1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,920 This is it. Royston Vasey. 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:10,600 - These pictures don't do it justice. - They do not. 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,360 - That's before and this is after. - Aye. 4 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,360 - Aye, aye. - What is it? 5 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:26,000 You tell me. That's not meant to be there. 6 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:33,160 - Oh, aye. Well, it will have to go, Mr Wint. - I'm afraid it will, Mr Kidd. 7 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:38,200 - I shouldn't think it's a problem. - The locals are friendly enough. 8 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,400 Stop! 9 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,840 Stop! Stop! 10 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,920 Hey! 11 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,360 I've told you. 12 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,480 Bastard! 13 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,200 - Good morning, Benjamin! - Mm. Oh! 14 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:47,920 - Morning, Auntie Val. - Did you sleep all right? - Yes, thanks. 15 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,920 Any used tissues to dispose of? 16 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:58,560 - No! - How did you get on last night? Did you meet your friend? 17 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:03,280 - No, I must have missed him. - COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS 18 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:08,320 I was wondering if I might give him a ring, find out what happened. 19 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:20,480 Of course you may. Relax and treat this place just like your own home. 20 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,080 Just one moment! 21 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,520 Go. 22 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,640 Morning, Mrs Levinson. 23 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:55,360 I'm so glad I'm going away. It will be one big building site here soon. 24 00:02:55,360 --> 00:03:01,600 - Gangs of navvies with their bums hanging out. - I know, Mrs Levinson! 25 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:06,440 I've cancelled the milk, the dog's offal and my tarot woman. 26 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,080 She didn't know I was going away! 27 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:14,640 - No, Mrs Levinson. - But the chicken man is coming round on Friday. 28 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:17,280 Don't you hate going away, Iris? 29 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,920 There's so much you have to remember. 30 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:23,880 Jaeger suits, Gucci shoes, Chanel bag... 31 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:29,400 - Shall I put these knickers in to soak? - Do you know Antigua? 32 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:35,320 - Is he the chicken man? - No, Antigua, the place. Sapphire blue oceans, 33 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,760 cloudless skies... 34 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,640 - Do you travel, Iris? - We had a week booked in Kendal. 35 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:49,280 The carpet warehouse keeps Eddie working like a black. 36 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:56,320 We only manage six or seven times a year. I don't know how some people get by without a break. 37 00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:03,640 - I'm all passion spent by the time Ricki Lake comes on. - Me and Ron take the dogs for a walk to unwind. 38 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,080 Taste's a very personal thing. 39 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:13,200 I wouldn't stone-clad my house - it'd look like a white filling in a mouth of rotten teeth. 40 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:18,040 It's no wonder some people have to drink as much as they do. 41 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:23,080 Be careful with my nightie. It cost more than you owe Kay's catalogue. 42 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,480 Yes, Mrs Levinson. 43 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:35,920 - We've theen most of these! - Have we? - Yeah. 44 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:41,160 Theen, theen, theen, theen, theen... Oh, I've not theen that. 45 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,800 Oh, I have. It's really good. 46 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,240 Ith it? How many killingth? 47 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,280 Seven. 48 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:53,320 - Oh, is that all?! - He kills one by gluttony, one by greedy, sexy, 49 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,160 ugly, sleepy... 50 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,600 dopey and bashful. 51 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,040 It weren't that good. 52 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,680 I don't like Bradley Pitts, anyway. 53 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,120 - No? - Too much acting. 54 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,320 'Ere, look at these. 55 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,240 - Yes?! - Oh! Sorry, love. 56 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,600 Are you open? 57 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:28,800 Yes! Can I help you at all? 58 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:33,440 You can. I'm Mr Wint. This is Mr Kidd. 59 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:38,520 - Are you local? - No. We're conducting a survey for PQ Construction. 60 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,320 - We need to serve you with these papers. - Ooh! 61 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:48,560 It's nothing to be concerned about. Just notification of a new road. 62 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,200 No road! Bad! 63 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,560 SHE GAGS 64 00:05:55,560 --> 00:06:01,800 This is a local shop for local people! There's nothing for you here! 65 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,280 Listen, love, we're a bit pushed. 66 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:11,000 - All you have to do is sign this and read the document. - Is that a crown you wear? 67 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,480 This? It's just my helmet! 68 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,120 'elmet! 69 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,280 Yes. 70 00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:23,320 - Can I touch it? - Look, perhaps we could use your telephone? 71 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,880 Tephelone? Em... 72 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,920 Tephelone... 73 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,320 Is this one? 74 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:37,160 I have my mobile. It needs charging. Can you show me your points? 75 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,200 No, no! Please! 76 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:46,280 - Aaaah! - Hello? What's all this shouting? We'll have no trouble here! 77 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:52,280 - They're strangers! - Not local?! - He wears a crown and builds new road. 78 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,920 - Look, your wife is... - Local? 79 00:06:55,920 --> 00:07:00,760 Overreacting. We just need you to look at these proposals. 80 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:06,080 We don't need a new road! We don't bother the outside world. 81 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,920 We don't want it bothering us. 82 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:13,960 It'll be no bother. Just sign this and you'll never hear from us again. 83 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,720 You're sure? 84 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:28,080 - Absolutely. - Besides, when the new road is laid, you'll be laughing. 85 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,120 Your shop will be full of people. 86 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,720 Hokey, cokey, pig-in-a-pokey. 87 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,160 Good morning, job-seekers! 88 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:50,680 Now, one of the best pens has gone missing. 89 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,120 Can I have it back, please? 90 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,320 Thank you. 91 00:07:56,320 --> 00:08:01,360 Now, as you're aware, today we're looking at your career options. 92 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:06,400 Some of you, like Ross, will want to follow your father's footsteps, 93 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,840 but you can't sign on for ever. 94 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:14,560 So we're looking at SALES jobs. Namely, how to sell this - 95 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,000 The Big Issue! 96 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:22,040 Now, for those of you not in the know, The Big Issue is a magazine. 97 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:26,080 A bit like Bunty, but written by tramps. 98 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:31,120 Inside, it's got stories and poems and look, Mickey, love, pictures! 99 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,320 - Yeah! - And you... - Pauline? 100 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,840 - It's for homeless people. - Mm. 101 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:45,480 - But we're unemployed. - That's right. And you can earn a bit of money by selling this to real people. 102 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:50,520 Oh, come off it! Being on the Dole doesn't mean we're stupid! 103 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:58,000 Mickey, love, what is the capital of France? 104 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,000 Wine! 105 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,840 Come on, Ross, on your feet. 106 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,480 I need you for this exercise. 107 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:15,520 Now then, job-seekers, imagine if you can that we're standing on a very busy high street. 108 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:19,720 - I'm an attractive young housewife... - LAUGHTER 109 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,760 I want Ross here to sell me this. 110 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,200 In your own time. 111 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,200 - Big Issue! - Oh, pathetic! 112 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:35,840 "Big Issue"(!) Come on, Ross, I want to see you try! 113 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,280 Big Issue! Help the homeless! 114 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:43,320 - Ah, better, you see. Now he's got my interest. - It's only £1. 115 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:47,360 Good! Watch how I'm starting to pity him. 116 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,800 Want a copy, then? 117 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:54,440 - Ask me nicely. - Do you want a copy, madam? 118 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,880 - Ask me more nicely. - There's no such thing! 119 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,840 All right! It's for a good cause! 120 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,400 Beg me. 121 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,440 What? 122 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,880 You heard, Ross. Beg me. 123 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:15,920 - You need the money. Make me feel superior. - That's no reason. - Beg me. 124 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,360 - This isn't... - Be a good doggie. 125 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,000 - You're... - Sing for your supper! 126 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,440 - This... - Beg, doggie, beg! 127 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,080 - Beg me, Ross! - NO!! 128 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,520 No, I won't! 129 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,680 What? 130 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,240 I won't beg you, Pauline. 131 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,440 I see. 132 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,400 Sit down, please, Ross. 133 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,160 Well, take that, then! 134 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,640 - Do you want a go, love? - No! 135 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:06,480 - Come on! We're in the high street, I'm a housewife. - Big Issue! 136 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,120 - How much is it? - £1! - Have a fiver! 137 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:13,560 You see, Ross?! Do you see how easy it is? 138 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:16,000 It's as simple as Mickey. 139 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:20,040 Oh, you're nothing. Do you know that? 140 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:24,480 You're worthless. Less than the (shit) on my shoes! 141 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:31,520 I'm extending your Restart, then sending you on a whole series of meaningless courses! 142 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,960 Then you'll come back here and I'll re-Restart you! 143 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:40,400 And the rest of you, buck your ideas up! 144 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,840 Knuckle down! 145 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,240 And give me those pens back! 146 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:53,520 I'll pay for them. Let me pay for them. 147 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:58,840 It's not the money. Melody Maker, NME, that's £2.05, please, Les. 148 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,880 Cheers. Ta-ra. 149 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:06,920 - What's Pop always saying? - Principles over pounds. - Yes. 150 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:11,960 There's a principle here. That's why I've got to say something. 151 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:25,800 Oh, I'm wiped out! I can't wait to get on that plane. 152 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:30,240 It must be hard for you living on that estate. 153 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:37,880 Armies of young mums with eczema and pushchairs and the men - their tattooed arms look like Stilton! 154 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:44,520 - I'd be scared. - Well, we don't go out much. Ron prefers an early night. 155 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:51,160 - Oh, them's nice panties, Mrs L! - Thank you. Eddie got them in Paris. 156 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:55,480 - I won't get expensive briefs. - Treat yourself. 157 00:12:55,480 --> 00:13:01,320 I get through so many, Ron pulling at them with his big fingers! 158 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:06,360 - Really(?) Have you packed Eddie's toilet bag? - I wear nothing in bed. 159 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:11,200 With Ron's libido, he's like a lad of 19 sometimes! 160 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,400 I hope you buttoned his shirts. 161 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:19,080 - Five, six times a night! - When we first married... 162 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:24,160 It's always been like that for us. It just gets better and better. 163 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:31,040 - I do things that'd make a whore blush! - Eddie just wears trunks... - This way, that way. 164 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:37,040 Some of it barely legal. I think, "Will this pleasure never end?" 165 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,600 CAR HORN That'll be Barbara. 166 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:45,320 I have to check in at the airport. We're flying club class. 167 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:50,120 That doesn't mean a free biscuit! Have a nice afternoon. 168 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,560 - I'll see you in a fortnight. - Bye! 169 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,440 Don't do anything I wouldn't do! 170 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,200 That won't leave her many options. 171 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:20,440 We prefer if you wait until after six o'clock. 172 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,280 You see, road men, 173 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,560 this is a local shop. 174 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:55,360 The strangers you'd bring would not understand us - 175 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,920 our customs, our local ways. 176 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,480 Not necessarily. 177 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,120 He said I could touch his helmet! 178 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,840 If I showed him my points. 179 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,560 Is this true, road man?! 180 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,960 - No! - Very well! 181 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,800 You heard the man, Tubbs. 182 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,000 Get undressed! 183 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,960 Afternoon! 184 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,800 - Hello! I see Fleur de Lis is closing down. - Oh, I know, I know. 185 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:51,840 - That's your council mates putting the rents up! - Our hands are tied! 186 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:59,280 - What this town needs is investment, like that new road. - There might be some news next week. I can't say. 187 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,080 More than your job's worth, eh? 188 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,920 - Have you got them? - Yep. 189 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,280 - I forgot my brolly! - Right! 190 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:36,280 Just come in. Very fresh. 191 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,000 Usual arrangement? 192 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,240 I don't see why not. 193 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,800 The thing is, Hilary, 194 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:56,840 I know it's wrong. 195 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,240 It just tastes so good. 196 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,720 SHARPENS BLADES 197 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:25,120 A chain of newsagents built up from one shop. Five outlets and a booth at the war memorial! 198 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:30,160 - That didn't fall in Pop's lap! - All right, I made a mistake! 199 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,600 Where am I? 200 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:38,880 Seen it, seen it, seen it, seen it... Oh, not seen that. 201 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,320 - Black and white?! - Oh. 202 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,960 Seen it, seen it, seen it... 203 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:49,360 To be honest, I favour internal protection over towels, you know? 204 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:54,800 I mean, who wants a great big mattress between their legs all day? 205 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,640 Just drop me off here, thanks. 206 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,920 Have a nice day, then. 207 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,760 Mind how you go. Ta-ra! 208 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,920 All right, Jacques? Come in. 209 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,520 Have you met my dad? 210 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,320 - No. - Dad? 211 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,360 Dad! 212 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:25,880 Dad, this is Jacques. Jacques, this is my dad. 213 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:30,360 - All right? Is this your pal the pop star? - Dad... 214 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,800 Won't be long. 215 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:36,000 I'm in a band, yeah. 216 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:41,040 It's a great life is rock 'n' roll. I expect our kid told you, 217 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:45,120 I used to have a band of my own. Creme Brulee. 218 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:53,760 - Had a good run. Did Eurovision. - Eurovision Song Contest(?) 219 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,800 Oh, yeah. Back in '81. Heats. 220 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,640 Same year as Bucks Fizz won. 221 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:05,360 I said to Jay Aston, "This is where you shit your pants, Jay." 222 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:13,040 Real good laugh. Right good sense of humour. What about that Gina G? 223 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:19,440 - Eh... - Rubbish. Ordinary. I says to our Tom, "It'll not win!" 224 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:24,280 In Eurovision, you've got to communicate. Look at the Israelis. 225 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:29,200 Years in the wilderness, then all of a sudden - genius! 226 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:34,880 - What's your instrument? - Mainly programming. Drum loops, rhythms. 227 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,360 I tell you who were good - Smokie! 228 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:43,760 - Eh... - Fantastic songs. Well crafted. You should give them a listen. 229 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:49,320 The bassist runs a 16-track out by Castleford. I go over quite a bit. 230 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:58,080 - I've got a tape here of some of my songs, ballads mainly. Have a listen, if you like. - Well... 231 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:02,160 I'm sure I've got one left somewhere. 232 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:10,360 - If there's owt on there you want, you can have it. - We don't do ballads. 233 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:14,880 Just take it. What harm can it do? 234 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:20,560 Let me know I haven't lost it yet. 235 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:26,280 You can ask your record company boss if HE remembers Creme Brulee. 236 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:32,200 Everyone knew me round here. I'd walk in a urinal and heads would turn. 237 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:37,160 - See you later, Dad. - Yeah. - Nice to meet you, Mr McQueen. 238 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,800 Good luck, son. 239 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,840 God bless. 240 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,720 It's a shit business. 241 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,560 You'll find out. 242 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,560 - Aaaaah! - Aaaaaah! 243 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:28,120 Look around you. What's Pop's formula, Rich? 244 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,960 DPI equals SIN. 245 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:38,080 DPI equals SIN - Determination plus Perspiration plus Inspiration equals Success In Newsagency. 246 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:45,520 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Who was the first to charge for cards in the window on a daily rate? 247 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:50,560 - Pop. - Who was the first to sell Ginster's Pasties in a newsagency? 248 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,400 - Pop! - We owe him, Rich. 249 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:58,040 Now, are you going to tell him or am I? 250 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,280 Please, Al! 251 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,720 It's your decision. 252 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,760 Guess who's here! 253 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,800 Where are my boys, eh? Where are my boys? 254 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,240 Come on, I take you both on, eh? 255 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,600 Hey, come here! 256 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:22,800 I got presents for the both of youse. Eh? 257 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,400 Eh? 258 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,840 - Thanks, Pop. - Ah, it's OK, it's OK. 259 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:33,880 So, Al, how are you? The booth is doing good. 260 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:38,920 - I drive past, there's a queue all the way to the Gents. - Doing good. 261 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:43,760 And the cold cabinet - cans, cartons? They're selling well? 262 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:48,880 - I wasn't sure about these drinks. - No, they're doing fine, Pop. - Good. 263 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,800 But I have good news for you, Richie. 264 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:59,200 As you know, your brother Al has made a great success of his booth. 265 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:03,840 For many months I have searched for another site. 266 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:10,480 It has always been Pop's ambition - a booth for each of my beautiful sons! 267 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:21,760 You know the key-cutting cubicle by the indoor market? 268 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,800 Well, the lease come up in two month! 269 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,240 It's perfect for you, Richie! 270 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:35,120 There is room for a freezer unit, a chill cabinet and... we keep the key-cutting machine! 271 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:39,160 It could open up a whole new area for us! 272 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:46,200 Not just keys - shoelaces, shoe polish, maybe one day we do repairs as well, eh? 273 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:51,040 Perhaps soon you be more successful than your brother! 274 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:57,000 - I even start you on the same wage. - Pop... - £3 an hour! What do you say? 275 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:08,560 Something happened yesterday morning, Pop, when I was looking after the booth for Al. 276 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,200 What are you talking about? 277 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:18,720 - What do you mean? - Rich was serving... 278 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:22,800 Richie will tell me himself! 279 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:26,080 Won't you, Richie? 280 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:30,920 I wanna hear from your lip what happened. 281 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,600 It was nothing really, Pop. 282 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,040 Oh, "nothing really, Pop"? 283 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,480 Nothing really, Pop! 284 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:47,320 Then why are you shitting in your panties?! 285 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:52,960 Why don't you tell me what this nothing was? 286 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,400 Some boys came. 287 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,840 To the booth. 288 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,920 One of them asked for a Snapple. 289 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:07,560 And I had to turn my back to... open the chiller. 290 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:13,480 And when I turned round again, they'd taken all the Maverick bars. 291 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,000 How many? 292 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,920 Nine. 293 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,960 Nine... 294 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,280 Nine, huh? 295 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,000 Nine Maverick bars. 296 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:38,320 And you say this is nothing? Perhaps THIS is nothing, huh?! 297 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:43,160 Why do you do this to me, Richie? Why do you do this to me? 298 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:47,800 All I want is to make you a man, a booth of your own! 299 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:52,640 But how can I give it to you when you behave like a child?! 300 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:57,280 No, like a baby! It was a child that robbed you! 301 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,800 Look at my face! 302 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,600 Look what you made Pop do! 303 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,400 You break my heart, Richie! 304 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:12,200 - You break my HEART! - Pop! 305 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,960 Rich really is sorry for what he did. 306 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,400 Why don't we...go for a walk, eh? 307 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,240 Yeah. 308 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,840 We go for a walk. 309 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,080 Me and you. 310 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:34,920 Maybe WE talk about the key-cutting cubicle, eh? 311 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:39,000 You are my son. 312 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,880 My only son. 313 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,280 Benjamin! 314 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:10,680 Did you pass a solid into the upstairs lavatory? 315 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,720 Benjamin? 316 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,560 HORNS SOUND 317 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,120 No! 318 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:43,240 What are you going to do?! 319 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,360 Go! 320 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,720 - Edward? - Don't worry, Tubbs! 321 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,840 They won't get far! 322 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:16,920 Hi, Martin, it's me. I've been trying to ring you all day. I'm stuck in this shithole. 323 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:21,560 I don't suppose things will get any worse. 324 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:26,400 Anyway, I'd better go. My uncle locks up the house at 8.15. 325 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,840 I'll call you tomorrow. Bye. 326 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:35,360 'On the third stroke, it will be 8.15 precisely.' 327 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:39,120 BEEP-BEEP-BEEP 328 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,960 Hello? 329 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:25,040 Subtitles by Greig Forbes, Subtext, for BBC Subtitling - 1999