1 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,560 So, er... 2 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,000 ..what you been up to since I last saw you? 3 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,880 Well, I've contracted lower back pain, 4 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:29,400 which means I have to sit on a large inflatable ball at the desk in the office. 5 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,200 I've been told it looks like I have a massive pile. 6 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,920 I'm sure it doesn't, mate. 7 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,200 People call me Space Hopper, which hurts, cos I've put on weight. 8 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,160 No, you haven't. You look exactly the same. 9 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:42,280 My sister's just had a little girl, and because of my back, 10 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,360 I can't even bend over and pick her up. 11 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:45,760 I have to just pat her on the head. 12 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,560 I think she finds it patronising, even at her age. 13 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,040 - Are you expecting a call, or...? - No, no, no. 14 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:58,040 Just checking the night's still young, which it is. 15 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,760 Glad to see we've only been here 20 minutes. 16 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,360 Are you getting reception? 17 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,880 Oh, my phone never gets any reception. 18 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,520 Not that anyone ever rings. 19 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,440 Only time I've had to give a ring back was when Judy divorced me. 20 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,240 Oh, well, count yourself lucky. I only get those PPI calls. 21 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,560 Even they don't ring any more. 22 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,120 Got removed from the list. 23 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,160 Their request, not mine. 24 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,280 Still, at least there's Saturday to look forward to. 25 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,480 Saturday? 26 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,200 My birthday. You are coming? 27 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,920 Saturday? S... Oh, no, not Saturday. 28 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,240 Er, I'm afraid I'm going to Chessington World Of Adventures. 29 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,600 - Really? - Yeah, yeah. Owen's got those Fastrack passes. 30 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,720 They're actually more affordable than you think. 31 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,840 - You get these vouchers on the back of Frosties... - No, I mean, Owen. 32 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:41,000 I've already sent him the invite and he's accepted for both of you, so... 33 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,640 - Has he? - Yeah. Do you think you got your dates mixed up? 34 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:47,680 - It's the only explanation I can imagine. - So you can come? 35 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,640 Yeah. 36 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,440 Great! Bump buds forever. 37 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:52,640 Bump! 38 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,160 Cheers for not responding to my rescue text(!) 39 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,440 I just had to spend an entire evening with Pete. 40 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,040 What, the depressed potato? 41 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,440 Yeah, he's worse than ever. He's got a bad back. 42 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,720 He told me he might have to take a second job 43 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,200 because every time he drops his wallet, he can't lean over and pick it up. 44 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,120 Well, how does he do up his shoelaces? 45 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,680 Oh, he lies on the floor and does them in the foetal position. 46 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,600 Oh, my God, it never rains but it pours. 47 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,200 So where was my rescue call? 48 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,920 I didn't get your text, mate. 49 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:25,160 Oh, you liar. I got a read report. 50 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,320 Read report? You're such a dweeb! 51 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,320 I'm surprised he's not trying to shake YOU off. 52 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,400 He has enough problems shaking off his shoes. 53 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,400 Look, if you don't like spending time with him, just stop seeing him. 54 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,400 No, cos I'm a good friend. It's my thing. 55 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,080 I don't just get rid of someone when I realise they're a bell-end. 56 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,720 - That's why I'm still friends with you. - Look, just dump him. 57 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,920 I can't. Everyone else has deserted him. 58 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,040 Me and Owen are the only two loyalists left. 59 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,320 - Mm. - It's like when Neighbours went to Channel 5. 60 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:55,760 Owen, did you loosen the top on the pepper pot this morning? 61 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,960 I've said before, mate, I have no issue with you discussing masturbation, 62 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,320 but please don't use your twee-phemisms. 63 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,680 I'm afraid the guilty party is here, your honour. 64 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,200 Just getting some practice in. 65 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,880 Sophie's coming round today. It's going to be absolutely mental. 66 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,880 - Oh, God. - So who is Sophie? 67 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:14,040 Oh, Sophie's my partner in crime from school. We were an absolute nightmare. 68 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,840 People used to call us "the prankers". 69 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,760 Do you think you might've misheard them? 70 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,560 Oh, we were constantly pranking everyone. 71 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,800 No, you weren't. 72 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,320 Er, yes, we were. 73 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:23,680 What about when Sophie cut an inch 74 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,760 off every single metre stick in the whole school? 75 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,360 Or when she told me they'd dropped the transparent pencil case rule 76 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,440 and I had to resit my Geography GCSE? 77 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,160 She once put a fake plastic turd under my chair in Maths 78 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,560 and everyone accused me of having shat myself. 79 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,960 I mean, come on, it would've had to pass through my trousers 80 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,680 and a solid plastic seat and remained intact. 81 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,000 I'm not a magician. 82 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,880 They called him Harry Poo-dini. 83 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,720 So it was Sophie who did all the pranks? 84 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:50,480 Er, no! Lid off the pepper pot in the canteen - that was me. 85 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,920 They didn't call me Dr Pepper cos I was misunderstood. 86 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,480 No, it was cos no-one liked you. 87 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,440 - DOORBELL RINGS - Oh, that's her. 88 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,240 - She's really annoying, right? - Absolutely insufferable. 89 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,840 Six extra large pepperoni pizzas for a Kate Boner? 90 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,440 Oh, my God! 91 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,880 - It's started already. - Are you Kate Boner? 92 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,160 The funniest thing is, I don't even like pepperoni! 93 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,000 Sorry, have I got the wrong address? 94 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,880 Ahhh! Gotcha! 95 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,320 Get me a pizza slice, Miss Boner, I'm starving. 96 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,040 Oh, Sophie! 97 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,520 - Oh, I got ya! Got ya good. - Oh, you sure did. 98 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,840 That'll be 57 quid. 99 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,960 I can't believe you didn't tell me about Pete's party. 100 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,920 I didn't want you to shoot the messenger. 101 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:39,440 Unless that messenger was Pete - I'd be absolutely fine with that. 102 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,640 Oh, God, it's going to be awful, isn't it? 103 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,960 Oh, terrible. That's why I'm not going. 104 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,960 You're not going? He thinks you are. 105 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,920 Yeah, I know that, but I do this all the time. 106 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,880 I tell him I'm going, and I flake out at the last minute. 107 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,120 Shows I care, but I don't actually have to attend. 108 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,240 What kind of friend does that? You've gotta go. 109 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,080 Nah, I haven't seen him for years. 110 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,680 - I've moved our friendship online. - What do you mean? 111 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,560 Oh, well, three hearts on Instagram's basically an afternoon coffee. 112 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,920 A couple of Snapchats is a night out on the town. 113 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,400 I retweet him in the middle of the night so nobody notices, 114 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:11,200 then in the morning, I hide the evidence by sending out a couple of satirical puns. 115 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,560 That's not friendship. 116 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,920 That is friendship in the digital age. 117 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,040 To be honest, I see him as more of a Tamagotchi than a person. 118 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,440 - Unbelievable. - Oh, here's another tip for you. 119 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,320 If you don't want to attend, you send a present instead. 120 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,240 I didn't want to go to his wedding, so I told him 121 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,200 that I'd cut myself whittling a love spoon, 122 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,920 then bought a ladle off Amazon, sent that instead - job done. 123 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,960 It wouldn't cost much for you to just pop your head in at the party. 124 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,800 How am I going to do that? Swim up the Norfolk broads and just stick my head through a porthole? 125 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,640 - What? - You do realise 126 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,920 that the party is on a boat in the middle of nowhere for the whole weekend? 127 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,000 But it's a massive Super Sunday. 128 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,960 It's the battle to see who's the best Ham, West or Totten. 129 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,560 If you're going to persist with this bizarre, archaic ritual 130 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,080 of actually seeing our friends, 131 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,800 you've gotta accept there are going to be Super Sunday-related consequences. 132 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,880 - So funny! - No, I'm not saying it wasn't funny. 133 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:07,000 I'm just not really in the position to be paying £57 for six extra-large pizzas. 134 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,440 But it was funny, though, wasn't it? 135 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,360 Yeah, well... Well, maybe we could split the cost. 136 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,840 No! You paying is part of the prank! Don't you get it? 137 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,040 Oh, yeah, I know! No, I totally get it. 138 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,760 That's why I was laughing with him all the way to the cashpoint! 139 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,120 And then to the next one cos that one was out of order. It was... 140 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,680 It was a really funny half-hour. 141 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,320 Oh... 142 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,840 By the way, um, am I OK to stay over for a couple of nights? 143 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,320 My mum's in hospital, and... 144 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,960 Oh, God, I'm so sorry to hear that. 145 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,400 Oh, fine. Huh! 146 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,040 Ah! Is this another one of your pranks? 147 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,800 Are you joking? 148 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,320 Are you?! 149 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,000 - No, Kate, there are some things you don't prank about. - Oh, God, OK, sorry. 150 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,240 - BREATHES IN SHARPLY - Tell you what will cheer me up. 151 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,600 Let's do some prank calls. 152 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,080 Prank calls? Really? 153 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,400 - Yeah, like the old days. - Oh, my God, yeah, like the old days. 154 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,160 You dial a random number and I'll just say whatever comes into my head. 155 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,520 Random. 156 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,920 - Ohhh! - Ah! Here you go. 157 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:11,160 Hello, madam. Um, sorry to disturb you, but I'm calling from the RSPCA. 158 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:12,920 Um, we have had worrying reports 159 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,320 - about how you're treating your beaver. - Ah! 160 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,600 Are you aware how often you need to wash it? 161 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,640 - You don't have a beaver? - Ohh! 162 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,080 Well, then you need to consult a doctor immediately. 163 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,520 BOTH LAUGH 164 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,000 The prankers are back. 165 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,440 - Right, now you try it. - Ohh! 166 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:35,240 - No, I don't think I could top that beaver joke. - Oh, no, trust me, you'll come up with something. 167 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,360 One random dial. 168 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,640 - Oh, God. - Oh, it's ringing, ringing, ringing. 169 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,920 Oh, hello, madam. Um, I'm just calling from the RSPCA. 170 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,040 Um, we've had some reports 171 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:48,160 that you've been flashing your boobs in the local park, to the swans. 172 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,000 Oh, hi, Mum. 173 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,440 Oh, God. 174 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,760 No, I've dialled the wrong number. 175 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,640 No, I don't have a job at the RSPCA. 176 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,240 Yes, I'm still temping. Look, Mum, I'm going through a tunnel now, so I have to go. 177 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,360 OK, bye. Bye. Bye. 178 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,720 Gotcha! 179 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,960 Ah-ha! 180 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:18,400 - Pete! - Those stairs were tougher than I'd hoped. Then again, I am fat, so... 181 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,640 So, er, 182 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,960 - what brings you here? - Can I come in? 183 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,520 Yep. 184 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:30,520 HE GROANS 185 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,240 HE GROANS 186 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,560 HE SIGHS Why are you here, Pete? 187 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,080 I wanted to discuss your pirate outfit for Saturday. 188 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,400 - What? - Did Owen not explain the theme? 189 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,720 - No. - Well, in that case, I've got some exciting news for you. 190 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,160 The party's pirate themed? 191 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,560 Oh... I was looking forward to telling you that. 192 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,280 Not had much to look forward to recently. 193 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,120 Of course. 194 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,600 - Here's your invitation. - Thanks. 195 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:09,040 "Rule one, ye must bring flagons of ye own grog. 196 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,880 "Rule two, all buccaneers must arrive on time. 197 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,240 "The galleon won't leave terra firma until all shipmates are on deck. 198 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,800 "Rule three, I'll be cooking burritos, 199 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:21,160 "so please let me know if you want chicken or Quorn, me hearties." 200 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:23,560 What the hell are you doing? 201 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,480 Measuring you up for your tricorn hat. 202 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,040 Oh, I'm not really a hats person. 203 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,360 Check rule four. 204 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,360 "Rule four, dress code. Pirate up..." 205 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,640 - You're not reading it properly. - PIRATE ACCENT: - "Rule four, dress code. 206 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,240 "Pirate up for ye high seas. 207 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,000 "Please provide ye head size for ye tricornered hat." 208 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,840 - NORMAL VOICE: - Blimey, that is a big head. 209 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,000 It's just a slightly larger than average skull. 210 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,640 It's hereditary on my father's side. 211 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,600 Oh, I suppose. You are a comedian, so... that could be funny. 212 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,320 Yeah, I suppose. 213 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:50,360 HE GROANS 214 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,320 Anyway, Pete, I've got chores to be doing, 215 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,480 so I suppose you're going to have to make tracks, if that's OK? 216 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,960 Pete? Chores? 217 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,320 HE GROANS 218 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,080 Really means a lot, you coming to this, Josh. 219 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,960 - See you later, mate. - Bye. 220 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,320 Owen, you have to get me out of Pete's party. 221 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,040 - Morning, Kate. - Oh, Geoff, what the hell are you doing here? 222 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,640 Your friend Sophie let me in and made me a cup of tea. 223 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,800 Although, I must say, it tastes slightly salty, which is weird, 224 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,760 cos I saw her putting six teaspoons full of sugar in. 225 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,840 Why are you drinking it like that? 226 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,080 HE SLURPS 227 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,240 Well, since I put it down, I haven't been able to lift it off the table. 228 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,720 Has someone spilt superglue? 229 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:55,360 But don't worry. I'll be out of here as soon as I find my shoes. 230 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,920 How have you lost your shoes? 231 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,840 Sophie told me to take them off and relax. I nipped to the toilet. 232 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,360 - Next thing I knew, they'd gone. - Right, what did they look like? 233 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,760 Oh, beige Hush Puppies, size nine. 234 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,400 Yeah, I think that's them. 235 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,080 What? I didn't leave them there. 236 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,920 Yeah, I think Sophie's probably glued them up there as a prank. Sorry, she's like this. 237 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,080 Well, it's a bit of a mean prank, Kate. They're my best shoes. 238 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,200 Well, it's not just you. This morning, she put bangers in my slippers. 239 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,920 - What, sausages? - No, those little things that explode. 240 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,760 Sausages. I know how you feel, Kate. My brother pranks me all the time. 241 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,000 Last Christmas Eve, 242 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,920 - - he locked me in the garden shed. - And then what? 243 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,280 - He let me out. - Right. 244 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,320 On Boxing Day. 245 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,160 That's not a prank, Geoff. 246 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,480 Well, if it's not a prank, why was he laughing so much? 247 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:37,800 He's always pranking me. 248 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,040 Another time, he gave me a scratchcard for a present. 249 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:41,960 I won £100,000. 250 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,520 That's amazing. 251 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,440 No, it was a fake card, Kate. He got it from a joke shop. 252 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,880 And the trouble is, by the time he told me that, 253 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,280 I'd already put a deposit down on a Triumph Herald. 254 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,000 Oh, I'm sorry about that, Geoff. 255 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:58,000 No! No, the joke was on him, because my mum made him buy the car. 256 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,080 I mean, he can afford it - he's a millionaire. 257 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,280 He just added it to his fleet of sports cars. 258 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:07,000 But between you and me, I knew he didn't really want a fifth sports car. 259 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,280 1-0, Geoff. 260 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,760 Your brother's a millionaire? 261 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,000 Yep. 262 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,600 Doesn't pay a penny in tax, though. 263 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,200 Claims he's based in the Cayman Islands. Silly idiot. 264 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,760 His homes are in London, New York and Barbados. 265 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,400 I mean, just makes him look stupid. 266 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,840 HE SLURPS 267 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,200 You, my friend, have a free weekend. 268 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,040 You're back in the box seat for Super Sunday. 269 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,000 You bloody little hero! What did you say? 270 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:41,000 I told Pete I can't go because I have mumps, which is contagious for 96 hours. 271 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,360 And? 272 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,880 - And he bought it. - But what about me? 273 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,520 - Well, I've told him you can still go. - You told him what? 274 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,160 Don't worry about it. It'll be fine. 275 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,640 But you've sold me down the river, literally. 276 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,320 Well, firstly, it's a canal. 277 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,080 And, secondly, you have so much still to learn. 278 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,560 If we pulled out of this together, it would look deeply, deeply suspicious. 279 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:00,960 But what am I meant to do? 280 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,920 It's simple. You sleep soundly in your bed for 12 hours. 281 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,000 Then you dispatch a text to say that you've woken up riddled with mumps. 282 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,440 If anything, I'm being generous. 283 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,560 I mean, the second drop-out's always easiest because they're braced for it. 284 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,560 Just, er... Just look at Mutya and the Sugababes. 285 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,640 I don't remember Mutya leaving the Sugababes. 286 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,720 Exactly, because you were braced for it. 287 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,720 Isn't mumps a kids' disease? 288 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,240 Oh, big time. And who's got a new niece? Pete. 289 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,680 There's no way he's going to let us come. 290 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,280 Oh, my God! Thank you, Owen. 291 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,160 Do you know when he was on Saturday Kitchen, 292 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,640 James Martin used to deep-freeze the leftovers? 293 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,720 He didn't do a big shop for ten years. 294 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,720 Ocado thought he'd died. 295 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,480 OK, here it is - the text is written. 296 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,160 Oh, God, what if he doesn't buy it? 297 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,560 Hit me. 298 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:52,200 "Hi, Pete, I'm so sorry, but I've caught mumps from Owen, so I can't come. 299 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,960 "Absolutely gutted. Have a great weekend." 300 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,360 - Couldn't have written it better myself. - TEXT SENT ALERT 301 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,600 I've sent it. It's gone. 302 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,240 I can't believe it was this easy. 303 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,000 I'm telling you, friendship in the digital age is a glorious, simple thing. 304 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,320 - It hasn't delivered. - Shit. Well, try holding the phone above your head. 305 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,640 No, I've got reception. It just isn't getting through. 306 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,840 Has Pete tried holding the phone above his head? 307 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,120 - Do you want me to answer that? - I'll call him. 308 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,760 - HOARSELY: - Hey, Pete. It's, er... It's Owen, AKA Stig Of The Mumps. 309 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,440 Hope you have a good birthday, mate, and enjoy the Norfolk broads. 310 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,000 Or as I call them, the local women. 311 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,200 Anyway, er, as I said, happy birthday. 312 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,440 Oh, my neck. 313 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,000 - It went straight to answerphone. - No shit?! 314 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,960 God, he's probably on the boat already, isn't he? 315 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,640 I bet the reception's awful on the Norfolk broads. You should've thought about this. 316 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:42,840 This was your plan. 317 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,040 Let's not start pointing fingers. Just try sending the text again later. 318 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,120 No, don't you remember? 319 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,320 "The galleon won't leave terra firma until all shipmates are on deck." 320 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,080 Yes, rule two. 321 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,280 They'll be waiting all day. I'll be responsible for ruining the party. 322 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,320 This is quite a pickle you've got yourself into. 323 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,640 I didn't get myself into this pickle. You pickled me. 324 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,800 I didn't mean to pickle you. I gave you the sweet spot. 325 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,920 - You got to be Mutya Buena. - Well, what am I going to do? 326 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,040 Simple. You go for one night, 327 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,400 and then on morning two, I'll send you a rescue text. 328 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,800 I won't have reception. 329 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,640 Oh, bloody hell, this is a pickle. 330 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:15,080 Oh, well, I'm going to have to go, aren't I? If I'm going, you are coming with me. 331 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,240 No way, mate. I've got the mumps, haven't I? I'm very infectious. 332 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,000 I'll text you updates from Super Sunday. 333 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,840 I won't have any reception! 334 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,040 Yes, the aforementioned pickle. 335 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,040 I'm here! Sorry I'm late. 336 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,520 Pete, I've made it. 337 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,240 At last! We assumed you weren't coming. Still waited. 338 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,440 If I had more friends, we'd have set sail without you, but I don't, so we waited. 339 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,320 It was Owen's fault. I had to go and get him mumps cream. 340 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,240 Don't go bad-mouthing Owen. He's sent a crate of grog from his sickbed. 341 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,960 - Of course he has. - And he retweeted my picture of my birthday dinner. 342 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,600 He even got out of bed at 2am to do it. He's one of the good guys. 343 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,320 Anyway, you're here now. 344 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,960 Hat, eye patch, 345 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,160 - and then we can get going. - It's a bit tight, isn't it? 346 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:55,680 Really? 347 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:56,880 I'm sure it'll give. 348 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,840 Right, let the merriment begin. 349 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,400 Ha-harrrrr! Arrrr! Here be your grog! 350 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,120 Good to see you, Simon. 351 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:10,000 - PIRATE ACCENT: - Ah, pirate accents only on deck, matey. 352 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,720 I'm not very good at a pirate accent. 353 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,320 Rules is rules, me hearty. 354 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,200 That they be! 355 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,920 Interesting fact - the traditional pirate accent 356 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,800 is actually a misrepresentation from Disney movies, 357 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,080 so my voice is probably closer to the truth. 358 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,640 Well, in that case, we should probably all stop doing it, then. 359 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,440 Pity, cos we were all really enjoying it. 360 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,480 - We were really enjoying it, yeah. - Yeah. 361 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,840 PIRATE ACCENT: Arr, I be a pedantic pirate. 362 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,320 Arrr! 363 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:42,640 Me hearties in the galley! We're all aboard. Time to weigh anchor. 364 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,320 ALL BUT JOSH: Arr! 365 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,520 Arr! 366 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,080 - Arr! - Arr! 367 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,240 We tried to get the shoes off the ceiling with a broom, 368 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,080 but then the broom handle stuck to his hands. 369 00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,440 My God, she's good. 370 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,000 And then the shoe stuck to the broom, 371 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,360 I tried to remove the shoe, and then I got stuck to the shoe. 372 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,600 We had to order a six-seater to go to A&E. 373 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,440 That is a plastic shit away from the perfect prank. 374 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,800 No worries there - she'd glued one inside the shoe. 375 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,080 When the doctor found it, he looked at me like I'd done it. 376 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,760 Oh, she thinks of everything. 377 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,440 Yeah. She used to impress me, and now it just feels mean. 378 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,120 Do you know what your problem is? 379 00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,880 - You're such a victim. - DOORBELL RINGS 380 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,440 You need to stand up to her, start pranking her back, 381 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,400 otherwise you'll be the prankee forever. 382 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,400 Do you know what, Owen? You're right. 383 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,520 Geoff, why are you here so early? 384 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,160 Bringing your broom back. 385 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,360 Oh. 386 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,240 Oh, just put it there. 387 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,200 I'll bill Sophie for it when she wakes up. 388 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,400 I bet that prankster's already up. 389 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,760 All she'd need is a mannequin and a cassette tape of snoring. 390 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,000 - Morning, Owen. - Morning. 391 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,080 Have you not seen Ferris Wheel's Day Off? 392 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,440 My brother used to pull that trick. 393 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,120 There I was thinking he was having a lie-in, whereas in fact, 394 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:57,040 he was putting itching powder in my eczema cream. 395 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,360 He's a classic prankster. 396 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,120 Well, on behalf of all of us victims, 397 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,600 I've decided today is the day I'm going to prank her back. 398 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,800 Oh! 399 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,280 Well, now, if that's your jam, you've come to the right man, 400 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:07,400 cos I'm full of ideas. 401 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,760 OK. Well, what have you got? 402 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:09,920 A whoopee cushion? 403 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,080 Not good enough. 404 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,640 A whoopee cushion with a stink bomb in it. 405 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,960 OK, bigger than that. 406 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,040 A whoopee cushion with an actual poo in it. 407 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,560 Oh, how would you do that? 408 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,480 Cautiously. 409 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,400 - PETE: - Of course, the future's all in virtual reality. 410 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:31,080 For example, I can get a headset that'll map my living room to your headset. 411 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:35,360 And then it'll scan your sofa to my...living room, 412 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,080 and I can come in and sit next to you. 413 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,480 No, hang on. No, this... 414 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,000 You'd have to be on your sofa, 415 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,680 my headset would be scanning your lounge, and I could come in... 416 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,360 Oh, no, what is it? 417 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,920 People think that being an optician is all about glass. 418 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,400 But we're actually doing some really exciting new stuff 419 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,560 with impact-resistant polycarbonate plastics. 420 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,400 In fact, when I lose my glasses now, I say, 421 00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:00,160 "Has anyone seen my impact-resistant polycarbonate plastics?" 422 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,640 HE LAUGHS 423 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,200 I have to be on my sofa, and then that scans...and I can come and... 424 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,720 No. Or is it...? 425 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,960 You're on your sofa and I'm on my sofa, and then... 426 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,600 Ohh. 427 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,840 Right, OK, who am I now? Who am I now? Who am I now? 428 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,000 - INDISCERNIBLE ACCENT: - Oh, that is lovely. 429 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,280 That is lovely. 430 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,280 That is... That is lovely. 431 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,640 - Who's that? - I... I don't know. 432 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,280 These are...are lovely. 433 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,000 - I don't know who it is. - These are... 434 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,080 - These... These are lovely. - I don't know who it is. 435 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,520 - These are lovely. These are lovely. - No, look, just tell me. 436 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:36,680 - These are lovely. - Tell me! 437 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,560 - I'm not telling you. These are l... - Tell me! 438 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,800 It's Gregg Wallace. 439 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:43,640 - SOPHIE: - Oh! 440 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,640 Oh, it's been so much fun. It's really taken my mind off things. 441 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,440 - Oh, that's great. - Ha! 442 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,720 I mean, your face when you didn't realise it was a prank! 443 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,440 Which time? 444 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,840 - Well, just every time, really. - Yeah! 445 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,080 - Gotcha! - Oh! 446 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:01,800 Ah! Oh, um, before you go, 447 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,080 I just nipped to the supermarket to get you a little goodbye gift. 448 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,480 It's not much. I just thought it'd be a bit of fun. 449 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,960 Oh, thank you, Kate! 450 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,600 - Go on! - Oh! Mm! 451 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,240 Fingers crossed. 452 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,800 Ahh! 453 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,160 - Ooh! Hello! - Ohh! 454 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,960 Oh! 455 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,520 Oh, my God! I've won! 456 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:23,800 No way! 457 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,600 Oh! Seriously, I've won 100 grand! 458 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,760 Ah, no way! 459 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,000 Oh, my God! This is life-changing. 460 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,360 Oh! Oh, my God. 461 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:31,960 Oh, well, before you ring anyone, 462 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,040 there's just one thing I should probably tell you that's quite important. 463 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:38,080 Mum, you're not going to believe this. We have the money for your operation. 464 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,800 - Oh. - No, I'm not joking. I won on a scratchcard. 465 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,680 You're going to get your new kidney. 466 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,960 Oh, look, I'd better thank Kate. She's the one that bought it for me. 467 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,560 I know, isn't she amazing?! Look, I'll come and see you now. 468 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,400 Yeah, I love you, too. 469 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,880 I love you. 470 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,120 Oh, Kate, I don't know how I can ever repay you. 471 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,800 Um... Er... 472 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,960 Oh! Good one! You got me. 473 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,600 Sorry? 474 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,800 You calling your mum. I've been pranked, right? 475 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,200 Sorry? 476 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,120 Cos you knew it was a fake scratchcard. 477 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,600 Fake...? Fake scratchcard? 478 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:21,160 Yeah, and that's why you were pranking me about your mum...needing a kidney? 479 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,640 Oh, my God. 480 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,200 I can't believe this. 481 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,360 Kate, I told you before, there are some things you don't prank about. 482 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,760 - Oh, God. - How am I going to tell her? 483 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,520 Oh... 484 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,320 So as I said on the phone, Mrs Robinson, 485 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,920 I am so, so sorry, and it was only ever meant as a joke. 486 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,880 Well, why would you do that? 487 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,160 Obviously, I didn't want this to happen. I didn't... 488 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,600 I wasn't aware of your condition. 489 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,080 It's such a shame. 490 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,360 Just when Mum thought she was going to get her operation. 491 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:58,360 If there's anything I can do to make this better, then please, please tell me. 492 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,120 - Well, actually, there is one thing. - Honestly, anything. 493 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:04,800 I need a kidney. 494 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,440 Oh! 495 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,600 Um... Well, I... 496 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,320 - Well, I'm not...I'm not sure if... - BOTH SHRIEK WITH LAUGHTER 497 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:13,680 Gotcha! 498 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,440 Pranked! 499 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,080 Oh, my God! Oh, my God, this is all a prank. 500 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,560 Of course it was! 501 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,320 Oh, my God, so you're not ill at all? 502 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,040 Oh, no, I am ill, very much so. 503 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,560 OK. 504 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,400 But I don't want your kidney. It probably wouldn't even be a match. 505 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,440 Oh, God, I am so sorry. That must be awful. 506 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,640 - Gotcha again! - Again! Again! 507 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:37,920 Pranked! 508 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,880 So everything's fine? 509 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,880 No, actually, I have got a serious illness. 510 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,840 Well, why would you say that you didn't? 511 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,640 The pranks cheer her up. 512 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,240 Right, of course. Sorry. 513 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:52,520 Yeah. 514 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,440 Thrice pranked, sire! 515 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,120 - OK... - Just for your merriment. 516 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,840 - Too easy! - What? I don't... What? 517 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,320 # For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow 518 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,720 # For he's a jolly good fell-ow 519 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,280 # And so say all of us. # 520 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:11,720 Arr! 521 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,640 To Owen, for top notch grog! 522 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,120 Ha-harr! And all pirates should join in the songs from now on, 523 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,960 or else ye will be walking the plank. 524 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,880 I'm just going to nip for a piss, OK? 525 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,320 Ye shall not pass unless ye talk like a pirate. 526 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,160 I'll just go to the toilet. I'll talk like a pirate when I get back. 527 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,160 And where be your eye patch, ya filthy sea dog? 528 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,560 I took it off. It was affecting my depth perception. 529 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,320 Pirates don't worry about health and safety. 530 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,040 I'm not a pirate. I live just off the Holloway Road. 531 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,400 Ye be a negative ship hand, Joshua. 532 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,320 Cap'n Owen would've joined in with ye crew. 533 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,640 - No, he wouldn't. - Mutiny! Disrespecting Cap'n Owen. 534 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,240 - Throw him in Davy Jones's locker. - Arr! 535 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,120 Captain Owen? Are you kidding me? 536 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:53,200 He had no interest in joining in. That's why he didn't show up. 537 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,520 He has mumps. 538 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:58,000 Oh, come on, that's just what he said cos he didn't want to come on this trip. 539 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,360 I'm the real friend here - I actually came. I should be the captain. 540 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,600 PHONE BEEPS 541 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,960 - It's from you! - What? 542 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,080 It's from this morning. 543 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,320 Oh, no, you don't need to read that. Just ignore that. 544 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,080 - PIRATE ACCENT: - "Hi, Pete, I'm so sorry, but I've caught mumps..." 545 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,560 - NORMAL VOICE: - "...from Owen, so I can't come. Absolutely gutted. Have a great day." 546 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,200 Arr! 547 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,880 Feeling better now. 548 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,240 You didn't want to come. 549 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,560 No, I did. It's just...I've got mumps. 550 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,000 - You blaggard. - What? 551 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,360 It means "liar" in pirate. 552 00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,520 I'm not a liar. I do have mumps. 553 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,720 Look, I didn't want to be the hero, 554 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,200 but unlike Owen, I wanted to be here. 555 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,960 Mumps is very contagious. It's so selfish of you to come here and expose us all. 556 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,520 Selfish? I've gone above and beyond to be on this boat, 557 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,520 and now you're acting like I'm the bad guy. 558 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,800 I've got a new niece, mate. What if I give her mumps? 559 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,280 She already doesn't like me. 560 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,920 You're a... 561 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,120 shit friend, and I wish you hadn't come, Josh. 562 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,400 Look, Pete, 563 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,680 I am sorry, but I was just trying to be a loyal friend. 564 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,680 I know I was late, and I know I don't Snapchat you enough, 565 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,280 but I have taken the weekend off to be here. 566 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:11,320 I have listened to Simon list every death in Game Of Thrones. 567 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,920 That's friendship. 568 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,000 I thought we were meant to be bump buds forever. 569 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,040 Bump. 570 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,440 Bump buds forever. 571 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,000 Arr? 572 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,880 - Arr. - Arr. 573 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,480 Arr. 574 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:36,880 Arrrr! 575 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:38,960 Arrrr! 576 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,440 Here's to a great weekend with real mates! 577 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,560 Exactly. ALL: Arrrr! 578 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,160 Ha-ha! Just a shame these landlubbers are jumping ship in half a mile. 579 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:48,200 What? 580 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,600 Oh, yeah, we're just poking our heads in, really. Driving back to London tonight. 581 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,840 We didn't want to miss the huge Super Sunday tomorrow. 582 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,760 It's the battle of the Hams. 583 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,000 I assumed it'd just be me for the next two days, 584 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,840 but it appears I've got myself a shipmate. 585 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:03,080 Here's to Cap'n Josh! Ha-harr! 586 00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,680 Ha-harr! 587 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,640 Ha-harr! 588 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,480 ALL BUT JOSH IMITATE PIRATES 589 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,120 SEA SHANTY MUSIC 590 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,360 - Kate. - Hey, Geoff. 591 00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:20,560 - I just wanted to say thank you. - For what? 592 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,400 Your decision to prank back your friend 593 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,640 inspired me to finally prank back my brother. 594 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,440 Not with the whoopee cushion and the...? 595 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:27,560 Close. 596 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,440 I reported him to the Inland Revenue for his tax evasion schemes. 597 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:35,200 He's currently under investigation, with a potential fine of £3 million. 598 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,280 He's already had to sell most of his cars! 599 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,560 Geoff, that is not a prank. 600 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,920 Well, if it's not a prank, Kate, why am I laughing so much? 601 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:45,920 SEA SHANTY MUSIC CONTINUES