Tickets.
Wally, the conductor's comin' this way.
Is he collectin' tickets?
He sure is.
What do you think he'll do to us, throw us off the train?
Nah. They only do that in movies.
[Conductor] Tickets.
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow...
and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
What are you looking for? Comics.
I promised Wally and the Beaver I'd save them for them.
Well, don't muss 'em up. I haven't seen them yet.
I'll read them to you later.
You know, those boys have only been gone for three days. It seems like weeks.
The first couple of days, the silence around here was overwhelming.
It was nice of Aunt Martha to invite them up to Riverside.
Hope they're not giving her any trouble. I don't think they are.
Before they left, I made them promise that, all the time they were there,
they absolutely would not behave like they do around here.
Well, uh,you know what I mean.
Hope Aunt Martha's enjoying their visit.
Nothing harder to understand than someone else's children.
Yeah, especially when you've never had any of your own. [Chuckles]
[Rings]
Hello? Oh, hello, Aunt Martha.
Oh, I've had the most charming visit with the boys.
Well, there was a little discussion last night about washing our feet.
But otherwise, everything has gone just wonderfully.
Oh, that's fine, Aunt Martha.
What train are the boys taking? Ward and I wanna meet them. [Mouthing Words]
I'm putting them on the 1 0:05. Oh, I'd better go.
And thanks so much for letting me have them, dear.
Well, you're welcome, Aunt Martha. Ward wants to speak to you.
Hello. Aunt Martha? Listen, would you tell the boys a couple of things for me?
Certainly, Ward.
Of course I will.
Yes, Ward, I'll tell them.
And by the way, Ward.
I bought Theodore some warm undershirts. He was wheezing at night.
Well, thank you, Aunt Martha. Yes, we'll be there to meet them.
Good—bye.
She bought them some undershirts.
Oh?
Well, I've just talked to your mother and father.
Your father tells me this is your first trip,
and he expects you to behave on the train.
Yes, Aunt Martha.
Aunt Martha, do we have to wear these tags all the way home?
Why, of course, Theodore. Suppose you and Wallace got lost?
That's your identification.
Why, my two brothers always wore tags like that when they went visiting.
Gee, Aunt Martha, weren't they embarrassed?
Embarrassed?
Dear me, no. They were Bronsons.
—Oh,yeah. — Hmm.
Now, I'll buy your tickets and see that you get on the right train.
Gee, Aunt Martha, couldn't we get our own tickets and get on the train by ourselves?
Yeah. Dad let us buy our own tickets comin' up here.
Oh, I see.
You boys are so grown up, you don't want a fussy old aunt putting you on the train.
Oh, we don't mind you being fussy.
Uh, I mean, we can do things by ourselves.
Couldn't we buy our own tickets? Huh, Aunt Martha?
Well, your train does leave in a few minutes just over there on Track number 5.
I suppose we could say good—bye here.
thank you, Aunt Martha. Good—bye. Wallace.
Theodore. Good—bye, Aunt Martha.
Good—bye.
And remember, don't talk to any strangers.
[Man On RA.] Mrs. R.G. Castle, please go to the stationmaster’s office.
Your little boy has been located Wally, couldn't we take these tags off?
Oh, maybe Aunt Martha wouldn't like it.
We can always put 'em back on in case we get lost.
June, I just called the station. The boys' train will be leaving Riverside about 45 minutes late.
Oh. You suppose they'll be all right?
Sure, they'll be all right. What are you doing?
Making raisin—nut cookies.
Well, uh, why all the equipment?
Well, I like them with raisins and nuts, and you like them without nuts.
Wally likes them without raisins, and the Beaver likes 'em without anything.
Sol figured it was easier to make four batches...
than to have everybody dig the stuff out later.
Hmm. All this time, I thought we were one big, happy family.
If there's gonna be a delay, I'm glad Aunt Martha's with the boys.
I hope they don't get bored waiting in the station. Oh, June.
How could two normal boys get bored in a railroad station?
All kinds of fascinating things to do.
When I was a kid, I used to go down just to watch people run for trains.
[Chuckles] Sometimes, if you were lucky,
one of their suitcases would fly open.
That doesn't sound so interesting.
Or you could always watch a fat lady hit a kid.
Why would they do that? I don't know.
But I've never been in a railroad station yet...
where there wasn't a fat lady hitting a kid.
Oh, Ward. You're making all this up.
[Chuckles]
Erwin, I've told you four times— Don't disappear when the train's about to leave.
Look at you. Where's your cap? I left it in there.
It's too late now. We're just going to have to leave without it.
Every time we go someplace, I tell you the same thing over and over again.
[Scolding Continues, Indistinct]
Wally, why was that lady yelling at that little boy like that?
I don't know. Grown—ups always gotta get excited when they're goin' somewhere.
[Yawns]
— What should we do now, get our tickets? — Nah. We got a lot of time yet.
[Foot Rests] [Foot Rests]
Wanna get another soda? I don't think so. The last one gave me the burps.
It's a nice big room for it though.
Well, I thinkl'll get us a couple more candy bars out of the machine.
You watch the bags. Okay.
Remember what Aunt Martha said, don't talk to any strangers.
[Man On RA.] Your attention, please.
Redcap number 37. Redcap number 37.
Please report to the Po we/son Room.
Mister, are you a stranger?
Not me, sonny. I've lived here all my life.
Oh. What time is it?
Quarter of] 1:00.
— thank you, mister. — Say, why did you ask If I was a stranger?
I just wanted to make sure, 'cause I'm not supposed to talk to any strangers.
[Mouthing Word]
Wally, I thunk you was gonna get two candy bars. I was, but I lost one of the dimes.
— Was it your dime or mine? — Yours.
— Oh. — That's all right.
I'll let you have some of mine.
After we finish your candy bar, let's go watch the man at the gate punch tickets.
Beaver, you sure get a lot of fun outta doin' nothin'.
Come on.
It's a quarter of] 1:00. Yeah.
That was a very wise decision, Aunt Martha.
Yeah. All right. Bye.
Well, got the first batch of cookies in the oven. Yeah.
Anything wrong? Oh, no. No, uh—
Well, Aunt Martha left the boys at the station by themselves.
She was a little worried about it.
Well, come to think about it, so am I.
Now, why would she leave those boys at the station by themselves?
I don't know why she'd leave 'em there, but there's nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about?
When I was Wally's age, I went all the way to Chicago by myself. They're two young boys.
And I didn't even own an undershirt.
Just because you were a— a hoodlum when you were young...
is no reason to have my babies traveling around the countryside like a couple of gypsies.
Uh— Why don't we go and put the raisins in your cookies, huh?
Don't be so messy, Beaver. Lick the mustard off your fingers.
Yes, boys? We want two tickets to Mayfield.
I'm a full fare, and he's a half one. Mm—hmm.
Uh, that'll be 4.86.
There you are.
Uh—
Uh, well, we'd better come back later, mister.
What's the matter, Wally? We spent too much on sandwiches and stuff.
We don't got enough money.
What are we gonna do?
Wait a minute.
Hey, mister. How far can me and my brother get towards Mayfield for $1.20?
Mm, Bellport. That's the first stop.
Okay, mister, we'll take 'em.
A few minutes ago, you boys were asking about Mayfield.
Are you kids sure you know what you're doing?
Oh, sure, mister. Okay.
There you are. thank you.
Wally.
Instead of buying the tickets to Bellport,
shouldn't we call Mom or Dad or Aunt Martha?
Well, suppose we would've called and nobody would've been home...
and we lost our money in the phone.
We wouldn't even have had enough money to get to Bellport.
You know, Wally, maybe when we get on the train,
some nice old rich man will give us a bagful of money.
Beaver, you're silly.
Anyways, stuff like that only happens a long time ago.
Hey, you put raisins and nuts in all of these.
I know. At the last minute, I asserted my independence,
and I put everything in everybody's.
Oh, they're not bad. What's all this?
While the boys have been away, I've been cleaning up their room.
I wanna throw this junk away before the boys get back.
Hey. That looks like a pretty good sports jacket.
Not anymore— one sleeve.
Now, how could that have happened? I don't know.
Wally came home from dancing school like that once.
Well, they must be getting some pretty aggressive little girls over there.
Did he say how it happened? Not a word.
As a matter of fact, he seemed surprised when I pointed it out to him.
Well, it seems kind of a shame to throw it away.
[Sighs] Honey?
Isn't it time to leave for the station yet?
Relax, June. I told you the boys' train was 45 minutes late.
They're just about going through Bellport now.
[Horn Blowing]
Tickets.
Wally, the conductor's comin' this way.
Is he collectin' tickets?
He sure is.
What do you think he'll do to us, throw us off the train?
Nah. They only do that in movies.
Tickets. Tickets.
Boys, these are for Bellport. You rode past your stop.
Well, we couldn't get off, mister. There was this fat man in the aisle.
Well, I wish you'd have said something. I'd have seen that you got off.
Now we'll have to find a way to get you back there.
Don't bother, mister. We don't know anybody in Bellport anyways.
Uh, well, you see, mister, we're goin' to Mayfield.
Then why did you buy tickets for Bellport?
Because we only had that far money.
Well, boys, I'm sorry, but you can't ride to Mayfield without tickets.
We gotta get there, mister. We're comin' back from visitin' our Aunt Martha.
Well, didn't she give you money for the tickets?
Well, not 'xactly.
She doesn't have enough to eat.
— She lives in the poorhouse. — [Passengers Chuckling]
We was visiting her.
You have relatives in Mayfield?
Oh, no, sir. Just our mother and father.
Couldn't they have sent you the money for the tickets?
Well, they could've, but our father's in the hospital.
Oh, that's a shame. Just what's wrong with him?
I think he fell out of an airplane.
Didn't he, Wally?
— Uh, well— — Well, did he, son?
Well, I guess so, but he's been kind of unconscious.
He couldn't tell us much about it.
Now, boys, you don't really expect me to believe all this, do you?
Mm, no, sir. He just said that 'cause he thought you were gonna throw him off the train.
Yeah. We spent all our money On junk— at the station.
I think we can figure a way out of this.
I'll take care of it myself.
I'm, uh, going to give you my address.
And you give it to your parents...
and uh, have them send me the money.
Gee, thanks, mister. We'll sure send it.
—I know you will, boys. —thank you, sir.
Fellas, when you got on the train,
you didn't really think you were going to ride all the way to Mayfield for nothing, did you?
Oh, no, sir.
No, sir. We thunk some nice old rich man would give us a bagful of money.
He's always thinkin' things like that, mister. He's just a kid.
Yeah, I'm just a kid.
Tickets. [No Audible Dialogue]
You know somethin', Wally? What, Beave?
I wish Aunt Martha did live in a poorhouse.
I never seen one.
Here. Look at the pictures.
Boys, how's it feel to be home? Oh, great, Dad.
This house seems to have gotten smaller since we went away.
[Chuckling] Well, maybe you've gotten bigger.
Boys, I want you to unpack your bags right away.
I wanna put your dirty clothes in the laundry.
We don't have no dirty clothes.
But, boys, I packed all those clean clothes.
Didn't you even change your socks?
Uh—uh. We washed our feet instead.
Yeah, Aunt Martha made us.
Yes, we heard something about that.
Well, come on, Beave.
Hey, fellas, wait a minute.
You haven't even told us. How was the train trip?
Yes. We're anxious to hear all about it.
This is the first time you've had a trip by yourselves.
Uh, you know how train trips are.
You get on at one station, and you get off at another.
And in between, you look out at cows and stuff.
Come on, Beave.
Ward, they have spent four days with Aunt Martha. [Door Closes]
They've had a long train trip by themselves for the first time.
Why don't they tell us about it?
Well, kids don't feel that their parents are really interested in what they do.
They think, when we ask them questions, we're just trying to find something to criticize them for.
Hey, Beave. Where's that starfish we got on the beach?
We gotta put it in some kind of junk to keep it from getting rotten.
I put it between the shirts so the arms wouldn't get busted.
Good idea.
— Is that the paper the conductor gave you? — Yeah.
When are we gonna give that to Dad?
Well, you know, Beave, I've been thinkin'.
Maybe we could save our allowance for a couple of weeks...
and give the conductor the money ourselves.
Yeah. We could use the money I was savin' for a new fishing reel.
We could use the 50 cents Mrs. Donaldson gave me for catching her parakeet.
[Doorbell Rings]
Hi, Ward. Hello, George.
[June] Who is it, dear? It's George Haskell, dear.
Go on in, George.
Agnes asked me to bring this over. This is June's knitting.
The girls are, uh, making an afghan for the bazaar.
It's sort of a community project, and this is June's week to knit.
Oh, uh— Well, it's nice of you to drop it by.
Yeah. Uh, Ward, is it all right if I put it down?
They've been workin' on it for three weeks, and it's kinda heavy.
Oh, sure, sure. I'm sorry.
I sure got a kick outta your kids today.
Oh, Wally and the Beaver? Huh?
Oh, yes, yes. On the train on the way in from the city.
Oh, they were a scream. I suppose they told you all about it.
All about what? About how they didn't have tickets for the train.
They— The—
Oh, uh, sit down, George.
Sure.
Uh, no tickets, huh? No. No tickets.
Boy, I certainly had to admire their ingenuity.
The story they gave that conductor was great—
all about how they'd been visiting an aunt who lives in a poorhouse,
and then they had to come back and see you in the hospital
[Laughing] June oughta know about this.
— June. — George, uh—
Uh— [Clears Throat]
It was my idea in the first place that the boys take this trip,
and I'd just as soon June didn't hear about it right now.
Oh.
[Hushed] I-I get ya.
At my house, I always say what Agnes doesn't know won't hurt me.
Oh, no. It's nothing like that. It's, uh—
Well, it's something like that.
Well, hello, George. Did you call me?
Yeah. I, uh, brought the afghan over.
Oh. Yeah.
[Clears Throat]
Well, I, uh—I think I left the water running.
Uh-huh.
Ward, those kids of yours were really something. [Laughing]
They—They had half that train in stitches.
And that little Gopher of yours— [Laughing] Uh—
Do you know how you wound up in the hospital?
[Laughing]
You fell out of an airplane. [Laughing]
[Chuckles]
[Both Laughing]
We'll get a stamp and mail this to the conductor tomorrow.
You know, Wally, I'm sure glad this day is over.
Yeah, me too.
Listen, Beaver, why'd you have to tell the conductor that crazy story?
You could've got us in big trouble.
I know, but I was scared.
Anyway, while I was tellin' it, I almost believed it was true.
Hi, fellas. [WE/M 0h, hi, Dad
Your father and I came up to say good night.
You kids all washed up?
All except our feet. We done that at Aunt Martha's.
I know.
Um, sure good to have you fellas back.
Sure good to be back, Dad.
I want you boys to go right to sleep, all right? Okay, Mom.
Good night. Good night, Mom.
Good night. Good night, Dad.
Say, by the way, fellas, what are you gonna do about that little matter you have to take care of?
You know, between you and the train conductor.
Uh—
Well, we're gonna mail it to him tomorrow, Dad.
Oh, fine. Fine.
That's a pretty nice poorhouse Aunt Martha lives in, isn't it?
It sure is.
Well, good night. [Wally] Goodnight, Dad
Oh, uh, boys, by the way, you'll be glad to learn I'm fully recovered.
— Recovered? — Yeah, from that nasty fall I took out of the airplane.
— Well, good night. — Good night, Dad.
What are you talking about? Never mind,June.
How do you suppose they found out?
I don't know.
Sometimes he finds out stuff you know he couldn't find out.
It sure is spooky.
You know, Wally, maybe it's the same way “Santy” Claus finds out about stuff.
Santy Claus? Beaver, don't you know—
Uh, we'd better get to bed.
Oh,June. I was reading “Letters to the Editor.”
I want to know what this is all about.
Now, all that business with the conductor...
and Aunt Martha living in a poorhouse...
and you falling out of an airplane.
Those boys get in any trouble on that train?
June, the boys had a nice visit with Aunt Martha.
They got on the train and came home.
Now they're upstairs safe and sound in their own beds.
Now, doesn't all that satisfy your instincts as a mother?
It doesn't satisfy my instincts as a woman.
I wanna know what happened. Oh.
Well, uh, why don't you ask George Haskell to tell you all about it when—
Oh, no, you don't. You're gonna tell me and right now.
June, are you threatening me? Yes, I am.
Well, in that case—
Uh, here, you'd better get a firm grip on your afghan.