1
00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:02,354
(Hail to the Chief plays)
2
00:00:04,092 --> 00:00:05,790
Good evening,
my fellow Americans.
3
00:00:06,016 --> 00:00:08,239
I'd just to thank you
for your continued faith
4
00:00:09,745 --> 00:00:10,979
(screaming)
We won!
5
00:00:11,099 --> 00:00:12,666
That's my anger translator,
Luther.
6
00:00:12,798 --> 00:00:14,198
Whoo!
7
00:00:14,241 --> 00:00:15,407
Yeah! What's up?
8
00:00:15,708 --> 00:00:16,541
(humming)
♪ Mm mm-mm mm ♪
9
00:00:16,609 --> 00:00:17,943
♪ Mm mm mm-mm ♪
10
00:00:18,011 --> 00:00:20,329
But I want to wish
my opponent, Mitt Romney, well.
11
00:00:20,777 --> 00:00:21,823
He ran a good campaign.
12
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:23,448
Take that [bleep]
back to the lab, Mitt,
13
00:00:23,516 --> 00:00:24,612
'cause you lost!
14
00:00:24,738 --> 00:00:27,154
And now we move forward
with pressing issues.
15
00:00:27,187 --> 00:00:29,255
We gonna pass Healthcare
again.
16
00:00:29,555 --> 00:00:30,640
Now what, bitches?
17
00:00:30,839 --> 00:00:33,674
While we had huge turnout
from our faithful supporters...
18
00:00:33,769 --> 00:00:34,969
Thank you, black folks!
19
00:00:34,984 --> 00:00:37,444
We made it to two elections
in a row, man!
20
00:00:37,497 --> 00:00:38,645
Now how hard was that?
21
00:00:38,785 --> 00:00:40,784
All your votes were crucial
in this victory.
22
00:00:40,839 --> 00:00:41,972
White people
who voted for me,
23
00:00:42,131 --> 00:00:44,332
y'all are all now
honorary black people.
24
00:00:44,361 --> 00:00:46,167
So thank you
for your support.
25
00:00:46,277 --> 00:00:48,661
And [bleep] you
if you tried to [bleep] me!
26
00:00:48,686 --> 00:00:49,986
I mean, you know how much money
they tried to spend
27
00:00:50,041 --> 00:00:50,767
to get rid of this?
28
00:00:50,807 --> 00:00:52,942
Millions, son!
I said millions!
29
00:00:53,535 --> 00:00:54,802
But you couldn't get rid
of a [bleep].
30
00:00:54,843 --> 00:00:55,943
Aw, naw.
31
00:00:55,985 --> 00:00:57,271
Yeah, can't touch this.
32
00:00:57,283 --> 00:00:58,114
Luther.
33
00:00:58,149 --> 00:00:59,300
N... Luther,
what'd I tell you?
34
00:00:59,385 --> 00:01:00,285
No Hammer dancing.
35
00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:01,307
Come on, "B"!
36
00:01:01,351 --> 00:01:02,618
We won!
Let's do it, dog!
37
00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:04,667
No, I'm, uh,
I-I-I told you,
38
00:01:04,669 --> 00:01:06,285
I don't want you
doing it wrong.
39
00:01:06,303 --> 00:01:07,570
- Ohh.
- You gotta get it right.
40
00:01:07,636 --> 00:01:08,602
- Ohh!
- If you're gonna do it...
41
00:01:08,805 --> 00:01:10,039
God bless America.
42
00:01:10,129 --> 00:01:11,029
Oh, that's right,
that's right.
43
00:01:11,097 --> 00:01:12,148
Say it, though.
Say it!
44
00:01:12,192 --> 00:01:14,906
Now, I-I-I told you, homeboy,
U can't touch this.
45
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:18,177
(soul music)
46
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:26,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
47
00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:34,417
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:36,022 --> 00:01:37,355
(cheers and applause)
49
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:41,007
- Hey! Whoa!
- Hey!
50
00:01:41,008 --> 00:01:42,285
Hey!
51
00:01:42,314 --> 00:01:43,491
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
52
00:01:43,491 --> 00:01:45,063
All right,
all right, all right!
53
00:01:45,082 --> 00:01:46,000
- All right.
- All right.
54
00:01:46,035 --> 00:01:48,166
Thank you so much. Thank you.
I'm Keegan-Michael Key.
55
00:01:48,201 --> 00:01:50,077
- I'm Jordan Peele.
- And this is Key and Peele.
56
00:01:50,123 --> 00:01:51,623
- Thank you...
- Welcome to the show.
57
00:01:51,668 --> 00:01:54,470
- ...for coming out tonight.
- Yes, welcome to the show.
58
00:01:54,628 --> 00:01:56,228
Um, are you guys
sick of politics?
59
00:01:56,274 --> 00:01:57,574
(Audience:) Yeah!
60
00:01:57,619 --> 00:01:59,787
Okay.
61
00:01:59,878 --> 00:02:01,445
Okay.
62
00:02:01,490 --> 00:02:02,456
We're done.
63
00:02:02,796 --> 00:02:04,101
Well, thank God.
64
00:02:04,136 --> 00:02:05,632
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- We are finished for a while.
65
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:06,341
Anyway...
66
00:02:06,388 --> 00:02:08,730
We have this theory
that these pop stars
67
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:10,147
that claim that
they party all the time,
68
00:02:10,153 --> 00:02:11,693
- There's no way...
- It's impossible.
69
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,373
That they actually party
that much.
70
00:02:13,396 --> 00:02:14,763
- Can't party full time.
- You can't do that.
71
00:02:14,808 --> 00:02:16,824
But no-one ever writes
a pop song about resting.
72
00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:18,094
♪ Today's the day ♪
73
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,687
♪ That I put my head down
and rest ♪
74
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,534
- I mean, it's like...
- Yeah, you don't get that.
75
00:02:22,557 --> 00:02:23,731
Where's that song?
76
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,637
Party, party, party.
You can't party that much.
77
00:02:25,682 --> 00:02:28,827
Nobody can party that much.
You're partying too much,
78
00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:31,094
And it's gotta take a toll
eventually, I'm sick of it!
79
00:02:31,181 --> 00:02:32,581
It will!
(laughter)
80
00:02:34,206 --> 00:02:37,208
(dance music)
81
00:02:46,529 --> 00:02:48,372
♪ Well, tonight
we gonna party ♪
82
00:02:48,450 --> 00:02:50,279
♪ Till the party don't stop ♪
83
00:02:50,310 --> 00:02:52,044
♪ And the party don't stop ♪
84
00:02:52,082 --> 00:02:54,728
♪ Because it
keeps on going nonstop ♪
85
00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:56,429
♪ Gonna party all night ♪
86
00:02:56,497 --> 00:02:59,165
♪ Gonna keep
this party going ♪
87
00:02:59,203 --> 00:03:01,170
♪ 'cause the party
won't stop ♪
88
00:03:01,299 --> 00:03:04,929
♪ It's been two straight days
and the party's still going ♪
89
00:03:04,939 --> 00:03:08,744
♪ Two, three, four, five,
six, seven days ♪
90
00:03:08,782 --> 00:03:12,452
♪ Till it's Friday again
and the party keeps going ♪
91
00:03:12,489 --> 00:03:16,092
♪ Party all night
'cause it's an all-night party ♪
92
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,231
♪ Friday night, 9:00 p.m. ♪
93
00:03:18,269 --> 00:03:20,136
♪ Hop in the car,
call my friends ♪
94
00:03:20,174 --> 00:03:21,774
♪ Drinks in the back,
girls up front ♪
95
00:03:21,782 --> 00:03:23,841
♪ We're going to a party,
sending texts ♪
96
00:03:23,885 --> 00:03:27,654
♪ Cell phone rings,
iPad, Facebook, party time ♪
97
00:03:27,692 --> 00:03:29,426
♪ Skin-tight jeans,
Friday night ♪
98
00:03:29,463 --> 00:03:30,930
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
99
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:34,498
♪ 'cause tonight we goin' out
and we ain't comin' back ♪
100
00:03:34,532 --> 00:03:37,983
♪ 'cause the party won't stop
and we'll go all night ♪
101
00:03:38,055 --> 00:03:41,532
♪ Friday night, every night,
the party's going down ♪
102
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:45,615
♪ Down, down, down, down,
down, down, down, down, down ♪
103
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,394
♪ New York City,
L.A., Chicago ♪
104
00:03:47,432 --> 00:03:49,199
♪ Houston, Philly,
San Diego ♪
105
00:03:49,207 --> 00:03:50,808
♪ Phoenix, Austin,
Fort Worth, Boston ♪
106
00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:52,576
♪ Memphis, Denver,
Portland, Vegas ♪
107
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,463
♪ Tucson, Fresno,
Akron, Tampa ♪
108
00:03:54,463 --> 00:03:56,435
♪ Pittsburgh, Newark,
Plano, Lincoln ♪
109
00:03:56,471 --> 00:03:57,835
♪ Lubbock, Durham,
Salem, Dayton ♪
110
00:03:57,835 --> 00:03:59,469
♪ Cities, cities,
cities, cities ♪
111
00:03:59,536 --> 00:04:02,572
♪ 'cause tonight we going out
and we ain't comin' back ♪
112
00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:06,282
♪ 'cause the party won't stop
and we'll go all night ♪
113
00:04:06,471 --> 00:04:09,729
♪ Friday night, every night,
the party's going down ♪
114
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:13,716
♪ Down, down, down, down,
down, down, down, down, down ♪
115
00:04:14,028 --> 00:04:15,829
♪ New York City,
L.A., Chicago ♪
116
00:04:15,837 --> 00:04:17,471
♪ Houston, Philly,
San Diego ♪
117
00:04:17,478 --> 00:04:19,359
♪ Phoenix, Austin,
Fort Worth, Boston ♪
118
00:04:19,370 --> 00:04:21,163
♪ Memphis, Denver,
Portland, Vegas ♪
119
00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:22,859
♪ Tucson, Fresno,
Akron, Tampa ♪
120
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,650
♪ Pittsburgh, Newark,
Plano, Lincoln ♪
121
00:04:24,703 --> 00:04:26,413
♪ Lubbock, Durham,
Salem, Dayton ♪
122
00:04:26,451 --> 00:04:28,122
♪ Cities, cities,
cities, cities ♪
123
00:04:28,186 --> 00:04:29,731
♪ Cities! ♪
124
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,294
♪ Yeah, we're gonna
keep it going ♪
125
00:04:31,362 --> 00:04:32,990
♪ Till the break of
break of dawn ♪
126
00:04:33,003 --> 00:04:36,232
♪ Then we'll just
keep partying all day long ♪
127
00:04:36,291 --> 00:04:39,960
♪ Hot girls, music, dancing,
and bikinis and headphones ♪
128
00:04:39,998 --> 00:04:44,802
♪ Party, party, party, party,
party, party, party, party ♪
129
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:50,257
♪ ♪
130
00:04:55,146 --> 00:04:59,015
♪ So tonight we're gonna party
till the party don't stop ♪
131
00:05:00,197 --> 00:05:01,631
- Now go... Look at that.
- What?
132
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:04,085
- That's amazing.
- He's so good at this.
133
00:05:04,163 --> 00:05:06,405
- Amazing.
- I know, look at your points.
134
00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:08,918
Oh! Oh!
135
00:05:09,016 --> 00:05:11,084
Oh!
Nice! Nice!
136
00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:12,755
Yes. Dude.
137
00:05:12,793 --> 00:05:15,562
You have absolutely
mastered this game.
138
00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:18,062
Yeah, well, since,
um, Sheila left,
139
00:05:18,069 --> 00:05:20,764
I've been spending
a lot of time playing the game.
140
00:05:20,958 --> 00:05:23,226
- You're doing really good.
- Thank you.
141
00:05:23,264 --> 00:05:25,231
That's why
we're here, man.
142
00:05:25,479 --> 00:05:27,775
Help you get over Sh... her.
143
00:05:28,174 --> 00:05:30,684
And check out this
awesome new game you have!
144
00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:32,018
(weakly)
Yay.
145
00:05:32,085 --> 00:05:33,886
You know, I left something
in another room.
146
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,445
Um, excuse me, everyone.
147
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:41,134
Oh, he still
has the sensors on.
148
00:05:41,142 --> 00:05:42,128
(chuckles)
149
00:05:42,196 --> 00:05:43,596
- Oh, look.
- Is that him in his room?
150
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:46,135
Yeah. You can see him.
That's funny. What is he doing?
151
00:05:46,143 --> 00:05:48,637
Is he... is he on his knees?
152
00:05:48,738 --> 00:05:51,755
- Did he drop to his knees?
- Oh, n... (chuckles)
153
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:52,914
- Oh...
- That... that...
154
00:05:52,942 --> 00:05:54,154
He's probably looking for...
155
00:05:54,198 --> 00:05:56,065
No, look.
He's... he's crying.
156
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:58,336
- He's crying. Oh, no.
- He's just...
157
00:05:58,336 --> 00:06:00,291
- No, no, he's shuddering.
- That's just shaking.
158
00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:02,379
He's shuddering.
Is he fetal?
159
00:06:02,453 --> 00:06:04,452
Yeah, he curled up.
Look at that. He's fetal.
160
00:06:04,524 --> 00:06:07,359
Hey, Craig, buddy.
You all right up there?
161
00:06:07,457 --> 00:06:10,056
Oh, yeah, I'm... I'm... I'm...
I'm coming right out.
162
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:13,824
Oh, he... um...
163
00:06:14,745 --> 00:06:17,447
Hey, man, you all right?
164
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,518
Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
165
00:06:19,578 --> 00:06:21,821
It's just, uh, my sinuses...
(sniffs) are acting up. Yeah.
166
00:06:22,013 --> 00:06:23,488
Yeah, I, um...
167
00:06:23,568 --> 00:06:25,563
I was just... you know, I was
just thinking about Sheila,
168
00:06:25,657 --> 00:06:26,757
and you know what?
169
00:06:26,884 --> 00:06:28,484
I'm... I am totally over her.
170
00:06:28,673 --> 00:06:29,626
- Awesome.
- Awesome.
171
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,189
Let's... hey,
let's get this party started.
172
00:06:33,289 --> 00:06:34,722
Sure.
Oh.
173
00:06:36,881 --> 00:06:38,601
Uh...
174
00:06:39,359 --> 00:06:41,350
I forgot to get rid of this
picture of Sheila. Excuse me.
175
00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:43,587
Hey, maybe leave the sensors
so one of us can play.
176
00:06:43,745 --> 00:06:45,574
(game music begins)
177
00:06:45,699 --> 00:06:48,034
Oh, he's dancing.
178
00:06:48,222 --> 00:06:50,657
He's dancing with the photo.
Is he ki...
179
00:06:50,664 --> 00:06:51,995
He's doing...
he's doing this a bunch.
180
00:06:52,039 --> 00:06:53,632
- All right.
- Is he kissing it?
181
00:06:54,095 --> 00:06:55,228
I think he's kissing it.
182
00:06:55,296 --> 00:06:56,425
Know what?
I'm gonna turn this off.
183
00:06:56,470 --> 00:06:58,504
- 'cause we don't need to...
- You change it and you die.
184
00:06:59,054 --> 00:07:00,360
He's undoing his buckle.
185
00:07:00,398 --> 00:07:01,800
Look at this.
His pants are coming off.
186
00:07:01,813 --> 00:07:02,913
His pants are coming off.
187
00:07:02,950 --> 00:07:05,218
- Oh, God.
- Yeah.
188
00:07:05,226 --> 00:07:06,666
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
189
00:07:06,704 --> 00:07:08,549
- Okay, that's happening.
- Oh, no, no, no.
190
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,851
- My God.
- Is he... He's...
191
00:07:10,918 --> 00:07:12,170
He is totally on the bed.
- Yeah.
192
00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:13,252
He's totally flat
on the bed.
193
00:07:13,312 --> 00:07:15,659
Oh, maybe he's shaking a can...
of hairspray...
194
00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:17,864
- Oh! Oh, God.
- Oh, gross. (groans)
195
00:07:21,562 --> 00:07:24,697
We sh... we shouldn't be...
Okay, you know...
196
00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:26,197
Is he reaching down
for his foot?
197
00:07:26,197 --> 00:07:27,495
- I don't...
- That's his foot, isn't it?
198
00:07:27,549 --> 00:07:29,843
- Is that his foot?
- I don't know.
199
00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:33,289
And coming back.
200
00:07:35,052 --> 00:07:36,712
Whew.
201
00:07:37,702 --> 00:07:39,851
I am sorry, everybody.
202
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,000
Would you like me
to make some snacks?
203
00:07:46,038 --> 00:07:47,689
Wash your hands first?
204
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:51,688
(soul music)
205
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,109
You know, we both spend
a good deal of time in Chicago,
206
00:07:55,165 --> 00:07:58,467
and, uh, when you go to Chicago,
to Wrigleyville,
207
00:07:58,488 --> 00:08:00,789
The bars around that ar...
Whoo!
208
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:02,424
- Mm. It's just...
- They're drunk.
209
00:08:02,498 --> 00:08:04,031
- They get [bleep] up.
210
00:08:04,099 --> 00:08:06,501
We saw one time
a string of five women,
211
00:08:06,568 --> 00:08:08,157
And there was a woman,
like, hanging on...
212
00:08:08,225 --> 00:08:10,359
It was like woman, woman,
woman, woman, Raggedy Ann doll.
213
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:11,706
It was just...
214
00:08:11,719 --> 00:08:13,186
She was just,
like, doing this, like...
215
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:17,114
Anyway, Sophia's never gonna
get back to the car, seriously.
216
00:08:17,668 --> 00:08:19,035
What the [bleep]
am I supposed to...
217
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:20,905
- She was supposed to be driving!
- Get off me!
218
00:08:21,028 --> 00:08:22,627
I've [bleep]
never driven an Audi.
219
00:08:22,796 --> 00:08:24,964
How do you drive an Audi,
Sophia?
220
00:08:25,010 --> 00:08:26,710
Get the [bleep] off of me.
221
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,612
You can't even [bleep]...
fine.
222
00:08:28,657 --> 00:08:30,869
And she... boom.
She drops.
223
00:08:30,975 --> 00:08:31,859
Pretty much.
224
00:08:31,927 --> 00:08:33,661
So this scene
is about that girl.
225
00:08:37,246 --> 00:08:39,390
- Are you kidding me?
- No!
226
00:08:39,502 --> 00:08:41,565
Seriously, you've gotta
come back in the bar right now.
227
00:08:41,603 --> 00:08:42,870
You come back in the bar!
228
00:08:42,895 --> 00:08:44,672
Megan, I don't even
[bleep] know Claire!
229
00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:45,600
Yeah, right!
230
00:08:45,641 --> 00:08:47,256
I'm sorry!
You left your jacket!
231
00:08:47,299 --> 00:08:49,977
Yeah, well, why don't you give it
to your new, fat, ugly girlfriend?
232
00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:52,236
- I haven't even met her yet!
- Whatever!
233
00:08:52,304 --> 00:08:54,104
You left your jacket,
Megan!
234
00:08:54,127 --> 00:08:57,463
- Oh, throw it in a river!
- Why would I [bleep] do that?
235
00:08:57,575 --> 00:09:00,360
- I don't care, I'm over it!
- Fine!
236
00:09:01,736 --> 00:09:02,871
(sighs)
237
00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:04,964
God.
238
00:09:10,728 --> 00:09:12,733
- Megan!
- Leave me alone!
239
00:09:12,801 --> 00:09:14,202
Your jacket, though!
240
00:09:14,269 --> 00:09:16,170
- No!
- Seriously, Megan!
241
00:09:16,504 --> 00:09:18,505
You start buying drinks
for everybody
242
00:09:18,596 --> 00:09:21,264
As soon as she comes over.
I mean, who does that?
243
00:09:21,287 --> 00:09:22,587
Megan,
come back to the bar!
244
00:09:22,611 --> 00:09:26,347
- You're literally an asshole!
- How is that possible?
245
00:09:26,370 --> 00:09:28,971
I can't be an asshole.
I got arms and legs and a head!
246
00:09:29,017 --> 00:09:31,652
- Where's my jacket?
- I have your jacket!
247
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,739
- Fine.
- Do you want it?
248
00:09:32,765 --> 00:09:33,526
No!
249
00:09:33,578 --> 00:09:34,998
- You know wha...
- Eat it!
250
00:09:34,999 --> 00:09:35,806
Why would I do that?
251
00:09:35,824 --> 00:09:37,602
You know what?
I'm not following you anymore!
252
00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:38,632
- I'm done!
- Fine! I'm over it!
253
00:09:38,671 --> 00:09:39,852
Fine!
254
00:09:47,636 --> 00:09:49,855
- Megan, come back to the bar.
- No!
255
00:09:49,938 --> 00:09:53,040
- Megan! Megan! Megan!
- Uh-uh! No! Uh-uh!
256
00:09:53,613 --> 00:09:54,909
(boat whistle blows,
bell rings)
257
00:09:54,977 --> 00:09:58,049
Megan, do you want
your [bleep] jacket?
258
00:09:58,109 --> 00:09:58,946
No!
259
00:09:59,346 --> 00:10:01,568
Seriously,
come back to the bar.
260
00:10:01,638 --> 00:10:03,268
You go back to the bar.
261
00:10:03,319 --> 00:10:05,020
I'm gonna throw
this jacket in the water.
262
00:10:05,031 --> 00:10:07,746
Oh, nice.
That's really nice.
263
00:10:07,812 --> 00:10:10,035
What do you want me to do,
Megan? Damn!
264
00:10:10,058 --> 00:10:11,659
Kiss my butthole, okay?
265
00:10:11,727 --> 00:10:14,652
Good! Fine! Fine! Then I'm going!
I'm leaving right now!
266
00:10:15,552 --> 00:10:17,138
God damn it!
267
00:10:21,696 --> 00:10:23,610
- Megan!
- No!
268
00:10:23,672 --> 00:10:26,141
- Like, seriously, your jacket!
- No!
269
00:10:26,496 --> 00:10:29,498
- But it's your jacket, though!
- Whatever!
270
00:10:42,124 --> 00:10:44,592
- Megan!
- No!
271
00:10:47,226 --> 00:10:50,598
I have your j...
I have your jacket.
272
00:10:51,812 --> 00:10:53,517
I'm over it!
273
00:10:54,569 --> 00:10:56,018
Seriously, Meg...
274
00:11:10,285 --> 00:11:12,053
(bell rings)
(indistinct chatter)
275
00:11:14,356 --> 00:11:16,236
(laughs)
You know what I mean?
276
00:11:20,162 --> 00:11:21,725
Why you readin', bitch?
277
00:11:23,114 --> 00:11:25,230
Because I like to read,
and this is a really good book.
278
00:11:25,298 --> 00:11:28,033
You're a really good bitch,
bitch.
279
00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:29,624
Why you gotta
bother me, man?
280
00:11:30,229 --> 00:11:31,739
Because.
(dramatic piano music)
281
00:11:31,829 --> 00:11:33,731
I'm not doing
very well in school.
282
00:11:33,975 --> 00:11:35,743
I'm reading
at a third-grade level.
283
00:11:35,811 --> 00:11:37,892
I really don't want
to get left back,
284
00:11:37,985 --> 00:11:40,086
so when I see somebody
reading for fun,
285
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,750
it makes me feel
that much more stupid!
286
00:11:42,818 --> 00:11:45,686
And then I get mad!
(music stops)
287
00:11:46,432 --> 00:11:48,289
Um, I didn't
know that. I...
288
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:49,851
Thanks so much
for opening up to me...
289
00:11:49,895 --> 00:11:53,022
- Shut up, queer!
- I don't understand.
290
00:11:53,081 --> 00:11:54,578
Why... I mean,
why you gotta go there?
291
00:11:54,952 --> 00:11:56,297
(piano music)
292
00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:58,000
I've been having
sexual fantasies
293
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,652
about some of
the other guys at school.
294
00:11:59,654 --> 00:12:01,088
- What?
- Gimme that!
295
00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:04,214
I'm afraid of these feelings
and what they might mean.
296
00:12:04,347 --> 00:12:06,048
It's like, because
I hate myself so much,
297
00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:08,763
I gotta point that hate outward
towards you!
298
00:12:08,893 --> 00:12:10,077
(snickers)
299
00:12:10,145 --> 00:12:11,267
(music stops)
300
00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:13,347
You understand this
on such a deep level that...
301
00:12:13,415 --> 00:12:15,249
- I don't understand [bleep]!
- Whoa!
302
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,833
Now I'm gonna
punish you physically
303
00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:18,359
for acknowledging
my emotional problems!
304
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,247
Wait, wait, wait,
305
00:12:19,273 --> 00:12:21,005
I was gonna say if you
understand yourself so well,
306
00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:23,160
then maybe you should
try working on changing it.
307
00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:25,326
Of course
I want to change it!
308
00:12:25,394 --> 00:12:27,628
But it's the only
defense mechanism I have
309
00:12:27,696 --> 00:12:30,831
against deeper, more terrifying
problems buried inside of me!
310
00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:32,767
(brakes squeak)
311
00:12:36,027 --> 00:12:37,671
You're lucky my Dad's here.
(piano music)
312
00:12:37,739 --> 00:12:39,907
(banging)
Get in the damn truck, son.
313
00:12:39,975 --> 00:12:42,343
I need to take you home and beat
on you 'cause I hate myself.
314
00:12:42,411 --> 00:12:44,242
And you look like
your mother who left me.
315
00:12:44,462 --> 00:12:46,913
Then I'm gonna block out
the guilt I feel over mistreating you
316
00:12:46,944 --> 00:12:48,138
with a river of vodka.
317
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,914
I'm gonna internalize that
318
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,206
and unknowingly transfer it
onto you tomorrow.
319
00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:55,765
♪ ♪
320
00:12:58,755 --> 00:13:00,681
Coming reluctantly.
321
00:13:05,524 --> 00:13:07,424
(soul music)
322
00:13:08,532 --> 00:13:10,611
So Jordan and I...
we, um...
323
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,787
We like global affairs.
324
00:13:12,836 --> 00:13:13,709
I like playing Risk.
325
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:16,099
Yeah, Risk is a gr...
yeah, mm-hmm, example.
326
00:13:16,342 --> 00:13:17,742
Africa's
very interesting to us.
327
00:13:17,751 --> 00:13:19,159
- Yes, yes.
- We find Africa interesting.
328
00:13:19,227 --> 00:13:21,181
That's... Africa
is perplexing to me
329
00:13:21,210 --> 00:13:22,909
Because that is...
that's a place
330
00:13:22,955 --> 00:13:26,758
where you will have the evilest
mother[bleep] walking around,
331
00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:28,386
and they're wearing
a Ducktales shirt.
332
00:13:28,454 --> 00:13:29,554
You're like, wha...
How did he?
333
00:13:29,563 --> 00:13:31,798
(laughter)
Why does he have...
334
00:13:31,846 --> 00:13:34,248
What is going on?
You know, it's just...
335
00:13:34,276 --> 00:13:36,346
It's kind of like America,
if you think about it,
336
00:13:36,376 --> 00:13:37,543
'cause especially
in the '90s,
337
00:13:37,552 --> 00:13:38,986
you walk down the worst
neighborhood in Amer...
338
00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:40,474
You know you are in trouble
339
00:13:40,474 --> 00:13:42,408
if a mother[bleep]
got a Tweety shirt on.
340
00:13:42,457 --> 00:13:44,391
Twee... yeah.
(laughter)
341
00:13:44,982 --> 00:13:47,481
"You come down the wrong
neighborhood, Puddy T."
342
00:13:47,509 --> 00:13:49,377
(laughter)
343
00:13:52,811 --> 00:13:54,176
Commander Bujune!
344
00:13:54,557 --> 00:13:56,791
Our forces
have been devastated.
345
00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:59,385
The enemy is at the edge
of the village.
346
00:13:59,452 --> 00:14:01,786
There are not
many of us left.
347
00:14:02,630 --> 00:14:04,360
Should we surrender?
348
00:14:07,022 --> 00:14:08,724
You may surrender, Jengo.
349
00:14:10,761 --> 00:14:13,256
But I am afraid that is
a luxury I cannot afford.
350
00:14:14,185 --> 00:14:16,834
You have no idea
what they do to warlords.
351
00:14:16,842 --> 00:14:20,148
If they capture me,
they will torture me for weeks.
352
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,636
That is no way to go.
353
00:14:23,564 --> 00:14:27,448
I want you, my most trusted
soldier over the age of eight,
354
00:14:28,137 --> 00:14:29,929
to take my life.
355
00:14:30,679 --> 00:14:33,177
That is my final order.
356
00:14:39,991 --> 00:14:40,890
Aah!
357
00:14:40,919 --> 00:14:42,286
Oh! Oh! Oh! Ow!
358
00:14:42,314 --> 00:14:43,970
Ow! No, do... no!
Aah, stop, stop!
359
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,609
What the hell are you doing?
360
00:14:45,873 --> 00:14:47,717
Haa!
361
00:14:48,122 --> 00:14:49,402
I was trying
to kill you, sir.
362
00:14:49,449 --> 00:14:51,949
Not with this!
There's a gun in the drawer!
363
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,460
Aah!
364
00:14:53,508 --> 00:14:54,675
Oh.
365
00:14:54,723 --> 00:14:56,257
So sorry. Okay.
366
00:14:56,304 --> 00:14:57,099
Amazing.
367
00:14:57,153 --> 00:14:59,879
You missed every
vital organ, Jengo.
368
00:14:59,910 --> 00:15:01,644
- Oh...
- Found it.
369
00:15:01,654 --> 00:15:04,122
All right, now kill me, Jengo.
Hurry, please!
370
00:15:04,579 --> 00:15:07,592
(screams)
371
00:15:09,294 --> 00:15:10,769
Not in the knee!
372
00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:12,463
I thought you might
want an open casket.
373
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:15,064
You are an idiot!
(groans)
374
00:15:15,112 --> 00:15:17,213
Don't say that.
I did try my best.
375
00:15:17,261 --> 00:15:19,793
Shoot me in the head,
you imbecile!
376
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:22,887
(groans)
God.
377
00:15:23,466 --> 00:15:24,433
Good-bye, commander.
378
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:26,309
(cocks gun)
379
00:15:26,339 --> 00:15:29,069
You sorry-ass piece of sh...
(gun clicks)
380
00:15:30,031 --> 00:15:30,960
(clicking)
381
00:15:32,068 --> 00:15:34,734
Did you just insult me
as you were about to fire?
382
00:15:35,262 --> 00:15:38,802
Oh, well,
you had insulted me earlier.
383
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:41,590
I th... I thought
you would be dead.
384
00:15:41,977 --> 00:15:44,451
Ah, ooh. So sorry.
385
00:15:44,522 --> 00:15:45,494
Ow!
386
00:15:45,702 --> 00:15:47,482
Ow! Ow! Ow!
387
00:15:47,503 --> 00:15:49,951
Stop... stop it!
What the hell are you doing?
388
00:15:49,997 --> 00:15:52,491
The gun is empty.
Would you like I stab you again?
389
00:15:52,498 --> 00:15:53,798
No, no, no! Please!
390
00:15:54,105 --> 00:15:56,901
Jengo, there are bullets!
They are over there!
391
00:15:56,987 --> 00:15:58,053
Okay.
392
00:15:58,141 --> 00:16:01,601
Jengo, please hurry!
I am in agony!
393
00:16:02,201 --> 00:16:03,116
(clatters)
394
00:16:03,183 --> 00:16:04,250
Ow!
395
00:16:04,915 --> 00:16:06,459
What the blazes, man?
396
00:16:06,493 --> 00:16:07,927
I thought
I could kill you very quick.
397
00:16:07,989 --> 00:16:09,938
by hitting you
with that big cooking pot.
398
00:16:10,114 --> 00:16:12,349
Oh, my God, would you please,
I mean, please get it over with?
399
00:16:12,961 --> 00:16:14,812
I did not
find the bullets.
400
00:16:14,812 --> 00:16:15,712
- What?
- But better.
401
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,220
Boiling hot water.
402
00:16:17,248 --> 00:16:18,115
What are you
going to do with...
403
00:16:18,182 --> 00:16:19,681
(screams)
404
00:16:20,702 --> 00:16:22,000
I surrender!
405
00:16:22,104 --> 00:16:24,505
I am the general
Dominique Bujune!
406
00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:27,835
Commander! Don't go!
They'll torture you!
407
00:16:29,378 --> 00:16:31,312
(soul music)
408
00:16:31,651 --> 00:16:34,413
Well, you guys like, uh...
You guys like Ryan Gosling?
409
00:16:34,483 --> 00:16:37,618
(cheers and applause)
Yeah.
410
00:16:37,652 --> 00:16:40,844
- But dude does not act, though.
- No, that's the thing.
411
00:16:40,883 --> 00:16:43,050
He does not act.
He's not doing anything.
412
00:16:43,118 --> 00:16:45,152
That's his secret
is he's got...
413
00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:47,271
He uses the Kuleshov Effect.
That's the thing.
414
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,978
- Coolest... what?
- The Kuleshov Effect.
415
00:16:48,986 --> 00:16:50,854
It's... it just means
that he doesn't have...
416
00:16:50,863 --> 00:16:52,797
Like, all you have to know
is what the movie's about,
417
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,078
and then he just
has to look like this,
418
00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:55,260
and then you think
he's thinking that.
419
00:16:55,691 --> 00:16:56,891
That's his gift.
420
00:16:56,899 --> 00:16:58,666
(laughter)
You know, it's like... you know...
421
00:16:58,748 --> 00:17:01,462
"In a world where a man
loses his father..."
422
00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:02,593
And then it's
just his face going...
423
00:17:04,497 --> 00:17:06,454
And then you go,
"Oh, man, Ryan Gosling is sad."
424
00:17:06,489 --> 00:17:09,502
Mm, [bleep] hot.
I don't care how he acts.
425
00:17:09,536 --> 00:17:10,579
(giggles)
426
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,433
He can make
all the non-faces he wants.
427
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,503
(laughs)
428
00:17:17,047 --> 00:17:20,049
(dramatic music)
429
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:24,486
♪ ♪
430
00:17:47,338 --> 00:17:50,140
Okay, man, you know what?
It wasn't my fault, all right?
431
00:17:50,143 --> 00:17:52,344
I-I-I-I had the money
like you said
432
00:17:52,347 --> 00:17:54,012
in a trash bag
in the back of my car,
433
00:17:54,177 --> 00:17:57,683
and I was gonna go
straight to the drop spot.
434
00:17:58,208 --> 00:17:59,644
All right?
435
00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:08,740
No, no... Hol... Okay.
Okay, okay.
436
00:18:08,824 --> 00:18:11,125
Okay, no... no, hey,
hey, hey, hey, man.
437
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,794
There ain't no need for you
to get comfortable.
438
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:14,987
Okay? Because... because
I'm telling you, man.
439
00:18:15,008 --> 00:18:16,986
What happened
wasn't my fault, all right?
440
00:18:17,053 --> 00:18:20,697
I-I-I-I-I-I drove to
the agreed upon location, man.
441
00:18:20,865 --> 00:18:22,890
Oh... oh, man.
442
00:18:24,011 --> 00:18:26,404
What?
Okay... okay, okay!
443
00:18:26,475 --> 00:18:29,010
Okay, bec... bec... okay.
444
00:18:29,143 --> 00:18:33,207
Because there's no need to have
anything crazy in a paper bag.
445
00:18:33,276 --> 00:18:34,342
I'm telling you.
446
00:18:34,432 --> 00:18:36,495
There's an explanation
for what went down!
447
00:18:37,268 --> 00:18:40,104
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Okay!
448
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:43,199
Let's calm down now.
Let's calm down, man.
449
00:18:43,263 --> 00:18:44,931
There ain't no need.
450
00:18:45,127 --> 00:18:47,524
Oh, not a juice box?
451
00:18:47,762 --> 00:18:49,296
There ain't no need
to eat a meal
452
00:18:49,783 --> 00:18:52,318
and then do
some crazy [bleep]
453
00:18:52,386 --> 00:18:55,131
with the sandwich container
and the juice box!
454
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:58,007
Oh, man, come on.
455
00:18:58,014 --> 00:19:00,950
Come on, man.
Just chill out a little bit.
456
00:19:00,950 --> 00:19:02,389
Just... you need
to relax, man.
457
00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:03,620
You need to
take it easy and rela...
458
00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:07,047
Oh, [bleep]!
Oh, goddamn!
459
00:19:07,126 --> 00:19:09,472
Now, come on, man!
Don't do it, don't do it!
460
00:19:09,553 --> 00:19:11,428
Don't do it, man! You sh...
come on, man.
461
00:19:11,497 --> 00:19:13,593
Oh, you're eating the sandwich!
You're eating the sandwich.
462
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:14,962
(sobbing)
463
00:19:15,005 --> 00:19:16,939
Oh, man, how you gonna
sandwich me, dog?
464
00:19:17,522 --> 00:19:20,590
How you gonna sandwich me?
Oh, [bleep]!
465
00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:22,713
Okay, look,
it's gettin' crazy now!
466
00:19:22,714 --> 00:19:25,835
It's gotta stop!
It's gotta stop right now, okay?
467
00:19:25,835 --> 00:19:28,092
You cleanin' yourself up before
you do some ill [bleep]?
468
00:19:28,092 --> 00:19:29,158
Come on, man!
469
00:19:29,161 --> 00:19:30,738
What you doin'?
What you wanna know?
470
00:19:30,809 --> 00:19:32,833
What... I'll tell you
whatever you wanna know, man!
471
00:19:32,862 --> 00:19:34,977
Just please stop
this cold-ass [bleep], man!
472
00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:38,856
I'm beggin' you, dog, please.
Oh, [bleep]! No! No, okay!
473
00:19:38,885 --> 00:19:40,553
Look, okay, may... maybe it was
my fault a little bit.
474
00:19:40,587 --> 00:19:42,421
Maybe it was my fault
a little bit, but don't just...
475
00:19:42,425 --> 00:19:43,969
What you gonna do
with that juice box, man?
476
00:19:43,969 --> 00:19:45,084
What're you gonna
do with that j...
477
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,218
What're you gonna
do with the straw?
478
00:19:46,349 --> 00:19:48,317
What're you gonna
do with the straw?
479
00:19:48,385 --> 00:19:50,492
Come on, man, do...
listen, listen.
480
00:19:50,496 --> 00:19:52,618
No, no. No, I did it! I did it!
I did it, okay? I did it!
481
00:19:52,618 --> 00:19:55,033
I did it, I left the car!
I left for three minutes!
482
00:19:55,085 --> 00:19:57,287
So please don't do anything
with the straw!
483
00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:59,846
Why aren't you stopping?
Fine! Fine!
484
00:19:59,861 --> 00:20:02,398
Aah! (screams)
Aah! Man!
485
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:05,501
Okay, man!
Ha, ha! I beat you to it!
486
00:20:05,865 --> 00:20:09,201
Okay? I got your point,
all right, man?
487
00:20:09,591 --> 00:20:10,658
Ha!
488
00:20:10,886 --> 00:20:13,939
Oh, man, that's a bitch!
489
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,815
(muffled screaming)
490
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,820
(beeping)
491
00:20:25,156 --> 00:20:27,691
Will we be having any more
problems out of him, sir?
492
00:20:28,275 --> 00:20:29,914
(tiny voice)
No.
493
00:20:30,238 --> 00:20:33,974
Yeah. That's what
I'm talkin' about.
494
00:20:36,465 --> 00:20:38,479
(cheers and applause)
Seriously, we're done.
495
00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:40,247
So just say good-bye,
Megan.
496
00:20:40,605 --> 00:20:41,705
- No!
- Say it!
497
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:42,741
Uh-uh!
498
00:20:42,777 --> 00:20:44,142
- Say good-bye!
- No!
499
00:20:44,184 --> 00:20:46,070
Would you [bleep]
say good-bye?
500
00:20:46,270 --> 00:20:47,827
- Get away from me!
- Just say it!
501
00:20:47,904 --> 00:20:50,038
You are literally
an asshole!
502
00:20:50,042 --> 00:20:52,086
Bye, man! Say good-bye!
(cheers and applause)
503
00:20:52,140 --> 00:20:54,897
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
504
00:20:54,924 --> 00:20:57,692
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
505
00:20:57,954 --> 00:20:59,980
Oh, yeah.
505
00:21:00,305 --> 00:21:06,674
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