1
00:00:04,758 --> 00:00:07,071
_

2
00:00:09,018 --> 00:00:11,103
Hey, do you think the Lyft
driver could tell we were drunk?

3
00:00:11,128 --> 00:00:12,594
Well, not the Lyft driver,

4
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:15,664
but maybe the driver of
the first car you got into.

5
00:00:15,666 --> 00:00:16,914
Hey, guys.

6
00:00:16,939 --> 00:00:19,234
Oh, hi, Amanda.

7
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:20,612
Hey, how did Lark do?

8
00:00:20,644 --> 00:00:22,077
Great... we played outside.

9
00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:23,883
Until that guy with the
shopping cart walked by.

10
00:00:23,908 --> 00:00:25,574
Oh, yeah, that's a good call.

11
00:00:25,599 --> 00:00:26,738
You're not going to believe this,

12
00:00:26,763 --> 00:00:29,218
but he's not actually going shopping.

13
00:00:29,220 --> 00:00:30,684
Hey, I'm going to get
out of these clothes.

14
00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:33,495
All right? Put on some tunes,
maybe fire up a scented candle?

15
00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:35,057
- I'm into it, I'm into it.
- Thank you!

16
00:00:35,292 --> 00:00:37,175
Uh, here, let me write you a check.

17
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,227
Thanks, Jen.

18
00:00:38,462 --> 00:00:40,103
And I love those shoes.

19
00:00:40,345 --> 00:00:41,445
Thank you.

20
00:00:41,470 --> 00:00:42,308
Hey, you can borrow them

21
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,832
for your sister's wedding if you want.

22
00:00:43,857 --> 00:00:45,256
She called it off.

23
00:00:45,281 --> 00:00:46,055
What?

24
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,966
I knew it.

25
00:00:47,991 --> 00:00:49,351
What was it, secret family?

26
00:00:49,376 --> 00:00:51,721
Secret boyfriend... and not hers.

27
00:00:51,746 --> 00:00:53,237
Well, you know what I say.

28
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,948
Never trust a man with Botox.

29
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:57,639
Unless he's giving you Botox.

30
00:00:59,503 --> 00:01:01,337
Honey, you coming to bed?

31
00:01:01,339 --> 00:01:03,072
I guess that's why you
should never get your vows

32
00:01:03,074 --> 00:01:04,506
tattooed on your lower back.

33
00:01:04,508 --> 00:01:05,641
Zing!

34
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,759
You guys, uh,

35
00:01:08,814 --> 00:01:09,678
you good?

36
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,046
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

37
00:01:11,048 --> 00:01:12,889
Well, I'm, uh...

38
00:01:12,914 --> 00:01:14,694
I'm going to go put
in my retainer and...

39
00:01:14,819 --> 00:01:15,647
go to bed.

40
00:01:15,672 --> 00:01:17,363
Okay, honey, love you.

41
00:01:17,388 --> 00:01:18,071
Love you.

42
00:01:18,096 --> 00:01:19,724
- Bye. 
- Night-night.

43
00:01:20,904 --> 00:01:22,937
Those are his special jammies.

44
00:01:24,493 --> 00:01:26,273
It's like this every time.

45
00:01:26,298 --> 00:01:28,096
Jen and I come back from a night out

46
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,090
with a little buzz.

47
00:01:29,115 --> 00:01:30,885
Things start getting a
little hot, and then...

48
00:01:30,910 --> 00:01:32,910
Start picturing your mom and it's over.

49
00:01:33,170 --> 00:01:34,470
What? No.

50
00:01:34,752 --> 00:01:36,563
Jen starts talking to our babysitter.

51
00:01:36,588 --> 00:01:38,366
Next thing I know, it's two hours later.

52
00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:40,916
They've opened up a bottle
of wine, started chatting,

53
00:01:40,940 --> 00:01:43,474
and I'm sitting there in
my silk pajamas for nothing.

54
00:01:43,476 --> 00:01:45,610
You know, and those things
got to get dry cleaned.

55
00:01:45,612 --> 00:01:47,045
Your sex window closed.

56
00:01:47,443 --> 00:01:48,334
Sex window?

57
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:49,991
Yeah, you know, when
you start having kids,

58
00:01:50,016 --> 00:01:52,116
you got a very small
amount of time to have sex.

59
00:01:52,118 --> 00:01:54,619
It's usually right after
the kids go to sleep

60
00:01:54,621 --> 00:01:56,688
and before you're so
exhausted that you fall asleep.

61
00:01:56,690 --> 00:02:00,072
Yes! My babysitter's
killed my sex window.

62
00:02:00,097 --> 00:02:01,048
I'll tell you what you need to do.

63
00:02:01,073 --> 00:02:02,907
Next time you want to go
out, you hire Samantha.

64
00:02:02,932 --> 00:02:04,531
She won't stick around
and chat with Jen.

65
00:02:04,556 --> 00:02:06,541
Teenagers do not like talking to adults.

66
00:02:06,566 --> 00:02:08,232
That is a fantastic idea.

67
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:09,625
Yeah, and I'll drop
her off and pick her up,

68
00:02:09,650 --> 00:02:11,000
that way you'll know
she'll leave right away

69
00:02:11,025 --> 00:02:12,434
and your sex window stays open.

70
00:02:12,459 --> 00:02:14,849
Just make sure you close
it before Mom sneaks in.

71
00:02:14,874 --> 00:02:18,409
Okay, wait... are you talking
about your mom or my mom?

72
00:02:19,425 --> 00:02:20,858
Whichever one's not weird.

73
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,766
I know we say it every year,

74
00:02:26,791 --> 00:02:29,707
but can this be the last year
we go to the ugly sweater party?

75
00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:31,866
I cannot wait to take this thing off.

76
00:02:31,891 --> 00:02:33,353
Well, I cannot wait

77
00:02:33,378 --> 00:02:34,945
to take it off of you.

78
00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:37,495
Hey, you guys are 45 minutes late!

79
00:02:37,497 --> 00:02:38,977
Oh, yeah, sorry.

80
00:02:39,002 --> 00:02:41,309
We ran into these friends
we hadn't seen in forever.

81
00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:43,194
Oh, yeah, do I know them?
Were they at the wedding?

82
00:02:43,219 --> 00:02:44,779
Was it the couple with the turtles?

83
00:02:44,804 --> 00:02:46,671
Doesn't matter... who cares, right?

84
00:02:46,673 --> 00:02:48,273
It's time to get Sam home, right?

85
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:49,014
Bedtime.

86
00:02:49,039 --> 00:02:51,118
I can't drive right now.

87
00:02:51,836 --> 00:02:52,643
I'm sorry, what?

88
00:02:52,645 --> 00:02:54,431
You guys weren't here,
so I started drinking.

89
00:02:54,456 --> 00:02:56,497
What else am I supposed
to do to pass the time?

90
00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:59,352
Uh, I don't know, uh, talk to Sam?

91
00:02:59,377 --> 00:03:00,762
I don't like talking to adults.

92
00:03:00,787 --> 00:03:02,930
All right, well, I'm going
to let you guys work out

93
00:03:03,047 --> 00:03:03,888
whatever this is,

94
00:03:03,890 --> 00:03:05,530
and I'm going to hop into my cozies.

95
00:03:05,555 --> 00:03:09,356
No... no, no, no, no, no, no, no cozies!

96
00:03:09,662 --> 00:03:10,695
Tim!

97
00:03:10,697 --> 00:03:11,562
Yeah, bro.

98
00:03:11,564 --> 00:03:12,785
Can I talk to you for a second?

99
00:03:12,810 --> 00:03:15,778
Uh-oh, sounds like last call.

100
00:03:16,043 --> 00:03:18,568
You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.

101
00:03:20,489 --> 00:03:23,115
Why would you start drinking if
you knew you had to drive home?

102
00:03:23,117 --> 00:03:24,836
Hey, not my fault you were late.

103
00:03:25,258 --> 00:03:27,619
Besides I was still feeling that glow.

104
00:03:28,225 --> 00:03:29,625
What glow?

105
00:03:29,650 --> 00:03:31,485
Well, you know, all the kids were out,

106
00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:34,429
so Heather and I had
ourselves a good little time

107
00:03:34,454 --> 00:03:35,827
with the house all to ourselves.

108
00:03:35,829 --> 00:03:39,231
- That's why you offered up Sam to babysit.
- Mmm.

109
00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:41,800
You created your own sex window
and you traded it for mine.

110
00:03:41,802 --> 00:03:43,869
Had to... you know...

111
00:03:43,871 --> 00:03:45,451
it's hard to get that window open.

112
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,631
It's been painted shut with
years of children and pets

113
00:03:48,656 --> 00:03:50,008
and intermittent weight gain.

114
00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:51,634
Yeah, well, that's
your problem, not mine.

115
00:03:51,659 --> 00:03:52,817
Come on, we're getting in the car.

116
00:03:52,842 --> 00:03:54,313
- No.
- Let's go, come on!

117
00:03:54,315 --> 00:03:55,881
Sam, come on, taking you home.

118
00:03:56,407 --> 00:03:57,673
Come on, chop-chop.

119
00:04:00,554 --> 00:04:02,454
All right!

120
00:04:02,456 --> 00:04:04,323
You're home, now get out.

121
00:04:04,848 --> 00:04:06,581
Sam?

122
00:04:06,606 --> 00:04:08,639
Honey, thank you.

123
00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:11,229
You ran over my bike!

124
00:04:11,682 --> 00:04:13,274
Oh, come on, like you ever use it.

125
00:04:13,299 --> 00:04:14,489
Oh, I forgot to tell you.

126
00:04:14,514 --> 00:04:16,106
I think Lark may be allergic to...

127
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,549
Yeah, yeah, she's a baby.

128
00:04:17,574 --> 00:04:19,045
She's doing new stuff all the time.

129
00:04:22,797 --> 00:04:24,810
He's right, I never ride that thing.

130
00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:28,521
Ta-da! No.

131
00:04:29,249 --> 00:04:32,847
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, Jen!

132
00:04:32,996 --> 00:04:34,920
Jen, wake up, don't close the window!

133
00:04:34,922 --> 00:04:36,384
Wake up, wake up, wake up!

134
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:37,909
- Huh? Oh, my God.
- Hi.

135
00:04:37,934 --> 00:04:40,064
- Hi!
- Hi, I'm so sorry.

136
00:04:40,089 --> 00:04:40,931
I fell asleep.

137
00:04:40,956 --> 00:04:42,598
It's okay, because, look.

138
00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:44,296
You're up now, so...

139
00:04:44,298 --> 00:04:45,464
Yeah.

140
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:53,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

141
00:04:56,009 --> 00:04:57,642
Okay.

142
00:04:58,403 --> 00:04:59,355
All right, you know what?

143
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:01,948
Let's, um, let's just set an early alarm

144
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:03,983
and we can, we can try
again in the morning.

145
00:05:03,985 --> 00:05:05,139
Oh, that's a great idea.

146
00:05:05,164 --> 00:05:06,963
Yeah, that's way better
than doing it tonight.

147
00:05:06,988 --> 00:05:07,920
Eh...

148
00:05:07,922 --> 00:05:09,481
Okay, I love you.

149
00:05:09,506 --> 00:05:10,200
Love you, too.

150
00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:11,490
Okay.

151
00:05:24,027 --> 00:05:25,655
Yeah, right.

152
00:05:31,386 --> 00:05:33,011
_

153
00:05:34,257 --> 00:05:36,124
I love my new vanity.

154
00:05:36,276 --> 00:05:38,669
I'm sorry I couldn't keep
a secret till Christmas,

155
00:05:38,694 --> 00:05:40,444
but I just got too excited.

156
00:05:40,446 --> 00:05:42,509
Will you have it built
before my sleepover tonight?

157
00:05:42,534 --> 00:05:43,247
Oh, yeah.

158
00:05:43,249 --> 00:05:44,682
I promised makeovers,

159
00:05:44,684 --> 00:05:46,987
and some of my friends
are in desperate need.

160
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:48,223
Well, that shouldn't be a problem

161
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,791
unless your Uncle Matt holds me up.

162
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:51,735
What... you begged me to help.

163
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,037
Well, Greg has his ultimate Frisbee game

164
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,987
and Tim is hungover, so here we are.

165
00:05:57,012 --> 00:06:00,391
Hey, Dad, how many, uh, fluber
rods are we supposed to have?

166
00:06:00,416 --> 00:06:02,733
Well, I don't know about
you, but I just got the one.

167
00:06:02,735 --> 00:06:03,934
No.

168
00:06:03,936 --> 00:06:04,862
Huh?

169
00:06:04,887 --> 00:06:06,249
These things... how many of these

170
00:06:06,274 --> 00:06:08,016
do the instructions say
we're supposed to have?

171
00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:09,798
- This is the instructions?
- Yeah.

172
00:06:10,777 --> 00:06:13,011
Oh, I don't know what
country this is from,

173
00:06:13,036 --> 00:06:16,004
but I guarantee you they
couldn't beat us in a war.

174
00:06:16,049 --> 00:06:17,715
Whoa, what are you doing?!

175
00:06:17,717 --> 00:06:19,799
Unless the instructions say
to tear up the instructions,

176
00:06:19,824 --> 00:06:21,192
that's really stupid.

177
00:06:21,217 --> 00:06:23,273
There's a picture right
here of the finished product,

178
00:06:23,298 --> 00:06:25,970
and that's a lot more than
Frank Lloyd Webber ever had.

179
00:06:25,995 --> 00:06:27,309
And he did okay.

180
00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:29,868
Right, but he had blueprints
and a different name.

181
00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:31,203
Well, excuse me.

182
00:06:31,205 --> 00:06:34,206
Sir Frank Lloyd Webber, good for him.

183
00:06:38,228 --> 00:06:42,119
Hmm, something must be wrong
with the picture from the box.

184
00:06:42,144 --> 00:06:44,679
Okay, let's just go online

185
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,838
and find an instructional video.

186
00:06:47,288 --> 00:06:50,956
The wiffy password's seven, big S.

187
00:06:52,727 --> 00:06:54,731
Now, just so I'm clear.

188
00:06:54,756 --> 00:06:57,440
That little girl thinks
her daddy's in Iraq

189
00:06:57,465 --> 00:07:00,599
and he's really hiding in a
cardboard box in her school gym?

190
00:07:00,601 --> 00:07:03,469
Yeah, just watch her face when
she sees him for the first time.

191
00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:06,371
Oh, makes me want to re-enlist.

192
00:07:06,373 --> 00:07:07,399
Wait, wait, wait.

193
00:07:07,424 --> 00:07:10,522
Wait till you see the
one about the police dog

194
00:07:10,547 --> 00:07:13,781
that has to be euthanized and is
walking past a line of officers.

195
00:07:16,225 --> 00:07:18,994
Don't look at me, you don't
want to see your old man cry.

196
00:07:19,019 --> 00:07:20,043
Oh, my God.

197
00:07:20,068 --> 00:07:22,345
You guys are watching videos?

198
00:07:22,370 --> 00:07:24,316
Sophia's friends are
going to be here in an hour

199
00:07:24,341 --> 00:07:26,098
and that little Mallory
needs a makeover.

200
00:07:26,123 --> 00:07:27,565
Her bangs are so stale.

201
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,862
Okay, okay, all right.

202
00:07:29,864 --> 00:07:31,643
- Let's focus, huh?
- Yeah.

203
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:33,535
I think that this could help us.

204
00:07:33,701 --> 00:07:36,969
Hi, guys! Today we are going
to be putting together a vanity

205
00:07:36,971 --> 00:07:39,404
so I can look in it
and see how ugly I am.

206
00:07:39,406 --> 00:07:40,393
Just kidding!

207
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,265
Comment below how pretty you think I am.

208
00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:44,256
The best compliment is
going to get a shout-out.

209
00:07:44,478 --> 00:07:46,512
20 million people have watched this.

210
00:07:47,163 --> 00:07:48,646
I want a shout-out.

211
00:07:48,671 --> 00:07:49,481
Okay, wait, wait, wait.

212
00:07:49,483 --> 00:07:52,151
Can we please just follow her
instructions and finish this?

213
00:07:52,153 --> 00:07:54,353
Why don't you follow
my instructions, huh?

214
00:07:54,355 --> 00:07:55,856
Go to my garage,

215
00:07:55,881 --> 00:07:59,116
grab a handful of 100 regular
wood screws and my power drill.

216
00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:00,527
Fine.

217
00:08:00,552 --> 00:08:02,410
But don't you watch any
sad videos without me.

218
00:08:02,435 --> 00:08:04,935
I saw you eyeing the one about
unlikely animal friendships.

219
00:08:08,896 --> 00:08:10,156
Don't!

220
00:08:12,673 --> 00:08:15,207
All right, I think we
got ourselves a vanity.

221
00:08:15,209 --> 00:08:16,909
You want to give it a test drive, Soph,

222
00:08:16,911 --> 00:08:18,110
or wait for your ugly friends?

223
00:08:18,112 --> 00:08:19,812
- I'm going to try it.
- All right.

224
00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:25,406
I'm giving you guys one star on Yelp.

225
00:08:25,431 --> 00:08:26,499
Oh, we don't need handles.

226
00:08:26,524 --> 00:08:28,992
It just takes you longer
to get to your rouge.

227
00:08:33,704 --> 00:08:35,835
We, we don't need mirrors.

228
00:08:36,319 --> 00:08:39,131
It just encourages vanity...

229
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:41,204
Merry Christmas, Soph.

230
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:44,463
Is this a joke so I'll
appreciate the real gift?

231
00:08:44,571 --> 00:08:47,026
Uh, yeah!

232
00:08:47,051 --> 00:08:48,360
There's no way we can fix this.

233
00:08:48,385 --> 00:08:50,308
This is why we shouldn't
have used wood screws.

234
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,776
Why didn't you say something?

235
00:08:51,778 --> 00:08:53,477
I've been following your lead.

236
00:08:53,479 --> 00:08:55,580
Why couldn't we have just
followed the instructions?

237
00:08:55,605 --> 00:08:56,814
Why'd you even ask for my help

238
00:08:56,816 --> 00:08:58,783
if you weren't going to
listen to a word that I say?

239
00:08:59,752 --> 00:09:00,952
Hmm.

240
00:09:02,288 --> 00:09:04,922
I miss hanging out with you.

241
00:09:06,339 --> 00:09:07,291
Really?

242
00:09:07,293 --> 00:09:09,514
Well, you moved out of the garage

243
00:09:09,539 --> 00:09:11,039
and I miss having a buddy.

244
00:09:12,232 --> 00:09:13,610
Greg may be our favorite,

245
00:09:13,635 --> 00:09:16,503
but you're the one I got
used to having around.

246
00:09:18,013 --> 00:09:20,338
Uncle Matt, are you crying?

247
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:22,406
No, it's this damn police dog video.

248
00:09:22,408 --> 00:09:23,708
Poor fella.

249
00:09:23,710 --> 00:09:25,109
Yeah, he could sniff out a bomb,

250
00:09:25,134 --> 00:09:27,834
but, uh, he couldn't
sniff out his own cancer.

251
00:09:27,947 --> 00:09:31,148
Guys, I know you're having a moment,

252
00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:34,397
but my friends will be here any minute

253
00:09:34,437 --> 00:09:36,504
and I promised them a spectacle.

254
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,058
Thank you so much.

255
00:09:41,060 --> 00:09:43,160
Who needs a vanity for makeovers

256
00:09:43,162 --> 00:09:45,663
when everyone looks good in this light?

257
00:09:45,665 --> 00:09:47,498
Even Mallory.

258
00:09:48,815 --> 00:09:51,135
Well, may not have been
exactly what we set out to do,

259
00:09:51,137 --> 00:09:54,742
but we made one little girl
very happy this Christmas.

260
00:09:54,744 --> 00:09:56,451
We sure did.

261
00:09:56,476 --> 00:09:59,048
I wish Greg was here.

262
00:09:59,073 --> 00:10:00,645
Thanks, Dad.

263
00:10:00,647 --> 00:10:02,280
Oh, you know who would really love this?

264
00:10:02,305 --> 00:10:03,804
Don't say Greg.

265
00:10:03,829 --> 00:10:04,828
Okay.

266
00:10:04,853 --> 00:10:06,466
Let's just watch the fire.

267
00:10:12,558 --> 00:10:13,791
Let's try on some dresses.

268
00:10:14,727 --> 00:10:16,827
Well, you, not me.

269
00:10:16,829 --> 00:10:18,396
I wait until after the store closes.

270
00:10:19,376 --> 00:10:21,215
_

271
00:10:21,457 --> 00:10:23,558
Merry Christmas, ladies.

272
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:24,823
Thanks, Chris.

273
00:10:24,848 --> 00:10:28,182
We are going to find this
bride-to-be's perfect dress.

274
00:10:29,808 --> 00:10:32,510
Whoever cries first wins.

275
00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:34,511
Oh, this is going to be so fun. Whee!

276
00:10:34,536 --> 00:10:36,824
Honey, I know your mom couldn't be here,

277
00:10:36,849 --> 00:10:39,774
but don't worry, I'll
be your substitute mom

278
00:10:39,776 --> 00:10:42,556
and I could even pretend things
are complicated between us.

279
00:10:42,581 --> 00:10:45,590
Anything, just to make
this a special day for you.

280
00:10:45,615 --> 00:10:47,014
Thank you so much, Joan.

281
00:10:47,016 --> 00:10:48,431
Just don't run off with Chris, okay?

282
00:10:48,456 --> 00:10:50,011
Because that's something
my real mom would do.

283
00:10:50,036 --> 00:10:50,582
- Oh.
- Yeah.

284
00:10:50,607 --> 00:10:51,653
I feel like that's not an option.

285
00:10:51,678 --> 00:10:52,425
You don't know her.

286
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:54,016
- This day is special for me, too...
- Oh!

287
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,290
because I didn't get to do this

288
00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:57,265
for Heather's wedding
because she was pregnant,

289
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,988
and Jen bought her dress in a
thrift store because she's edgy.

290
00:11:00,013 --> 00:11:01,580
Yeah, hey, quick tip.

291
00:11:01,605 --> 00:11:03,090
Go for the couture dresses first

292
00:11:03,115 --> 00:11:04,408
so they start pouring the good bubbly.

293
00:11:04,433 --> 00:11:05,509
And then at the last minute,

294
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,388
you go over and get a knock-off dress,

295
00:11:07,413 --> 00:11:09,195
because the champagne is
already in our stomachs,

296
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:11,353
so take that, bitches.

297
00:11:11,487 --> 00:11:12,953
Let's try on some dresses.

298
00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,959
Well, you, not me.

299
00:11:15,984 --> 00:11:17,642
I wait until after the store closes.

300
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,060
Come on.

301
00:11:20,622 --> 00:11:22,550
Chris, honey, running
on empty over here.

302
00:11:22,906 --> 00:11:23,967
Thank you.

303
00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:26,302
So, what do we think?

304
00:11:26,522 --> 00:11:29,123
That looks fun to dance in.

305
00:11:29,125 --> 00:11:30,524
Yeah, it's...

306
00:11:30,526 --> 00:11:31,972
I'm almost at a loss for words.

307
00:11:31,997 --> 00:11:33,361
Joan, I'm going to pass the mic to you.

308
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:34,562
Terrible.

309
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:36,264
Oh, my...

310
00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:38,168
Oh, I didn't mean that, honey.

311
00:11:38,193 --> 00:11:39,362
- It just popped out.
- It's fine!

312
00:11:39,387 --> 00:11:40,720
You are beautiful.

313
00:11:40,745 --> 00:11:42,423
Cut me off, it's the champagne.

314
00:11:42,448 --> 00:11:44,382
No, I'm not crazy about
this dress, either.

315
00:11:44,407 --> 00:11:46,807
It's just, Chris wanted me
to channel my inner Chris.

316
00:11:46,847 --> 00:11:49,381
Oh, don't do that to her, ever.

317
00:11:49,438 --> 00:11:51,181
Oh, oh, no, sure... you know what?

318
00:11:51,206 --> 00:11:52,955
I have some princess necklines

319
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,692
and some cap sleeves.

320
00:11:54,717 --> 00:11:56,384
My middle name is options.

321
00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:57,485
Oh.

322
00:11:57,487 --> 00:11:59,053
Isn't this so fun?

323
00:11:59,055 --> 00:12:00,573
So fun!

324
00:12:00,598 --> 00:12:02,398
Options!

325
00:12:04,494 --> 00:12:06,360
Anyone else sick of Chris?

326
00:12:06,362 --> 00:12:08,590
What about... this one?

327
00:12:08,615 --> 00:12:09,756
Tavern hussy.

328
00:12:09,781 --> 00:12:11,476
Oh, my gosh!

329
00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:12,702
Oh, I'm so sorry.

330
00:12:12,727 --> 00:12:15,628
It's okay, it's an
upgrade from pirate wench.

331
00:12:15,653 --> 00:12:17,453
There's more where this came from.

332
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:19,535
I don't mean to be dramatic,

333
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,860
because that seems to be Chris's thing,

334
00:12:21,885 --> 00:12:26,110
but have we been here for
1,001 black, moonless nights?

335
00:12:26,135 --> 00:12:27,735
Yeah, maybe even longer.

336
00:12:27,737 --> 00:12:29,503
But you know what, if you
want to get out of here,

337
00:12:29,505 --> 00:12:31,472
all you have to do is,
next time she comes out,

338
00:12:31,474 --> 00:12:33,941
tell her you love it,
and then we can skedaddle.

339
00:12:33,943 --> 00:12:34,970
I don't know, this seems

340
00:12:34,995 --> 00:12:37,321
like such an important
thing to lie about.

341
00:12:37,346 --> 00:12:39,520
No, come on, just make something up.

342
00:12:39,545 --> 00:12:40,981
Here try it out on me.

343
00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:43,451
Jen, I love how you...

344
00:12:43,476 --> 00:12:44,618
You know what? I'm
regretting this already.

345
00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:46,055
Okay, but I have a good one

346
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,922
for the next time you wear that outfit.

347
00:12:47,924 --> 00:12:48,989
Okay, so when she comes out,

348
00:12:48,991 --> 00:12:50,291
you just tell her that
it looks beautiful.

349
00:12:50,293 --> 00:12:51,959
Oh, I need some more champagne

350
00:12:51,961 --> 00:12:53,363
if I'm going to lie like this.

351
00:12:53,388 --> 00:12:55,121
I heard the C word.

352
00:12:56,005 --> 00:12:58,065
What about this one?

353
00:12:58,067 --> 00:12:59,552
Boo!

354
00:12:59,577 --> 00:13:02,736
Okay, I'm going to keep trying, okay.

355
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:03,939
Joan!

356
00:13:03,964 --> 00:13:05,730
Well, I just can't
bear the thought of her

357
00:13:05,755 --> 00:13:09,123
walking down the aisle in a
dress that's less than perfect.

358
00:13:09,278 --> 00:13:11,312
Hey, guys, check this out.

359
00:13:11,314 --> 00:13:11,918
Huh?

360
00:13:11,943 --> 00:13:15,326
This is the dress I
totally would have worn

361
00:13:15,351 --> 00:13:18,065
when I got married had
I not been knocked up.

362
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:20,798
I think dressing like that
is what got you knocked up.

363
00:13:20,823 --> 00:13:21,981
Do you think that Colleen would mind

364
00:13:22,006 --> 00:13:23,114
if I wore this to the wedding?

365
00:13:23,139 --> 00:13:25,484
I mean, of course, she wouldn't
mind... why would she mind?

366
00:13:25,509 --> 00:13:27,695
I'm going to wear it, but let's keep it

367
00:13:27,697 --> 00:13:29,930
as, like, a fun surprise,
so don't tell her.

368
00:13:31,722 --> 00:13:33,488
Hey, how's it going in here?

369
00:13:33,669 --> 00:13:36,337
Pretty good... I think the next
one's going to do the trick.

370
00:13:36,339 --> 00:13:38,539
Okay, um, listen,

371
00:13:38,541 --> 00:13:40,274
Joan is feeling a lot of pressure

372
00:13:40,276 --> 00:13:42,142
to make sure that you
find the perfect dress,

373
00:13:42,144 --> 00:13:45,074
and you should really just
choose the one you want.

374
00:13:45,099 --> 00:13:46,447
You know, the one that makes you happy,

375
00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:49,316
or really any dress, because
this is a living nightmare.

376
00:13:49,318 --> 00:13:50,517
I already picked a dress.

377
00:13:51,046 --> 00:13:51,752
What?

378
00:13:51,754 --> 00:13:53,120
I want to wear my dream dress.

379
00:13:53,145 --> 00:13:55,699
The dress I bought the
first time I was engaged.

380
00:13:55,724 --> 00:13:57,988
But then I found out
that this day of shopping

381
00:13:58,013 --> 00:13:59,793
meant so much to Joan.

382
00:13:59,795 --> 00:14:03,654
Okay, so we've, we've been
here all day for nothing.

383
00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:04,277
Yeah.

384
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,776
- Okay.
- I'm sorry.

385
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,568
I just thought I was being so thoughtful

386
00:14:07,593 --> 00:14:09,141
because I wanted this to be the day

387
00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:10,499
that she never had with Heather.

388
00:14:10,524 --> 00:14:12,550
Well, that is very sweet.

389
00:14:12,575 --> 00:14:14,041
- I thought so.
- Yeah.

390
00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:16,410
But seriously, don't ever
pull this crap with me again.

391
00:14:16,412 --> 00:14:17,645
I got a sitter for this.

392
00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:22,488
Oh, Chris, thank you so much

393
00:14:22,585 --> 00:14:25,019
for helping me find
the dress of my dreams.

394
00:14:25,021 --> 00:14:27,221
Oh, my wife wore something
like that at our wedding.

395
00:14:27,223 --> 00:14:28,055
Oh.

396
00:14:28,057 --> 00:14:29,523
Confused?

397
00:14:29,525 --> 00:14:30,758
So was I.

398
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,719
- It's so pretty.
- Oh, thank you.

399
00:14:33,744 --> 00:14:34,862
But you know it's not a dress, right?

400
00:14:34,864 --> 00:14:36,063
It's bridal lingerie.

401
00:14:36,065 --> 00:14:38,428
Please don't ruin my special day.

402
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:43,837
Clementine's been coming on to me.

403
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,339
Clementine who?

404
00:14:45,341 --> 00:14:46,874
Tyler's wife.

405
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,861
_

406
00:14:54,249 --> 00:14:56,101
Heather, someone ate
my secret Pop-Tarts

407
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:57,470
I had hidden behind the rice cakes.

408
00:14:57,495 --> 00:14:58,220
I know they were there.

409
00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:00,508
I was thinking about them
all day and now they're gone.

410
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,331
And my secret Reese's cups

411
00:15:02,356 --> 00:15:04,293
that were hidden behind the kale chips!

412
00:15:04,318 --> 00:15:06,685
Well, I'm sure somebody
got hungry and ate them.

413
00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:08,677
You know, there's more
people in the house now.

414
00:15:08,778 --> 00:15:10,077
Too many people in this house.

415
00:15:10,079 --> 00:15:11,579
When I look under that treadmill,

416
00:15:11,581 --> 00:15:13,633
there'd better be a
box of Krispy Kremes.

417
00:15:13,658 --> 00:15:15,619
I don't think your dad
wants me living here.

418
00:15:15,644 --> 00:15:16,610
What makes you say that?

419
00:15:16,635 --> 00:15:17,571
I overheard him saying

420
00:15:17,596 --> 00:15:19,437
there's too many people in the house.

421
00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:21,062
I'm the too many people.

422
00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:24,401
Or maybe he's mad we're
freeloading, which we are,

423
00:15:24,426 --> 00:15:26,500
and if we want to keep
freeloading, which we do,

424
00:15:26,807 --> 00:15:28,673
we should go out of our
way to be extra nice to him.

425
00:15:29,098 --> 00:15:31,699
Okay, I could do that.

426
00:15:37,273 --> 00:15:38,906
What are you doing?

427
00:15:38,908 --> 00:15:39,405
Hm?

428
00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:40,343
Let me do that.

429
00:15:40,368 --> 00:15:41,167
No, you don't...

430
00:15:41,192 --> 00:15:41,622
No.

431
00:15:41,647 --> 00:15:43,513
Hey, that's... that's my sponge mitt.

432
00:15:43,538 --> 00:15:45,255
You just sit there and watch,

433
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,813
and tell me if I miss a spot.

434
00:15:50,486 --> 00:15:51,686
Sit!

435
00:16:00,061 --> 00:16:02,929
Heather! Heather?

436
00:16:02,954 --> 00:16:03,819
Hey.

437
00:16:04,487 --> 00:16:06,028
They all went out.

438
00:16:06,053 --> 00:16:07,385
It's just you and me.

439
00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:08,836
It's okay.

440
00:16:08,838 --> 00:16:10,786
I won't let you get lonely.

441
00:16:10,811 --> 00:16:12,295
Should I put on a show for you?

442
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,405
What?

443
00:16:14,324 --> 00:16:15,920
No, I don't think that'd be appropriate.

444
00:16:15,945 --> 00:16:17,601
Don't worry, I know what you like.

445
00:16:17,626 --> 00:16:19,025
No, you don't.

446
00:16:21,803 --> 00:16:24,070
When Sharks Attack, right?

447
00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:30,034
Oh, man.

448
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,055
- Things are about to get weird.
- Yeah?

449
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,854
Listen, Heather, I
think it's time you knew

450
00:16:33,879 --> 00:16:35,584
that Clementine's been hitting on me.

451
00:16:35,609 --> 00:16:36,708
Clementine who?

452
00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:37,866
Our daughter-in-law.

453
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:39,113
I was hoping it would just pass,

454
00:16:39,138 --> 00:16:40,528
but she keeps sending me these signals.

455
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,944
Yeah, like the barista
sends you signals,

456
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,654
like when she puts a heart in your foam?

457
00:16:44,679 --> 00:16:45,711
Hey, they don't do that for everybody.

458
00:16:45,736 --> 00:16:47,088
Some people just get a dollop.

459
00:16:47,113 --> 00:16:48,395
Mm-hmm, yeah, listen.

460
00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:49,918
Honey, I'm so glad that you told me this

461
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:51,313
because I can go talk to Jen

462
00:16:51,338 --> 00:16:53,547
about filing a restraining
order against Clementine.

463
00:16:53,572 --> 00:16:54,913
No, you shouldn't
have to live like that.

464
00:16:54,938 --> 00:16:56,301
I mean, just in case, let's...

465
00:16:56,326 --> 00:16:57,299
Just in case what?

466
00:16:57,324 --> 00:16:58,690
Oh, Tim's going to tell you.

467
00:16:58,715 --> 00:17:00,921
Christmas is about to
come early for you guys.

468
00:17:02,218 --> 00:17:03,508
What's going on?

469
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,568
This is going to sound crazy but, um...

470
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,192
Clementine's been coming on to me.

471
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,627
Clementine who?

472
00:17:10,138 --> 00:17:11,704
Tyler's wife.

473
00:17:14,580 --> 00:17:17,173
Yes, I thought it was a little
unbelievable myself, at first,

474
00:17:17,198 --> 00:17:18,344
but it's really happening.

475
00:17:18,369 --> 00:17:20,271
So when she comes out here,
you tell me if I'm wrong.

476
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,906
Oh, I could just tell you right now.

477
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,608
You're wrong.

478
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,259
I hope this does the trick.

479
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,798
Guacamole is my dad's favorite.

480
00:17:32,823 --> 00:17:33,861
He eats it like pudding.

481
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,998
I wish he didn't like it so spicy.

482
00:17:36,023 --> 00:17:37,909
I got some of this
habañero juice on my lips

483
00:17:37,934 --> 00:17:39,657
and now they're burning like hell.

484
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:42,427
Oh, let me help get that off you.

485
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:45,486
Ow.

486
00:17:46,624 --> 00:17:48,445
That's really hot.

487
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,099
Mom?

488
00:17:50,557 --> 00:17:51,304
What, what, what?

489
00:17:51,329 --> 00:17:52,637
What's the matter?

490
00:17:53,731 --> 00:17:55,300
The only explanation I can come up with

491
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:56,674
is that she likes dad bod.

492
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,209
I read about it, it's a real thing.

493
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,918
There's just some women who go crazy

494
00:17:59,943 --> 00:18:02,210
for a man shaped like
a sturdy sack of flour.

495
00:18:02,235 --> 00:18:04,634
That's why I'm thankful
every day I'm so shredded.

496
00:18:04,899 --> 00:18:06,684
All right, guys, watch closely.

497
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,487
So...

498
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,533
I know guacamole's your favorite.

499
00:18:11,887 --> 00:18:13,858
Not today, I'm trying to cut back.

500
00:18:13,966 --> 00:18:14,969
Oh, come on.

501
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,317
You deserve it.

502
00:18:16,342 --> 00:18:17,774
Be a little naughty.

503
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,331
It's okay to cheat.

504
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,366
I'm not interested.

505
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,904
What do I have to do?

506
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,007
Oh, my God, you're right.

507
00:18:31,314 --> 00:18:33,353
Dad bod is real.

508
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:35,178
I'm going to let myself go.

509
00:18:35,987 --> 00:18:37,648
You're there.

510
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:39,771
What are you going to do?

511
00:18:40,057 --> 00:18:42,487
I just won't go
anywhere near Clementine.

512
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:44,655
You think that's a good plan?

513
00:18:55,781 --> 00:18:57,335
Oh, thank you so much.

514
00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,670
Tim.

515
00:19:02,527 --> 00:19:04,322
Here, I saved you a chair.

516
00:19:04,347 --> 00:19:06,447
It's a little tight, but I like it cozy.

517
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,546
Okay, thanks.

518
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:09,714
Heather.

519
00:19:10,098 --> 00:19:11,230
Heather!

520
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,624
Um, I asked Heather for
permission to do this, so...

521
00:19:17,276 --> 00:19:18,523
I hope it's okay.

522
00:19:20,154 --> 00:19:22,054
This can't happen.

523
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:23,060
Why not?

524
00:19:24,087 --> 00:19:25,640
Because it's not right.

525
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,697
I'm sorry.

526
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:29,000
It's not right that I want to say grace?

527
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:29,867
Oh, grace.

528
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:30,735
Huh?

529
00:19:34,824 --> 00:19:37,098
Oh...

530
00:19:37,153 --> 00:19:39,020
Why don't you want her to say grace?

531
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,678
Dad, this has got to stop.

532
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:41,676
You already made Clementine

533
00:19:41,701 --> 00:19:43,068
feel uncomfortable around the house.

534
00:19:43,093 --> 00:19:44,181
I make her feel uncomfortable?

535
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,698
Yes, and she's been trying all week

536
00:19:45,723 --> 00:19:46,768
to be extra nice to you

537
00:19:46,793 --> 00:19:48,886
so you'll be cool with
her moving in with us.

538
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,021
Oh.

539
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,489
- Oh, that's...
- Hey, honey,

540
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:54,220
why don't you tell everybody why it is

541
00:19:54,245 --> 00:19:57,061
you think that Clem's
been being so nice to you?

542
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,263
What is he talking about?

543
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,700
Merry Christmas, everybody.

544
00:20:03,184 --> 00:20:05,879
♪ Silent night ♪

545
00:20:06,659 --> 00:20:10,461
♪ Holy night ♪

546
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:18,249
♪ All is calm, all is bright ♪

547
00:20:18,638 --> 00:20:20,193
Maybe we should move out.

548
00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:24,853
♪ Round a virgin got in a fight ♪

549
00:20:24,878 --> 00:20:32,330
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace. ♪

550
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,297
Now one for Jen!

551
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,665
♪ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel... ♪

552
00:20:36,049 --> 00:20:41,049
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -

552
00:20:42,305 --> 00:20:48,347
-= www.OpenSubtitles.org =-