mine runs an animal shelter. The lease has just run out. 11 00:01:48,087 --> 00:01:52,080 The owners want £65,000 or they're out on the street. 12 00:01:52,247 --> 00:01:55,603 You know what it's like. What about your contacts? 13 00:01:56,847 --> 00:02:02,763 I said, "Listen, if I could get 65 grand, believe me, you'd have it. 14 00:02:03,487 --> 00:02:07,196 "In the meantime, I'll take two of them off your hands. " 15 00:02:07,407 --> 00:02:10,399 While, presumably, all their friends are put to sl... 16 00:02:10,607 --> 00:02:13,724 Jonathan! They've got ears. 17 00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:20,877 So, come on. Tomorrow afternoon, we all systems go for this chat show? 18 00:02:22,247 --> 00:02:25,478 It's your book. What do they want me there for? 19 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:29,999 I told you - put me in front of a TV camera, I seize up. 20 00:02:30,207 --> 00:02:32,926 I'll be there to hold your hand. 21 00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:23,681 It's the 19th century. 22 00:03:23,767 --> 00:03:26,565 This guy's one of the greatest living illusionists. 23 00:03:26,727 --> 00:03:30,197 So, he'd have people round his house and open the door to this big cupboard, 24 00:03:30,367 --> 00:03:32,597 inside which is a top hat. 25 00:03:32,807 --> 00:03:38,086 One of the guests would walk into the cupboard, put on the hat and come out again. 26 00:03:38,247 --> 00:03:43,241 Our friend makes magic passes over the hat and tells the guy to walk back into the cupboard, 27 00:03:43,447 --> 00:03:48,805 except now the hat won't go through the door, it just keeps getting knocked off, 28 00:03:49,007 --> 00:03:51,441 which back then was a big laugh. 29 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,598 Queen Victoria wet herself. 30 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:57,760 And it drove people mad, trying to work out how he'd made it bigger. 31 00:03:57,967 --> 00:04:02,483 The secret was that the entire floor was on a hydraulic lift, 32 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:09,436 which rose imperceptibly about an inch and a half, making the doorway slightly lower. 33 00:04:09,607 --> 00:04:13,759 A simple parlour trick was actually this fantastically elaborate illusion... 34 00:04:13,927 --> 00:04:17,283 Of course, my starting point for writing this book was to... 35 00:04:17,447 --> 00:04:20,245 That's all it is - not being constrained by the obvious. 36 00:04:20,447 --> 00:04:22,836 A Chinese magician, Chung Ling Soo - 37 00:04:23,047 --> 00:04:26,119 real name William Robinson - did something very similar... 38 00:04:32,007 --> 00:04:34,805 That wasn't too bad. You were right. 39 00:04:35,847 --> 00:04:38,122 - What? - Startled field mouse? 40 00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:42,326 I couldn't get a word in edgeways. And whose idea was this monstrosity? 41 00:04:42,487 --> 00:04:44,478 Well, certainly not mine. 42 00:04:45,127 --> 00:04:47,402 Anyway, fancy a bite to eat somewhere? 43 00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:50,286 Sorry, working, I'm afraid, 44 00:04:50,447 --> 00:04:53,519 on a red-hot story that needs some very careful handling. 45 00:04:53,687 --> 00:04:57,999 Could be a bit out of your league, so... I'll see you around. 46 00:05:41,127 --> 00:05:44,802 Eleven and a half minutes late. Not a promising start. 47 00:05:45,647 --> 00:05:49,401 Well, there was a snarl-up on the East India Dock Road... 48 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:56,120 Professor Graumann's health is not best served waiting around damp, draughty warehouses. 49 00:05:57,407 --> 00:05:59,841 Hang about. I didn't have to come, you know? 50 00:06:00,047 --> 00:06:05,963 Oh, but you did, Miss Magellan. My note to you last night was... irresistible. 51 00:06:07,727 --> 00:06:10,446 Forgive Miss Farell for being protective. 52 00:06:10,607 --> 00:06:15,044 It's one of her many strengths as my confidante and wisest counsel. 53 00:06:16,447 --> 00:06:20,998 I'm not a furtive man by nature, but hostile forces are closing in upon us, 54 00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,476 and we must keep one step ahead. 55 00:06:24,327 --> 00:06:29,481 Your role, as a dispassionate observer, may yet turn out to be pivotal. 56 00:06:30,207 --> 00:06:34,519 Oh. So, do you think we might get down to what this is about 57 00:06:34,687 --> 00:06:37,679 and who it is exactly I'm talking to? 58 00:06:37,847 --> 00:06:39,838 Professor Graumann is, by common acknowledgement, 59 00:06:40,007 --> 00:06:44,683 the world's greatest authority on extraterrestrial phenomena. 60 00:06:44,847 --> 00:06:49,682 The integrity of his insights, based on 35 years' fieldwork, is beyond dispute. 61 00:06:49,847 --> 00:06:54,204 A polite way of persuading you, Miss Magellan, that I'm not a crank. 62 00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:59,566 What you're about to see has been ratified with every means at my disposal... as genuine. 63 00:07:01,607 --> 00:07:06,761 In short, three weeks ago, an artefact came into my possession 64 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:10,840 that I have good reason to believe is nothing more nor less 65 00:07:11,007 --> 00:07:13,919 than the skeleton of an alien life form. 66 00:07:40,687 --> 00:07:43,247 Oh, you've got to be kidding? 67 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:48,636 The molecular composition is baffling and, quite frankly, defies analysis. 68 00:07:48,807 --> 00:07:55,326 Physically, the properties are peculiar. The single, unsegmented bone - 69 00:07:55,487 --> 00:08:01,084 if that's what it is - appears to burn human flesh like acid. 70 00:08:02,287 --> 00:08:06,246 Even more fascinating, subjected to certain stimuli, 71 00:08:06,407 --> 00:08:12,323 cells from the tissue sample I took turned out to be organically regenerative. 72 00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:15,878 What does that mean? 73 00:08:16,047 --> 00:08:20,916 It means... we can't be at all certain that it's dead. 74 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:40,880 It's got the look of a Millwall supporter I once went out with. 75 00:08:41,047 --> 00:08:43,686 Dare we ask where it was found. 76 00:08:43,847 --> 00:08:47,362 Two young palaeontology students were fossil hunting on the eastern rim 77 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,486 of the Painted Desert near the town of Omega in western New Mexico. 78 00:08:52,687 --> 00:08:56,839 Rather than consign it to the black hole of military safekeeping, 79 00:08:57,007 --> 00:09:01,125 they passed it to a contact... of a contact, 80 00:09:01,287 --> 00:09:04,245 who referred it to me for examination. 81 00:09:04,407 --> 00:09:10,801 Of course, knowing the authorities will murder and maim to get it back under lock and key 82 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:14,039 does put a certain spring in one's step. 83 00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:17,836 - What the hell is it? - Indeed. 84 00:09:19,207 --> 00:09:24,327 And what strange and wonderful worlds did it once know? 85 00:09:26,247 --> 00:09:30,399 Well, time may be short. If you'd like to get some photographs. 86 00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:36,164 - All the copy you need I could supply later. - Yes, of course. Photo... 87 00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:40,843 Oh, bugger. I left the camera in the car. I'll be two ticks. 88 00:10:03,487 --> 00:10:06,081 Cover the area! You men, secure these people! 89 00:10:12,567 --> 00:10:14,558 Remove the casing. 90 00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:17,244 Carefully. 91 00:10:31,847 --> 00:10:34,202 All right. Let's load it. 92 00:10:34,407 --> 00:10:36,443 Don't...! 93 00:10:41,887 --> 00:10:45,243 Get the case back on. Nobody touch it. 94 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:48,720 GentlyI 95 00:10:52,607 --> 00:10:58,079 You mindless thugs! Can't you see for yourselves, any of you? 96 00:11:01,447 --> 00:11:06,077 You can't lock it away with the others. People have a right to see this. 97 00:11:06,247 --> 00:11:09,398 The world has a right to know about this. 98 00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:04,836 Bastards! 99 00:13:01,687 --> 00:13:05,680 Morning. How was it last night? Didn't get your fingers burnt? 100 00:13:06,687 --> 00:13:10,566 - What do you mean? - Handling a red-hot story. 101 00:13:10,727 --> 00:13:15,278 Never mind. Just wanted to check whether this signing was at one o'clock or two. 102 00:13:15,447 --> 00:13:17,438 Oh, um... two o'clock. 103 00:13:18,927 --> 00:13:21,157 Quite getting into this promotion lark now. 104 00:13:21,327 --> 00:13:26,799 - Isn't it funny, when to begin with...? - Yes, well, see you there. Bye. 105 00:13:35,847 --> 00:13:38,964 - Yes? - You got some photographs. 106 00:13:39,127 --> 00:13:42,437 - That could be useful. - Yes, actually, I was just... 107 00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:45,485 Because they'll deny the operation ever took place. 108 00:13:46,247 --> 00:13:48,761 Of course, it was inevitable we'd lose possession. 109 00:13:48,927 --> 00:13:52,476 On the other hand, you've seen enough, I think, 110 00:13:52,647 --> 00:13:55,764 to present a compelling case to the public. 111 00:13:55,927 --> 00:14:01,285 The challenge now is to show these people we can't be silenced. 112 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:36,842 Get your coat on. We're taking a ride. 113 00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:42,603 So, let me explain to you how American foreign policy works. 114 00:14:43,487 --> 00:14:47,275 Some guy on the base, his little girl sees a man on TV 115 00:14:47,447 --> 00:14:51,725 who can take two and two that make five and explain how it adds up. 116 00:14:51,887 --> 00:14:56,915 I say if that man can shake any sense out of what happened last night, 117 00:14:57,087 --> 00:14:59,920 he'll be saving me one hell of a headache. 118 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:04,801 From this moment on, everything you're about to hear is classified. 119 00:15:07,847 --> 00:15:11,635 That means you so much as talk about it in your sleep, 120 00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:17,325 you even dream about it, not only are you deceased, you were never alive. 121 00:15:17,487 --> 00:15:19,523 Do we understand each other? 122 00:15:40,927 --> 00:15:44,078 - Put your arm around him. Smile! - Cheese! 123 00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:48,923 Oi, you! Do you mind? What the hell do you think you're doing?! 124 00:15:58,887 --> 00:16:01,082 I thought Jonathan Creek was coming? 125 00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:03,966 - He is supposed to be. - Where is he, then? 126 00:16:04,167 --> 00:16:07,045 - I don't know. - So when will we see him? 127 00:16:07,207 --> 00:16:09,675 - When he gets here. - When will that be? 128 00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:13,562 - I don't know! Do you want that signed or not? - Not by you. 129 00:16:13,727 --> 00:16:15,718 Well, piss off, then. 130 00:16:16,407 --> 00:16:19,399 I'm sorry, my love. What was your name again? 131 00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:20,966 Trudy. 132 00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:26,125 There we are, then... Trudy. 133 00:16:28,727 --> 00:16:31,036 That's for you. 134 00:16:33,527 --> 00:16:35,518 It looks more like "Turd". 135 00:16:35,687 --> 00:16:39,965 Can't you write properly? I'm not having that one. 136 00:16:42,527 --> 00:16:45,200 Yes. We definitely said two o'clock. 137 00:16:45,367 --> 00:16:48,757 It's not like him. I can't think where he's got to. 138 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:04,397 So, what's your take on it all, Captain Candy... 139 00:17:05,207 --> 00:17:08,279 life, God, the universe? 140 00:17:09,327 --> 00:17:13,240 Me? I accept there is an all-powerful force 141 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:16,638 to which we are ultimately responsible for our actions. 142 00:17:16,807 --> 00:17:22,837 It's called Washington. Washington calls to say the skeleton of an EBE has turned up in England. 143 00:17:23,047 --> 00:17:27,120 I'm granted unlimited resources to expedite its recovery 144 00:17:27,287 --> 00:17:30,165 by whatever means I deem necessary. 145 00:17:30,327 --> 00:17:31,999 Meaning? 146 00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:35,523 Meaning everything you ever saw in an Oliver Stone movie is true, 147 00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:37,678 though we wish it were otherwise. 148 00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:44,523 I think you've convinced me. You're not going to get through this lot with a Barclaycard. 149 00:17:44,687 --> 00:17:49,681 So, let's tick them off. It definitely went in - you saw it. 150 00:17:49,847 --> 00:17:55,160 There's no possibility of a switch - you were with the crate for the entire journey. 151 00:17:55,327 --> 00:17:58,160 And yet, when you opened it up, this EB... 152 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,637 - What did you call it? - Extraterrestrial Biological Entity. 153 00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:04,281 .. had either completely vanished... 154 00:18:05,607 --> 00:18:08,280 - Or? - Sorry? 155 00:18:09,727 --> 00:18:14,118 No, that's where it falls down. There is no "or". 156 00:18:15,247 --> 00:18:18,637 I tell you, there was something real weird about this thing. 157 00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:21,162 Not so much what it looked like, 158 00:18:21,327 --> 00:18:24,956 but a feeling to it when you got close up... 159 00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:31,441 like a... kind of aura... that sent a chill right down your spine. 160 00:18:34,007 --> 00:18:37,283 Hell, I don't know. Maybe if it was still alive, 161 00:18:37,447 --> 00:18:42,237 by some process or other, it could pass through matter. 162 00:18:42,407 --> 00:18:45,001 If it was anyone other than Professor Graumann... 163 00:18:46,447 --> 00:18:49,280 - You've heard of this guy before? - Oh, I've heard of him. 164 00:18:50,287 --> 00:18:53,006 Most definitely. And he's clever. 165 00:18:53,167 --> 00:18:55,158 He's very very clever. 166 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,927 Well, sorry. I don't buy that. 167 00:18:58,087 --> 00:19:01,397 He's that smart, he'd have seen us coming and planned ahead. 168 00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:05,321 My guess, it was this woman outside. 169 00:19:07,887 --> 00:19:11,880 - Come again? - Took some photographs we're keen to retrieve. 170 00:19:12,047 --> 00:19:18,646 I can tell you, once we find this lady - which we will - her life's gonna be no merry-go-round. 171 00:19:21,007 --> 00:19:27,526 Yes, well... It's a tricky one, this. I'm going to have to go away and give it some thought. 172 00:19:27,727 --> 00:19:31,959 No problem. And to make sure it doesn't slip your mind, 173 00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:36,757 Sergeant Kribotnik here will be with you at all times to keep things in focus. 174 00:19:38,607 --> 00:19:41,804 Don't worry. He's good at blending into the background. 175 00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:50,206 There's Jonathan now! Shall we go and speak to him? 176 00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:53,643 Excuse me, can we have a picture with you? 177 00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:01,597 Smile, Trudy. Look up, Jonathan. 178 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,280 Thank you. 179 00:20:13,287 --> 00:20:16,120 Sorry. Would you mind? Just... Thanks. 180 00:20:19,207 --> 00:20:23,086 Smile. And another one. 181 00:20:23,287 --> 00:20:24,686 And again. 182 00:20:26,847 --> 00:20:28,838 - There you go, ladies. - Look! 183 00:20:29,047 --> 00:20:33,438 I can't be bothered with this now. They're closing in an hour. 184 00:20:33,647 --> 00:20:38,163 If you want to grab a cup of tea, ask any questions, I'll buy you a sticky bun. 185 00:20:38,327 --> 00:20:40,477 - Fantastic! I know the perfect place. - Where's that? 186 00:20:40,647 --> 00:20:43,559 - My place! - I'll settle for a pizza. 187 00:21:06,087 --> 00:21:08,806 You can sit down if you want. 188 00:21:21,007 --> 00:21:25,717 You know what I always find good for cerebral activity? Herbal tea. 189 00:21:26,447 --> 00:21:28,802 I'll make myself a pot of camomile. 190 00:21:33,767 --> 00:21:36,600 You just continue cerebralising. 191 00:21:51,847 --> 00:21:55,760 - Maddy Magellan. - It's me. Don't start. I've very little time. 192 00:21:55,927 --> 00:22:00,125 Do I take it you've been hunting little green men with Professor Graumann? 193 00:22:00,287 --> 00:22:02,278 Little green what?I 194 00:22:03,247 --> 00:22:08,401 Have you gone completely doolally? Who the hell's Professor Graumann? 195 00:22:08,567 --> 00:22:12,355 I'll take that as a yes. Look, I can't go into details. 196 00:22:12,527 --> 00:22:15,803 - I think it's time we compared notes. - I haven't a clue... 197 00:22:15,967 --> 00:22:20,483 Somewhere between the warehouse and the airbase, this so-called alien did a moonlight flit. 198 00:22:21,287 --> 00:22:26,919 They've roped me in to figure it out. What's worse, they think you might have engineered it, 199 00:22:27,087 --> 00:22:31,205 so I'd cough up those photos and stay out their way. 200 00:22:31,407 --> 00:22:34,160 Moonlight flit? 201 00:22:34,327 --> 00:22:37,603 You mean disappeared? How? 202 00:22:37,767 --> 00:22:40,235 And, more importantly, why? 203 00:22:40,407 --> 00:22:44,400 Answer, fairly obviously, because it had to. 204 00:22:47,847 --> 00:22:52,079 I'm going to need to talk to Graumann. What time can I meet you? 205 00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:54,761 - I'm seeing him at 12. - OK. See you then. 206 00:22:54,927 --> 00:22:59,478 Just as soon as I've worked out a little something here with Mr Kribotnik. 207 00:23:29,207 --> 00:23:35,555 Cheers, Ron. Take it past the farm as far as the sheep dip, then call it a day. 208 00:23:39,727 --> 00:23:44,881 Well, this is a fascinating development. One might almost say messianic. 209 00:23:45,047 --> 00:23:49,837 - The miracle of the empty tomb. - If what they're telling us is on the level. 210 00:23:50,007 --> 00:23:54,080 What? The American authorities lying? Surely not 211 00:23:55,487 --> 00:24:01,084 No, no. We have to believe that despite their every effort, the Omega Man has vanished, 212 00:24:01,647 --> 00:24:05,322 totally and impossibly, and from right under their noses. 213 00:24:06,767 --> 00:24:09,327 And they're embarrassed to the core. 214 00:24:09,487 --> 00:24:13,799 No doubt you have an explanation for where it went to? 215 00:24:13,967 --> 00:24:19,485 Hmm... Existing as we do in three dimensions, 216 00:24:19,647 --> 00:24:24,323 it's hard enough for us to imagine a fourth or fifth, 217 00:24:24,487 --> 00:24:28,924 but consider a sixth dimension, transcending time and space, 218 00:24:29,127 --> 00:24:33,757 where corporal form can be distilled into pure energy. 219 00:24:35,087 --> 00:24:39,603 In physical terms, such beings would simply... disappear. 220 00:24:39,807 --> 00:24:43,004 We know this to be possible from the messages. 221 00:24:43,807 --> 00:24:47,038 - Pardon me? - Periodically, I am contacted 222 00:24:47,207 --> 00:24:50,802 by a spirit consciousness from the Pleiades star group called Sagor. 223 00:24:51,927 --> 00:24:56,079 Through me, he communicates many ideas about life on other worlds. 224 00:24:56,247 --> 00:25:03,005 Phillipa's what we call a channeller, telepathically receptive to many sources, 225 00:25:03,167 --> 00:25:08,764 something not widely understood or, I regret, readily accepted by modern society. 226 00:25:09,407 --> 00:25:14,197 But... come the new age of enlightenment... 227 00:25:23,607 --> 00:25:26,167 Extraterrestrial Biological Entity? 228 00:25:27,727 --> 00:25:29,718 My lunch. 229 00:25:41,087 --> 00:25:45,603 Lucky they had the old video camera running to capture the moment. 230 00:25:46,967 --> 00:25:48,764 Wasn't it? 231 00:25:58,327 --> 00:26:00,682 How can it burn you like that? 232 00:26:01,807 --> 00:26:06,676 I mean, maybe if it got red-hot in the desert, but... in a warehouse? 233 00:26:13,607 --> 00:26:17,236 Together with your material, we've enough to make a splash. 234 00:26:17,407 --> 00:26:22,845 Once I've taken you through all the background, perhaps you'd like to stay for dinner. 235 00:26:31,327 --> 00:26:35,445 Well, that was all very lovely. Here, let me give you a hand. 236 00:26:41,527 --> 00:26:46,726 So, Jonathan Creek... You've heard a great deal from me today. 237 00:26:49,527 --> 00:26:53,236 - What have you to say for yourself? - I'm not sure you'd want to hear it. 238 00:26:57,607 --> 00:26:59,006 Try me. 239 00:27:02,527 --> 00:27:08,204 All right. Let's start with the things we both know as fact. 240 00:27:08,367 --> 00:27:11,359 We know as fact the skeleton went into that crate. 241 00:27:11,527 --> 00:27:16,647 The crate was padlocked and closely watched till it arrived at the base. 242 00:27:16,807 --> 00:27:21,801 We know it was fact that when it was opened, the skeleton of the alien was gone. 243 00:27:21,967 --> 00:27:26,961 And we both know as fact that was no more the skeleton of an alien than my arse. 244 00:27:32,247 --> 00:27:38,277 You see, it's hard for me not to feel a grudging respect for what you do. 245 00:27:38,447 --> 00:27:42,406 We're in the same business. We both trick the public. 246 00:27:42,567 --> 00:27:45,127 The difference is I don't pretend it's real. 247 00:27:46,167 --> 00:27:48,158 You use it, 248 00:27:48,327 --> 00:27:52,400 feed on people's fantasies, superstitions. 249 00:27:53,287 --> 00:27:57,838 You know what they want and you give it to them. An alien skeleton... 250 00:27:58,007 --> 00:28:01,283 That's a good one. I haven't seen that before. 251 00:28:01,447 --> 00:28:06,157 Of course, if anyone besides you gets to examine it, they'll see it's a fake. 252 00:28:06,327 --> 00:28:10,081 So what do you do? You make it vanish... 253 00:28:10,247 --> 00:28:16,482 into thin air, from an armoured truck guarded by six US soldiers. 254 00:28:17,727 --> 00:28:21,845 It's perfect. The Omega Man was not dead... 255 00:28:23,287 --> 00:28:26,085 but has achieved a higher level of being, 256 00:28:26,247 --> 00:28:29,319 a state of pure spirit. 257 00:28:30,687 --> 00:28:33,804 This'll be your Roswell. 258 00:28:34,527 --> 00:28:36,518 Meal ticket for life. 259 00:28:39,047 --> 00:28:44,075 And you don't even deceive yourself. Really, you're a bigger cynic than I am. 260 00:28:47,687 --> 00:28:52,477 You underestimate, I think, man's essential hunger for meaning in the universe. 261 00:28:53,367 --> 00:28:58,680 You also confuse meaning with proof - that one can't exist without the other. 262 00:29:01,807 --> 00:29:06,676 You think our belief in what lies beyond this world is determined by evidence? 263 00:29:06,847 --> 00:29:08,439 No. 264 00:29:09,607 --> 00:29:12,405 The truth isn't out there. 265 00:29:12,567 --> 00:29:15,001 The truth is in here. 266 00:29:17,207 --> 00:29:19,767 We create the truth, all of us, 267 00:29:19,927 --> 00:29:24,796 because we can't live with the fear of being alone. 268 00:29:29,727 --> 00:29:33,800 And little blokes with big heads and three fingers? 269 00:29:37,487 --> 00:29:39,603 Let me get you another brandy. 270 00:29:45,807 --> 00:29:49,800 One can never predict where or when, it just happens. 271 00:29:49,967 --> 00:29:53,482 It's a certain disconnection with reality, and then it's like... 272 00:29:54,647 --> 00:29:57,798 someone whispering in a huge cave. 273 00:29:57,967 --> 00:30:00,401 That's when I feel him inside me. 274 00:30:00,567 --> 00:30:02,558 - Shergar? - Sagor. 275 00:30:02,727 --> 00:30:06,436 Although he's from the constellation of Taurus, he speaks to me in English. 276 00:30:06,607 --> 00:30:09,405 Well, it's good to have a second language. 277 00:30:09,567 --> 00:30:13,845 Afterwards, I transcribe our conversations as accurately as I'm able 278 00:30:14,007 --> 00:30:15,998 for Professor Graumann to study. 279 00:30:16,167 --> 00:30:18,727 They're terribly useful in his research. 280 00:30:20,287 --> 00:30:24,246 You've... got a lot of time for the old professor? 281 00:30:24,407 --> 00:30:29,959 I can think of no greater honour than to work with him. He's utterly unique. 282 00:30:32,767 --> 00:30:36,965 So, the thrust of your argument, if I have it right, 283 00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:40,915 is that I'm nothing more than a glorified conjurer. 284 00:30:41,087 --> 00:30:46,605 An argument that would have more weight if you could show me how I performed this trick. 285 00:30:46,767 --> 00:30:50,123 Of course, that's where you've got me. I can't. 286 00:30:51,127 --> 00:30:55,643 - Even if you'd had an accomplice on the truck... - Come on. Give me more credit than that. 287 00:30:55,807 --> 00:30:58,446 Ah. You concede, then, it was a trick. 288 00:31:01,287 --> 00:31:04,120 You'll have to work harder than that, Mr Creek. 289 00:31:07,687 --> 00:31:14,001 Still, the universe is a rather large place. Let me try and narrow down your search. 290 00:31:15,567 --> 00:31:18,843 Consider the nine planets in our solar system. 291 00:31:20,327 --> 00:31:22,966 Consider one of the nine... 292 00:31:24,807 --> 00:31:26,957 that's very cold. 293 00:31:28,287 --> 00:31:30,801 It may help in your deliberations. 294 00:31:42,167 --> 00:31:46,558 Hi. Can you help us trace a young lady who buys camera film here? 295 00:31:47,687 --> 00:31:51,726 She'll be about 5'2", 130lb, short red hair. 296 00:32:03,687 --> 00:32:08,477 I'm sorry. I think I've got alien overload now, what with her and her voices. 297 00:32:08,647 --> 00:32:12,959 She has got a real problem, poor woman. 298 00:32:13,127 --> 00:32:15,357 As for the rest of it... 299 00:32:17,487 --> 00:32:22,322 Oh, God! Just set the alarm for Christmas. 300 00:32:25,047 --> 00:32:26,844 Hello? 301 00:32:27,887 --> 00:32:32,358 "Consider the nine planets and one of the nine that's very cold. " 302 00:32:32,527 --> 00:32:37,555 He was telling me, for God's sake, how he did it. What does it mean? 303 00:32:37,727 --> 00:32:40,002 Planet that's very cold? 304 00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:45,241 What are the outer planets of the solar system? Saturn, Uranus, Neptune... 305 00:32:47,847 --> 00:32:50,520 I have to walk about, get some air. 306 00:32:50,687 --> 00:32:53,599 Forgive me if I don't wait up. 307 00:33:16,967 --> 00:33:19,527 Well, good evening, Miss Magellan. 308 00:33:24,087 --> 00:33:26,920 You can't keep me here. I'm a British citizen. 309 00:33:28,327 --> 00:33:33,560 This is a farce. You don't really think it was an alien, so what does it matter...? 310 00:33:33,727 --> 00:33:37,083 It matters that we close the file. 311 00:33:37,247 --> 00:33:40,956 Till we do, a lot of suits back home get very twitchy. 312 00:33:41,127 --> 00:33:44,358 I get twitchy. Everyone here is twitchy. 313 00:33:45,207 --> 00:33:47,596 Well, look, Professor Graumann... 314 00:33:47,767 --> 00:33:51,316 .. is on our list of interviewees, have no worries. 315 00:33:51,487 --> 00:33:55,002 But, hey, just for fun, we thought we'd start with you. 316 00:35:00,647 --> 00:35:06,882 Jonathan, if you can hear me, will you please pick up the phone... now? 317 00:35:07,047 --> 00:35:10,642 Only I'm in a slight spot of bother today. 318 00:35:27,647 --> 00:35:29,638 You know this woman? 319 00:35:32,887 --> 00:35:34,878 Well, I know of her. 320 00:35:35,087 --> 00:35:39,000 Who doesn't? If I could just have a few minutes. 321 00:35:40,407 --> 00:35:45,959 I demand you get your boss in here now. I want to take the Fifth Amendment. 322 00:35:47,967 --> 00:35:49,958 What is the Fifth Amendment? 323 00:35:50,647 --> 00:35:54,686 All night they've had me in here. Didn't get a wink of sleep. 324 00:35:54,847 --> 00:35:57,520 One of the nine planets... 325 00:35:57,687 --> 00:36:02,078 Of course, he could be talking about Earth, but then why very cold? 326 00:36:02,287 --> 00:36:04,642 Just trying to make me stew. 327 00:36:04,807 --> 00:36:08,686 The coldest of the planets, of course, would be Pluto. 328 00:36:09,727 --> 00:36:11,524 Jonathan! 329 00:36:12,967 --> 00:36:16,562 - Sorry? - I'm getting seriously worried here! 330 00:36:16,727 --> 00:36:20,640 You don't know what they'll do to extract information. 331 00:36:21,647 --> 00:36:24,207 What if they use a truth drug? 332 00:36:24,407 --> 00:36:30,437 - It wouldn't stand a chance. - Thank you. You're really settling my nerves. 333 00:36:31,527 --> 00:36:36,157 There's an answer somewhere in this riddle of his. If I could just... 334 00:36:41,007 --> 00:36:43,760 Oh, never in a million years! He couldn't have. 335 00:36:45,487 --> 00:36:47,557 What? You've sussed it? 336 00:36:48,687 --> 00:36:50,200 How? 337 00:36:50,367 --> 00:36:55,600 One of the nine. Sometimes it pays to be literal rather than lateral. 338 00:36:57,567 --> 00:37:01,321 Excuse me? I couldn't have one last look at that shed? 339 00:37:22,487 --> 00:37:26,241 So, listen. You know what I think? 340 00:37:26,407 --> 00:37:33,199 I think you stole this thing, so you could sell it for a very large sum of money. 341 00:37:33,367 --> 00:37:38,157 - No, I've told you, I... - I think you're just pretending to be stupid. 342 00:37:38,327 --> 00:37:40,761 That's not true! I definitely... 343 00:37:41,487 --> 00:37:45,685 I mean... I am not pretending anything! 344 00:37:45,887 --> 00:37:49,402 I haven't done anything. I don't know anything. 345 00:37:55,327 --> 00:37:57,602 Please can I go home? 346 00:37:57,767 --> 00:38:00,327 Come in. 347 00:38:01,447 --> 00:38:05,645 - Captain Candy. Sorry about the delay. - As are we all, Mr Creek. 348 00:38:05,807 --> 00:38:09,243 - If you're through wasting our time... - I know where it is. 349 00:38:09,447 --> 00:38:13,486 So far, your assistance has fallen some way short of... 350 00:38:14,207 --> 00:38:17,005 - Pardon me? - The EBE. 351 00:38:17,167 --> 00:38:20,364 - It just depends how badly you want it back. - What is this...? 352 00:38:20,527 --> 00:38:23,280 - Because it'll cost $100,000. - What? 353 00:38:24,127 --> 00:38:26,402 The fee for my services. 354 00:38:27,167 --> 00:38:30,523 You said something about unlimited resources at your disposal. 355 00:38:34,887 --> 00:38:38,926 First, we recover the property, then we'll discuss terms. 356 00:38:59,407 --> 00:39:02,399 OK, Miss Magellan. Nice knowing you. 357 00:39:02,607 --> 00:39:05,075 - Wh...? What? Sorry? - Goodbye. 358 00:39:06,167 --> 00:39:08,635 What, you...? You mean I'm free to...? 359 00:39:08,807 --> 00:39:12,595 Unless you want to hang about here all day. 360 00:39:33,647 --> 00:39:36,286 Morning. I'm sorry, was the Professor expecting you? 361 00:39:36,487 --> 00:39:39,320 Oh, I don't imagine there's much takes him by surprise. 362 00:39:39,487 --> 00:39:44,607 Come to commend him on his ingenuity. A fine piece of technical trickery. 363 00:39:44,807 --> 00:39:49,164 - Trickery? What do you mean by that, exactly? - Phillipa. 364 00:39:49,327 --> 00:39:53,639 My notes on the Filingdale sightings, can we get a copy off to Michael? 365 00:39:53,807 --> 00:39:56,446 Yes, of course. I'll e-mail it now. 366 00:39:56,607 --> 00:40:00,202 I'll tag along, if you don't mind. 367 00:40:00,727 --> 00:40:03,799 You have an air of triumph about you this morning. 368 00:40:04,567 --> 00:40:08,242 My clue was a risk, though it would have defeated most men. 369 00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:11,841 But I was keen to test your powers. 370 00:40:17,007 --> 00:40:20,158 You've shared your findings, of course, with our American friends. 371 00:40:20,367 --> 00:40:23,837 Or they'd have been on our backs forever more. 372 00:40:25,007 --> 00:40:27,726 Of course, they're basically philistines. 373 00:40:27,887 --> 00:40:30,879 The sheer elegance of it went for nothing. 374 00:40:31,047 --> 00:40:35,359 It's been proved the alien was a hoax, end of story. 375 00:40:35,527 --> 00:40:39,645 Shame, because from a design aspect, it had some nice quirky features - 376 00:40:39,807 --> 00:40:44,483 the strange silvery colour, the single unsegmented bone. 377 00:40:46,607 --> 00:40:52,284 Except they weren't just quirky features, they were the cornerstone of the whole trick. 378 00:40:55,447 --> 00:41:00,316 A comment the Captain made, "Just looking at it sent a chill down your spine. " 379 00:41:00,487 --> 00:41:05,038 The fact that it could burn human flesh and still I couldn't see it... 380 00:41:05,207 --> 00:41:11,965 until you gave me that thought to chew upon - one of the nine planets that's very cold. 381 00:41:12,127 --> 00:41:16,006 So, naturally, I think of the ones furthest from the sun. Wrong. 382 00:41:16,167 --> 00:41:18,635 The words had another more direct meaning. 383 00:41:20,087 --> 00:41:25,161 One of the nine was just that... number one. 384 00:41:27,407 --> 00:41:31,366 The first planet, counting outwards from the sun, is Mercury, 385 00:41:31,527 --> 00:41:35,076 which, of course, makes it the hottest - Mercury the planet. 386 00:41:35,247 --> 00:41:38,000 But mercury the element - quicksilver - 387 00:41:38,167 --> 00:41:42,240 if I remember my chemistry, has one or two very odd properties. 388 00:41:42,407 --> 00:41:46,400 It's the only metal to remain liquid at room temperature. 389 00:41:46,567 --> 00:41:50,958 To get solid mercury, you have to take it all the way down to... I don't know. 390 00:41:51,127 --> 00:41:54,722 - Minus 38.87 Celsius. - Which is exactly what you did. 391 00:42:01,207 --> 00:42:06,440 Of course, one has specialist back-up to put these ideas into operation. 392 00:42:08,407 --> 00:42:11,604 Much the same as yourself, I imagine. 393 00:42:19,767 --> 00:42:26,240 To your average punter, a figure made out of frozen mercury is like nothing on this earth. 394 00:42:26,407 --> 00:42:33,006 Better yet, leave it out of the fridge for more than a short while, it can do something magical. 395 00:42:33,167 --> 00:42:36,443 It can disappear like an ice cube in the sun. 396 00:42:39,407 --> 00:42:43,844 You knew those troops would show up. It was probably you who tipped them off. 397 00:42:44,567 --> 00:42:50,676 Of course, the case was chilled. Anyone near it would feel a shiver when the top comes off. 398 00:42:52,207 --> 00:42:56,883 And at that temperature, anyone who touches it is gonna get a nasty burn. 399 00:42:57,367 --> 00:43:00,564 But then it's disconnected, locked in a crate. 400 00:43:01,567 --> 00:43:07,039 By the time they get it back to base, after a long ride inside a hot trunk, 401 00:43:07,207 --> 00:43:11,598 the whole thing's safely melted down inside the base of that crater. 402 00:43:37,527 --> 00:43:40,280 To all intents and purposes, it's vanished. 403 00:43:40,967 --> 00:43:43,606 The only evidence it ever existed, a few photos 404 00:43:43,767 --> 00:43:48,522 and that video footage you mocked up using a duplicate skeleton. 405 00:43:48,687 --> 00:43:54,956 More than enough, I imagine, to pack them in on your lecture tours around the world. 406 00:43:55,127 --> 00:43:57,118 Have I left anything out? 407 00:43:58,807 --> 00:44:01,605 In many ways, the most important thing of all. 408 00:44:05,767 --> 00:44:09,362 So, how long have you worked for him now, Professor Graumann? 409 00:44:09,527 --> 00:44:12,963 To tell the truth, I've lost track of the years, 410 00:44:13,127 --> 00:44:17,359 just as I've tried to blot out everything that went before. 411 00:44:17,527 --> 00:44:22,396 Quite simply, he saved me - from the world and everyone in it. 412 00:44:23,287 --> 00:44:28,202 When you have a special gift as I do, people are inclined to... 413 00:44:28,367 --> 00:44:32,724 Well, you can imagine the hurtful things they come out with. 414 00:44:32,927 --> 00:44:35,487 To find someone who was different, 415 00:44:35,647 --> 00:44:40,960 who understood, was more than I had a right to hope for. 416 00:44:41,167 --> 00:44:43,840 He and I, of course, we aren't... 417 00:44:45,807 --> 00:44:47,559 No. 418 00:44:47,727 --> 00:44:52,926 I just know that if anyone ever said or did anything to destroy him, 419 00:44:53,087 --> 00:44:55,760 it would be the end of us both. 420 00:44:59,487 --> 00:45:04,163 The greatest pain sometimes comes from our own self-knowledge... 421 00:45:08,087 --> 00:45:13,081 .. what we are in the eyes of others, what we know ourselves to be. 422 00:45:15,327 --> 00:45:17,921 There are many falsehoods upon which we build our lives, 423 00:45:18,127 --> 00:45:20,960 not all of them to be condemned. 424 00:45:22,247 --> 00:45:26,843 Expose me, my work, as you like, but... 425 00:45:27,007 --> 00:45:32,525 as I said to you before, belief is indomitable. 426 00:45:35,167 --> 00:45:38,842 You'll never stop men reaching for the stars in search of their destiny. 427 00:45:39,047 --> 00:45:43,757 We were born to explore the heavens, to seek, to probe, 428 00:45:43,927 --> 00:45:46,885 until one day... What? 429 00:45:47,047 --> 00:45:50,517 We have a telescope powerful enough to see God. 430 00:45:52,047 --> 00:45:56,962 The only limits of human endeavour are the limits of our own imagination. 431 00:45:58,567 --> 00:46:01,798 - Yeah, well... - So, we'll leave you to it. 432 00:46:01,967 --> 00:46:05,164 Time's getting on, and, um... 433 00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:07,716 Well, good luck with it all. 434 00:46:30,887 --> 00:46:33,845 - Something up? - No. 435 00:46:35,727 --> 00:46:37,797 What is it? 436 00:46:37,967 --> 00:46:39,764 Nothing. 437 00:46:49,727 --> 00:46:51,877 - Better make a move, then, I suppose. - OK. 438 00:46:54,287 --> 00:46:56,960 And I'll see you around. 439 00:47:07,327 --> 00:47:10,763 So, they coughed it up, then, did they? 440 00:47:11,887 --> 00:47:14,765 - Sorry? - The fee for your services. 441 00:47:14,927 --> 00:47:17,282 $100,000. 442 00:47:17,447 --> 00:47:21,645 Oh. They did, actually. Thought I was chancing my arm, 443 00:47:21,807 --> 00:47:25,686 but US Government, a drop in the ocean as far as they're concerned... 444 00:47:27,607 --> 00:47:30,121 - What? - Don't know. 445 00:47:30,287 --> 00:47:33,802 Just came a bit out of left field, that one. 446 00:47:33,967 --> 00:47:38,006 - Just shows how little I really know you. - Yeah, well, in point of... 447 00:47:38,207 --> 00:47:43,076 Still, set you up nicely to impress all those teenage girlies. 448 00:47:43,247 --> 00:47:46,717 You can take them for a ride in your Porsche. 449 00:47:46,927 --> 00:47:50,124 - Yes, I don't quite see myself... - Bye, then. 450 00:48:39,447 --> 00:48:41,483 You bastard. 451 00:48:43,327 --> 00:48:46,637 You utter, complete bastard.