1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:04,000
<i>Britain, Britain, Britain!</i>

2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:09,000
<i>Land of diversity! There are hardback books
and paperback books,</i>

3
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:14,300
<i>socks come in different lengths
and eggs is cooked in a variety of ways.</i>

4
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:17,100
<i>But how diverse are the people of Britain?</i>

5
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:22,700
<i>We aim to find out by following
the lives of ordinary British persons!</i>

6
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:26,200
<i>0h, ma sweet lil...! Hallelujah!</i>

7
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:34,300
<i>In her bedsit on this estate in Darkley Noone,</i>

8
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:37,300
<i>young mother Vicky Pollard
meets her social worker.</i>

9
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,100
So how are you coping with everything, Vicky?

10
00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:45,000
No, we was all in the park laughing 'cause
Nicola was gonna set fire to Candice's hair

11
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:50,000
but Ryan Morris butted in, who I hate,
and he phlegmed in my mouth. ''Oh, my God!

12
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:54,300
''I so can't believe we just done that!''
And you know Amanda Kaye, right?

13
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:59,400
- She said she'd do it for a Creme Egg!
- So you're fine. Good. How's the baby?

14
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,500
- Fine.
- Can I see her?

15
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,500
- It's not her. It's it.
- Well, can I see it?

16
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:09,500
No but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no,
because we was all going down the offy

17
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:14,500
but they wouldn't serve us 'cause Emma only
looks about nine, so we was going to Wimpy,

18
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:19,000
but Liberty went up the arcade
with Sophie Bannerman instead

19
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,500
and Vanessa told Tony that I fancy David Wu,
but everyone knows he's got scabby legs.

20
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:27,300
- And the baby?
- I'm getting there! There was this whole thing.

21
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:32,500
Carmella's mum was going away so she said
she'd have a party, but then her mum found out,

22
00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:37,400
then she had it, but I wasn't invited,
so me and Jools went round Michaela's house

23
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,900
and Kelly said Penny Webb's got hairy tits.

24
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:43,600
Vicky, where is the baby?

25
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,100
Swapped it for a Westlife CD.

26
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:51,500
- How could you do such a thing?
- I know. They're rubbish.

27
00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,300
Don't go giving me evils!

28
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:03,700
<i>Toys in Britain are sold in toy shops.
This isn't a toy shop. It's a real shop.</i>

29
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,300
Hello! Looking for anything in particular?

30
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:25,200
Yes, do you have any pirate memory games
suitable for children between 4 and 8?

31
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,600
Eh, I'll just have a look.

32
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,000
I can't see any here. One moment.

33
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,900
Margaret? Margaret?

34
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:47,900
- Yes?
- A gentleman here wants pirate memory games.

35
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:50,200
- Ages 4...
- Ages 4 to 8.

36
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,200
We should have some, up by the farm toys.

37
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,600
Oh, yes. Here we are.

38
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,500
Pieces of Eight. A pirate memory game.
Ages 4 to 8.

39
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,600
- Can I have a look?
- There you go.

40
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,100
''Match the pirates and find the treasure.''

41
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,100
That all right for you?

42
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,400
Have you got any other pirate memory games?

43
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,400
- Em...
- It's not quite what I had in mind.

44
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,100
I can't see any here. One moment.

45
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:32,900
- Margaret? Margaret?
- What?

46
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:36,300
- Have we got any other pirate memory games?
- What?

47
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,300
- Have we got any other pirate memory games?
- No!

48
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:45,200
- That's the only one. What's wrong with that?
- That's the only one. What's wrong with that?

49
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:50,000
- I wanted something a little less pirate-y.
- He wanted something a little less pirate-y!

50
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,800
- Has he tried Simmons?
- Have you tried Simmons?

51
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,200
- Yes, I've just been there.
- I don't know what to suggest.

52
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,700
Is there a shop that specialises
in pirate memory games?

53
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:04,500
Er, I'm not sure. Margaret'll know. One moment.

54
00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:11,100
Margaret? Margaret? Is there a shop
that specialises in pirate memory games?

55
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:15,200
- Near here.
- I don't think there are any in the local area.

56
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,900
She doesn't think there are any in the local area.

57
00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:22,900
OK, I'll...I'll just wait.

58
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:36,500
<i>Meanwhile, the fatties arrive
for their weekly meeting.</i>

59
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,900
Paul, can I just have a quick word, please?

60
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:45,700
- Paul, what happened last night was a one-off.
- Yeah, I was gonna say something.

61
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:49,300
- I don't know what came over me.
- I had too much to drink.

62
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:52,300
I had more. Whatever.
It's not gonna happen again. OK?

63
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:57,600
So let's just try and forget about it
and not let it come into the meeting. All right?

64
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,400
OK. Welcome to ''FatFighters''.

65
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:09,900
Now, today we're gonna be
talking about motivation.

66
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:12,900
You all need a little bit more motivation,

67
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:17,100
so what we're gonna do
is start with a little exercise.

68
00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:22,200
I want everybody to close their eyes.
Close your eyes, yeah. Empty your thoughts.

69
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:26,200
That's it, yeah. And picture yourself naked.

70
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,100
Not nice, is it? Eh?

71
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:34,900
Who the hell would want a great lump like that
huffing and puffing on top of them all night?

72
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:37,500
Eyes closed, Paul.

73
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:44,800
<i>In Herby, Lou Todd has kindly offered
to paint his friend Andy's bedroom.</i>

74
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:49,200
- Now, are you sure you want red?
- Yeah.

75
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,500
- I've got a very nice blue here. You like blue.
- Yeah, I know.

76
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,500
- But you'd rather have red?
- Red, yeah.

77
00:05:56,900 --> 00:06:01,100
You did ask for red last time
and then said you didn't like it.

78
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:05,800
You said it was oppressive.
You said red was the colour of blood and death.

79
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,600
- Yeah, I know.
- So what's it to be?

80
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,100
- Red.
- I'm not painting it once

81
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:17,000
and then having to do it again 'cause you say
you don't like it. That's a right kerfuffle.

82
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:21,400
- I know.
- So final choice, red?

83
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,200
Red! Yeah.

84
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,600
- Do you want to do the last little bit?
- Yeah.

85
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,400
OK.

86
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,800
There we go.

87
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,300
There, finished.

88
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,200
I don't like red.

89
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:11,400
<i>For 20 years now, Len Boothe
has been taking visitors on his tour</i>

90
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,000
<i>of the charming village of Pove.</i>

91
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:19,400
OK, ladies and gents.
First up, on your right, is St Robin's church.

92
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,400
Er, the church was built in 1508,

93
00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:28,700
although there was actually a fire here in 1812
and the original wooden roof was destroyed.

94
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:32,500
It's a funny thing.
I will always have fond memories of that church

95
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:37,400
because it was on that bench there
that me and my wife Eileen first kissed.

96
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,300
And we've been married 32 year this year.

97
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:43,300
Thank you very much.

98
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:50,100
Now, next up is the Hanging Judge,
which is actually the oldest pub in Pove.

99
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:53,700
Dates back to, we think, 1604.

100
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:57,700
Why it's called the Hanging Judge,
no one seems to know.

101
00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:02,600
Incidentally, just in the beer garden by
the swings is where Eileen first permitted me

102
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,700
to have a little go on her breasts. OK...

103
00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:11,500
We're coming up now to the Old Bridge,

104
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:14,500
which actually goes back to Roman times.

105
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:20,100
It was actually under this bridge that my wife
first performed an act of oral love upon me.

106
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:26,700
Happy days, yeah.
Sorry, it's a no-smoking vehicle, love.

107
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:29,000
OK.

108
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:34,500
Now we are coming up to
one of the oldest blacksmiths in the country.

109
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:40,900
Legend has it that Charles I stopped off there
to get his horse's shoes changed.

110
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:45,700
And it was just down that path there
that I first took Eileen up the wrong 'un.

111
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,500
Moving on...

112
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:53,100
<i>Meanwhile, at this pub in Llandewi Breffi,</i>

113
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:58,100
<i>the glasses are being collected early
because it's a special night.</i>

114
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,300
Oh, Myfanwy, these crisps are cheese and onion.

115
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:09,600
Oh. Do gay people not like cheese and onion?

116
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,100
Well, I don't and I am a gay.

117
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,900
- I'll open the barbecue beef.
- If you wouldn't mind.

118
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,600
I think you're gonna get a big crowd in tonight.

119
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:24,700
I'd be very surprised, Myfanwy. Everybody
knows I am the only gay in this village.

120
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:29,400
- So you keep saying.
- It's five to eight. I might as well go home.

121
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,600
But it's still early.
It says eight o'clock on the posters.

122
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,600
I don't know why I bother putting on
this gay night. It was doomed.

123
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:41,900
I imagine I'll always be the only gay
in the village. Good night to you.

124
00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:46,600
(ALL) Ooooh! Ooooh!

125
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:50,000
Get back! Get back, you gay bastards!

126
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,800
There's hundreds of 'em! What am I gonna do?

127
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:59,900
- Well, let them in!
- No! Get rid of 'em!

128
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:04,500
I'll do no such thing!
You made your gay bed, now lie in it!

129
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,300
- Myfanwy!
- Daffyd...

130
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,100
(ALL) Ooooh!

131
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:15,800
Quiet! Liza Minnelli!

132
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:22,800
Thank you. Now, I'm very sorry, gays,
but I'm afraid Gay Night has been cancelled.

133
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:28,200
- Oh, no!
- Yes, I've just had a letter from the council

134
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:33,100
saying that there's only one gay allowed
in Llandewi Breffi and that's me.

135
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:37,900
So if you could all return
to your neighbouring villages, please.

136
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,400
Ooh!

137
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,500
- Oh, Daffyd, you bloody fool!
- What?

138
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:47,300
Think of all the cock and bum fun
you could have had!

139
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:51,300
That's the last time I close my pub
for one of your gay nights!

140
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,800
Got something against gay people, have you?

141
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:59,500
<i>Samantha Grant recently upset her parents
by marrying her former teacher.</i>

142
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:04,500
<i>In an effort to clear the air,
she has invited them round for dinner.</i>

143
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,500
- What time are your parents coming?
- Any minute now!

144
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,900
- Calm down, Samantha.
- I just want everything to be right.

145
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:17,300
Look, I may have been your teacher,
but we're just like any other couple.

146
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:21,600
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- The bell is a signal for me, not you.

147
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:28,600
- I'll just put the veg on.
- Ah, Mr and Mrs Hughes. Please, come in.

148
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,600
- Thank you.
- Please, sit down.

149
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,300
Right, Samantha...

150
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,700
Samantha, Samantha, Samantha...

151
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,300
Samantha Carver... Ah! Yes, Samantha Grant.

152
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:48,900
Yes. I mean, overall it's been
a good three months of marriage for Samantha.

153
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:55,200
Um, she's a very clever girl. She's got a lot
to say for herself. Sometimes a little too much!

154
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:59,400
- And her work can be a little slapdash.
- What do you mean?

155
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,300
Well, um, take this, for example.

156
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:06,700
She's dusted it, obviously at the last minute,
and missed around the edges.

157
00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:11,700
So I had to give her 6 out of 10. Could you
bring in the wine now, please, Samantha?

158
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:17,800
- Walk, don't run!
- Sorry! Still cooking.

159
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:22,200
- Smells lovely, dear. We've missed you, pet.
- Hello, stranger.

160
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:28,000
How might one order a bottle of wine in France?
Samantha?

161
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:34,000
- Oh. Une boutteille de vin, s'il vous plaît.
- Ah, c'est formidable!

162
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,000
Samantha's very good at oral.

163
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:44,000
<i>Meanwhile,
it is a sad day at Sandi Toksvig House.</i>

164
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:57,600
- We're very sorry for your loss.
- Thank you. Do come in.

165
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:05,500
She's just through there.

166
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:15,200
It sounds awful to say, but...in a way it's a relief.

167
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,800
- Yes.
- She'd been very ill for many years.

168
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:23,000
We'd had so many scares.
So in the end it was just very peaceful.

169
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,600
Mr Garfield, can you come in here a moment?

170
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,600
- Excuse me.
- Of course.

171
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:37,300
Come on, Bernard. Kitty wouldn't want you to cry.

172
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:42,300
- Mr Chumley?
- Yes?

173
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:48,000
- She's not dead.
- No, I know.

174
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,000
Any chance you could take her anyway?

175
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:04,500
- (THUD ON WALL)
- Yes, all right, Kitty!

176
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:09,900
<i>0ver ten board games
are sold every day in Britain.</i>

177
00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:14,900
<i>The most popular are Ask Alan,
Frobisher's Fingers and Pigdog.</i>

178
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:24,000
- This is the big one! It's Snakes and Snakes!
- Right.

179
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,500
You know Snakes and Ladders?
It's like that, but with snakes.

180
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,000
- Right.
- There is a snake on every square.

181
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:36,300
Devilishly difficult. No one's ever finished it.
How's that for starters?

182
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,000
Got another one!

183
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:46,500
- Milk Round.
- Right. How does Milk Round work?

184
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:51,500
You are a milkman delivering milk -
or a woman - to a house from your van, or a flat.

185
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:57,200
Right. You be the milk bottle.
I will be the loaf of bread. Right, pick a card.

186
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,000
- What's it say?
- ''Two pints of milk, please.''

187
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:07,000
Right. What that means is, please, two pints
of milk, please, for house number one. Right?

188
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,000
Roll the dice.

189
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:17,200
- I said roll the dice!
- Oh! Sorry.

190
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:21,700
- Six. Ignore it. Right, what are you again?
- I think I'm the milk bottle.

191
00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:24,300
I wanted to be the milk bottle.

192
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:28,900
- Right. This is all very interesting...
- Got another one!

193
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:31,900
Scratch Wood Scratch.

194
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,600
Your go.

195
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:40,700
- No!
- I don't even know what the... I don't know.

196
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,900
I've never seen that move before.
Let me just check the rule book.

197
00:15:54,800 --> 00:16:00,100
Yeah, you've won! You're a clever one,
I'll give you that. Right, got another one.

198
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:04,000
- Throw Baby, Catch Baby. Needs a real baby.
- No.

199
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,700
- Cards?
- No.

200
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:08,400
- Fighting?
- How can I put this?

201
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,200
I'm sorry. There's some misunderstanding here.

202
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,700
- We are not a games manufacturer.
- Yeah.

203
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:21,000
And we've never made games here.
We import tyres. You do know that?

204
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,800
Yeah.

205
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,000
Your point being...?

206
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:30,300
<i>At Kelsey Grammar School,
a new term is beginning.</i>

207
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:46,400
You may sit. Right, let me introduce myself.

208
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,400
My name is Mr Cleeves

209
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:53,500
and I will be teaching you...biology.

210
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,100
Good!

211
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,200
And he never took an assembly again!

212
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:10,300
- This sorbet's delicious. Did you make it?
- Yes, with a little help from Nigella.

213
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:14,700
- What?
- I got it out of Nigella Lawson's book.

214
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,500
- You copied it from Nigella?
- Well...

215
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:22,500
You took the work of another girl and
passed it off as your own. Right, in the bin!

216
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:29,800
- I was enjoying that!
- Yes, well, no one likes a cheat.

217
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:34,800
Sorry about that. He doesn't always
treat me like I'm still at school.

218
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:39,700
- Coffee, anyone?
- Yes, please, darling. That would be lovely.

219
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:45,400
There we are. I think it's wonderful
they still do this free milk.

220
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,000
<i>Child labour is thankfully
alive and well in Britain.</i>

221
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:55,800
<i>Today some child actors are auditioning
for a production of ''Bugsy Malone''.</i>

222
00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:00,900
- James Wilton and Ralph Patterson.
- It's Raif.

223
00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:05,700
- If you don't get it, we'll sell the rabbit.
- OK, Mum, I'll do my best.

224
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:08,100
OK, good luck, love.

225
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:15,100
Oh, don't forget your tap shoes
and tell them your cousin was on ''Double Dare''!

226
00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:21,700
Does your boy go up for much?

227
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:26,800
Oh, no, no, this is his first.
Apart from the school play, like.

228
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,900
- Oh, so he's not at stage school?
- No, just normal school.

229
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:35,900
He don't stand a chance, then. What you've
got to do is get him into a stage school.

230
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:42,100
- Are they not quite dear?
- Got to make sacrifices. I sold me shoes.

231
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:45,700
And I'm on the game.
Just so Raif can go to Italia Conti.

232
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:48,700
- So it's good, then?
- It's worth every penny.

233
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:53,400
- He got down to the last 12 for Dairylea.
- Really?

234
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,400
Yes, I'm not a liar!

235
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,300
Well, thanks for all your advice, like.

236
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:04,400
We always knew he was gonna be
an actor, ever since before he was born.

237
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,500
- He's so talented. They say he gets it from me.
- Right.

238
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:12,100
I would have loved
to have gone to a stage school,

239
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:15,100
but my mother wouldn't make the sacrifices.

240
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:20,800
Still, she's blind now and that gives me
some comfort. Are you single or...?

241
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:26,800
Mr Wilton? We'd like to recall James.
Mrs Patterson, thank you. You're free to go.

242
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:31,400
- Well done, lad!
- Yeah, well done. Really, really well done.

243
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,000
- Aaaagh!
- Oh! Is he all right?

244
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,100
- He's bleeding!
- Oh, he won't be Bugsy Malone now, will he?

245
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:41,100
Come on. Better luck next time, eh?

246
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,100
Crazy!

247
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:47,200
You'll be all right. OK?
Let's have a look, let's have a look.

248
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:52,900
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. We'll go and get it
cleaned up, right? We'll get it cleaned up.

249
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:58,000
<i>It's party conference time
and late at night in his hotel room</i>

250
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:03,100
<i>the Prime Minister is making some final changes
to his big speech. I love party conferences.</i>

251
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:06,700
<i>They're brilliant. I've got them all on video.</i>

252
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:12,300
That all seems fine. Just punch up
the stuff about education reform.

253
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:16,400
- Let's call it a night.
- OK. We'll get to work on that.

254
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,200
- We'll see you in the morning.
- Good night, Prime Minister.

255
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,600
Good night.

256
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:30,700
- Oh, I thought they'd never leave!
- Is there something you wanted to talk about?

257
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:33,300
Not really, no.

258
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,700
Oh, I'm shattered.

259
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,900
(PHONE RINGS)

260
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:48,000
It's probably the Japanese Prime Minister.
Would you mind?

261
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,600
- Can I just use your loo?
- Yeah.

262
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,500
Hello? Yeah, yeah. Put him through.

263
00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:00,100
Kazuko! Konichiwa!

264
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:06,100
Yes, it's coming along.
Look, I've got the treaty right here.

265
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,700
What exactly are your objections to it?

266
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:16,800
No, I do realise
it's a very sensitive issue for your people.

267
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,500
Yeah.

268
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:23,700
No, I appreciate your concerns
about the second clause.

269
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:28,700
Perhaps we could look at making an amendment
that everybody would...agree with.

270
00:21:29,700 --> 00:21:36,000
Yes? No, I shall be meeting with the Cabinet
tomorrow. We'll get a much clearer picture.

271
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,700
No, I think it's... I think it's very nearly there.

272
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:43,500
It's just a couple of details, isn't it?

273
00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:49,500
Mm? No, I t...
I take it you'll be at the summit on the 15th?

274
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:54,700
- It's very important we have it resolved.
- Are you guys gonna be long?

275
00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:04,500
He'll call you back.

276
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,500
Be gentle with me, Prime Minister.

277
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:15,900
<i>At his home in Herby, Andy is busy
eating his own body weight in nuts.</i>

278
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:22,000
- What are you watching? ''Monster Trucks''?
- ''Monster Trucks'', yeah.

279
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:26,700
Well, I have got something
rather special for you.

280
00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:29,700
- What is it?
- It's the new chair you wanted.

281
00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:34,100
- Yeah, I know.
- I had to go all the way to Cranmouth for it.

282
00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:38,400
It was a right kerfuffle.
Right, let's pop you in it here.

283
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,400
One, two, aargh! That's got you, that's got you.

284
00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:45,500
That's got you. Ooh!
That's got you. That's got you.

285
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,700
- I don't like it.
- Give it a chance.

286
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:54,000
- I wanna get out.
- Maybe you just need a cushion or something.

287
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,600
I'll go and pop your tea on
and then I'll come back and sort it out.

288
00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:12,500
- Everything all right?
- Yeah, fine.

289
00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:16,700
- Roy?
- Yes, Margaret?

290
00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:20,400
- Is the pirate memory game man still there?
- Yes, Margaret!

291
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,800
- Because I think I've found something.
- Oh!

292
00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,700
Oh, my word! How funny!

293
00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:35,200
Cap'n Jack's Pirate Memory Game.
Ages - how funny - ages 4 to 8.

294
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,800
- And it does look a little less pirate-y.
- Well, what does he reckon?

295
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,300
Well, what do you reckon?

296
00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:51,500
- Can I have a look at the other one again?
- Yes, of course. There you go.

297
00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:55,300
(HEAVY BREATHING)

298
00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:01,600
- And how much is this one again?
- They both retail at £4.95.

299
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,900
- Oh.
- Is there a problem?

300
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,700
I was hoping to spend around £4.80.

301
00:24:08,300 --> 00:24:12,000
I'll be getting some money for my birthday.
I'll buy it then.

302
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,800
Yes.

303
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:20,300
(HEAVY SIGH)

304
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,200
<i>Sheltered accommodation is where people</i>

305
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:34,900
<i>who are too old and lazy
to do things for themselves are kept.</i>

306
00:24:34,900 --> 00:24:38,700
- Do I look all right?
- Yeah, you look fine.

307
00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:43,700
- (RINGS DOORBELL)
- So...no grandad in the frame?

308
00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:46,400
No. No, he died ten years ago.

309
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,900
Oh, great...shock that must have been.

310
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:54,000
- Oh, hello, love.
- Hello, Nan.

311
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,700
- Sorry to keep you. Me hip's playing up again.
- You remember Jason.

312
00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:01,700
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

313
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,400
Hello.

314
00:25:14,900 --> 00:25:17,700
Ooh! Mind me bag, it's nearly full!

315
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:23,700
- We got your shopping.
- Oh, you are good. Come in, come in.

316
00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:29,300
- I'm sorry I'm in me nightie.
- It's all right. You've got the figure for it.

317
00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:31,600
Oh, thanks!

318
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:35,000
- We'll just put these away for you.
- Oh, thanks.

319
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,000
Cheers (!)

320
00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:46,100
Thanks for helping with the shopping.
You are a good boy.

321
00:25:46,100 --> 00:25:48,500
I can be a bad boy sometimes.

322
00:25:51,100 --> 00:25:55,600
- It's hot in here.
- I like it nice and warm.

323
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,200
Working up...

324
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,700
..quite a sweat.

325
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:05,700
You couldn't pass me that pouffe,
could you, dear? Me feet are killing me.

326
00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:10,900
- There you go.
- Oh, ta.

327
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:23,500
Oh, baby.

328
00:26:25,900 --> 00:26:30,400
- Is that nice?
- Oh, yeah.

329
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,400
- What about here?
- Mm.

330
00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:51,700
Don't know if you wanted sugar, Jase...

331
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,100
- What's going on?
- It's not what it looks like.

332
00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:59,600
Get out. Get out!

333
00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:14,800
- (DOOR SLAMS)
- Is he a trained chiropodist?

334
00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:28,900
Oh, I forgot to say, I won't be here tomorrow
night. Mr Jackson will be filling in for me.

335
00:27:32,700 --> 00:27:36,100
Right. I think that's ready to go in the oven now.

336
00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:41,100
Whoa! I've got it, I've got it.

337
00:27:45,700 --> 00:27:48,200
Yeah, down a bit.

338
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,800
A bit lower.

339
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,300
If we try it round this way...

340
00:27:53,300 --> 00:27:58,500
<i>And so we have reached the end
of this evening's television programme.</i>

341
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:02,100
<i>And what a remarkable array
of Britons we've met.</i>

342
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:06,200
<i>My favourites were the little kicking boy,
Beefy Bill,</i>

343
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,200
<i>and Dicky Snapples,
the dwarf who hides apples.</i>

344
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,200
<i>Until next time, goodbive!</i>



9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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