are you going to bug me i might get a
mug you it's that gorgeous one
and i believe i can run for decent
marathon
download valee now
hello
um
six purple crystalling sucking bleach
woody butters please take this all
floaters
sinkers where are you toying them um
probably use a
homer road loop knot i think that's an
off the bone here
scotland
i have penciled myself five days of
unadulterated peace and quiet just me
and my rod
gloria hold all calls i'm going to pack
[Music]
what on earth
[Music]
brian
[Music]
right
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
where is he
brian just a bit of fun peter fun no no
it was a breach of civil liberties a
bridge of privacy and a breach of my
bedroom or to learn how to use it on
someone
you've got knees
i'm going on holiday good grief amazing
isn't it
you must have a screen for every member
of the population
nine cameras in the high street four in
the park and those two for the racing
and the cricket we really need this in
market ship
tool of modern police in peter market
towns have crime too
oh and by the way
don't leave your car in the yellow lines
outside the butchers
i haven't
last tuesday
you bought the pound of lamb mints ten
ounces of skirt beef at the count of
seven pound fifty
they're very good these cameras
oh
what's happened another wicket
[Music]
no you cannot be serious
[Music]
you know
i can almost smell the breeze and the
heather across the loch and the
log fire and the pt single malt whiskey
mr kingdom will see you now mrs anderson
when he's finished his robert burns
impression sorry to bother you mr
kingdom it's really very important
right dude please come this way
so uh
who owns these allotments the council
we haven't got long left they want to
raise them to the ground put up houses i
wasn't aware of there being a planning
issue at the moment
the they are in market chipper these
allotments oh in stockport
but stockport cheshire yeah
you've come a long way for a lawyer
well we've fired three already you see
all the local solicitors play golf with
the councillors
and you couldn't find any in between
well you came very highly recommended
you see i was told that you're the sort
of solicitor that died out years ago uh
i'm not entirely sure that's a
compliment but i'd love to know who told
you that
mom what are you doing mum lyle i'm in a
meeting without me this is your mother
this is mrs lyle so you go to him rather
than me what do you think you spent all
that time at college for i'm perhaps
under the circumstances i didn't want to
bother you i didn't stop you turning up
out the blue and making me sleep on the
floor did it um well you've obviously
got lots to catch up on um lyle i've
made some notes yeah right again mom
from the beginning
mrs anderson it's been a great pleasure
i if you'll forgive me i need to go and
pack but mr kingdom mom
mr reston here see you his daughter goes
to the same school as scott quite a
cellist
is she
does she
um
welcome let's uh go in here if we may
bam indeed and when i objected i was
forcibly removed from the premises it's
ridiculous all i want to do is video my
own child practicing for young musician
of the year well it does seem a bit
heavy-handed i agree i mean there is a
child protectionist but abigail is our
child
look
work commitments mean that only one of
us can get to the concerts
my wife jacqueline works really long
hours
and this video is just for family use
well of course
what what kind of society are we living
in when you're not allowed to take a
photo of your own child as far as i'm
aware there's no law that says you can't
well that's not what they said really
can you do this with me mr whiston i'll
make some preliminary inquiries but uh i
should warn you that i'm
going away for a while
i guessed
are you harder cleaner
no well then who's that weird woman who
keeps talking to me in a foreign
language
well lal's mother comes from stockport
oh no well i didn't know did i
i thought she gave me a funny look when
i asked her to strip the beds peter you
should tell me these things you see if i
had a proper job this sort of thing
wouldn't happen here what do you think
of this
what is it it's my cv
is that it
[Music]
what
i can't hear you can you just
look what's going on i can't make out a
word you're saying just slow down and
what
when
are you kidding me
i sent in a bulldozer
give it here oh come on
all right
lyle anderson
party mom
[Applause]
hello lawyer
[Music]
hello now you listen to me
i work for kingdom and kingdom one of
the top agricultural lawyers in the
whole of norfolk and if you so much as
crush a blade of grass without going
through the correct procedure we will
sue you for criminal damage now put that
thing of yours into reverse until i
speak to the council
[Music]
it's simple
we have a basic duty to act in the
child's best interests
i assume you have photos of your own
children at home
peter are you actually going to make a
point i've got double latin yes and i've
got a date with a woolly bugger on a
scottish lock look some parents simply
can't attend these concerts and sports
days and the like surely they deserve a
record of their children's performances
other children are on stage at the same
time and it's their rights that are
being protected
no rights to what exactly privacy
they're on stage in a concert in front
of hundreds of parents where's the
privacy in that peter it's the law the
data protection act no it isn't the law
the data protection act does not apply
to parents making videos for their own
use look it's policy
i am head of this school i have to draw
a line the images could fall into the
wrong hands huh
so you are presuming that all parents
are guilty of an unspeakable misdemeanor
until proven innocent
if you're unhappy take it up with the
local education authority don't worry
i will
oh i see
you can record images but the parents
can't will you please stop telling me
how to do my job merely an observation
enjoy double latin
gosh i wish i were going to
de minimis non-curate legs
this country used to be a champion of
civil liberties
when did we become so scared so paranoid
so
frightened
tell you i'll be glad to get out into
the wild
peter
i have to go up there
i'm supposed to be going on holiday i i
know and i'm really sorry
quick overnight visit sort everything
out back in 24 hours
the allotments are at the heart of the
community they tried to send in a digger
i mean if it wasn't for lyle they'd have
flattened the whole site
i don't know when i'll be back but but
school want to suspend scott
can't someone else
yes
yeah she is
one moment if it's the council tell them
we're on our way it's the police
which one both
callum and finley
now it's pretty difficult to tell which
one's which
i'm callum and i'm in finland
what's
they see up
the twins
have been arrested
lyle
hatch
[Music]
i'm going to sue for defamation mr
kingdom
they think i'm a paedophile honestly
that's not what they told me see that's
the inference i can't be trusted to take
pictures of my own daughter
i mean
how dare they i made the exact same
point what will happen when i represent
the schooling young musician of the year
oh
well um there'll be all sorts of
regional hates to get through first it's
okay dad will be there i kind of get
time off so you're sick or something
uh sometimes
things aren't that simple for adults
i've um i've made an appointment with
the local authority
i thought you were going away
so did i
[Music]
excuse me
can i help i understand you're holding
callum and finley anderson
not anymore we've released them on bail
and you are
and me um
the uh solicitor and
and their brother and this is their
mother and my mother
all right well we're uh seeking an
interim anti-social behavior order on
them what's that
an asbo and what grounds gardening
without new care and attention
and the high-speed car chases that
follow
[Music]
special occasion mr snow or are you
planning a robbery it's a plunge into
the unknown mr kingdom
i'm all sweaty with the threat and the
worry
anything i can help you with no sir some
things a man got to do on his own
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
right start on the south side no no no
no no these allotments they're the heart
of the community right they bring
everyone together they share recipes and
vegetables they help each other we're a
council
not a delia smith support group we've
offered them an alternative site
oh come on lad keep that's it
save my life
don't talk to him
he's disgraced himself on the school
cctv
for breaking into a locker
so
cctv hey scott
join the club
miss carlton i know this is done in the
name of protection but it's a draconian
overreaction
i mean
the school posts photos of its pupils on
its website and most children are
posting images of themselves online
anyway so what if you or the council got
against parents
nothing but
we live in a digital age images are made
they're recorded they're halfway around
the world in any second school isn't
trying to persecute anyone it just wants
to be responsible for the children in
its care can you imagine a child who's
been removed from a violent parent
accidentally broadcasting the
whereabouts be disaster the data
protection act doesn't ban parents from
taking photos of their own children i'm
well aware of the law peter
as the local authority we merely offer
guidelines the school sets their own
policy i'm not empowered to make them
change it
[Music]
nigel
i'm so glad you could come
[Music]
are you sitting comfortably
[Music]
good
then we'll begin
[Music]
i just can't get the thoughts out of my
head nigel
whatever i do
you're always on my mind
i need some fresh air
[Music]
lord nigel you're all right
no
definitely not
i don't understand women ah well yeah
that's uh it's perfectly understandable
but as a marriage guidance counselor at
the later stages of my training i should
be seeing both points of view but i'm
not
i've got an exam coming up
feminine points of view in the modern
age
oh come on nigel stop being such a big
girl get back in here
beatrice has kindly agreed to help me
with my revision
she's taking it very seriously
[Applause]
oh
[Music]
my windows
[Music]
what do you think
too dry more water
oh no really i'm broad beaned out but
what about courgette greta it's green
yellow and glow no mom i really couldn't
i'll go on just a bit
oh
i'm back
madison don't be too hard on them i i
know it's my fault no i'm not saying
that it's your fault just they've got
too much freedom
it's them they're going out and doing it
and getting arrested
what is gorilla gardening anyway
they plant flowers on neglected urban
land
oh hello
i've cooked your favorite well well
visited from the planet suit how are you
he speaks mum give me some wicked swiss
chair oh thanks lou
come on finish your tea
right
we need to talk
what are you doing seed bombs mixture of
compost flower seeds and water to find
it
there's some disused land we're going to
give the medal treatment too
they're giving you an asbo
we drew beetroot outside of woolworths
once
it was beautiful it's criminal damage
the music in your car is too loud if
you're just possessing a trial you can
be done for going he quits ah you worry
too much too muchly much
chill
more mixing all right
now concentrate nigel
[Music]
my husband would never forgive me if he
found out
[Music]
you don't have a husband
[Music]
you want your husband to find out don't
you
you want his attention
now you're definitely getting somewhere
nigel
i'm gonna get you through this exam if
it's the last thing i do
couldn't do that to
cross your leg thing again could you
[Music]
see i'm a lawyer
i can challenge the law but school
policy is a
whole other
minefield i'm afraid there's
nothing we can do i think we have to
accept it and
move on
it's harder than you think
she's the ray of sunshine in our lives
my business folded we owe everyone money
behind with a mortgage it's only
jacqueline's job to keep the wolf from
the door
that's why i can never get to the school
mr kingdom we'd be bankrupt if my wife
didn't work and i'm doing double shifts
at the harbour cafe it's 24 7. abigail
is the only thing that makes me think
that i'm not a complete failure
[Applause]
let him have it
these are your foundations
[Applause]
when are you going to realize that this
is serious hey
and if you're so worried about the
environment what are you doing driving
this monstrosity it runs on chip fat
we converted it
get in
so college boy what's your plan you've
got to find a way to stop them the
council have done everything by the book
they've offered you an alternative site
it's totally unsuitable
what are you doing now poppy sees which
we live with fertilizer our favorite
will you stop it they're giving you an
asbo you're gonna get us all arrested
again pull your boots mr suit
you wanted to see me
i'm grounded i need to go between the
negotiations
it's my understanding that you are more
or less caught red-handed wrong the
camera only had a partial view they
interpreted what they thought i was
doing
did you open that locker
yes
did i steal anything no
i was delivering a letter to the owner
of the locker she knew it was coming
she
yeah a girl abby
i mean what gives them the right to spy
on us anyway did they ask my permission
not uh
not abigail risden by any chance
great
i'm spider at school i'm spider-man in
the streets why don't i just invite the
whole world to come and have a look
believe it or not scott i i am on your
side i
[Music]
your dad loved it here
[Music]
plus control of the mile
i've listened to me since your dad died
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
no
[Music]
you will park illegally you get caught
on camera you get to fight i was not
parked i wasn't even waiting i was
unloading the engine was running and
continued to do so can you show me if
you can where are the no loading signs
peter
this is legal principle brian we don't
live in a police state
yet
[Music]
oh
[Music]
i suppose you advise them to do
this to do what
what do you think you're paying
attention this petty act of
vindictiveness
the risdens have removed abigail from
young musician of the year
oh
you licked my cctv camera you pointed
out me
i'm informed you were acting
suspiciously with six raspberry
doughnuts
scott is true i think what scott is
trying to say is
it's this isn't it you see this you
think crime that's what these cameras
are for you're all fighting are boys my
age go on and charge me
i'm scott there's no need for this
you're fired peter i defend myself
charge me take me to court and i bring
in every other 15 year old that you've
spied on to give evidence
you know i think you encourage him 15
and he thinks he's a barack or lawyer oh
he'll be fine he's just kicking out it's
all right for you you're not his mother
don't worry she only shouts people she
likes
it's abby
she's really upset
wonders if she can see you
doesn't look too bad
it's miles away it'll take ten years to
get this sign into shape how are they
all gonna get here there's no buses lyle
this is not an alternative this just
helps them to destroy us
i hear what you're saying i'm on your
side you should have bought that kingdom
block like you promised
calum
i just i keep myself on the right side
of the law unlike the
helen titch marsh twins
look
it's been hard for me since your dad
died i mean he was the
the check and balance when you were
growing up
you are
what you are because of him
and they're what they are
because of me
[Music]
but no one's listening to me mr kingdom
no one's asking me what i want
i know it seems extreme but
your parents just want the right to
enjoy you growing up and to witness your
achievements then why stop me achieving
anything
well you're the only weapon they have i
just want to play my cello i don't care
who takes a stupid photograph
i'll talk to them
i'm fed up of being pushed around being
the victim of everyone else's decisions
what have we done wrong i took a camera
into school to record something happen
and do i understand your anger at the
world and and the storm clouds that have
gathered around you but you say she's
your ray of sunshine
well let her shine
i can go back to the school i can go
back to the local authority we'll face
our own problems thank you mr king
andrew
abigail stop practicing i've said you're
not going
[Music]
lyle
i'm not sure i can come up
i'm not the man who can mend families
it's me who needs mending
[Music]
i really
really need you
please
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
oh excuse me you are um i wonder if you
can tell me where i am
um
i think i went through marple but um
is this hazel grove i need to get
stopped
[Music]
i said we should put you in a hotel but
one wouldn't hear of it well neither
would i nothing beats the warm embrace
of a family home ah
the anderson brothers
what a pleasure to meet you
all right
welcome
nice
sorry about the length of the bed but
what with working down the mines we
don't all grow as tall as you
sydney
peter and i have had to go up north oh
uh yeah um i know it's um it's actually
you wanted to see
um
alone
nothing bad is it
why do you think they don't let doctors
minister to their own families
because they're emotionally involved and
it's the same with lawyers
you could deal with this case standing
on your head but throw in the landscape
of your youth the genetic codependence
of your family
the subtext of sibling rivalry and bob's
your uncle by your auntie
or your brother and father depending on
the kind of family you come from
so i should concentrate on the issues
well goodness knows i know what it's
like to come from a family where
you feel so different from your siblings
but yes you have to fight the disease
not the patient so think of fresh
broaden your horizons
what is
an allotment
local amenity
open space good put them together
planning policy guidance 17 open space
amenities need to be where they are
required
good old ppg 17.
now then i don't think you're taking
into account ppg-17
open spaces underpin people's quality of
life these allotments help the health
and well-being of all the residents nice
try son
but it's a bit too late for that
we have given you the required notice
they haven't
i didn't know what it was
when
they have to give you a year
last september
11 months ago
won't you do anything
we hope they go off the idea are you mad
you've given us a month
[Music]
and i don't like you
no nigel you love it
but you asked my opinion no i asked if
you liked it if i wanted your honest
opinion i would have asked let's try it
again
[Music]
i bought this yesterday what do you
think
it's
nice
no
you really like it
it's gorgeous
it really suits you
that is excellent nigel
so what exactly is gorilla gardening
down there we planted delfina jason on
that plot
like experts you me a northern native
the primula faranosa
to trap the bees in the spring
had to splash a colour to the grey world
when they missed the kingdom
they redeveloped the land so quickly
often what we've planned it doesn't get
a chance to establish
it i hope to feel the snapdragons but
they built all these warehouses
and you wouldn't mind having criminal
records
but presumably you want to go to college
what do you think they'll say when they
see that you've got a pair of asbos
college is lyle's thing
is it
sorry
peter kingdom peter
abigail risdon's gone missing
her parents think she's run away
what
right
i thought i'd find you here i've got to
get back to norfolk see if i can help
find abigail wisdom
you'll have to finish here on your own
[Music]
so the last time you saw her was when
this morning
by the sea front did she tell you she
was going to do this
no
we had a row
we broke up
brian camera 4 picked her up yesterday
down at the arbor
tired strong down there
[Music]
please god she didn't do anything stupid
right we have her on camera until early
afternoon and then she just vanished
we know how and why my fault i should
have just listened this is no time for
blame you did what you thought was right
come on
[Music]
hello
[Applause]
[Music]
peter
is this the one over
did you see her abigail
oh thank god you are safe
i'm sorry i'm sorry
i really am sorry
i can't see any use with cctv personally
[Music]
where you going and what's that
suprapedium calculus
a native species
used to be widespread in the north
i don't care what it's called or where
it's from it's theft
we can't do this
[Music]
we plant it and say we found it it's
protected species yeah but that's not
true
we'll just take it back to the botanical
gardens
so what do you suggest lyle
in that plant you're holding a bit like
one of them
bloody hell
[Music]
what do we call it when a woman collects
things whilst pregnant
no nesting okay i'm pregnant my hormones
are more up and down than a day out of
drawing towers what advice do you give
my partner never argue with a pregnant
woman i think we might be there nigel
wish me luck remember
this is your moment everything we've
worked for you can do this think like a
woman be like a woman and remember
a man's place
is in the wrong
i'm sure if we came up with a suitable
proposal the risdens would bend ever
backwards to have abigail represent the
school i hope so i really do it's just
such a tricky situation
i'm damned if i do and i'm damned if i
don't which is why the school hires a
professional to film its own
performances yes a professional who
isn't subject to crb checks
and who charges 1999
for every dvd
so your children aren't protected and
you're alienating their parents
why not
entrust the filming of all performances
to the people who care most about the
children the mums and dads organize a
small group of crb checked parents to
work on a voluntary basis that way
the whole process will be affordable
inclusive and safe
i'd be happy to advise and help set it
all up
and uh
while i'm here
i couldn't have a word about scott
millington could i
ah
ladies slipper orchid
it's a european protected species all
over the boundaries of these allotments
this is a valuable ecological site so
you can't build here
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
tell you what i'll make you a deal i'll
represent you at your asbo hearing if
you promise to stay out of trouble
cheers
[Music]
did you know that out of your 575
paperclips 132 of them
are red i see you've been busy
come
michael
i've
brought you a
small thank you presents nigel
they're wonderful thank you you don't
like them no i really really like them
nigel what should i have got you nigel i
really really really like them i can
always take them back no did i mean it
peter
your sister is brilliant i would never
have passed that exam without her
thank you
i'm impressed dee do you think i could
put this on my cv
i tell you why not personal assistant
the managing director of nigel pearson
associates how much do you think i
should say i get paid
you can't make things like this option
here of course you can everybody does
that i'll be wearing a suit before you
know it no actually a uniform not white
don't like white something with pleats
you better get a shifter on or you'll be
suspended again for being late
thanks peter
all i did was tell them exactly what
you've been up to now the whole school
and i was going out without a girl
that's just another fence you're gonna
have to mend
funny
won't be long before he's off out there
on his own don't
then who will i mother
have you missed me oh
yes
[Music]
good to have you back
[Music]
you lot ready yet
didn't you tell him
tell them what oh sydney i'm so sorry i
completely forgot he was up north
sydney's invited all of us
to his wedding
mr kingdom
i'm getting married
[Applause]
[Music]
at least
[Music]
okay everyone because we have a little
better piece and point now
definitely will you get off that fruit
machine
[Music]
do you
sydney george snell
take lindy karen prentiss to be your
lawful wedded wife
i do
do you
lindy karen prednis take sydney george
snell to be your lawful wedded husband
[Music]
she does
how do we know well she gave me the the
look what did he need say so
oh
[Music]
boy the power vested in me for a market
ship for a district council marriages
and first department i now pronounce you
man and wife
[Applause]
that is so welcome thank you you know
[Music]
i must say
mr snell seems so happy yes he does
i don't think i've had a chance to speak
to mrs snow yeah i wouldn't worry i
don't think she's ever spoken to anyone
either
yes i'm fine
[Music]
peter
[Applause]
[Music]
you