1 00:00:00,830 --> 00:00:02,630 Britain, Britain, Britain! 2 00:00:02,790 --> 00:00:08,260 I love Britain so much that every day I sacrifice a child in honour of it. 3 00:00:08,430 --> 00:00:12,030 So thank the Lord, who incidentally is British, 4 00:00:12,190 --> 00:00:15,070 for the great things he has brought to this land. 5 00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:19,230 Take A Break, Spearmint Rhino and Findus Crispy Pancakes. 6 00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:23,750 But also let us give thanks for the people of Britain 7 00:00:23,910 --> 00:00:28,430 and it is them whom we'll be doing looking at today. Boogaloo! 8 00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:33,340 Today Lou has arranged for Andy to go on a blind date. 9 00:00:33,510 --> 00:00:38,510 I went on a blind date once with a border collie. Nothing came of it, but we stay in touch. 10 00:00:38,670 --> 00:00:41,310 - Can I have one of them chips? - No! 11 00:00:41,470 --> 00:00:44,270 - Please? - No. Should have got your own. 12 00:00:44,430 --> 00:00:47,030 - But I only had enough for one. - Yeah, I know. 13 00:00:47,190 --> 00:00:50,980 - Well, I don't want any chips now anyway. - Nor do I. 14 00:00:53,630 --> 00:00:57,230 - Are you excited about this date? - Yeah. What date? 15 00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,990 - The date. I set you up on a date with a lady. - Yeah, I know. 16 00:01:01,150 --> 00:01:03,350 Now, her name is Francesca 17 00:01:03,510 --> 00:01:07,510 and I said we'd meet her at the steps at five sharp. 18 00:01:07,670 --> 00:01:10,580 She's early! Hello, Francesca! How are you? 19 00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:12,900 - Very well, thanks. - That is good. 20 00:01:13,070 --> 00:01:15,870 Now, this is Andy, who I was telling you about. 21 00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:18,870 - Hello, Andy. - I don't want that one. 22 00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:22,740 - Why not? - She's in a wheelchair. 23 00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:25,470 - I know she's in a wheelchair. - Don't like her. 24 00:01:25,630 --> 00:01:29,630 Well, it's early days. I'll leave you two alone. 25 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:34,100 You don't need me here playing raspberry. All right? Have a lovely time. 26 00:01:36,510 --> 00:01:39,580 Well, Andy, I've heard a lot about you. 27 00:01:50,950 --> 00:01:52,940 Aaaaaaaah! 28 00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:05,230 In Darkley Noone, Vicky Pollard's gang are keen to get on with their day's robbing. 29 00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:08,270 Where is Vicky? She's so supposed to be here by now. 30 00:02:08,430 --> 00:02:11,820 Got that black boyfriend now, ain't she? Probably with him. 31 00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:15,780 She has well changed since she's gone with that Jermaine. 32 00:02:16,630 --> 00:02:21,150 - Er, take your time, why don't you (?) - Vicky, where have you been? 33 00:02:21,310 --> 00:02:26,100 (JAMAICAN) No but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no because somethin' happen' 34 00:02:26,270 --> 00:02:29,180 what I don't even know nothin' about, so shut up. 35 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:33,660 Me got me man, Jermaine. We've been behind the water slides makin' babies. 36 00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:37,510 So are you coming robbin' down Woollies with us later? 37 00:02:37,670 --> 00:02:42,870 Me don't know. Me think about just hangin' with me man, cookin' up chicken and rice and peas, 38 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:47,500 but, yeah but, no but, yeah. It's up to Jermaine. I'm his bitch now. What say you? 39 00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:52,220 (POSH) I don't really know, Victoria. I'm just happy to go with the flow. 40 00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:56,150 Me man has spoken. Woollies it is. 41 00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:01,060 Rasta! 42 00:03:03,630 --> 00:03:06,150 Meaningwhile, at this restaurant in Chafe... 43 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:08,910 And a rocket salad. Thank you. 44 00:03:10,830 --> 00:03:13,510 So...you still haven't heard from Alistair? 45 00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:16,190 No, I think he's gone back to that Sasha. 46 00:03:16,350 --> 00:03:21,630 Sorry. Well, I've been wanting to introduce you to my friend, Jonathan. 47 00:03:21,790 --> 00:03:24,780 - Oh, yes? - He's single. 48 00:03:24,950 --> 00:03:27,910 Works in the City. Lovely apartment in the Docklands. 49 00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:31,540 - Oh, so he's doing well? - Yes. Bought a place in Provence. 50 00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:35,310 - Oh, sounds wonderful. - I've got a picture of him. 51 00:03:38,390 --> 00:03:40,780 Oh, looks lovely. 52 00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:49,790 Christianity is one of the most popular religions in Britain, with over 80 members. 53 00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:52,710 (HYMN FINISHES) 54 00:03:56,550 --> 00:03:59,430 Please be seated. 55 00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:05,110 Now, as you know, the Reverend Hartley is on an exchange trip to Harlem in New York. 56 00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:09,470 So they've sent their reverend here to take the service this week. 57 00:04:09,630 --> 00:04:12,020 Now, I imagine he's a little nervous, 58 00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:15,980 so I want you all to make him feel very welcome. 59 00:04:16,150 --> 00:04:19,300 His name is Reverend Jesse King. 60 00:04:19,470 --> 00:04:22,070 Hallelujah! 61 00:04:22,230 --> 00:04:23,630 I... 62 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,990 ..is from the ghetto! 63 00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:27,740 You... 64 00:04:27,910 --> 00:04:30,190 ..is from the ghetto! 65 00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:32,740 We is all of the ghetto! 66 00:04:34,030 --> 00:04:36,420 So how we gonna get out the ghetto? 67 00:04:36,590 --> 00:04:41,350 I tell you how we's gonna get out the ghetto! We is gonna fight the power! 68 00:04:41,510 --> 00:04:44,710 Fight the power! Fight the power! 69 00:04:45,590 --> 00:04:47,790 What we gonna do, mama? 70 00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:51,990 - Fight the power, perhaps? - Praise the Lord! 71 00:04:53,670 --> 00:04:55,550 Hallelujah! 72 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:58,750 Say praise be to Jesus! 73 00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:01,630 (THEY MUMBLE) 74 00:05:01,790 --> 00:05:06,070 - Say praise be to the Lord! - (QUIETLY) Praise be to the Lord. 75 00:05:06,230 --> 00:05:10,020 - Say hi-de-hi-de-hi! - Hi-de-hi-de-hi. 76 00:05:10,190 --> 00:05:13,180 - Say ho-de-ho-de-ho. - Ho-de-ho-de-ho. 77 00:05:13,350 --> 00:05:17,980 Go, go, go to the holiday rock! Praise the Lord. Amen. 78 00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:23,230 And now it is time to call upon Lord Jesus to come amongst us today 79 00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,590 and heal the sick and the lame. 80 00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:28,510 Anyone here who can't walk? 81 00:05:30,550 --> 00:05:32,750 They can't do dat. 82 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,060 Anyone here with leprosy? 83 00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:38,990 Any lepers in the house? 84 00:05:39,150 --> 00:05:43,940 - Brother, what be your sickness? - Oh, I'm fine. It's just a slight cough. 85 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:48,390 Come and join me, brother. Jesus will cure you. 86 00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:50,540 (COUGHS) 87 00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:56,190 Excuse me while I talk in tongues for a moment. 88 00:05:56,350 --> 00:05:59,310 (GARBLED NONSENSE) 89 00:06:06,630 --> 00:06:10,150 - Well? - Still a bit tickly. 90 00:06:10,310 --> 00:06:12,270 Try these. 91 00:06:14,030 --> 00:06:18,230 He can walk! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! 92 00:06:19,190 --> 00:06:22,390 There is no greater shame in Britain than being fat. 93 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:26,150 I had a fat son, who, naturally, I gave up for adoption. 94 00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:31,470 He's written several times saying he's lost weight and would like to meet up. I'm not interested. 95 00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:39,710 - What the hell's all this? - You know me and Pat have got engaged? 96 00:06:39,870 --> 00:06:42,470 - Yeah. - We're having a party afterwards. 97 00:06:42,630 --> 00:06:46,630 - We've been setting up all afternoon. - Looks cheap. OK... 98 00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:50,990 Let's start with the... Hang on a minute. I didn't get my invitation. 99 00:06:51,150 --> 00:06:54,190 No, well, it was just close friends and family. 100 00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:56,420 - You're going? - Oh, yes. 101 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:59,190 - You? - Yeah. 102 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:01,390 - What about you, Meera? - Yes. 103 00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:02,990 - Sorry? - Yes. 104 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:04,980 - Again. - Yes! 105 00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:09,590 - No. Do it again. - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 106 00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:13,590 Was that a ''yes'' or...? I never know. We need an interpreter, really. 107 00:07:14,870 --> 00:07:17,150 - All this food's for the party? - Yeah. 108 00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:19,460 - What are these? - Vol-au-vents. 109 00:07:19,630 --> 00:07:23,630 Come on! We did vol-au-vents last week! Am I wasting my time? 110 00:07:23,790 --> 00:07:26,940 - Absolute calorie hot spots! - Marjorie! 111 00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:32,060 I'm only thinking of you, Pat. I want to see you get down to a size 30. 112 00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:35,790 - These? - Mini chipolatas. 113 00:07:35,950 --> 00:07:38,830 Why not just stick shit through my letterbox? 114 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:43,500 And what the hell is this supposed to be? 115 00:07:43,670 --> 00:07:45,740 I made it. It's banoffee pie. 116 00:07:45,910 --> 00:07:51,590 ''Oh, I made it. It's banoffee pie''! You are playing Russian roulade with their lives! 117 00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:55,060 If one of them has a single bite, they could drop down dead. 118 00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:57,750 Shame on you, Tanya. Boo! Hiss! Boo! 119 00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:03,150 We're just trying to have a party, Marjorie. 120 00:08:05,230 --> 00:08:07,830 Yeah, you're right. What am I thinking? 121 00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:10,980 Let's not worry about FatFighters today. 122 00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:14,990 Have a lovely time and I wish you all the best for the future. 123 00:08:24,990 --> 00:08:29,430 Today stage hypnotist Kenny Craig's three-date national tour has arrived in Snitch. 124 00:08:32,270 --> 00:08:36,470 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome hypnotist extraordinaire... 125 00:08:36,630 --> 00:08:41,230 Kenny-y-y-y Craig-uh! 126 00:08:42,950 --> 00:08:48,390 Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much indeed and welcome to the show. 127 00:08:48,550 --> 00:08:53,710 Look into my eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes. Look into my eyes. 128 00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:58,340 You're under. In one hour's time I will click my fingers and you will all believe 129 00:08:58,510 --> 00:09:02,900 you witnessed a superb hypnotic comedy show, much better than Paul McKenna 130 00:09:03,070 --> 00:09:07,380 and that Derren whatsisname, and you will tell all your friends. Hold the thought. 131 00:09:27,870 --> 00:09:31,470 With this afternoon's Welsh gay rugby league match over, 132 00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:35,020 local fruit Dafydd Thomas is heading off to the pub. 133 00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:38,260 - Hello, Dafydd. - Yeah, I'm gay! Get over it! 134 00:09:39,350 --> 00:09:42,820 - There you go, Farmer Hughes. - Thank you, my love. 135 00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:47,190 Ten Bacardi and Cokes, please, Myfanwy. 136 00:09:47,350 --> 00:09:50,110 - Oh, coming right up. - In you come, fellows. 137 00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:52,470 Come on, lads. 138 00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:56,780 - Get in here. - Oh, so who are all this lot, then? 139 00:09:56,950 --> 00:09:59,550 - They're from Bangor. - Oh, right. 140 00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:03,020 Llandewi Breffi played them today in the gay rugby league. 141 00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:06,660 - Who won? - Bangor. 96-0. 142 00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:09,510 What's happened to all our lot, then? 143 00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:13,030 Oh, no, it's just me. I am the only gay in the village. 144 00:10:14,870 --> 00:10:19,260 Funny. I was here last week. You couldn't move for cock. 145 00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:23,470 - Yeah, it was non-stop bum fun. - No, you're quite wrong. 146 00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:26,540 I'd have played, but I never heard about it. 147 00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,910 This was a gay team, for gays. 148 00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:31,460 I've tugged the odd todger in my time. 149 00:10:32,870 --> 00:10:34,990 Thank you, Farmer Hughes. 150 00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:38,750 - Excuse me. I'm a good winger. - Yes, but you're married. 151 00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:41,300 But I'm always cottaging. 152 00:10:42,630 --> 00:10:46,710 - What about your wife? - She don't mind. She's bi-curious herself. 153 00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:49,990 - Disgusting! - So which toilets do you use, then? 154 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:55,590 - The one in the park, of course. - I thought I'd seen you through the glory hole. 155 00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:02,430 I think I'm a bit old now for the rugby, but I'm a big fan of fisting. 156 00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:07,350 Is there nobody in this pub who isn't gay?! 157 00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:12,430 Well, I indulged in mutual masturbation when I was younger. Does that count? 158 00:11:12,590 --> 00:11:15,980 - What about you, Mr Jenkins? - Since I've retired 159 00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:18,750 I've discovered the joys of rimming. 160 00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:23,030 Right. That is it. 161 00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:26,100 I've had it with this village. I'm leaving! Goodbye! 162 00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:29,870 - But where are you going? - As far away from here as possible. 163 00:11:30,030 --> 00:11:33,230 Where gay people are not welcome, where I am the only one. 164 00:11:33,390 --> 00:11:36,860 - Where? - I've got two uncles in San Francisco! There. 165 00:11:50,430 --> 00:11:52,020 Ohhh! 166 00:11:53,590 --> 00:11:55,980 Oh, so he's in the army. 167 00:12:01,030 --> 00:12:05,260 (CLEARS THROAT) Oh, yeah. 3, 2, 1. You're back in the room. 168 00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:09,820 Thank you. Thank you very much indeed. You've been a great audience. 169 00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:14,990 Thank you very much. Don't forget to tell your friends. Good night! 170 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:20,780 She's taking bloody ages with these drinks. Oh! Thank you very much. 171 00:12:20,950 --> 00:12:25,740 - Oh, it's a shame about Jonathan. - He just talked about himself the whole night. 172 00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:30,270 - Well, I have a friend. Have you met Rupert? - I don't think I have. 173 00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:33,580 More a friend of Simon's. Just split up with his girlfriend. 174 00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:37,750 - Oh? What's he like? - He's lovely. Very good-looking. 175 00:12:37,910 --> 00:12:41,700 He's an architect. I've got a picture of him, I think. 176 00:12:42,710 --> 00:12:44,700 Oh, yes. 177 00:12:46,950 --> 00:12:48,750 Hm. Looks familiar. 178 00:12:48,910 --> 00:12:51,950 - He was at Harriet's wedding. - Did he have longer hair? 179 00:12:54,150 --> 00:12:57,460 Before you can get divorced in Britain, you need to get married. 180 00:12:57,630 --> 00:13:01,630 For Harvey and Jane, the big day has finally arrived. 181 00:13:01,790 --> 00:13:04,750 (HYMN FINISHES) 182 00:13:06,630 --> 00:13:12,470 And now it is time for Jane and Harvey 183 00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:14,620 to make their wedding vows. 184 00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:20,780 Do you, Harvey Tobias Jerome Pincher, 185 00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:23,830 take Jane Louise Edwards 186 00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,550 to be your lawful wedded wife? 187 00:13:27,830 --> 00:13:29,630 Bitty. 188 00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:31,830 I'm sorry? 189 00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:36,190 - Bitty. - No, it's ''I do''. 190 00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:39,550 I know, but hungry. I want bitty. 191 00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:43,670 - Harvey, I fed you on the way here! - We're eating in an hour. 192 00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:47,750 - Do you want me to go? - No, no, no, Mummy. 193 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,980 I'm terribly sorry. It's a lovely service. 194 00:14:02,270 --> 00:14:04,020 Carry on. 195 00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:07,740 Er, do you, um... 196 00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:11,630 ..take this woman to be your lawful, wedded wife? 197 00:14:12,670 --> 00:14:14,470 I do. 198 00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:16,860 And do you, Jane Louise Edwards, 199 00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:19,830 take this... 200 00:14:21,430 --> 00:14:22,950 ..man... 201 00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:26,150 ..to be your lawful, wedded husband? 202 00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:27,900 Um... 203 00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:35,230 I do. 204 00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:40,020 I now declare you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. 205 00:14:53,830 --> 00:14:58,670 In Troot, theatrical agent Jeremy Rent is working hard for his stellar list of clients. 206 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:04,350 Hello. This is a message for the editor of ''OK!'' magazine. Jeremy Rent here. 207 00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:08,110 My client, Liza Goddard, has just had a new loft extension. 208 00:15:08,270 --> 00:15:11,150 I'm offering you an exclusive on it for £30. 209 00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:14,950 I look forward to hearing from you. Goodbye. 210 00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:18,100 - (INTERCOM BUZZES) - Dennis Waterman here to see you. 211 00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:20,660 Lovely. Send him in. 212 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:25,860 - Hello! It's raining cats and dogs out there! - Hello, Dennis. 213 00:15:26,030 --> 00:15:28,420 Let me take that from you. 214 00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:31,030 Yes. 215 00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:35,310 - You sound a bit bunged up. - Yeah. Bit of a cold. 216 00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:38,780 - Here. Have a tissue. - Have you not got any man-size? 217 00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:40,540 No. 218 00:15:43,470 --> 00:15:45,940 (BLOWS NOSE) 219 00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:56,510 - Now, I've had a call from George Lucas. - Oh, the man who done ''Howard The Duck''. 220 00:15:58,270 --> 00:16:02,310 - Yes. And ''Star Wars''. - Oh, he done that as well? 221 00:16:03,470 --> 00:16:07,100 Anyway, he's making a brand-new ''Star Wars'' film 222 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:10,500 and he wants you to be Obi-Wan's cousin, Kenneth Kenobi. 223 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:15,670 Nice. They want me to star in it, write the theme tune, sing the theme tune? 224 00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:19,030 - No, they've got their own music. - Tell him to get stuffed. 225 00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:25,220 Dennis, ''Star Wars'' is a very big deal and can make you an awful lot of money. 226 00:16:25,390 --> 00:16:28,380 They'd even make an action figure of you. Like this. 227 00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:33,790 Oh! Life-size! 228 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:42,350 - Well? - # In a galaxy far away in space... # 229 00:16:42,510 --> 00:16:44,470 Dennis... 230 00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:48,470 # Bad men had taken over space... # 231 00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:50,110 Dennis! 232 00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:53,870 # I've got a good idea Just you keep me near 233 00:16:54,030 --> 00:16:56,750 # I'll be so good for the Rebel Alliance! # 234 00:16:56,910 --> 00:17:01,700 Obviously, it will sound a bit better on the day. I'm still a bit snotty. 235 00:17:01,870 --> 00:17:04,260 Here. Try this. 236 00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:11,750 Man, that's good! 237 00:17:13,870 --> 00:17:19,030 It's half past Wilhelm and at this health spa Mr Hutton is taking an important meeting. 238 00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:22,870 Meetings are when people who need to meet meet and have a meeting. 239 00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:25,340 Mr Hutton! A word. 240 00:17:25,510 --> 00:17:27,870 Mrs DeVere, I'm in the middle of a meeting. 241 00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:32,660 Why have you told Gita I can't have any more treatments until my bill has been paid? 242 00:17:32,830 --> 00:17:35,630 That's correct, yes. This is the lady. 243 00:17:35,790 --> 00:17:38,350 Her bill has been unpaid for five months now. 244 00:17:39,470 --> 00:17:43,230 Why don't you take a photo? It lasts longer. 245 00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:46,750 - Mrs DeVere, please leave. - Aren't you going to introduce me? 246 00:17:46,910 --> 00:17:50,540 - This is Mrs DeVere. - Call me Bubbles. 247 00:17:50,710 --> 00:17:54,590 - This is Mr Byfield. He's head of accounts. - Yes. 248 00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:57,660 - Mr Shah, in charge of our legal side. - Oh, yes. 249 00:17:57,830 --> 00:18:00,430 - This is Miss Crozier. - Hm. 250 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:03,390 And Sir Anthony Garfield, who's the owner. 251 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,750 Oh, the owner. 252 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:10,460 Oh, Sir Tony, it is a great pleasure to make your acquaintance. 253 00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:12,430 Hello. 254 00:18:14,430 --> 00:18:16,580 Champagne! 255 00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:20,060 Sir Tony, what sort of qualities do you look for in a woman? 256 00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:22,430 You're sitting on my report! 257 00:18:22,590 --> 00:18:24,630 I do apologise. 258 00:18:24,790 --> 00:18:27,180 Is this more comfortable? 259 00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:30,030 No! 260 00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:33,820 - Mrs DeVere, will you please leave? - Very well. 261 00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:38,390 Oh! You dropped your pen. 262 00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,220 I'm winking, darling. 263 00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:48,270 Get out! 264 00:18:48,430 --> 00:18:51,630 Meet me in the Jacuzzi in 15 minutes. 265 00:18:55,950 --> 00:19:00,390 It's nought o'clock and at this shop in Phlegm, Mr Man is looking for a record. 266 00:19:00,550 --> 00:19:04,830 I myself own two records, both ''No Parlez'' by Paul Young. 267 00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:15,030 - Hello. How can I... - I would like to purchase a record 268 00:19:15,190 --> 00:19:18,790 of James Last playing the hits of Nelly Furtado... on the banjo. 269 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:25,350 And I would like a picture on the cover of James Last holding out his hands displaying stigmata. 270 00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:29,820 Certainly. 271 00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,780 Thank you. 272 00:19:37,830 --> 00:19:40,550 Does it have sleeve notes by Dr Graeme Garden? 273 00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:42,510 Yes! 274 00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:51,230 Thank you. So, do you think you'll see Rupert again? 275 00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:54,990 - No, thank you. - Did you ever meet Simon's brother, Tom? 276 00:19:55,150 --> 00:20:00,550 - No, I don't think I did. - I think I've got a picture of them together. 277 00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:02,700 Oh, yes. 278 00:20:04,230 --> 00:20:05,550 Oh! 279 00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:07,910 I can see the family resemblance. 280 00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:13,470 Today in the charming village of Pox, the village green is host to a bring-and-buy sale. 281 00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:18,230 Last year's bring-and-buy sale was very successful and raised over £1.20. 282 00:20:18,390 --> 00:20:20,910 - Slow today, isn't it? - Yes. 283 00:20:21,070 --> 00:20:23,030 Oh, hello! 284 00:20:23,190 --> 00:20:27,790 - Would you like a gingerbread man each? - Oh, thank you. How delightful! 285 00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,150 - Thank you. - Thank you very much. 286 00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:33,870 Oh, delicious! Did you make these? 287 00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:37,020 No. Anisha did. 288 00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:44,510 No, Maggie, please. She's just a child. 289 00:20:54,830 --> 00:20:57,950 Did you talk to Valerie about the Barnardo's job? 290 00:20:59,110 --> 00:21:01,100 Run along. 291 00:21:04,510 --> 00:21:08,220 At Number 10, the government is celebrating another election victory. 292 00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:12,590 I love an election. In fact, I'm having one right now. 293 00:21:13,950 --> 00:21:17,630 - Here's to a third term! - (CHEERING) 294 00:21:17,790 --> 00:21:20,180 - You did it! - We did it. 295 00:21:23,150 --> 00:21:25,140 What about me? 296 00:21:25,310 --> 00:21:29,620 Sebastian, thank you. You know I couldn't have done it without you. 297 00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:32,390 (MUSIC: ''CARELESS WHISPER'') 298 00:21:42,790 --> 00:21:45,550 # Ohhh, ohhhh-ohhh... # 299 00:21:47,190 --> 00:21:49,390 - Um... - This is nice, isn't it? 300 00:21:49,550 --> 00:21:50,950 Um... 301 00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:54,820 Er...yes. It's going to be a very hectic day tomorrow. 302 00:21:54,990 --> 00:21:59,990 - I'll need your help, shepherding all the MPs... - Ssh! Ssh! 303 00:22:01,230 --> 00:22:05,020 - 23 new Members. It's going to be quite... - Ssh! 304 00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:14,420 - Prime Minister, I'd just like to say... - (MOUTHS) 305 00:22:20,630 --> 00:22:22,220 Oh... 306 00:22:31,830 --> 00:22:33,820 Oh! Whoa! Ah. 307 00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:39,710 Don't fight it, Prime Minister. 308 00:22:40,830 --> 00:22:44,510 This is a very...a very long song, isn't it? 309 00:22:53,590 --> 00:22:56,390 # Moving on up, moving on up... # 310 00:22:57,550 --> 00:23:01,340 I'll be back in a while. I'm going to...talk to the Chancellor. 311 00:23:02,830 --> 00:23:05,630 (WEEPING) 312 00:23:13,030 --> 00:23:17,340 - Sebastian, will you...? Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. 313 00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:21,580 I don't want to speak out of turn, but... 314 00:23:21,750 --> 00:23:26,620 ..do you perhaps have... the slightest crush on me? 315 00:23:29,190 --> 00:23:32,980 Whatever gave you that idea? No. I just wanted to say well done. 316 00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:35,750 Oh, well, thank you. Thank you. 317 00:23:49,830 --> 00:23:51,630 Well done. 318 00:23:51,790 --> 00:23:53,510 Oh, hello! 319 00:24:01,230 --> 00:24:06,630 As a special treat, Lou has taken Andy to the popular coastal town of Sphincter-on-Sea. 320 00:24:07,790 --> 00:24:09,780 Right. Tell me when. 321 00:24:10,590 --> 00:24:12,630 Fine. 322 00:24:12,790 --> 00:24:15,550 Fine. Fine. 323 00:24:17,190 --> 00:24:18,670 Fine. 324 00:24:21,430 --> 00:24:23,420 (HORN BLARES) 325 00:24:23,590 --> 00:24:27,590 - I wanna go swimming. - Oh, no. Not today. 326 00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:32,140 It's very cold in there and I'd need someone else to help you get in and out. 327 00:24:32,310 --> 00:24:36,100 I haven't even brought your trunks. It would be a right kerfuffle. 328 00:24:36,270 --> 00:24:40,270 - I wanna go swimming! - You don't like swimming in the sea. 329 00:24:40,430 --> 00:24:43,390 You said the sea is a dark and brutal force 330 00:24:43,550 --> 00:24:46,540 that has dragged many an innocent to a watery grave. 331 00:24:46,710 --> 00:24:50,710 - Yeah, I know. - You stay there. I'll go and get you a choc ice. 332 00:24:50,870 --> 00:24:53,070 Hello, Mr Choc-Ice Seller. 333 00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:55,700 What types of choc ice have you got today? 334 00:24:55,870 --> 00:24:59,260 You've got your plain chocolate and your milk chocolate? 335 00:24:59,430 --> 00:25:02,030 What's the main difference between the two? 336 00:25:02,190 --> 00:25:06,580 The milk one is creamier. It's sweeter, isn't it? 337 00:25:06,750 --> 00:25:12,150 - Then there's the plain chocolate... - It has a dark and bitter edge to it. 338 00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:16,860 It's not to everybody's taste. But some people do prefer the plain over the milk. 339 00:25:17,030 --> 00:25:22,270 It's very interesting, that. If you had to pick between the two, what would you choose? 340 00:25:22,430 --> 00:25:24,740 - Plain. - You'd choose the plain one? 341 00:25:24,910 --> 00:25:27,790 All right. Let me try one plain one, then. 342 00:25:27,950 --> 00:25:30,340 Thank you. 343 00:25:30,510 --> 00:25:33,110 There you go. 344 00:25:33,270 --> 00:25:37,270 That's the best choc ice you can get. All right, thanks a lot. 345 00:25:37,430 --> 00:25:39,820 Here we are, my young friend. 346 00:25:43,430 --> 00:25:46,030 Is there a reason why you're naked? 347 00:25:49,630 --> 00:25:53,830 And so another remarkable series of ''Little Britain'' comes to an end. 348 00:25:53,990 --> 00:25:57,780 If you have enjoyed the series and you see me in the street, 349 00:25:57,950 --> 00:26:03,230 you may like to come up to me and caress my thighs and buttocks. Good pie! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net