1 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,720 - MAN ON TV: - OK. Let the wood see the pecker! 2 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,640 "Let the wood see the pecker"! 3 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:19,160 I mean, he's basically saying penis. 4 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,600 He plays it so close to the line, but gets it just right every time. 5 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:27,520 Come on, Josh, it's Saturday night. Let's go out for a drink. 6 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,320 We're having a drink. Also, they don't show Take Me Out in the pub. 7 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,200 Shall we go out after Take Me Out? 8 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,320 What, and miss Take Me Out: The Gossip? Are you mad? 9 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,000 What the hell is Take Me Out: The Gossip? 10 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,440 It's only where you find out what really went down 11 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,240 on the Isle of Fernando's. Don't you want to know what happened 12 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,520 with Dean and Sophie after they bonded on the banana boat? 13 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,840 - Josh. - Mm-hm. - I feel like we're a middle-aged couple already. 14 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,200 Yeah, I know, it's amazing - 15 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,560 it's only taken us a month to get this comfortable. 16 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,240 It took my parents years. 17 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,320 Life is like a meal, and we have skipped to the pudding. 18 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,400 These are our apple crumble years. 19 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,440 I'm not getting up until Gemma and I are back together. 20 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:08,880 It's been three days. 21 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,120 You'll get bedsores. You'll end up like that bloke from Seven. 22 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,200 Kate, I'm upset, 23 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,160 I'm not going to chop her head off and put it in a box. 24 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,360 Anyway, she's worth waiting for. 25 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,600 She just said she needed some space. 26 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,480 You are aware that's not a thing, aren't you? 27 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,360 It's just a polite way to dump someone. 28 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,440 No, Gemma wouldn't do that. 29 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,240 She just needs some space, like a deep-lying midfielder. 30 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,080 Aw, I know. 31 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:32,440 She was perfect. 32 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,640 We had all the same reference points. 33 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,480 Do you know who Nicky Butt is? 34 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:39,440 - No idea. - He's a deep-lying midfielder. 35 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,840 Gemma knew that. 36 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,080 She knew everything. 37 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,680 Right, I'm opening the curtains. 38 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,560 - No! - Just a bit of sunlight in here, 39 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,600 I'm not putting a stake through your heart. 40 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,080 - Gemma's already done that. - Oh, God. 41 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:55,160 - Oh, you are kidding me. - What? 42 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,720 - You need to see this. - I'm not going anywhere. 43 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,520 A middle-aged woman has just dropped Owen off in a sports car 44 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,600 and, get this, he's wearing a leather racing jacket. 45 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,040 Kate, cheers for trying, but I'm not falling for that. 46 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,040 Oh, my God, they're kissing! 47 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,320 Yeah, at least make it believable. 48 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,240 They're really going for it. 49 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,920 Oh, that is disgusting. 50 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,600 Oh, that is demeaning. 51 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,680 Are you dating a cougar? 52 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,920 - No. - Who's that woman who dropped you off, then? 53 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,960 Er, "that woman" is Karen, and Karen's a woman 54 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,840 I've been cat-sitting for. 55 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,000 Oh, cat-sitting, overnight. 56 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,120 Yeah, well, I had to stay overnight, didn't I? 57 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,320 Because her cat is bulimic, so I needed to make sure 58 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,800 - she kept her food down. - OK, chinny. 59 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,560 Well, if you think the idea of a size zero Siamese is funny, Kate, 60 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,320 then you've got a sick mind, cos Cheetara has body issues, 61 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,560 so I needed to take down all the mirrors in the house 62 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,200 to make sure she didn't shove her paw down her throat, 63 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,840 so, yeah, ha-ha-ha, very funny. 64 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,640 Er, do you mind getting out of the way, please? 65 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,000 I've recorded a load of Flog Its. 66 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,640 I saw the two of you, together, having a Frenchie. 67 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,200 Sorry, do you think it's really believable that you would see me, 68 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,760 of all people, kissing a woman in her fifth decade? 69 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,800 No, that's why I took a photo. 70 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,480 You do realise there are laws against being a Peeping Tom? 71 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,280 Oh, so you admit there's something to peep at? 72 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,000 - So you admit you were peeping? - Well, I'll show you what I peeped. 73 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,600 Oh, you creepy peeper. 74 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,120 OK, so I'm seeing a slightly older woman. 75 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,800 Have you got a problem with that, in your closed moral universe? 76 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:27,800 - So where'd you meet her? - If you must know, it was on a dating app. 77 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,640 Foxy Bingo is not a dating app. 78 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,360 - Morning, Owen. - Morning. 79 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,640 - Love the jacket. - Ah, thanks, it's a peach, isn't it? 80 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,080 Oh, yes, you look like a young Ayrton Senna. 81 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,480 Although hopefully you won't go the same way. 82 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,520 - Keep it light, Geoff. - I certainly will, Owen, my boy, 83 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,480 with these energy-saving light bulbs. 84 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,000 No, they really are a money saver, 85 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,200 I'll e-mail you a breakdown of the cost benefits. 86 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,520 To me! 87 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:57,840 So, did I hear that you've been enjoying an older woman? 88 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,160 Good work. All the middle-aged women that I have... 89 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,640 ..lain beside have been like fine wines. 90 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,200 - What, alcoholic? - No, the really good ones are French. 91 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:11,520 Although I have been enjoying a rather fruity British number lately. 92 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:12,640 Is this still a metaphor? 93 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:17,320 I am currently seeing a younger lady. 94 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,400 Really? Well, well, well, Geoff, you old rogue. 95 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,800 How much younger is she? 96 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,200 - Six months. - Oh. 97 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,640 Different school year, Owen, I feel very naughty. 98 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,240 If I was 16, it wouldn't be legal. 99 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,680 Morning, Kate. 100 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,560 Aw, here he is. Congratulations for making it out of bed. 101 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,200 Well, I've got you to thank for that. 102 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,080 I'd still be under the duvet if it wasn't for you 103 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,320 - and your e-mail admin. - What are you talking about? 104 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,280 Your reply to us about Geoff's e-mail 105 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,080 about energy-saving light bulbs. 106 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,920 "No, we don't want your stupid light bulbs. 107 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,960 "Like you, they are dim and will never get screwed." 108 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,960 What can I say? I write a zingy e-mail. 109 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,800 I'm not questioning the zinginess, Kate, 110 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,000 the problem is with who you sent it to. 111 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,720 Me, Owen, and... 112 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,360 - No! - Yeah, Geoff. 113 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,040 Oh, no, this can't be happening. 114 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,720 Yeah, you replied to all. 115 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,320 You amateur, you are so digitally naive. 116 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,960 Oh, no, I'm great at this stuff. 117 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,720 I mean, I've never failed to include an attachment. 118 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,240 I even racially adapt my emojis depending on the recipient. 119 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,120 Isn't that MORE offensive? 120 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,080 Is it? Oh! 121 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,720 Look, Kate, don't worry about it, 122 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:25,440 all you've done is broken the heart of a lonely middle-aged man. 123 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,320 Oh, no, no, no. 124 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,560 Oh, God. I feel terrible. 125 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,800 He'll be OK, won't he? I mean, he's always so chipper. 126 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,400 I doubt he will ever laugh again. 127 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,880 To think, just last week he was telling me he'd been given 128 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,800 a book of rude road signs. I bet he's at home now, 129 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:43,120 failing to find the humour in a slip road that looks like a penis. 130 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,640 Oh, God, this is awful. 131 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,160 I'm a cyber bully. 132 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,280 Well, why don't you just press the button that deletes 133 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,520 - the e-mail from his inbox? - Can you do that? 134 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,160 Of course not! You are so digitally naive! 135 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,800 Here you go, one ham salad baguette. 136 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,920 Does that make up for you being brutally dumped? 137 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,880 - I'm vegetarian. - Oh, you should have said. 138 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,920 - I live with you. - Oh, God, waste not, want not. 139 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,320 Are you ever going to take that leather jacket off? 140 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,560 All right, you're a vegetarian, I get it. 141 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,360 No, I'm saying you've not taken it off since you got it. 142 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:21,600 And why would I take off Nigel Mansell's racing jacket? 143 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,000 As if it's Nigel Mansell's actual jacket. 144 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,760 One Rothmans-sponsored moustache comb. 145 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,240 No way, where did you get it? 146 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,760 Karen. She runs a sporting memorabilia website. 147 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,240 It is the ultimate friends with benefits. 148 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,040 I get my pick and she gets my... 149 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,840 - Don't say it. - My devotion! 150 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,720 Listen, this is what you're missing out on. 151 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,000 You need to get back out there. 152 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,720 I'd told Karen all about you, and she's up for a double date. 153 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,480 Oh, God, that is disgusting. 154 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,680 Oh. No, not like that. No, she's got a friend. 155 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,800 We're not going to be custard cousins. 156 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,120 - Is that a phrase? - Yeah, yeah, it means when we both... 157 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,520 Yeah, I get what it means. 158 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,160 No, I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in dating a woman 159 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,360 - that remembers the three-day week. - But you haven't even met Valerie. 160 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,600 Valerie? What is she, a dinner lady? 161 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,520 I don't want extra servings of liver. 162 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,080 OK, you're a vegan, I get it. 163 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,480 No, I'm a vegetarian. 164 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,480 And you don't half love banging on about it. 165 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,520 Look, I'm sorry, but I'm waiting for Gemma. 166 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:15,080 Mate, you have been dumped, that is what "I need some space" means. 167 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,280 No, she is just a girlfriend on standby. 168 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,920 Her little red light is on. 169 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,800 What, she's become a prostitute? 170 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,240 What? No! 171 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,720 What I'm saying is we all need time on our own. 172 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,280 It just happens for me it is the length of a shower, 173 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,480 for her it is four to six weeks. 174 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,920 Come on the date. What is the worst that can happen? 175 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,360 You eat for free, you drink for free, and who knows? 176 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,640 You might end up with, um... 177 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,080 John Virgo's waistcoat. 178 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,360 Geoff, how nice to see you. 179 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:54,280 - Ah, Kate. - I was just thinking, actually, "I wonder how Geoff is." 180 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,000 Great. 181 00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,440 Brought the rest of the energy savers over, but what's the point? 182 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,200 Oh, what's getting you down? 183 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,880 - Climate change? - No. Hate penguins. 184 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,560 - What? - One stole my wallet at the Cornwall Seal Sanctuary, 185 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,080 wouldn't give it back. 186 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,960 In fairness, I stopped chasing it after three lengths. 187 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,760 Look, Geoff, I am so sorry about what's happened. 188 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,080 I think we should talk about it. 189 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,040 I don't want to talk. 190 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:23,120 - I've been hurt. - I hate seeing you like this, Geoff. I feel awful. 191 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,560 Maybe I just don't understand people. 192 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,560 You think you know someone well enough 193 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,760 for them to tell you how they feel face-to-face. 194 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,440 Next thing you know, your phone dings 195 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,680 and you realise it is quite the opposite. 196 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,800 I am so, so sorry. 197 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,040 Why don't we go out tonight, make everything all right again? 198 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,800 - I don't know. - We could do whatever you want. 199 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,880 We could go to the cinema. Happy Feet 3 is on. 200 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:50,360 You know my views on penguins. 201 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,960 Oh, yeah, OK. What about a night of high culture? 202 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,000 We could go to that place down the road that does foreign cinema. 203 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,160 Has the snack bar got wasabi peas? 204 00:08:58,160 --> 00:08:59,800 Um, probably. 205 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,040 It's just I saw a documentary about wasabi peas a few years ago 206 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,360 and I'm intrigued to know if they're really as moreish 207 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:06,520 as the narrator made out. 208 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,560 I can get you the peas, Geoff. 209 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,280 Well, maybe. 210 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:14,040 It would make a change from a night in writing introspective poetry. 211 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,640 - You write poetry? - Yeah. 212 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,680 That magnetic poetry set was the best present I ever got. 213 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,080 Got a very sad fridge at the moment, Kate. 214 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,520 And not just because it only contains one box of potato waffles. 215 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,720 God, I love double dates. It's like being in an American teen movie. 216 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,320 No, it's going to be like being taken to an American teen movie 217 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,800 - by our mothers. - Well, you'll be doing some things you wouldn't 218 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,160 want your mother to see, mate. Having sex being one of them. 219 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,800 I haven't even met Valerie yet. 220 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,080 Do you know, a woman, like a turtle, reaches her sexual peak at 40? 221 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,640 Let me to you, there are no cable cars to a sexual peak. 222 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,400 - What does that even mean? - It means you got to scale it. 223 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,440 I don't want to scale anyone's sexual peak. 224 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,480 I'm quite happy at sexual base camp. 225 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,480 I'm OK with life in the slow lane. 226 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,600 Karen's got me in the sexual fast lane. 227 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,800 Well, apart from that incident on the hard shoulder. 228 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,040 I don't want to hear about that. 229 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,800 Oh, she really knows what she's doing, mate. 230 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,840 She used her other hand to turn on the hazards. 231 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,480 What a pro. Not in that sense. 232 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,920 I'm sorry, I can't do this. 233 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,960 What?! Oh, come on, don't be such a wuss. 234 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,320 No, I'm not comfortable with it. I miss Gemma. 235 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,600 Mate, "space" means you've been dumped. 236 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,960 The only phrase more devastating is, "I need thinking time." 237 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,360 Maybe if I just speak to her... 238 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,160 Oh, no, don't call her, Josh. No, seriously. 239 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,480 No, that's the right thing to do. 240 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,160 It's nothing to do with you. You leave me alone. 241 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,360 Hey, Gemma. Yeah. 242 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,640 Yeah, I know you said not to call, but, um... 243 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,160 Yeah, it's great to hear your voice as well. 244 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,120 Look, the reason I'm calling is I've been thinking, 245 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,640 and you're right, we are too young to turn into our parents. 246 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,960 I want to try new things. And I want to do them with you. 247 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,400 Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. 248 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,440 Speak soon, yeah? 249 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,080 - Does she need thinking time? - Yeah. 250 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,960 Ugh. Come on. 251 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:07,880 Are you seriously telling me 252 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:11,040 that those are Edgar Davids' glaucoma glasses? 253 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,040 Wow. Do you feel more Dutch in them, Josh? 254 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,160 I've already told you, I'm not going to split the food bill. 255 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,240 No, seriously. Who gets 20 wings? 256 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,640 Well, I am a growing boy. 257 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,760 Ooh, so I see. 258 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,240 I think they suit you. 259 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,760 I like a man in glasses. 260 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,160 You like a man in anything. 261 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,560 - Except his clothes! - KAREN LAUGHS 262 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,160 Well, I've got 20 years to catch up on, haven't I? 263 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,080 And you look like a short, blond Louis Theroux. 264 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:43,200 Did you ever see his documentary on hardcore pornography? 265 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,320 No, I'm not really into, um, Louis Theroux. 266 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,680 Can I just say that you look smoking hot, Karen? 267 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:53,840 Although I am looking at you through orange-tinted spectacles. 268 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,000 Why's she laughing at that for a third time? 269 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,080 That joke doesn't even work. 270 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,080 So, what did you get up to this weekend? 271 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,440 I just stayed in and watched Take Me Out: The Gossip. 272 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,120 - Did you, now? - Yeah. 273 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,840 So where are you going to take me? And the question is, will I come? 274 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,200 I don't know how to answer that. 275 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,880 It's an innuendo. 276 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,320 Hardly. 277 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,800 I tell you what, why don't you start by taking me to the bar? 278 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,560 And I said "to", not "over". 279 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,360 I know how your mind works. 280 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,120 GEOFF SNIVELS 281 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,080 It's quite moving, isn't it, Geoff? 282 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,000 I mean, she was so young, and the tide just took her, didn't it? 283 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,440 No, it's not that. 284 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,680 It's these wasabi peas playing havoc with my tear ducts. 285 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,400 Well, you have had five packets, Geoff. 286 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,640 Yeah, thanks for buying those, Kate. 287 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,320 You are treating me like Emperor Hirohito. 288 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,360 No worries. 289 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,040 Although, ironically, I do feel like I'm under a nuclear attack. 290 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,640 Probably find my shadow on the seat tomorrow morning. 291 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,800 SEXUAL NOISES IN FILM 292 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:18,440 FILM CHARACTERS SPEAK FRENCH 293 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,960 SEXUAL NOISES IN FILM 294 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,720 So, have you ever been with an older woman, Josh? 295 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,400 Well, I spent a lot of time with my gran as a child. 296 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,200 I reckon I could teach you a few things. 297 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,400 It's always good to learn. 298 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,280 I used to be a big fan of the BBC Early Learning Zone. 299 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,280 I'd watch it when I couldn't get to sleep. 300 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,640 That might be the case tonight. 301 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,520 Why, are they repeating a special on stalactites? 302 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,000 Have YOU got a stalactite? 303 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:57,800 I'm sorry, I don't know. 304 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,000 I can't remember which goes up and which goes down. 305 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,520 Mites go up, so... 306 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,880 - ..TITES go down? - Oh, you dirty dog. 307 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,240 - Oh! - Ding ding. - What? 308 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,520 Ready for round two, Lennox Lewis? 309 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,160 Oh, I think it's a bit early for that kind of thing. 310 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,960 Oh, by the looks of things, you're not wrong. 311 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,040 - Where's it gone? - It's very chilly, it's a draughty room. 312 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,160 And if you're wondering where your pants are, 313 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,200 one leg is on the floor and the other leg is in the corridor. 314 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,360 Yeah, it's all coming back to me now. 315 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:44,000 Someone's certainly earned themselves one shagger's breakfast. 316 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,040 Ah, I've got things to be getting on with, so I should go. 317 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,960 - It's your house. - Yeah, of course it is. 318 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,920 I tell you what, why don't I make us a fry-up, 319 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,280 seeing as you've given me your bed, and a bit more? 320 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,400 A couple of fried eggs. 321 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,760 No, thank you. 322 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,440 Cos you know I'm always up for sausage, don't you? 323 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,480 - OK. - Maybe we could even experiment with hash brown. 324 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,360 Oh, no thanks, very much not my scene. 325 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,600 We'll see. 326 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,520 You do realise those were all innuendos, right? 327 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:22,920 Yeah, I got that. 328 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:33,320 Here he is, the thinking man's Darren Day. 329 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:34,560 Yes, I know. 330 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,760 Heard about some of the things you got up to, mate. 331 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,040 Valerie called Karen as soon as she left. 332 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,280 Do you want me to talk to Geoff 333 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,120 - about fixing the draught in your room? - God, it was intense. 334 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,200 Felt like when I was moved up a year in maths, 335 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,120 I didn't have enough buttons on my calculator. 336 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,960 I never had you down as such a goer. 337 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,560 I'm on the rebound, I had a one-night stand, we've all done it. 338 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,280 What do you mean, one-night stand? We're all going out again tonight. 339 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,360 - No, we are not. - Yes, we are, I've promised Karen - 340 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,000 she'll kill me if you let her down. 341 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,240 Let me talk to her, she can ask Valerie to go easy on you. 342 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,040 Go easy on me? She's not the Harlem Globetrotters. 343 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,400 They're both on the veterans' circuit, mate. 344 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,720 No, I'm not cut out for this. 345 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,320 If I'm honest with you, it just made me miss Gemma more. 346 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:10,600 Hmm. 347 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,080 Would it change your mind if I offered to split the booty? 348 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,000 I do not want to be custard cousins. 349 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,840 No, I'm talking about giving you some of the things Karen gives me. 350 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,280 Some of the really good stuff. 351 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,360 I'm not interested in Audley Harrison's... 352 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,440 Oh, my God, is that what I think it is? 353 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,560 One England shirt, match-worn, by Teddy Sheringham at Euro '96. 354 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,480 - You are kidding me. - No lie. 355 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:33,320 Euro '96, I mean, he was three years away from his treble-winning pomp. 356 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,520 Great memories, but where were Wales? 357 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,920 I can already feel the extra yard in my head. 358 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,760 Go on, then, have a swing. 359 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,600 You know what that is? Setting up the third goal against Holland. 360 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,960 Danny Blind woefully out of position. 361 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,720 - Do you want to keep it? - Yes. 362 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,680 Then be ready for seven, Teddy. 363 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:53,800 DOORBELL RINGS 364 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,840 - Geoff. - Morning, Kate. 365 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,440 - These are for you. - Oh, thank you. 366 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,440 - You seem in a very good mood. - I am. 367 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,080 Because of yesterday, and I wanted to say thank you. 368 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,400 I can't remember the last time I had someone listen to me like that. 369 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,080 Oh, that's good to hear. 370 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:19,520 Actually, I tell a lie, I can. It was the 15th of October, 1987. 371 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,480 - OK. - The night of the great storm. 372 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,320 One handsome balloon seller, Geoff Jefferies, 373 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,760 had just lost his entire stock in five brutal seconds. 374 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,080 I stood crying, watching 16 Roland Rats gathering pace 375 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:36,680 above the pier when a soft gentle female hand cupped mine 376 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,120 and took me to the pub. 377 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,840 And she sat me by the fire and we drank all night, 378 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,360 before she kissed me goodbye and ventured out into the storm. 379 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,520 Aw. That's beautiful. 380 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:51,320 Unfortunately, it was at that point I realised she'd nicked my wallet. 381 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,600 - Oh. - And my helium pump. 382 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,400 Oh. Well, suppose you didn't need it any more. 383 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,240 Oh, I still enjoy a funny voice as much as the next person. 384 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,400 Anyway, I'm rambling. I'll cut to the chase. 385 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:08,360 Kate, spending time with you yesterday, it was very nice. 386 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,280 And the scales fell from my eyes 387 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,960 and it got me thinking that a life shared is a life lived. 388 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,400 And I... I need to make this happen. 389 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,120 - Right. - Can I read you something? 390 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:22,520 Er.... 391 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,880 if you want to. 392 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,960 In love with a special woman, beautiful and kind 393 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:39,640 Her words of wisdom soothed me, and what a nice behind 394 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:44,040 One night was all I had with that pure and perfect dove 395 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:48,440 I wish to take her by the hand, for she's my one true piano. 396 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,920 That should obviously be "love," 397 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,000 but I used that fridge magnet in the first verse. 398 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,560 The point is, there's this person... 399 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,760 - I see. - And I want to tell her how I feel. 400 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,320 No! No, no, no. 401 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,680 Don't do that. 402 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,480 In my experience, it's best to just bottle these things up. 403 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,280 I've bottled up too much, Kate. 404 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,560 I'm like an Oddbins in here. 405 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,640 Geoff, you know what? I've got things to get on with. 406 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,760 So, my advice is, go home, bury your feelings, and enjoy your life. 407 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,960 Didn't you like the poem? It was the piano, wasn't it? 408 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,720 - I could change that. - Geoff, a life without love is a life without pain. 409 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,200 Ow! 410 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,240 Sorry. 411 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,000 - LAUGHING: - I can't believe you went on a date with Geoff! 412 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,560 It was not a date, I just took him out 413 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,640 to apologise for my offensive e-mail. 414 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,200 Although, here's my problem - after one evening in my company, 415 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,440 - he has inevitably fallen in love with me. - Ah, congratulations. 416 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,560 Your first ever successful date. 417 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,040 I mean, who can blame a man like him falling for a girl like me? 418 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,920 It's the ultimate Beauty And The Beast story. 419 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,560 Yeah, I don't think Disney are going to turn this one into a cartoon, 420 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,360 - Kate. - Oh, come on, they'll take anything. 421 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,120 We've all seen Chicken Little. 422 00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:52,000 Oh, come on, let it go, that movie was fine. 423 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,480 Do you know who was in the cinema when I saw Chicken Little? 424 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,800 Ralf Little. And then, three seats away from me, 425 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,320 I saw the ex-Aston Villa manager, Brian Little. 426 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,960 I thought, "I wonder if the Odeon 427 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,760 "are doing some sort of deal or something." 428 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,000 Owen, I don't care. My issue is Geoff. 429 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,920 He's had a taste of the sweet, sweet honey. 430 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,720 If I tell him I'm cutting it off now, it's going to destroy him. 431 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,600 You do realise that nobody's that into honey? 432 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,960 Well, they should be. It's an excellent sugar substitute, 433 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,640 and it's packed with antioxidants. That's what makes it so sticky. 434 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:17,760 That's not true, is it? 435 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,680 Listen, the way I see it, you've got one option. 436 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,760 You've already crushed his tiny heart via e-mail once. 437 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,400 You need to do it again, but this time, face-to-face. 438 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,720 Oh, no, I can't. I can't face the guilt. 439 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,120 Oh, here's an idea. 440 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,360 You come on too strong and you scare him off. 441 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,760 It's worked with literally every other man you've met. 442 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:34,800 OWEN LAUGHS 443 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,000 Here we go. 444 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,800 An original 1977 Kevin Keegan's Brut. 445 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,800 Karen says this stuff's like catnip. 446 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,400 Though it was tested on animals, 447 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,920 so probably best not to think too hard about that. 448 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,480 Whoa, smell that! 449 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,560 Those rabbits must have been irresistible. 450 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:55,680 Oh, that is awful. 451 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,840 - Oh, God. Give it a rest, Adolf Hitler. - What? 452 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,960 I'm trying to think of a famous vegetarian. 453 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,880 That wasn't his defining characteristic. 454 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,280 I hope you're going to be cheerier than this on the date. 455 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,720 Look, just to be clear, 456 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,880 I'm coming for two drinks, and then I'm out of there. 457 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,680 I can't face having another one of Valerie's breakfasts. 458 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,000 A lot of guys would kill to be in your position. 459 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,200 Not this guy. This guy doesn't want to find out 460 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,760 what she means by "black pudding". DOORBELL RINGS 461 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,920 - Is Kate here? - I think she's in her room. 462 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,200 She'll be delighted to see you, 463 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,400 - she's been talking about you nonstop, Geoff. - I must speak to her. 464 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,320 PHONE VIBRATES Oh, my God, it's Gemma. 465 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,240 Hello? 466 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,000 Yeah, yeah, I've been fine, yeah. 467 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,800 Ask her if she knows what black pudding is. 468 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,200 Sorry about that. Yeah, no, you're correct, 469 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,280 although I think it's mainly oatmeal. 470 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,120 Haggis? No, I've not tried it. 471 00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,600 Yeah, yeah, cos I'm vegetarian. 472 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,080 Oh, Morrissey's on the phone. 473 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:49,200 What, right now? Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. 474 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,360 All right, see you then. Brilliant! 475 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:54,800 Who was that? Linda McCartney? 476 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,000 Better reference. 477 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,160 Gemma wants to come round and talk. 478 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,640 - I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel tonight. - Oh, what? 479 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:04,200 Can you just tell Valerie that I've got to attend an important function? 480 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,880 Come on, mate, you're not Ban Ki-moon. 481 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,600 Listen, if you're going to dump Valerie, 482 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,080 just be a man - say it like it is. 483 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,600 No, you're right. I'll tell her I need some space. 484 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,000 Ugh. 485 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,240 Kate, the time has come for me to uncork my feelings. 486 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,640 No, keep the cork in, let the wine mature. 487 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,840 It's too late, the corkscrew's out. 488 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,080 I'm twisting the bottle. Its little arms are in the air. 489 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,160 No, you need to keep everything bottled up. 490 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,760 Imagine your feelings like a little ship inside a bottle. 491 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,760 I can't, I... How do they make those? 492 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,320 I know, it's amazing, isn't it? 493 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,120 I suppose if the masts bend or something. 494 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,760 Yeah, I imagine the rigging's on a hinge. 495 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,800 Yeah, that would do it, rigging on a hinge, yeah. 496 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,640 You're distracting me. Kate, I'm in love. 497 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,280 - I don't see you in that way. - What? 498 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,320 Look, I was just being extra nice because I felt bad about the e-mail. 499 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,480 And I flashed you this beguiling smile and looked at you 500 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:54,920 - with these huge eyes and... - What e-mail? 501 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,000 My reply to your e-mail about the energy-saving light bulbs. 502 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,400 Sorry, I haven't got a clue what you're talking about. 503 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,440 I have all e-mails from tenants automatically forwarded to junk. 504 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,520 No, but you said you were sad about a message. 505 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,480 Yes, I'd been dumped. 506 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,200 - What, by who? - By the most wonderful woman in the world. 507 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,000 We met on the number 29. 508 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,240 Both reached for the same pole, next stop, love. 509 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,840 If you discount all the stops on the way to Wood Green. 510 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,520 Well, what happened next? 511 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,400 She dumped me. 512 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,760 And then, for some reason, you took me to a French porn film. 513 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,240 No, it's the real deal, 514 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,280 apparently he wore it in Euro '96 against Holland. 515 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,240 Set up the third goal, Danny Blind woefully out of position. 516 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,080 Oh, God, you're great. you know so many facts. 517 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,040 Can't believe you won this in a raffle. 518 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,080 I know! It's hard to believe, isn't it? 519 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:45,040 Here's a fact. Did you know Teddy Sheringham was the Premier League's 520 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,040 oldest ever outfield player? 521 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,960 40 years, 272 days. 522 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,840 Oh, my God, it is so good to see you. 523 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,920 I'm sorry about what happened. I just needed some space. 524 00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:01,640 And time to think? 525 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,360 - Yeah, time to think. - That's what I thought. 526 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,520 DOORBELL RINGS KNOCK AT DOOR 527 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,240 Oh, ignore that, it's probably just Jehovah's Witnesses. 528 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,920 DOORBELL RINGS KNOCK AT DOOR 529 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,560 Very keen to spread the word. 530 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,280 - VALERIE: - Come on, Josh, I know you're in there. 531 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,960 - They know your name? - Oh, they've probably just got a database. 532 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,640 DOORBELL RINGS KNOCK AT DOOR 533 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,440 Josh, I think you should... 534 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,240 OK, fine, I'll go and sort it. 535 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,920 KNOCKING CONTINUES 536 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,800 Oh, look, there he is, my date for the evening. 537 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,280 Ah, Valerie, did you get my text? 538 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:35,640 I don't like being stood up, Josh. 539 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,320 I think there's been a misunderstanding. 540 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:38,840 Oh, I understand perfectly. 541 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,960 No, Valerie, no. No, Valerie! 542 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:44,200 - And who are you? - Hi, I'm Gemma, Josh's girlfriend. 543 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,360 Bloody hell, you move fast. 544 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,400 I was only making you breakfast 12 hours ago. 545 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,960 Breakfast? Josh, who is this? 546 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:55,080 Oh, she works at the local cafe, and I think she's having a breakdown. 547 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:56,680 Works in the local cafe? 548 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,160 Is that an innuendo? 549 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,520 Actually, I can tell you it's not, 550 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,400 cos I wrote the bloody book on them. 551 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,000 Did he happen to mention that last night we had the full English, 552 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,040 and by that I mean sex? 553 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,160 Josh, what the hell is going on? 554 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,040 No, you have to remember you said you needed some space, 555 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,640 and that is shorthand for dumping someone. 556 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,280 You told ME you needed some space! 557 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:16,760 You little shit. 558 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,920 Is this what you meant by trying something new? 559 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,680 No, I was just very confused, and people kept telling me 560 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,160 to get back on the horse. And that is not an innuendo, Valerie. 561 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,800 - It is. - I can't believe you've cheated on me. 562 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,040 Look, I tried to explain... 563 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,640 Oh, hey guys, just in time to catch a two-timer red-handed. 564 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,600 Gemma. Valerie. 565 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,240 - Oh, dear. - Er, excuse me, Owen, 566 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,680 what is SHE doing wearing the Teddy Sheringham shirt I gave you? 567 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,320 You've been selling on my merch? 568 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,840 No, this is Josh's. 569 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,920 You gave it to Josh? Why? 570 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,520 Because I wanted him to go out with Valerie. 571 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,160 You were paid to sleep with me? 572 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:52,840 No, he gave it to me afterwards. 573 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,360 I don't care if the money was paid up front or in lieu. 574 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:59,200 You're making me wear the trophy you were paid for sex with? 575 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:00,880 What kind of a pervert are you? 576 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,560 Quite a pedestrian one, actually. 577 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,080 What the hell is going on in here? 578 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,040 Oh, another member of your harem. 579 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,400 Valerie! 580 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:11,120 - Geoff? - What are you doing here? Have you come to win me back? 581 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:13,800 Kate, this is Valerie, the woman I was telling you about. 582 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:14,920 I tell you what, Josh. 583 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,440 Here's a man who didn't say no to a bit of hash brown. 584 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,480 - I love a good breakfast, me. - And the rest. 585 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,360 Oh, it's good to see, Valerie. I've missed you. 586 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:24,600 Course you have, Geoff. 587 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,440 Come on, you can take me for coffee. 588 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,160 Do you actually mean coffee this time? 589 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,400 No, of course I don't. You like black pudding, don't you? 590 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,160 Oh, my God. 591 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,600 You and Geoff are custard cousins! 592 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,560 # Valerie 593 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:45,720 # Call on me 594 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,720 # Call on me... # 595 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,480 LOUD CHEWING 596 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:53,920 Mmm. 597 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,960 - Hash brown? - Oh, God. 598 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,200 Suit yourself. 599 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:08,520 # Love songs fill the night 600 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,040 # But they don't tell it all 601 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,720 # Not how lovers cry out 602 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,080 # Just like they're dying 603 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,280 # Her cries hang there 604 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,560 # In time, somewhere... #