I think we did the right thing not entering a quiz team.
Let's just run the bar, raise funds and not show people how smart I am.
I'm proud of you for resisting your competitive streak.
I'm the best at being non-competitive, right?
Ooh, that's the spirit.
Although I'll probably will win best costume.
Sexy pirate!
The theme is New Zealand Icons.
Jacinda Ardern?
I'm the spitting image of Rita West from 'Westside'.
Ahh, yes, I love that show.
Plus, we lack some core trivia knowledge for a complete team.
Do we? Mmm.
Hine's Masters covers maths and science,
my double major covers sports and literature.
Yeah, well, I have a degree from the university of life.
And a diploma in design from the Levin School of Art and Stuff.
Plus, I know heaps about TV and movies.
Everyone knows heaps about TV and movies.
Hey, I am not as dumb as you think I look.
We're going to make so much money tonight, wahine ma.
Do people really get that drunk at a school quiz night?
BOTH: Yes.
Last year, Violet's mum did 'Baby Shark' for two hours straight.
And the year before that,
the gym mats got used for things other than gym.
Oh! It's a school function, guys! Bleugh.
Or, for a lot of mums, it's our big night out without the kids.
(HORN HONKS) That'll be the booze.
There you go.
If you can just sign there please, Sir?
Oh, no, I'm not an All Black.
I'm a Black Fern. Aotearoa's Wahine Toa of rugby.
Ahh, well, those wahine should be paid more.
Yes, they should.
Right, ladies, you guys have a good night.
Wait, is that it? Ahh, yep. Have a good one.
No, no, there should be 12 cases.
I remember this 'cause it was after Heather explained
an overly complicated wine-per-parent ratio equation.
It says here that you ordered 12 bottles.
No, it's 12 cases.
Yeah, it's just that you've signed it.
Yeah, but I didn't read it.
Isn't there more in your van?
Ahh, yes, there is,
but that's for people who know how to order things online
and read things before they sign them.
So, you ladies have a good night.
Can't we have one fundraising event where you don't mess things up?
I don't mess everything up.
Except for when you freeze sausages, spread nits
or think you're a real fast runner.
All those are isolated incidents that, sure,
when you put them close together like that,
they sound like maybe I'm a little bit useless.
I'll go to the Land of Liquor and get more wine.
I'll text ahead, let them know you're coming.
People will be here soon.
This won't hold them for long. I could raid the staffroom.
Let me come with you.
We don't want you getting stuck in another kid's chair.
That was one time.
(GASPS) You've got a school key?
You would be surprised what brazen confidence
and never taking no for an answer will get you.
Ahh, the sausage sizzle feels so long ago.
I can't believe how much money we've raised this year.
What's that? Answers to next week's maths quiz.
Wait. Are those the answers to next week's maths quiz?
No, it's next year's class list.
(GASPS) Cinnamon is with Mr Dyer!
I do not think so.
Dammit, Ryan's with Tristan Carter the Phantom Farter again.
Is that the boy that distracts him all the time?
Yes, he just does fart gags the whole time.
Last week, Ryan spoke entirely in farts.
The dental nurse was not impressed.
Just speak to his mum.
Oh, I can't, 'cause she's the most delightful human alive.
Oh.
I hope Hine gets enough.
That staffroom was sadly understocked.
I still feel like you're overestimating
how much people are actually gonna drink.
Last year, the post - quiz disco went till 11:00... am!
Whoa.
Hey, that was quick. They know me there.
(GASPS) I don't believe it.
The Quinns have just pulled their offer
for a bach weekend as the grand prize.
Oh, that wasn't my fault.
Well, I don't know the facts yet.
Isn't that the family
whose driveway you accidentally parked over yesterday?
I don't recall.
So what, we don't have a huge prize.
Is that really such a big deal?
(BOTH): Yes!
Parents' quiz nights at Kate Sheppard are about three things.
Drinking, prizes and drinking.
OK, well, let's just bump up one of the other prizes.
What have we got for best costume?
Wine. Best team name?
Wine.
The best silly answer involving Kate Sheppard?
(BOTH): Wine.
Well, I'm starting to see how these things get out of hand.
(MIC FEEDBACKS) Yo, yo, yo.
DJ Jazzy Jess in the house.
Yeah, that works.
Great minds think alike.
Oh, no, I'm not an All Black.
I'm legendary Black Fern Kendra Cocksedge.
Rugby Player of the Year, who just happens to be a woman.
Same.
Well, I guess that makes sense.
Cocksedge, Coxhead, you've both got... something in common.
Uh, is everything - and by that, I mean Heather - under control?
We lost the grand prize.
Not ideal.
But we should be alright with wine for prizes, right?
The last thing this quiz needs is more alcohol.
Last year, I had 99 problems, and they were all drunk mums.
Not ideal.
Hey, on an unrelated note,
would you say that the classes for next year are set in stone?
Maybe the winners get to choose their kid's teacher next year?
Really?
And two friends to be in their class.
I have two friends!
That is the single greatest prize in the history of prizes.
I know.
I could hand-select Cinnamon's teacher.
And I could get Ryan away from Tristan Carter the Phantom Farter.
We could choose to have our kids in the same class.
Yes!
I think maybe we need to enter a quiz team tonight.
I think you might be right.
I'm always right.
So, what should our quiz team be called?
The Fun Raisers?
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
What about Mean Mums?
That's very confusing. 'Mean' as in mean or 'mean' as in cool?
Or 'mean' as in the mathematical expression of average.
Yeah, right, I guess I was sort of meaning as in,
like, cool, but, yeah, it is quite a confusing name.
Ooh! The Junior Fundraising Committee?
Great offer there, Heather. Little too long. What about the JFC?
Hine! You down with JFC? Yeah, you know me.
Who down with JFC?
The Fun Raisers it is.
Ahem... OK.
(MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC)
Hey, Hine, how's that wine taste?
Like my husband's doing sports drop-offs in the morning.
We should steal Kate from Suffragette City.
She's a lecturer at the university, plus she wears glasses.
Guys, don't worry. I'm good at quizzes.
I'll offer her bottomless wine.
Whatever it takes. We're desperate.
Come on, I don't screw up everything that I touch.
I think she'll cover all our weak spots.
(MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC)
(MIC FEEDBACKS) And a hush filled the room.
(ALL): Hush!
Just a reminder to parents
that the use of mobile phones is prohibited.
At Kate Sheppard Primary, cheating is not cool, it is not clever,
and it will result in lines.
But not the kind of lines
that people got banned for doing last year.
(ALL LAUGH)
Jess? What?
OK, sure, sure, sure.
(MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Welcome to Parents' Quiz Night.
Whoo!
Drinks are available courtesy of the Junior Fundraising Committee.
Please consume responsibly.
Whoo! Yeah! Quiz night! Whoo...
Ready, Kate?
First round is science.
Oh, I know science.
I know you do, love.
Question one.
What metalloid element on the periodic table
is represented by the letter 'B'.
Boron. I'm not a moron.
No, boron. Oh, yeah, boron, boron.
Definitely boron.
(WHISPERING): Boron.
(MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC)
(DOG BARKS)
And finally, question ten.
Which New Zealand scientist discovered that atoms
are not indestructible?
I... don't feel so indeshructible. (GAGS)
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh!
In hindsight, bottomless wine may have been unwise.
Who would have thought?
And so it begins.
(CHEERFUL MUSIC)
Coming into round two, we have a tie for first place.
We have Suffragette City.
Yes! I knew we would win. Yes! Whoo!
And Who Let the Mums Out? Yes!
What?
Second place is the teachers team, Quiz It You or Quiz It Me?
I don't believe this.
And third equal is the Dad's Brigade...
Yeah!
..and the Fun Raisers.
(SIGHS)
We got eight out of ten in the last round and only came third?
Sorry, that's my fault. We would have nine
if I didn't convince you guys that manuka honey was an element.
Your argument was very convincing.
Thanks. I'm surprised the dads did so well.
It's 'cause they cheated. What?
That cricket bat's actually an iPhone.
Oh, I do love telling on people.
(CHUCKLES)
(WHISPERS)
The Dad's Brigade have been disqualified for answer tampering.
Come on, Ref!
What?
Howzat? Like cricket.
Good one. Hey, is Kate OK?
Yeah, I think she's just sleeping it off.
(SNORES)
Alright, I'm just gonna nip to the loo.
Are you guys gonna be OK without me? Yeah, take your time.
Hine, I've got another little follow-up surprise for you.
It has also come to my attention that Oh, My Lorde with an 'E',
is made up entirely of nannies and contains no staff or parents,
which is against the rules so they are disqualified.
I just got engaged to a dad. Like, does that count?
No.
We're just about to take a break.
Could those parents that are playing spin the bottle,
please stop.
Hi!
Hi, Tristan's Mum! Oh, I love the - whoa...
Kia ora. Talofa.
(BOTH): Kei te pehea koe!
I love Suzy Cato! Yas! She's actually my cousin.
That would explain why you're so nice.
Thank you.
Congratulations on coming second.
Hey, don't worry, if Who Let the Mums Out wins,
I'll make sure Tristan and Ryan
are in the same class again.
Oh, you don't have to do that. Oh, it would be my pleasure.
Please don't do that.
Please yes! I don't want it!
I'm going to. Please no.
Yes! (BLOWS RASPBERRY) (GIGGLES)
See ya, see ya later. Time to say goodbye.
OK, bye!
(GIGGLES)
Red? Thanks.
(HAPPY MUSIC)
Oh, easy.
OK, now we really need to win this thing,
otherwise my son is not going to learn anything next year
except how to make a fart sound with his armpit.
Cinnamon won't learn anything in Mr Dyer's class, either.
He thinks homework should be voluntary.
And it'd be nice for us all to be together.
Yeah. I won't cheat, though.
Oh, neither. Neither.
One water, please. Wouldn't like a cheeky red?
Things are already getting out of hand.
I just had to break up a fight between Steven and Valerie Adams.
And I need a clear head to run the quiz.
Oh, do you need... Oh, no.
Fine.
Let's discount the wine.
The wine we're selling to raise funds, of which every cent counts?
It took Kate out of the running.
Yeah, and it would definitely slow down
those lightweights from Suffragette City
and Who Let the Mums Out.
Let's be part of the problem. Yes!
Come on.
(SURF MUSIC)
Ladies and gentlemen! Discount wine!
Who wants it? Whoo!
♪ Yeah! ♪ Just get me done
♪ Whoa, just get me done
♪ Whoa-oh
♪ Whoa-oh ♪ Whoo! ♪
Hey, nice costume!
A bottle of your cheapest wine
for the underpaid teachers who are winning, please.
Well, it's actually two for the price of one at the moment.
Although I don't understand why you wanna win.
Isn't the prize of choosing your kid's teacher kinda useless to you?
It cuts both ways.
Teachers can choose what child to have
or not have in their class. Uh-oh.
Oh, you and Hine are alright, but Cinnamon's mum...
definitely on the naughty list.
Well, hey, here's another bottle, on the house.
Who are you supposed to be?
I'm famous New Zealand icon Rita West.
Oh. I couldn't tell.
Hey, I really need to talk... to you.
Hey, are you the mum that got locked in the art cupboard
and the firefighters had to cut you out?
Only for, like, a second.
You're kind of a legend to the mums in my team.
What a smart way of meeting firefighters.
Oh, well, I'm glad my misfortune could be an entertainment.
Mmm, they are... outrageous.
Can you believe that she thinks she's a better Rita West than me?
She's so not.
(SNORES)
I'll do it myself.
So, if we lose,
either Ryan gets stuck with fart boy,
or I get unfairly penalised
for caring too deeply about my daughter's education?
That's about it.
We need to get every answer right in the final round.
Looks like Suffragette City are out.
Wake up! It's embarrassing.
So it's just us, Who Let the Mums Out, and the teachers left.
We've got a shot. OK.
Tahi, rua? (ALL): Toru, wha.
Toru, wha.
The final round will be...
Come on, Movies and TV. Come on, Movies and TV.
Kate Sheppard Primary trivia.
Bring it on!
That is not what I wanted to hear.
So, Kate Sheppard Primary trivia. We can do that!
What, better than the teachers
or those old mums from Who Let the Mums Out?
Well, there are only three teams left,
so let's do best of three and wrap this boozefest up. (LAUGHS)
Also, if anyone has lost a Pavlova, she's passed out in the toilets.
Question one, what flower does Kate Sheppard share the $10 bill with?
Camellia. Teachers never have cash!
Question two,
before the fire,
which was definitely an accident, how many classrooms did we have?
Too easy.
How did you know that?
I knew that, too.
Oh.
And lastly,
what year did Kate Sheppard Primary finally allow girls to learn maths?
What? 1921?
I wasn't there.
I know this one.
I'm not being mean,
but we don't have time to indulge your fantasies right now.
No, remember when I locked myself in the art cupboard?
It was in my top ten Jess mess-ups. It's one of my top three.
OK, while I was waiting for the fire department to cut me out,
I only had one thing to read,
which was an old school newsletter,
funnily enough, about girls and maths.
Finally, one of my Jess-ups saved the day.
I quite liked it
when you got stuck in that jumper for five minutes, too.
Oh, yeah, that was a good one.
And the winners are...
the Fun Raisers.
(THEY CELEBRATE) Yes! Yes! Yes!
(ALL CELEBRATE)
So, who are you going to choose for Ryan's teacher next year?
Who do you recommend?
No - one's ever asked me that.
(LAUGHS)
I'll let you in on a little secret.
Most kids are fine with most teachers.
I dare you to tell Heather that.
(GULPS) Maybe later.
Well, I guess I just want Ryan with Braxton and Cinnamon.
Consider it done.
And not in Tristan's class.
The Phantom Farter? You got it.
So, you know I knew the winning answer, right?
Really?
Oh, you probably don't remember.
I just thought I'd told you what I was reading for those three hours
when I was relaxing in the art cupboard.
I remembered.
♪ You set my heart on fire
♪ I can feel adulation
♪ I met him on the do from the universe
♪ Like it's a celebration
♪ You make me feel elated
♪ Got a big surprise ♪ INDISTINCT
Captioned by Ai-Media ai-media. tv