1 00:00:00,049 --> 00:00:01,433 But that was a good practice, though, dawg. 2 00:00:01,533 --> 00:00:03,533 That was a good practice. All right. 3 00:00:03,883 --> 00:00:05,229 Pah! I got you, dawg. 4 00:00:05,622 --> 00:00:07,622 Quackadilly, you play too much, man. 5 00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:08,629 What's up, Fudge? 6 00:00:08,661 --> 00:00:10,231 Hey, man, you play too much, Quackadilly. 7 00:00:10,257 --> 00:00:11,284 Come on, don't play with me, man. 8 00:00:11,284 --> 00:00:12,184 Not now. 9 00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:13,894 I'm about to go-- Come on, hey, stop! 10 00:00:13,923 --> 00:00:14,835 Stop, stop-- Hey! 11 00:00:14,871 --> 00:00:16,062 Hey, don't tickle me, man. 12 00:00:16,062 --> 00:00:17,415 Oh, you ticklish, dawg. 13 00:00:17,459 --> 00:00:18,675 No, I'm saying, don't-- 14 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,344 Stop, man! Stop! 15 00:00:22,344 --> 00:00:23,418 What you doing? 16 00:00:23,418 --> 00:00:24,384 You being stupid, man! 17 00:00:25,470 --> 00:00:26,419 You being stupid! 18 00:00:34,429 --> 00:00:36,396 You touched my dick. 19 00:00:36,481 --> 00:00:38,982 I didn't-- 20 00:00:39,101 --> 00:00:40,183 I mean, I did, but I di-- 21 00:00:41,770 --> 00:00:43,486 My finger gra-- 22 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:52,696 It does now occur to me... 23 00:00:52,781 --> 00:00:55,532 that perhaps indeed I do play too much. 24 00:01:07,713 --> 00:01:09,796 I never intended to grab the dick. 25 00:01:31,846 --> 00:01:35,468 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 26 00:01:36,958 --> 00:01:37,991 There's, like-- 27 00:01:38,126 --> 00:01:40,210 There's so few good sequels. 28 00:01:40,328 --> 00:01:41,995 Very often I don't go see sequels. 29 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,329 I mean, Tremors. 30 00:01:43,415 --> 00:01:46,833 Tremors went about ten different sequels. 31 00:01:46,918 --> 00:01:49,886 Like, some of them just star Fred Ward. 32 00:01:50,005 --> 00:01:52,839 Some of them, it's just, like, Michael Gross doing laundry. 33 00:01:52,974 --> 00:01:55,592 Michael Gross doing laundry. 34 00:01:55,677 --> 00:01:58,011 There's some Tremors where the tremors have grown feet, 35 00:01:58,096 --> 00:01:59,763 and now they walk above the ground. 36 00:01:59,848 --> 00:02:01,347 No-- Then how could it still be Tremors? 37 00:02:01,433 --> 00:02:02,515 It's not a tremor. 38 00:02:02,601 --> 00:02:04,851 That's just mitigated ground pressure. 39 00:02:04,986 --> 00:02:06,269 Just a monster. 40 00:02:06,354 --> 00:02:08,521 Literally just a worm monster, yeah. 41 00:02:11,109 --> 00:02:14,694 Okay, guys, Gremlins 2. 42 00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:16,029 I'm telling you, this movie... 43 00:02:16,164 --> 00:02:18,498 should write itself. 44 00:02:18,583 --> 00:02:19,699 The first one was a classic. 45 00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,167 This should be pretty straightforward. 46 00:02:21,253 --> 00:02:24,120 Basically, all we're doing is maintaining the integrity 47 00:02:24,206 --> 00:02:25,538 of the original picture. 48 00:02:25,674 --> 00:02:28,541 We want to do all the stuff with the water 49 00:02:28,677 --> 00:02:30,460 and the-- 50 00:02:30,545 --> 00:02:32,962 What-- 51 00:02:33,048 --> 00:02:35,215 Uh, can we help you? 52 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,766 I'm sorry. 53 00:02:36,885 --> 00:02:38,184 Let me introduce myself. 54 00:02:38,270 --> 00:02:39,769 Hi, y'all. 55 00:02:39,888 --> 00:02:42,605 My name is Star Magic Jackson, Jr. 56 00:02:42,724 --> 00:02:44,808 I'm the Hollywood sequel doctor, 57 00:02:44,893 --> 00:02:47,777 so studio just brings me in to oversee things 58 00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:49,562 when they about to drop a deuce. 59 00:02:49,648 --> 00:02:51,948 So that's why I'm here, but don't mind me. 60 00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:53,199 I'm just gonna be over here. 61 00:02:53,285 --> 00:02:54,534 Y'all do your thing. 62 00:02:54,619 --> 00:02:57,070 It's your movie. 63 00:02:57,155 --> 00:02:59,989 Okay. 64 00:03:00,075 --> 00:03:02,242 Let's brainstorm. Adam. 65 00:03:02,327 --> 00:03:04,410 If it's gonna take place in an office building, 66 00:03:04,496 --> 00:03:06,579 I was thinking, what if Gizmo gets wet 67 00:03:06,715 --> 00:03:07,964 from a water cooler this time? 68 00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:10,250 Okay, hold on a second! 69 00:03:10,385 --> 00:03:11,968 I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to step in here. 70 00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:13,086 Just one second, sweetheart. 71 00:03:13,171 --> 00:03:15,472 So what's wrong with y'all? 72 00:03:15,590 --> 00:03:18,091 Y'all are looking like a bunch of sad sacks. 73 00:03:18,226 --> 00:03:21,144 This is G2, people. 74 00:03:21,263 --> 00:03:22,262 We writing Gremlins 2. 75 00:03:22,397 --> 00:03:23,480 It should be a party, 76 00:03:23,598 --> 00:03:26,266 with pizza and anchovies, pineapple. 77 00:03:26,401 --> 00:03:27,817 Just come on. 78 00:03:27,936 --> 00:03:29,102 Lift up the spirits. 79 00:03:29,187 --> 00:03:31,688 Look, okay, I'm gonna put a little bit of spice 80 00:03:31,773 --> 00:03:33,273 into the mixture here. 81 00:03:33,358 --> 00:03:34,657 What if we did this? 82 00:03:34,776 --> 00:03:38,945 Everybody here gets to design their own gremlin. 83 00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:43,533 Um, I-I don't see that the gremlin design is broken. 84 00:03:43,618 --> 00:03:46,252 It's called brainstorming, not brain drizzling, sweet pea. 85 00:03:46,338 --> 00:03:47,253 Okay? 86 00:03:47,339 --> 00:03:48,838 Shut your mouth for a second. 87 00:03:48,957 --> 00:03:50,456 Look, here's the thing. 88 00:03:50,592 --> 00:03:52,592 None of this is final. 89 00:03:52,677 --> 00:03:54,010 So you mean, like, 90 00:03:54,129 --> 00:03:56,045 what if there was, like, a brainy gremlin? 91 00:03:56,131 --> 00:03:57,797 A brainy gremlin? 92 00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,632 You talking about a gremlin with glasses 93 00:03:59,718 --> 00:04:01,634 who could talk and sing "New York, New York"? 94 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,635 That's brilliant. 95 00:04:02,721 --> 00:04:04,137 It's in the movie--done. 96 00:04:05,390 --> 00:04:07,140 Whoa, whoa, you said that nothing was final. 97 00:04:07,225 --> 00:04:09,058 That was before I heard the words "brainy" and "gremlin" 98 00:04:09,144 --> 00:04:10,393 in the same sentence together. 99 00:04:10,478 --> 00:04:11,477 It's done. I love it. 100 00:04:11,563 --> 00:04:13,530 It's in the movie. Next. 101 00:04:13,648 --> 00:04:15,982 What about a, uh, spider gremlin? 102 00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:18,284 You mean a gremlin with eight legs and a thorax, 103 00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:20,870 just catching pretty ladies in a web in an office building? 104 00:04:20,989 --> 00:04:22,705 Oh, my God, it's in the movie. 105 00:04:22,824 --> 00:04:23,706 I love it! 106 00:04:23,825 --> 00:04:24,824 Next! 107 00:04:24,910 --> 00:04:26,543 What about a bat gremlin? 108 00:04:26,661 --> 00:04:28,127 You mean a gremlin with leathery wings, 109 00:04:28,213 --> 00:04:29,662 just flying around, flip-flopping, 110 00:04:29,748 --> 00:04:30,797 bust through a wall, 111 00:04:30,882 --> 00:04:32,081 make a perfect bat symbol in the wall, 112 00:04:32,167 --> 00:04:33,666 get outside, get in some wet concrete, 113 00:04:33,802 --> 00:04:35,585 jump up on a building, and just dry in place 114 00:04:35,670 --> 00:04:36,719 like a gargoyle gremlin? 115 00:04:36,838 --> 00:04:37,921 We are cooking with gas now. 116 00:04:38,006 --> 00:04:39,172 I love it. It's in the movie. 117 00:04:39,307 --> 00:04:40,173 Next. 118 00:04:40,308 --> 00:04:42,392 Could there be a female gremlin? 119 00:04:42,510 --> 00:04:44,260 Just lipstick, boobies. 120 00:04:44,346 --> 00:04:46,679 Bitch, you had me at "little gremlin va-jay-jay." 121 00:04:46,765 --> 00:04:48,815 I love it so much that it's not only in the movie, 122 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:50,650 but it's definitely in the movie. 123 00:04:50,735 --> 00:04:53,019 There's no backsies on that one. No penny taxies. 124 00:04:53,154 --> 00:04:54,237 Yes, yes, yes! 125 00:04:54,356 --> 00:04:55,521 In the movie, done! 126 00:04:55,657 --> 00:04:57,357 That's why need a woman in the writers' room. 127 00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:58,408 Next. 128 00:04:58,526 --> 00:04:59,776 I don't know. 129 00:04:59,861 --> 00:05:01,611 A googly-eyed gremlin? 130 00:05:01,696 --> 00:05:03,446 But you do know, 131 00:05:03,531 --> 00:05:04,948 because you're talking about a gremlin 132 00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:06,666 whose sole purpose in this film 133 00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:08,952 is just that he looks stupid as [bleep]. 134 00:05:09,037 --> 00:05:11,170 Yes, it can be in the movie, 135 00:05:11,256 --> 00:05:12,372 and it is in the movie. 136 00:05:12,457 --> 00:05:13,790 Done. Next. 137 00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,208 What about you, silver fox? 138 00:05:15,343 --> 00:05:16,709 Um, electricity gremlin? 139 00:05:16,845 --> 00:05:18,378 You just said noun and "gremlin," 140 00:05:18,463 --> 00:05:19,462 like you're playing Mad Libs. 141 00:05:19,547 --> 00:05:20,463 You just like a child. 142 00:05:20,548 --> 00:05:21,881 You have the brain of a child. 143 00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:23,266 You do not have a high IQ, 144 00:05:23,385 --> 00:05:25,935 but you haphazardly came up with a gremlin 145 00:05:26,054 --> 00:05:27,186 that's just made out of bolts 146 00:05:27,272 --> 00:05:28,721 that is zigzagging all over the room, 147 00:05:28,857 --> 00:05:30,390 and it's done completely in animation. 148 00:05:30,475 --> 00:05:31,641 You a crazy person, 149 00:05:31,726 --> 00:05:33,142 and your idea's in the movie! 150 00:05:33,228 --> 00:05:34,811 Done. Next. 151 00:05:34,896 --> 00:05:36,279 Can we put the Hulkster in it? 152 00:05:36,398 --> 00:05:37,614 What? 153 00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:42,619 You talking about putting Hulk Hogan, 154 00:05:42,737 --> 00:05:46,372 professional wrestler turned actor 155 00:05:46,458 --> 00:05:48,741 turned cultural icon 156 00:05:48,877 --> 00:05:49,993 in the movie, 157 00:05:50,078 --> 00:05:52,996 where he break the fourth wall of the movie he's in 158 00:05:53,081 --> 00:05:54,631 by talking to the audience. 159 00:05:54,749 --> 00:05:56,582 You, sir... 160 00:05:56,718 --> 00:05:58,968 are a raging psychopath. 161 00:05:59,087 --> 00:06:01,638 Don't let this town take that away from you. 162 00:06:04,426 --> 00:06:05,975 That's it. I don't even care anymore. 163 00:06:06,094 --> 00:06:07,427 We got the Hulkster in this bitch, 164 00:06:07,512 --> 00:06:08,428 so it's done. 165 00:06:08,513 --> 00:06:09,896 I don't have any more time, 166 00:06:09,981 --> 00:06:11,648 so let me just recap right now. 167 00:06:11,766 --> 00:06:13,399 It's brainy gremlin, spider gremlin, 168 00:06:13,485 --> 00:06:15,401 bat gremlin, lady gremlin, googly-eyed gremlin, 169 00:06:15,487 --> 00:06:16,436 electricity gremlin, 170 00:06:16,571 --> 00:06:17,854 Hulk Hogan's gonna be in the picture. 171 00:06:17,939 --> 00:06:20,023 I'm gonna throw in a gremlin myself. 172 00:06:20,108 --> 00:06:21,908 Vegetable gremlin! Just write it up. 173 00:06:21,993 --> 00:06:23,276 - I'm having so much fun. - Why not? 174 00:06:23,411 --> 00:06:25,278 Thank you, it's all gonna be in the actual film. 175 00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:26,779 Now I got to go put some cowboys 176 00:06:26,915 --> 00:06:27,947 in Back to the Future III. 177 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:28,948 Sayonara, y'all. 178 00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:30,199 Ooh! 179 00:06:35,173 --> 00:06:36,622 Now, okay, you guys know 180 00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:39,592 that none of that is gonna be in the actual movie. 181 00:06:39,678 --> 00:06:42,679 _ 182 00:06:55,377 --> 00:06:56,376 Morning. 183 00:07:00,015 --> 00:07:02,131 - Ron. - Good morning, Mr. Sheltie. 184 00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:03,433 How's the fam? 185 00:07:03,518 --> 00:07:05,385 Oh, I don't--I don't have-- I'm single, sir. 186 00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:06,970 I'm not married. I mean, I do have a girlfriend. 187 00:07:07,105 --> 00:07:07,971 That's great. 188 00:07:08,106 --> 00:07:09,189 Oh, God! 189 00:07:11,176 --> 00:07:13,309 Hey, I need you to do me a favor. 190 00:07:13,445 --> 00:07:14,561 Make sure everybody knows 191 00:07:14,646 --> 00:07:17,313 that the bagels are for sales associates only. 192 00:07:17,449 --> 00:07:19,983 No problem, sir. 193 00:07:20,118 --> 00:07:22,652 All right, let's get this sales presentation started. 194 00:07:24,155 --> 00:07:25,488 All right, who's hungover? 195 00:07:25,574 --> 00:07:26,489 Not me. 196 00:07:26,575 --> 00:07:28,291 I know Ron is. 197 00:07:28,376 --> 00:07:29,492 That's not true. 198 00:07:29,578 --> 00:07:30,493 You're an alcoholic. 199 00:07:31,997 --> 00:07:33,630 I'm not, sir, I'm not. 200 00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:39,252 Hey, guys, sales associates, friends. 201 00:07:39,337 --> 00:07:41,838 Today I want to talk about... 202 00:07:41,973 --> 00:07:43,172 the world's oldest profession. 203 00:07:43,258 --> 00:07:46,209 Now hold on, hold on! 204 00:07:46,311 --> 00:07:47,443 I know, I know what you're thinking, right? 205 00:07:47,546 --> 00:07:48,745 Sex and prostitutes. 206 00:07:48,847 --> 00:07:50,263 That's not what I'm talking about. 207 00:07:50,348 --> 00:07:51,264 Okay? 208 00:07:51,349 --> 00:07:53,116 I'm talking about sales. 209 00:07:53,184 --> 00:07:55,818 And if you look at our ancient history as human beings, 210 00:07:55,904 --> 00:07:57,237 the first caveman out there... 211 00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:10,366 Oh, I'm sorry, those are for sales associates only. 212 00:08:10,452 --> 00:08:11,417 It's food. 213 00:08:11,536 --> 00:08:14,037 N-not for you, I'm sorry. 214 00:08:14,172 --> 00:08:16,256 Bagels are just for sales associates. 215 00:08:16,374 --> 00:08:17,473 For sale? 216 00:08:17,542 --> 00:08:18,791 No, it's free. 217 00:08:18,877 --> 00:08:19,959 Oh, for free? 218 00:08:20,045 --> 00:08:21,294 Not-- Not for you, though. 219 00:08:21,379 --> 00:08:22,345 It's just for me? 220 00:08:22,430 --> 00:08:23,346 No, the-- 221 00:08:23,431 --> 00:08:25,548 To divide ourselves... 222 00:08:25,634 --> 00:08:27,850 The bagels are only for sales associates. 223 00:08:27,936 --> 00:08:29,435 Ron. 224 00:08:29,554 --> 00:08:30,720 Love the enthusiasm, 225 00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:32,155 but it's a little distracting. 226 00:08:33,391 --> 00:08:34,591 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir. 227 00:08:34,693 --> 00:08:36,276 Oh, don't do it again, please. 228 00:08:36,394 --> 00:08:37,694 Sorry. 229 00:08:37,779 --> 00:08:38,895 Moving on... 230 00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:40,096 For me maybe? 231 00:08:40,198 --> 00:08:41,230 No, not--not maybe. 232 00:08:41,316 --> 00:08:42,665 I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 233 00:08:42,767 --> 00:08:43,650 Foss? 234 00:08:43,768 --> 00:08:44,901 Foss-- What? 235 00:08:45,036 --> 00:08:45,902 For us? 236 00:08:46,037 --> 00:08:47,287 For us? No, no, not for us. 237 00:08:47,405 --> 00:08:48,571 One, just one. 238 00:08:48,707 --> 00:08:50,206 It's just that they're for sales associates only. 239 00:08:50,308 --> 00:08:51,441 For me maybe? 240 00:08:53,712 --> 00:08:55,044 - Forget-- - Okay, Ron! 241 00:08:55,130 --> 00:08:56,162 Yep. 242 00:08:56,247 --> 00:08:57,997 Just shut up. 243 00:08:58,116 --> 00:09:01,084 All right, what was the first tongue twister 244 00:09:01,169 --> 00:09:02,919 you remember hearing? 245 00:09:03,004 --> 00:09:04,921 Was it "she shells"-- 246 00:09:05,056 --> 00:09:07,090 - Sir, no, sir. - Was it--was it "she sells"-- 247 00:09:07,175 --> 00:09:10,259 Cream cheese is also only for sales associates. 248 00:09:10,345 --> 00:09:12,095 How come it's not for me, why? 249 00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:13,763 Because the bagels are for sales-- 250 00:09:13,848 --> 00:09:15,131 - Ron. - Yes. 251 00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:16,432 Time and place, man. 252 00:09:16,568 --> 00:09:17,433 I'm sorry, this guy just keeps trying 253 00:09:17,569 --> 00:09:18,434 to grab a bagel, and-- 254 00:09:18,570 --> 00:09:19,519 Ron, do you want to come up here 255 00:09:19,604 --> 00:09:20,653 and do the presentation? 256 00:09:20,772 --> 00:09:21,971 I'll go back there and be a jackass? 257 00:09:22,073 --> 00:09:23,606 You just asked me to make sure that nobody but-- 258 00:09:23,692 --> 00:09:25,608 "Oh, the sign says-- my name's Ron. 259 00:09:25,694 --> 00:09:28,678 I like to drink alcohol and listen to signs all day." 260 00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:31,114 He's really relentless about having a bagel. 261 00:09:31,249 --> 00:09:33,082 - And I tol-- - Ron, handle your bagels! 262 00:09:33,168 --> 00:09:35,201 I'm trying. 263 00:09:35,286 --> 00:09:36,703 Unbelievable, everybody. 264 00:09:36,788 --> 00:09:38,538 All right, I'll just-- I'll start cold. 265 00:09:38,623 --> 00:09:39,872 Cells make up our bodies, 266 00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:41,290 but selling makes our bodies come alive. 267 00:09:42,377 --> 00:09:45,561 Sir, seriously, stop. 268 00:09:45,664 --> 00:09:46,963 Not even smell? 269 00:09:47,065 --> 00:09:48,765 No, no, no! 270 00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:49,966 You can't have any bagels! 271 00:09:50,101 --> 00:09:51,050 You can't have any cream cheese! 272 00:09:51,136 --> 00:09:52,468 And you can't have smells! 273 00:09:52,554 --> 00:09:53,970 That's what the [bleep] sign says! 274 00:09:54,105 --> 00:09:55,188 - Ron! - Yes! 275 00:09:55,306 --> 00:09:56,305 You are fired, sir! 276 00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:58,107 Of course I am! 277 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,897 All right, you know what? 278 00:10:04,983 --> 00:10:06,065 Just give me a minute. 279 00:10:06,151 --> 00:10:08,951 I'm gonna try to forget Ron ruined my day, 280 00:10:09,037 --> 00:10:10,870 'cause this presentation is great, 281 00:10:10,989 --> 00:10:12,288 and it's going great. 282 00:10:12,390 --> 00:10:13,956 I'm gonna get a bagel. 283 00:10:14,059 --> 00:10:15,575 These bagels... 284 00:10:17,796 --> 00:10:20,329 Bagels are for sales associates. 285 00:10:22,584 --> 00:10:23,666 He's right, Ron. 286 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,327 You ever be, like, getting busy... 287 00:10:30,413 --> 00:10:31,328 and then the dog's there? 288 00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:32,663 - Yeah. - That's the worst. 289 00:10:32,748 --> 00:10:34,498 It's weird because sometimes they stare at you. 290 00:10:34,584 --> 00:10:35,499 They stare at you. 291 00:10:35,585 --> 00:10:36,500 They're just staring at you. 292 00:10:36,586 --> 00:10:37,585 No big deal to them. 293 00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:38,836 Just like, "Oh, yeah, I did that earlier." 294 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:39,837 Can't even jerk off anymore 295 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:42,139 without my dog just being like... 296 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,508 I'm like, "Dude, you never look at me. 297 00:10:44,594 --> 00:10:45,843 Why now?" 298 00:10:45,928 --> 00:10:48,762 "This is when you choose to give me a penetrating stare." 299 00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:49,980 Aw, bad choice of words. 300 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,348 Yeah, I should not have said that. 301 00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:56,103 Oh, thank you. 302 00:10:56,347 --> 00:10:58,233 I wish I could just stay at my old place, 303 00:10:58,269 --> 00:10:59,635 but I can't afford the new rent. 304 00:10:59,711 --> 00:11:01,025 Yeah, moving sucks. 305 00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:03,527 You know, strangers handling your belongings. 306 00:11:03,613 --> 00:11:05,389 The movers always break something. 307 00:11:05,472 --> 00:11:07,831 Oh, no, I can't afford professional movers. 308 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,283 I'm moving myself this Saturday. 309 00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:11,502 Gonna do most of the small stuff 310 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,704 just going back and forth with my hatchback. 311 00:11:13,789 --> 00:11:16,257 Do you think you can borrow your roommate's van? 312 00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:18,676 You can help me with some of the big stuff? 313 00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:27,851 Um... Yeah... 314 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,219 You know what? 315 00:11:29,305 --> 00:11:30,804 I've been thinking a lot lately, 316 00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,474 and I think we need to spend some time apart. 317 00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,277 Not to break up, no. 318 00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:39,530 Just, I just-- just some time. 319 00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:42,566 Time apart to... figure ourselves out. 320 00:11:42,652 --> 00:11:45,069 And-- And then we come back together stronger, 321 00:11:45,154 --> 00:11:46,704 you know? 322 00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,906 This is coming out of nowhere. 323 00:11:48,991 --> 00:11:49,957 No, it's not. 324 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,826 I've-- I have tried to tell you, 325 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,296 like, a million different ways. 326 00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:56,580 But you don't listen. 327 00:11:56,666 --> 00:11:57,881 See, that's the thing, 328 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,416 is that you never listen. 329 00:11:59,502 --> 00:12:01,752 I don't need this time apart for me. 330 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,554 I need this time apart for us. 331 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,589 How long do you think it's gonna take you to move? 332 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,591 Okay, this is about the move. 333 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,926 You don't want to help me move. 334 00:12:09,011 --> 00:12:10,761 Wha-- What? 335 00:12:10,846 --> 00:12:12,763 I-- I would love to help you move. 336 00:12:12,848 --> 00:12:14,431 That's what boyfriends do. 337 00:12:14,517 --> 00:12:15,683 Claire. 338 00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:17,267 I just think that it's a weird coincidence 339 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,485 that you need space 340 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:20,020 right when I'm about to move. 341 00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,689 Oh, my God! 342 00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:22,906 Oh, my God! 343 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:24,742 I am so sorry 344 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,695 that I didn't plan my emotional turmoil 345 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,279 around your move. 346 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,781 Look at your face, see? 347 00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:33,367 And now you've assumed the worst of me, 348 00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:34,535 because you do that, 349 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,120 and that's why we need to spend time 350 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,538 apart from each other. 351 00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:40,007 That is not fair. 352 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,592 Not fair-- Fair? 353 00:12:42,024 --> 00:12:44,245 Babe, all I'm asking for 354 00:12:44,456 --> 00:12:47,821 is 12 lousy hours this Saturday. 355 00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:49,299 Okay, fine! 356 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,191 "Okay, fine"? 357 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,220 We'll move on Sunday. 358 00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:54,638 48 hours. 359 00:12:54,724 --> 00:12:55,973 I don't know what I was thinking. 360 00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:58,692 12 hours is nowhere near 361 00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:02,980 enough time to do what I need to do 362 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,566 to make our relationship stronger. 363 00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:07,484 See, you got me all... 364 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,485 confused. 365 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,703 And you know what? 366 00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:11,405 I love you, but I got to get out of here. 367 00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,157 I can't-- I just can't-- I don't-- 368 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,158 I'm so confused right now. 369 00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:16,460 I feel--I can't think, 370 00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:18,295 and the walls are closing in on me. 371 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,830 I just don't know what to do. 372 00:13:19,915 --> 00:13:22,082 Oh, it's my landlord. 373 00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,834 He says he doesn't want to lose me as a tenant, 374 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:27,421 so he is not going to raise my rent. 375 00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:30,891 Now I don't have to leave my place. 376 00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,093 And I don't need time apart, 377 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:36,013 because we're perfect together. 378 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,350 Will you marry me? 379 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,602 You're painting my apartment. 380 00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:47,252 Of course I'm painting your apartment. 381 00:13:47,287 --> 00:13:48,536 That's what boyfriends do. 382 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,361 When exactly do you think that's gonna happen? 383 00:13:55,358 --> 00:13:59,193 Hey, yo, no matter what, dawg, don't snitch. 384 00:13:59,312 --> 00:14:02,146 Okay, I ain't saying nothing, dude. 385 00:14:02,281 --> 00:14:03,197 You know me. 386 00:14:03,316 --> 00:14:05,316 I'd die before I turn snitch. 387 00:14:05,401 --> 00:14:08,277 You tell them nothing, they got nothing. 388 00:14:08,337 --> 00:14:09,970 Yeah. 389 00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:12,489 You think J-Rock talking? 390 00:14:12,625 --> 00:14:14,074 Hell no, dawg. 391 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,826 J-Rock is my cousin. 392 00:14:15,962 --> 00:14:16,994 That man would never snitch. 393 00:14:17,129 --> 00:14:18,662 All right, so just chill out here? 394 00:14:18,798 --> 00:14:19,964 Cool. 395 00:14:20,049 --> 00:14:21,916 Hey, bring that ice when you get that chance, Dwight. 396 00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:22,917 All right, man. 397 00:14:24,053 --> 00:14:25,085 You the man, Dwight. 398 00:14:26,339 --> 00:14:28,472 Sss... Bitch-ass cop. 399 00:14:28,557 --> 00:14:29,473 What up, J-Rock? 400 00:14:29,558 --> 00:14:30,507 They hurt you up in there? 401 00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:31,809 What you mean, "hurt you"? 402 00:14:31,894 --> 00:14:34,178 Look like he just got back from the [bleep] snack shop. 403 00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:35,512 What you say to them, man? 404 00:14:39,101 --> 00:14:40,351 Nothing. 405 00:14:40,486 --> 00:14:41,352 You lying piece of sh-- 406 00:14:41,487 --> 00:14:42,753 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 407 00:14:42,855 --> 00:14:44,688 This is my man right here, a'ight? 408 00:14:44,774 --> 00:14:45,990 My brother. 409 00:14:46,075 --> 00:14:49,910 This man ain't never snitch on nobody, never. 410 00:14:50,029 --> 00:14:51,412 Whatever. 411 00:14:51,530 --> 00:14:52,830 Now, look... 412 00:14:54,667 --> 00:14:56,900 We in this together, right, hmm? 413 00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:59,436 Nobody says nothing, right? 414 00:14:59,538 --> 00:15:00,537 - Right. - Right. 415 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,538 - Right. - Right. 416 00:15:01,641 --> 00:15:02,589 Nobody gonna say nothing 417 00:15:02,708 --> 00:15:05,676 about how Big Earl shot up that liquor store. 418 00:15:05,761 --> 00:15:07,011 No, no, no. 419 00:15:07,096 --> 00:15:08,095 It wasn't Big Earl. 420 00:15:08,214 --> 00:15:11,015 What the hell are you talking about? 421 00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:12,049 It wasn't? 422 00:15:12,184 --> 00:15:13,384 Hell no. 423 00:15:13,519 --> 00:15:15,803 Buckshot's the one that held up that liquor store. 424 00:15:17,273 --> 00:15:18,856 Buckshot. 425 00:15:24,981 --> 00:15:26,814 Now where's he going? 426 00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:27,898 I don't know, maybe he's going 427 00:15:27,984 --> 00:15:29,033 to the bathroom or some [bleep]. 428 00:15:29,118 --> 00:15:31,151 Man, he's going in there to snitch on us. 429 00:15:31,237 --> 00:15:32,653 No, no, listen, let me tell you something. 430 00:15:32,738 --> 00:15:33,821 That's my boy right there. 431 00:15:33,906 --> 00:15:34,989 We grew up together. 432 00:15:35,074 --> 00:15:37,041 That is a stand-up G. 433 00:15:37,126 --> 00:15:38,575 That man would never snitch. 434 00:15:38,711 --> 00:15:40,577 Pizza time! 435 00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:42,413 Pizza time, pizza time. 436 00:15:42,498 --> 00:15:44,281 Everybody love pizza time. 437 00:15:44,383 --> 00:15:46,083 ♪ Wake up in the morning, it's pizza time ♪ 438 00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:47,968 ♪ Go ahead and eat it, it's pizza time ♪ 439 00:15:48,087 --> 00:15:49,837 ♪ Pizza, pizza, p-pizza time ♪ 440 00:15:49,955 --> 00:15:53,257 Mother[bleep] pig-ass cop, man. 441 00:15:53,392 --> 00:15:54,291 - Oh, no. - Hold on, hold on. 442 00:15:54,393 --> 00:15:56,260 - Snitch-- - Hold on, hold on. 443 00:15:56,395 --> 00:15:59,763 Now, J-Rock, um... 444 00:15:59,849 --> 00:16:00,764 where'd you get the pizza? 445 00:16:00,850 --> 00:16:02,850 Yeah. 446 00:16:02,935 --> 00:16:04,935 Back there. 447 00:16:05,021 --> 00:16:06,570 I-- I-- 448 00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:07,738 I bought it. 449 00:16:07,823 --> 00:16:08,856 You know what, listen to me. 450 00:16:08,941 --> 00:16:10,691 This ain't no [bleep] game, okay? 451 00:16:10,776 --> 00:16:12,493 If I find out you done snitched on us, 452 00:16:12,611 --> 00:16:13,861 I'm gonna bust a cap 453 00:16:13,946 --> 00:16:16,113 in your tiny pizza-breath ass, 454 00:16:16,198 --> 00:16:18,832 and then I'm gonna bury you in my mother's basement 455 00:16:18,951 --> 00:16:22,119 with the rest of the snitches. 456 00:16:22,254 --> 00:16:24,121 What? 457 00:16:24,256 --> 00:16:25,255 No, what'd he say? What'd he say? 458 00:16:25,341 --> 00:16:26,673 Where you going? Where you going? 459 00:16:26,792 --> 00:16:27,875 Where you going now? Where you g-- 460 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,928 Oh, see, see? 461 00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:32,046 See, look, look. 462 00:16:32,131 --> 00:16:33,630 Look, he's selling me out right now. 463 00:16:33,716 --> 00:16:34,681 No, no, no, he's saying 464 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,600 that "I would never sell out that man." 465 00:16:36,685 --> 00:16:38,569 What? 466 00:16:38,671 --> 00:16:40,721 I'm telling you. 467 00:16:40,806 --> 00:16:42,773 All right, let's go. 468 00:16:42,875 --> 00:16:44,224 - Let's go, come on. - Oh, hell, man. 469 00:16:44,310 --> 00:16:45,392 See, what'd I tell you, Rockwell, huh? 470 00:16:45,478 --> 00:16:46,393 What I tell you? 471 00:16:46,479 --> 00:16:47,444 You snitch-ass-- 472 00:16:47,530 --> 00:16:49,863 ♪ Roll with me, roll with me ♪ 473 00:16:49,982 --> 00:16:50,864 ♪ Let the night unfold ♪ 474 00:16:52,118 --> 00:16:53,450 - What the-- - ♪ With me ♪ 475 00:16:57,870 --> 00:16:59,203 You know, there's, like, 476 00:16:59,288 --> 00:17:01,955 five different incarnations of the black handshake, right? 477 00:17:02,041 --> 00:17:04,625 And they're all fairly simple. 478 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,426 But I don't know if somebody's coming in for the--oh, what? 479 00:17:06,512 --> 00:17:07,427 Yeah, yeah. What? 480 00:17:07,513 --> 00:17:08,629 And then we got to turn that. 481 00:17:08,714 --> 00:17:10,664 And then the worst is when you get 482 00:17:10,766 --> 00:17:11,632 what I call "grabbing the apple." 483 00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:13,100 Okay. 484 00:17:13,185 --> 00:17:14,635 So dude comes in there, and he's coming in for the bump. 485 00:17:14,770 --> 00:17:16,386 - You grab a dude's apple-- - For the bump. 486 00:17:16,472 --> 00:17:17,938 You're always the one looking a little weird. 487 00:17:18,023 --> 00:17:19,856 - You're the apple-grabber. - You're grabbing the apple. 488 00:17:19,975 --> 00:17:21,308 He's feeling palm. He doesn't want that. 489 00:17:21,443 --> 00:17:22,893 And he's going, "Whoa, dude, get your palm off my knucks." 490 00:17:22,978 --> 00:17:23,894 He didn't come here for that. 491 00:17:23,979 --> 00:17:24,895 He didn't want that. 492 00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,063 - He just wants to meet people. - Yeah. 493 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:44,394 Here is your white wine. 494 00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:45,979 - Thank you. - You are welcome. 495 00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:47,113 Hey, Pete. 496 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,865 Little-- little thirsty tonight? 497 00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:50,567 Ha, yeah. 498 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:51,735 Super thirsty. 499 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:53,954 Pete, this is Haraysa. 500 00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:55,238 Haraysa, this is Pete. 501 00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,374 Haraysa just got back from Africa. 502 00:17:57,459 --> 00:18:00,243 Oh, Africa. 503 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,915 Anyways, uh, where was I? 504 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,349 Oh, the AUC. 505 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,001 Oh, right, so this conflict 506 00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:10,587 is exactly the reason the African Union Commission 507 00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:11,922 was put in place to address. 508 00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:13,590 The organization of African Unity 509 00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:14,841 certainly wasn't gonna do anything. 510 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:15,976 Oh, exactly. 511 00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:17,928 And if Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma 512 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:19,596 wants to do anything about Bangui, 513 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:20,931 she's certainly being quiet about it. 514 00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,349 The worst part about Bangui 515 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,184 is that no one knows what's going on. 516 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,185 Oh, no, I know. 517 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,236 I mean, look at right next door, 518 00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:27,320 the South Sudan. 519 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:28,355 Here's the thing. 520 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,573 Everybody just thinks that it's like-- 521 00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:30,690 that it's the damn Lion King over there. 522 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:31,691 You know? 523 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:32,943 Lion King. 524 00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,080 Excuse me? 525 00:18:39,668 --> 00:18:41,418 It's not The Lion King. 526 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,005 Exactly. 527 00:18:45,123 --> 00:18:46,289 I mean, what do people think? 528 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,624 A... 529 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,627 baboon is going to hold a lion cub 530 00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:53,263 over a rock, up to the sun, 531 00:18:53,348 --> 00:18:56,016 while all the little animals sing? 532 00:18:58,687 --> 00:19:00,353 Anyway... 533 00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:01,354 Um... 534 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:02,389 So I also wanted to mention is, 535 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:03,807 they have the manpower, 536 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:06,059 because AMISOM has 25,000 troops 537 00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:07,727 just sitting there in Somalia. 538 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:12,365 It's not a "three animated hyenas" situation. 539 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,317 That doesn't make any sense. 540 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:18,288 The bad guy isn't Scar over there. 541 00:19:18,373 --> 00:19:19,706 Um...yeah. 542 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:20,740 Yeah, that's right. 543 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,043 It's not like Scar's the bad guy. 544 00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:24,995 Well, I mean, you know, the truth is, 545 00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:26,963 no one knows who to blame, 546 00:19:27,049 --> 00:19:28,164 because in reality, 547 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,550 AMISOM doesn't have that much control. 548 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,636 - They don't. - Like Simba. 549 00:19:32,721 --> 00:19:34,337 Oh, like Simba. 550 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,840 He had no control over-- 551 00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:39,926 Well, he was plucked out from his home 552 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,178 and went on a whole journey 553 00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:43,313 before he came back 554 00:19:43,398 --> 00:19:45,432 and was just in the middle of a war. 555 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,350 Really had nothing to do with him. 556 00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:49,486 You know, Pete, I'd be really interested 557 00:19:49,571 --> 00:19:50,570 in hearing your thoughts 558 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,689 on the UN's policies in East Africa. 559 00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:56,359 Hakuna matata. 560 00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:59,446 Unbelievable. 561 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,364 Yes. 562 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:05,085 My God, that sums it up perfectly. 563 00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:07,420 There's so much work still to be done. 564 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:08,872 Yes, that's what I was saying. 565 00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,757 This has been going on for so many years. 566 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,625 So many years, Circle of Life. 567 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,210 Hmm. 568 00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:16,546 Exactly, that's really brilliant. 569 00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:17,764 I'm not brilliant. 570 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,766 Let's dial it back. 571 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,884 I'm just a man. 572 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,886 Okay, uh, I'm gonna-- 573 00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:26,056 I'm gonna go get some hors d'oeuvres. 574 00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,058 Okay, no need to announce it. 575 00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:35,949 What are your thoughts on the Middle East? 576 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,067 Aladdin. 577 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:40,787 Huh. 578 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,492 We never made a Key and Peele handshake. 579 00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:46,743 It should be something like this. 580 00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:47,994 It should be like boop, whap, 581 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,662 and then you got to peel it on back. 582 00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:50,914 Real literal. 583 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,749 - That would do the trick. - So dumb, so dumb. 584 00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:54,751 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 585 00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:56,836 Oh, yeah. 586 00:20:56,901 --> 00:20:58,380 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com