1 00:00:04,875 --> 00:00:07,062 _ 2 00:00:08,357 --> 00:00:10,121 I know you all have busy lives, 3 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,402 what with college, 4 00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:14,772 and having a family, and your "art" 5 00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,664 But I'm glad you're all here 6 00:00:16,689 --> 00:00:18,722 for your last New Year's Eve. 7 00:00:18,724 --> 00:00:21,258 "Last"? What, are you going to murder us all? 8 00:00:21,260 --> 00:00:23,509 No. 9 00:00:23,534 --> 00:00:25,462 He thinks the world is going to end. 10 00:00:25,464 --> 00:00:27,631 It is! In three hours, 11 00:00:27,633 --> 00:00:30,048 the Y2K bug is going to bite, 12 00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:33,037 and it's going to hurt like when a wasp gets you in the penis. 13 00:00:33,062 --> 00:00:35,139 Okay, Daddy, well we'll hang around for a little while, 14 00:00:35,164 --> 00:00:36,740 but then we got to get our dates to our party. 15 00:00:36,742 --> 00:00:38,740 They were extras in that 90210 episode 16 00:00:38,756 --> 00:00:40,665 where Brenda and Kelly wore the same dress to prom. 17 00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:43,683 Oh, that's the episode where Brenda loses her virginity 18 00:00:43,708 --> 00:00:44,450 to Dylan! 19 00:00:44,475 --> 00:00:46,128 She never should have done that. 20 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,063 - That was a big mistake. - I know. 21 00:00:48,088 --> 00:00:49,631 Hey, speaking of mistakes, 22 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,366 we should really be getting Tyler home. 23 00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:52,634 Are you not listening to me? 24 00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:54,136 It's Y2K. 25 00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:56,589 It's not safe for you to go outside. 26 00:00:56,614 --> 00:00:59,147 Yeah, at the hospital they told us that if computers crash, 27 00:00:59,172 --> 00:01:00,722 then the stoplights could go down, 28 00:01:00,747 --> 00:01:04,343 - and it'd be mass chaos. - Well, at least we have a real doctor here 29 00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:05,884 in the house with us tonight. 30 00:01:05,886 --> 00:01:07,552 He's a medical student. 31 00:01:07,821 --> 00:01:09,296 But don't worry, 32 00:01:09,321 --> 00:01:11,076 as patronizer of this family, 33 00:01:11,101 --> 00:01:13,283 it's my role to protect you all, 34 00:01:13,308 --> 00:01:14,893 and I'm ready for the worst. 35 00:01:14,895 --> 00:01:16,628 I think you mean patriarch. 36 00:01:16,630 --> 00:01:19,064 See, Dad? I told you, he is really, really smart. 37 00:01:19,066 --> 00:01:21,566 Not smart enough to use a condom. 38 00:01:22,812 --> 00:01:24,836 Good thing I had 50. 39 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,839 A generator? 40 00:01:27,934 --> 00:01:29,688 Don't you think that's a little paranoid? 41 00:01:29,713 --> 00:01:31,446 I am not paranoid. 42 00:01:31,471 --> 00:01:35,073 Here, take this marker and write your blood type on your arm. 43 00:01:36,049 --> 00:01:37,916 By the way, I saw Dad siphoning that gas 44 00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:40,051 - out of your car earlier. - What? 45 00:01:40,053 --> 00:01:41,795 Dad, where'd you get that gas? 46 00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:43,421 Hmm? 47 00:01:43,423 --> 00:01:44,990 I found it. 48 00:01:44,992 --> 00:01:47,365 You took out $17,000? 49 00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:48,960 Better to have it in our wall 50 00:01:48,985 --> 00:01:51,819 than in an ATM machine when the banks go offline. 51 00:01:51,844 --> 00:01:53,906 You know, you don't have to say "ATM machine" 52 00:01:53,931 --> 00:01:56,768 because the M in ATM stands for "machine," 53 00:01:56,770 --> 00:01:58,684 so when you say ATM machine 54 00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,545 you're really just saying machine twice. 55 00:02:00,570 --> 00:02:01,804 - Mhm. - See, Dad? 56 00:02:01,829 --> 00:02:03,008 Isn't Tim clever? 57 00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:04,943 Not clever enough to wear a condom. 58 00:02:07,546 --> 00:02:09,612 All right, the left jug is for drinking, 59 00:02:09,637 --> 00:02:11,404 and the right jug is for peeing. 60 00:02:12,017 --> 00:02:13,585 Our left or your left? 61 00:02:13,964 --> 00:02:14,930 Oh... 62 00:02:14,955 --> 00:02:16,086 - Mom? - Yeah? 63 00:02:16,111 --> 00:02:17,289 Where did those girls go? 64 00:02:17,291 --> 00:02:20,625 Oh, they said the party wasn't very jiggy and they left. 65 00:02:20,627 --> 00:02:22,527 What! No! 66 00:02:22,693 --> 00:02:25,227 I've got Cindy's ChapStick, that was gonna be my in. 67 00:02:25,252 --> 00:02:26,485 Oh... 68 00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:27,938 Is Greg in a mood? 69 00:02:27,963 --> 00:02:29,081 Stop it, Heather. 70 00:02:29,106 --> 00:02:30,502 Yes, Greg's in a mood. 71 00:02:30,504 --> 00:02:33,038 I am not in a mood, Mom! Gosh! 72 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,345 Oh, it's almost midnight. 73 00:02:34,370 --> 00:02:35,967 Hey Greg, why don't you join us over here? 74 00:02:35,992 --> 00:02:38,045 I don't know, why don't you take a guess? 75 00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:39,670 Maybe it's because I don't wanna. 76 00:02:39,695 --> 00:02:41,046 He didn't give me time to guess. 77 00:02:41,048 --> 00:02:42,781 Yeah, no, just ignore him. 78 00:02:42,783 --> 00:02:44,950 All right, you guys, come on, ball's gonna drop! 79 00:02:44,952 --> 00:02:47,252 All right, America. Get ready to say good-bye 80 00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:48,954 - to 1999! - Ten! 81 00:02:49,392 --> 00:02:50,691 Nine! 82 00:02:50,813 --> 00:02:54,116 Eight! Seven! Six! 83 00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,667 Do you think anything bad's going to happen? 84 00:02:55,692 --> 00:02:57,267 If it does, the scariest thing is that 85 00:02:57,292 --> 00:02:58,920 we're living in a world where my dad is right 86 00:02:58,945 --> 00:02:59,931 and we were wrong. 87 00:03:00,401 --> 00:03:01,911 Two! 88 00:03:01,936 --> 00:03:02,834 One. One. 89 00:03:02,961 --> 00:03:04,620 - Happy new year! - Happy new year! 90 00:03:04,645 --> 00:03:07,045 Oh... 91 00:03:07,651 --> 00:03:09,317 It's Y2K. 92 00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:10,575 Dad was right. 93 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,558 Call me John! 94 00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:14,179 Oh! 95 00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:16,056 Let's go. 96 00:03:16,081 --> 00:03:17,513 I got your six, John! 97 00:03:19,609 --> 00:03:21,381 Everyone start boarding up the windows 98 00:03:21,406 --> 00:03:23,555 before the looters get here. 99 00:03:23,557 --> 00:03:25,090 - Um, honey? - Hmm? 100 00:03:25,092 --> 00:03:27,520 If there's a worldwide power outage, 101 00:03:27,552 --> 00:03:28,757 why are we the only ones 102 00:03:28,782 --> 00:03:29,828 without power? 103 00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:32,897 Hmm, there's a lot less chaos than I expected. 104 00:03:32,899 --> 00:03:34,933 But I'm still going to shoot my shotgun. 105 00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:37,769 Do you guys smell something burning? 106 00:03:40,036 --> 00:03:41,903 Oh! Fire! 107 00:03:43,717 --> 00:03:46,270 My generator knocked out the power. 108 00:03:46,295 --> 00:03:47,379 Oh, wait, Dad! 109 00:03:47,381 --> 00:03:49,504 Isn't that where we hid the money? 110 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,650 My $17,000! 111 00:03:51,652 --> 00:03:54,252 $17,000?! 112 00:03:54,706 --> 00:03:55,939 Good job, Timmy. 113 00:03:56,618 --> 00:03:57,917 Babe, you were pretty hot 114 00:03:57,942 --> 00:03:59,408 putting out that fire. 115 00:03:59,433 --> 00:04:00,392 Yeah, that's... 116 00:04:00,394 --> 00:04:01,393 You're a real hero. 117 00:04:01,395 --> 00:04:03,867 - Dr. Tim Hughes. - That's right. 118 00:04:03,892 --> 00:04:05,540 - Oh God, that scared me. - Okay! 119 00:04:05,565 --> 00:04:07,317 Don't... it's okay. 120 00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:11,091 I guess I was hoping that Y2K happened 121 00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:12,137 so that everybody 122 00:04:12,139 --> 00:04:15,436 would have to move back home and we could be like we were 123 00:04:15,461 --> 00:04:16,808 before they left us. 124 00:04:16,810 --> 00:04:21,230 How about we have a weekly brunch 125 00:04:21,255 --> 00:04:25,450 and we lure everyone here with plates of free food. 126 00:04:25,888 --> 00:04:26,962 How about that? 127 00:04:27,275 --> 00:04:30,210 Okay, well, but if that doesn't work, 128 00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:33,758 there's always the Mayan apocalypse of 2012, huh? 129 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,311 Yes, there's that to look forward to. 130 00:04:36,336 --> 00:04:37,218 Yeah. 131 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:38,430 And our grandchild. 132 00:04:38,432 --> 00:04:39,840 Sweet Tyler, 133 00:04:39,865 --> 00:04:41,798 he's going to be a millennial. 134 00:04:42,902 --> 00:04:44,769 The best generation yet. 135 00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:47,745 _ 136 00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:50,744 _ 137 00:04:53,649 --> 00:04:55,048 Okay, so it's a C-section, 138 00:04:55,073 --> 00:04:56,347 I'll be in the hospital three days. 139 00:04:56,349 --> 00:04:58,650 5:00 to 5:30, organic meal time, 140 00:04:58,652 --> 00:05:00,808 5:30 to 6:00, 141 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,183 classical music. 142 00:05:02,208 --> 00:05:04,656 And then I like to end the day with a little bit of fun. 143 00:05:04,658 --> 00:05:07,525 Oh, well, at least the evening ends with some fun. 144 00:05:07,527 --> 00:05:08,960 Yeah, and obviously FUN 145 00:05:08,962 --> 00:05:11,768 is Fundamentals and Understanding Numbers. 146 00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:15,200 I should have been around more when you were a kid. 147 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,180 There's my little angels! 148 00:05:17,205 --> 00:05:19,506 Bonjour, Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop. 149 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,694 Look! I built a feeling! 150 00:05:21,719 --> 00:05:23,842 Oh, isn't that pretty! 151 00:05:23,844 --> 00:05:25,577 Yeah, and ugly. 152 00:05:25,930 --> 00:05:28,541 We apply a negative word to counterbalance 153 00:05:28,566 --> 00:05:30,181 every positive one, so the kids see 154 00:05:30,183 --> 00:05:31,483 that there's beauty in failure. 155 00:05:31,485 --> 00:05:32,372 Oh. 156 00:05:32,397 --> 00:05:34,096 That's so wonderful... 157 00:05:34,759 --> 00:05:35,985 and stupid. 158 00:05:36,823 --> 00:05:38,123 Did I do it right? 159 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,159 Five miles! 160 00:05:41,807 --> 00:05:44,503 Or roughly the length of the new Coldplay album. 161 00:05:44,528 --> 00:05:46,583 Ah, that sea breeze running through the old pony 162 00:05:46,608 --> 00:05:47,442 sure feels good. 163 00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:49,096 So you took a run right before 164 00:05:49,121 --> 00:05:51,013 your wife's having your third baby? 165 00:05:51,038 --> 00:05:52,758 Yeah, if I don't exercise, I start thinking. 166 00:05:52,783 --> 00:05:54,227 If I start thinking, I start feeling. 167 00:05:54,252 --> 00:05:56,119 If I start feeling, I start eating. 168 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,319 Nobody wants that. 169 00:05:57,344 --> 00:05:59,536 Well, the fastest my heart's gonna beat today 170 00:05:59,561 --> 00:06:01,745 is when I'm watching Wheel of Fortune, eh? 171 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:07,463 Oh that's right, you public radio types don't have TV. 172 00:06:07,488 --> 00:06:10,758 Ugh, no Dad, TV is the lazy parents' crutch. 173 00:06:10,783 --> 00:06:12,434 We like our imaginations 174 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:13,854 to be the screen. 175 00:06:13,879 --> 00:06:16,721 All right, kiddos, time to go brush those teeth! 176 00:06:16,746 --> 00:06:18,373 Yay! Longest brush wins! 177 00:06:18,398 --> 00:06:20,131 Oh, you're going down! 178 00:06:20,188 --> 00:06:22,563 - But our teeth are the real winners. - Yeah. 179 00:06:22,588 --> 00:06:24,502 Ah, can't wait to add another. 180 00:06:24,504 --> 00:06:27,839 Oh, I know, babe, they really are such blessings... 181 00:06:31,912 --> 00:06:34,445 Tim, the other two did not cry like this! 182 00:06:34,447 --> 00:06:35,713 Sophia is broken! 183 00:06:35,715 --> 00:06:37,349 She is a broken baby! 184 00:06:37,374 --> 00:06:39,150 No, no, the doctor said it's colic. 185 00:06:39,152 --> 00:06:41,286 It'll stop in like four months. 186 00:06:41,288 --> 00:06:43,488 We cannot endure four months of this crap! 187 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,256 Help! 188 00:06:45,258 --> 00:06:46,491 Eat blocks, nerd! 189 00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,226 - Knock it off, nerd! - Tim! 190 00:06:48,228 --> 00:06:49,919 - Mom! - Samantha! 191 00:06:49,944 --> 00:06:52,325 You know that is not how we resolve conflict, 192 00:06:52,350 --> 00:06:54,778 we raise our hearts, we lower our voices. 193 00:06:54,803 --> 00:06:56,167 You don't care about me anymore! 194 00:06:56,169 --> 00:06:57,836 You just care about your new baby! 195 00:06:57,838 --> 00:06:59,745 You got that right! 196 00:06:59,770 --> 00:07:02,372 - Oh, no you didn't! - Oh my God, Tim, 197 00:07:02,397 --> 00:07:03,374 we are losing it! 198 00:07:03,376 --> 00:07:05,735 They are expressing anger and aggression 199 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,658 verbally for the first time. 200 00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,697 Well, it's probably because they haven't exercised! 201 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,062 I know that's my problem. 202 00:07:12,087 --> 00:07:14,266 - Oh, my God. - I mean if only there was something 203 00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,047 that could entertain them, 204 00:07:16,072 --> 00:07:18,325 you know, while I go for a run... 205 00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:21,213 Oh dude, we are so not caving! No TV! 206 00:07:21,238 --> 00:07:23,382 We're not going to have wide-eyed zombie kids. 207 00:07:23,407 --> 00:07:24,407 What, what's gonna happen next? 208 00:07:24,432 --> 00:07:25,930 They're going to stop making their own almond milk? 209 00:07:25,932 --> 00:07:27,699 Oh please, if they're growing the almonds 210 00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,067 they're going to make the milk. 211 00:07:29,092 --> 00:07:30,788 Oh, I have an idea. 212 00:07:30,813 --> 00:07:33,982 We get Matt to entertain those two 213 00:07:34,007 --> 00:07:35,273 so we can have a break. 214 00:07:35,275 --> 00:07:36,208 We can't do that! 215 00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:37,819 Matt's not gonna babysit our kids! 216 00:07:37,844 --> 00:07:39,210 He's a cool artist! 217 00:07:39,212 --> 00:07:41,679 He lives in a loft, his bed is a loft... 218 00:07:41,681 --> 00:07:43,314 it's all lofts over there! 219 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:51,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 220 00:07:56,330 --> 00:07:58,383 This song is blowing my mind! 221 00:07:58,408 --> 00:08:00,403 I can't believe we've been listening to Wagner 222 00:08:00,428 --> 00:08:02,033 for five years. 223 00:08:02,035 --> 00:08:05,436 Why do you get the kids' cups and we get the grown-up cups? 224 00:08:05,438 --> 00:08:08,414 Because good things come in small packages, like you. 225 00:08:08,938 --> 00:08:10,100 Here you go, sweetie. 226 00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:12,732 What kind of fruit is this? 227 00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:15,247 You've never had French fries before? 228 00:08:17,699 --> 00:08:19,827 - No, Tim, no! - Don't you do it! 229 00:08:19,852 --> 00:08:21,550 Oh no, you can't go down that road, 230 00:08:21,575 --> 00:08:22,835 once you start you won't be able to get back. 231 00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:24,699 You have an obsessive personality, babe. 232 00:08:24,724 --> 00:08:26,952 I'm just so stressed out. 233 00:08:26,977 --> 00:08:29,488 I haven't been tempted since my bachelor party. 234 00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:32,563 I still dream about that buffet. 235 00:08:33,242 --> 00:08:35,633 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 236 00:08:36,073 --> 00:08:37,641 She stopped crying, we did it. 237 00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:39,771 No, I just turned down the monitor. 238 00:08:39,773 --> 00:08:41,039 I couldn't stand it anymore. 239 00:08:41,041 --> 00:08:42,941 Hey, we're home! 240 00:08:42,943 --> 00:08:44,072 Mom, guess what! 241 00:08:44,097 --> 00:08:46,778 Turns out we're not allergic to soda! 242 00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:49,345 Okay, that's good. 243 00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:51,182 You all right, Timmy? 244 00:08:51,184 --> 00:08:52,216 No, Matt. 245 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:57,326 Our lives are spinning out of control, Mom. 246 00:08:57,451 --> 00:09:00,318 Tim has lost so much hair there's hardly any ponytail 247 00:09:00,343 --> 00:09:02,260 there to grab onto when we're making love. 248 00:09:02,262 --> 00:09:05,406 Well, honey, you have a difficult baby, 249 00:09:05,431 --> 00:09:07,558 and that changes the family dynamic. 250 00:09:07,583 --> 00:09:09,950 I should know. I had a difficult one too. 251 00:09:10,393 --> 00:09:12,360 - Greg? - No. 252 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,851 - Matt? - No. 253 00:09:15,312 --> 00:09:16,745 Yes. 254 00:09:17,377 --> 00:09:20,005 You were a little monster. 255 00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:22,831 But as my wise mother once said to me, 256 00:09:23,116 --> 00:09:26,751 "I've already done this crap, you figure it out" 257 00:09:28,419 --> 00:09:29,873 _ 258 00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:34,359 Giving up is so good. 259 00:09:34,361 --> 00:09:36,273 Yeah, we should have done this years go. 260 00:09:36,298 --> 00:09:37,697 Principles are for losers. 261 00:09:40,084 --> 00:09:42,270 I've never seen a head explode like that before, 262 00:09:42,295 --> 00:09:44,528 and I'm a doctor. 263 00:09:48,556 --> 00:09:50,543 I only saw Marty throw up, 264 00:09:50,568 --> 00:09:52,241 I didn't realize they both did. 265 00:09:52,266 --> 00:09:54,943 - Hey, Greg. - What... what else did Meemaw say? 266 00:09:57,567 --> 00:09:59,435 _ 267 00:10:02,691 --> 00:10:03,935 Ta-da! 268 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,394 Honey, you didn't have to do this 269 00:10:05,419 --> 00:10:06,851 all the way from the elevator. 270 00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:07,881 Of course I did. 271 00:10:07,921 --> 00:10:09,677 We're married now, this is how you're gonna get 272 00:10:09,702 --> 00:10:11,235 from place to place. 273 00:10:11,401 --> 00:10:13,134 Well, I guess it does kind of make up for the fact 274 00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:14,805 that you look like a jack-o'-lantern during our wedding. 275 00:10:14,807 --> 00:10:16,507 Well, I told you, being married 276 00:10:16,509 --> 00:10:19,613 to a ping-pong champion is not easy. 277 00:10:22,035 --> 00:10:23,255 Aw, honey. 278 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,732 That is so sweet. 279 00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:25,849 Thank you. 280 00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:27,117 Oh, I didn't do it. 281 00:10:27,704 --> 00:10:28,809 What? 282 00:10:31,081 --> 00:10:35,125 "May all of your nights together be as romantic as this one. 283 00:10:35,127 --> 00:10:37,394 Enjoy each other in every way." 284 00:10:37,993 --> 00:10:39,171 From the hotel? 285 00:10:39,331 --> 00:10:40,265 That's kind of creepy. 286 00:10:40,290 --> 00:10:41,489 "Love, Mom." 287 00:10:41,666 --> 00:10:43,901 Oh, wow, okay, that's even creepier. 288 00:10:44,083 --> 00:10:45,716 I wonder which mom it was. 289 00:10:45,741 --> 00:10:48,975 I'm going to guess the one who cut in on our first dance. 290 00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:51,375 But it's just, like, a random guess. 291 00:10:51,662 --> 00:10:53,769 Mom, you and Dad have always been proof 292 00:10:53,794 --> 00:10:55,761 of what a great marriage can be. 293 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,820 Yeah, I know, she did look beautiful, 294 00:10:57,845 --> 00:10:59,928 and she just nailed that "Chattanooga Choo-Choo" 295 00:10:59,953 --> 00:11:01,508 didn't she? 296 00:11:01,664 --> 00:11:03,484 Yeah, no, I'm lucky to be her husband. 297 00:11:03,509 --> 00:11:04,899 Greg. 298 00:11:05,260 --> 00:11:08,331 Well, I think it's very nice that they paid 299 00:11:08,356 --> 00:11:09,737 for the rehearsal dinner. 300 00:11:10,532 --> 00:11:13,099 Well, look, Mom, they're trying. 301 00:11:13,124 --> 00:11:14,031 Greg. 302 00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:18,279 I only saw Marty throw up. 303 00:11:18,304 --> 00:11:19,848 I didn't realize they both did. 304 00:11:19,873 --> 00:11:20,848 Hey, Greg. 305 00:11:20,873 --> 00:11:22,606 What-what else did Meemaw say? 306 00:11:22,608 --> 00:11:24,911 Greg, aren't you forgetting about someone else here? 307 00:11:24,936 --> 00:11:27,243 Oh, yeah, hey Mom, Jen says hi. 308 00:11:27,268 --> 00:11:29,980 All right, well, I love you too. 309 00:11:30,152 --> 00:11:31,418 No, I love you. 310 00:11:31,443 --> 00:11:32,653 No, you... ow! 311 00:11:32,678 --> 00:11:34,184 What? 312 00:11:36,576 --> 00:11:39,156 Mom, I'm going to have to call you back in two minutes. 313 00:11:43,213 --> 00:11:45,649 It has been great seeing all of our friends and family, 314 00:11:45,674 --> 00:11:46,920 but I am so tired 315 00:11:46,945 --> 00:11:48,781 of hearing everyone's marriage advice. 316 00:11:48,806 --> 00:11:50,291 I know, I'm like starting to get angry 317 00:11:50,316 --> 00:11:52,120 that I'm not allowed to go to bed angry, you know. 318 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,281 Well, all we got to do is go to one more brunch, 319 00:11:54,306 --> 00:11:56,974 and then Mr. and Mrs. Short are on a flight to Bora Bora. 320 00:11:56,976 --> 00:11:58,497 Mm... Mrs. Short. 321 00:11:58,522 --> 00:11:59,977 I like the sound of that. 322 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,045 Speaking of which, 323 00:12:02,070 --> 00:12:04,099 the other Mrs. Short wants to stop by our house 324 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,908 real quick just to say good-bye before we leave. 325 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:06,850 Is that cool? 326 00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:09,152 Um, actually, honey, 327 00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:10,793 you know I love your mom. 328 00:12:10,867 --> 00:12:12,905 And I mean really love her. 329 00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:15,911 It just, it feels a little bit like she's kind of 330 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:19,082 up in our business a lot, especially lately. 331 00:12:19,107 --> 00:12:20,746 Does it feel that way to you? 332 00:12:20,771 --> 00:12:21,965 I don't know. 333 00:12:21,967 --> 00:12:23,667 I mean, I can ask her. You want me to ask her? 334 00:12:23,669 --> 00:12:24,697 No, no, no. No, no, no. 335 00:12:24,722 --> 00:12:26,275 Definitely don't do that. 336 00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:30,102 What I think it is, is I think that now that you're mine, 337 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:34,195 she's just having a hard time passing that Greg torch. 338 00:12:34,392 --> 00:12:36,262 Honey, come here. 339 00:12:36,287 --> 00:12:38,467 I'm yours, all right? 340 00:12:38,537 --> 00:12:40,815 Yours, only, forever and ever. 341 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,606 I promise, okay? Okay. 342 00:12:44,093 --> 00:12:45,396 This is all really flattering. 343 00:12:45,421 --> 00:12:48,044 I've never had two women fight over me before. 344 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,485 Ah, honey, that's not what this is. 345 00:12:50,588 --> 00:12:51,614 Mmm. 346 00:12:52,673 --> 00:12:53,639 All right, honey, 347 00:12:53,664 --> 00:12:55,048 you take care of the contraceptives, 348 00:12:55,073 --> 00:12:57,406 I'll take care of the antacids. 349 00:12:58,423 --> 00:12:59,856 Greg? 350 00:13:01,659 --> 00:13:02,925 Honey? 351 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,383 Greg? 352 00:13:05,281 --> 00:13:06,520 Jen! 353 00:13:06,545 --> 00:13:08,684 - Oh... - I am just finishing up. 354 00:13:08,709 --> 00:13:09,942 Would you tell Greg 355 00:13:09,967 --> 00:13:12,762 I packed him three pairs of underwear a day. 356 00:13:12,787 --> 00:13:16,339 An everyday pair, a romantic pair, and a whoopsie. 357 00:13:17,276 --> 00:13:18,675 "A whoopsie." 358 00:13:21,813 --> 00:13:23,246 Hey, Greg, 359 00:13:23,248 --> 00:13:25,569 your mom is packing your suitcase. 360 00:13:25,594 --> 00:13:26,660 Yeah? 361 00:13:27,085 --> 00:13:28,337 For our honeymoon. 362 00:13:28,362 --> 00:13:30,581 Yeah, she's really good at it. 363 00:13:30,606 --> 00:13:33,258 She's got amazing spatial relations. 364 00:13:33,283 --> 00:13:35,740 She once put a whole Thanksgiving dinner 365 00:13:35,765 --> 00:13:37,418 into my lunch bag. 366 00:13:37,443 --> 00:13:38,542 Cool, cool. 367 00:13:38,574 --> 00:13:40,946 Hey, honey, can I talk to you in the other room for a minute? 368 00:13:40,971 --> 00:13:44,047 Just very quickly, very, very almost urgently? 369 00:13:45,922 --> 00:13:48,847 Wife's already got the nagging thing down I see. 370 00:13:48,872 --> 00:13:51,573 Dad, not cool. 371 00:13:52,558 --> 00:13:54,878 God, this is 2011. 372 00:13:55,139 --> 00:13:56,365 What's up? 373 00:13:56,390 --> 00:13:58,661 Um, okay, look, this has gone too far, 374 00:13:58,686 --> 00:13:59,374 all right? 375 00:13:59,399 --> 00:14:01,106 I'm sorry, but your mom, she needs to stop. 376 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:04,064 You need to pack your own suitcase for your honeymoon. 377 00:14:04,089 --> 00:14:06,025 Honey, what is the big deal, all right? 378 00:14:06,050 --> 00:14:07,166 It makes her happy. 379 00:14:07,191 --> 00:14:09,110 Yes, but, you're my man now, 380 00:14:09,135 --> 00:14:13,562 and as my man, I just, I need you to be your own man. 381 00:14:13,587 --> 00:14:15,157 Hey look, I get it. 382 00:14:15,579 --> 00:14:18,320 Married men pack their own suitcases. 383 00:14:18,345 --> 00:14:19,807 All men do. 384 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:28,511 Hi, Short, we reserved a table by the water. 385 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:32,817 I'm so sorry, we're not going to be able to seat you. 386 00:14:32,842 --> 00:14:34,083 Why? 387 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,467 We require all men to wear a collared shirt. 388 00:14:37,732 --> 00:14:39,432 And pants. 389 00:14:40,036 --> 00:14:41,272 And shoes. 390 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,897 But I'm wearing shoes. Sea shoes. 391 00:14:45,347 --> 00:14:47,002 Do you think you could just make an exception 392 00:14:47,027 --> 00:14:48,171 this one time? 393 00:14:48,196 --> 00:14:51,388 You see, he packed his own suitcase for the first time. 394 00:14:51,413 --> 00:14:53,009 And while he may have forgotten, you know, 395 00:14:53,034 --> 00:14:56,226 a few things, I really am very proud of him. 396 00:14:56,251 --> 00:14:59,024 My mom used to pack for me. 397 00:14:59,049 --> 00:15:01,732 Oh, I see. 398 00:15:01,794 --> 00:15:03,346 Well good job, buddy! 399 00:15:03,348 --> 00:15:06,593 Here, let me get you a place mat and some crayons. 400 00:15:07,035 --> 00:15:09,052 We have a fish tank you're gonna love. 401 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:10,745 Does she think I'm... 402 00:15:10,770 --> 00:15:13,403 Just go with it, I need a drink. 403 00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:17,621 I'm sorry, are you Will? 404 00:15:17,646 --> 00:15:19,312 Yeah, man, yeah. 405 00:15:19,337 --> 00:15:21,418 Hey, if there's a Will, there's a way, okay? 406 00:15:21,443 --> 00:15:23,877 Out of her apartment before she wakes up. 407 00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:27,975 _ 408 00:15:31,839 --> 00:15:33,495 Knock-knock! 409 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,254 Chicken soup for the emotionally wrecked soul. 410 00:15:36,665 --> 00:15:37,561 Thanks, Mom. 411 00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,730 Honey, why don't we ask your dad 412 00:15:39,755 --> 00:15:41,088 for a pair of his pajamas 413 00:15:41,113 --> 00:15:43,527 and that way you can keep this outfit fresh 414 00:15:43,552 --> 00:15:45,707 for any job interviews you might want to go on? 415 00:15:45,732 --> 00:15:47,331 Oh, no, Mom, I'm an artist. 416 00:15:47,356 --> 00:15:49,490 I'm not going on any job interviews for the man. 417 00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:51,922 Honey, I think you're too white to say that. 418 00:15:52,694 --> 00:15:55,115 Don't tell Dad that I'm in here. Or anybody else. 419 00:15:55,140 --> 00:15:57,560 That I'm sleeping in the garage, and I've lost everything. 420 00:15:57,585 --> 00:15:59,569 They all predicted that I was going to be a failure, 421 00:15:59,594 --> 00:16:02,404 and I just... I'm going to wait as long as possible 422 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,415 before telling them, 423 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,241 or at least until Greg flips another golf cart. 424 00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:08,432 Great brunch, Joanie. 425 00:16:08,852 --> 00:16:09,963 And save some of that meat. 426 00:16:09,988 --> 00:16:11,962 I'm going to put it in my traps. 427 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,144 You're setting traps? What for? 428 00:16:14,146 --> 00:16:16,498 Well, there's some kind of critter rummaging around 429 00:16:16,523 --> 00:16:17,264 in my garage. 430 00:16:17,289 --> 00:16:18,982 If the traps don't work, 431 00:16:19,272 --> 00:16:21,349 I'm going to get myself a pet owl. 432 00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:23,520 Although I might do that anyway. 433 00:16:23,522 --> 00:16:26,123 Hey, where are Matt and Bonnie? Are we allowed to skip this? 434 00:16:26,125 --> 00:16:28,625 Knowing her, she probably took all his money and ran off. 435 00:16:28,627 --> 00:16:31,899 Oh, I wish I could just call them and say, "Wake up! 436 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,598 Wake up!" 437 00:16:33,623 --> 00:16:35,298 Mom, why are you yelling? 438 00:16:35,610 --> 00:16:36,466 Am I? 439 00:16:36,468 --> 00:16:37,467 Ow! 440 00:16:37,469 --> 00:16:39,025 My trap! 441 00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:41,169 Oh, don't worry, I got the humane kind. 442 00:16:41,194 --> 00:16:44,178 Although now that I think about it, I may not have. 443 00:16:47,970 --> 00:16:50,570 Oh, good, everyone's here to see this. 444 00:16:50,595 --> 00:16:51,381 Matt, 445 00:16:51,383 --> 00:16:52,258 take that off. 446 00:16:52,283 --> 00:16:55,217 That was supposed to catch the critter living in my garage. 447 00:16:55,670 --> 00:16:57,187 It did. 448 00:16:58,850 --> 00:16:59,959 Yeah, you know, Mom, 449 00:16:59,984 --> 00:17:01,372 I-I-I can't tell them. 450 00:17:01,397 --> 00:17:02,530 Could you, please? 451 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:03,587 Yeah. 452 00:17:03,612 --> 00:17:06,282 Um, Bonnie left him, but.. 453 00:17:07,399 --> 00:17:09,032 She took all his money. 454 00:17:09,543 --> 00:17:11,234 But his art... 455 00:17:12,125 --> 00:17:13,298 is a bust. 456 00:17:13,772 --> 00:17:15,205 But! 457 00:17:16,138 --> 00:17:17,615 He's homeless. 458 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,637 Wow, thank you, Mom. 459 00:17:20,179 --> 00:17:22,546 I don't think this could get any more humiliating. 460 00:17:22,548 --> 00:17:25,750 Matt, honey, I am so sorry. 461 00:17:25,775 --> 00:17:27,742 And your fly is down. 462 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,514 What's all this? 463 00:17:40,539 --> 00:17:41,842 Oh! 464 00:17:42,716 --> 00:17:46,046 Well, I figured if you didn't want to move up to your bedroom, 465 00:17:46,071 --> 00:17:47,967 I'd move the bedroom down to you. 466 00:17:48,413 --> 00:17:50,123 Dad, this is all Greg's stuff. 467 00:17:50,148 --> 00:17:54,541 Well, his life is going good, so he's not going to need it. 468 00:17:56,679 --> 00:17:57,681 Sit down. 469 00:17:58,712 --> 00:18:00,984 You know, I know I haven't been really agreeable 470 00:18:00,986 --> 00:18:03,148 about your bohemian lifestyle, 471 00:18:03,173 --> 00:18:06,504 but losing everything just means you have more to gain. 472 00:18:07,371 --> 00:18:09,017 Without all those distractions, 473 00:18:09,042 --> 00:18:11,828 who knows what you're capable of? 474 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,740 That's a good point. 475 00:18:14,495 --> 00:18:18,343 My life can really be all about focusing on my art. 476 00:18:18,368 --> 00:18:19,294 Oh, no, no, no, no. 477 00:18:19,319 --> 00:18:21,067 You got to stop with that nonsense. 478 00:18:21,209 --> 00:18:23,866 I called a buddy and I got you a job 479 00:18:23,891 --> 00:18:27,596 with his company that makes airline snacks. 480 00:18:27,682 --> 00:18:29,815 The pay is peanuts. 481 00:18:29,958 --> 00:18:31,958 Unless you choose pretzels. 482 00:18:36,697 --> 00:18:38,543 Okay, new guy, here are the rules. 483 00:18:38,568 --> 00:18:40,001 This is my mug. 484 00:18:40,003 --> 00:18:40,904 What's the rule? 485 00:18:40,944 --> 00:18:43,081 That's right, you get it. 486 00:18:43,106 --> 00:18:45,051 And this right here is my "pube-icle." 487 00:18:45,076 --> 00:18:48,032 "Pube-icle," I copyrighted that, so same rules as the mug. 488 00:18:48,057 --> 00:18:49,360 I'm sorry, I still don't get the rules. 489 00:18:49,385 --> 00:18:50,582 Ah, you're going to fit in just fine. 490 00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:53,708 Oh, Saturday night at Boomers goes off! 491 00:18:54,164 --> 00:18:56,812 Much like the panties of the ladies who work at this establishment. 492 00:18:56,837 --> 00:18:58,023 Oh, wow, huh. 493 00:18:58,048 --> 00:18:59,453 Sounds like you've slept with a lot of coworkers. 494 00:18:59,478 --> 00:19:01,780 Not that many or any, 495 00:19:01,805 --> 00:19:04,139 but I have been laying a lot of groundwork 496 00:19:04,164 --> 00:19:05,697 over the last 12 years. 497 00:19:05,722 --> 00:19:07,723 It's like waiting for a slot machine to pay off, 498 00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:09,711 or in this case, a slut machine. 499 00:19:10,922 --> 00:19:12,255 Instead of pulling a lever, 500 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,092 you're pulling on my dong. 501 00:19:14,117 --> 00:19:16,084 Ding-dong. Who's there? Will's there. 502 00:19:16,086 --> 00:19:17,352 I'm sorry, are you Will? 503 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,337 Yeah, man, yeah. 504 00:19:19,362 --> 00:19:21,489 Hey, if there's a Will, there's a way, okay. 505 00:19:21,491 --> 00:19:23,291 Out of her apartment before she wakes up. 506 00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:27,399 I'm sorry, that's just locker room talk. 507 00:19:27,424 --> 00:19:29,297 Yeah, I'm going to remember you. 508 00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:30,331 Oh. 509 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,213 I'm gonna remember you as that gross guy 510 00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:35,276 that I met the day I almost took a job in the wrong place. 511 00:19:37,691 --> 00:19:38,905 Hey! 512 00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:41,509 What? 513 00:19:41,511 --> 00:19:43,778 - I didn't mean! - Oh, I'm sorry! 514 00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:46,011 W-Why are you apologizing? 515 00:19:46,036 --> 00:19:47,469 I'm the one who hit you. 516 00:19:48,017 --> 00:19:50,151 You're right, I'm sorry. 517 00:19:51,301 --> 00:19:52,387 I'm Colleen Ortega. 518 00:19:52,389 --> 00:19:53,848 I run HR here. 519 00:19:54,996 --> 00:19:56,056 Matt Short. 520 00:19:56,081 --> 00:19:59,015 The new... the new guy, right, of course, um... 521 00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:01,963 It's really nice to meet you, Colleen Ortega. 522 00:20:01,965 --> 00:20:03,464 I'm glad to have you aboard. 523 00:20:03,466 --> 00:20:05,133 Thanks, I'm... 524 00:20:05,969 --> 00:20:07,435 I'm happy to be here. 525 00:20:47,727 --> 00:20:48,739 Hey! 526 00:20:48,764 --> 00:20:50,230 Look who's back! 527 00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:52,170 Hey, Matt, this isn't the only hole 528 00:20:52,195 --> 00:20:53,928 I'm going to be in tonight. 529 00:20:54,616 --> 00:20:59,616 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 530 00:21:00,305 --> 00:21:06,674 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/43wey Help other users to choose the best subtitles