1
00:00:00,362 --> 00:00:03,942
Are you off your head completely?
The Irish don't binge drink?
2
00:00:04,009 --> 00:00:06,448
I am telling you,
it is an English thing.
3
00:00:06,449 --> 00:00:08,408
The Irish don't drink to get drunk.
4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,688
I totally agree with you, Packy,
because...
5
00:00:10,689 --> 00:00:13,168
Oh, God, I'm going to vomit.
6
00:00:13,169 --> 00:00:14,928
You were saying?
7
00:00:14,929 --> 00:00:17,648
Look, when the English drink,
it's organised,
8
00:00:17,649 --> 00:00:19,248
it's regimented.
9
00:00:19,249 --> 00:00:21,888
Yeah! And it's also fucking
organised... Yeah.
10
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:23,848
..and regimented. Exactly.
11
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:26,088
They have an objective -
to get wrecked.
12
00:00:26,089 --> 00:00:29,048
They achieve that objective,
job done.
13
00:00:29,049 --> 00:00:31,808
Irish drinking is
more of an art form.
14
00:00:31,809 --> 00:00:33,568
We don't just walk into a pub sober
15
00:00:33,569 --> 00:00:36,128
and get on it. That's...
16
00:00:36,129 --> 00:00:37,928
Barbaric. We warm up.
17
00:00:37,929 --> 00:00:40,168
We drink before we're out,
18
00:00:40,169 --> 00:00:41,648
while we're out
19
00:00:41,649 --> 00:00:43,648
and when we get home.
20
00:00:43,649 --> 00:00:47,568
For us, it's about longevity.
Do you know what it's about?
21
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,128
Longevity.
22
00:00:49,129 --> 00:00:53,129
We keep going. So no,
we don't drink until we're drunk.
23
00:00:54,129 --> 00:00:57,088
We drink until we're sober.
24
00:00:57,089 --> 00:00:59,448
And that's the difference, Bronagh.
25
00:00:59,449 --> 00:01:01,648
The English charge
26
00:01:01,649 --> 00:01:03,408
and the Irish float.
27
00:01:03,409 --> 00:01:06,688
"Float", do we? Oh, that's handy.
28
00:01:06,689 --> 00:01:09,208
Cos Conor's just pissed himself.
29
00:01:09,209 --> 00:01:11,114
Ah, Jesus, Conor!
30
00:01:12,885 --> 00:01:16,205
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
31
00:01:17,569 --> 00:01:20,168
'It's a rare sunny day
here in Belfast
32
00:01:20,169 --> 00:01:23,169
'and here's Neil Diamond
with Cracklin' Rosie.'
33
00:01:29,369 --> 00:01:30,768
What are you doing?
34
00:01:30,769 --> 00:01:32,448
Dropping you off at the airport.
35
00:01:32,449 --> 00:01:34,928
This isn't the airport.
We're here, Bronagh! We're here!
36
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:37,128
No, we're not, thicko!
I'll get us a trolley.
37
00:01:37,129 --> 00:01:38,608
Aye, you do that.
38
00:01:38,609 --> 00:01:42,288
OK. Well, be careful, weans.
Behave yourself, now.
39
00:01:42,289 --> 00:01:44,928
Da, this isn't the airport.
What's going on?
40
00:01:44,929 --> 00:01:48,688
There's nothing going on.
Oh, I'm fairly sure there's
something going on.
41
00:01:48,689 --> 00:01:50,288
Everything OK, love?
42
00:01:50,289 --> 00:01:53,008
She knows about the whole
"this not being the airport" thing.
43
00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:54,528
Well, isn't that just brilliant?!
44
00:01:54,529 --> 00:01:57,408
I didn't tell her, love.
I swear I didn't. I CAN hear you.
45
00:01:57,409 --> 00:02:00,408
Look, Bronagh, that airport
car park started charging.
46
00:02:00,409 --> 00:02:02,968
It's extortionate. They're
robbing bastards, so they are.
47
00:02:02,969 --> 00:02:05,248
And we're not paying it.
It's a matter of principle.
48
00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:07,128
Isn't it, love? It is love.
49
00:02:07,129 --> 00:02:08,808
There's no trolleys left.
50
00:02:08,809 --> 00:02:11,248
You can't just leave us here.
It's the middle of nowhere.
51
00:02:11,249 --> 00:02:13,368
No, it's not.
You're a three minute walk away.
52
00:02:13,369 --> 00:02:16,688
Three minutes? Really? Minutes,
miles... something like that.
53
00:02:16,689 --> 00:02:19,408
I am not walking three
fucking miles, Ma!
54
00:02:19,409 --> 00:02:20,608
You'll watch your mouth.
55
00:02:20,609 --> 00:02:22,688
A bit of exercise will do us
good, Bronagh.
56
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:25,088
That's right, son.
Listen to your brother, love.
57
00:02:25,089 --> 00:02:27,888
This is madness.
Just drive us to the airport,
58
00:02:27,889 --> 00:02:30,328
I'll pay for the car park.
59
00:02:30,329 --> 00:02:33,168
But that takes us a bit
out of our way, is the thing.
60
00:02:33,169 --> 00:02:34,888
What? We want to go to IKEA.
61
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:36,928
We've our eye on a chopping board.
62
00:02:36,929 --> 00:02:40,929
Ma, Da, you cannot do this.
You just can't!
63
00:02:42,449 --> 00:02:43,569
Fine.
64
00:02:52,329 --> 00:02:54,249
Go, Chris! Go, go, go! Come on!
65
00:02:59,489 --> 00:03:01,569
They're some craic, aren't they?
66
00:03:11,009 --> 00:03:13,768
God, I missed you.
You're so fucking amazing.
67
00:03:13,769 --> 00:03:14,888
Yeah, I know.
68
00:03:14,889 --> 00:03:17,128
I thought about you all the time
when I was inside.
69
00:03:17,129 --> 00:03:18,288
Did you think about me?
70
00:03:18,289 --> 00:03:20,328
Not really. Too painful?
71
00:03:20,329 --> 00:03:21,928
Yeah, maybe.
72
00:03:21,929 --> 00:03:23,688
I have to go. You don't have
to go...
73
00:03:23,689 --> 00:03:25,928
I know. But it just sounds
better than "I want to go."
74
00:03:25,929 --> 00:03:27,088
Will I see you later?
75
00:03:27,089 --> 00:03:28,408
I might be heading out.
76
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:32,409
I could come meet you.
They're taking off the tag today.
77
00:03:32,849 --> 00:03:34,048
What?!
78
00:03:34,049 --> 00:03:36,288
They're taking away
your ankle bracelet?
79
00:03:36,289 --> 00:03:38,168
No, you see,
I enjoy the ankle bracelet.
80
00:03:38,169 --> 00:03:41,088
The ankle bracelet means that
I can come here and get the ride
81
00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:44,688
but not have to run into you
when I'm out pulling other fellas.
82
00:03:44,689 --> 00:03:48,689
You crack me up.
83
00:03:51,209 --> 00:03:53,208
Still, it was so good to spend
a bit of time
84
00:03:53,209 --> 00:03:55,048
with the old family though,
wasn't it?
85
00:03:55,049 --> 00:03:57,448
There's things I'd rather have
been doing. Like...
86
00:03:57,449 --> 00:04:00,608
stabbing myself
repeatedly in the face.
87
00:04:00,609 --> 00:04:02,488
Good morning.
88
00:04:02,489 --> 00:04:05,368
No. Lovely,
and where are you flying to today?
89
00:04:05,369 --> 00:04:06,528
London, thank fuck.
90
00:04:06,529 --> 00:04:09,128
Lovely. And can I just
have your wee passports?
91
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:11,568
I only have a regular sized
passport, so...
92
00:04:11,569 --> 00:04:13,888
Lovely. And can you just pop
your wee bag
93
00:04:13,889 --> 00:04:17,889
on the scale for me there, please.
94
00:04:18,449 --> 00:04:21,288
Oh, I'm afraid you're a wee bit over
the weight restriction, there.
95
00:04:21,289 --> 00:04:23,288
You're going to have
a wee additional charge.
96
00:04:23,289 --> 00:04:26,528
I'm not sure I trust
your definition of "wee". How much?
97
00:04:26,529 --> 00:04:28,328
£60. Sixty quid?
98
00:04:28,329 --> 00:04:29,688
Are you fucking demented?
99
00:04:29,689 --> 00:04:33,689
Come on now, Bronagh.
I will sort this.
100
00:04:34,929 --> 00:04:37,128
Nah, I can't sort it.
101
00:04:37,129 --> 00:04:39,448
You really are such a ball root.
102
00:04:39,449 --> 00:04:42,168
Look, I don't have the money. OK?
103
00:04:42,169 --> 00:04:43,448
But even if I did,
104
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,648
I would rather bite off
my own left tit
105
00:04:45,649 --> 00:04:47,128
than hand it over to you.
106
00:04:47,129 --> 00:04:48,368
Look, I'm really sorry.
107
00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:50,248
You're not sorry. I am sorry.
108
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,568
I don't think you're sorry.
109
00:04:51,569 --> 00:04:53,208
She does sound sorry, Bronagh.
110
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,448
Shut up. I'm sorry,
111
00:04:54,449 --> 00:04:55,648
but if you don't pay the fee,
112
00:04:55,649 --> 00:04:59,488
then I'm afraid your bag won't
be travelling with you today.
113
00:04:59,489 --> 00:05:01,608
All right. Fine.
114
00:05:01,609 --> 00:05:04,248
My bag won't be travelling
with me today?
115
00:05:04,249 --> 00:05:07,888
Well, that's absolutely
fucking fine.
116
00:05:07,889 --> 00:05:11,088
Tell me this, have you started
weighing the actual passengers yet?
117
00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:13,368
No, of course not. Good.
118
00:05:13,369 --> 00:05:17,369
Conor, layer the fuck up.
119
00:05:29,769 --> 00:05:31,168
I need to run into Tesco's.
120
00:05:31,169 --> 00:05:33,528
No bother. Packy, how many times
a day would you shite?
121
00:05:33,529 --> 00:05:36,888
What? Would you shite once a day?
Would you shite twice a day?
122
00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:38,888
I think I'm shiteing a lot, lately.
Right.
123
00:05:38,889 --> 00:05:40,848
But it's not diarrhoea.
No, my stuff's firm.
124
00:05:40,849 --> 00:05:42,248
You could grab a hold of it, like.
125
00:05:42,249 --> 00:05:44,008
Do you think it's something
I'm eating?
126
00:05:44,009 --> 00:05:47,048
I think it's something I'd rather
not talk about with a hangover,
Niamh.
127
00:05:47,049 --> 00:05:48,888
Or ever.
128
00:05:48,889 --> 00:05:51,568
Patrick? Ryan? Jesus!
129
00:05:51,569 --> 00:05:52,648
Long time.
130
00:05:52,649 --> 00:05:55,608
How the hell are you, man?
Christ, it's been ages.
131
00:05:55,609 --> 00:05:58,368
Oh, this is my friend Niamh...
Nice to meet you.
132
00:05:58,369 --> 00:06:00,688
Listen, Ryan, how many times...?
Aye, not now, Niamh.
133
00:06:00,689 --> 00:06:02,968
So what are you up to?
You living here now, then, or...
134
00:06:02,969 --> 00:06:04,528
No, staying with a friend -
135
00:06:04,529 --> 00:06:06,968
just over for
a bit of an operation.
136
00:06:06,969 --> 00:06:09,208
Right. Nothing serious I hope?
137
00:06:09,209 --> 00:06:11,768
It's probably cos
he's missing a hand. Look.
138
00:06:11,769 --> 00:06:15,769
Yeah, I still only have the one hand
you see, Packy.
139
00:06:16,729 --> 00:06:19,088
Ah, so you do.
140
00:06:19,089 --> 00:06:20,928
I met a fella once who only
had the one eye,
141
00:06:20,929 --> 00:06:23,488
Thomas... something. Do you know him?
142
00:06:23,489 --> 00:06:25,888
No. No, I don't.
143
00:06:25,889 --> 00:06:27,768
So what kind of operation are you...?
144
00:06:27,769 --> 00:06:30,408
Oh, I'm having a bebionic
prosthetic fitted.
145
00:06:30,409 --> 00:06:32,288
I decided to go private in the end.
146
00:06:32,289 --> 00:06:35,008
I'd been on that NHS
waiting list for five years.
147
00:06:35,009 --> 00:06:36,648
Jesus, tell me about it.
148
00:06:36,649 --> 00:06:39,568
18 months I've been waiting
to get a wisdom tooth out!
149
00:06:39,569 --> 00:06:41,768
That's desperate.
150
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,568
Oh, I'd better run.
But it was great to...
151
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,168
So great.
And we should...
152
00:06:45,169 --> 00:06:48,968
Absolutely.
153
00:06:48,969 --> 00:06:50,608
Did I just compare
him losing a hand
154
00:06:50,609 --> 00:06:52,488
to me getting a fucking tooth out?
155
00:06:52,489 --> 00:06:55,568
You did, aye.
156
00:06:55,569 --> 00:06:58,768
God, you talk to someone like that
and it really makes you think,
doesn't it?
157
00:06:58,769 --> 00:07:00,608
About the glove thing?
158
00:07:00,609 --> 00:07:01,648
I'm sorry?
159
00:07:01,649 --> 00:07:04,448
Yeah. Like, does he buy them
in pairs and throw one away
160
00:07:04,449 --> 00:07:07,208
or are there places that
sell singles? No!
161
00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:09,448
I mean,
you see someone with real problems
162
00:07:09,449 --> 00:07:12,048
and you realise how lucky you are.
163
00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:13,848
We should be out there
seizing the day.
164
00:07:13,849 --> 00:07:15,568
I mean, we're young, we're healthy.
165
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:18,088
We shouldn't be pissing away
our lives like this.
166
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:20,408
Do you know what I'm saying?
Completely.
167
00:07:20,409 --> 00:07:22,128
So, Tyson says he can get us smack.
168
00:07:22,129 --> 00:07:23,368
What? Smack.
169
00:07:23,369 --> 00:07:24,888
Do you fancy it?
170
00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:26,248
No, I do not fancy it.
171
00:07:26,249 --> 00:07:28,328
We don't have to pay for it
or anything. Niamh,
172
00:07:28,329 --> 00:07:30,448
we are not doing smack.
173
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:32,208
Well, what am I supposed
to tell Tyson?
174
00:07:32,209 --> 00:07:33,928
Tell him to stick his heroin
up his hole.
175
00:07:33,929 --> 00:07:35,168
Like I'm going to say that!
176
00:07:35,169 --> 00:07:37,808
That's why he got banged up
in the first place.
177
00:07:37,809 --> 00:07:40,088
I'm not sure Tyson's
the man for you.
178
00:07:40,089 --> 00:07:42,168
Hmm,
because of the Protestant thing?
179
00:07:42,169 --> 00:07:44,568
No, it's not so much
the Protestant thing.
180
00:07:44,569 --> 00:07:48,168
It's more the drug smuggling,
grievous bodily harm,
181
00:07:48,169 --> 00:07:50,128
jail sentence thing that bothers me.
182
00:07:50,129 --> 00:07:52,088
Doesn't it bother you? Mmm...
183
00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:54,848
the Protestant thing
bothers me more.
184
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:58,849
I see.
185
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,128
How fucking much?
186
00:08:02,129 --> 00:08:05,688
Aye, well you can ride my leg,
you robbing bastard.
187
00:08:05,689 --> 00:08:07,048
Are you wearing a frock?
188
00:08:07,049 --> 00:08:08,328
It's Bronagh's. OK.
189
00:08:08,329 --> 00:08:09,408
How is the old country?
190
00:08:09,409 --> 00:08:12,608
Fuck away off. Grand. So,
what happened here?
191
00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:15,888
Oh, this... I got attacked
last night.
192
00:08:15,889 --> 00:08:17,208
Jesus, mate! By who?
193
00:08:17,209 --> 00:08:19,088
This drunk jockey just came
out of nowhere
194
00:08:19,089 --> 00:08:21,128
and started battering me
with a bicycle pump.
195
00:08:21,129 --> 00:08:22,568
Bronagh punched you. Yep.
196
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:26,569
You clapped when the plane landed
again, didn't you? Yep.
197
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,968
We should be out there,
seizing the day.
198
00:08:33,969 --> 00:08:37,208
You know, we're young, we're healthy,
we have both our hands...
199
00:08:37,209 --> 00:08:39,688
Seriously, will you shut
up about your hando friend,
200
00:08:39,689 --> 00:08:41,888
nobody cares about the hando friend.
201
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,088
He's not my hando friend.
He's without a hand.
202
00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:46,168
He's my no-hando friend.
203
00:08:46,169 --> 00:08:47,928
Look, it's quiz night
in the pub tonight.
204
00:08:47,929 --> 00:08:50,688
I'm going to see if we can give
the pot to Ryan. What do you think?
205
00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:53,368
Ach, Packy,
like I give a flying fuck.
206
00:08:53,369 --> 00:08:55,088
What are we doing?
What are we up to?
207
00:08:55,089 --> 00:08:57,168
What's going on? Take that off.
208
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,248
You're just raging cos
it looks better on me.
209
00:08:59,249 --> 00:09:01,248
I hope your next shite's
a hedgehog, Conor.
210
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,768
Guess who I bumped into earlier.
211
00:09:02,769 --> 00:09:04,368
Ryan.
212
00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:05,488
Ryan?
213
00:09:05,489 --> 00:09:08,568
Ryan - he worked in the garage shop
with me, back home. Ryan.
214
00:09:08,569 --> 00:09:10,048
Ryan?
215
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:13,568
Ryan! You remember Ryan.
216
00:09:13,569 --> 00:09:15,888
Hmm...
217
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,128
Ryan?
218
00:09:17,129 --> 00:09:20,008
For God's sake, Ryan!
He had a sister called Sinead.
219
00:09:20,009 --> 00:09:22,608
Ryan! Ryan?
220
00:09:22,609 --> 00:09:24,128
It's not ringing a bell, now.
221
00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:26,728
Ryan! He lived in that big house
beside the park.
222
00:09:26,729 --> 00:09:28,808
Skinny fella, dark hair. Ryan!
223
00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:31,448
Jesus! Would Ryan have any other
distinguishing features
224
00:09:31,449 --> 00:09:33,088
that might jog his memory?
Like...
225
00:09:33,089 --> 00:09:34,168
is he missing a limb?
226
00:09:34,169 --> 00:09:37,928
Not a limb, a hand.
A fucking hand! Oh!
227
00:09:37,929 --> 00:09:39,448
Ryan.
228
00:09:39,449 --> 00:09:40,728
Don't do that, mate.
229
00:09:40,729 --> 00:09:44,208
Here, do you think that
he still blames you for that?
230
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,408
Why would he blame Packy?
231
00:09:45,409 --> 00:09:47,008
It was his fault. Conor, shut up.
232
00:09:47,009 --> 00:09:48,808
Did you cut that fella's
hand off, Packy?
233
00:09:48,809 --> 00:09:52,008
No! Jesus, look, the reason
Ryan is the way he is...
234
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,368
I mean, the reason he...
235
00:09:53,369 --> 00:09:55,768
Can't clap?
236
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,128
..is because one night,
the shop we worked in got robbed
237
00:09:58,129 --> 00:09:59,648
and poor Ryan got shot
in the hand.
238
00:09:59,649 --> 00:10:02,688
While he was covering your shift.
Yeah, while he was covering my shift.
239
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,288
That doesn't make it my fault, Conor.
240
00:10:04,289 --> 00:10:07,008
You dirty, shrapnel-dodging bastard.
241
00:10:07,009 --> 00:10:08,368
That's shocking, Packy.
242
00:10:08,369 --> 00:10:10,968
You think giving him a few quid
from your spasticated pub quiz
243
00:10:10,969 --> 00:10:12,648
is going to make up for
having him shot?
244
00:10:12,649 --> 00:10:15,248
I didn't have him shot! He took
a bullet that was meant for you.
245
00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:17,288
Fine. Well, you can all help me
make it up to him
246
00:10:17,289 --> 00:10:18,448
at the quiz tonight.
247
00:10:18,449 --> 00:10:22,449
We can't. We have plans.
248
00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:25,248
You're not doing smack.
249
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,768
Let me make this very clear -
250
00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:30,248
nobody will be doing any smack. OK?
251
00:10:30,249 --> 00:10:31,608
Oh, Jesus.
252
00:10:31,609 --> 00:10:33,248
We're not going to that
retarded quiz.
253
00:10:33,249 --> 00:10:35,688
It's for a good cause. You're not
going to guilt us into it.
254
00:10:35,689 --> 00:10:36,968
We don't owe the fella a hand.
255
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,728
That quiz is nothing
but a twat magnet
256
00:10:38,729 --> 00:10:40,768
and there's absolutely no way...
257
00:10:40,769 --> 00:10:42,688
You can win a three litre
bottle of vodka.
258
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:45,768
A three litre bottle of vodka?
259
00:10:45,769 --> 00:10:47,046
What time does it start?
260
00:10:50,969 --> 00:10:52,729
For Christ's sake - Tyson.
261
00:10:52,823 --> 00:10:54,763
He's getting rid of
his ankle bracelet you know?
262
00:10:54,817 --> 00:10:57,537
I mean the cheek of him!
I'm so fucking snapping.
263
00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:00,416
He's not coming to the quiz, is he?
What is your problem with Tyson?
264
00:11:00,434 --> 00:11:02,393
It's not so much that
I have a problem with...
265
00:11:02,394 --> 00:11:04,954
Oh, is it because
he thinks you're a cunt?
266
00:11:05,053 --> 00:11:07,412
What? He thinks I'm a cunt?
Why would you say that?
267
00:11:07,413 --> 00:11:08,852
Because he called you a cunt.
268
00:11:08,853 --> 00:11:11,172
Don't listen to him, Packy,
he didn't call you a cunt.
269
00:11:11,173 --> 00:11:12,692
He would never call you a cunt.
270
00:11:12,693 --> 00:11:14,092
Good, thank Christ.
271
00:11:14,093 --> 00:11:16,612
Oh, no,
he actually might have done.
272
00:11:16,613 --> 00:11:18,612
No, yeah he did.
He called you a cunt.
273
00:11:18,613 --> 00:11:20,092
You didn't tell me!
274
00:11:20,093 --> 00:11:24,093
No-one wants to hear
that they're a cunt, Packy.
275
00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:30,492
Fuck.
276
00:11:30,493 --> 00:11:34,252
Testing one, two. Yeah, OK.
Lovely stuff.
277
00:11:34,253 --> 00:11:38,252
Right, I'll run through the rules
now, in just a second.
278
00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:40,292
And if you've forgotten a pen,
279
00:11:40,293 --> 00:11:44,293
you can purchase one from me
for the princely sum of 60p.
280
00:11:44,533 --> 00:11:47,212
Princely sum? Fuck off and die.
281
00:11:47,213 --> 00:11:50,172
I love that they gave Packy
a high chair.
282
00:11:50,173 --> 00:11:53,092
Isn't it great that he has
a high chair, Bronagh.
283
00:11:53,093 --> 00:11:54,612
Now, that's for the picture round.
284
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:57,492
You have to guess who they are. Well,
I don't know about anyone else
285
00:11:57,493 --> 00:11:59,292
but I am buzzing!
286
00:11:59,293 --> 00:12:02,252
I need your £2.50. What?
That's the entry fee. Per team?
287
00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:06,253
Per person. Fuck me,
how much does a plastic hand cost?
288
00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:08,812
So, when are we getting the vodka?
You have to win first.
289
00:12:08,813 --> 00:12:10,812
Of course we're going to win.
You're in charge.
290
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,732
I'm not fixing the quiz, Bronagh.
291
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,572
I beg your pardon?
292
00:12:14,573 --> 00:12:16,572
I'm not helping you cheat.
293
00:12:16,573 --> 00:12:19,292
I think I know the answer
to this one. Look.
294
00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:21,492
That's Miss O'Kane, isn't it?
295
00:12:21,493 --> 00:12:24,172
Miss O'Kane? Our fourth form
Geography teacher?
296
00:12:24,173 --> 00:12:25,812
Yeah.
297
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:29,813
Aye, why not? Stick it down.
298
00:12:34,413 --> 00:12:37,372
Cheers.
299
00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:38,932
Why are you still wearing that?
300
00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:40,852
The zip's stuck. I can't get it off.
301
00:12:40,853 --> 00:12:42,052
Well, just rip it.
302
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:45,572
Bronagh says if I rip the dress,
she'll rip me a new hole.
303
00:12:45,573 --> 00:12:47,812
So you're just planning
on keeping it on, are you?
304
00:12:47,813 --> 00:12:48,852
For life?
305
00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:50,732
Aye.
306
00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:52,092
Ryan!
307
00:12:52,093 --> 00:12:54,412
Jesus, Packy, stop rubbing it in.
308
00:12:54,413 --> 00:12:57,132
This is so good of you, Packy.
Not at all.
309
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:59,772
All right, Conor. It's been ages.
310
00:12:59,773 --> 00:13:02,052
Is that a frock?
311
00:13:02,053 --> 00:13:04,852
Yeah. French Connection.
312
00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:08,292
So, Packy tells me
they're giving you a robot's hand.
313
00:13:08,293 --> 00:13:09,812
I don't think I used the word robot.
314
00:13:09,813 --> 00:13:11,132
That's class!
315
00:13:11,133 --> 00:13:14,252
It's actually a very frustrating,
complicated procedure.
316
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:16,532
Can you get more fingers?
I'm sorry?
317
00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:19,492
Can you ask them to throw you in
a couple of extra fingers? Or...
318
00:13:19,493 --> 00:13:22,572
No, it'll just be the standard
amount, finger-wise.
319
00:13:22,573 --> 00:13:24,372
That's a shame.
320
00:13:24,373 --> 00:13:25,892
They've missed a trick, there.
321
00:13:25,893 --> 00:13:27,372
Right, em...
322
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:31,373
Why don't we get you settled at your
table and, you know, away from him.
323
00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:36,052
So, Ryan, this is Bronagh. Bronagh!
324
00:13:36,053 --> 00:13:38,372
Christ, I didn't know you'd be here.
325
00:13:38,373 --> 00:13:40,852
Have we met? You don't remember?
326
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:41,972
You'd think I would.
327
00:13:41,973 --> 00:13:44,212
Jackie Donnelly's Halloween party.
328
00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:45,772
You were George Best, I was...
329
00:13:45,773 --> 00:13:48,732
Captain Hook?
330
00:13:48,733 --> 00:13:51,372
That was you?
331
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,852
Oh, Christ.
332
00:13:52,853 --> 00:13:54,692
Captain Hook, that's a good one.
333
00:13:54,693 --> 00:13:58,693
What made you think of that?
334
00:14:11,253 --> 00:14:14,532
Tyson, mate. Good to see you.
Just about to start...
335
00:14:14,533 --> 00:14:16,092
Don't touch me.
336
00:14:16,093 --> 00:14:17,452
So, should be a good night.
337
00:14:17,453 --> 00:14:19,052
I don't know if Niamh's mentioned it
338
00:14:19,053 --> 00:14:21,892
but I'm trying to raise a bit
of money for a friend of mine who...
339
00:14:21,893 --> 00:14:24,812
You had shot. Yeah, she said.
340
00:14:24,813 --> 00:14:27,132
I didn't have him shot.
You calling Niamh a liar?
341
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,812
No. No, definitely not doing that.
342
00:14:28,813 --> 00:14:30,492
That... that... that'd be mental.
343
00:14:30,493 --> 00:14:32,012
Is Conor wearing a dress?
344
00:14:32,013 --> 00:14:33,532
Don't talk to me... It suits him.
345
00:14:33,533 --> 00:14:34,652
Yeah.
346
00:14:34,653 --> 00:14:36,132
Oh, you came then.
347
00:14:36,133 --> 00:14:37,492
Course I came.
348
00:14:37,493 --> 00:14:40,052
I'm looking forward to this,
I'm really good at quizzes.
349
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:42,212
History's my favourite -
350
00:14:42,213 --> 00:14:45,372
I like the Nazis.
351
00:14:45,373 --> 00:14:47,772
Sure, isn't that great.
352
00:14:47,773 --> 00:14:50,292
And finally, your team name
should be written
353
00:14:50,293 --> 00:14:52,012
on the top of your answer sheets
354
00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:53,772
besides where it says team name.
355
00:14:53,773 --> 00:14:56,732
Jesus Christ, this
is like a slow death.
356
00:14:56,733 --> 00:14:58,012
Tyson, this is Ryan.
357
00:14:58,013 --> 00:14:59,412
Ryan only has the one hand.
358
00:14:59,413 --> 00:15:00,972
Show him, Ryan. Go on.
359
00:15:00,973 --> 00:15:04,052
Yeah, Ryan, don't keep it a secret.
Show him your missing hand.
360
00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:07,612
I can't show him my missing hand.
It's, you know, missing.
361
00:15:07,613 --> 00:15:10,052
Convenient. Yeah, cos Packy went
and had you shot, I hear.
362
00:15:10,053 --> 00:15:13,092
What? No, no!
There was a robbery and...
363
00:15:13,093 --> 00:15:14,852
What an absolute cunt.
364
00:15:14,853 --> 00:15:17,492
No, it wasn't anything to do with
Packy. What happened with...
365
00:15:17,493 --> 00:15:20,652
I mean, you have to be a special
kind of cunt to have someone shot,
don't you?
366
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:21,732
Absolutely. Yes.
367
00:15:21,733 --> 00:15:24,532
The first thing you should do,
when they fit your fake one,
368
00:15:24,533 --> 00:15:26,172
is have a good old go on yourself.
369
00:15:26,173 --> 00:15:27,652
I'm sorry? It'll probably feel
370
00:15:27,653 --> 00:15:29,532
like someone else is
whacking your bar.
371
00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:32,052
Jesus, Niamh, seriously.
Can we not talk about his cock?
372
00:15:32,053 --> 00:15:34,012
When you were shot,
did it hurt much?
373
00:15:34,013 --> 00:15:36,652
Well... yeah, it did.
374
00:15:36,653 --> 00:15:39,652
It was a bullet through my hand.
375
00:15:39,653 --> 00:15:42,292
Interesting. And did the hand
come clean off, there and then?
376
00:15:42,293 --> 00:15:44,532
Was it just, like,
lying on the floor, looking at you?
377
00:15:44,533 --> 00:15:47,092
Actually, do you mind
if we don't talk about this?
378
00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:48,932
Sometimes it's still hard.
379
00:15:48,933 --> 00:15:51,092
I try not to think about it
380
00:15:51,093 --> 00:15:54,372
but sometimes it's like
I'm back there
381
00:15:54,373 --> 00:15:57,772
and I'm staring straight down
the barrel of that thing again.
382
00:15:57,773 --> 00:16:01,212
And I feel dizzy, and disorientated.
I feel like I might...
383
00:16:01,213 --> 00:16:05,213
Fascinating. I'll get us
another round in, will I?
384
00:16:07,453 --> 00:16:09,572
When did dickhead get shot
in the hand?
385
00:16:09,573 --> 00:16:11,972
Why? ...He's not a dickhead.
Why? I'll tell you why?
386
00:16:11,973 --> 00:16:14,772
I think that bastard had the cheek
to ride me with one hand.
387
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,132
You rode Ryan?
388
00:16:16,133 --> 00:16:17,972
What's going on here?
Bronagh rode Ryan.
389
00:16:17,973 --> 00:16:19,972
Jesus, the fella's
been here five minutes.
390
00:16:19,973 --> 00:16:21,652
It was years ago, cock swab.
391
00:16:21,653 --> 00:16:23,452
Oh, right. And what?
392
00:16:23,453 --> 00:16:25,652
I can't remember how many hands
he had at the time.
393
00:16:25,653 --> 00:16:28,132
How can you not remember?
That's happened to me before.
394
00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:29,932
He was dressed up as Captain Hook.
395
00:16:29,933 --> 00:16:31,572
Crafty, sly, deformed little fuck.
396
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:34,052
Jesus Christ, Bronagh, come on!
That's out of order.
397
00:16:34,053 --> 00:16:35,692
He's out of order.
He led me to believe
398
00:16:35,693 --> 00:16:37,812
he might have had two hands.
It's fraud, Packy.
399
00:16:37,813 --> 00:16:39,772
I don't think it's fraud.
Well, it's not right.
400
00:16:39,773 --> 00:16:42,132
We all tell white lies
when we're trying to get the buck.
401
00:16:42,133 --> 00:16:44,692
This isn't a little white lie.
This is a missing fucking hand!
402
00:16:44,693 --> 00:16:47,212
I'm going to confront him.
How are you going to confront him?
403
00:16:47,213 --> 00:16:48,812
How is that conversation going to go?
404
00:16:48,813 --> 00:16:51,012
"Stop disguising your stump
and riding people."
405
00:16:51,013 --> 00:16:53,212
You absolutely cannot say that.
406
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,452
That is a sentence that nobody
should ever say. Ever.
407
00:16:55,453 --> 00:16:57,252
I'm saying it!
These people with one hand
408
00:16:57,253 --> 00:16:59,292
think they can just get away
with everything.
409
00:16:59,293 --> 00:17:00,292
Don't make a scene.
410
00:17:00,293 --> 00:17:02,612
I'm trying to do a nice thing.
Don't ruin it. Please, for me.
411
00:17:02,613 --> 00:17:04,772
Why the fuck would
I do anything for you?
412
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:07,172
Because I'm your friend.
Oh, catch yourself on.
413
00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:10,772
Because I'll fix the quiz
and make sure you win the vodka.
414
00:17:10,773 --> 00:17:14,773
Good man, yourself.
415
00:17:17,733 --> 00:17:19,772
Question three,
416
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:22,212
who is the Greek god of love?
417
00:17:22,213 --> 00:17:23,612
Can you hear that?
418
00:17:23,613 --> 00:17:24,772
Hmm, that's a tough one.
419
00:17:24,773 --> 00:17:26,052
Escargot...
420
00:17:26,053 --> 00:17:27,932
That was a bad joke,
that was terrible.
421
00:17:27,933 --> 00:17:30,292
Eleven inches?
422
00:17:30,293 --> 00:17:31,652
But I will accept clogs.
423
00:17:31,653 --> 00:17:33,092
Isn't this great?
424
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:36,652
Question 40 - who wrote Jane Eyre?
425
00:17:36,653 --> 00:17:38,052
You lot need to up your game.
426
00:17:38,053 --> 00:17:39,772
I'm answering all
the questions here.
427
00:17:39,773 --> 00:17:41,772
That's cos they've
been about English things.
428
00:17:41,773 --> 00:17:43,372
Exactly, you have an advantage.
429
00:17:43,373 --> 00:17:46,172
If they were Irish questions,
we'd wipe the floor with you, Tyson.
430
00:17:46,173 --> 00:17:48,252
Ulysses is a novel
431
00:17:48,253 --> 00:17:52,253
by which Irish writer?
432
00:17:53,933 --> 00:17:55,332
This is a barrel of balls.
433
00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:57,292
I'll just Google it.
It's James Joyce.
434
00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:58,492
I'm going to double check.
435
00:17:58,493 --> 00:18:00,412
No offence but you've
only got the one hand.
436
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,412
You can't just Google
the answer. I can.
437
00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:03,972
The reception's dead good in here.
438
00:18:03,973 --> 00:18:06,092
No, I mean it's cheating.
We can't cheat.
439
00:18:06,093 --> 00:18:09,092
Why? Well, it's not
very honest now, is it?
440
00:18:09,093 --> 00:18:11,572
Oh, and honesty's important
to you, is it, Ryan?
441
00:18:11,573 --> 00:18:13,292
Yeah, it is. Oh, really?
442
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:16,212
Yeah. Look, just put the phone
down, Niamh.
443
00:18:16,213 --> 00:18:17,572
Please. No.
444
00:18:17,573 --> 00:18:18,892
Look, it doesn't matter.
445
00:18:18,893 --> 00:18:21,252
We're still going to win it anyway.
Brilliant.
446
00:18:21,253 --> 00:18:24,332
The queue in the ladies is
absolutely ridiculous.
447
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:26,612
You're wearing a dress.
You're not actually a woman,
448
00:18:26,613 --> 00:18:27,812
you fucktard.
449
00:18:27,813 --> 00:18:29,892
What do you mean,
"we're still going to win"?
450
00:18:29,893 --> 00:18:31,692
Packy's going to fix it. What?
451
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,532
But that's against the rules!
452
00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:36,372
Remind me, Tyson, what was it
they locked you up for again?
453
00:18:36,373 --> 00:18:38,332
Was it excessive rule abiding?
454
00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:41,572
Bronagh, he has a point.
It's not very fair.
455
00:18:41,573 --> 00:18:44,172
You don't want to be starting on me
about what's fair, Nelson.
456
00:18:44,173 --> 00:18:46,692
I'm not having any part
of this. Come on.
457
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,052
Are you talking to me?
Let's just get out of here, yeah?
458
00:18:49,053 --> 00:18:50,692
But it's three litres of vodka.
459
00:18:50,693 --> 00:18:53,132
Three. What's more important, Niamh,
460
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:57,133
me or a three litre bottle of vodka?
461
00:19:02,253 --> 00:19:04,012
And question ten was of course
462
00:19:04,013 --> 00:19:06,332
Right Here, Right Now
by Fatboy Slim,
463
00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:08,572
AKA Mr Norman Cook.
464
00:19:08,573 --> 00:19:11,012
Listen, I just broke up with Tyson.
Good. But the thing is,
465
00:19:11,013 --> 00:19:13,372
I sort of might have blamed you.
You might have what, now?
466
00:19:13,373 --> 00:19:15,812
I said you told me to sack him,
cos he's a protestant. What?
467
00:19:15,813 --> 00:19:17,172
But I didn't say that! Right.
468
00:19:17,173 --> 00:19:19,292
Well, that's not what he thinks,
is the thing.
469
00:19:19,293 --> 00:19:21,052
Niamh, tell him I didn't say that.
470
00:19:21,053 --> 00:19:22,772
Ach, I'm not going near him
again, Packy.
471
00:19:22,773 --> 00:19:24,052
He bores the tits off me.
472
00:19:24,053 --> 00:19:25,972
He's going to actually kill me.
473
00:19:25,973 --> 00:19:28,012
He did say that a fair few times.
474
00:19:28,013 --> 00:19:29,412
Brilliant.
475
00:19:29,413 --> 00:19:30,572
Thank you.
476
00:19:30,573 --> 00:19:34,573
No problem.
477
00:19:37,853 --> 00:19:39,972
All right, Packy? How's it going?
478
00:19:39,973 --> 00:19:42,572
Just heading out a window there,
are you?
479
00:19:42,573 --> 00:19:44,412
Help me with this. Hold on.
480
00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:45,492
What are you doing?
481
00:19:45,493 --> 00:19:48,252
Is that Tyson's bag?
What are you doing with Tyson's bag?!
482
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:50,412
I'm not looking for smack.
483
00:19:50,413 --> 00:19:52,612
That's just definitely one
thing I'm not doing.
484
00:19:52,613 --> 00:19:54,652
Oh, sweet and gentle Jesus Christ.
485
00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:56,612
I'm just... I'm having
a wee bit of a rummage.
486
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,572
Stop it. Get over here.
Help me!
487
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:01,052
There's nothing here.
Good. Now, could you please...
488
00:20:01,053 --> 00:20:04,692
Well, nothing except for the gun.
489
00:20:04,693 --> 00:20:08,693
What?
490
00:20:11,973 --> 00:20:15,492
Holy Fuck!
491
00:20:15,493 --> 00:20:19,493
I want a word with you.
492
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:21,132
You shouldn't be doing this.
493
00:20:21,133 --> 00:20:23,332
It's our vodka.
We won it fair and square.
494
00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:25,812
The quiz isn't even over yet.
Where the fuck is it?
495
00:20:25,813 --> 00:20:28,292
Why don't we take three
one litre bottles? That's the same.
496
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,372
It's not the same, Niamh.
It is not the same at all.
497
00:20:30,373 --> 00:20:33,572
This is wrong.
You know what else is wrong, Ryan?
498
00:20:33,573 --> 00:20:35,252
Shoving a bit of your anatomy
up a girl
499
00:20:35,253 --> 00:20:37,972
without telling her that another
bit of your anatomy is missing.
500
00:20:37,973 --> 00:20:39,812
What? You rode me at that party!
501
00:20:39,813 --> 00:20:41,172
You think we had sex?
502
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,412
I woke up beside you.
503
00:20:42,413 --> 00:20:45,572
I was keeping an eye on you.
You were a mess.
504
00:20:45,573 --> 00:20:47,892
I found you in a cupboard,
trying to eat your own shoe.
505
00:20:47,893 --> 00:20:49,292
I don't believe you.
506
00:20:49,293 --> 00:20:52,252
Come off it, Bronagh.
You were dressed up as Georgie Best.
507
00:20:52,253 --> 00:20:54,652
And besides, I had a girlfriend.
508
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:57,172
A girlfriend who now happens
to be my wife.
509
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,132
Ach, balls!
You're not even wearing a ring.
510
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:02,012
I HAVE NO FUCKING HAND!
511
00:21:02,013 --> 00:21:04,093
Aye, I suppose. Fair enough.
He's got a gun!
512
00:21:08,493 --> 00:21:09,812
Oh, my God.
513
00:21:09,813 --> 00:21:11,252
What's going on here now, lads?
514
00:21:11,253 --> 00:21:14,572
Everybody just... It's OK.
Just stay calm.
515
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:17,532
Oh, Christ. No,
this isn't happening. Oh, Christ.
516
00:21:17,533 --> 00:21:19,012
Is it a robbery, Packy? Is that it?
517
00:21:19,013 --> 00:21:20,692
Of course it's not a robbery!
518
00:21:20,693 --> 00:21:23,252
Right. It's just you've got
a gun in your hand. It's his gun!
519
00:21:23,253 --> 00:21:26,052
- Yeah, and I want it back.
- Oh, please. Could somebody...?
520
00:21:26,053 --> 00:21:28,532
I...I can't breathe.
Just give the man his gun, Packy.
521
00:21:28,533 --> 00:21:30,732
What? So he can fucking shoot me
with it?
522
00:21:30,733 --> 00:21:33,772
Look, it's his gun. What he decides
to do with it is his business.
523
00:21:33,773 --> 00:21:36,852
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe!
524
00:21:36,853 --> 00:21:40,733
Seriously, Ryan, you're making
an absolute show of yourself.
Oh, Jesus...
525
00:21:42,653 --> 00:21:46,252
That fella really needs to wise up.
526
00:21:46,253 --> 00:21:48,532
Niamh, call an ambulance! Now! Now!
527
00:21:48,533 --> 00:21:49,772
But I've hardly any credit.
528
00:21:49,773 --> 00:21:50,932
It's all right, it's free.
529
00:21:50,933 --> 00:21:54,412
Grand.
530
00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:56,092
It's definitely your fault
this time.
531
00:21:56,093 --> 00:22:00,093
Yeah. Yeah, cheers mate.
532
00:22:04,893 --> 00:22:06,492
How's Ryan? They had to sedate him.
533
00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:08,772
He started having pretty bad
flashbacks. Happy days.
534
00:22:08,773 --> 00:22:10,772
I don't think I'll go
to your pub quiz again.
535
00:22:10,773 --> 00:22:12,012
I didn't enjoy it. Did you?
536
00:22:12,013 --> 00:22:13,612
I've had more enjoyable smear tests.
537
00:22:13,613 --> 00:22:14,852
It's like an exam in a pub.
538
00:22:14,853 --> 00:22:16,932
Why would you want to take
an exam in a pub?
539
00:22:16,933 --> 00:22:19,292
The English buzz off quizzes.
Why though, Bronagh?
540
00:22:19,293 --> 00:22:21,572
Don't know. I think
they just love being in teams.
541
00:22:21,573 --> 00:22:24,972
You know quiz teams, darts teams,
rowing... fucking rowing!
542
00:22:24,973 --> 00:22:27,292
They're not going anywhere -
just rowing for the craic.
543
00:22:27,293 --> 00:22:28,772
Me, Niamh and Packy went rowing.
544
00:22:28,773 --> 00:22:30,652
No, we didn't.
When did we go rowing?
545
00:22:30,653 --> 00:22:33,052
At Steven Coyle's wedding. Remember?
546
00:22:33,053 --> 00:22:36,652
Everyone sat on the dance floor
and we all just started rowing.
547
00:22:36,653 --> 00:22:38,492
Are you talking about
Rock The Boat?
548
00:22:38,493 --> 00:22:40,092
I do love a wee bit
of Rock The Boat.
549
00:22:40,093 --> 00:22:42,612
Aye, Rock The Boat's not bad.
But it's no Macarena.
550
00:22:42,613 --> 00:22:44,452
I'm not familiar with
that piece, Packy.
551
00:22:44,453 --> 00:22:46,612
Aye, you are. Surely! The Macarena.
552
00:22:46,613 --> 00:22:50,613
You know this one.
553
00:22:56,093 --> 00:22:57,452
Tyson was right -
554
00:22:57,453 --> 00:22:59,000
you are a cunt.
555
00:23:01,555 --> 00:23:25,867
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