Did you have fun at the disco, Zee-kai?
I'm not Zee-kai, I'm Luana.
I think that's mine.
Sorry. Yeah.
What have I told you about hanging out with strangers?
Look at this one, I mean she's so cute.
Are you OK?
Sounds like someone has a guilty conscience.
OK kids, party's over, time to go home.
Thank god that's over.
I'm calling it a success.
No thanks to your pranks.
Hey, that kid had already wet his pants
before I yelled boo at him.
Are you OK? You tell me?
I'm gonna go with no.
'Cause you've been weird all evening.
It's just, it would help if I knew what I'd done to upset you?
Well, I'm disappointed that you don't know
but I need time to process my trauma.
Oh my god.
Is Ryan's mum here?
I'm Ryan's mum, Jess.
But Ryan's not here, he's at Hine's
while I help the volunteer parent clean up crew.
Good turnout.
Well, your son offered to look after Ratchie McClaw this weekend.
What, how am I supposed to look after the Room 2 rat?
Google it.
You're just lucky we don't have the school deer anymore.
Buck Shelford was a real handful.
I'll clear these shall I?
Hello.
Oh look, Hine?
Oh no, no it's OK, I can see him from here.
I'm sure he's more scared of you than you are of him.
Especially when you're dressed like that.
Hello.
Hine, would you tell Jess to put that rat down and help tidy up.
Jess, can you um...
How much longer are you going to be mysteriously mad at me?
As long as it takes.
Uh, Jess? Yeah?
Why is the cage door open?
Ratchie?
Here boy.
Ratchie?
It's not a dog.
It's big enough to be a dog.
He can't get far, his legs are mostly feet.
Buy a new one and let's just be done with it.
Do you know how expensive rats are?
Get one from the SPCA?
Do I have to do everything around here?
Let's calmly shut all the exits.
Jess, get the kitchenette door.
I'll get the front door.
He's pretty big, he shouldn't be too hard to find.
Well, that may complicate matters.
(FART)
Oh, Hine was that you?
Perhaps.
I'll get the lights.
The doors are the priority.
I'll stay here and guard the furniture.
Oh, oh, oh.
That wasn't me.
I assume you forgot to tell Freddy to turn off the timer
for the lights?
(FLIPS SWITCH ON AND OFF)
They can't be switched back on.
You're just lucky that a Wahine Wanderer is always prepared.
Woah.
Even to help people that don't deserve it.
I found a rat on Trade Me.
"As is" condition, $8 buy now?
I'm perfectly capable of finding this one.
(SCREAMS)
You forgot to shut the kitchen door?
Put it on your watch list, Hine.
Thanks.
Do you think he would prefer a cameo creme spider
or a humorously shaped banana ghost?
I don't think rats have novelty snack preferences.
Well, I'm building him a treat trail
to Hansel and Gretel him back into his cage.
Well, do you have a better idea?
Siri, search how to build a rat trap
that's better than whatever Jess is doing.
SIRI: Hello Heather, I have found a rat trap
that is better than whatever Jess is doing.
Are you ever gonna not be angry with me?
I'm not angry with you, I'm just disappointed.
Oh, that's worse.
It's working, my plan is working.
Oh, he's fast.
(SQUEALS)
Great, now we have to catch a rat that's powered by a sugar high.
Nice work, Jess.
Where'd he go, where'd he go?
Towards the dark and scary toilets.
Great, you didn't shut that door either?
Mum always said I was born in a tent.
I was born in a caravan.
Are you coming?
No.
OK, well we'll just leave you alone in the dark creepy hall then.
Wait!
(MAKES KISSING SOUNDS)
I'm not saying that I need an apology, just that it would be nice.
I thought we were friends? We are.
MFFs forever.
Oh, I know what I did, I want to apologize.
Thank you.
It was thoughtless and you have every right to be disappointed.
I do.
Yeah, that thing that I did was, so not cool.
Care to be a bit more specific?
I don't want to go into the gory details.
I'd love to go over it in very fine detail.
The details, Jess, do the details!
She can't, because what Jess has done
is given me a "husband apology".
A husband apology?
She's done something wrong, she doesn't know what it is
she thinks giving me a generic apology will make it all better
and I'll let her go to Frisbee golf.
Is it because I put fruit at the end of the fruit kebabs
and not in the middle, giving kids sugar
without earning it through fruit?
Think bigger.
Damn he likes to run.
He's gone out to the PE shed!
There's nothing to be scared of.
(GROWLING) Werewolves!
ALL: Werewolves!
No, that was my text alert.
Oh, it's very Halloweeny.
You said weenie.
My husband says the kids are fine. OK.
(CHAINSAW SOUND)
How many scary text alerts have you got?
That wasn't me.
(SCREAMS)
Sorry, did I scare you guys?
Yes! Yes!
No.
Oh, it's just Freddy.
Not Freddy Krueger, the burns victim,
it's um, Freddy the Caretaker.
Thanks for the clarification.
Yeah, sorry I was just putting away my leaf-blower 3000
before I go to the Staff Halloween Party.
Ahh.
Hold on.
Mums aren't allowed back here.
Oh, we're the parent volunteer clean-up crew.
What, the three of you?
Yeah. Yeah.
That's a really good turnout.
But then Jess lost the school rat.
It's not lost, it's just temporarily not found.
Stop bickering and get Freddy to find Ratchie
so we don't have to touch it?
Um, no can do ladies,
so it's the costume competition tonight
and the winner gets a free for all of the lost and found
and there's this really good lunch box there,
that I've had my eye on for a few years
and um, I think this is my year.
I do have some advice for you though.
Forgive your friends, let bygones be bygones?
No.
Um, so, Ratchie quite likes it when the kids sing or read poems to him.
So maybe try doing that 'cause I think he quite digs it.
Sick rhymes it is then, Boi.
Oh and also, don't worry about the school ghost.
(SCARY SOUND)
Yeah, no one's seen her for a while.
You know what I'm gonna leaf this here.
OK.
(GASP)
Let's just give up.
No, let's suit up.
Ready? No.
Ready, Heather?
I'm still disappointed in you.
And now a little angry.
As long as we're all on the same page.
Now, let's forget that ghost comment and rhyme this rat out.
This face mask has no strap.
It's not a face mask.
Smells like Cheezels.
(SPOOKY MUSIC)
We're going on a rat hunt.
We're gonna catch a big one.
What a beautiful night.
We're not scared.
Uh-oh.
Did you hear that?
(RATCHIE SQUEAKS)
The poetry works, I knew it would.
There it is!
(SCREAMS)
Ooh.
Well that was less than helpful.
I told you I've got a complicated relationship with rats.
Well what happened to you?
I don't want to talk about it.
Well you know, sometimes talking with friends helps.
Just take your time.
Well...
..when I was in standard three.
One bit me.
Right.
Well that was much more concise than I had anticipated.
Thank you for your honesty.
We'll look after you.
Yeah, all for one and one for all.
We're literally the mouse-keteers.
You're on your own.
And it's a rat.
I can't believe my mum-eyes haven't found him yet.
I can find Lego Wonder Woman's hair in a matter of seconds.
Yeah, I'm a good looker too.
Oh yeah, you get lots of practice 'cause you lose things all the time.
I'm gonna lose my patience.
What have I done that is so terrible?
I'll give you a hint.
It's something you did at school this week.
Ohh, you gotta be more specific.
Um, OK...
..was it when I put fizzy water in my drink bottle
and I accidentally jizzed you?
Yeah, twice a week I make Cinnamon just a paleo pancake
instead of using any gluten.
What the...
Oh my god!
I'm so sorry. Get off.
No.
Was it when I found out that I was allergic to raffle prizes?
Yeah, so I made this last night,
and I just put a little biscuit crumb around the edge,
it took me quite a while.
No.
Was it cause I gave you the cheapest reusable coffee cup?
Skinny latte from your favourite place.
Thanks. Go for it.
It's burning!
It's...
No.
Is it something to do with tonight's dance?
Yes. Yes, Jess!
Ahh, ooh, Is it about the playlist?
No, but the Monster Mash into The Ghostbusters theme?
Amateur night.
Please just tell her before the rat or the ghost kills us all to death.
Fine.
I saw you tear down my handmade Junior Halloween Disco posters,
and it really hurt my feelings.
Ah, that.
♪ I'm a big boss mama a big boss mama
♪ A big boss mama I'm a big boss mama
♪ Pay the band to rock it with the money in my pocket
♪ And I'm blowing up the stage like a Saturn V rocket
♪ Get down
♪ Run for cover
♪ Look out she's a big boss mama
♪ A big boss mama get down
♪ A big boss mama
♪ A big boss mama. ♪
(SOMBRE MUSIC)
I know you're some "great artist"
but you can't let me design one poster?
Yeah, that baby's really funny.
She makes me laugh.
It's not that funny. Yes it is.
It's the iconic Kiwi pumpkin baby?
I used it for my Christmas cards last year.
And it's a fundraising poster, why would you wanna hurt the funds?
Let's just keep looking for that rat and never speak of it again.
What could you possibly have against it
but petty jealousy of my superior poster skills?
Are you allergic to pumpkin?
Just leave it.
No, I will not leave it.
I want to know why a perfectly adorable pumpkin baby
is so offensive to you.
OK, you wanna know why? Yes.
Well then I'll tell you why! Then do!
I'm that baby in that photo, and it ruined my life!
Metaphorically?
No, literally.
So you are that baby?
Yes.
Oh, you really grew into your forehead.
I had no idea that pumpkin baby was you.
What happened?
It was 1984.
My parents earned $ 2,000 from my picture on that pumpkin.
That was a lot of money back in those days.
Dad bought a jet ski.
He went out on it that very day, but the weather was rough.
Mum said "Don't Ian, it's too rough!"
I never saw my father again.
He drowned?
No, he ran off with the jet ski instructor.
That photo tore my family apart.
And it didn't stop there.
I was teased at school.
I thought that was because of your personality?
No.
At first, I was like the cool model kid, you know?
I mean, I was basically Rachel Hunter.
I find that hard to believe and so would Rachel Hunter,
she-she is a close, personal friend of mine.
But then the coolness soon turned to teasing.
They called me...
..pumpkin arse.
Pumpkin arts?
No, arse.
Pumpkin arse.
Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse.
You're face is like a pumpkin arse.
It was like a double diss.
So, not only did you have your arse on a pumpkin...
But your face literally looks like a pumpkin's arse.
See, that's why I pulled down your posters?
My primary school years, they haunt me still.
I'm still haunted by that rat bite.
Well, I was very popular in primary school
and it was a lot of pressure.
I wish you'd told me before I'd spent all that time
and petty cash.
I mean I know I'm a grown-up who votes,
and sometimes flosses but those childhood ordeals, they cut deep.
There's an Ordeal in Room 7.
Her mum had a 36 hour labour.
Thank you for talking about it.
And I'm sorry if it appeared I was being overly sensitive.
Thanks, yeah I mean, what's so bad about a bunch of kids chanting,
"Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse your face is like a pumpkin arse".
Do that again.
Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse, your face is like a pumpkin arse.
The rat loves poetry.
And has a real mean streak.
Let's do this.
ALL: Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse, your face is like a pumpkin arse.
Pumpkin arse, pumpkin arse, your face is like a pumpkin arse.
You know, this is quite liberating.
You're owning it, pumpkin arse.
(SQUEALS)
Hine.
It's time to face your fears, OK?
I thought we were doing your primary school trauma?
OK, Hine, look at me, OK?
Look at me.
You are the mother of five surprisingly nice boys,
you're super smart and you make a mean cameo creme spider.
You are grown-up enough not to be scared of that quite large rat
right by your foot.
Hold.
Hold!
H.
I'm on it.
Hold.
In there, look.
There you go.
There.
Come on.
There.
Hold.
Closure.
I'm an H too, you know?
Yes, that nickname was quite confusing.
I mean, at least pumpkin arse is unique.
There's a Unique in Room 7 and Room 5.
Hello.
Look what I found in the carpark.
No, no, no we already found him?
I don't think that's a pet rat.
No, that one probably escaped from that mysterious
research facility across the road.
Alright, I started this, I'm going to finish it.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Jess, you were really brave when your plan didn't work at all
and Freddy had to take over.
Thanks.
And Hine, you did so well to stay in the same room
while Freddy swapped those rats round.
Who knew you could climb a curtain so fast?
I'm quite proud of myself.
We conquered our primary school fears tonight, girl.
I wish I had something terrible to overcome,
my early school years were quite incredible.
I was the school captain and I was in charge of the flag, so.
It's OK that we leave clean up till tomorrow, right?
The light will be better.
And the ghost will be asleep.
Captioned by Ai-Media ai-media. tv