are you going to book me i might get a
mug you it's that gorgeous one
and i believe i can run for decent
marathon
download valee now
[Music]
right
[Music]
which convalescent home do you want
dropping out oh very amusing okay move
along
new passenger knee driver i'm joking
i find it funny dude
no no
well
i bought you grapes as well
[Music]
okay just grab a hold i have to
excuse me
okay
put your finger on the line that's it
okay what you want to do is just whip it
back and whip it forward then just
gently kiss the surface and then let the
fly settle
you're on top
ready
[Music]
my word
look
they've surrendered
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
should you be up a gentleman with a
severe urinary infection needed my bed
what would you like me to take on your
case i'll be fine all i did was pass out
i made you breakfast look would you stop
fussing my ticketing has never been more
boo peter
they're running some tests but i'm fine
i'm raring to go well that makes two of
us you don't collapse for no reason
peter don't you think these waders look
absolutely fabulous if i was naked
well you'd certainly find it easy
getting a job on a trawler thank you
lyle
the fishing club would like to talk to
you about some dead fish
no i'm sorry he's in disposal oh for
goodness sake i am wellness personified
who should i say is calling uh i see
the lord david marston the lord david
well how many people have the as their
first name i should be in my office
haven't you got dead fish to attend to
was it
peter i can just wait i have to take
this call no i can't wait
don't you go dying on me peter i really
wouldn't be able to cope i'll do my best
i promise i'm serious
simon's gone with the only kingdoms left
petra needs you
and i need you
we have a little scare that's all
i'll be fine trust me
[Music]
david morrison yeah glad you could make
it careful where you step you can break
your neck on this playmobil stuff
prayer martha please die so we have to
have the fairy castle by the front door
my wife sarah
[Music]
no sorry about this no
i will go and find some peace and quiet
i dies i wouldn't turn peter into a cat
he'll sue oh come on
uh we have family solicitors up in
london i would have expected no less but
on this map it would set up a conflict
of interest and besides uh the london
people leak like a sieve and one thing i
really don't want is the daily smut
running all over this so i will need you
to assign this it's a confidentiality
agreement um
i am a lawyer you know in my experience
you people are the worst
listen if you have a problem with it i
can always go elsewhere yeah that's fine
so
what's it all about
history really
my family is not short of a few titles
so we have a duke doom
a couple of earldoms the old vikancy
frankly i've lost count
actually a count is one that we don't
have
um listen would you be right if i sat
down for a moment
lately had a bit of a
small health scare
god you're not going to die on me are
you
i think it's highly unlikely
anyway
my brother robert he's the one
swallowing around in that thing
you know these online auction sites
yeah so fair enough just uh bought a
spare gasket from my elvis for 30 pounds
the other day well you can also bid
for most of my family's titles my dear
brother robert so desperate for cash
he's auctioning off our heritage
[Applause]
[Music]
what about that one
robert darling that's a copy
your father sold the original in the 70s
to pay death duties what about that
weird one not without permission of the
trustees
dead
isn't there anything here that we can
sell
calm calm
[Music]
yesterday i lost out someone called
wiley coyote from arizona
who bought the ride to grey sheep
outside norwich cathedral
and you're saying that your brother
doesn't have the right to sell these
titles i don't know you're the lawyer
but all this has been in my family for
centuries
now he's just put it up for grabs click
of a mouse
yes
but i still don't quite see why there's
this great need for sensitivity and
secrecy
i'm worried about what he might be using
the money for
i'm worried that he's using heroin
[Music]
we've got the competition coming up soon
this is a disaster
i didn't know you were a fish man many
hidden talents well no
maybe we should get some independent
tests some could just be a disease no
way
if it was a disease they'd die one at a
time
there's definitely something wrong with
this water
[Music]
right well i'll
i'll make some discreet inquiries
brilliant and if you do go near the
house
keep your speed up
he's he's not very keen on visitors
[Music]
wow
[Music]
slowly catch
monkey
[Music]
oh i swear to you if my health doesn't
get me that duke of rottingham surely
will you sure you're feeling all right
oh i'm fine yes yes
no i promise it's just i had it
unexpected run in with a well-bred
maniac on the way home that's all peter
you must look after yourself please we
don't know the result of your test yet
oh lyle poison fish cut me off my yogurt
corner loads of them just downstream
from the agrichemical factory oh no i
was looking forward to the fishing
competition oh if the water is poisoned
you can say goodbye to fishing there for
at least a year you're sure it's the
factory's fault and what else can it be
beatrice
how many disturbed people do i have to
deal with
the window
[Music]
no [\h__\h] not my roses look like the
practice
enough no gloria is the only one that
treats me like an adult just for once
peter it would be very nice to feel
wanted
[Music]
beatrice
you left this at mine
thank you
anything exciting
strict liability negligence polluted
river case
no window fee oh god i love it when you
talk dirty
look i won't keep you just that dad was
on the phone
dad my dad anyway
he asked how i was i mentioned us and a
few other things anyway he's coming up
wants to meet you
me well who else am i going out with
your parents no just dad mum doesn't
give a toss thursday
what should i wear um
smart casual not that
just
something
else
best behavior
gloria
don't ask mr kingdom i need you to write
some letters to demand the ransom mode
didn't know you earned any property mr
snow oh i've got a very wide portfolio
um make an appointment in the usual way
bring some details and i'll do what i
can thank you mr kingdom gloria
did you get by okay yes no problem
but he's doing it again
[Music]
now
where are all my duckies
sorry i was a bit
prickly
it is not easy for women to return to
work after they've had children you know
no but you never had any work in the
first place
i just want to be good at something is
that too much to ask no no of course not
so when did the interest in fishing
begin
a while ago actually not that you'd
notice you just think i'm some some
half-baked sex maniac that's not true
i care more about you than anyone else
in the world
you're my sister
half sister
sister
[Music]
gloria
what do you understand by the words
smart casual
nice shirt smart trousers and sports
jacket
why is it casual than that
no tie
it's one of those terms invented by
women to stop men turning up in what
they want to wear
ah emily
you're meeting her parents
good luck
oh
who do you think you are
well not so much who do i think i am is
who do i think the maustons are
and more to the point does robert have
the right to sell off the family
heritage certainly a lot to get through
from the house of hanover through the
battenbergs
onto robert and david
under the house of windsor
a road map of old family feuds and
bastard children you can imagine can't
you how they must feel the
the weight of history on their shoulders
no
peter
i'm uh sorry about what happened
i hear he took a pot shot of you
no i'm done
he attacked me once thought i was a
baboon come to assassinate him
you're running out of time
and he's getting worse you've got to
help me peter
anyway i have to go speak soon
mr anderson
yes my name's kerwin i'm on a small
holding by the river how can i help
someone's interacting about the river
being polluted
it's just that my little girl went
swimming in it yesterday i mean you've
got a moment i'd like you to come and
take a look at her
she's covered in blisters
[Music]
boom
[Music]
hi
hello
i'm lyle
mind if i take a look at your leg
thank you
and if you've got these blisters
anywhere else except on your legs and
your back
no
okay
has anyone else in the family got them
they'll come down with anything there is
no one else just us
we've taken her to the doctor
no i
couldn't get an appointment take her
immediately regardless do you mind if i
take a picture for evidence
it's okay
thanks
it's nice to meet you
i've got with me some lab results
some fish from this river died from a
high dosage of chlorine
boring that may have come from their
chemical factory further upstream
now don't worry mr kerwin whoever is
responsible for this i'll make sure they
pay
[Music]
lyle um
uh
listen you're more down with the kids
than i am
if i wanted to buy heroin where would i
go
is that why you're in hospital
no
forget it um how's your uh river
pollution case going
huge contamination and now this
she's seven
she's swam in the river
they have a small holding just
downstream from the agrichemical plant
tread very carefully lyle
lyle what have you promised them
no win no fee
dial well all their money's in the land
and then somebody has to stand up for
them i mean if not the little girl then
for the fish and the herons and the
waterfalls i applaud your sentiment but
you can't base law on the wind in the
willows especially when dealing with
agrochemical companies they've got very
deep pockets and expensive lawyers if
these people lose who do you think's
going to pay their costs
we are
peter i found it oh good
and what
what are you doing
i am
researching the possible case of marston
versus mawston
we've acquired an online identity and
i'm about to become the master of the
ruttingham hunt would you believe
[Applause]
hello mr kerwin
i don't mean to pry but um
what did your wife die of
she died of cancer mr anderson
[Music]
this is the level of contamination in
the fish
that's high
high enough to do this
she's seven
she swam not far from one of your
outflow pipes
we have no record of a leak no well you
wouldn't mr anderson we comply with the
very highest european standards
we take our responsibility to the
environment and the community very
seriously
but you're not denying that you knew
something like this could happen of
course not i'm merely denying that we
contaminated the river
we have an automated warning system for
this very reason we have no record of a
leak and we can prove it
[Music]
mr kingdom i've brought all the records
that entitles me to claim rents and
privileges from my tenants
you bought this online from the duke of
rottingham didn't you well as alderman
of market shipwreck i do know my rights
mr snell this isn't 1752. it doesn't
matter i checked it out they still owe
me rents and chattels from 1837.
so you'll take the case there isn't any
case the duke of rottingham has been
flogging off every bit of titilla tat he
can lay his hands on i'm now master of
the hunt oh congratulations
well course is drugs and market [\h__\h] bro
people think we live in a chocolate box
but if you give me 25 quid i could find
you class a's within half a miler here
what a hearing look at shipwreck in
every market town well luckily in market
shipper we've only got small problem
but rest assured if it escalates i shall
be there with my battering rat
how would uh how would i go about
finding out if someone had been using
heroin well you could just ask me
all the addicts end up in the cells
sometime or other
what's their name
well you appreciate i can't tell you
that but uh i think it's probably not
the kind of person who would have ended
up in the cells oh duke you're writing
him is it i couldn't possibly say well
he's the only addict around here doesn't
need to steal from little old ladies
handbags
yeah there you are
crash's land rover lost his license
nice plug
who put you on with
brian there is such a thing as client
confidentiality you know
right his brother
[Music]
say
you're right what are you doing
oh i thought you were dead
are you a freelance undertaker
i'm i'm here to see david oh well bugger
off then
robert
keep still
sorry
gloria yes no did you answer the local
health authority find out if there are
any clusters around here
clusters clusters of what
cancer
all right dads will
what do you need that for the london
lawyers have all that hey sarah can we
do something about these wellingtons
please
according to my researchers you don't
have any other brothers no it's just uh
him and me
so in the event of your brother's death
the title and the estates would go to
you sorry are you accusing me of wanting
to inherit all this by underhand means
listen my brother is destroying himself
that is what i want to stop now he'll
kill himself and destroy everything else
in the process
you don't believe me do you right what
are you doing this evening
[Music]
so this house here with the brick porch
that is his dealer
a few years ago he would come here every
day then he was prosecuted and he
stopped coming
did he go into rehab
a fat lot of good that he's been coming
here regularly for the past four months
have you told the police
[Music]
he's my brother
[Music]
this is him
i thought he'd been banned
oh that's not who's that
that is his girlfriend
she is called moonbeam
[Music]
so
do you believe me now
peter
[Music]
peter
how you feeling
uh i thought i'd take it easy today
you passed out again didn't you no no
just
felt a bit queasy
i know you too well peter kingdom
now you are not to nurse me
you're too precious to us all
i just heard back from the health
authority there aren't any cancer
clusters in the local area
i need to speak to peter you can't
well what if i run upstairs how would
you stop me a drug protagonia
sorry to bother you i i've got a
delivery
[Music]
what
earth is going on where do you want them
i don't want them anymore
you are the new master of the rottingham
hunt no no
no no no i bought the title oh god don't
tell me it comes with actual dogs
you're going to struggle getting rid of
them now they've banned hunting yes
thank you lyle
i was thinking of training them on the
center of your socks so that wherever
you go they'll be sure to follow
are they going to enjoy one of these
lyle
we've got 25 couple they're capable of
tearing a fox from limb to limb how long
do you think that would last
all right
now out there
go
it's too much of a coincidence come on
mr kerwin says his wife was perfectly
well when they moved in there then the
agrichemical business expanded she
became sick soon after that's a very big
allegation lyle is there any evidence
that the factory is the actual source of
the leak
no but it no you see you're being too
emotional without evidence there's no
supposition no allegation and no case to
answer but what if we can't get the
evidence what if all the evidence is
washed downstream i'm sure the
environment agency will come up with
something
i've come see the duke robert
it's a man with good karma to see you
good karma
yes
it's like this
big aura
you're a man of substance and noble
bearing
thank you oh no don't thank me i'm
usually a terrible judge of character ah
i don't know
oh
you're chris oh i can't be doing with
all that
don't i know you
yes i i wake you up the other day
oh yes you were the confused undertaker
guy oh yes no
so um what did you want to see me about
well a couple of things firstly i bought
the master of rottingham hunt title
brilliant i'm making a fortune selling
off those uh that one had to go to a dog
lover well that's what i wanted to talk
to you about you see they're a sod to
exercise
oh one thing we never sent you
i've got no need for it
that's the problem inheriting everything
it's like running a museum getting rid
of some of the chaff is so therapeutic
so um
what was the second thing
well i'm a solicitor and i've been
retained by your brother
now bugger off
[Music]
i'm not sure oh it looks lovely
trousers are a bit oh you're worse than
a girl
you seen how much it is shut up i paid
for it
this is definitely the one
dad i love it
[Music]
you told him you were working for me we
agreed softly softly catchy monkey i'm
not some sort of gumshoe private
investigator no you're a bloody invalid
market town solicitor
you're fired what you heard me you're
fired right well
you might want to read this
what is it read it yourself i'm no
longer retained as a lawyer speak
yes well it's from your solicitors in
big london all right all right all right
you're hired again
excuse me you're hired you're hired
well basically the trustees give full
permission to your brother to sell off
certain unproductive parts of the
settled lands and chattels he gave him
permission what
what
to fund his drug addiction
do they know about that of course they
do
spread all across the news of the screws
sarah
you clean the car
[Music]
you can't win
kerwin
mr catwoman let's go in don't
it's the kindest way
yes but not like this
i can't afford a vet mr anderson
she's dying
she's been eating the grass by the river
it's all poisoned
and we've been drinking her milk
please i'll pay for the vet
well if it is then you'll get damages
and compensation no money's going to
bring my wife back
their dreams when we bought this
we're going to live the good life
live off the land
sell our organic produce
forget that now
do you buy cabbage grown next to that
whatever you do don't need this suddenly
off for testing very smart and casual
yeah hamilly
say that again
robert did what
no that's impossible
stay where you are i'll be right with
you is that robert marston
i know you're in there david
i've got you covered
[Music]
i'm happy to wait
ring yellen
you knew him in rehab didn't you why
didn't you tell me confidential
the contamination didn't come from the
agrochemical plant
so where did it come from
what is it you've got against me
you see i don't think you want me to get
better makes you look like the decent
one would you
it's fine trust me i know what i'm doing
you all right in there sarah yes i'm
fine robert you're pandering tim how are
you
i'm going out
are you mad come on kids i forbid you to
get cut down by a hail of bullets shut
up david sarah heroin was my way out
but i turned myself around i'm clean why
can't you just leave me to get on with
my life i'm bloody clean
beatrice
robert
hello i'm sarah hello
this is freya and this is martha hello
don't mind me
looks like you're getting on famously
out there you can come out now david
he's not gonna kill you can i have that
in writing please why don't you do what
you've never done
trust me
[Music]
i do trust you
if you want to be duke that's fine by me
deep down it's what you want isn't it
you always thought you were the most
deserving the one with the best
corduroys robert i just want you to be
well maybe i'd have stood a better
chance if i'd been the youngest
without any of the pressure we followed
you to your old dealer
oh you really are something don't let
him make out you're the only one with
problems robert sarah i've been in
therapy because of you
don't darling me
you treat me like i don't even exist
like i'm your slave and i've had
enough great aren't we
thank god neither of us sat in the house
of lords
but if you're not using the money for
drugs
what are you using it for
[Music]
so you've uh
you've built yourself a house
it's going to be an addiction center
i want to give people the chance to get
well we met in a place just like this
we're facing east i know
seeing the sunrise every day gives
people hope
i want to use the albatross of my
inheritance for something better
i'm sorry if my selling off the alderman
of shibra offends you
but
do we really need the right to drive
sheep down the high street
oh steady young girl
smell
good
come on girls left wheel
left wheel girls
[Music]
all right mrs johnson
yes
it is
i can no longer represent you about your
contamination case why not you said
you're gonna make them pay
no i said
whoever did it
i'd make them pay
it's a claim form
i'm serving on behalf of the fishing
club
me
you're on my side
i should have realized when your
daughter didn't have blisters on a front
if she got them from swimming then she
would have had them all over
she got them from lying on your grass
didn't she missed a girl
i don't understand
the laboratory results are conclusive
chlorine contamination came from your
land
they killed my wife
did they
or is it just that you can't cope with
the death and you can barely scratch a
living from this place what are we
hoping for did they be closed down are
we just looking for easy money
what was i to do
you need some help mr kerwin
you need to speak to someone
for her sake
will i be charged
it depends on the environment agency
but you will be on the receiving end of
a lot of claims from people further
downstream and i'd like to help you with
that
but i'm not allowed
i can however put you in touch with
another solicitor
sorry i put you through this
that's not the answer
coming
no i don't think so i need to catch up
on some things
you're right
uh the doctors rang
they're expecting the results back later
today so i've booked you in for the
morning
right
did they sound
up about it or
done
she sounded like a doctor's receptionist
well wait hm peter i thank you
i know
i'll be fine
everything will be fine
[Music]
very good oh yes well you see
we kingdoms are genetically disposed to
be able to think like fish
you mean you have small brains
[Music]
[Applause]
well done beatrice
you've been an inspiration to us all
thank you
and hopefully next year we'll be back on
our water i would just like to say thank
you very much to everyone who's helped
me to get this far
i'd like to say thank you to nigel for
lending me his tackle
and to lyle for all his babysitting
but most of all i would like to thank
peter
my brother
well we should go and celebrate
i can't i've gotta meet emily's dad
what should i say how should i be just
be yourself lyle that
you can
[Music]
gloria
[Music]
i don't think i could face a world
without you
[Music]
i don't think you know how much you mean
me
i do
you picked me up off the floor and you
gave me hope
i love you peter
every day in these offices
i breathe when you breathe
destiny's thrown us together and i
couldn't stand it at facebook to keep it
smart
[Music]
marry me peter
now
before it's too late
[Music]
you know what he was a really funny guy
emily's dad now she went to a really
posh school like like you do you know
what dad does he's a builder or a
scaffolder something anyway you should
never make assumptions about people in
their backgrounds
i'm sorry
i forgot it's this now isn't it
20 minutes yes
that'd be all right
thank you
my resignation i'm so sorry i shouldn't
have proposed
you are
i was emotional liar oh can we um deal
with this when i get back
actually when i get back may not be a
good time
gloria i'm flattered you think so much
of me
but i'm not going to accept your
resignation
aside from beatrice and oriel
you're my family
and i value that
well
see you later
[Music]
so
well we've got to the bottom of it we
did a lot of a lot of tests on your
blood
this mixed news peter
how mixed
you've got type 2 late onset diabetes
that's when the the blood can't process
the glucose or
yes
but it's non-insulin dependent so we
should be able to control it with diet
and
exercise
that's a relief
i thought it was something much worse
well everybody at your edge does no one
knows why it suddenly develops it's a
theory that it's obesity or that it
runs in families
oh well shouldn't beatrice be tested and
petra she's only a half sister different
mother but same father
actually peter it's not that simple
[Music]
how was it
what they say
[Music]
well i have
type 2 late onset diabetes
but
that's not it that's not
the news
there's something else
according to the blood tests
i'm not related to you in any way
beatrice
what
what do you mean
daddy
oh daddy
not mine beatrice
oh peter
oriole
i'm sorry peter it's true
you are not your father's son
but if i'm not peter kingdom
then who am i
[Music]
you