paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
oh no tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
he doesn't phone
[Music]
he doesn't write
don't you want to hate him afterwards he
did
i'm trying hard not to
well you should stop caring
took everyone for a ride and then took
the easy way out i thought i was selfish
that was our brother
you should let him go piece and he'll
ruin your life
it's time to move on
[Music]
come on mel
wow
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
this place is a health hazard mr
narbudovic and we have a court order
what do i care you give me my solution
are you gonna write your kingdom
who the hell's roger kingdom
[Music]
you know beatrice was right i feel more
exuberant already i should have done
this three months ago
sorry
who did they ask for chaos for your dad
roger kingdom dad
they are out of touch did they uh leave
a name uh mr narbuttovich
rings no bells with me not [\h__\h] oh now
hang on somewhere in the dark recesses
lyle
you've seen this it's brilliant carrots
got a willy please lion stop it he can
mate you with this parsnip
yes i'm sure it's very very funny if
you're 11 years old but have you got
nothing better to do no no please i'll
be embarrassed no of course i'm not in
that it's just that i have to judge the
rudeest vegetable competition i'm not
allowed to see the entries pete i'm
sorry i didn't know
they're playing
i'll take these away would you please
thank you
yes i don't know if it's global warming
or
pesticides but for some reason i swear
we're getting more disfigured vegetables
every year though why the vicar regards
me as the best judge of such vulgarity
the lord alone knows
i'll do it no you won't lie it takes a
certain detachment and maturity
qualities you have yet to exhibit no
what i need you to do is to occupy
yourself in a manner befitting an
article clark can take this box up to
the attic
it's my brother's papers and effects and
see if you can find one of my father's
old client files mr narbutovic
[Music]
oh we're not redecorating again are we
black is out black is the old me i need
to move up the spectrum what do you
think of lavender
lemon is good it's
more fragrant more optimistic more
joyful obviously not that one then oh
it's lovely to the new you
should be getting out more you know out
out where i've been out too bored of
being alone
[Music]
he's the tinker of shipwreck mr snow
oh hello vicar yeah i know we uh we all
grew up with the legend
i know it sounds a bit dark but
i had the exact same dream as he did no
you dreamt that if you went to london
bridge you'd meet a man who'd tell you
where to find wealth and glory yeah
except mine said i had to go to
chrome appear
but what have you got to lose mr snell
bus ticket to chroma
the tinker followed his dream and with
his fortune he built this church
big things are built on dreams mr snell
[Music]
my dear lyle have i done something to
upset you no no no it's just that you
you came to the right man there are many
people with four a-levels a law degree
and the law society finals under the
belt who could have found a bunch of
dusty old files like that
oh lyle
we also need some biscuits
and some printer ink from the stationers
[Music]
mr nobuchovich
sorry i told you i need to speak to my
lawyer um i am your lawyer mr lobutovich
are you imposter you're not roger
kingdom no no he he died
three years ago
i'm his son
prove it um 1964
a three-legged cat
called
well i albert you want tea
um everyone always wants tea
i'm fine actually don't let me stop you
please um
[Music]
i like cats ah not overly more of a dog
man oh you should you've got thrust cats
they come here they want to destroy my
house
you should have had notice
excuse me
you do open your post
sometimes it depends
well this would have come in the form of
a letter about 28 days ago i rushed open
my post in 1994 but what did your father
die
uh he had alzheimer's disease
i'm not good
not the west
listen all they want to do is clear your
house and garden they you know they
don't want to
take your home away all right
well they think it's a health hazard i
live here i'm still alive
oh good lord yeah where was this taking
westeros
1952 maybe
this is not your mother no no indeed
it's my aunt uh oriole ah
she lives
very much so
how you keep it
thank
they clear you
house i took off from my dead body
i'm not leaving here for no one are we
saying
[Music]
did you excuse me
aaron madame dude do you know me my name
is snell sydney snell
[Music]
do you know me my name is jimmy snell mr
snell no
um
excuse me i'm looking for someone who'll
tell me my fortune
that's all
[Music]
i'm hoping for something a bit more
constructive than that excuse me
oh
we're uh getting complaints
what's your game
but
my game
is nothing i i've come here to meet a
stranger
go on
i'm sorry say that game
i said
go home
that must be what i meant to do then you
must be the stranger thank you thank you
so much my dream is coming true it's
coming true
[Music]
no
who was this stranger
he was a policeman
what does copper save you
where ye will find wealth and glory or
what's more
blah graph home and don't be bothering
people granted it did sound slightly
more like the second but i knew he meant
the first all right then saw your back
what'd you do now in the tinkerer [\h__\h]
regard hold the treasure leave bury
beneath a tree
yep but which tree a lot of bloody trees
in marcus shepard i'm going out
what are those
please oh nothing pottery classes
badminton quilting what's quilting
what's where a group of people get
together and make a quilt
why
friendship i guess it's a way of meeting
people yeah but then you only meet
people that make pots play badminton or
make quilts well i think it's time i
started get my life back after andrew
i suppose in the same way as you want to
paint your room i want to get out more
that's fantastic gloria because i want
to get out more too
but we'll do it together me and you not
these i'm not keen on these i'll find
something much more suitable
harvest festivals are so dull fruit
vegetables and little things made out of
corn the rude vegetables lighten the
tone yes but i quite like it the way it
is really the gathering of the harvest
thanking the lord for the plenty that
seizes through the darkness in the
winter it's also old-fashioned it's not
by accident that congregations are
dwindling all the time if the church was
a corporation they'd have brought in the
receivers years ago i want to make us
relevant
i mean like you people only come to see
me in a crisis
yes but i charge or perhaps we should
maybe then we wouldn't be taken for
granted
i want to widen the franchise of the
harvest festival bring in all the
businesses
and that's where you come in i was
wondering when the caveat was coming
well i'll do what i can vicar i'm sure
you'll come up with something peter you
always do
any ideas for the harvest festival
the vicar wants us to donate something
we produce or generate through the year
barrel of hot air
i don't think you're taking this
seriously i spoke to the council they've
agreed to postpone any action against mr
narbutovic for seven days oh that's
excellent well done
tell me um do you like cats yeah i've
had loads uh [\h__\h] [\h__\h] fluffy tootsie
tippy i i wasn't asking for list just a
general indication that you are of the
feline persuasion
is more like it
salsa dancing ah windsurfing
archaeology no we don't want that one
beatrice this is very kind i know it is
but we'll have to make a few changes
first
what sort of changes oh how sweet
she doesn't know
come on we're going girly shopping
lyle
where is he
[Music]
oh no
[Music]
lyle
gentlemen gentlemen
may i present the new gloria
oh my lord is that really you
no that's a that's a younger sister you
see i was right it takes years off you
you don't think it's too young
[Music]
as an accent on
jeunesse
that's even younger in france
i hate it
it's not that bad
why didn't you tell her i didn't like to
after everything she's done for scott
gloria
listen we need to talk
leaving well he's circling the adverts
in the law society gazette well you've
only got yourself to blame me i'm the
one who gave him a job in the first
place have you seen his cv it's
appalling on paper he was the least
qualified law graduate of his generation
maybe you're safe maybe no one else will
take mom yeah come take that risk
why did you give him the job well
because
because he's got it
you know the x factor
what our clients need empathy
in spades
have you told him well on so many words
why don't you well because peter
it's the same with children
you nurture them you protect them and
you want to keep on protecting them but
actually sometimes what they really need
is responsibility so maybe you just have
to face it
either give them responsibility
or let them go
yes
yeah
read this
if you have a moment mr narbudovich 1964
feral feline ownership dispute that'll
give you an idea
and then i want you to go around and
have tea with him
tea it's all right you can take your own
cup oh and an umbrella
[Music]
it's now butch
[Music]
i thought you were from the council no
no uh they won't be back for seven days
i've got your stay of execution
what if i said
i thought you'd be pleased
there's a difference
good men are in seven days
it just gives us time to make
representations
with people like that
it makes no difference
they will never understand
well to be honest
you could do with a bit of a tidy
question tell me how i live my life
you know this is
yes sir i do
how do you know you're jewish
i did history at school
good
too many people forget
which concentration camp we went oh [\h__\h]
just before the uprising in the water
i was 14.
i'm sorry i used the phrase
this day of execution
you are not to know
you're a good boy
now somewhere i have some warm clothes
for you
course
you like cats
yes sir
i do
they want you to park down lower lane go
through the hedge over the style and
into their garden
who is it
it's peter kingdom
right
not so loud
we think we're being watched by whom we
don't know our bin has been raided
now this is probably foxes foxes don't
go through it meticulously and remove
all the paperwork
ah no that'll be badges
just that your brother always said to us
that if ever anything odd happened
we should get in touch with you
odd
when did you say this four months before
he killed himself it's identity theft
what is what they're after these people
get hold of your name and address and
before you know where you are someone
somewhere is running around pretending
to be you no this kind of thing is much
less likely than you might suppose you
want a bet your brother warned us about
it he said we should even be careful who
we told christopher was dead
i didn't want to say anything in front
of heather but i did see a man in the
garden yesterday big blue huge
i wanted to tell you before i called the
police
[Music]
oh simon
just when i thought i'd let you go
come on milly
[Music]
lionel
you know that box of stuff on my brother
that i asked you to store away unstories
and put out everything on christopher
waller would you well you told me to
take it in future don't listen to
anything i say
what's the book it's about um life in
the warsaw ghetto under the nazis hmm
interesting
very
peter
these need your signature right
is there anything you'd like me to stand
in no not that i can think of
ready gloria um i'm not sure peter
go go don't wake up car keys please
my car
is for the welfare of a member of staff
all right
just drive carefully yes oh i'll drive
carefully
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
oh i love it that we're able to share
things
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
yes
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
oh
[Music]
the center
[Music]
so
[Music]
what proportion should i get it in eh
how does half a ton of hays bro beach up
my exhaust sit with your view of things
we were having fun well gloria oh well
stupid me of course fun
abu dhabi has less sand in it than my
1967 alves but you were having fun i
only did it for gloria if you remember i
did and it worked didn't it gloria you
met kurt
to be honest i didn't think he had it in
you proved me wrong there [\h__\h] i
don't think it's all right
you don't have to thank me
um
kurt
peter
mrs um i was beginning to think you were
avoiding me
as if
so what happened to your family your
sisters
we were separated on the way to the
train
i never saw them again
[Music]
if i had stayed with them i would not be
here now
[Music]
i would have died along with them
you have no idea
many times
i wish
that that had happened
do you like custard tarts
i love custard tarts good
i bought four two each
with the word [\h__\h]
she can have one of mine
now
we're up to 2004. have you any idea what
the last two years worth are
[Music]
but you can't leave everything to me but
i want to but if i draft your will then
any legacy left to me is void i'll get
someone else to draft it then
when you get to my age you feel the need
to have everything sorted look i really
don't need it
what about your relatives i haven't got
any
friends
you were so good to me when my husband
died without your help i don't think i'd
have had the strength to go on that's
very sweet of you but i really cannot
accept then i won't leave it to anybody
oh but you must otherwise it all goes to
the crown
let's face it she already owns half of
norfolk what she want with a bungalow
and half an acre of paddock
actually why not leave it to the church
your paddock backs onto it doesn't it do
you remember they had to sell the
rectory to fix the bell tower that's a
very good idea they could use the
paddock that ties in with something else
i've been wrestling with good well i'm
glad we found some common ground at last
i want an eagle burial
i want a cardboard coffin under a fruit
tree
right well goodbye then this is seven
oh come on here we go
i don't need to speak to you
where's the kingdom ah oh mrs melling
if you change your hair
that's nice oh sorry mr snell how was uh
cromer beyond all expectations yes i
like promo
yes but mr snell has been hot on the
trail of the tinker shipwreck haven't
you he had a dream
yeah except i don't know which tree to
dig under i mean my happiness and glory
depend on it you know what i'd do
i wouldn't choose
they say trees speak to you
i'd wait i felt drawn to a particular
tree
lio
alright
there must be something we can do
this just ain't fair
i know
but sometimes we just have to find a way
of
softening the blow you know
at least if we could get him to empty
the house on our terms you know
if we could find somewhere for him to
stay this
this whole thing's going to break his
heart
i mean somewhere and all this is a chord
maybe that'll give us something to fight
against
do you want a hand
no no just just leave it with me
okay
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
so simon tells the wallers to get in
touch with me if anything odd should
happen it all seems
so designed
first he takes on the identity of one of
our dead clients then he ingratiates
himself with that dead client's parents
they of course think the
sun shines out of his you know
all the time he's milking them for
information to help him with his new
identity and all this because he owes a
group of people with
no necks and very large knuckles indeed
a shed load of money and if there's one
group of people on this earth
to whom you don't want to wear money
it's the no neck large knuckle don't
give a toss about human life variety of
hitman so what's troubling you
well think about it he commits suicide
to get rid of his problems no more
problems so what
what's he doing even considering that
problems might arise
what is it
that could make these unresolved
problems continue well it's the fact
that they've never found his body if
they had none of this would be happening
exactly
so do you think he knew that they
wouldn't find his body well how could he
know
peter you're not suggesting he's still
alive well why not well that's absurd
you'll be telling me kennedy was killed
by aliens next
simon is dead
accepted
oh lyle good news i managed to square it
with oriole for john to come and stay
here
what do you mean he mustn't leave his
house if he does then they'll evict him
the council
they've served him with an eviction
notice two months ago
he doesn't own it he rents it
he didn't exercise his right to buy he
must be the only remaining tenant in the
street
so if he leaves the house they can
change the locks in his absence what do
you think clearing the house is some
kind of ploy some elaborate tactic no i
doubted have you ever known two council
departments speak to each other i want
you onto this first thing in the morning
though
i have to say i fear it may be too late
in the meantime
i think there's only one thing we can do
to protect him
i've come for a sleepover
speak to me
one of you speak to me
people say i got a warm personality
obviously i'm looking for a
companionship
and a bit of romance only drawback is i
can't do the romantic suppers because
i've got a pup
that's very kind ted but
i don't think you're the one we're
hanging about in my five minutes yeah
oh yeah
gloria i've got 15 names already
how many have you got
would you mind if i went home
what
it's not me beatrice none of this is me
i thought you liked it
don't worry
go back have fun
oh
[Music]
what you said i was letting the trees
speak to me
any luck
well
an old jam jar and a couple of acnes
oh yeah
that's stupid really
believe it a dream can give you wealth
and glory
gloria
what you doing now it's late i'm just
going home bit dark for a lady on her
own would you permit me to escort you
[Music]
i'd like that very much mr cell
should be
right
thanks
ah i always knew they wanted to get rid
of me well we won't let them
now you remember you don't leave the
house unless i say so
and i always said kingdoms were the best
lawyers
when are they going to make you a
partner
i'm not really sure about my future
[Music]
sleep tight
what's happened
all i want to be peter someone's friend
and i can't even manage that one
stupid simple task
no
leave me
[Music]
you can ring
sit
we have a problem
again i take it you haven't turned up
anything useful in the waller's rubbish
look they have no clue about any of this
whole sorry business
can't you leave them alone don't you
think they've suffered enough already i
thought we had an agreement but you're
proving as slippery as your brother i'm
not sure i like that
you're hiding something from me it's
client confidentiality i'd be struck off
where is he mr kingdom he's dead how
many times do i have to tell you then
why did we receive an unsolicited check
from this christopher waller trying to
pay off your brother's debts what was
this we trace the source of the money to
a blind trust in reno sir
it's not possible oh it's possible
that slippery [\h__\h] call your brother
anything is possible
housing department please
[Applause]
away
i said go away peter
oh
i wanted to thank you
you hate me
on the country
you opened up my life for me
thank you
do you have dreams
you too
[Music]
well he didn't even know he was being
evicted
no i know it's too late to appeal that's
why i'm talking to you
i was hoping that speaking to you
personally might produce a more humane
outcome
right then you leave me no choice i
shall apply to the court for more time
what do you mean we've had enough time
is that right
and when exactly did he stop paying rent
well obviously i'll have to confirm this
with my client thank you
okay okay i can explain
they said it was unsafe for the red man
to collect the rent in 1994
that's why i haven't opened any post
since isn't it i do not like post they
always want something from you
if you do not open them then they leave
you alone
wait a minute
are you saying you haven't paid rent on
this house since 1994. i'm sorry you're
sure i do not like them
when did you move in
uh housing department please 1952
mr the old mr kingdom helped me with the
karma soon
hello it's lyle anderson here again
i'm gonna need to come in and check your
records
now when i'm gone you do as you're told
you don't answer the door to anybody and
you stay here all right
[Music]
he's got squatter's rights
if he hasn't paid his rent for over 12
years then technically because they've
done nothing about it the house belongs
to him he can't evict him it's his house
not anymore they changed the law in
2002. yes but the one exception is that
his house isn't registered with the land
registry it's never been bought or sold
since they built it
the old law still applies lyle i think i
love you
[Music]
you just think
[Music]
no i haven't drafted a will yet
[Music]
hey
god you're a knife
my ass
this is my house
i never owned the house before
what do you do now
i do not have to get it
ah well they can still make you do that
yes
[Music]
oh mr snell mr kingdom
um i wasn't expecting you
actually i'm not here to see you
ready
oh
thank you
see you tomorrow have a nice time we
will
well i
never
those are for the safe
well for my house crammed with things
this is the sum total of what's worth
keeping no i've got a van full of gear
out there
oh my lord where are we going to store
all that
oh
i've got an idea
why don't you take it man
me well you can drive can you
well
yeah
listen if you can survive being driven
by bitters he can survive with you
drive around a bit he seems happier with
you
no no he's gonna ride the bike
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
now it's just until they've cleared your
house
and don't worry i'll keep an eye on them
[Applause]
oh
[Applause]
your father started a small charity
after the war really he helped refugees
to settle i didn't know though oh
there's probably a lot you don't know
peter you knew he was a cereal shagger
um
yes
i didn't know that i'm sure that's where
beer just gets her instability from
what do you think john
very nice
what a charming young man yes but uh i
am in danger of losing him
well don't
compassion is hard to find in the young
by the way i uh
had a visit from one of the heavy mob
pursuing simon it seems i'm not the only
one they think he's alive too
peter
lyle
it's a
letter for you here
from uh firm of solicitors in london
marked personal
yeah uh it's nothing it's a junk mail
you sure it might be a job interview
anything don't care
i'm not going anywhere
[Music]
i have one of those i have one of those
i gave it to lyle to look after them
hello
ah peter what have you chosen to
represent your produce well at first i
wondered about copies of the all england
law report but i realized that that's
probably a bit dull then lyle suggested
we donate a box of red tape so amusing
probably doesn't quite reflect the
spirit of generosity and plenty so what
did you settle on well that essentially
you and i have the same job both tenders
of our flocks protectors and supporters
both in the people business
to that end i've laid on a little
something in my garden
my goodness
you have been busy
thank you very much indeed well peter
it's perfect
do you come in everybody help yourself
everything has to be otherwise millie is
going to eat it all the time
[Music]
ah now this is my half sister beatrice
this is honor o'sullivan
how do you do that
um
honor needs our help
oh hell christopher told me to contact
you both if anything ever happened
christopher who
uh
this
christopher
that's right
so what has happened
well i stopped hearing from him
i know he works away a lot but he'd
always be in touch somehow messages the
odd phone call and money he always sent
money but that stopped too
why uh
why is it taking you so long to come and
find us
i don't understand
the man you know as christopher waller
is actually our brother
simon kingdom
and
some time ago he walked out into the sea
not two miles from here
and drowned
afraid so
it's been nine months now and uh the
body still hasn't been recovered
no that's not possible i'm afraid it is
unfortunately with our brother not
everything was as it seemed no no it
can't be true there's no way
because six months ago we conceived this
child in dublin
six months ago
in dublin lisa
i'll have a niece
or a nephew
this man we're talking about this man in
the picture she knows who she slept with
he didn't die
he didn't kill himself
you bastard where are you
[Music]
oh
[Music]
you