1 00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:13,360 Mate, it is the tightest thing I've ever seen in my life. 2 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,160 No, we're going for a curry and to the pub, 3 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:16,600 and I'm already in my overdraft. 4 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,520 - It's common sense. - Oh, come on! 5 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,400 Nobody saves money by microwaving their own poppadoms at home. 6 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,320 I bloody love this place, though. 7 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,400 The only good thing Geoff has ever done is recommend it to us. 8 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,760 Do you know, it is Emma Bunton's local Indian? 9 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,280 - No way! Have you seen her in there? - Ha! And the rest, mate. 10 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,400 - We had a meal together there once. - Yeah, course you did, mate(!) 11 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,040 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what? 12 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,640 Me and Emma Bunton had more in common than you'd think, actually. 13 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,480 Cast-iron stomachs being one of those things. 14 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,720 Just became a night of one-upmanship in the end, you know, 15 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,920 a race to the top of the Scoville scale. 16 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,520 She won, though. Got to hand it to her. 17 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,440 She ate a rogan josh that was 100% chillies. 18 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,200 How is that still a rogan josh? 19 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,400 Do you know what Spice Up Your Life is really about? 20 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,960 - What? - The versatility of tamarind. 21 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,400 - No, it isn't! - And if you play it backwards, 22 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,920 there's some very derogatory things about peshwari naan. 23 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,560 Good to see business is booming(!) 24 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:09,240 Well, I guess most people are still at home microwaving their poppadoms. 25 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,600 Hello. 26 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,720 - Hey. - Oh, hello, mate. - Hi. 27 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,880 Er, we reserved a table under Owen James. 28 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:23,840 Booked it about a week ago. 29 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,280 Er, James is J-A-M-E-S. Owen is, er... 30 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,440 We don't have you. Sorry. 31 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,640 Hey, are you a comedian? 32 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:35,720 Oh, yeah, yeah. I am, yeah. 33 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,680 It's just, I saw you at the Chuckle Lounge last week and it wasn't obvious. 34 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,400 - OWEN LAUGHS - Oh! 35 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,480 Your performance had more dips than a poppadom tray. 36 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:43,760 Yes, good one. 37 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,160 That's a good review. You should try doing stand-up yourself. 38 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,800 - Well, if he can. - Look, have you got a table or not? 39 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,720 Yeah, sure. Er, just sit anywhere. 40 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,600 Oh, OK. Mm... 41 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,400 Too romantic, too draughty, too near the window. 42 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,640 Now, when it comes to toilet proximity, I don't really mind it, actually. 43 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,880 - Look, shall we just go there? - Oh, yeah, fine, OK. 44 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,280 - Thank you. - Thank you very much. 45 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,920 Large Cobra, 660 mils - that's more than a pint. 46 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,160 Do you want to share a...? 47 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,560 I'm not sharing a Cobra. 48 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,680 Can we order some drinks, please? 49 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,440 - Yeah, can we get some drinks? - Extra chutney, as requested. Enjoy. 50 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,280 - Thank you very much, mate. - See you later. 51 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:28,320 Oh, well, that's the most amazingly racist thing I've ever seen. 52 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,360 No, I wasn't being racist. It was just where he stood. 53 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,560 It was nothing to do with race. 54 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:32,880 Oh, yeah, so if he'd been white, 55 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,480 - would you have still ordered drinks? - Yes. 56 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:35,680 Yes, right, OK. 57 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,800 Oh! Go on, then. 58 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,560 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 59 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,880 Oh, there you go. Point proven. 60 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,160 Do you not recognise who that is? That's Danny and Natalie from university. 61 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,000 - They're the most annoying couple in the world. - Oh, yeah, so it is. 62 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,560 Please don't see us. 63 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:53,160 Come on! Looks like I've gone for a curry with Dumbo. 64 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,600 I can't believe they've been together since uni. That is amazing. 65 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,480 I mean, did she not hear about him constantly shagging around? 66 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,800 It was the talk of halls. 67 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,240 Well, that and the time you got caught naked in the laundry room. 68 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:05,560 That wasn't true. 69 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,280 People said you tumble-dried your penis, 70 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,840 - you know, that's why it's so small. - It doesn't even make sense. 71 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,880 If I got in the tumble dryer, all of me would've shrunk. 72 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,280 Well, that was the other rumour. 73 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,440 Anyway, he wasn't cheating on her. She was in on it. 74 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,880 - They're in an open relationship. - No?! - Yes. 75 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,440 That's not a thing in real life, is it? 76 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,360 Course it is, you Victorian square! 77 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:26,040 News flash do you realise people kiss with tongues nowadays? And they love it. 78 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,840 No, they were both at it. 79 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,440 Do you not notice how she spent all her spare time with Ben Green? 80 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,640 Er, they were badminton doubles partners. 81 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:36,760 Oh, wake up, Queen Victoria! That means that they were shagging. 82 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,960 No normal people are actually badminton doubles partners. 83 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,800 Me and Kate were badminton doubles partners. 84 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,280 Yeah, well, my point stands. 85 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,680 No, I'm sorry, I don't buy it. 86 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:50,040 Although, do you reckon that's why she was always so weirdly touchy-feely with me? 87 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,360 - What, you?! - HE LAUGHS 88 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,600 Good one, mate. She's in an open relationship, not on heat. 89 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,640 No, she's just one of those people who's weirdly tactile, you know. 90 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,440 Yeah, tell me about it. She was always squeezing my cheeks. 91 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,520 I'm jowly, and she took full advantage. 92 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,560 - Jowly Josh. - Isn't that an Indian meal? 93 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,600 Oh, mate, you need to leave it with the racism. 94 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,800 Do you know what? We should join tables, catch up on old times. 95 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,240 No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry, I don't want to spend 96 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,280 my evening putting my car keys in a bowl. 97 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,600 They're not swingers, and you haven't got a car, anyway. 98 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,320 I'm going to go for a piss, yeah? Mine's a small Cobra. 99 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,520 Yeah, I know what it is - you tumble-dried it, mate. 100 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,880 Where are you? 101 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,960 I'm two minutes away. Can you order me a beer? 102 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,920 No, not at this exact moment, no. 103 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,560 TOILET FLUSHES 104 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,440 Why the hell would you answer the phone? That is disgusting. 105 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,920 - What? - I might hear things. 106 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,680 - What things? - 'Grunting.' 107 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,120 - ';I'm not Monica Seles.' - Plopping. 108 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,680 Plopping? Did you actually just say "plopping"? 109 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,840 I mean, how dehydrated do you think I am? 110 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,720 Oh, you're disgusting. What if I'd been FaceTiming you? 111 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,360 Kate, the only people that FaceTime 112 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:59,280 are long-distance lovers and mums who've pressed the wrong button. 113 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,680 - They're big crisps. - Yeah. 114 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,480 - Poppadoms - Yeah... 115 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,960 Hello, mate. Over here! 116 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,960 Oh, bollocks. 117 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,400 LAUGHTER 118 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,280 I can't believe we didn't see you come in. 119 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,760 I know! Nearly missed out on an evening with little Joshie. 120 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,840 - Yeah! - Oh, look at that little face! 121 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,040 How I've missed it. 122 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,080 It's hard to miss it. Look at the size of it! 123 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,800 I know. He is malleable. 124 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,720 Look at that - it's like a Tempur mattress. 125 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,560 Well, thank God Owen came over and said hi. 126 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,400 - Yeah, thank God. - I can't believe we've not seen you guys since uni. 127 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,640 - No, amazing. - I mean, you boys were hilarious. 128 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,240 - Oh, so funny. - What did you used to call them? Ant & Dec? 129 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,520 - No, Dick and Dom. - In the bungalow! 130 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,200 So, what have, er, university's favourite power couple 131 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,600 been up to since we saw you last? 132 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,960 Well, she's moved the D-bomb into her house. 133 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,560 Yeah, it gets her parents off her back a bit about settling down. 134 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,360 - He loves it really. - Oh, I do, I do. 135 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,720 I get to talk to this one around the house all day long, 136 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,760 and in the evening, I get to call her on Babestation. 137 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,240 He's joking. He can't afford the premium numbers. 138 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,920 I thought I recognised you, Natalie, or certain parts of you, anyway. 139 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,680 - You dirty bastard, Owen! - Oh, I'm joking. 140 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,320 Oh, join in, Joshie! 141 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,920 Yeah, come on. Join in, Josh. 142 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,800 Right, I'm going to go for a fag, cleanse the palate. Nat, coming? 143 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,600 - Er, Josh, do us a favour. When the, er... When the waiter comes over, can you order for us? - OK. 144 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,960 - The usual? - Yeah, sounds good. - Lamb balti, chicken vindaloo. 145 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,000 - Two pilau rice, two naan. - One garlic, one peshwari. 146 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,800 - OK. - Aloo chana, aloo gobi, Bombay aloo. 147 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,720 - Two saag aloo? - Yes, please. 148 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:25,920 Thanks, babe. 149 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,280 That is an absurd over-order - 150 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:33,200 two mains, two rices, two naans, five separate potato dishes. 151 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,720 Oh, he's always been flash. 152 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,960 I am not splitting the bill. I am not paying for his spud binge. 153 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,440 Maybe he should've boiled his own potatoes at home. 154 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:43,680 Also, who orders a rice and a naan each? 155 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,400 Just share like normal people. 156 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,720 Well, you'd think with their lifestyle, they'd be up for sharing. 157 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,680 I can't believe you pushed the tables together. 158 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,440 Well, it's not my fault, mate. We just caught eyes. 159 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,960 You went over to them. 160 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,200 Yes, and that is when we caught eyes. 161 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,040 Anyway, I dunno why you're complaining. 162 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,480 I was wrong. Natalie definitely fancies you all that hair ruffling. 163 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,640 - It's like she's prepping you for Crufts. - Oh, come on! 164 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,200 Seriously, mate. I can't believe it either, but you are in there. 165 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,440 I don't want to be. Her boyfriend's sat right there. 166 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,440 - All right, Sir Robert Peel. - What? 167 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:15,120 I'm just reiterating that you're a massive Victorian prude. Just accept it. 168 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,920 That is how they live their life. They live their lives to the max. 169 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,640 I wouldn't be surprised if they've gone outside just to have it off. 170 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,600 - Don't be ridiculous. - Yeah, well, that was Danny's tactic, wasn't it? 171 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,680 Get somebody outside, you know, one-on-one, 172 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,800 you know they're up for something more than a cigarette, 173 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,520 cos the cigarette represents a penis, 174 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,440 and then the mouth obviously represents the... 175 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,480 - You know what the mouth... - Yeah, I get it, yeah. 176 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,400 Do you want to know what smoke rings represent? 177 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,680 - No, I'm OK. - I'm so sorry I'm late. 178 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,240 I couldn't find my wallet anywhere. 179 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,480 - Are you all right to shout me this? - Yes. - No. 180 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,400 You're not going to believe who I saw outside. 181 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,880 Danny and Natalie. 182 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,080 Yes! God, it was awkward. 183 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,080 Why was it awkward? They're an absolute hoot. 184 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,880 Oh, surely I've told you this? 185 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,920 Basically, I bumped into Danny on a night out last year, 186 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,880 and cut a long story short, we slept together. 187 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,520 - Ah, inevitable. - You slept with Danny? 188 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,280 Oh, chill out, Benjamin Disraeli. 189 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,960 - Yeah, there was nothing dodgy about it. - He wears an Alice band. 190 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,720 Yeah, he takes it off. 191 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,120 We were just in the same nightclub and we were just, you know, 192 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,760 flirting a little bit, and I was... I was teaching him this trick, 193 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,480 which is basically like a high five, 194 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,920 but you watch the elbows as you walk past and you come down, do low five. 195 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,640 Bam-bam. 196 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:18,840 Bam-bam. You know the one? 197 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,440 - Yeah, yeah, the turbo five. - Yeah. Basically, like, 198 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,880 after the low five, he held on to my hand and we went home and had sex. 199 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,720 It's a tale as old as time. 200 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,840 Yeah. I mean, it was fine. 201 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,200 He was very clear they were in an open relationship. 202 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,560 - Oh, you see? He has carte blanche. - Oh! 203 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,200 He did not have carte blanche. 204 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,600 I was very clear in the club about what I would and wouldn't do. 205 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,800 Bloody hell, you guys are already up and running, aren't you?! 206 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,440 Oh, God. 207 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,720 Oh, no. Please tell me you're not sitting with them? 208 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,480 It wasn't my fault. We just...caught eyes. 209 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,760 Ohh... 210 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,360 I know what I like. I haven't used a menu for ten years. 211 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,040 - No way! - Believe it, brother. 212 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,360 I like everything on here, 213 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,120 but then with my steel stomach, I've got carte blanche. 214 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,440 What about you, Kate? Are you up for everything? Same for you, Danny? 215 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,480 - You got...? You got carte blanche? - I love India. 216 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,560 I think visiting really had a profound effect on me. 217 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,080 Well, you lost half a stone. 218 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,640 Look, the thing about India is, she - and she is a she - 219 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,920 really spoke to me, and it's a conversation I'm still having. 220 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,880 - Endlessly. - What did you think about the food? 221 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,680 Oh, I mean, I loved the food, but I can handle my spice. 222 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,240 Whoa, what are you on about? 223 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,160 You break into a sweat when you have a Peperami. 224 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,720 Hey, Nat, get this - Kate's been to India as well. 225 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:37,200 Oh, the experiences you two have got in common, eh? 226 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,320 - So, did you enjoy India, Natalie? - Oh, loved it. 227 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,520 - Absolutely loved it. - What did you think of India, Danny? 228 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,000 He didn't go. I, er, travelled solo. 229 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,560 But it's great, cos you just get there and you meet people and you buddy up. 230 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:48,960 LAUGHTER 231 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,800 I'd be really good in India, I think. 232 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,120 - No, you wouldn't. - Well... 233 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,680 Yes, I would. You know, steel stomach. 234 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,040 Interesting fact for you, though. 235 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:59,120 The only Indian food I cannot cope with - mango chutney. 236 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,840 Oh! Too sweet? 237 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,320 Absolutely not. No, no. I had an awful experience. 238 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:04,880 I was having a late-night biryani, 239 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,560 and who should walk in - three fifths of Spandau Ballet. 240 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:10,080 - DANNY: - Top boys, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 241 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:11,840 But cut to ten minutes later, 242 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,520 Martin Kemp throwing up a whole ramekin of the stuff. 243 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,680 - No. - Awful. Awful, yeah. I mean, in fairness to him, he'd had 244 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:18,880 a bad poppadom, it's happened to all of us, but still. 245 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,760 - Bless him. Bless him. - Horrendous scenes. 246 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,680 - That didn't happen. - Yes, it did, mate, cos believe it or not, 247 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,920 some people have their poppadoms in the restaurant. 248 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,520 - Ready to order? - Yes. - Yep, yep. So, er... 249 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,000 - Lamb balti, chicken vindaloo... - Two pilau rice, two naan. 250 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,360 One garlic, one peshwari. 251 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,200 - Aloo chana, aloo gobi, Bombay aloo. - And two saag aloo. 252 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,560 So, set menu D? 253 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:40,920 Sir? 254 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,320 Er, could I get the vegetable korma? 255 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,840 DAN SNIGGERS 256 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,800 And is anyone up for sharing a naan? 257 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:56,000 No? I'm happy to go peshwari, garlic or plain? 258 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,280 OK, would anyone like to share a rice? 259 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,680 Happy to go mushroom, pilau or boiled. 260 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,320 No takers? 261 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,800 - Do you do a half rice? - No. 262 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,680 - It says here you do a children's rice. Could I get the...? - No. 263 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,320 Oh, actually, Josh, you can come in on my rice, if you want. 264 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,480 I'll get a whole rice for myself. 265 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,440 And, um, if I can't finish it, can I get a doggy bag? 266 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,520 And you, sir? 267 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,920 Er, could I have plain naan, plain rice, and chicken vindaloo, please? 268 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,440 Can you make it extra spicy? I want to feel the burn. 269 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:40,160 Ohh! Sorry about my Western Philistine friend. 270 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,680 Um, for me, er, what curry are you making for the staff today? 271 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:45,120 Think I'll have that. 272 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,440 Staff curry's always the best curry. It's made in the true Indian way. 273 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,920 The other stuff on the menu's just softened for the Western palate. 274 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,960 You know, stuff like chicken vindaloo. 275 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,840 Can I change my order to what she's having, please? 276 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:01,560 But can you really, really not hold back? Um, sort of make it hotter than hers. 277 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,840 Brave man. You'll be dying on your arse tomorrow. 278 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,120 Much like your friend when he goes on stage. 279 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,880 ALL LAUGH Yes, I get it. 280 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,120 If only the audience had. 281 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,000 - Oh, yes! - Yes, good one. 282 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,400 So, is that all? 283 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,600 Actually, I'll get mine with a side of mango chutney, 284 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,960 which any Indian food connoisseur loves. 285 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,800 Coming right up. 286 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,560 - PHONE RINGS - Oh. 287 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,960 Yep. Got to get this one. It's my tailor. 288 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,520 Having some condoms loosened. 289 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,920 ALL LAUGH 290 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,400 I'll leave you guys to mull over how big it is, but just to give you 291 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,800 a clue, when I go camping, needs its own sleeping bag. 292 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,080 ALL LAUGH 293 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,720 She knows. 294 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,000 He's joking. 295 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,920 We never go camping! 296 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,160 ALL LAUGH 297 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:45,040 Anyway, it's not about size, is it, Josh? It's what you do with it that counts. 298 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,760 LAUGHS I dunno. 299 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,480 Got any views on, er, what size Danny's condoms are, Kate? 300 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:53,400 Er, I'm just going to nip to the loo, actually, before the food arrives. 301 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,640 Yes, me, too, actually. 302 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,320 Oh, cheer up. I was only joking. 303 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,280 You know that no-one really believed the rumour about the tumble dryer? 304 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,520 - That's a relief. - And, er, 305 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,360 what does your girlfriend think of the tumble dryer story? 306 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,680 I don't have a girlfriend. 307 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,240 Oh! Little Joshie! 308 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,720 Well, look, remember, romance could be just around the corner. 309 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,880 - That's nice. - Could be anyone. 310 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,320 Could be somebody here tonight, even. Boop-boop. 311 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,840 I dunno why people even go to India. 312 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,760 I mean, if it's a tan you're after, I got this from Boots for 30 quid. 313 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,000 Plus, got one of their chicken tikka sandwiches, 314 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,200 so I was practically there anyway! 315 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:42,160 So, what brings you guys here? You haven't moved to the area, have you? 316 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:46,120 Well, we actually came to this restaurant ten years ago, on our first date. 317 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,560 - No way! Is this your 10th anniversary? - BOTH: Yeah. 318 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,480 Oh, well, how about a bottle of champagne? It's on us, isn't it, guys? 319 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,720 Or...better idea. Prosecco. 320 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,320 I saw a blind taste test on This Morning 321 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,920 and Holly Willoughby actually preferred the prosecco. 322 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,440 Yeah, it's fascinating. 323 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:05,040 One bottle of champagne, please, waiter! 324 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,520 Actually, because it's your special day, we shouldn't impinge. 325 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,560 - No, we'll leave you to it. - Yeah, of course. My God, so rude. - No! 326 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,960 No, no, no, no. The more the merrier that's our attitude. 327 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,440 Yeah! After ten years together, we tend to get bored of each other! 328 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:22,120 - Oi-oi! - Don't worry, I've got this. 329 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,520 - Does anybody have a samurai sword? - No, Owen. 330 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:26,880 OK, I'll go traditional, then. 331 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,440 Oh, you're kidding. 332 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,360 No, no. I, er, sliced open a whole magnum in '08. 333 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:35,120 Flew over to Tokyo to play the new Mario Kart a day ahead of release. 334 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,800 No, I mean, look who it is. 335 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,480 Hello. I'm here to pick up an Indian takeaway for one 336 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,120 under the name of Geoff Jeffries. 337 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,480 Oh, God, keep your heads down. 338 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,920 - Who's that? - Shh! 339 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,400 CORK POPS CHEERING 340 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,240 - All right! - Hello, guys. 341 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,800 - Hello, Geoff. - Don't open the champagne on my accord. 342 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,040 Do you fancy a glass? 343 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,760 Well, I was looking forward to a Saturday night of chicken dhansak 344 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,200 and Michael Portillo's Great British Railway Journeys, 345 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,560 but I suppose the East Coast Mainline can wait. 346 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,880 Where shall I sit? 347 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,840 I mean, he must travel off-peak, or book in advance, 348 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:20,000 otherwise his rail fare would be astronomical. 349 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,600 Thinking about it, he must book off-peak, 350 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:28,400 because he always manages to get a seat to himself. 351 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,840 I've never seen him sat in the vestibule. 352 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,040 Sorry, who is Michael Portillo? 353 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,600 Ha! 354 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,520 You know, he explores Britain on a train. He's married to Diane Abbott. 355 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,520 He wears bright trousers and he's got a squidgy face. 356 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:44,080 Well, he's not the only one with a squidgy face! 357 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,640 Marshmallow man! Room for another one there, Josh? 358 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,880 - No, absolutely not. No. - Oh, go on, mate. It's our anniversary. Come on. 359 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,720 - Ah... It's your anniversary? That's lovely. - Yeah, ten years today. 360 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,400 - Congratulations. I once spent an anniversary here. - Oh, really? 361 00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,520 - Yeah. Painful memories. - Oh. Are you not with her any more? 362 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,560 I wasn't with her on the night. She didn't turn up. 363 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,960 - I dined alone... - HE SIGHS 364 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,120 ...with just my memories for company. 365 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,440 Oh, well, sorry to hear that, mate. 366 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,600 I ordered a dish for every month we'd been together. 367 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,000 Chicken dhansak, naan bread... 368 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,040 You were only together two months? 369 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:24,360 Yeah, it was lucky, really. I wasn't that hungry. 370 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,240 - That's everything. - Thank you. 371 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,720 Right, let's dig in, shall we? 372 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,560 - I think we may have over-ordered again, Nat. - Do you think? 373 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,800 - No, feel free to just tuck in, guys. - Yeah, please. - We've got loads of food here. 374 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,240 OK. Thank you. 375 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,760 I haven't been this excited about the potency of chilli 376 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,120 since I had Ivan Zamorano at France '98. 377 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,320 - Oh, want some mango chutney, Owen? - Oh, get away from me. 378 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,880 - Oooh! - No, seriously, Kate! I told you about Martin Kemp! 379 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,120 Oh! Can't handle his chutney doesn't bode well. 380 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,800 Good luck with the chef's special, mate. That should be interesting. 381 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,240 All right, bring it on. 382 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,920 Oh. Knife and fork - so Western. 383 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:00,560 You know, in India they actually eat with their hands? Nature's fork. 384 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,040 Ow. 385 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,480 I am pretty sure they use a bread for that, though, Kate. 386 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:05,960 I made that mistake in India 387 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,720 when I was down there exploring the buy-to-let market in Mumbai. 388 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,520 I, er, ended up burning my palms. 389 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,080 I mistakenly dipped straight into a saucepan of tarka dhal. 390 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,680 I couldn't high five for a week. 391 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,320 Tell you who's got a good high five trick, is Kate. 392 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,120 - Er, has she shown it to you, Danny? - Mm? 393 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:23,640 Owen! Stop with your delaying tactics. 394 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,960 - Too scared to try your curry? - No. 395 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,080 Mm. 396 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,760 Mm! Oh! 397 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,640 Oh, that is lovely. 398 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,840 - Yeah, that's really nice. - Mm. 399 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,760 - Are you all right there, Kate? - Mm. Yes, that is... 400 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,480 That... That is lovely. 401 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,080 I'm just going to have a little bit of mango chutney with it, 402 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,720 to bring out the spices, cos I'm loving it so much. 403 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,320 Actually, I'm just going to have a whole spoonful, just to really... 404 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,840 You OK there, Kate? You're really working up a sweat. 405 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,560 It's not the first time that's been said! 406 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,000 Yeah... No, I'm fine. 407 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,080 Give it up, Kate. This is pathetic. 408 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:10,640 Yeah, seriously, Kate, I think you just dripped in your curry. 409 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,320 - Everything OK with your meal, guys? - Yes, absolutely lovely, thanks. 410 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,240 Yeah, this is lovely. 411 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,680 But can I get...? Can I get a pint of mulk? 412 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,760 - What, sorry? - Pint of mulk. 413 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,160 - I think she's trying to say milk. - A glass of milk? 414 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,480 Pint. 415 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,680 Oh, dear. 416 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,120 No, actually, cos it's traditional, cos cows are sacred. 417 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,320 Right. 418 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,200 So, Geoff, how do you know the good, the bad and the ugly, then? 419 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,880 I'm their landlord. 420 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,640 Oh, of course. So you're responsible for all the mod cons? 421 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:42,960 Do they have a tumble dryer? 422 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,320 I'm constantly round there fixing it. 423 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,000 Well, that can happen if you don't use it properly, Josh. 424 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,560 I had to take it apart to remove his inhaler from it the other day. 425 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,000 Oh, is that what you call it? 426 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,880 Well, I call mine my puffer. Well... 427 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,680 Geoff, just leave it, OK? 428 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,040 One pint of milk. 429 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,880 Can I get another glass of milk, please? 430 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,640 Oh. A palate as weak as your act. 431 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,400 LAUGHTER 432 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,040 Oh, Kate! 433 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,720 That is embarrassing. 434 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,920 No, it's not embarrassing, actually, 435 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,160 because, actually, when I was exploring in... 436 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,480 Oh, give it a rest, Ravi Shankar! You were never exploring India. 437 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,440 You went on a two-week holiday with your parents when you were 15. 438 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:39,280 You had to leave after 48 hours cos a chapati gave you the squits. 439 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,280 - That is not true! - Yes, it is. 440 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,800 It was a pakora. 441 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,000 Hey, I'll tell you who can, er, cope with his hot curry. Rick Wakeman. 442 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,360 Right, I've had enough of your celebrity curry night shit. 443 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:49,560 No-one believes you. 444 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,800 Oh! 445 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,160 Hashtag awks. 446 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,440 Yeah, I'm sorry about that, guys. Sorry. 447 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,800 Hey, it's all right. Everybody gets stressed. 448 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:05,160 Do you know what? Why don't you come outside for a cigarette with me? 449 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,480 It might calm you down. 450 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,760 No, it's...it's not really my thing, sorry. 451 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,920 All right, well, you know where we are if you fancy it. Danny? 452 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,160 Yeah, yeah. 453 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,600 Ooh. 454 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,840 See? 455 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,520 You are seriously in there, mate. I told you. 456 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,000 And it's your fault. 457 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,760 I just came out for a reasonably priced curry with friends, 458 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,800 and I have to spend my evening fending off Natalie the man-eater. 459 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,800 Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Josh, 460 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,480 but I think you'll find Danny and Natalie are in a relationship. 461 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,080 In an open relationship, Geoff. 462 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,080 Yeah, well, it's important to be open. 463 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,240 No, they sleep with other people. 464 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,840 - In a dorm? - Why would they sleep in a dorm? 465 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,920 Saving money for a deposit? 466 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,200 If you're in a healthy, open relationship, that is the obvious next step. 467 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,000 No, Geoff, they have sex with other people. 468 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,520 Well, you just...you just said they were in a relationship. 469 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,320 No, that's what an open relationship is. 470 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:57,800 Danny had sex with Kate last year. 471 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,280 Yeah, and Josh is going to have sex with Natalie tonight. 472 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,560 No, I am not. Although there's nothing she'd like more. 473 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,000 So you and Kate are in open relationship? 474 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,360 BOTH: No! 475 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,680 Oh. 476 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,640 Danny and Natalie are very tanned, aren't they? 477 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,040 - They're fake tans, Geoff. - Sorry? 478 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,600 It's sprayed on. 479 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,320 Well, I thought you weren't supposed to do that any more, 480 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,680 I thought it was meant to be offensive. 481 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,320 I learnt that the hard way at a fancy dress party. 482 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,480 I went as 200-metre runner John Regis. 483 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:34,760 No, not like that, Geoff. 484 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,600 Bit of a gamble coming in here, of all places, like that. 485 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,440 Shh, here they come. 486 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,360 So, er, Michael Portillo had to get a rail replacement bus service. 487 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,040 No, I'm... I don't remember that episode. 488 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,200 Have a naan bread, Natalie. 489 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,240 - Oh, no, I'm already, thanks, babe. - No, go on. 490 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,360 - No, I said I'm fine. - Please. 491 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,000 No. 492 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,720 Peshwari. 493 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,280 All right. 494 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:05,960 Oh... 495 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,160 Now, ten years ago to this very day, 496 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,520 I met the most wonderful woman in the world. 497 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,560 - The Queen? - Geoff! 498 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,680 I was hoping to do this as a one-on-one, but it is with unexpected joy 499 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,000 that I get to share this moment with friends. 500 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,600 Natalie... 501 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,880 will you do me the honour of becoming my wife? 502 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,440 - Of course I will! - Yes! 503 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,880 Wow. Well, this calls for more champagne, I think. 504 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,400 Or we could just get prosecco? 505 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,160 This is lovely! To Danny and Natalie. 506 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,920 - Cheers! - To Danny and Natalie. 507 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,200 Woo-woo-woo! 508 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,840 I must say, I can't imagine being in an open relationship myself, 509 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,080 but each to their own. 510 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,200 Sorry, why do you think we're in an open relationship? 511 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,720 Oh, no, Josh told me. 512 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,640 Sorry, Josh, why do you think that? 513 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,080 Well, you are, aren't you? 514 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,600 Er, no. Course we're not! 515 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,040 - But that's what Owen told me... - Hey, don't drag me into this, mate! 516 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:07,800 So, you're not going to sleep with Natalie? 517 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,960 Sorry, mate. You thought you were in there with my fiancee? 518 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,120 No, this is just a misunderstanding. 519 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:14,640 Why would you say that? 520 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,480 Because you're so... 521 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,240 touchy-feely. 522 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,520 I am just a very tactile person. 523 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,080 I can't believe you think I'm the sort of girl who'd sleep around. 524 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,120 All right, well, what about earlier when you said 525 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,120 I might find romance with someone here tonight? 526 00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:31,640 Clearly, I was talking about Kate. 527 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:32,840 Open your eyes! 528 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,840 She's the only person from uni as famously single as you are. 529 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,120 What, so you and Kate are together? 530 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:39,200 BOTH: No! 531 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,000 Right, let me get this straight. 532 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,200 You were in an open relationship last year, Danny? 533 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,720 - What?! - I mean, Kate slept with you. 534 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,880 I'm just trying to catch up. 535 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,120 HE CHUCKLES 536 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,680 - What did he say? - Don't listen to him. 537 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,520 - Yeah, well, why would he say that? - Well, I don't know. He's probably... 538 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,640 Josh probably lied to him when he was bragging about 539 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,840 how much you fancied him. I dunno what his problem is. 540 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,440 Don't you get all judgey with me, mate. 541 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,040 I'm not the one who's been shagging around since university. 542 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,520 I just can't believe Kate fell for your story about being in an open relationship. 543 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:15,240 Kate? 544 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,560 Did you sleep with Danny? 545 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,880 Um... 546 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,080 Well... 547 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,720 Mm... No... 548 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,640 No, you see the thing is, he said you were in an open relationship. 549 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,760 Come on, babe. 550 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,640 Nat! Nat! 551 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:41,880 KATE GASPS 552 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,960 Oh! Oh, God! 553 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,480 Oh, God, it's spicy. 554 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,520 Well, maybe some milk will help. 555 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,840 Natalie! 556 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,120 CRUNCHING 557 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,520 Well, that was a short engagement. 558 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,640 I'd give it a couple of days before you make your move, Josh. 559 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,040 She'll need time to heal. 560 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,800 Anyway... 561 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,760 ..best be off. 562 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,760 I have a date with Michael Portillo. 563 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,680 Not literally, obviously. We're not in an open relationsh... 564 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,560 Just watch the milk. It's a bit slippery. 565 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,280 Well, you do bring these things upon yourself, Kate. 566 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,800 - Piss off, Owen. - Whoa! 567 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,320 OWEN COUGHS AND GAGS 568 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,880 No, no, no, no, no. No, Owen, don't! No! 569 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,360 Oh, what did I say?! 570 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,560 Oh, God! Owen! 571 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,080 Aloo chana, aloo gobi, Bombay aloo, two saag aloo... 572 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,200 We didn't order these. Those two weren't with us. 573 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,000 So, why were you sitting with them? 574 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,320 - Poppadoms - I had mine at home. - Nobody does that. 575 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,600 And what's this charge meal upgrade? 576 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,840 The old guy, he paid to take away, then ate in. 577 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,800 This is unbelievable. Two bottles of champagne! 578 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,800 If you ask me, you should've ordered prosecco. Tastes just as good. 579 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,680 Are you familiar with Holly Willoughby? She done a blind taste test... 580 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,080 Yes. Look, we are going to need to split the bill. 581 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,320 Can you go and get Owen? 582 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,200 No, I checked on him a minute ago. He's still chucking his guts up. 583 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,600 Right, well, we're splitting it two ways. 584 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,480 Oh, sorry, like I said, I've lost my wallet. 585 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,880 You're going to use this in one of your skits, aren't you? 586 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,560 No. 587 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,720 You should. Can't hurt. 588 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,840 MUSIC: Spice Up Your Life by the Spice Girls 589 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,760 Oh, I feel so much better for being sick. Are you two still up for the pub? 590 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,440 - Absolutely not. - No. - Oh, all right, then. Suit yourself. 591 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,280 - Emma! - Owen! 592 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,480 - Hello. - How are you? 593 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,000 - I'm all right. How are you? - Yeah, good. Nice to see you. 594 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,600 - See? - Do you fancy joining me for a hot one? 595 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,960 Definitely, cos, er, I've just made a bit of room, actually. 596 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,240 - Great. - Shall we? - Yeah. Hi. - Hi. 597 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,360 - # Colours of the world - Spice up your life 598 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:16,320 - # Every boy and every girl - Spice up your life 599 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,200 - # People of the world - Spice up your life 600 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:19,840 # Ahhh 601 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:21,880 - # Slam it to the left - If you're having a good time 602 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,120 - # Shake it to the right - If you know that you feel fine 603 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:25,800 - # Chicas to the front - Ha, ha 604 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:27,840 # Go round 605 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,920 - # Slam it to the left - If you're having a good time 606 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,840 - # Shake it to the right - If you know that you feel fine 607 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:33,520 - # Chicas to the front - Ha, ha 608 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,640 # Hai, si, ja, hold tight 609 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:39,080 # La la la la-la-la la-la-laa... #