1 00:00:00,185 --> 00:00:02,132 I saw on the news today, 2 00:00:02,167 --> 00:00:05,506 talking about the violence in foreign countries. 3 00:00:06,887 --> 00:00:09,822 talking about all the savagery up in the world, 4 00:00:10,025 --> 00:00:13,751 but they ain't never talk about South Central. 5 00:00:15,227 --> 00:00:18,582 Ain't never talk about what happened to my brother. 6 00:00:19,396 --> 00:00:21,764 Now he's gone. 7 00:00:21,798 --> 00:00:24,160 Now I ain't got no brother. 8 00:00:25,366 --> 00:00:28,433 Yo, dog. 9 00:00:30,569 --> 00:00:33,303 I'll be your brother. 10 00:00:33,338 --> 00:00:34,538 Really? 11 00:00:35,099 --> 00:00:37,117 Absolutely, dog. 12 00:00:38,008 --> 00:00:40,142 You're gonna need somebody to lean on. 13 00:00:40,176 --> 00:00:42,110 You can't just be walking around here 14 00:00:42,144 --> 00:00:43,745 with this emptiness in your heart, man. 15 00:00:43,779 --> 00:00:48,081 An emptiness that can only be filled by a brother. 16 00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:51,315 Okay. 17 00:00:51,349 --> 00:00:55,184 - Brothers, man? - Brothers! 18 00:00:55,219 --> 00:00:57,152 - Get it in here, dog. - Come over here. 19 00:00:57,186 --> 00:00:58,386 You got to get it in there, dog. 20 00:00:58,421 --> 00:00:59,754 I got to tuck it, man. (sighs) 21 00:00:59,788 --> 00:01:01,155 Tuck it, tuck it, tuck it. 22 00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:02,589 Brothers, man. 23 00:01:02,624 --> 00:01:03,824 Come here, man. 24 00:01:03,858 --> 00:01:05,859 Why the [bleep] you keep following me around, man? 25 00:01:05,894 --> 00:01:08,128 Why don't you go home and stay out of my room? 26 00:01:08,162 --> 00:01:09,429 Don't mess with my models. 27 00:01:09,463 --> 00:01:10,463 I'm about to get a wedgie up 28 00:01:10,497 --> 00:01:11,497 in this mother[bleep] right here. 29 00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:12,798 What the-- Hey! 30 00:01:12,832 --> 00:01:13,831 Hey! Get the [bleep] off me, man. 31 00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:15,666 Give me the wedgie-- Hey. 32 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,700 Hey. 33 00:01:17,734 --> 00:01:20,259 You don't give a grown man a wedgie. 34 00:01:21,636 --> 00:01:24,337 Mother[bleep], I'm 34 years old. 35 00:01:25,643 --> 00:01:27,539 I got grandchildren. 36 00:01:27,841 --> 00:01:30,809 (soul music) 37 00:01:30,818 --> 00:01:34,301 ♪ 38 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,074 Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM 39 00:01:43,468 --> 00:01:46,945 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 40 00:01:47,553 --> 00:01:49,721 (cheers and applause) 41 00:01:49,755 --> 00:01:52,089 Hey! 42 00:01:55,259 --> 00:01:57,259 Thank you! 43 00:02:00,129 --> 00:02:01,829 Thank you. 44 00:02:02,114 --> 00:02:04,148 - I am Keegan-Michael Key. - I'm Jordan Peele. 45 00:02:04,182 --> 00:02:05,248 And we are Key and Peele. 46 00:02:05,283 --> 00:02:06,716 - Thank you for coming out. - Yeah. 47 00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:09,685 (cheers and applause) 48 00:02:09,719 --> 00:02:11,920 You ever have a friend that just 49 00:02:11,954 --> 00:02:15,156 uses the wrong slang for the situation? 50 00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:16,256 Like, I know this dude 51 00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:18,658 who would just say things way too harsh... 52 00:02:18,692 --> 00:02:21,026 - Mm-hmm. - for making love... 53 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:22,893 - Oof, yeah. - Hooking up with a girl. 54 00:02:22,928 --> 00:02:24,194 Were you with Tiffany last night? 55 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:25,428 - Yeah, man. - Yeah. 56 00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:27,930 You know that half-Ethiopian, half-Chinese girl? 57 00:02:27,964 --> 00:02:29,197 Yeah. Yeah. I know. 58 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,932 Oh, yeah. How could I forget? 59 00:02:30,966 --> 00:02:32,633 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 60 00:02:32,668 --> 00:02:35,003 Man, crushed it. 61 00:02:35,037 --> 00:02:37,371 Smashed it, smoshed it. Crushed it. 62 00:02:37,405 --> 00:02:38,772 (laughter) 63 00:02:38,806 --> 00:02:42,241 Krishity-krishity-krishity- krishity-krishna crushed it. 64 00:02:42,276 --> 00:02:43,909 There was that other girl last week. 65 00:02:43,944 --> 00:02:46,478 - Yeah. - Half-Paraguay, half-Uruguay? 66 00:02:46,512 --> 00:02:47,745 - I see. Yup. 67 00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:48,746 (laughter) 68 00:02:48,780 --> 00:02:49,779 Yup. Yup. 69 00:02:49,814 --> 00:02:50,913 - Priz-nushed it. 70 00:02:50,948 --> 00:02:52,714 - Okay. Okay. 71 00:02:52,749 --> 00:02:54,449 Are both of those ladies okay? 72 00:02:54,484 --> 00:02:56,451 - Yup, both those ladies. - Okay. 73 00:02:56,485 --> 00:03:00,286 - Other girl, half-Russian, half-Prussian. 74 00:03:00,321 --> 00:03:03,088 (laughter) 75 00:03:03,122 --> 00:03:04,989 I was crushin' the Russian-Prussian. 76 00:03:05,023 --> 00:03:08,258 (laughter and applause) 77 00:03:09,594 --> 00:03:10,593 Whoa. 78 00:03:10,628 --> 00:03:12,195 Man, I felt sorry for that dude, 79 00:03:12,229 --> 00:03:13,296 But, you know, what you gonna do? 80 00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:15,197 I had to lay that [bleep] down. 81 00:03:15,231 --> 00:03:16,630 (laughter) You know I did, dog. 82 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:19,165 What? That [bleep] lay you down. 83 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,066 Hey, brother, I don't know what fight you was at. 84 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,734 That [bleep] got a couple licks in, sure. 85 00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:24,802 But pfft, I was like, bip! 86 00:03:24,836 --> 00:03:26,236 (laughter) 87 00:03:26,271 --> 00:03:28,571 Man, I put the pussy on the chain wax. 88 00:03:28,605 --> 00:03:30,639 (both howling) 89 00:03:30,673 --> 00:03:33,841 - Put the pussy on the-- - (both) the chain wax. 90 00:03:33,876 --> 00:03:36,476 I put the pussy on the chain wax. 91 00:03:36,511 --> 00:03:38,812 (all) I put the pussy on the chain wax. 92 00:03:38,846 --> 00:03:41,286 - Pussy on the chain wax? - Hmm? 93 00:03:42,649 --> 00:03:44,248 Is that a thing? 94 00:03:45,884 --> 00:03:47,084 Well, yeah. That-- Yeah. 95 00:03:47,118 --> 00:03:48,318 That's a-- That's a thing. 96 00:03:48,352 --> 00:03:50,319 - Yeah. - Yeah, that's something. 97 00:03:50,354 --> 00:03:52,387 Okay. 98 00:03:52,422 --> 00:03:53,822 Yeah, I put the pussy on the chain wax. 99 00:03:53,856 --> 00:03:55,422 Pussy on the chain wax! 100 00:03:55,457 --> 00:03:58,158 I said I put the pussy on the chain wax! 101 00:03:58,192 --> 00:03:59,859 He put the pussy on the chain wax. 102 00:03:59,893 --> 00:04:02,161 - Pussy on the chain wax. - Pussy on the chain wax. 103 00:04:02,195 --> 00:04:03,761 Uh, pussy coming in. 104 00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:04,995 - This is the chain wax. - Hold up. 105 00:04:05,029 --> 00:04:06,729 (laughter) Hold up. 106 00:04:06,763 --> 00:04:09,305 I just, um, googled "Pussy on the chain wax." 107 00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:11,465 No results. 108 00:04:11,499 --> 00:04:14,401 Man, um, why are you googling? 109 00:04:14,435 --> 00:04:15,468 No, I'm just saying. 110 00:04:15,570 --> 00:04:18,871 "Pussy on the chain wax," It's not an expression. 111 00:04:18,905 --> 00:04:20,405 Ye-- Yeah it is. 112 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,539 - Yeah, it is. - Yes, thank you. 113 00:04:21,574 --> 00:04:22,807 - It's something, Leo. - Yeah. 114 00:04:22,841 --> 00:04:24,675 What it-- What it-- What does it mean then? 115 00:04:24,709 --> 00:04:26,276 What does it mean? 116 00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:28,677 - I'll tell you what it means. - Do it, do it. 117 00:04:28,718 --> 00:04:31,430 It means that... 118 00:04:33,891 --> 00:04:35,225 is that you put the... 119 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:38,251 (all) pussy on the chain wax! 120 00:04:38,285 --> 00:04:39,686 (overlapping chatter) 121 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:40,986 Nope, nope. 122 00:04:41,021 --> 00:04:42,087 (both) Pussy on the chain wax! 123 00:04:42,121 --> 00:04:43,488 It's not-- Don't-- 124 00:04:43,522 --> 00:04:44,822 - Pussy on the chain wax! - Pussy on the chain wax. 125 00:04:44,856 --> 00:04:46,756 Acting like y'all know what it is-- 126 00:04:46,791 --> 00:04:48,457 Okay, have either of the two of you-- 127 00:04:48,492 --> 00:04:51,059 have you ever said the words 128 00:04:51,094 --> 00:04:53,529 "Pussy on the chain wax" in any context? 129 00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:55,764 - Pfft, us? - Pfft. 130 00:04:55,799 --> 00:04:57,466 - He-- He talking to you. - Man-- 131 00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,767 He ain't talking to me. 132 00:04:58,802 --> 00:05:00,636 - (exhales) - Hey, man. 133 00:05:00,670 --> 00:05:02,404 It's not our fault that you ain't never put the... 134 00:05:02,438 --> 00:05:04,739 (all) pussy on the chain wax! 135 00:05:04,773 --> 00:05:05,873 - (all cheering) - Pussy on the chain wax! 136 00:05:05,908 --> 00:05:09,177 No one can put the pussy on the chain wax 137 00:05:09,211 --> 00:05:12,180 'cause pussy on the chain wax ain't a thing! 138 00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:14,582 You trying to start a thing, aren't you? 139 00:05:14,617 --> 00:05:17,352 Wha-- Me-- (laughs) 140 00:05:17,386 --> 00:05:20,722 I mean, what are you talking about, trying to start a thing? 141 00:05:20,756 --> 00:05:23,258 A thing, like "Off the hook" 142 00:05:23,292 --> 00:05:24,726 or "I'ma put you on blast." 143 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,360 You trying to get it in the ether, 144 00:05:26,395 --> 00:05:29,196 so everybody out there saying "Pussy on the chain wax." 145 00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:30,697 Man, why are you doing this? 146 00:05:30,732 --> 00:05:32,365 Why you looking up [bleep] I'm saying and-- 147 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,267 and fact-checking my ass and [bleep]? 148 00:05:34,302 --> 00:05:37,804 You keep saying some [bleep] that doesn't exist, 149 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:39,205 and you got thing one and thing two 150 00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,340 corroborating your story like it does, 151 00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:43,275 and then-- why you lying then? 152 00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:45,577 It's bull[bleep]! 153 00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:51,348 Bodie... 154 00:05:54,317 --> 00:05:59,121 Why do you care so much 155 00:05:59,155 --> 00:06:04,926 whether I made up "pussy on the chain wax" or not? 156 00:06:08,497 --> 00:06:11,199 I lost my job. 157 00:06:13,202 --> 00:06:15,836 My girl left me. 158 00:06:17,805 --> 00:06:22,040 And all I w-- All I wanted to do 159 00:06:22,074 --> 00:06:27,410 was have a little bit of fun with my friends today. 160 00:06:27,445 --> 00:06:28,745 So why-- why do you ha-- 161 00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:31,313 why do you have to belittle me like that? 162 00:06:31,347 --> 00:06:35,449 (sighs) 163 00:06:35,484 --> 00:06:37,151 - It's just that I-- - Yeah? 164 00:06:37,186 --> 00:06:39,420 I'm just trying to say-- 165 00:06:39,455 --> 00:06:43,357 What you trying to say, [bleep]? 166 00:06:43,391 --> 00:06:45,826 I'm trying to say 167 00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:49,263 that I want to put the pussy... 168 00:06:49,297 --> 00:06:52,599 (all) on the chain wax! 169 00:06:52,633 --> 00:06:54,233 (laughter) 170 00:06:54,268 --> 00:06:55,969 He did it, yo. He put the... 171 00:06:56,003 --> 00:06:58,471 - (all) pussy on the chain wax! - Yeah! 172 00:07:03,676 --> 00:07:05,577 (soul music) 173 00:07:06,537 --> 00:07:07,637 So, uh, yeah. 174 00:07:07,671 --> 00:07:09,605 I got, like, 30-something followers. 175 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,941 I'm up to, like, 15 tweets a day. 176 00:07:11,975 --> 00:07:16,179 So if you wanted to, um, follow-- all right. 177 00:07:16,213 --> 00:07:19,682 No, no, no, no! 178 00:07:19,716 --> 00:07:21,884 - What? - They hating on the Hathaways. 179 00:07:21,918 --> 00:07:24,486 They hating on the Hathaways? 180 00:07:24,521 --> 00:07:27,990 They straight hating on Annie Hathaways. 181 00:07:28,024 --> 00:07:30,025 - That's your girl, dog! - I know that's my girl, dog. 182 00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:31,798 Annie Hathaways from Devil Wears Pradas? 183 00:07:31,832 --> 00:07:32,761 They hating on her. 184 00:07:32,826 --> 00:07:34,296 - Nicholas Nicklebys? - Straight hating! 185 00:07:34,331 --> 00:07:36,298 - Les Misérables? - Les Misérables! 186 00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:37,666 ♪ I dreamed a dreams, and dreams get dreamed ♪ 187 00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:39,068 - Oh, man. - No, what? 188 00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:40,269 Why you be hating on that? 189 00:07:40,303 --> 00:07:41,837 How do you be hating on the Hathaways? 190 00:07:41,871 --> 00:07:43,472 I do not know! 191 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,073 - 'cause that's your girl, dog! - That's my girl with the-- 192 00:07:45,108 --> 00:07:46,241 I've been rolling with the Hathaways 193 00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:47,643 Since Princess Diaries! 194 00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:49,678 Shh. 195 00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,781 You was there since day one! 196 00:07:53,816 --> 00:07:55,316 Man, you know I be loving me some Princess Diaries 2: 197 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,384 The Royal Engagement! 198 00:07:56,418 --> 00:07:57,685 You got the Blu-ray! 199 00:07:57,719 --> 00:07:59,654 And I got that on DVD and LaserDisc and VHS, man. 200 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,422 - Pfft. - Rachel Getting Married though. 201 00:08:01,456 --> 00:08:02,657 - What? Uh-uh. - Mm-mm. 202 00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:03,791 - Uh-uh. uh-uh. - Rachel Getting Married. 203 00:08:03,826 --> 00:08:04,892 Rachel Getting Married, though? 204 00:08:04,927 --> 00:08:05,894 Rachel Getting Married, though. 205 00:08:05,928 --> 00:08:07,161 Yo, do you love Anne Hathaways? 206 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,329 - I do! - Come on. 207 00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:11,032 (both scatting wedding hymn) 208 00:08:11,066 --> 00:08:12,333 - (both) Hathaways! - Come on, man. 209 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,302 - And the Oscar goes to... - Annie Hathaways. 210 00:08:14,336 --> 00:08:15,703 - Crackhead killed her brother! - That's right. 211 00:08:15,738 --> 00:08:17,305 - (both) Come on. - Broken Back. 212 00:08:17,339 --> 00:08:18,640 - Okay, Broken Backs. Broken Backs. 213 00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:19,674 Talking about Broken Back Mountain. 214 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:20,808 That's right. Broken Backs, dog! 215 00:08:20,843 --> 00:08:21,909 I'm married to Jake Jiggling-halls. 216 00:08:21,944 --> 00:08:23,244 - Uh, Giggling-thalls? - Thank you. 217 00:08:23,279 --> 00:08:24,545 I stand corrected. So wait. You know what? 218 00:08:24,580 --> 00:08:25,580 I didn't like that one. 219 00:08:25,614 --> 00:08:26,614 That was not my [bleep], though. 220 00:08:26,649 --> 00:08:27,749 Broken Backs was not my [bleep]. 221 00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:28,883 - But she was good in that. - She was good. 222 00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:30,285 Oh, play that confident Texas businesswoman. 223 00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:31,686 Talk about straight up, "You know what? 224 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,121 "I'm struggling with my husband's sexuality." 225 00:08:33,155 --> 00:08:34,656 She kept her integrity at the same time 226 00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:36,424 - as showing her breasteses. - That's a delicate balance. 227 00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:37,792 (both) That's a delicate balance. 228 00:08:37,826 --> 00:08:39,127 Why was you hating on the Hathaways? 229 00:08:39,161 --> 00:08:40,995 But why would you be hating on the Hathaways? 230 00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:42,363 Confident woman in Hollywood 231 00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,231 whose sole character flaw is that she cares too much! 232 00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:45,666 She cares too much! 233 00:08:45,701 --> 00:08:47,368 - It's that she cares too much! - Yeah, she care too much! 234 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,037 - Come on! - Come on! 235 00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,538 You know who they never be hating on? 236 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,357 - Who's that, dog? - Sandra Bullocksies. 237 00:08:52,377 --> 00:08:54,242 - Sandra Bullocksies. - She's my girl, 238 00:08:54,276 --> 00:08:55,543 and they never be hating on her. 239 00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:56,744 That's your girl right there. Straight up there. 240 00:08:56,779 --> 00:08:58,112 Sandra Bullocksies your girl right there. 241 00:08:58,147 --> 00:08:59,381 Straight up. 242 00:08:59,415 --> 00:09:00,882 Do you know who should do a movie together, though? 243 00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,484 But who is that, dog? 244 00:09:02,518 --> 00:09:05,286 Bullocksies and Hathaways! 245 00:09:05,321 --> 00:09:06,921 You talking about some Hathaway 246 00:09:06,956 --> 00:09:08,289 - and some Bullocksies? - No! 247 00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:09,724 I'm talking about some Bullocksies 248 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:11,293 and some Hathaways! 249 00:09:11,327 --> 00:09:12,761 Let me just explain what I'm talking about, though. 250 00:09:12,795 --> 00:09:16,732 I'm talking about some Hathaways and some Bullocksies. 251 00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:17,800 No, you right. 252 00:09:17,834 --> 00:09:19,935 (both) Bullocksies. Hathaways. 253 00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:25,474 That would be my [bleep]! 254 00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:30,213 Oh. 255 00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:31,981 - Oh, you good? - Yeah, I-I'm good. 256 00:09:32,015 --> 00:09:33,149 I thought something Was gonna... 257 00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:34,617 - Me too. so-- - happen for a second there. 258 00:09:34,651 --> 00:09:37,220 Figured we would transform in some way, 259 00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:40,022 shape, or form. Okay. 260 00:09:40,056 --> 00:09:42,958 That would be my [bleep]! 261 00:09:42,992 --> 00:09:48,130 (both) That would be my [bleep]! 262 00:09:48,164 --> 00:09:52,668 (thunder) 263 00:09:52,703 --> 00:09:54,103 (laughter and applause) 264 00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:56,906 Who's the most dignified black person in the world? 265 00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:58,641 Sidney Poitier. 266 00:09:58,675 --> 00:09:59,641 - Sidney. - Sidney Poitier. 267 00:09:59,676 --> 00:10:00,943 Yeah. See? See? 268 00:10:00,977 --> 00:10:03,245 All I did was say his name, and you start to clap. 269 00:10:03,279 --> 00:10:04,613 He is. 270 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,648 He's the most graceful, dignified man in the world. 271 00:10:06,682 --> 00:10:08,016 - Is who? - Sidney Poitier. 272 00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:09,184 Okay. Gotta give it up. 273 00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:11,253 Gotta give it up. (applause) 274 00:10:11,287 --> 00:10:12,454 You know who's on his way, though? 275 00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:14,290 - Morgan Freeman's on his way. - Mm-hmm. 276 00:10:14,324 --> 00:10:16,959 He's on, like, second-tiered super dignity status. 277 00:10:16,993 --> 00:10:18,094 (imitates Freeman) "Morgan Freeman. 278 00:10:18,128 --> 00:10:19,695 "He's a frisky little mother[bleep]." 279 00:10:19,730 --> 00:10:21,364 (laughter) 280 00:10:21,398 --> 00:10:23,066 Well, you see Morgan Freeman in public. 281 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,301 He's got, like, a leather jacket and jeans. 282 00:10:25,335 --> 00:10:26,769 - Yeah. - (laughs) 283 00:10:26,803 --> 00:10:28,504 (laughter) 284 00:10:28,538 --> 00:10:29,972 (imitates Freeman) "I still got it." 285 00:10:30,007 --> 00:10:32,942 - (laughs) - "Still got it." 286 00:10:35,879 --> 00:10:37,413 Hello, everyone. 287 00:10:37,448 --> 00:10:40,016 I'm Joseph Carmichael. 288 00:10:40,050 --> 00:10:46,022 Otis is-- was my father. 289 00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:49,425 But we are not here today to mourn his death, 290 00:10:49,460 --> 00:10:51,594 but to celebrate his life. 291 00:10:51,629 --> 00:10:55,332 We knew Otis as a teacher, a community leader, 292 00:10:55,366 --> 00:10:59,002 a role model, a husband, and a father. 293 00:10:59,037 --> 00:11:01,004 Now, I thought it would be nice 294 00:11:01,039 --> 00:11:04,408 to share something about him y'all may not have known. 295 00:11:04,442 --> 00:11:06,043 When my father was younger, 296 00:11:06,077 --> 00:11:07,945 he was an actor in Hollywood. 297 00:11:08,563 --> 00:11:10,214 Going through my dad's things, 298 00:11:10,248 --> 00:11:13,360 I found this reel of his work as an actor. 299 00:11:14,119 --> 00:11:15,686 I haven't seen it yet, 300 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,289 but I thought it would be fun to watch, 301 00:11:18,323 --> 00:11:20,827 here with all of you today. 302 00:11:24,931 --> 00:11:26,765 Thank you. 303 00:11:36,475 --> 00:11:39,121 (gasps) Where are my pies? 304 00:11:40,246 --> 00:11:44,516 Ribbles, where are the pies I put on my windowsill? 305 00:11:45,752 --> 00:11:49,343 Why, I don't know, Mrs. Caruthers. 306 00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,701 Why would anyone want to steal 307 00:11:51,763 --> 00:11:54,371 one of your delicious blueberry pies? 308 00:11:58,322 --> 00:11:59,533 (snaps) Hey. 309 00:11:59,567 --> 00:12:01,969 See to it you shine those shoes up nice, boy. 310 00:12:02,201 --> 00:12:05,738 Yes, sir, you best be believing I will! 311 00:12:05,773 --> 00:12:09,294 I'll shine your shoes blacker than my mama's booty. 312 00:12:09,576 --> 00:12:11,310 (all gasp) 313 00:12:11,344 --> 00:12:14,946 (laughs) 314 00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:25,987 (yelling) 315 00:12:26,021 --> 00:12:27,288 Ooga-booga! 316 00:12:27,322 --> 00:12:29,289 Ooga-booga shoo! Ooga-booga shoo! 317 00:12:29,323 --> 00:12:30,757 - Ooga-booga! - Oh, hell no! 318 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:33,359 Ooga-booga shoo! (yelling) 319 00:12:52,513 --> 00:12:55,615 In 1964, my father marched 320 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,951 with Martin Luther King Jr. and Harry Belafonte 321 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,955 along with other renowned civil rights leaders. 322 00:13:03,053 --> 00:13:04,920 (soul music) 323 00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:09,340 The big boss of any company is always, like, super carefree. 324 00:13:09,691 --> 00:13:11,125 Right, you got a cushy job. 325 00:13:11,159 --> 00:13:12,760 - You're-- You're the boss. - Right. 326 00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:13,861 Those are the guys walking around, 327 00:13:13,895 --> 00:13:14,895 "Hey. How's everybody doing? 328 00:13:14,929 --> 00:13:16,897 (laughs) "I'll be in my office." 329 00:13:16,931 --> 00:13:18,665 Yeah. Yeah. 330 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,033 And my boss-- I used to work at the theater in Chicago, 331 00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:21,334 called the Second City, 332 00:13:21,369 --> 00:13:22,969 and my boss used to do this thing with me all the time. 333 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,171 Hey. Hey, what's going on? 334 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,272 - Hey. - Hey. 335 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,107 Oh. (laughter) 336 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,076 What are you up to? What's going on? 337 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,744 - Oh, just fi-- - Yeah. 338 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:32,945 (laughter) 339 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,214 Just, uh-- in the-- Oh! 340 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,549 (laughter) 341 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:38,951 You hanging in there? Things are good? 342 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,686 - I'm hanging in there, yeah. - Things are good? 343 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,022 Just been filing a sexual, uh, harassment lawsuit. 344 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,057 Oh, okay. 345 00:13:45,413 --> 00:13:46,413 (phone rings) 346 00:13:46,447 --> 00:13:47,981 Okay, all right. 347 00:13:48,015 --> 00:13:49,383 Good morning, Tom. 348 00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:51,017 Jason. 349 00:13:51,052 --> 00:13:52,318 How you doing there, Dave? 350 00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,287 Crystal, Tommy. 351 00:13:54,321 --> 00:13:55,688 Good morning, Jake. 352 00:13:55,723 --> 00:13:57,023 How are you? 353 00:13:57,057 --> 00:13:58,224 Pretty good, Kenny. 354 00:13:58,259 --> 00:13:59,325 Yeah, yeah. 355 00:13:59,844 --> 00:14:01,445 Uh, you know, so early in the morning, 356 00:14:01,479 --> 00:14:03,581 I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, 357 00:14:03,615 --> 00:14:05,450 but, uh, you know how I was 358 00:14:05,484 --> 00:14:07,485 - supposed to work late tonight? - Mm-hmm. 359 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,988 Well, I got to run this errand for Mr. Mahina, 360 00:14:10,022 --> 00:14:11,957 and he says that you're gonna have to cover for me, 361 00:14:11,991 --> 00:14:13,792 So there it is. I don't nee-- I'm sorry. 362 00:14:13,826 --> 00:14:15,027 (whistles) Dropped the ax. 363 00:14:15,061 --> 00:14:16,762 (laughs) Okay, so-- 364 00:14:16,796 --> 00:14:18,997 - Hmm. - Mm-hmm. 365 00:14:19,031 --> 00:14:20,565 - Again. - Yeah. 366 00:14:20,599 --> 00:14:23,400 So-- Oh, you know what? (snaps) 367 00:14:23,435 --> 00:14:24,935 Just remembered. (chuckles) 368 00:14:24,970 --> 00:14:27,771 Mr. Mahina also-- almost slipped my mind-- 369 00:14:27,806 --> 00:14:29,807 wants us to, uh, change parking spaces. 370 00:14:29,841 --> 00:14:31,175 What? 371 00:14:31,209 --> 00:14:32,743 Yeah. M-Me personally? 372 00:14:32,778 --> 00:14:34,912 I enjoy the nine-minute walk, 373 00:14:34,947 --> 00:14:36,647 But, uh, he said that we have to do it. 374 00:14:36,682 --> 00:14:39,183 Believe it. I hate it as much as you do. 375 00:14:39,218 --> 00:14:40,952 - What are you gonna do? - Nothing you can do. 376 00:14:40,986 --> 00:14:42,153 If Mr. Mahina said it-- 377 00:14:42,187 --> 00:14:43,821 - Mahina. - (chuckles) 378 00:14:43,856 --> 00:14:45,356 This whole situation has been Mahina-nized. 379 00:14:45,391 --> 00:14:47,625 It just seems a little confusing to me 380 00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:49,860 as to why Mr. Mahina 381 00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:52,363 would give a [bleep] where we park. 382 00:14:52,397 --> 00:14:53,831 How's that? 383 00:14:53,865 --> 00:14:57,735 I mean, why would he care where we park? 384 00:14:57,770 --> 00:14:59,171 I-I don't know the answer to that question. 385 00:14:59,205 --> 00:15:00,605 I-I mean, that's-- it's just what he said. 386 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,041 He-- Hey, the Mahina works in mysterious ways. 387 00:15:03,075 --> 00:15:04,876 You know what, I'm gonna ask him myself 'cause-- 388 00:15:04,910 --> 00:15:07,912 No, that's okay! I'll do it! 389 00:15:14,053 --> 00:15:15,286 Uh, Mr. Mahina, sir, I know you're busy, 390 00:15:15,321 --> 00:15:17,522 but can I speak to you about the parking switch? 391 00:15:17,556 --> 00:15:19,123 What's there to talk about, Kenny? 392 00:15:19,158 --> 00:15:22,394 I told you and Jake to switch parking spaces! 393 00:15:22,428 --> 00:15:24,563 (gasps) Don't you know who I am? 394 00:15:24,597 --> 00:15:26,899 I am Mr. Mahina, 395 00:15:26,933 --> 00:15:29,602 And I'm a real, real person in here! 396 00:15:29,636 --> 00:15:32,672 Get the hell out of my office! 397 00:15:34,942 --> 00:15:36,243 Wow. Did you hear that? 398 00:15:36,277 --> 00:15:37,477 It was crazy in there. 399 00:15:37,511 --> 00:15:40,313 I mean, that was-- whew, tense. 400 00:15:40,348 --> 00:15:41,615 Yeah. 401 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,784 You know what's really crazy, though? 402 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,185 Hmm? 403 00:15:45,219 --> 00:15:46,420 I've been working here for about a year, 404 00:15:46,454 --> 00:15:48,889 and I've never even seen Mr. Mahina. 405 00:15:48,923 --> 00:15:50,757 Well, see, now that's-- that's an easy one to answer. 406 00:15:50,792 --> 00:15:52,693 That's because he comes in before you come into work, 407 00:15:52,727 --> 00:15:53,994 and he's still working when you leave. 408 00:15:54,029 --> 00:15:55,062 That's-- That's what makes him Mr. Mahina. 409 00:15:55,097 --> 00:15:56,330 You know, come on. (laughs) 410 00:15:56,365 --> 00:15:58,065 We're talking about Mr. Mahina here, right? 411 00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:59,300 (laughs) It makes perfect sense. 412 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,368 - You know, I bet... - Mm-hmm. 413 00:16:01,402 --> 00:16:02,736 the hardworking boss 414 00:16:02,770 --> 00:16:06,306 would love to meet a hardworking employee, 415 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,208 uou know, who shares the same values, 416 00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:11,444 so I'm gonna go ahead and just introduce myself-- 417 00:16:11,479 --> 00:16:13,246 No, no! Uh-- (laughs) 418 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,681 You can't go into Mr. Mahina's room. 419 00:16:14,715 --> 00:16:15,782 Are you crazy? 420 00:16:15,816 --> 00:16:16,816 No one except me is allowed to go in there. 421 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,085 Mr. Mahina is busy! 422 00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:24,324 Okay, fine. You made your point clear, man. 423 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,725 Thank you very much, Jake. I think it's best-- 424 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,860 - And what-- - Wait, no, Jake! Wait, Jake! 425 00:16:27,894 --> 00:16:30,396 I can't-- 426 00:16:30,430 --> 00:16:32,031 (scoffs) 427 00:16:32,065 --> 00:16:33,104 (sighs) 428 00:16:33,211 --> 00:16:35,746 Come on, man. 429 00:16:36,402 --> 00:16:41,306 What? Question my existence, will you? 430 00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:43,996 (screams) 431 00:16:44,116 --> 00:16:45,118 (sighs) 432 00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:48,261 ...bucket creature? 433 00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:49,536 Listen to me. The people... 434 00:16:49,585 --> 00:16:51,699 I'll have the end of the year report to you by 10. 435 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:55,893 (soul music) 436 00:16:58,529 --> 00:17:00,230 Freeze! Police. 437 00:17:00,265 --> 00:17:03,334 Hands up. 438 00:17:03,368 --> 00:17:06,437 Turn around slowly. 439 00:17:10,876 --> 00:17:12,910 Okay, buddy. 440 00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,980 Do not move a muscle. 441 00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:21,453 Up! Up! 442 00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:22,454 Get your hands back up. 443 00:17:22,489 --> 00:17:24,156 No, raise them. 444 00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:26,391 Up, hands up, now! 445 00:17:28,528 --> 00:17:30,329 No, no m-- Stop! 446 00:17:30,363 --> 00:17:31,497 I said no moving. 447 00:17:31,531 --> 00:17:33,765 Put your foot down. 448 00:17:34,968 --> 00:17:36,101 That's good. 449 00:17:36,136 --> 00:17:37,503 Now, easy does it. No! 450 00:17:37,537 --> 00:17:38,837 Don't pick your other foot up! 451 00:17:38,872 --> 00:17:41,207 Put that down. Put your foot down! 452 00:17:41,241 --> 00:17:43,976 Put your foot down. There we go. 453 00:17:44,011 --> 00:17:45,378 No, do not pick the other one up. 454 00:17:45,412 --> 00:17:47,146 Put that one down. 455 00:17:47,181 --> 00:17:48,948 Put your foot down. No, not-- 456 00:17:48,982 --> 00:17:50,250 Put them both down at the sa-- Okay. 457 00:17:50,284 --> 00:17:52,785 Now you're just walking. Stop walking! 458 00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:54,120 Now! 459 00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:55,522 St-- No walking! 460 00:17:55,556 --> 00:17:57,958 I want you to stop walking right now. 461 00:17:57,992 --> 00:17:58,992 Do not get near that car. 462 00:17:59,026 --> 00:18:00,026 Wait, get away from it. 463 00:18:00,061 --> 00:18:01,661 No, don't go near that car. 464 00:18:01,695 --> 00:18:02,795 Don't open that door! 465 00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:04,397 Do not open that door! 466 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,597 Don't open it. 467 00:18:05,632 --> 00:18:07,132 Do not open the car door! 468 00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,834 Don't you open that door. 469 00:18:08,868 --> 00:18:11,169 Don't! Do not get in that car. 470 00:18:11,204 --> 00:18:13,038 Freeze! 471 00:18:13,072 --> 00:18:14,239 Your butt better not hit that seat. 472 00:18:14,274 --> 00:18:15,708 The-- Okay. 473 00:18:15,742 --> 00:18:17,042 Stay-- Do-- Get-- Get out of there. 474 00:18:17,077 --> 00:18:19,879 Get out of the car right now. No, you don't. 475 00:18:19,913 --> 00:18:23,048 Don't you dare reach for that glove compartment. 476 00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:24,850 Don't reach for that glove compartment! 477 00:18:24,885 --> 00:18:26,819 Get away from the glove compartment! 478 00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:28,254 Get your hand away from the glove compartment! 479 00:18:28,288 --> 00:18:29,855 Don't you open it! 480 00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:31,390 Do not grab that gun! 481 00:18:31,424 --> 00:18:33,859 Whatever you do, dude, you better not grab that gun. 482 00:18:33,893 --> 00:18:35,894 You better not grab that gun. 483 00:18:35,929 --> 00:18:37,396 (panting) 484 00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:38,831 Do not pull that gun on me. 485 00:18:38,865 --> 00:18:40,600 Put that down! 486 00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:41,668 Don't you pull that gun on me. 487 00:18:41,702 --> 00:18:43,036 No, hey. Put that down. 488 00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:45,939 Don't do it! 489 00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:49,242 Damn it! God damn it! 490 00:18:49,276 --> 00:18:52,812 (engine starts) 491 00:18:57,918 --> 00:19:00,519 Damn it. Not again. 492 00:19:03,671 --> 00:19:07,102 (carnival music) 493 00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:09,102 ♪ 494 00:19:09,102 --> 00:19:11,102 - Hey. - Hey. 495 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,342 Hey. How you doing? How you doing? 496 00:19:12,391 --> 00:19:13,868 Hey. What's going on? How you doing? 497 00:19:13,901 --> 00:19:15,058 How you doing? (laughs) 498 00:19:15,091 --> 00:19:17,091 You look off. Come on. Go ahead. 499 00:19:17,474 --> 00:19:19,474 Oh. Come on. Will you? Hey hey. Come on! 500 00:19:19,602 --> 00:19:23,064 No. Don't. Stop it. Stop it. (laughs) 501 00:19:23,116 --> 00:19:25,116 - That's fun. - That's fun. I like it. 502 00:19:31,539 --> 00:19:33,067 You big. You big. 503 00:19:35,164 --> 00:19:37,164 (panting) 504 00:19:37,570 --> 00:19:39,570 (sniffing) 505 00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:41,344 - I know you. - How are you? 506 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,090 I don't think I like you. I don't think-- 507 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:44,669 - No. No. - No! 508 00:19:48,026 --> 00:19:49,848 Hey. What ya eating? What ya eating? 509 00:19:49,916 --> 00:19:52,122 (grunts) Get the [bleep] away from me! 510 00:19:52,161 --> 00:19:54,161 - Oh, but that's food. - [bleep] off! 511 00:19:54,161 --> 00:19:55,591 - That's food, though. - [bleep] off. 512 00:19:55,725 --> 00:19:56,656 Damn. 513 00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:58,792 (chuckling) 514 00:19:58,814 --> 00:20:01,468 I like that. I like the way you look. 515 00:20:01,562 --> 00:20:03,562 You look good to me. 516 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,081 (sniffing) 517 00:20:05,683 --> 00:20:08,201 - You a dude. Sorry. - That's okay. It happens. 518 00:20:12,031 --> 00:20:13,334 (grunts) 519 00:20:16,425 --> 00:20:18,125 - Hey, what's up there? - What's up? There's some-- 520 00:20:18,168 --> 00:20:19,090 - Is there something up there? - Yes. 521 00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:19,957 - Is it up there? - Yes. 522 00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:21,903 - Hey. Come here. You up there. - I want to eat you in my mouth. 523 00:20:22,018 --> 00:20:23,422 - You up there. - I want to eat you in my mouth. 524 00:20:23,453 --> 00:20:24,957 No, no. Get away, get away. 525 00:20:24,965 --> 00:20:27,449 I wanna be there. I wanna be there. 526 00:20:27,535 --> 00:20:29,011 - I see you. - Come down. 527 00:20:29,011 --> 00:20:30,127 Come here. 528 00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:33,142 And it's been a wonderful season. 529 00:20:33,322 --> 00:20:36,067 And you have been a wonderful crowd. And thank you so much. 530 00:20:36,225 --> 00:20:38,421 Hmm. We appreciate your passion. 531 00:20:38,466 --> 00:20:41,286 We appreciate you guys watching the show and being fans. 532 00:20:41,376 --> 00:20:43,590 Because, without you, we do not have a show. 533 00:20:43,658 --> 00:20:46,068 - You know what I wanna do? - I know what you wanna do. 534 00:20:46,429 --> 00:20:49,764 - I want to put the... - (both) pussy on the chain wax. 535 00:20:49,852 --> 00:20:51,632 Yeah! (cheers and applause) 536 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:57,000 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 537 00:20:57,193 --> 00:20:58,835 Oh, yeah. 538 00:20:59,962 --> 00:21:02,968 Sync & corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 538 00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:09,296 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org