1
00:00:04,851 --> 00:00:06,985
_

2
00:00:07,337 --> 00:00:10,037
No. Come on. You cannot cancel

3
00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,306
and make me have dinner with
Matt and Colleen by myself.

4
00:00:12,308 --> 00:00:13,328
They're your family.

5
00:00:13,408 --> 00:00:15,086
Can't be helped.

6
00:00:15,111 --> 00:00:16,670
Back went out again.

7
00:00:16,695 --> 00:00:19,640
Look, don't worry.
Maggie's already here,

8
00:00:19,691 --> 00:00:22,525
watching after Lark. Don't
pass up this golden opportunity.

9
00:00:22,527 --> 00:00:25,066
- Go out. Have some fun.
- How?

10
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,229
I mean, Colleen is great, but
she has to pee every 15 minutes.

11
00:00:27,231 --> 00:00:29,532
And then it's just gonna be me
and Matt with nothing to say,

12
00:00:29,534 --> 00:00:31,701
except for him, you know,
complaining about how

13
00:00:31,703 --> 00:00:33,669
all the food on his plate is touching.

14
00:00:33,671 --> 00:00:36,973
Matt is such a baby. Ah.

15
00:00:37,908 --> 00:00:39,475
Mmm. Mmm.

16
00:00:39,477 --> 00:00:42,511
Mmm. Uh, mac and cheese, please?

17
00:00:43,082 --> 00:00:45,130
I've never been alone with Jen
before. It's gonna be awkward.

18
00:00:45,155 --> 00:00:46,739
And, besides, she eats all
weird, with all of her food

19
00:00:46,764 --> 00:00:48,050
intermingling and everything.

20
00:00:48,052 --> 00:00:50,653
Well, I don't have a
choice. I had to fire Doris.

21
00:00:50,655 --> 00:00:52,154
She's been writing
her name on sandwiches

22
00:00:52,156 --> 00:00:53,656
that aren't even hers.

23
00:00:53,658 --> 00:00:55,658
I wasn't saying the sandwich was mine.

24
00:00:55,660 --> 00:00:58,777
I was saying Doris is
the sandwich's name!

25
00:00:59,301 --> 00:01:00,596
You go have dinner with Jen.

26
00:01:00,598 --> 00:01:02,960
Oh.

27
00:01:04,460 --> 00:01:06,102
I have egg salad.

28
00:01:09,857 --> 00:01:10,506
Hey!

29
00:01:10,508 --> 00:01:11,941
Hey!

30
00:01:11,943 --> 00:01:14,450
- This is crazy, huh?
- This is nuts.

31
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,479
- So Colleen is... she's not coming.
- Nope.

32
00:01:16,481 --> 00:01:19,296
- Not coming. So crazy.
- No. Wow. Crazy.

33
00:01:19,321 --> 00:01:22,441
And Greg, you know, with his
back, just lying on the floor

34
00:01:22,466 --> 00:01:24,253
like a virgin on her wedding night.

35
00:01:24,255 --> 00:01:25,749
- You know?
- Oh, no. Do you feel like

36
00:01:25,773 --> 00:01:26,623
you need to get back to him?

37
00:01:26,624 --> 00:01:28,864
- Would you mind? Because, you know,
- Not at all.

38
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,694
- it's just my heart breaks for him.
- Of course. Of course. Mine, too.

39
00:01:31,696 --> 00:01:33,541
- Yeah.
- You know, I really need to get back

40
00:01:33,565 --> 00:01:34,798
to-to the studio. I have

41
00:01:34,799 --> 00:01:36,432
- a deadline due. so... yeah, but...
- Do you? Oh.

42
00:01:36,434 --> 00:01:37,800
- You know? I was really hoping
- I know.

43
00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:39,068
to get some alone time with you.

44
00:01:39,070 --> 00:01:42,374
Me, too. I know. But,
you know, next time...

45
00:01:42,399 --> 00:01:43,663
- let's just, like,
- Yeah, yeah.

46
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:44,738
- make a whole night of it. Right?
- For sure.

47
00:01:44,763 --> 00:01:45,926
- Or...
- Why even stop there?

48
00:01:45,950 --> 00:01:46,943
We're gonna make it a weekend.

49
00:01:46,944 --> 00:01:48,380
- How 'bout Vegas?
- Hey!

50
00:01:48,405 --> 00:01:50,171
There you go.

51
00:01:53,639 --> 00:01:55,418
Oh, excuse me. Could
I ask you a question?

52
00:01:55,420 --> 00:01:58,220
Uh, my mom's Chinese, my dad is black.

53
00:01:58,997 --> 00:02:00,956
Wasn't my question, but...

54
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:05,694
Matt.

55
00:02:06,798 --> 00:02:09,331
Uh, I thought you were
going to your studio.

56
00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:11,500
Would you believe that the
whole world is my studio?

57
00:02:11,502 --> 00:02:12,968
I would not.

58
00:02:12,970 --> 00:02:14,303
Would you believe I lied to you

59
00:02:14,305 --> 00:02:15,704
to get out of having dinner with you?

60
00:02:15,706 --> 00:02:16,906
- I would. Yeah.
- Hmm?

61
00:02:16,908 --> 00:02:18,174
'Cause I did the same thing.

62
00:02:19,156 --> 00:02:20,188
I'm sorry.

63
00:02:20,213 --> 00:02:21,444
Um, Two Christmases:

64
00:02:21,446 --> 00:02:24,513
How to Talk to Your
Child about Divorce. Oh...

65
00:02:24,515 --> 00:02:26,770
No. Oh, no, no. I just...
this is just what happens

66
00:02:26,795 --> 00:02:28,884
when you wait over a year to
get someone a wedding present.

67
00:02:28,886 --> 00:02:30,801
- Ah.
- What are you doing here?

68
00:02:30,826 --> 00:02:32,388
Uh, you know what, I was
actually looking for the book

69
00:02:32,390 --> 00:02:34,115
- that Colleen and I wrote together,
- Oh.

70
00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:36,879
- but, uh, I can't seem to find it.
- Maybe they sold out.

71
00:02:36,904 --> 00:02:39,128
I mean, they only had
six copies, but, eh...

72
00:02:39,130 --> 00:02:40,596
Is it those six?

73
00:02:40,598 --> 00:02:41,573
Hmm?

74
00:02:43,221 --> 00:02:45,201
"Buy one, get five free"?

75
00:02:45,203 --> 00:02:47,470
That's a little bit
of a slap in the face.

76
00:02:48,506 --> 00:02:50,072
Look, I even signed this
one at the book reading.

77
00:02:50,074 --> 00:02:51,711
Why would Ollie have returned this?

78
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,478
"Ollie, I've had fun reading this!

79
00:02:53,503 --> 00:02:56,141
I hope you have M.S."

80
00:02:57,805 --> 00:03:00,616
Maybe you should try signing
the full name from now on.

81
00:03:00,618 --> 00:03:02,284
Yeah.

82
00:03:02,286 --> 00:03:04,201
Well, it's not your fault. Honestly.

83
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,639
I mean, this is all about marketing.

84
00:03:05,664 --> 00:03:09,192
Like, look at lame Sunshine
Funshine over there.

85
00:03:09,217 --> 00:03:11,223
Oh, yeah. It's Teddy's
Pick. Your book has to come

86
00:03:11,248 --> 00:03:14,316
from some big publisher that
gives Teddy lots of money.

87
00:03:16,468 --> 00:03:20,137
I think I know who
Teddy's next pick might be.

88
00:03:22,807 --> 00:03:24,073
Can I help you find something?

89
00:03:24,075 --> 00:03:27,009
Can you just read me the list of...

90
00:03:27,525 --> 00:03:30,751
every book you have in the store?

91
00:03:30,776 --> 00:03:32,781
It's just I'll know it when I hear it.

92
00:03:32,783 --> 00:03:34,399
I'm gonna need at least an author,

93
00:03:34,424 --> 00:03:36,385
a subject, or a title.

94
00:03:36,410 --> 00:03:40,415
Oh. Yeah. The problemo is
I have a very bad memory.

95
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,691
So I just don't want to
have to take a boat trip

96
00:03:42,693 --> 00:03:45,127
down the... Amazon.

97
00:03:45,129 --> 00:03:46,389
Don't say that word in here.

98
00:03:46,414 --> 00:03:49,775
Why? Afraid it might...
Kindle my interest?

99
00:03:50,717 --> 00:03:53,636
Aardvark's Adventure,
uh, by Tina Yothers.

100
00:03:53,638 --> 00:03:56,071
Nope. Nope, nope, nope,
nope. That's not it.

101
00:03:56,073 --> 00:03:58,712
- Just rattle 'em off. But slower, though.
- Okay.

102
00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:01,438
Just 'cause it's... Uh,
English is my second language.

103
00:04:01,544 --> 00:04:04,317
Aardvark's Adventure 2:
Learning to Love My Nose.

104
00:04:04,342 --> 00:04:07,483
Very important book to me and my family.

105
00:04:07,485 --> 00:04:08,612
Aardvark's Adventure 3:

106
00:04:08,637 --> 00:04:10,193
Shakespeare Meets the Bard-vark.

107
00:04:10,218 --> 00:04:11,772
Aardvark's Adventure 4:

108
00:04:11,797 --> 00:04:13,777
Which Bathroom Do I Use?

109
00:04:13,802 --> 00:04:16,976
Aardvark's Adventure
5: An Aard Day's Vark.

110
00:04:17,001 --> 00:04:18,556
Aardvark's Adventure 6:

111
00:04:18,581 --> 00:04:20,326
Stop Calling Me Anteater.

112
00:04:20,351 --> 00:04:21,882
Aardvark's Adventure 7:

113
00:04:21,907 --> 00:04:24,203
Hanoi, Here We Come by Tina Yothers.

114
00:04:24,228 --> 00:04:25,668
Yep, yep, that's it.

115
00:04:25,670 --> 00:04:26,578
- Awesome.
- Okay.

116
00:04:26,603 --> 00:04:28,570
Wait, I'm just gonna buy it online.

117
00:04:31,615 --> 00:04:33,042
He kind of looks drunk.

118
00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:37,247
Can you believe a few hours ago

119
00:04:37,271 --> 00:04:38,582
we thought it was weird
to have dinner together?

120
00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:39,648
I know, we were crazy.

121
00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:41,116
- So crazy.
- And I'm starving.

122
00:04:41,118 --> 00:04:42,184
- Me, too.
- Let's go.

123
00:04:42,186 --> 00:04:44,186
- Yeah, come on.
- Okay.

124
00:04:45,220 --> 00:04:46,789
This is our best table.

125
00:04:46,791 --> 00:04:49,124
It's nice and warm over here.

126
00:04:49,927 --> 00:04:52,962
Not that you two need any heat.

127
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,671
- I should really go check on Greg.
- Yeah. I need

128
00:05:02,673 --> 00:05:03,872
to get to my studio.

129
00:05:06,997 --> 00:05:08,739
_

130
00:05:10,067 --> 00:05:11,332
Let's go in.

131
00:05:11,691 --> 00:05:14,350
No one tailgates at Princesses on Ice.

132
00:05:14,352 --> 00:05:16,412
No, you got to keep eating.

133
00:05:16,437 --> 00:05:18,345
This year, we're not
buying one single thing

134
00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:20,623
inside that overpriced
rip-off of a venue.

135
00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:22,283
Think they can just slap a pink crown

136
00:05:22,308 --> 00:05:25,961
on the side of a bucket
of popcorn and charge $25?

137
00:05:25,963 --> 00:05:28,236
But I don't want to eat anymore.

138
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:30,487
This candy's making me jittery.

139
00:05:30,512 --> 00:05:32,268
You got to eat through
it. We're gonna head in

140
00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:34,203
as soon as your mom's
done changing her bra.

141
00:05:34,205 --> 00:05:36,338
I thought she only did that
when we need a better table

142
00:05:36,340 --> 00:05:37,606
at a restaurant.

143
00:05:37,608 --> 00:05:39,808
This is a beverage-smuggling bra.

144
00:05:40,176 --> 00:05:42,010
Helps us beat the system.

145
00:05:42,035 --> 00:05:43,442
We have a problem.

146
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:45,681
Yeah, we have a problem.
We raised quitters.

147
00:05:45,683 --> 00:05:48,525
No, look, you can
totally see my wine rack.

148
00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:50,419
Well, why didn't you put it
on at home so you could tell

149
00:05:50,421 --> 00:05:51,720
if your clothes would cover it?

150
00:05:51,722 --> 00:05:54,723
Because, babe, I am not
gonna warm up the Chardonnay!

151
00:05:54,725 --> 00:05:57,433
What are we gonna do? Listen,
I am not gonna be extorted again

152
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,169
by Big Ice Skating.

153
00:06:03,801 --> 00:06:07,936
I don't like the way
you're looking at me.

154
00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:13,312
This is like when I was nine

155
00:06:13,337 --> 00:06:14,710
and you made me sit in the stroller

156
00:06:14,712 --> 00:06:16,605
to get the kids' price at Disneyland.

157
00:06:16,630 --> 00:06:18,347
Yeah, be thankful you
weren't the one wearing

158
00:06:18,349 --> 00:06:20,382
the Donald Duck hat full of salami.

159
00:06:20,384 --> 00:06:22,612
I don't want to sneak wine in for you.

160
00:06:22,637 --> 00:06:24,723
You always tell us to respect the law.

161
00:06:24,748 --> 00:06:26,922
Hey. You're not drinking the alcohol.

162
00:06:26,924 --> 00:06:29,124
There's no law that says
a child can't carry it.

163
00:06:29,126 --> 00:06:30,539
- Yes, there is.
- Okay, you know what,

164
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,028
that is a dumb law.

165
00:06:33,241 --> 00:06:34,630
I hate this.

166
00:06:34,632 --> 00:06:38,417
I can't go to jail. I can't even
share a bathroom with Sophia.

167
00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:40,869
Stop freaking out.

168
00:06:40,894 --> 00:06:42,671
I'm glad I didn't know
you in high school.

169
00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:44,290
Purse, please.

170
00:06:49,504 --> 00:06:51,513
No, no, no! Don't run! If you fall,

171
00:06:51,515 --> 00:06:53,749
it pops and we lose it all!

172
00:06:54,469 --> 00:06:56,985
She couldn't handle the pressure.

173
00:06:56,987 --> 00:06:59,388
That's 'cause you
went to the wrong girl.

174
00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:01,890
Strap me in, boss.

175
00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:03,704
Let's ride.

176
00:07:03,729 --> 00:07:05,204
Oh, come on, these are
the stories you'll have...

177
00:07:05,229 --> 00:07:07,363
- What do you think?
- I am really...

178
00:07:07,365 --> 00:07:09,231
Oh, that is so disturbing.

179
00:07:09,233 --> 00:07:10,733
Take it off. Take it off right now.

180
00:07:10,735 --> 00:07:12,534
Fine.

181
00:07:12,536 --> 00:07:14,103
See you girls in high school.

182
00:07:14,105 --> 00:07:15,304
Oh, my God.

183
00:07:16,673 --> 00:07:18,874
Everyone says you know the exact moment

184
00:07:18,876 --> 00:07:20,609
when your childhood ends.

185
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,644
How do my boobs look?

186
00:07:22,646 --> 00:07:24,130
And that was it.

187
00:07:24,155 --> 00:07:25,848
If I'd had these puppies in high school,

188
00:07:25,850 --> 00:07:29,184
I would have gotten to
second base a lot sooner.

189
00:07:29,186 --> 00:07:30,793
Is it pulling my shirt
open in the front?

190
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,511
Yeah. I-I hate it when it
does that. You know what?

191
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:33,922
I'm-I'm gonna drink
it down a little bit.

192
00:07:33,924 --> 00:07:35,090
Get that tube out.

193
00:07:35,092 --> 00:07:36,392
Just whip it out there.

194
00:07:36,394 --> 00:07:37,559
- There you are.
- Okay.

195
00:07:38,647 --> 00:07:39,895
Yeah. Just don't...

196
00:07:39,897 --> 00:07:41,126
Don't bite it, though.

197
00:07:41,775 --> 00:07:42,698
What? Shh...

198
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:44,666
Hey, buddy. My eyes are up here.

199
00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:47,988
Purses on the table, ladies.

200
00:07:48,013 --> 00:07:50,139
Would you look at all that
alcohol? I cannot believe

201
00:07:50,141 --> 00:07:51,707
people would try to sneak that in here.

202
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,442
This show is for children.

203
00:07:53,754 --> 00:07:55,589
And weird middle-aged men.

204
00:07:55,614 --> 00:07:57,473
Go on in. Thank you.

205
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:02,908
Hey, hey, hey.

206
00:08:02,933 --> 00:08:03,886
We did it.

207
00:08:03,888 --> 00:08:05,954
I know. We beat the
system. Look at those fools

208
00:08:05,956 --> 00:08:07,623
up there pouring out their money.

209
00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:09,158
They look so stupid.

210
00:08:09,609 --> 00:08:11,360
Dad, your boobs are leaking.

211
00:08:11,362 --> 00:08:12,895
- Oh, no. Oh, honey.
- What?

212
00:08:12,897 --> 00:08:14,781
Oh, you-you didn't close
the valve off all the way.

213
00:08:14,806 --> 00:08:15,768
- Oh, no. Drink it.
- Oh, God.

214
00:08:15,793 --> 00:08:17,269
- Oh, it's going into my bellybutton.
- No.

215
00:08:17,270 --> 00:08:18,767
Drink it, drink it,
drink it before it gets

216
00:08:18,769 --> 00:08:20,369
- in my crotch and it's ruined.
- Oh, oh, God, just...

217
00:08:23,808 --> 00:08:26,809
Temperature to 70 degrees.

218
00:08:26,811 --> 00:08:30,517
Thermostat set to 100 degrees.

219
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,761
Well, at least we got
her back to English.

220
00:08:33,191 --> 00:08:35,010
_

221
00:08:35,096 --> 00:08:36,629
There you go, sweetie,
play with your toys.

222
00:08:36,631 --> 00:08:38,030
Oh, spider.

223
00:08:38,032 --> 00:08:39,198
Nope.

224
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,600
Ah, got him.

225
00:08:40,602 --> 00:08:42,068
Oh, okay, there it is.

226
00:08:42,070 --> 00:08:44,136
Oh. That was a ladybug.

227
00:08:44,138 --> 00:08:45,705
Yeah, but we're keeping Lark safe.

228
00:08:45,707 --> 00:08:47,207
- That's what matters.
- Right.

229
00:08:47,232 --> 00:08:49,102
- Oh, no.
- Wh... Lark!

230
00:08:49,127 --> 00:08:50,610
- Lark.
- No, no, no, no, no.

231
00:08:50,612 --> 00:08:51,811
- No, no, no.
- Lark.

232
00:08:51,813 --> 00:08:53,870
Lark. Open the door, sweetie.

233
00:08:53,895 --> 00:08:55,928
It's okay, you're not in trouble.

234
00:08:56,563 --> 00:08:58,818
Okay. We just have to stay calm.

235
00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:01,053
Call the fire department.

236
00:09:02,724 --> 00:09:03,961
What's all this?

237
00:09:03,986 --> 00:09:06,125
Oh, I am installing Bluetooth locks

238
00:09:06,127 --> 00:09:08,561
on the doors so that we do
not get locked out again.

239
00:09:08,563 --> 00:09:10,129
You sure you're gonna
have time to do that

240
00:09:10,131 --> 00:09:13,263
after you bring your monster
to life with lightning?

241
00:09:13,288 --> 00:09:16,502
I told you, all inventors
have work aprons.

242
00:09:16,504 --> 00:09:18,704
But you wore that to
Starbucks this morning.

243
00:09:18,706 --> 00:09:20,708
Well, yes. Because when
I wear the green one,

244
00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:21,774
they think I work there.

245
00:09:21,799 --> 00:09:23,400
Okay, love you.

246
00:09:23,425 --> 00:09:24,791
Love you.

247
00:09:25,328 --> 00:09:27,046
- Put on my theme song.
- ♪ Hit it ♪

248
00:09:27,048 --> 00:09:29,144
♪ Here comes the hot stepper ♪ 
♪ Murderer ♪

249
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,168
♪ I'm the lyrical gangster... ♪

250
00:09:36,086 --> 00:09:37,924
Oh, I'm gonna be here a while.

251
00:09:37,926 --> 00:09:39,725
♪ Na, Na-Na-Na-Na, Na-Na-Na-Na... ♪

252
00:09:41,663 --> 00:09:45,031
♪ Na-Na-Na-Na... ♪

253
00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:46,699
O-Oscar!

254
00:09:46,701 --> 00:09:49,502
Oh. Hey, Greg.

255
00:09:49,504 --> 00:09:50,937
What are you doing?

256
00:09:50,939 --> 00:09:52,471
I-I ain't peepin'.

257
00:09:52,473 --> 00:09:54,574
I was just settin' up your gopher traps.

258
00:09:54,576 --> 00:09:55,675
What?

259
00:09:55,677 --> 00:09:56,976
I was peepin'.

260
00:09:56,978 --> 00:09:58,311
Okay, uh, look.

261
00:09:58,313 --> 00:10:00,046
Uh, will you come in
here and help me up?

262
00:10:00,048 --> 00:10:01,581
I pulled my back out.

263
00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:02,782
Just open the door.

264
00:10:02,784 --> 00:10:04,050
Oh, yeah.

265
00:10:04,052 --> 00:10:04,975
Yeah, there you go.

266
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,316
That's not safe.

267
00:10:07,488 --> 00:10:09,722
- Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
- I got you.

268
00:10:09,724 --> 00:10:12,291
- Ooh... sorry.
- I'm good. Ow, ow, oh, oh, oh. I'm good.

269
00:10:12,293 --> 00:10:13,826
It's okay. It's all right.

270
00:10:14,069 --> 00:10:15,335
Okay, now I just need

271
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,966
those pain pills to kick in.

272
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,999
Hope you don't mind, I
took a few for myself.

273
00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:23,903
You know, for-for my
nerves and my addiction.

274
00:10:23,905 --> 00:10:26,639
Yeah, sure. Knock yourself
out, the cleaning lady does.

275
00:10:26,641 --> 00:10:28,975
Oh, look at that. You got Smart-locks.

276
00:10:28,977 --> 00:10:30,743
- Yeah.
- You know, me and the wife,

277
00:10:30,745 --> 00:10:33,282
we just put in a "turlet"
you can flush from your phone.

278
00:10:33,307 --> 00:10:34,600
Watch this.

279
00:10:36,784 --> 00:10:39,585
I just flushed it... you
can't see it, but I flushed it.

280
00:10:39,587 --> 00:10:40,953
Take you at your word.

281
00:10:40,955 --> 00:10:43,289
Now I'm putting a fanny washer on.

282
00:10:43,291 --> 00:10:46,092
I hope my mother-in-law
ain't on there again.

283
00:10:46,094 --> 00:10:47,693
She got a weak heart.

284
00:10:47,695 --> 00:10:50,421
Wow, Oscar, I'm really
seeing a new side of you.

285
00:10:50,446 --> 00:10:51,775
You didn't strike me as the kind of guy

286
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,467
that's into home automation.

287
00:10:54,469 --> 00:10:56,268
Oh. Oh, she was on there.

288
00:10:56,850 --> 00:10:58,921
Yup, I woke her up.

289
00:11:05,173 --> 00:11:06,412
Oscar?

290
00:11:06,743 --> 00:11:08,681
Oh, my God, have you
been living up there?

291
00:11:08,683 --> 00:11:10,116
No.

292
00:11:10,118 --> 00:11:11,080
I was just helping Greg

293
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:12,952
with a little DIY situation.

294
00:11:12,954 --> 00:11:15,209
I know a lot about them, 'cause, uh,

295
00:11:15,234 --> 00:11:17,524
I had three DIYs when
I was in high school.

296
00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:19,303
Oh, hey, honey.

297
00:11:19,328 --> 00:11:20,077
You're home.

298
00:11:20,102 --> 00:11:21,514
Yeah. Hi, Greg.

299
00:11:21,539 --> 00:11:23,929
I thought you said
it was just the locks,

300
00:11:23,931 --> 00:11:27,471
and also we agreed that
Oscar is an outside friend.

301
00:11:27,496 --> 00:11:29,022
Well, yeah, well, we finished that,

302
00:11:29,047 --> 00:11:30,903
but then it was so easy to add on.

303
00:11:30,905 --> 00:11:32,687
I mean, now we got music,

304
00:11:32,711 --> 00:11:35,012
and security cameras, and thermostats.

305
00:11:35,014 --> 00:11:36,747
I mean, it's gonna be
like living in Epcot.

306
00:11:36,749 --> 00:11:38,615
The theme park from 1985?

307
00:11:38,617 --> 00:11:41,818
Setting thermostat to 85.

308
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:43,287
Oh. Wow.

309
00:11:43,289 --> 00:11:45,489
Cool. Well, thermostats are neat,

310
00:11:45,491 --> 00:11:47,491
but maybe just don't go any further.

311
00:11:47,493 --> 00:11:50,160
But, honey, we're so close
to living in the future.

312
00:11:50,162 --> 00:11:52,829
But we can't really live in the future.

313
00:11:52,831 --> 00:11:54,298
- Yeah.
- Right?

314
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,700
We was getting deep on that.

315
00:11:56,702 --> 00:11:59,870
I've also gotten pretty
deep into some pain pills.

316
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:07,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

317
00:12:09,548 --> 00:12:10,814
Hey, honey.

318
00:12:10,816 --> 00:12:13,383
Look up and smile to the camera.

319
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:16,553
I can see you on my phone right now.

320
00:12:16,555 --> 00:12:18,021
This is so cool.

321
00:12:18,222 --> 00:12:20,470
Oh, you look beautiful in fisheye.

322
00:12:20,495 --> 00:12:21,592
Cool. Yeah.

323
00:12:21,594 --> 00:12:23,627
Do you think you could just
unlock the door, though?

324
00:12:23,629 --> 00:12:26,363
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One second.
- Okay.

325
00:12:26,365 --> 00:12:27,631
Let me just...

326
00:12:27,633 --> 00:12:29,766
Oh, man, my phone just died.

327
00:12:29,768 --> 00:12:31,902
Well, you can just use your hands.

328
00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:33,804
Ugh.

329
00:12:33,806 --> 00:12:35,982
- Greg?
- Uh...

330
00:12:36,007 --> 00:12:37,812
Unlock front door.

331
00:12:37,837 --> 00:12:39,743
Door locks offline.

332
00:12:39,745 --> 00:12:43,413
Uh, uh, hold on, one second.
I just got to get a charger.

333
00:12:45,384 --> 00:12:47,094
Why is it so hot in here?

334
00:12:47,119 --> 00:12:50,120
Uh, uh, change
temperature to 68 degrees.

335
00:12:50,122 --> 00:12:53,256
Thermostat set to 100 degrees.

336
00:12:53,258 --> 00:12:54,558
- No.
- Greg.

337
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,360
Lark needs to be changed, and, honestly,

338
00:12:56,362 --> 00:12:58,137
if you don't open this door,
I might need to be, too.

339
00:12:58,162 --> 00:12:58,962
Yeah, okay, honey.

340
00:12:58,964 --> 00:13:00,664
I'm trying to open the door, okay?!

341
00:13:00,666 --> 00:13:02,099
It's just nothing is working.

342
00:13:02,101 --> 00:13:04,401
Yeah. I'm sensing a theme, Greg.

343
00:13:04,403 --> 00:13:06,321
Playing "Greg's Theme."

344
00:13:06,346 --> 00:13:07,270
- Wh... no, no.
- ♪ Hit it ♪

345
00:13:07,272 --> 00:13:08,839
- ♪ Here comes the hot stepper ♪
- Greg?

346
00:13:08,841 --> 00:13:10,340
- ♪ Murderer... ♪
- Damn it, no. Honey.

347
00:13:10,342 --> 00:13:13,010
Let-let me just work it out, okay?

348
00:13:13,012 --> 00:13:15,312
Playing "Greg's Workout Mix."

349
00:13:15,314 --> 00:13:17,280
No, no, no, no, no.

350
00:13:17,282 --> 00:13:19,348
Come on, Greg. Come on, Greg.

351
00:13:19,373 --> 00:13:21,618
You can do it. You're huge. Get jacked!

352
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:24,021
- Pump it. Pump it up, buddy.
- Are you working out?

353
00:13:24,023 --> 00:13:25,489
- You can do it.
- Greg, honey.

354
00:13:25,491 --> 00:13:26,673
- Just open the door.
- Come on, Greg.

355
00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:28,859
- I promise you're not in trouble, okay?
- You can do it.

356
00:13:28,861 --> 00:13:30,802
Okay, okay. I'm trying.

357
00:13:30,827 --> 00:13:32,763
- I mean...
- Come on, Greg.

358
00:13:32,765 --> 00:13:34,064
You can do anything

359
00:13:34,066 --> 00:13:35,799
- you put your mind to.
- Oh, no. Greg.

360
00:13:35,801 --> 00:13:37,501
You're huge. You can get more huge.

361
00:13:37,503 --> 00:13:38,902
Oh, that can't be good.

362
00:13:38,904 --> 00:13:42,239
Honey, I need you to
call the fire department.

363
00:13:42,241 --> 00:13:44,500
Fire. Fire. Fire.

364
00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:46,084
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

365
00:13:46,109 --> 00:13:48,770
Yeah, there you go, Greg, you can do it.

366
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:51,014
Now get even more jacked.

367
00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:54,751
I want you to stand by me

368
00:13:54,753 --> 00:13:56,953
- during the ceremony.
- I'd be honored.

369
00:13:56,955 --> 00:13:59,907
And hold Tank... she's my best man.

370
00:14:00,567 --> 00:14:02,440
_

371
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,272
It was so beautiful.

372
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:06,944
And I was just trying to
hold it together because I was

373
00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:08,501
officiating the wedding.

374
00:14:08,526 --> 00:14:11,949
And also I am a really ugly crier.

375
00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,116
- Right, Matt?
- No. What?

376
00:14:14,141 --> 00:14:15,787
You're so beautiful all the time.

377
00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:17,996
Hey, what happened to your engagement?

378
00:14:18,021 --> 00:14:19,316
Yeah, you guys made such

379
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:20,591
a big deal divorcing to make

380
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:21,793
a statement, and then you steal

381
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:23,444
my thunder during the proposal.

382
00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:25,251
She was crying. Beautifully.

383
00:14:25,253 --> 00:14:26,819
Well, we-we did

384
00:14:26,821 --> 00:14:28,421
get our marriage license, and, uh,

385
00:14:28,423 --> 00:14:29,693
and I got

386
00:14:29,718 --> 00:14:32,456
a bow tie that is sexy as fudge,

387
00:14:32,481 --> 00:14:35,038
but we s... just haven't
figured out when to do it.

388
00:14:35,063 --> 00:14:37,681
It's just hard to find a time

389
00:14:37,706 --> 00:14:40,316
when we can get everybody together.

390
00:14:40,341 --> 00:14:42,012
Right. Well, except for every week,

391
00:14:42,037 --> 00:14:44,234
when we have brunch for hours.

392
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:45,104
So,

393
00:14:45,106 --> 00:14:47,789
are you really an ordained Mexican?

394
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:50,605
- Minister.
- Oh, interesting.

395
00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:52,612
Okay.

396
00:14:52,614 --> 00:14:54,113
Interesting.

397
00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:56,602
Do you feel anything yet?

398
00:14:56,627 --> 00:14:57,699
- No, do you?
- No.

399
00:14:57,723 --> 00:14:58,574
Joanie.

400
00:14:59,121 --> 00:15:00,886
Joanie, let's get married.

401
00:15:01,297 --> 00:15:02,265
Now?

402
00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:03,956
Why not? We're all here.

403
00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:05,324
Uh, I think Matt left.

404
00:15:05,326 --> 00:15:07,326
Whatever, we can do it without him.

405
00:15:07,328 --> 00:15:08,794
I'm sitting right here.

406
00:15:08,796 --> 00:15:10,997
Oh, hey, Matt. Great!

407
00:15:10,999 --> 00:15:12,965
We can't do this without you, bud.

408
00:15:12,967 --> 00:15:14,403
We-we just can't

409
00:15:14,428 --> 00:15:16,268
get married like that,

410
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:17,825
on the spur of the moment.

411
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,106
We don't even have any doves.

412
00:15:20,576 --> 00:15:22,361
Except the dead ones in the chimney.

413
00:15:22,424 --> 00:15:24,110
Mom, we don't need doves.

414
00:15:24,112 --> 00:15:25,881
Listen, we can do other things.

415
00:15:25,906 --> 00:15:26,788
Sam can take care

416
00:15:26,813 --> 00:15:28,014
of the decorations.

417
00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:29,048
Clem and Tyler, you guys

418
00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:30,182
should be in charge of the cake.

419
00:15:30,184 --> 00:15:32,051
Shouldn't we be doing music?

420
00:15:32,053 --> 00:15:33,653
Yeah, if you give us a few minutes,

421
00:15:33,655 --> 00:15:36,155
I think we're gonna play really good.

422
00:15:36,157 --> 00:15:37,657
No, I'm playing a song

423
00:15:37,659 --> 00:15:38,902
for them, as my gift.

424
00:15:38,927 --> 00:15:40,856
Matt, you should move
all of the furniture.

425
00:15:40,881 --> 00:15:42,762
- Alone?
- Oh, and, Jen,

426
00:15:42,764 --> 00:15:43,982
honey, you have white on.

427
00:15:44,007 --> 00:15:45,798
Probably want to run home and change.

428
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,600
Oh, yeah, that's a good call.

429
00:15:47,602 --> 00:15:50,903
I'm gonna do that and I'm
definitely gonna come back.

430
00:15:50,905 --> 00:15:53,339
Yay, another wedding.
I am totally getting

431
00:15:53,341 --> 00:15:56,175
my seven dollars' worth
out of this online ministry.

432
00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:58,310
Excuse me, I have to change.
I'd planned on wearing

433
00:15:58,312 --> 00:16:00,875
gardening clogs later,
but that won't work.

434
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,351
So, John, what are you
thinking... traditional vows,

435
00:16:03,376 --> 00:16:04,684
you want to write your own?

436
00:16:04,686 --> 00:16:07,441
You know, anything past "I do"

437
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,055
seems a little desperate.

438
00:16:09,057 --> 00:16:11,757
Oh, no, Dad, you, you really
got to write your own vows.

439
00:16:11,759 --> 00:16:14,232
I mean, you know how much Mom
cares about gestures like that.

440
00:16:14,257 --> 00:16:17,042
It's why I always write her
one of my Gregmark cards.

441
00:16:17,183 --> 00:16:19,165
Isn't there a song that
goes along with that card?

442
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:20,599
Yeah, it goes...

443
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:24,547
It's not that good,

444
00:16:24,572 --> 00:16:25,982
- but it's the thought that counts.
- Yeah.

445
00:16:25,983 --> 00:16:27,473
Oh!

446
00:16:27,475 --> 00:16:29,488
It's my friends Hank and
Poppy, that I married.

447
00:16:29,513 --> 00:16:31,911
Mm. A minister's work is never done.

448
00:16:31,913 --> 00:16:33,312
- Hello.
- Hey, Greg.

449
00:16:33,314 --> 00:16:34,313
Yeah?

450
00:16:34,315 --> 00:16:35,448
Help me with the vows.

451
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:36,449
I got nothing.

452
00:16:36,817 --> 00:16:38,150
Just speak from your heart.

453
00:16:38,152 --> 00:16:40,692
Well, I got the closer.
Now rhyme "Joanie"

454
00:16:40,717 --> 00:16:42,488
with "ride her like a pony."

455
00:16:42,490 --> 00:16:46,392
But, uh, how do I make
it more... romantic?

456
00:16:47,002 --> 00:16:49,228
Maybe just keep thinking.

457
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:50,563
Ah.

458
00:16:50,565 --> 00:16:52,465
I really don't see
how looking at my vows

459
00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:53,875
is gonna help you.

460
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,317
They are extremely personal.

461
00:16:55,342 --> 00:16:57,926
- I just want to study the structure.
- Oh.

462
00:16:59,625 --> 00:17:01,974
Wow, this is steamy. Well, I mean,

463
00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,844
we were planning on
eloping, so I was hoping

464
00:17:03,869 --> 00:17:05,621
I'd be reading these
things to her in private.

465
00:17:05,646 --> 00:17:07,646
More like into her privates.

466
00:17:07,648 --> 00:17:09,081
We're done here.

467
00:17:11,087 --> 00:17:13,919
I am so sorry. I had no idea.

468
00:17:14,290 --> 00:17:16,634
Hello? Hello?

469
00:17:16,659 --> 00:17:17,790
Oh...

470
00:17:18,186 --> 00:17:19,191
What's wrong?

471
00:17:19,193 --> 00:17:21,327
I can't marry your parents

472
00:17:21,329 --> 00:17:24,180
because I couldn't
even marry my friends.

473
00:17:24,275 --> 00:17:26,031
- Hmm?
- So, apparently, that certificate

474
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:29,401
I got on that Russian Web
site... it wasn't valid.

475
00:17:29,403 --> 00:17:31,537
Wait, weren't they saving
themselves for marriage?

476
00:17:31,539 --> 00:17:33,005
Yes.

477
00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:35,040
I'm gonna feel so bad
if they go to hell.

478
00:17:35,042 --> 00:17:37,042
- Oh...
- What do we do?

479
00:17:37,552 --> 00:17:39,388
- We're gonna do the right thing.
- Okay.

480
00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:41,947
We are gonna let my
parents' marriage be a lie,

481
00:17:41,949 --> 00:17:43,762
and we are gonna take
this secret with us

482
00:17:43,787 --> 00:17:44,845
to our graves.

483
00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:46,385
I have never felt closer to you.

484
00:17:46,387 --> 00:17:48,120
I love you so much.

485
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,661
Mom-Mom?

486
00:17:55,663 --> 00:17:58,264
Why are you eating my secret candy?

487
00:17:58,266 --> 00:18:00,933
Because I couldn't find
my secret cigarettes.

488
00:18:00,935 --> 00:18:02,568
I don't know what's going on with you,

489
00:18:02,570 --> 00:18:05,638
but you can't just
sit here and eat candy.

490
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,139
You're right.

491
00:18:07,141 --> 00:18:10,576
Because I should communicate
my feelings openly.

492
00:18:10,578 --> 00:18:12,978
No, because that's my candy.

493
00:18:23,917 --> 00:18:25,450
So pretty.

494
00:18:33,856 --> 00:18:35,927
Hey, your mom looks kind of tense.

495
00:18:35,929 --> 00:18:37,476
Oh, no, that's just the face she makes

496
00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:39,802
when Heather plays saxophone.

497
00:18:47,346 --> 00:18:49,847
And even though I'm
the one marrying you,

498
00:18:49,849 --> 00:18:52,149
the real marriage is in your hearts.

499
00:18:52,151 --> 00:18:53,750
Just remember that if anything,

500
00:18:53,752 --> 00:18:55,819
you know, comes up in
the future or anything.

501
00:18:55,821 --> 00:18:57,888
And now the vows. John?

502
00:18:57,890 --> 00:18:59,689
- I'm up first? 
- Uh-huh.

503
00:18:59,714 --> 00:19:03,371
I'm kind of used to being
the topper, but okay.

504
00:19:03,396 --> 00:19:07,869
Joanie, I don't have the
words to describe your beauty,

505
00:19:07,964 --> 00:19:09,563
or the way my heart

506
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,325
does a little jump every time

507
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:13,211
you walk into the room.

508
00:19:13,907 --> 00:19:15,569
Even if I did,

509
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:16,837
it wouldn't do justice

510
00:19:16,839 --> 00:19:18,866
to the love between us.

511
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,534
Yeah, Dad, let me just talk to you

512
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:21,876
- in private real quick.
- Yeah, sure.

513
00:19:21,901 --> 00:19:23,377
They're getting married, Matthew.

514
00:19:23,402 --> 00:19:25,303
Does everything have to be about you?

515
00:19:25,328 --> 00:19:27,156
Well, when he's using
my vows, yeah, Greg.

516
00:19:27,181 --> 00:19:28,292
What?

517
00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:29,483
Those are your vows?

518
00:19:29,485 --> 00:19:31,285
Oh, my gosh, those are for me?

519
00:19:31,310 --> 00:19:34,165
I-I'm sorry, Joanie.
What if I had said,

520
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:36,121
"Joanie, Joanie, ride her like a pony"?

521
00:19:36,146 --> 00:19:37,225
Stop!

522
00:19:38,232 --> 00:19:40,358
Look what you did, Matt. You ruined it.

523
00:19:40,383 --> 00:19:42,231
Oh, no, no, no, no,
Mom, really, it's okay.

524
00:19:42,256 --> 00:19:43,407
Dad can use my vows.

525
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,176
Honey, no, no, no, no, no.

526
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:47,334
John, I love you so much,

527
00:19:47,336 --> 00:19:49,470
but I'm not able to marry you.

528
00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:51,271
Thank God I'm not the only one.

529
00:19:51,672 --> 00:19:53,140
What's his name, Joanie?

530
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:55,006
It's John.

531
00:19:55,031 --> 00:19:57,219
Somehow that makes it worse.

532
00:19:57,244 --> 00:19:59,980
- No, it's you.
- What?

533
00:20:00,306 --> 00:20:02,968
You know, I've had a lot of
patients that stay together

534
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:05,038
just because they're married.

535
00:20:05,265 --> 00:20:09,357
But every day we make a
decision to be together.

536
00:20:09,794 --> 00:20:12,459
That means so much to me.

537
00:20:14,268 --> 00:20:16,630
Why do we want to mess with that?

538
00:20:17,723 --> 00:20:19,867
Well, works for me.

539
00:20:19,869 --> 00:20:21,534
Wedding's canceled, huh?

540
00:20:22,464 --> 00:20:25,100
Congratulations, you're
still not married.

541
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:27,259
- Yay!
- Kiss him if you want to.

542
00:20:29,051 --> 00:20:31,711
Ooh, best man peed on the rug.

543
00:20:42,112 --> 00:20:43,292
Do you feel anything yet?

544
00:20:43,317 --> 00:20:45,279
- Nope, I think we got ripped off.
- Yeah.

545
00:20:45,804 --> 00:20:47,527
Worst wedding ever.

546
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:51,320
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -

546
00:20:52,305 --> 00:20:58,173
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