paper was like gold in medieval
[Music]
times oh not tobacco
[Music]
sugar that everything we thought we knew
about the world might turn out to be
completely wrong
sh
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
middle of leg please Pizza all right
towards you little more more I want you
I want you now
ciller of a nano in
[Music]
more that's M and
leg you are who the
most all right three to come right arm
over and
play oh that's very outn you
I'm
in I know sorry Nigel should have moved
your
feet no no
no I mean
oh be careful he's quick bloody quick
never saw it
[Applause]
had a deal Mr
[Applause]
Pearson leg please
umpire yeah that's
leg two to come right arm
[Music]
over Lord he's back
um I thought this was my office no I'm
just saying what we're up
to did you just say what we're up to
yeah I'm coming back to work as a
partner Simon you're being prosecuted
yes but not
yet the SR says okay to practice pending
any proceeding so here I am yes but that
isn't what they say is it I mean they
laid down strict conditions 10 of them
10 commandments 10 Thou shalt not do
couldn't be clear if Moses brought it
down from Mount Si oh chillax will you
on the door it says Kingdom and Kingdom
and the second one's back no Simon I'm
the second one dad was the first they
dad's dead and I'm not well not now
anyway oh L brought the
car 10:00 here Peter morning
Louise
chillax what kind of word is
chillax nice car Simon thank you so you
fancy another Innings Mrs Pearson Simon
[Music]
Kingdom I could go out of business
£5,000 is a lot of money no no I'm sure
Mrs [\h__\h] it's just you gave this money to
the Cricket Club for sponsorship and
they've renaged on the agreement Mr
Pearson promised Nigel Pearson look I
won't be taken for a fool I gave that
man a check my shop was to have its name
on the kit and the Pavilion Willow on
leather in business terms a perfect fit
but when I turned up last Sunday it
wasn't tiger lies on the jumpers it was
exhaust SAS most upsetting what exactly
is your shop well what do you think
naughty
boy you see L scratched the surface of
market shra and you will exposed
sedimentary layers of legal complexity
where else would you find a woman's
hopes dashed by a TIR and exhaust Center
but what exactly does she sell use your
imagination
oh Peter have you been playing Warrior
God Slayers again it's crashed I haven't
touched it I swear to
you Mr Snell you all right Sydney what
happened I wonder Mr Kingdom if I might
have a word with you of a private nature
right well let's go to the
Garden well no wonder you found it
difficult to
walk they sent two of them did they and
um what exactly is this well it's a
Nordic ski
trainer it's for Gloria you know
birthday present so you and she really
are oh D whatever that doesn't matter
the thing is I can't give it to her if I
can't erect it well quite I bought it
off the internet Norwegian delight.com
but I'm getting nowhere complaining and
they won't give me my money back so Mr
Kingdom I want you to make them eat
dirt this is really important to me Mr
Kingdom so not a word no no no no no my
lips are sealed Mr Peter exor are o also
did their sponsorship deal with Nigel
Pearson oh they did did
they you leave this with me Mr snow
right come on let's
[Music]
go if you just hold that for about 30
seconds so yes the the sponsorship well
it was all looking very promising Mrs
Godfrey was very very generous so we
went straight ahead with the printing
but it was the team the team thr a
wobbly and downright refused to wear the
kit the kit what was wrong with it
see I thought it was all right cuz a
motto was in
Latin Kito osum I Make Love Therefore I
Am how original but I think it was the
logo that did the damage oh my
Lord hello that's for the Children's
Home l
[Music]
you got my
vote a fellow Warrior would you mind
helping me a moment certainly thanks so
much just hold that
okay now can you put that through there
no problem and click
it thanks but now you you attack recycle
plastic or we won't pay our ATT three
cycle bastic or we won't pay our taxes
nothing to do with me
[Music]
I'm surprised Peter hasn't pmed hny off
on you before it's a bit of a nut we
always like to give her the same cell
keep are quiet he brutality yeah hello
hny now if people want to chain
themselves up in the privacy of their
own home that is entirely their own
Affair but a bit of light bondage is a
world away from chaining yourself to the
council railings
human rights inment Yes dear yes one
witness said she had an
accomplice all
[Music]
yours my
[Music]
hero look I'll contact the council and
the courts on your behalf try to
negotiate a way through all this in the
meantime no chaining to railings make
clear but the protest must go on of
course but a little less
obviously what's the point of civil
action if nobody knows you're taking it
there must be ways Gandy had some pretty
good
ideas
Gandy of course he walked across India I
could walk across no no you can't walk
anywhere can't leave the area silent
protest outside the council obstruction
leaflets litter
I could live in a tree Wildlife
bylaws if I were you I'd just stay at
home put feet
up all
right now click on History let's see
what caused your
hiccup Norwegian delight.com oh Peter
what I haven't touched your machine why
would you automatically assume that
something called Norwegian delight.com
was a euphemism for pornography well
what else could it be herence just take
my word for you
[Music]
right eccentric and completely barking
she might be but at least Henny
passionately believes in something do
what you know I share yeah well don't
get yourself chained to anything the Law
Society takes a very dim view of
solicitors in cells speaking of which I
want you to babysit Simon for me in a
legal capacity be my ears and eyes make
sure he doesn't get up to anything he
shouldn't
[Laughter]
catch me I am going to catch you Mrs
Pi your no I can't and here we are
uh oh come on now for good
sake something to be embarrassed about
someone might see me good morning Mr
Kingdom so good to see you again what's
the news well I'm afraid the players
refuse to wear the kit Olivia the logo
what's wrong with it well you have to
admit that any bee looking for pollen in
that Lily logo is in for a nasty
shock sorry Olivia but you know we
looked at what you sell don't be such
approved oh no I'm not being approved
I'm just saying that on the appropriate
scale sex shop sponsoring the cricket
teams aboutus 6 out of 10 doesn't matter
whether it's a sex shop or a green grer
makes no difference in law the contract
was signed and executed by Nigel Pon
himself on behalf of the club
Lyle put it
down oh God get
off
sorry leave the goods alone ly
oh thanks for bril of
Time same time next
week Wild Horses would stop
[Music]
me some love your
husband see
you
Nigel I'm home
you miss
[Music]
me what
on LY Anderson Lyle oh thank goodness
listen I've been burgled burgled what
have they taken everything
Lyle except the
phone so what do you think yes it's very
um it's
very you know I don't think there's a
word for
it all it's really missing are clients
what about my old clients yes I had to
take them on after you went swimming
I've built up a relationship with them
they trust me I trust them trust
everybody that's your
problem Peter Henny leech has been
burgled Henny you sure it's not one of
her cries for help oh tell you what why
don't you introduce her to
Simon love
too ly so good you're here and who's
this uh Simon
Kingdom uh L works for us
oh I just came back and found this good
lord it's everything my campaign
literature all the research documents
and my scrapbook with all my court
appearances I presume you you've
informed the the police Mr kingdom yes
Mr Anderson did some people a bit more
willing to work with the police and
others if you get my meaning well glad
to see your you're in gainful
employment like you said they've really
turned her over professional job no sign
of forced entry somehow they managed to
get in through that tiny little window
there you will go easy when you catch
them won't you I mean they probably come
from a deprived background and they have
no choice but to resort to a life of
crime Miss leech you're the victim
here the people that did this they don't
have have any more rights than you do so
what should she
do what advice to client and you are one
of the
partners
um it's a tricky
one um I think what he's trying to say
is that because you left your window
open your insurance might not cover you
that is what you were trying to say
isn't it Mr Kingdom yeah but I don't
have insurance I just don't believe in
[Music]
it hello Nigel Pearson yes Nigel Peter
Kingdom have you got a moment ah Peter
yes um not a good time yeah I'll have to
I'll have to come back to you okay
bye right who's for crazy golf then
yes something is just not right here get
another member of the cricket team says
he never even had a sight of the kit I
can't understand why Nigel Pearson would
lie he's not that kind of man have you
any idea how much he does for this time
look I have a contract he came to me I
said yes I gave him the money I'm Not
The Grubby one in this
relationship right I need every single
detail how did you meet customer he was
in buying something for his wife what
was it now spanking paddle I think
ah just the man oh miss Kingdom have you
been coming into our office and crashing
Gloria's computer yeah that was me well
thanks to you I'm being blamed as a user
of Internet
pornography which should not certainly
not look I think we may have a problem
Norwegian Delights is based in Tron time
you are based in Market ship so what are
I going to get glor for a birthday
present chocolates flowers
wheel Bearer not quite as romantic
perhaps but if
you hang on Nigel
[Music]
Nigel I can come back when you're less
busy oh yeah very amusing what is it
Council finally return my calls they've
got a court order against Henny for
nonpayment of a council tax bayts are
being instructed well they're not going
to get much are they she's being burgled
are you being this sck on purpose or
what she I'm being burgled the Bist have
cleaned her
[Music]
out I took you at your word even though
you're a defendant in this possible
action I trusted you no you see Simon
wasn't there when I showed him the kit
you won't believe the trouble I've had
with the committee over this morning
Isabelle hello Sophie Georgia thank
you all my client want is what you and
she agreed to sponsor the team look I'll
sort this out I'm on the cusp of a
breakthrough where the Tiger Lily
sweaters or give back the money best
thing to do is you back off leave it to
me I'll sort it you know me we have an
apple for you me thank you very
much I'm
kind melts your heart doesn't
it oh look just cut the clever bugger
stuff of brief me the lore again you
don't know it well I did know it it's
just that right now I can't recall it
but I thought you weren't supposed to
work on cases involving a financial
matter oh God you sound just like my
brother tell me the lore I'll twist your
ears all
right rather reminds me of those
University Library
sittings yeah well uh We've looked into
this honey and uh the upshot is that
your goods and chattles were removed by
the BFFs to repay your council tax well
they don't have the right do they well
they have actually if You' paid it they
wouldn't have taken your stuff but I
thought we were conscientious objectors
in spirit still bists have to abide by
the law they they can't just Swan into
your property and take you things did
they give you 7 days notice no they have
to give you seven working days notice
actually that's not quite right what do
you mean ba can enter without giving any
notice but if you open the door to them
or leave a door or window open then they
can come into your house and seize your
goods without the seven working days
noes yeah I don't know where you got
that from but what worries me is how
they got in through that tiny window oh
excuse
me kind of you to humiliate me in front
of a
cent yeah anytime yeah don't mention it
and about your bag ah finally you want
to be more careful especially with that
sort of cash it's in an even safer place
now Mr
Kingdom this is my next door
neighbor she feeds my cats for me when
I'm on remand or away doing time she
says she let two very nice gentlemen in
from the electricity
board I'm going to need a
screwdriver who
[Music]
I'm completely appalled it's offensive
that's what it is two rights that Peter
Kingdom make his way you know what's on
our cricket
jumpers no offense Peter but your
brother is a complete ass no none taken
I assure you see you and I we're part of
a Dying Breed and endanger species
solicitor car aotus You' got a lot of
Bott sh your face around here Peter at
least until the anger
subsides what anger is that forc that to
be sponsored by a sex
shop no that's complete nonsense it was
Nigel Pearson who signed that contract
well not not how he'd have been a
telling it what do you think we are
pervert don't you ever come an unpa here
again told her they were angry
[Music]
Nigel I know you're in there Nigel
right I'm going to count to six and if
you haven't opened the door I'm going to
sue you for
slander
one
two
three four two left in the
over
five so I'm making them wear phallic
jumpers am I pet to they probably got
the wrong end of the stake thanks to you
the entire Club thinks that I'm some
sort of sex obsessed dildo file it's
nothing to do with me Nigel you are the
one who signed the contract and you are
the one who's obliged to keep his end of
the bargain I will the the the club will
you've already cashed Olivia's check for
£5,000 I know but the printing's already
been done I don't know what to do either
the club honors its deal or we come
after you for the money
you've got 24
[Music]
hours yeah don't look very the door down
take the
look
really I've got to go that nut
back actually I'm glad you're here so's
us the bother of posting the bill
R it this must be the fifth time we've
repossessed your
property why you posting it to her she's
liable for the
costs what your costs are meant to be
fair and reasonable it's inflation
that's how much it costs to recover
property these days yes well speaking of
the recovery we heard you said you were
from the electricity board no we got in
through an open window perfectly legal
then I don't suppose you'd mind showing
me who gained entry through this
window Jason
yeah W that by me again he's put on a
few pounds illegal entry illegal removal
of property I want it back and I want it
back now you can't take advantage of
vulnerable people like
that Simon
[Music]
oh sry
[Music]
man well I don't understand Nigel
Pearson is such a nice man we couldn't
do without him here well how are you and
Simon getting along well he's spending a
lot of time with other people's wife
wives says he wants to put down Roots he
had Roots he tore them up Simon's
problem is that he's so
believable even he believes the lies he
tells well don't be too hard on him it
wasn't so long ago we were mourning his
passing and now he's back I hear he's
the life and soul of the Cricket Club
and you are Market ship for a very own
pornographer and chief that is a
complete lie I only ever go into that
sex shop for Prof professional
reasons as a as a lawyer what's this a
shopping list for Tiger lies from the
residence sex is not just The Preserve
of the young and um what exactly is a
human chocolate Sunday oh that's Mr
buckins it comes in a box one sheet of
polythene a quart of chocolate sauce a
quart of pressure ice cream and a marish
cherry oh just the one Cherry yes heaven
knows where you put it
Olivia is Peter
Kingdom oh actually I'm I'm right
outside yeah do you mind if I don't
people have been
talking well if he doesn't come up with
the solution all your money we're going
to have to go after him I need your
permission for you do it don't
hesitate yeah but if you go after Nigel
Pearson you're in danger you're becoming
a social Pariah I run a sex shop Mr
Kingdom I'm already a social Pariah
makes me laugh I have a good profit
going here so someone's buying my stuff
but they're all so
prudish what is it I do that's so wrong
improve people's sexual relationships
keep their marriages together what's
wrong with that you divorce people but
they don't hate you I don't know I'm not
exactly flavor of the month at the
moment I can tell you you want a p
especially the day chocolate Sunday oh
that reminds
me aren't orel's shopping list uh yes
two Sundays de thank you very much no
Cherry for
me
um snacker
Engel rad Ginder
avocado can't be right Advocate yeah
yeah lawyer in Market
ship um yeah snacker I nor how do you
say I want to sue your bottom off in
Norwegian give it here
come
problem
uh ski
trainer
um yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah there you new ski trainer
coming out tonight I've accepted their
offer of compensation
but I spent a few months out in the
fs trying to work out if it was a good
idea to kill
myself anyway um can I buy the car again
of course
yes great thank you cheers
I've been so
selfish all I've ever done is look on
his disappearance from my perspective
being left high and dry never occurred
to me that he hadd been suffering too
was he well of course he was how'd you
know do you think he's lying to me
Simon's never known where the truth ends
and fantasy
begins you're not the selfish one Peter
he is
[Music]
Mrs Pier that's not the gear stick let's
go play at the beach I've got some new
toys
excellent bring it on one for
you and one for
me ah find the post box yeah
is that all I do take the
post well we've all got to start
somewhere this is meant to be work
experience how am I going to be
embarrassed to by poting letters but
you're a great help Scot I'm only done
this cuz she forced me to and she Banned
Me from playing Cricket even though I
can't the school team she's so
annoying she's your mother she's
supposed to be
annoying tell you what here's the
deal but you have to promise me to
behave like a normal child what's in it
for
[Music]
me
there my
grandfather's sure the top two
away get
receip oh dear I don't want to upset
Scot I was hoping Sydney might want to
do something for my birthday well he
might hasn't shown any
interest still time
oh Harry how are things in the fish and
chip business things could be better
Peter somebody's done me out some money
I sponsored the cricket
team tell again please Ted I don't think
you should
Nigel don't tell me what to do or best
you make your way home
I need your
bike Nyro Pearson's got a lot of
explaining to
do treat me like
[Music]
[Applause]
oh my
[Music]
God ambulance I think I've killed
someone
[Music]
how is he not good he just stepped off
the pavement there was nothing I could
do oh no no the injuries you gave him
he's fine just charging him late this
morning no he hasn't stopped crying
about his wife it's terrible isn't
it yeah he's he's such a nice bloke
[Music]
please
Rosie please take it I bought it for you
I don't want you stupid
necklace I'm going I'm
leaving di oh Peter is he in Nigel it's
the man who nearly killed you and keep
the noise down I've got a
headache I'm so sorry sorry no it it was
my fault I I didn't look where I was
going I have to say from where I was it
looked as if you deliberately walked
into the traffic can I come and see you
sort this whole business out well in
your own time when you're ready no
now my 24 hours is
on don't know what to
do
stole I'm a thief I'm in terrible debt
big big
debt hi you wanted
me
oh um
Nigel Nigel's been falsely promising
sponsorships to businesses all over
Market
shimra I've come
people I don't think I'll ever be able
to look them in the eye again but
presumably the emotional strain you've
been under because of your failing
marriage
means that you don't really know what
you've been doing
no I knew what I was doing
Undertakers news agents chip shop sue
me make me bankrupt it'll end all the
turmoil you see Rosie's been having
Affairs awful Isn't it yeah yeah I
thought if I bought her something she'd
stop I got her diamond necklace I knew
it was wrong but didn't know what to do
Peter I want her
back Simon what do you suggest
um
well difficult one isn't it h isn't
it I feel like such a
failure listen will you excuse us I'd
really like to get Simon's considered
opinion on this
pleased with yourself Peter I do not
know what you are talking about no well
let me remind you I do wish itd clear up
after your messes I found these in my
glove compartment Mrs Rosie Pearson well
you heard it yourself wasn't just me oh
so you joined a queue did you the poor
man is having a nervous breakdown and
you're gallivanting around with his wife
do you have an ounce of remorse in your
whole body I didn't know was affecting
him affecting
him do you have any capacity to
distinguish between right and wrong or
does it all go west as soon as you sent
the soft aure of some marital thighs
we're not all like you
Peter but don't want Mr bloody high and
mighty what happened to common decency
all right okay
okay what' you want me to do then
[Music]
reparation for all the damage you've
caused Mr Kingdom will they soon be
polishing their balls on my whites sadly
not no um we found we couldn't enforce
the contract I'm afraid you've been the
victim of a confidence trick and you're
not the only one
I've lost my
money well actually I did manage to
trace
it Mr
Kingdom I don't know how to thank
you oh
hello will Lyall be free to join a
protest at lunchtime this lunchtime oh
I'm sorry I'm afraid not
oh would you be offended offended if
every time I get arrested I ask for him
in future offended not in the
slightest I understand you sell
handcuffs yes I'll um leave you to it oh
no don't go I've got the order for your
aunt's care home I've put in extra
whipped cream good thank you
don't buy Willies from Tiger lies don't
buy Willies from Tiger lies well I won't
then don't buy Willies from Tiger
lies hello Mr Good
Samaritan if you finish
now have the rest of my money back
please oh no not until after the trial
I'm holding on to it and keeping it out
of your reach until you show me you can
behave like a responsible adult and
what's more important dear brother we
all know perfectly well the moment I
give it to you you'll be out of the door
in a
Flash was a protest against the sexual
enslavement of women yes but you
assaulted DC yelland with a spanking
paddle now if you're lucky you might get
off with a fine and then perhaps
together we could really tackle the
issue of renewable energy and CCTV and
those new microchips they put inside the
dustbins perhaps
any we'll
see he's a decent man
Rosie he loves
you but we had such a great time I know
I know and that's how we should remember
it
look I know there had been
others I've done a lot of running away
from problems myself where you and in
the end you find the problems come with
you and sometimes the best thing is is
to confront
them talk to him ruie give your marriage
a
chance talk
[Music]
what Mr King Mr SN is there something
wrong with the door would you thank your
brother for
me thanks Simon what for special
delivery from Tron time and I got
compensation I certainly pass on your
thanks yes thing is I'm not sure how to
put it together
why don't you just wait here a
moment don't know what other the fuss is
about simple well I'm glad because it's
for your mother from you not exactly sne
what's going
on syney I bought you a birthday
present it's lovely
Mom I'm not stupid I
know you don't mind
no cost you a tener
though I
don't what is it well it's a ski trainer
and uh a ski trainer and I'm touched I
really
am see thing is Mr Kingdom had to
threaten to sue him and as a result I
got compensation so
Mrs Gloria mingon would you do me the
signal honor of being my companion on
the Nordic princess they've sent us two
tickets for a cruise up the Norwegian FS
oh Mr
snow Scot that thing we were going to
talk about remember we should yeah well
I'll uh I'll take that as a yes
then
and happy birthday
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
is it safe to show my
face well the only way to find out is to
conf it little Contrition little
explanation you'd be amazed how
understanding Market chipper can be
where's Simon he's supposed to be
opening the batting for me he's playing
instead of
me yeah well reliability was never
really a strong point no they'll hate me
even more now Nigel you've got to stop
trying to please everyone all the time
you already do a lot for this town maybe
it's time you started concentrated on
doing things for yourself for a while
while but uh as for your opening bat
problem I do know
someone possibly even better than
[Music]
Simon ni look
oh I'm
sorry we need to get to know each other
again
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
good knock
SC always playit the ball that's bold
Not the One You're Expecting how right
you are
[Applause]
y
[Music]
h