1
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,851
GREG: Excuse me. Excuse me, hi.

2
00:00:09,867 --> 00:00:11,787
Yeah, do you have any
information about the old man

3
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:13,044
that was taken off the plane?

4
00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,612
I... I'm not sure of his last name.

5
00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:16,547
You mean the man you sent
into anaphylactic shock

6
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:18,182
so the plane had to make
an emergency landing,

7
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,885
causing me to miss my
ex-boyfriend's wedding?

8
00:00:21,311 --> 00:00:22,787
I was gonna make a scene.

9
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:25,356
Wow, well, I genuinely do want
to circle back to that story,

10
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,158
but we might miss a wedding ourselves

11
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,656
if we don't get back on that flight.

12
00:00:28,681 --> 00:00:30,093
Greg, I'm sure the man is fine.

13
00:00:30,118 --> 00:00:32,096
Actually, they took
him to St. San Diego.

14
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,140
That's all I know.

15
00:00:33,219 --> 00:00:34,718
Okay, honey, we are
going to the hospital.

16
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,554
'Cause I-I got to make this right.

17
00:00:36,556 --> 00:00:38,055
- Greg.
- Making it right!

18
00:00:38,057 --> 00:00:39,323
Seems my husband is riddled

19
00:00:39,325 --> 00:00:41,058
with both Jewish and Catholic guilt,

20
00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:43,494
even though his family is neither.

21
00:00:43,879 --> 00:00:45,049
Man, this sucks.

22
00:00:45,074 --> 00:00:46,263
I could be in Cabo making love

23
00:00:46,265 --> 00:00:48,365
to some bomb-ass carnitas right now.

24
00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:50,234
Well, look, I'm gonna be quick okay?

25
00:00:50,236 --> 00:00:51,789
I'm just gonna give
him these chocolates,

26
00:00:51,813 --> 00:00:53,118
then I'm gonna do a very respectful,

27
00:00:53,142 --> 00:00:54,572
traditional Japanese bow

28
00:00:54,574 --> 00:00:56,570
that I saw in a kung fu film, okay?

29
00:00:56,813 --> 00:00:58,498
Okay, cool. Hey, Lark.

30
00:00:58,523 --> 00:01:00,163
Remember what I told
you about old people.

31
00:01:00,414 --> 00:01:01,946
Don't touch 'em.

32
00:01:03,082 --> 00:01:05,482
- (flatlining)
- Oh, my God, he's dead.

33
00:01:06,201 --> 00:01:07,184
This is on us.

34
00:01:07,186 --> 00:01:09,297
Us? Nuh-uh, bro.

35
00:01:09,975 --> 00:01:10,955
Max.

36
00:01:10,957 --> 00:01:11,822
MAX: Huh?

37
00:01:11,824 --> 00:01:12,923
Got to keep this on.

38
00:01:12,925 --> 00:01:14,158
MAX: Oh, I hate that thing.

39
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,460
Oh, thank God. Oh, you're alive.

40
00:01:16,462 --> 00:01:18,195
(laughs)

41
00:01:18,197 --> 00:01:20,398
Wow, okay, hi.

42
00:01:20,423 --> 00:01:22,031
I'm Greg from the plane.

43
00:01:22,056 --> 00:01:24,835
I brought these to you,
uh, to say I'm sorry.

44
00:01:24,837 --> 00:01:27,087
Uh, don't worry, none
of them have coconut.

45
00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,073
I took a bite out of every one.

46
00:01:30,359 --> 00:01:31,508
Oh, hey, Art.

47
00:01:31,510 --> 00:01:33,110
This is the guy who gave me the coconut.

48
00:01:33,112 --> 00:01:36,480
Oh, Max was just telling me about you.

49
00:01:36,482 --> 00:01:38,099
Oh. All good things I hope.

50
00:01:38,124 --> 00:01:39,796
(chuckles) Well, anyways,

51
00:01:39,821 --> 00:01:41,561
I just wanted to apologize again

52
00:01:41,586 --> 00:01:42,953
for almost killing
you. Unless, of course,

53
00:01:42,955 --> 00:01:44,936
the doctors, you know,
found something worse

54
00:01:44,961 --> 00:01:46,140
when they brought you here, like cancer,

55
00:01:46,164 --> 00:01:47,562
in which case you'd
be thanking me, but...

56
00:01:47,586 --> 00:01:48,692
MAX: Thanking you?

57
00:01:48,694 --> 00:01:51,561
It took them four tries
to insert a catheter.

58
00:01:51,586 --> 00:01:53,998
It was like slamming
my finger in a door.

59
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,266
This is going about as
well as I thought it would.

60
00:01:56,268 --> 00:01:59,269
So you admit responsibility for
giving him the coconut cookie?

61
00:01:59,271 --> 00:02:01,038
Yeah, bro. I mean, come
on, that's why I'm here.

62
00:02:01,062 --> 00:02:02,279
Keep up with the convo, huh?

63
00:02:02,304 --> 00:02:03,974
Uh, actually, Greg, let's
step outside for a second.

64
00:02:03,976 --> 00:02:05,909
Okay, well, I'm just
waiting for, you know,

65
00:02:05,911 --> 00:02:07,645
a "no biggie, you're forgiven" from Max

66
00:02:07,647 --> 00:02:09,795
- and his lover here...
- Lawyer.

67
00:02:10,413 --> 00:02:11,682
- Huh?
- Damn it.

68
00:02:11,684 --> 00:02:13,617
And I should inform
you that we're suing you

69
00:02:13,619 --> 00:02:15,974
for the pain and suffering
that you've caused my client.

70
00:02:16,334 --> 00:02:17,614
And thank you for the confession,

71
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,922
which I just recorded.

72
00:02:18,924 --> 00:02:20,290
Actually, hate to break it to you,

73
00:02:20,292 --> 00:02:22,676
but according to
California Penal Code 632,

74
00:02:22,701 --> 00:02:25,129
you can't record him without
him agreeing to it first.

75
00:02:25,154 --> 00:02:27,231
That's just the way it works
in a two-party consent state,

76
00:02:27,233 --> 00:02:28,771
so you have nothing.

77
00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:33,103
You just got schooled by
my lover and my lawyer.

78
00:02:33,105 --> 00:02:34,271
Okay, let's go.

79
00:02:34,273 --> 00:02:36,273
Okay, well, uh, let me do my bow first.

80
00:02:38,802 --> 00:02:40,344
- Oh, geez, oh, I'm sorry.
- Ugh! Ow!

81
00:02:40,346 --> 00:02:41,177
I'm sorry.

82
00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,881
- Come on.
- Okay, so my job is done here.

83
00:02:43,883 --> 00:02:45,949
Uh, I apologized, you forgave me,

84
00:02:45,951 --> 00:02:46,763
so we'll just go.

85
00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:48,218
No, I'm suing you!

86
00:02:48,220 --> 00:02:49,386
Oh, come on, man,

87
00:02:49,388 --> 00:02:50,821
I already said I did it!

88
00:02:50,823 --> 00:02:52,056
Oh, my God, Greg.

89
00:02:52,058 --> 00:02:53,390
Okay, let's go.

90
00:02:56,264 --> 00:02:57,100
Greg.

91
00:02:57,125 --> 00:02:58,462
I know, okay? It's just...

92
00:02:58,464 --> 00:03:00,418
I felt so guilty,

93
00:03:00,443 --> 00:03:02,066
and I-I just wanted to make it right.

94
00:03:02,068 --> 00:03:04,805
I know, and I love that
about you, honey, I do.

95
00:03:04,830 --> 00:03:06,883
But you have to be careful, okay?

96
00:03:06,908 --> 00:03:08,307
Mommy likes having money in the bank.

97
00:03:08,331 --> 00:03:10,074
Mostly because she put it there.

98
00:03:10,076 --> 00:03:11,308
I should've just

99
00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:13,447
let what I wrote in
the card do the talking.

100
00:03:14,665 --> 00:03:16,842
You didn't put anything
incriminating in that card,

101
00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:18,166
did you?

102
00:03:25,224 --> 00:03:27,224
Yeah, okay.

103
00:03:27,846 --> 00:03:28,951
It's bad, isn't it?

104
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,027
Good thing we're flying to Mexico.

105
00:03:30,029 --> 00:03:31,850
In this case, I think
it's pronounced "fleeing."

106
00:03:31,874 --> 00:03:33,073
Eh.

107
00:03:33,999 --> 00:03:35,466
HEATHER: <i>I can't
believe this, Tim.</i>

108
00:03:35,468 --> 00:03:36,633
What did Professor Wilde say?

109
00:03:36,635 --> 00:03:38,391
He can't just drive off

110
00:03:38,416 --> 00:03:39,594
with people's luggage.

111
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,086
Uh, he said he was coming back,

112
00:03:41,111 --> 00:03:42,972
then he thought he hung up and he said,

113
00:03:42,997 --> 00:03:44,230
(English accent): "I
can't believe those idiots

114
00:03:44,254 --> 00:03:45,609
think I'm coming back."

115
00:03:45,611 --> 00:03:48,078
How are we gonna get to Uncle
Matt and Colleen's wedding?

116
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,311
We're gonna just walk home, repack

117
00:03:50,336 --> 00:03:52,169
and then we'll try and fly standby.

118
00:03:53,285 --> 00:03:54,685
Oh. Hey!

119
00:03:54,687 --> 00:03:56,787
(horn honking)

120
00:03:56,789 --> 00:03:58,889
Yeah, he did it!

121
00:03:58,891 --> 00:04:01,391
See? The day's not a total loss.

122
00:04:01,393 --> 00:04:05,028
(indistinct radio transmission)

123
00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:10,267
FIRE MARSHAL: The fire
destroyed the kitchen.

124
00:04:10,269 --> 00:04:12,583
We'll find out the cause
once it's safe to reenter.

125
00:04:12,608 --> 00:04:14,438
Why didn't the fire sprinklers go off?

126
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,707
Unfortunately, someone
turned off the water main.

127
00:04:19,364 --> 00:04:21,632
The important thing is we're all safe.

128
00:04:21,898 --> 00:04:23,624
HEATHER: Okay, you know
what? I'm gonna text Matt...

129
00:04:23,648 --> 00:04:24,993
- Yes.
- Let him know that we're not

130
00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:26,717
gonna actually make it to his wedding.

131
00:04:26,719 --> 00:04:29,119
I'll book us a hotel room right
next to the airport, we'll take

132
00:04:29,121 --> 00:04:31,488
- the first flight out in the morning.
- You will do no such thing.

133
00:04:31,490 --> 00:04:33,265
Just stay here with us.

134
00:04:33,359 --> 00:04:35,659
Our tiny home is your
tiny home. Right, Clem?

135
00:04:35,661 --> 00:04:37,035
Sure, yeah.

136
00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:39,456
Okay, you know what? I-I
don't care where we stay.

137
00:04:39,481 --> 00:04:41,143
I just want everybody to be together

138
00:04:41,168 --> 00:04:43,333
so that I know that the
people I love are safe.

139
00:04:43,335 --> 00:04:44,989
- Totally agree. Yep.
- Okay?

140
00:04:45,272 --> 00:04:46,370
I'll just meet you guys back there.

141
00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:49,475
I need a minute to mourn my
favorite room in the house.

142
00:04:49,662 --> 00:04:51,542
That fridge saw me
naked more than you did.

143
00:04:51,544 --> 00:04:53,443
Oh, I know she did.

144
00:04:54,668 --> 00:04:56,707
- Okay. Ooh.
- Sorry, sir.

145
00:04:56,732 --> 00:04:58,849
- (laughter)
- Thank you.

146
00:04:58,851 --> 00:05:00,112
(grunts)

147
00:05:00,137 --> 00:05:01,718
- Can we take your coats?
- Mm-hmm.

148
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,320
- Oh, yeah, thank you.
- Oh, yeah.

149
00:05:03,322 --> 00:05:05,355
Sorry, kiddo. Just get that there.

150
00:05:05,357 --> 00:05:06,696
- Oh, ooh.
- Oh, sorry, oh, sorry.

151
00:05:06,721 --> 00:05:08,425
Oh, sorry. Okay...

152
00:05:08,427 --> 00:05:11,438
- If you could just pull that off.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.

153
00:05:11,463 --> 00:05:12,262
(sighs)

154
00:05:12,264 --> 00:05:13,497
Ooh!

155
00:05:14,463 --> 00:05:15,399
Where are we gonna put them?

156
00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:16,700
I don't know.

157
00:05:21,674 --> 00:05:24,427
HEATHER: You know, everything we need,

158
00:05:24,452 --> 00:05:28,212
we have here in this...
I'm gonna say kitchen?

159
00:05:28,214 --> 00:05:29,847
Oh, no, no, no, um, I'm in the kitchen.

160
00:05:29,849 --> 00:05:31,448
- You're in the living room.
- Oh.

161
00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:32,783
I'm in hell.

162
00:05:32,785 --> 00:05:35,186
Okay, hey, you know, we got each other.

163
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:35,954
And that's all that matters.

164
00:05:35,979 --> 00:05:37,245
- Ow!
- Oh!

165
00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:40,624
♪ Clementine. ♪

166
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:42,297
Nope.

167
00:05:42,798 --> 00:05:45,031
♪ Clementine. ♪

168
00:05:45,631 --> 00:05:46,697
Nope.

169
00:05:46,699 --> 00:05:48,699
♪ Clementine. ♪

170
00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:50,000
Nope.

171
00:05:50,002 --> 00:05:52,135
♪ Clementine ♪

172
00:05:52,579 --> 00:05:53,498
There it is.

173
00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:54,722
♪ Clem... ♪

174
00:05:54,782 --> 00:05:55,739
Wait, what was it again?

175
00:05:55,741 --> 00:05:57,341
What are you doing there, bud?

176
00:05:57,618 --> 00:06:00,177
Oh, I'm just noodling. It relaxes me.

177
00:06:00,179 --> 00:06:01,939
Yeah, why don't you go
noodle somewhere else?

178
00:06:02,790 --> 00:06:04,008
- Hmm?
- Fine.

179
00:06:04,033 --> 00:06:05,415
I'll just go to the breakfast nook.

180
00:06:05,417 --> 00:06:07,251
All right.

181
00:06:07,253 --> 00:06:08,384
Ah!

182
00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:11,154
Honey, listen, I just... ooh, God...

183
00:06:11,156 --> 00:06:12,556
Listen, honey.

184
00:06:12,558 --> 00:06:15,225
I want you to remember that
our house almost burned down.

185
00:06:15,227 --> 00:06:16,546
- I know.
- Okay?

186
00:06:16,571 --> 00:06:17,961
I just need some space.

187
00:06:17,963 --> 00:06:19,196
I know. I know you do.

188
00:06:19,198 --> 00:06:21,665
- I know.
- (grunts)

189
00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:22,667
(sighs)

190
00:06:23,969 --> 00:06:26,470
(Tyler continues playing guitar poorly)

191
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:34,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

192
00:06:35,399 --> 00:06:38,066
(groaning and murmuring)

193
00:06:38,350 --> 00:06:39,783
I'm not...

194
00:06:39,785 --> 00:06:41,618
- Okay.
- SAMANTHA: Get off me.

195
00:06:41,643 --> 00:06:43,117
SOPHIA: You're hogging the bed.

196
00:06:43,142 --> 00:06:44,388
SAMANTHA: You're tiny.

197
00:06:44,390 --> 00:06:45,856
- (sighs)
- Can we switch?

198
00:06:45,858 --> 00:06:47,126
Your dad's not wearing bottoms.

199
00:06:47,151 --> 00:06:49,025
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay.

200
00:06:49,595 --> 00:06:50,894
(sighs)

201
00:06:50,896 --> 00:06:51,895
(grunts): Okay.

202
00:06:51,897 --> 00:06:52,930
Okay. (Groans)

203
00:06:52,932 --> 00:06:54,064
- Okay.
- Ah!

204
00:06:54,066 --> 00:06:55,232
- Wh-Whoa, wh-whoa, oh, yeah.
- Sorry.

205
00:06:55,234 --> 00:06:56,753
- Okay, that's...
- Hey. Ah.

206
00:06:56,778 --> 00:06:58,648
- Watch your...
- Switch spots.

207
00:06:58,673 --> 00:07:00,291
You know I'm an
aggressive outside spoon.

208
00:07:00,316 --> 00:07:01,104
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

209
00:07:01,106 --> 00:07:02,072
- Come on.
- Okay, handsy.

210
00:07:02,097 --> 00:07:03,064
- Over here.
- Sorry.

211
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,508
- Oh.
- There you go. Here we go.

212
00:07:04,510 --> 00:07:07,477
- Oh, hi.
- (Tim grunts)

213
00:07:07,706 --> 00:07:08,906
- Okay.
- (grunts)

214
00:07:08,931 --> 00:07:11,081
Let me get my arm. Sorry.

215
00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:13,335
- Ow.
- Can we switch?

216
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,385
You know how I wake up.

217
00:07:15,387 --> 00:07:17,095
(gasps) Yeah. Yep.

218
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,323
Would you guys just shut up?!

219
00:07:19,325 --> 00:07:21,122
We're trying to fall asleep down here!

220
00:07:21,193 --> 00:07:23,239
Hey, don't tell me to
shut up in my own home.

221
00:07:23,264 --> 00:07:24,747
HEATHER: Hey. Your home...

222
00:07:24,772 --> 00:07:26,325
- that's in our yard!
- (groans)

223
00:07:26,350 --> 00:07:28,594
Fine, then we will
move it to the driveway.

224
00:07:28,619 --> 00:07:30,052
SOPHIA: I'd move it to the ocean.

225
00:07:30,077 --> 00:07:33,003
That's the one place
that Dad can't burn down.

226
00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:34,677
Not fair! This is not my fault!

227
00:07:34,702 --> 00:07:36,092
Chocolate in the washing machine,

228
00:07:36,117 --> 00:07:37,092
fine, that's me.

229
00:07:37,117 --> 00:07:39,843
Family of squirrels living in
our cedar closet, I'm guilty.

230
00:07:39,845 --> 00:07:41,211
Chocolate in the dryer,

231
00:07:41,213 --> 00:07:43,166
yes, me again! But not this!

232
00:07:43,191 --> 00:07:46,183
You guys are so embarrassing!
No one likes you.

233
00:07:46,185 --> 00:07:47,884
- You're embarrassing!
- Tim!

234
00:07:47,886 --> 00:07:50,053
What? She won't remember
this, she's on her period.

235
00:07:50,055 --> 00:07:51,922
That's not how periods work!

236
00:07:51,924 --> 00:07:53,156
Yeah, you'd know.

237
00:07:53,158 --> 00:07:54,424
(knocking on door)

238
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,915
There's a stranger at
the door with an ax.

239
00:07:59,189 --> 00:08:00,530
Come in!

240
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:03,500
Sorry, guys. Don't mean to interrupt.

241
00:08:03,502 --> 00:08:05,369
I came to let you know
the cause of the fire.

242
00:08:05,371 --> 00:08:06,870
The dryer overheated because there was

243
00:08:06,872 --> 00:08:08,472
a chocolate wrapper jammed in it.

244
00:08:08,474 --> 00:08:10,440
- Oh, dude.
- What?

245
00:08:10,442 --> 00:08:11,942
BOTH: Dad!

246
00:08:12,137 --> 00:08:14,277
Well, that could have been anyone.

247
00:08:15,051 --> 00:08:16,747
The important thing
is we're all together.

248
00:08:16,749 --> 00:08:17,809
(groans)

249
00:08:18,951 --> 00:08:20,350
You know what, guys?

250
00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:22,886
I really am kind of loving this.

251
00:08:22,888 --> 00:08:24,421
(chuckles)

252
00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:29,351
This is a real show dog. Watch
her prance; She's a natural.

253
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:33,938
Prancy prance, prance, prance.
We got a ribbon-winner here!

254
00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:36,861
(barks)

255
00:08:36,886 --> 00:08:40,150
Help! My dog ate my son's wedding ring.

256
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,895
Sir, if you'll just
sign in and take a seat,

257
00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:43,263
someone will be right with you.

258
00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:45,599
Sign in? But-but she could die.

259
00:08:45,601 --> 00:08:49,202
Oh, are these suckers for everybody?

260
00:08:49,204 --> 00:08:50,098
JOAN: Honey,

261
00:08:50,123 --> 00:08:52,623
don't panic. I'll get us in there.

262
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,574
We have to get to Mexico.

263
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:57,444
Who knows how many more
weddings Matt will have?

264
00:08:59,715 --> 00:09:03,583
I must say, that is
quite a magnificent bitch.

265
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:06,486
Oh, well, she's annoying me
right now, but yeah, she's okay.

266
00:09:06,488 --> 00:09:09,967
- (laughing): I meant your dog, silly.
- Oh...

267
00:09:09,992 --> 00:09:13,026
- Oh...
- She's serving some face and body.

268
00:09:13,028 --> 00:09:15,362
I posted a picture of
her looking out of a boot

269
00:09:15,364 --> 00:09:16,430
on the Internet.

270
00:09:16,432 --> 00:09:17,426
- I got four likes...
- Oh!

271
00:09:17,451 --> 00:09:18,919
And an invitation to a party

272
00:09:18,944 --> 00:09:21,409
from this Russian gal. Mm-hmm.

273
00:09:21,434 --> 00:09:23,370
Turned out to be a dude, though.

274
00:09:23,372 --> 00:09:24,438
(laughs)

275
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,956
With that lush fur...

276
00:09:25,981 --> 00:09:27,144
- Mm-hmm.
- Powerful haunches

277
00:09:27,169 --> 00:09:29,291
and perfectly aligned teats,

278
00:09:30,098 --> 00:09:32,179
she has "Best in Show"
written all over her.

279
00:09:32,181 --> 00:09:34,247
You think she has good teats?

280
00:09:34,249 --> 00:09:36,683
Oh, she got the greatest teats.

281
00:09:36,685 --> 00:09:38,452
And I should know.

282
00:09:38,454 --> 00:09:40,821
I've been showing
dogs for over 30 years.

283
00:09:40,823 --> 00:09:41,655
Whoa.

284
00:09:41,657 --> 00:09:42,623
I've had bitches win

285
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,522
from Southampton to Sarsaparilla.

286
00:09:46,116 --> 00:09:47,436
Isn't that a drink?

287
00:09:47,741 --> 00:09:50,864
They are backed up. They're
separating Siamese cats.

288
00:09:50,866 --> 00:09:53,367
Please, Joanie, let
the magical little man

289
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:56,393
- with the dog bone vest talk, huh?
- Oh...

290
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:58,931
Poof. (Laughs)

291
00:09:59,011 --> 00:10:00,540
That was an awful story.

292
00:10:00,542 --> 00:10:04,504
No man should like collecting
dog sperm that much.

293
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:05,588
Or at all!

294
00:10:05,613 --> 00:10:06,513
That little man

295
00:10:06,515 --> 00:10:09,349
has introduced me and
Tank to a whole new world.

296
00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:10,417
I mean,

297
00:10:10,419 --> 00:10:11,551
this is a real show dog.

298
00:10:11,553 --> 00:10:12,486
Oh!

299
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:13,587
DOCTOR: Hi.

300
00:10:13,589 --> 00:10:14,721
Oh, hey, Doc.

301
00:10:14,723 --> 00:10:17,276
(sighs) I'm sorry to say...

302
00:10:17,479 --> 00:10:18,859
she didn't make it.

303
00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:21,038
She's right here.

304
00:10:21,063 --> 00:10:23,314
Oh! Your dog swallowed the ring.

305
00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:24,978
- JOHN: Yeah.
- Oh... (chuckles)

306
00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:26,700
Remind me when I'm done
here to call the little girl

307
00:10:26,702 --> 00:10:28,167
who brought the bunny. (Chuckles)

308
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:29,703
We need to get the ring.

309
00:10:29,705 --> 00:10:31,872
We're on our way to our son's wedding.

310
00:10:31,874 --> 00:10:33,974
Oh, I was on my way
to real medical school

311
00:10:33,976 --> 00:10:35,442
until my parents ran out of money.

312
00:10:35,444 --> 00:10:38,548
So... (laughs) we all have our stories.

313
00:10:38,573 --> 00:10:39,846
Hmm. Anyway, uh,

314
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,516
we just need to make a
little incision in her belly.

315
00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:44,117
Well, couldn't you make it real small?

316
00:10:44,119 --> 00:10:45,752
Uh, she's a show dog.

317
00:10:45,777 --> 00:10:48,491
Apparently, she's got
some very special teats.

318
00:10:48,516 --> 00:10:50,757
Hmm. Hard for me to
judge without seeing her

319
00:10:50,759 --> 00:10:51,892
in a cheerleading outfit.

320
00:10:51,894 --> 00:10:53,160
- (chuckles)
- But I do know

321
00:10:53,162 --> 00:10:56,062
she won't be winning any
awards if she has a scar.

322
00:10:56,064 --> 00:10:58,298
Doc, are there any other options?

323
00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:01,201
Well, you could wait and see
if she passes it on her own.

324
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,335
- We'll wait.
- But

325
00:11:02,337 --> 00:11:04,037
I should warn you,
if the ring moves into

326
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:04,937
- the dog's colon...
- Mm-hmm?

327
00:11:04,962 --> 00:11:06,328
The surgery gets more complicated.

328
00:11:06,353 --> 00:11:08,141
Do you mind if we step outside

329
00:11:08,143 --> 00:11:09,276
and just discuss this?

330
00:11:09,278 --> 00:11:10,304
Uh, I don't mind at all.

331
00:11:10,329 --> 00:11:13,296
I actually have to find
a chameleon that I lost.

332
00:11:14,650 --> 00:11:15,849
Oh.

333
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:18,251
(tires screech)

334
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,288
John, I can't talk to
you when we're driving

335
00:11:21,290 --> 00:11:23,123
around the parking lot
at 50 miles an hour.

336
00:11:23,125 --> 00:11:24,617
We don't need to talk, Joanie.

337
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,527
We need to get this ring
out of Tank without surgery.

338
00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:29,262
You know driving in circles always

339
00:11:29,264 --> 00:11:30,297
<i>makes her throw up.</i>

340
00:11:30,299 --> 00:11:32,134
I don't understand your obsession now

341
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,210
with dog shows.

342
00:11:33,235 --> 00:11:35,438
It's like when you became a Hare Krishna

343
00:11:35,463 --> 00:11:37,969
and then changed your mind
halfway through the haircut.

344
00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:39,510
JOHN: <i>Oh, come on, Joanie.</i>

345
00:11:39,535 --> 00:11:41,741
Ever since I retired, I've been...

346
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,777
kind of just, like, feeling weird.

347
00:11:45,467 --> 00:11:48,317
I mean, you got your book,
you-you've got your patients,

348
00:11:48,342 --> 00:11:49,803
children you love.

349
00:11:49,805 --> 00:11:52,939
What have I got? A
wooden puppet and PTSD.

350
00:11:52,941 --> 00:11:54,741
No, you've got me!

351
00:11:54,898 --> 00:11:59,167
And-and we'll find something,
uh, fun that we can do together.

352
00:11:59,192 --> 00:12:02,793
They don't give out ribbons for
spending time with your wife.

353
00:12:02,818 --> 00:12:05,574
Oh, but they should
give you one for being

354
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:08,221
the world's biggest pain in the ass!

355
00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:10,048
Hold the wheel, Joanie.

356
00:12:10,435 --> 00:12:11,800
- What's...?
- I-I forgot

357
00:12:11,825 --> 00:12:14,003
I'm the one that gets sick
on these curvy car rides.

358
00:12:14,028 --> 00:12:15,067
- (window rolls down)
- All right, honey.

359
00:12:15,091 --> 00:12:16,663
(groaning)

360
00:12:17,513 --> 00:12:20,620
Sorry, buddy. You're
still gonna be my champ.

361
00:12:20,645 --> 00:12:22,464
I just need to
administer the anesthesia,

362
00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:23,941
and then we can get her into surgery.

363
00:12:23,965 --> 00:12:25,199
What do you think, uh, Tank weighs?

364
00:12:25,223 --> 00:12:26,956
Like, two turtles?

365
00:12:26,981 --> 00:12:29,145
- I don't know.
- Mm.

366
00:12:29,842 --> 00:12:30,674
JOAN: No!

367
00:12:30,699 --> 00:12:32,545
Stop! Y-You can't do this.

368
00:12:32,547 --> 00:12:33,613
- (inhales sharply)
- JOHN: Hmm?

369
00:12:33,615 --> 00:12:34,887
You saw the Yelp reviews?

370
00:12:34,912 --> 00:12:37,484
No, I can't take away
my husband's dream.

371
00:12:38,410 --> 00:12:40,787
- Oh...
- No, honey,

372
00:12:41,187 --> 00:12:43,600
I want you to have something
that you're passionate about.

373
00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:44,968
Oh...

374
00:12:45,809 --> 00:12:46,927
Hey, look.

375
00:12:46,952 --> 00:12:48,725
- (John clears throat)
- Your dog did my job for me.

376
00:12:48,749 --> 00:12:50,597
She pooped it out!

377
00:12:51,179 --> 00:12:53,054
Do I smell good news?

378
00:12:53,079 --> 00:12:56,847
- Mm-hmm.
- She's gonna be pooping blue ribbons.

379
00:12:58,925 --> 00:13:01,141
No! You never give up!
What are you talking about?

380
00:13:01,143 --> 00:13:03,323
You-You've gotten Russian
people to like you.

381
00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:04,885
This is not something that can be fixed

382
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,785
by asking how vodka is made.

383
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,557
I can't believe we missed
our own rehearsal dinner.

384
00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:16,325
It's gonna be fine.

385
00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:17,760
We'll get a flight first
thing in the morning,

386
00:13:17,762 --> 00:13:20,095
and tonight we'll get a
free night at this hotel,

387
00:13:20,097 --> 00:13:22,364
compliments of the airline.

388
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,834
We can't even get into our
room for another three hours

389
00:13:24,836 --> 00:13:26,468
because it was flooded with sewage.

390
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:29,471
Yes, but we have these
free-drink vouchers.

391
00:13:29,473 --> 00:13:32,741
But they're not valid unless
we purchase a third entree.

392
00:13:33,492 --> 00:13:36,545
Yes, but we're together.

393
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:40,279
And you're in love. I mean,
I think you're in love.

394
00:13:40,304 --> 00:13:42,852
I can only hear every
sixth word you're saying.

395
00:13:42,854 --> 00:13:45,421
"Every night only, Buddy Daiquiri."

396
00:13:45,423 --> 00:13:47,429
Yeah, it's a stage name.
I thought it sounded more

397
00:13:47,454 --> 00:13:48,520
like a lounge musician.

398
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:50,559
My real name's Joey Midnight.

399
00:13:50,561 --> 00:13:51,532
COLLEEN: Oh, yeah.

400
00:13:51,557 --> 00:13:53,195
Hey, here's one you might like.

401
00:13:53,197 --> 00:13:55,197
(playing "Hold On to the Nights")

402
00:13:56,934 --> 00:13:59,835
(whistling)

403
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:06,041
See? (Chuckles) This place is romantic.

404
00:14:06,043 --> 00:14:08,177
Yeah.

405
00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:10,646
Hey, where'd you get the hot hooker?

406
00:14:11,634 --> 00:14:13,816
- I've been bottom-feeding.
- Hey, baby,

407
00:14:13,818 --> 00:14:16,952
you're just lucky you found
someone who takes bitcoin.

408
00:14:19,357 --> 00:14:20,370
COLLEEN: Uh-huh.

409
00:14:20,395 --> 00:14:22,458
Well, they had one stale oat muffin left

410
00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:24,093
for both of us to share. (Clears throat)

411
00:14:24,095 --> 00:14:25,995
- Okay, thank you.
- Any luck with the airlines?

412
00:14:25,997 --> 00:14:28,016
No. It's overbooked.

413
00:14:28,699 --> 00:14:30,308
And apparently my
family is already causing

414
00:14:30,332 --> 00:14:32,001
major drama at the resort.

415
00:14:32,557 --> 00:14:34,578
- Mom and Dad got back together.
- Oh.

416
00:14:34,603 --> 00:14:36,033
- In front of everyone.
- (chuckles)

417
00:14:36,058 --> 00:14:38,558
They said that the Lazy River
did half the work for them.

418
00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:39,375
Oh, good.

419
00:14:39,377 --> 00:14:41,477
Well, the cherry on
top of our crap sundae

420
00:14:41,479 --> 00:14:43,125
is that Tank ate your wedding ring.

421
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:44,780
Oh, how cute.

422
00:14:44,782 --> 00:14:46,315
Now she'll sparkle from the inside.

423
00:14:46,317 --> 00:14:48,517
Oh, it gets worse. Not a
single member of my family

424
00:14:48,519 --> 00:14:50,596
actually even managed
to make it to Mexico.

425
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,488
Well, it's the thought that counts.

426
00:14:52,490 --> 00:14:53,722
I don't know how you do it. (Laughs)

427
00:14:53,724 --> 00:14:54,998
I just don't know how you do it.

428
00:14:55,022 --> 00:14:56,959
I mean, it's like this
impenetrable wall of sunshine.

429
00:14:56,961 --> 00:14:58,460
Uh-huh.

430
00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,373
What are you doing?

431
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,596
Oh, I'm just gonna

432
00:15:00,598 --> 00:15:02,965
- hang up my wedding dress.
- Okay.

433
00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:07,197
Colleen, honey, wait.
No, that's not the closet.

434
00:15:07,222 --> 00:15:09,294
- (screaming)
- (splash in pool)

435
00:15:11,776 --> 00:15:14,176
- What's happening?
- We're not getting married, Matt.

436
00:15:14,178 --> 00:15:16,211
- What?
- Look at the signs.

437
00:15:16,213 --> 00:15:17,370
They are all around us.

438
00:15:17,395 --> 00:15:19,048
The universe doesn't
want us to get married.

439
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:21,317
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no. Come on, no, no, no.

440
00:15:21,319 --> 00:15:22,770
You can't go dark. You can't go dark.

441
00:15:22,794 --> 00:15:23,860
That's my thing.

442
00:15:23,885 --> 00:15:25,531
No, you're the one who goes "Hi-ee!"

443
00:15:25,556 --> 00:15:27,022
I got nothin'.

444
00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:29,527
Yeah.

445
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:33,262
I'm just gonna stay here and
drink this free champagne.

446
00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:37,733
It's bubble bath.

447
00:15:39,113 --> 00:15:40,575
(piano playing)

448
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,693
- Pastry?
- Uh-uh.

449
00:15:44,256 --> 00:15:46,888
Shouldn't you and your
fiancée be headed to Mexico?

450
00:15:47,693 --> 00:15:48,935
Yeah.

451
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,498
Apparently the universe
doesn't want us in Mexico.

452
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,533
The universe wants us here.

453
00:15:54,516 --> 00:15:55,648
Well, it doesn't mean the universe

454
00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:57,350
doesn't want you getting married.

455
00:15:59,196 --> 00:16:00,820
You gonna finish that bagel?

456
00:16:08,889 --> 00:16:11,757
- (headboard banging on wall)
- (woman moaning)

457
00:16:11,782 --> 00:16:13,509
MAN (laughing): Oh, yeah.

458
00:16:13,884 --> 00:16:15,301
Oh, yeah.

459
00:16:15,303 --> 00:16:16,360
(laughs)

460
00:16:17,772 --> 00:16:20,306
(elevator bell dings)

461
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,313
("Right Here Waiting" playing)

462
00:16:27,315 --> 00:16:30,016
(gasps)

463
00:16:34,622 --> 00:16:36,415
(chuckles)

464
00:16:38,829 --> 00:16:41,461
♪ Wherever you go ♪

465
00:16:41,463 --> 00:16:44,030
♪ Whatever you do ♪

466
00:16:44,032 --> 00:16:49,836
♪ I will be right
here waiting for you ♪

467
00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:53,019
♪ Whatever it takes ♪

468
00:16:53,086 --> 00:16:55,308
♪ Or how my heart breaks... ♪

469
00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:56,576
Did you do all this?

470
00:16:56,578 --> 00:16:59,012
- Yeah.
- ♪ Right here waiting... ♪

471
00:16:59,014 --> 00:17:01,547
Nothing is gonna stop me from
marrying the love of my life.

472
00:17:01,549 --> 00:17:02,982
Oh.

473
00:17:02,984 --> 00:17:04,212
Now, why don't you go put on your dress?

474
00:17:04,236 --> 00:17:05,996
I had the staff fish it out of the pool.

475
00:17:06,421 --> 00:17:08,388
No way. I'm not taking the chance

476
00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:10,423
of letting anything derail us.

477
00:17:10,448 --> 00:17:11,777
Okay.

478
00:17:11,802 --> 00:17:14,293
♪ All the times ♪

479
00:17:14,295 --> 00:17:17,864
♪ That I thought
would last somehow... ♪

480
00:17:17,866 --> 00:17:19,265
Now I get to say something

481
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:21,200
I didn't get to say
at your first wedding.

482
00:17:21,202 --> 00:17:24,040
- What?
- She's the one.

483
00:17:24,954 --> 00:17:26,563
You did say that.

484
00:17:27,542 --> 00:17:29,409
Well, this time I mean it.

485
00:17:29,735 --> 00:17:31,411
May I have this honor?

486
00:17:32,147 --> 00:17:33,029
You may.

487
00:17:33,054 --> 00:17:35,403
♪ Or how my heart breaks ♪

488
00:17:35,428 --> 00:17:41,076
♪ I will be right
here waiting for you. ♪

489
00:17:47,796 --> 00:17:48,861
Hi.

490
00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:50,543
Hi-ee.

491
00:17:51,442 --> 00:17:53,856
Uh, Dad, do you have Matt's ring?

492
00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:55,768
Matt.

493
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:58,037
Oh, isn't this romantic?

494
00:17:58,039 --> 00:17:59,472
Keep that away from Tank.

495
00:17:59,474 --> 00:18:01,741
I'm not fishing it
out of her poop again.

496
00:18:03,611 --> 00:18:04,973
(whining)

497
00:18:06,114 --> 00:18:07,380
GREG: Beautiful.

498
00:18:07,382 --> 00:18:08,755
Now, Jen, you have the ring?

499
00:18:09,402 --> 00:18:10,863
Forever's a long time.

500
00:18:11,553 --> 00:18:13,715
- Okay.
- Thank you.

501
00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:16,089
Colleen, just put the
ring on Matt's finger.

502
00:18:19,227 --> 00:18:20,827
- Babe?
- Yeah?

503
00:18:20,829 --> 00:18:22,029
I ordered nachos.

504
00:18:22,054 --> 00:18:23,796
Do you think they know where I am?

505
00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:26,872
We're now ready to begin the vows.

506
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:27,567
All right.

507
00:18:27,569 --> 00:18:30,210
So, Matthew, I choose you to start.

508
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:31,765
Oh, no, you don't
actually choose the order

509
00:18:31,789 --> 00:18:32,733
that it's supposed to go in.

510
00:18:32,758 --> 00:18:35,541
I'm in charge, so just begin, please.

511
00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:38,849
Colleen, I never thought

512
00:18:38,874 --> 00:18:41,881
that we'd end up here,
in an airport hotel,

513
00:18:41,883 --> 00:18:43,416
getting married in
front of a luggage rack,

514
00:18:43,418 --> 00:18:46,018
a prostitute, and only
some of our family,

515
00:18:46,799 --> 00:18:48,521
but right now this is the most
beautiful place in the world

516
00:18:48,523 --> 00:18:50,189
because you're here.

517
00:18:50,822 --> 00:18:51,691
Is that it?

518
00:18:51,693 --> 00:18:53,126
I will punch you in the face.

519
00:18:53,128 --> 00:18:54,527
Well, I'm sorry, I
didn't want to interrupt.

520
00:18:54,529 --> 00:18:56,330
I wasn't... it was...
a genuine question.

521
00:18:56,355 --> 00:18:59,198
I wasn't sure if you were
finished or... or not.

522
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,185
You want to know what?
Colleen, why don't you...

523
00:19:01,210 --> 00:19:03,349
- Okay, I'll go.
- Say your vows, yeah.

524
00:19:03,411 --> 00:19:07,373
Matt, this is not the
wedding I expected,

525
00:19:07,375 --> 00:19:10,143
but I never expected to
fall so deeply in love.

526
00:19:10,544 --> 00:19:12,010
Or to find someone who makes

527
00:19:12,035 --> 00:19:14,457
every setback feel like an adventure.

528
00:19:14,902 --> 00:19:15,781
This has been

529
00:19:15,783 --> 00:19:17,650
an insane and bumpy road,

530
00:19:17,652 --> 00:19:19,924
but I would take it again and again,

531
00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:23,589
knowing it ends here, standing with you.

532
00:19:25,302 --> 00:19:26,302
I'm done.

533
00:19:26,639 --> 00:19:28,049
It's... okay.

534
00:19:28,272 --> 00:19:30,837
Well, now, with the power vested in me,

535
00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,896
I can now choose to marry you or not,

536
00:19:33,921 --> 00:19:35,935
because I'm the only person in this room

537
00:19:35,937 --> 00:19:38,190
that has the power
to make that decision,

538
00:19:38,215 --> 00:19:40,039
and I take it very seriously,

539
00:19:40,041 --> 00:19:41,340
the fact that I'm in control

540
00:19:41,365 --> 00:19:42,975
- of your lives right now.
- Greg.

541
00:19:42,977 --> 00:19:44,010
Yeah, sorry.

542
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,816
I now pronounce you

543
00:19:46,841 --> 00:19:48,314
man and wife.

544
00:19:48,316 --> 00:19:50,316
- Come on, bring it in, buddy.
- Oh...

545
00:19:50,341 --> 00:19:51,851
I am so sorry that I tanked this,

546
00:19:51,853 --> 00:19:53,452
but I'm just incredibly nervous.

547
00:19:53,454 --> 00:19:55,154
Okay, hey, man, can we
talk about this later?

548
00:19:55,156 --> 00:19:56,389
I'd like to kiss my wife now.

549
00:19:56,391 --> 00:19:58,558
- Yes, of course, yeah, sorry.
- Get out of here.

550
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,026
(giggles)

551
00:20:00,028 --> 00:20:01,327
(cheers and applause)

552
00:20:01,329 --> 00:20:04,463
("Right Here Waiting" playing)

553
00:20:19,581 --> 00:20:21,480
(laughing)

554
00:20:21,482 --> 00:20:23,282
- I'm your wife.
- Yeah, you are!

555
00:20:23,284 --> 00:20:25,184
Whoo-hoo!

556
00:20:25,186 --> 00:20:27,987
- I love you so much.
- I love you.

557
00:20:28,348 --> 00:20:30,790
Don't tell me the universe
doesn't want us together.

558
00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:34,427
- (railing snaps)
- (Colleen cries out)

559
00:20:34,429 --> 00:20:35,995
(splash in pool)

560
00:20:38,593 --> 00:20:39,823
Colleen?

561
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:45,206
Synced and corrected by Octavia
www.addic7ed.com

561
00:20:46,305 --> 00:20:52,588
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