TEACHER: Fast now!
A, B, C, D, E, F...
Fart!
..H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...
Fart!
..Q, R...
Fart! Oh, oh, oh. Park, park, park.
Perfect.
Hey, hey, hey!
Lose it!
No, no. No.
What?
(GROANS)
Fart!
Morning, Ryan.
Morning!
Morning...
Jess, from the Junior Fundraising Committee.
Or just by deduction, Ryan's Mum, would do.
OK, if you say so.
Sorry we're late, somebody stole my space,
so I basically had to park in our driveway.
OK, you can go off to class now, love.
OK, have a good day. Hey, catch!
Oh, can I borrow one of those?
They're 20 bucks.
We're fundraising because of the school fire.
I know.
Do you want one?
Well, it's just I'm waiting on an invoice,
so maybe I could just pay half now, half next week?
Can you fill in the "late due to alleged parental misfortune" slip,
please.
Looks like we've both got this season's must-have accessory.
Oh my god. I follow you on Instagram.
I'm not a stalker.
Good to know.
Margot, my son forgot his lunch box.
Max Hayes, Room 6?
Hey Daisy, just fill in the deets after Tess.
Jess. It's Jess.
Is it OK if I just drop it in to him?
Sweet as.
Nice to meet you, Tess-Jess.
Nice to meet you, Daisy-amazey. (LAUGHS)
I'll work on that as a nickname.
Are you one of Hine's mates?
Yes.
Who's doing the cupcake thing
with Heather Maloney All Things Skinny and Bony?
Yes!
You're late.
She's been setting up for about an hour.
Sorry, sorry, I know I'm late,
my carpark got stolen by the space invader.
The space invader?
Yes, a gold car who invades people's spaces
and makes them accidentally compact their cupcakes.
Luckily, I stayed up late last night baking extras
on the off chance your Jess-ness came into play.
Wha? You are a real life super-mum
and possibly psychic.
Well, I am a semi-professional cupcake artiste.
I stayed up late last night
redesigning a shampoo label to play down the parabens.
Harder than it sounds but worth the low pay.
I stayed up last night too but for wine reasons.
Anyway... here they... aren't?
(GASPS)
I must have swapped bags with Daisy.
Is that a stegosaurus-shaped sandwich?
An olive for an eye.
Do you think that her son actually eats the olive?
Those minion bananas are a little five years ago.
Do you think she's looking for a vaguely artistic mum
to pay a million dollars to help design her blog?
Unlikely.
How many cupcakes is that now?
Two... and four quarters.
Hey, I think we've had a hilarious mix up.
My son was quite taken with your deconstructed cupcakes.
(LAUGHS) They're for the sale we're doing
for the Fathers Shared Lunch.
Cool. Yeah, it is cool.
Yeah, I'm kind of in charge.
Did the sign and everything.
You should come by.
It starts at, like, 11:00
but I think we're going in, like, 13:00.
Whatever, we're pretty flexible with time.
Thanks. Maybe I will.
Yeah. See ya.
Bye. (SNIFFING)
She smells like sunshine.
Oh, thanks.
How are they going over there?
Are you looking forward to the Fathers Shared Lunch?
Is your dad coming?
Good talk.
I can see what you were going for.
Really?
No. I was just trying to be polite
because you said sometimes I can be a little too honest.
Well, I appreciate your effort.
You do require a lot of effort. (CHUCKLES)
What flavour are they?
Kumara choc chip.
Mum calls them a "Surprise Root... vegetable"
Surprise!
Is the surprise how they taste?
Daisy would say they had a whimsical charm.
She also probably thinks children should choose their own bedtime.
(SIGHS) Daisy has so many followers.
She's really into rose gold arrows and retro filters.
Do you think it's OK that I liked all her photos?
What, just this week or all of them?
All of them.
(PHONE CHIMES)
OMFG, she just liked my work Facebook page.
(GASPS) Ooh, ooh, ooh.
She just slid into my DMs!
Hey, TJ, want to meet up after school for coffee and gossip?
TJ?
Oh, um, Tess-Jess.
It's sort of an in-joke.
Well, you can't, we've got lolly lei Crafternoon tea
at Heather's.
Oh, do you think you'll need me for that?
I mean, you've seen what I do with cupcakes.
I'm ready for you to look like you're helping me now!
It might be fun?
Hine!
(GRUNTING)
Hands up, who's excited for Father's Shared Lunch?
ALL: Me! Yes!
Alright, let's save our appetites for later, eh?
No!
(PHONE CHIMES)
Let's put Jess's tragic kumara-cakes in the "only if we run out" pile.
No, let's cut out the middle man and compost them now.
Oh.
I can't see my cupcakes anywhere.
They're in the compost.
We could not charge people money for those,
not even dads.
So, this Crafternoon this afternoon, that's not still on, is it?
Oh, it most definitely is.
Those lolly leis won't make themselves.
Oh.
(INHALING SHARPLY)
I think I might be...
..co... coming down with some...
(SNEEZES) (SCREAMS) Oh.
And I don't want to get you guys sick.
My medicine cabinet is fully stocked
with both alternative medicines and the ones that work.
Oh, I just remembered,
Ryan really wanted me to take him trampoline shopping
and pretend to be interested in one so he could get free jumps.
Then we'll inflate our bespoke bouncy castle
in the shape of Te Papa.
Oh, I forgot you guys were rich.
Well, the other thing... Are you trying to get out of this?
Yes. Daisy asked me to coffee.
When you say you're going to do something,
I expect you to do it.
Badly, but I expect you to do it nevertheless.
Oh, you have high expectations.
It's only compared to most.
A reminder that Fathers Shared Lunch
is not an opportunity for rough and tumble.
We don't want a repeat
of the great window-breaking tickle fight of 2016.
Is Ryan's Dad coming today?
Oh, no. (LAUGHS) Does he have work?
He left to become a DJ on the Gold Coast
when I was 8.5 months pregnant
so I'm quietly confident he doesn't have work.
As you know, my husband's pretty nice,
so if Ryan wants to borrow him, he can.
Thanks.
He gives really good piggy-backs.
He gives them to the kids sometimes too.
Are you here for the fathers' thing?
Yeah.
I bet you're a big Anika Moa fan.
Ahh, I like some of her old stuff better than her new stuff.
Oh.
Well, that's not fair.
I know, Anika's kids' albums are incredible.
No, her kid has two mums
and therefore an unfair advantage in life.
Her book week costume is going to be incredible.
Hands up, guys, who likes cupcakes?
ALL: Me! Yes!
Does anyone like snot cupcakes?
(ALL SHOUT IN DISGUST)
Hey.
Cool sign.
Hey!
Thanks. Yeah, I just whipped it up.
I'm an artist by trade.
I know.
Hi, I'm Jess's friend, Daisy.
Heather.
Oh, we're both named after flowers. Oh.
Heather's technically a flowering shrub
and the common daisy is more of a weed, so...
I made you guys some cupcakes.
Sorry, they're a bit rushed.
Aww, I can tell. (CHUCKLES)
Well, I bet they sell out.
It's not a competition.
Don't you just hate those kinds of mums.
With a burning passion.
One, two, three, ears on me.
If any dads have accidentally forgotten
their plates for the shared lunch,
the Junior Fundraising Committee are selling cupcakes in the library.
(DOOR BARGES OPEN)
(PANTING) Morning, ladies.
Good Morning.
Hi, Sara's Dad.
I like your...
..your punctuality.
Hey, Sebastian. What can I get you?
Um... cupcakes?
We've got red velvet, vegan caramel, gluten-free vanilla and chocolate.
Or just plain old lemon and elderflower.
Like Harry and Meghan's wedding cake?
But kids love chocolate.
Do they?
I just think that girls, like your daughter Sara,
might prefer flower-based baking?
I'm sure his daughter, who I already knew was called Sara,
isn't restricted by antiquated gender stereotypes.
Um... I think I'll take...
Style over substance?
The ones clearly made by a semi-professional?
A box of both.
Great. Perfect.
(PHONE CHIMES)
It's for my multi-platform blog 'The Daisy Chain'.
I kind of have a cult following.
I bet people in cults love it.
If only there was a way, just for fun,
we could see whose cupcakes really were the best?
Jess seemed very taken with mine.
Mm. She liked mine first.
We're best friends, we go way back to quite recently.
(CHUCKLES)
Yes, but whose does she think are the coolest?
Hey, do you guys need anything?
BOTH: Yes.
You want me to what?
Tell us which cupcake is best?
It won't be difficult.
'Best' is such a subjective and potentially catastrophic word.
Hine, help a sister out?
Sorry, busy fundraising.
You'll be great.
And I don't know why I'm bringing this up now,
but you wouldn't want to redesign my Daisy Chain logo, would you?
My single-mother bank account would love that.
I could take your shift on the ice block fundraiser tomorrow
at the Pop-up Shopsicle.
I know how the coldness hurts your fingers.
Oh, it's true I do have very sensitive extremities.
Try mine first.
Oh, I cannot think of a reason why I shouldn't.
Mm.
Excellent mouth-feel...
..and so understanding of friend's financial situations.
Try my terrible one.
Well, it looks super cool.
Looks can be deceiving.
But may offer amazing career opportunities.
Oh wow. So, it's probably the winner.
Can't we just say that fundraising is the winner?
BOTH: No.
So, which cupcake is best? I don't care or anything,
I just would really like to secure an artist like you
before I rebrand for Rhythm and Vines.
Ohh. Just make your decision.
It's not like our friendship is riding on it.
Ooh, they're both so delicious and so demanding.
Can't a grown-up like two cupcakes at once?
No, it doesn't work that way.
Don't get distracted by shiny objects.
The last person who did my logo
went on to do Lorde's sister's birthday invitations.
Daisy's, I choose Daisy's cupcakes!
Excuse me.
You didn't choose Heather's?
No.
You remember my husband, Bob?
Oh, yeah, the builder.
Bob... the builder?
Ha.
Um, your boys are welcome to join me and the tama
build a treehouse on the weekend.
He would love that.
Good.
Hm.
We've already got three treehouses.
None of them are finished.
Builders... Mm-hm.
(GIGGLING)
That. That. That.
Yes.
This is for you, Margot.
Aww, thanks, Ryan.
Did your mum make this?
(HUMS) I don't know.
Which one's your mum again?
Jess.
She sounds lovely.
I can't wait to meet her. (CHUCKLES)
Thanks.
Thanks!
Hey, so where should we meet this arvo?
We're gonna be at
the "Can You Hear The Mums" Fernando Cafe.
Everyone is gonna be so excited to meet you.
Ooh. Everyone?
I run a collective of mum-fluencers who work for free
to boost their online like-scapes.
Oh, so you wouldn't be paying me to design your blog logo?
Not with money.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, who needs food, rent or 1B5's anyway?
Can we actually make it tomorrow?
Sorry, I'm gonna be meeting
with other potential artists tomorrow.
Don't worry.
I've already forgotten your devastating betrayal
of our friendship.
I'm sorry, OK?
I only chose Daisy because I need the business,
which actually pays less than expected upfront.
I thought it was because you weren't very popular
in high school
and thought being friends with her would somehow make up for it.
Well, I'm going to be late this afternoon
'cause I'm having coffee with her first.
I don't like you hanging out with that girl.
She is a bad influencer.
You're not the boss of me.
If I was you, would be on time for things.
The space invader stole my park.
It's always someone else's fault.
Oh, well, if I'm so useless,
then maybe you won't need me this afternoon.
Maybe we don't need you in the Junior Fundraising Committee
at all.
Fine.
I'm out.
Better late then never.
That doesn't make sense.
Yeah?
Well, you make no sense.
Is that for me?
Did your mum make this?
Have you tried them?
Is it good?
Alright, I'll save this one for later, eh?
So, you're out of the gang?
Heather's so unfair.
Because she baked extra cupcakes in case something happened to yours,
and it did?
No.
Because she secretly paid
for your son to go on the Museum field trip
and asked me not to tell you?
I thought that was a clerical error...
..which I was totally going to tell the office about.
Well, I guess I'll see you at the treehouse thing, yeah?
Sorry.
Heather wants Cinnamon to learn a trade
so they're coming now.
It might be a bit weird.
Yeah, I don't want it to be weird.
Um, can you stay and man the cupcakes.
Bob forgot his phone and his keys and his EpiPen.
Aww, thanks, Eva.
I've been waiting for one of these all day.
I heard you already had three.
OK, um...
You better go back to class, eh?
And go learn some maths.
One plus one equals? Two.
Two plus two equals? Four.
Which rhymes with "close the door". Thank you. There we go.
Hey, um, have you seen Heather about?
Uh, I think she went to the office to get change,
whether they like it or not. Oh.
Are you Mr Heather?
And you must be Jess.
Yes, Heather said that you like to think you're pretty funny.
Huh.
And you work at Land of Liquor.
How'd you know that?
It's basic literacy.
Oh.
Hey, we're redesigning our craft beer labels,
and Heather recommended you.
You're an artist right?
You pay with money?
Yes?
And Heather recommended me?
Yeah, she talks about you all the time.
That may change.
Hey, also, at your thing this afternoon,
can you act really surprised,
because she stayed up late last night
baking your favourite cupcakes.
Mint choc chip?
Yeah, with a Russian fudge glaze. Russian fudge glaze?
Yeah. (UNINTELLIGIBLE MUMBLING)
Hey! You're leaving already?
Well, I've got my photos so there's no value in me staying.
Plus, Heather's kind of mean.
Oh, she just comes across that way
because of what she says and how she acts.
But look, about this afternoon...
I posted your sign on Insta and it's already got 16,000 likes.
Hashtag blessed.
Ooh, that is not making it any easier.
Daisy, it's not you it's me.
Maybe it is you.
Is this your gold car?
It's not gold, it's champagne.
Space invader.
Well, I can't come this afternoon
because I promised I'd help my friends.
Well, that's a shame.
I was going to introduce you to a mum-preneur
who makes the most amazing lunchboxes.
Did she pack yours today? Mm-hm.
With the penguin sushi?
Yeah, it was from a paid partnership photoshoot.
I'm sure sushi's fine the next day.
(CHUCKLES) What, after being under hot lights?
Yeah, well it looks good and that's all that matters.
And you bought your cupcakes
from The Ladies Auxiliary Bakery and Biscuitarium.
Don't tell anyone.
Oh, I gotta tell one person.
How dare she pass off bought baking as homemade.
Yours were clearly superior.
And sold better.
Really?
I'm sorry I wasn't a cool friend today, guys.
I'm sorry if it looked like I overreacted.
Oh, it's fine, your heart's in the right place.
Actually, due to a rare genetic condition, it's not.
And thank you for paying for Ryan to go to...
Oh, Jess that's...
..nothing.
Oh, that's OK, he shouldn't miss out
because people don't pay you what you're worth.
So, what should I bring this Crafternoon?
You're not meeting Daisy?
She ain't no MILF.
Pardon me?
A mother I'd like to fundraise with!
Ohh! (LAUGHTER)
Captioned by Ai-Media ai-media. tv