1 00:00:50,502 --> 00:00:54,541 Seven minutes. That's the earliest it's ever been late. 2 00:00:54,702 --> 00:00:56,693 I'm not sure I'll even recognise her. 3 00:00:56,862 --> 00:00:59,899 Last time she came to stay, she was quite an infant. 4 00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:05,972 Well, let's see. 17-year-old art student who likes birdwatching. 5 00:01:06,662 --> 00:01:09,540 Sometimes you just have to go with a hunch 6 00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:29,454 This is interesting. A very strong sense of contour. 7 00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:33,012 You have a feel for what I've called the "organic imperative". 8 00:01:33,182 --> 00:01:38,700 It's just some scribbles. I thought you and Grandad could give me some pointers. 9 00:01:38,902 --> 00:01:42,292 I got him this CD in Paris that just had his name on it - 10 00:01:42,462 --> 00:01:46,216 "Marco Bergman pour vous" - so I had to get it, because soon he's how many? 11 00:01:46,422 --> 00:01:48,094 Seventy-nine. 12 00:01:48,262 --> 00:01:51,379 Right. But got a few more spring collections in him yet. 13 00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:54,659 You know our father, Carrie. Just goes on forever. 14 00:01:55,662 --> 00:01:57,653 Shit! 15 00:02:00,902 --> 00:02:05,851 Did anyone see that? Something just flew right out in front of me there. 16 00:02:06,022 --> 00:02:09,094 A muntjac or something. I think I just clipped it. 17 00:02:09,302 --> 00:02:11,691 Oh, you're kidding? 18 00:02:16,742 --> 00:02:19,814 No, it must have been lucky and just got clear. 19 00:02:19,982 --> 00:02:23,816 It could have been a fox. It was fast whatever it was. 20 00:02:25,262 --> 00:02:27,776 We're not far off now. Couple of miles? 21 00:02:27,942 --> 00:02:30,934 Yes. No lights on, I see. 22 00:02:31,102 --> 00:02:34,890 But of course, it's well past your grandfather's bedti... 23 00:02:35,062 --> 00:02:36,381 Oh, my God! 24 00:02:39,702 --> 00:02:41,772 What is it? 25 00:02:46,262 --> 00:02:50,050 What's he doing? What in hell's name is he doing?! 26 00:02:52,062 --> 00:02:55,338 - Father! - He'll never hear us. Come on! 27 00:02:56,422 --> 00:02:58,413 Oh, my God! 28 00:03:00,342 --> 00:03:02,492 No! 29 00:03:27,262 --> 00:03:29,059 Why? 30 00:03:29,982 --> 00:03:32,496 I mean... why? 31 00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:47,854 And now, using the wizardry of teleportation, 32 00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:52,379 I will project the molecules of my body from this pod here 33 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:56,251 invisibly through the ether to that pod there, 34 00:04:56,462 --> 00:05:01,695 where they will reassemble themselves into human form right before your eyes. 35 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:04,291 Thank you very much. 36 00:05:26,862 --> 00:05:31,777 Ladies and gentlemen, the transmigration is complete. 37 00:05:36,222 --> 00:05:39,851 Whoa! Hey! 38 00:05:40,502 --> 00:05:43,414 Be assured I am not a hologram. 39 00:05:44,662 --> 00:05:48,450 I AM absolutely real. I think you'll confirm that, madam. 40 00:05:48,662 --> 00:05:52,052 - It's a different man! - Pardon me? 41 00:05:52,262 --> 00:05:57,256 It's a completely different man, with a beard and glasses, wearing the same clothes. 42 00:05:57,422 --> 00:06:00,459 I think not, sonny! 43 00:06:00,622 --> 00:06:05,696 And if we look beneath the pod, there are no trapdoors of any kind. 44 00:06:05,902 --> 00:06:09,338 This is the crappest trick ever! What are we? Morons? 45 00:06:09,542 --> 00:06:11,533 Yes. Well... 46 00:06:11,742 --> 00:06:17,135 If I just get back into the pod and teleport myself back again. 47 00:06:20,222 --> 00:06:21,780 Whoa! Whoa! 48 00:06:22,502 --> 00:06:24,811 Whoa! Heh... Yeah... 49 00:06:24,982 --> 00:06:28,099 I'll be more than happy to allow our young friend 50 00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:31,732 to inspect the device inside for any signs of trickery. 51 00:06:35,742 --> 00:06:39,894 So, there you go. While he's checking that out, we move on... 52 00:06:40,062 --> 00:06:43,975 to a little thing I call the "human egg slicer". 53 00:06:44,782 --> 00:06:47,250 Interesting question. I'll let Carla answer. 54 00:06:47,422 --> 00:06:49,219 - Sweetheart? - Hmm? 55 00:06:49,422 --> 00:06:52,494 Donna asked if ours is a marriage of equals. 56 00:06:52,702 --> 00:06:56,615 Or would you say, professionally, one of you overshadows the other? 57 00:06:57,582 --> 00:07:02,576 No, no. Not at all. I'd say our careers utterly complement each other, wouldn't you? 58 00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:07,217 Carla has her own voice, her own very special skills, 59 00:07:07,422 --> 00:07:10,380 which, as yet, we've barely started to exploit. 60 00:07:10,542 --> 00:07:12,533 Take a look at this. 61 00:07:12,702 --> 00:07:18,334 This is currently the number one show on Japanese television, called "Infidelity". 62 00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:22,581 A week today, we're making a pilot with Carla presenting. 63 00:07:22,782 --> 00:07:24,932 Renamed "Guilty Secrets", but same pitch - 64 00:07:25,142 --> 00:07:29,055 contestants try to beat a lie detector for big cash prizes. 65 00:07:29,942 --> 00:07:35,812 The question she's asking is, "Do you yearn to have sex with your wife's sister?" 66 00:07:42,302 --> 00:07:45,692 You've got the wife there, watching in the audience. 67 00:08:04,102 --> 00:08:06,138 Is that a slam-dunk or what? 68 00:08:06,302 --> 00:08:11,057 And what's clever is it actually reveals feelings to people they never knew they had, 69 00:08:11,222 --> 00:08:14,658 which I think is worth stressing in your feature... 70 00:08:14,822 --> 00:08:18,019 Well, standards are certainly dropping in this place. 71 00:08:18,742 --> 00:08:21,575 There's a law about vermin in restaurants. 72 00:08:21,742 --> 00:08:25,098 - I'm sorry. Have we met? - How do you sleep at nights? 73 00:08:25,822 --> 00:08:28,973 Everything for you is black and white, isn't it? 74 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:32,817 - You're so full of certainties. - Claude, come on. 75 00:08:33,462 --> 00:08:37,341 You should learn the difference between comment and crucifixion. 76 00:08:38,022 --> 00:08:41,651 How does it feel to be having lunch with a murderer? 77 00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:46,861 You sent him to his death, as surely as if you pushed him. 78 00:08:47,022 --> 00:08:51,937 Mr Bergman, if your father was too weak to accept honest criticism, 79 00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:54,662 that's hardly a failing of mine. 80 00:08:54,862 --> 00:08:59,652 If you'd like to repeat that slander here in front of witnesses, go ahead, 81 00:08:59,822 --> 00:09:04,213 and I'll be happy to sue you and your family's fashion empire 82 00:09:04,422 --> 00:09:06,458 for every last cent you possess. 83 00:09:06,622 --> 00:09:11,013 Come on. This is probably just the kind of confrontation she thrives on. 84 00:09:11,182 --> 00:09:13,855 I'll make you eat these words, so help me. 85 00:09:18,902 --> 00:09:24,374 People get a chip on their shoulders. Now, getting back to "Eyes and Ears", 86 00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:27,375 what would you call that - a docudrama, I suppose? 87 00:09:27,582 --> 00:09:29,812 - Well, more of a dramamentary. - Right. 88 00:09:39,222 --> 00:09:43,101 Mr Starkiss, may I say how much we enjoyed your act? 89 00:09:43,262 --> 00:09:47,813 So clever how you fooled the audience into thinking you are a complete idiot... 90 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:51,901 by, how you say, acting like a dumb-ass prick. 91 00:09:52,062 --> 00:09:55,975 Oh, well... Great stuff. 92 00:09:56,182 --> 00:10:00,221 So, you have much experience in the British magic industry, yes? 93 00:10:00,662 --> 00:10:04,371 He tensed the wrong muscles or something. It wouldn't come out. 94 00:10:04,582 --> 00:10:09,451 The surgeons had a rare old time. They think they could get in the other end and push. 95 00:10:09,622 --> 00:10:12,182 He'll be off for a week. No bad thing, 96 00:10:12,342 --> 00:10:16,733 because we've lost three of our four showgirls for no apparent reason. 97 00:10:16,902 --> 00:10:22,977 I don't know. In 48 hours, one after another. They handed in their notice and legged it. 98 00:10:23,142 --> 00:10:28,057 It's a complete mystery. So I'm afraid popping along to do publicity pics 99 00:10:28,222 --> 00:10:33,615 for your true crimes peepshow is not high on my list of current priorities. 100 00:10:33,782 --> 00:10:36,342 Just because I made one appearance... 101 00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:44,176 Look, um... I'll get back to you, OK? 102 00:10:46,902 --> 00:10:49,370 No, that sounds... Absolutely. 103 00:10:51,702 --> 00:10:53,852 How exciting. 104 00:10:54,022 --> 00:10:59,335 Unit G, Kingsley Industrial Estate, eight o'clock, Thursday. 105 00:10:59,542 --> 00:11:03,171 I'll be there, and thank you. Bye. 106 00:11:58,022 --> 00:12:02,140 OK, guys. That's great. Yeah. Big smiles. Keep smiling at the camera. 107 00:12:02,302 --> 00:12:06,853 Excellent. OK. Just one more. Right. I'm just gonna change film. 108 00:12:07,542 --> 00:12:12,491 What's still not working is this grunge thing I'm trying to build into the character. 109 00:12:12,662 --> 00:12:16,860 Maybe if we break it down some more with something. 110 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:21,252 Just... make it look a bit more lived in, basically. 111 00:12:21,422 --> 00:12:23,982 Or how about... 112 00:12:24,142 --> 00:12:28,818 if I take off the duffel coat you got from Harrods' menswear department... 113 00:12:30,142 --> 00:12:33,851 ...and put on my own duffel coat? 114 00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,613 Works for me if Carla's happy. 115 00:12:40,102 --> 00:12:44,459 Yes, all right, then. I suppose we can buy that. 116 00:12:45,302 --> 00:12:48,851 - Now, I thought, since you're a detective... - I don't think so. 117 00:12:49,022 --> 00:12:52,731 - Sorry? - Whatever it is, I know I'll get colitis. 118 00:12:52,942 --> 00:12:54,933 Just a couple of props, OK? 119 00:12:55,142 --> 00:13:00,170 Back-to-back, Carla's like this, and you're... like this. 120 00:13:01,102 --> 00:13:03,935 Yeah... There you go. Goodbye. 121 00:13:04,102 --> 00:13:08,380 Will you just make the effort for once and stop being a joyless grump? 122 00:13:08,542 --> 00:13:12,217 Sorry, but there's a level of moronic behaviour I won't sink to. 123 00:13:12,382 --> 00:13:16,011 Really? Perhaps you'd like to define moronic? 124 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,617 Guys? What's going on here? 125 00:13:30,742 --> 00:13:32,858 Come on. 126 00:13:33,022 --> 00:13:35,013 How's this good for business, hmm? 127 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:40,575 No problem's so big it can't be solved, OK? So let's just kiss and make up. 128 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,012 Mrs Baxter. 129 00:13:54,142 --> 00:13:56,610 Now, funnily enough, I didn't believe that. 130 00:14:16,862 --> 00:14:19,217 And now shake hands. 131 00:14:23,102 --> 00:14:25,093 Sorted. 132 00:14:28,822 --> 00:14:30,619 Thank you. 133 00:14:33,822 --> 00:14:37,098 Miss Henry, I hope you have a wonderful evening. 134 00:14:37,262 --> 00:14:41,778 Since your last stay, we've made many changes I trust will meet with your approval. 135 00:14:41,942 --> 00:14:45,378 I think you'll find the new room service menu... 136 00:16:00,302 --> 00:16:05,660 Donna Henry. You know how much hatred that name inspires? 137 00:16:05,822 --> 00:16:08,416 How did you get in here? 138 00:16:09,662 --> 00:16:15,100 You and all those like you trade in abuse, self-abuse, 139 00:16:15,262 --> 00:16:18,777 getting off on your own smug, unfeeling rhetoric, 140 00:16:18,942 --> 00:16:21,934 abuse that destroys. 141 00:16:27,422 --> 00:16:29,572 Tear it up. 142 00:16:29,742 --> 00:16:32,051 I said tear it up! 143 00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:44,492 Start chewing. 144 00:16:58,982 --> 00:17:03,612 And that's how he made me eat my words. God, you're pathetic! 145 00:17:19,862 --> 00:17:22,171 I said all of it. 146 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:25,732 Miss Henry, are you OK? 147 00:17:25,902 --> 00:17:29,815 One word... I warn you. 148 00:17:32,022 --> 00:17:35,537 Miss Henry, we've had a report 149 00:17:35,702 --> 00:17:38,660 of someone acting suspiciously on this floor. 150 00:17:38,862 --> 00:17:42,457 No, that's OK. I'm, um... 151 00:17:42,622 --> 00:17:44,977 You can come in. Everything's fine. 152 00:17:45,782 --> 00:17:49,695 Oh, sorry about that. You haven't had any problems? 153 00:17:50,422 --> 00:17:53,141 No. There's been no one. 154 00:18:00,102 --> 00:18:04,300 Well, I'd keep the security chain on, just to be safe. 155 00:18:04,502 --> 00:18:08,415 - Sorry to have troubled you. Goodnight. - 'Night. 156 00:18:13,462 --> 00:18:19,901 Very good. Unless you want to see me again, you keep your mouth shut. Clear? 157 00:18:24,222 --> 00:18:26,611 Right, sunshine. OK, I've got him. 158 00:18:27,542 --> 00:18:29,897 You can drop that gun. Drop it! 159 00:18:31,542 --> 00:18:34,898 Well, how disappointing, Mr Bergman. 160 00:18:36,102 --> 00:18:39,299 It hasn't worked out quite the way you planned. 161 00:18:41,222 --> 00:18:43,782 What is it? Oh! 162 00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:47,255 Oh! 163 00:18:51,062 --> 00:18:54,418 God help us! We can hardly accuse him of subtlety. 164 00:18:54,582 --> 00:18:59,895 The whole thing was clearly a set-up, designed to question my certainties, 165 00:19:00,062 --> 00:19:04,499 to upend my black and white view of the world. 166 00:19:04,662 --> 00:19:10,100 You're sure it wasn't a very good disguise, if it was just for a few seconds? 167 00:19:10,262 --> 00:19:15,973 Claude Bergman walked into that shower is all I can tell you. 168 00:19:16,142 --> 00:19:18,656 I mean, is anyone buying all this? 169 00:19:18,822 --> 00:19:24,658 Because I said his father made lousy clothes, that made him jump out of a window?! 170 00:19:24,822 --> 00:19:30,818 What happened in that bathroom wasn't physically possible. 171 00:19:30,982 --> 00:19:33,815 And, God damn him, he knows it! 172 00:19:36,182 --> 00:19:41,893 Oh, brilliant. I don't suppose she gave a reason, any more than the other three did? 173 00:19:44,422 --> 00:19:46,811 Talk about rats leaving a sinking ship. 174 00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:54,054 - Watch your fingers there. They're lethal. - Yes. I'll try and bleed into this cup. 175 00:19:54,902 --> 00:20:00,295 So, is that of any interest, what I've just told you, or am I wasting my time? 176 00:20:00,502 --> 00:20:05,940 Yeah... Look, sorry. We've just had another girl hand in her notice. 177 00:20:06,142 --> 00:20:11,694 Something strange is going on, but I can't do anything until eight o'clock tonight. 178 00:20:14,182 --> 00:20:15,934 Look... 179 00:20:17,102 --> 00:20:19,297 About yesterday... 180 00:20:19,502 --> 00:20:24,656 - I'm sorry about the tongue. - Yes, it was like choking on a kipper. 181 00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:28,218 - I could hardly breathe. - But you didn't exactly resist. 182 00:20:28,422 --> 00:20:32,938 I had a thumb in each ear. My options were somewhat limited. 183 00:20:33,142 --> 00:20:36,532 And may I say, you're not exactly helping matters today, 184 00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:39,421 if we're trying to keep our hormones in check. 185 00:20:39,582 --> 00:20:43,336 I'm sorry. Next time, I'll wear a roll of lino. 186 00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:46,181 Décolletage happens to be in at the moment. 187 00:20:48,702 --> 00:20:51,136 Shall we go? 188 00:20:55,342 --> 00:20:59,460 So, she'd given this place a bad notice a few years ago? 189 00:20:59,622 --> 00:21:04,138 So they invite her back for one night to show they've cleaned up their act, 190 00:21:04,302 --> 00:21:08,978 during which, Mr Claude Bergman - heir to the Marco Bergman fashion empire - 191 00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:13,932 appears to have pulled off a minor miracle that you are about to explain. 192 00:21:14,102 --> 00:21:15,899 Possibly. 193 00:21:23,822 --> 00:21:27,132 You know, there's an art to looking inconspicuous 194 00:21:27,302 --> 00:21:29,941 I don't think you've quite mastered, have you? 195 00:21:40,662 --> 00:21:44,701 This is all very well, but what if the real occupant comes back? 196 00:21:44,862 --> 00:21:49,253 He left for a meeting at ten, I checked. Now, get ready. 197 00:21:49,462 --> 00:21:51,737 - Morning. - Morning. 198 00:21:51,902 --> 00:21:54,018 Are you well? 199 00:21:54,182 --> 00:21:59,814 Um... I think I might grab a quick shower if you're all finished in there. 200 00:22:28,702 --> 00:22:31,170 Sorry, I think I left my polish. 201 00:22:31,342 --> 00:22:33,810 Um... just a sec, then. 202 00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:37,341 OK. 203 00:22:52,182 --> 00:22:56,141 So... are we getting any closer? 204 00:22:56,302 --> 00:22:58,418 Hmm? 205 00:22:58,582 --> 00:23:04,498 Oh. There's nowhere they could have switched places in this room, clearly. 206 00:23:05,462 --> 00:23:12,061 Trapdoor in the tray? Or... maybe they got in and out through the walls somehow. 207 00:23:12,222 --> 00:23:16,261 Impractical, and with this curtain, you'd see the movement. 208 00:23:16,422 --> 00:23:19,573 Yet she swears blind she didn't imagine it. 209 00:23:19,742 --> 00:23:23,098 He was here one minute and then... 210 00:23:23,262 --> 00:23:27,016 Hang on. This is getting scary. 211 00:23:27,182 --> 00:23:32,540 Well, whatever happened, we can assume the hotel were in on it. 212 00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:36,251 That's why they invited her here in the first place. 213 00:23:36,422 --> 00:23:38,890 Because they had a score to settle, too? 214 00:23:39,062 --> 00:23:42,134 Along with everyone else she's ever rubbished in print. 215 00:23:42,302 --> 00:23:44,611 I see what you're saying. 216 00:23:46,582 --> 00:23:49,858 I don't think she's likely to come back now. 217 00:23:50,022 --> 00:23:52,013 Probably not. 218 00:24:03,662 --> 00:24:07,371 - You want to dry me down? - OK. 219 00:26:10,462 --> 00:26:14,933 I might have known - the troglodyte intelligence that would be behind all this. 220 00:26:15,102 --> 00:26:18,492 - What have you done with that girl? - Jonathan Creek. What's happening? 221 00:26:18,662 --> 00:26:20,971 I absolutely shudder to think! 222 00:26:21,142 --> 00:26:23,656 - Those two men just... - Oh, Sharif and Anwar? 223 00:26:23,862 --> 00:26:25,181 Guess what? 224 00:26:25,342 --> 00:26:29,699 Turns out they're over here scouting talent for a new magic revue in Dubai. 225 00:26:30,542 --> 00:26:34,376 They said with my contacts, maybe I could suggest a few names. 226 00:26:34,542 --> 00:26:37,978 No pressure. We give them a little try-out, see how they... 227 00:26:38,182 --> 00:26:40,980 No pressure?! She was nailed up in a crate! 228 00:26:41,182 --> 00:26:43,377 Hey. It's not what it looks like. 229 00:26:46,382 --> 00:26:49,260 - What does it look like? - I don't believe this. 230 00:26:49,422 --> 00:26:52,653 Do the words "white slave trade" mean nothing to you? 231 00:26:52,862 --> 00:26:56,059 Yeah, right. Do you take me for a complete imbecile? 232 00:26:56,262 --> 00:26:58,093 Yes! 233 00:26:58,262 --> 00:27:01,538 For which reason, I'll give you 24 hours' grace. 234 00:27:01,742 --> 00:27:06,020 To get those women out of trouble, Kenny! By whatever means. 235 00:27:06,222 --> 00:27:08,941 Then I'm going to the police. 236 00:27:13,582 --> 00:27:17,655 Listen, I think I've got it, how we can untangle the whole thing. 237 00:27:17,822 --> 00:27:21,337 I'll tell you all about it on the way there. 238 00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:32,538 Let's see if I've got this. We find out how he pulled off that trick 239 00:27:32,702 --> 00:27:36,581 by going to his house and asking him how he did it? 240 00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:39,210 I find it's best to be straight with people. 241 00:27:39,502 --> 00:27:42,414 We say the country's top magic expert is completely... 242 00:27:42,582 --> 00:27:45,972 stretching it there, obviously... is completely baffled. 243 00:27:46,142 --> 00:27:50,693 Human nature. He'll be bursting to spill the beans just to see your reaction. 244 00:27:50,862 --> 00:27:54,821 It's like knowing a really good secret. You have to tell someone. 245 00:27:54,982 --> 00:27:57,655 Trust me. You've a lot to learn about psychology. 246 00:27:57,862 --> 00:28:01,901 I haven't a clue what you're talking about. As I told Miss Henry, 247 00:28:02,062 --> 00:28:04,622 I was nowhere near the hotel that night. 248 00:28:04,782 --> 00:28:06,818 I defy you to prove otherwise. 249 00:28:08,262 --> 00:28:12,301 I'm sorry, I have a large business to run. Good morning. 250 00:28:16,382 --> 00:28:20,216 I don't know which is worse - you saying it or thinking it. 251 00:28:20,382 --> 00:28:23,101 I'll just think it for now. 252 00:28:23,822 --> 00:28:26,575 Anyway, we're not out of options yet. 253 00:28:26,742 --> 00:28:29,495 There's also his sister, the lovely Louise, 254 00:28:29,662 --> 00:28:33,814 who, you never know, might have something to tell us. 255 00:28:36,302 --> 00:28:40,500 Not to beat about the bush, Donna Henry is scum, 256 00:28:40,662 --> 00:28:44,291 whose only talent is to sneer at the talents of others. 257 00:28:44,502 --> 00:28:48,973 As an ex-model, she's had plenty to say about me over the years. 258 00:28:49,142 --> 00:28:54,057 "If you're looking for a cheap plastic bag, try Louise Bergman. " 259 00:28:55,662 --> 00:28:58,893 And similar attempts at wit. 260 00:28:59,062 --> 00:29:02,498 Frankly, I'm afraid she needed teaching a lesson. 261 00:29:02,662 --> 00:29:06,257 And teaching her a lesson is what it was all about? 262 00:29:06,422 --> 00:29:10,938 Look, it's 48 hours to my father's funeral. 263 00:29:11,942 --> 00:29:15,218 - I was in the middle of a manicure, so... - That's OK. 264 00:29:15,382 --> 00:29:19,011 We can go on chatting while you carry on. 265 00:29:32,422 --> 00:29:37,052 He was quite an inspiration to you, your father? 266 00:29:37,262 --> 00:29:41,050 Well, his intellect was formidable. 267 00:29:41,222 --> 00:29:45,374 One could barely keep up. As he always used to tease me, 268 00:29:45,542 --> 00:29:49,581 there wasn't room for a brain that size in my lovely little head. 269 00:29:51,382 --> 00:29:56,502 In his words, "Claude has the complexity, and you have the complexion. " 270 00:29:56,662 --> 00:29:59,381 That's how the genes fell. 271 00:30:00,102 --> 00:30:03,617 Of course, in recent years, he'd become more or less housebound. 272 00:30:03,782 --> 00:30:09,459 Although some of the designs he produced from home I thought were electrifying. 273 00:30:09,622 --> 00:30:12,898 But he really couldn't travel any more, so... 274 00:30:13,062 --> 00:30:17,578 And, of course, he was famously afraid of flying, wasn't he? 275 00:30:17,782 --> 00:30:21,411 - I'm sorry? - Didn't I read that once? 276 00:30:21,622 --> 00:30:24,659 My father flew all over the world until recently. 277 00:30:25,422 --> 00:30:28,937 We have outlets in 37 countries. 278 00:30:29,142 --> 00:30:30,461 Now... 279 00:30:30,622 --> 00:30:32,977 Nostrils. Would you mind? 280 00:30:38,462 --> 00:30:43,490 Superfluous people who vomit their bile and call it a newspaper. 281 00:30:43,662 --> 00:30:47,655 Exactly. Who are we to disagree with Friedrich Nietzsche? 282 00:30:50,222 --> 00:30:53,259 Blimey, "Horse Feathers", "The Cocoanuts"... 283 00:30:53,422 --> 00:30:56,778 There must be every film the Marx Brothers made here. 284 00:30:56,942 --> 00:31:02,255 They're my grandfather's. He won't be watching them again, will he? 285 00:31:02,422 --> 00:31:08,133 So what's the deal? She's roped you in to nail my uncle for something he didn't do? 286 00:31:08,302 --> 00:31:10,418 Well, says he didn't do. 287 00:31:16,422 --> 00:31:18,458 Go on, then. Amaze me. 288 00:31:19,622 --> 00:31:23,012 - Sorry? - With something impossible. 289 00:31:29,822 --> 00:31:34,373 Um... When I flick the pack, just memorise any card at random. 290 00:31:45,142 --> 00:31:49,260 - King of hearts. - Three of spades. 291 00:31:58,062 --> 00:32:00,940 Not everyone can take it, you know? 292 00:32:01,142 --> 00:32:03,337 Just because he was rich and famous. 293 00:32:04,502 --> 00:32:06,732 He was an old man. 294 00:32:07,902 --> 00:32:12,453 To mess his head up that much, he throws his parrot out the window. 295 00:32:12,622 --> 00:32:15,659 - It's unreal. - I know, but... 296 00:32:17,662 --> 00:32:22,417 - What's that again? - An African grey named Harvey 297 00:32:22,582 --> 00:32:26,336 that we all knew for a fact he thought the world of. 298 00:32:37,982 --> 00:32:40,815 By amazing good luck, it had survived. 299 00:32:41,422 --> 00:32:44,459 That shows you the state of mind he was in. 300 00:32:49,262 --> 00:32:52,971 How could you have known that? The king of hearts? 301 00:32:53,182 --> 00:32:55,218 How could you possibly know? 302 00:32:55,422 --> 00:33:00,576 I couldn't for certain. It only works about 60% of the time. 303 00:33:00,742 --> 00:33:05,862 I flick the cards, let that one linger slightly longer... 304 00:33:06,022 --> 00:33:09,173 Usually, the brain's too lazy to argue, so... 305 00:33:10,862 --> 00:33:16,016 This room he jumped out of... was whereabouts exactly? 306 00:33:30,742 --> 00:33:36,214 When you saw him on the ledge, was the light on in here, can you remember? 307 00:33:36,422 --> 00:33:39,220 Was the light on? 308 00:33:40,342 --> 00:33:44,176 No, because Aunt Louise switched it on when she came in 309 00:33:44,342 --> 00:33:47,414 and found the newspaper here on the table. 310 00:33:57,222 --> 00:33:59,782 So they're saying he goes to bed... 311 00:34:01,422 --> 00:34:03,811 churning it all over... 312 00:34:04,022 --> 00:34:10,461 and now feels so worthless, he decides to kill himself and his parrot. 313 00:34:17,502 --> 00:34:20,699 Well... he was obviously in a state of great depression. 314 00:34:36,342 --> 00:34:40,893 Who knows? At that age, his brain had probably turned to chutney. 315 00:34:41,062 --> 00:34:44,054 Last summer? Trying to mix tweeds and velvets? 316 00:34:44,222 --> 00:34:46,531 I don't think so! 317 00:34:48,982 --> 00:34:53,453 "Meet me at the theatre at eight"? What's that all about? 318 00:35:25,302 --> 00:35:28,260 So, we're no nearer, then, are we, basically? 319 00:35:28,422 --> 00:35:32,700 I'll just have to go back to her and say the maestro has failed. 320 00:35:32,862 --> 00:35:36,821 Unless she did just make it all up out of spite. 321 00:35:36,982 --> 00:35:41,612 Maybe with that stupid face pack around her eyes she couldn't see straight. 322 00:35:41,782 --> 00:35:44,615 I'm freezing now, standing here. 323 00:35:44,782 --> 00:35:50,015 I'm not surprised. If I'd thought, I could've brought a couple of tea cosies. 324 00:35:51,702 --> 00:35:53,977 What did you say just then? 325 00:35:54,142 --> 00:35:55,734 What? 326 00:35:55,902 --> 00:36:00,692 Are you saying that Donna Henry had one of those mud packs on her face? 327 00:36:00,862 --> 00:36:02,261 So? 328 00:36:02,422 --> 00:36:05,255 You didn't mention this before, did you? 329 00:36:05,422 --> 00:36:10,735 - Why? What does that tell us? - How Claude could turn into another person 330 00:36:10,902 --> 00:36:13,416 right under her nose... 331 00:36:14,182 --> 00:36:17,777 ...with an idea almost certainly borrowed from Groucho Marx. 332 00:36:26,782 --> 00:36:32,652 And as a matter of fact, I'd say you have an unnatural preoccupation with female breasts. 333 00:36:33,982 --> 00:36:36,337 Based on what?! 334 00:36:44,022 --> 00:36:47,298 You see, this is exactly the kind of thi... 335 00:36:52,182 --> 00:36:56,778 Uh... I had a word with the boys about what you suggested and, um... 336 00:36:56,982 --> 00:36:59,894 as it happened, they had a better idea. 337 00:37:10,102 --> 00:37:11,421 Oh, no! 338 00:37:11,902 --> 00:37:14,860 Oh, no, please! Please! 339 00:37:15,542 --> 00:37:19,057 Don't leave us here! Come back! 340 00:37:19,222 --> 00:37:21,417 Jonathan, we're going to fall! Oh, my God! 341 00:37:21,622 --> 00:37:24,455 The whole thing's going to fall on the spikes! 342 00:37:24,662 --> 00:37:27,734 Oh, my God! What are we going to do? 343 00:37:29,182 --> 00:37:32,140 Would you not do that? It's not helping matters. 344 00:37:32,342 --> 00:37:36,221 - How does he get out in the act? - A concealed flap, 345 00:37:36,382 --> 00:37:43,254 to which only he has the key, then swings off in a hidden rig backstage. 346 00:37:43,462 --> 00:37:45,259 Jonathan! 347 00:37:46,422 --> 00:37:48,936 How long do you think we've got before...? 348 00:37:49,142 --> 00:37:53,101 Before that rope burns off around the steel safety cable? 349 00:37:53,262 --> 00:37:56,652 About 20 seconds. 350 00:37:59,462 --> 00:38:04,536 Then before the stage manager turns up and lets us down... probably 11 hours. 351 00:38:19,462 --> 00:38:23,171 Of course, normally, we turn this off during the show. 352 00:38:25,462 --> 00:38:28,977 You were saying? Something about the Marx Brothers. 353 00:38:30,182 --> 00:38:33,060 Oh. Yeah, well, you ever see "Duck Soup"? 354 00:38:36,822 --> 00:38:39,416 One of the classic comedies of pre-war cinema. 355 00:38:41,542 --> 00:38:44,136 Well, I could certainly do with a laugh now. 356 00:38:47,102 --> 00:38:51,254 Well, I said the hotel had to be in on it. 357 00:38:52,222 --> 00:38:55,020 Some prearranged scheme he took to them. 358 00:38:55,262 --> 00:38:58,891 Hacking out secret doorways in the shower would hardly escape notice, 359 00:38:59,062 --> 00:39:02,498 but what if they went for something a bit more oblique, 360 00:39:02,662 --> 00:39:06,291 using the very fact that it was a hotel to their advantage. 361 00:39:08,462 --> 00:39:12,978 So the first guy, his accomplice, breaks into the bathroom, 362 00:39:13,142 --> 00:39:18,057 puts on a bit of a husky voice, could be Claude, could be anyone. 363 00:39:18,222 --> 00:39:21,658 Without that face pack, this all goes out the window, 364 00:39:21,822 --> 00:39:23,813 but with it, what happens? 365 00:39:23,982 --> 00:39:27,372 You've got two people there wearing masks 366 00:39:27,542 --> 00:39:31,330 in a room that is right next to another bathroom, 367 00:39:31,502 --> 00:39:34,972 completely identical, only built the other way around. 368 00:39:36,502 --> 00:39:40,620 So then the key moment comes when he shoves her head down. 369 00:39:41,462 --> 00:39:47,571 If at that moment, the mirror's briefly flipped back, leaving just a sheet of glass 370 00:39:47,782 --> 00:39:51,377 with a couple of people on the other side playing reflections, 371 00:39:51,542 --> 00:39:54,852 the whole trick becomes pretty undemanding. 372 00:39:59,182 --> 00:40:01,935 It's the classic routine where Harpo's dressed as Groucho, 373 00:40:02,102 --> 00:40:05,139 matching all his moves behind the shattered mirror. 374 00:40:05,342 --> 00:40:11,258 Except Louise, or whoever it is, only has to keep it up for a few seconds. 375 00:40:11,422 --> 00:40:16,177 A moment later, the mirror is back, and there's no doubt in Donna's mind 376 00:40:16,382 --> 00:40:19,215 who's stepping into that shower and pulling the curtain. 377 00:40:21,222 --> 00:40:26,501 That business with the manager grabbing him would all have been carefully rehearsed. 378 00:40:26,822 --> 00:40:32,180 So... the only question now is whether we can get him to admit it. 379 00:40:32,382 --> 00:40:35,374 Actually, I think that's fairly immaterial 380 00:40:35,542 --> 00:40:38,215 next to the much more worrying question 381 00:40:38,382 --> 00:40:42,091 of why Marco Bergman really threw himself out of that window. 382 00:40:50,262 --> 00:40:54,096 That's his last recorded appearance in public nearly 18 months ago. 383 00:40:54,262 --> 00:40:58,141 Last couple of years, she said he'd been working totally from home. 384 00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:02,221 I actually read this at the time. 385 00:41:02,382 --> 00:41:07,251 I'm sure it said he had a fear of flying somewhere. I can't have imagined it. 386 00:41:07,982 --> 00:41:13,932 I can't shake the feeling we've been sidetracked here to the wrong problem. 387 00:41:14,102 --> 00:41:20,257 No one chucks a parrot out the window before they jump, no matter how depressed they are. 388 00:41:21,142 --> 00:41:25,454 There's something about this guy that's not right. What is it? 389 00:41:27,342 --> 00:41:29,378 Chums. How are we doing? 390 00:41:29,582 --> 00:41:33,541 12 hours together in a cage. It's a good thing I don't get jealous. 391 00:41:36,902 --> 00:41:38,938 "It'll All Be Shite on the Night. " 392 00:41:39,102 --> 00:41:43,778 Jamie, how you doing? Sorry you couldn't make the party last week. 393 00:41:43,982 --> 00:41:48,021 Here we are. In the RAF, 1941, 394 00:41:48,182 --> 00:41:51,015 when his plane caught fire over France... 395 00:41:51,222 --> 00:41:55,340 "Flying in a burning aircraft was emotionally damaging as well as physically, 396 00:41:55,502 --> 00:41:58,938 "and left me with something of a lifelong phobia. " 397 00:41:59,102 --> 00:42:02,538 Hmm... "something" of a phobia. 398 00:42:04,062 --> 00:42:07,771 No, it went well, considering we were head-to-head against Geoffrey's leaving bash. 399 00:42:07,942 --> 00:42:10,456 We'll leave you in peace, darling. 400 00:42:10,662 --> 00:42:15,019 I think we've peaked at a 60, 65. Roughly, a 30% share. 401 00:42:15,662 --> 00:42:18,893 I know I'm completely out of line saying this... 402 00:42:19,102 --> 00:42:22,333 What are you doing with him? I mean, really! 403 00:42:22,502 --> 00:42:27,212 You're right. You are completely out of line. I happen to love him. 404 00:42:27,382 --> 00:42:30,260 You obviously find that hard to believe. 405 00:42:36,342 --> 00:42:41,735 Well, this wasn't in the script. I really didn't think you'd come. 406 00:42:41,942 --> 00:42:45,617 A chance to gloat? I wouldn't miss that for the world. 407 00:42:45,782 --> 00:42:52,494 Look, because I do what I do doesn't mean I believe in it. 408 00:42:52,662 --> 00:42:56,860 Readers and editors got bored with balance a long time ago. 409 00:42:57,022 --> 00:43:00,856 Today, they want it plain and simple. 410 00:43:01,022 --> 00:43:03,013 Christians and lions. 411 00:43:05,982 --> 00:43:08,018 I'm sorry about what happened. 412 00:43:09,182 --> 00:43:11,332 He was your father, and... 413 00:43:12,902 --> 00:43:14,893 I'm sorry. 414 00:43:21,502 --> 00:43:25,973 Well, I'm not sure that was in the script either. 415 00:43:30,622 --> 00:43:33,216 Where are you going? 416 00:43:33,382 --> 00:43:39,218 Sorry, Donna. Where I have the power to change into another person, you don't. 417 00:43:40,102 --> 00:43:43,572 You'll always be a cold, transparent manipulator. 418 00:43:45,422 --> 00:43:47,617 Pillow talk can be risky. 419 00:43:47,782 --> 00:43:49,773 I might give away trade secrets. 420 00:43:51,182 --> 00:43:53,332 That's the last thing you'd want. 421 00:44:18,422 --> 00:44:21,653 You really think this is going to prove anything? 422 00:44:22,062 --> 00:44:25,099 How's this thing supposed to work, anyway? 423 00:44:27,542 --> 00:44:33,060 It reveals your true feelings. Stop jabbering and press the button. 424 00:44:38,982 --> 00:44:40,813 Well? 425 00:44:41,862 --> 00:44:44,092 - What shall I say? - I don't know! 426 00:44:44,262 --> 00:44:47,698 You wanted to try it out to make some point. 427 00:44:47,862 --> 00:44:51,298 Yes, to convince you that my marriage is totally solid 428 00:44:51,462 --> 00:44:54,215 and based on a deep love between me and... 429 00:44:57,142 --> 00:45:02,341 Oh, God! Turn it off! Turn it off, for God's sake, Jonathan! 430 00:45:03,982 --> 00:45:06,337 Get me out of this thing! 431 00:45:06,502 --> 00:45:10,575 I can't believe you're putting your name to this garbage 432 00:45:10,742 --> 00:45:13,415 from the people who brought you "Pearl Harbor". 433 00:45:14,662 --> 00:45:20,612 At least it'll not come to anything unless we get a new deal with the network next year... 434 00:45:22,062 --> 00:45:23,461 What? 435 00:45:24,382 --> 00:45:30,139 I just got a connection there suddenly. "New deal" and "Pearl Harbor". 436 00:45:30,302 --> 00:45:35,330 What did she say that set it off before? "He was in a state of great depression. " 437 00:45:35,502 --> 00:45:41,737 "Great depression", "new deal", "Pearl Harbor" all point towards... 438 00:45:43,982 --> 00:45:48,453 Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Let's see that quote again. 439 00:45:51,422 --> 00:45:54,858 There. It doesn't say he was afraid of flying at all. 440 00:45:55,582 --> 00:45:59,894 Put this together with those scratches around the lock and those socks pinned together, 441 00:46:00,062 --> 00:46:02,860 you've got the makings of a murder so cynical it... 442 00:46:07,382 --> 00:46:10,579 Jonathan Creek. Yes, what...? 443 00:46:12,342 --> 00:46:15,891 I suppose. Why? What's happened? 444 00:46:44,902 --> 00:46:46,893 It might be better if I take that. 445 00:46:48,822 --> 00:46:54,135 Slow down. It must have been somewhere around here they saw it. 446 00:46:54,302 --> 00:46:57,180 The old man committing suicide? 447 00:46:58,542 --> 00:47:01,261 Except there's no way it was suicide. 448 00:47:02,262 --> 00:47:05,937 Something in that room made him leap to his death that night. 449 00:47:06,102 --> 00:47:09,378 It certainly wasn't an article by Donna Henry. 450 00:47:11,742 --> 00:47:14,415 Oh, my God! Jonathan! 451 00:47:25,182 --> 00:47:28,060 Carrie, for God's sake, get back inside! 452 00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:32,619 She's locked me in! She took away my medication... 453 00:47:32,782 --> 00:47:34,215 my insulin! 454 00:47:34,382 --> 00:47:37,101 I'm telling you, she's demented! 455 00:47:39,702 --> 00:47:43,536 Carrie, what's going on in there? What are you doing? 456 00:47:44,782 --> 00:47:48,570 For goodness' sake! What the hell are you playing at?! 457 00:47:48,742 --> 00:47:53,497 - I can't believe you did that! - Did what? You locked yourself in. 458 00:47:53,702 --> 00:47:57,377 - When I heard her shout... - She's insane! She's completely... 459 00:47:57,582 --> 00:48:00,096 - Carrie? - This is such nonsense. Really! 460 00:48:00,302 --> 00:48:06,013 - She would have let me die. - Why? For Heaven's sake, child! 461 00:48:07,302 --> 00:48:09,372 Because I know... 462 00:48:11,182 --> 00:48:13,377 ...how she murdered my grandfather. 463 00:48:19,382 --> 00:48:25,014 We might just have swallowed that line about an old man giving up after a bad review... 464 00:48:25,182 --> 00:48:26,979 possibly... 465 00:48:27,142 --> 00:48:33,775 if it hadn't been for the utterly pointless act of hurling a live bird out of the window. 466 00:48:36,982 --> 00:48:43,057 A couple of things in his room and the way he behaved when he was last seen in public 467 00:48:43,222 --> 00:48:47,738 conjured up some obscure parallel with Franklin D Roosevelt. 468 00:48:50,702 --> 00:48:54,934 FDR, the most respected president of the 20th century, 469 00:48:55,102 --> 00:48:59,095 who for 12 years managed to con the vast majority of America... 470 00:49:01,302 --> 00:49:03,293 ...into thinking he could walk. 471 00:49:05,142 --> 00:49:09,294 People saw him drag himself along supported on someone's arm 472 00:49:09,462 --> 00:49:12,898 and had no idea he was paralysed from the waist down. 473 00:49:13,102 --> 00:49:19,337 Somewhere here... I don't know... there was a very creepy echo of that deception. 474 00:49:19,502 --> 00:49:23,177 A man who had trouble locating the keyhole in his wardrobe, 475 00:49:23,342 --> 00:49:27,051 whose socks had been very carefully pinned together in pairs, 476 00:49:27,222 --> 00:49:32,250 and whose eye lines in that bookshop were just a little bit uncomfortable. 477 00:49:33,262 --> 00:49:38,052 It all pointed to a sad truth you were desperate to keep from the public... 478 00:49:40,022 --> 00:49:44,140 ...that for the last two years, Marco Bergman was blind. 479 00:49:52,382 --> 00:49:57,012 Between us, somehow, we kept things afloat. 480 00:49:57,182 --> 00:50:03,337 My designs, his name, naturally. How much would a painting by Monet's son be worth? 481 00:50:05,302 --> 00:50:09,420 Oh, no. Marco Bergman had to survive... intact. 482 00:50:10,702 --> 00:50:13,341 He was quite determined about that. 483 00:50:13,502 --> 00:50:17,177 But, um... I'm sorry, I don't follow this. 484 00:50:17,342 --> 00:50:22,257 Press reports, critical comments... The rule was we kept him fully informed, 485 00:50:22,462 --> 00:50:27,172 so if you're saying that he wasn't aware of what was in that article... 486 00:50:27,382 --> 00:50:29,771 But would it account for his peculiar actions? 487 00:50:30,542 --> 00:50:33,340 For the sake of argument, let's flip the logic. 488 00:50:33,502 --> 00:50:35,538 He wasn't trying to kill the parrot, 489 00:50:35,702 --> 00:50:38,819 but protect it from something that threatened both their lives, 490 00:50:38,982 --> 00:50:43,419 something that terrified him so much, he'd do anything to escape. 491 00:50:43,622 --> 00:50:46,295 Go back to his experiences in the war. 492 00:50:47,182 --> 00:50:49,173 A rather ambiguous remark. 493 00:50:51,502 --> 00:50:56,735 "Flying in a burning aircraft left me with something of a lifelong phobia. " 494 00:50:58,702 --> 00:51:03,571 We realised it wasn't flying he was afraid of at all... 495 00:51:03,742 --> 00:51:05,733 was it, Louise? 496 00:51:06,622 --> 00:51:08,613 But fire. 497 00:51:10,062 --> 00:51:12,576 And for a man who couldn't see, 498 00:51:12,742 --> 00:51:17,213 a life-threatening inferno could all too easily be created. 499 00:51:26,902 --> 00:51:29,291 Syncing it all up wasn't a problem. 500 00:51:29,462 --> 00:51:33,137 An imaginary muntjac placed you on the hill at the right moment, 501 00:51:33,302 --> 00:51:38,171 with your niece on hand as the perfect impartial witness. 502 00:51:40,222 --> 00:51:43,851 So, the newspaper's been placed there to point the finger. 503 00:51:44,822 --> 00:51:49,293 And then after dark, when he's fast asleep, it happens. 504 00:51:57,702 --> 00:52:03,174 To a man of 80, still barely conscious, the sound alone would convince him. 505 00:52:03,342 --> 00:52:06,095 His own imagination will do the rest. 506 00:52:24,142 --> 00:52:27,532 Father? Don't open the doorl 507 00:52:28,702 --> 00:52:33,173 Then he heard you shouting to him, apparently from outside. 508 00:52:33,342 --> 00:52:38,462 It was designed to convince him he had just one slim chance of survival... 509 00:52:38,622 --> 00:52:41,739 We're bringing out masses of cushionsl 510 00:52:41,942 --> 00:52:44,979 - ... jump from that window. - This is your only chancel 511 00:52:45,142 --> 00:52:47,292 Somehow, you'd try and break his fall. 512 00:52:47,462 --> 00:52:51,341 Between the two of you, you'd catch him as he came down. 513 00:52:51,502 --> 00:52:54,221 Wait a moment! Harvey! 514 00:53:03,502 --> 00:53:06,494 Dropping him... Dropping him now. 515 00:53:06,982 --> 00:53:09,257 Catch him. 516 00:53:13,702 --> 00:53:18,173 He's saved the parrot, so he thinks. Now it's his turn. 517 00:53:18,342 --> 00:53:20,333 What else was he gonna do? 518 00:53:20,502 --> 00:53:25,974 It was a last desperate act of trust by a man who feared for his life. 519 00:53:26,142 --> 00:53:29,851 Father, pleasel You have to trust usl 520 00:53:46,422 --> 00:53:49,812 So, the next day, you dispose of the tape, 521 00:53:50,022 --> 00:53:53,298 not quite as carefully as you should have done. 522 00:54:15,342 --> 00:54:18,652 Father, jumpl You have tol 523 00:54:19,382 --> 00:54:23,534 Father, pleasel You have to trust usl 524 00:54:28,822 --> 00:54:33,612 Suddenly, you're backed into a corner with only one lifeline. 525 00:54:33,782 --> 00:54:38,492 Get rid of the evidence and the only witness and you might see it through. 526 00:54:41,862 --> 00:54:46,014 And if your niece happens to fall into a fatal diabetic coma, 527 00:54:46,182 --> 00:54:48,173 who's going to lay the blame at your door? 528 00:54:54,302 --> 00:54:58,500 - You made me believe that... - Can't you see? I did it for us. 529 00:55:01,422 --> 00:55:03,652 Frail, infirm, blind... 530 00:55:04,622 --> 00:55:07,534 You think that weakened him? Nothing weakened him. 531 00:55:10,142 --> 00:55:14,021 Did he ever value a single contribution we made to this business, 532 00:55:14,182 --> 00:55:17,857 treat us as anything other than incompetent children? 533 00:55:18,062 --> 00:55:20,735 Day after day, year after year, 534 00:55:20,942 --> 00:55:24,457 the cold, unfeeling arrogance of it all. 535 00:55:25,702 --> 00:55:27,693 I'm afraid I'd had enough. 536 00:55:29,142 --> 00:55:33,135 As long as he drew breath, we were going nowhere, 537 00:55:33,302 --> 00:55:38,251 just meekly marking time, waiting in the wings, 538 00:55:38,422 --> 00:55:40,492 genuflecting to his genius, 539 00:55:40,662 --> 00:55:46,214 and we would have gone to our graves - you know that - waiting in the wings. 540 00:55:46,382 --> 00:55:52,651 Well, maybe there was more going on in my lovely little head than he'd imagined. 541 00:55:57,582 --> 00:56:03,134 "Louise, bless her, may not be one of mankind's greatest thinkers, 542 00:56:04,142 --> 00:56:08,932 "but her eternal elegance and quiet youthful grace 543 00:56:09,102 --> 00:56:13,778 "have made her the perfect repository for my creations. " 544 00:56:18,102 --> 00:56:21,458 My daughter, the talentless clothes horse. 545 00:56:23,102 --> 00:56:25,616 Well, no more, Daddy. 546 00:56:25,782 --> 00:56:29,331 No more being the tailor's dummy. 547 00:56:30,942 --> 00:56:37,461 For the first time in my life, I think I've earned a little respect, don't you? 548 00:56:37,622 --> 00:56:41,535 For the sheer ingenuity of what I di... 549 00:56:51,902 --> 00:56:54,541 Why are you all looking at me? 550 00:56:54,702 --> 00:56:56,693 As if I'm mad. 551 00:56:57,742 --> 00:57:01,815 That's it for now. Join us soon for another penetrating examination 552 00:57:02,022 --> 00:57:06,300 of love, life and lies in "Guilty Secrets". Goodnight. 553 00:57:07,902 --> 00:57:11,338 And break. Thanks very much. Thanks, guys. 554 00:57:17,382 --> 00:57:20,692 Come on, then, Jonathan. Tell me that's not a hit. 555 00:57:20,862 --> 00:57:22,659 Sorry? 556 00:57:23,542 --> 00:57:29,014 Well, when it came out he mentally undresses his uncle, there were certainly fireworks. 557 00:57:29,182 --> 00:57:32,219 I've never seen anyone break a boom over their knee. 558 00:57:32,382 --> 00:57:37,058 What a comeback from the lady - "The truth hurts, Mr Huxtable. " 559 00:57:37,902 --> 00:57:40,211 Even when it's not, of course. 560 00:57:42,382 --> 00:57:46,011 Why do you think the show's such a hit in Japan? 561 00:57:47,022 --> 00:57:49,900 Because they leave nothing to chance. 562 00:57:50,302 --> 00:57:55,501 Entre nous, the polygraph's been programmed to produce a result six times out of ten... 563 00:57:56,022 --> 00:57:59,014 on a random basis to preserve spontaneity, but... 564 00:58:01,022 --> 00:58:04,537 we don't share that with the network, who take a more pious view. 565 00:58:04,742 --> 00:58:08,291 Get too deep into how it's made, it'll never get commissioned. 566 00:58:08,462 --> 00:58:11,977 - Which would be the nation's loss. - Precisely. 567 00:58:12,142 --> 00:58:15,373 Angel, that was a triumph. I'm coming right down. 568 00:58:20,662 --> 00:58:23,335 Oh. Brendan not around? 569 00:58:23,822 --> 00:58:26,734 Just this second gone back to the studio. 570 00:58:31,662 --> 00:58:36,019 You're doing a big profile piece on his production company? 571 00:58:36,182 --> 00:58:41,620 Well, I'm gathering material which, thus far, isn't going to set the world alight. 572 00:58:41,782 --> 00:58:45,980 - Why? Did you have anything...? - No, no. No. 573 00:58:46,142 --> 00:58:48,531 Well, it depends. 574 00:58:51,822 --> 00:58:53,460 Can you keep a secret?