1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,711 - ♪ When I roll down the street brothers all take a knee ♪ 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,880 ♪ Honeys dropping their Gs, wanting pieces of me ♪ 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,382 ♪ 'Cause I run this whole block ♪ 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,925 ♪ With these rhymes and this glock ♪ 5 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,760 ♪ Make this whole damn 'hood tick ♪ 6 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:13,096 ♪ This my town, I'm the talk, cock of the walk ♪ 7 00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,515 ♪ I'm the boss and the king, niggas kissing my ass ♪ 8 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,183 ♪ And bitches kissing my ring ♪ 9 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:19,894 What's up, yeah! Oh, shit, nigga. 10 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,270 You know it's true. 11 00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,606 Yeah. Y- 12 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:36,035 - I'm the leader of the free world. 13 00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:47,630 - I mean, the president, how you-? 14 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,424 Forget y'all. 15 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:14,782 - Hey. 16 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,952 - Wow. - Pretty good. 17 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,246 Really? 18 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,915 - Welcome to the show. I am Keegan. 19 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,751 - And I am Jordan. - And this is Key and Peele. 20 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:28,045 - Yes, welcome. - Thank you for coming. 21 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,213 - Keegan and I both have white moms. 22 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,590 - Yes, yes. - This is true. 23 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,383 We have white moms, and, uh, the thing 24 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,594 about having a white mom and being a black guy is, 25 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,055 as a kid, a white mom can't hit a black kid in public. 26 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:40,558 - Can't do it. Can't do it. 27 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,644 Gets too racial too fast. - That's right. 28 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,689 It escalates. It escalates to this racial thing, and I was- 29 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,941 I became aware of this at a very young age. 30 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,861 I think my mother spanked me once in the grocery store. 31 00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:54,155 I swear to God, Keegan, l- you know that tear 32 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,449 that Denzel Washington does in Glory... 33 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,576 - Yeah. - When he's getting whipped? 34 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,036 - Yeah, yeah. - That's what I did, and l- 35 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,662 I promise you, just instinctively, 36 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,706 it came out of me. This is what I did. 37 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,666 Just hit me like you're my mom in the grocery store. 38 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,502 I said... ♪ Mama, don't you hit ♪ 39 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:11,631 ♪ No black boy's booty ♪ 40 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:18,262 ♪ 200 years, ain't nothing changed ♪ 41 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,894 Mr. Louis... 42 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,063 Thank you for coming in 43 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,940 with your associates. 44 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:32,568 I know this is hard to hear, but... 45 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,153 we need to make some serious decisions 46 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,197 about your mother's health. Let's be honest. 47 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,074 She is getting on in years. 48 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,660 - Oh, snap. 49 00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:43,079 Okay, I see how it is. I see how it is. 50 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:47,500 Well, yo mama so old, her last name is "osaurus." 51 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:52,004 - Boom! 52 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,049 - N-no, Mr. Louis, it wasn't an insult. 53 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,510 L-I was just saying that your mother's condition 54 00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,179 is deteriorating, uh, because she's getting older. 55 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,975 - Oh, see that's cold, though. That's a cold one, okay. 56 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,269 Okay, I see how it is. Hey, y'all. 57 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,981 Yo mama so old, in her history class, 58 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,440 they just wrote down what they was doing. 59 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,570 He's talking about- he's talking about- 60 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,446 ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- 61 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:18,990 - That's you! 62 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,992 - Mr. Louis, this isn't an insult contest. 63 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,493 Not only is your mother elderly, 64 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,829 but also her ability to walk 65 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,956 is currently being affected by her weight. 66 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,416 - Oh. - Ooh. 67 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,835 - See, okay. It just got real. 68 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:34,088 - No, I'm not insulting her. I'm trying to tell you the- 69 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,300 - Yo mama is so fat, when she go to the movie theater, 70 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,385 bitch sitting next to everyone. 71 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:43,055 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Listen to me, okay? 72 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,558 Your mother needs to manage her weight, 73 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,101 or there can be some real problems. 74 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,562 - Oh... kay! 75 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,772 All right. Oh, yeah. 76 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:55,276 Yo mama is so fat, she need a latitude and longitude number 77 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,528 to find her own asshole. 78 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,280 - Oh! 79 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,783 - Look at his face! Yeah! Look at his face! 80 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,327 - Ah! Ah! - Give it to him. 81 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,703 - Oh. - Give me some. 82 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,914 - It's coordinates, son. Coordinates. 83 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,582 Now who's the doctor? 84 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,001 - I am the doctor. Mr. Louis, I am. 85 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,295 And it is my job to make sure that your mother 86 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,047 is getting the care that she needs. 87 00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,214 We are talking about the woman who took care 88 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:18,633 of you your whole life. 89 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,259 The least you can do is take care of her 90 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,720 in her old age and take this seriously! 91 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,019 - I'm sorry. 92 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,396 - I'm sorry that I lost my temper. 93 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,274 - No, really, doctor. 94 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,027 I guess... I was just joking around 95 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,656 because I know her condition is really serious. 96 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,493 And... I don't know, I guess humor 97 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,913 is the only way I can really deal with it, uh- 98 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,084 I just know that she's said so many times 99 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,711 she doesn't want anything invasive done. 100 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,965 - Really? I was not aware of that. 101 00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:00,883 Um, that's interesting, because she did not mention that 102 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,510 to me in our previous conversation. 103 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,513 'Course it was difficult to hear her 104 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:10,226 with my dick in her mouth. 105 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,820 Snap, Mr. Louis. 106 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,155 Oh, snap. 107 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,907 Now let's talk about the procedure. 108 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,535 - Hello, everybody out there. 109 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,412 This is Brock Favors with traffic on the ones. 110 00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,372 Chad Armstrong is out sick today, 111 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,916 so I am filling in from my usual land reports 112 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,293 and, uh, I'm up here in the chopper. 113 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:39,046 But I gotta tell you guys, I am loving the view. 114 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,382 Oh, shit! 115 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,925 Oh, my god! 116 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,386 Oh, oh, no! Stop, stop, stop, stop. 117 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,639 Oh! 118 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,516 Whew. 119 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,351 All right. 120 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,603 Well, we are, um, uh- 121 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,272 we are over the 10. 122 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,149 It is massively clogged down there, 123 00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:01,152 like a pint of maple syrup on a cool November morning. 124 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,904 And we just-oh, shit! Motherfucker, god damn! 125 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,574 We gon' die in this motherfucker! 126 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,993 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 127 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,870 Oh, my god! 128 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:16,709 Whew, whew, whew! 129 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,502 Okay. 130 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,465 Okay, I am, uh- I am very sorry, folks. 131 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,468 It's a little bit of a bumpy ride up here. 132 00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:28,471 We are now approaching the 405, 133 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:31,640 ah, where the left lane is blocked by a mattress. 134 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,018 So somebody is, uh, gonna be doing 135 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,604 a little return to Ikea later today, you know what I'm say- 136 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,149 Oh, no, nigga, please! Shit! Oh, god damn! 137 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,984 Oh, get me out this motherfucking death machine 138 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,778 right now! Oh, no! 139 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,780 Black people ain't meant to be in the sky! 140 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,948 We ain't meant to be in the sky, man! 141 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,660 Oh, mama, help me. 142 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,746 Motherfucker. 143 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:57,458 Oh, mama! Aah! Oh, shit! 144 00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,586 Well, the 405 is fucked up right now. 145 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:03,672 Ain't nobody going down this shit. I'm sorry. 146 00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:09,470 I'm sorry. I'm very sorry, folks. 147 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,930 I'm very sorry about that, 148 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,765 but I am losing my shit up here. 149 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,184 - Actually, you have every right to. 150 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,727 We're about to crash. 151 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,104 - Oh, fuck, help me! 152 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:19,438 Shit! Oh, my god, help! 153 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:23,651 Mama, please! Mama! Help! 154 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,870 - So- so here's something. 155 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:38,833 Jordan and I love to watch white guys fight. 156 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,835 - Yes, favorite pastime. - It's sublime, mm-hmm. 157 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,670 - 2:00 a.m. Outside of a bar, 158 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,548 any night, any morning, you can see this, and- 159 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,258 - It's the great-it's- - Best thing in the world. 160 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,260 - It's like watching Nat Geo. - Oh, it's- 161 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,053 - It's the Discovery Channel for us. 162 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,638 It's Animal Planet. 163 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,723 Well, this is how it happens. - It's so great. 164 00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:57,059 - White guys-there's- it starts with phase one. 165 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,978 - Phase one, which is the, uh- the arm-back phase. 166 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,896 - Hands back, just completely- - And chest out and arm back. 167 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,523 - Chest out, arms back. - And it's lots of, 168 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,108 "You wanna do something? Let's do something then." 169 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:05,693 - "What are you doing? What are you doing, bro?" 170 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,611 - "What are you doing?" - "You wanna do something?" 171 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,446 - "I'm already doing something." - I need to keep my arms back 172 00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:12,575 as if they're so dangerous, I gotta keep them back here. 173 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,910 - Yo, phase two. - Phase two. 174 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,412 - They l- they lock horns. 175 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,205 - "You w-let's go. Let go of me, dude." 176 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,582 "Let go of me right now." - "Let go of my shirt." 177 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,542 - "Let go of my shirt. I'm gonna-" 178 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,335 - "I'm not on your shirt." - "You're on my shirt, dude. 179 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:26,213 "Get off of my shirt, man. Get off my shirt. 180 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,631 Get off of my shirt." - "Dude." 181 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,925 - "Let go of my shirt." 182 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,719 - Two minutes later. - Two minutes later. 183 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,846 "I fucking love you!" - "You're my best friend, dog." 184 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,764 - "You are my brother, dude. Do you know that?" 185 00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:36,932 - "I would never do anything to you." 186 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,100 - "I would never do that to you." 187 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,476 - Fast-forward two minutes. 188 00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:42,062 - "All right, just get off me." - "What the hell?" 189 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,480 - "Let go of me." - "You let go of me, dude." 190 00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:45,232 - "Let go of me." - "You let go of-" 191 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,651 White dudes cannot decide if they want to fight or not. 192 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,320 - Yeah. - They can't do it. 193 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,488 - Then phase four comes, and that's when one of the guys 194 00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:54,074 has the genius idea to do the "fake-out." 195 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,535 And, uh, so he's gonna walk away, act like- 196 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,205 and then do a sneak attack 197 00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:01,582 using karate, which he does not practice. 198 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,542 - Right, so it's like- - So it's just like- 199 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,044 - "I don't even care. I don't even care anymore, dude." 200 00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,253 - "I don't care." - "Forget about that. 201 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,591 You know what?" 202 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,218 - "What are you doing, man?" 203 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:16,138 And always-always, there is a drunk white girl 204 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,890 on the sidelines just talking about, 205 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,726 "You guys, stop fighting!" 206 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:24,313 "Megan, shut up." 207 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,899 - "I don't need your help, Megan." 208 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,817 - "You guys are best friends!" 209 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,362 - "Megan, seriously, Megan. 210 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,529 Shut up!" 211 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,160 - I love this place. - This place is amazing. 212 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,954 - Amazing. - So hot. 213 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,163 - Got like four stars somewhere. - I heard it got six stars, 214 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,581 which is, like, impossible. 215 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,416 - Oh, my god. Let's take a picture. 216 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,001 - Let's take a picture right now. Oh, my god, here we go. 217 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,544 - Oh, my god, I'm making a face. 218 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,004 - Oh, my god, I'm, like, one big nose. Delete it. 219 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,215 Ew, delete it. 220 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,009 - Ew. - What am I doing? I'm gross. 221 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,344 - Why do I look like an orca whale? 222 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,471 - Delete it. - Delete it. 223 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,848 - Everybody on the ground! 224 00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:01,517 - Oh, my god. We're getting robbed. 225 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,352 - Oh, my god, oh my god, oh, my god, oh, my- 226 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,187 Oh, my god, what's my eye doing? 227 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,189 - Ew, I look like I'm 40. 228 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,732 Delete it. - Oh, my god. 229 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:09,984 - Let's get out of here, but delete it. 230 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,237 - Get down! Down! 231 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,114 - Oh, my god, I look like somebody unwrapped a mummy. 232 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,782 - God, I look like a five-year-old drew me. 233 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,367 - Totally delete it. - Delete it. 234 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,868 - Delete it. - Right? 235 00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:22,830 - Police! Drop your weapon! 236 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,498 - Ew, I totally look like Cloverfield. 237 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,292 - Did I just have a stroke or something? 238 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,626 Delete it. 239 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,919 - Right? - Yeah. 240 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,214 - L-ladies, can you just show me 241 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,674 the picture you were talking about, please? 242 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,968 - Oh, it's like- - Yeah, stop. 243 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,970 Great, right there. That's great. 244 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,763 Grady, we got a clear shot of the perpetrator. 245 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,098 He's holding a shotgun and everything. 246 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,891 Wai-wait, wait, where'd the picture go? 247 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,268 - We deleted it. - Gross. 248 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,894 - What? - I had childbirth face. 249 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:48,230 - Yeah, I looked like my grandmother having an orgasm. 250 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,107 - Delete it. - Delete it. 251 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:53,527 - Grady, book these idiots for destroying evidence. 252 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,322 - Ow. Ew. 253 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,781 Why are you being so "manhandly"? 254 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,116 - I can't believe this. Why are we even- 255 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,617 we were the heroes of the evening. 256 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,202 - Ridiculous. - We stopped the perpetrator. 257 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,662 Now we're being arrested? - Can we please- 258 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,247 Oh, my god, these cops should be arrested. 259 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,415 - This is a miscarriage of justice, the entire th- 260 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,251 - What? No fucking way. 261 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,669 - Oh, my god, you cannot- - Delete it. 262 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,087 - You cannot arrest me with that picture. 263 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,464 Are you kidding me? - Delete it. 264 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,507 - I was blinking. This is ridiculous. 265 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,009 - Delete it. - Delete it right now. 266 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,218 Delete it. You must delete this photo. 267 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,845 - Delete it. No. - Delete it. 268 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,180 I'm not leaving until he deletes it. 269 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,848 - He has a picture of us. Delete it. 270 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,975 - I'm not leaving until he- you gotta delete it! 271 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,393 You've gotta delete it. - Just delete it. 272 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,270 - You have to delete this pic- - Delete it! 273 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,816 - ♪ But I don't need you ♪ 274 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,235 - Kee-when Keegan laughs, when he finds something funny... 275 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,196 - Mm-hmm. - It's over, you have to move. 276 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,781 - I have to move. 277 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:39,948 It's out of the question for me to laugh sitting still. 278 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,617 It doesn't happen. 279 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,410 If I'm watching television alone, by myself, 280 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,745 in my home, this will happen. 281 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,043 Um, and a little bit of these. 282 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,252 Yeah. - Nobody- 283 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,921 nobody even there to watch it. 284 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,172 - I can't do it. I can't sit still. 285 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,757 I have to express myself physically, 286 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,009 and so a really serious situation for me 287 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,636 is watching a comedy on a plane. 288 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,221 - Oh, gosh. - That is a problem. 289 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,931 - Yes, l-I do feel for your fellow passengers. 290 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,976 - I was literally on a plane watching Bridesmaids, 291 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,436 and you remember the scene where she's got on the wedding dress, 292 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,604 and she poops in the middle of the street? 293 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,231 - Yeah. 294 00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:13,440 - That scene comes on, and this is what literally happens to me. 295 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,608 I go-I went like this- I went, 296 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,404 "Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. 297 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:21,073 Oh! This-excuse me." 298 00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,408 "Oh, shit!" 299 00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:23,951 "Oh, shit! 300 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,327 "Oh, shit! 301 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,704 Oh, drink cart. Drink cart." 302 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:32,167 I'M SORRY- Whoo! 303 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,253 - Ladies and gentlemen, 304 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,297 please turn off your cell phones and enjoy our production 305 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:41,051 of Lunch with Greatness. 306 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,803 - My, my, my. 307 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,639 What a beautiful day In Montgomery, Alabama. 308 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,685 I swear, the sun is so hot, I nearly melted. 309 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,895 - Indeed, Dr. King, but I suspect 310 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,647 we didn't meet here to talk about the weather. 311 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,067 - Indeed, brother Malcolm. 312 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,695 Unless, of course, we articulate 313 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,906 that the sun in this country 314 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:06,076 shines brighter on some than it does on others. 315 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:10,664 - Mm. - Yeah. 316 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:14,209 - Yes, but when the sun does shine on us, 317 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:17,087 it is growing the seeds of revolution. 318 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:21,300 - Amen. - That's what I'm talking about. 319 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,596 - I see your point, brother Malcolm, 320 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:31,018 but do not those same seeds need to be watered with love? 321 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:38,150 - I suppose that is the subject of some discussion, Dr. King. 322 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,781 - And I am all for discussion, brother Malcolm. 323 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,950 Unless, of course, the words devolve 324 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,745 into proclamations of hate. 325 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:53,165 - Yes. - Right. 326 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:57,753 - Well, is that not why we are here today, Dr. King- 327 00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,130 to discuss? 328 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,263 - Yes, brother Malcolm. 329 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,683 And I am confident that as we discuss- 330 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:12,893 - We are going to discuss it 331 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,937 and discuss it 332 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:19,858 until I say that 333 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:24,154 our people have never resorted to violence 334 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,241 before the white man gave them no choice 335 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,617 but to pay him back 336 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,953 in the only currency he understands. 337 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,287 - Yes. 338 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,585 - Brother Malcolm, 339 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,088 is that what you really have to say... 340 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,799 at this point... in our lunch? 341 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:46,343 - Indeed, Dr. King, 342 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:50,222 because we didn't land on Plymouth Rock, 343 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,599 Plymouth Rock landed on us. 344 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,106 - Amen. - Mm-hmm. 345 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,774 - Okay, well, yes. All right. 346 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,318 Yeah, l-I've heard you say that before. 347 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:07,197 I... don't know why we're talking about rocks when, 348 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,075 in fact, it is the flesh and the bone 349 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,744 and the-the dreams- l-I have a dream 350 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,622 that someday our children will be judged 351 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,499 by the content of their character, 352 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,835 not by the color of their skin. 353 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,673 - Same for me. Same for me. 354 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,175 In fact, I believe that one day, 355 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,885 a black man will become the president 356 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,637 of the United States of America. 357 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,723 Yes. 358 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,766 - Hopefully for eight years. 359 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,476 Obama 2012. 360 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,941 - Oh, of course, eight years. Of course, eight years. 361 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,068 That's a given, right? That's a given. 362 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,946 You know? I mean, but in order to get there, 363 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,157 isn't he going to need the help 364 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,785 of our strong, beautiful, black women? 365 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,955 Gotta respect the sisters. 366 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,416 Gotta respect the sisters! 367 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,251 Gotta respect the sisters. 368 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,422 - As Wesley Snipes said in Passenger 57, 369 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,175 "Always bet on black." Yeah. 370 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:17,517 - ♪ The west side is the best side ♪ 371 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,739 - Okay, so Keegan and l- we grew up in the '90s. 372 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,616 - Yes. - Uh, and if you don't know, 373 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,034 the fashion in the '90s was god-awful. 374 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,285 - Horrific. 375 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,120 And the-and the worst- the worst thing 376 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:39,456 in all the '90s were Z Cavariccis. 377 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,249 - See I d- I don't even know this. 378 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:44,252 - You know, Z Cavariccis- They-they were a pant. 379 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,214 And-and the waist of the pant was so high, it was like, 380 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,007 "what are you, a toreador?" - Mm-hmm. 381 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,511 - And they had these pockets that had these pleats on them, 382 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:55,013 which gave the illusion of hips on a man. 383 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:56,640 On a man. - Oh, yeah. 384 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,475 - The leg looked like an ice cream cone, 385 00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,936 Just, whoop! Tapered in here. 386 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,063 And then at the bottom, you would take the excess 387 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,315 and just go like that and roll them up 388 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,151 to taper an already tapered pant! 389 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,987 Why are you tapering the tapered pant? 390 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,656 - Why-why are you- why are you getting so mad? 391 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,324 - Because I wore them, Jordan. 392 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,664 I wore them. 393 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:34,219 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Whoa oh oh ♪ 394 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:38,348 - ♪ Oh ♪ - ♪ Whoa oh oh oh ♪ 395 00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:43,812 ♪ Ooh, you know that I been waiting ♪ 396 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:47,190 ♪ Had this feeling for so long ♪ 397 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,401 ♪ And it feels so right, baby ♪ 398 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:53,655 ♪ How could this feeling be wrong? ♪ 399 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:57,409 - ♪ Sometimes the thing that you been searching for ♪ 400 00:17:57,535 --> 00:18:00,537 ♪ Has been right there the whole time ♪ 401 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,998 ♪ So, baby, I'm here to tell ya ♪ 402 00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:07,711 ♪ I'm waiting right here just to make you all mine, you ♪ 403 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:11,339 ♪ You're the one I always hoped for, you ♪ 404 00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:14,676 - ♪ It's a feeling I can't hide, you ♪ 405 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,803 - ♪ And I always been your baby ♪ 406 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,891 ♪ Standing right here by your side ♪ 407 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:24,936 ♪ Yeah, it's been building up inside of me ♪ 408 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,397 ♪ And I just gotta come out ♪ 409 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,317 - ♪ And tell you what I'm feeling, girl ♪ 410 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:34,154 ♪ Tell you our love is what I'm talkin' about ♪ 411 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,908 - ♪ I gotta tell you what my heart knows ♪ 412 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:41,119 ♪ And what is has known for so long ♪ 413 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,955 - ♪ I finally need to show you ♪ 414 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,749 ♪ My arms are wide open ♪ 415 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,959 ♪ That's where you belong, you ♪ 416 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,796 ♪ You know I'll make love to you gently, you ♪ 417 00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:55,175 - ♪ The way I've seen it in my mind, you ♪ 418 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,761 - ♪ I will take care of you, baby ♪ 419 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,387 - ♪ There ain't no rush, baby ♪ 420 00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:00,889 ♪ Let's take our sweet time ♪ 421 00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,891 - ♪ I do it to you slow ♪ 422 00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:04,643 ♪ The way you've never done before ♪ 423 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,938 - ♪ Open up your mind, I will open up your door ♪ 424 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:11,775 - ♪ I been searchin' all around for the one I can call mine ♪ 425 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,276 - ♪ Sometimes the thing you're searching for ♪ 426 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,112 ♪ Has been there the whole time, you ♪ 427 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:19,991 - ♪ I want to give you all I got now, you ♪ 428 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:23,453 - ♪ And I'll take all you can give, you ♪ 429 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,288 ♪ And I'll never turn my back on you ♪ 430 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,582 ♪ As long as we both shall live ♪ 431 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,584 - ♪ I'm talking 'bout you ♪ 432 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,295 - ♪ You, standing right in front of you ♪ 433 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,005 ♪ You, whoo ♪ 434 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:35,590 ♪ Nothing left to hide ♪ 435 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,343 ♪ Sugar, said I'm telling you ♪ 436 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:42,347 ♪ Everything I've kept very deep inside ♪ 437 00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:45,600 ♪ Oh, rubbing up against your big, bald head ♪ 438 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,227 ♪ Your big, bald head ♪ 439 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,479 ♪ I said your big, bald head, and then I ♪ 440 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,565 ♪ There's no one else I could be possibly ♪ 441 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,526 ♪ Talking about 'cause you are bald ♪ 442 00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,069 ♪ And you are here ♪ 443 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,293 ♪ You ♪ 444 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,005 ♪ You're a woman, I'm a man now ♪ 445 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,924 ♪ And you know that's how I like it ♪ 446 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,594 ♪ And I'm specifically talkin' 'bout you ♪ 447 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,805 ♪ Because you're a girl, and I am the opposite ♪ 448 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:27,684 ♪ You, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman ♪ 449 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:31,688 ♪ You are a woman, I am a man ♪ 450 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:34,649 ♪ You know I like women ♪ 451 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,444 ♪ Because I am a man ♪ 452 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,948 ♪ Never liked a man in my life before ♪ 453 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,117 ♪ And I don't like one now ♪ 454 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,580 - Thank you so much. - Thank you. 455 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:49,873 - Good night, everybody. - Good night. 456 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,041 - Good night. What? 457 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,584 You wanna go? You wanna go? 458 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,294 - You wanna go? - You wanna do it? 459 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,588 You wanna go do it right now? Let's go right now. 460 00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:57,756 - Let go of my shirt, dude. - Let go of my shirt, dude. 461 00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,257 - Let go of my- 462 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,260 - ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 463 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,387 - Oh, yeah. 464 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,683 - We asked 'em to move black people down, please. 465 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,644 - Black people in the front. - We have enough. 466 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,978 I love how, if you put white people in the back, 467 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,563 all of the sudden, they become rowdy. 468 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,691 What the fuck is that? "Yeah!" 469 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:18,610 - See, we didn't really mind being in the back 470 00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:21,404 all those years. It's fun as shit back there.