paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
oh no tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
i know millie it's late isn't it
you want your bed
see he hasn't washed him up tonight
try again tomorrow night yeah come on
minnie
come on
go back to the car
i got some of those bacon flavored
treats you like so much yes you love
them matter of fact you like them more
than you like bacon which is very 21st
century of you
[Music]
m
ah
um what the hell is the marmalade
i want to know who called
no it's not my phone it's my brother's
phone
no he's um he's missing presumed dead
the point is the phone rang and i want
to know who it was and i thought maybe
as you're his network he might be
you can't talk to him
that's the point he's he's missing he's
he's in the north sea somewhere lucky
thing
yes i'll hold
yeah just like talking to a breeze block
where is the marmalade orange or
grapefruit grapefruit top right second
shelf third from the left
good lord
she is absolutely right
mino
need some help here no
perfectly able yeah
parlez-vous
you would have tracked down the number
and the exact transmitter used to relay
the call by now
is that all you can tell me that it was
an international call
what about the country the continent
just international
any hint is the hemisphere oh thank you
thank you so much for your um hell
an estonian woman see if you'd miss
czecho ah so you've been polishing up
your skills as our estonian interpreter
have you she's in reception what use is
estonian oh it's very useful after
english and portuguese estonian is the
third tongue of market shipwreck what
language can i learn i think we've got
all the bases covered actually
what does she want this mississippi by
the way you haven't slept again have you
personally i see myself as more of a
london lawyer with um
her baby's being
she speaks english
peter kingdom how'd you do
so do you know who's taken your baby
jack
do you do you have a last name
jack triplov
he's a farmer
oh tripler yes i know jack through chloe
and and he's the father of the child
no
well
why why would he want to take him then i
don't know
they just came
they
people who work for him
i screamed no but but
they just
it's all right it's perfectly simple
if jack isn't the father of the child we
go to court we get an order we return
with the police
not police
but
you do want your baby back yes of course
but no police
please
so if you come back tomorrow and we'll
see what we can do
thank you
pogo
yes
still sadly that's what we're here for
why aren't you in court with this chef
czecho because my dear lion in my
experience the law is often something we
lawyers should avoid all costs what
i can't stand the sight of blood
courts are the lawyers what operating
theaters are to doctors
best try other remedies first but this
guy has taken a child
well the more reason not to rush
her child's future depends on us not
cooking things up and besides
she's to get her child back we've got
some exploring to do i assume you have
wellingtons
there's such thing as bad weather in the
inappropriate footwear excellently for
rhyme oh lord
[Music]
phew
no it's not fit for purpose what i do
know is this ain't what we ordered i
just arrived from uh holland are they
and they can go straight back and all
said that bloody driver just dumped them
and hoytailed about the harrage what's
wrong with them they look right to me
these aren't made of ash
well that's willa
oh dear yes it is oh dear
i'll grant you will i have more of a ban
on her but as she take the strain willa
just snaps we can't have that man the
boy offending pole is all been ash
so what are these
smart canes
running beans
you're not from round here are you
nile this was the bicycle of its day a
mode of transport now turned into an
international sporting spectacle enjoyed
by lowlanders across the world
not for free then lyle these are for
dykes
no but seriously why are they four
what like lesbian pole dancing no lyle
not like lesbian pole dancing dykes are
ditches drainage channels
the 127th annual dike leaping
championships are upon us don't you read
the purpose boy
well we can't have the competition
cancelled just because someone's been
sending us the wrong
polls i tell you what add that to your
bag would you
right calm
[Music]
what i said we've been leaping dikes
around these parts since china memorial
the ancient fed men always carried a
pole with him to jump the waterways with
weird well not really you think about it
seems your feet getting wet you ever
heard of wolf rick of the fence
no
oh
he was a character right out of the okay
adventure annual around the time of
heroin with the wake he always carried a
pole with him
the friesians call it fair weapon
they'll be sending a team up with them
hey oh and the danish
and the westerners from the somerset
levels where have you been all your life
ah jack
if i'm not the father then i'll come
she's got my name
on the bus stiff cut
hmm
you want i'll take one of them their dna
test to prove it
but you you don't deny you took the
child
no most fathers had done the same
she had a place she walked out went to
live on the streets what am i meant to
do
you any idea how cold it is outside at
three o'clock in the morning yes matter
of fact i do and you'll know that mr lee
wins come straight in from russia a boy
an even two-year-old
but she didn't deny you any contact with
the child did she i ain't a stranger
i see him every day while she's out
working in the fields
so uh you got peppers you want to serve
on me or something
no no not yet because you can take me to
court i ain't giving him back
my boy was in danger
well there is no way the corpse will
give the boy back to her in these
circumstances why does she lie about him
being the father i mean she's a nice
woman in that or trying to help her well
maybe she's afraid of losing the child
ah now the very spot
don't you bob
take the pole with you
right well the first requirement is that
the dyke is wider than the length of the
pole that seems to be about right so i
just run up stick it in the mud and jump
no no no no no it's a little bit more
comfy than that come with me what you do
is you place the end of the pole in the
dike all right
and you lean it towards this which is
known as the takeoff platform okay
now what you do is run fast as you can
you reach for the pole and you climb to
the top and you use your forward
momentum to swing you gracefully over
the dike to the other side
that's all there is to it
this is an international sport
right
no problem whenever you feel brave
enough
but you might want to change your
clothes
well
looks like we've got a breach of
contract on our hands
oh hang on
gloria
i think you might be needed on the
police station
[Music]
what did you do i hate strawberries
well i hate coriander but i think around
trashing thai restaurants much as i'd
like to yes but you don't have to pick
it all day for fat cat english farmer
well anyway now the police are involved
and that's the last thing you wanted
why did you lie to me and tell me that
jack wasn't the father of your child
i thought that if i said he was not
you could go and take my baby back
afraid it isn't that simple i'm your
lawyer you must tell me the truth
peter
right
well
i think we finally got some answers
these identity papers are false aren't
they ms shevchenko
you're not estonian at all are you
if you were you come and work here under
eu regulations no problem
but you're ukrainian aren't you i would
advise you not to answer that yes
i'm from the ukraine
and you have a visa a work permit
that you mustn't answer no
no visa no permit in which case i'm
afraid
you're going to be deported
she's had a child taken from her she's
deported to never see it again i'm sorry
peter but that's not my concern
she's here illegally she's worked
illegally and she's committed criminal
damage
yeah but you know the strawberries they
stood for the oppression she's been
living under since she's been here
you've seen those fields all of them
teeming with migrant workers being paid
thruppons one look at the product of her
labors and it tipped her over the air i
know that you know that you try 10 the
people out there
they don't play well on the doorstep
as far as they're concerned their taxes
are supporting an illegal immigrant and
her illegitimate child
you do know jack thripler who's the
father
well i can see what he saw on her but
what did she say in him
i don't know i suppose the possibility
of a secure future
well you know what it's like she's come
over looking for streets paved with gold
and all she gets are fields filled with
strawberries peter i'd help if i could
but i can't
if she stays in jail and doesn't see her
child again it'll kill her
what if i stood surety for her
guaranteed she wouldn't abscond
has she got a permanent address
how much did you pay him
nothing apart from the odd pheasant to
christmas bribery died out years ago we
do things more on the basis of trust
um
jack tells me yeah living rough is that
right only because i can't stand the
house no more my room there's ten people
on the floor he made me go back there
after he got new girlfriend yes you do
have to understand one thing i still i'm
not here to judge you whatever you've
done to me it makes no difference my job
is to help you to see that you get a
fair hearing
and the justice is done but for that to
happen you must tell me the truth do you
understand it
right
but you say not to tell them i'm from
the ukraine
well yes so that time you want me to lie
well no i didn't want you to tell the
truth but now you want me to tell the
truth to me yes well it's a it's a legal
thing
this your car
um yes
oh wow
yes
just be careful with the switches
because they're quite delicate it's an
old car
yes not that one ideally
thank you
well no wonder you couldn't understand
each other gloria
she's from the ukraine oh i'm sorry
that's all right i'd lied to save my
child if i had to
oh that reminds me
i've got the number of the pole company
in holland the man you need to speak to
is mr nayskins oh i think lyle should
deal with this you're the one with the
first-hand experience of defective poles
poles very bad
well they're terrible yeah every one of
them's gonna have to be sent back
all poles
that's impossible
they have eu passports
no dutch poles i meant
for leaping
not polish poles
ignore him
when did you last eat
i might as well go for a court order if
she's being deported that she's nothing
to lose now she has everything to lose
if the decision goes against her it'll
make her easier to deport with
deportation hanging over do you think
jack will give the child back without a
huge fight yeah but the court always
gives the child back to the mother it's
not automatic
jack can show genuine concern for the
welfare of the child and she she's got
nowhere to live
there are a lot of loose ends to be tied
up first
please stop talking about me like i
wasn't in the room
if anyone can get your child back
then mr kingdom can
um what uh what are those exactly
labels
[Music]
this is my brother's house
wow
he's not using it
you should find it all pretty
comfortable
so
i stay in all this well um until there's
a decision yes
what you
no
no no no
attack well maybe but i'm not jack
how do you want me to say thank you
just just like that we'll be fine the
word thank followed by the word you in
that order or any order just thank you
is fine
everything i do i do wrong
this is so beautiful
jack would have at least 30 people stay
here
um
[Music]
peter she's take my ched at the desk
any suggestions
um
no look what does this say
sizzles apparently i've tried those
oh i
which one's that then eh no idea it's
unsolicited yeah of course it is i'd say
the same
ah from russia with glove yeah very good
beautiful scenery
that's heister
that's awful
that's
impressive
so what you're gonna do what do you
think i'm gonna do i'm gonna ignore it
maliciously scent material and has no
bearing on the case gets filed in the
bin but what if it does have a bearing
on the case you know if you wanted to
store it somewhere safe or maybe
my bin lyle looking at pictures of
clients naked is against the rules hey
sally
who do you think
all we want really is to
come to an amicable arrangement you know
don't give me all that lawyer speak
you forget
i was brought around here and all
and a couple arrangements i know what
your old dad was capable of and i don't
see underneath that suit look twice as
slippery as he ever was there's no way
i'm giving up my boy so i'll see you in
court
you uh
you get your post this morning did you
yes yes i did thank you so much yes
i always find mail like that tells you
so much more about the sender than you
can ever glean from some
friendly conversation
i learned another thing too
30 people sleeping on mattresses or
paying 50 pounds a week it's a lot of
money jen they work for me
i don't provide accommodation
quite a little philanthropist
that's what fifteen hundred pounds a
week for a stinking hovel it's hardly
worth 500 pounds a month
you really do pay with one hand and take
back with the other don't you
we all have to make a living indeed we
do
if you want to play mean and dirty
i'm your man
did i tell you about my friend who works
for the department of environmental
health overseeing the suitability of
rented accommodation
no oh yes very close we are having lunch
with him tomorrow as a matter of fact
unless for some reason i see fit to
cancel the appointment
you haven't done anything wrong peter
you're the only one where beatrice is
concerned who's ever done everything
right i doesn't feel like that
why do you suppose she behaves like a
spoiled child because she's never had a
normal family life being shipped off
from one institution to another
she needs attention
she never got it from your father and
stepmother
give her something to do make her feel
useful she wants your approval
why
because you are her father figure
oh you could always send her back
if only she weren't so
destructive
she wasn't around when simon went
missing was she
did she know that you had a row with him
the week before he died
why don't you stay for bridge oh
i'm sorry i really can't you could make
a pair with mrs harkett
she has the thoughts for you you know
apparently she recently dreamt about you
naked
i'm awful nonsense you walked without a
friend for a week
dyke cleeping time soon isn't it
certainly is
night oh listen um i've asked [\h__\h]
you should lend us a hand with the case
i think it'll be helpful
well couldn't get any worse
yes well
hopefully it might you know give her a
purpose and direction in life and
something better to do with packaging
tape and sticky labels
oh and could you call simon's house and
tell eister that i managed to persuade
jack to arrange for her to see her child
well isn't that kind of good news better
coming from you
okay yeah
you put a complete stranger in simon's
house well it's empty
lee's trying to sleep tonight well i'll
try it i'm just
revolving this whole simon business
random round
let it go peter
i wish it was that simple
it could be if you let it
sorry
come on i know you're in there
that's not gonna help you
simon kingdom you're a dead man
i mean whatever happened to this
country's reputation for fairness lyle i
mean the fen lands throughout history
were built by
guest workers as i believe the correct
phrases most of them that are here now
are here quite legitimately we pay them
less than the minimum wage and make them
live like something out of dickens
i mean whether she's supposed to be here
or not eister has traveled thousands of
miles pretended to be from another
country just so she can get some dignity
in her life only to have it ripped from
her by us
when's her hearing
10 days
so she could be deported within a
fortnight
oh i get it
the reason you've held off trying to get
the child back through the courts is so
that if they do want to deport her
you can serve papers
and say that she's awaiting the outcome
of a custody hearing which could take up
to 18 months
never crossed my mind
no i still
say hi from me
sleep well
what did you get look at his face at all
no i didn't dare open the door
i thought it was drag come to hurt me
but he was only shouting for a man
called simon
is he your brother
yeah
he told him he is a dead man
you must warn him tell him not to come
back here
he's already dead
i'm sorry
um
uh we've been given a date by the home
office for hearing about your
deportation things may move very quickly
from nowhere no i won't go
i'm not leaving without my son
couldn't be more simple
we bind these documents together with
this string okay
[Music]
why
because that's what we do
yes
why
the string keeps the documents together
so when we're looking for a fire it's
all there
why green
[Music]
peter you know it's not actually illegal
to threaten a dead man
they're here
good old life
no no no if i sign i'll be accepting
delivery of the goods as per the
contract you have to sign up
they were wrong once they could be wrong
again we want to test the goods first
don't we pay that
so
[Music]
it's good yes it's very good very good
indeed
you've never done this before you say
so you've never been a professional in
any sport whatsoever
never won a current golf tournament that
sort of thing
no
i was once given a bag of sweets in an
under 11's mixed netball tournament was
it listed as part of the prize or given
x gracia no definitely excretia local
news agent just gave it to us oh in that
case it was a gift commensurate with the
age of the competitor and not a prize of
value what
he's not professional
you're in
little celebration i think what do you
have mr kingdom no no we should be going
good
ah looking forward to seeing you and
george with eister
find the best
maybe in a day or two jack when i
decided you're not bad
[Music]
what are you doing
string was boring
yes but those are active files
[Applause]
so
and then i changed my mind
but what's the point of him me and his
mother if she's not going to be here
much longer it'll only confuse him
no no no don't it'll only count against
you i hate you
peter this can't go on you're absolutely
right lyle get hold of the family
division and social services she will
see her child poor eyesta it's jack
playing hardball i haven't seen me in
full flow i'm serious it's helped me oh
yes and we all know who he prefers
it's no good peter i know she's family
but i spend the whole time putting
everything right that she's just done
i'm going crazy
we need her to feel part of things
it's easy for you to ask
but it's hard to actually do she makes
everything so difficult what do you do
for me
okay
health and safety want to shut the
tournament down
he's worried the competitors might slip
on takeoff and fall over well that's
what the whole sport's all about would
he listen well if people could resist
the urge to find somebody to sue every
time they sustained a small bruise then
this wouldn't be an issue would it
what exactly is he doing
something to do with mud viscosity well
maybe if we laid down a different
surface for the run-up and take-off
would that make a difference belgians
wouldn't like it oh that's good though
i'm all for anything that upsets the
belgians sorry that's too dangerous
i'm serving you with a non-compliance
notice
ah i suppose
suppose we came up with a plan b
keep it straight
sorry about my little tiff earlier
i was wondering if you'd be able to
photocopy these of course
you don't know how to use a photocopier
don't you i love photocopying
it's just there
[Music]
what is it court order i'll need police
backup in case the child fails to show
no it's not really our jurisdiction it
is now
peter
you should see this
the person who came knocking for simon
you don't want to mess with these people
peter
this is where my brother killed himself
six months ago
how much did he owe you
30.
i'm
presuming you're not a licensed
bookmaker and there's no receipts for
the transactions it's a date of honor
that makes it very difficult for me
well you see whatever gaming debts he
ran up are not enforceable after death
i'm not suggesting this is the case but
you do understand that anybody could
come and claim that he owed them money
so you won't be paying out
well it's not a question of won't so
much as i'm not allowed to
at least him killing himself saved all
of us the mother
there are others
you don't know much about your brother
do you
[Music]
it's okay
it's okay george
it's okay
[Music]
tell me lyle is that any way to treat a
human being you see the way i face
little one that's already been taken for
a ride and abused by just about every
person she's ever come across she has
these little dimples when she smiles i
never saw that before
20 minutes is that all she's worth
20 minutes in some
sterile room with her child with an
overweight social worker and a polyester
blouse for company they never knows kind
of
twitches you seen that
makes you proud to be a lawyer doesn't
it
what hmm
[Music]
no
[Music]
oh i hope you're as pleased with
yourself as i am with myself
oh i should never have put you through
that it was unforgivable and inhumane it
must be something we can do well someone
really needs a full hearing that i
started to be in the country and the
only reason she can stay is if she's
fully entitled to be here
if she was from an eu country or
married to a british citizen things
would be very different well she could
be what
and then she could stay
oh lyla i think he would have heister
will you marry me
you taken leave of your senses you can't
start entering marriages of convenience
why not well firstly because it's
illegal and secondly because you have to
finish your articles and become a
solicitor yeah well she's lovely
oh for goodness sake take a cold shower
go online or something and we'll not
have you bogusly marrying our clients
it's just a piece of paper it's not just
a it is an emotional and legal nightmare
your career will be over before it had
started she's in trouble now how many
times are you telling me just go the
extra mile why have you got to have an
answer for everything because you taught
me to
at least my way she gets to stay here
and maybe see a child again your way
she's on the first play home and it's
cards birthdays and christmas
now i want to help her
i want to marry her
and you can't stop me i'm on a bet
now
which is worse a bogus marriage
or a murder
no ted i have not got a minute
that replace a wedding with a funeral
he's a sweet boy he wants to marry me
yes but do you want to marry him
if it keeps me here and i see my son
yes
i know it might seem like the ideal
solution but
you came over here to make something of
your life and i applaud you for that
everyone's taken advantage of you and
with the dream seemingly over here comes
lyle as
honest and decent as the days long i'm
sure he's doing it for the right reasons
and can live with the consequences but
the question is can you
if you can marry him
if you can't
i'll be proud of you
and together we'll find another way
i want that one please
[Music]
you won't let me peter
thinks he loves her there must be some
way you can stop it
so tell me how are you getting with my
sister fine
she's doing all the convincing
photocopying oh excellent
thanks so much for coming to the travel
what are you doing
photocopying
no
sorry
beatrice
i know when i'm not wanted
on the contrary i was afraid you might
leave
perhaps it's better for everyone if i
did leave
better for who believe you
don't
why
because because i need you here
more than you'll ever know
jack we're all on the same side here we
all want what's best for your son
he ain't going nowhere ah well that's
the thing you see maybe
i've been doing some digging it turns
out
because you didn't marry eister you
don't count what are you talking about i
am his father i'm on his bus stifker oh
he's got a passport then does he have a
british passport
no
they've never been abroad i don't know
why you see that's the trouble
because you didn't marry eister your son
isn't british he's ukrainian
so
if she's deported he goes too what
you could always adopt him i suppose
adopt him he's my son
well it might take a bit of time but it
would solve all your problems
unless of course lyle decided to adopt
it
how could he adopt my son
well because he's going to marist oh
didn't you know
yes yes tomorrow morning to 10 30.
should be a lovely wedding
wedding
unless of course for some inexplicable
reason someone were to expose the
marriage for the preposterous sham it
undoubtedly is
what
[Music]
[Laughter]
she does know it's 10 30. oh yes yeah
she does
plus we should give her a ring
i'm sure she'll be a long
minute flex cut it fine
stop this marriage is fake
where is she
well that's probably for the best
i feel like such an idiot
you have no need to get stood up in a
marriage of convenience
no you're right that is a first
usually make an offer like this you'd
have brides falling over you
not me
well she couldn't have wished to stand
up a better chap than you though perhaps
that's the reason
you're the first man never to have tried
to take advantage of him so perhaps she
didn't want to take advantage of you
it's getting more fish in the sea
yeah
but likes porn stars
jack offered to marry me too but i said
no
yes i'm sorry about that i had to have
some sort of backup policy in case you
did go through with it with lyle i know
this i could not do to him
i
may have found
a way that will allow you to stay
our european friends seem to care more
about the family union than we do
and i've lodged a complaint with the
european court
pretty certain they'll take the case
you just have to trust the process a
process which happily
lasts rather a long time
you look very handsome
well
my clothes might that's because i've
been to a wedding you should have been
there in fact you should have been there
give my love to lyle
why didn't you
it's your fault
you'd let him marry her he'd be leaping
like a gasping figure well you're the
one who wanted him in the team and if
you don't make this jump then danger won
again
come on
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
hmm
always next year i suppose
so
i want the file on christopher waller
i can't find it i don't know what she's
done with it
simple
when you know where to look
he was a client of silence wasn't he
christopher warren yes
why was the urgency
[Music]
um
[Music]
you