1 00:00:02,871 --> 00:00:04,231 Hello, Dwarves for Hire. 2 00:00:06,043 --> 00:00:07,962 'My name is Warwick Davis. 3 00:00:07,991 --> 00:00:08,750 'I'm an actor...' 4 00:00:08,762 --> 00:00:10,778 He smells. I think you'll find it's the bin. 5 00:00:10,882 --> 00:00:11,883 'An entrepreneur...' 6 00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:13,860 Signed DVDs of The Office, only 30 quid. 7 00:00:13,861 --> 00:00:15,979 'Soon to be divorced...' I wanted to be a nurse. 8 00:00:15,980 --> 00:00:17,739 Do we really need any more nurses? 9 00:00:17,740 --> 00:00:19,819 'Oh, and I've got a massive tax bill...' 10 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,980 Would you be better off dead? Yes! 11 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:34,664 I'm out flat-hunting this morning. 12 00:00:34,865 --> 00:00:37,465 Got tired of crashing with friends. 13 00:00:38,332 --> 00:00:42,211 I'm 41 years old, I need a new crib. 14 00:00:43,417 --> 00:00:45,736 Estate agents will always try and screw you. 15 00:00:45,753 --> 00:00:49,632 Now, you want them to think they need you a lot more than you need them. 16 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:53,672 You know, if they say, "Nice place, isn't it?", you go, "Hmm, not sure." 17 00:00:53,673 --> 00:00:57,192 Even if it's perfect, always find a problem. You understand? 18 00:00:57,193 --> 00:00:58,752 Yep. 19 00:00:58,753 --> 00:01:00,592 This is how we'll play it. 20 00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:04,032 You're my right-hand woman and you ask all the questions. 21 00:01:04,033 --> 00:01:06,992 It'll seem like I'm too important even to talk. 22 00:01:06,993 --> 00:01:09,432 No-one knows what I'm thinking. 23 00:01:09,433 --> 00:01:15,112 As far as the estate agent's concerned, I'm just some cool dude with short arms and deep pockets. 24 00:01:15,113 --> 00:01:16,473 Yeah. 25 00:01:35,753 --> 00:01:37,152 Lovely, isn't it? 26 00:01:37,153 --> 00:01:39,032 Yeah. 27 00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:40,112 No. 28 00:01:40,113 --> 00:01:41,312 No? 29 00:01:41,313 --> 00:01:43,872 No, but it's him you've got to please. 30 00:01:43,873 --> 00:01:45,232 What do you think? 31 00:01:45,233 --> 00:01:49,712 No-one knows what he's thinking. He doesn't even know what he's thinking. 32 00:01:49,713 --> 00:01:53,472 I know! He knows. For him to know and you to find out. 33 00:01:53,473 --> 00:01:55,192 And don't charge him too much, 34 00:01:55,193 --> 00:01:58,432 cos he's got tiny little arms and so he can't reach his pockets. 35 00:01:58,433 --> 00:02:00,872 That's not what I said. I said that, oh, er... 36 00:02:00,873 --> 00:02:02,353 I've got short arms and deep pockets. 37 00:02:04,353 --> 00:02:07,993 Shall we have a look round the rest of the flat? Mm-hmm. 38 00:02:09,113 --> 00:02:10,232 Problems. 39 00:02:10,233 --> 00:02:12,672 What? Find a problem, remember? 40 00:02:12,673 --> 00:02:15,072 Sorry, I can see some problems. 41 00:02:15,073 --> 00:02:18,152 Problems? Like what? 42 00:02:18,153 --> 00:02:20,912 Er, oh, um... 43 00:02:20,913 --> 00:02:25,152 This corner here, sharp corner. 44 00:02:25,153 --> 00:02:28,232 What if he, um, runs into that while he's playing? 45 00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:30,192 Playing? Playing. 46 00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:33,272 Well, no, what, what she means is, is, is that I... 47 00:02:33,273 --> 00:02:37,632 I'm a player, you know, like a playboy player, yeah? 48 00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:39,672 But don't worry, there'll be no trouble. 49 00:02:39,673 --> 00:02:42,872 Settled down now, respectable, no more chasing the girls. 50 00:02:42,873 --> 00:02:44,672 He was always chasing the girls. 51 00:02:44,673 --> 00:02:45,992 Mm-hmm. Was he? 52 00:02:45,993 --> 00:02:49,273 Yeah. But not in a scary little rapey way. 53 00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:53,392 And he wouldn't do anything if he caught them. 54 00:02:53,393 --> 00:02:57,072 I mean, there's nothing of any importance he could reach on a girl, anyway. 55 00:02:57,073 --> 00:03:03,072 Unless they fell over while he was chasing them, then he could touch them everywhere. 56 00:03:03,073 --> 00:03:05,273 Weren't we're having a look round? Yeah. Shall we just... 57 00:03:05,274 --> 00:03:08,432 Oh, there's a kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 58 00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:11,552 It's all mod-cons. 59 00:03:11,553 --> 00:03:13,673 Fan-assisted oven. 60 00:03:15,873 --> 00:03:17,712 OK. 61 00:03:17,713 --> 00:03:20,032 Fridge freezer, very big, lots of room. 62 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,592 Is this microwave radioactive? Sorry? 63 00:03:23,593 --> 00:03:25,472 Are microwaves radioactive? 64 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,912 What's that? That's a drainer for plates. Oh! 65 00:03:28,913 --> 00:03:30,913 Do you like your job? 66 00:03:32,033 --> 00:03:35,232 It's great, especially when you're showing flats like this. 67 00:03:35,233 --> 00:03:38,632 At the point that we do take the house... Mm-hmm, the flat, mm-hmm. 68 00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:43,072 Do you think that, um, at any point we'd be able to have 69 00:03:43,073 --> 00:03:48,552 some kind of, like, moving in, kind of ceremony? 70 00:03:48,553 --> 00:03:50,952 Do you mean like cutting the ribbon at the door? 71 00:03:50,953 --> 00:03:57,872 No, I mean like a ceremony, a kind of blessing of the flat. 72 00:03:57,873 --> 00:04:01,633 Yes, I'm sure that would be... that would be fine. 73 00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:10,072 Here's another problem. What? 74 00:04:10,073 --> 00:04:13,112 Look, problem. Hey, look, flag it up. Oh. 75 00:04:13,113 --> 00:04:16,232 Um, excuse me, I've found another problem. 76 00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:17,472 What's that? 77 00:04:17,473 --> 00:04:21,672 Can you see the problem here? He's, um, too short. 78 00:04:21,673 --> 00:04:25,072 No, I'm not too short, it, it's too high. 79 00:04:25,073 --> 00:04:27,032 For you. It's fine for us, look. 80 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:30,392 Yeah, well, you won't be living here will you? It'll have to be changed. 81 00:04:30,393 --> 00:04:31,553 Yeah, sure, sure. 82 00:04:31,554 --> 00:04:34,952 Sorry, would you mind if I just use the toilet? Yep. 83 00:04:34,953 --> 00:04:36,113 Thank you. 84 00:04:37,913 --> 00:04:39,593 Well, go on. 85 00:04:44,353 --> 00:04:47,592 Got a nice little communal garden here. Yeah, this is really nice. 86 00:04:47,593 --> 00:04:50,552 It's quite private, nobody comes out here, all busy working. 87 00:04:50,553 --> 00:04:55,152 I tell you what. You know, um, if we get, um, this place sorted properly? 88 00:04:55,153 --> 00:04:56,313 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 89 00:04:56,314 --> 00:04:58,313 Er, we could get some tracks down and, er, 90 00:04:58,314 --> 00:05:00,592 we could have a little sports day event for him 91 00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:03,392 and his friends, for Warwick and his friends. 92 00:05:03,393 --> 00:05:06,552 Yeah, that's a great... Do some relay races. 93 00:05:06,553 --> 00:05:07,992 Yeah. Yeah. 94 00:05:07,993 --> 00:05:10,552 Um, anything. We could do hopscotch. Yeah. 95 00:05:10,553 --> 00:05:14,632 You don't get any sort of, like, things in here that are going to eat him or anything? 96 00:05:14,633 --> 00:05:15,672 No, no, no. 97 00:05:15,673 --> 00:05:18,832 No. It's fine, it's very, very safe. But I mean, are you sure? 98 00:05:18,833 --> 00:05:22,753 You've got the exit over there. It's my job to make sure it's safe. 99 00:05:30,473 --> 00:05:31,592 Cheryl! 100 00:05:31,593 --> 00:05:32,912 What? 101 00:05:32,913 --> 00:05:35,672 Oh! Ow! Fucking, pissing sock now. 102 00:05:35,673 --> 00:05:37,392 Get here and help me down! 103 00:05:37,393 --> 00:05:41,073 Jeez, I've been trapped in 'ere ages. Fucking... Oh! 104 00:05:42,753 --> 00:05:46,272 Oh, I've been trying to get your attention. Get out! Don't look! 105 00:05:46,273 --> 00:05:49,152 You getting all this? Don't shut the door! 106 00:05:49,153 --> 00:05:50,513 Oh! 107 00:06:09,593 --> 00:06:12,912 I'm doing this round table meeting at Sue's request. 108 00:06:12,913 --> 00:06:15,192 She's started divorce proceedings. 109 00:06:15,193 --> 00:06:19,913 I can't afford a lawyer, so I'm being represented by my accountant. 110 00:06:42,073 --> 00:06:44,752 Warwick? Mm-hmm. Ian Walt. Nice to meet you. Hello. 111 00:06:44,753 --> 00:06:48,272 I'm Sue's solicitor, Ian Walt. And you are? 112 00:06:48,273 --> 00:06:49,752 He's MY solicitor. 113 00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:55,872 Not really, he can't afford a solicitor. I'm his accountant! 114 00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,033 I have to advise you, 115 00:06:57,034 --> 00:06:59,912 you really should retain a proper qualified solicitor. 116 00:06:59,913 --> 00:07:03,232 He studied law as well. Yep, one term at the University of Bolton. 117 00:07:03,233 --> 00:07:05,553 Haven't heard of that school. Did it used to be a polytechnic? 118 00:07:05,554 --> 00:07:08,992 No, I think it used to be a launderette! 119 00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:13,192 No, seriously, it was a shit-hole, but I wasn't cut out for law, anyway. 120 00:07:13,193 --> 00:07:14,272 Too hard! 121 00:07:14,273 --> 00:07:17,832 You know what I'd like to do? You know those big rigs you get in America? 122 00:07:17,833 --> 00:07:22,112 I'd like to get behind a wheel of one of them and just drive across country, 123 00:07:22,113 --> 00:07:27,152 and sort of imagine myself driving along, and seeing an old shack, 124 00:07:27,153 --> 00:07:31,512 and driving straight through it, and wood and chickens 125 00:07:31,513 --> 00:07:34,592 flying everywhere and people shouting, "Hey look at that guy!" 126 00:07:34,593 --> 00:07:38,472 Sorry, sorry. Can you just put your dreams on hold for now and focus on this? 127 00:07:38,473 --> 00:07:40,792 Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. 128 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,832 Um, so what's the usual split? About half and half? 129 00:07:43,833 --> 00:07:45,673 Well, that's what we're here to negotiate. 130 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:49,672 Yeah, gotcha, yeah. Erm, so... 131 00:07:49,673 --> 00:07:51,992 'I'm not seeing this as a final chapter. 132 00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:55,912 'I'm seeing this as a chance to listen to her complaints, 133 00:07:55,913 --> 00:07:58,512 'make amends and start again.' 134 00:07:58,513 --> 00:08:03,432 Depending on what the complaints are. If it's leaving the toilet seat up, fine, won't do it again. 135 00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:06,512 If it's, "Must try harder in the bedroom," forget it. I couldn't. 136 00:08:06,513 --> 00:08:09,832 I've been working me bloody socks off, love. I'll have a coronary. 137 00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:13,432 Any more effort on my part and you'll open your eyes to a dead dwarf slumped on you. 138 00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:16,792 There's loads of jobs I'd like to do before accountancy. 139 00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:18,152 River police. 140 00:08:18,153 --> 00:08:21,192 How do you get into being river police? I'd love to do that. 141 00:08:21,193 --> 00:08:23,992 "Oh, what's that? Dead body." 142 00:08:23,993 --> 00:08:26,312 Get it out, it's a tramp. "Has he been murdered? 143 00:08:26,313 --> 00:08:29,352 "Looks like it. He's been raped." 144 00:08:29,353 --> 00:08:31,273 We don't know. 145 00:08:34,073 --> 00:08:36,832 So Sue says you're a famous actor. Well, you tell me. 146 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,673 I've not heard of you. Are you famous? 147 00:08:38,674 --> 00:08:41,792 Yes. Sue says you've been in some films? Some films? 148 00:08:41,793 --> 00:08:44,592 Have you heard of Star Wars and Return Of The Jedi? 149 00:08:44,593 --> 00:08:47,592 Yes. Yeah. The Harry Potter films, you heard of those? Yes. 150 00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:50,232 And, er, have you heard of a film called Willow? No. 151 00:08:50,233 --> 00:08:52,912 No? No, I've never heard of Willow. Were you in that? 152 00:08:52,913 --> 00:08:54,552 I was the star of that, yes. 153 00:08:54,553 --> 00:08:56,792 No, I've never heard of Willow. Right. 154 00:08:56,793 --> 00:08:59,792 Not many people have. It was not a success. It was a success! 155 00:08:59,793 --> 00:09:03,992 Not really. Return Of The Jedi was a success. I was in that. What were you in that? 156 00:09:03,993 --> 00:09:06,032 I was an Ewok. So your face was covered up? 157 00:09:06,033 --> 00:09:09,272 Yes, it was... I don't remember seeing you in Harry Potter, either. 158 00:09:09,273 --> 00:09:11,072 Yeah, I was Professor Flitwick. 159 00:09:11,073 --> 00:09:14,792 You couldn't really see his face. If you'd seen Willow, my face was in that. 160 00:09:14,793 --> 00:09:17,112 As I said, I've not seen Willow, or heard of it. 161 00:09:17,113 --> 00:09:20,592 No. And as I said, no-one has, so don't feel too bad. 162 00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:23,152 Have you heard of a little show called The Office? 163 00:09:23,153 --> 00:09:26,232 Were you in that? No, but I was in Extras, made by the same blokes. 164 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,273 Oh, I didn't see it. 165 00:09:27,274 --> 00:09:29,352 Didn't you? Oh, I didn't like it. 166 00:09:29,353 --> 00:09:32,872 It was just a sitcom where famous people popped up as themselves. 167 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,632 I must be pretty famous or they wouldn't have had me in it. 168 00:09:35,633 --> 00:09:39,752 Yeah, it wasn't clear if you were supposed to be famous. Did they mention your name? 169 00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:42,393 You were a prop, basically you were a prop. 170 00:09:43,553 --> 00:09:45,353 Sorry, why are we discussing my CV? 171 00:09:45,354 --> 00:09:47,393 Can we just get back to this? 172 00:09:55,993 --> 00:09:58,992 We are still trying to lobby the Government to fund 173 00:09:58,993 --> 00:10:03,552 our community outreach programme, and some people have asked me how you can get involved. 174 00:10:03,553 --> 00:10:07,512 Well, we do need some volunteers to leaflet outside Parliament this Saturday. 175 00:10:07,513 --> 00:10:09,433 Oh, yeah, that reminds me, actually. 176 00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:13,072 Never mind doing something for no money, that won't change anything. 177 00:10:13,073 --> 00:10:16,432 I'm looking for a couple of volunteers, cos my lot 178 00:10:16,433 --> 00:10:20,832 have got a bit militant lately and, er, I've got a gig this Saturday, Students' Union, 179 00:10:20,833 --> 00:10:23,112 £150 cash-in-hand. 180 00:10:23,113 --> 00:10:24,192 Yeah. 181 00:10:24,193 --> 00:10:26,712 All it is, is you're a human bowling ball, basically. 182 00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:31,112 You're in your pants, you're greased up, slung along the floor by some pissed-up students. 183 00:10:31,113 --> 00:10:32,593 Easy money. Warwick, sorry. 184 00:10:32,594 --> 00:10:35,512 I don't think this is the right place to recruit for that. 185 00:10:35,513 --> 00:10:38,032 It's perfect, there's loads of dwarves here. 186 00:10:38,033 --> 00:10:41,632 What I mean is you're the Vice-Chairman. 187 00:10:41,633 --> 00:10:46,672 You're a spokesperson for little people, yet when we're trying to get things like dwarf-tossing banned 188 00:10:46,673 --> 00:10:49,352 from rugby clubs and university rag weeks, 189 00:10:49,353 --> 00:10:52,072 you're the one hiring out those dwarves to be thrown. 190 00:10:52,073 --> 00:10:56,512 I want people to see a little person, wonder if he's a doctor or a lawyer, 191 00:10:56,513 --> 00:10:59,712 not wonder which cannon he's going to be fired from today. 192 00:10:59,713 --> 00:11:03,312 'The trouble with Anthony Braden is he's giving little people false hopes.' 193 00:11:03,313 --> 00:11:07,472 I've seen him say to young dwarves in there, "Oh, you can be an astronaut or a doctor." 194 00:11:07,473 --> 00:11:11,072 No, they can't, they're too small. Not going to be a doctor. 195 00:11:11,073 --> 00:11:12,553 Can be a proctologist, maybe. 196 00:11:12,554 --> 00:11:16,552 Then he'll be on his high horse again, "No, why can they only be proctologists?" 197 00:11:16,553 --> 00:11:21,152 Cos the only thing they can reach is the arse. And I'll have all these disillusioned dwarves 198 00:11:21,153 --> 00:11:25,552 crawling back to me, "Oh, don't want to spend me days doing that, I want to be in the movies." 199 00:11:25,553 --> 00:11:29,352 Well, no, you're too late, you had your chance, now get back to those arses. 200 00:11:29,353 --> 00:11:31,912 Warwick, it worries me that maybe you're not 201 00:11:31,913 --> 00:11:35,952 the best spokesperson for our community and for our needs. 202 00:11:35,953 --> 00:11:38,312 Maybe you're not the right person. 203 00:11:38,313 --> 00:11:42,432 Maybe there's a grass roots uprising that says the old guy's lost it, 204 00:11:42,433 --> 00:11:43,793 let's have some new blood. 205 00:11:43,794 --> 00:11:47,592 Maybe I should be the Chairman. Everyone's entitled to run for this position. 206 00:11:47,593 --> 00:11:48,673 Let's do it, then. 207 00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:51,792 I hereby declare myself running for office 208 00:11:51,793 --> 00:11:53,272 and I second that. 209 00:11:53,273 --> 00:11:55,152 You can't second yourself. 210 00:11:55,153 --> 00:11:56,392 No? 211 00:11:56,393 --> 00:11:59,633 All right, then, who seconds me? Come on. 212 00:12:00,593 --> 00:12:01,632 See? 213 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,553 They don't know what time of day it is. 214 00:12:03,554 --> 00:12:05,632 I'll second you, Warwick. 215 00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:08,432 Really? Yes, and we'll let democracy decide 216 00:12:08,433 --> 00:12:10,113 with a vote next week. 217 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:16,432 Well, will they decide, though? I mean, will they remember? 218 00:12:16,433 --> 00:12:17,793 Are they even awake? 219 00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:35,232 Sorry to bother you. Can I get a picture? 220 00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:36,952 Yeah, sure, anything for a fan. 221 00:12:36,953 --> 00:12:39,192 Fan? Yeah. Fan of what? 222 00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:40,392 Fan of me. 223 00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,912 Why? Who are you? 224 00:12:41,913 --> 00:12:44,073 Warwick Davis, obviously, famous actor. 225 00:12:45,353 --> 00:12:48,072 Well, if you don't know who I am, why do you want a picture? 226 00:12:48,073 --> 00:12:51,712 It's funny, isn't it? A dwarf carrying a box. You don't see that round here. 227 00:12:51,713 --> 00:12:53,872 Actually, do you mind if I film you? Why? 228 00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:56,272 Cos that's even funnier! No, it's not funny. 229 00:12:56,273 --> 00:12:59,952 Oh, yeah, it does look funny, actually. Sorry, um, we're filming. 230 00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:03,632 We're not filming. Yeah we are, it's running. Are you moving in round here? 231 00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:08,192 I'm having second thoughts. We'll be neighbours. Excellent. Still filming, are you? Yeah. 232 00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:12,432 Oh, that is so going on YouTube! 233 00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:16,313 Definitely! Not definitely, no. 234 00:13:51,393 --> 00:13:55,032 Hello again. Sorry, what's your name again? 235 00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:56,152 Ian Walt. 236 00:13:56,153 --> 00:13:58,872 Oh, Ian. Nice to have you here in my house. 237 00:13:58,873 --> 00:14:01,432 You don't live here any more. It's still my house, though. 238 00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:05,552 So you enjoying it, then? Enjoying the house? Enjoying my house? 239 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,711 It's lovely. Good. 240 00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:07,913 What did you want? 241 00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:11,312 I just popped round to, er, to get, um... 242 00:14:11,313 --> 00:14:13,032 my baseball cap. 243 00:14:13,033 --> 00:14:15,152 Gift from Mr Ron Howard. 244 00:14:15,153 --> 00:14:16,592 Who's Ron Howard? 245 00:14:16,593 --> 00:14:21,193 The director of Willow. Oh, I've not seen it. Yeah, you said. I'll get you the DVD. 246 00:14:23,313 --> 00:14:27,552 Sorry, are you wearing slippers? 247 00:14:27,553 --> 00:14:28,752 Yes. 248 00:14:28,753 --> 00:14:32,672 Is it normal to be round a client's house doing paperwork wearing slippers? 249 00:14:32,673 --> 00:14:33,913 Everyone's different. 250 00:14:35,033 --> 00:14:39,072 What lawyer wears slippers? I've just never seen that before. 251 00:14:39,073 --> 00:14:42,632 On LA Law they didn't wear slippers. Perry Mason never had slippers on. 252 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:45,712 Even in Ironside he never had slippers, and he was in a wheelchair. 253 00:14:45,713 --> 00:14:48,952 He didn't even need shoes and he still wore shoes. 254 00:14:48,953 --> 00:14:51,072 You should probably get going, then. 255 00:14:51,073 --> 00:14:54,392 Yeah. Yeah, I'm going. Um, you leaving, too, Ian? 256 00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,832 No. 257 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:59,632 Just "no"? No more information? Just leaving soon or...? 258 00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:02,592 What difference does it make if he's going now or later? 259 00:15:02,593 --> 00:15:07,512 Because we're both drivers, so, you know, let's drive. 260 00:15:07,513 --> 00:15:10,112 Shall I, shall I just wait outside for you? 261 00:15:10,113 --> 00:15:12,592 No need. 262 00:15:12,593 --> 00:15:14,472 Shall we...? 263 00:15:14,473 --> 00:15:16,553 Not forget this. 264 00:15:30,793 --> 00:15:33,592 Really haven't got long, I'm afraid, Warwick. No. 265 00:15:33,593 --> 00:15:36,712 We've got a Skype call coming through and it's... 266 00:15:36,713 --> 00:15:39,592 Great. Well, what can we do for you? 267 00:15:39,593 --> 00:15:41,472 Advice, really. 268 00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:42,992 Right. 269 00:15:42,993 --> 00:15:46,032 I'm a bit worried about my wife and her lawyer. 270 00:15:46,033 --> 00:15:48,072 I think there might be something going on. 271 00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:52,072 What, the lawyer who's representing your wife while she sues you for divorce? 272 00:15:52,073 --> 00:15:56,392 Yeah, that's the one. See my point? I don't know why you care any more. OK. 273 00:15:56,393 --> 00:15:58,912 Slippers. 274 00:15:58,913 --> 00:16:00,512 In what way? 275 00:16:00,513 --> 00:16:03,152 Oh! 276 00:16:03,153 --> 00:16:05,472 Hi, Steve. Hello. How's it going man? 277 00:16:05,473 --> 00:16:07,792 Steve Carell. Thanks for doing this. 278 00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:10,672 You obviously got my email about the guest appearances. 279 00:16:10,673 --> 00:16:13,112 I'm not just saying this 280 00:16:13,113 --> 00:16:15,432 because I've got a financial stake in the show. 281 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:20,672 I really think it'd be good for your career to do the occasional guest appearance in The Office. 282 00:16:20,673 --> 00:16:22,952 Obviously you can still do your films as well. 283 00:16:22,953 --> 00:16:27,632 Of course. But, you know, if you did agree to even infrequent guest spots, 284 00:16:27,633 --> 00:16:32,352 the network said they would guarantee two more seasons, 285 00:16:32,353 --> 00:16:35,712 um, which is obviously incredibly lucrative, er... For everyone. 286 00:16:35,713 --> 00:16:38,872 Yeah, yeah. Um, you know what, let me think about it. 287 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,552 I will definitely consider it. 288 00:16:40,553 --> 00:16:42,512 Cheers, man. Great. Brilliant. 289 00:16:42,513 --> 00:16:46,392 We're in LA Thursday, if you want to do dinner and have a chat. 290 00:16:46,393 --> 00:16:49,312 Oh, yeah, that sounds great. I'd love to. 291 00:16:49,313 --> 00:16:51,512 Brilliant. See you then. See you. 292 00:16:51,513 --> 00:16:54,192 OK, good, see you later. Bye. Bye. 293 00:16:54,193 --> 00:17:00,712 I must say, makes me laugh a bit that he's a household name 294 00:17:00,713 --> 00:17:03,992 because of the show, and now I've got to beg him to do the odd guest spot. 295 00:17:03,993 --> 00:17:07,392 He should be begging me. Luckiest fucking actor in the world. 296 00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:08,833 Yeah. 297 00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:12,232 You still there, Steve? 298 00:17:12,233 --> 00:17:13,992 Yeah. 299 00:17:13,993 --> 00:17:16,992 Sorry, man. I, I thought I'd... I thought I'd hung up. 300 00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:18,352 No. 301 00:17:18,353 --> 00:17:20,553 No, you didn't. 302 00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:25,552 I just turned the screen off, I thought I'd hung up. 303 00:17:25,553 --> 00:17:26,912 I'm really, um... 304 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:29,232 Do you still want to do dinner? 305 00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:30,993 Mm, no. 306 00:17:31,953 --> 00:17:33,672 Be awkward, wouldn't it? 307 00:17:33,673 --> 00:17:35,152 Yeah, it would be. 308 00:17:35,153 --> 00:17:39,152 Will you think about the guest appearances? Er, no. 309 00:17:39,153 --> 00:17:43,753 Dead in the water, that one. It is, definitely dead. There's no way that's going to happen. 310 00:17:44,953 --> 00:17:49,633 OK, cheers. Bye, then. Bye. Bye-bye, now. 311 00:17:54,233 --> 00:17:55,952 Why was he listening? 312 00:17:55,953 --> 00:18:00,112 I'll tell you why he was listening... cos he's an actor, 313 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:04,512 and like all actors he's a little, paranoid, 314 00:18:04,513 --> 00:18:07,193 insecure, little fucker. 315 00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:12,272 Are you still listening, Steve? 316 00:18:12,273 --> 00:18:15,552 I am, I am still listening to you talking. 317 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:18,912 OK. You shouldn't be listening, not if we're not friends any more, mate. 318 00:18:18,913 --> 00:18:23,072 OK. Steve, before you go, I'm a big fan. 319 00:18:23,073 --> 00:18:25,712 Hey, that's really nice, thanks. 320 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:30,472 You could always hang up this time, to make absolutely sure. 321 00:18:30,473 --> 00:18:34,032 That's true. OK. Bye. 322 00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:37,512 He's gone. Is it off? Yeah, definitely. I was pressing the wrong thing. 323 00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:41,312 Love Steve Carell. Do you? He's terrific. Yeah. Everyone loves him. 324 00:18:41,313 --> 00:18:43,752 Not really, no. Most do. 325 00:18:43,753 --> 00:18:46,832 Idiotic thing to say. With six billion people on the planet, 326 00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:48,992 how are they all going to love one person? 327 00:18:48,993 --> 00:18:51,392 A lot of them do. Look at the American Office. 328 00:18:51,393 --> 00:18:53,792 What is it, ten million viewers it gets? 329 00:18:53,793 --> 00:18:57,112 Ten million... Watching him. Tune in and see my name on the credits. 330 00:18:57,113 --> 00:18:59,312 They watch it for him, though. Not really. 331 00:18:59,313 --> 00:19:02,352 It wouldn't exist without me, and HE wouldn't exist without IT. 332 00:19:02,353 --> 00:19:04,833 Ipso facto, I don't know what you're talking about. 333 00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:07,072 Well, he's got likeability, though. 334 00:19:07,073 --> 00:19:09,632 He's a popular chap. You're more of an acquired taste. 335 00:19:09,633 --> 00:19:11,952 Not everyone's into everything you do. 336 00:19:11,953 --> 00:19:14,512 My accountant, right, absolutely hated Extras. 337 00:19:14,513 --> 00:19:18,993 Just thought it was a sitcom where famous people pop up as themselves. 338 00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:26,272 I'm just saying not everyone's into everything you do. 339 00:19:26,273 --> 00:19:28,672 Sorry, I've forgotten why you're here, again. 340 00:19:28,673 --> 00:19:32,432 Maybe it's the fact that I've just lost 20 million on the new syndication deal. 341 00:19:32,433 --> 00:19:33,992 But go on, remind me. 342 00:19:33,993 --> 00:19:37,912 I was talking about my wife and her lawyer. How can I be sure there's nothing going on? 343 00:19:37,913 --> 00:19:41,192 You can't. You're getting a divorce. Move on. 344 00:19:41,193 --> 00:19:44,072 I mean, what are you going to do, camp outside the house, 345 00:19:44,073 --> 00:19:46,153 spying on them like Inch High Private Eye? 346 00:19:47,993 --> 00:19:51,313 Yeah, you know, you're right. I'm being silly. 347 00:20:11,313 --> 00:20:13,153 All right? 348 00:20:14,153 --> 00:20:15,233 Cosy. 349 00:20:16,233 --> 00:20:18,072 Slippers. 350 00:20:18,073 --> 00:20:19,392 Warwick. 351 00:20:19,393 --> 00:20:21,232 What? What are you doing here? 352 00:20:21,233 --> 00:20:23,113 Just want to get some of my belongings. 353 00:20:23,114 --> 00:20:24,392 Like what? 354 00:20:24,393 --> 00:20:27,312 Like my... 355 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:31,912 Oh, yeah, my award there, from Guts.com. 356 00:20:31,913 --> 00:20:34,952 One of the internet's most respected horror movie websites. 357 00:20:34,953 --> 00:20:36,472 What did you win? 358 00:20:36,473 --> 00:20:40,592 Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actor in an independently funded British horror movie. 359 00:20:40,593 --> 00:20:43,992 Is it possible to win Best Actor AND Best Supporting Actor? 360 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:47,872 Yeah. Yeah if you play both Midge, the loveable children's clown, 361 00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:50,233 AND his lycanthropic Siamese twin. 362 00:20:51,553 --> 00:20:54,152 What, you don't know what that means, do you? 363 00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:58,232 Lycanthropy, yes, it means he changes into a wolf. You played both parts? 364 00:20:58,233 --> 00:20:59,872 Yeah, it's easy. 365 00:20:59,873 --> 00:21:03,872 When they were both normal, I played both characters using a split-screen effect. 366 00:21:03,873 --> 00:21:07,592 When one of them changes into a wolf they just strapped me to a dog. 367 00:21:07,593 --> 00:21:08,833 What was the film called? 368 00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:11,392 Weredwarf. Haven't seen it. What HAVE you seen? 369 00:21:11,393 --> 00:21:14,992 Sorry, just, sorry. Do you really need this award right now? 370 00:21:14,993 --> 00:21:16,992 Yes, I do. 371 00:21:16,993 --> 00:21:19,712 Would you like me to get it down for you? No. 372 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:24,473 I can get it. No. It's, it's fine, I can manage. 373 00:21:52,233 --> 00:21:54,352 You all right? 374 00:21:54,353 --> 00:21:56,072 Mm hm. 375 00:21:56,073 --> 00:21:58,393 Cool. 376 00:22:23,033 --> 00:22:29,552 Oh! Ah! Oh, oh! 377 00:22:29,553 --> 00:22:30,792 Agh! 378 00:22:30,793 --> 00:22:34,952 Warwick, for goodness sake, just let me get it down for you. 379 00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:39,792 It'd have been fine if it'd been on that shelf. I don't know why it's that high up, it's ridiculous. 380 00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:41,713 Would you want me to put it on that shelf? 381 00:22:41,714 --> 00:22:43,912 Were you going to put it on that shelf, anyway? 382 00:22:43,913 --> 00:22:46,432 Yes, I was going to put it on that shelf later. 383 00:22:46,433 --> 00:22:50,032 Well, if you're going to put it there anyway, then put it there now, of course. 384 00:22:50,033 --> 00:22:53,273 Oh, for goodness sake! I can't reach it. 385 00:22:54,553 --> 00:22:56,073 Can I ask Ian to get it for me? 386 00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:02,432 Well, if he just hands it to you, yes. 387 00:23:02,433 --> 00:23:04,353 Can you just hand this to me, please, Ian? 388 00:23:04,354 --> 00:23:06,353 Sure. 389 00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:11,033 There you go. Thank you. 390 00:23:12,033 --> 00:23:14,672 Right. Put it where you want to put it. 391 00:23:14,673 --> 00:23:17,032 Right. I'm putting it there. 392 00:23:17,033 --> 00:23:20,432 Oh, good. It's on that shelf now, that's where it is. 393 00:23:20,433 --> 00:23:22,192 Go, carry on with your tea. 394 00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:25,472 Right, good. 395 00:23:25,473 --> 00:23:27,632 Um, what did I come for? 396 00:23:27,633 --> 00:23:32,232 Um, oh, yeah. There it is, I'll just take that. Good. 397 00:23:32,233 --> 00:23:33,673 See you. 398 00:23:40,073 --> 00:23:45,432 If you re-elect me, one of my main priorities will be to make the SPSS 399 00:23:45,433 --> 00:23:49,032 a practical resource for training, 400 00:23:49,033 --> 00:23:52,192 for support, for information. 401 00:23:52,193 --> 00:23:57,192 And now I urge you to use your votes wisely. Thank you. 402 00:24:04,073 --> 00:24:09,792 OK, good. Well, you've heard his speech. No comment on that. 403 00:24:09,793 --> 00:24:12,832 Um, you know I can get you anything you want, 404 00:24:12,833 --> 00:24:16,032 but let me show you what I can do, right? 405 00:24:16,033 --> 00:24:19,752 Who remembers Right Said Fred? Yeah? Had a number one. 406 00:24:19,753 --> 00:24:23,632 "I'm too sexy for that, I'm too sexy for this"? 407 00:24:23,633 --> 00:24:26,592 Car, cat, whatever. Do you remember? Definitely remember. 408 00:24:26,593 --> 00:24:32,632 Well, please welcome live, here tonight, it's Right Said Fred! 409 00:24:35,033 --> 00:24:36,073 Come on. 410 00:24:37,553 --> 00:24:40,752 There they are. Hello, lads. 411 00:24:40,753 --> 00:24:43,352 Great! Hiya. 412 00:24:43,353 --> 00:24:46,112 Here they are. Welcome, you're welcome. 413 00:24:46,113 --> 00:24:47,953 Good to see you. How's it going? Busy? 414 00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:51,432 Yeah, pretty busy, yeah. Good, good. We're friends, aren't we? 415 00:24:51,433 --> 00:24:55,352 Yeah, we've got mutual friends, for sure. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. 416 00:24:55,353 --> 00:24:59,113 Wow! Any questions about this? 417 00:25:00,753 --> 00:25:02,192 Right Said Fred, yeah? 418 00:25:02,193 --> 00:25:03,513 No? 419 00:25:06,153 --> 00:25:07,633 Good. 420 00:25:10,793 --> 00:25:13,752 Interesting fact, actually, about Right Said Fred. 421 00:25:13,753 --> 00:25:15,792 That one's Richard, 422 00:25:15,793 --> 00:25:18,512 he does all the singing. The other one's Fred. 423 00:25:18,513 --> 00:25:22,952 Were you worried people might get confused at all? 424 00:25:22,953 --> 00:25:26,632 No, it's never been an issue for us, no. 425 00:25:26,633 --> 00:25:30,952 So what's, what's going on tonight? You gigging? 426 00:25:30,953 --> 00:25:34,233 No, we just, we just thought we'd go home, to be honest. 427 00:25:35,553 --> 00:25:37,673 Night off for Right Said Fred. 428 00:25:40,713 --> 00:25:42,312 Are they going to sing? 429 00:25:42,313 --> 00:25:46,232 Are you? No, you just said, "Pop in, mate." That's what you said. 430 00:25:46,233 --> 00:25:47,432 Great, yeah. 431 00:25:47,433 --> 00:25:52,032 Yeah, see, that's what you get from me, just pop ins from famous people. 432 00:25:52,033 --> 00:25:56,312 So who knows who's going to show up next week if you vote for me? 433 00:25:56,313 --> 00:25:57,632 Mariah Carey? 434 00:25:57,633 --> 00:26:01,832 Don't be absurd. So I'm Too Sexy was number one in America? 435 00:26:01,833 --> 00:26:05,952 Yeah. We were the first British band since The Beatles to get to number one with a debut single. 436 00:26:05,953 --> 00:26:08,752 What?! Yeah. 437 00:26:08,753 --> 00:26:13,112 Since The Beatles? Wow! Come on, check... 438 00:26:13,113 --> 00:26:16,112 Let's vote now, come on. Votes for Warwick Davis, let's... 439 00:26:16,113 --> 00:26:17,272 Yes, one. 440 00:26:17,273 --> 00:26:19,392 Any more? Two there. 441 00:26:19,393 --> 00:26:21,792 Come on, does this count for nothing? 442 00:26:21,793 --> 00:26:24,313 The Beatles! 443 00:26:29,753 --> 00:26:33,472 I think there's a lot of abstentions. We don't know that yet. 444 00:26:33,473 --> 00:26:36,792 And votes for me now, please. 445 00:26:36,793 --> 00:26:40,913 OK. Seems pretty conclusive. Shall we call it a night? 446 00:26:47,793 --> 00:26:49,753 Can I have your autograph? Yeah, sure. 447 00:26:49,754 --> 00:26:53,032 Definitely not. You voted for him. Get his autograph. 448 00:26:53,033 --> 00:26:56,152 I'm sorry, mate. We'll just shove off, then. 449 00:26:56,153 --> 00:26:57,473 Yeah, whatever. 450 00:27:09,273 --> 00:27:10,713 Where do you stand on condoms? 451 00:27:10,714 --> 00:27:12,112 We don't approve. 452 00:27:12,113 --> 00:27:15,232 Not a problem for me at the minute. I'm not getting any. 453 00:27:15,233 --> 00:27:17,392 Will these johnnies fit a dwarf? Why? 454 00:27:17,393 --> 00:27:18,473 I've got one here. 455 00:27:18,474 --> 00:27:20,392 Do you know a John? No. 456 00:27:20,393 --> 00:27:21,553 You don't know a John? 457 00:27:21,554 --> 00:27:23,832 Want to go out with me sometime? No. 458 00:27:23,833 --> 00:27:26,592 Is it Jack? Is it Joseph? 459 00:27:26,593 --> 00:27:29,912 Do you want to take the card, in case you need a new accountant? No. 460 00:27:29,913 --> 00:27:33,273 Right. Stuart says you're worried about something. 461 00:27:36,513 --> 00:27:39,232 I'm desperate, lads. Are you not doing any more Extras? 462 00:27:39,233 --> 00:27:42,032 We've said we're not. The Office, then? Definitely not. 463 00:27:42,033 --> 00:27:43,712 The American Office? Listen, man. 464 00:27:43,713 --> 00:27:46,872 Can you write me a film? What film? I don't know, you have the idea. 465 00:27:46,873 --> 00:27:49,592 Can we have the idea a bit later? We're snowed under, mate. 466 00:27:49,593 --> 00:27:51,832 We've got a thousand things to do, and... 467 00:27:51,833 --> 00:27:55,113 Yeah, all right. You know what I mean? Yeah, I understand, right. 468 00:27:58,113 --> 00:27:59,192 Fuck off, Les. 469 00:27:59,193 --> 00:28:00,433 Bye. 470 00:28:00,458 --> 00:28:05,758 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd, MemoryOnSmells