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(LOUD SPEAKER WHINES)
Good morning Kate Sheppard Primary.
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00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:10,592
It's everyone's fourth favourite
day - sausage sizzle day.
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00:00:10,617 --> 00:00:11,427
BOY: School.
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00:00:12,181 --> 00:00:15,609
Funds raised will go towards
rebuilding after the school fire...
5
00:00:15,670 --> 00:00:17,650
that was definitely an accident.
6
00:00:18,823 --> 00:00:19,923
Oh, hey! Heather!
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00:00:21,161 --> 00:00:21,851
Hi! And...
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(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
That's my new friend Heather.
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00:00:27,431 --> 00:00:29,929
We just play this game where she
just pretends to be annoyed at me,
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00:00:29,975 --> 00:00:32,355
like, all the time.
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
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Good morning.
Kia ora.
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00:00:35,263 --> 00:00:37,273
See you at the library?
Y...es!
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(CHUCKLES)
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00:00:41,865 --> 00:00:43,085
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
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(CHEERY, LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
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Yeah.
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00:00:49,787 --> 00:00:53,419
Have fun with your new friends.
Have fun with your new sausages!
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00:00:53,562 --> 00:00:55,352
Oh, and have fun with your...
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00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,031
sausages.
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(BRIGHT, INTRIGUING MUSIC)
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(GASPS) Oh.
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Can I just...?
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00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:17,092
Um, why do you hate
this school so much?
24
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Oh, I don't. I love it. I mean,
we've only been here for a week,
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but I love it already. It's so tidy.
That's crack-up.
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Cos I just thought since you like killing the
environment with your single-use lifestyle,
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you're one of those school haters.
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Oh, this isn't mine. I'll just...
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(CLATTERS)
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Oh.
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(SIGHS) Old bull rush injury.
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Don't pick it up.
Oh.
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00:01:44,903 --> 00:01:46,062
Are you trying to
take my job as well?
34
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So sorry.
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MAN OVER PA: Could the caretaker please make his
way to the boys' toilets by the music room.
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We have a code brown.
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I was having a really
good day till then.
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I'm sorry.
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(BRIGHT, CHEERY MUSIC)
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Hey, I just- Ooh.
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Sorry I'm late.
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Morena, Jess,
Morena, Hine.
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I'm glad you could finally join us.
Morena, Heather.
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Today is the most important day
of our fundraising careers.
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It'll set the tone for our
year as parent volunteers,
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and we need to work as a team, even though I
could quite easily do this job on my own.
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Before we start, I just want
to say as a single mother
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who's just moved here with
not a lot of family close by,
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00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:40,067
it's really nice to get the
chance to make new friends.
50
00:02:40,313 --> 00:02:41,871
I think of us more as colleagues.
51
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:45,406
Well, you know a lot of people make
friends with the people they work with.
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I'm not most people.
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00:02:47,271 --> 00:02:48,201
OK, colleague.
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00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:53,493
Well, I have made us a sign using
my initiative and meatiest font.
55
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You called it 'Sausage Fest'.
56
00:03:01,345 --> 00:03:04,225
Yeah. Is that a sausage in the middle?
Uh-huh.
57
00:03:05,390 --> 00:03:08,690
And the two large... round...
things at the base are?
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00:03:11,937 --> 00:03:12,917
They're coins.
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(GASPS GENTLY)
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I'll get a senior kid
to make us a new sign.
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00:03:22,704 --> 00:03:23,744
Yeah, good call.
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00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:30,124
I've timed today out perfectly, and Jess'
lateness only puts us back a few minutes.
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I'm sorry. I've never done
a sausage sizzle before.
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Yes, I can tell. It's time
for you to go get the sausages.
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00:03:35,777 --> 00:03:37,843
Yes, I'll go get
them from the freezer.
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00:03:37,868 --> 00:03:39,598
Don't you mean the fridge?
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00:03:40,416 --> 00:03:42,516
(CHILD-LIKE LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
68
00:03:45,970 --> 00:03:48,405
Yesterday I clearly said,
'Put these in the fridge.'
69
00:03:48,430 --> 00:03:52,692
In my family, the words 'fridge' and
'freezer' are kinda interchangeable.
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Plus I didn't listen.
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We call ours the Chillie
Apiata, cos it's cold. Huh.
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00:03:58,790 --> 00:04:01,817
Maybe only Hine and I should do the
sizzle since I did it last year
73
00:04:01,864 --> 00:04:03,214
and Hine knows what a fridge is.
74
00:04:03,239 --> 00:04:05,030
Oh, no, no, this is my fault.
I can fix it.
75
00:04:05,055 --> 00:04:07,390
Maybe I can defrost them
in the staff microwave.
76
00:04:07,590 --> 00:04:09,623
That's better than nothing.
Hey, that's my motto.
77
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:12,347
Also how I choose a
lot of my boyfriends.
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00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:14,882
Good luck with Margot.
OK.
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00:04:16,858 --> 00:04:17,788
(BRIGHT MUSIC)
80
00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:23,536
Hey, can I use your microwave?
81
00:04:23,813 --> 00:04:25,016
I'm sorry. Who are you?
82
00:04:25,041 --> 00:04:26,501
Jess... from yesterday.
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00:04:27,389 --> 00:04:29,302
I put the sausages
in the staff freezer.
84
00:04:29,377 --> 00:04:31,135
Shouldn't you have put
them in the staff fridge?
85
00:04:31,299 --> 00:04:32,950
That's why I need
the staff microwave.
86
00:04:33,109 --> 00:04:34,308
Sorry. It's for staff only.
87
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,602
But you let me use
the freezer yesterday.
88
00:04:36,648 --> 00:04:39,248
I don't recall giving
you any permission.
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00:04:39,282 --> 00:04:42,269
OK, look. I've got some
sausages with hypothermia,
90
00:04:42,294 --> 00:04:47,004
and I really need to impress my fundraising
colleagues/potential new best friends.
91
00:04:47,181 --> 00:04:51,111
Oh, no. I appear to have forgotten
my lunch. Whatever will I eat.
92
00:04:52,453 --> 00:04:53,083
Oh. Uh...
93
00:04:54,853 --> 00:04:59,283
Well, oh, I guess I could- I've got
$2 and, ay-hey, a packet of raisins.
94
00:05:01,394 --> 00:05:02,434
I like sausages.
95
00:05:05,026 --> 00:05:09,436
Oh. Yeah. Well, I mean, there will
definitely be free sausages for staff.
96
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:14,202
If only I could find
somewhere to defrost them.
97
00:05:15,384 --> 00:05:17,234
For all staff?
WEAKLY: Yeah.
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00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:20,653
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
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00:05:21,312 --> 00:05:22,542
(STAMMERS, MUMBLES)
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00:05:22,719 --> 00:05:24,229
SING-SONGY: Scary lady.
101
00:05:24,733 --> 00:05:27,683
We just have to give the
teachers free sausages.
102
00:05:27,912 --> 00:05:28,952
You're welcome.
103
00:05:32,342 --> 00:05:35,540
Do you know what the street value of
the sausages you just gave away is?
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00:05:35,733 --> 00:05:36,413
No.
Hine.
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$52.72 plus GST.
Wow, we got a lot of staff.
106
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:49,027
And they're all heroes, but just to be clear, you've
cost our fundraiser $50 before we've even started.
107
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I'm demoting you to permission slips.
You do know how to sort slips?
108
00:05:53,226 --> 00:05:57,386
Yeah. It's just what sausage kids
have ordered and if they've paid.
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00:05:57,575 --> 00:06:00,526
Oh, yeah, I can totally do that.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
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00:06:00,565 --> 00:06:03,745
You have the confidence of
a much more reliable mum.
111
00:06:07,872 --> 00:06:11,193
I still get the feeling that
Heather doesn't like me very much.
112
00:06:11,232 --> 00:06:13,022
Yeah. I get that feeling too.
113
00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:19,060
(JAUNTY, LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
114
00:06:19,896 --> 00:06:20,866
Oh, hey, Mia G.
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00:06:21,054 --> 00:06:23,581
I've got the poster that
the bossy mum asked for.
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00:06:23,744 --> 00:06:27,244
Yeah. She tried to boss me round
the other day. It didn't end well...
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for her.
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00:06:29,231 --> 00:06:31,661
Wow, this looks really good.
Well done.
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00:06:32,778 --> 00:06:35,036
Thank you. All right. You take
that down to the library.
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00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,286
That's a weird place to
have a sausage sizzle.
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All mums are weird, dear.
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Except for yours.
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Obviously!
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
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(SIGHS, MOUTHS)
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00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:51,744
Why you outta class?
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Cos I'm a grown-up. And also I was collecting
permission slips for the sausage sizzle.
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I'm doing with my nearly-friends.
128
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Is that the meat-loving
air-polluting sausage sizzle
129
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that no one consulted me about?
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00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:04,023
That's not how
I'd frame it, but yeah.
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00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:05,975
Yeah, I'm gonna give you till the count
of three to go back to where you belong.
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00:07:06,155 --> 00:07:07,555
No, only mums can
do the count to th-
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00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:07,920
One.
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Two and a half.
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00:07:11,836 --> 00:07:13,236
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
136
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That was quick.
137
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Yeah, well, I ran because time is a factor,
not because I'm scared of the caretaker.
138
00:07:26,855 --> 00:07:31,595
Oh. There's a few people round here who
think they're the boss of everything.
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Is this your best work, Mia G?
Yeah.
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If you think I'm impressed with
your pedestrian font choice,
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you're very much mistaken.
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Where do I put these posters?
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Give it to the mean mum.
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WHISPERS: Do you
think she heard that?
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00:07:50,912 --> 00:07:52,062
Yes, I heard that.
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00:07:52,688 --> 00:07:53,968
(CHILLED-OUT MUSIC)
147
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Really excited today because (LAUGHS)
we're getting free sausages.
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00:08:00,769 --> 00:08:04,559
Shh! Yep, I've lied, cos I've
told people I'm gonna get one,
149
00:08:05,343 --> 00:08:06,948
but I'm gonna get, like- Shh.
150
00:08:07,148 --> 00:08:11,198
Where's your recycling box? Oh, no!
They didn't like your poster?
151
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:15,042
No. The mean mum said my
font was too... pedestrian.
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00:08:15,782 --> 00:08:17,762
(SCOFFS) Her face is pedestrian.
153
00:08:18,808 --> 00:08:21,698
Here. And give that to
Freddie to recycle, OK?
154
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:24,175
Cool. Freddie's so friendly.
155
00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:27,517
Yeah, he sure is.
156
00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:34,324
Hey.
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00:08:36,622 --> 00:08:39,912
You're not a mean mum,
you're just differently nice.
158
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I don't care what that tween with the
derivative poster concepts thinks.
159
00:08:44,039 --> 00:08:47,282
Well, you shouldn't,
cos you're doing an amazing job.
160
00:08:47,307 --> 00:08:49,532
I've had a lot of colleague
issues to deal with.
161
00:08:49,627 --> 00:08:53,377
Well, colleagues. Rapidly blossoming
bosom buddies. Whatever.
162
00:08:54,944 --> 00:08:56,992
I don't think you understand
the importance of today.
163
00:08:57,134 --> 00:08:59,956
Hey, whoa, whoa, it's just a
primary school sausage sizzle.
164
00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:02,406
It's the school's
fourth favourite day!
165
00:09:02,436 --> 00:09:04,283
After Crazy Hair Day,
Ice Block Tuesday
166
00:09:04,328 --> 00:09:07,063
and the Buy In Your Book Day
dress-up - Take A Book At Me Now.
167
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,170
You cooked these, right?
168
00:09:08,198 --> 00:09:09,688
I haven't had a chance!
169
00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:15,961
And I don't appreciate your passive aggressive
comments about my time management skills.
170
00:09:22,026 --> 00:09:23,426
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
171
00:09:25,379 --> 00:09:26,549
(CHILDREN CHATTER)
172
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,734
Have you done a lot of
this fundraising, Hine?
173
00:09:29,759 --> 00:09:32,344
Oh, I've had five kids
go through Kate Sheppard.
174
00:09:32,502 --> 00:09:36,132
I know how to sizzle a sausage and
which monkey bars break the most arms.
175
00:09:36,177 --> 00:09:38,857
Senior playground.
Those things are lethal.
176
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:41,270
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
177
00:09:43,759 --> 00:09:45,159
(CHILDREN SHOUT, PLAY)
178
00:09:46,217 --> 00:09:47,947
One, two, three. Ears on me.
179
00:09:49,141 --> 00:09:52,083
PA: A reminder to students
not to share your morning tea.
180
00:09:52,110 --> 00:09:54,345
We've had a number of complaints from
parents whose feelings were hurt
181
00:09:54,488 --> 00:09:56,787
because kids preferred
other mum's food.
182
00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,147
Oh, and allergies.
183
00:10:02,948 --> 00:10:05,340
Hey, Hine, what's
the Friendship Bench?
184
00:10:05,365 --> 00:10:07,037
Oh, when kids don't have
anyone to play with,
185
00:10:07,062 --> 00:10:10,702
they sit on the Friendship Bench
to show they need a friend.
186
00:10:11,104 --> 00:10:14,914
It's mostly just weirdos and that
one kid with the dead tooth.
187
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,080
Oh, and sometimes cool kids as well.
188
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:29,082
I guess he wants to make friends, he just
accidentally keeps freezing the sausages.
189
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:30,581
He'll figure it out.
190
00:10:32,144 --> 00:10:36,294
He just needs to pay a little bit
more attention to what he's doing.
191
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:41,024
Maybe he can make up for it with
excellent slip organisation. Maybe.
192
00:10:47,106 --> 00:10:47,676
Ah, yes.
193
00:10:51,981 --> 00:10:53,071
Jess!
Oh, sorry.
194
00:10:58,175 --> 00:11:02,461
When you defrosted these, you did separate
out the Halal, vegan and kosher sausages,
195
00:11:02,486 --> 00:11:04,176
and clearly labelled them?
196
00:11:05,238 --> 00:11:06,558
I did not, my friend.
197
00:11:07,038 --> 00:11:08,670
Colleague.
WHISPERS: We'll get there.
198
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:13,045
You would've noticed on the slips that we offer a range
of options to important members of our community.
199
00:11:13,114 --> 00:11:15,493
If we don't know
which sausage is which,
200
00:11:15,554 --> 00:11:18,614
by school law we can't sell them,
and the children will go hungry.
201
00:11:18,639 --> 00:11:19,865
Is there anything I can do?
202
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,614
Not unless you could turn back time?
203
00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:23,450
Well, I'm not Cher. (LAUGHS)
204
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:29,682
Then you can sit quietly and
think about what you've done.
205
00:11:30,175 --> 00:11:31,352
I'll have to order more.
206
00:11:31,405 --> 00:11:34,377
The children shouldn't miss out because
a mum didn't put her thinking cap on.
207
00:11:34,439 --> 00:11:39,817
Hine, I need you to order more of the most
expensive sausages to be delivered within the hour
208
00:11:39,842 --> 00:11:40,822
for extra cost.
209
00:11:42,885 --> 00:11:45,155
Also I think we need some
more gluten free bread,
210
00:11:45,350 --> 00:11:47,490
cos I think this stuff's gone stale.
211
00:11:47,816 --> 00:11:50,826
That's what gluten free
bread always feels like.
212
00:11:52,541 --> 00:11:53,941
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
213
00:11:57,024 --> 00:11:59,794
The sausage sizzle is
less than an hour away.
214
00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:02,725
Please remember to line up politely.
215
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:06,923
Anyone caught pushing in will be on
litter duty for the rest of the term...
216
00:12:06,948 --> 00:12:07,928
with Miss Love.
217
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,440
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
218
00:12:16,199 --> 00:12:18,279
MAN: We can deliver in 35 minutes.
219
00:12:19,046 --> 00:12:20,956
They can deliver in 35 minutes.
220
00:12:21,494 --> 00:12:24,753
That's cutting it very fine.
Ask if they know who I am.
221
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:26,421
DULLY: Do you know who she is?
222
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,452
(EXHALES) This is starting
to feel quite stressful.
223
00:12:28,513 --> 00:12:33,249
Uh, is that because it's your fault a lot
of children will have no lunch today?
224
00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:35,142
I never thought about it like that.
225
00:12:35,167 --> 00:12:37,892
Where are the slips? Well, I
know how you love organisation,
226
00:12:37,961 --> 00:12:41,601
so I put all the permission
slips into a green (WEAKLY) box.
227
00:12:41,806 --> 00:12:42,606
A green box.
228
00:12:43,581 --> 00:12:47,594
Green box? You put them in the green
recycling bin that Braxton Hicks just took?
229
00:12:47,665 --> 00:12:50,106
You guys are so
efficient with recycling.
230
00:12:50,131 --> 00:12:55,115
You need to pay better attention! Those slips
tell us which sausage parents have ordered
231
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,914
and whether they've paid.
Paid.
232
00:12:56,939 --> 00:12:59,505
They're probably with
the caretaker by now.
233
00:12:59,530 --> 00:12:59,973
Off you go!
234
00:13:00,016 --> 00:13:04,906
Oh, no, no, I don't want to bother him.
He's probably got heaps of care to take,
235
00:13:05,009 --> 00:13:08,719
and kids will be honest.
They'll remember what they ordered.
236
00:13:10,875 --> 00:13:13,645
Hey, kid. Did you order
a sausage today? Yes.
237
00:13:14,659 --> 00:13:16,410
Yeah. You remember what
sausage you ordered?
238
00:13:16,435 --> 00:13:20,346
A meat one? Ah, see! There you go.
No trip to the caretaker needed.
239
00:13:20,541 --> 00:13:23,311
Did your mum order you
a vegetarian one? Yes.
240
00:13:23,796 --> 00:13:24,596
Vegan?
Yes.
241
00:13:25,799 --> 00:13:26,599
Halal?
Yes.
242
00:13:27,944 --> 00:13:28,984
Capricorn?
Yes.
243
00:13:30,053 --> 00:13:31,153
Pythagoras?
Yes.
244
00:13:31,969 --> 00:13:33,479
Palmerston North?
Yes.
245
00:13:35,725 --> 00:13:38,375
Yeah, maybe I'll just
go to the recycling.
246
00:13:39,297 --> 00:13:40,907
Do what you think is best.
247
00:13:45,763 --> 00:13:47,113
(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)
248
00:13:48,147 --> 00:13:49,467
Hey! Hey! I was just-
249
00:13:49,881 --> 00:13:51,261
Ugh.
Freddie. I just-
250
00:13:53,406 --> 00:13:55,444
I accidentally put
something in the recycling,
251
00:13:55,638 --> 00:13:59,678
and I need it back so that kids
don't ingest unapproved meats. Ah!
252
00:14:00,050 --> 00:14:01,310
Was it paper?
Yes.
253
00:14:01,401 --> 00:14:05,727
Yeah, that's fine. Well, it's that if I don't
get it, then scary lady won't be my friend.
254
00:14:05,752 --> 00:14:07,728
Why do you want a scary
lady to be your friend?
255
00:14:07,755 --> 00:14:10,345
Single mum, new town,
take what I can get.
256
00:14:11,281 --> 00:14:14,402
Well, she's gonna hate your guts cos the
recycle truck came two minutes ago. (CHUCKLES)
257
00:14:14,602 --> 00:14:17,732
Ugh, you guys are so efficient
with your recycling!
258
00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:20,776
(LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC)
259
00:14:22,482 --> 00:14:25,778
If you don't have the slips, I can't
let you give them out randomly.
260
00:14:25,972 --> 00:14:27,397
At Kate Sheppard
we follow the rules,
261
00:14:27,556 --> 00:14:29,526
because the rules are cool...s.
262
00:14:29,998 --> 00:14:32,892
But the kids haven't bought lunch.
They'll go hungry.
263
00:14:33,070 --> 00:14:34,662
Maybe we can just
give them away for free.
264
00:14:34,788 --> 00:14:37,618
I don't think you know
how fundraising works.
265
00:14:37,841 --> 00:14:39,560
I told you that I didn't
need this one and-
266
00:14:39,585 --> 00:14:41,312
Maybe what if we just went
around all classrooms...
267
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:44,090
If I had just done this by myself, I would have done
it no problems ...and we could call the parents.
268
00:14:44,115 --> 00:14:46,675
Flat tyre. (IMITATES TYRE DEFLATING)
Shh.
269
00:14:47,114 --> 00:14:47,744
ALL: Shh.
270
00:14:49,218 --> 00:14:53,658
I'm sorry, ladies. We can't risk giving
the wrong food to the wrong kid.
271
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,864
I'll make an announcement
at lunchtime notices.
272
00:14:56,889 --> 00:14:58,869
The sausage sizzle is cancelled.
273
00:15:02,344 --> 00:15:02,924
(GROANS)
274
00:15:18,039 --> 00:15:20,219
I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.
275
00:15:20,584 --> 00:15:25,554
I actually just wanted to impress you, but
I may have lacked a little bit of focus.
276
00:15:27,046 --> 00:15:30,954
I don't know why you bothered.
That B-minus child artist was right.
277
00:15:31,132 --> 00:15:33,422
I am a mean mum.
Mean, as in average.
278
00:15:35,545 --> 00:15:38,325
Hey, whoa. You are
anything but average, OK?
279
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:42,195
You volunteer for a job
most parents actively avoid.
280
00:15:42,413 --> 00:15:44,132
You work your butt off for free,
281
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:47,993
and you have dealt with me the whole
day and haven't even exploded.
282
00:15:48,151 --> 00:15:50,911
That's someone I'd like
to be friends with.
283
00:15:51,415 --> 00:15:54,279
Plus last week I revolutionised
the road patrol roster.
284
00:15:54,304 --> 00:15:55,164
Yes, you did.
285
00:15:59,639 --> 00:16:05,009
It might surprise you to know that I don't
actually have a lot of friends at this school.
286
00:16:08,659 --> 00:16:10,049
That does surprise me.
287
00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:14,113
(CHUCKLES)
288
00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:17,800
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
289
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:21,670
Did you fix it?
Yes.
290
00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:23,365
(DIAL TONE BEEPS)
291
00:16:23,777 --> 00:16:28,477
Oh my gosh. Did you learn that just by
watching a YouTube instructional video?
292
00:16:28,901 --> 00:16:30,521
Yes. You're amazing. Yes.
293
00:16:32,406 --> 00:16:33,826
Uh, do I look 26?
Yes.
294
00:16:35,366 --> 00:16:37,246
Do I look like I do yoga?
Yes.
295
00:16:37,876 --> 00:16:39,537
MISPRONOUNCES: Pilates?
Yes.
296
00:16:39,715 --> 00:16:40,515
Chess?
Yes.
297
00:16:41,028 --> 00:16:45,418
Do I look like I do marathons? Think
about that one just for two seconds.
298
00:16:45,492 --> 00:16:46,172
And?
Yes.
299
00:16:46,733 --> 00:16:48,163
Oh my gosh. I love you.
300
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,713
The vegan sausies have arrived.
Shall I start prepping?
301
00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:57,522
No. There's nothing we can do
without the permission slips.
302
00:16:57,696 --> 00:17:02,545
Incorrect. I make mistakes on a semi regular
basis, and there's always something you can do.
303
00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:05,219
Like one time I got Ryan stuck
in a toddler swing at the park,
304
00:17:05,244 --> 00:17:08,672
but with a little optimism and a
sharp house key, I got him out!
305
00:17:08,741 --> 00:17:12,638
I reckon we can do this. We have got three
whole minutes before we're out of time.
306
00:17:12,668 --> 00:17:16,188
OK. Just need to focus,
and don't get distracted by kids.
307
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:20,063
Oh, hey, kid. The recycling's
already gone out for the day.
308
00:17:20,102 --> 00:17:22,056
Oh, that's not recycling.
That's compost.
309
00:17:22,081 --> 00:17:26,081
They're both in green bins, cos
you know, Papatuanuku. The Earth.
310
00:17:27,905 --> 00:17:31,065
So I might've put the slips
in a green compost bin.
311
00:17:31,308 --> 00:17:33,437
Then they might still be here!
Ah.
312
00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:36,885
Then we could salvage our reputation
as a the world's greatest fundraisers.
313
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,720
And feed the hungry children.
Yes, that too.
314
00:17:41,459 --> 00:17:41,859
Jess.
315
00:17:49,838 --> 00:17:50,948
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)
316
00:17:52,386 --> 00:17:54,919
What do you want? I think I put something
in the compost, not the recycling.
317
00:17:55,061 --> 00:17:56,853
As long as it's not treated timber
or dairy, I'm fine with it.
318
00:17:57,047 --> 00:17:58,947
Can I just take a look? (PANTS)
319
00:17:59,653 --> 00:18:01,514
Uh, can't really
let you have a look.
320
00:18:01,568 --> 00:18:03,325
Mainly cos I just
don't really want to.
321
00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:04,640
And also cos of OHS.
322
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:06,660
Hi. Freddy, is it?
323
00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:09,817
Who's this?
That's my friend.
324
00:18:09,878 --> 00:18:10,798
But she crazy.
325
00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:14,747
We need you to move aside so we can get
our slips and continue our sausage fest.
326
00:18:14,772 --> 00:18:19,472
You don't know the first thing about the
caretaker business, do you? (LAUGHS)
327
00:18:19,953 --> 00:18:23,363
You're right. What would a
mum know about taking care?
328
00:18:24,422 --> 00:18:26,267
It's pretty much a complete
fluke that my daughter
329
00:18:26,352 --> 00:18:28,337
is the above-national-average
child she is today.
330
00:18:28,462 --> 00:18:30,613
Do you know that it's actually
impossible to run a household
331
00:18:30,638 --> 00:18:34,074
and as part-time cupcakery
and still keep four and
a half guinea pigs alive,
332
00:18:34,133 --> 00:18:35,916
and who knows how the
cleaning fairy gets it done.
333
00:18:36,095 --> 00:18:39,965
Unless she's a cleaning fairy
(GROWLS) who looks a lot like me.
334
00:18:41,341 --> 00:18:43,831
You're complicated.
I really like that.
335
00:18:44,472 --> 00:18:46,082
Yeah, you can have a look.
336
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,516
And we'll give you a free sausage.
337
00:18:48,675 --> 00:18:51,915
Yeah, have you got vegan ones?
Yeah. We do, actually.
338
00:18:52,786 --> 00:18:54,166
Oh, mean.
Mean. Mean!
339
00:18:57,191 --> 00:18:58,221
Mean as in cool.
340
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:02,276
(CLOCK TICKS)
341
00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:05,647
We got them! And possibly
a staph infection.
342
00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:10,457
(PA SYSTEM WHINES)
One, two, three. Ears on me.
343
00:19:10,604 --> 00:19:12,403
He's gonna cancel the sizzle.
344
00:19:12,428 --> 00:19:13,738
Not if I can help it.
345
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:15,927
Ooh!
346
00:19:16,395 --> 00:19:19,555
Unfortunately, today's
fundraising sausage sizzle-
347
00:19:20,564 --> 00:19:21,904
(UPBEAT MUSIC BLARES)
348
00:19:25,293 --> 00:19:26,403
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
349
00:19:28,597 --> 00:19:30,978
(MICROPHONE SQUEALS)
WHISPERS: Sorry. Should be good now.
350
00:19:31,023 --> 00:19:33,001
(TAMI NEILSON'S 'LOCO MAMA' BLARES)
# Get out quick.
351
00:19:33,055 --> 00:19:34,495
# When the Mama go loco,
352
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:37,955
# when the Mama go loco... #
(MUSIC STOPS)
353
00:19:38,534 --> 00:19:39,584
WHISPERS: Sorry.
354
00:19:40,188 --> 00:19:41,448
Should be good.
OK.
355
00:19:41,842 --> 00:19:42,835
(CLEARS THROAT)
(FEEDBACK WHINES)
356
00:19:42,896 --> 00:19:44,976
Unfortun-
# When the Mama go loco,
357
00:19:45,466 --> 00:19:47,026
# when the Mama goes loco,
358
00:19:48,378 --> 00:19:49,698
# I hear no, no, no...
359
00:19:51,175 --> 00:19:54,245
(MUSIC STOPS)
WHISPERS: I'll hold this and you...
360
00:19:55,284 --> 00:19:56,454
OK. Unfortunately,
361
00:19:58,413 --> 00:20:00,323
today's fundraising sausage
sizzle is- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
362
00:20:00,486 --> 00:20:03,556
...is gonna be the best
sausage fest ever! (PANTS)
363
00:20:06,447 --> 00:20:10,167
(UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
# Lucky me, got my happy ever after.
364
00:20:15,177 --> 00:20:15,917
# All I need
365
00:20:18,337 --> 00:20:21,697
# is my happy ever after.
# Happy ever. Happy ever after.
366
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:26,660
(PERCUSSIVE BEAT)
367
00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:30,859
# It's obvious
368
00:20:32,079 --> 00:20:33,809
# there's a reason for this.
369
00:20:34,660 --> 00:20:35,530
# No regrets. #
370
00:20:38,393 --> 00:20:39,833
Hey. What do you need?
371
00:20:40,883 --> 00:20:43,150
Can you buy a sausage for my friend?
(GASPS)
372
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:47,889
You made a friend? Yes! I knew my relaxed
parenting strategy would pay off.
373
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:52,576
What kind of sausage would you
like, new friend? A meat one?
374
00:20:52,601 --> 00:20:53,401
Yes.
Yeah?
375
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:57,190
Or would your mum prefer you
had a vegetarian one? Yes.
376
00:20:57,221 --> 00:21:01,850
Mm.. OK. I'm just gonna get you a vegan
one with some delicious gluten free bread
377
00:21:02,009 --> 00:21:04,979
just to keep those dietary
restrictions covered.
378
00:21:05,527 --> 00:21:06,267
# All I need
379
00:21:07,848 --> 00:21:11,208
# is my happy ever after.
# Happy ever. Happy ever after.
380
00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:16,340
# Lucky me. Got my happy ever... #
381
00:21:18,446 --> 00:21:19,936
I'm so full of sausies!
382
00:21:20,995 --> 00:21:23,198
You had a lot, actually.
Ooh, I just about forgot.
383
00:21:23,223 --> 00:21:25,993
I offered to pay for a couple of kids
whose whanaus are struggling this week.
384
00:21:26,193 --> 00:21:28,143
Yes, me too.
Oh, yes, me three.
385
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:36,097
That makes our total $463 and
a packet of raisins. Yay-hey!
386
00:21:37,148 --> 00:21:38,848
That's double what
we made last year.
387
00:21:38,989 --> 00:21:43,439
I just need to take off the extra
sausages and the one-hour delivery fee,
388
00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:48,598
and the subsequent speeding ticket.
389
00:21:50,721 --> 00:21:54,821
And the school wants us to pay for
the gas bottle, sauce and gloves.
390
00:21:56,928 --> 00:21:59,058
$243.50.
And a packet of raisins.
391
00:22:03,604 --> 00:22:06,144
What's our finding goal again?
150,000.
392
00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:09,534
It does seem like a lot.
It is.
393
00:22:12,207 --> 00:22:14,847
Well, we do have a whole year.
Bring it on.
394
00:22:17,202 --> 00:22:18,132
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
395
00:22:22,644 --> 00:22:25,560
The school's in trouble,
and I need you not to overreact.
396
00:22:25,702 --> 00:22:26,329
The school has nits.
397
00:22:26,354 --> 00:22:27,924
(GASPS) Oh my godfathers!
398
00:22:28,399 --> 00:22:31,569
What kind of mum sends her
kid to school with nits?
399
00:22:31,738 --> 00:22:35,626
The principal wants us to comb Ivy
clean and subtly check her class.
400
00:22:35,651 --> 00:22:37,662
Why are we even the
ones stuck doing this?
401
00:22:37,742 --> 00:22:40,467
Because we're mums. We do gross
stuff for free cos we love kids.
402
00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:41,702
I hate little kids.
403
00:22:42,138 --> 00:22:43,108
You're kinda mean.
404
00:22:43,270 --> 00:22:44,730
Who's your mum?
Trudy.
405
00:22:44,842 --> 00:22:45,942
That makes sense.
406
00:22:46,536 --> 00:22:47,616
Oh my God!
What?
407
00:22:48,393 --> 00:22:50,653
HINE: Heather's not gonna like this.
408
00:22:51,559 --> 00:22:52,669
(ANNOUNCER YELLS)