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<i>Season 4, Episode 8: The Judas Tree</i>

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"Call Me" by Blondie

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So talk to me then. What does it say?

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You talk about the back of beyond. We could be absolutely
anywhere by now. Well, it's not my fault, is it?

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Give us it here, a sec. Think I
could've picked a more rubbish navigator?

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What was that last place we
went through, Lower Squiddlyswick

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or something.
And that's got to be an hour ago.

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Oh, God knows.
I'm getting such a headache.

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If it's all the same with you, I'm just going to
get out and ask. What do you mean "ask"? Ask who?

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I don't know, whoever lives in that
house, there. Try my luck, at least.

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What are you talking about?
What house?

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Have you...?

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.. got the handbrake
on or did we just...?

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There was a house!

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Like... a funny little cottage!

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Oh, great. So now I'm seeing things.

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Stay right where you are.

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SHE SHRIEKS

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MIAOW!

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DISTANT SHRIEKING

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SOBBING

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She does our daily washing...

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I hope I'm not breaking the flow.

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So, regarding your duties outside,
this is the main terrace area.

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It just needs a bit of a sweep each
morning to clear away any debris.

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Right. And a good, thorough scrub-down three
times a week with a fungicidal agent. Very good.

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Paying special
attention to the grouting.

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OK. The drains I would only
bother with every four days. Drains?

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You've got slender arms. If there's anything nasty
growing down there, I'm sure you'll catch it early.

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Human excrement in the mail-box.

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Used to be a dreadful problem,
of course, years ago.

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Intended for the
previous owner, but...

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Unfortunately he never
left a forwarding address.

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And then at six o'clock every night, if you could
just make sure the log basket's full in the lounge.

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It might need a couple of trips.

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Any questions so far? No.

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Well it's certainly quite a
full schedule then, Mrs Gantry.

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And underneath here would be,
what, some sort of coal-hole, or...?

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No longer used, of course,
since Mr Dore and his wife moved in.

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Carbon footprints and all that.

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Oh, sorry. Is it all right if I
just...? Whatever you need to do, Emily.

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Oh, thanks. Two minutes,
I'll be out of your hair.

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Oh, God! Sorry, I'm so sorry.

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Oh, this'll have to go back and be re-done. She'll
kill me. Don't be silly. Here. What am I like?

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I won't tell if you won't.

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Thanks.

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Otherwise I'll be out on
my ear before I've even started.

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You'll have me down
as a right liability.

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Nothing of the sort. Now come on,
there we go. You got them?

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Thank you. That's lovely.

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No problem. There we go. So, another really
late one for you then, was it, last night?

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Beavering away out there, you were.

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Oh, well, I'm afraid the creative
impulse rarely keeps regular hours.

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All these plots you come up with.

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How do you even begin...

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to get inside the
mind of a murderer?

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Well, the trick, of course, is to fool the
reader into trusting all the wrong people.

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And then, in the most apparently innocent and
everyday details, slowly sow the seeds of terror.

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Do me a favour and smell that mango.

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Beeswax. Who polishes fruit, Hugo?

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Next thing you know she'll
be simonising the bananas.

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One can take pride in one's kitchen a
little too... Mrs Gantry, are you well?

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Oh, just a word about the new recruit. I
know it's only her second day, but, er...

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If you could get something slightly more
appropriate organised by way of her working wardrobe?

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Just to give my husband a
fighting chance with his deadline?

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Leave it with me, Mrs Dore.

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Is that a thumb-print on that mango?

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How did I miss that?

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That might be a better
option for tomorrow.

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I should hate to see history
repeating itself. Sorry? History?

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What are you talking about?

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Oh, well, you see, the folly of
unrequited lust has more than once

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brought tragedy upon this house.

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According to the story,
in the late 1880s,

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a young Egyptian woman
of striking beauty

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came to work here as a housekeeper.

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Her name was Selima al-Sharad.

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And scarcely had she joined the
household of Dr Thadeus Northcote,

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than she found herself attending to
his needs by night as well as day.

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Until finally, when his passion for
her cooled, a strange demonic force

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is said to have transformed her
from seductress to sorceress.

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And she put a curse on her former
lover, predicting the exact date

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and time of day that he would
meet a dreadful, agonising death.

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Well, as a man of science,

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he had little time for any
suggestion of witchcraft,

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and simply went about his
business in the normal way.

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Until the appointed hour came round.

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She afterwards claimed
that through some divine faculty

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she'd actually seen "Death"
approaching.

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And the vision had struck
terror into her heart.

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But the strange thing was,
no creature or living being

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had come within 20 yards
of him when it happened.

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Nor could any other method
or means of his murder be found.

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Not a mark or injury anywhere on his body, or
any suggestion or possibility he'd taken poison.

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So her act of vengeance, through
whatever supernatural agency,

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forever went unpunished.

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And of course,

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this is the very room
in which she slept.

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Some say, still sleeps.

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If you believe in the power
of a restless spirit

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to take control of a person's soul.

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OK, so we come in off
the lighting change

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with a whip-spot to find the table.

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And bon appetit.

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On the night, we can but hope,
you'll be smiling.

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Are you kidding? The heat I've been taking last
seven days, we'll be lucky if it gets to air.

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Oh, man, is my career
really in the crapper.

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Well, you will go out on these
high-profile charity assignments to Africa.

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You could choose your words
more carefully in future.

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Goddamn Magic Relief!

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They got you by the nuts every time.
Do you know how long it took

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to get from the hotel to that Catholic
mission station in the desert? Six hours.

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Couple of nuns come out to greet
me, what else am I going to say?

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Anything, hopefully, but
"Jesus, I'm starving".

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It's not your biggest lapse in
taste ever, I'll grant you,

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but it's up there, would you say?

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OK, go.

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So now they've got to keep sticking
it to me with this crud every day.

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Here we go again.

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"Not content with flaunting his sick
humour in the famine zone,

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"the egregious xenophobe was on more odious form
as we travelled to a village on the Eritrean border,

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"where he was heard to say, 'Let's
hope we don't all get eaten alive',

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"a reference, he later claimed,
to the high incidence of locusts.

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"Although to this correspondent
the words were clearly more redolent

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"of cannibals and cooking pots. "

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It's the press, Adam, it's
what they do. Get over it.

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Oh, why is this so stiff?

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Just bear with me a sec.

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Anyway, where's the rest of our
cast got to today?

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Hey! What's happening?

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Is this a turn-up?

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I've got a meeting down the road at
six, and I suddenly remembered

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it was round here somewhere
you hold your top-secret rehearsals.

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Of course, I didn't know the exact address.
I had to ask a woman at the bus-stop, but...

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So how's it all going? Feel free to
acknowledge my presence. Is that...?

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That's to stop him licking himself.

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It's not something you want to watch.

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Look, if you've come here looking
for a job because you're had enough

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of waitressing, sorry, you're
out of luck. What's happened?

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Has the bottom fallen out of the
Paranormal Problem-Solving business?

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Who said I was looking for work? And I don't
know where you get the idea I've been waitressing.

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The slight reddening of your
fingertips is characteristic

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of someone who's recently
been handling hot plates.

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The chafing on your knees almost
certainly the result of cleaning floors.

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Both consistent with
nightly work in a restaurant.

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While the absence of shopping appears to
suggest you've recently fallen on hard times.

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Add to this the faint imprint of the
letters "Cavsnoit" on your forearm

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where you've been leaning on the words
"Situations vacant" in the small ads,

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the conclusion is a simple one.

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Well, here's another fine mess.

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She just quit. Who did?

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Who did? Sunitri, our
uniquely gifted Bengali showgirl.

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Said she couldn't in all conscience continue
to work with a barefaced, racist bigot.

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Three hours to curtain up, Jonathan.

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Who the hell's going to
do the Indian Basket Trick?

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Oh, shut your row.
Come on, how hard can it be?

157
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Just poke them through
and I'll get out the way.

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Just poke them through?

159
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Have you any idea of the immense
physical precision required here?

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It takes years of training to perfect
the complex curvature of the joints.

161
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Not even close. Got any more?
She'll end up like a pin cushion.

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Hey, little star, you're doing great
in there! Any problems, just holler!

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Nope. It's all easy peasy so far,
just keep them coming.

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This is amazing.
Very last one now, on its way.

165
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I'm still cool in here. I reckon
you could easily get another one in.

166
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Down, through the top. Are you serious?
Just need to squeeze my shoulders back

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another half an inch,
and I need to suck myself in.

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Perfect.

169
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Oh, man! Will you look at that? Where
did you find this girl? She's a natural.

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You're going to slay them out there,

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big time. Come on. I'll see you on
the ice. Yeah, see you later.

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Look, what is it?

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That she's good, that she's young?

174
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That she's every bit
as smart as you are?

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I tell you, 27 years,

176
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I've never known anyone pick up
a trick that fast. We'll see.

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OK, what is it?

178
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The old Magic Johnson not
making the net enough lately?

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So listen, get to work! You're
on your own in town for the night.

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I tell you, it's out there, man,
on every street corner.

181
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You just got to know
how to reel it in.

182
00:15:18,034 --> 00:15:19,439
And the way you do that...

183
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It's with the eyes. That's how
you communicate your intentions.

184
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Check it out. See what I'm saying
with my eyes?

185
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"Come to me tonight,
entrust me with your body,

186
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"and I will pleasure every inch
of it, until you scream for mercy. "

187
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Yeah, forgive me if I don't rush
out and buy your latest manual

188
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on gender politics any time soon.

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In the same series, I think wasn't it,
as "Dot Cotton on Super-String Theory"?

190
00:15:56,634 --> 00:15:59,799
You know I'm right, Jonathan.
On every street corner.

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You've just got to make it happen.

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APPLAUSE

193
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So, shall I...? Whatever... go first?

194
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It's funny, isn't it, how you can
spend months and years

195
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getting to know someone and then,
still never get to know them.

196
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Ha, tell me about it.

197
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When I actually think,

198
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all you really need to know about someone
you know in the first five minutes.

199
00:17:52,994 --> 00:17:56,724
So you think our life
stories'll keep for another time?

200
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Give us something to talk about in our old age. There's
just two things you should know about me, actually.

201
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I don't do tongues in ears.

202
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Always found it a bit
disgusting, for some reason.

203
00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,844
And don't be alarmed

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if I suddenly wake up screaming
in the middle of the night.

205
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It's just, when I was 17,

206
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I had this completely
strange thing happen to me.

207
00:18:23,239 --> 00:18:27,839
There was this woman I was
sharing a flat with at the time...

208
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That's another story. And the two
of us were out in the country,

209
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one day, middle of nowhere,
and there was this cottage,

210
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in a field,

211
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that was there one minute,

212
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and then - so bizarre -

213
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just completely
vanished into thin air.

214
00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:52,159
And when I went over to look around,

215
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there was this horrible old man

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slithering about on the ground.

217
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Scared me half to death.

218
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To say that weird stuff
keeps following me around!

219
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Like one day I'm working in this
shoe shop and this guy comes in,

220
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says he's looking for an assistant for
his housekeeper. And serious money, so...

221
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And I get there,
and it turns out that 100 years ago,

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there was like this really bizarre
murder, which no-one could explain.

223
00:19:23,434 --> 00:19:28,404
Is that right? Sorry? Weird stuff?
Like, unexplained, impossible things.

224
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Bit of luck you ran into me then really, wasn't
it? I have no idea what you're talking about.

225
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:37,519
Oh, you mean the only reason you wanted to come
over here tonight was because you really liked me,

226
00:19:37,554 --> 00:19:42,599
as a person who you just happened to bump into at
a bus stop, just purely and totally by accident?

227
00:19:42,634 --> 00:19:45,604
Look, I don't know

228
00:19:45,639 --> 00:19:47,599
what y... Suddenly this
all feels very strange.

229
00:19:49,239 --> 00:19:53,239
I think... Maybe I'd better just...

230
00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:10,479
CYCLE BELL RINGS

231
00:20:10,514 --> 00:20:11,959
Morning.

232
00:20:34,999 --> 00:20:36,479
Come in.

233
00:20:38,519 --> 00:20:43,724
Your post. Thank you. I don't know
if Mrs Gantry mentioned to you,

234
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:47,559
our neighbours round the corner are in New Zealand
for the year. They've put the place into hibernation.

235
00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:50,439
I said we'd keep an eye
on the post for them.

236
00:20:50,474 --> 00:20:52,484
Number 29, Ashwood House.

237
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:56,839
If you'd just pop along there every
few days and have a sort through.

238
00:20:56,874 --> 00:21:02,399
Anything that looks vaguely
important, I'll get it forwarded.

239
00:21:02,434 --> 00:21:04,679
What's this?

240
00:21:08,759 --> 00:21:14,439
"You loathsome bitch. Do not think you can escape
your fate. In three days, you will be dead. "

241
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:23,684
It's signed "Selima. "
Wasn't she that woman...?

242
00:21:23,719 --> 00:21:28,164
Perhaps you can explain why
it's in your handwriting?

243
00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:31,479
What? I never wrote that. I swear
to God, someone must've just...

244
00:21:35,519 --> 00:21:37,959
You believe me, surely?

245
00:21:40,039 --> 00:21:42,359
All right.

246
00:21:44,559 --> 00:21:46,039
Just go.

247
00:22:27,639 --> 00:22:34,399
Good morning, good morning! How are we all this sunny
day? Utterly brill house last night, didn't you think?!

248
00:22:34,434 --> 00:22:39,039
The only thing, I've had an idea how we can
make it look better when I go up the rope.

249
00:22:39,074 --> 00:22:42,084
Cos I just worry they
can tell I'm on a wire.

250
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:47,004
But how about if I climb up the rope for
real, if you put enough tension in it,

251
00:22:47,039 --> 00:22:52,479
and then I could just secretly hook the harness
through when I get to the top, just before the flash.

252
00:22:52,514 --> 00:22:55,599
Cos when we did gym at school, I was
actually pretty damned nif...

253
00:22:55,634 --> 00:22:58,084
God, you look like death dug up.
What's happened?

254
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:02,679
What happened is I went to bed last night in the
real world and woke up this morning in a Kafka novel!

255
00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:04,844
You show her, I can't bear to look.

256
00:23:04,879 --> 00:23:09,279
That gaff he made on Magic Relief turns out to
have been a bit of a gift to the internet satirists.

257
00:23:09,314 --> 00:23:13,039
Witness first, the original clip
on YouTube. Thanks for coming.

258
00:23:13,074 --> 00:23:16,204
Hi, I'm Klaus. Congratulations.

259
00:23:16,239 --> 00:23:23,199
And then witness the spoof version, currently
riding rather higher on 600,000 hits.

260
00:23:25,559 --> 00:23:27,179
Oh, that is incredible.

261
00:23:27,214 --> 00:23:28,764
How've they done that?

262
00:23:28,799 --> 00:23:32,079
Well, they'd have had to use a
very sophisticated CG programme.

263
00:23:32,114 --> 00:23:34,884
The shirt, you're probably
looking at rotoscoping.

264
00:23:34,919 --> 00:23:38,724
Could've been a frame by frame job, or
sometimes with a moving image you can just tell

265
00:23:38,759 --> 00:23:44,319
it to lock onto a certain key point, and then
it'll just track that element for you as it goes...

266
00:23:44,354 --> 00:23:46,724
Yes, thank you!
Can you hear yourselves?

267
00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:50,359
I'm up here planning Operation
Barbarossa, and you're talking pixels!

268
00:23:50,394 --> 00:23:53,364
I've got to get on to PA or
something, lay down some sort

269
00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:57,319
of formal apology before this
whole thing goes thermo-nuclear.

270
00:23:57,354 --> 00:24:00,164
Sweetheart, it's me...

271
00:24:00,199 --> 00:24:02,799
Can you believe someone actually
sat up all night creating that?

272
00:24:02,834 --> 00:24:07,279
I mean, you've got to give
them credit. PHONE RINGS

273
00:24:08,879 --> 00:24:12,724
Yeah, hello?.. Oh, hi.

274
00:24:12,759 --> 00:24:16,059
Listen, I am so sorry you
didn't get my text last night.

275
00:24:16,094 --> 00:24:19,324
It's just I had this amazing
last-minute thing come up

276
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,719
and I had to dash off again,
after you'd come in specially.

277
00:24:22,754 --> 00:24:25,644
'It was a bit of an odd night
in the end... '

278
00:24:25,679 --> 00:24:29,159
I wound up with this guy I met
at a bus stop, who was...

279
00:24:29,194 --> 00:24:31,484
Well, not all
I thought he'd be, and...

280
00:24:31,519 --> 00:24:37,779
Oh, God, really? No, you want to be careful, there
are some serious wack-jobs knocking about this town.

281
00:24:37,814 --> 00:24:44,039
You could come a right cropper. Anyway, what I wanted
to talk to you about, what took me to your website,

282
00:24:44,074 --> 00:24:47,919
it's like, all that stuff
I told you on the phone,

283
00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:51,324
about this woman and the doctor,

284
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:56,559
is starting to really freak me
out now, cos the other day, right,

285
00:24:56,594 --> 00:24:58,839
I was outside, near the wood shed...

286
00:25:27,479 --> 00:25:30,479
I tell you, Joey, something's
going on in this house.

287
00:25:30,514 --> 00:25:32,039
Something frightening.

288
00:25:37,919 --> 00:25:41,079
'Like a treasure map or something. '

289
00:25:42,679 --> 00:25:45,919
And this was hidden away
in the desk in his study?

290
00:25:45,954 --> 00:25:48,359
Which she obviously
didn't want me to see.

291
00:25:49,959 --> 00:25:53,799
It doesn't take a genius to work out, does it?
Someone's got it in for you round here, big time.

292
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,524
Dumbwoman's Lane?

293
00:25:57,559 --> 00:26:00,119
Can't be many of them around.

294
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:33,919
Intriguing. And there was no sign of the soil being
turned over, or anything being dug up or buried?

295
00:28:33,954 --> 00:28:38,356
In which case, what the hell was she
up to? I've been racking my brains.

296
00:28:38,391 --> 00:28:42,759
Sounds as if you've got yourself a
real little House of Mysteries there,

297
00:28:42,794 --> 00:28:45,359
with this, what's
it called, Green Lanterns place?

298
00:28:45,394 --> 00:28:48,484
Should keep you busy
for an hour or two.

299
00:28:48,519 --> 00:28:51,724
Hang on, what's that strange
smacking noise I can hear?

300
00:28:51,759 --> 00:28:57,839
Couldn't be the sound of you licking your lips at
the prospect of getting stuck into a case like this?

301
00:28:57,874 --> 00:29:00,644
I had a dog like that once.
Made you feel so guilty if

302
00:29:00,679 --> 00:29:03,999
you didn't keep throwing this
rubber ball at him all the while.

303
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:07,284
My trouble, I'm too good-natured for
my own good. Is that right?

304
00:29:07,319 --> 00:29:11,799
Though I don't suppose Emily'd have a problem if
I brought in an office junior as a sounding board.

305
00:29:11,834 --> 00:29:14,479
Oh, really. Well, you can just...

306
00:29:14,514 --> 00:29:17,324
Emily? Do you know,

307
00:29:17,359 --> 00:29:22,519
it's a bit old hat this, don't you
reckon, flying round the stage as a fairy?

308
00:29:22,554 --> 00:29:27,564
What if I was, I don't know, like a
little imp or something, all in red.

309
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:32,519
And he could be dressed as maybe a wizard
or something, like in that Mickey Mouse film.

310
00:29:32,554 --> 00:29:34,884
Might run it past him,
see what he thinks.

311
00:29:34,919 --> 00:29:38,279
So when you were going to meet someone the
other night, and then couldn't make it...

312
00:29:38,314 --> 00:29:43,959
Sorry? Yes, I might have a bit
of repair work to do there,

313
00:29:43,994 --> 00:29:46,679
by the sound of things...

314
00:29:46,714 --> 00:29:49,044
Oh dear.

315
00:29:49,079 --> 00:29:52,124
How extremely unfortunate.

316
00:29:52,159 --> 00:29:54,324
Oh, what've you found this time.

317
00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:58,719
Hi, my name's Adam Klaus, and I just want
to take a moment before I go onstage...

318
00:29:58,754 --> 00:30:01,444
What on earth possessed him to
record it in his dressing room?

319
00:30:01,479 --> 00:30:07,119
.. and do what I love doing most of all,
entertaining people of all races and creeds,

320
00:30:07,154 --> 00:30:12,359
to register a big, heartfelt apology
for what I now realise was a stupid

321
00:30:12,394 --> 00:30:15,479
and unguarded remark on my
recent trip for Magic Relief.

322
00:30:17,079 --> 00:30:20,599
Anyone who really knows me,
knows my stance on the issue

323
00:30:20,634 --> 00:30:23,404
of race relations
could not be more positive...

324
00:30:23,439 --> 00:30:27,559
You can kind of see where it's going, I think...
It was the legendary Stevie Wonder who said

325
00:30:27,594 --> 00:30:30,884
"Ebony and Ivory

326
00:30:30,919 --> 00:30:34,959
"live together in peaceful harmony. "

327
00:30:34,994 --> 00:30:38,639
Man, I'm playing that piano.

328
00:30:40,239 --> 00:30:41,859
So, this would be...?

329
00:30:41,894 --> 00:30:43,479
Fairly simple colour key.

330
00:30:43,514 --> 00:30:45,239
Amazing.

331
00:31:05,839 --> 00:31:08,759
Oh, God. No!

332
00:31:11,799 --> 00:31:15,399
Ow! Ow!

333
00:31:16,559 --> 00:31:20,199
KNOCKING
Emily? Emily, you OK in there?

334
00:31:20,234 --> 00:31:23,044
What's happened?

335
00:31:23,079 --> 00:31:25,759
What's the matter?
Oh, you poor thing.

336
00:31:25,794 --> 00:31:28,296
Shh, it's all right. It's all right.

337
00:31:28,331 --> 00:31:30,799
It's all right. It was so real...

338
00:31:30,834 --> 00:31:32,559
I was so frightened...

339
00:31:35,439 --> 00:31:37,084
Mr Dore,

340
00:31:37,119 --> 00:31:40,199
is everything all right?
I heard such screams.

341
00:31:40,234 --> 00:31:42,444
No, it's OK. It's OK.

342
00:31:42,479 --> 00:31:44,559
A bulb must have blown,
I think, that's all.

343
00:31:47,599 --> 00:31:49,799
Watch where you're treading,
there's glass everywhere.

344
00:31:49,834 --> 00:31:51,999
Do you want to go and reset
the fuses? Everything's fine.

345
00:31:57,679 --> 00:32:01,239
I'm so sorry.
It was just that picture on the wall

346
00:32:01,274 --> 00:32:02,719
frightened me half to death.

347
00:32:04,439 --> 00:32:06,639
Really? What about the picture?

348
00:32:13,719 --> 00:32:15,959
Well, it was...

349
00:32:15,994 --> 00:32:18,199
I don't know now.

350
00:32:20,439 --> 00:32:24,639
Maybe I just... OK. Look, Harriet,
she's probably just tired.

351
00:32:24,674 --> 00:32:29,879
Come on, why don't we leave
you in peace, sleep it off?

352
00:32:29,914 --> 00:32:33,159
One second. What do we have here?

353
00:32:48,959 --> 00:32:50,959
What am I supposed to make of this?

354
00:33:03,399 --> 00:33:07,759
Morning. I think you've
already met this person.

355
00:33:07,794 --> 00:33:10,999
Emily, feel free to
tell me to bugger off.

356
00:33:12,599 --> 00:33:15,484
Obviously, you're going
to be a mass of nerves.

357
00:33:15,519 --> 00:33:18,719
Who wouldn't, with all the
madness that's going on round here?

358
00:33:20,959 --> 00:33:23,179
Insecurities can play havoc

359
00:33:23,214 --> 00:33:25,364
with your mental health,

360
00:33:25,399 --> 00:33:30,679
as I unfortunately managed to demonstrate,
not very thoughtfully, the other night.

361
00:33:30,714 --> 00:33:34,004
What he's trying to say is he's
such an anally fixated big-head,

362
00:33:34,039 --> 00:33:37,959
he thought the only reason you wanted him
was for his world-famous powers of deduction.

363
00:33:37,994 --> 00:33:41,999
As opposed to his charming
personality and animal magnetism.

364
00:33:43,599 --> 00:33:46,764
But look, come on, you've got
to hang in here and not just go

365
00:33:46,799 --> 00:33:53,119
imagining this woman's somehow taken over your mind,
making you write those weird notes and whatever.

366
00:33:53,154 --> 00:33:57,279
That's just horror story time, it's
not real. Sometimes I think...

367
00:33:57,314 --> 00:33:59,639
my whole life is a horror story.

368
00:34:01,199 --> 00:34:04,199
That house that just disappeared.

369
00:34:04,234 --> 00:34:05,999
The man in the grass.

370
00:34:08,759 --> 00:34:12,719
It's like,
maybe I can see things sometimes

371
00:34:12,754 --> 00:34:14,519
that aren't there any more.

372
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:21,119
You know, the mystery
of the vanishing cottage

373
00:34:21,154 --> 00:34:24,484
may be the least challenging
of this whole puzzle.

374
00:34:24,519 --> 00:34:28,559
And when you stop and think about it,
the man in the grass

375
00:34:28,594 --> 00:34:32,599
would be part of the only
explanation that could possibly fit.

376
00:34:32,634 --> 00:34:34,804
It's a bit of a flyer,

377
00:34:34,839 --> 00:34:39,239
but the real clue to what
you saw that night

378
00:34:39,274 --> 00:34:41,004
will almost certainly be the weather.

379
00:34:41,039 --> 00:34:46,724
Excuse me, I'm very sorry to interrupt.
Jonathan Creek, is it? I'm Harriet. Joey Ross.

380
00:34:46,759 --> 00:34:51,559
I'm afraid I'm going to have to steal your friend
for a while. Top guest room, Emily, in five minutes.

381
00:34:51,594 --> 00:34:55,816
Some of that bed linen from the
other day really won't do, I'm afraid.

382
00:34:55,851 --> 00:35:00,039
No, no, you jest. How could I object
to a visit from Jonathan Creek?

383
00:35:00,074 --> 00:35:02,079
I mean, we plough
a similar furrow, don't we?

384
00:35:02,114 --> 00:35:04,519
I plot them, you solve them.
Murders.

385
00:35:08,199 --> 00:35:13,439
I've not long been back here, of course.
The family home, this where we all grew up.

386
00:35:13,474 --> 00:35:19,124
My brother and I, well, it seems
like ancient history now.

387
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:23,759
Till I took off overseas, earned a crust
or two, and then a couple of years ago,

388
00:35:23,794 --> 00:35:25,764
fresh marriage, fresh start,

389
00:35:25,799 --> 00:35:29,764
something seemed to just
beckon me back.

390
00:35:29,799 --> 00:35:33,679
The lingering air perhaps,
of Victorian mystery.

391
00:35:36,759 --> 00:35:40,239
You'll be familiar, I imagine,
with the nuts and bolts of the case?

392
00:35:40,274 --> 00:35:43,444
An absolute classic of
its kind, by all accounts.

393
00:35:43,479 --> 00:35:47,959
Victim remotely positioned, under
constant observation,

394
00:35:47,994 --> 00:35:52,404
succumbs to his fate
at a time precisely predicted.

395
00:35:52,439 --> 00:35:55,879
The cause of his death never
resolved from that day to this.

396
00:35:57,559 --> 00:36:01,159
Unsurprisingly,
this Egyptian femme fatale character

397
00:36:01,194 --> 00:36:04,644
was not slow, after that,

398
00:36:04,679 --> 00:36:08,924
to exploit her celebrity status.

399
00:36:08,959 --> 00:36:14,839
I've ransacked her personal account of those
years for some sort of clue, how she did it, but...

400
00:36:19,439 --> 00:36:24,999
Em, yes, riveting as all this is, of course, to
students of ancient history, there's a small matter

401
00:36:25,034 --> 00:36:30,559
of unexplained death threats which I don't know if
anyone's taking very seriously, but... No, no, no,

402
00:36:30,594 --> 00:36:33,679
it's most alarming,
particularly the one last night.

403
00:36:33,714 --> 00:36:36,284
First of all, who
could have put it there?

404
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:39,399
And more to the point,
what the hell does it mean?

405
00:36:39,434 --> 00:36:41,964
"Beware the approach of Isis. "

406
00:36:41,999 --> 00:36:46,479
Isis being? An ancient Egyptian
deity, fertility goddess if I remember.

407
00:36:46,514 --> 00:36:50,959
Or a part of the River Thames in
Oxfordshire depending on your preference.

408
00:36:50,994 --> 00:36:54,759
Picked up some interesting pieces
then, Mr Dore, on your travels.

409
00:36:54,794 --> 00:36:57,296
Except for that one, funnily enough.

410
00:36:57,331 --> 00:36:59,764
Discovered one day
here in the attic.

411
00:36:59,799 --> 00:37:02,639
It seems to date right
back to the earliest owner.

412
00:37:02,674 --> 00:37:05,444
Some sort of primitive
reed instrument apparently.

413
00:37:05,479 --> 00:37:08,684
Look, I'm going to have to
love you and leave you for now.

414
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,439
One or two calls to make, so
hopefully catch up with you later.

415
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,739
An Ellison Starberth Mystery.

416
00:37:18,774 --> 00:37:21,239
You ever read any of these?

417
00:37:21,274 --> 00:37:24,079
I'm afraid I have.

418
00:37:24,114 --> 00:37:25,884
What?

419
00:37:25,919 --> 00:37:28,084
No, it's just,

420
00:37:28,119 --> 00:37:31,319
the way the dust in here's
been disturbed, I'd say this has

421
00:37:31,354 --> 00:37:34,399
been very recently removed,
and then put back again.

422
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:39,284
So who's doing it?

423
00:37:39,319 --> 00:37:42,439
Dodgy death threats
and phoney photographs.

424
00:37:42,474 --> 00:37:44,204
You've only got a choice of three.

425
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:48,959
Or four if we count the spirit of our
Victorian witch, whatever she was,

426
00:37:48,994 --> 00:37:52,056
who appears able to
re-materialise in a pile of logs.

427
00:37:52,091 --> 00:37:55,119
Ah, now, I've got a pretty
good idea how that was done.

428
00:38:01,359 --> 00:38:03,924
Father Alberic, how are you today?

429
00:38:03,959 --> 00:38:08,119
I'm a bit earlier than I said, Mrs
Gantry, I hope it's not inconvenient.

430
00:38:09,679 --> 00:38:15,719
Now, you'll correct me if I'm wrong here, I've no
doubt, but was there not a very old magic trick once

431
00:38:15,754 --> 00:38:20,884
where you had this big sheet of glass on
the stage, tipped over at an angle, and then

432
00:38:20,919 --> 00:38:26,039
some bod in the orchestra pit, who'd be reflected
upwards, to look all kind of eerie and translucent.

433
00:38:26,074 --> 00:38:30,359
Pepper's Ghost.
First patented February 1863.

434
00:38:32,039 --> 00:38:36,579
Which means all they'd have to do
would be to prop up their glass here

435
00:38:36,614 --> 00:38:41,084
and then your ghostly actor, probably
just with this woman's photo stuck

436
00:38:41,119 --> 00:38:46,879
on their face or something, would take up
position down below, underneath the open trapdoor.

437
00:38:47,879 --> 00:38:50,284
HE SNEEZES

438
00:38:50,319 --> 00:38:55,559
I should never make the mistake of stroking
a long-hair, they always set me off.

439
00:38:55,594 --> 00:39:00,599
I'm sorry about that. He'll settle
down now, over there by the bird table.

440
00:39:00,634 --> 00:39:02,324
Can I get you an antihistamine or...

441
00:39:02,359 --> 00:39:04,764
I won't risk it with
the blood-thinners.

442
00:39:04,799 --> 00:39:09,284
Heaven knows, I'm a walking
dispensary these days, Mrs Gantry.

443
00:39:09,319 --> 00:39:15,239
They think there might be an early malignancy knocking
about somewhere. But apart from that, you're well?

444
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,559
You're not going to do anything
silly with that trap-door?

445
00:39:35,594 --> 00:39:37,119
I know, but we don't want...

446
00:40:22,159 --> 00:40:26,299
I suppose you're going
to say this is all my fault? Yes!

447
00:40:26,334 --> 00:40:30,439
I mean, she comes in here every day,
at six, I think it is,

448
00:40:30,474 --> 00:40:33,404
so it's not like we'll be
stuck down here forever.

449
00:40:33,439 --> 00:40:40,599
Just the 5½ hours then, imprisoned in an airless
dungeon beneath half a hundredweight of tree stumps

450
00:40:40,634 --> 00:40:43,924
Why we both had to come down in the
first place, I'm not entirely sure!

451
00:40:43,959 --> 00:40:48,039
Well, so we could check out that theory, see
if there was a sheet of glass that they...

452
00:40:52,879 --> 00:40:56,319
Fortunately, I like nothing better
when trapped in a coal-hole,

453
00:40:56,354 --> 00:40:59,399
than to curl up with a good book.

454
00:41:02,399 --> 00:41:04,724
Might just help me to
forget about the fact that...

455
00:41:04,759 --> 00:41:09,519
Yes, all right. I know what you're going to
say, so there's no need to say it, thank you.

456
00:41:09,554 --> 00:41:13,159
What was I going to say? I know
exactly what you were going to say.

457
00:41:13,194 --> 00:41:16,364
You don't need to make
things worse by saying it.

458
00:41:16,399 --> 00:41:19,519
We should never have had those two
cups of coffee. Just shut up and read!

459
00:41:19,554 --> 00:41:23,439
It was cos it was linen,
it was kind of hard to do.

460
00:41:23,474 --> 00:41:26,324
Is that one, OK, though?
I'm not sure.

461
00:41:26,359 --> 00:41:28,899
No. And if I could just
see this one. Same problem.

462
00:41:28,934 --> 00:41:32,266
So you've recently
acquired a new helper, I hear?

463
00:41:32,301 --> 00:41:35,590
That'll all end in tears,
the way things are going.

464
00:41:35,625 --> 00:41:38,879
And why he thinks I can't
manage on my own any more...?

465
00:41:38,914 --> 00:41:41,564
I'm as fit as I ever was,
Father Alberic.

466
00:41:41,599 --> 00:41:45,919
Fit enough, I hope, to come and buff up
my pews next Saturday at the usual time.

467
00:41:55,879 --> 00:41:59,404
All right, I am now
officially very bored.

468
00:41:59,439 --> 00:42:02,999
And very uncomfortable.
These cement bags are like rock.

469
00:42:05,799 --> 00:42:10,039
Yes? I didn't say anything. Well,
would you mind saying something,

470
00:42:10,074 --> 00:42:14,279
before I go completely stir-crazy?
What's that book told you so far?

471
00:42:15,839 --> 00:42:19,884
So far, the victim was
one Dr Thadeus Northcote,

472
00:42:19,919 --> 00:42:25,279
a prominent neuro-surgeon and known associate of
the eminent Victorian scientist Sir Francis Galton,

473
00:42:25,314 --> 00:42:30,159
himself a close friend of Charles Darwin.
Skipping the prologue? Significant facts?

474
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:34,684
I don't know,

475
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:39,799
there's a whole bunch of photos in there
which may or may not tell us something.

476
00:42:39,834 --> 00:42:43,919
Thing that keeps bugging me is this
business of the blood-curdling scream.

477
00:42:43,954 --> 00:42:48,319
The fact that she screamed
and then he collapsed.

478
00:42:48,439 --> 00:42:55,439
According to her, because the vision of Death
approaching struck terror into her heart.

479
00:42:55,474 --> 00:42:57,656
It's clearly bollocks.

480
00:42:57,691 --> 00:42:59,839
It's almost as if...

481
00:43:03,119 --> 00:43:08,439
No. What is very persuasive is his theory that
she couldn't resist the idea of leaving some kind

482
00:43:08,474 --> 00:43:10,284
of cryptic hint behind,

483
00:43:10,319 --> 00:43:15,324
somewhere in the book,
about how she pulled it off.

484
00:43:15,359 --> 00:43:19,279
It may be nothing, but if you look at
that dedication she's put in the front...

485
00:43:20,999 --> 00:43:25,039
"With thanks to HCN,
none but we may know. "

486
00:43:25,074 --> 00:43:28,124
Northcote's wife was named Helen.

487
00:43:28,159 --> 00:43:31,124
What, you think the two women
might've been in cahoots somehow?

488
00:43:31,159 --> 00:43:37,679
I don't know. What I do know is I'm absolutely
going to burst in a minute if I don't...

489
00:43:37,714 --> 00:43:39,759
Hang on a sec.

490
00:43:44,159 --> 00:43:47,519
Light! Oh, I don't believe
this, what are the chances?!

491
00:43:49,079 --> 00:43:51,219
That's the very thing!

492
00:43:51,254 --> 00:43:53,324
Cement bags indeed.

493
00:43:53,359 --> 00:43:57,279
You know what you've got
here, don't you? Do I? What?

494
00:43:57,314 --> 00:44:00,359
Oh, you are jok.. Cat litter?

495
00:44:02,119 --> 00:44:03,839
However long's this been here?
Thank you, God.

496
00:44:09,159 --> 00:44:12,079
You're not seriously
going to use that?

497
00:44:17,199 --> 00:44:20,039
"All-natural,
instant-clumping clay formula. "

498
00:44:22,599 --> 00:44:25,719
Just hold that steady is all I ask.

499
00:44:25,754 --> 00:44:27,644
Try not to wobble.

500
00:44:27,679 --> 00:44:32,239
We're running a bit dry here, Mrs
Gantry. Any chance of a top-up?

501
00:44:34,399 --> 00:44:37,759
Won't be two seconds. So you're managing
to get some down time, I hope, Father.

502
00:44:37,794 --> 00:44:40,444
Oh, yes. Still hanging
in with the old carpentry?

503
00:44:40,479 --> 00:44:44,719
I always say, if I have a vice, it's
to be screwed on the edge of a bench.

504
00:44:44,754 --> 00:44:49,319
And that's got me into trouble
on more than one occasion.

505
00:44:49,354 --> 00:44:51,804
Better?

506
00:44:51,839 --> 00:44:54,479
You sure you don't want to...?

507
00:44:54,514 --> 00:44:56,644
Much better, thank you.

508
00:44:56,679 --> 00:45:01,159
There's plenty more there,
if you should feel the need.

509
00:45:01,194 --> 00:45:03,919
How long's that coffee
had to percolate now?

510
00:45:03,954 --> 00:45:05,399
A good 2½ hou...

511
00:45:08,679 --> 00:45:11,204
Oh, God, no.

512
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,724
"Beware the approach of Isis. " What?

513
00:45:14,759 --> 00:45:18,039
That just took me back to
when we were in the kitchen.

514
00:45:18,074 --> 00:45:21,316
Because what did that first note say?

515
00:45:21,351 --> 00:45:24,559
"In three days you will be dead. "
Isis.

516
00:45:25,319 --> 00:45:28,524
I think I know now what it means.

517
00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:32,999
It's not a river or an ancient
Goddess. Well, what does it mean?

518
00:45:33,034 --> 00:45:37,444
What it means,
I've got a horrible feeling,

519
00:45:37,479 --> 00:45:40,919
is that Harriet Dore has only
got a minute left to live.

520
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:18,644
Thank you. Whoops.
A drop more, Mr Dore?

521
00:46:18,679 --> 00:46:23,039
What are you doing? Have you gone completely
insane?! Get your hands off me! Get away from me!

522
00:46:23,074 --> 00:46:24,604
Dear God above.

523
00:46:24,639 --> 00:46:27,159
Mrs Dore! You're mad!

524
00:46:27,194 --> 00:46:29,124
Help me!

525
00:46:29,159 --> 00:46:34,479
Help me, somebody, help me!
This isn't happening. Oh my God!

526
00:46:36,599 --> 00:46:40,239
No! No!

527
00:46:43,919 --> 00:46:45,999
Oh, my God, oh, my God!

528
00:46:49,039 --> 00:46:52,239
Father, can you manage? Yes, yes.

529
00:46:56,039 --> 00:46:58,804
Stay with me, my darling.

530
00:46:58,839 --> 00:47:03,479
Oh, my God... All right, my darling.

531
00:47:05,119 --> 00:47:07,884
Mr Dore, may God have mercy on us!

532
00:47:07,919 --> 00:47:10,759
For God's sake,
call for a doctor, an ambulance!

533
00:47:10,794 --> 00:47:13,159
Yes, yes. Absolutely.
Oh, my precious...

534
00:47:13,194 --> 00:47:15,639
In the name of God, who did this?

535
00:47:26,319 --> 00:47:30,599
I couldn't stop her.
She dragged me across the room,

536
00:47:30,634 --> 00:47:35,119
grabbed me by the throat
and pushed me.

537
00:47:35,154 --> 00:47:37,119
No!

538
00:47:40,079 --> 00:47:43,804
I wasn't even there!

539
00:47:43,839 --> 00:47:46,519
I'd just gone round
to put out the bins out,

540
00:47:46,554 --> 00:47:50,919
ready for the... Oh, God!

541
00:48:06,399 --> 00:48:08,359
She did it.

542
00:48:16,039 --> 00:48:19,359
Emily! She murdered me.

543
00:48:29,519 --> 00:48:33,439
For God's sake, just get her away
from here. Just leave us!

544
00:49:09,999 --> 00:49:14,559
Officer, the young girl,
she can't have gone far. Find her!

545
00:49:32,039 --> 00:49:33,999
Help! Is there anyone out there?!

546
00:49:43,039 --> 00:49:46,079
HIGH-PITCHED NOISE

547
00:51:32,479 --> 00:51:37,519
They had one of those, like,
police shrinks in here this morning.

548
00:51:37,554 --> 00:51:40,644
Reckons I'm distorting
things in my mind,

549
00:51:40,679 --> 00:51:45,279
blocking out what happened,
cos I can't bear to face it.

550
00:51:45,314 --> 00:51:46,799
What do you think, Jonathan?

551
00:51:48,359 --> 00:51:50,319
You believe I killed her?

552
00:51:51,959 --> 00:51:56,519
I think it's what someone wants us to believe.
And they've gone to a hell of a lot of trouble

553
00:51:56,554 --> 00:52:02,959
to put this case together very convincingly.
And somehow, we've got to prise it apart.

554
00:52:02,994 --> 00:52:04,959
And it's not impossible.

555
00:52:06,519 --> 00:52:12,039
The weirdest things sometimes, that
don't add up, once they're explained...

556
00:52:12,074 --> 00:52:15,324
That cottage you saw and then
didn't see, we've had a thought.

557
00:52:15,359 --> 00:52:21,839
Never mind how unlikely the thought,
just run with the sheer, cold analysis.

558
00:52:21,874 --> 00:52:24,156
A building cannot disappear.

559
00:52:24,191 --> 00:52:26,439
It can't even seem to disappear.

560
00:52:28,519 --> 00:52:32,164
But what looks like a building,
that can seem to disappear,

561
00:52:32,199 --> 00:52:37,079
that could have been placed in that field
deliberately, in the middle of nowhere,

562
00:52:37,114 --> 00:52:40,159
for a purpose that's
unlikely to occur to any of us.

563
00:52:49,879 --> 00:52:54,244
These days, probably, no-one'd go to
the trouble of building the facade

564
00:52:54,279 --> 00:53:00,079
of a fairytale cottage on location for
a scene in a movie now long forgotten,

565
00:53:00,114 --> 00:53:02,524
pending the arrival of a
film unit in a few days' time.

566
00:53:02,559 --> 00:53:08,404
When you first spot it, during a lull
in the wind, the illusion's complete.

567
00:53:08,439 --> 00:53:12,999
A second later, our "night watchman"
character, there to keep an eye on the site

568
00:53:13,034 --> 00:53:15,639
takes a nasty tumble.

569
00:53:32,959 --> 00:53:35,679
One of those things, I suppose.

570
00:53:35,714 --> 00:53:38,456
We'll never know now, will we?

571
00:53:38,491 --> 00:53:41,685
But it does just show that...

572
00:53:41,720 --> 00:53:44,879
No, I don't suppose we ever will.

573
00:53:52,599 --> 00:53:56,659
We are all of us unique
and blessed before God,

574
00:53:56,694 --> 00:54:00,684
and the tragedy of any loss
touches us all.

575
00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:06,079
But while Harriet Dore today
is no longer flesh,

576
00:54:06,114 --> 00:54:11,484
her spirit, I know,
walks among us still.

577
00:54:11,519 --> 00:54:13,964
Quite a fair turn-out then,
you'd say, on the day.

578
00:54:13,999 --> 00:54:18,644
Considering she was hardly famous
outside her publishing circles.

579
00:54:18,679 --> 00:54:22,724
I doubt there's anyone round here
would have known her from a bar of soap.

580
00:54:22,759 --> 00:54:28,199
But how prophetic were your words, Mrs Gantry
- "It'll all end in tears. " Yes.

581
00:54:28,234 --> 00:54:29,679
Excuse me for a moment.

582
00:54:32,519 --> 00:54:35,119
So you'll be staying on, will you,
at the house?

583
00:54:36,719 --> 00:54:41,679
Of course, he's talking now about selling
up and going back to the Far East to live.

584
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:47,164
So much to come to terms with.

585
00:54:47,199 --> 00:54:51,399
And with this latest development,
one wonders if he'll ever get over it.

586
00:54:52,999 --> 00:54:55,764
Latest development?
Oh, you haven't heard?

587
00:54:55,799 --> 00:55:00,004
The coroner's report has
been knocking about for days.

588
00:55:00,039 --> 00:55:05,199
Though if you want my opinion,
it was definitely news to him.

589
00:55:05,234 --> 00:55:10,359
At the time of her murder, Harriet
Dore was eight weeks pregnant.

590
00:55:49,199 --> 00:55:55,199
Morning! I was just trying it for size and I
seem to have broadened out a bit around the gills.

591
00:55:55,234 --> 00:55:57,324
Sorry to disturb you.
You need a hand?

592
00:55:57,359 --> 00:56:01,484
It may seem macabre, but I always
say, if you want a job doing...

593
00:56:01,519 --> 00:56:06,924
And listen, I must tell you, Miss
Ross, I'm such a devotee of your work.

594
00:56:06,959 --> 00:56:11,439
The way you put that case to bed last
year, the painting in the haunted attic.

595
00:56:11,474 --> 00:56:14,164
Master-class in ratiocination.

596
00:56:14,199 --> 00:56:18,599
I think some of these screws'll
have to come out. Right, of course.

597
00:56:18,634 --> 00:56:23,656
If your Dr Watson chap is acquainted
with drills... Intimately.

598
00:56:23,691 --> 00:56:28,679
No, just so we've got it right,
Father, order of events that day.

599
00:56:28,714 --> 00:56:32,976
You were all sitting there
at the table, you heard all these

600
00:56:33,011 --> 00:56:37,239
noises, and then you actually
saw her pushed out of the window?

601
00:56:37,274 --> 00:56:39,844
It's a dreadful business,
to be sure.

602
00:56:39,879 --> 00:56:44,759
And so Emily was the only other
person around the house that day?

603
00:56:44,794 --> 00:56:48,599
No way that looks good, does it?
DUCKS QUACK

604
00:56:49,839 --> 00:56:52,444
That's my personal copy.

605
00:56:52,479 --> 00:56:57,119
Well thumbed, of course. Like yourselves,
I find these things quite addictive.

606
00:56:57,154 --> 00:57:00,199
Oh, and something interesting
I found out the other day,

607
00:57:00,234 --> 00:57:03,039
Helen Northcote's middle name
was Catherine.

608
00:57:03,074 --> 00:57:05,444
That's not in the book, of course.

609
00:57:05,479 --> 00:57:08,284
Oh, really.
But it pretty much nails it then?

610
00:57:08,319 --> 00:57:11,879
HCN? And if you're looking for a
weapon that could kill a man

611
00:57:11,914 --> 00:57:15,039
in the middle of a lawn without
being seen or heard,

612
00:57:15,074 --> 00:57:17,564
how about that blowpipe
we saw in his study?

613
00:57:17,599 --> 00:57:21,679
What's-her-face screams, so he turns his
head, and gets it in the neck from the wife.

614
00:57:23,599 --> 00:57:26,084
Excellent! You have the
mind of a true logician.

615
00:57:26,119 --> 00:57:31,159
Though sadly, my dear, that object in the
glass case is no blowpipe. Far too short.

616
00:57:31,194 --> 00:57:35,159
And there were no puncture marks or
poison darts anywhere on the body.

617
00:57:35,194 --> 00:57:38,404
Also, I'm afraid, it was
Katherine spelt with a K.

618
00:57:38,439 --> 00:57:41,439
Still, very interesting that you
bring it up, because when I was

619
00:57:41,474 --> 00:57:44,359
there last week, discussing
the funeral arrangements...

620
00:57:48,159 --> 00:57:52,884
I happened to notice that
pipe was no longer there.

621
00:57:52,919 --> 00:57:59,959
It was an odd meeting
- he seemed to be burdened with the issue of man's accountability for his sins.

622
00:57:59,994 --> 00:58:04,759
And the strangest request, he asked if he
might come to the church and undergo confession.

623
00:58:04,794 --> 00:58:08,279
At which point, I'm afraid I had
to leave, when the cat came in.

624
00:58:08,314 --> 00:58:12,596
Very low tolerance, you see,
to our feline friends.

625
00:58:12,631 --> 00:58:16,879
And once the
nasal cavities start opening up...

626
00:58:16,914 --> 00:58:19,156
And so, did he? Did he what?

627
00:58:19,191 --> 00:58:21,735
Come to you for confession.

628
00:58:21,770 --> 00:58:24,279
Oh, yes. The very next morning.

629
00:58:31,199 --> 00:58:33,639
I can't tell you,
obviously, what he said to me.

630
00:58:33,674 --> 00:58:35,724
Confidentiality of the box.

631
00:58:35,759 --> 00:58:38,839
That as well, but mainly
because I fell asleep.

632
00:58:38,874 --> 00:58:41,136
Most dreadful lapse on my part.

633
00:58:41,171 --> 00:58:43,364
All the drugs one has to take,

634
00:58:43,399 --> 00:58:46,484
at my age, I'm afraid it's just...
PHONE RINGS

635
00:58:46,519 --> 00:58:51,919
Oh, sounds like me. It must've
dropped out. Oh, it's gone dead.

636
00:58:51,954 --> 00:58:53,559
Oh, well, they'll call back.

637
00:58:55,519 --> 00:58:57,159
Oh, that's interesting.

638
00:58:57,194 --> 00:58:59,319
The Judas tree.

639
00:59:01,719 --> 00:59:04,159
Come again? You recognise that?

640
00:59:04,194 --> 00:59:06,564
Oh, yes, cercis siliquastrum?

641
00:59:06,599 --> 00:59:11,199
Always seemed a misnomer
for such a lovely specimen.

642
00:59:11,234 --> 00:59:13,884
But according to legend, of course,

643
00:59:13,919 --> 00:59:20,039
this was the tree from which Judas Iscariot
hanged himself after betraying Our Lord.

644
00:59:20,074 --> 00:59:22,284
Was there any reason, would you say,

645
00:59:22,319 --> 00:59:27,159
Mrs Gantry, why Miss Somerton would
want the deceased out of the way?

646
00:59:27,194 --> 00:59:31,999
Let me rephrase that, was there any
suggestion that she might have had

647
00:59:32,034 --> 00:59:35,199
designs of her own on her employer?

648
00:59:35,234 --> 00:59:38,004
I can't really recall.

649
00:59:38,039 --> 00:59:40,884
Well, let me refresh your memory.

650
00:59:40,919 --> 00:59:44,519
Was there an incident recently,
in the night, when you had occasion

651
00:59:44,554 --> 00:59:48,479
to visit the accused's
bedroom when a light fused?

652
00:59:48,514 --> 00:59:50,084
Well, yes.

653
00:59:50,119 --> 00:59:55,959
And can you describe for us exactly
what you saw when you reached the room?

654
00:59:55,994 --> 00:59:58,204
Mr Dore was there,

655
00:59:58,239 --> 01:00:01,159
and Miss Somerton, the accused,

656
01:00:01,194 --> 01:00:03,964
had her arms around him

657
01:00:03,999 --> 01:00:07,919
and her head on his shoulder.

658
01:00:07,954 --> 01:00:10,244
She had...

659
01:00:10,279 --> 01:00:13,039
only her underwear on.

660
01:00:14,279 --> 01:00:16,519
She was squeezing him very tightly.

661
01:00:18,119 --> 01:00:20,319
I couldn't hear what she was saying.

662
01:00:23,479 --> 01:00:27,204
Well, no.
I saw no-one push her exactly.

663
01:00:27,239 --> 01:00:32,279
But you heard sounds of a violent struggle
going on, and your wife screaming at someone.

664
01:00:33,879 --> 01:00:38,099
Yes. We've heard that the shred of
cloth that was in her hand,

665
01:00:38,134 --> 01:00:41,906
it has now been confirmed,
was torn from the accused's dress.

666
01:00:41,941 --> 01:00:45,679
And before she died, Mr Alberic,
can you tell us as precisely

667
01:00:45,714 --> 01:00:48,679
as your memory will allow,
what were her last words?

668
01:00:50,359 --> 01:00:53,199
She said, "She did it.

669
01:00:53,234 --> 01:00:56,004
"Emily. She murdered me. "

670
01:00:56,039 --> 01:01:00,319
I'd be a lot closer to cracking this thing
if I knew what it was I was trying to crack.

671
01:01:00,354 --> 01:01:05,324
Obviously, a major fit-up, but I
don't fancy her chances with that jury.

672
01:01:05,359 --> 01:01:10,279
I don't know. Have you noticed there's a
lot of dodgy echoes of creepy movies here?

673
01:01:10,314 --> 01:01:14,719
Gaslight and The Shining spring to
mind. And you wouldn't say the novels

674
01:01:14,754 --> 01:01:18,039
of Hugo Dore were always noted
for their original plotlines.

675
01:01:21,479 --> 01:01:25,444
All right, so he's found out
his wife's been playing around.

676
01:01:25,479 --> 01:01:30,699
Decides to bump her off, but make it look
like the work of his amorous young housekeeper.

677
01:01:30,734 --> 01:01:35,919
He knows she still has nightmares about some
weird experience that happened 20 years ago,

678
01:01:35,954 --> 01:01:39,736
so he uses that back story
about our Victorian friend

679
01:01:39,771 --> 01:01:43,519
to try and spook her into
believing she actually did it.

680
01:01:43,554 --> 01:01:45,844
Question. Mmm?

681
01:01:45,879 --> 01:01:48,204
What are we doing in this place?

682
01:01:48,239 --> 01:01:53,479
The owners are in New Zealand, didn't she
say? The whole thing happened weeks ago.

683
01:01:53,514 --> 01:01:58,719
But a bit of re-staging and elucidating
can sometimes just help to focus the mind.

684
01:01:58,754 --> 01:02:03,359
OK, so you're coming up
the stairs, like she did.

685
01:02:09,479 --> 01:02:11,879
And from inside
the bathroom you hear...

686
01:02:17,999 --> 01:02:20,239
I push open the door

687
01:02:28,799 --> 01:02:33,204
and go to the basin.

688
01:02:33,239 --> 01:02:38,804
So whoever it was just
tucked themselves in behind the door

689
01:02:38,839 --> 01:02:44,479
while her back was turned, and then
slipped out again while she was...

690
01:02:44,514 --> 01:02:46,684
So that's no big deal.

691
01:02:46,719 --> 01:02:49,004
The only problem being, how could
they possibly know she was going

692
01:02:49,039 --> 01:02:54,679
to come here in the first place, to set up a stunt
like that? Well, fairly obviously, they couldn't.

693
01:02:54,714 --> 01:02:58,039
Which can only mean there's something
else going on in this house

694
01:02:58,074 --> 01:03:00,564
that we've yet
to get to the bottom of.

695
01:03:00,599 --> 01:03:04,759
OK. More aimless foraging, I think.
You want to take upstairs?

696
01:03:04,794 --> 01:03:06,199
I'll go down.

697
01:03:22,639 --> 01:03:25,319
LATCH CLICKS

698
01:03:35,879 --> 01:03:37,839
DOOR SHUTS

699
01:04:34,479 --> 01:04:37,884
All clear out here now,
when you're ready.

700
01:04:37,919 --> 01:04:40,844
Yeah, actually,
I might need a bit of a hand.

701
01:04:40,879 --> 01:04:46,359
Now, what do we suppose he came up here for? Hold
on, I think I've got cramp or something, in my knee.

702
01:04:53,639 --> 01:04:57,639
Makes sense, I suppose, he'd use this
place for anything he wanted to hide.

703
01:04:59,919 --> 01:05:03,039
Hello? Can you hear me out there?

704
01:05:03,074 --> 01:05:05,799
I'm jammed solid! Hello?!

705
01:05:05,834 --> 01:05:08,519
Ah! Aha!

706
01:05:09,919 --> 01:05:14,639
Hidden, we can only assume, to prevent
its true function from becoming apparent.

707
01:05:20,199 --> 01:05:23,124
Jonathan! Awhh! Fascinating.

708
01:05:23,159 --> 01:05:26,119
And at this stage,
of course, the purest hypothesis,

709
01:05:26,154 --> 01:05:29,044
but it would certainly all
slot together very neatly.

710
01:05:29,079 --> 01:05:33,039
The scream in the garden, the light bulb
that blew in her room that night and...

711
01:05:35,319 --> 01:05:40,799
.. HCN. I mean, is that obvious or what? We
could have Googled it and got there quicker.

712
01:05:40,834 --> 01:05:43,764
Jonathan, can I possibly
have your attention?!

713
01:05:43,799 --> 01:05:47,599
I am seriously stuck in here! And short
of a ruddy Caesarean... Yes, hang on a sec.

714
01:05:47,634 --> 01:05:50,604
What the hell have
you got yourself into?

715
01:05:50,639 --> 01:05:53,239
I didn't have any choice, did I,
with the doors all locked.

716
01:05:53,274 --> 01:05:55,119
Just pull. I'm going to
have to put it on its side.

717
01:05:55,154 --> 01:05:57,919
Oh, God, that's not helping
one little bit.

718
01:05:57,954 --> 01:06:01,124
Careful!

719
01:06:01,159 --> 01:06:04,999
Pulling me arm out of it's socket.
How is this going to work?

720
01:06:05,034 --> 01:06:07,679
Rocking about all over the place.
My bloody shoulder...

721
01:06:07,714 --> 01:06:09,199
What's happening? Oh, oh, ah!

722
01:06:11,519 --> 01:06:16,759
Oh, ow, ow! Ah ah ah! Oh, oh, aah!

723
01:06:19,359 --> 01:06:21,399
SHE COUGHS

724
01:06:28,239 --> 01:06:31,239
Hopefully it was insured.

725
01:06:31,274 --> 01:06:34,204
Oh, give me some good news.

726
01:06:34,239 --> 01:06:38,319
What was all that up there about
screams and gardens and light bulbs?

727
01:06:38,354 --> 01:06:40,644
"Significant facts,"
was it, you said?

728
01:06:40,679 --> 01:06:43,764
And what did I say about our
Victorian Dr Northcote?

729
01:06:43,799 --> 01:06:47,284
That he was a close friend of
the scientist, Sir Francis Galton,

730
01:06:47,319 --> 01:06:53,799
who, among his many varied achievements, is
widely credited as the inventor of the dog whistle.

731
01:06:57,479 --> 01:07:00,204
120 years ago, thereabouts,

732
01:07:00,239 --> 01:07:08,039
a previous housekeeper at Green Lanterns famously
put a curse on her employer that caused him to die,

733
01:07:08,074 --> 01:07:12,604
apparently without any
physical explanation.

734
01:07:12,639 --> 01:07:17,359
To an impressionable mind, the idea of
that malign presence still in the house,

735
01:07:17,394 --> 01:07:21,204
somehow controlling her actions,
was fairly terrifying,

736
01:07:21,239 --> 01:07:25,719
and may have had a direct bearing on
the run-up to Harriet Dore's death.

737
01:07:27,319 --> 01:07:31,919
The mechanics of that first crime,
from all the evidence,

738
01:07:31,954 --> 01:07:34,324
were pretty daunting.

739
01:07:34,359 --> 01:07:39,239
A healthy man with a healthy heart,
in the middle of a lawn,

740
01:07:39,274 --> 01:07:42,484
suddenly keels over and dies.

741
01:07:42,519 --> 01:07:47,379
No marks or wounds were detected, no food
or drink that could have been poisoned,

742
01:07:47,414 --> 01:07:52,204
there was no possible trigger that could
have caused his death at exactly 3.15,

743
01:07:52,239 --> 01:07:59,479
the moment it was predicted, just a high-pitched,
blood-curdling scream that came from the bushes.

744
01:08:01,559 --> 01:08:03,999
No significance to that,
fairly obviously.

745
01:08:06,439 --> 01:08:09,399
Unless that scream was
not a reaction...

746
01:08:11,199 --> 01:08:15,604
.. but the instrument
of murder itself.

747
01:08:15,639 --> 01:08:19,724
A scream that set in
motion something so lethal

748
01:08:19,759 --> 01:08:23,999
that it could kill within seconds,
and then disappear,

749
01:08:24,034 --> 01:08:26,919
quite literally, into thin air.

750
01:08:29,239 --> 01:08:31,079
Hydrogen cyanide,

751
01:08:32,639 --> 01:08:35,204
HCN,

752
01:08:35,239 --> 01:08:38,519
could be pumped into a small
airtight container...

753
01:08:40,439 --> 01:08:45,359
.. and then sealed with a piece of glass
known to shatter at a certain frequency.

754
01:08:45,394 --> 01:08:48,319
SHE SCREAMS

755
01:09:08,839 --> 01:09:13,959
Fair to say you'd need specialist skills
to put something like that together,

756
01:09:13,994 --> 01:09:17,856
but I think we can assume that she
had the contacts,

757
01:09:17,891 --> 01:09:21,684
and that her powers
of persuasion were well up to it.

758
01:09:21,719 --> 01:09:25,719
But where do we think the inspiration
for something like that would come from?

759
01:09:29,199 --> 01:09:31,604
A prototype ultrasonic whistle,

760
01:09:31,639 --> 01:09:35,319
known to be in Northcote's
possession at the time.

761
01:09:40,839 --> 01:09:45,399
Too weak, certainly, to crack a watch
at that distance,

762
01:09:45,434 --> 01:09:50,119
but used on
a custom-made replica light bulb,

763
01:09:50,154 --> 01:09:51,839
just outside a bedroom door...

764
01:09:57,559 --> 01:10:01,759
Lights are geared to go off
all over the house and, in the dark,

765
01:10:01,794 --> 01:10:04,759
the picture's easily switched back.

766
01:10:07,919 --> 01:10:09,524
That creepy photo

767
01:10:09,559 --> 01:10:12,119
and the forged letters...

768
01:10:14,719 --> 01:10:20,559
.. and the apparition in the woodshed,
from the moment she arrived in the house,

769
01:10:20,594 --> 01:10:24,919
were all part of an orchestrated
campaign to make Emily Somerton feel

770
01:10:24,954 --> 01:10:28,879
and look like a woman out of control,
who was capable of murder.

771
01:10:30,239 --> 01:10:32,479
INAUDIBLE

772
01:10:42,799 --> 01:10:47,239
So let me just see if
I have this correct, Mr Creek.

773
01:10:47,274 --> 01:10:51,644
Mr Dore, as a calculated
ploy to frame the accused,

774
01:10:51,679 --> 01:10:56,279
has deliberately orchestrated
all the events you describe,

775
01:10:56,314 --> 01:11:01,336
and then pushed his own wife
out of the window.

776
01:11:01,371 --> 01:11:06,324
How exactly,
when he was sitting at a table

777
01:11:06,359 --> 01:11:11,244
on the far side of the garden with
two independent witnesses?

778
01:11:11,279 --> 01:11:16,079
It wouldn't be the first case of this
kind where an accomplice was involved.

779
01:11:16,114 --> 01:11:19,084
An accomplice who
appears to have borne

780
01:11:19,119 --> 01:11:24,799
a miraculous resemblance to Miss
Somerton, according to the deceased.

781
01:11:24,834 --> 01:11:26,444
From her position in the room,

782
01:11:26,479 --> 01:11:29,679
the way the light was coming
in through that other window,

783
01:11:29,714 --> 01:11:31,996
she'd have been
virtually in silhouette.

784
01:11:32,031 --> 01:11:34,244
Bearing in mind all the
death threats,

785
01:11:34,279 --> 01:11:38,999
the victim's already primed
for her to try something.

786
01:11:39,034 --> 01:11:41,604
The fact it was all over in seconds,

787
01:11:41,639 --> 01:11:48,999
Harriet Dore saw
exactly what she expected to see.

788
01:11:53,079 --> 01:11:57,359
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have
you now reached a verdict? We have.

789
01:11:57,394 --> 01:12:00,404
Is it a unanimous verdict? It is.

790
01:12:00,439 --> 01:12:04,599
On the charge of murdering Harriet
Dore, do you find the defendant,

791
01:12:04,634 --> 01:12:07,879
Emily Anne Somerton, guilty
or not guilty?

792
01:12:09,319 --> 01:12:11,679
Guilty.

793
01:12:15,999 --> 01:12:21,919
"As she was led away to the cells, with a look of
barely disguised resignation, and many long years

794
01:12:21,954 --> 01:12:24,884
"to reflect on her crime,
the defence team must have

795
01:12:24,919 --> 01:12:31,439
"pondered the wisdom of fielding as their star
witness the self-styled 'magic sleuth', Jonathan Creek,

796
01:12:31,474 --> 01:12:34,924
"whose ludicrous musings and
utterly improbable reasoning

797
01:12:34,959 --> 01:12:38,719
"would have stretched any jury's
credulity to breaking point. "

798
01:12:40,959 --> 01:12:43,884
The thing is, they're right.

799
01:12:43,919 --> 01:12:47,959
All that guff I cobbled together
about an accomplice in silhouette

800
01:12:47,994 --> 01:12:50,044
and "seeing what she expected
to see",

801
01:12:50,079 --> 01:12:53,924
doesn't get near to explaining
what happened that day.

802
01:12:53,959 --> 01:12:57,519
And the more you turn it all over,
the more you realise that Hugo Dore

803
01:12:57,554 --> 01:13:00,679
was a whole lot smarter
than we gave him credit for.

804
01:13:00,714 --> 01:13:04,244
To kill someone in such a way...

805
01:13:04,279 --> 01:13:09,199
that the victim is going to accuse the
wrong person seconds before they die,

806
01:13:09,234 --> 01:13:11,999
it's bordering on
psychopathic genius.

807
01:13:13,599 --> 01:13:16,579
Of course,
there is one other possibility,

808
01:13:16,614 --> 01:13:19,559
which we both know is
staring us in the face.

809
01:13:21,919 --> 01:13:24,039
You know what I'm saying, Jonathan.

810
01:13:24,074 --> 01:13:26,724
Cos I know what it is

811
01:13:26,759 --> 01:13:32,479
to believe in someone that much, to
build your whole future on someone,

812
01:13:32,514 --> 01:13:36,199
because it's something you know and
feel, deep down, is right,

813
01:13:36,234 --> 01:13:39,439
with every instinct you
ever trusted.

814
01:13:40,559 --> 01:13:44,119
And, you know,
that is absolutely the way,

815
01:13:44,154 --> 01:13:47,124
the true and perfect way,

816
01:13:47,159 --> 01:13:49,799
to get shat upon
from a great height.

817
01:13:49,834 --> 01:13:51,604
I know.

818
01:13:51,639 --> 01:13:53,604
I know you know.

819
01:13:53,639 --> 01:13:55,519
And it makes no difference, does it?

820
01:13:55,554 --> 01:13:57,804
None whatsoever.

821
01:13:57,839 --> 01:14:03,039
So, which of the many drawing boards
do you want to go back to?

822
01:14:09,879 --> 01:14:14,959
I suppose it's a lot to hope for, it's
suddenly going to just fall into place.

823
01:14:14,994 --> 01:14:18,479
Except somewhere here is the
key to how it was all worked.

824
01:14:22,999 --> 01:14:26,159
You just
hope for some slight glimmer.

825
01:14:54,679 --> 01:14:58,159
Teaspoon? Where he dropped his cup
when it happened.

826
01:15:00,399 --> 01:15:01,804
'Course...

827
01:15:01,839 --> 01:15:05,919
Cos he's allergic to cats. Excuse me?

828
01:15:07,519 --> 01:15:11,119
Cos they never made it
clear, did they, in court,

829
01:15:11,154 --> 01:15:13,684
which table they were sitting at.

830
01:15:13,719 --> 01:15:16,619
But if the cat was over
there, with the birds,

831
01:15:16,654 --> 01:15:19,519
the only one they
could have been sitting at...

832
01:15:23,959 --> 01:15:26,604
Amazing.

833
01:15:26,639 --> 01:15:29,479
It's only when you're
actually here, you can see it -

834
01:15:29,514 --> 01:15:32,439
the solution to the whole trick.

835
01:15:33,839 --> 01:15:37,679
And it pretty much explains, I think, who
was washing their hands in that bathroom.

836
01:16:48,959 --> 01:16:51,199
OWL HOOTS

837
01:17:26,839 --> 01:17:29,439
Darling, I'm afraid
we've got company.

838
01:17:31,319 --> 01:17:33,039
Actually, we were just passing.

839
01:17:35,119 --> 01:17:40,719
So, I wonder what you've got to say
about all this now then, Jonathan?

840
01:17:42,399 --> 01:17:46,204
What would Ellison Starberth
say at this point?

841
01:17:46,239 --> 01:17:51,079
We know that between you, you've pulled off as cynical
and staggering a deception as I've ever come across,

842
01:17:51,114 --> 01:17:54,004
in order to incriminate
an innocent young woman.

843
01:17:54,039 --> 01:17:59,959
Convincing us all that you'd fallen to your
death that day, impaled on a set of metal spikes.

844
01:17:59,994 --> 01:18:02,404
Just a bit impressive.

845
01:18:02,439 --> 01:18:09,319
Although we're still quite curious, it has to be
said, what it is keeps bringing you back to this place,

846
01:18:09,354 --> 01:18:10,839
to the Judas Tree.

847
01:18:19,199 --> 01:18:24,439
An unnaturally deep concern,
it would seem, for its welfare.

848
01:18:36,679 --> 01:18:39,244
If it weren't for the location,

849
01:18:39,279 --> 01:18:43,959
I'd almost be prepared to guess it
was one of you that planted it.

850
01:18:43,994 --> 01:18:46,916
You're angling for
the truth, Jonathan.

851
01:18:46,951 --> 01:18:49,839
I wonder if you've
got the stomach for it?

852
01:18:51,479 --> 01:18:54,219
Go on... Look, we don't
have to play this game.

853
01:18:54,254 --> 01:18:56,959
Let them work for it,
they're so bloody smart.

854
01:18:58,599 --> 01:19:02,164
Oh God, I just got that shiver.

855
01:19:02,199 --> 01:19:06,399
This is like when people lay
flowers at the side of the road.

856
01:19:07,679 --> 01:19:09,599
Something happened here.

857
01:19:12,319 --> 01:19:14,359
Something horrible.

858
01:19:16,559 --> 01:19:19,964
Someone close to you?

859
01:19:19,999 --> 01:19:23,079
It's the strangest thing, you know?

860
01:19:25,439 --> 01:19:27,679
Growing up with an older brother,

861
01:19:27,714 --> 01:19:29,119
who's younger than you.

862
01:19:32,359 --> 01:19:35,159
Strange, but constantly fulfilling.

863
01:19:37,279 --> 01:19:39,319
Today we call these
people "special".

864
01:19:41,079 --> 01:19:43,079
Well, Danny was certainly that.

865
01:19:47,999 --> 01:19:50,804
A child at 27,

866
01:19:50,839 --> 01:19:54,319
born into a world he couldn't
possibly hope to understand.

867
01:19:57,039 --> 01:20:01,564
Stop! Stop! Stop the car!

868
01:20:01,599 --> 01:20:06,519
Please, get out! I don't know
what to do. Can you help us?

869
01:20:06,639 --> 01:20:10,719
Thank you so much. She's just there.

870
01:20:10,754 --> 01:20:12,199
Straight ahead.

871
01:20:19,239 --> 01:20:21,039
It's my ankle.

872
01:20:21,159 --> 01:20:23,564
Shit!

873
01:20:23,599 --> 01:20:25,599
SHE SCREAMS

874
01:20:59,839 --> 01:21:01,759
DULL THUD

875
01:21:04,279 --> 01:21:10,039
He survived just long enough
to paint the picture.

876
01:21:21,839 --> 01:21:26,119
Of course, when they finally picked
them up, and took it to court,

877
01:21:26,154 --> 01:21:27,324
two sweet young girls,

878
01:21:27,359 --> 01:21:30,999
forced to defend themselves against
a man of proven mental inadequacy.

879
01:21:31,034 --> 01:21:33,239
Of course all the
evidence went their way.

880
01:21:33,274 --> 01:21:35,839
.. Not guilty.
SHE EXCLAIMS

881
01:21:52,999 --> 01:21:55,199
But you got past it.

882
01:21:55,234 --> 01:21:57,404
For 20 years,

883
01:21:57,439 --> 01:22:00,719
left the country, changed your
name when your career took off.

884
01:22:00,754 --> 01:22:03,759
It's only since you got back,

885
01:22:03,794 --> 01:22:05,404
something,

886
01:22:05,439 --> 01:22:11,839
or someone, persuaded you it
was time to settle that score.

887
01:22:11,874 --> 01:22:14,444
It's not very fashionable, but...

888
01:22:14,479 --> 01:22:18,839
sometimes I think you have to
meet brutality with brutality.

889
01:22:18,874 --> 01:22:21,364
So what happened?

890
01:22:21,399 --> 01:22:22,999
You tracked them both down?

891
01:22:24,599 --> 01:22:31,879
Decided they were going to pay for what
they'd done, one with a jail sentence,

892
01:22:31,914 --> 01:22:34,359
the other with her life.

893
01:22:46,119 --> 01:22:50,564
Echoes of movies should really have
got me there sooner.

894
01:22:50,599 --> 01:22:53,639
Cos the way you did it was
straight off a film set, wasn't it?

895
01:22:55,039 --> 01:23:00,959
Only instead of using a stunt performer,
who might just pass muster in the wide shot,

896
01:23:00,994 --> 01:23:03,759
you did something quite barbaric.

897
01:23:03,794 --> 01:23:05,844
.. OK.

898
01:23:05,879 --> 01:23:08,604
As Emily leaves the bedroom,

899
01:23:08,639 --> 01:23:12,799
your two independent witnesses are
already taking up their positions,

900
01:23:12,834 --> 01:23:16,039
in the one part of the garden
where the illusion will work.

901
01:23:18,799 --> 01:23:23,084
So at 3.15, as per your
cryptic death threat...

902
01:23:23,119 --> 01:23:26,519
Have you gone completely insane?!
Get your hands off me!

903
01:23:26,554 --> 01:23:30,079
Help me! Help me, somebody!

904
01:23:30,114 --> 01:23:32,479
SHE SCREAMS

905
01:23:39,759 --> 01:23:42,919
A matter of seconds,
you're downstairs, behind the gate.

906
01:24:06,679 --> 01:24:10,399
By the time the other two get
there, the switch has been made.

907
01:24:10,434 --> 01:24:12,844
So seamlessly no-one
suspects a thing.

908
01:24:12,879 --> 01:24:17,879
And, of course, you'd already been at
that fringe on her dress beforehand.

909
01:24:17,914 --> 01:24:20,559
After they've gone,
you make the switch back.

910
01:24:20,594 --> 01:24:23,324
Police, paramedics, undertakers,

911
01:24:23,359 --> 01:24:28,239
all take the whole thing at face
value. You've identified the body.

912
01:24:28,274 --> 01:24:30,484
And as we heard the other week,

913
01:24:30,519 --> 01:24:34,759
no-one round here knows Harriet Dore
from a bar of soap.

914
01:24:34,794 --> 01:24:37,244
When Emily took cover in that house,

915
01:24:37,279 --> 01:24:42,119
she couldn't have known how
close she was to the truth.

916
01:24:56,319 --> 01:25:01,079
So that was the perfect hidey-hole for
a week or two, till things blew over?

917
01:25:01,114 --> 01:25:04,964
And since then, what?
A hotel room somewhere,

918
01:25:04,999 --> 01:25:09,199
sitting it out till a few months'
time, you'd be back together, overseas.

919
01:25:11,519 --> 01:25:15,279
That wooden pipe, it turned out, wasn't
that much of a clue in the scheme of things.

920
01:25:15,314 --> 01:25:17,919
If you hadn't made such a
big deal about hiding it.

921
01:25:19,519 --> 01:25:25,199
The curse of a crime writer,
exploiting all those parallels.

922
01:25:25,234 --> 01:25:28,484
Just seemed to knit it all together.

923
01:25:28,519 --> 01:25:31,559
And that mess in the hall,
I take it, was your handiwork...

924
01:25:33,159 --> 01:25:36,279
.. the day I went back for
those reading glasses.

925
01:25:38,879 --> 01:25:41,724
It never flowered, you see,

926
01:25:41,759 --> 01:25:44,159
that was always the beauty of it.

927
01:25:44,194 --> 01:25:46,559
Splendid pink blossom

928
01:25:46,594 --> 01:25:48,479
in early spring.

929
01:25:51,639 --> 01:25:53,039
So what now?

930
01:25:55,359 --> 01:25:58,004
If this were a detective novel...

931
01:25:58,039 --> 01:26:02,279
You'd hang yourself from one of
the branches, cloaked with shame,

932
01:26:02,314 --> 01:26:05,676
I'd turn myself in and
your friend would go free.

933
01:26:05,711 --> 01:26:09,004
The real world, sadly, is
not so neatly structured.

934
01:26:09,039 --> 01:26:12,519
They didn't believe your story last
time, you think they'll believe this one?

935
01:26:12,554 --> 01:26:15,524
All right, her condition...

936
01:26:15,559 --> 01:26:19,324
we had no idea about. Would it have
made a difference? I don't know.

937
01:26:19,359 --> 01:26:23,999
But I do know it was a lunatic idea,
coming out here in the first place tonight.

938
01:26:24,034 --> 01:26:26,599
Can I suggest, sweetheart, whatever
we need to discuss at this stage of

939
01:26:26,634 --> 01:26:30,244
the game, we discuss another time,
another place? Of course.

940
01:26:30,279 --> 01:26:35,319
But, of course, when I got your text, it seemed
so urgent... My text? Hang on, it was you...

941
01:26:36,999 --> 01:26:39,319
Oh, I can't believe it...

942
01:26:39,354 --> 01:26:41,039
This was a setup?

943
01:26:42,079 --> 01:26:43,999
Don't look at us.

944
01:26:44,034 --> 01:26:48,159
Then, who?

945
01:26:50,759 --> 01:26:56,199
I suppose it was a betrayal of trust
and confidence, in a sense,

946
01:26:56,234 --> 01:26:59,844
but when he found out, you see,

947
01:26:59,879 --> 01:27:04,279
an innocent life had been lost
in that whole gruesome business...

948
01:27:06,479 --> 01:27:09,799
.. that's when he felt the need to
declare his crime.

949
01:27:09,834 --> 01:27:12,256
INDISTINCT

950
01:27:12,291 --> 01:27:14,679
HE SNORES

951
01:27:24,839 --> 01:27:28,724
And then my dilemma,
of course, was no less.

952
01:27:28,759 --> 01:27:33,119
That information was sacred,
and not for me to pass on.

953
01:27:35,039 --> 01:27:41,239
But when I spotted you out there last
night, in the garden, it did occur to me.

954
01:27:41,274 --> 01:27:47,079
A couple of urgent text messages
would bring them and us together.

955
01:27:48,799 --> 01:27:53,359
But as you say, it does all
feel rather final somehow.

956
01:27:55,359 --> 01:27:58,599
The hand of God, do we think,

957
01:27:58,634 --> 01:28:00,159
balancing our lives?

958
01:28:04,479 --> 01:28:06,239
Our sins are never forgotten.

959
01:28:09,079 --> 01:28:11,279
Our punishments,

960
01:28:11,314 --> 01:28:13,479
merely deferred.

961
01:28:17,479 --> 01:28:19,479
DOOR LOCKED

962
01:28:37,079 --> 01:28:38,684
Oh.

963
01:28:38,719 --> 01:28:41,159
Oh, dear. Bad news?

964
01:28:42,879 --> 01:28:46,399
It's from Mr Karswell,
the deacon at St Patrick's.

965
01:28:47,999 --> 01:28:50,484
Father Alberic.

966
01:28:50,519 --> 01:28:54,359
They found him two nights ago.

967
01:28:57,919 --> 01:29:00,599
He'd apparently made a DVD.

968
01:29:00,634 --> 01:29:03,244
'We are all of us unique

969
01:29:03,279 --> 01:29:09,599
'and blessed before God and the
tragedy of any loss touches us all.

970
01:29:09,634 --> 01:29:14,319
'But while I am, today,
no longer flesh, my spirit, I know,

971
01:29:14,354 --> 01:29:17,684
'walks among you still. '

972
01:29:17,719 --> 01:29:21,804
As he said, if you want a job doing.

973
01:29:21,839 --> 01:29:27,319
'It's a well-worn phrase, the Lord
took him to early. But you know,

974
01:29:27,354 --> 01:29:32,799
'I've had a long and fulfilling life
in the service of our saviour.

975
01:29:32,834 --> 01:29:34,884
'Even shared his interest
in woodwork.

976
01:29:34,919 --> 01:29:37,679
'An example of my efforts,
as a matter of fact... '

977
01:29:48,759 --> 01:29:54,339
Now I know I speak for most people here when I
say I'm sick and tired of being lectured to by

978
01:29:54,374 --> 01:29:59,919
white middle class intellectuals, about what
I am and what I'm not meant to be offended by.

979
01:29:59,954 --> 01:30:04,284
Believe it or not, we don't need to be
patronised, we can think for ourselves.

980
01:30:04,319 --> 01:30:09,199
And what I know about this guy is that he's
real, he's sincere, and he's got it here.

981
01:30:09,234 --> 01:30:11,884
And we're proud to have him on the
roll call tonight,

982
01:30:11,919 --> 01:30:18,399
working for The Race Against Racism, would
you please give it up for Mr Adam Klaus.

983
01:30:18,434 --> 01:30:20,879
CHEERING
OK, folks, let the show commence!

984
01:30:37,519 --> 01:30:38,999
HE STOPS CLIP

985
01:30:41,159 --> 01:30:43,559
HE STARTS CLIP

986
01:30:50,079 --> 01:30:53,764
How was lunch? Enrico Caruso
could scarce have sung its praises.

987
01:30:53,799 --> 01:30:57,759
And we had a fine and fertile discussion,
did we not, on the future course of the act.

988
01:30:57,794 --> 01:31:01,519
You could say my John Dore was
drizzled with creative juices.

989
01:31:01,554 --> 01:31:03,159
I don't think I'll bother.

990
01:31:04,759 --> 01:31:07,004
And talking of Dores,

991
01:31:07,039 --> 01:31:09,244
are you over the worst yet?
Bless him.

992
01:31:09,279 --> 01:31:12,444
Cos you've got
to be gutted after all that?

993
01:31:12,479 --> 01:31:16,684
But listen, you know what I've been
thinking, that police shrink she said about

994
01:31:16,719 --> 01:31:21,399
might've been onto something, when she talked
about blocking out things that have happened?

995
01:31:21,434 --> 01:31:26,079
It wouldn't surprise me if she had absolutely
no recollection of that stuff with his brother.

996
01:31:26,114 --> 01:31:30,919
Like she'd airbrushed it all out of
her head, the court case, everything.

997
01:31:30,954 --> 01:31:33,439
You read about all that bollocks,
like a kind of denial.

998
01:31:35,079 --> 01:31:37,959
And yet she remembered
the man in the grass.

999
01:31:37,994 --> 01:31:40,404
Well, selective maybe.

1000
01:31:40,439 --> 01:31:42,639
Who knows?
Anyway, I'll just be a sec.

1001
01:31:46,039 --> 01:31:50,039
So, last night's gig. Did you log on yet, see
whether we made it in one piece on to YouTube?

1002
01:31:50,199 --> 01:31:53,079
Er, yes.
Yes, it's certainly on there.

1003
01:31:53,114 --> 01:31:55,399
It's very much as you'd expect.

1004
01:31:55,434 --> 01:31:56,999
Well, let me see.

1005
01:32:00,799 --> 01:32:02,479
Right.

1006
01:32:09,399 --> 01:32:10,999
There's one version.

1007
01:32:16,079 --> 01:32:19,444
Oh, what have we here?

1008
01:32:19,479 --> 01:32:23,959
Uh, yes, I think
someone did also post something...

1009
01:32:23,994 --> 01:32:25,399
different.

1010
01:32:38,239 --> 01:32:43,359
What they've done there, it's quite interesting
actually, they've used these straight lines up here...

1011
01:32:43,394 --> 01:32:46,559
Like the diagonals on the hat.

1012
01:32:46,594 --> 01:32:48,684
Basic reference points.

1013
01:32:48,719 --> 01:32:53,999
To make it easier to matte in
the Klansman's hood over my face.

1014
01:32:54,034 --> 01:32:56,399
Exactly...
HE STOPS PLAYBACK

1015
01:32:56,434 --> 01:32:57,879
Isn't that interesting?

1016
01:33:00,199 --> 01:33:05,119
Now, I just have to remind myself,
whose idea was it to stage this

1017
01:33:05,154 --> 01:33:09,679
whole routine dressed as a
"grand wizard" in the first place?

1018
01:33:11,239 --> 01:33:12,959
Cos I know it wasn't you.

1019
01:33:16,519 --> 01:33:17,564
Oh!

1020
01:33:17,599 --> 01:33:19,719
There's a coincidence. What?

1021
01:33:21,839 --> 01:33:24,039
Just coming up to 3.15.