1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,880 OK, for two points. Sigourney Weaver's uncle was a 1930s radio DJ. 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,200 - But WHAT was his name? - Buzz! Doodles Weaver! 3 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:10,120 - Oh, my God! You, my friend, are through to the gold run! - Yes! 4 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:12,240 - PHONE RINGS - Oh, phone a friend! 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,240 Where did you find him? 6 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,160 The most annoying set of twins since the girls off Fun House. 7 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,880 We're not twins! We don't even look alike. Ow! 8 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:22,600 - Do you reckon Mike felt that? - No! 9 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,800 Do you think when you have sex, Mike feels it as well? 10 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,120 - I guess we'll never know. - Oh... 11 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:42,600 Wikipedia personal life, Gillian Anderson is divorced! 12 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,560 Sorry I doubted you, you're well in. Is her phone number on Wikipedia? 13 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:47,920 You can just give her a ring now, ring Gillian Anderson. 14 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,640 No, no, I'm biding my time. Slowly, slowly, catchy Scully. 15 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,960 - And the condiments are balanced, he's done it! - Oh, very good, very good. 16 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,640 Martha! Hello, my sweetheart. 17 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,960 I'll go and get us a couple of sparkling waters. 18 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,000 - Martha. - Josh. 19 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,160 You're drinking two pints? 20 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,240 I couldn't decide which I preferred, so I went for both. 21 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,560 So, still at the homeless charity? 22 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,800 Yes, of COURSE! People need help, Josh. 23 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,960 Do you know how hard it is to sleep rough? 24 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,960 I once had a futon. 25 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,440 Sorry, you think homelessness is a laughing matter? 26 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,480 No, I realise it must be a very tough job, I do. 27 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,120 Well, I guess it depends if you think helping people is tough. 28 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,400 I tend to think it's pretty rewarding. 29 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,440 Seems like you've earned yourself a proper drink. 30 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,640 Today I worked with a 35-year-old man, 31 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:57,000 whose problems with drink got so bad, he lost his foot to gout. 32 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,480 Just an orange juice? 33 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,960 Never drink fruit juice from concentrate. 34 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,800 As always, Martha completely ruined the evening. 35 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,520 She refused to get me a vodka because of what the Russians did to Alexander Litvinenko. 36 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,800 Well, you can drink what you want this weekend, mate. 37 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,000 Teabag's on his way. The party's about to start. 38 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,800 Last time he was here he got so drunk, he pissed in a Dyson Airblade. 39 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,600 I know, my hands were in the Airblade. That's why I went home early. 40 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,040 - He once drank so much Strongbow, he stole a horse. - A horse? 41 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,320 - I mean, that is why I won't be coming out with you! - Anyway, got to go! 42 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,920 Oh-oh! Shandy Andy alert! I'm exactly like you, Josh. I'm a lightweight. 43 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:35,960 I genuinely think it's time pubs started selling quarter pints. 44 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,320 Yeah, we're like peas in a pod, you and me. 45 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,920 We're not like peas in a pod, Geoff. 46 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,880 Peas in a pub, more like! Till about half past nine. 47 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,600 I don't want to ruin the next day. 48 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,560 Geoff, are you done with the boiler? I need to talk to you about my room. 49 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,080 Yes! One pilot light ignited. Geoff, one, hypothermia, nil. 50 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,600 Oh. One-all. 51 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,520 Geoff? Geoff, please? 52 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,520 OK, OK. Oh, bloody hell, her indoors, eh? 53 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,160 Geoff, we're not married. 54 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,080 Oh, is that what that means? 55 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,080 I always thought it was because you were inside and quite annoying. 56 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,320 Seriously, Geoff, you need to redecorate my room. 57 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,400 - Well, what's the problem with it? - Um... 58 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,720 THAT brick wallpaper thing. 59 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,040 It's been like this since you moved in. Why do you care all of a sudden? 60 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,960 Because I'm bringing someone special back. 61 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,720 - Yeah, but you bring loads of blokes back! - Yes, I know, but... 62 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,080 Er, I do not bring loads... 63 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,240 Anyway, this one's an interior designer, so... 64 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,040 - Well, I'm not paying for an interior designer. - No, I'm seeing one. 65 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:35,640 Oh, fantastic. He can paint it for you after you... you're done, you know... 66 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,200 It would be like that was my fee! 67 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,680 Oh, well, at least £300 worth of work is a compliment 68 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:41,840 if anything, Kate. 69 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,960 Can we please not discuss my rate as a prostitute? 70 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,800 Well, you could redecorate it. Let your imagination run wild. 71 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,920 I can always cover it up afterwards, it's what I did for the last tenant, yeah? Express yourself! 72 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,440 I am. By not lending a hand. 73 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,920 Oh, all right, trouble and strife. 74 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,880 I'm not your wife. 75 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,880 - Is that what that means? - Yes! 76 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,200 God, I'm so excited about tonight. 77 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,760 At the shops today, all I could think about today was Teabag. 78 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,360 Do you think you're in love? 79 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,360 No, no, no, no. This is far more intense. 80 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,800 My boss's son brought his guitar into work today, 81 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,600 he bashed out a note-perfect rendition of This Charming Man. 82 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,000 - He's only six. - Wow! - Yeah. 83 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,440 Yeah, I found myself saying to him, I said, "Listen son, 84 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,960 "that's impressive, but it's not as impressive 85 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,600 - "as the time my friend Teabag drove a Segway into a lake." - What? 86 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,840 Yeah! Yeah, Tomorrow's World made the mistake of filming in Carmarthen. 87 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,280 We were only 12. 88 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,720 To be fair to Teabag though, he was absolutely hammered. 89 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,360 - Oh, it's important to be fair. - Oh, that reminds me. 90 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,600 Teabag likes me to be up and running by the time he arrives. 91 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,920 Apparently, if I'm sober, I'm overly concerned about being arrested. 92 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,720 Well... 93 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,920 Teabag always says, if you spend your life worrying 94 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,760 about the law, you're never going to get your knob out in Lidl. 95 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,800 - That's the gravestone sorted. - Yeah, well, it was kind of exhilarating. - Oh, you didn't? 96 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,680 Oh, God! 97 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,120 - A little tip... - Yeah, I've heard! 98 00:04:58,120 --> 00:04:59,960 No, little tip for you. 99 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:03,480 Lidl's CCTV only focuses on the more expensive items. 100 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,680 As long as you steer clear of the Lambrini, you can do what you want in there. 101 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,320 - Teabag went down on a cheap ham hock for over five minutes, it was amazing. - Oh, dear God. 102 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,360 To be fair to him though, he was absolutely hammered. 103 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,640 Oh, and Teabag counts cider as one of his five a day. 104 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,280 He says courgettes are fine, but they'll never get him hammered. God, I can't wait... 105 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,960 - DOORBELL GOES - Oh, it's Teabag! 106 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,360 - If I hear hooves, I am leaving. - Yeah, just be grateful we don't have a hand-dryer. 107 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,120 - Hey! - Welcome to the pleasure dome! - Ah, come here. Where are they? 108 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,560 Hello, London! Teabag is here! 109 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,760 Oi-oi! This is Teabag. You remember Josh, and this is Kate. 110 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,000 M'lady. M'lady. Ha-ha! 111 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:43,560 Beautiful woman and with a lager on the go, you're already on my legends list. 112 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,560 - I've got a lager as well. - Yeah. Drinking it pretty slowly, yeah? 113 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,000 Hoping it'll evaporate, are you, eh? 114 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,040 Only joking! 115 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,920 Right, enough talk, Owen, get 'em out the fridge! 116 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,840 Er, one, two, three, four lagers. 117 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:59,160 And what does everyone else want to drink, eh? 118 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:03,160 - I'm joking, I'm joking, yeah? But seriously, I'll have two cans, yeah? - No problem! 119 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,640 So, er, "Teabag". That's an interesting name. Where does that come from? 120 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,920 Fall asleep near me and you'll find out. 121 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,760 No overnight bag? 122 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,240 Overnight bag? I'm not an air stewardess! 123 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,760 I've got all I need in my pockets, boy. A toothbrush and eight condoms. 124 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:22,160 I've got to pay for my board somehow, haven't I, eh? 125 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,280 So, did anyone see Virgins Say No last night? 126 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,560 - Yeah, I did. - Yeah. - No? 127 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,760 Ah-ha-ha! Virgin! 128 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,800 I can see his hymen! 129 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,320 Oh, this is fun, isn't it? 130 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,560 - Yeah, you gonna join us tonight then, are you, Virgin? - Oh, maybe next time. 131 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,720 Oh, good boy, good boy. I'll hold you to that. 132 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,600 - Yeah. - Now you're only about 50% virgin. 133 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,920 - How is that even possible? - Fingering? 134 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,920 TEXT ALERT 135 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,680 Oh, my God, amazing news! Mike and Martha have split up! 136 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,320 - Oh, that's a shame. - No, it's not. You hate her. 137 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,720 Remember when you gave her 20 quid to get a round in? 138 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,880 - She got tap water and gave the money to a soup kitchen. - Oh, yeah. 139 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,800 There much fanny at this soup kitchen? 140 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,240 Er...fanny? 141 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:09,040 My second favourite part of the female body, after the brain. 142 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,920 Only joking. I absolutely love fannies, I do. 143 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,920 I'm gonna go and meet Mike for a drink. 144 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:17,320 - Oh, my God, it's gonna be amazing! We've got so much to talk about! - No, wait, wait! 145 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,520 Just, just let him do the talking, yeah? 146 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:23,560 Remember when you and Natasha split up and I told her that it was weird that she was with you anyway 147 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:27,840 - because she was so much taller than you in heels? And then you got back together? - Yes! 148 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,000 Well, that was awkward for everyone, wasn't it? 149 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,320 Yeah, it was. Also, it wasn't that weird. I just bought her flats. 150 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,760 She was still taller than you. 151 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,880 You should have just bought yourself some heels. 152 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,480 Oh, yeah, THAT would have solved the weirdness, wouldn't it? 153 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,400 - Either way, just keep your mouth shut. - Yes, OK, OK. 154 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,680 - See you later, Virgin! - I'm not a virgin! 155 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,800 - Once a virgin, always a virgin. - What does that even mean?! 156 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,520 - God, I loved her. - We all did, mate. We all did. 157 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,040 Gotta be honest though, she could be a bit...difficult at times. 158 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,800 I really hadn't noticed. 159 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,000 But you never know, maybe you'll get back together. 160 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,840 No. She deleted my number. And recycled all our photographs. 161 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,600 She could be a little bit... overbearing, don't you think? 162 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,040 Oh, it's not for me to say, mate. 163 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:18,160 - I wasn't going mad though, she could be, couldn't she? - No, I don't want to talk out of turn. 164 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:22,240 - You're my best mate. I value your opinion. - She could be a little on the militant side. - Yes! 165 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,680 What about the time she made me sleep outside for a week, 166 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,400 - just so I'd know what it was like to be homeless! - Oh, God, yeah. 167 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,760 I had to survive on change she gave me on the way to work. 168 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,560 Didn't she get you moved on by the council? 169 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,240 They confiscated my sleeping bag. She was so bloody worthy! 170 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,040 Oh, isn't she, God!? 171 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,560 Did I tell you about the time we passed Toby Anstis 172 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,440 - taking a dump, mid fun run? - No...? 173 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,640 - She wouldn't let me take a photograph. - What? - Cos he was doing it for charity. 174 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,080 - What, the dump? - What was I thinking? 175 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,680 Oh, and what about her furry fingers? 176 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,600 What about her furry fingers! Like holding hands with an ewok. 177 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,240 Oh, unbelievable! 178 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,160 Oh, it's so good to hear this! 179 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,920 - Katie. - Joshua. 180 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,200 Oh, ha-ha-ha, here they bloody are, the boys. How was your night out? 181 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:09,240 Well, I'm down to four condoms and that toothbrush won't be able to look me in the eyes again. 182 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,960 Oh, it was legendary. I got my head stuck in the railings outside Oceana. 183 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,920 - Absolutely quality! - I was fine though. 184 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,160 - I just drank through a straw until the firemen arrived. - Yeah, reluctantly! 185 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,040 I still did it though. How was your night out with Mike? 186 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,960 Oh, amazing! Should have heard the things he was saying. 187 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,240 He hates her! She was controlling, she was jealous. 188 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,080 She once slapped him because he thanked a female bus driver! 189 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:33,040 I once thanked a female bus driver, if you know what I mean! 190 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,320 I said to her, "You're used to handling something big 191 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,600 "and red, so wrap your hands around this!" 192 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,160 - I was talking about my cock! - I know, I got it, yeah. 193 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:45,480 Oh, it's so good to have Mike back. We've booked a lads' weekend in Bruges. 194 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,960 Flying Virgin, are you? 195 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:50,640 - Won't be a lads' weekend if it's you and Mike, it's just a weekend. - We can be laddy! 196 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,360 Last night we were discussing our problems between the sheets. 197 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:57,280 - What, about whether he should splash out on some Egyptian cotton? - I've splashed out on some! 198 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,840 No, no, no, no, no! Josh! 199 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,400 Rule one of the post-break-up chat, don't say what you actually think. 200 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,640 I mean, what did he say about her? 201 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,400 - Nothing. - Josh? 202 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,920 Just that she could be a little difficult. 203 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,640 - SHE SIGHS - What else? 204 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,760 Josh, what else? 205 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,320 I might have said that she had furry fingers. 206 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,840 - No! - Ha! Furry fingers! 207 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,720 - Yeah, I said it must have been like holding hands with a mitten. - Ha! Legend! 208 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,240 You are aware you're about to lose Mike? 209 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,840 Your only friend outside this flat? 210 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,520 I've got loads of friends outside this flat! See? Ha! 211 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,280 - PHONE RINGS - Who's that? 212 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:35,320 - Well, it just happens that this time it's Mike. - What are the chances(?) 213 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,720 Hello, mate. 214 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,680 Yep. 215 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,520 Yep. 216 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,400 No, absolutely. I'll see you then. 217 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,080 Cheers, man, bye. 218 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,360 - They got back together. - They're engaged. - Yeah. 219 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,400 It was hard work, but I think you'll agree it was worth it. 220 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,720 Presenting to you, your new love nest! 221 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:58,760 Ta-dah! 222 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,240 - What the hell is this? - It's your dream boudoir! 223 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,920 Why have you done this to me? 224 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,560 Why on earth would you think this was the style I wanted to keep? 225 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,600 You didn't want to lose your feature wall. 226 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,560 I think it's what gives the room urban edge. 227 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,280 Urban edge? I'm not Biggie Smalls. 228 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,720 - Um, sorry, I don't know what that is. - He was a rapper. 229 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,120 Oh. What, like, like...like the Sugary Gang? 230 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,960 It's the Sugar Hill Gang, Geoff. Look, why did you... 231 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,840 Who are the Sugary Gang, then? 232 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,760 I don't know! Baddies from a dental advert? 233 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,240 Look, can you just please sort this disaster? 234 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,800 - I think it looks cool. - It looks like solitary confinement. 235 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:34,400 What are you going to do, get rid of the bed and give me a ball to bounce against the wall? 236 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,200 No ball games in the flat, you know that! 237 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,560 Look, Geoff, can you just get this wallpaper stripped off, please. It's not me. 238 00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:41,160 And for a designer, it's lights out. 239 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,480 And not in a sexy, "Let's get down to it with an air of mystery" kind of way. 240 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,160 I want it off my wall by tomorrow. 241 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,480 I think I know what a designer would like and wouldn't. 242 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,200 - You're aware of my design background? - What design background? 243 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:55,280 - I studied art for seven years. - What? Where? - At St Luke's in Southend. 244 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,720 Although I dropped it when I moved up to secondary school. 245 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,520 That's not design background, that's childhood. 246 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,400 I'm a dab hand at making writing paper look older than it actually is. You take some tea... 247 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,160 That does not make you a designer, Geoff! 248 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,480 OK. If you're not going to let it go, I'll tell you what. 249 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,520 We'll get some spray cans, put some graffiti up. 250 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,200 It'll look like you live in New York. 251 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,440 - What are you talking about? - My nephew Kevin, 252 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,120 he's got a wall like this in his bedroom, right? 253 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,840 I'm quite an artist with a spray can. 254 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,800 I did a massive great Lion Bar logo on his wall, it looked fantastic. 255 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,960 I don't want a Lion Bar logo on my wall, Geoff. 256 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,960 I can do Monster Munch, or Quorn, if you're on a health kick. 257 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,160 - No! - Well, how about "Geoff was here"? 258 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,360 That would look like we spent the night together! 259 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,880 Sorry, Kate, I have a rule about not sleeping with tenants. 260 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,320 I wasn't saying we were going... 261 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,360 Although if I did, this is exactly the kind of room I'd love to do it in. 262 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,200 Here's one for you. For two points, 263 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,000 what did Topanga do for a living when she left Boy Meets World? 264 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,760 Yeah, er, Josh, you're going to need to apologise to Martha 265 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,760 - for what you said. - How does she know what I said? 266 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:52,840 - I told her. - Why? 267 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,960 You've got to be transparent in relationships. 268 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,800 To be honest, we were both a little bit upset by your criticisms. 269 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,520 - You had the same issues! Yeah, but - I was on the back of a break-up, 270 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,120 I didn't know what I was saying. You don't have that excuse. 271 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,600 - Why are you being like this? - I'm not being like anything. 272 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,960 Look, we just feel like you can be a little bit of a bad influence. 273 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,480 A bad influence? I'm not picking you up on a Harley Davidson. 274 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,440 Look, just meet up with her for a drink, 275 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,800 - then you can apologise in person. - In person? 276 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,480 This isn't Frost/Nixon. I mean, look, can't I just text her? 277 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,800 - Is she on WhatsApp? - Look, just suck it up and be a mate. 278 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,360 No, I have nothing to apologise for. 279 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,960 Look, if you don't apologise, Martha won't let us hang out. 280 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,760 Hang out?! We're not ten! I mean, what else is she going to do? 281 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,080 Limit our time on the N64? 282 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,400 No, I'm sorry, she shouldn't be making you choose. 283 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:33,840 - Come on, I'm your best friend. - No. 284 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,640 I'm not going to be forced into doing something I don't want to do. 285 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,680 I mean, if you can't respect that then, fine. I've got other friends. 286 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,200 Like Teabag. 287 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,080 Jesus wept, there's two of them. What is this? 288 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,320 - Virgins Anonymous? - Haha! Good one! 289 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,600 Hey, can I hang in here? 290 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,120 Geoff is still decorating my room. 291 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,480 He's been going through his top ten skirting boards. 292 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,000 He sings the Top Of The Pops jingle in between each one. 293 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,000 Oh, I've had that conversation with him. 294 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,960 I seem to remember birch was a non-mover. 295 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,360 Yeah. So what are you doing? 296 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,320 Just choosing a shirt for going out tonight. 297 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,240 What? You dress up to go to the pub with Mike? 298 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,280 Just to make sure you're doubly co-ordinated? 299 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,960 - I'm not going to the pub with Mike. - Oh, you're going on your own? 300 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,480 No, I'm going with Owen and Teabag. 301 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,200 You're going to the pub with Teabag? 302 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,720 Er, should I notify your relatives now? 303 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,560 I think Mike is a bit more your pace. 304 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,160 Me and Mike aren't speaking any more. 305 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,560 Oh, bless. 306 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,400 Um, for two points, which virgin with no friends is going 307 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,320 to get alcohol poisoning dressed as his grandmother's armchair? 308 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,000 Well, if you're so concerned about me, 309 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,840 why don't you come and join us for a drink? 310 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,160 I can't. I'm seeing my interior designer tonight. 311 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,640 I think I might really like him. 312 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,440 Oh, really? And how did you meet this one? 313 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,240 Er, I met him in the Tate Modern gift shop. 314 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,040 And what were you doing in the Tate Modern? 315 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,480 - Er, just taking in some art. - Oh, yeah, which exhibition? 316 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,920 OK, I just went to use the toilet. but he doesn't know that. 317 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,240 I bought a book to impress him. 318 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,840 Which book did you buy? 319 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,240 Top 30 Art Postcards. 320 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,160 Oh, I bet he is going to be putty in your hands! 321 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,480 I bet you told him you like design as well, didn't you? 322 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,080 - Possibly. - Of course you did! 323 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,400 - What do you mean by that? - Well, it's like when you dated 324 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,960 that surfer at uni for two months. 325 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,560 All you did was wear No Fear clothing. 326 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,840 Er, not true! My beanie was from Fat Willy's. 327 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,200 So if you like this interior designer so much, why haven't you brought him back? 328 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,640 Be honest - are you banging Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen? 329 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,800 Why? Do you want to give him his shirt back? 330 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,440 No, I'm not banging Bowen. 331 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,200 I'm going to bang an incredibly hot guy with incredible taste. 332 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,440 You know my rules on sleeping with tenants, Kate. 333 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,880 Before I forget, you didn't hear what my number one was. 334 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:28,440 HE HUMS PICK OF THE POPS THEME 335 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,640 Dual purpose pine. Nice. 336 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,520 I mean I've been caught having sex on CCTV before 337 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,160 but apparently a speed camera was unprecedented. 338 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,520 Right. I'm going to have a slash then let's get going, yeah? 339 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,120 Yes! 340 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,600 I'll need both hands for this job! 341 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,560 Hello, toilet! Here's Daddy! 342 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,720 He talks to toilets. 343 00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,720 LOUD URINATION 344 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,280 Has he got his hands on another horse? 345 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:09,160 I've seen it. You're not far wrong! 346 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,280 I can feel it going through the pipes. 347 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,720 URINATION STOPS 348 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:21,960 I'm not sure if you should... 349 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,000 URINATION RESUMES 350 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,320 URINATION STOPS 351 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,360 OK, I don't think... 352 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,960 URINATION RESUMES 353 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,720 I don't think you should go out with Teabag tonight, Josh. 354 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,560 I need to make new friends. It's either that or apologise to Martha. 355 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,040 Don't listen to her. Teabag is the only friend you'll ever need. 356 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,920 Last night, he drank a Smirnoff Ice through his ear! 357 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,200 - That's not possible. - Er, tell that to TFL. 358 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,880 Ha! Look what I found! Anyone lost this orc? 359 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,280 Oh! There's a mate for you, Josh! 360 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,280 Oh, good to finally meet your boyfriend, Kate. 361 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,880 - Well done on pretty much repeating my joke. - Well done on being a secret Warhammer fan. 362 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,800 - I'm not a secret Warhammer fan! - Not any more. 363 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,640 Yeah, it must have been the previous owner. He had orcs everywhere. 364 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:08,640 The humble forest orc, the noble mountain orc, the wily river orc. 365 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:12,240 Is this another top ten? Look, Geoff, shouldn't you be decorating my room? 366 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,520 It's all in hand. Come and have a look. 367 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:15,840 - TEABAG: - That was incredible. 368 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,600 The colour of a Spacehopper and a similar consistency. 369 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,120 I haven't flushed if you want to go and have a look. 370 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,520 Oh, don't mind if I do. 371 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,320 I've been so busy, Kate, I can't remember a time 372 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,400 when I wasn't stripping wallpaper. Et voila! I've got these two done. 373 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,440 - I'll have these done in a couple of hours' time. - Oh, brilliant, thanks. 374 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,280 I know you're meeting that bloke, so I'll make sure I let myself out 375 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,560 - in time for you to... - Don't touch my bed again, Geoff. 376 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,600 No, you're the boss. 377 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,600 Kate, please, just come for one or two and then after that... 378 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,920 Hurry up, Virgin! Those Strongbows won't strawpedo themselves! 379 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,040 Please! Just one or two? 380 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,600 Josh, you don't need to be doing this. 381 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,760 You don't see me out strongpedoing Strawbows 382 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,840 - and I've still got loads of mates. - Really? Who? 383 00:17:55,840 --> 00:18:00,320 Well, there's you guys, my brother, Mr Wong... 384 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,720 - Who's Mr Wong? - He's a mate. 385 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,800 What do you talk to Mr Wong about? 386 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,800 You know, my takeaway order, how it differs from the last one... 387 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,800 Come on, Teabag, let's do this! 388 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,560 Relax. Never rush your first pint. Enjoy it. 389 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,240 - Oh, thank you, Teabag. - Oh, pleasure. 390 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,280 This is actually very pleasant. It's nice to make new friends. 391 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,480 Here's to a laid back evening of conversation. 392 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,800 Three pints of snakebite. 393 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,160 You'd better not be flagging, boy. Let's get them in us. 394 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,920 Drink it! Come on! Drink it! God, you're drunk! 395 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,280 Special drink, there you are, Virgin. 396 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,440 What the hell was that? 397 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,120 Drink it, drink it, drink it! Yes! Quicker! 398 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,920 - How is this place still open? - It's eight o'clock. 399 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,720 Oh, my God, you've been sick everywhere! 400 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,920 That's my shoes. My mother bought me those, they were expensive! 401 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,800 I think my favourite module was feng shui. Hmm. 402 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,200 How did they set the desks out? 403 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,520 There were no desks. 404 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,560 Of course! 405 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,520 - So this is me. - Hmm. Nice. 406 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,720 - Thanks. - I love your coat, by the way. 407 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,080 Have you always had such a great sense of style? 408 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,440 Oh, er, oh, yeah. You know that trend at school, 409 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,720 - people used to knot their ties really short? - Yeah. 410 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,360 That was me, I invented that. 411 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,080 Wow, wait, what? The stubby? 412 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,200 Yeah! I know. Still technically a tie. Teachers couldn't touch me. 413 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,840 - Ah, the perfect crime. - Yeah. 414 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:19,320 So um, do you want to come in for a... 415 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:20,920 coffee? 416 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,800 I don't think you're supposed to do the quotation marks, but, yes. 417 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,480 OK, cool. Come on. 418 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,440 Oh! Sorry! 419 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,400 Who do you live with? Stomp? 420 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,680 Oh, God. 421 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,040 Oh, no. 422 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,080 Have you got any paracetamol? 423 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,160 No. Oh, God, are you OK? 424 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,720 I think I might be hallucinating. 425 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,920 Yeah, the previous tenant painted it. 426 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,880 Geoff stripped the wallpaper but didn't think that would be an issue. 427 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,400 - Oh, my God, please tell me you brought Steve back? - Yep. 428 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,240 It was terrible. He couldn't muster himself. 429 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,280 - Felt like the orc was judging him. - So when did he leave? 430 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:26,320 Right after he decided to run with it and asked me if I'd role play as a centaur. 431 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,600 I do have some dignity so I just put my clothes back on 432 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,640 and we called it quits. How was your evening? 433 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,280 Oh, worse. I've never seen people drink like that. 434 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,600 - Teabag considers wine to be a mixer! - What did I tell you? 435 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,800 - They gave me a nickname, Kate. - Inevitably. 436 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,320 They called me Princess Malibu 437 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,480 because I spewed up Malibu in the first hour. 438 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,960 - Why were they drinking Malibu? - They weren't, I was. 439 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,040 It was a drinking fine cos I'd failed to cock one leg when I drank. 440 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,840 Well, why did you have to cock one leg? 441 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,560 They had all these rules like pints with your right hand, 442 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,920 shots with your left. Owen's to be called The Golden Trumpet. 443 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,440 He's always been Owen to me. 444 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,840 I was hammered by the second round which incurred a fine, 445 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,720 I then threw up the fine and got fined again! 446 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,800 - It's an unworkable model, Kate! - Ah, mate. 447 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,880 - Morning, Princess Malibu. - Morning, Owen. 448 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,480 Well, strictly speaking it should be The Golden Trumpet. 449 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,320 But I let you off because Teabag stayed at that girl's house. 450 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,920 The one from the hen do? 451 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,680 Yeah. I don't know where those bridesmaids stayed though. 452 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,960 Oh, um, by the way, 453 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,560 he's now 100% convinced that you're a massive virgin. 454 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,120 Owen, this virgin thing's getting really wearing. 455 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,560 Oh, I know, but you'll find someone eventually. 456 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,120 No, Owen, please tell him to stop. 457 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,480 Last night he challenged me to describe a vagina. 458 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,800 It's harder than you think. 459 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,680 - Mate, it's as embarrassing for me as it is for you. - How? 460 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,840 Because I'm hanging out with a virgin. 461 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,800 PHONE BUZZES 462 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,720 Oh, it's Teabag. He's coming over. 463 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,320 He's ready to go on the piss again! 464 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,560 Oh, no... 465 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:05,760 I can't take it. It's like I'm coming back from Vietnam. 466 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,280 Oh, my God, he's cracked. 467 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,760 I thought he was the only friend anyone ever needed? 468 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,680 Oh, God, it's like he's punishing us! 469 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,080 You know I've been friends with him for years. 470 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,800 In school, his mum was friends with my mum, but you know what? 471 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,480 I think he might be the devil, Kate. 472 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,080 Like, I've never seen him sleep, I've never seen him eat, 473 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,960 and he's been here for two days and now that's on the wall. 474 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,240 Oh, it's all right, mate. 475 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,960 And you know what? 476 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,160 Some of the things he says are bordering on the misogynistic. 477 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,880 Impressed you managed two nights, mate. I feel for you. 478 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,360 You feel for me? He's your friend now too. 479 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:39,440 Look at that. He's coming for both of us. 480 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:40,680 Do you know what? 481 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,320 Once you've sold your soul to the devil, you can't just buy it back. 482 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,160 - No, I don't want any part of this. - Well, he's your friend now. 483 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,680 And what other option do you have? 484 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,080 You wanted to say something to me? 485 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,440 I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 486 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,600 Hmm. It's about time. Well, I appreciate that, Josh. 487 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,520 - I'm glad we got that sorted then so maybe... - Sorry, is that it? 488 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,160 - What? - You're not going to tell me what you're sorry for? 489 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,960 - Just generally sorry. - Generally sorry? 490 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:10,200 Whatever it is you're worried about, consider that apologised for. 491 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,680 Do you know, if you were actually sorry, you would tell me 492 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:13,880 what you were sorry for. 493 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,600 You know, this is the problem with alpha males like you. 494 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,120 You see backing down as a weakness. 495 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:20,600 I'm not an alpha male, I'm barely even beta. 496 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,240 I'm a much lower Greek letter, I'm... I'm zeta. 497 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,280 I mean, is there a zeta? That's not the point. 498 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:29,520 The point is I've said some things I regret, but you make Mike happy. 499 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,320 And I love that and I celebrate that. 500 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:35,760 Thank you, Josh. 501 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:40,040 I'm not the person you think I am. I just want to put this behind us. 502 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,440 - OK. Do you know, it's really nice of you... - Just hold that thought, 503 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,920 I'll be back in a second. 504 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,720 Teabag, this is not the time. 505 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,280 Oi-oi! Virgin alert! Don't lock up your daughters! 506 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,000 Sh! Sh! Sh! What are you doing here? 507 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:55,200 Owen was sick in the sink after one single Budweiser. It was shameful. 508 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,880 Anyway, he told me my newest drinking buddy was down the pub 509 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,680 - getting on it so here I am! - I'm not getting on, I'm not getting on it. 510 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,360 You're in the pub at 3pm, mate, 511 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:05,640 you either work here or you're getting on it. Hang on a sec. 512 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,640 You having a drink with Kevin Keegan or is that what I think it is? 513 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,480 - No, no. she's just a friend, she's just a friend. - Are you on a date? 514 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,120 - No, no! - Is she going to be the one to deflower you? - No, she's not! 515 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,280 Is she refusing to leave second base, is she? I see. 516 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,760 - You want the Teabag to put in a good word for you? - No, no, no. 517 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,160 I'd love to get on it with you but I just need to talk to her. 518 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,880 I'll see you next time you're down. 519 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:26,600 All right, say no more. I'll leave you to work your magic. 520 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:32,040 You know, making love is nature's greatest gift. Welcome to the team. 521 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:33,320 Thank you. 522 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,640 Look, I'm sorry about that. I couldn't just... 523 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,240 No, it's really nice to clear the air. 524 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,880 - Hello, my name is Christopher. - No, Teabag, what are you doing? 525 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,160 - But you can call me Teabag. - Why are you called Teabag? 526 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,960 - Fall asleep near me and you'll find out. - He likes tea! 527 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,720 What are you doing here, Teabag? 528 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,680 I just had to come over and tell her how amazing you are as a man. 529 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:56,800 Why would you do that? 530 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,000 As a thank you for him letting me stay this weekend. 531 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,280 - I'd have been on the street otherwise. - You did that? 532 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,600 - Yeah. - I didn't know you were helping with our work? 533 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,200 - Yeah, yeah, no, I am. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 534 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,480 He has real respect for people, especially women. 535 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,320 I happen to know, for a fact, that he'll never sleep with a woman 536 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,960 - unless he'll spend the rest of his life with her. - Really? 537 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,280 - Teabag, Teabag. - He's saving himself for the right woman. - Is that true? 538 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,160 Yeah, I just feel that true love waits. 539 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,440 - I knew it! - It's actually quite sweet. 540 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,320 Sweet doesn't cover it. His mate broke up with his girl this week 541 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,280 - and that's all he's worried about. - Oh, Josh! 542 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:26,600 Yeah, no, I really have, yeah. 543 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,440 Well, it wasn't a great loss though, was it? 544 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,440 - Oh, really? - I mean, what did you call her again? 545 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,440 No, Martha doesn't need to hear this, Teabag! 546 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,880 - No, Martha does need to hear this. - No, she really doesn't need to hear about this. 547 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,360 Come on, Josh! It was funny. His mate was seeing this girl, 548 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:41,200 and...what was it you called her? She was worthy, she was stuck-up. 549 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:42,640 What else did you say she had? 550 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,760 Oh, that was right! She had furry fingers! 551 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:45,800 TEABAG LAUGHS 552 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,840 Oh. 553 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,640 Well, that'll cut the heating bills in the winter, won't it? 554 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,600 Unlucky, mate. 555 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,360 And the worst thing is, you made me waste water! 556 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:15,600 Well, as I said, once a virgin, always a virgin! 557 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,000 Only one thing for it. 558 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,440 Barman! Pint of Stella and a Malibu for the lady! 559 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:23,640 Right, we're staying here till closing time. 560 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,160 And then we're finding a stables! 561 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,400 MUSIC: This Charming Man by The Smiths 562 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,680 You're drinking with your right hand! Forfeit! 563 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:35,440 You've still got your watch on, you can tell the time in Bogota! 564 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,640 Forfeit! You looked at the bar snacks! Forfeit! 565 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,680 - God, you're bad at this! - I'm sorry! 566 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,600 - Apologising! Forfeit! - Oh! 567 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,720 - God! Are you drunk? - Yes! 568 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,160 - Double forfeit! - Oh! 569 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:50,280 # Will nature make a man of me yet? 570 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,080 # When in this charming car 571 00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,240 # This charming man 572 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,000 # Why pamper life's complexity 573 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:10,520 # When the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat? 574 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,600 # I would go out tonight... #