1 00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,638 (wind blowing) 2 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:08,875 (footsteps) 3 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,978 (ominous music) 4 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:17,386 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:22,305 --> 00:00:25,073 There's gotta be another human being out there. 6 00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,402 Somewhere. 7 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:37,074 Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM 8 00:00:38,931 --> 00:00:42,537 It's been 173 days since the undoing. 9 00:00:46,072 --> 00:00:49,670 Today, I may be the last man alive. 10 00:00:51,227 --> 00:00:54,150 However, if there is another, 11 00:00:54,712 --> 00:00:56,458 I will find them. 12 00:00:57,377 --> 00:00:59,425 The loneliness is more than I can... 13 00:00:59,937 --> 00:01:03,043 (scooter engine revs) 14 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,098 Whoo-hoo! 15 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:06,979 Yeah! Whee! 16 00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:10,543 Ha ha! 17 00:01:11,482 --> 00:01:13,649 Whoo-hoo. There you go. (engine shuts off) 18 00:01:13,854 --> 00:01:16,022 Ahh. Let me get some of that. 19 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:20,190 Mm. Mmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 20 00:01:20,842 --> 00:01:23,082 (dance music) Oh, yeah! 21 00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,929 (muffled) That's my jam right there! 22 00:01:24,965 --> 00:01:26,731 Whoo! 23 00:01:28,212 --> 00:01:29,412 Hazzah! 24 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,194 Wah, shakikah! Wah, shaslikah! 25 00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,283 Ooh, y'all don't know nothin' about that. 26 00:01:34,353 --> 00:01:36,421 Mm, mm. Ptt-ptt-ptt-ptt. 27 00:01:36,626 --> 00:01:38,794 Oh, hey baby, how you doing? 28 00:01:38,862 --> 00:01:41,497 (grunts) Yeah! 29 00:01:41,537 --> 00:01:43,104 What, all day, baby! 30 00:01:43,227 --> 00:01:45,995 (grunts) 31 00:01:46,091 --> 00:01:48,225 Yeah! (thuds) 32 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,912 Whoa, hey! Dude! 33 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,314 Um, hey, I'll... I'll come over there. 34 00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,083 Dude! Hey! 35 00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,352 I'll come to you, man. 36 00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,921 (gunshot) (gun clicks) 37 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,089 (gunshot) 38 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,957 (music ends) 39 00:02:14,299 --> 00:02:16,928 There's got to be another human being out there... 40 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,784 somewhere. 41 00:02:22,207 --> 00:02:25,209 (soul music) 42 00:02:25,359 --> 00:02:28,307 ♪ ♪ 43 00:02:36,396 --> 00:02:41,285 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 44 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:45,249 (cheers and applause) 45 00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:51,302 Thank you so much. 46 00:02:51,452 --> 00:02:53,642 - I am Keegan-Michael Key. - I am Jordan Peele. 47 00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:55,280 We are Key and Peele. Welcome to the show. 48 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:03,754 So, uh... 49 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,185 - I didn't really know my father. - Mm-hmm, yes. 50 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,587 Didn't really know... never really knew my father. 51 00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:08,855 I was raised by my mother, single mom. 52 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,923 - Single moms in the house! - Single moms! 53 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,102 Single moms are not in the house, because they're... 54 00:03:13,136 --> 00:03:15,041 They're at home with their kids... raising their kids. 55 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,296 Thank you. Thank you for playing anyway. 56 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,366 They seldom... seldom get out of the house. Sorry... 57 00:03:20,463 --> 00:03:22,083 Well I had one of those dads who was, like, 58 00:03:22,116 --> 00:03:23,500 apparently just one of those dudes 59 00:03:23,596 --> 00:03:26,760 Had about 54 children in the span of two years, you know? 60 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,560 - It was a Temptations thing. - All across America? 61 00:03:28,569 --> 00:03:30,258 Papa was a rollin' stone. Yes, he was. 62 00:03:30,329 --> 00:03:32,845 He must've just gone on a bus tour and, like, 63 00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:36,015 sticked his penis out the window, just every... 64 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,851 every city he was in. "There you go. 65 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,287 "There's one of me for you guys. 66 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:43,956 "One of me for you guys. 67 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,758 "Syracuse. 68 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,727 - "Tampa." - Bu... wow. 69 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,263 That is a hell of a lot of gas. 70 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:53,241 But this, right here, this is a hypothetical meeting. 71 00:03:53,313 --> 00:03:56,624 Like a hypothetical meeting of Jordan and his father. 72 00:03:58,411 --> 00:04:00,179 (birds chirping) 73 00:04:07,123 --> 00:04:09,572 (indistinct television) 74 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:14,086 Um, hi. Are you Earl Peele? 75 00:04:14,864 --> 00:04:17,023 Who the hell want to know? 76 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,291 (exhales sharply) 77 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,837 I think I'm your son, Jordan Peele. 78 00:04:21,212 --> 00:04:23,122 Oh, okay, I see. 79 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,565 Come on in here for a minute. 80 00:04:27,127 --> 00:04:29,388 - Close the door on the way in. - All right. 81 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,842 All right, man, go ahead and sit down. 82 00:04:34,851 --> 00:04:36,410 I'm gonna explain something to you. 83 00:04:36,457 --> 00:04:37,443 Okay. 84 00:04:38,094 --> 00:04:40,555 (both sigh,, sniff, grunt) 85 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,633 I ain't your dad. 86 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,020 All right, I'm sorry to disappoint you, 87 00:04:47,029 --> 00:04:48,933 but that's the situation, brother. 88 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,458 Are you... you see what's happening? 89 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,161 - Huh? - We're doing the same thing. 90 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,489 I-I always do this. I always scratch the back of my neck like this 91 00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,698 whenever I'm in an uncomfortable situation. 92 00:05:01,441 --> 00:05:04,710 Scratch my neck, man. Everybody scratch their neck. 93 00:05:05,111 --> 00:05:08,337 I breathe in and out too, man. Now everybody my kid? 94 00:05:08,381 --> 00:05:09,648 Okay, look at this. 95 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,861 That's a picture of me when I was a baby. 96 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:13,867 That's my father. 97 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,016 That ain't me. 98 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,386 Man, look, look, man, look at that dude's afro. 99 00:05:19,418 --> 00:05:21,486 Look, I got this going on, man. 100 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,097 My hair is gray, he got black hair. 101 00:05:24,141 --> 00:05:27,653 I mean, he handsome as hell, but I ain't nobody's daddy. 102 00:05:33,052 --> 00:05:34,424 I'm sorry. 103 00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:37,870 I've just been looking for him everywhere. 104 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,605 Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you have. 105 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,644 It's just, I got my own TV show now. 106 00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:46,707 (sighs) 107 00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:48,914 I don't know, I just... 108 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,681 I know that wherever he is, he... he would be proud. 109 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,042 Y-you got your own TV show, huh? 110 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,322 - Yeah. - Yeah. 111 00:05:56,334 --> 00:05:58,802 Yeah, I'm producing and acting. 112 00:05:58,898 --> 00:06:01,397 Mm, oh, you, oh, you producing and acting! 113 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,996 Right, okay, yeah, that... oh, that... that's my boy. 114 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,798 (laughs) (laughs) 115 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,773 Yeah, look at that, man, we doing the same thing. 116 00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:09,974 What is that? Holy [bleep]. 117 00:06:10,348 --> 00:06:12,799 That's genes right there, man. 'cause you can't do that 118 00:06:12,866 --> 00:06:14,734 unless you sharing mad genes with somebody. 119 00:06:14,747 --> 00:06:16,092 It's got to be in your DNAs. 120 00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,811 - (gasps) Oh! - All right. 121 00:06:18,907 --> 00:06:20,888 - You my son. - No. 122 00:06:20,925 --> 00:06:22,864 - My baby boy! - Thanks for your time. 123 00:06:22,864 --> 00:06:24,016 You come back home, man. 124 00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:25,929 - I missed you so much, little man! - Okay, hey, stop it. 125 00:06:25,954 --> 00:06:26,898 Stop... get off, get off! 126 00:06:26,898 --> 00:06:29,604 - Just get off... get off! - Get off, wha... oh, hey. 127 00:06:29,868 --> 00:06:31,730 Oh. (sighs) 128 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:38,066 When I first came to your door, you wouldn't even acknow... 129 00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:02,888 - Okay. - Okay. 130 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,462 You know what? When I first came in here... 131 00:07:04,473 --> 00:07:06,004 - I first came in here... - Stop that! 132 00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:10,451 When I first came in here, you wouldn't even acknowledge 133 00:07:10,491 --> 00:07:12,358 that I could possibly be your son. 134 00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,500 But now, only after I tell you 135 00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:16,605 that I have my own show on Comedy Central... 136 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,179 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Comedy Central? 137 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:23,075 Get the [bleep] out of my house! 138 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,938 (soul music) 139 00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,314 So, uh, 140 00:07:28,417 --> 00:07:31,616 Keegan and I are... we're fans of gay people. 141 00:07:31,644 --> 00:07:33,591 - We love gay people. - Our gay brothers and sisters. 142 00:07:33,591 --> 00:07:34,685 Yep, where are my gay people? 143 00:07:34,685 --> 00:07:36,080 - In the house. - Oh, here's... 144 00:07:36,112 --> 00:07:37,624 You guys need one of these too. 145 00:07:37,669 --> 00:07:39,218 - There he is, okay. - You guys need one of the... 146 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,384 Maybe that one? 147 00:07:40,425 --> 00:07:41,992 You... you deserve one. 148 00:07:42,032 --> 00:07:44,800 You know, gay people say you're born gay, you know, you... 149 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,107 - It's not a choice. - Right. 150 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,982 I believe that, but, you know, some... you know, 151 00:07:48,054 --> 00:07:50,389 you're not born gaaay! 152 00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,463 - You're not born doing that. - That's true. 153 00:07:52,531 --> 00:07:53,998 You're not born doing that. 154 00:07:54,066 --> 00:07:55,700 That's training. 155 00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:57,201 That's conditioning and training. 156 00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,506 No one was giving birth and [bleep] jazz hands came out. 157 00:07:59,544 --> 00:08:01,958 There was no... 158 00:08:03,030 --> 00:08:05,832 That doesn't happen. You have to learn some things. 159 00:08:05,844 --> 00:08:07,779 Oh, man. It doesn't. 160 00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:09,591 - Here, check that... - (both) Check this out. 161 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,538 I'm going to be honest with you, Samuel. 162 00:08:16,710 --> 00:08:18,910 Adoption can be a long, difficult process. 163 00:08:18,924 --> 00:08:21,553 I'm sorry, we should probably wait for my partner. 164 00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:22,973 - Okay. - He should be here any second. 165 00:08:23,006 --> 00:08:25,016 We havin' a baby! 166 00:08:25,079 --> 00:08:27,254 ♪ We havin' a baby! ♪ 167 00:08:27,293 --> 00:08:30,474 ♪ We gonna raise it, and feed it, and change it ♪ 168 00:08:30,536 --> 00:08:33,171 ♪ And dress it up like a peapod ♪ 169 00:08:33,238 --> 00:08:34,577 Hello, Sammy. 170 00:08:34,796 --> 00:08:36,412 You must be LaShawn. 171 00:08:36,508 --> 00:08:38,327 Ooh! You must be "Le-Correct." 172 00:08:39,711 --> 00:08:43,604 Okay, well, we were just discussing your options for adoption. 173 00:08:43,617 --> 00:08:46,218 And how difficult it is to actually be approved. 174 00:08:46,218 --> 00:08:47,885 Oh, well you can just put us on the list 175 00:08:47,953 --> 00:08:50,315 with a gold star and a check and a "A+" 176 00:08:50,328 --> 00:08:53,737 because we want this baby, like, yester-doodle. 177 00:08:53,745 --> 00:08:55,560 Well, as I told your husband, 178 00:08:55,627 --> 00:08:57,582 it can be an extremely long waiting period. 179 00:08:57,605 --> 00:09:01,044 Right, right. And it's even hard for straight couples to adopt, so... 180 00:09:01,093 --> 00:09:04,479 Well, you tell them baby people that we are going to be 181 00:09:04,509 --> 00:09:05,704 the best parents ever. 182 00:09:05,704 --> 00:09:07,705 Because we gonna be strict, but also fun. 183 00:09:07,773 --> 00:09:09,941 Like, for instance, everybody gonna have to clean up 184 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,676 after Tuesday night Dress-up Parade. 185 00:09:11,743 --> 00:09:13,711 I... do not know what that is. 186 00:09:13,766 --> 00:09:14,780 (gasps) I... 187 00:09:14,780 --> 00:09:16,390 Oh, every day gonna have a different theme. 188 00:09:16,429 --> 00:09:17,615 - Is it? - So, for instance, 189 00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,989 Monday, that's gonna be "Under the Sea" day. 190 00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:21,969 Tuesday, that's gonna be "Dress-up Parade." 191 00:09:22,037 --> 00:09:24,385 Wednesday gonna be based on the Chinese calendar. 192 00:09:24,456 --> 00:09:27,024 Thursday gonna be ♪ "Sing What Ya Doing" day. ♪ 193 00:09:27,092 --> 00:09:28,718 - Okay, and you know, actually... - And then Friday... 194 00:09:28,729 --> 00:09:31,728 It might be very difficult when you actually have kids, LaShawn. 195 00:09:31,757 --> 00:09:34,191 Kids? Do you want to adopt more than one child? 196 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:37,401 - Absolutely not! - Absolutely-tutely! 197 00:09:37,719 --> 00:09:39,220 It can speed things up 198 00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:41,517 if you're willing to adopt siblings together. 199 00:09:41,517 --> 00:09:43,623 - Sammy, we can get a set. - Why? 200 00:09:44,108 --> 00:09:47,277 - Sammy, we can get a set! - We're not getting a set. 201 00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:49,046 Ooh! (clicks tongue) 202 00:09:49,114 --> 00:09:50,915 We could dress them up like companion objects. 203 00:09:50,983 --> 00:09:52,850 Like a bat and a ball, or a kite in the wind. 204 00:09:52,918 --> 00:09:54,777 See? LaShawn gets carried away, so... 205 00:09:54,806 --> 00:09:56,921 If you really want to expedite the process, 206 00:09:56,989 --> 00:09:58,780 you could adopt a special needs baby. 207 00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:00,859 - Miss, you are killing me here! - Yes! 208 00:10:00,859 --> 00:10:03,631 Yes, that's what we want. A special needs kid, 209 00:10:03,705 --> 00:10:06,097 preferably one with white eyes and can tell the future. 210 00:10:06,164 --> 00:10:08,107 Okay, so now we're getting a special needs kid. 211 00:10:08,144 --> 00:10:09,611 Uh, LaShawn, there's a lot of extra cost 212 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,101 When you get a disabled child, 213 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,587 because that's what, actually, "special needs" means. 214 00:10:12,587 --> 00:10:14,719 Come on. We ain't never gonna have to worry about money again! 215 00:10:14,755 --> 00:10:15,855 How is that possible? 216 00:10:15,896 --> 00:10:17,196 'cause we gonna start a family band, 217 00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:18,627 Called "LaShawn and the Sam-Sations." 218 00:10:18,644 --> 00:10:21,746 And, ooh! How many times can you change a child's name? 219 00:10:21,813 --> 00:10:23,114 Because I have this system. 220 00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,272 And it's a little bit of an out-there idea, 221 00:10:25,284 --> 00:10:27,685 but I think if you really set up a system 222 00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:30,554 where if you do something good, you get a better name. 223 00:10:30,650 --> 00:10:32,349 So if your name is Allister one day, 224 00:10:32,384 --> 00:10:34,152 you do something good, your name could be Popeye. 225 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,427 And that's what we here to say, 226 00:10:36,495 --> 00:10:39,330 Is that we are the new Black Panther party. 227 00:10:39,398 --> 00:10:42,199 What's the biggest problem facing the movement? 228 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,535 Well, you know, we supposed to be in this era 229 00:10:44,603 --> 00:10:46,957 of so-called "post-racial harmony", 230 00:10:46,971 --> 00:10:49,040 with all people in America. 231 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:52,209 But us blacks are being murdered all over the place, 232 00:10:52,248 --> 00:10:55,646 and we get the same treatment time and time again. 233 00:10:55,714 --> 00:10:57,648 We're not even second-class citizens. 234 00:10:57,716 --> 00:11:01,285 We third-class. Stand up, black America, 235 00:11:01,353 --> 00:11:03,330 and declare to white America 236 00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:06,190 that we aren't gonna take this no more, okay? 237 00:11:06,258 --> 00:11:08,526 - Why come out now and say this? - You know what? 238 00:11:08,703 --> 00:11:12,596 You had 400 years to get it right, America. 239 00:11:12,664 --> 00:11:14,632 But you don't know how to treat your people. 240 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:17,401 All people. It's time to stand up. 241 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:21,325 It's time to take back. It's time for us to fight back. 242 00:11:21,673 --> 00:11:23,921 And we don't take your phony words anymore. 243 00:11:23,956 --> 00:11:26,916 We're not gonna do it. We want concrete results. 244 00:11:27,346 --> 00:11:29,405 You know, you... you hear what we're saying to you, 245 00:11:29,499 --> 00:11:31,682 "United Snakes of America"? 246 00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:34,618 What are you supposed to do when the whole world is watching 247 00:11:34,686 --> 00:11:36,887 And no-one is saying anything? 248 00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:39,590 We will not be silent. 249 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:42,380 Okay, you, sir. Anything you wanted to say? 250 00:11:43,595 --> 00:11:45,083 Oh, me? No, I'm good. 251 00:11:45,731 --> 00:11:46,731 (sighs) 252 00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:51,569 (dance music) 253 00:11:51,636 --> 00:11:54,721 ♪ ♪ 254 00:11:56,074 --> 00:11:57,783 Oh, damn! 255 00:11:59,978 --> 00:12:01,788 Check that [bleep] out. 256 00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:08,419 - What is that? - Whoo! 257 00:12:08,487 --> 00:12:10,034 I didn't know they made 'em like that. 258 00:12:10,091 --> 00:12:11,522 (laughs) 259 00:12:11,534 --> 00:12:14,245 I don't even understand what I'm seeing. 260 00:12:14,305 --> 00:12:16,644 Mm. Whoo-whoo! 261 00:12:17,329 --> 00:12:19,130 I would love to see what's under there. 262 00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:22,636 I am really curious about that. 263 00:12:22,651 --> 00:12:25,186 (laughs) Yeah, dog, yeah. 264 00:12:25,781 --> 00:12:29,740 - I mean, I have no idea. - Well, you know, we, uh... 265 00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:32,948 We obviously have some idea, you know? 266 00:12:34,413 --> 00:12:35,757 I don't. 267 00:12:36,948 --> 00:12:40,062 Well, you know, it's, uh... you know, it's a coochie, baby. 268 00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:43,571 Yeah. Or something. 269 00:12:44,256 --> 00:12:46,991 Uh, no, no, no, man. 270 00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:50,161 It's... It's definitely her lady parts. (laughs) 271 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:53,581 Or, maybe it's just more skin. 272 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:57,301 Nope. It... it's a vagina. 273 00:12:57,465 --> 00:12:58,566 Yeah. 274 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:02,411 Or, maybe it's a little face under there. 275 00:13:03,328 --> 00:13:04,725 Uh, no. 276 00:13:04,921 --> 00:13:08,162 No, it's... it's definitely gonna be a vagina. 277 00:13:08,392 --> 00:13:09,547 Why? 278 00:13:09,999 --> 00:13:13,217 Be... because she's a girl, and girls have vaginas, man. 279 00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:16,316 What is that? 280 00:13:16,702 --> 00:13:18,189 What is a vagina? 281 00:13:18,562 --> 00:13:20,797 It's a woman's reproductive organ. 282 00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:23,438 Wha... are you being serious right now? 283 00:13:25,365 --> 00:13:29,300 (eerie music) 284 00:13:29,339 --> 00:13:32,055 (deep voice) Thank you. That is all I require. 285 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,574 (shimmering) Oh! 286 00:13:38,589 --> 00:13:41,494 There's aliens! There's a alien down there. 287 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,007 (soul music) 288 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,056 Something I've always enjoyed in African American culture 289 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,466 - is the barbershop. - Oh, yeah. 290 00:13:49,477 --> 00:13:51,526 The barbershop is a very big part of our culture. 291 00:13:51,647 --> 00:13:53,347 I haven't been to one in quite some time. 292 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:54,582 But, um... (laughs) 293 00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,184 - The black barbershop is... - Mm-hmm. 294 00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:58,186 That's the social cent... the core... 295 00:13:58,253 --> 00:14:01,008 Of a community, very often. Certainly for the men. 296 00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:02,545 - Yeah. - And what's so bad is that I wish 297 00:14:02,607 --> 00:14:04,929 just... I just wish other businesses could get in on the fun. 298 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:09,088 Yeah. So we sympathize with, uh, businesses in the black community 299 00:14:09,102 --> 00:14:10,354 (both) that aren't the barbershop. 300 00:14:10,354 --> 00:14:12,717 The barbershop is always the most enviable business, so... 301 00:14:12,757 --> 00:14:14,157 - Yes. Here we go. - Yes, we take you here. 302 00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:18,000 (slow jazz music) 303 00:14:20,470 --> 00:14:22,276 (snores) 304 00:14:22,344 --> 00:14:23,644 - Hey, Uncle Ted. - Ah! (laughs) 305 00:14:23,712 --> 00:14:25,146 Oh, geez. Whoo! 306 00:14:25,214 --> 00:14:27,715 - Sorry, Uncle Ted, man. - Oh, Keith. 307 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:30,150 - I got you, didn't I? - Yeah, you got me, man. 308 00:14:30,184 --> 00:14:31,953 - You got me pretty good. - Oh. 309 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:33,287 So what's going on today? 310 00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:35,923 Oh, just the usual, young buck. 311 00:14:35,991 --> 00:14:38,449 Just another day at the laundromat. 312 00:14:38,482 --> 00:14:40,166 - Yeah. - Why, people come in, 313 00:14:40,262 --> 00:14:41,729 they do their laundry, 314 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:45,099 we chat it up about some of the topics of the day. 315 00:14:46,221 --> 00:14:49,918 That's just another day hanging at the 'mat. 316 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:52,217 (distant laughter) 317 00:14:54,576 --> 00:14:56,878 I wonder what's going on in the barbershop today? 318 00:14:56,945 --> 00:14:59,456 Sure looks like they're having fun over there. 319 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:04,525 Forget all that, kid. 320 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,248 Come on, we got our own assortment 321 00:15:07,312 --> 00:15:09,924 of colorful characters right here in the 'mat! 322 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,225 Come on. 323 00:15:11,293 --> 00:15:13,895 Hey, there. You need any more quarters? 324 00:15:13,962 --> 00:15:15,178 Nope. 325 00:15:16,897 --> 00:15:20,835 (laughs) Okay. Okay, hilarious. 326 00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:23,871 Oh! Hey there, Ms. Demetrius. 327 00:15:23,939 --> 00:15:25,972 You need some more quarters? 328 00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,143 Oh-ho, she didn't hear me. 329 00:15:29,211 --> 00:15:31,479 That's part of the problem, Uncle Ted. 330 00:15:31,547 --> 00:15:34,348 You know, all that noise up in here from the machines running, 331 00:15:34,416 --> 00:15:36,009 and it's kind of hot. 332 00:15:36,976 --> 00:15:40,242 Loud and hot? Sound like my old lady. 333 00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:48,040 (distant laughter) 334 00:15:49,398 --> 00:15:51,098 Billy Dee Williams is in there now. 335 00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:52,834 He's Lando Calrissian. 336 00:15:52,901 --> 00:15:54,335 He runs Cloud City. (all hooting, laughing) 337 00:15:54,403 --> 00:15:56,204 Oh! 338 00:15:56,271 --> 00:15:58,694 - Yeah, baby! - All right! 339 00:15:59,854 --> 00:16:03,711 But, uh, damn it, Keith! What I tell ya? 340 00:16:03,779 --> 00:16:07,141 We got it going on right here at the 'mat, baby! 341 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:11,482 Uncle Ted, I gotta tell you something. 342 00:16:13,422 --> 00:16:15,493 I got my own washer and dryer months ago. 343 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,859 I just keep hanging out here 344 00:16:17,926 --> 00:16:20,138 'cause I didn't want you to feel bad. 345 00:16:20,963 --> 00:16:23,056 Oh, you didn't want me to feel bad. 346 00:16:24,132 --> 00:16:26,628 Got your own washer and dryer. All right. 347 00:16:27,536 --> 00:16:31,105 Oh, you're big-timing me now. Okay, I see how it is. 348 00:16:31,173 --> 00:16:33,307 Hey, well, your shirt ain't clean, 349 00:16:33,375 --> 00:16:35,132 Your pants ain't clean. 350 00:16:36,545 --> 00:16:40,022 You can't get a good wash on one of them home washer and dryers. 351 00:16:40,055 --> 00:16:43,351 Uncle Ted. I'm... I'm going. 352 00:16:43,418 --> 00:16:45,553 Uh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 353 00:16:45,621 --> 00:16:47,722 Let's have some fun. Let's have some fun! 354 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,978 We... you can get in one of the laundry carts 355 00:16:50,013 --> 00:16:51,359 and I can push you around! 356 00:16:51,426 --> 00:16:54,204 Nope. I'm out of here. 357 00:16:55,697 --> 00:16:58,399 Don't… wait... wait, wait, wait. 358 00:16:58,467 --> 00:17:00,534 Hold on there, Keith. Keith! 359 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,036 (distant laughter) 360 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:05,072 And if that don't work, then you do a little tap dance. 361 00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:07,892 And then you go, I'm your man. 362 00:17:07,931 --> 00:17:10,797 I'm your man! (laughter) 363 00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:12,502 All right. 364 00:17:12,545 --> 00:17:14,315 Welcome to the barbershop, young man. 365 00:17:14,383 --> 00:17:17,083 - You're Billy Dee Williams. - Yeah, yeah, how you doing? 366 00:17:17,141 --> 00:17:18,492 I'm good, thank you so much, man. 367 00:17:18,492 --> 00:17:19,525 All right, could you do me a favor? 368 00:17:19,593 --> 00:17:21,060 - Yeah. - Could you let go of my hand? 369 00:17:21,182 --> 00:17:23,090 (laughter) 370 00:17:23,158 --> 00:17:26,597 Okay. Oh, thanks, man. 371 00:17:27,195 --> 00:17:29,603 Oh, how you doing, man? (laughter) 372 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,435 (soul music) 373 00:17:34,503 --> 00:17:37,071 ♪ ♪ 374 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,960 (soul music) 375 00:17:41,195 --> 00:17:43,145 I have a friend... I have a friend that, literally, 376 00:17:43,322 --> 00:17:45,012 like, he'll go into a room and it's like... 377 00:17:45,054 --> 00:17:46,588 He... he's getting ready for an hour. 378 00:17:46,629 --> 00:17:48,506 And he comes out, he's got on a white t-shirt, 379 00:17:48,513 --> 00:17:50,427 jeans, and a hat. 380 00:17:50,923 --> 00:17:52,888 What the [bleep] were you doing for an hour? 381 00:17:52,956 --> 00:17:54,222 Oh, yeah? 382 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,124 - It's... you know what I mean? - Yeah. 383 00:17:56,192 --> 00:17:57,893 It takes me, like, 15 minutes to get a suit on. 384 00:17:57,961 --> 00:17:59,603 - That's right. - He's just in there going... 385 00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:02,614 Some dudes... some brothers are vain. Some brothers are vain. 386 00:18:02,627 --> 00:18:04,900 They're all, "Oh, [bleep], man, some dust got on my shoes. 387 00:18:04,968 --> 00:18:07,069 "There are ruined! Oh, these are ruined. 388 00:18:07,136 --> 00:18:09,256 "Gotta go get some more sneakers right now." 389 00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:11,473 - So, yeah. - But that's what 390 00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:12,608 the scene is about... style. 391 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,106 - It's about style, yeah. - Yeah. 392 00:18:16,218 --> 00:18:17,885 In what universe is The Family Circus 393 00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,077 better than Dilbert? For instance... Oh. 394 00:18:20,122 --> 00:18:21,884 Yo, what's up, man? How you... 395 00:18:22,619 --> 00:18:25,120 - been? - Oh, you know, cuz. 396 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:26,521 Keepin' it straight. 397 00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:29,625 (suspenseful percussive music) 398 00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:32,906 ♪ ♪ 399 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,905 - You know. - All right, cool. 400 00:18:42,972 --> 00:18:45,507 Well, I guess I'll check you later. 401 00:18:45,630 --> 00:18:47,515 All right, dog. 402 00:18:55,453 --> 00:18:57,330 What you should have seen was Rain People, 403 00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,804 with James Caan and Shirley Knight. 404 00:18:59,816 --> 00:19:00,574 Yo. 405 00:19:03,693 --> 00:19:06,395 Uh, what's up, man? (laughs) 406 00:19:06,462 --> 00:19:09,498 (suspenseful percussive music) 407 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,966 ♪ ♪ 408 00:19:11,034 --> 00:19:12,067 You got something to say? 409 00:19:12,135 --> 00:19:13,938 Yeah, man, um... 410 00:19:16,773 --> 00:19:18,140 How's Denise? 411 00:19:18,207 --> 00:19:21,004 Oh, yeah, Denise. She good, she good, she good. 412 00:19:21,711 --> 00:19:24,780 Anyway, guess I'll catch you on the flip. 413 00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:26,715 Yeah, dog, yeah. Ain't no thing. 414 00:19:26,783 --> 00:19:28,050 Come on, stick it. 415 00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:29,310 - I'm in there, dog. - Come on. 416 00:19:29,310 --> 00:19:30,619 No, I'm in there, dog. I'm in there. 417 00:19:30,687 --> 00:19:31,953 - Tuck it. - I'm in there. 418 00:19:32,021 --> 00:19:33,605 - Tuck it. - I'm tuckin' it in, brother. 419 00:19:33,695 --> 00:19:35,671 I'm in there, dog. I'm in there, dog. I'm in there, dog. 420 00:19:36,726 --> 00:19:38,244 You know. All right. 421 00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:52,161 (suspenseful percussive music) 422 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,285 Oh. 423 00:20:06,923 --> 00:20:09,024 Huh, anyway, you know, you gotta come real, 424 00:20:09,092 --> 00:20:11,426 come correct, when you coming at all, you know? 425 00:20:11,494 --> 00:20:14,229 (laughs) That's basically how I roll. 426 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:17,466 (sewing machine humming) If you ain't got... if you ain't… 427 00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:19,234 (cheers and applause) 428 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:22,461 Oh, my God. That's my [bleep]. 429 00:20:26,175 --> 00:20:27,843 Come here. Get this. 430 00:20:27,910 --> 00:20:29,411 - He's having problems. - He's having problems. 431 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,413 - He is having problems. - We gotta get this brother... 432 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,714 - This brother is weeping. - He's weeping. 433 00:20:32,782 --> 00:20:33,949 - Are you okay? - He's weeping. 434 00:20:34,016 --> 00:20:36,536 This mother[bleep] is (speaking indistinctly) 435 00:20:38,588 --> 00:20:40,317 Come back to us! 436 00:20:40,867 --> 00:20:43,798 My man is... My man is crying. 437 00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:45,417 - Oh. - Oh, my... 438 00:20:45,451 --> 00:20:46,867 Thank you guys so much for everything. 439 00:20:46,991 --> 00:20:48,342 Thanks for coming out, everybody! 440 00:20:48,423 --> 00:20:51,112 (cheers and applause) 441 00:20:55,076 --> 00:20:57,845 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 442 00:20:58,134 --> 00:20:59,990 Oh, yeah. 443 00:21:01,518 --> 00:21:05,638 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 443 00:21:06,305 --> 00:21:12,452 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org