1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,040
I am telling you,
2
00:00:02,041 --> 00:00:06,241
it is all just one big,
massive conspiracy.
3
00:00:06,304 --> 00:00:08,264
I really don't think it is, Conor.
4
00:00:08,264 --> 00:00:12,331
Name me one... just one Irish person
with a Blue Peter badge.
5
00:00:12,784 --> 00:00:15,184
Well, I can't...
Because there aren't any.
6
00:00:15,184 --> 00:00:16,584
I'm sure that isn't true.
7
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,484
Oh, it is true.
I've asked around, Packy.
8
00:00:19,572 --> 00:00:20,972
It's a fact.
9
00:00:20,972 --> 00:00:22,412
And it's a disgrace.
10
00:00:22,412 --> 00:00:24,532
How do people get
Blue Peter badges anyway?
11
00:00:24,532 --> 00:00:26,852
They collected bottles, I think.
That'll be why then.
12
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:29,692
Any bottles we had were filled with
petrol and thrown at something.
13
00:00:29,692 --> 00:00:31,812
What were they collecting
bottles for?
14
00:00:31,812 --> 00:00:33,372
The English love collecting stuff.
15
00:00:33,372 --> 00:00:35,652
You know, bottles... other
people's countries.
16
00:00:35,652 --> 00:00:37,772
Ach, fair played to them,
if it's what they enjoy.
17
00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:39,892
And do you know,
if they hadn't invaded us,
18
00:00:39,892 --> 00:00:41,692
we wouldn't be able to
speak English.
19
00:00:41,692 --> 00:00:43,492
We'd all just be sitting
here in silence.
20
00:00:43,492 --> 00:00:45,932
No, we wouldn't.
We'd be speaking Irish.
21
00:00:45,932 --> 00:00:49,412
Sure that's even worse.
I don't understand a word of Irish.
22
00:00:49,412 --> 00:00:53,712
Aye, good point.
Ach, here's to oppression, lads.
23
00:00:55,717 --> 00:00:59,050
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
24
00:01:00,743 --> 00:01:03,303
'Conor!
25
00:01:03,807 --> 00:01:05,526
'Conor.
26
00:01:05,527 --> 00:01:09,527
'Conor. Conor!'
27
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:13,006
Ma? Is that you?
28
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,086
'Of course it's me.
29
00:01:15,087 --> 00:01:17,166
'Conor, love.
30
00:01:17,167 --> 00:01:20,486
'What is that child up to?'
31
00:01:20,487 --> 00:01:23,486
'Jesus, Conor, stop acting
the eejit.'
32
00:01:23,487 --> 00:01:26,286
Da?
33
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:30,207
Where are you?
34
00:01:32,868 --> 00:01:35,827
I'm in here. Stop it!
35
00:01:35,828 --> 00:01:38,348
Whoever that is, do not be
forcing the lock.
36
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,267
I mean it now!
37
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,708
Jesus Christ, Packy,
cover yourself up.
38
00:01:43,708 --> 00:01:45,308
Standing there with your cock out.
39
00:01:45,308 --> 00:01:46,708
What do you want?
40
00:01:46,708 --> 00:01:49,028
I can't do it. I can't.
I can't go on.
41
00:01:49,028 --> 00:01:51,748
I think you're overreacting.
I can't go through with it.
42
00:01:51,748 --> 00:01:54,108
Bronagh, come on, it's a
course of antibiotics.
43
00:01:54,108 --> 00:01:57,427
It's hard. It's so hard.
I can't take much more.
44
00:01:57,428 --> 00:01:59,028
I don't know what to do with myself.
45
00:01:59,028 --> 00:02:01,068
I mean, what do people do
when they can't drink?
46
00:02:01,068 --> 00:02:04,507
What do they do, Packy?
It's only been 45 minutes.
47
00:02:04,508 --> 00:02:08,107
Why now?
Why did this have to happen now?
48
00:02:08,108 --> 00:02:11,028
We're supposed to be going to that
stupid fucking party.
49
00:02:11,028 --> 00:02:15,028
I mean, how can I not drink
at a party? It's... not natural.
50
00:02:15,748 --> 00:02:17,987
Are you... are you crying?
51
00:02:17,988 --> 00:02:21,988
No.
52
00:02:22,948 --> 00:02:26,067
Everything's ruined.
53
00:02:26,068 --> 00:02:30,068
It's all right. Come here.
54
00:02:33,308 --> 00:02:37,308
Oh, my God. You dirty bastard.
55
00:02:37,948 --> 00:02:41,948
No. That's... that's
just your screwdriver.
56
00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:45,748
Ah, right. I thought it was...
I know what you thought it was.
57
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,587
Right. So...
58
00:02:47,588 --> 00:02:51,588
OK, then. Grand.
59
00:02:53,748 --> 00:02:56,067
'Conor.
60
00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:58,547
'Conor?
61
00:02:58,548 --> 00:03:02,548
'For feck sake!
62
00:03:02,748 --> 00:03:06,748
'CONOR!'
63
00:03:07,308 --> 00:03:09,547
What are you doing, you prick?
64
00:03:09,548 --> 00:03:12,467
Shhh! Listen.
65
00:03:12,468 --> 00:03:15,067
'Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Conor!'
66
00:03:15,068 --> 00:03:16,747
Did you hear that?
67
00:03:16,748 --> 00:03:17,988
'Bronagh, is that you?'
68
00:03:17,988 --> 00:03:21,988
What's happening?
69
00:03:24,828 --> 00:03:27,547
Hello, Ma. Hello, Da.
How are you?
70
00:03:27,548 --> 00:03:29,708
'We're just having
a bit of a Skype like, so we are.'
71
00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:31,388
'The aul Skype's great, so it is.'
72
00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:35,388
Brilliant.
73
00:03:40,228 --> 00:03:42,348
Niamh, what time do you reckon...?
74
00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:45,828
It's Halloween! It's Halloween!
It's here! It's really here!
75
00:03:45,828 --> 00:03:48,468
Right, well, you may calm
the fuck down for a start.
76
00:03:48,468 --> 00:03:51,628
And I've bought pumpkins.
Shitloads of pumpkins.
77
00:03:51,628 --> 00:03:53,228
We can take them to the party.
78
00:03:53,228 --> 00:03:56,148
We can take the pumpkins
to the party, Packy.
79
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,067
I feel all spinny.
80
00:03:58,068 --> 00:04:01,068
Now, Niamh, don't get your hopes up.
This party might be shite.
81
00:04:01,068 --> 00:04:04,268
We don't want a repeat
of the U2 concert, do we?
82
00:04:04,268 --> 00:04:06,307
I didn't throw that rocket.
83
00:04:06,308 --> 00:04:08,988
You did throw that rocket, Niamh.
We all know you did.
84
00:04:08,988 --> 00:04:10,428
Though why you had a rocket,
85
00:04:10,428 --> 00:04:13,148
and how you sneaked it into Wembley,
remains a mystery.
86
00:04:13,148 --> 00:04:14,868
Well, the prick just
kept banging on.
87
00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:17,588
I mean, seriously, fuck up
about Africa and sing us a tune.
88
00:04:17,588 --> 00:04:20,708
Touching. Anyway, tonight's not going
to be anything like that.
89
00:04:20,708 --> 00:04:23,628
Tony's parties are always amazing.
Aye, I suppose. Who is Tony?
90
00:04:23,628 --> 00:04:27,348
Some mate of Conor's.
They met at his X Factor audition.
91
00:04:27,348 --> 00:04:29,908
OK.
And Sweet Pete's going to be there.
92
00:04:29,908 --> 00:04:31,188
The past three Halloweens,
93
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:34,108
me and Sweet Pete have rode the life
out of each other. In fancy dress.
94
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,988
It's a bit of a tradition.
Well, it's not a very romantic one.
95
00:04:36,988 --> 00:04:38,507
Romantic?
96
00:04:38,508 --> 00:04:42,975
Ach, you're just a wee period
waiting to happen, aren't you, Packy?
97
00:04:43,828 --> 00:04:45,228
This is great, isn't it?
98
00:04:45,228 --> 00:04:46,548
'Aye.'
99
00:04:46,548 --> 00:04:49,588
I mean, like, you're there,
and we're here and we're talking.
100
00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:50,988
It's like the future.
101
00:04:50,988 --> 00:04:53,108
Or it's, you know, it's
a lot like the telephone.
102
00:04:53,108 --> 00:04:55,228
'The telephone?
How's it like the telephone?
103
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,628
'Sure you can't see each others
faces on the telephone.'
104
00:04:57,628 --> 00:04:59,188
True enough. 'Anyway...'
105
00:04:59,188 --> 00:05:00,908
We've a bit of bad news. 'Christ.'
106
00:05:00,908 --> 00:05:02,987
The mouse isn't back, is he?
107
00:05:02,988 --> 00:05:06,468
No. I found that wee
prick in the end. Strangled him.
108
00:05:06,468 --> 00:05:07,908
Aw, thank God.
109
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,028
Sorry, did you say you strangled it?
110
00:05:10,028 --> 00:05:11,547
'Aye.' Right.
111
00:05:11,548 --> 00:05:14,388
So listen, weans, your cousin Sean
has split up with Clare.
112
00:05:14,388 --> 00:05:16,428
I thought Clare
was about to have the baby?
113
00:05:16,428 --> 00:05:17,668
'She had it. Last night.'
114
00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:18,828
That's the problem.
115
00:05:18,828 --> 00:05:20,387
It came out Japanese.
116
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,547
Japanese? 'Aye.'
117
00:05:22,548 --> 00:05:23,788
They're looking into it now.
118
00:05:23,788 --> 00:05:25,788
Trying to work out how
it might have happened.
119
00:05:25,788 --> 00:05:28,228
She rode a Japanese fella, Da,
that's how it happened.
120
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,988
'Sean's very upset. He just needs
to get away for awhile.
121
00:05:30,988 --> 00:05:34,467
'Shower his head.' Right.
122
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,748
You have NOT told him
he can come here?
123
00:05:36,748 --> 00:05:38,748
It'll do him
good to get away for a wee bit.
124
00:05:38,748 --> 00:05:40,788
I don't think it will.
I think it's a bad idea.
125
00:05:40,788 --> 00:05:43,468
I think it's a terrible,
terrible bad idea.
126
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:47,468
Why? Because he's a bawbag.
127
00:05:52,468 --> 00:05:56,107
I just can't believe it.
I don't know what to do.
128
00:05:56,108 --> 00:05:58,908
Though, I suppose,
talking about it might help...
129
00:05:58,908 --> 00:06:01,387
Would it though? Really?
You're sure?
130
00:06:01,388 --> 00:06:05,388
Everything we had,
I mean, was it just one big lie?
131
00:06:05,428 --> 00:06:07,108
Why would she do this to me?
132
00:06:07,108 --> 00:06:09,588
Do you think it might be something
to do with the fact that,
133
00:06:09,588 --> 00:06:11,108
you know, you're not much craic.
134
00:06:11,108 --> 00:06:13,028
Jesus, Bronagh. I'm only saying.
135
00:06:13,028 --> 00:06:16,387
I mean, how long was
it going on for? How long?
136
00:06:16,388 --> 00:06:19,308
Well, how the fuck would we know,
Sean? Seriously, that's enough.
137
00:06:19,308 --> 00:06:21,068
He's the one asking
stupid questions.
138
00:06:21,068 --> 00:06:23,188
Are you sure that
he's definitely Japanese?
139
00:06:23,188 --> 00:06:25,268
Maybe he's just got a Japanese
vibe about him.
140
00:06:25,268 --> 00:06:29,268
You think?
141
00:06:30,228 --> 00:06:32,868
Aw! Who's the wee
Japanese fella?
142
00:06:34,348 --> 00:06:36,868
But do you know what?
It all sort of makes sense now.
143
00:06:36,868 --> 00:06:40,228
She was for ever going to that sushi
restaurant in West Belfast.
144
00:06:40,228 --> 00:06:41,268
What's going on?
145
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:44,068
Sean's wife is doing the dog
with some Japanese lad.
146
00:06:44,068 --> 00:06:46,867
Aw, shite one.
147
00:06:46,868 --> 00:06:50,187
Right, everybody needs
to try on their costumes.
148
00:06:50,188 --> 00:06:52,988
Hold on.
West Belfast has a sushi restaurant?
149
00:06:52,988 --> 00:06:55,828
I hate her. I hate the bitch.
I wish she was dead.
150
00:06:55,828 --> 00:06:58,428
I'm all right for a costume.
I've sorted my own out.
151
00:06:58,428 --> 00:07:01,028
You'll be wearing the costume
I made for you, fuck features.
152
00:07:01,028 --> 00:07:02,268
I'll find out who he is.
153
00:07:02,268 --> 00:07:04,828
I'll track the bastard down,
you mark my words.
154
00:07:04,828 --> 00:07:07,668
Why do you always get to decide
what we dress up as?
155
00:07:07,668 --> 00:07:09,788
Because nobody else gives
a flying fuck.
156
00:07:09,788 --> 00:07:12,788
I'm sick of it, Niamh. I'm going to
do my own thing from now on.
157
00:07:12,788 --> 00:07:14,228
I'm going to be my own man.
158
00:07:14,228 --> 00:07:16,947
Don't you dare try
to be your own man.
159
00:07:16,948 --> 00:07:18,948
Bronagh, he's trying
to be his own man!
160
00:07:18,948 --> 00:07:21,828
I'll show him. I'll show
both of them. They'll pay for this!
161
00:07:21,828 --> 00:07:23,508
They won't know what's hit them.
162
00:07:23,508 --> 00:07:26,308
All right now, Sean, you've gone a
bit psychotic on it there, mate.
163
00:07:26,308 --> 00:07:27,948
We'll... we'll have less of that.
164
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,548
I don't even want to go tonight.
Why the fuck do I bother!
165
00:07:30,548 --> 00:07:34,548
I can't drink, Niamh. It might not
be a bad idea if you stayed.
Someone needs to keep an eye on him.
166
00:07:34,548 --> 00:07:37,188
Why should I miss the party?
You just said you didn't want to go.
167
00:07:37,188 --> 00:07:39,148
Aye, but I want to
sit in with this drip less.
168
00:07:39,148 --> 00:07:40,787
Just bring him with us.
169
00:07:40,788 --> 00:07:43,828
They think I'm just going to let
them get away with it?
170
00:07:43,828 --> 00:07:47,308
Well, they can think again.
I'm not sure he's in the party mood.
171
00:07:47,308 --> 00:07:49,947
He will have a grand old time.
172
00:07:49,948 --> 00:07:52,108
What do you say, Sean? You fancy it?
173
00:07:52,108 --> 00:07:54,347
I hate the Japanese.
174
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:58,348
Great stuff.
175
00:08:00,028 --> 00:08:03,068
The worst part is, we could never
get back together now.
176
00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:04,988
I couldn't forget what she did.
177
00:08:04,988 --> 00:08:08,868
That child would just be a constant
reminder because... well...
178
00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:11,908
at the end of the day... he's
fucking Japanese.
179
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,228
Aye, there's no getting round that,
right enough.
180
00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:15,787
Like, from Japan.
181
00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:19,108
I can't believe Conor. Is he deliberately
trying to make us look like twats?
182
00:08:19,108 --> 00:08:21,788
We already look like twats.
We look fucking brilliant.
183
00:08:21,788 --> 00:08:26,655
But I don't remember Dorothy meeting
that prick on the Yellow Brick Road.
184
00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:33,308
Houston, let's get
fucking wallpapered.
185
00:08:35,188 --> 00:08:38,308
How? How in this day and age, with
all the advances in modern medicine,
186
00:08:38,308 --> 00:08:40,508
how can you still
not drink on antibiotics?
187
00:08:40,508 --> 00:08:43,388
Shouldn't they be focusing on that?
Shouldn't that be a priority?
188
00:08:43,388 --> 00:08:46,668
I think they're sort of tied up trying
to cure cancer and AIDS and stuff, so...
189
00:08:46,668 --> 00:08:49,428
It can't be right.
I mean, surely it's precautionary.
190
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:50,828
What harm could one drink...?
191
00:08:50,828 --> 00:08:52,868
Two drinks aren't going to make
any difference.
192
00:08:52,868 --> 00:08:55,588
Bronagh, if you drink,
that thing might not clear up,
193
00:08:55,588 --> 00:08:57,268
you would never get the buck again.
194
00:08:57,268 --> 00:08:59,708
Seriously,
think about the bigger picture here.
195
00:08:59,708 --> 00:09:02,308
Oh. I see. Something going
on down there, is there?
196
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,708
Shut up.
197
00:09:03,708 --> 00:09:06,747
Clare had chlamydia. Lot's of times.
198
00:09:06,748 --> 00:09:09,107
That's lovely.
199
00:09:09,108 --> 00:09:11,748
Does she seriously think
it'll work out with him?
200
00:09:11,748 --> 00:09:14,668
Those lads use a different fucking
alphabet, for Christ's sake.
201
00:09:14,668 --> 00:09:16,588
Did you ever see...
202
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:24,828
And I know I should just move on,
but I can't. I can't.
203
00:09:25,348 --> 00:09:27,708
Right, so me and
Conor will go to the off-licence
204
00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:29,428
and grab a lock of bottles first.
205
00:09:29,428 --> 00:09:32,428
Take tiny tears with you.
Truth is, I don't even want to.
206
00:09:32,428 --> 00:09:35,108
Why do we have to take him?
I need a break from it.
207
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,507
Because I still love the bitch.
208
00:09:37,508 --> 00:09:39,907
Aye. Sure he's in great form.
209
00:09:39,908 --> 00:09:43,908
Crew! Prepare to disembark!
210
00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:48,227
And I have nothing now. Nothing.
211
00:09:48,228 --> 00:09:51,228
So, loser gets lumbered
with misery's mother here, agreed?
212
00:09:51,228 --> 00:09:53,187
All right. Go on then.
213
00:09:53,188 --> 00:09:54,468
Call. Scissors.
214
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,507
What? No, stone. No, paper.
215
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:59,067
No, scissor. Stone.
216
00:09:59,068 --> 00:10:01,268
All right, just
you relax yourself there, Conor.
217
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,588
Heads.
218
00:10:02,588 --> 00:10:04,227
Balls.
219
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,828
Why does nobody want me?
220
00:10:05,828 --> 00:10:08,161
Because you're a crying cunt, Sean.
221
00:10:13,509 --> 00:10:15,361
Seriously, I don't think I'm well.
222
00:10:15,361 --> 00:10:17,161
My hands are shaking,
my vision is funny,
223
00:10:17,161 --> 00:10:20,681
everything seems to be happening really
slowly. Ach, you're just sober, Bronagh.
224
00:10:20,681 --> 00:10:24,680
I don't like it, Niamh.
I don't like it at all.
225
00:10:24,681 --> 00:10:28,681
All right, Tony. We're Conor's
mates.
226
00:10:31,801 --> 00:10:34,240
We aren't early, are we?
227
00:10:34,241 --> 00:10:35,721
No. Not at all.
228
00:10:35,721 --> 00:10:37,881
Where's your bathroom?
I'm not feeling the best.
229
00:10:37,881 --> 00:10:41,881
Upstairs, first on the right.
230
00:10:43,921 --> 00:10:46,201
You guys look great.
Aye, well, you don't.
231
00:10:46,201 --> 00:10:50,201
That is one seriously shite costume.
232
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,961
You said there was an offy
round here, Conor.
233
00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:01,081
There doesn't seem to be
a sign of intelligent life anywhere.
234
00:11:01,081 --> 00:11:02,600
Where is it?
235
00:11:02,601 --> 00:11:04,881
There appears to be a system
malfunction.
236
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:09,014
Seriously, Conor, keep talking
like that and I will floor you.
237
00:11:10,481 --> 00:11:12,241
Excuse me, do you have the time?
238
00:11:12,241 --> 00:11:15,041
Yeah, hold on, just get it for you
now. It's... Give me your wallet.
239
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,881
What? Your wallet!
I think he wants your wallet, mate.
240
00:11:17,881 --> 00:11:21,001
I just got that much, Conor.
And you... your wallet.
241
00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:23,880
Oh, look, now they want my wallet.
Yep.
242
00:11:23,881 --> 00:11:26,841
And your phones. Hurry up.
Boys, come on, this is bad craic now.
243
00:11:26,841 --> 00:11:29,320
Hurry the fuck up.
244
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:33,200
Yeah... strip. What?!
245
00:11:33,201 --> 00:11:35,481
What are you gonna do? Strip.
Come on! Do it!
246
00:11:35,481 --> 00:11:38,881
Look, lads, we're prepared to meet
you half way on the wallets
247
00:11:38,881 --> 00:11:42,881
and the phones... but there is
absolutely no way that we...
248
00:11:46,841 --> 00:11:48,920
Jesus, Conor.
249
00:11:48,921 --> 00:11:52,041
Now, the label says dry clean only,
which is a bit of a pain
250
00:11:52,041 --> 00:11:55,361
in the arse, but you're better not
to chance these things.
251
00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:56,681
Cheers. No sweat.
252
00:11:56,681 --> 00:12:00,681
Seriously? Uh-huh.
253
00:12:06,281 --> 00:12:09,200
There you go, guys.
254
00:12:09,201 --> 00:12:12,641
Jesus, it's not exactly jumping, is
it, Tony? Where is everyone?
255
00:12:12,641 --> 00:12:14,440
Where's Sweet Pete?
256
00:12:14,441 --> 00:12:16,361
I don't know what's going on,
to be honest.
257
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,480
You have such pretty hair.
258
00:12:18,481 --> 00:12:20,440
Aye, I know.
259
00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,160
Can I touch it?
260
00:12:22,161 --> 00:12:23,721
Why do you want to touch her hair?
261
00:12:23,721 --> 00:12:25,401
Ach, the fella's only human.
262
00:12:25,401 --> 00:12:26,681
Work away, Tony.
263
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,280
It's so soft.
264
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,680
I don't even have to use
conditioner.
265
00:12:31,681 --> 00:12:34,880
I'd like us all to watch
something together.
266
00:12:34,881 --> 00:12:36,761
I think you'll really enjoy it.
267
00:12:36,761 --> 00:12:40,761
I think we could have
a really nice time.
268
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,441
Aye, sure, why not?
Whack it on then, Tony.
269
00:12:43,441 --> 00:12:47,441
Yes!
270
00:12:48,761 --> 00:12:52,280
Right, so, er, they took my phone,
my wallet
271
00:12:52,281 --> 00:12:55,360
with two bank cards in it,
my credit card,
272
00:12:55,361 --> 00:12:58,161
his wallet which, well, I'm guessing
there wasn't much in...
273
00:12:58,161 --> 00:13:00,001
My Boots advantage card, Packy.
274
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:01,961
I had nearly 200 points on that.
275
00:13:01,961 --> 00:13:03,361
I was saving up for a hairdryer.
276
00:13:03,361 --> 00:13:05,680
Right, so his wallet, his phone...
277
00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:07,161
What type of phone was it, sir?
278
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,481
A mobile.
279
00:13:08,481 --> 00:13:11,240
It was a mobile phone.
280
00:13:11,241 --> 00:13:13,281
Anything else? And our clothes.
281
00:13:13,281 --> 00:13:17,040
They made us strip in the street.
It was a scream.
282
00:13:17,041 --> 00:13:19,481
Can you describe what you
were wearing? Certainly.
283
00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:22,240
I was Buzz Lightyear.
284
00:13:22,241 --> 00:13:24,321
And I was dressed as the Tin Man.
285
00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:26,401
We were going to a fancy
dress party.
286
00:13:26,401 --> 00:13:29,240
But they don't go together.
I'm sorry?
287
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:33,200
If he was Buzz Lightyear,
you should have done Woody.
288
00:13:33,201 --> 00:13:35,480
Why didn't you do Woody?
289
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,801
Yeah, Packy, why didn't you do
Woody?
290
00:13:37,801 --> 00:13:40,721
I mean, it's so simple,
cowboy hat, cowboy boots...
291
00:13:40,721 --> 00:13:43,480
OK. So what...
Waist coat, toy gun. Easy.
292
00:13:43,481 --> 00:13:46,400
Right. So what happens now?
293
00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:47,960
We put it on file.
294
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,560
OK, and then what?
295
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,200
Then it's on file.
296
00:13:51,201 --> 00:13:55,201
I see, so you've put it on file,
get that, that's great.
297
00:13:55,521 --> 00:13:58,560
When do you, you know,
catch the bastards?
298
00:13:58,561 --> 00:13:59,921
To be honest, we don't, really.
299
00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:01,241
You don't?
300
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:04,360
The majority of the time, we don't.
301
00:14:04,361 --> 00:14:07,240
I see. Ach, Conor! How's it going?
302
00:14:07,241 --> 00:14:09,080
Jimmy, are you well?
303
00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:11,441
No complaints.
How's the mammy and daddy?
304
00:14:11,441 --> 00:14:12,601
They're keeping well.
305
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,321
Tell me this,
did they get the mouse in the end?
306
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:18,360
Yeah. They did, aye. Thank God.
307
00:14:18,361 --> 00:14:20,521
Aye. Oh, sorry, this is my mate
Packy.
308
00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:23,361
All right. You'll never guess
what happened to us.
309
00:14:23,361 --> 00:14:26,081
These two lads came up to us
on the street, and they asked us
310
00:14:26,081 --> 00:14:28,560
for all our stuff, and we just...
311
00:14:28,561 --> 00:14:29,961
gave it to them.
312
00:14:29,961 --> 00:14:31,601
We were robbed at knife point, Jimmy.
313
00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:33,480
Oh, Jesus, that's desperate.
314
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:36,961
Sure, I just took a fare in Soho,
and the bastard did a runner on me.
315
00:14:36,961 --> 00:14:39,881
Down here to report it, are you?
Ah, well, not exactly now, Packy.
316
00:14:39,881 --> 00:14:42,441
What happened was, I chased the
fella in question. Caught up
317
00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:45,081
with him and beat the living Jesus
out of him with a brick.
318
00:14:45,081 --> 00:14:49,521
Got myself arrested and now sure
enough, I'm up on a charge for GBH.
319
00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:53,041
Christ! Still, handy you found
a brick when you needed it.
320
00:14:53,041 --> 00:14:55,441
You had a bit of luck
there at least.
321
00:14:55,441 --> 00:14:56,761
No, it was my own brick.
322
00:14:56,761 --> 00:14:59,961
I just think it's best to have a
brick on you at all times, lads.
323
00:14:59,961 --> 00:15:01,680
Right. Is that so?
324
00:15:01,681 --> 00:15:04,041
Listen, if you need a lift
anywhere, it's no bother.
325
00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:06,721
I'm parked outside.
Just let me sign this release form.
326
00:15:06,721 --> 00:15:08,760
Cheers, Jimmy.
327
00:15:08,761 --> 00:15:10,720
Lovely fella.
328
00:15:10,721 --> 00:15:14,721
Yeah. He does know we can't pay him
though, doesn't he?
329
00:15:28,121 --> 00:15:32,121
Jesus Christ.
330
00:15:34,921 --> 00:15:38,921
Sick bastard!
331
00:15:40,601 --> 00:15:42,600
We're leaving...
332
00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:45,881
What the fuck is going on?
333
00:15:49,961 --> 00:15:52,520
Is... that Button Moon?
334
00:15:52,521 --> 00:15:54,961
Aye, we're just watching
a bit of Button Moon, so we are.
335
00:15:54,961 --> 00:15:56,841
I don't know what's
happening any more.
336
00:15:56,841 --> 00:15:58,601
What's he doing to your hair?
337
00:15:58,601 --> 00:16:00,481
I was thinking a French braid.
338
00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:02,521
Right, get up, now.
We need to get out of here.
339
00:16:02,521 --> 00:16:06,521
Don't go. Please.
Sweet Pat will be here soon.
340
00:16:07,441 --> 00:16:09,081
Who the fuck is Sweet Pat?
341
00:16:09,081 --> 00:16:12,120
You're not Tony, are you?
342
00:16:12,121 --> 00:16:15,400
No.
343
00:16:15,401 --> 00:16:19,401
Here we are, lads. Jump in.
344
00:16:20,881 --> 00:16:24,881
What are you waiting for?
345
00:16:26,881 --> 00:16:28,241
It's a rickshaw.
346
00:16:28,241 --> 00:16:30,320
Yeah! What where you expecting?
347
00:16:30,321 --> 00:16:32,641
A car, Conor.
I was expecting a fucking car.
348
00:16:32,641 --> 00:16:35,160
Come on, Packy. Jump in, son.
349
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:38,320
Now, hold on tight, lads...
350
00:16:38,321 --> 00:16:41,000
..for I like it fast.
351
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,081
This is how I'm gonna die, is it?
In a rickshaw.
352
00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:44,441
In my fucking knickers.
353
00:16:44,441 --> 00:16:46,000
Wooohooo!
354
00:16:46,001 --> 00:16:49,041
Jesus Christ, Packy, pick up.
They're not answering.
355
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,121
I can't believe Conor gave us
the wrong address.
356
00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:54,001
Bronagh, I don't think me coming
out tonight was such a good idea.
357
00:16:54,001 --> 00:16:56,561
Could we maybe go somewhere quiet
and talk?
358
00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:59,041
I need to get all
this off my chest properly.
359
00:16:59,041 --> 00:17:01,160
If I don't... Not now, fucko.
360
00:17:01,161 --> 00:17:04,521
Answer! Aw, what if Sweet Pete rides
somebody else before I get there?
361
00:17:04,521 --> 00:17:08,401
You'd live. No, I wouldn't. I love
him, Bronagh. I'm in love with him.
362
00:17:08,401 --> 00:17:12,401
It's love. Love, is it? Really?
What's his surname?
363
00:17:12,841 --> 00:17:14,800
Pete. Grand.
364
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,241
Fucking voicemail.
365
00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:17,521
Look, I say we call it a night.
366
00:17:17,521 --> 00:17:20,921
We have no idea where this party is
and we are never, ever gonna find it.
367
00:17:20,921 --> 00:17:22,921
Do you think that might be it?
368
00:17:26,481 --> 00:17:30,481
It could be, aye.
369
00:17:30,561 --> 00:17:33,841
You couldn't slow down a wee
bit there, Jimmy? I feel sick.
370
00:17:33,841 --> 00:17:36,920
I feel like Cinderella!
Or the Queen!
371
00:17:36,921 --> 00:17:40,640
Yeah! Go on, you good thing, you!
Pedal, Jimmy!
372
00:17:40,641 --> 00:17:44,000
Pedal, you mad bastard, you!
373
00:17:44,001 --> 00:17:45,720
Whooooooooo!
374
00:17:45,721 --> 00:17:49,401
I mean, basically, five days you can eat
whatever you want. Like whatever you want.
375
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,921
And then, for two days, you fast,
which doesn't mean starve
376
00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:53,801
because you can still
have like 500 cals,
377
00:17:53,801 --> 00:17:55,760
maybe even 600 cals.
378
00:17:55,761 --> 00:17:57,480
It's really amazing.
379
00:17:57,481 --> 00:18:00,760
You're making me very, very upset.
380
00:18:00,761 --> 00:18:02,261
Yeah.
381
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:08,681
Niamh...
382
00:18:08,681 --> 00:18:10,360
Niamh...
383
00:18:10,361 --> 00:18:11,721
Niamh...
384
00:18:11,721 --> 00:18:13,201
What is it, Sweet Pete?
385
00:18:13,201 --> 00:18:16,961
I'm sorry, it's just... this is really
starting to make me feel uncomfortable.
386
00:18:16,961 --> 00:18:18,401
Oh, just ignore him.
387
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:20,920
His hand's on my leg.
388
00:18:20,921 --> 00:18:22,421
He's grand!
389
00:18:25,441 --> 00:18:29,441
Fine. You stay there.
390
00:18:31,121 --> 00:18:35,121
Come on, you.
Let's go and have a wee chat.
391
00:18:38,081 --> 00:18:42,081
Everything's gonna be OK.
392
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,841
I'm not sure it will though.
393
00:18:43,841 --> 00:18:45,480
That's it, in you go.
394
00:18:45,481 --> 00:18:48,961
This is a cupboard, Niamh.
There now, shh. You're all right.
395
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,321
Why am I in a cupboard, Niamh?
396
00:18:50,321 --> 00:18:54,120
Now, you just settle yourself.
Just close your wee eyes.
397
00:18:54,121 --> 00:18:57,121
Niamh... Now, you just have
a bit of a lie down.
398
00:18:57,121 --> 00:19:01,121
Have a bit of a think to yourself.
That's it.
399
00:19:01,881 --> 00:19:03,241
Niamh?
400
00:19:03,241 --> 00:19:07,241
Niamh!
401
00:19:11,241 --> 00:19:13,961
I might slice up some apple,
and eat it with some yogurt,
402
00:19:13,961 --> 00:19:17,081
that's like 80 cals. And then
for lunch, like a salmon salad,
403
00:19:17,081 --> 00:19:18,761
300 cals... Oh, thank fuck!
404
00:19:18,761 --> 00:19:20,441
What is it? What's wrong?
I don't know.
405
00:19:20,441 --> 00:19:24,081
She just kept saying 'cals' and
I couldn't make it stop. I couldn't
make it stop, Packy.
406
00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:27,281
It's all right. It's not all right.
Everyone keeps talking absolute balls.
407
00:19:27,281 --> 00:19:30,641
And people... people keep saying
the same thing over and over again.
408
00:19:30,641 --> 00:19:33,601
Everyone's pissed and you're not,
that's all. It's totally normal.
409
00:19:33,601 --> 00:19:36,200
Really? Really.
410
00:19:36,201 --> 00:19:39,281
Why have you got no clothes on? Oh,
me and Conor sort of got mugged.
411
00:19:39,281 --> 00:19:42,041
You're... I think you might be
touching my chest there, Bronagh.
412
00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:43,321
It's really smooth.
413
00:19:43,321 --> 00:19:47,854
Right, well, we're moving into
slightly strange territory here so...
414
00:19:50,641 --> 00:19:54,641
Well, this is interesting.
415
00:19:56,281 --> 00:19:59,840
Hello?
416
00:19:59,841 --> 00:20:01,281
Hello?
417
00:20:01,281 --> 00:20:02,761
Hello?
418
00:20:02,761 --> 00:20:05,280
Hello?
419
00:20:05,281 --> 00:20:07,640
Help me!
420
00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:10,080
It's happening again.
421
00:20:10,081 --> 00:20:12,721
Look, Bronagh, I'm not sure
this is a good idea.
422
00:20:12,721 --> 00:20:15,841
You're really sober and I just... I
don't want to take advantage of that.
423
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,481
I don't care if you do. Really?
424
00:20:17,481 --> 00:20:21,481
No. All right, fuck it then.
425
00:20:26,361 --> 00:20:29,360
Oh, my God! He's gone mental!
426
00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:32,000
Oh, what is Dicko playing at now?
427
00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:34,401
Ach, there's talk of him
slitting his wrists.
428
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,401
Stay back! Don't try to stop me.
429
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:37,841
Stay back!
430
00:20:37,841 --> 00:20:39,481
Ach, Sean, what's this all about?
431
00:20:39,481 --> 00:20:41,401
I just don't see the point any more.
432
00:20:41,401 --> 00:20:44,641
Sean, stop showing us up. Sean, come
on, now, let's talk about this.
433
00:20:44,641 --> 00:20:47,401
I wanted to talk about this,
but none of you would listen.
434
00:20:47,401 --> 00:20:49,801
And then, Niamh locked me
in a cupboard.
435
00:20:49,801 --> 00:20:52,641
You locked him in a cupboard? Yeah.
And I want to know who let him out.
436
00:20:52,641 --> 00:20:54,001
It wasn't me.
437
00:20:54,001 --> 00:20:56,441
Stop being a mouth
and put the knife down, Sean.
438
00:20:56,441 --> 00:20:57,481
No! I won't. So what?
439
00:20:57,481 --> 00:21:00,001
You're actually gonna slit
your wrists like a sad bastard?
440
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:01,201
Yes. I am!
441
00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:04,440
Just put the knife down, mate. Why?
442
00:21:04,441 --> 00:21:06,800
I've nothing to live for now.
443
00:21:06,801 --> 00:21:08,641
Though none of you give a shit!
444
00:21:08,641 --> 00:21:11,121
We do give a shit, mate.
I couldn't give less of a shit.
445
00:21:11,121 --> 00:21:14,320
Me neither. Not helpful, lads.
446
00:21:14,321 --> 00:21:16,081
Just try and stay calm, Sean.
447
00:21:16,081 --> 00:21:18,920
It just hurts so much.
448
00:21:18,921 --> 00:21:22,921
Yeah, I know.
449
00:21:34,321 --> 00:21:35,801
Oh, that's better.
450
00:21:35,801 --> 00:21:38,800
Really, now? I need the pain to stop.
451
00:21:38,801 --> 00:21:41,801
Right! I didn't want to have to do
this, but you have forced my hand.
452
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,521
Sean, I'm ringing your ma.
You're not ringing his ma?
453
00:21:44,521 --> 00:21:47,321
Bronagh. You're not gonna inform?
I'm doing it. I'm ringing his ma
454
00:21:47,321 --> 00:21:49,681
and I'm telling her he's over here
committing suicide.
455
00:21:49,681 --> 00:21:52,321
Let's see what she has to say about
that. Bronagh, please...
456
00:21:52,321 --> 00:21:55,641
You are so, so fucked. No! Don't
tell my ma, Bronagh. She'll go mad.
457
00:21:55,641 --> 00:21:58,720
She'll kill me!
You've left me no choice.
458
00:21:58,721 --> 00:22:01,280
No! Please! Stop! I'm sorry.
459
00:22:01,281 --> 00:22:03,520
I'm putting the knife down.
460
00:22:03,521 --> 00:22:07,521
I'm putting it down.
461
00:22:14,121 --> 00:22:18,121
Should you be doing that?
What about, you know, your erm...
462
00:22:18,601 --> 00:22:20,001
..problem?
463
00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:23,521
That's not something you need
to concern yourself with, Packy.
464
00:22:23,521 --> 00:22:27,521
That small window is nailed shut.
Right.
465
00:22:27,881 --> 00:22:31,881
Grand so.
466
00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:38,401
Imagine trying to slit your own
wrists, like. Arsehole.
467
00:22:38,401 --> 00:22:41,121
Aye, that's not a good way to go.
Is there a good way to go?
468
00:22:41,121 --> 00:22:44,561
I wouldn't mind being run
over by an ice cream van. What?
469
00:22:44,561 --> 00:22:46,720
I just love 99s.
470
00:22:46,721 --> 00:22:48,201
Maybe I could choke on a flake.
471
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,281
I'd rather just die peacefully,
you know? In my sleep.
472
00:22:51,281 --> 00:22:54,001
I just don't think you've given
this enough thought, Packy.
473
00:22:54,001 --> 00:22:57,040
I'd go for drowning. I see. Why?
474
00:22:57,041 --> 00:23:00,321
Ach, I'm just a really good swimmer.
I'm like a fish.
475
00:23:00,321 --> 00:23:02,721
Doesn't swimming sort of defeat
the purpose, Niamh?
476
00:23:02,721 --> 00:23:05,480
How so? Nevermind.
477
00:23:05,481 --> 00:23:07,561
Here, which one of us
do you think will go first?
478
00:23:07,561 --> 00:23:08,961
Conor.
479
00:23:08,961 --> 00:23:12,961
Aw, lads... you don't really mean it.
480
00:23:13,041 --> 00:23:14,601
Are you just saying that?
481
00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:16,201
Oh, I mean it all right.
482
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I might even make sure of it.
483
00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:24,161
Thanks, Bronagh. Don't mention it.
484
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