paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
i want tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
ah
[Music]
uh
[Music]
oh
[Music]
can't you stop them
[Music]
stop it you two yeah
hmm
[Music]
excuse me i don't know
i've got oriole on the phone she says
she's got a situation
or perhaps he's overslept i'll go and
see
oriole
i will get him to call you back
[Music]
i forbid you to scream like that again
god it's morning what's the matter b
don't talk to me a suicide faking freak
but you need a coffee
oh yes as strong as you can make it and
gloria
outside the family no one is to know his
back to understand
beatrice did you hear what i just said
no one is to know why are you telling me
he's not my problem
you do know you'll have to go to the
police didn't you
yeah i know
just give me a couple of days
please two days yes yes i'll tell them
the truth i was depressed slap on the
wrist no big deal
uh no big d
simon you stole someone's identity
that's an arrestable offense what you
did is against the law and if you're
seen
we will be implicated to understand
what's that
ah
yes
there's something i didn't quite get
around to telling you last night
oh morning you
thanks for last night
yeah on um
upstairs
but i'm not supposed to know
peter you're a rascal you've got
yourself a wife
big bone does she no no no no no he's
not mine
who's is he
yours
mine
[Music]
who's the mother
don't worry i'm coming you are not to
upset her
honor
oh my god christopher
simon
you never told me you were pregnant yeah
well this is no time for an argument why
didn't you tell me
what are you doing here me i thought you
were dead you were on the pill
look i've got clients you stay out of
sight
i'll be downstairs
we will talk later
are you sure you don't need the day off
i could take over for the day if you
feel him hungover that won't be
necessary thank you
make sure he doesn't come downstairs i
don't trust him i didn't even before he
died what are you going to do
um clients come first gloria without
them wearing nothing
alf and linda applebee are in your
office
ted sent them over
and oriole is desperate to speak to you
on the phone
jim wright's daughter patricia has
attacked her father's nurse
oh
appleby um applebee's first then i think
oh bennett
the aprons dale
would you like some coats
no thank you we're fine we're naturists
the council are trying to ban us from
the beach
which beach
[Music]
lady goes in bloom
that's me
you can call me veronica that's fine
our club has been using that beach for
over 20 years it's always been a
naturous place but now the council won't
let you use the car park
they've got themselves a warden and he's
writing down our number plates
what exactly is their objection
the new residents are complaining
there's no law against nudity per se why
would there be it's wonderfully
liberating
we are respectable members of the
community my husband is a police officer
yes i'm i'm aware of that that's one of
the reasons i'm having difficulty
concentrating
oh sorry i'm sorry
i'm so sorry
where do i know him from
what part of you cannot be seen by
anyone do you find difficult to
understand that naked man in there is
sergeant appleby a police officer i
didn't know you were the client
well i did but i didn't know where
i think you've just changed everything
around just stay out of sight and until
i can think of what to do with you all
right well i'll go and help honor with
um with john
danny daniel actually
i spoke to the council and they said the
people living beside the car park have a
problem with your naturist wandering
around starkers
so
you're back are you
great
i know as your brother gloria told me
well he is practically family does anna
know i'm sorry
who's this
lyle is our trainee yes sport i'm also
now an accomplice to fraud
this crime could ruin my reputation you
don't have a reputation pile you don't
even qualify look i'm sorry just isn't
your problem all right peter jim
wright's daughter patricia's on the
phone oh
you naked people now before they get a
chill and you up the stairs and not a
squeak
[Music]
have you brought your boxing gloves on
your gum shield i've never seen ever
like it the tricia went absolutely
mental
but to keep my voice down
i've seen that look before peter
it's either sexual frustration or you
constipate it
well aunt i have got some big news
simon's back
a sneaky little [\h__\h]
patricia peter
how's your father
not well
he's come back from the cardiac clinic
with a new private nurse oh that's
lovely no real little gold digger
didn't oriel tell you she attacked me
this morning oh well the way i heard it
it was the other way around filling his
head with all sorts of nonsense
she's calling herself his girlfriend
now i know you're very fond of my father
as an eye peter
i want you to give her this oh no she's
only in it for the money ten thousand
pounds should see her off a brain payoff
compensation for losing the new love of
her life patricia i can't be a party to
this
i love my father and if you don't do
this i will
what's your diagnosis doctor is it
serious
well
in five months time you're going to have
a baby
i'm pregnant
yes
no really
yes you're going to be a mother
[Music]
it's amazing what you've done with this
place isn't it
[Music]
in today um may i give you a call later
[Music]
ah
say patricia spoke to you
or you just checking that i'm still
alive
your daughter is very worried about you
you might think she's all sweetness and
light
believe me pernilla just doesn't know
how to enjoy life um
you mean patricia pinella was your wife
what
oh yes yes but you know what i mean i
don't care what she said to you i want
you to redraft my will leave heather
everything i'll accept the house
patricia can stay there
do you think that's wise
i mean you've only just met and she is
40 years younger than you
38 actually
look i love her she loves me
you only have one heart in this life
oh my darling
this is my solicitor peter kingdom he's
been speaking with patricia
lovely
nice to meet you too
come on i want to show you the ducklings
oh lovely
[Music]
i'm trying to understand the basis for
your complaint we live here we shouldn't
have naked people strolling about
willy-nilly
no
right
so where exactly does this take place
right in front of our eyes every day
[Music]
nutters
what on earth do you think you're doing
sorry sorry can you can you excuse me
for a minute
honor doesn't want me anywhere near the
baby i'm bored simon i'm trying to
protect you don't you understand that if
you are seen the police will come i'm
not allowed near the phone now either
mr kingdom
heather uh why don't you come into my
office
i don't need to go into your office i
just came to say thank you for this but
no i won't be accepting his daughter's
money jim wouldn't want me to why on
earth did you think i would i didn't i
am not that kind of woman
thank you
how do i draft a will that cuts out his
own daughter simple
jim's your client you have no choice
if i've got to defend a bunch of naked
people then you can redraft an old man's
will yes i wasn't actually asking you i
was thinking aloud
remind you he did call patricia prunella
maybe he's not of some mind
he wants to spend his last few years
with a woman half his age that sounds
perfectly saying to me what kind of
daughter would want to prevent her own
father's happiness yes he's not as
simple as that his estate is worth
several million pounds
ahoy mr kingdom
not now mr snell if you don't mind
if you're looking for the nappies
they're on the bottom shelf what you
don't get it do you but
i'm trying
i don't even know who you are
all he ever did was lie
christopher
well
i'm his father
his father we are biologically
peter's been a better father to daniel
than you'll ever be
[Music]
you've no idea how difficult it's been
for me
how much hard work it is to be a mother
let alone a single one
[Music]
that's just my point
[Music]
yes sir
whoa hey whoa there um
these are my clients what are you doing
taking their numbers so we can send them
final ones in the post
not one of them yourself are you oh god
no now you won't catch me stripping off
in public
although i would be entirely within my
rights to do so if i so wished well if
you upset the people living in that
house you wouldn't
well they've been taking their clothes
off here for 20 years yeah but the
moment their nudity causes distress in
the public place it's criminal defense
what is so distressing about the human
form it's the most celebrated image in
the art world maybe
your friend over there is rather more
bottom than botticelli
[Music]
have you got her number
[Music]
this is something i can help you with
oh um
well
yeah i was just sort of looking for some
old files conveyancing stuff for my my
house about 95 96.
i've moved them
they're on a shelf by my desk
i'm sorry patricia heather is quite set
on him
and your father's decided
as he seems to be in sound mind and
under no duress there's nothing i can do
i know i'm right about her about this
you owe it to my father
john's hospice heather worked there for
a while according to the woman who runs
the place she was named in a patient's
will and left straight after he died
she said heather was named in a will
now you could ring her yourself if you
don't believe me
oh no now come on
[Music]
what do you think you're doing the grass
is wet
from the country the grass is medicinal
[Laughter]
you're worse than your mother was do you
know that
[Music]
thank you yes so do you have any record
of of her being intimate with anyone
else other than this
nice
spell my fault
dc yells
come on come on
don't pull what the [\h__\h] happened to say
give me caesar we're ruined why all i
did was describe my suicide and pretend
to be someone else
are you saying you didn't fake it
of course i didn't fake it
[Music]
how lovely to see you peter
i should warn you this is about your
brother
ah well perhaps we better discuss it in
my office no no no
it's only take a minute this is fun
if you put on weight
this is serious this is us trying to
save your ass peter
i don't want to give you false hope but
well the rumor is that simon's been seen
around these parts
these parts here market shipwreck
he's back we used to play hide and seek
in here you did
mum wouldn't let me play in confined
spaces when exactly did you last hear
from them
peter kingdom
yes i'm sorry brian i'm gonna have to
take this
i hate the dog
i quite like it myself
come on
it's my life
i'm entitled to my mistakes
no
uh
he's in a lot of trouble peter
you let me know the minute you see him
of course of course
oh hello
what
this whole thing
yes
it's stella mccartney
arresting isn't it
she has a thing about um
cupboards
anyway
see you later
beatrice
can i come out now
[Music]
i got a call from an ex-colleague at st
john's hospice
you've been checking up on me haven't
you
i have a duty to protect the interests
of my clients he doesn't want protecting
yes
there was someone at saint john's yes
they did leave me money when they died
so why did you resign
people were talking about me behind my
back i had to leave
look i don't care about his money all
right
things have changed mr kingdom
jim has changed me
and anyway
we're past all that
we're getting married peter heather come
quickly it's jim he's had a heart attack
he is stable but the second heart attack
so soon after the last
well one way or another we need to sort
this out
say that again
look i've got it it's simple right we
split the car park in two and then build
a big screen down the middle right we
get the nudists to park on one side of
the screen
hello
hello sandy
how are you
poor old jim
i found him in his room just after
heather left
and cheaply with him
yes
why
do you think the exertion might have
tipped him over the edge and i refuse to
let you bring sex into this conversation
who said anything about sex she was
helping him with his physio
oh for
god's sake
if you can't be pleasant don't bother
coming in
i don't want any more lectures i'm not a
child
i'm your child
she's more important to you then
i'll just go then
shall i
oh
that's perfectly clear isn't it
oh wait patricia let me go he didn't
mean it you're the only family he's got
not for much longer
so why won't peter see me
he's trying out new policy appointments
only
when can i come in
i might have to get back to you on that
one
you don't think heather was trying to
give mr right heart
attack please
she'll just stand to inherit a lot of
money if he croaks
moment he marries her his previous wills
become invalid
i think she planned it all along
you've only got her word about what
happened at saint john's
yes well perhaps if we stop leaping to
outrageous conclusions we might actually
uncover the facts of the case but
get some guns on the phone for me anyway
would you
[Music]
no
[Music]
shoes
so
[Music]
[Applause]
all i can say is she wasn't at st john's
for very long
and why did she leave
i can't give out personal information
without heather's permission
well was she particularly close to any
of the patients
mr kingdom it's confidential
i won't say anything more about it
if you'll excuse me
i told you she's a professional gold
digger i have to tell mr ryan we don't
deal in supposition now well you know
what they say if it looks like a shark
and walks like a shark probably is a
shark yes but it isn't a shark and
anyway who have you ever heard say that
no second thoughts i don't want to know
life's too short
lyle anderson
yes ted
there's a club meeting at the pub 6 30.
we want a progress report
don't let us down loyal
here's your pipes ted they're blocked
nature's problems
what's the point
cats aren't going to back a bunch of
weirdos are they have a bunch of weirdos
your clients lyle couldn't be prepared
to fight for them i'll be a
laughingstock well maybe so but no one's
going to respect you if you quit are
they
[Music]
didn't you have a key
not a you look what happened to you
i fell she did a very silly thing no
i was trying to save them seagulls are
not supposed to take antidepressants
so
[Music]
so
[Music]
we need to clear the air about simon no
on it it's fine
my father would be child's back
i know where i stand
no lyle i don't think you do
even lyle
important meeting
i gotta go
sandy
[Music]
beatrice you're right
what's the matter
is it simon
no it is not bloody simon simon's fine
simon has gone for a walk
what
he's left the building
said he was going to the beach
can this wait
oh yes don't mind me
i'm only a bloody sister
too right it can wait
it's a bloody naive
[Music]
i know what it's like
you're pregnant aren't you
[Music]
oh don't have a go at me i needed some
air well fine card's on the table
what happened
[Music]
i did walk out into the sea
you know how they say that fishermen
don't learn to swim
apparently the more you struggle the
longer it takes for you to die you're
just better off accepting it
but you couldn't accept it
no
i was out there for about
six hours
then i came two
and i was still breathing
and i realized that i had a second
chance but i still had to run away
my debts from
the world
from you
for myself
but simon you planned this
you stole someone's identity it's a
bloody mess
so why did you come home now
well it's not easy pretending to be
someone else all the time
start to forget who you really are
i haven't treated you right
i know that
important isn't it
so that's why i've come back
[Music]
what are we gonna tell the police
[Music]
i spoke to the council again and i'm
afraid they're sticking to their guns
you're not trying no no i am they've
just refused all my suggestions
it's not looking good
you're one of them
you have one minute
ah
don't worry i'm not dead yet
i
i'm sorry about earlier that business
with patricia
ever since her mother died she's been
trying to run my life well anyway jim
much against my better judgment i have
drafted the will as you requested
everything except the house goes to
heather
good man
now we will need
two witnesses off i lost the nurses
before that there's something i have to
tell you
certain informations come to light about
heather
it seems that on at least one occasion
she's made money out of a patient's
death
i know everything i need to know about
heather
she's had to deal with every kind of
crap
that life has thrown at us
however you can't imagine
when we met here in the
cardiac clinic we just hit it off
i want her to be my wife
always bothers because
she's young and i'm old but what about
patricia
she has the house she'll be all right
i want
i want heather to have my money
she's doing the same for me
it's what we've agreed
we're leaving everything to each other
oh
i know you're doing your best peter
you just ask the doctors here they'll
tell you
you can't help everyone
right
there
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
we shall prevail
[Music]
morning nile good morning your new
client ryan to say she can be a bit late
well at least i'm on time
thanks mate that's the case for my
defense evidence you know what that
means
about three to five years probably
you and i need to sit down together
decide what we're gonna tell dc yellen
peter oh can you get patricia wright on
the phone for me i'm trying to tell you
something important beatrice asked me to
give you this
what what am i looking at
simon for god's sake
beatrice is pregnant
[Music]
oh my god
i'm not meant to be here
i wanted to catch the earlier train
i don't see why you have to go at all
surely now is exactly when you need us
most
[Music]
will you give me a lift to the station
if i'm to do this properly i'm going to
have to cut off my medication
and to do that i'm going to need much
more support than you're able to give
it's going to be really hard for me
peter but it's the best thing for the
baby
anyway you really don't need another
addict in the family or another baby for
that matter
simon's back now
exactly with simon there's always a
whole load of [\h__\h] to deal with
anyway you've got danny and honor to
think of now
so
just as one troublesome sibling returns
from the dead the one i'm really gonna
miss is running away i'm not running
away
i'm really not this is the first
grown-up decision of my life i'm going
because i have to
oh you are you taking millie
well she's mine peter
[Music]
i'll miss you both
you've got the number of the clinic
you can always call
[Music]
look out for simon
right
so we're all agreed
you can go nude on the beach but no
taking your togs off in the car oh
you've got a park somewhere yeah i know
that's head we'd have to do it naked
just keep your togs on until you reach
the beach itself they're taking the
mickey with those aprons
no they're not they're just trying to
make a point
which is
the human body isn't offensive
right
it's just a bit wrinkly sometimes it's
disgusting is what it is you try having
three kids and see what it does to your
reps i don't want to know
look
i don't want to see any of them naked
either
well not not all of them anyway
you're a filthy disgusting pervert
let me finish maureen and i won't have
any of you stripping off not on my
doorstep not in my house not on your
life not now not ever i will not have
nakedness of any kind
what the hell are you doing i'm
stripping off mervin
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
you are coming with me
all right
[Music]
i really don't have time for this right
now do you mind making an appointment i
have and it's now
here's the fee i owe on my account now i
know you're only trying to put me off
paying but you know me mr kingdom i like
to do what's right i bid you good day
where are we going
i'm taking you to see oriole
don't worry i'm not stealing
he's asked me to get some of his things
actually i need your help
my help
hmm i need you to offer an olive branch
to patricia
ardorial
you're looking divine as ever
you haven't told the police you're back
have you
well
paparazzi oriole follow me everywhere
you know what it's like
um
have a hug please
come here
i knew you'd surface eventually
bye bye
you still need to go and see the police
this problem isn't just going to go away
you know i'm not going
you agreed
i'm not going to see the police so we
just drop it okay if you want to stay in
market ship if you want to stay in
england for that
you're not staying
i can't risk going to jail all right
patricia um will you come with me to see
your father
not if that money-grabbing [\h__\h] is with
him
you might as well know that i have
amended his will in accordance with his
instructions
peter how could you
please we're past that now you all have
to talk before it's too late
i went well then
don't you talk to me i
i wash my hands of you
i want you to pack your bags and go
no problem peter whatever you want
so what does honor think of your new
friendship
honor
what
what do you care
sandy doesn't date part-time nudists so
she can't go out with someone who's
uncomfortable in their own skin well
sadly for her that rules out more than
half the human race um
tell me how things going with our bare
bottom friends
few wrinkles twine out cracks the paper
over
hop in
[Music]
damn she's not here go and find her
right
jim
[Music]
is patricia with you i'm afraid not
hi i'm looking for room eight yep just
on the left-hand side okay
maybe if you were to make the first move
it's never too late to build bridges
you never know
we might get patricia and heather to
talk i'd be more than happy to mediate
they can't
of course they can all it takes is a bit
of good will on both sides no peter
they can't
father's dad
that's how i made the will
and now i've lost them both
[Music]
she never worked here
she was a patient not a nurse
she had a congenital heart defect which
was worse than his that's how they met
i i just heard
how is he
in shock
not good
said such awful things about her to him
they made mutual wills
she left everything to him
so eventually at some point
all his money and hers
will come to you
[Music]
i'm so sorry
[Music]
i knew
[Music]
forgive me
[Music]
right then
simon kingdom
you're under arrest
you