1
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:06,840
Hi. Welcome to the show. My name's
Howard Moon and this is Vince Noir.

2
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,992
- All right?
- This week, the subject of heroes.

3
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What is a hero? Who is a hero?
Am l a hero?

4
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- No way.
- We'll tackle that question in the show.

5
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Can anyone be a hero any more
in the modern world?

6
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- Jagger. He's like...
- l mean real heroes.

7
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- He's a hero. He's a monkey genius.
- l'm talking about Livingstone.

8
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Explorers. People who went deep
into the heart of darkness

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to confront the terrifying abyss.

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What would Jagger do
when confronted by the abyss?

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He'd probably go like this.

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Enjoy the show.

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..to the world of The Mighty Boosh.

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♪ Come with us to The Mighty Boosh
♪ The Mighty Boosh

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♪ Come with us to The Mighty Boosh ♪

16
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- Can l squirt for a bit?
- No. You buff, l squirt.

17
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l've been here longer than you.
Get on with it.

18
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- You're in a right mood. What's wrong?
- The zoo's falling apart.

19
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Never used to be like this.
Not when Tommy ran the zoo.

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♪ Tommy, where you go

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♪ Tommy,
where you go, where you go

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♪ Where are you now, Tommy? ♪

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- He's dead.
- He's not dead.

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Everyone knows he fell in the ocelot pit.

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- They never found his body.
- They munched on him like an old Twix.

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l find that difficult to believe. Tommy was
one of the greatest zookeepers ever.

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Ocelots were no match for him. He was
a great man. Powerful and handsome.

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Handsome? l've seen footage of him.
He had a big head.

29
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- Short, stocky legs.
- That was the look in the late '50s.

30
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- The barrel head?
- lt was all the rage.

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Women would swoon
when Tommy shuffled into a room.

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lt was a different aesthetic. None of
your fashionable androgyny in his day.

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He was a man's man. l mean, look at you.
Feather cut, pointy features.

34
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Put you in the '50s,
you'd be imprisoned for being a witch.

35
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- They'd lock you in a trunk.
- This is the Mod style.

36
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- You're not a Mod.
- l am. l'm king of the Mods.

37
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l'm getting into the Mod scene.
Check this guy out.

38
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- Who's that berk?
- Uber Mod.

39
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Look at his hair. lt's over a metre tall.

40
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- That's good, is it?
- Yeah. l reckon l could take his title.

41
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With enough cheap wizz and a powerful
hairdryer, l reckon l could beat that.

42
00:02:31,898 --> 00:02:36,049
Start off in Europe and take that title,
and then bang! Worldwide.

43
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Whoa! lt's gonna be enormous.
lt's gonna block out the sun.

44
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- You'll be in the shadows.
- Are you ill?

45
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- Tommy hated Mods.
- Thought he might.

46
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- They enraged him on sight.
- l thought they might.

47
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Cos he was a Rocker. Used to
go down to Brighton at weekends.

48
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lf he saw any Mods, he'd run at them,
head-butt them off their scooters.

49
00:02:57,219 --> 00:03:01,338
- Rockabilly Rhino, we called him.
- Sounds like the work of a violent dwarf.

50
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Well, he did have violent episodes,
that is true.

51
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But between those episodes,
there was a calmer side to Tommy.

52
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- A flip side.
- Yeah. Tommy was a dreamer.

53
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We all dream. But do we really dream?

54
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Yeah. We do.

55
00:03:16,381 --> 00:03:18,975
Yeah, but do we really dream?

56
00:03:19,061 --> 00:03:22,020
- Yeah, we do. What's your point?
- Tommy was a dreamer.

57
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He had many dreams.
He had dreams about this place, Vince.

58
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He dreamt about a zoo so small
it could fit inside a key.

59
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Not his best dream. He had
other dreams. That was Tommy's gift.

60
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He could move from dream to dream,
like the dream skipper.

61
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- Did he eat a lot of cheese?
- Yeah. A bit too much, actually.

62
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Yeah. He had a problem
with calcium build-up.

63
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- ls that why his head was...
- Yeah.

64
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- Well, whatever. He's dead, so...
- He's not dead.

65
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- What?
- He's alive.

66
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- He's dead.
- He's alive and guiding me. l sense him.

67
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Guiding you where?

68
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Guiding me about my business,
thank you very much.

69
00:03:59,826 --> 00:04:04,184
About your business?
You've gone wrong in your mind tank.

70
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- What are you on about?
- You've got to accept it. We all die.

71
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We all die. But do we really die?

72
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- What is that?
- Something Tommy taught me.

73
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Never stop questioning
the nature of reality.

74
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You're questioning it,
but are you really questioning it?

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- Now you're getting it.
- l am getting it.

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- But am l really getting it?
- That's enough now.

77
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lt is enough. But is it really enough?

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This is a staff announcement.

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You are all fired, so pack up
and ship out. Good day.

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- What's going on, Mr Fossil?
- Bainbridge is selling the zoo, Moon.

81
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- What do you mean?
- What part don't you get?

82
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Bainbridge sells zoo.
They're building a road over it.

83
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l'm gonna go to Miami
and take up golf.

84
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- Bainbridge can't sell the zoo.
- Why can't he?

85
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l'll tell you why. Because of Tommy.

86
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:03,746
What do you know about Tommy?
Tommy's dead.

87
00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:07,746
They never found his body.
Under Zoo Regulation 409 subsection C,

88
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he's technically the owner
and you can't sell it.

89
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Thanks.

90
00:05:11,874 --> 00:05:13,865
Oh, yeah? Let me show you something.

91
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This is a contract.
lt said that Tommy owned the zoo

92
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but in the event of his disappearance,
after 10 years, it reverts to Bainbridge.

93
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Suck on that subsection.

94
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Right.

95
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:31,271
Note to self. l hate whites.

96
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Hey, Naboo. How are you?

97
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- l can't believe Bainbridge is selling up.
- He's a ballbag.

98
00:05:40,517 --> 00:05:44,954
What are you gonna do? You'll be
all right. You're a shaman. Specialist job.

99
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- l might transform into a mighty hawk.
- A what?

100
00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:50,548
- Mighty hawk.
- Wow.

101
00:05:50,639 --> 00:05:53,311
Either that or work in Dixons.
l haven't decided.

102
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- That's a tough call.
- What about you?

103
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l am king of the Mods so l'll put
a parka on and walk about like that,

104
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,112
chewing gum.

105
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:06,515
lt's a shame, though.
l love this place. Gonna miss it.

106
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,833
Well, when the lion roars and the wind
blows, who knows what might happen?

107
00:06:10,921 --> 00:06:12,991
What?

108
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,719
Sorry.

109
00:06:20,883 --> 00:06:22,712
Balabang-mamphor...

110
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Hey, Naboo. Naboo?

111
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(Drumming)

112
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(Drumming stops)

113
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(Drumming)

114
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(Drumming stops)

115
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(Drumming)

116
00:06:43,724 --> 00:06:46,683
(Drumming stops and starts)

117
00:06:47,684 --> 00:06:49,880
(Drumming starts then fades)

118
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Don't try and take me on.
l'm king of the Mods.

119
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Put me through to Dixon Bainbridge.

120
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l don't know how to dial. Thank you.

121
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(Phone ringing)

122
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Dixon Bainbridge.

123
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Hello, Bainbridge. lt's Bobby-bob-bob.

124
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l'm busy, Fossil. ls there a problem
with the sale of the zoo?

125
00:07:11,966 --> 00:07:18,203
That's all fine and dandy. But Howard's
been asking questions about Tommy.

126
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You catch Moon sniffing around that
jungle room, do what we did last time.

127
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What, ride in a pick-up truck
and beat up midgets?

128
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Lock him in there. The place is crawling
with wolves. He'll be dead by dawn.

129
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- Oh, yeah. Right.
- Good day, sir.

130
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- Are you wearing any pants?
- l said good day, sir.

131
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Rhino!

132
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(Owl hoots)

133
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- So this is it?
- Yeah.

134
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The crazy times we've had here, eh?

135
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- Remember my first day?
- Yeah.

136
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You took me out of school.
You said GCSEs weren't important.

137
00:07:58,374 --> 00:08:02,002
l remember l was on frogs.
There was a newt involved.

138
00:08:02,093 --> 00:08:05,403
- l started trembling.
- Never tremble with a newt.

139
00:08:05,493 --> 00:08:07,611
- Exactly.
- You change its sex.

140
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,571
- l didn't know that. You taught me that.
- Yeah.

141
00:08:10,653 --> 00:08:13,215
- Remember when that llama got out?
- Yeah.

142
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He went AWOL, he went crazy.
Started hoofing the public.

143
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Do you remember? He was out there
hoofing doctors, hoofing vicars.

144
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He got in a gift shop, put a moustache
on. A girl said, ''Can l have a pencil?''

145
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Hooo! Hoofed her out of the shop.

146
00:08:28,615 --> 00:08:34,088
Ah... No one could get near that llama.
But you, you got off on it.

147
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lt's one of the few ways
to calm a llama down.

148
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Calm a llama down.

149
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♪ Calmallama deep down in the ocean

150
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♪ Blue like a barnacle
Sittin' in a tight place

151
00:08:44,178 --> 00:08:47,216
♪ Laughing like a monkey,
l'm pulling like a China boy

152
00:08:47,299 --> 00:08:50,016
♪ Caraway, caraway, caraway, noise
Boing, tikka masala

153
00:08:50,098 --> 00:08:52,931
♪ Boing, tikka masala, oh!

154
00:08:53,018 --> 00:08:54,611
♪ Tooth, tooth, phoot! ♪

155
00:08:59,018 --> 00:09:02,933
Oh, well. l've got you something.
A little gift there.

156
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:05,579
- Oh, thanks.
- Little something. Memento.

157
00:09:05,659 --> 00:09:08,333
When you look at that, you'll think of me.

158
00:09:10,581 --> 00:09:13,335
- What did you get me?
- Er...

159
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:15,456
Oh. Erm...

160
00:09:16,261 --> 00:09:18,092
Oh, l got you this.

161
00:09:19,903 --> 00:09:22,290
- Where did you get this?
- l didn't steal it.

162
00:09:22,381 --> 00:09:25,101
- Where did you find it?
- Outside the old jungle room.

163
00:09:25,182 --> 00:09:27,822
- The old jungle room?
- This is Tommy's necklace.

164
00:09:27,903 --> 00:09:29,939
- So?
- Do you see what this means?

165
00:09:30,023 --> 00:09:31,172
No.

166
00:09:31,263 --> 00:09:34,733
Jungle room shut down ten years ago.
Tommy disappeared ten years ago.

167
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:39,056
Shut down ten years ago. Tommy
disappeared ten years ago. Necklace...

168
00:09:40,303 --> 00:09:42,898
Tommy's in the jungle room.
We've got to get him.

169
00:09:42,984 --> 00:09:45,545
He can stop the sale of the zoo. Let's go!

170
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,932
(Mad bongo drumming)

171
00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:34,661
Hey. How's it going?

172
00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:37,058
- What are you wearing?
- What?

173
00:10:37,149 --> 00:10:41,589
You can't go in the jungle
dressed like a Camden leisure pirate.

174
00:10:41,671 --> 00:10:44,868
- l'm king of the Mods.
- We're in a rainforest.

175
00:10:44,951 --> 00:10:48,341
So? l might have to do a benefit
for some pine cones.

176
00:10:48,431 --> 00:10:51,981
- The forest is no respecter of fashion.
- Really?

177
00:10:52,071 --> 00:10:54,427
Look. Check out what l've got going on.

178
00:10:54,511 --> 00:10:57,185
This is my look, yeah? Forest casual.

179
00:10:57,272 --> 00:11:00,264
- Forest casual for the leafy gent.
- What's this?

180
00:11:00,352 --> 00:11:03,072
- Get off my juju beads.
- Juju beads?

181
00:11:03,153 --> 00:11:05,792
- They're Sugar Puffs.
- Shut up. This is my look.

182
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:08,990
- You look like a knob.
- We'll see who survives here.

183
00:11:09,073 --> 00:11:10,712
You little pimp.

184
00:11:23,836 --> 00:11:26,588
This is ridiculous. l mean, we're lost.

185
00:11:26,674 --> 00:11:31,704
- How will we get back to the zoo?
- Don't worry about that, OK?

186
00:11:31,796 --> 00:11:35,550
Tommy taught me an efficient system
of jungle navigation.

187
00:11:35,636 --> 00:11:39,152
Ever since we set off,
l've been leaving a trail of sweets.

188
00:11:39,237 --> 00:11:42,467
We'll be able to retrace our steps,
don't you worry.

189
00:11:42,556 --> 00:11:47,394
- How are we gonna find Tommy?
- Calm down. l've got it under control.

190
00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:49,547
You've got to be at one with this place.

191
00:11:49,638 --> 00:11:52,516
You've got to get with the bracken,
move with the moss.

192
00:11:52,598 --> 00:11:55,159
You've got to speak
the forest's language.

193
00:11:55,239 --> 00:11:58,151
♪ Cor-demahek-ayyy....

194
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,788
♪ Cor-misahek... ♪

195
00:12:03,721 --> 00:12:06,598
l don't think the forest liked
what you were saying.

196
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,511
lt's just that one tree, OK?

197
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,637
- You having fun?
- (Wolf howls)

198
00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:14,790
- What was that?
- Owls.

199
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,998
- Pretending to be wolves?
- They're good mimics.

200
00:12:18,081 --> 00:12:21,550
- What?
- lt's OK. l know how to deal with wolves.

201
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:25,271
- You simply punch it on the nose.
- That's sharks, isn't it?

202
00:12:25,362 --> 00:12:28,638
Works for any animal.
Something Tommy taught me.

203
00:12:28,722 --> 00:12:32,238
- He had a lot of wisdom in his head.
- lt was big enough.

204
00:12:32,323 --> 00:12:36,283
- Don't bad-mouth my hero.
- Will you ever shut up about Tommy?

205
00:12:36,365 --> 00:12:39,834
Don't you understand anything?
We're here to find him.

206
00:12:39,923 --> 00:12:42,279
Rescue him, bring him back.

207
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:44,400
Do you love him?

208
00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:49,440
You say one more thing about Tommy
and you're on your own.

209
00:12:52,366 --> 00:12:54,753
Did you kiss him?

210
00:13:00,566 --> 00:13:04,274
- (Wolf howls)
- Howard?

211
00:13:10,806 --> 00:13:14,083
(Wolf) Ben Sherman. Mmm...

212
00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:39,642
Howard?

213
00:13:42,491 --> 00:13:44,162
Howard?

214
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:47,527
(# Guitar wailing)

215
00:13:50,852 --> 00:13:54,208
- Who are you?
- l go by many names.

216
00:13:56,292 --> 00:13:58,248
Well, what are they?

217
00:13:58,332 --> 00:14:02,007
l'm getting round to that
in my own good mystical time.

218
00:14:02,893 --> 00:14:07,332
Some call me Shatoon, bringer of corn.

219
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:12,124
Others call me Mickey Nine,
the dream weaver.

220
00:14:12,214 --> 00:14:14,569
Some call me Photoshop.

221
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:18,408
Others call me Trenu, the boiler.

222
00:14:18,494 --> 00:14:21,850
Some call me Marjorie Keek.

223
00:14:21,935 --> 00:14:24,130
Others call me Captain Mas....

224
00:14:24,215 --> 00:14:28,686
Others call me...R-R-Rubbady-pubbady.

225
00:14:28,775 --> 00:14:31,529
- Look, l haven't really got time for this.
- Oi!

226
00:14:31,616 --> 00:14:35,768
- Are you gonna tell me your real name?
- My name is Rudi.

227
00:14:35,856 --> 00:14:39,327
Rudi Van Der Saniel, jazz fusion guitarist.

228
00:14:39,418 --> 00:14:41,646
(# Plays fast lick)

229
00:14:41,736 --> 00:14:45,937
- You are searching for something, yes?
- Yeah. How do you know?

230
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:49,613
- l know all things.
- Basically, l'm looking for my mate...

231
00:14:49,698 --> 00:14:55,251
Do not tell me. Perhaps what you seek
is inside yourself.

232
00:14:55,339 --> 00:14:59,491
- No, it's not.
- Damn. That usually works.

233
00:14:59,579 --> 00:15:04,653
Well, then, let us see what is behind
the door of Kakundu.

234
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,896
(Creaking)

235
00:15:07,980 --> 00:15:10,130
(Groans)

236
00:15:11,420 --> 00:15:14,571
Ah. The sacred pipe.

237
00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:19,372
- This is what you seek, yes?
- No. l'm looking for my mate Howard.

238
00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:23,170
l told you not to tell me.
Your friend is dead.

239
00:15:23,261 --> 00:15:26,777
- What?
- Eaten by wolves.

240
00:15:26,862 --> 00:15:29,330
By what?

241
00:15:29,423 --> 00:15:30,980
Wolves.

242
00:15:35,904 --> 00:15:37,540
Oh, here's your pipe.

243
00:15:37,622 --> 00:15:40,057
Thanks, anyway.

244
00:15:40,143 --> 00:15:43,181
Wait. You have passed the test.

245
00:15:43,264 --> 00:15:46,495
- What test?
- The pipe test.

246
00:15:48,104 --> 00:15:52,656
Most men would have taken the pipe
for it is worth well over 35 Euros.

247
00:15:52,745 --> 00:15:55,704
But you have an honest heart.
You brought it back to me.

248
00:15:55,785 --> 00:15:59,574
So l will help you.
Your friend is not dead. He is alive.

249
00:15:59,666 --> 00:16:02,702
But he is deep in the centre
of the jungle room.

250
00:16:02,786 --> 00:16:06,097
- Can you take me there?
- l cannot take you the whole way

251
00:16:06,186 --> 00:16:08,178
for it is far too dangerous.

252
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:14,024
But l can take you some of the way. Hop
upon my small section of Woodstock.

253
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,825
Right.

254
00:16:16,788 --> 00:16:19,062
Let the journey commence.

255
00:16:26,189 --> 00:16:29,306
- ls that it?
- l can go no further.

256
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:32,426
- Oh, great.
- Do not be afraid, pretty lady.

257
00:16:32,509 --> 00:16:37,186
lf you are in danger, play this simple tune
and l will come to your aid.

258
00:16:37,269 --> 00:16:39,500
(# Plays three notes)

259
00:16:39,590 --> 00:16:43,550
Wow. Thanks, Rudi. You've been great.
l don't know what to say.

260
00:16:43,631 --> 00:16:46,862
Don't say anything. Simply kiss my balls.

261
00:16:46,951 --> 00:16:50,308
- l'm not doing that.
- You have passed the test.

262
00:16:50,392 --> 00:16:53,109
- What test?
- The ball test.

263
00:16:53,190 --> 00:16:56,103
Most men would have kissed my balls
for they are worth...

264
00:16:56,192 --> 00:16:58,422
- Bye.
- Good luck.

265
00:17:25,434 --> 00:17:29,429
Hello, stranger.
You look weary from your travels.

266
00:17:29,517 --> 00:17:33,634
Come. Sit down
and warm yourself by the fire.

267
00:17:33,716 --> 00:17:35,388
Thank you.

268
00:17:38,597 --> 00:17:43,796
Only two kinds of people venture this far
into the depths of the jungle.

269
00:17:43,877 --> 00:17:47,314
A fool or an idiot.

270
00:17:47,398 --> 00:17:51,515
Well, if risking life and limb
to rescue a great man makes me a fool,

271
00:17:51,598 --> 00:17:53,430
then call me a fool.

272
00:17:53,518 --> 00:17:55,555
- Well, fool...
- Thanks.

273
00:17:55,639 --> 00:18:01,316
- This person must be very important.
- He is important. He's my mentor.

274
00:18:01,399 --> 00:18:03,071
He's my hero.

275
00:18:03,159 --> 00:18:07,835
Maybe this hero is closer than you think,
Howard Moon.

276
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,348
- How do you know my name?
- l thought you'd recognise my voice.

277
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,955
Oh, my God. Allan Holdsworth.

278
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:19,191
No, you numb nut. lt is l, Tommy.

279
00:18:19,281 --> 00:18:20,350
Tommy!

280
00:18:22,641 --> 00:18:24,120
Whoa, now!

281
00:18:24,201 --> 00:18:27,512
Woo! What's happening there?

282
00:18:29,522 --> 00:18:31,319
Howard?

283
00:18:37,843 --> 00:18:40,641
(Wolf howling)

284
00:18:44,003 --> 00:18:46,359
(# Plays different three notes)

285
00:18:47,243 --> 00:18:49,360
All right, mate? What's the problem?

286
00:18:49,444 --> 00:18:52,356
- Where's Rudi?
- The geezer with the Afro?

287
00:18:52,444 --> 00:18:55,960
Oh, no. This happens all the time.
You played the wrong tune.

288
00:18:56,045 --> 00:18:58,001
He's doo-dee-do. l'm doo-dee-da.

289
00:18:58,085 --> 00:19:00,839
He should get it changed.
Losing a lot of business.

290
00:19:00,926 --> 00:19:03,393
- Why? What do you do?
- l'm a locksmith.

291
00:19:03,485 --> 00:19:07,561
You haven't seen my mate Howard,
have you? Kind of tall, scruffy hair.

292
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,238
Small eyes like a crab.

293
00:19:09,326 --> 00:19:12,080
He's talking to a geezer with a big head.

294
00:19:12,166 --> 00:19:15,318
Excellent. Cheers.
Thanks, mate. See you later.

295
00:19:15,407 --> 00:19:19,115
Don't blow that wrong number again,
will you?

296
00:19:19,206 --> 00:19:21,403
What, l walk home, do l?

297
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:23,887
Brilliant.

298
00:19:25,488 --> 00:19:28,322
l have survived only by eating cheese.

299
00:19:28,409 --> 00:19:32,197
And as the saying goes,
you are what you eat.

300
00:19:32,289 --> 00:19:34,326
And l am freaking cheese!

301
00:19:34,409 --> 00:19:40,486
l have built up an enormous fatty deposit
about my face, much like a camel.

302
00:19:40,571 --> 00:19:42,560
But you can barely notice.

303
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,289
Yeah. Tommy, we've got to get you back.

304
00:19:45,370 --> 00:19:48,248
You're the only one
who can stop the sale of the zoo.

305
00:19:48,331 --> 00:19:50,686
- Hey, Howard.
- Ah! A Mod!

306
00:19:50,771 --> 00:19:52,921
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

307
00:19:53,011 --> 00:19:55,924
- What are you doing?
- l am a Rocker! He is a Mod!

308
00:19:56,013 --> 00:19:58,242
- We are mortal enemies!
- He's a friend.

309
00:19:58,332 --> 00:20:00,482
Oh, sorry.

310
00:20:00,572 --> 00:20:04,167
- Who's this yellow lunatic?
- Vince, this is Tommy.

311
00:20:04,252 --> 00:20:07,050
- l found him.
- l thought you said he was handsome.

312
00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:10,888
- Shh.
- That's OK, Howard. The Mod is right.

313
00:20:10,973 --> 00:20:13,250
l haven't aged well.

314
00:20:13,335 --> 00:20:15,527
But let me tell you something.

315
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:18,686
Beauty is but skin deep,
my pointy friend.

316
00:20:18,774 --> 00:20:21,891
Get ready for some Tommy magic.
Here comes the wisdom.

317
00:20:21,974 --> 00:20:26,491
Yes, my face is hideous to behold.

318
00:20:26,575 --> 00:20:31,205
But when l dance,
oh, how my beauty shines forth

319
00:20:31,294 --> 00:20:33,685
and lights up the jungle!

320
00:20:34,536 --> 00:20:36,333
♪ Cheese is a kind of meat

321
00:20:36,416 --> 00:20:38,726
♪ A tasty yellow beef

322
00:20:38,817 --> 00:20:40,932
♪ l milk it from my teat

323
00:20:41,016 --> 00:20:43,610
♪ But l try to be discreet

324
00:20:43,697 --> 00:20:46,211
♪ Ooh, cheese

325
00:20:46,297 --> 00:20:47,888
♪ Ooh, cheese ♪

326
00:20:47,977 --> 00:20:50,287
ls that your hero?

327
00:20:50,378 --> 00:20:53,893
- Yeah. He's gone a bit wrong.
- l'm gonna stick with Jagger.

328
00:20:53,978 --> 00:20:56,173
(Human beatbox)

329
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:58,613
Oh!

330
00:20:58,699 --> 00:21:01,088
- Tommy, that's enough.
- Come join me.

331
00:21:01,179 --> 00:21:05,218
No, this isn't a time for dancing, OK?
We've got a long journey ahead.

332
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:08,848
Fools. l know how to get out
of the jungle instantly.

333
00:21:08,939 --> 00:21:13,455
- How?
- Gather round. l will reveal all.

334
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,611
Come closer.

335
00:21:15,701 --> 00:21:18,136
Not you, Fire.

336
00:21:19,260 --> 00:21:22,458
- l leave this jungle every night.
- How?

337
00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:26,295
Through the dreams
that come with cheese.

338
00:21:28,462 --> 00:21:33,092
Mmm... l'm skiing in France.
l'm flying a boat.

339
00:21:33,182 --> 00:21:36,380
l'm turning tricks in Chad!
Cheese dreams!

340
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:39,022
l'm off my ever-loving tits!

341
00:21:39,103 --> 00:21:42,015
- Come on, Babybel.
- # Cheese is a kind of meat

342
00:21:42,103 --> 00:21:44,015
♪ A tasty yellow beef! ♪

343
00:21:53,184 --> 00:21:54,982
Stop. Stop.

344
00:21:55,065 --> 00:21:59,661
l can't go on any further. l am too old.

345
00:21:59,746 --> 00:22:02,736
You and your wife
must go on without me.

346
00:22:02,824 --> 00:22:06,900
But we're nearly there. We've got
to get back, stop the sale of the zoo.

347
00:22:06,987 --> 00:22:09,978
l am slowing you down
and the wolves are getting closer.

348
00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:12,865
- You must go on alone.
- Come on. Let's go.

349
00:22:12,947 --> 00:22:17,022
l'm not leaving him. lf we go back
without him, it's all been for nothing.

350
00:22:17,108 --> 00:22:20,498
Howard, l have a plan to save the zoo.

351
00:22:20,587 --> 00:22:24,422
- What plan?
- First, you must kill me.

352
00:22:24,507 --> 00:22:27,705
- l can't do that.
- l could do that.

353
00:22:27,788 --> 00:22:31,782
Do you mind? This is a poignant
moment between me and my hero.

354
00:22:31,869 --> 00:22:35,862
Listen, Howard.
Remember the first thing l taught you?

355
00:22:35,948 --> 00:22:39,546
- That dolphins are evil.
- No. The other thing.

356
00:22:39,631 --> 00:22:42,986
- We all die.
- We all die.

357
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,061
But do we really die?

358
00:22:45,150 --> 00:22:49,623
Perhaps even in death
l can save the zoo.

359
00:22:49,712 --> 00:22:53,499
But you must help me, Howard Moon.

360
00:22:53,591 --> 00:22:57,551
- l think l understand.
- You do understand.

361
00:22:57,632 --> 00:23:02,103
- But do you really understand?
- Yeah.

362
00:23:02,192 --> 00:23:04,786
Now you must be the hero

363
00:23:04,873 --> 00:23:07,669
and do what must be done.

364
00:23:16,274 --> 00:23:18,230
Have you got anything bigger?

365
00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:19,873
No. Sorry.

366
00:23:19,954 --> 00:23:22,548
(Tommy shouts)

367
00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:26,264
(Tommy)
Yes... No... Oh, great. A little to the left.

368
00:23:26,354 --> 00:23:31,030
Oh, good. No! Oooh! Nice.

369
00:23:34,676 --> 00:23:37,144
Aaahh! Oh, not again! Yes!

370
00:23:37,236 --> 00:23:40,512
Oooh, you're killing me! Oh, that's good!

371
00:23:42,756 --> 00:23:45,715
- Have you done it?
- He's in here. Don't prod him.

372
00:23:45,797 --> 00:23:49,836
- How's this gonna help?
- Don't worry. l've got a plan.

373
00:23:49,918 --> 00:23:53,546
With this bag of cheesy gratings,
we'll save the zoo. l'm the hero now.

374
00:23:53,637 --> 00:23:56,754
All we've gotta do now is get back
before the wolves arrive.

375
00:23:56,837 --> 00:23:58,635
(Wolves howl)

376
00:24:00,719 --> 00:24:03,630
- Have you got another plan?
- Punch them on the nose?

377
00:24:03,718 --> 00:24:06,597
l'm gonna be down here weeping.

378
00:24:06,679 --> 00:24:09,717
l don't wanna die.
l've got so much to give.

379
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,791
- Howard?
- What?

380
00:24:11,879 --> 00:24:14,917
l think it's gonna be all right. Look.

381
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,673
Mod wolves.

382
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,672
And l'm king of the Mods.

383
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:24,310
(# Hymn-like Hammond organ chords)

384
00:24:25,761 --> 00:24:28,435
(# Hammond organ groove)

385
00:25:20,008 --> 00:25:21,566
See ya.

386
00:25:21,647 --> 00:25:24,242
- lt's locked.
- Don't worry. Leave it to me.

387
00:25:24,328 --> 00:25:26,080
Check this out.

388
00:25:26,168 --> 00:25:28,284
(# Plays three notes)

389
00:25:29,648 --> 00:25:33,005
Oh, no. Not you again, mate.
l told you, l'm a locksmith.

390
00:25:33,089 --> 00:25:35,158
- Can you open this?
- Fair enough.

391
00:25:35,248 --> 00:25:38,287
(# Hammond organ groove)

392
00:25:41,888 --> 00:25:44,040
Oi, where's my fee?

393
00:25:44,130 --> 00:25:47,760
Erm... You can have this pipe.
lt's worth over 35 Euros.

394
00:25:47,850 --> 00:25:49,886
There you go.

395
00:25:49,971 --> 00:25:52,610
- What's this?
- Change.

396
00:26:01,452 --> 00:26:06,367
Animals come and go, roads go on
forever. Here's to Tarmac and to me.

397
00:26:06,453 --> 00:26:10,048
- Can you just sign, please?
- All right, all right. Pen.

398
00:26:10,132 --> 00:26:14,844
Here, Bainbridge. You just click the end
like this. Clickety-click, clickety...

399
00:26:14,934 --> 00:26:17,368
Yeah, l know how it works.

400
00:26:18,854 --> 00:26:22,210
- Wait.
- What the hump are you doing here?

401
00:26:22,294 --> 00:26:25,332
We thought you might want cheese
to go with your wine.

402
00:26:25,414 --> 00:26:28,806
- l hate cheese.
- l'm quite partial to a bit of cheese.

403
00:26:28,894 --> 00:26:30,930
l love cheese.

404
00:26:31,014 --> 00:26:33,813
- Mmm.
- Cracker?

405
00:26:33,895 --> 00:26:36,807
l don't use them. Quite meaty. What is it?

406
00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:39,012
- Tommyzola.
- What?

407
00:26:39,096 --> 00:26:42,008
Tommyzola. lt's a kind of jungle cheese.

408
00:26:42,097 --> 00:26:46,295
- Superb.
- Can you sign? We have a lot to do.

409
00:26:46,377 --> 00:26:48,652
- l will sign.
- Good.

410
00:26:48,737 --> 00:26:51,615
- But will l really sign?
- What?

411
00:26:51,697 --> 00:26:55,293
- Do you want to sell the zoo or not?
- l do want to sell the zoo.

412
00:26:55,378 --> 00:26:58,928
- But do l really want to sell the zoo?
- This is ludicrous.

413
00:26:59,019 --> 00:27:03,170
- lt is, but is it really ludicrous?
- We're leaving now.

414
00:27:03,258 --> 00:27:06,695
- You are. But are you really leaving?
- Yes.

415
00:27:06,779 --> 00:27:11,012
- Bainbridge, you're acting crazy.
- l am acting crazy.

416
00:27:11,099 --> 00:27:15,013
- But am l really acting crazy?
- lt's the end of the show.

417
00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:17,898
lt is the end of the show,
but is it really the...