1 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:05,920 Right. 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,520 Well, they really didn't go for you, did they? 3 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,000 - Don't dwell on it, Geoff. - And the heckling, ouch! 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,200 That was you! 5 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,760 I thought it would help! Give you something to work with. 6 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,840 Little bit of feedback. Right, you're too downbeat. 7 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,560 Rule one of comedy, Josh - there's nothing funny about a grumpy man. 8 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,600 I don't want your advice, Geoff! You're my landlord, not my agent. 9 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,960 Well, thank heavens, with performances like that. 10 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,440 Note two - your hair. 11 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,720 Two-for-one makes no sense. How are you supposed to eat two pizzas? 12 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:48,600 I think the offer's designed for couples. 13 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,160 I'll be honest with you, Kate. Eating two pizzas on your own 14 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,800 is only going to make it harder for you to meet someone. 15 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,640 Right, that's all working now. Warm at the bottom, cold at the top. 16 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,400 So...two pizzas a bit much for you, eh? 17 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,360 - Not up to the task? - No, I meant for the average person. 18 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:03,800 I can totally eat two pizzas. 19 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,720 I once ate four kebabs in an afternoon. 20 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,080 - Why don't I take some of those calories off you, eh? - No! 21 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,200 Well, you know what they say - a moment on the lips, lifetime on the thighs. 22 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,040 - Geoff, why exactly are you here? - Yeah. Is it just to insult me? 23 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:18,600 No. I've also come round to present you with an exciting proposal. 24 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,280 As you may know, tomorrow is the start of London Fashion Week 25 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,920 and I have been approached by two Dutch models 26 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:28,000 who need somewhere to stay and someone to show them round. 27 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,560 - Oh, here we go! - Models? Keep talking. 28 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,160 And I need you guys to move out for a few days 29 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,440 and suggest some hot spots I can take them to. 30 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,880 - What?! - No way! - Where are we supposed to stay?! 31 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,160 Calm... Calm down. 32 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,520 I have organised alternative accommodation 33 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,880 in a very popular holiday destination. 34 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,920 Don't get too excited, but I own a cottage in Clacton. 35 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,040 You guys are going to Clacton. 36 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,280 No. 37 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,040 Right, I thought that might happen. 38 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,560 What if I were to sweeten the deal, by crossing your palms with silver? 39 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,680 What would you say to £50 each? 40 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,200 That's less than a week's rent. 41 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,320 I'll take it. That's two pairs of jeans. 42 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,680 Ah, cheers, Geoff. 43 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,440 - Great. How about you, Kate? - I'm working. 44 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,400 Oh, yeah - cos agency work's notoriously inflexible. 45 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,160 Look, whatever, I'm not going, OK? 46 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:27,040 Now, what if I were to tell you that this young man will be in Clacton? 47 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,360 - Um... - Think he'd be up for sharing a two-for-one pizza deal? 48 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,920 What? 49 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,280 He's my nephew. He's about your level, isn't he? 50 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,200 What do you mean, "about my level"? 51 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,640 Oh, you know, I'd say Championship playoffs... 52 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,800 Derby County, Watford, Notts Forest, with a bit of investment... 53 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,280 - You have to be kidding me?! - All right, Norwich. 54 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,920 - I'll give you £250. - What, to pull your nephew? 55 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,600 No, to go to Clacton. The rest is up to you and nature. 56 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,640 - £200 more than Owen. - In that case, deal. 57 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,320 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, Geoff! I'd like to renegotiate my settlement. 58 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,280 And I would like an evening in Cafe Rouge with Rachel Stevens, 59 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,000 but it's never going to happen, is it? Finally, Josh... 60 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:07,560 - No. - What would you say to 250 spondoolics? 61 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,440 "Spondoolics"? Are we negotiating a Ford Cortina? 62 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,400 No, Geoff, I'm not going. I've got a gig, I don't want to let them down. 63 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,760 Well, I'm sure both audience members can find something else to do. 64 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,400 No, I can't let the organisers down. 65 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,240 Also, I've got to sort out my gig receipts. 66 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,400 - On top of that, I've got to do... - What, both of them? 67 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,560 - That's the same joke, Geoff. - If it ain't broke... 68 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:27,240 I've got to do a wash as well. I've got to meet Mike for lunch... 69 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,680 Josh? You know the Dutch models aren't going to sleep with you? 70 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:31,960 They might. 71 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,560 Well, that is so sweet - you actually think you stand a chance. 72 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,880 Yeah, well, maybe they'll want something different? 73 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,760 How are you offering something different? 74 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,120 I could read to them. 75 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,440 From what? 76 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,440 The Guardian. THEY LAUGH 77 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:47,040 Oh, yeah. Cos babes love articles on austerity and wind farms(!) 78 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,120 Just reading a few fashion magazines, Kate. 79 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,240 You know me, getting a few style tips. 80 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:00,440 No, I won't do anything stupid, I'm just going to be myself. 81 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,200 DOORBELL RINGS Oh, here they are! 82 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,160 Next time you phone me, I won't be picking up, 83 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,360 cos I'll be going at it with two hot Dutch models. 84 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:07,560 See you later. 85 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,000 Hello, I am Ruud and this is Johan. 86 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,840 So, they were blokes. THEY LAUGH 87 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,080 - My God! - OK, OK. 88 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,800 - Oh, no. - I'm surprised you didn't stay, actually. 89 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,400 I thought that's what you went for. 90 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,720 - I mean, I met your last girlfriend. - She was pretty. 91 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,880 She was handsome. Strong features. 92 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,520 - What is this place? - I like it. 93 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,600 It's like Captain Birdseye's shag pad. 94 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,520 The only good thing is, Geoff isn't here. 95 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,600 Imagine how much action Captain Birdseye must get. 96 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,680 Women love a man in uniform. 97 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,520 All the fishfingers you can eat. 98 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,600 He's director of his own company. I'd bang Birdseye. 99 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,760 I mean, look at these. It looks like he's trying to cover up a drink problem. 100 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,640 Well, these are brilliant! Imagine how big they'd be in real life. 101 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,480 - The size of a ship. - Yeah, but think about the size of the bottle. 102 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:05,840 Bagsy the only bedroom. 103 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,720 - What? - You snooze, you lose. 104 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,520 Or rather, you snooze, you sleep on the sofa bed with Owen. 105 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,160 - Are you a spooner? - No. - Ah, spoonee. 106 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,440 We're going to fit together perfectly. 107 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,640 God, I hate the British seaside. 108 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,960 You know, when I went to Great Yarmouth, I got kicked in the stomach by a donkey. 109 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,760 It was still the highlight of the holiday. 110 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:34,720 - Do you remember when you got stuck on the big dipper and pissed yourself? - I didn't piss myself. 111 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,960 I went to the toilet the only place I could, which happened to be my trousers. 112 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,560 - Ah, oh, oh, oh! - There's not even a TV here. What am I meant to do? 113 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,000 - Don't need a telly. - I'm not playing board games with you. 114 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,000 - You get too competitive. - Board games are what holidays are all about. 115 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,720 Last time we played Jenga, you bit me! 116 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,520 I'm lucky I'd just had a tetanus shot. 117 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,880 I did not bite you. I fell on your arm with my mouth. 118 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:53,560 All right, Luis Suarez. 119 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,480 What, the guy who wrote Mambo No. 5? 120 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,840 No, that was Lou Bega and it was a cover version. 121 00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,800 I'd be up for a nice, relaxed game of Monopoly. 122 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,200 I'm not playing with you two, you take it too seriously! 123 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,280 It'll be calm and relaxed and fun. 124 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:08,000 Cash money, bitches! 125 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,400 You've won second prize in a beauty contest. 126 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:13,280 This is the start of my modelling career, Josh. Next thing you know, 127 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,640 you'll be trying to kiss me and find out I'm a man. 128 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,240 How do I come out of that worse? 129 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,720 Oh, one, two... 130 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,840 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - One, two, three, four, five. 131 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,600 - Wha...what are you doing? - When you roll a double, you roll again. 132 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,120 - No-one does that! - Yes, they do. 133 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,880 My uncle then drove for an hour straight, 134 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,800 missed the start of his driving test. 135 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,240 Can we just move on from this, please? 136 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:35,720 Yes! Get in! Welcome to hotel town! 137 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,200 Pay up, sucker! 138 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,160 Excellent customer service, as always. 139 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,760 Don't give a shit, mate. Pay up, now! 140 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,040 Well, I'm bankrupt, I'm out. That was fun, wasn't it? 141 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,200 - Shall we just say Kate's the winner? - No way! 142 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,160 Not until everything's mine and you are all destitute. 143 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,240 I was once lagging behind like this in a school Monopoly competition. 144 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,400 Still went home with the trophy, no problem. 145 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,960 What, you came back from losing this badly to win? 146 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,840 Well, no, I stole the trophy, but the end result was still the same. 147 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,200 - That's not winning. - Well, tell that to my mantelpiece. 148 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,080 You can't just steal the trophy, Owen. 149 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,480 Why aren't you rolling, Kate? Are you scared? 150 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,680 No! 151 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:08,800 Oh... 152 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,320 Ah... Mayfair, owned by one Kate Anderson. 153 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,560 "Nice to see you again, Kate, thought you'd pop by?" 154 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,320 "Yeah, yeah, just thought I'd pop by. 155 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,080 "Visit the best and most expensive hotel in London, which I own." 156 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,800 I know what you're doing, Kate, but you can't get inside my head, 157 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,080 because I am as calm as a cucumber. 158 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,560 That's not the phrase. 159 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,480 Come on, my darlings, show Daddy what you can do. 160 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:33,600 - Oh! - Argh! You let Daddy down! 161 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,960 A-ohh! 162 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,080 # Give me all your money Give me all your money! # 163 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,120 Give me... I think that's two grand, actually? 164 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,640 - Shall I just...? I'll help myself. - I will. I'll give you... 165 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,640 - I'll just pick it up myself, so... - Shh, shh, shh! Oh, my God. 166 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,640 - I think this town is built on a fault-line. - What? What? 167 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,920 Oh, my God! Kate, there's some sort of earthquake! 168 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:54,960 Oh, God! Oh, no! Oh, Kate, it's an act of God! 169 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,120 We'll have to call it an honourable draw. 170 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,800 I'll give you act of God! Landslide! 171 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,240 Oh, grow up! 172 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:02,560 That's some hot property. 173 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:08,520 I said "some hot property", cos you've got a hotel in your drink. 174 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:12,960 See, Josh - that's the sort of joke you should be doing. 175 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,840 MUSIC: Wait A Minute by The Coasters 176 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,480 It was obvious they'd all had too much to drink. 177 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,200 Then Ruud had a claustrophobic fit on the London Eye. 178 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,920 He was late for his first catwalk. 179 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,360 I thought I'd make myself scarce 180 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,600 and now, Jimmy Choo wants to kick my arse. 181 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,560 Is that cos you nicked his shoes? 182 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,200 No, these are my holiday shoes. Hm? Holiday? 183 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,000 You're not staying here though, are you? 184 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,160 Absolutely! This holiday just got Geoffier. 185 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,440 - There's only one bed. - Are you a spooner? 186 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,760 Big time. But don't worry, I'm not going to intrude on you guys. 187 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,920 I'm going to be out there - 188 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,600 spooning Mother Nature. 189 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,120 Another game of Monopoly, anyone? 190 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,200 No, thanks, Kate. I just keep it for the guests. 191 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,560 You know my views on gambling. 192 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,640 I'm not sure Monopoly counts as gambling. 193 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,680 - The cry of the addict. - It's not real money. 194 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,440 That's what Nick Leeson said. 195 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,920 Anyway, I've got a rollmat with my name on it - literally. 196 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,000 So, unless any of you fancy 197 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,920 joining me by the campfire for a sing-along... 198 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,920 I brought the old six-string. 199 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,560 Who's with me? 200 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,560 Ah, well. 201 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:25,760 # I can feel it coming in the air tonight 202 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,680 # Oh, Lord 203 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,520 # I've been waiting for this moment 204 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,160 # All my life 205 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,360 # Oh, Lord 206 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,840 # Oh, Lord... # 207 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,120 IMITATES DRUM SOLO 208 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:51,400 # I can feel it coming in the air tonight 209 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,280 # Oh, Lord 210 00:09:55,840 --> 00:10:00,480 # I've been waiting for this moment all my life... # 211 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,360 Yeah! Woo! 212 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,080 # Oh, Lord 213 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:10,280 # I can feel it coming in the air tonight... # 214 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,120 Right, lets get out of here, before Corporal Genesis shows up. 215 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,160 Best night's sleep ever. I slept like a log. 216 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,680 No, you didn't. You sleep-talked throughout the night. 217 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,360 You listed in detail all of Ian Rush's international strikes. 218 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,280 - Ah. - The number of times I heard the phrase, 219 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,840 "Last-minute consolation goal." 220 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,840 - Sorry, mate. - I mean, it's unbelievable! 221 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,800 What do you do when you've got a girl round? 222 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,280 Do you really want me to tell you? 223 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:37,720 - No! - Hey, look, it's just really comforting, sleeping in the same bed 224 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,280 as someone you absolutely don't want to have sex with. 225 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,600 Was that what your ex-girlfriend said to you, Josh? 226 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,880 - Are we ready to go? - No, coat, sorry. - Oh, for crying out loud. 227 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,800 You can't rush someone when they're on holiday. It's a rule. 228 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,120 We're not on holiday. 229 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:53,400 Never on holiday are you woken up by your landlord singing Sussudio. 230 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,160 Well, actually, I think the music put me in a weird, trance state. 231 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,400 Like, I love Phil Collins, 232 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,760 but Geoff really put his own spin on those songs. 233 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,240 You're lucky you heard all of it, mate. I was lulled to sleep after the first three. 234 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,920 At the end, he thanked the stars for being a great audience. 235 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,840 - Oh, yeah, that is classic Collins. - OK, ready. 236 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,520 Right, are we ready to go? Cos if I see his guitar again, 237 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,840 - I'm going to put my foot through the hole... - Geoff! 238 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,080 Good morning, campers! What a night, found some pretty rare grooves. 239 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,720 Think it's the sea air. 240 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,880 So, breakfast's up. 241 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,640 You should have seen the one that got away. It was, like, that big. 242 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,600 This is Kevin, my nephew - or should that be "Geoffew"(?) 243 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,960 I should start charging you for this gold. 244 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,520 Kevin, this is Kate, the girl I told you about. 245 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:36,560 I've explained your situation, vis-a-vis loneliness and pizza. 246 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,200 No need to thank me. Kevin... 247 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,960 I was in charge of maggots. 248 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,880 - Congratulations. - Flirting! 249 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:51,160 Have you...have you watched Extreme Fishing With Robson Green? 250 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,360 - No. - See, he's got the gift of the gab. 251 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,040 Runs in the family. 252 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,160 So, let's eat. Join us. 253 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,160 Oh, we'd love to, but er... 254 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,960 - Yeah. - ..we've already eaten. - Yep. 255 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,360 - It's 8am. - Er, we had a midnight feast. 256 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,720 - What did you have? - Er, cheese. 257 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,200 Well, you should never eat cheese before bed, Owen. 258 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,560 I did it once when I was eight. Wet the bed for six months. 259 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,280 Did you have cheese before you got on the big dipper, Josh? 260 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,280 - Right, shall we head into Clacton? Let's go. - Oh, Josh, Josh, Josh... 261 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,680 Owen, for a second, just have a quick word. 262 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,920 Thought we'd give the lovebirds a bit of privacy, to get acquainted. 263 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,760 Josh, can I be frank? Your gig has stuck with me. 264 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,560 - Really? - Not in a good way. 265 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,200 What if you had the chance to learn from true genius? 266 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,640 Who would you say are the masters of slapstick? 267 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,320 - I don't know. - Think modern. 268 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,360 - It's the Chuckle Brothers. - Is it? - To me. 269 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,400 To me... 270 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,800 To me! 271 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,680 To me! To me! 272 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,120 - To me! - To you, Geoff? 273 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,840 I knew you'd be a fellow aficionado. I have got incredible news. 274 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,560 Tonight, they're doing a one-off performance down at the pier. 275 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,080 - Of course they are. - It gets better. 276 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,080 I've been down to the theatre, I've had a word. 277 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,960 I've told them I'm coming down with a "comedian" - that's you. 278 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,760 - Why have you done that? - You're going to scream when you hear this. 279 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:08,560 The Chuckle Brothers have said they're willing to get you up on stage to do a skit with them! 280 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,760 - No, that can't happen. - It could be your big break. 281 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:11,920 You could play their son. 282 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,920 How does that make sense? They're not a couple. 283 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,120 All you have to do is sign a health and safety waiver. 284 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,440 I'll go down the theatre and grab it. Come and meet you. 285 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,440 - Once that's signed, next stop Chuckle Town. - Geoff, I need you to stop interfering in my career! 286 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,200 - Uncle Geoff! - Oh, not again, Kevin! 287 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,720 This always happens when he gets panicky, he must like you. 288 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,720 - My blood pumps fast, it always finds a way out. - Hold your head back! 289 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,520 Don't drop on your holiday shoes! Have we got a tissue, anyone? 290 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,000 Kate, could you just hold the bridge of his nose, would you? 291 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,560 - It's running down the back of my throat. - Oh. - Look at you two. 292 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,680 You can't keep your hands off each other, can you? 293 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,000 - OK, got to go. Lovely to meet you. - See you later. 294 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,320 See you later, Josh. If I can't find you, I'll call you. 295 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,760 Yep. Right, it's imperative we turn our phones off. 296 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,040 - No problem. - Already done. 297 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,840 MUSIC: Surf City by The Beach Boys 298 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,840 Why have you brought your own deckchair? 299 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,680 Oh, if this deckchair could speak! 300 00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:59,120 The things it's seen - Carmarthen Castle, Barafundle Bay, 301 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,480 - Madison Square Garden... - When did you go to Madison Square Garden? 302 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:06,600 Previous owner, mate. Lenny Kravitz Esquire. 303 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,960 You bought your deckchair off Lenny Kravitz? 304 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,320 Yeah. I was working in Cardiff International Airport, summer job. 305 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,440 He asked for directions, I said, "Are you going to go my way?" 306 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:16,920 Both laughed. 307 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,440 And he couldn't get this on as hand luggage. 308 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,800 Which means there's only going to be one winner - this guy. 309 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,000 I told him that Fly Away 310 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,200 was one of the top ten guitar riffs of all time. 311 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,200 He wanted 20, we shook on 10. 312 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,600 There's no way that's Lenny Kravitz's deckchair. 313 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:33,960 Well, put it this way - 314 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,960 have you seen Lenny Kravitz with a deckchair in the last ten years? 315 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,240 No. 316 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,000 Case closed. Ah! 317 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,640 Why would you need to go abroad, 318 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,080 when you've got this on your doorstep? 319 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,360 God was having a really good day when he made Clacton. 320 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:54,000 Oh, no! Geoff and Kevin are coming down the seafront. 321 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,720 I think Kevin's got me a present. 322 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,920 Oh, God, why won't they leave us alone? 323 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:00,240 - Get up, get up, get up! - They're coming straight for us! 324 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,440 - We've got to hide! Quick, quick! - Come on, let's go! Come on! 325 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,400 I don't know what all the fuss is about. It's only Geoff and Kevin. 326 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,400 No, Owen! They cannot find us, under any circumstances. 327 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,480 Here... Hide! Hide here! Hide here, quick. Oh, my God. 328 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,280 - First. - It's not a race, is it? 329 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,120 Not much of one, with this opposition. 330 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,640 Shh, shh, shh, shh! 331 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:25,560 Of course, the dream is, we use this to discover our engagement ring. 332 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,120 - I mean, that is... - Don't even start. 333 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,200 - I might wear a hat for your wedding to Kevin. - I wouldn't invite you. 334 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,240 Oh, so you admit you're going to get married? 335 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,640 No, I'm not going to marry Kevin! 336 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,800 Josh, Kate doesn't need a little scrap of paper 337 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,480 to show the world how she feels. 338 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,280 Ah, this is more like it. Thank you. 339 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,720 Fish, chips and no Geoff. 340 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,440 - Whoa! What are you doing? - I just want one! - No, no. 341 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:55,320 I have my chips, you have your chips and never the twain shall meet. 342 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,600 Ah, that is bollocks. 343 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,880 If I was the one with the chips, you'd be grabbing away 344 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,280 - like it was the last five seconds of The Crystal Dome. - MAN LAUGHS 345 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,320 - Good one. - What are you laughing at? 346 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,840 That joke about how stingy you are. 347 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,160 I'm not stingy! 348 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,200 Look around you, people don't just give their chips away. 349 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,520 Oh, yeah? You can have one of mine. 350 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,280 Oh, that is good to see. 351 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,600 - Ah, you, sir, are a gentleman. - I wouldn't go that far. 352 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,760 - I'm just not tight. - Neither am I! 353 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:20,920 Yeah, right. 354 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,640 Oh, by the way, they throw old fish into the bins out back 355 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,400 after closing, if you want to rummage around for a freebie. 356 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,480 Why don't you just mind your... Oh, my God! 357 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,400 Geoff. Oh, my God! 358 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,920 Er, the toilet! 359 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,720 Oh, piss off! 360 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,840 Oh, they're sitting down. What are we going to do? 361 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,760 Ah! Oh, thank you very much. 362 00:16:56,240 --> 00:17:00,000 Well, this is perfect. I haven't relaxed this much in ages. 363 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,680 What am I going to eat? 364 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,000 Er, Kate, mate, could I just have one of your chips? 365 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,360 THEY LAUGH 366 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,320 No! You have your chips, I have my chips and... 367 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,320 - BOTH: - Never the twain shall meet. 368 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:14,720 The problem is, we need ketchup. Did you get any? 369 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,440 Don't need any, mate. Don't have the palate of a five-year-old. 370 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,040 Oh, wow, you really didn't like losing at Monopoly, did you? 371 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,440 I didn't lose at Monopoly! 372 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,200 Er, it was a natural disaster, Kate. There can be no winners. 373 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,880 Listen, I'm going to go and get some sauce. 374 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,840 - But what about Geoff? - Er, I've got a hood. 375 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,960 Oh, for God's sake, he's going to see you. 376 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,400 - Do you want me to mush your food while you're gone? - Whatever. 377 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,600 Mm, great chips. 378 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,280 Best, like, best chips, best chips I've ever had. 379 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,120 Kate, can you get up? I need a piss. 380 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,840 No way am I watching you piss. 381 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,040 Can't you just stand in the corner and face the wall? 382 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,240 What is this, The Blair Witch Project? 383 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:54,840 Ta-dah! 384 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,840 They, er... 385 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,440 They don't call me The Shadow for nothing. 386 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,800 - Oh, yes! - Mmm. 387 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,600 Oh, by the way... 388 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,680 - ..Geoff's gone. - Oh, for God's sake! 389 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,640 Any man who can wear shorts after the clocks have gone back 390 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,200 - is fine by me. - Yeah, I'm just sick of him turning up 391 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,440 and droning on and on about my stand-up. 392 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,360 - I don't go round saying he's a shit landlord. - Yes, you do. 393 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,200 Yeah, but that's not the point, is it? 394 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,400 He might just be having a nice day with his nephew. 395 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,680 He's not necessarily trying to track us down. 396 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,360 Oh, you think? You think 18 missed calls, 18 new voicemails... 397 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,320 He's like a drunken ex. 398 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:50,040 Oh, now you're talking. Penny arcade, the theatre of champions. 399 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,320 Yeah, won't let you in, then. 400 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,680 It's a neon cathedral to fun. 401 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,320 Like, why would you even bother going to Vegas? 402 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,080 - Am I in hell? - Oh, stop complaining. You should be happy here. 403 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,960 You know Geoff hates gambling. You can just kick back and relax. 404 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,400 I don't want to spend my day 405 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,160 watching you two compete for an East 17 key fob. 406 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,680 Penny pushers! My speciality! 407 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,640 Er, Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate... I should warn you - 408 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,240 as a young pup, I got so good at these games, 409 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,320 I was driven out of my local amusement arcade, 410 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:21,000 - like some sort of Vegas card shark. - I told you two - no competition! 411 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,680 - Ah, believe me, he'll be no competition. - Oh, yeah? 412 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,840 They used to watch me on the screens every night, 413 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,520 remorselessly emptying the machines of 2ps. 414 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:29,840 They'd no idea how I did it. 415 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,040 They thought I'd been blessed with a sixth sense - 416 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,360 - that I was a coin counter. - That's not a thing. 417 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:38,160 Oh, yeah. It's all about being at one with your machine, 418 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,720 forming a bond. 419 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,680 Treat her like you're a foster parent. 420 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,320 Once I've chosen my machine, 421 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:48,400 then it's about timing the coin, 422 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,880 fall into sync... 423 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,760 Back and forth. 424 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,840 Easy, girl... 425 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,120 MACHINE BEEPS COINS CLINK 426 00:19:58,120 --> 00:19:59,520 Er, utter luck. 427 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,360 It's about choosing the one that's closer to the edge, it's simple. 428 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,960 Oh, for... 429 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,360 Oh, I see what's happened here, 430 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,560 I've chosen one where the coins are glued down. 431 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,280 - Yes, well done, very clever! - We can't all win the jackpot, Kate. 432 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,920 Er, you won about 40p! 433 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,240 Yeah, but a stick of rock never tastes as sweet 434 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,120 as when you've earnt it. 435 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:21,680 Are you two going to do this on every machine? 436 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,560 Oh, my God... 437 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,000 Kate! Kate, look at that, look at that! 438 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,400 OWEN GIGGLES 439 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,600 No way! 440 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,360 - What? - It looks exactly like you! 441 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:37,000 - No, it doesn't. - It is a stuffed you! 442 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,600 If we took you to a taxidermist, that is what they'd make. 443 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,640 - No, it isn't! - I always knew you looked like something 444 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,960 and obviously, it's a stuffed lion. 445 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,800 It doesn't look like me! 446 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,320 - How much for that toy? - The lion that looks like him? 447 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,920 Oh, you don't have to take the piss as well. 448 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,320 It costs 4,000 tickets. 449 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,440 Owen, it is time to set aside our differences and do this! 450 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,120 - Yes! - Why are you doing this? It's not funny. 451 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,000 Yeah, it's exactly like you. 452 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,320 Although, to be fair, he can shift a few more tickets. 453 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,760 This is unbelievable. 454 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,520 I mean, first I'm bribed by my landlord, 455 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,560 who follows me everywhere, to come to Clacton, 456 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,600 then I have to watch you two compete for a six-year-old's pocket money 457 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,440 and I can see what you're doing! 458 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,920 I'm going for a piss. 459 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,640 "Hello, my name's Josh and I'm very sexually anxious." 460 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,720 "Oh, oh, do you remember the '90s?" 461 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,640 You see, this is the mic on to 4003. 462 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,280 - You've got the discriminator on that. - Now, how will I get my...? 463 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,320 Excuse me... Oh, God! 464 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,120 Can you let me in, please? 465 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,360 We don't bin old hot dogs until 10pm, mate. 466 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,000 No, I just need to get in, please. 467 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,640 Oh, but there is a half-eaten candyfloss in the portaloo, 468 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,720 - if you want to help yourself to that? - Please, just let me into the park! 469 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,440 - 20 quid. - How is it now 20 quid? - Peak time. 470 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,280 Oh, OK, whatever. 471 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:06,320 Thank you. 472 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,400 What are you doing, just standing there? 473 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,520 - Aren't you going to go on a ride? - No, I'm fine here. 474 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,680 Mate, if you're just going to loiter, I'm going to have to ask you to get out. 475 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,200 - Customers are going to find it weird. - There's no-one here! 476 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,000 - Because there's a loiterer. - All right, well, what have you got? 477 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,280 Well, there's er, this guy. 478 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,440 Even my knuckles turn white when I ride on him. 479 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,800 Why's he praying? Look where he is. Clearly, God's not listening. 480 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,200 All right, Dawkins. 481 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,320 Well, if you're feeling really brave, 482 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,360 there's always our pride and joy... 483 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,400 - Looks a bit like you, doesn't it? - Don't you start. 484 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,960 - How is this your pride and joy? - Don't have a go at the ride, 485 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,960 just cos you don't have the guts to go on it. 486 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,280 I've seen scarier bus routes. It's a Mexican mouse. 487 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,760 The only thing that'd be afraid of that is cheesy nachos. 488 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,760 - Or you. - Fine. Let's do this. 489 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,640 Is this what I paid my 20 quid for? 490 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,840 That, and my sparkling company. Enjoy your adventure. 491 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,960 MEXICAN MUSIC 492 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,280 'El Diablo is the fastest mouse in all of Mexico, 493 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,000 'until one morning, he awoke to find 494 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:28,640 'he'd been turned into the fastest roller coaster in Clacton.' 495 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,360 How is that a backstory? 496 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:53,840 Come on, don't stop! 497 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,640 Come on! 498 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,480 Oi! No. 499 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:05,600 Oi! 500 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,520 I've lost momentum! Come on! 501 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,040 Take your headphones off! Oi! 502 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,280 Mole, mole, mole, mole, mole, mole, mole, mole... 503 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,560 How do you think that's helping?! 504 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,560 - Sorry, try to keep it simple. - Oh, my God. 505 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:24,840 Mole, mole... 506 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,920 Hey! Argh! 507 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,440 It goes so fast. How do you steer a car with a pogo stick? 508 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:35,840 Ah! 509 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,760 Oh! 510 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:42,160 Two tokens. Bringing our grand total to...two tokens. 511 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:45,720 Only 3,998 tokens away from a stuffed Josh. 512 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,040 Kate... 513 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,800 ALARM BLARES 514 00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,400 - Got it? - Yeah! 515 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,560 Hello! I'm up here! 516 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,360 I'm stuck on the ride! 517 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,200 Hey, Owen, it's Josh. 518 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,240 Look, you and Kate need to turn your phones on and call me back. 519 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,760 OK? 520 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,480 Hello, police, please. 521 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,240 Hi, yeah. 522 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,400 I'm stuck on a Mexican mouse ride on Clacton pier. 523 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,160 No, I know prank calls are illegal. 524 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,280 No, look... He's got his headphones in! 525 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,720 Look, can't you just come down here and get me off? 526 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,040 Oh, come on, you're better than that. 527 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:04,720 Look, how long are you going to be? Two hours? It's an emergency! 528 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,800 Cos I need a piss! Oh, just leave it! 529 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:12,880 Argh! Argh! 530 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,880 Please! 531 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,680 THUNDER RUMBLES 532 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,840 Hey, Geoff, it's Josh. 533 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,080 Yeah, I saw I had a missed call from you? 534 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:38,600 Look, I need a favour. 535 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,320 LAUGHTER 536 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,040 We'd like to thank you for coming, Julie. 537 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,240 A little birdie told me that you love cake, 538 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,560 so I spent all night baking you a cake. 539 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:53,760 Well, I have. 540 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,320 Yeah, under my instructions, Barry. Can I have the cake? 541 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,240 - To you. - To me. - To you, then... - To you. 542 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,040 Julie? 543 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:04,280 Julie? 544 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,520 You could have put my name on the cake. 545 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,480 Oh, you want to see Julie on the cake? 546 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,160 Would we like to see Julie on the cake, ladies and gentlemen? 547 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,040 - CHEERING - We all know where this is going, don't we? 548 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,400 Julie, what do you think? 549 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:18,720 Well? 550 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,680 Put Julie on the cake. 551 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,120 You heard her, Barry. 552 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:27,200 MUSIC: Beyond The Sea by Bobby Darin 553 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,040 - You see, there's nothing funny in a grumpy man. - Exactly! 554 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,360 Hey, do you mind if we have a go of your catchphrase? 555 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,240 - Not at all. To you. - To me. 556 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,680 - To you. - To me. 557 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,000 - To you. - To me. 558 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,320 - To you. - To me. 559 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:41,680 - To you. - To me. 560 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:42,720 - To you. - To me. 561 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,080 - To you. - To me. 562 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,040 - To you. - To me... 563 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:56,800 # She's there watching for me 564 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:02,600 # If I could fly like birds on high 565 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:08,720 # Then straight to her arms I'd go sailing 566 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:14,640 # It's far beyond the stars 567 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,920 # It's near beyond the moon... #