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'Live from his luxury penthouse apartment
in London's glittering East End,
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'Dean Learner, club-owner,
entrepreneur and publisher
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"of high-class gentlemen's magazines,
invites you to join him
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'for an exclusive Man to Man.'
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'Please welcome Mr Dean Learner.'
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Thank you. Thank you so much.
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A thousand thank-yous.
Welcome to Man to Man.
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My name is Dean Learner
and you could say I'm a one-man brand.
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I've got a club called Deanos,
a restaurant called Chez Deanos,
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an erotic comic called The Deano
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and a men's magazine called Jigglers.
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That was originally called Deano's Jigglers,
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but the image it conjured up
was at best harrowing, wasn't it?
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< Yep.
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This show is an attempt to bring back
some refinement to modern television -
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a medium that has become
so depraved, so venal
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that I'm almost ashamed
to be associated with it.
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And I've worked in skin.
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In short, you can sum up the credos
of Man to Man in one word - class.
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What is class? It's impossible to define,
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despite what dictionaries
would have us believe.
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But certain images
can conjure up its essence.
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Jumbo prawns, ankle bracelets,
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and dimmer switches in the toilet.
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And my special guest this evening
is pure class.
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He's the candelabra
of toilet lighting, if you will.
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As many of you'll know, I've had
a long-standing love of motor racing.
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Back in the '80s I even had my own team
called the Dean Team.
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Perhaps you've heard of it or,
perhaps you haven't.
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Those are the two options.
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The point is, tonight's VIP visitor
was the most famous driver
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the Dean Team ever had,
but you might know him better now
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as a spokesman for a major
hair restoral company.
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Having lived life in the fast lane
for well over a decade,
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it's no surprise to me that
my back hair has begun to fall out.
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But with Back Studio's revolutionary
new hair restoral treatment
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my back, sac, crack and shoulders
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have been restored to their bushy best
in just under three years.
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Has it changed my life?
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You betcha! Back in business.
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Please welcome the four-times
former Formula Five world champion,
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Steve "The Accelerator" Pieing.
With one S.
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Thank you, Dean...
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One second. OK.
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And go!
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Thank you, Dean.
I'm over the moon to be here.
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Can I say that's an hilarious start
to the proceedings,
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albeit technically inaccurate.
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The chequered flag usually denotes
the close of a race whereas the start
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is usually signified by a sequence
of coloured lights flashing
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red, red, green, then out,
but thank you and thank you also
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for the correct pronunciation of my surname.
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So many people over the years have
pronounced it "Pie-sing", or "Pizzing".
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It's not. It's Pieing.
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I've said it once, and I'll say it again -
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Pieing is my name and I'm proud to be
a Pieing, and that's the end of it.
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- Agreed.
- That's the end of it, Dean.
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Sure, sure.
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Some time back your racing career
was cut tragically short
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by an horrendous car accident,
of which more in the dueness, of course,
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which means a lot of our younger
viewers may not know you were once
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four-times Formula Five world champion.
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Forgive me for blowing smoke
up my own trumpet,
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but all of those wins were with my team,
the Dean Team.
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That's right, I'd like to say that with you
by my side I was "living the Dean".
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Well, that's both funny and kind.
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Tell me, what was it like
to drive a Formula Five car?
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< What made it so exciting?
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I'd have to say the speed.
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- The speed.
- The sheer speed, Dean.
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There was nothing like it.
It was better than sex.
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Well, better than any sex I've ever had.
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The feeling of speed was indescribable.
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So what was it like?
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As I say, it's indescribable.
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Try describing it.
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Really good.
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Thank you.
Together we won a lot of races
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but what for you was your finest moment?
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I'd have to say Brands Hatch '85.
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I was leading solidly for 15 laps
and then on lap 16
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I was taken by Henrik Gregor,
the fiery Sri Lankan.
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I got angry, I put my foot down.
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I did this... and I was back on pole.
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And that was the greatest moment of your life?
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Yes, it was.
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There was a moment immediately prior
to that where I had done this...
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and that was pretty special.
I mean, I remember thinking
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that's probably my greatest moment,
but then that moment led to this...
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which blew the previous moment
right out of the park.
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The only thing that has come close since
is when I first saw the trailer to Troy.
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It's a very dangerous sport, isn't it?
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Well, I've got no skin left on my legs any more.
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They look like two tubes of pate.
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One dermatologist said
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I'm literally down to my last layer of skin
so I can't wash with a flannel any more.
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I have to use wet wipes
from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
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And that's the only brand my skin will take.
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So if I ever want to spruce up,
it's a trip to the Colonel.
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It's very difficult to find a good quality
wet wipe in any case,
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because I took Satu to the Ivy recently
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and I asked for a wet wipe and they said,
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"We don't do wet wipes."
I said, "The fuck you don't do wet wipes!"
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"I'm paying two ton a head
and you don't to fucking wet wipes?"
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They said, "No, we don't."
I said, "Send down for a wet wipe.
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"I've got shrimp all over my hands.
I stink, I need a wet wipe."
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In the end they had to bike some over
from Chicken Cottage
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who do a very good wet wipe,
and gratis, I may add.
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But I have to say, the Ivy were a little bit
embarrassed by the whole thing.
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Cos I'd been in there two week back
and they didn't have any sporks.
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Back to you, Steve. You've borne
all your innumerable chafings
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with considerable courage.
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I think that's what the British public loves
so much about you. It's your character.
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Well, it's not for no reason
that I've been voted personality of the year
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three times running.
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Sure, and that's a very difficult competition
to win because you were up against
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some very witty sportsman
including, I think, John Parrott.
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Well, as I said on the night,
I've had the ride of my life in this career
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but road to this particular trophy
has been the bumpiest.
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That is priceless.
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Lovely.
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You actually wrote that joke yourself,
didn't you?
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Yes, I did.
It took about a week but...
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I was very pleased with the results
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and I think it still holds up well today.
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I think I agree and it was that speech,
and in particular that joke, if I may be so bold,
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that led to the tide of Pieing-mania
that swept the country.
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You were everywhere.
There were Pieing T-shirts, Pieing mugs,
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Pieing posters and even a Pieing single.
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That's right.
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- Driving Me Crazy.
- Driving Me Crazy, that's right.
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How did it go?
You're driving me crazy
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Take your foot off the gas
I'm all tired out
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I've got my head on the dash
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We need to put the brakes on
or we'll skid off the tracks
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We've been slow out the grids
Now [ want you back
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You're driving me crazy
Why don't you give it a rest?
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Doo-wop, bunny rabbit, Pardon.
No, that's Chas and Dave.
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Yes, that's Chas and Dave.
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- To be fair, I think we ripped it off them.
- Yeah, sure.
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I suppose the culmination of
this avalanche of merchandise
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was your video in which
you documented your hopes, dreams
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and your plans for the future when
you were literally at the top of your game.
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So let's have a look at
Pieing In The Driving Seat.
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Hi, I'm Steve Pieing and this is
Pieing In The Driving Seat.
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'In this home video cassette,
Steve Pieing will reveal what drives him,
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'his racy views on the motor business,
keep us on track with his private life
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'and candidly share his hopes for the future
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'while also putting the brakes on
some rumours about his imminent retirement.
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'Steve Pieing is one of Formula Five's
great personalities.
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'Three-times UK champion,
with an historic 47 trophies to his name,
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'he's known to other drivers and fans alike
as "The Accelerator".
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Well, I'm known as "The Accelerator”,
I suppose because in my motor racing career
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I've often had to accelerate
in order to overtake rival drivers.
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I suppose it's a reference to that.
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'A devoted husband to his wife Marie,
he runs a successful business
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'with his brother, Barry Pieing.
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'He also owns a camel
and opened a camel refuge
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'in his home town of Folkestone, Kent.'
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I own a camel, I love camels,
I adore camels. I'm camel crazy.
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Camels have great stamina,
they look good, like me
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they go a hell of a long way on one tank,
and above all, they're honest.
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Let me say this to you now,
if only everyone was as honest as a camel,
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the world would be
a much better place, in my opinion.
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'What does Steve feel about the recent
fraud and manslaughter allegations
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'made against Dean Learner
and Dean Machine Motors?
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'Do these have a bearing on his future plans?
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I have the utmost respect for Dean Learner.
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I think he does a wonderful job
often in very difficult circumstances.
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Granted, he flew off the handle somewhat
during his recent courtroom appearance
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but I've said this once,
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and I'll say it again - as far as I'm concerned,
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Dean has always been straight with me
and I have always been straight with him.
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I'll be completely straight with the judge
when I'm called to testify
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at Dean's trial next month.
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Dean knows that, Dean respects that,
I've got nothing to hide.
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Dean has got nothing to hide.
The Dean Team has nothing to hide.
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'So we leave Steve Pieing
at a crossroads in his career
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'but one thing is for certain -
this won't be the last chapter
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'in the Pieing story.'
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Very nice to see that.
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Shortly after that video you indeed announced
you were leaving my team, the Dean Team.
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- Yes.
- Steve, you left with my blessing.
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I wished you the very best.
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But I warned you at the time that if you left me,
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things would not turn out well for you.
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And I was right, wasn't I?
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True, it was an uncanny prediction
because in my first race with my new team
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I had a terrible crash that effectively
put the brakes on my entire career.
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Which is ironic, because it was your brakes
that failed during that race.
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It's one of those things
you have to live with, Dean.
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I don't know how that brake cable
became severed in 18 different places.
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It's a mystery.
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C'est la vie.
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Now, the injuries you received
were extensive.
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No-one was more surprised
than me when you pulled through.
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Well, it was a horrific crash.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
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The brakes failed, I hit the kerb,
the car flipped, I went into a roll,
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slid on some oil, skidded into a tyre wall,
bounced over the control tower
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on to a garage roof,
catapulted sideways into a tree,
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dropped down into the path of a speeding van,
ricocheted back up into the tree,
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00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:21,919
landed bonnet-down in a skip,
the petrol tank blew, the car exploded,
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the tree fell on the car.
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At that point I was worried
I might not make it!
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My seat caught fire, the skip blew up,
I started hearing gunshots...
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then a pick-up truck dumped 15 gallons
of wet cement on top of me.
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When I was chiselled out of the wreckage,
my pelvis was shattered,
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one arse cheek was hanging loose,
the top of my head was leaking,
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and by spine had become
severely compressed.
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By how much?
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I was 3ft 5, Dean.
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00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,839
But lucky for me they managed
to surgically stretch me back
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to something approximating my original
height over a period of seven years.
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00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,158
Why you ever afraid you were going to die?
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00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,117
Well, I did die, Dean.
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00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:07,080
I was rushing down a tunnel towards
a very bright light at the other end.
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00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:11,393
I was going, maybe 200, 220 mph,
popped out the other end
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00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,993
and I saw the face of God.
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And what did he look like?
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A little bit like Uncle Albert
from Only Fools And Horses.
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That's how I imagine him to look like.
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00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,560
- I guess he didn't do that a lot though?
- Um...
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00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,518
Not that I noticed, but heaven
was like a huge car parts depot,
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00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,353
gleaming white and stocked
to the gills with every form
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00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,751
of car part or car part accessory
you could wish for. I remember thinking,
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00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,832
"If I come through this I'm going to
open up a similar operation
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00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,957
"in Folkestone or maybe Dover."
228
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,429
And God said to me, "Steve,
"that's a great idea.
229
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,955
"There's a lot of passing trade
opening up in Folkestone,
230
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:47,792
"what with the Chunnel nearing completion
231
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,269
"and increasing reinvestment
throughout the area.
232
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,795
"And you have already built up
good brand loyalty
233
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:54,518
"with Pieing parts and Pieing Oil."
234
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,911
So we talked for about an hour
about the motor parts trade
235
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,073
and we found a lot of our views
on how to trade in stock were very similar.
236
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:06,393
Sorry, I have to interrupt you there, Steve.
I had idea that answer would be so long.
237
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,916
We have to go to a commercial break.
238
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,391
Please come back for what I promise
will be a snappier second half.
239
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,913
Welcome back to Man to Man
with Dean Learner.
240
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,991
I'm about to re-commence talking to
241
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:26,118
the former Formula Five
world champion Steve Pieing, now.
242
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,750
After the crash
that ended your motor-racing career,
243
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,719
you returned to domestic life.
How did you find that?
244
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,350
Um, since my retirement, my wife Marie
and I have been trying for a baby
245
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:40,070
but with no joy at all
and it's been devastating for me,
246
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:43,710
Dean, because as you know
I want to continue the Pieing name.
247
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,395
It's an old Anglo-Saxon name
and regrettably, it's dying out.
248
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,393
And I understand, as yet,
your marriage has been without issue.
249
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,629
You got it and one, Dean.
250
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,031
Unfortunately, the temperatures
generated in the driving seat
251
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,954
during an average Formula Five race
are roughly the equivalent of a Breville toaster.
252
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:04,319
So sadly, over the years, the tip of my shaft
has become heat sealed.
253
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,720
Um...
254
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,992
A bit like the corners of a toasted sandwich.
255
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,516
Could you not try siphoning off some sperms?
256
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,318
I'd love to, Dean, but the trouble is,
257
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,755
after ten years on the track
with my testes sizzling
258
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,992
on a white hot engine, everything
down there's long since curdled.
259
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,277
Well, I've got the opposite problem.
260
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,876
I just found out this week
that I've got another son,
261
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,794
which is not ideal, but then again,
you can't argue with a DNA test...
262
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,393
not for long.
263
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:39,269
Sorry, I digress. Couldn't you adopt?
264
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,715
No. Apparently, calling a child Pieing
265
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,794
in this day and age constitutes
a form of child abuse.
266
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,679
Not to harp on about it, but even
my wife Marie won't take my name.
267
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:52,037
And I've said to her, I've pleaded,
"Please, Marie, please take it
268
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:53,633
"as a middle name," but she won't.
269
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,393
She won't cos her surname's Blood.
270
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,274
Let's... Let's move on.
271
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:05,035
After the crash that you
should not have survived...
272
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,639
...you went full-time
into the parts business, didn't you?
273
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,677
That's right.
I love the parts business.
274
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:16,151
I get the same kick from selling
a wheel component or a splash shield
275
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,277
as I did crossing the finishing line,
would you believe?
276
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,795
I believe you, Steve.
277
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,157
And you ran that business
with your brother, Barry.
278
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:29,030
I believe we've got a picture of him.
There he is.
279
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,954
That's my brother, Barry.
He's my younger brother.
280
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,919
Just sitting here thinking about him
makes my blood boil.
281
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,193
Cain and Abel,
282
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,634
Romulus and Remus,
283
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,472
and now Steve and Barry.
284
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,430
Why can't brothers get on?
285
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,876
I dunno, Dean. I love him like
a brother but at the same time,
286
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,473
I hate him so much I could spit.
287
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:55,030
And I don't even approve
of spitting, as you know.
288
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:59,557
I tell you who is a terrible one
for spitting, he's a real gobber,
289
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,313
and that's Des Lynam.
290
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:05,997
When he's on Countdown, they actually
have to put a spittoon under his desk.
291
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,356
That's true. That is true. He won't tell you.
292
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,717
That's why he's got the moustache,
to soak it up, basically.
293
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,790
Um...
294
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,076
So what did Barry do?
295
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,116
What didn't he do?
296
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,032
Let's start off with what he did do.
297
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,474
- Because that was a long first half.
- OK.
298
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,234
Well, things began one day
when we'd been delivered
299
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,994
an extra wiper blade
from our supplier by mistake
300
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,710
and Barry suggested we pocket the profit
and keep our heads low for a week.
301
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,998
I said "Barry, I don't wanna live
like a fugitive for a rest of my life.
302
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,196
"I can't do business like that."
303
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,920
Not long after that,
he began to turn up late for work,
304
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,880
he'd roll-up to the depot at about 7.30
when I'd been there since five,
305
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,191
and I'd say, "Jesus, what time
do you call this? Half the day's gone."
306
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,477
And he'd just look at me,
flip the bird and say, "Climb it, Tarzan."
307
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:57,518
Then I noticed he started to take
the van home at weekends
308
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,911
and when it came back on Monday morning,
it smelt distinctly of midnight sin.
309
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,914
And the worst thing was, he wouldn't do
up his top button on his shirt,
310
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,789
which from a customer's point of view
is like being kicked in the balls.
311
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:13,350
You were so ill with stress,
you had to take five months off work.
312
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,192
That's where all back hair fell out.
313
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:19,069
And that's when I came back to you,
the only man in the world I could trust,
314
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:24,075
and very honourably and for £50,
you took the business off my hands
315
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,151
and a whole heap of worry
from my shoulders.
316
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:31,030
And these are exciting times for the business,
because we have a new reality show
317
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,475
where you and I have to find a new trainee
318
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:38,270
to oversee the future growth of Pieing Parts.
So let's have a look at The Learner.
319
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,674
Good morning, everyone.
320
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,478
Good morning, Mr Learner.
321
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,392
Let's cut straight to it, shall we?
322
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,040
You lot are going to be competing
against one another
323
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:58,556
to become the new night security guard
at my Woking depot.
324
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,995
This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
325
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,833
As well as the obvious cachet
that such a position affords,
326
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,877
the lucky appointee
327
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:10,397
will receive an annual salary of 9.5K
and a personalised name badge.
328
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,154
Helping me choose
my "Learner" security guard
329
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:17,632
will be my two trusted advisers -
to my right, Mr Steve Pieing.
330
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:22,078
He heads up the car parts depot here
and as such over the next few weeks
331
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,039
will be my eyes, ears, throat and balls.
332
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:28,511
To my left, my financial adviser.
333
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,319
I'm gonna split you up
into two groups - shirts and skirt.
334
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,711
Shirts, you can do stocktaking
with Steve here
335
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,996
- and skirt, what's your name, my love?
- Martine.
336
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:40,596
Martine, my darling, you can soak down
the Jag with me and Mary Lou.
337
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:48,989
Water pumps,
that's a DI2519 and a DI2517.
338
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,832
Can you see them?
339
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,036
There they are, there they are.
What's the quantity.
340
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,519
Two.
341
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:55,954
What's the quantity?
342
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,360
Two.
343
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,556
What's the quantity?
344
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,837
Look, there you go.
Quantity, one, jot it down.
345
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,799
Exhaust paste power cans,
where are they?
346
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,315
Wrong, that's a water pump.
347
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:09,913
Can you see them?
348
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:14,756
If they come too far on the shelves, they
can fall and it's against health and safety.
349
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,595
If this juts out too far and I'm walking
along here, bang and I'm out.
350
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,318
So just be very, very careful.
351
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,596
Bring it up to the edge,
but no further.
352
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,991
Don't push it all the way back,
you might miss one walking through.
353
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,674
I walk past and go, "Where is it?"
and I've gone past it.
354
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,479
It's literally up to that edge.
355
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,278
That's why they were built this length.
356
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:34,919
That's why the width is right.
357
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,551
It's just right for the job.
It's just right for the job.
358
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,119
- Did you stack these?
- Yes.
359
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,999
Yeah, they're over-stacked.
If you look, come here.
360
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,755
If you look, there's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9... Well, there's 10.
361
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,194
I know what you've done.
362
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,715
You've put 10 on thinking
10's a nice even number
363
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,440
but they should only ever go
to at least 7,
364
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,272
7 or less, really,
365
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:59,876
because if I walk along here
and I'm crouching and walking through,
366
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,473
and they drop off,
367
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,076
I know they're not heavy
but enough of them could blind me.
368
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,116
- Does anyone here want a cup of tea?
- No.
369
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,999
- Cup of tea?
- No. They don't. They're fine. They're fine.
370
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:18,599
Can you send them in, please.
371
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,159
OK.
372
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,317
OK, I've listened to the advice
of Steve and Mary Lou
373
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,710
but now, I need you to convince me.
374
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,791
You, what have you got to say for yourself?
375
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,315
Your employee said I did good.
376
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,356
Pardon me?
377
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:36,635
< I was great.
378
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,472
You were great? Suddenly great.
379
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:39,709
< I did it good.
380
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,395
"He did it good". He did it good.
381
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,994
Did he did it good, Steve?
382
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,036
Um, he did.
383
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:50,511
I caught someone like you keying my car.
Do you know what happened to him?
384
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,752
- What?
- He carried his leg home.
385
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,399
It's all a joke to these fellas.
386
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,835
What about you?
How many GCSEs have you got?
387
00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,115
I have two GCSEs.
388
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,670
I don't like eggheads. OK?
So I've got a problem with you.
389
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,876
Why should I keep you on?
390
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,190
Well, like that guy said before,
391
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,954
I think I done my task to my best ability.
392
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,792
Right. What's your best ability?
393
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,635
That of a hog? What have you
got to say in your defence?
394
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,031
I think Steve and I
make a pretty good team.
395
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,316
So you're Torvill and Dean, suddenly, are you?
396
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,038
Skating together in synch?
397
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,440
It was discussed.
398
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,830
- What, Torvill and Dean?
- Us going skating.
399
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:27,910
What about you, then?
400
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,991
I can be a good employee for you.
401
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,673
- For me?
- Yeah.
402
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,637
Right. You know what I think you are?
403
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,836
I think you're a fucking toilet.
404
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,954
Martine, how did you get on?
405
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,553
I dunno.
406
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,074
Don't know. OK.
407
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:48,233
This is very tough,
this is very tough indeed.
408
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,237
A lot of conflicting testimony.
409
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,596
It is my decision.
410
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:58,277
But I've made it and I'm gonna cut
all of you loose except Martine.
411
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,637
There's a great episode coming up later
412
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,951
where Satu and Martine have
a cat fight on a bouncy castle,
413
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,429
so watch out for that.
414
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:24,115
All that remains for me to do
is to thank once again my super guest,
415
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,396
Steve Pieing,
for talking to me Man to Man
416
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,233
and to thank you very much for watching.
417
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,357
Thank you very much.
418
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:39,238
I think we're done, I'll get a hose.
419
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,038
You might get sprinkled a bit.
420
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,239
Don't give me that look, Steve.
421
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,709
That car's too clean, Dean.
422
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,279
It's my decision, Steve.
423
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,998
Your decision.
424
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,435
It is my decision.
425
00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,195
And the car is the level of cleanness
that I'd like.
426
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,799
Tonight might be a late one
so you'd best call your mother
427
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:09,236
because I doubt
you'll be back before 11.30.
428
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,754
- Oh.
- OK.