1
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Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -

2
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_

3
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Okay, Tim, you're next.

4
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Hey, all right!

5
00:00:09,695 --> 00:00:11,528
Got my eyes on this one.

6
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Let me see what we got here.

7
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Oh, great.

8
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A Hello Kitty backpack, come on.

9
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- I'm gonna be stuck with this, aren't I?
- Oh, yeah.

10
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Oh, no, don't be too sure.

11
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I might steal that. I love Hello Kitty.

12
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Ah, me, too! Yeah, we can share it.

13
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We can wear it together or
something, right, whatevs.

14
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- Dad.
- What are you talking about?

15
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- What?
- Okay!

16
00:00:30,916 --> 00:00:32,983
Tyler, you're up next. Open the blue one.

17
00:00:32,985 --> 00:00:34,985
Well, since that's the one you
want me to open, I think I'll...

18
00:00:34,987 --> 00:00:37,453
No, open the blue one
or I will show Clementine

19
00:00:37,497 --> 00:00:39,623
video of you doing
stand-up in fifth grade.

20
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“What's the deal with homework?”

21
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I'm opening it, I'm opening it.

22
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And I killed with the lunch ladies.

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Ooh, is that a Michigan sweatshirt?

24
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You trying to tell us something?

25
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He got into U of M!

26
00:00:54,439 --> 00:00:56,379
Mom, I asked you not to tell anyone.

27
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Ah, you don't have to
keep it a secret, son.

28
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You should be proud.

29
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Look, I've been thinking about it a lot,

30
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and I've decided that
I'm not going to college.

31
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No.

32
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Not acceptable, no.

33
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No, I was waiting for the
right time to tell you,

34
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'cause I knew you'd freak out...

35
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The right time to tell us

36
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that you are screwing up your future?

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College isn't my future.

38
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Clem and I were talking,
and we really think

39
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that the band is ready to go on tour.

40
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What? Clemmy, that doesn't sound like you.

41
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Well, we just think that we were both born

42
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with certain assets
that will let us succeed

43
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even without college.

44
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Don't say it.

45
00:01:33,471 --> 00:01:35,529
Tyler, you-you have to go to college.

46
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That's how you can have a career.

47
00:01:37,006 --> 00:01:39,148
- Relax, babe, I got this.
- Thank you.

48
00:01:39,268 --> 00:01:41,784
Listen, buddy, college is...

49
00:01:41,786 --> 00:01:43,886
It's about a lot more than just education.

50
00:01:44,362 --> 00:01:46,155
- It's about life experience.
- Yes.

51
00:01:46,157 --> 00:01:47,906
Look, that's where I
met all my best friends.

52
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I... we would stay up all
night jamming on our guitars,

53
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then we went out on the road,

54
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followed a band, our favorite band

55
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for weeks and weeks, right?

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And then one night, we get up onstage,

57
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actually get to jam with the band.

58
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Best night of my life.

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And that would never have happened

60
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if I didn't go to college.

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Okay, Tim?

62
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Literally anything else

63
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that you want to go do right now instead

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would be more helpful.

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Hey.

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Hey.

67
00:02:13,006 --> 00:02:15,429
Um, can you talk to Tyler for me?

68
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Okay.

69
00:02:17,553 --> 00:02:17,915
Why me?

70
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Because you didn't go to college,

71
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and your bed is right
next to the water heater.

72
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So, you know, I think it's fair
to say you're a cautionary tale.

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So could you just help your sister out?

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Of course, but just, you know, so you know,

75
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my life is pretty great.

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I mean, women want me, men want to be me.

77
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Can I borrow your car?

78
00:02:38,719 --> 00:02:40,075
Hey, uh, your hot uncle's here.

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I've asked you to please
stop calling him that.

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- Hey, Uncle Matt, what's up, man?
- Hey.

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Huh?

82
00:02:47,866 --> 00:02:48,401
Hey, guys.

83
00:02:49,486 --> 00:02:51,737
Ah, I just wanted to come
by, see how things were going.

84
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You know, try to talk
you into going to college.

85
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Not you, too, man.

86
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,291
You of all people should know
what I'm trying to do here.

87
00:02:58,331 --> 00:03:01,068
You're, like, the only person
in this family I look up to.

88
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Yeah, you're super cool.

89
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And you've, you've got a really cool mouth.

90
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I've got what?

91
00:03:09,075 --> 00:03:10,266
I'm-I'm just into mouths.

92
00:03:11,129 --> 00:03:13,441
Look, you didn't do what
people expected you to do.

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00:03:13,638 --> 00:03:15,477
You wanted to be an
artist and you went for it.

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I admire that.

95
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Well, thank you, man.

96
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That means a lot to me, truly.

97
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I just want to follow
my dream like you did.

98
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Yeah, and once you hear Funeral Goose,

99
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you-you'd know it's a
dream worth following.

100
00:03:26,809 --> 00:03:28,082
Why Funeral Goose?

101
00:03:29,925 --> 00:03:31,493
I'm just really into funerals.

102
00:03:31,495 --> 00:03:32,766
Yeah, I'm into geese, I guess.

103
00:03:34,324 --> 00:03:35,812
All right, no, let's-let's hear it.

104
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All right, um,

105
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let's play, uh, "Death, Death, Goose."

106
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One, two, three, four!

107
00:03:49,849 --> 00:03:51,612
Oh, hey, did you convince him?

108
00:03:51,614 --> 00:03:53,617
No, um, he convinced me.

109
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You need to experience Funeral Goose.

110
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What's that? Is that that vodka

111
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with a piece of charcoal floating in it?

112
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No, it's Tyler's band.

113
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No,

114
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you need to let him

115
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pursue his dream. Trust me.

116
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♪ What shall I compare thee to? ♪

117
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♪ You're not the apple ♪

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♪ Of my eye ♪

119
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♪ Though you're quite appealing ♪

120
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♪ More like a ♪

121
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♪ Fruit with an orange pie... ♪

122
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This is terrible.

123
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Wow. They are going to fail so fast,

124
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he will probably make fall semester.

125
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And you won't be the
one to crush his dreams.

126
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Thank you. Thank you.

127
00:04:43,259 --> 00:04:46,200
♪ You're my sweetest fruit... ♪

128
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Funeral Goose!

129
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♪ My darling ♪

130
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- ♪ My darling Clementine. ♪
- ♪ Clementine. ♪

131
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Yeah! Funeral Goose!

132
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_

133
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Hey. The rest of the
family left 20 minutes ago.

134
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- You don't need to do that.
- Oh, it's okay.

135
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It's okay. I'm used to cleaning up

136
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after Christmas Eve parties. Well, because

137
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I've hosted Christmas Eve parties

138
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for the past... how many years, John?

139
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I don't know. Five?

140
00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,766
- 41.
- Oh.

141
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I've hosted

142
00:05:21,373 --> 00:05:22,436
forty-one

143
00:05:22,438 --> 00:05:24,104
- parties.
- Yeah.

144
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,775
Yeah, you've mentioned that a couple times.

145
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Yeah. You know, Mom, it's-it's just... 
with the baby, it's a little

146
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:31,011
easier to just do it here, you know,

147
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which is why we're gonna do
presents here in the morning

148
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instead of at your house.

149
00:05:34,883 --> 00:05:35,718
Oh.

150
00:05:37,490 --> 00:05:39,935
Oh! Well, it makes sense.

151
00:05:40,055 --> 00:05:40,787
So...

152
00:05:40,789 --> 00:05:43,490
I just hate to miss that.

153
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,775
Especially since I went to
a lot of trouble, you know,

154
00:05:46,895 --> 00:05:51,231
to buy really... just
such special little gifts.

155
00:05:52,198 --> 00:05:53,300
Yeah. Okay.

156
00:05:53,696 --> 00:05:56,358
Well, if you want, I mean,
you could spend the night.

157
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,319
- That way you wouldn't miss a thing.
- Where?

158
00:05:58,957 --> 00:06:01,674
- What? Oh. Oh, that's... Oh, here.
- Oh, really?

159
00:06:01,676 --> 00:06:03,892
Oh, God, are you sure?

160
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,827
You guys have all the pay channels, right?

161
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,882
If we didn't, would-would
that be a deal-breaker?

162
00:06:08,884 --> 00:06:10,850
Oh, no. No. No, I got, uh, Nightflex

163
00:06:10,852 --> 00:06:12,678
on my phone.

164
00:06:13,134 --> 00:06:14,921
Yeah.

165
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,374
I didn't know she was gonna say yes.

166
00:06:17,415 --> 00:06:19,984
Of course she was gonna
say yes. This is payback.

167
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,228
I mean, your mom is so mad
that I hosted the party,

168
00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:24,430
she's hijacking Lark's first Christmas.

169
00:06:24,432 --> 00:06:26,199
Hijacking's a bit much, don't you think?

170
00:06:26,201 --> 00:06:29,869
Yeah. No, you're right.
Hijackers will negotiate.

171
00:06:31,896 --> 00:06:33,005
Take our bed. Please.

172
00:06:33,037 --> 00:06:35,708
No, the air mattress is fine.

173
00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:37,110
Ooh, this is

174
00:06:37,112 --> 00:06:39,348
why I... this is why I...

175
00:06:41,249 --> 00:06:43,090
this is why I do yoga.

176
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:44,498
Uh-huh.

177
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:45,299
Okay.

178
00:06:47,355 --> 00:06:48,576
- Whoa!
- That's fun.

179
00:06:48,604 --> 00:06:49,922
Now do me, huh?

180
00:06:49,924 --> 00:06:51,290
Okay.

181
00:07:04,404 --> 00:07:06,272
Oh, I'm sorry. No.

182
00:07:06,274 --> 00:07:08,841
Sleeping on that air mattress
is like being on a boat.

183
00:07:08,843 --> 00:07:10,249
It makes me have to pee.

184
00:07:21,756 --> 00:07:23,097
Oh.

185
00:07:23,217 --> 00:07:25,324
Dad,

186
00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:27,626
what are you doing?!

187
00:07:27,628 --> 00:07:29,713
Well, the toilet woke up Lark earlier,

188
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:32,030
so I-I thought I'd just go outside.

189
00:07:32,032 --> 00:07:33,125
So, you peed in the front yard?

190
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:35,674
No. I peed in the neighbor's front yard.

191
00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:38,340
And a little on his car, but
that was an accident because

192
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:40,539
the lights started going on
and off, and it scared me.

193
00:07:42,319 --> 00:07:42,860
Greg?

194
00:07:44,433 --> 00:07:45,740
Yeah, Mom, what is it?

195
00:07:45,797 --> 00:07:47,319
My legs are cramping.

196
00:07:47,661 --> 00:07:49,830
I'm sure it's not the air mattress, but...

197
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,383
I need a banana.

198
00:07:51,385 --> 00:07:53,006
You want us to just drive you home?

199
00:07:53,046 --> 00:07:54,533
No, we're fine.

200
00:07:54,755 --> 00:07:56,555
We'll-we'll take the air mattress.

201
00:07:57,966 --> 00:07:58,824
Ow!

202
00:08:02,408 --> 00:08:03,735
Hey. Hey!

203
00:08:05,132 --> 00:08:06,865
It's us. It's Mom and Dad.

204
00:08:06,867 --> 00:08:07,252
What?

205
00:08:07,564 --> 00:08:08,248
Is that offer

206
00:08:08,268 --> 00:08:10,033
for this bed still on the table?

207
00:08:15,608 --> 00:08:17,842
Never thought I'd sleep on
one of these in my own home.

208
00:08:19,346 --> 00:08:21,780
Oh.

209
00:08:23,948 --> 00:08:24,672
Okay.

210
00:08:25,584 --> 00:08:26,419
Bounce me up.

211
00:08:33,599 --> 00:08:34,926
Thank you, honey.

212
00:08:34,928 --> 00:08:37,211
What are you guys doing up?
It's almost 5:00 in the morning.

213
00:08:37,247 --> 00:08:39,081
- Is it really?
- Yeah.

214
00:08:39,126 --> 00:08:40,131
We must have slept in.

215
00:08:40,133 --> 00:08:42,000
You guys go back to your own bed.

216
00:08:42,002 --> 00:08:44,202
If Lark wakes up, we'll take care of her.

217
00:08:44,204 --> 00:08:46,571
You don't want to be tired
for her first Christmas.

218
00:08:46,573 --> 00:08:48,061
- Thanks, Mom.
- Thank you.

219
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:50,875
Oh, and sorry if the pillow's
a little out of shape.

220
00:08:50,877 --> 00:08:54,669
I had it in the old leg
squeeze, you know, for my back.

221
00:08:55,507 --> 00:08:56,585
It's probably your pillow, sweetie.

222
00:09:04,172 --> 00:09:05,505
- Hmm.
- Merry Christmas.

223
00:09:06,096 --> 00:09:07,352
Merry Christmas.

224
00:09:10,406 --> 00:09:11,956
I feel like we slept till 11:00.

225
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:14,707
It is 11:00.

226
00:09:17,236 --> 00:09:18,936
Mom? Dad?

227
00:09:18,938 --> 00:09:21,539
Where is everybody?

228
00:09:24,484 --> 00:09:26,377
"Hi, honey. Lark was getting restless,

229
00:09:26,379 --> 00:09:28,821
so we took her for a
drive to calm her down."

230
00:09:30,183 --> 00:09:33,484
- Mm. Yeah.
- Mom? Dad?

231
00:09:33,604 --> 00:09:34,560
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

232
00:09:34,594 --> 00:09:36,120
- Hey.
- Where have you been?

233
00:09:36,321 --> 00:09:38,222
The note said you were
taking her on a drive.

234
00:09:38,224 --> 00:09:41,458
Yeah. A drive, but we had to stop at home.

235
00:09:43,723 --> 00:09:45,802
"Baby's First Christmas"?

236
00:09:46,831 --> 00:09:49,102
You guys took a photo and
made an ornament from it?

237
00:09:49,348 --> 00:09:51,610
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was one of her gifts.

238
00:09:51,938 --> 00:09:53,585
She loved it. You should
have seen her face.

239
00:09:54,091 --> 00:09:56,167
Yeah. We should have.

240
00:09:59,329 --> 00:10:01,069
You know, we will never
get that moment back.

241
00:10:01,371 --> 00:10:03,732
Now, Lark's first Christmas
present will always be the one

242
00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:05,416
she opened with your mom and dad.

243
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:06,884
What are you doing?

244
00:10:07,813 --> 00:10:08,685
She took something from me,

245
00:10:08,687 --> 00:10:09,694
so I'm gonna take some things from her.

246
00:10:11,315 --> 00:10:12,106
I've always wanted this.

247
00:10:12,226 --> 00:10:13,666
That's c... cream.

248
00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:15,889
- Heavy, heavy cream.
- Yeah.

249
00:10:15,912 --> 00:10:17,261
- Very heavy. Ooh.
- Yeah.

250
00:10:17,263 --> 00:10:18,888
- Yeah.
- Always do just a skim milk.

251
00:10:19,008 --> 00:10:21,757
Okay, listen, honey, I
understand that you're upset.

252
00:10:21,877 --> 00:10:22,825
I am, too, all right,

253
00:10:23,161 --> 00:10:24,601
but let's look on the plus side here, okay?

254
00:10:24,603 --> 00:10:26,737
Lark is so young, she's
not gonna remember this.

255
00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:28,423
- Go knock down their tree.
- Yeah, okay.

256
00:10:30,137 --> 00:10:31,084
I'm sorry.

257
00:10:31,966 --> 00:10:32,233
What?

258
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:35,097
Well, we really did want to
let you guys get some sleep,

259
00:10:35,262 --> 00:10:36,859
and we really did drive around,

260
00:10:36,885 --> 00:10:38,950
but I had to use the
bathroom, so we came home,

261
00:10:39,391 --> 00:10:41,604
and I left your father for
two minutes with the baby,

262
00:10:41,633 --> 00:10:44,441
and when I came back down, the
wrapping paper was everywhere.

263
00:10:45,743 --> 00:10:46,305
I did it.

264
00:10:46,761 --> 00:10:49,232
I-I knew it was wrong,
but I couldn't stop myself.

265
00:10:49,778 --> 00:10:51,761
It feels so good to give.

266
00:10:51,763 --> 00:10:53,725
You're the one that opened
up all the presents, Dad.

267
00:10:54,244 --> 00:10:56,205
I gave myself the gift of joy.

268
00:10:56,843 --> 00:10:58,407
That's what Christmas is all about.

269
00:10:59,510 --> 00:10:59,857
Huh.

270
00:11:00,490 --> 00:11:01,756
I know how special it is

271
00:11:01,876 --> 00:11:04,442
to see your children's
faces on Christmas morning.

272
00:11:05,249 --> 00:11:07,044
I never meant to take that away from you.

273
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:08,202
Go home.

274
00:11:09,073 --> 00:11:10,695
Enjoy your baby's first Christmas.

275
00:11:11,899 --> 00:11:12,982
I'm sorry.

276
00:11:16,782 --> 00:11:19,689
Wow. Your mom just apologized to me.

277
00:11:19,924 --> 00:11:20,362
Yeah.

278
00:11:21,292 --> 00:11:22,853
That's a Christmas miracle.

279
00:11:24,775 --> 00:11:26,028
I follow a couple of Sam's friends

280
00:11:26,049 --> 00:11:27,778
on Instagram, because
I think it's important

281
00:11:27,795 --> 00:11:30,683
to be an informed parent, even
though I have to sift through

282
00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:31,567
an awful lot of makeup tutorials.

283
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,391
_

284
00:11:39,261 --> 00:11:40,461
_

285
00:11:41,516 --> 00:11:43,147
Oh, five days of this?

286
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,846
Can we just unground her
so we can make it stop?

287
00:11:45,848 --> 00:11:47,145
No, we have to be firm.

288
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,605
She lied to us, Tim.

289
00:11:48,622 --> 00:11:51,531
So what? Kids lie about
stupid stuff all the time.

290
00:11:51,566 --> 00:11:52,784
I used to lie and tell everybody

291
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,319
I wrote that song "It's Raining Men."

292
00:11:55,119 --> 00:11:56,561
Until I realized what it was about.

293
00:11:56,867 --> 00:11:58,184
And then I just said I wrote the music.

294
00:11:58,373 --> 00:12:00,535
We have to stand firm and set a precedent.

295
00:12:00,547 --> 00:12:02,128
Otherwise, we'll never
be able to trust her.

296
00:12:02,324 --> 00:12:03,788
How can you not know
what that song was about?

297
00:12:04,034 --> 00:12:06,058
I was in the meteorology
club. None of us knew.

298
00:12:06,523 --> 00:12:07,844
Can I go to the library?

299
00:12:08,036 --> 00:12:10,203
Uh, no, you're still grounded.

300
00:12:10,205 --> 00:12:12,440
It's for school. It's not
like I'm going there for fun.

301
00:12:12,659 --> 00:12:14,674
It's a good point. The library is not fun.

302
00:12:15,044 --> 00:12:16,676
It's just a place where homeless people go

303
00:12:16,678 --> 00:12:18,812
- to wash their genitals.
- Oh.

304
00:12:19,804 --> 00:12:20,456
You can go,

305
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:21,692
but don't talk to anybody.

306
00:12:26,007 --> 00:12:29,622
I have to be at the library in
two hours, or my mom will freak.

307
00:12:29,742 --> 00:12:31,499
You should check out some
books, just to be safe.

308
00:12:31,659 --> 00:12:33,393
I did. I got the first ones I saw.

309
00:12:33,904 --> 00:12:36,229
So I guess I'm doing my
report on J. Edgar Hoover

310
00:12:36,231 --> 00:12:38,030
and the evolution of ground meat.

311
00:12:40,138 --> 00:12:42,168
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Oh, my God.

312
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:42,865
We have to do that.

313
00:12:43,204 --> 00:12:44,479
He looks gross.

314
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,590
Duh. That's not the real Santa.

315
00:12:46,654 --> 00:12:47,848
It's just one of his helpers.

316
00:12:49,409 --> 00:12:51,033
All right. Ho, ho, ho. Who's next?

317
00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:02,455
Hey, can you...?

318
00:13:02,457 --> 00:13:04,474
You're welcome.

319
00:13:05,344 --> 00:13:06,215
Lexie's mom just called.

320
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,196
Turns out all your friends

321
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,733
got lice from the mall Santa's beard.

322
00:13:10,548 --> 00:13:10,821
What?

323
00:13:11,044 --> 00:13:13,124
I know you wouldn't thank
me for grounding you,

324
00:13:13,147 --> 00:13:15,134
but you probably should be
thanking me for grounding you.

325
00:13:15,910 --> 00:13:17,351
If you got it, with all that hair,

326
00:13:17,601 --> 00:13:19,305
we'd probably have to
shave your head, so...

327
00:13:20,149 --> 00:13:21,026
What a relief.

328
00:13:21,239 --> 00:13:22,244
You're welcome.

329
00:13:25,053 --> 00:13:27,880
Oh, no, no, no, no.

330
00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:29,757
"Cover the hair entirely.

331
00:13:29,822 --> 00:13:31,512
"If any area's left uncovered,

332
00:13:31,632 --> 00:13:33,297
the lice will not be fully suffocated."

333
00:13:34,223 --> 00:13:35,320
They're breathing?

334
00:13:35,918 --> 00:13:39,521
Ew! Oh!

335
00:13:39,578 --> 00:13:40,404
You got to breathe

336
00:13:40,461 --> 00:13:42,883
if you're gonna lay
thousands of eggs a minute.

337
00:13:43,076 --> 00:13:45,363
- Leave me alone.
- You talking to me or them?

338
00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:50,039
You know, there is another
way if you're interested.

339
00:13:50,159 --> 00:13:52,864
- Sophia, I don't have time for this, okay?
- Too bad.

340
00:13:53,220 --> 00:13:57,175
I do have some medicated shampoo
left over from a pre-K scare.

341
00:13:57,177 --> 00:13:58,944
Fine. What do you want?

342
00:13:58,946 --> 00:14:02,447
20 bucks for the tube and
five to keep my mouth shut.

343
00:14:02,449 --> 00:14:04,099
I'm not giving you five dollars for that.

344
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,884
- Make that ten.
- Sophia!

345
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:06,638
Fifteen.

346
00:14:07,322 --> 00:14:08,569
We can do this all day.

347
00:14:09,103 --> 00:14:10,819
Tim, honey, did you finish the mayonnaise?

348
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:11,939
I swear we had some in here.

349
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,125
I think there's some in the earthquake kit.

350
00:14:14,552 --> 00:14:15,515
Did you see this?

351
00:14:16,048 --> 00:14:16,929
She was at the mall.

352
00:14:17,331 --> 00:14:19,185
Where'd you get this?

353
00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:21,199
I follow a couple of
Sam's friends on Instagram

354
00:14:21,201 --> 00:14:23,619
because I think it's important
to be an informed parent,

355
00:14:23,984 --> 00:14:25,279
even though I have to sift through

356
00:14:25,316 --> 00:14:27,246
- an awful lot of makeup tutorials.
- I can't believe

357
00:14:27,291 --> 00:14:29,173
she lied to us again. 
I-I don't know what to do with her.

358
00:14:29,193 --> 00:14:31,391
I don't know how to punish her anymore.

359
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,532
Ooh...

360
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:38,349
Knock, knock. Hey,

361
00:14:38,351 --> 00:14:40,496
I'm gonna drop Sophia off at Julia's.

362
00:14:40,528 --> 00:14:42,720
- Do you mind if I wear this?
- No, you can't.

363
00:14:42,722 --> 00:14:44,606
- Oh, come on. I let you wear my things.
- Uh,

364
00:14:44,672 --> 00:14:46,124
I'll stop. We can both stop right now.

365
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:47,759
Oh, don't be silly. We
can share things. In fact,

366
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,460
- I'm gonna put this on my head right now.
- No.

367
00:14:49,462 --> 00:14:51,729
- No. Mom. No. Stop.
- Uh, getting real close.

368
00:14:51,731 --> 00:14:53,619
- It doesn't match your outfit.
- It's neutral. It's beige.

369
00:14:53,651 --> 00:14:55,066
It's really not your
thing. And I have lice.

370
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,734
- I'm sorry. What's that now?
- I have lice!

371
00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,703
I went to the mall with my friends.

372
00:14:58,705 --> 00:14:59,700
I know.

373
00:15:01,408 --> 00:15:02,473
You were testing me?

374
00:15:02,475 --> 00:15:04,175
Yes. Because I wanted to see

375
00:15:04,177 --> 00:15:05,543
if you would come clean.

376
00:15:06,451 --> 00:15:06,895
Listen,

377
00:15:07,408 --> 00:15:09,690
Sam, I know what it's
like to be a teenage girl.

378
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:11,936
You're not an adult, you're not a kid,

379
00:15:11,987 --> 00:15:13,805
but everybody expects you to be both.

380
00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:17,263
And I'm not the enemy, but
if you treat me like I am,

381
00:15:17,309 --> 00:15:20,540
it is going to be a very long
couple of years for both of us.

382
00:15:20,983 --> 00:15:22,727
I promise I've learned my lesson.

383
00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:24,021
I'm sorry.

384
00:15:24,511 --> 00:15:25,421
Come here.

385
00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:27,922
- I love you.
- I love you, too.

386
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,667
You're still grounded for a month.

387
00:15:29,937 --> 00:15:31,168
I still have lice.

388
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:34,405
Oh! Oh!

389
00:15:35,547 --> 00:15:37,174
Well, well, well.

390
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,843
When it rains, it pours.

391
00:15:39,719 --> 00:15:40,945
20 bucks.

392
00:15:43,637 --> 00:15:45,830
Fun? The last time I went,
your friend Gunnar punched me

393
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,158
in the ear when I told him
I'd never seen a NASCAR race.

394
00:15:48,278 --> 00:15:50,391
- How is that fun?
- Yeah, well, everybody laughed, huh?

395
00:15:50,511 --> 00:15:52,311
_

396
00:15:52,553 --> 00:15:56,422
♪ On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me ♪

397
00:15:56,701 --> 00:15:58,184
- Is that tonight?
- ♪ A poster ♪

398
00:15:58,304 --> 00:15:59,826
- I'm afraid so.
- ♪ Of naked ♪

399
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,693
♪ Cheryl Tiegs ♪

400
00:16:02,669 --> 00:16:04,536
I'm singing my dirty Christmas carols.

401
00:16:04,591 --> 00:16:08,402
The 101st Airmen's Chorus
is gonna crush that one.

402
00:16:08,448 --> 00:16:10,985
I mean, isn't this just an excuse
for you and your Air Force buddies

403
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,494
- to get drunk and swear in public?
- Oh, honey,

404
00:16:13,551 --> 00:16:16,309
that's the magic of
Christmas... it can be both.

405
00:16:16,311 --> 00:16:17,743
- Ah.
- We got

406
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:19,344
to leave about, uh, 6:00, huh?

407
00:16:19,501 --> 00:16:23,007
Oh. You know, I think I'm
gonna skip it this year.

408
00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:25,373
Oh, come on, Joanie. All
the guys are gonna be there:

409
00:16:25,691 --> 00:16:28,988
Gunnar and Scooter, Big
Bobby, Little Bobby, Keith.

410
00:16:29,069 --> 00:16:32,712
I know, but last year Scooter
got so drunk, he kept jumping

411
00:16:32,738 --> 00:16:35,961
on my back and asking for a ride.

412
00:16:36,409 --> 00:16:37,897
- That's right.
- Yeah.

413
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,465
What about you, Heather?

414
00:16:39,467 --> 00:16:41,000
Oh, no. God, no. No, no, no, no, no.

415
00:16:41,002 --> 00:16:42,368
Last time I went caroling with you guys,

416
00:16:42,370 --> 00:16:44,932
you left me at a Taco Bell in Chatsworth.

417
00:16:45,082 --> 00:16:47,736
Well, who am I gonna go with?

418
00:16:49,204 --> 00:16:49,747
- You know...
- Hmm.

419
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,009
Greg was pretty upset last year...

420
00:16:52,046 --> 00:16:54,268
- that he wasn't invited. Yeah.
- Greg.

421
00:16:54,922 --> 00:16:55,210
Greg?

422
00:16:55,232 --> 00:16:56,695
Loves to sing.

423
00:16:57,169 --> 00:16:59,193
What? No. Why would I do that?

424
00:16:59,277 --> 00:17:01,458
Because you had so much
fun the last time you went.

425
00:17:01,658 --> 00:17:02,085
Fun?

426
00:17:02,419 --> 00:17:04,141
Last time I went, your
friend Gunnar punched me

427
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:06,444
in the ear when I told him
I'd never seen a NASCAR race.

428
00:17:06,508 --> 00:17:07,426
How is that fun?

429
00:17:07,428 --> 00:17:08,949
Yeah, well, everybody laughed, huh?

430
00:17:09,707 --> 00:17:11,563
How about you, Jen? You got a mouth on you.

431
00:17:12,012 --> 00:17:14,111
Seems like you'd get along
with the guys just great.

432
00:17:14,231 --> 00:17:17,739
Uh, thank you for that. That's kind of you.

433
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:19,213
But I-I don't think I can.

434
00:17:19,254 --> 00:17:21,073
Oh. Because you're Jewish, huh?

435
00:17:21,642 --> 00:17:22,605
- Sure.
- Yeah.

436
00:17:23,987 --> 00:17:26,111
You know, talk to Matt. He loves caroling.

437
00:17:26,714 --> 00:17:27,779
- Loves it.
- Yeah.

438
00:17:27,969 --> 00:17:28,617
Matt?

439
00:17:28,854 --> 00:17:30,057
What? You used to call him...

440
00:17:30,077 --> 00:17:31,550
- Carol King. 
- Car-Carol King. Yeah.

441
00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:33,241
- Nope.
- Is it because last time when...

442
00:17:33,278 --> 00:17:35,762
- Yes.
- Well, in Little Bobby's defense,

443
00:17:36,196 --> 00:17:38,455
the guy had never shot a crossbow before.

444
00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:39,227
I'll go.

445
00:17:40,819 --> 00:17:41,645
- Really?
- Yeah.

446
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:43,657
- We'll leave at 6:00.
- Okay.

447
00:17:43,707 --> 00:17:45,597
Wait. No. No. No, no, no, no, no. Baby.

448
00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:47,599
- Yeah?
- Um, it's like Cocoon meets

449
00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:50,168
The Hangover. You really
don't want to be a part of this.

450
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,765
But I feel like I haven't
really connected with him yet.

451
00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:53,278
If I don't spend time with him,

452
00:17:53,398 --> 00:17:55,159
we're gonna keep having the
same awkward conversation

453
00:17:55,196 --> 00:17:56,327
about whether or not it's a leap year.

454
00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:58,410
- What is his obsession with leap years?
- I know.

455
00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:00,676
It's weird. Every day. "Is it leap year?

456
00:18:00,796 --> 00:18:02,814
Is this a leap year."  I don't know.

457
00:18:04,997 --> 00:18:07,416
Kind of feels like it hasn't
been a leap year in a while.

458
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,368
I think it's the same as the Olympics.

459
00:18:10,303 --> 00:18:11,856
Seems like, uh, nobody's here yet.

460
00:18:11,976 --> 00:18:14,559
Uh, Jimmy, two of the usual. Hey.

461
00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:15,310
You got it.

462
00:18:17,476 --> 00:18:18,852
Hey, let me show you something.

463
00:18:20,441 --> 00:18:22,333
- Oh, my gosh. Is that you?
- That's me

464
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:23,801
and Scooter and Gunnar

465
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,766
- and Big Old Bobby. 
- Uh-huh. What was your nickname?

466
00:18:26,212 --> 00:18:27,505
Uh, F-Fudgie.

467
00:18:28,117 --> 00:18:29,641
But I don't want to talk about that.

468
00:18:29,643 --> 00:18:30,711
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Okay.

469
00:18:30,755 --> 00:18:32,009
Some of the best times of my life

470
00:18:32,090 --> 00:18:33,177
were with those guys.

471
00:18:33,723 --> 00:18:34,796
Oh. Thank you.

472
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:36,263
Cheers.

473
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,365
Cheers.

474
00:18:42,904 --> 00:18:43,221
John?

475
00:18:43,881 --> 00:18:45,110
- Hey, Darryl.
- Hey.

476
00:18:45,230 --> 00:18:45,968
Oh, Colleen...

477
00:18:46,016 --> 00:18:47,592
- this is Scooter's son, Darryl.
- Hi.

478
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:48,726
- Hi.
- Yeah. Uh,

479
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:49,554
where's your old man?

480
00:18:50,169 --> 00:18:50,862
They, uh,

481
00:18:50,982 --> 00:18:52,347
called us Black and Tan.

482
00:18:52,409 --> 00:18:54,332
That's... racist today,

483
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,834
but back then it was sweet.

484
00:18:56,096 --> 00:18:56,667
Yeah.

485
00:18:56,859 --> 00:18:58,626
Um, can we sit down?

486
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,096
I thought you weren't coming.

487
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,112
Colleen texted me.

488
00:19:12,060 --> 00:19:12,740
I'll be outside.

489
00:19:14,599 --> 00:19:15,311
You okay?

490
00:19:16,352 --> 00:19:17,869
They're all gone, Joanie.

491
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:19,860
Every one of 'em.

492
00:19:19,862 --> 00:19:21,021
I'm so sorry, sweetie.

493
00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:22,809
Scooter's heart gave out.

494
00:19:23,566 --> 00:19:26,489
Big Bobby had a knee
replacement and can't travel.

495
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,042
Little Bobby moved to Florida,

496
00:19:28,707 --> 00:19:31,336
which actually sounds worse
than a knee replacement.

497
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:32,849
What about Gunnar and Keith?

498
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:34,452
They got married.

499
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,537
- To each other.
- It was about time.

500
00:19:37,838 --> 00:19:40,476
Yeah, but I honestly thought
they just liked to wrestle.

501
00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:42,547
Well, that's probably how it started.

502
00:19:42,831 --> 00:19:45,285
Yeah, well, you know,
I-I knew the men's chorus

503
00:19:45,287 --> 00:19:48,355
wasn't gonna last forever,
but I-I really thought

504
00:19:48,357 --> 00:19:50,169
we had a few more years left.

505
00:19:50,761 --> 00:19:51,852
You've still got us.

506
00:19:52,494 --> 00:19:54,616
Yeah, but it's not the same as old friends.

507
00:19:55,471 --> 00:19:57,130
I couldn't even get my own family

508
00:19:57,132 --> 00:19:59,084
to come out with me for one night.

509
00:19:59,828 --> 00:20:02,117
There might still be time
for a Christmas miracle.

510
00:20:03,047 --> 00:20:04,049
Yeah.

511
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:06,742
What is that?

512
00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:11,164
- Let's go see.
- ♪ On the second day of Christmas ♪

513
00:20:11,216 --> 00:20:12,954
♪ My true love gave to me ♪

514
00:20:13,364 --> 00:20:18,733
♪ Two waterbeds and a poster
of naked Cheryl Tiegs ♪

515
00:20:19,098 --> 00:20:23,390
♪ On the third day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me... ♪

516
00:20:23,510 --> 00:20:26,960
- Did you do this?
- No. Colleen.

517
00:20:26,962 --> 00:20:28,795
- Merry Christmas, Fudgie.
- Aw.

518
00:20:29,222 --> 00:20:29,937
Thank you.

519
00:20:30,832 --> 00:20:32,999
♪ On the fourth day of Christmas ♪

520
00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:35,035
♪ My true love gave to me ♪

521
00:20:35,037 --> 00:20:38,286
♪ Four jugs of wine, three stag films ♪

522
00:20:38,406 --> 00:20:43,977
♪ Two waterbeds and a poster
of naked Cheryl Tiegs. ♪