[Ward Narrating] Children and adults look at the world through different eyes.
When you’re young, a policeman stands 10 feet tall
And if you see it in print, it’s supposed to be true.
And the ﬁrst time you fall in love, it’s not always with a girl
[Hissing]
And that’s our story tonight on Leave It To Beaver.
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow...
and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
Prospecting again?
One marble, two pieces of candy, assorted peanut shells,
what appears to be a Peruvian nickel— [Grunts]
Oh. Have a caramel.
Ew. No. It‘s too fuzzy. [Chuckles]
I‘ll get something to put all this in. Oop, never mind.
One sock.
Well, we have a sizable amount of loot. Where are the little pirates?
The boys? They‘re upstairs in their room.
—I think they‘re sending away for something again. — Cutting out box tops?
Well, they borrowed one envelope, one three—cent stamp and a pair of scissors.
Well, whatever they‘re doing, it‘s probably childish but, uh, harmless.
[Wally] "Raise an Everglades alligator in your own home. ”
“‘Spress charges prepaid.”
“Live delivery guaranteed. No C.O.D.‘s."
Wally, we can keep it in the bathtub.
Well, okay. Let‘s send for it.
But an eight—foot alligator for only two dollars and a half— there must be a catch to it.
But, Wally, they wouldn‘t let ‘em print it in Robot Men of Mars unless it was the truth.
Yeah, I guess you‘re right.
Wally? Yeah?
How long before our alligator comes?
Hmm, about a week, I suppose.
Oh. Then I guess it‘s too early to ﬁll up the bathtub.
Wally! He‘s come! He‘s come! He‘s at the ‘spress ofﬁce.
I ﬁlled the bathtub so it‘d be ready for our alligator.
Beaver, if we keep him in there, we won‘t be able to take a bath.
Yeah. It‘s real good havin‘ an alligator.
“To Theodore Cleaver."
Sign here.
Here y‘are.
Is this all there is?
Well, “Express prepaid from Florida.” That‘s her.
Yes, sir? [No Audible Dialogue]
Maybe they ‘spressed the food ﬁrst.
Well, if it was food, why would they put the holes in the box?
Maybe it‘s live food. We better open it.
Maybe if you put him in water, he swells up.
Who ever heard Of a dehydrated alligator?
Wally, have we been “tooken”?
Beaver, we‘ve really been “tooken.”
Hey! Supper will be ready in a few minutes. Oh. Where are the kids?
Well, they came home from school, and they went right upstairs with their books. They must be sick.
[Chuckles] I don‘t think so. Came down twice for food.
Hey, you better tell ‘em to wash up for supper. All right.
Do you think he‘s happy, Wally?
I don‘t know. With an alligator, it‘s hard to tell.
It sure is.
Wally, you promised you‘d help me with him. What do we do now?
Well, we could ask Dad,
but I don‘t know if he‘d want us to have an alligator— even a little one.
Come on, Wally.
Wash up for supper, boys. Okay.
Dad, could we have a pet?
— What kind of a pet? — Any kind.
Now look, guys. We’ve been overall this before.
I have to tell you to wash up for supper. Your mother has to tell you to clean up your room.
Now when you show us that you can take care of yourselves and your room, then we‘ll talk about a pet.
That a deal? [Wally] Okay
[Beaver] Dad?
Do you know anything about alligators?
Beaver, why do you want to know about alligators?
Uh, uh— Uh, I think he‘s studying about ‘em in school, Dad.
Yeah, Dad. I think I‘m studying about them in school.
| see. Well, let‘s see. Um—
Uh, they‘re both amphibious and carnivorous.
Uh, alligators are often mistakenly called crocodiles, or, uh— [Chuckles]
crocodiles are oﬁ‘en mistakenly called alligators.
Their natural habitat is the damp, humid climate of the Gulf states, and they often die in captivity.
— Now will you wash up for supper? — [Door Closes]
What do we do now?
Well, I guess we just have to ﬁnd somebody that knows something about alligators.
[No Audible Dialogue]
Here at the Alligator Farm, you will notice we have the creatures segregated according to age.
This is not done solely for the convenience Of the visitors.
It is a necessary precaution for the survival of the species.
The alligator is cannibalistic by nature and has a very nasty appetite for other alligators.
You put ‘em in together, and the big beggars‘ll eat the little beggars.
[Hissing]
Now behave yourself, Gwendolyn. I‘ll kick your teeth in.
[Alligator Hissing Loudly]
[Gate Closing]
Now you‘ve probably noticed that some of our scaly friends are minus an arm or a leg...
or other vulnerable appendages.
Now if you was to fall in here among these beasts, you probably believe they would bite off your arm...
alter the fashion of the shark or the barracuda.
This is a fallacy The alligator would not bite oﬁ‘ your arm.
He would saw if off.
Wally, where would he get the saw? [Whispering] Shh. Quiet.
Yes, sir, the alligator would remove your limb from your body...
with a sawing motion Of his powerful jaws.
This may take considerable time, but the end result would be the same.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have 1,500 assorted alligators here on the farm.
You may observe these creatures At your leisure.
Our courteous attendants will be glad to answer any and every question.
I hope you come back again, and please tell your friends.
Captain jack, we‘d— we‘d like to ask you somethin‘.
Well, that‘s what I‘m here for. What do alligators eat— besides arms and legs?
Well, now that‘s a very good question, young man.
Well, most of these gators‘ll eat over 20 pounds of horsemeat every day.
We mean baby alligators.
Hey, you two fellers seem to be pretty interested in these critters. You got one at home?
Nope. Right here.
Hey.
Now you don‘t want to keep him in water too much. His skin‘s beginnin‘ to crack.
He‘s a pretty good size, though. [Wally] 0ur dad says they die in captivity
We don‘t want him to conk out.
Yeah, well, now, no disrespect intended, but sometimes dads don‘t know too much about alligators.
Sometimes they don‘t know too much about boys.
But anyway, whether this gator lives or not ain‘t up to him.
It‘s up to you two fellers. Up to us?
Yeah. A lot of kids get these gators and they fuss over ‘em for a couple or three days, and then they forget about ‘em.
Well, if you don‘t care, pretty soon the alligator don‘t care.
And when neither one of you care, there ain‘t no reason for him to hang around anymore.
He must be sick or somethin‘. He won‘t even eat the ﬂies we got him.
Let me give you a little tip.
You getcha some warm milk in an eyedropper.
Then you pry open his mouth, and you get it right down in his little gizzard.
Once it‘s on its way down there, there ain‘t nothin‘ else he can do but eat it.
Right? Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
And then you might try a little raw egg.
And here‘s something I don‘t tell everybody.
If he don‘t perk up, when you ﬁll that eyedropper, put a little brandy in the milk.
Brandy? Yep. Not only makes for a healthy alligator,
it makes for a happy alligator. [Laughs]
Right? Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Well, now under normal circumstances, his chances ain‘t too good.
But I‘m countin‘ more on you two boys than I am on the gator.
You got a name for him? No, not yet. We were gonna—
Yes, we have. We‘re gonna call him Captain jack.
Here, darling.
Good mornin‘. Oh, good morning, Minerva.
I told Minerva to come three times a week now to help with the cleaning and the laundry. Oh.
Well, that‘s ﬁne with me.
Hey, what goes on? Saturday morning and the boys are not down yet.
Haven‘t had breakfast, but I heard water running in the bathtub.
Well, they had a bath day before yesterday.
Two baths in three days. That‘s some kind of a record.
He looks a lot happier today.
Cootchy—cootchy—coo. Ooh!
He‘s a lot hungrier too.
He doesn‘t look like he‘s gonna conk.
Beaver, will you leave my alligator alone?
What‘s that? Beauty cream.
If we keep him oiled, his skin won‘t crack. Hmm,
Ew. Wally, what‘s brandy made of?
Grapes. People in France crush ‘em with their feet.
I thought so.
Should we give him his egg now? No, we‘ll give that to him later.
We‘d better get down to breakfast.
All right, Captain Jack, Back into your aquarium.
Eight, nine, 10.
What‘s the matter? I could have sworn there were a dozen eggs in here yesterday.
It‘s funny too. It‘s happened before.
Hey, you know, now that you mention it, someone‘s been getting at that bottle of brandy I got last Christmas.
It‘s gone down two inches in a week.
That‘s not all that‘s disappeared. I‘m missing a bottle of my beauty cream.
Brandy, beauty cream and raw eggs.
Well, it‘s nothing the boys could be interested in.
[No Audible Dialogue]
You will notice we have separated Captain Jack by himself.
This is a necessary precaution for the survival of the species,
as these animals are “cannibalistical” by nature.
— [Hisses] — That means they eat people.
If you were to fall in the compound, Captain Jack would not bite your arm off.
He would saw it off.
This concludes your tour.
We hope you will come back, and please tell your friends.
Thank you. You‘re welcome.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
How much?
Fifty cents. Remember, I get to give the speech tomorrow.
He‘s too big to conk out now. He‘s almost too big for his aquarium.
We‘ll put him down in the old laundry tub. Nobody uses it anymore.
[Alligator Hisses]
Now it‘s half empty.
Who do you suppose has been getting at it?
And the eggs. We‘re losing about four a week.
And yesterday, another bottle of my beauty cream disappeared.
Well, it‘s got me. [Minerva] # Beautiful dreamer, I’m dreaming of you,#
Oh, Mrs. Cleaver, I‘ll have to hang these in the basement. There‘s no sun out, you know.
All right, Minerva.
# Beautiful dreamer #
[Door Closes] # Dreaming of you #
[Continues Scatting Loudly]
June,
doesn‘t Minerva seem, uh, unnecessarily gay this morning?
She‘s always been the cheerful type. Uh-huh.
You know, I think we‘re getting somewhere.
Oh, it couldn‘t be Minerva.
Anyway, what about the raw eggs?
Well, I‘ve always heard they‘re a very popular antidote.
And the beauty cream?
Well, um, maybe after a few nips she begins to feel romantic.
Oh, don‘t be silly. [Laughing]
After all, we‘ve known her for months. [Minerva] Help/Help!
Help! There ’s a monster! [Exhales Heavily]
There‘s a— an alligator in the— in the basement. [Exhales]
—An alligator? — Are you sure?
Am I sure? There he was lookin‘ up at me from the laundry tubs.
Well, he must have been at least— at least ﬁve foot long.
Oh, I got the scare of me life.
Minerva, you needn‘t ﬁnish the wash today. Well, I have no idea of goin‘ back into that cellar again.
Alligators! I-
We‘ll just get our hat, and we can discuss it on the way to the bus stop.
Come on. Here.
But me— me day isn‘t over yet. Yes, Minerva. I‘m afraid it is.
Oh, Ward, maybe we could talk it over. We‘ll talk it over when Minerva feels more nearly herself again.
Now come on. Now Ward, please. Something‘s frightened her.
“Frightened her,” she says? I‘ll say it has.
You‘re gonna get in trouble with the board of health, keepin‘ them alligators.
We‘ve got pink elephants in the closet too. But they‘ll all be gone tomorrow. Now come on.
Never mind the pink elephants. I have to work with the alligators— Here we go. Sure—
[Doorbell Rings]
Yes? Are Wally and the Beaver home?
No. They‘re out somewhere. Do I give you the dime to see Captain Jack?
Who? Uh, no. Are you sure you have the right house?
Oh, yes.
Captain jack
The alligator that Wally and the Beaver have.
Oh, the alligator that Wally and the Beaver have.
How do you like that Minerva?
She protested her innocence all the way to the bus stop. [Chuckling]
What‘s the matter with you? Well, as they say in soap operas,
While you were giving Minerva the sack, I went down in the basement. Well?
There‘s an alligator in the laundry tub.
[Chuckles] Now,June, come on.
Your sons have an alligator. Go look for yourself.
[Sniffs] All right. All right.
I‘ll go down in the basement and look in the, uh— in the laundry tub... for the alligator.
I‘ll be right back.
[Footsteps 0n Stairs]
Introduce yourself. His name is Captain Jack.
0w!
[Footsteps 0n Stairs]
Convinced? I thought the thing was a toy. I picked it up, and it bit me.
[Snickers]
[Both Chuckling] Let me see this.
Oh! Careful. Yeah.
You know, the little fella didn‘t actually bite me. He kinda sawed at me.
Wally— Yeah?
What do you think he‘s gonna do to us? I don’t know
I still think we would have been a lot better off if Captain Jack hadn‘t bit him.
You know, I can‘t help being kinda proud of those kids.
Do you realize it‘s practically impossible to raise an alligator to that size? Mm—hmm.
What happens now that he‘s switched from raw eggs to people?
Well, he‘s... not exactly an ideal household pet.
Well,we‘ll just have to turn him over to a zoo or an animal shelter.
Ward, that‘s gonna break their hearts. Yeah, I know.
You better tell ‘em ﬁrst thing in the morning. Oh, no, you don‘t.
| apologized to Minerva, and this is your job, and you better do it tonight. Go on.
[Mouthing Words]
[Footsteps Approaching] Beaver—
Yes, Wally? Here he comes.
[Imitating Snoring]
[Continues Imitating Snoring]
That never fools him.
You awake, boys?
We were just going to sleep, Dad.
I, um—I want to talk to you fora minute.
[Clears Throat]
Boys,
I‘m proud of you.
You are? You are?
Sure, I am. I can imagine the time and the effort you put into raising Captain Jack.
We love Captain Jack. We weren‘t gonna let him conk out.
No. Of course not. Um—
Uh, but there‘s something you have to understand about Captain Jack.
Um, t—take you fellas, for instance.
Now someday you‘re gonna grow up and go off and leave your mother and me.
You’ll, uh— You ’ll get married and have a home and a family of your own. Y—
— Do you understand what I‘m getting at? — Captain Jack‘s gonna get married?
[Wally] You‘re gonna take him away from us, aren‘t you, Dad?
Dad, we made a deal.
You said if we could take care of a pet, we could have a pet. We love Captain Jack.
Well, this isn‘t a punishment, Beaver.
Like I told you, I— I think you did a great job with him.
But, you see, he‘s getting bigger. Now I know you want him to be happy,
a—and alligators are just simply not happy living with people any more than people are happy living with alligators.
We‘re happy living with Captain Jack.
Look. I know you love him,
and I know you want to go on taking care of him.
But you can‘t hang on to things you love forever, Beaver.
You have to turn ’em loose, give ’em a chance.
Now if he stays here, he‘s apt to get sick or lonely...
or wander out in the street and get run over.
Boys, he belongs where he‘s happy.
All right, Dad. We understand. Yeah. We ‘stand.
Okay, boys.
Good night, boys.
Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver, you got two mighty fine boys here. [Hisses]
They done a real good job raisin‘ this gator.
Well, Thank you, Mr.— er— Captain Jack.
Yep. When you get a little older, you fellers can come and work for me anytime.
That‘s swell, Captain Jack.
And anytime you wanna come and visit your little friend here, you walk right in like you own the place.
Admission’s on me. Thank you, sir.
Well, uh— [Sighs] I... guess we‘d better be getting on home, boys.
Don‘t let him get his legs sawed off, Captain Jack. He‘s not used to being with strange alligators.
Now don‘t you worry about a thing.
I‘ll take him around and introduce him personal.
Thanks again, Captain Jack.
Come on, boys.
You better get on upstairs, boys, and change your clothes.
Aw, couldn‘t we watch TV ﬁrst, Dad? Do what your father tells you to.
Come on. Up you go.
I‘m gonna go see Captain Jack every week.
Me too. I wanna— [Dog Vocalizing]
[Vocalizing Continues]
[Barks]
[Whimpering]