1 00:00:21,961 --> 00:00:22,961 Season 4, Episode 9: The Clue of the Savant's Thumb 2 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,605 Go on, take it! 3 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,725 It's the first test. 4 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,780 It'll be hilarious. Can't wait to see her face. 5 00:01:18,815 --> 00:01:21,800 This is taking ages. Hurry up. Write faster! 6 00:01:21,835 --> 00:01:23,000 She's coming! 7 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,240 Who is responsible for this sacrilege?! 8 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,765 I tell you now, whoever did this, 9 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,125 no secret is hidden from the Holy Father. 10 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,440 You know who you are. And the wrath of the Lord will be upon you 11 00:01:46,475 --> 00:01:49,417 and His punishment will be harsh and righteous, 12 00:01:49,452 --> 00:01:52,360 and commensurate with the mortal sin of blasphemy! 13 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,880 GIRLS CHAT AND LAUGH 14 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:19,000 You've some weird and deviant ways, Rosalind Booth. 15 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,000 Natalie, have you anything you wish to say to me about this afternoon? 16 00:02:23,035 --> 00:02:24,880 No, Sister Cunegonde. 17 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,980 WIND BLOWS 18 00:02:38,015 --> 00:02:40,320 CREAKING 19 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:57,800 SCREAMING 20 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,000 GIRLS CRY 21 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,880 Sister! 22 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,440 SHE SCREAMS 23 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,160 We'll see if 24 hours of isolation can tame this 24 00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:49,445 rebellious spirit of yours, Rosalind. 25 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,060 In this room you will read, reflect on your sins, 26 00:03:52,095 --> 00:03:54,605 and learn penitence through the power of prayer. 27 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,165 And you will truly see God, and learn to love Him through the 28 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:02,200 blessed Saint Barnabas, and repent the error of your heathen ways. 29 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,420 So are you going to tell us what happened? 30 00:05:13,455 --> 00:05:15,720 Did you actually see God? Come on, tell us. 31 00:05:15,755 --> 00:05:17,165 Course I didn't "see God. " 32 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,440 What do you think? Absolutely nothing happened in there. 33 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,440 Nothing at all. 34 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,480 "Danse Macabre" by Camille Saint-Saens 35 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,920 'Yes, and although today one simply thinks of oneself as this 36 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:15,245 'jobbing writer-director-presenter- 37 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,765 'political-theorist-cum-social anthropologist, having trained 38 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,800 'initially, of course, in the areas of medicine and bio-chemistry, 39 00:06:22,955 --> 00:06:26,955 'I still find these areas utterly fascinate me. 40 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:31,840 'There's a lady in Sweden, for example, who for 11 years 41 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:35,160 'now has been sending me videos of her husband's colonoscopies. 42 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:38,245 'And while it's true that to a specialist in rectal polyps 43 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:41,800 'his abdomen is positively stacked with treasures, what's curious 44 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:45,835 'is her passion for meticulously documenting their progress. 45 00:06:46,032 --> 00:06:50,032 'Like some form of anal archivist recording his posterior 46 00:06:50,195 --> 00:06:52,240 'for posterity, as it were. ' 47 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,520 Well, there we must leave it. 48 00:07:15,555 --> 00:07:17,160 As ever, Franklin Tartikoff, 49 00:07:17,195 --> 00:07:18,685 it's been illuminating, 50 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,440 entertaining, and an absolute... 51 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,000 MEDIA FILE BEEPS 52 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,800 PHONE RINGS 53 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,125 Ah, Nigel! 54 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,360 Yes, some of these dates they've sent for the book tour, 55 00:07:40,395 --> 00:07:42,765 I don't think are going to work, unfortunately. 56 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,800 July 15th, I'll be up to my eyes in The Winslow Boy. 57 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,800 That's Terence Rattigan, for any tabloid reporters listening in. 58 00:07:50,835 --> 00:07:53,525 And the third and fourth of August, 59 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,125 I'll still be colour grading Robin Cook. 60 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,340 And then, I'm afraid, the last week of November's not good for me, 61 00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:02,520 as I'll be dead. Any chance they could bring that one forward at all? 62 00:08:02,555 --> 00:08:03,965 DOORBELL RINGS 63 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,340 Well, no. That prognosis, I'm told, is amazingly accurate, 64 00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:10,567 based on this new software that can sample the echocardiogram 65 00:08:10,602 --> 00:08:13,741 and then calculate the exact rate of ventricular atrophy. 66 00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:16,880 As a tool for assessing life expectancy in terminal heart 67 00:08:16,915 --> 00:08:19,680 disease, it's one of the most exciting new clinical 68 00:08:19,715 --> 00:08:21,360 developments I can remember. 69 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:23,860 Peter! 70 00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:25,165 Franklin. 71 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:29,200 Morning. Come on up, the coffee's on. How are you? 72 00:08:29,395 --> 00:08:30,485 Are you well? 73 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,485 Fine thanks, yes. And how's Ros? 74 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,920 Glad to get that funeral out of the way this morning? 75 00:08:35,955 --> 00:08:38,245 Oh, yes. An old school friend, apparently. 76 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,240 She's been obsessing about it for days. I don't know why. 77 00:08:41,275 --> 00:08:45,275 Grace Elizabeth Elstow left this world too early, 78 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:49,520 but it was, at least, a world she had come to terms with. 79 00:08:49,555 --> 00:08:53,165 She understood the temporary nature of existence, 80 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:57,200 that man is no more meaningful than a mountain of molecules, 81 00:08:58,055 --> 00:09:02,055 beautifully, but pointlessly composited for one brief life span, 82 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,240 before reverting, without consequence, 83 00:09:05,275 --> 00:09:07,685 to an infinity of dust. 84 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,605 Not quite the Pope's Easter message, 85 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,320 but... I suppose it's what she would have wanted. 86 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,965 Dear Beth. You were their one success story. 87 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,880 Funny how we all spin off in different directions. 88 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,800 That's Grace and Kate, then, now. Both gone. 89 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,640 Just the two of us left. 90 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,560 You... got my text? 91 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,085 And? 92 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,120 You went back. What did you see? 93 00:09:43,155 --> 00:09:44,337 Too much. 94 00:09:44,372 --> 00:09:45,520 I hoped... 95 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,200 Maybe I hoped it had all gone away. 96 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,840 All I know is, the sooner they pull that wretched place down, the better. 97 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,020 But they'll still be with us, Ros. 98 00:09:59,055 --> 00:10:01,325 The ghosts will never leave us 99 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,525 as long as we go on running from the past. 100 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,880 We were just children. We didn't deserve that! I'm sorry, Beth. 101 00:10:07,915 --> 00:10:09,245 I can't see the point. 102 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,685 It's 50 years now. For God's sake, 103 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:15,560 can't we please just let it go and move on! 104 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:25,160 Ah yes, I see what you're saying about the arrhythmia. 105 00:10:25,195 --> 00:10:28,160 It's like a form of systolic syncopation, almost. 106 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,920 Art Tatum in the atrium. 107 00:10:29,955 --> 00:10:30,965 PHONE RINGS 108 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,205 Ah! That'll be Fariba. 109 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,360 Said she'd call the minute she landed. Do you mind? 110 00:10:34,395 --> 00:10:37,205 No, no, we're almost done. 111 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,485 Sweetheart! How was life in the jungle? 112 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:44,440 Yes, going to be clearing a space soon for that BAFTA documentary award! 113 00:10:44,475 --> 00:10:48,475 I tell you, 108 days with the most primitive people on Earth - 114 00:10:48,675 --> 00:10:51,920 109 if you count the baggage staff at Jakarta - 115 00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:54,120 just so opens your eyes 116 00:10:54,155 --> 00:10:55,685 to life, 117 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,485 survival, existence. 118 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,560 Well, listen, I can't wait to see the footage. 119 00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,965 No, I can imagine. 120 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,205 Yeah, I only went to Bhubaneswar. 121 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,200 Pottering around the Buddhist shrine... 122 00:11:10,235 --> 00:11:12,165 Peter. You're just off? 123 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,640 Yes. I've made one slight adjustment to your husband's medication. 124 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,800 If I could leave it with you? 125 00:11:16,835 --> 00:11:18,480 Yes. Of course. 126 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,720 And I'll be in touch again next week. 127 00:11:24,755 --> 00:11:27,285 Yes. Right. Bye then, Peter. 128 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,520 The student bar would be empty by 10 o'clock... 129 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,680 CAR ENGINE STARTS 130 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,605 Interesting. 131 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,640 Yes, but not something you'd have much use for. It's a god. 132 00:12:08,035 --> 00:12:09,765 Tarua-Ran. Oh, yes? 133 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,800 Which means, roughly translated, "What cannot be explained. " 134 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,440 It's like they're living on a whole different spiritual plane to us. 135 00:12:18,475 --> 00:12:21,320 Gosh. We think we know all the answers. 136 00:12:21,355 --> 00:12:24,245 We don't even know the questions. 137 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,405 And how's Brad? You been keeping him warm for me? 138 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:31,440 Yes. Yes, we see him from time to time, don't we? Mm-hmm. 139 00:12:31,475 --> 00:12:32,525 Is he all right? 140 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,005 What do you think? 16 weeks on his own? 141 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,600 The poor man'll be pining for you desperately. 142 00:12:37,635 --> 00:12:39,320 Oh! 143 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,560 Whoa! 144 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,965 THEY LAUGH 145 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,845 I think that's what DH Lawrence would call 146 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,160 "the hastening gravitation of spirit towards spirit 147 00:12:54,195 --> 00:12:55,600 "and body towards body. " 148 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,320 Give me that again? 149 00:12:58,355 --> 00:12:59,457 Whoa! 150 00:12:59,492 --> 00:13:00,560 HE LAUGHS 151 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,800 No, I meant the bit about DH Lawrence. 152 00:13:04,835 --> 00:13:06,205 You know, we need to look lively, 153 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,000 before the owners of this place catch us. 154 00:13:08,035 --> 00:13:09,217 When are they due back? 155 00:13:09,252 --> 00:13:10,400 The end of February. 156 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,485 So they fly south for the winter 157 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,360 and leave you to mind the shop. Got to be a cushy number. 158 00:13:18,395 --> 00:13:19,605 And the rest. 159 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,400 There's all the maintenance work, sorting out the animal feed. 160 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,720 And picking up strange women at petrol stations. 161 00:13:24,755 --> 00:13:26,525 I should have known you worked on a farm 162 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,560 when you had to sit on that little stool to put your hands up my shirt. 163 00:13:29,595 --> 00:13:31,360 Nice part of the world, though. 164 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,485 What's that place? Like a stately home or something? 165 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,440 Oh, Waxwood Hall. Yeah, used to be an old convent school. 166 00:13:38,475 --> 00:13:41,880 There was some weird story back in the '60s. 167 00:13:41,915 --> 00:13:44,320 These girls who all woke up with, like, 168 00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:46,405 strange red rings on their head. 169 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,360 Think one of them was actually found dead the next morning. 170 00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,777 You know what it's like, local superstitions. 171 00:13:51,812 --> 00:13:54,160 There's been talk around this place ever since. 172 00:13:54,195 --> 00:13:56,317 "Dark forces" at work in that building 173 00:13:56,352 --> 00:13:58,440 you really don't want to meddle with... 174 00:13:58,475 --> 00:14:01,325 PHONE RINGS 175 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,960 Oh, course, she's back this week, I forgot. 176 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,160 Girl I was sort of seeing, till she, erm... 177 00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:11,245 Hey! How the hell are you? 178 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:15,080 Oh, just the usual. Slopping about the farm. 179 00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:17,205 Sorting out the livestock. 180 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,800 But listen, we should get together for a catch up. 181 00:14:19,835 --> 00:14:21,605 Yeah, when's good for you? 182 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,320 I don't know, Brad. when's good for you? 183 00:14:24,355 --> 00:14:26,360 Not just this minute, I'm guessing. 184 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,205 MUSIC STOPS 185 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,480 JONATHAN MUMBLES 186 00:14:46,515 --> 00:14:48,440 APPLAUSE 187 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,845 Oh, I know! And he was so looking forward to catching up with you today. 188 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,560 But them's the breaks, I'm afraid, when you're running a global advertising agency. 189 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,737 Cos you and my dad go back 30 years, 190 00:15:02,772 --> 00:15:04,845 directing those SDP party politicals. 191 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,440 Oh, yes, Roy Jenkins. "With not a little rancour. " 192 00:15:07,475 --> 00:15:09,805 I think we went to 16 takes. 193 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,520 Oh, I never got a chance to introduce you all properly, 194 00:15:12,555 --> 00:15:14,325 did I, to my husband, Jonathan? 195 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,920 Don't think you know Jack - producer extraordinaire. 196 00:15:16,955 --> 00:15:19,480 You still based in Euston, have I remembered that right? 197 00:15:19,515 --> 00:15:21,805 And Davina and Rosalind. 198 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,965 And Franklin Tartikoff, you obviously know. 199 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,080 Though to me you'll always be the Right Reverend Leslie Clitoris. 200 00:15:27,115 --> 00:15:29,480 I mean, priceless. Some of the stuff you got away with, 201 00:15:29,515 --> 00:15:31,117 those early satire shows on radio. 202 00:15:31,152 --> 00:15:32,685 You remember the mad Catholic bishop 203 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,045 who tied women's legs together in a reef knot? 204 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:39,080 Gosh, yes. Leslie Clitoris. The BBC had no idea what we were saying. 205 00:15:39,955 --> 00:15:42,040 They thought he was the chap who wrote The Saint. 206 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:43,325 THEY LAUGH 207 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,000 So, anyway. This is all news to us, Polly? 208 00:15:46,035 --> 00:15:47,977 What was it, a whirlwind courtship? 209 00:15:48,012 --> 00:15:49,885 More like an emergency airlift! 210 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,280 Poor man was living in a windmill, weren't you, when I first met him. 211 00:15:53,315 --> 00:15:55,805 Thinking up conjuring tricks for a living. 212 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,485 So you know, bit of a reboot required there, but... 213 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:02,520 Good for us all periodically, I think. To metamorphose, move on. 214 00:16:02,675 --> 00:16:03,965 I was born a man. 215 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,320 Exactly. Oh! Mustn't forget, by the way, 216 00:16:06,355 --> 00:16:08,640 it's Jack and Davina's anniversary today, 217 00:16:08,675 --> 00:16:11,485 so many congratulations to you both! 218 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,880 To the lucky husband and his lovely wife! Many more to come. 219 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,320 So where's he taking you after this, somewhere exciting? 220 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,280 What? 221 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,760 No, it's just all this "he", and "husband and wife. " 222 00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:31,685 I'm very sorry. 223 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,000 No, no, darling, I'm sure he understands. 224 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,205 A few years ago, Jonathan, 225 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,360 I had some identity issues with my gender. 226 00:16:38,395 --> 00:16:40,325 We discussed it, we resolved it. 227 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,240 I was Geoffrey Hyde, I'm now Jacqueline. It's done. 228 00:16:44,275 --> 00:16:46,565 We've moved on. We're very happy. 229 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:50,160 So great, when people can work these things out. 230 00:16:50,195 --> 00:16:52,457 So, sorry, what are you saying? That you... 231 00:16:52,492 --> 00:16:54,685 Made what we both felt was the mature decision. 232 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,000 And in case you're wondering, I got to keep all my male genitalia. 233 00:16:58,035 --> 00:16:59,285 Oh, right. 234 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,520 I keep it in a jar in my production office. 235 00:17:01,555 --> 00:17:02,725 You know what it's like. 236 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,760 Pairs of shoes you don't wear any more, 237 00:17:04,795 --> 00:17:07,165 you still can't bear to throw away. 238 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,520 And the name, I suppose - Jacqueline - sort of appropriate 239 00:17:10,555 --> 00:17:12,640 with your identity issues? 240 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,845 Jacqueline Hyde? 241 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,640 How do you mean, exactly? 242 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,285 Actually, talking of satire, 243 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,405 did you have any luck with that demo tape? I meant to ask. 244 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,560 Some quite extraordinary performances... Let's go and say hi... 245 00:17:27,595 --> 00:17:30,437 Can I say something embarrassing, Jonathan? 246 00:17:30,472 --> 00:17:33,280 I'm such an admirer of all your cognitive work. 247 00:17:33,315 --> 00:17:36,280 It takes a pretty stubborn mind sometimes 248 00:17:36,315 --> 00:17:38,045 to fly the flag for common sense 249 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,720 when everyone else around you seems to believe in fairies. 250 00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:42,325 That's... I realise, obviously, 251 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,360 that's a closed chapter in your life now, 252 00:17:44,395 --> 00:17:46,560 but just so you know... 253 00:17:46,595 --> 00:17:47,920 you have a fan. 254 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,880 MACHINE BEEPS AND CLICKS 255 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:22,120 I'll be away then now. And see you later. 256 00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:25,520 Yes. Enjoy your "bridge night. " 257 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,920 CHANTING ON TV 258 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,560 Hi, how are you? 259 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,720 Indeed. In some ways the perfect night for it. 260 00:18:52,475 --> 00:18:54,605 THUNDER CRASHES 261 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,205 We both know he knows. 262 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,560 Is there anything on this God-awful Earth he doesn't know? 263 00:18:59,595 --> 00:19:03,325 It's just that, to say that to me, to even allude... 264 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,840 It's the first time ever he's tried to rattle me with subtext. 265 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:11,600 This time next year, things'll be different. 266 00:19:11,635 --> 00:19:13,205 Yes, knowing him, 267 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,600 he'll suddenly develop a miracle cure in his coffee break. 268 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,760 I have to go. 269 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:49,000 WOMAN SOBS 270 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,400 THUNDER CRASHES 271 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,880 WOMAN SOBS 272 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,480 DOOR RATTLES 273 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,640 Fariba? You in there, darling? What's happening? 274 00:20:28,675 --> 00:20:30,520 Fariba, please open the door! 275 00:20:30,555 --> 00:20:32,560 ROSALIND BANGS ON DOOR 276 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,040 ROSALIND GASPS 277 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,845 Oh, no! Fariba! 278 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,120 Oh, God, oh, God! What's happened?! 279 00:20:53,155 --> 00:20:55,880 Talk to me, will you?! 280 00:20:55,915 --> 00:20:58,137 Fariba! Fariba! 281 00:20:58,172 --> 00:21:00,166 Open the door! 282 00:21:00,201 --> 00:21:02,125 BANGS ON DOOR 283 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,720 Talk to me, will you? 284 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,125 Fariba? 285 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,080 Fariba, can you hear me? 286 00:21:09,115 --> 00:21:10,720 Fariba! 287 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,120 Yes, you've got to come over here now! 288 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,685 Oh, God, oh, God. 289 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,240 Fariba, can you hear me? 290 00:21:52,275 --> 00:21:54,440 BANGING ON DOOR 291 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,285 Shh... 292 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,640 I called the police. I called the ambulance. 293 00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:22,840 Well done, well done. 294 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,280 In God's name... 295 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,485 FARIBA GROANS 296 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,240 My darling, are you all right? Can you talk? 297 00:22:36,275 --> 00:22:38,760 Talk to me, what happened here? 298 00:22:38,795 --> 00:22:41,445 This is insane. 299 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:42,965 You're making this up! 300 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,720 What happened? Why can't you tell us? 301 00:22:45,755 --> 00:22:48,045 Because I... I don't know. 302 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,405 I came up here... I found him like that... 303 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:55,325 I heard somebody coming upstairs, and I locked the door. 304 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:58,120 Whoever did that, I didn't know, they might still be in the house, 305 00:22:58,155 --> 00:23:00,400 outside there, with a gun to your head... 306 00:23:00,435 --> 00:23:03,885 I... I couldn't think straight! 307 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,680 But you never moved from that door the whole time. 308 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,360 I mean, for God's sake, he was in here, you both saw him! 309 00:23:11,395 --> 00:23:14,160 This is just surreal, isn't it? 310 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:17,040 Where the hell did he go? 311 00:23:17,075 --> 00:23:19,760 THUNDER CRASHES 312 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,165 PEOPLE CHATTER 313 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,760 Can you please move... 314 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,445 Sorry, I thought he might have a small window, but 315 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,860 I'm afraid we're looking at back-to-back appointments all morning. 316 00:23:40,895 --> 00:23:44,240 Then he's got lunch with his co-directors at Claridge's at one, 317 00:23:44,275 --> 00:23:47,080 and from three to five he'll be at his club in town, so... 318 00:23:47,115 --> 00:23:48,445 Erm, yes! 319 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:49,965 Can I stop you there? 320 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,125 I think we've got our wires crossed here, haven't we? 321 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,605 It's just, I googled the name and this company came up, but 322 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,440 obviously got the wrong Jonathan Creek here entirely, haven't I? 323 00:23:58,475 --> 00:24:01,640 So, very sorry to have troubled you. Bye. 324 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,760 Oh! Oh, God! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Sorry. 325 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,800 What are you like? 326 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,240 It wasn't deliberate, I swear to you, honestly. 327 00:24:53,275 --> 00:24:55,605 INTERCOM BUZZES 328 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,805 'Sorry, Mr Creek, just to warn you. 329 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,680 'There was a rather strange woman hanging about earlier on. 330 00:25:00,715 --> 00:25:03,125 'I got security to escort her off the premises, 331 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,280 'but just in case she manages to worm her way back in... 332 00:25:06,315 --> 00:25:09,200 'She looked like the sort that doesn't give up. ' 333 00:25:09,235 --> 00:25:11,917 I'll bear that in mind. Thank you, Angelika. 334 00:25:11,952 --> 00:25:14,600 Said she thought you might have a small window. 335 00:25:14,635 --> 00:25:16,045 Has she ever been in this room? 336 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,960 Look, if all you've come here to do is smirk 337 00:25:17,995 --> 00:25:19,805 at the fact that I've finally managed to 338 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,925 turn my life around, progress my career, do something 339 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,960 a bit more grown-up and responsible and creatively challenging. 340 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:31,240 Only I've got a very important presentation to Weetabix in five minutes, so if you don't mind... 341 00:25:31,355 --> 00:25:32,525 All right, get out. 342 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,725 I'm sorry, I'm sorry - no! I'm sorry. 343 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,440 Look, three years. People can change, it's none of my business. 344 00:25:38,475 --> 00:25:40,125 So look, I'll keep this short, OK? 345 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,240 Cos this won't be on your radar yet, probably. 346 00:25:42,275 --> 00:25:44,857 It's only just breaking, but... 347 00:25:44,892 --> 00:25:47,405 A dead man in a room, right, 348 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,020 seen and photographed by witnesses, 349 00:25:50,055 --> 00:25:52,727 completely evaporates into thin air. 350 00:25:52,762 --> 00:25:55,365 Walls, floor, ceiling all rock solid, 351 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,640 no way he could have got out through the window, or through the door, 352 00:25:58,675 --> 00:26:01,880 which was being watched the whole time, and yet when they went in... 353 00:26:01,915 --> 00:26:04,440 I mean, it is just mind-blowing. 354 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,765 There'll be an explanation. 355 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,685 It'll all be very weird and wonderful. 356 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,880 Once you've fathomed it, everyone will be deeply underwhelmed, 357 00:26:13,915 --> 00:26:16,045 and you'll wonder why you bothered, so. 358 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,560 Ordinarily, agreed. But this one is so bulletproof, 359 00:26:18,595 --> 00:26:19,845 from what they're saying, 360 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,325 it's like nothing you've ever come across. 361 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,680 There's a lot of mad talk in this village already 362 00:26:24,715 --> 00:26:27,005 about supernatural forces. 363 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,085 And now with this Franklin Tartikoff character 364 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:33,360 just apparently turning into dust, like some kind of vampire... 365 00:26:33,395 --> 00:26:34,960 Franklin Tartikoff? 366 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,480 Sorry, I didn't realise you were... in a meeting. 367 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,565 You know we're... 368 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,520 Yes. This was just... Absolutely. 369 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,300 Best of luck with that, then. 370 00:26:50,335 --> 00:26:51,880 Sounds like you'll need it. 371 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,885 What's the latest news? What's going on? 372 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,880 Please step back. Please step back. There's nothing to see here. 373 00:27:07,915 --> 00:27:10,840 Move all back. This is private property, ladies and gentlemen, 374 00:27:10,875 --> 00:27:12,280 please move back. 375 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:34,920 Ow! 376 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,600 FARIBA CRIES 377 00:28:08,635 --> 00:28:11,240 KNOCK ON DOOR 378 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,800 We found this in the kitchen, Mrs Tartikoff. 379 00:28:14,835 --> 00:28:17,137 Could you enlighten us at all? 380 00:28:17,172 --> 00:28:19,405 My husband's bat detector. 381 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:22,640 He'd been tracking this soprano pipistrelle for the past week, 382 00:28:22,675 --> 00:28:25,045 appeared to have come out of hibernation. 383 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:29,000 Oh, in fact, that's something I should really have warned you about. 384 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,920 JOEY GASPS 385 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:52,325 Copy that, Sergeant. 386 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,720 I can report the bat net has just been safely located. 387 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,600 Joey Ross. Joey Ross... 388 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,180 Bear with me just a few seconds. 389 00:29:04,215 --> 00:29:06,285 I could switch to voice recognition, 390 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,325 but calling up a Wikipedia file is not without risks. 391 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,160 Now, according to this, you run a website which catalogues 392 00:29:13,195 --> 00:29:16,200 and explains real life paranormal experiences, 393 00:29:16,235 --> 00:29:18,640 in occasional collaboration with... 394 00:29:18,675 --> 00:29:20,405 Well, well, well! 395 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,860 A name that immediately sprang to mind, of course, 396 00:29:22,895 --> 00:29:25,167 when this little puzzle first presented itself. 397 00:29:25,202 --> 00:29:27,541 He and I had the pleasure of working together once, 398 00:29:27,576 --> 00:29:29,845 on the curious matter of the limping man... Oh! 399 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,880 .. some years before a sniper's bullet put me in this contraption. 400 00:29:32,915 --> 00:29:35,280 So you wouldn't be... 401 00:29:35,315 --> 00:29:36,685 Gideon Pryke? 402 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,445 They tried to retire me, of course, 403 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,440 but I still have the use of one finger, 404 00:29:40,475 --> 00:29:42,045 which was enough to argue my case. 405 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,760 And, please God, the world's moved on since Raymond Burr... 406 00:29:44,795 --> 00:29:47,125 Sergeant Cudlipp! 407 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,480 The heel of a man's shoe, size 11 I'd imagine, 408 00:29:49,515 --> 00:29:51,525 directly below the victim's study. 409 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:55,080 Get me a cast, as quick as you like, and roll out Operation Dandini. 410 00:29:55,115 --> 00:29:57,800 Yeah, I think that's where DC O'Brien would have been, sir, 411 00:29:57,835 --> 00:29:59,205 when he was checking out the windows. 412 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,285 Except DC O'Brien's tread is quite dissimilar, 413 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,080 and this chap appears to have been standing hard against the wall 414 00:30:04,115 --> 00:30:05,405 with his nose in the bricks. 415 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,280 Unusual behaviour during a thunderstorm, what do you think? 416 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:10,720 No problem, Guv. 417 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,405 Assigned to me just this week 418 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,240 by someone upstairs who knows bugger all about bugger all. 419 00:30:17,275 --> 00:30:19,957 But you've got some form in this line of inquiry. 420 00:30:19,992 --> 00:30:22,640 What say we go and pool our early observations? 421 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,600 'Franklin Tartikoff, whose dead body was discovered late last night 422 00:30:33,635 --> 00:30:36,285 'by his adopted daughter Fariba Tartikoff, 423 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:40,320 'only to vanish, minutes later, right under everyone's nose. 424 00:30:40,395 --> 00:30:43,317 'But then, hopes of a solution rose this morning with 425 00:30:43,352 --> 00:30:46,716 'the arrival of the formidable investigator Gideon Pryke, 426 00:30:46,751 --> 00:30:50,045 'who famously suffered near-fatal injuries five years ago 427 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:54,000 'while rescuing a child's puppy during the Chinese Embassy siege 428 00:30:54,035 --> 00:30:56,605 'and whose unique ability... ' 429 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,800 Do you know, I'm not sure now about these blonde highlights. 430 00:30:59,835 --> 00:31:02,177 Think next time I might go more Titian. 431 00:31:02,212 --> 00:31:05,106 What does that involve, formaldehyde? 432 00:31:05,141 --> 00:31:08,000 Hmm? What were you watching just then? 433 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:13,360 Look, the poor man's dead, there's nothing we can do about it. 434 00:31:13,395 --> 00:31:15,600 Where's that little knob? 435 00:31:15,635 --> 00:31:17,045 I'm sorry? You know! 436 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:20,440 The one we have to keep turning down when your brain gets overheated. 437 00:31:20,475 --> 00:31:22,600 Look, whatever it is that's happened... 438 00:31:22,635 --> 00:31:24,125 PHONE RINGS 439 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,880 Probably your managing director and father-in-law. Excuse me. 440 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,620 PHONE RINGS 441 00:31:32,655 --> 00:31:35,520 Jonathan Creek. 442 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,165 Oh, hi. Hi. 443 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:41,180 Yeah, of course, who hasn't? 444 00:31:41,215 --> 00:31:43,125 I don't know what to say. 445 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,620 'I shouldn't have rung you, it's just... ' 446 00:31:45,655 --> 00:31:48,080 You're the only one I can say this to. 447 00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:50,720 Jonathan... I'm frightened. 448 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:53,605 'Frightened that... ' 449 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,640 every certainty, everything I've ever believed, is about to vanish... 450 00:31:59,075 --> 00:32:02,120 like my husband, and never return. 451 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:12,205 And this was taken... 452 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:13,605 According to the statements, 453 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,400 about 13 minutes before they broke down the door. 454 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,360 So I can take it we're not looking at any tomfoolery with 455 00:32:21,395 --> 00:32:24,440 floorboards, or hidden panels, or... 456 00:32:24,475 --> 00:32:27,125 So his body was just here. 457 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,240 We don't know whether he'd been shot, or stabbed or what. 458 00:32:30,275 --> 00:32:31,845 Let alone why. 459 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,640 His daughter was just here - who then fainted. 460 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,560 And this'll be, what, 461 00:32:39,595 --> 00:32:41,680 like an airing cupboard? 462 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,520 Aargh! Red hot! 463 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,165 Dunno. He wasn't really dead, 464 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,680 and he got in the tank and boiled away? 465 00:32:52,715 --> 00:32:55,160 Oh, God, this is freaking me out already. 466 00:32:55,195 --> 00:32:56,600 Where the hell do you even start? 467 00:32:56,635 --> 00:32:58,325 You disappoint me. 468 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:02,280 I would have thought the pictures on the stairs were rather suggestive? 469 00:33:02,315 --> 00:33:04,965 Well, there go our two dinner parties this weekend. 470 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,840 He needs me over there, apparently, for this top-table powwow. 471 00:33:07,875 --> 00:33:10,680 Sounds like they're only projecting single-digit growth now 472 00:33:10,715 --> 00:33:11,925 across the affiliates. 473 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,685 So that's me off to JFK, crack of dawn. 474 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,400 Better get myself sorted. I'm so sorry, angel. 475 00:33:17,435 --> 00:33:18,720 Oh, well. 476 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:50,200 SHE CLICKS HER FINGERS 477 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,125 The hand in his pocket! 478 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,045 Which is a bit of a weird one for starters 479 00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:00,700 but according to those photos out there, he had that habit, apparently, 480 00:34:00,735 --> 00:34:04,320 of always leaving his thumb outside, just like hooked over the edge. 481 00:34:04,355 --> 00:34:06,797 Except here it isn't. 482 00:34:06,832 --> 00:34:09,205 The whole hand's inside. 483 00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:11,740 From which we might fairly conclude... 484 00:34:11,775 --> 00:34:14,205 That he didn't put his hand in his pocket. 485 00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:17,600 Someone else put it there deliberately, after he was dead. 486 00:34:18,720 --> 00:34:20,280 But for what reason? 487 00:34:20,315 --> 00:34:21,805 Well, when we know that, 488 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,045 I suspect we'll have the key to the whole mystery. 489 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,640 In the meantime, I draw your attention to a disc that was 490 00:34:26,675 --> 00:34:28,405 sitting there in his DVD drive. 491 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:31,320 Fatally corrupted, unfortunately, so the contents are unknown. 492 00:34:31,355 --> 00:34:33,600 "GP". Perhaps they knew you were coming. 493 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,325 Could be a dead end, of course. 494 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:39,640 But you might be intrigued to hear what the SOCO boys 495 00:34:39,675 --> 00:34:41,360 found on his computer keyboard. 496 00:34:41,395 --> 00:34:42,645 What? 497 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,820 Nothing. Which, I think you'll agree, is decidedly fishy. 498 00:34:45,855 --> 00:34:48,960 There wasn't a single fingerprint on one of the keys. 499 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,405 Constable Atkins. 500 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:54,040 I want a complete shakedown of every notebook, BlackBerry, 501 00:34:54,075 --> 00:34:55,645 tablet and diary in the house. 502 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:59,120 You're looking for a name with the initials GP. 503 00:34:59,155 --> 00:35:01,165 An inside job? Possibly. 504 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,800 We'll give that daughter of his the benefit of the doubt for now, 505 00:35:03,835 --> 00:35:05,045 but only for now. 506 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,000 Rest assured, someone around here 507 00:35:07,035 --> 00:35:08,885 knows a lot more than they're saying 508 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,360 and by jingo, I'll have it out of them before we're done. 509 00:35:11,395 --> 00:35:13,160 Until tomorrow? 510 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,640 OK? OK, good. 511 00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:24,960 Oh. It's going to be a miserable weekend for you, 512 00:35:24,995 --> 00:35:28,680 rattling around here on your own like a spare part. 513 00:35:28,715 --> 00:35:30,400 What are you going do with yourself? 514 00:35:30,435 --> 00:35:31,680 God only knows. 515 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,680 Just come back in one piece, OK? OK. 516 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:44,840 And love to your dad! 517 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,640 Listen, Fariba. That day in the field with Brad... 518 00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:19,600 Is of no consequence to us now. 519 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,060 That's not who we are. 520 00:36:23,095 --> 00:36:25,000 It's not what we are. 521 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,085 Something inside us 522 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:33,940 deep and infinite that can't be measured. 523 00:36:33,975 --> 00:36:37,760 That was never created and can never die. 524 00:36:37,795 --> 00:36:39,440 Do you buy into that, Joey? 525 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,520 We talk about belief, religion. 526 00:36:44,555 --> 00:36:46,525 I see only wisdom. 527 00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,925 The wisdom to accept what we can never know. 528 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,960 This is where you part company slightly, I gather, from your, erm... 529 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,840 I was three years old when they rescued me from the floods. 530 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,045 Mayabunder in the Andaman Islands. 531 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,880 He was out there doing a series about Marco Polo. 532 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,960 Growing up in the West, I don't know... Did I lose something? 533 00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,800 Maybe that's why I went back, to find out. 534 00:37:24,995 --> 00:37:28,995 Transubstantiation of the body into spirit. 535 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,160 Can a human being just float away into thin... 536 00:37:33,195 --> 00:37:35,800 If you don't mind me giving it the once over. 537 00:37:35,835 --> 00:37:37,125 Shall we say half an hour? 538 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,160 Anything else you need, just give me a shout. 539 00:37:39,195 --> 00:37:41,845 Otherwise, all yours then, Mr Creek. 540 00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:44,160 It's good to have you back in the saddle. 541 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:48,525 Well, this is poor. 542 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:52,560 But then, I call in Don Draper to solve a crime, what do I expect? 543 00:37:53,875 --> 00:37:56,325 So what changed your mind then, in the end? 544 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,845 No, it's just... you look at this picture by the police 545 00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:03,880 when they got here against the one she took out there on the landing... 546 00:38:04,275 --> 00:38:08,240 Why can't I shake off the feeling there's something missing? 547 00:38:08,275 --> 00:38:10,525 Err, yes. A dead body? 548 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,440 Sort of why we're all here. 549 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,160 No, it's too subliminal still. Just won't come. 550 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:22,760 So you noticed the hand in the pocket with no thumb sticking out? 551 00:38:22,915 --> 00:38:25,720 Yes. And that shoe print under the window 552 00:38:25,755 --> 00:38:27,080 that was flush against the wall? 553 00:38:27,115 --> 00:38:28,485 Yes. 554 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,680 And the small piece of squashed Blu-tack lying over there on the floor? 555 00:38:31,715 --> 00:38:33,165 Y... 556 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,280 What's that got to do with anything? 557 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:39,605 Nothing, possibly. 558 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:43,520 Or it could be the most significant detail in the whole case. 559 00:38:43,555 --> 00:38:46,680 I suppose the "GP" on that corrupted disc 560 00:38:46,715 --> 00:38:49,657 is unlikely to be our doctor friend. 561 00:38:49,692 --> 00:38:52,166 Even if he is sleeping with the wife. 562 00:38:52,201 --> 00:38:54,640 Where the hell did you get that from? 563 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:56,885 She told me. 564 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,600 Why go on pretending? 565 00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:01,200 Franklin and I... 566 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,325 It was never that sort of marriage. 567 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,125 We both knew that almost from the start. 568 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,520 He was just simply the most astonishing, provocative 569 00:39:11,555 --> 00:39:14,045 and intellectually gifted man I'd ever known. 570 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,840 As hard as it was, I'd prepared myself to lose him. 571 00:39:16,875 --> 00:39:18,360 But not like this. 572 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:24,080 One other point, Mrs Tartikoff, you may be able to help us with. 573 00:39:24,115 --> 00:39:26,960 A text my sergeant found on your phone, 574 00:39:26,995 --> 00:39:28,685 dated January 3rd. 575 00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:32,720 "Remember 1968, the year of the Circles. " 576 00:39:33,275 --> 00:39:35,525 From someone called Beth. 577 00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,485 Yes. Someone I knew at school. 578 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,680 St Barnabas Roman Catholic, not far from here. 579 00:39:40,715 --> 00:39:43,840 One of our old classmates had just died, and... 580 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,320 No doubt you've already checked up on the history of it all. 581 00:39:48,355 --> 00:39:49,685 No doubt I have. 582 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:52,400 A rather queer business in which a 14-year-old girl was found 583 00:39:52,435 --> 00:39:55,457 dead in bed, with a red ring on her face. 584 00:39:55,492 --> 00:39:58,846 No apparent explanation for what killed her, 585 00:39:58,881 --> 00:40:02,200 but the general consensus was "sheer terror. " 586 00:40:03,240 --> 00:40:06,800 More red rings were subsequently reported on several other girls, 587 00:40:06,835 --> 00:40:08,440 but they lived to tell the tale. 588 00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:14,480 You can imagine the effect it had on us - young, impressionable schoolchildren. 589 00:40:15,155 --> 00:40:19,155 Anyway, bizarre as it was, it's all ancient history now, 590 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,640 but there is something else, Inspector, you might be interested in 591 00:40:22,675 --> 00:40:26,675 that's rather more current, and rather more sinister. 592 00:40:27,115 --> 00:40:30,125 And so this is saying what, exactly? 593 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:34,040 They think there might be some kind of local secret society in the village. 594 00:40:34,075 --> 00:40:36,045 This appeared 18 months ago, 595 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,740 and I know plenty of people say it's still going on. 596 00:40:38,775 --> 00:40:41,365 Arcane activities. You can never get anyone to talk 597 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,180 about it, of course, but we've no idea what they're up to. 598 00:40:44,215 --> 00:40:46,925 What, a few rolled-up trouser legs and the odd moose head? 599 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,680 I don't think we'll lose any sleep over this one, Mrs Tartikoff. 600 00:40:49,715 --> 00:40:50,765 But rest assured, 601 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:54,040 if I spot any dodgy handshakes in the village, I'll let you know. 602 00:40:54,075 --> 00:40:57,240 Yes, well, I need to be getting off now, to this seminar. 603 00:40:57,275 --> 00:41:00,537 I am contactable, if you need anything else. 604 00:41:00,572 --> 00:41:03,800 I understand, Mrs Tartikoff. Life goes on. 605 00:41:03,835 --> 00:41:04,885 What? 606 00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:08,240 If I could ask you not to leave the country until our enquiries are completed... 607 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,765 Load of old bollocks that was! Are you blind? 608 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,800 That secret society thing was so obviously just to get us all out of this room. Why? 609 00:41:17,835 --> 00:41:20,577 Cos there was something in this drawer, didn't you notice? 610 00:41:20,612 --> 00:41:23,506 That she very niftily locked away when all that talk came up, 611 00:41:23,541 --> 00:41:26,400 about her old school. So come on, have you got all the gubbins? 612 00:41:26,435 --> 00:41:28,885 No, I have not got all the gubbins! 613 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,920 This is a blatant intrusion into the privacy of a grieving woman. 614 00:41:31,955 --> 00:41:34,440 Oh, don't be such an infant! I'll do it myself. 615 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,485 You know, you want to be careful. 616 00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,440 Women who butter you up like that, they're usually after something. 617 00:41:41,475 --> 00:41:44,045 Who said she was buttering me... Put down that foot file! 618 00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:48,000 I demand that y... Do you have you any idea the damage you're doing with that? 619 00:41:48,035 --> 00:41:49,757 Right. 620 00:41:49,792 --> 00:41:51,445 OK. 621 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,400 Pound to the penny, this is what she didn't want us to see. 622 00:41:54,435 --> 00:41:58,000 Postmark, same date as that text. 623 00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:03,520 Her down here on the right, would you say? 624 00:42:03,555 --> 00:42:05,240 With three of her old buddies. 625 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,925 Waxwood Cove, March '68. 626 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,060 Waxwood Hall I thought that place was called, 627 00:42:12,095 --> 00:42:14,887 but named after somewhere on the coast maybe? 628 00:42:14,922 --> 00:42:17,680 They all went to on a field trip once, or... Mmm. 629 00:42:17,715 --> 00:42:19,960 And what have we got here when it's at home? 630 00:42:19,995 --> 00:42:21,937 Some sort of schoolgirl's code? 631 00:42:21,972 --> 00:42:23,880 With a drawing of a hangman. 632 00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:29,080 Come on, you put all this together with "the year of the circles", 633 00:42:29,295 --> 00:42:33,295 why was she so keen to convince us it was all just ancient history? 634 00:42:33,475 --> 00:42:37,125 And why did the word 'circles' have a capital C? 635 00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,880 Just get the feeling all that weird stuff that happened there, 636 00:42:39,915 --> 00:42:42,125 there's got to be a connection. 637 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,605 Something that still haunts her to this day 638 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,040 and has somehow wormed its way into every corner of her life. 639 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,560 So, where exactly is this Waxwood Hall? 640 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,800 You know there's some interesting stuff here, about this place 641 00:43:09,835 --> 00:43:11,605 when you start looking for it. 642 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,520 It says here, another thing a lot of ex-pupils talked about 643 00:43:14,555 --> 00:43:16,965 was something called the "quiet room", 644 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:20,240 which was like a room where the nuns would put unruly pupils 645 00:43:20,275 --> 00:43:22,765 with just some bread and water and a bible 646 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:26,800 "to study and contemplate and redeem themselves through prayer. " 647 00:43:27,195 --> 00:43:29,800 Like being banged up in solitary for the night. 648 00:43:29,835 --> 00:43:31,325 But what's weird is, listen to this: 649 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:35,360 "Notwithstanding their rebellious nature, many of the girls who were thus confined 650 00:43:35,755 --> 00:43:39,685 "actually said they had seen God in the room, with several others 651 00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:43,720 "claiming they had actually been touched by the blessed saint as they reached out to him. " 652 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,880 METALLIC TWANGING NOISE 653 00:44:20,720 --> 00:44:23,765 Well, I think that gives the lie to our "seaside trip". 654 00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:27,800 Question is why would you label a photo that was taken in that room upstairs "Waxwood Cove"? 655 00:44:28,275 --> 00:44:31,520 Jonathan, I've got a horrible feeling we're not alone in this place. 656 00:44:31,555 --> 00:44:34,165 I just heard this, I don't know what it was, like this strange 657 00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:38,200 metallic twanging noise. Seemed to be coming from down there, somewhere. 658 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:43,160 Wait here. 659 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,520 Listen, I think I might've sussed that code! 660 00:45:56,555 --> 00:45:59,577 Did they leave any chalk in here? Ah! 661 00:45:59,612 --> 00:46:02,565 There's a definite feeling in here. 662 00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:06,600 You shudder to imagine what it was like living in this place. 663 00:46:07,035 --> 00:46:09,365 The clue is the hangman! 664 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:12,880 You think about the hangman game - what's the first thing you do, 665 00:46:12,915 --> 00:46:15,085 before you try and guess the word? 666 00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:18,320 You draw a small horizontal line for each letter. 667 00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:23,680 Except on this, it's the other way round, which means... 668 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:29,800 .. if we fill in all the base-lines afterwards... 669 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:49,400 Mmm. 670 00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:52,765 What do you mean, "Mmm"? 671 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,360 That's got to be worth more than "Mmm" any day of the week! 672 00:46:55,395 --> 00:46:57,920 I'd like to see you manage to work that one out. 673 00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:09,760 But, no, very good. 674 00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:14,760 Question is, WHAT would be at midnight? 675 00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,405 It's easy to think that "year of the Circles" 676 00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,405 referred to those rings that appeared on their heads, 677 00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:25,360 but I don't know. The capital C threw up another possibility that 678 00:47:25,395 --> 00:47:29,395 would dovetail rather neatly with that photo taken upstairs. 679 00:47:29,592 --> 00:47:33,592 Waxwood Cove quite obviously makes no sense as a place name. 680 00:47:33,755 --> 00:47:36,817 But what if the end of that photo had been cut off 681 00:47:36,852 --> 00:47:39,726 to remove something, or someone else, from the picture 682 00:47:39,761 --> 00:47:42,600 and at the same time part of the writing went with it. 683 00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:47,640 Well it's... it's hardly a theory we can test at this stage, 684 00:47:47,675 --> 00:47:51,325 but how much more tenable is the idea of a Waxwood Coven 685 00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:55,360 and a group of mutinous Catholic schoolgirls adopting the name of a witch from Greek mythology - 686 00:47:56,035 --> 00:48:00,035 let's say, for example, the Four Circes 687 00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:04,160 which didn't quite make it past the predictive text option on that phone message. Oh, wow. 688 00:48:07,195 --> 00:48:10,177 So you think they might have had their own little secret society 689 00:48:10,212 --> 00:48:13,160 that had something to do with those rings and the girl that died? 690 00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:19,080 Whatever it was that happened that night, this suggests they knew it was coming. 691 00:48:20,155 --> 00:48:23,680 And it's something she's still trying to deal with. 692 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:30,320 Well, I wonder where this "quiet room" was, when it's at home. 693 00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:46,960 Ah! Agh! 694 00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:52,160 Jonathan! 695 00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:05,365 Joey? What happened? Are you OK? 696 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:08,960 What... in the name of Hell was all that about?! 697 00:50:19,240 --> 00:50:20,400 Back in a sec. 698 00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,820 So I guess we know now how those nuns made them 699 00:50:58,855 --> 00:51:01,725 all feel they'd been "touched by the Lord". 700 00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:05,520 It would appear someone round here's doing a rather naff job of trying to frighten us off. 701 00:51:05,555 --> 00:51:08,760 Yes, not that naff! Can we please just leave? 702 00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:16,320 Thank you. 703 00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:21,045 Fun and games for you there then, Mr Creek. 704 00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,765 And I wonder what you'll make of this little gem. 705 00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:27,800 Submitted by a local busybody with a handy bit of surveillance kit on his property. 706 00:51:28,315 --> 00:51:32,160 These are off a CCTV from the top of a pole outside his house. 707 00:51:32,195 --> 00:51:35,440 Timed at 1.17am on the night of Tartikoff's death. 708 00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:40,920 Like some kind of straw effigy. Being burnt at the stake? 709 00:51:44,720 --> 00:51:48,240 What do you think? WI been watching The Wicker Man again? 710 00:51:48,275 --> 00:51:50,537 We popped along to that spot this morning. 711 00:51:50,572 --> 00:51:52,765 Found nothing but a sea of ash, of course. 712 00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:55,640 Anyway, have to love you and leave you, I'm afraid. 713 00:51:55,675 --> 00:51:58,445 Looks like we've found our elusive "GP" finally. 714 00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,800 Entry in the deceased's personal organiser. Next Monday at ten, 715 00:52:01,835 --> 00:52:04,965 he had a meeting arranged with a certain Greta Portland. 716 00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:08,260 Not many of those on the electoral roll, but we have turned up one 717 00:52:08,295 --> 00:52:11,520 in South Derbyshire, so anything exciting, I'll give you a bell. 718 00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:19,700 So, there you go, that's us both booked in upstairs for later. 719 00:52:19,735 --> 00:52:23,520 You never worry at all what the missus might make of all this? 720 00:52:23,555 --> 00:52:26,000 Remember, she only knows you as Clark Kent. 721 00:52:27,720 --> 00:52:29,765 So that's it then now, is it? 722 00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,800 Pulling women out of elephants and sawing rabbits in half. All done with. 723 00:52:33,955 --> 00:52:36,325 All done with, thank you. 724 00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:39,400 It's a little thing called "growth", you should try it some time. 725 00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:46,440 Course, he never said, did he, where those pictures were taken, 726 00:52:46,475 --> 00:52:49,077 but if we're talking fields and farms, 727 00:52:49,112 --> 00:52:51,680 I think I might know someone who can help. 728 00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,605 So just a very quick recap, if I may. 729 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:58,800 This guy Brad, you think may be able to help us, 730 00:52:58,835 --> 00:53:01,360 you don't actually know his surname. 731 00:53:01,395 --> 00:53:03,285 Or where he comes from. 732 00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,765 Or his phone number, or his address. 733 00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:10,240 Or anything about his background, or basically anything about him at all. 734 00:53:10,275 --> 00:53:13,040 Well, no, we didn't really get that far. 735 00:53:13,075 --> 00:53:14,685 You only got as far as sex. 736 00:53:14,720 --> 00:53:18,045 Well, yes. It was a very cold day. 737 00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:21,440 A very cold day? Of all the spurious mitigation! 738 00:53:21,475 --> 00:53:23,280 What happened to putting on a scarf? 739 00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:27,165 I despair of the modern generation. 740 00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:29,640 Hey, don't take your bedroom frustrations out on me! 741 00:53:29,675 --> 00:53:32,080 Just cos you're off the market now. I beg your pardon? 742 00:53:32,115 --> 00:53:34,205 And the reason I didn't pursue it, 743 00:53:34,240 --> 00:53:36,880 was when I found out she was still technically in the frame, 744 00:53:36,915 --> 00:53:39,457 I just thought I should fall on my sword. 745 00:53:39,492 --> 00:53:42,000 But not before you'd fallen on his sword! 746 00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:47,120 God, you can't turn it off, can you? What now? 747 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:50,360 This piece of timber... 748 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,560 .. has been very recently fixed across that post, 749 00:53:54,595 --> 00:53:56,240 about six feet off the ground. 750 00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:58,760 And we know that how? 751 00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,920 Pattern of old slug trails, you can just make out. 752 00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:11,360 And these hooks, with what appear to be wisps of rope through them... 753 00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:15,320 .. it's almost like... 754 00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:21,080 Ah. Funnily enough, we were just talking about you. 755 00:54:38,600 --> 00:54:40,400 KNOCK AT DOOR 756 00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:52,560 Can we talk? 757 00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:12,200 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 758 00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:14,880 Fariba Tartikoff. 759 00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:17,160 Sorry? 760 00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,640 Sorry, it's a terrible line. Just one second, can you hold on? 761 00:55:21,675 --> 00:55:24,520 I'm just seeing if I can get a better signal here. 762 00:55:24,555 --> 00:55:26,085 Ah, hello? 763 00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:27,760 Eileen... sorry? 764 00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:30,980 Eileen Aubrey? 765 00:55:31,015 --> 00:55:32,565 No, no, no! 766 00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:36,600 Of course I know your work, obviously, yes! Yeah, sure, 767 00:55:36,915 --> 00:55:40,915 I can do. Any reason why we have to meet there or...? 768 00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:46,800 No, that's fine. 769 00:55:46,835 --> 00:55:48,120 OK. 770 00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,520 OK, yeah, got that. 771 00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:56,920 Right, well, I'll see you then. 772 00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:07,800 You and I, Jonathan, we both see the world as it is. 773 00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:13,520 Gods and spirits, and magic, and miracles! 774 00:56:13,555 --> 00:56:15,800 The eternal refuge of the credulous. 775 00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:21,240 And yet... and yet. I know. 776 00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:25,280 For all the niggling little pointers in this case, that seemed to 777 00:56:25,695 --> 00:56:29,695 promise so much, as things stand, you have to say, what happened 778 00:56:30,242 --> 00:56:34,242 in that room with your husband just isn't physically possible. 779 00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:43,620 I've never told this to anyone, but... 780 00:56:43,655 --> 00:56:46,845 I had, once, an experience at school. 781 00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:50,080 In which you were locked in a room with bread and water and a bible, 782 00:56:50,115 --> 00:56:53,000 and a portrait of St Barnabas, and you had a vision of God? 783 00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:59,480 Along with a whole load of other pupils who were sent to the "quiet room". 784 00:56:59,635 --> 00:57:02,920 Not quite the miracle it seemed at the time, I would suggest. 785 00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:09,200 But the reason you buried it, I'm guessing now, 786 00:57:09,240 --> 00:57:12,645 is because you couldn't face the idea of being judged... 787 00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:16,680 for a mortal sin, committed by you and your Catholic school friends 788 00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:21,680 who belonged to this, whatever it was called, Waxwood Hall witches' coven. 789 00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:27,120 The Sisters of Circe. 790 00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:32,840 There's a nice Woody Allen story about a guy goes to the opera 791 00:57:32,875 --> 00:57:35,160 and accidentally falls into the orchestra pit. 792 00:57:35,195 --> 00:57:37,085 Too proud to admit his mistake, 793 00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:40,920 he goes back every night for a month and does exactly the same thing. 794 00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:45,525 There's an echo of that here, isn't there? 795 00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:49,560 Those red rings that appeared on all the other girls' heads 796 00:57:49,635 --> 00:57:53,605 just had to be a smokescreen you deliberately repeated, 797 00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:57,640 to make other people think the first one was part of some bigger, supernatural mystery. 798 00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:04,320 I can speculate, Rosalind, till the cows come home, 799 00:58:04,355 --> 00:58:08,355 about what happened that day, "at midnight"... 800 00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:14,840 .. but some kind of initiation rite for the new girl that went horribly wrong? 801 00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:24,040 The cruellest irony - she was so desperate to join. 802 00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:28,520 Of course we told her she'd first of all have to prove herself. 803 00:58:28,555 --> 00:58:32,200 Survive this fiendish endurance test we'd prepared for her. 804 00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:38,840 The time has come. Midnight is upon us all. 805 00:58:38,875 --> 00:58:42,845 The witching hour. The witching hour. 806 00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,900 Prepare you now to join the daughters of Lucifer. 807 00:58:45,935 --> 00:58:48,920 The sisters of Circes. And nor shall you cry. 808 00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:54,000 Prepare to face your darkness. 809 00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:04,680 What we had no way of knowing - how could we possibly have known - 810 00:59:05,555 --> 00:59:07,765 She had an allergy to bees. 811 00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:11,800 Something we found out, by purest chance, weeks, months later. 812 00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:18,120 To my dying day, I'll never forget the way she struggled! 813 00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:23,560 She was trying to tell us her life was in danger. 814 00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:28,405 Somewhere along the line, her heart gave out. 815 00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:32,440 The fear, the sheer terror, she just stopped breathing. 816 00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:37,760 How did this happen?! 817 00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:41,000 What could we do? 818 00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:46,600 To our eternal shame, we did nothing. 819 00:59:49,880 --> 00:59:51,440 None of this ever happened. 820 00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:58,005 Our minds were already so crammed with make-believe. 821 00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:02,040 Was it one more act of rebellion to create this monstrous lie 822 01:00:03,715 --> 01:00:06,400 we'd have to live with for the rest of our days? 823 01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:10,540 Sister! 824 01:00:10,575 --> 01:00:13,165 SCREAMS 825 01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:16,920 Even when she wrote to me, Beth, and sent me the photo... 826 01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:23,600 .. how could I bear, even now, to look into those eyes? 827 01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:36,080 How could I seek forgiveness when there was no one there? 828 01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:40,080 You see my problem? 829 01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:45,880 Existence of a supreme being may be one for another day, 830 01:00:46,755 --> 01:00:50,045 but whoever those fingers belonged to, 831 01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:53,640 you touched in that room, it certainly wasn't God or any saint. 832 01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:59,680 If it wasn't for the setting of a girls' convent school, 833 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:03,880 any kind of instant religious experience in the mid-1960s wouldn't take a lot of explaining. 834 01:01:06,075 --> 01:01:09,040 Especially when you factor in a supply of sugar cubes. 835 01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:15,040 Did they even have any idea what they were playing about with? 836 01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:57,120 Polly's in New York, did you say? 837 01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:00,480 Yeah, till Monday. 838 01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:04,240 She's a lucky girl. 839 01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:17,200 RINGS DOORBELL 840 01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,520 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 841 01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:41,965 Jonathan Creek. 842 01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,925 Yeah, she was here, only just left. 843 01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:48,520 Actually we... we got to the bottom of a couple of things, which... 844 01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:51,680 Sorry - when was this? 'Down here!' 845 01:02:51,715 --> 01:02:54,205 Someone called Eileen Aubrey? 846 01:02:54,240 --> 01:02:58,240 Wanted her to meet up at eight o'clock tonight in the "East Barn". 847 01:02:58,675 --> 01:03:00,485 'I looked up the name,' 848 01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:03,040 she writes for one of these TV trade papers, 849 01:03:03,075 --> 01:03:04,845 but at that time of night? 850 01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:07,080 Don't know, someone's up to something round here. 851 01:03:07,115 --> 01:03:08,840 What if it's some kind of set-up? 852 01:03:10,440 --> 01:03:14,400 I mean, I don't know. Whoever tried to throttle me in that room, what if... 853 01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:16,080 ORIENTAL MUSIC PLAYS 854 01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:37,000 You're not telling me this is what that secret society was all about? 855 01:04:37,035 --> 01:04:39,720 Only one of your soppy Magic Circle outfits. 856 01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:55,720 That's what it was that was missing from that photo. 857 01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:01,440 I can see it now, plain as day. 858 01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:06,380 Africa. What? 859 01:05:06,415 --> 01:05:08,845 APPLAUSE BELOW 860 01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:11,605 No sign of Fariba here, I notice. 861 01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:14,160 And it's just coming up to eight o'clock now. 862 01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:20,520 Hang on. 863 01:05:21,680 --> 01:05:23,400 East Barn, you said? 864 01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:28,480 But if the moon's over there... No, I wrote it down. 865 01:05:28,515 --> 01:05:31,085 That's exactly what she put. 866 01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:34,085 You didn't say she put a full stop! 867 01:05:34,120 --> 01:05:37,280 So? Cos it's not East Barn at all, is it? 868 01:05:37,315 --> 01:05:41,240 EA - Eileen Aubrey. St Barnabas. 869 01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:44,600 We're in the wrong place! 870 01:06:14,200 --> 01:06:16,800 METALLIC TWANGING SOUND 871 01:07:12,120 --> 01:07:13,560 Look out! Ah! No! 872 01:07:18,200 --> 01:07:19,645 No! 873 01:07:19,680 --> 01:07:23,160 They said you might be... in some... some danger. 874 01:07:23,195 --> 01:07:25,920 I followed you here. Don't try to talk! 875 01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:42,960 Oh! SHE SOBS 876 01:08:03,760 --> 01:08:07,760 You always said there are some things we can never know. 877 01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:18,760 So, is this where I have to admit you were right? 878 01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:39,560 What a bore. 879 01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:57,685 This won't take us long, ladies and gentlemen. 880 01:08:57,720 --> 01:09:00,005 But on the back of last night's tragic developments, 881 01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:02,645 I thought it might be a good idea to just pool our thoughts 882 01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:06,400 and see if we can't nudge this one, finally, into the back of the net. 883 01:09:06,435 --> 01:09:09,377 Sceptic, as I was, about all that secret society nonsense, 884 01:09:09,412 --> 01:09:12,320 it turns out to have been at the very heart of this illusion. 885 01:09:12,355 --> 01:09:15,205 An illusion as ingenious as it was macabre. 886 01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:18,640 And perpetrated, it seems, for the most perverse of motives. 887 01:09:20,120 --> 01:09:23,800 The disappearing body deprived us of one crucial piece of information 888 01:09:23,835 --> 01:09:27,360 that would have unravelled this case in seconds. 889 01:09:27,395 --> 01:09:29,200 HOW the victim was killed. 890 01:09:30,560 --> 01:09:34,240 No body, but there was a photo. 891 01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:39,805 A photo that confirmed what everyone saw - Franklin Tartikoff lying 892 01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:43,760 against the wall, one arm behind his back, the other hand in his pocket. 893 01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:46,205 Distinctly odd. 894 01:09:46,240 --> 01:09:49,680 And clearly deliberately engineered by another party. 895 01:09:49,715 --> 01:09:50,640 But why? 896 01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:55,960 A fleeting image last night of a revolving pumpkin 897 01:09:55,995 --> 01:09:57,680 suddenly unlocked it for me. 898 01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:01,960 What it was that had changed between these two pictures, 899 01:10:01,995 --> 01:10:04,725 before and after the body disappeared. 900 01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:08,760 The logic of which led directly to the reason why that hand 901 01:10:09,675 --> 01:10:12,520 had to be kept out of sight in that pocket. 902 01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:16,760 Because there was no hand. 903 01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:25,045 For all his credentials as this iconic polymath, 904 01:10:25,080 --> 01:10:27,485 there was a lighter side, wasn't there, to your father, 905 01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:31,320 that was all of a piece with his early work in TV and radio. 906 01:10:31,355 --> 01:10:33,845 And yet another passion, 907 01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:36,920 that he took a mischievous delight in keeping secret. 908 01:10:39,040 --> 01:10:40,400 Nemo dicite. 909 01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:45,680 "Tell no one". The society was very strict about all that. 910 01:10:47,400 --> 01:10:51,400 Like everything he turned his mind to, magic became quite a skill. 911 01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:56,960 Rather like yourself, he had all these amazing ideas for different props. 912 01:10:58,475 --> 01:11:01,480 He'd design, I'd put together. 913 01:11:02,480 --> 01:11:06,000 Then we'd meet up to make sure it all worked. 914 01:11:06,035 --> 01:11:08,157 THUNDER RUMBLES 915 01:11:08,192 --> 01:11:10,280 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 916 01:11:10,315 --> 01:11:11,640 Hey. 917 01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:13,920 Yeah, all set. 918 01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:18,800 In some ways, the perfect night for it. 919 01:11:27,880 --> 01:11:30,485 'It took me three weeks to build. 920 01:11:30,520 --> 01:11:34,520 'A woman sawn in half and the blade appears to go right through, into the wood. 921 01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:39,880 'We were all set to give it a trial run... when it happened. ' 922 01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:48,240 CHAINSAW ENGINE REVS 923 01:12:09,080 --> 01:12:10,560 HE COUGHS 924 01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:17,400 'There was only one person I could think of turning to. ' 925 01:12:21,520 --> 01:12:22,560 Franklin... 926 01:12:25,280 --> 01:12:28,400 I always knew... there was something else. 927 01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:31,560 The way he was with me... 928 01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:34,920 .. it wasn't such a secret round here. 929 01:12:36,720 --> 01:12:39,405 What if no one believed me? 930 01:12:39,440 --> 01:12:41,400 What if they thought I'd done this? 931 01:12:43,840 --> 01:12:46,120 THUNDERCLAPS 932 01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:48,440 Look... 933 01:12:50,680 --> 01:12:53,920 All I could think about was my mother. 934 01:12:53,955 --> 01:12:55,085 Somehow, 935 01:12:55,120 --> 01:12:58,600 if I could make it look like he'd never left the house, 936 01:12:58,635 --> 01:13:01,400 at least she'd be spared the worst of that horror. 937 01:13:01,435 --> 01:13:02,365 OK, look at me... 938 01:13:02,400 --> 01:13:06,400 'It was like, in some weird way, I was being tested. 939 01:13:06,955 --> 01:13:09,280 'This was my chance to make it happen, 940 01:13:10,520 --> 01:13:12,200 'what cannot be explained. ' 941 01:14:56,600 --> 01:14:59,365 SHE KNOCKS Fariba? 942 01:14:59,400 --> 01:15:02,120 'I could make it seem like he'd been attacked in that room. ' 943 01:15:02,155 --> 01:15:03,880 SHE GASPS Oh, God. 944 01:15:03,915 --> 01:15:05,520 Fariba! 945 01:15:11,440 --> 01:15:14,260 SHE HYPERVENTILATES 'The body would disappear, 946 01:15:14,295 --> 01:15:17,045 'but she would absolutely swear it had been there. 947 01:15:17,080 --> 01:15:19,800 'It would look like the flap had just slipped back again. 948 01:15:19,835 --> 01:15:21,325 'She'd go off and ring the police 949 01:15:21,360 --> 01:15:24,605 'and I'd have, maybe ten minutes to take it all apart. 950 01:15:24,640 --> 01:15:28,200 'When she never moved from outside door, I had to improvise. ' 951 01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:05,880 'Amazingly, I found a few minutes before the police arrived, 952 01:16:05,915 --> 01:16:07,040 'to recover it all. ' 953 01:16:17,120 --> 01:16:20,640 The fact that that globe had revolved 180 degrees, 954 01:16:20,675 --> 01:16:22,365 of course, proved nothing. 955 01:16:22,400 --> 01:16:25,040 But it was enough to trigger the only real insight 956 01:16:25,075 --> 01:16:26,685 that made any sense here, 957 01:16:26,720 --> 01:16:29,480 that all we actually need to think we've seen a body 958 01:16:29,515 --> 01:16:31,245 is the head. 959 01:16:31,280 --> 01:16:34,200 The rest, more or less, we don't even question. 960 01:16:34,235 --> 01:16:35,960 Except for the hands. 961 01:16:37,200 --> 01:16:40,000 That was where it all started to unravel. 962 01:16:42,160 --> 01:16:43,400 Maybe... 963 01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:48,280 Maybe I just dared to hope somewhere in that night of hell, 964 01:16:48,315 --> 01:16:51,120 there was some... purpose. 965 01:16:52,400 --> 01:16:56,400 That I could take her to a place where science would desert her. 966 01:16:59,920 --> 01:17:01,280 Before she left us, 967 01:17:03,120 --> 01:17:05,165 something deeper, 968 01:17:05,200 --> 01:17:08,160 more meaningful might find its way into her life. 969 01:17:23,120 --> 01:17:27,120 Of course we still don't know who, or what, made that statue come down. 970 01:17:27,275 --> 01:17:30,440 Or why the flat of a retired postmistress called Greta Portland 971 01:17:30,475 --> 01:17:32,880 had been turned over and not a penny stolen. 972 01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:35,460 Accident? 973 01:17:35,495 --> 01:17:36,880 Coincidence? 974 01:17:36,915 --> 01:17:38,365 Maybe. 975 01:17:38,400 --> 01:17:42,400 Or maybe there's one more sting in the tail here yet we can't foresee. 976 01:17:49,400 --> 01:17:51,520 One for the professionals, I think. 977 01:17:56,040 --> 01:17:57,400 TEXT MESSAGE ALERT 978 01:18:09,040 --> 01:18:10,600 Oh... 979 01:18:12,120 --> 01:18:16,120 There you go, staring us right in the face again as usual. What? 980 01:18:17,315 --> 01:18:18,885 I'll tell you in a bit. 981 01:18:18,920 --> 01:18:21,760 Suffice to say, that on this occasion, predictive text 982 01:18:21,795 --> 01:18:24,280 would've have done us all a very big favour. 983 01:18:24,315 --> 01:18:26,640 DIALS A NUMBER 984 01:18:44,960 --> 01:18:47,700 Yes, got that. 985 01:18:47,735 --> 01:18:50,405 That's great. 986 01:18:50,440 --> 01:18:53,405 Erm, I do kind of need to, yes. 987 01:18:53,440 --> 01:18:56,280 'If this checks out, God only knows what's gonna kick off. ' 988 01:18:56,315 --> 01:18:57,765 Oh, great 989 01:18:57,800 --> 01:18:59,885 And so what about Arabella's 40th? 990 01:18:59,920 --> 01:19:02,520 I mean, what time are you going to be..? 991 01:19:02,555 --> 01:19:03,965 I'll give you a call, OK? 992 01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:06,960 Oh, and if anyone else comes asking for that address, 993 01:19:06,995 --> 01:19:09,000 'very sorry, but you can't help. ' 994 01:19:09,035 --> 01:19:10,325 OK? 995 01:19:10,360 --> 01:19:11,840 Take care, bye. 996 01:19:13,560 --> 01:19:15,320 CAR ENGINE STARTS 997 01:19:32,120 --> 01:19:35,920 So this person I'm about to meet, when you say keep an open mind, 998 01:19:35,955 --> 01:19:38,040 what's that supposed to... 999 01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:41,720 Jonathan, hi. I got your message. 1000 01:19:41,755 --> 01:19:43,400 Jacqueline, this is Joey. 1001 01:19:45,240 --> 01:19:48,000 So I think you've got a DVD we might be interested in. 1002 01:19:58,280 --> 01:20:01,760 How often does it happen? We all type "great" and get "Greta". 1003 01:20:04,280 --> 01:20:06,920 I'd even seen it on a guest list a few weeks ago. 1004 01:20:06,955 --> 01:20:09,525 Don't think you know Jack, producer extraordinaire? 1005 01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:12,005 You still based in Euston, have I remembered that right? 1006 01:20:12,040 --> 01:20:14,960 Talking of sat navs, have you had any luck with that demo tape? 1007 01:20:14,995 --> 01:20:17,277 I meant to ask... FADES OUT 1008 01:20:17,312 --> 01:20:19,525 I had some fanciful notion, 1009 01:20:19,560 --> 01:20:22,760 if we could sell it as a series, he might come on board... 1010 01:20:22,795 --> 01:20:24,360 in an advisory capacity. 1011 01:20:28,280 --> 01:20:30,605 'So if we can maintain that fiction, 1012 01:20:30,640 --> 01:20:33,620 'which seems to be working well for us at the moment, 1013 01:20:33,655 --> 01:20:36,600 'if we can get 50% of the media to swallow our story 1014 01:20:36,635 --> 01:20:38,240 'then we're home and dry. ' 1015 01:20:38,275 --> 01:20:40,605 My God, is that..? 1016 01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:42,400 How did you get hold of this? 1017 01:20:42,435 --> 01:20:45,080 INDISTINCT VOICES ON TV 1018 01:20:53,880 --> 01:20:56,320 LOUD MUSIC AND MUTED TV VOICES 1019 01:21:23,600 --> 01:21:25,565 Well, I'm gobsmacked. 1020 01:21:25,600 --> 01:21:27,845 You imagine if this went public? 1021 01:21:27,880 --> 01:21:30,360 This is what everyone's been saying, for the last ten years. 1022 01:21:30,395 --> 01:21:32,685 I mean, complete and absolute proof 1023 01:21:32,720 --> 01:21:35,525 they were all lying through their teeth. It's lethal. 1024 01:21:35,560 --> 01:21:38,880 What's known in the business, I think, as 'a smoking gun'. 1025 01:21:38,915 --> 01:21:40,677 Or at least it would be... 1026 01:21:40,712 --> 01:21:42,440 if any of it was real. 1027 01:21:43,560 --> 01:21:46,005 The production, we were more than happy with. 1028 01:21:46,040 --> 01:21:49,480 Uncanny look-alikes and some brilliant mimics for the voices. 1029 01:21:49,515 --> 01:21:52,920 I just felt, as late-night satire, it was all a bit clunky. 1030 01:21:53,960 --> 01:21:57,125 Whereas Franklin, I know, would've given it some wit. 1031 01:21:57,160 --> 01:22:01,160 But how scary is it, that certain people in very high places 1032 01:22:01,275 --> 01:22:03,640 appear to have somehow got wind of this footage, 1033 01:22:03,675 --> 01:22:06,565 and took it completely at face value? 1034 01:22:06,600 --> 01:22:09,840 Then everything we're told never happens in real life, 1035 01:22:09,875 --> 01:22:12,205 tracking down every copy of the DVD, 1036 01:22:12,240 --> 01:22:15,280 and neutralising anyone who might have known about it... 1037 01:22:16,680 --> 01:22:19,440 .. has been going on, right under our noses. 1038 01:22:20,480 --> 01:22:23,400 Oh, God. Because Fariba works in documentaries, 1039 01:22:23,435 --> 01:22:25,765 she could've been a threat. 1040 01:22:25,800 --> 01:22:28,240 And that chainsaw coming to bits... 1041 01:22:29,800 --> 01:22:31,680 You don't think that was..? 1042 01:22:36,720 --> 01:22:38,500 Oh, shit. 1043 01:22:38,535 --> 01:22:40,280 SHE WHIMPERS 1044 01:22:42,040 --> 01:22:45,165 Oh, God. Polly... Uh-uh-uh. 1045 01:22:45,200 --> 01:22:48,520 How is that a smart move? Come on. 1046 01:22:48,555 --> 01:22:52,160 It's OK, you can all relax. 1047 01:22:52,195 --> 01:22:53,725 Oh God, Jonathan. 1048 01:22:53,760 --> 01:22:56,760 We've just got one little job to take care of 1049 01:22:56,795 --> 01:22:58,520 and then we'll be out of your hair. 1050 01:23:01,960 --> 01:23:03,600 THEY SCREAM 1051 01:23:17,200 --> 01:23:19,365 Just so we've got all bases covered. 1052 01:23:19,400 --> 01:23:22,280 You don't need to do this, none of that's real! 1053 01:23:24,040 --> 01:23:25,320 Insurance policy. 1054 01:23:26,480 --> 01:23:29,840 We'll see what you make of this locked room. 1055 01:23:29,875 --> 01:23:31,080 OK! 1056 01:23:32,080 --> 01:23:35,640 I hate to be a killjoy, but that's not going to work, I'm afraid. 1057 01:23:38,080 --> 01:23:39,780 No, no... 1058 01:23:39,815 --> 01:23:41,480 You think so? 1059 01:23:42,480 --> 01:23:44,040 Try me. 1060 01:23:55,160 --> 01:23:56,560 No! 1061 01:24:02,960 --> 01:24:05,205 Yes, it's dangerous stuff, petrol. 1062 01:24:05,240 --> 01:24:07,245 When I got my lads to search your car, 1063 01:24:07,280 --> 01:24:09,680 I couldn't quite work out what it was doing there. 1064 01:24:09,715 --> 01:24:12,077 So I had them replace it with diluted apple juice. 1065 01:24:12,112 --> 01:24:14,440 Hell of a lot safer, and healthier too, you'll find. 1066 01:24:14,475 --> 01:24:16,400 I don't think so, matey-girl. 1067 01:24:22,480 --> 01:24:23,885 God, you lot took your time! 1068 01:24:23,920 --> 01:24:27,360 Go on, back to the nick with them, the fun's over. 1069 01:24:27,395 --> 01:24:28,485 Move! 1070 01:24:28,520 --> 01:24:30,965 All done? All done! 1071 01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:33,080 VOICES DROWNED OUT BY MUSIC 1072 01:24:52,480 --> 01:24:54,900 It all had to start somewhere. 1073 01:24:54,935 --> 01:24:57,285 I'm afraid it started with me. 1074 01:24:57,320 --> 01:25:00,480 A man who couldn't keep his mouth shut. 1075 01:25:03,120 --> 01:25:06,640 That last day, I went round to check him over. 1076 01:25:07,680 --> 01:25:09,840 I found myself alone in the study. 1077 01:25:09,880 --> 01:25:11,285 Ah, that'll be Fariba, 1078 01:25:11,320 --> 01:25:13,840 she told me she'd call me when she landed. Do you mind? 1079 01:25:13,875 --> 01:25:14,840 No, no... 1080 01:25:22,320 --> 01:25:25,600 'It was devastating stuff, as I thought. 1081 01:25:26,640 --> 01:25:30,565 'I mean, absolute political dynamite. 1082 01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:34,520 'I may have mentioned it the next day to a friend at the golf club. 1083 01:25:34,555 --> 01:25:36,325 'A gentleman... 1084 01:25:36,360 --> 01:25:39,400 'Well, let's say rather well placed in Whitehall. ' 1085 01:25:42,320 --> 01:25:45,760 We can only guess how far it went ... up the ladder. 1086 01:25:46,880 --> 01:25:48,245 Far enough, at any rate, 1087 01:25:48,280 --> 01:25:50,760 for a couple of specialists to be planted on my team 1088 01:25:50,795 --> 01:25:53,200 having already set about their dirty work. 1089 01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:04,365 Took me a while to rumble that one, I'm afraid. 1090 01:26:04,400 --> 01:26:07,480 Who else could've beaten me to that false lead in Derbyshire? 1091 01:26:07,515 --> 01:26:09,600 They'll take the rap for all this today, 1092 01:26:09,635 --> 01:26:11,325 but that's about all. 1093 01:26:11,360 --> 01:26:13,420 Far too smart to leave any footprints. 1094 01:26:13,455 --> 01:26:15,480 Bit like the people they're protecting? 1095 01:26:15,515 --> 01:26:17,165 Well, we all know how it works. 1096 01:26:17,200 --> 01:26:20,200 Smooth tongue, big smile and the right hand gestures, 1097 01:26:20,235 --> 01:26:22,840 you really CAN get away with murder. 1098 01:26:22,875 --> 01:26:24,557 Anyway, thanks. 1099 01:26:24,592 --> 01:26:26,205 No, thank you. 1100 01:26:26,240 --> 01:26:27,920 Enjoy the rest of your Sunday. 1101 01:26:32,600 --> 01:26:33,725 In deciphering the puzzle, 1102 01:26:33,760 --> 01:26:36,165 my attention was drawn to several key details... 1103 01:26:36,200 --> 01:26:39,840 the prints of the shoes, which landed in an unusual position against the wall, 1104 01:26:39,875 --> 01:26:42,005 the way the globe had turned around, 1105 01:26:42,040 --> 01:26:44,720 suggesting it might have been opened up and used as... 1106 01:26:44,755 --> 01:26:46,085 some kind of hiding place 1107 01:26:46,120 --> 01:26:48,845 and you go through all the various clues. I mean, it's brilliant! 1108 01:26:48,880 --> 01:26:52,360 Obviously, I know his nibs here's got no taste any more for that kind of publicity. 1109 01:26:52,395 --> 01:26:54,365 Wouldn't do his new career in the City much good. 1110 01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:56,880 Oh, God no. You've got to keep his name out. Thank you. 1111 01:26:56,915 --> 01:26:58,365 THEY LAUGH AND DOORBELL RINGS 1112 01:26:58,400 --> 01:27:01,400 So, filming an advert for Weetabix, how does that work, then? 1113 01:27:01,435 --> 01:27:04,360 You get the rushes every day, presumably?! Stop it! 1114 01:27:04,395 --> 01:27:06,405 JOEY LAUGHS She's a riot. 1115 01:27:06,440 --> 01:27:10,080 No, listen... I think you've made the right decision. 1116 01:27:10,115 --> 01:27:12,285 I will admit, I couldn't see it at first, 1117 01:27:12,320 --> 01:27:16,080 but all this post-modern detective malarkey, you're right. 1118 01:27:16,115 --> 01:27:17,765 It's a young man's game. 1119 01:27:17,800 --> 01:27:21,240 You don't want to get to the point where you're embarrassing yourself. 1120 01:27:21,275 --> 01:27:22,920 And she'll be good for you. 1121 01:27:22,955 --> 01:27:24,757 Nice choice. 1122 01:27:24,792 --> 01:27:26,525 Thank you. 1123 01:27:26,560 --> 01:27:29,245 From someone called Brad... 1124 01:27:29,280 --> 01:27:32,120 Oh was, was he that guy that you, um..? 1125 01:27:36,440 --> 01:27:37,605 "Forgive me, Jonathan, 1126 01:27:37,640 --> 01:27:40,520 "but you'll understand why I couldn't bear to keep this. 1127 01:27:40,555 --> 01:27:42,397 "Although it may seem ghoulish, 1128 01:27:42,432 --> 01:27:44,205 "I felt you were the one person 1129 01:27:44,240 --> 01:27:47,320 "who would truly appreciate its finer points. " 1130 01:27:47,355 --> 01:27:48,685 Ah. 1131 01:27:48,720 --> 01:27:52,160 So there you go, then. A little toy for you to play with. 1132 01:27:52,195 --> 01:27:54,245 CHAINSAW AND JOEY LAUGHS 1133 01:27:54,280 --> 01:27:56,720 So where did you first meet this character anyway? 1134 01:27:56,755 --> 01:27:58,725 At a miserable bastards convention? 1135 01:27:58,760 --> 01:28:01,800 Oh, don't! Don't know what you'd be doing there. That's another story. 1136 01:28:01,835 --> 01:28:03,805 Friend of mine took me to see this magic show, 1137 01:28:03,840 --> 01:28:06,880 which is just so not my scene. Oh, I know what you mean. 1138 01:28:06,915 --> 01:28:09,920 It's this weird little world they all live in, don't they? 1139 01:28:09,955 --> 01:28:12,520 THEY know it's a con, WE know it's a con, 1140 01:28:12,555 --> 01:28:14,165 they know we know it's a con, 1141 01:28:14,200 --> 01:28:16,880 and at the end of the day, you're all like, who's fooling who? 1142 01:28:16,915 --> 01:28:18,325 You might want to get out more. 1143 01:28:18,360 --> 01:28:21,080 And here's an idea, don't be such a dick. 1144 01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:24,380 Oh. Sorry, how was it? 1145 01:28:24,415 --> 01:28:26,360 Did you have any joy? 1146 01:28:27,960 --> 01:28:30,120 Sadly not.