1
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Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -

2
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_

3
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- Hey, man.
- Hey.

4
00:00:12,287 --> 00:00:14,492
Uh, I was thinking about
getting a tattoo here.

5
00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:15,125
All right.

6
00:00:15,442 --> 00:00:16,961
It looks like you
already took all of them.

7
00:00:17,081 --> 00:00:19,030
Well, I mean, we also do piercings,

8
00:00:19,032 --> 00:00:20,932
branding, genital spearings...

9
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I think I only have time
for the one mutilation today.

10
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I gotta make a big splash with
my wife for Valentine's Day.

11
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I was thinking

12
00:00:28,439 --> 00:00:29,607
maybe something like that?

13
00:00:29,881 --> 00:00:30,742
You sure you want to get that?

14
00:00:31,086 --> 00:00:31,976
Tattoos are forever.

15
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- I gave it a lot of thought.
- Okay.

16
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Where do you want to get it?

17
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Huh.

18
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:40,162
Good... good question.

19
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Hey, brother.

20
00:00:42,870 --> 00:00:43,586
In law.

21
00:00:43,830 --> 00:00:45,190
Want to see something cool?

22
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Check it out!

23
00:00:46,677 --> 00:00:47,925
For Valentine's Day,

24
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I got Heather's name tattooed

25
00:00:49,229 --> 00:00:51,562
- on my shoulder.
- Aw... oh...

26
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- "I heart Heater."
- Ha-ha.

27
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No, it says "I heart Heather."

28
00:00:55,186 --> 00:00:57,418
No, dude, that says "I heart Heater."

29
00:00:57,980 --> 00:00:58,343
What?

30
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:00,779
- I can't...
- Okay.

31
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Uh, uh, Timmy, I'm just
gonna take a picture of it.

32
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I'm gonna want this in a frame anyway.

33
00:01:06,445 --> 00:01:06,840
See?

34
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No!

35
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No! She held up a mirror,

36
00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:12,274
but, you know, I mean,
it's like a haircut...

37
00:01:12,327 --> 00:01:13,992
after an hour, you're
all out of conversation

38
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and you just want to get out of there.

39
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Your haircuts take an hour, do they?

40
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Look. This is what I wrote down.

41
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"I heart Heather."

42
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No, "I heart Heater."

43
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- That says "Heather"!
- It...

44
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I'm a doctor! I have terrible penmanship.

45
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Well...

46
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Do you think if I go back in there,

47
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she could squeeze an "H" in there?

48
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I don't think that you got the room, man.

49
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I mean, I think maybe she
could squeeze a "T" in front.

50
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"I Heart... I Heart Theater."

51
00:01:36,383 --> 00:01:37,645
Yeah, but I don't heart theater.

52
00:01:37,695 --> 00:01:40,016
Not since that dude in
a catsuit sat in my lap.

53
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Hey, Heater.

54
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- "Heater"?
- Yeah.

55
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Yeah, I was thinking you need a nickname,

56
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so I'm gonna start calling you Heater.

57
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Why Heater?

58
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Well, because you keep me warm

59
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and you're hot

60
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and... portable.

61
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So... Heater.

62
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Yeah, I-I-I gotta say,

63
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- I'm not loving it.
- No?

64
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You know, maybe we just
stick to Honey or Pumpkin?

65
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No, I don't want to call
you some kind of food.

66
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I want to call you
something that gets food hot.

67
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- Mmm.
- So get on over here, Heater.

68
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Keep Daddy warm.

69
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Okay, don't-don't call me that.

70
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And don't call yourself Daddy.

71
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Hey, Heater.

72
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Hey! Look at that!

73
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It's really catching on.

74
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(gasping): Ah... he's a good kid.

75
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Such a... good kid.

76
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HEATHER: "If you can't take the Heater,

77
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get out of her kitchen."

78
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Yeah.

79
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Huh.

80
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Happy Valentine's Day.

81
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(gasps)

82
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You didn't have to do that.

83
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Ah, no, yes, I did.

84
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I wanted to. And do you know why?

85
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Because, Heater, you
are the love of my life,

86
00:02:49,681 --> 00:02:51,214
and I wanted to give you a gift that...

87
00:02:51,216 --> 00:02:53,283
No, y-you got to stop
calling me that, okay?

88
00:02:53,285 --> 00:02:56,034
I-it makes me feel like a truck driver.

89
00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:59,222
It's weird and masculine and off-putting.

90
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Yeah, but you'll be true to your nickname

91
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- and you'll warm up to it, Heater.
- Okay.

92
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Yeah, really. The more I hear it,
the more turned off I get.

93
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,477
Okay, no. You don't need
to take your robe off.

94
00:03:07,523 --> 00:03:08,364
That's the wrong direction.

95
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,834
If you call me that one more time, I...

96
00:03:10,072 --> 00:03:10,936
I don't have to.

97
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"I heart Heater"?

98
00:03:21,114 --> 00:03:22,979
That was supposed to
say "Heather," wasn't it?

99
00:03:23,545 --> 00:03:24,154
I...

100
00:03:24,897 --> 00:03:26,881
I feel like I really blew
it with the anniversary gift,

101
00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:28,784
so I wanted to get you
something that was forever.

102
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I-I love that you did this.

103
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I love that you were willing

104
00:03:33,391 --> 00:03:35,958
to disfigure your body
to prove that you love me.

105
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,827
(laughs)

106
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I do love you, Heather.

107
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I know you do.

108
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Yeah.

109
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Hey, you know what?

110
00:03:44,168 --> 00:03:45,448
For tonight...

111
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- I'll let you call me Heater.
- All ri... aah!

112
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- Don't touch it, don't touch it!
- I'm sorry, okay, I know.

113
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- It's fresh, it's fresh.
- Ah...

114
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Hey, what are you guys
doing for Valentine's Day?

115
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Oh, we're babysitting Lark.

116
00:03:58,516 --> 00:04:00,916
It's not babysitting if it's your kid.

117
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Yeah, well, Greg likes calling it that.

118
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He thinks it makes it more fun.

119
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- Oh.
- He's not right.

120
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Well, fortunately, Colleen
is not into Valentine's Day.

121
00:04:09,193 --> 00:04:10,959
- Ah.
- Nah... I know what

122
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you both are going to say:

123
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that any woman whose
favorite color is pink,

124
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has a dog named Princess

125
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and wants to get married at Disneyland

126
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loves Valentine's Day,
but she made it very clear.

127
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- Yeah...
- Okay

128
00:04:18,838 --> 00:04:20,718
so when you hear yourself say that,

129
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do you think, (A) I'm an idiot.

130
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(B) I'm an idiot.

131
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(C) I'm an idiot.

132
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or( D) All of the above?

133
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I gotta make dinner reservations.

134
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Mm-hmm.

135
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- I'm an idiot.
- Yeah.

136
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Really?

137
00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:41,757
You got nothing at 7:00?

138
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Okay. Um... how about 8:00?

139
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9:00? 11:00.

140
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No, no. You're-you're absolutely right.

141
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I should have planned better. Thank you.

142
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You-you are, hands down,
her favorite restaurant.

143
00:04:53,937 --> 00:04:56,004
Really? Nothing at 11:00?

144
00:04:56,006 --> 00:04:57,859
Well, then, let's-let's
circle back around, shall we?

145
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,941
6:00? 5:00. 4:00.

146
00:04:59,943 --> 00:05:03,044
Really? So you have no tables for two?

147
00:05:03,046 --> 00:05:04,913
Do you have any tables?

148
00:05:04,915 --> 00:05:06,047
Yeah, we'll take that.

149
00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:09,551
Thank you. Thank you. (sighs)

150
00:05:09,553 --> 00:05:11,252
Now, if you'll excuse me...

151
00:05:11,254 --> 00:05:11,845
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

152
00:05:13,295 --> 00:05:14,656
Hey. Reservation for Short.

153
00:05:15,459 --> 00:05:16,858
Oh. Table for four.

154
00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:18,359
- Yeah.
- Is your entire party here?

155
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,094
They sure are.

156
00:05:20,096 --> 00:05:20,955
All right, troops, let's go!

157
00:05:22,009 --> 00:05:23,057
There's no one there, sir.

158
00:05:23,086 --> 00:05:24,148
You're talking to a coat rack.

159
00:05:26,144 --> 00:05:27,735
There were people in
those coats a second ago.

160
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(both chuckle) No, they're
all in the bathroom.

161
00:05:29,976 --> 00:05:30,991
We don't mind starting without them.

162
00:05:31,229 --> 00:05:32,489
I'm sorry, I can't seat you

163
00:05:32,515 --> 00:05:33,841
until your entire party is here.

164
00:05:34,173 --> 00:05:35,050
- Really?
- Yeah.

165
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,512
- Why is that?
- You wouldn't believe it,

166
00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:39,514
but sometimes couples
try and beat the system

167
00:05:39,516 --> 00:05:41,126
on Valentine's Day by booking a four-top

168
00:05:41,169 --> 00:05:42,450
when all the two-tops are gone.

169
00:05:42,452 --> 00:05:44,018
Well, that is not us.

170
00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:45,048
I don't know if you could tell,

171
00:05:45,071 --> 00:05:47,660
but I fashion myself after Abraham Lincoln.

172
00:05:47,856 --> 00:05:49,190
- Hmm.
- Old Honest Abe.

173
00:05:49,408 --> 00:05:50,416
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, in fact,

174
00:05:50,536 --> 00:05:52,356
the president shows up from time to time.

175
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,649
He's moved out of his log cabin,

176
00:05:53,685 --> 00:05:54,929
looking for a new place to live,

177
00:05:54,931 --> 00:05:56,397
perhaps in your pants.

178
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:57,732
I'm not wearing pants.

179
00:05:58,208 --> 00:05:59,568
- Perhaps in your...
- Of any kind.

180
00:06:00,603 --> 00:06:02,303
Look, I'm sorry, but you
have a 15-minute grace period,

181
00:06:02,305 --> 00:06:03,571
or I'm gonna have to give your table away.

182
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:06,474
- Thank you.
- Okay.

183
00:06:08,264 --> 00:06:09,243
Everything okay?

184
00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:10,778
Uh-huh, yeah. It's great.
It's great. (giggles)

185
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:12,951
You know... there's actually a proposal

186
00:06:12,980 --> 00:06:14,274
happening at our table right now.

187
00:06:14,309 --> 00:06:14,982
- No. (gasps)
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

188
00:06:15,102 --> 00:06:16,345
But it's taking a little long

189
00:06:16,386 --> 00:06:18,599
because she can't find the ring
in the soufflé, but it's okay,

190
00:06:18,613 --> 00:06:18,981
they're on it...

191
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:20,032
- they're helping her dig it out.
- Okay.

192
00:06:21,691 --> 00:06:22,271
You know,

193
00:06:23,671 --> 00:06:25,107
after all that time with Chad,

194
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,298
I just taught myself not to
expect special days like this.

195
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,831
But, honestly, you bringing me here tonight

196
00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:32,141
restores my faith in love

197
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,636
and makes me feel like
I'm worth it, finally.

198
00:06:36,888 --> 00:06:38,405
Wow, I'm really glad we're here.

199
00:06:38,525 --> 00:06:39,303
Yeah.

200
00:06:41,014 --> 00:06:42,810
Um, would you excuse me for a second?

201
00:06:45,380 --> 00:06:47,648
(laugh track plays on TV, phone buzzes)

202
00:06:50,667 --> 00:06:51,238
Hi.

203
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:52,352
MATT: Hey, hey.

204
00:06:52,354 --> 00:06:53,687
Um, hey. Emergency.

205
00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:55,255
So I need you guys to meet me

206
00:06:55,257 --> 00:06:57,191
at a fancy dinner, like,
you know, right this moment.

207
00:06:57,193 --> 00:07:00,556
Oh, yeah, well, we got a bunch
of nerds on our front lawn

208
00:07:00,602 --> 00:07:01,929
taking pictures of a bird,

209
00:07:01,931 --> 00:07:03,931
and I'm eating shredded
cheese with a baby spoon.

210
00:07:03,933 --> 00:07:06,201
So, no can doozle.

211
00:07:10,614 --> 00:07:11,538
There we go.

212
00:07:11,658 --> 00:07:12,716
Heather, it's Matt. I, uh...

213
00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:15,108
Yeah, I-I'm kind of busy over here.

214
00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:15,936
Who is it, Heater?

215
00:07:16,928 --> 00:07:17,833
Oh, my God, that worked?

216
00:07:18,258 --> 00:07:18,836
Bye.

217
00:07:23,217 --> 00:07:24,611
(groans)

218
00:07:26,322 --> 00:07:27,420
This is such a surprise.

219
00:07:27,422 --> 00:07:29,089
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thanks.

220
00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:31,554
It's so sweet of you to include us

221
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,727
in your first Valentine's Day together.

222
00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:36,247
Remember our first one, Joanie?

223
00:07:36,298 --> 00:07:38,164
- We-we never even made it to dinner.
- Oh.

224
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,213
- Oh.
- Yeah.

225
00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:41,769
That was a long time ago.

226
00:07:41,811 --> 00:07:44,130
Well, you're just as
beautiful now, darling.

227
00:07:44,961 --> 00:07:46,320
Come here, sweetheart.

228
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:52,078
(both moaning)

229
00:07:54,715 --> 00:07:56,883
(both groan)

230
00:07:56,885 --> 00:07:58,117
Rib eye's looking tasty.

231
00:07:58,119 --> 00:07:59,786
Yep, wonder if it's got the bone in?

232
00:07:59,788 --> 00:08:01,354
- I shouldn't have said that.
- No.

233
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,589
(moaning)

234
00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:03,790
This isn't as romantic

235
00:08:03,792 --> 00:08:05,124
as I'd hoped it was gonna be.

236
00:08:05,244 --> 00:08:06,254
I was just trying to give you

237
00:08:06,266 --> 00:08:07,627
a Valentine's Day you'd remember.

238
00:08:08,213 --> 00:08:09,559
(laughs) I'm gonna remember it.

239
00:08:09,582 --> 00:08:10,459
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

240
00:08:10,877 --> 00:08:12,291
And not just because your dad

241
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:14,267
thinks that my foot is your mom's.

242
00:08:14,445 --> 00:08:15,545
Hmm? Oh.

243
00:08:15,977 --> 00:08:17,830
- Uh, sorry, sweetheart.
- Oh!

244
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:18,636
So sorry.

245
00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,332
- No, no, no...
- No, no...

246
00:08:21,358 --> 00:08:22,809
- That's...
- Are you guys hungry?

247
00:08:24,645 --> 00:08:26,324
I want you to go back to that store

248
00:08:26,334 --> 00:08:27,708
and I want you to get your guitar.

249
00:08:28,213 --> 00:08:30,568
- Come on.
- Thanks.

250
00:08:30,586 --> 00:08:33,099
- Go pretend to be the man you'll never be.
- I will.

251
00:08:33,536 --> 00:08:35,436
_

252
00:08:37,246 --> 00:08:38,035
This one's cool.

253
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,196
I have underwear this color.

254
00:08:39,198 --> 00:08:40,464
Oh, I haven't seen those.

255
00:08:40,466 --> 00:08:42,065
They like boy shorts or like...?

256
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,554
(Irish brogue): I can get
you a good deal on that.

257
00:08:44,813 --> 00:08:45,702
Is it any good?

258
00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:46,722
You tell me.

259
00:09:06,795 --> 00:09:07,791
Nice.

260
00:09:07,793 --> 00:09:09,059
That is the worst riff

261
00:09:09,179 --> 00:09:10,460
I've ever played in my life.

262
00:09:10,707 --> 00:09:11,428
I wouldn't sell it to you

263
00:09:11,430 --> 00:09:12,293
even if you wanted me to.

264
00:09:13,958 --> 00:09:14,446
Do you play?

265
00:09:14,766 --> 00:09:15,899
Um, rhythm guitar.

266
00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:17,167
It's actually for me.

267
00:09:17,526 --> 00:09:18,069
May I?

268
00:09:20,871 --> 00:09:22,505
Long nails on your right hand.

269
00:09:22,507 --> 00:09:24,174
Short nails on your left because,

270
00:09:24,176 --> 00:09:25,842
well, you finger with it.

271
00:09:25,844 --> 00:09:27,977
Here's the hand I finger with.

272
00:09:27,979 --> 00:09:29,245
You know, I think we should go.

273
00:09:29,247 --> 00:09:32,515
Uh, I'm also considering a banjo.

274
00:09:32,517 --> 00:09:33,983
(sputters)

275
00:09:33,985 --> 00:09:35,333
(no accent): Oh, hey,
Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan.

276
00:09:35,364 --> 00:09:36,926
Brian asked me to go get
burritos for everybody,

277
00:09:36,955 --> 00:09:39,122
but can you do it, please?

278
00:09:39,124 --> 00:09:41,324
(tuning guitar)

279
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,294
Hey, where's your new guitar?

280
00:09:44,414 --> 00:09:45,628
Oh, the old one's fine.

281
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,032
Oh, that's not good.

282
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,334
All right, what's really going on here?

283
00:09:52,182 --> 00:09:54,102
The guitar salesman started
hitting on Clementine,

284
00:09:54,148 --> 00:09:54,818
so we left.

285
00:09:55,799 --> 00:09:56,252
All right, look.

286
00:09:57,110 --> 00:09:59,257
I got a little experience
in this area, okay?

287
00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:01,843
Your mom was the hottest girl

288
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:03,599
in my college, and I was just

289
00:10:03,613 --> 00:10:06,782
some bald guy whose mustache
connected to his sideburns.

290
00:10:06,784 --> 00:10:07,631
Was that a thing?

291
00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:09,552
Yeah, in the 1870s.

292
00:10:09,554 --> 00:10:12,202
Look, the point is, I wasn't cool, Tyler.

293
00:10:12,217 --> 00:10:14,291
But when I was with your mom, I acted cool,

294
00:10:14,327 --> 00:10:15,096
and that's the trick.

295
00:10:16,543 --> 00:10:17,812
Look, I want you

296
00:10:17,848 --> 00:10:19,129
to go back to that store,

297
00:10:19,144 --> 00:10:20,454
and I want you to get your guitar.

298
00:10:21,017 --> 00:10:23,356
- Come on.
- Thanks.

299
00:10:23,377 --> 00:10:25,301
Go pretend to be the man you'll never be.

300
00:10:25,303 --> 00:10:26,184
I will.

301
00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:27,656
You're not cool, Dad.

302
00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:29,138
Neither are you, kid. Proud of you.

303
00:10:29,140 --> 00:10:30,706
(door opens)

304
00:10:36,292 --> 00:10:38,054
(Irish brogue): Well, welcome back.

305
00:10:38,627 --> 00:10:40,282
I just wanted to stop by again

306
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,985
with my girlfriend.

307
00:10:44,096 --> 00:10:45,054
Oh, did you want that plugged in?

308
00:10:45,056 --> 00:10:46,917
- Oh, no, no, no. It's fine, it's fine.
- I'm sorry, oh!

309
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:47,315
It's just, yeah...

310
00:10:47,338 --> 00:10:48,891
- I was just shredding a little bit.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.

311
00:10:48,893 --> 00:10:50,626
- Making sure this thing can hold my sound.
- Sure.

312
00:10:50,628 --> 00:10:53,562
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I really like how old this one is.

313
00:10:53,564 --> 00:10:54,997
Oh, you like older equipment, do you?

314
00:10:55,518 --> 00:10:57,232
Actually, I think this one

315
00:10:57,234 --> 00:10:58,661
is a little bit nicer.

316
00:10:58,781 --> 00:11:00,387
And, uh, a few years newer.

317
00:11:00,424 --> 00:11:01,737
This one's pretty cool.

318
00:11:01,739 --> 00:11:03,672
Yeah, yeah, no. You can't
go wrong with that one.

319
00:11:03,728 --> 00:11:06,108
But when you're ready to
take it to the next level,

320
00:11:06,389 --> 00:11:09,511
you can trade that one in for
something professionals use.

321
00:11:09,891 --> 00:11:10,609
Unless

322
00:11:10,915 --> 00:11:13,879
Hendrix wasn't a professional.

323
00:11:25,594 --> 00:11:26,895
Looking cool, buddy.

324
00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:28,230
Just like my dad.

325
00:11:28,232 --> 00:11:30,098
- Want me to play drums?
- Nope.

326
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,500
Tim?

327
00:11:31,819 --> 00:11:34,330
Did you charge something for $2,500?

328
00:11:34,376 --> 00:11:36,765
- That was $2,500?!
- You told me to stand my ground!

329
00:11:36,784 --> 00:11:38,740
Wasn't there some $100
ground you could've stood?

330
00:11:38,809 --> 00:11:41,025
Hendrix played this. I mean,
I could be just like him now.

331
00:11:41,085 --> 00:11:43,979
Dead and in estate battles
over who owns his rights?!

332
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,286
Okay, that is going back today.

333
00:11:46,321 --> 00:11:47,315
We are driving you.

334
00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:48,550
(no accent): I swear to God I was not

335
00:11:48,552 --> 00:11:49,951
the last person to use the bathroom.

336
00:11:49,953 --> 00:11:51,319
I don't even do that at work, okay?

337
00:11:51,321 --> 00:11:52,654
- Hi, excuse me?
- (Irish brogue): Hello.

338
00:11:52,656 --> 00:11:54,516
Um, my-my son needs

339
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:55,857
to return this guitar.

340
00:11:56,030 --> 00:11:57,859
Well, it is against store policy.

341
00:11:58,472 --> 00:12:01,563
But I suppose I could override it.

342
00:12:02,424 --> 00:12:04,684
I'd have to check your I.D. to
make sure your his mom, though.

343
00:12:05,038 --> 00:12:06,835
There's no way you could have a teenager.

344
00:12:07,272 --> 00:12:09,810
Well, I-I was very young when I had him.

345
00:12:09,839 --> 00:12:11,754
All right, thanks, buddy,
we really appreciate it,

346
00:12:11,805 --> 00:12:13,258
from one musician to another, so...

347
00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:14,075
Oh, yeah?

348
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:15,643
What did you play... the tuba?

349
00:12:15,645 --> 00:12:17,312
Oh! No, the guitar.

350
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,580
And a little tuba in high school.

351
00:12:19,582 --> 00:12:20,150
Tuba!

352
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,697
Compensating for a tiny horn, eh?

353
00:12:22,726 --> 00:12:23,618
Oh, hardly!

354
00:12:23,738 --> 00:12:24,986
Tuba's the biggest horn there is.

355
00:12:25,106 --> 00:12:26,301
Wraps all the way around your body.

356
00:12:26,323 --> 00:12:28,207
Just like this girl's gonna do tonight.

357
00:12:28,242 --> 00:12:30,071
- Isn't that right, honey?
- Sure.

358
00:12:30,253 --> 00:12:31,018
If you'd like to get back

359
00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:32,894
into the guitar, uh, I could point you

360
00:12:32,896 --> 00:12:34,327
to the beginner's section, but you know,

361
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:36,815
this area here's more for rock stars

362
00:12:36,837 --> 00:12:38,599
and their groupies.

363
00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:40,067
(chuckles)

364
00:12:40,187 --> 00:12:41,244
So...

365
00:12:42,064 --> 00:12:43,877
why did you buy that guitar?

366
00:12:44,762 --> 00:12:45,773
(sighs)

367
00:12:46,576 --> 00:12:48,109
Because that guy was hitting on you.

368
00:12:48,111 --> 00:12:48,737
So?

369
00:12:49,157 --> 00:12:50,209
So it bummed me out.

370
00:12:51,115 --> 00:12:51,746
Look, I want you

371
00:12:51,748 --> 00:12:52,845
to stay with me forever.

372
00:12:54,672 --> 00:12:56,817
That sounds like I'm
gonna murder you, sorry.

373
00:12:57,022 --> 00:12:59,350
Look, Tyler, everybody hits on me.

374
00:12:59,705 --> 00:13:01,255
Like all the time.

375
00:13:01,375 --> 00:13:02,590
I love that shirt.

376
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:03,375
Thanks.

377
00:13:03,955 --> 00:13:05,192
She wasn't looking at my shirt.

378
00:13:05,194 --> 00:13:06,193
Hmm?

379
00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:07,661
Look, I am with you,

380
00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,797
because I want to be with you.

381
00:13:09,799 --> 00:13:10,888
Don't worry about it.

382
00:13:10,939 --> 00:13:12,097
I'm your girlfriend.

383
00:13:16,781 --> 00:13:19,285
Well, bad news is I
couldn't return your guitar.

384
00:13:19,322 --> 00:13:22,443
But I did manage to pick up
a little something for myself.

385
00:13:23,122 --> 00:13:24,978
It did set me back $4,000.

386
00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:26,647
But that'll just encourage me

387
00:13:26,649 --> 00:13:27,697
to learn how to play it.

388
00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:29,429
You are insane.

389
00:13:31,826 --> 00:13:34,154
Yeah, we really showed that Scotsman, huh?

390
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:35,556
I thought he was Irish.

391
00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:36,946
Don't be racist.

392
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,894
You have the baby.

393
00:13:40,896 --> 00:13:42,748
If you realize that it's too soon,

394
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,275
I'll take it. Yeah, I mean,

395
00:13:45,294 --> 00:13:47,247
I'm your sister, so it's
like it's half mine anyway.

396
00:13:47,707 --> 00:13:49,507
_

397
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:55,913
Uh, so I just got a, uh,
calendar alert on my phone.

398
00:13:56,304 --> 00:13:57,937
Yeah, it's Valentine's Day.

399
00:13:57,939 --> 00:13:59,939
Why do you think I matched
my underwear to my bra?

400
00:13:59,941 --> 00:14:01,867
Oh, no, no, no, no, it's not that.

401
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,742
Uh, today's the day that we said

402
00:14:03,744 --> 00:14:05,077
we'd start trying for another baby.

403
00:14:05,729 --> 00:14:06,209
Remember?

404
00:14:06,753 --> 00:14:09,148
Valentine's Day, 10:00 a.m., make a baby.

405
00:14:09,150 --> 00:14:11,450
Wait, what, that... that's... that's now?

406
00:14:11,678 --> 00:14:13,252
- Yeah.
- That's... wow.

407
00:14:13,254 --> 00:14:15,287
That-that-that-that
happened so soon.

408
00:14:15,407 --> 00:14:17,609
I mean, how can we have a baby?

409
00:14:17,638 --> 00:14:19,291
We... we already have a baby.

410
00:14:19,808 --> 00:14:22,450
Uh, well, we said that we wanted
them to be two years apart,

411
00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:24,363
and Lark is eight months old,

412
00:14:24,365 --> 00:14:26,532
and it took seven months to
get pregnant last time, so...

413
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,128
Right, okay, but...

414
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:33,275
but-but-but-but-but-
but-but-but... but...

415
00:14:33,529 --> 00:14:38,380
uh, that plan was devised
in a pre-Lark world,

416
00:14:38,424 --> 00:14:41,783
and post-Lark world is very different.

417
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,117
It is... it's-it's darker, you know?

418
00:14:45,119 --> 00:14:46,934
It's-it's grittier.

419
00:14:46,998 --> 00:14:48,253
It's sleepier.

420
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,280
It's... saggier.

421
00:14:50,782 --> 00:14:52,795
So you don't want to have another baby.

422
00:14:53,363 --> 00:14:55,365
It's very saggy, Greg.

423
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,231
I have to go make a dinner reservation.

424
00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:00,699
HEATHER: Yeah, buddy, yeah.

425
00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:01,750
I'm an idiot.

426
00:15:04,524 --> 00:15:06,453
Hey, Heater, question for you.

427
00:15:06,465 --> 00:15:07,658
What was the bigger transition...

428
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,542
Going from one kid to two or two to three?

429
00:15:10,544 --> 00:15:12,977
- Mmm... oh, my God.
- What?

430
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,289
- You're gonna have a baby.
- No.

431
00:15:14,323 --> 00:15:15,162
- Baby!
- No!

432
00:15:15,184 --> 00:15:16,347
- Baby! Baby!
- (coughing): No.

433
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,383
(coughing)

434
00:15:18,574 --> 00:15:20,718
No. No, we're not having a baby;

435
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:22,782
we're thinking about having a baby.

436
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:23,937
We're trying to, you know,

437
00:15:23,951 --> 00:15:26,381
zone in on the exact perfect time to...

438
00:15:26,418 --> 00:15:27,158
You have the baby.

439
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:29,317
If you realize that it's too soon,

440
00:15:29,967 --> 00:15:31,874
I'll take it. Yeah, I mean,

441
00:15:31,888 --> 00:15:33,816
I'm your sister, so it's
like it's half mine anyway.

442
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,811
Intriguing proposition. Okay.

443
00:15:35,931 --> 00:15:36,391
Well, uh...

444
00:15:36,426 --> 00:15:38,169
- I'm gonna bring these facts to Jen.
- Yeah.

445
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,904
And, uh, I'll get back to you.

446
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,674
Hey, and I will carry it for
you, too, if that's the issue.

447
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:44,524
- Now I can get behind that.
- Oh.

448
00:15:44,567 --> 00:15:46,186
You are so hot when you're pregnant.

449
00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:49,347
Something about you and
I having the same profile

450
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:50,314
really gets me going.

451
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:51,282
Mmm.

452
00:15:52,599 --> 00:15:54,924
JOAN: Oh, we just heard the great news.

453
00:15:54,976 --> 00:15:56,206
My goodness.

454
00:15:56,577 --> 00:16:00,035
My baby is having another baby.

455
00:16:00,239 --> 00:16:01,856
Oh. Oh, well, um, thank you,

456
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,128
but, no, no, I'm not... I'm not pregnant.

457
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,195
- No, we're waiting.
- Oh.

458
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,137
Maybe. Or not.

459
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,441
- W-w-w-we don't know.
- Okay.

460
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,532
I think you're supposed to
cut down on the sauce a little

461
00:16:09,546 --> 00:16:11,983
during this time, darling, but you do you.

462
00:16:12,048 --> 00:16:13,337
- She's not pregnant.
- Not pregnant.

463
00:16:13,457 --> 00:16:14,109
Think you should wait.

464
00:16:14,726 --> 00:16:16,930
- Yeah?
- When kids are too close in age,

465
00:16:17,148 --> 00:16:18,888
you know, it strains the relationship,

466
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:20,965
and the younger one always
ends up sucking at sports.

467
00:16:20,997 --> 00:16:21,912
Greg, heads up.

468
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:24,951
JOAN: You know, I think
you two are making this

469
00:16:24,979 --> 00:16:26,260
much too complicated.

470
00:16:26,914 --> 00:16:28,803
When it's time to have
another baby, you'll know.

471
00:16:29,175 --> 00:16:30,187
We-we will?

472
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,489
Yes, there'll be a sign.

473
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,892
Just like there was when
we got pregnant with Greg.

474
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:35,722
There was a sign?

475
00:16:35,842 --> 00:16:37,490
We were all around the table,

476
00:16:37,554 --> 00:16:40,197
and somehow a chair from the dining room

477
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,581
had made its way into the kitchen.

478
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,746
I looked at that empty chair,

479
00:16:43,757 --> 00:16:45,914
and I knew something was missing.

480
00:16:47,024 --> 00:16:49,619
And that something was another baby.

481
00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:51,218
What about me, Mom?

482
00:16:51,955 --> 00:16:53,210
What was the sign you should have me?

483
00:16:53,507 --> 00:16:54,119
Oh.

484
00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:56,861
Remember what that sign was?

485
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:57,892
I do.

486
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,065
"Ten minute loading zone."

487
00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:02,586
(laughs)

488
00:17:03,375 --> 00:17:06,089
(sighs) Finally, some peace of mind.

489
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,457
It's not up to us, you know?

490
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:09,226
If it was up to us, we
wouldn't know what to do.

491
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:10,661
- But it's not up to us.
- No.

492
00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:12,195
- No, it's up to fate.
- Yeah.

493
00:17:12,225 --> 00:17:13,530
So we don't have to find the answer,

494
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,831
- it'll find us.
- That's right.

495
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:15,954
- (bird squawking)
- (gasps)

496
00:17:17,108 --> 00:17:18,373
- Is that...
- A stork?

497
00:17:19,446 --> 00:17:20,527
Yes, it is.

498
00:17:22,169 --> 00:17:22,604
Wow.

499
00:17:24,328 --> 00:17:26,896
Thought we'd have, like,
at least an hour or two

500
00:17:26,937 --> 00:17:28,221
before we saw a sign.

501
00:17:28,341 --> 00:17:29,107
Yeah, yeah.

502
00:17:31,810 --> 00:17:32,993
Yeah. Let's go make a baby.

503
00:17:36,438 --> 00:17:37,761
Happy Valentine's Day.

504
00:17:38,881 --> 00:17:40,459
That's no stork. It's a crane.

505
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:42,893
- What? Really?
- Yeah.

506
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,022
Storks are not indigenous

507
00:17:45,051 --> 00:17:47,134
- to this area. And are silent.
- No.

508
00:17:47,185 --> 00:17:48,233
That thing was squawking.

509
00:17:48,270 --> 00:17:49,118
- I mean, you heard it.
- Squawk, squawk, squawk.

510
00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:51,768
- I mean, it's a crane. It's a crane.
- That's a crane. That's a crane.

511
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:54,366
Oh, that is a crane.
So-so-so it's not a stork.

512
00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:56,026
- So it's not a sign.
- Mm-mm.

513
00:17:56,049 --> 00:17:57,018
So we shouldn't be trying

514
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:57,884
- for a baby.
- No.

515
00:17:58,476 --> 00:18:00,486
Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

516
00:18:00,606 --> 00:18:01,697
I'm okay with that. Are you okay with that?

517
00:18:01,817 --> 00:18:03,942
- It's not up to us. You know?
- No.

518
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,239
I mean, it's a... it's a crane.

519
00:18:05,262 --> 00:18:06,592
- It's a dang crane.
- Dang it.

520
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,187
- (groans)
- Yeah.

521
00:18:08,396 --> 00:18:10,677
- Universe. So mad.
- Yeah.

522
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:12,255
(chuckling): You know?

523
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:14,258
All right, I'm gonna put on sweatpants.

524
00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:18,904
(quietly): You can stay in the outfit.

525
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:21,107
(knocking)

526
00:18:22,277 --> 00:18:24,188
Hi there! I'm, uh, Chip Baggins

527
00:18:24,223 --> 00:18:26,201
from SoCal Bird Watchers.
And if you don't mind,

528
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,174
I'd like to document
that stork on your lawn.

529
00:18:28,568 --> 00:18:30,773
- Oh, that's no stork. It's a crane.
- No,

530
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:34,710
it's a stork. Genus<i>
Ciconia,</i> species<i> Ciconia.</i>

531
00:18:34,712 --> 00:18:36,465
- Yeah, I don't know what that is.
- What is that?

532
00:18:36,479 --> 00:18:39,173
But I Wikipedia'd the hell out
of that, and that's a crane.

533
00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:41,887
It's got a chip in it.
That's how we tracked it here.

534
00:18:42,424 --> 00:18:44,070
It's a white stork that's broken

535
00:18:44,092 --> 00:18:46,151
from its normal migratory patterns.

536
00:18:46,761 --> 00:18:48,151
It's a pretty big deal, actually.

537
00:18:48,216 --> 00:18:50,449
Oh, this is tough news
to break to you, Chip,

538
00:18:50,479 --> 00:18:52,262
but it's not a big deal.
It's a very tiny baby deal,

539
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,018
because it's not a stork.

540
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,497
Yeah, if it was a stork, it would be

541
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:55,698
- a big deal, because then...
- Big deal.

542
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:58,234
- we can get busy making baby number two.
- Yeah.

543
00:18:58,489 --> 00:19:00,236
That's a fairy tale, actually.

544
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:02,238
Well, for you, maybe, Chip,

545
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:04,789
but, for us, making
love is very, very real.

546
00:19:04,831 --> 00:19:06,757
- GREG: Yeah. We take it very seriously.
- But, uh,

547
00:19:06,808 --> 00:19:08,177
alas, Mommy's in sweatpants

548
00:19:08,179 --> 00:19:09,979
'cause it's a crane. So... (chuckles)

549
00:19:10,185 --> 00:19:12,281
- boo-hoo. But bye-bye. (chuckles)
- Take care. Bye-bye.

550
00:19:12,283 --> 00:19:14,149
But it just... what...
it would be... but...

551
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:19,825
(gobbling sounds)

552
00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:23,327
- (vehicle approaching)
- Ooh.

553
00:19:23,593 --> 00:19:24,137
Hi.

554
00:19:24,507 --> 00:19:25,399
MAN: Guys, there it is, guys.

555
00:19:26,175 --> 00:19:27,264
MAN 2: Let's set up over here.

556
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:28,191
MAN 1: I'll back up the truck.

557
00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:30,034
Oh. I'm gonna put you back down.

558
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,402
(indistinct chatter)

559
00:19:31,522 --> 00:19:32,808
WOMAN: In three, two...

560
00:19:34,135 --> 00:19:37,007
The appearance of a stork
has a Mar Vista couple asking,

561
00:19:37,358 --> 00:19:38,221
what the flock?

562
00:19:38,417 --> 00:19:40,440
It's a crane! Leave us alone!

563
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:43,343
- Honey.
- Yeah, I know.

564
00:19:44,264 --> 00:19:46,636
- It's a stork.
- Okay,

565
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:48,604
you know what, give me
a 30-minute head start.

566
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,306
I'm gonna climb back into that lingerie.

567
00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:52,222
We're gonna knock dem boots, okay?

568
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:52,859
Let's wait.

569
00:19:53,547 --> 00:19:54,007
Wait, what?

570
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:57,328
Let's wait.

571
00:19:58,528 --> 00:19:59,846
Lark is so amazing right now.

572
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,266
And I know whoever is
gonna come around next

573
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:05,002
is gonna be just as amazing.
But right now I'm not ready

574
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,352
to give up this special time

575
00:20:06,384 --> 00:20:08,008
that we have with just us and Lark.

576
00:20:08,211 --> 00:20:09,136
Yeah, I feel the same way.

577
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:10,673
- You do?
- Yeah.

578
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,157
I love just us.

579
00:20:13,511 --> 00:20:15,017
You know? We can, like, each take

580
00:20:15,031 --> 00:20:16,917
one of her hands and
swing her in between us.

581
00:20:16,953 --> 00:20:18,453
We couldn't do that if
there was another kid.

582
00:20:18,573 --> 00:20:20,129
Okay. New plan.

583
00:20:20,535 --> 00:20:21,333
- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.

584
00:20:21,369 --> 00:20:23,842
The new plan is no plan.

585
00:20:25,685 --> 00:20:26,519
I like that plan.

586
00:20:26,874 --> 00:20:27,476
You do?

587
00:20:27,747 --> 00:20:29,209
Mm-hmm. And I love you.

588
00:20:29,526 --> 00:20:30,331
I love you, too.

589
00:20:33,364 --> 00:20:35,999
(pecking)

590
00:20:36,617 --> 00:20:37,286
What's that sound?

591
00:20:39,291 --> 00:20:41,660
That's the stork pecking at our window.

592
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,769
- I'm gonna go turn on the sprinklers.
- Yeah.