1
00:00:03,713 --> 00:00:07,547
(Howard) Come with us now
on a journey through time and space.

2
00:00:07,673 --> 00:00:10,233
(Vince) To the world of
"The Mighty Boosh".

3
00:00:10,353 --> 00:00:11,581
♪ "The Mighty Boosh"

4
00:00:11,713 --> 00:00:15,228
♪ Come with us to
"The Mighty Boosh"

5
00:00:15,353 --> 00:00:16,581
♪ "The Mighty Boosh"

6
00:00:16,713 --> 00:00:20,706
♪ Come with us to
"The Mighty Boosh"

7
00:00:25,913 --> 00:00:27,904
Hey, birthday boy!
How's it going?

8
00:00:28,033 --> 00:00:30,103
- Going well, thank you, yeah.
- Cool.

9
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:34,306
- Got me a present, then, have you?
- Uh... I've ordered it for you. It's on its way.

10
00:00:34,433 --> 00:00:37,311
- I'm sure you have.
- I have. It's on its way.

11
00:00:37,433 --> 00:00:39,742
- Every year you say that, Vince.
- I was thinking.

12
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:43,912
Let's have a massive party this weekend,
celebrate your birthday. It'll be genius.

13
00:00:44,033 --> 00:00:47,343
I'm all right. I'm gonna have a quiet night in
with Lester Corncrake.

14
00:00:47,473 --> 00:00:52,945
A 12-disc box set of Charlie Mingus just came
in - there's some pretty raw outtakes on there.

15
00:00:53,073 --> 00:00:56,304
On one of them, you can hear
Charlie himself laughing of-mic.

16
00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:59,186
It's a pretty warm moment.
You're welcome to join us if you fancy.

17
00:00:59,313 --> 00:01:03,465
Yeah... I'm fine, thanks. I don't think
I can sit cross-legged by candlelight,

18
00:01:03,593 --> 00:01:06,903
holding hands with you and Lester,
listening to Charlie Mingle.

19
00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:08,864
- It's Charlie Mingus.
- Whatever.

20
00:01:08,993 --> 00:01:11,553
- Let's have a big party. It'll be fun.
- I hate parties.

21
00:01:11,673 --> 00:01:13,265
- Who hates parties?
- I do.

22
00:01:13,393 --> 00:01:14,382
- Why?
- You know why.

23
00:01:14,513 --> 00:01:17,789
- Not that old business. That was years ago.
- Years ago?

24
00:01:17,913 --> 00:01:22,668
Well, it's fresh in my mind, sonny Jim.
Fresh as a hot bagel from Mama's oven.

25
00:01:22,793 --> 00:01:24,624
Where's the bouncy castle?

26
00:01:24,753 --> 00:01:26,903
Vince told us there'd be one.
You've wasted our time.

27
00:01:27,033 --> 00:01:28,751
It's coming. Vince said so.

28
00:01:28,873 --> 00:01:31,990
Listen, loser. We've waited two hours.
Now you're gonna get it!

29
00:01:32,113 --> 00:01:34,149
- What?
- Let's jump on Howard instead.

30
00:01:34,273 --> 00:01:35,865
Nooooo!

31
00:01:35,993 --> 00:01:37,949
Why, Vince?
Why did you do it?

32
00:01:38,073 --> 00:01:40,507
- No one was gonna come to your party.
- Yeah.

33
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:44,626
- I panicked, said there'd be a bouncy castle.
- They all kicked my head in.

34
00:01:44,753 --> 00:01:48,302
- At least they'd taken their shoes of.
- That's not funny.

35
00:01:48,433 --> 00:01:50,867
- I'm sorry.
- I really wanted that bouncy castle.

36
00:01:50,993 --> 00:01:55,111
- If we have a party, I'll get you one.
- I think I'm a bit old for that now, don't you?

37
00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:58,270
- 50's not that old.
- Yeah, I'm not 50, am I?

38
00:01:58,393 --> 00:02:00,782
- How old are you?
- I'm 32!

39
00:02:04,273 --> 00:02:06,833
Ten years older than you.

40
00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:12,704
Look, the thing is, it doesn't matter how old
you are, bouncy castles are still genius.

41
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:16,906
I went on one a couple of weeks ago. It was
amazing. I bounced as high as my own head!

42
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,102
- Really?
- Yeah.

43
00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:19,507
- As if you did!
- I did.

44
00:02:19,633 --> 00:02:21,863
- Do any somersaults?
- I did six somersaults.

45
00:02:21,993 --> 00:02:22,789
Six?

46
00:02:22,913 --> 00:02:26,462
And one of those things where you go
backwards and land on your feet. Cool.

47
00:02:26,593 --> 00:02:28,185
- Jimmy flips.
- I did a Jimmy flip.

48
00:02:28,313 --> 00:02:30,190
- Really?
- You'd have loved it.

49
00:02:30,313 --> 00:02:33,032
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Ooh, such a good time

50
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,872
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Shoes all in a line

51
00:02:35,993 --> 00:02:38,507
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Everybody somersault

52
00:02:38,633 --> 00:02:41,386
♪ Somersault, summertime
Everybody sing along

53
00:02:41,513 --> 00:02:43,663
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Ooh, such a good time

54
00:02:43,793 --> 00:02:46,466
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
White socks slipping down

55
00:02:46,593 --> 00:02:49,107
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Stilettos are a no-no

56
00:02:49,233 --> 00:02:50,825
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Ooh!

57
00:02:51,073 --> 00:02:52,267
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Ooh!

58
00:02:52,393 --> 00:02:56,306
♪ Every time I bounce
I feel I touch the sky!

59
00:02:56,433 --> 00:02:59,106
I'm not interested.
Stop trying to lure me in with a crimp.

60
00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:04,102
Man is born alone, Vince. He should celebrate
that day alone... in sombre isolation.

61
00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:07,031
- If we have a party, there'll be girls there.
- Girls!

62
00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:10,509
- Yeah, girls.
- These Camden dollybirds aren't for me.

63
00:03:10,633 --> 00:03:13,989
I'm a real man, a man of substance.
And I'm having a quiet night in.

64
00:03:14,113 --> 00:03:17,025
This is a nightmare,
because I've invited all of my mates.

65
00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:20,748
- Well, disinvite them.
- They're good people. It'll be embarrassing.

66
00:03:20,873 --> 00:03:24,024
Good people? Let's have a look
at some of these friends of yours.

67
00:03:24,153 --> 00:03:26,462
- Johnny Rhythm.
- He's a club promoter.

68
00:03:26,593 --> 00:03:28,470
- Vector.
- She's a photographer.

69
00:03:28,593 --> 00:03:31,346
- Mama Zoom.
- You know Mama Zoom.

70
00:03:31,473 --> 00:03:33,987
She was here last Thursday -
the one eating toast.

71
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:36,786
Jacques Le Cube.
What kind of a name is that?

72
00:03:36,913 --> 00:03:39,063
Well, he's French and he's a cube.

73
00:03:39,193 --> 00:03:41,866
He's not coming to the party,
neither is anyone else.

74
00:03:41,993 --> 00:03:46,589
No party. And nothing on God's sweet earth
is gonna make me change my mind.

75
00:03:51,473 --> 00:03:53,509
Leave this to me.

76
00:03:54,393 --> 00:03:56,031
- Hi. Hello.
- Hi.

77
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:59,111
Couldn't help noticing you
looking at the jazz records.

78
00:03:59,233 --> 00:04:01,872
If you like those,
you might be interested in these.

79
00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:06,623
It's just something I've knocked up myself -
a pencil case with a picture of a jazz musician,

80
00:04:06,753 --> 00:04:11,952
uniting the twin disciplines of jazz and
stationery management in a unique package.

81
00:04:12,073 --> 00:04:16,703
- Um... I heard there was a party here tonight.
- (Vince) Howard doesn't want a party.

82
00:04:16,833 --> 00:04:20,462
He'd rather sit in a dark room with his
70-year-old jazz mate swapping hands

83
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,744
- and listening to weather reports.
- That is a joke.

84
00:04:23,873 --> 00:04:27,070
- So there is a party here tonight?
- Oh, yes. A big party, yeah.

85
00:04:27,193 --> 00:04:31,425
Yeah, it's pretty much party central
round here. My parties are legendary.

86
00:04:31,553 --> 00:04:33,271
- Ha-ha!
- Shut your mouth.

87
00:04:33,393 --> 00:04:35,668
- Great. I love parties.
- I love parties, too.

88
00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:37,272
- Meeting people.
- I love it.

89
00:04:37,393 --> 00:04:40,066
- Dancing.
- Dancing and meeting people.

90
00:04:40,193 --> 00:04:42,468
That's what I'm about.
Maybe I'll see you there.

91
00:04:42,593 --> 00:04:44,470
- Maybe you will.
- Maybe I will.

92
00:04:44,593 --> 00:04:46,982
- Yeah, maybe.
- Maybe!

93
00:04:47,113 --> 00:04:49,308
- Will I? See you?
- Yeah.

94
00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:51,310
Great. Bye.

95
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,948
- Unbelievable.
- Yep, still got the moves.

96
00:04:55,073 --> 00:04:58,429
I've been trying to get you to have a party
for ten years - nothing.

97
00:04:58,553 --> 00:05:02,432
One girl comes in, bats her lashes at you,
and you melt like warm Nutella.

98
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:06,990
You're just angry cos she liked me and
not you. There's gonna be sparks tonight!

99
00:05:07,113 --> 00:05:09,627
The times are a-changing
for Howard TJ Moon.

100
00:05:09,753 --> 00:05:12,586
I've still got the magic. Pow!

101
00:05:13,353 --> 00:05:16,072
- (door opens)
- Hey! Thanks for doing that.

102
00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:20,106
So spread the word - Vince Noir's having
a party. Maybe knock up some flyers.

103
00:05:20,233 --> 00:05:24,511
- I thought it was Howard's birthday.
- Don't put him on the flyers. No one'll come.

104
00:05:24,633 --> 00:05:26,430
- All right, gotcha.
- See you later.

105
00:05:27,513 --> 00:05:30,744
OK! The party's on, guys.
Better get inviting some people.

106
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:34,991
- Thought it was a quiet night in with Lester.
- A quiet night in? Ha-ha!

107
00:05:35,113 --> 00:05:38,389
I think not, sir.
I'm Howard Moon, party animal.

108
00:05:40,993 --> 00:05:44,588
Bollo, get the big cauldron out of the loft.
I feel a punch coming on -

109
00:05:44,713 --> 00:05:49,264
- it's gonna be a strong one.
- I've got a bad feeling about this.

110
00:05:49,993 --> 00:05:52,553
Yeah, OK, Naboo.
I'll tell 'em.

111
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,664
- The party's on.
- Yes!

112
00:05:55,793 --> 00:05:56,748
Result!

113
00:05:56,873 --> 00:05:58,989
- Oh, dammit!
- What's wrong with you?

114
00:05:59,113 --> 00:06:02,822
I foolishly agreed to accompany my wife
on an extreme-sports calendar shoot.

115
00:06:02,953 --> 00:06:05,911
- Oh, you mug!
- You plum duf!

116
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:11,471
I have ordered not one, not two,
but three crates of poppers.

117
00:06:11,593 --> 00:06:15,302
- We're havin' it large!
- All right, don't rub it in.

118
00:06:15,433 --> 00:06:17,947
- And it's Bank Holiday Monday.
- Recovery Monday.

119
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:20,303
That's right, easing out the comedown -

120
00:06:20,433 --> 00:06:25,143
while you're out there watching your wife
parading about in a jumpsuit.

121
00:06:25,273 --> 00:06:27,025
Hello! Idiot!

122
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:30,782
- And where's Mrs Harrison?
- Staying with her sister in Bournemouth.

123
00:06:30,913 --> 00:06:33,552
I am greenlit the whole way.

124
00:06:33,673 --> 00:06:39,384
I just have to find a quiet spot, tell her I'm
going to bed at half nine, and carte blanche.

125
00:06:39,513 --> 00:06:41,549
Whoo!

126
00:06:41,673 --> 00:06:45,268
- You are so under the thumb, it's frightening.
- At least I've got a thumb.

127
00:06:45,393 --> 00:06:48,749
Why don't you just tell this woman
you can't make it this weekend

128
00:06:48,873 --> 00:06:50,909
because you're rolling with the boys?

129
00:06:51,033 --> 00:06:53,501
If I do that, Saboo,
she will pummel me into the dirt.

130
00:06:53,633 --> 00:06:56,989
- Give her the back of your tentacle.
- She's a powerful woman.

131
00:06:57,113 --> 00:06:57,863
Come on!

132
00:06:57,993 --> 00:07:00,587
Sometimes I wonder
if I made the right decision

133
00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:03,864
marrying an extreme-sports calendar model.

134
00:07:06,753 --> 00:07:12,271
OK, what I've gone for is an olive-green
rollneck and quite a heavy-gauge corduroy.

135
00:07:12,393 --> 00:07:14,111
Now, hear me out. This is a bit crazy,

136
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:19,023
but what if I went for a finer-gauge corduroy...
up against a mufin?

137
00:07:19,153 --> 00:07:21,587
- Yeah, that is a tricky one.
- Yep.

138
00:07:21,713 --> 00:07:23,749
- Have you got any other clothes?
- No.

139
00:07:23,873 --> 00:07:26,023
Right. What is going on down there?

140
00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:28,428
- What? Too much?
- It's not the 18th century.

141
00:07:28,553 --> 00:07:30,589
- Are you an explorer?
- I go my own way, sir.

142
00:07:30,713 --> 00:07:34,501
- (phone buzzes)
- Hello? Come up.

143
00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:36,783
- Who the hell's that?
- The first guests.

144
00:07:36,913 --> 00:07:39,791
- It's 5:45.
- Lester Corncrake came straight from work.

145
00:07:39,913 --> 00:07:40,868
Hey-hey-hey!

146
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:43,712
Ciao! Pow! Skiddy-biddy-bow!

147
00:07:44,753 --> 00:07:47,028
- How are you, Lester?
- I bought you a present.

148
00:07:47,153 --> 00:07:49,303
- Yeah! Ooh, look at this.
- Yeah.

149
00:07:49,433 --> 00:07:52,072
- Thank you. What is it?
- It's a man corset.

150
00:07:52,193 --> 00:07:54,548
Helps keep your bangers in check.

151
00:07:54,673 --> 00:07:59,747
Heh! Men of our advanced age and
sexual decline need all the help we can get.

152
00:07:59,873 --> 00:08:02,910
Thanks a lot. But we're not actually
the same age, are we?

153
00:08:03,033 --> 00:08:05,422
(giggling)

154
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,509
Oh, you crack me up!

155
00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:10,511
- OK. Ready to bust some moves?
- Does a chicken have lips?

156
00:08:10,633 --> 00:08:14,785
- I've got a Chick Corea album to show you.
- I used to vomit on Chick Corea for money.

157
00:08:14,913 --> 00:08:17,905
Oh, my Lord!
Did you see the Bebop Brothers?

158
00:08:18,033 --> 00:08:20,388
- I know. It's embarrassing.
- What was that about?

159
00:08:20,513 --> 00:08:22,788
You gonna invite some decent people
to absorb them?

160
00:08:22,913 --> 00:08:26,508
Don't worry, I've invited half
the female population of Camden. It'll be cool.

161
00:08:26,633 --> 00:08:30,342
- Better get on with this, then.
- Catch you later. I gotta get ready.

162
00:08:30,473 --> 00:08:33,909
This is your basic cauldron.
If you haven't got one, don't worry.

163
00:08:34,033 --> 00:08:37,628
Pop down to a Woolworths
to grab yourself a metal compost bin.

164
00:08:37,753 --> 00:08:40,108
They're not expensive and work just as well.

165
00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:44,146
Now, let's talk about hash cakes.
A little tip about hash cakes:

166
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:48,232
Just start of with one first,
wait about an hour, see how you feel.

167
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:51,265
Don't eat 15 in one go
cos you will see the devil,

168
00:08:51,393 --> 00:08:54,226
and he'll try and rip your heart out
through your kneecaps.

169
00:08:54,353 --> 00:08:57,584
Pop 'em in the oven -
about 20 minutes, gas mark 4.

170
00:08:57,713 --> 00:09:01,069
Here's some I made earlier.

171
00:09:01,193 --> 00:09:04,026
- Bollo, where are they?
- (groans)

172
00:09:09,273 --> 00:09:12,868
When you are the moon,
you pretty much split people down the middle.

173
00:09:12,993 --> 00:09:16,303
Some people go, "Ah, look at the moon."

174
00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:22,827
"He's all gentle, he has a nice white face,
hanging in the sky. He's nice."

175
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:28,585
And the other half go, "Ugh, he's
a vanilla rapist! Get him away from my kids!"

176
00:09:30,073 --> 00:09:32,029
Hey, guys. Good to see you.

177
00:09:32,153 --> 00:09:34,951
Hey. Nice shoes.
Straight upstairs.

178
00:09:35,073 --> 00:09:37,348
- Hey, Chris de Burgh!
- Hey, Bollo!

179
00:09:37,473 --> 00:09:39,543
High five. Heh-heh-heh!

180
00:09:39,673 --> 00:09:43,222
Chrissy, up you go.
Love your work!

181
00:09:43,353 --> 00:09:46,584
If it was all on fire in a bin. Hmph!

182
00:09:46,713 --> 00:09:48,431
(dance music)

183
00:10:01,313 --> 00:10:04,669
- Ooh! Freestyle!
- These corsets are really working, Lester.

184
00:10:04,793 --> 00:10:08,388
What did I tell you, Howard?
Women love men with knockers.

185
00:10:08,513 --> 00:10:14,349
Oh, yeah! Don't look now, but I think we're
getting a little bit of attention from the ladies.

186
00:10:16,713 --> 00:10:18,908
Oi, sweetheart...

187
00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:21,501
wrap this shit up - you're having a nightmare.

188
00:10:21,633 --> 00:10:24,101
I've been booked to play here.

189
00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:27,305
No one's feeling it.
You're not in your bedroom now.

190
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:30,789
- This is some ugly shit.
- Step aside, Pink Hair.

191
00:10:30,913 --> 00:10:34,064
Let the H-Man take control.

192
00:10:34,193 --> 00:10:36,229
(dance music continues)

193
00:10:38,073 --> 00:10:39,825
- Hey.
- Coming out? It's heaving.

194
00:10:39,953 --> 00:10:42,990
- I'm waiting for the right time to emerge.
- What are you, a pupa?

195
00:10:43,113 --> 00:10:45,911
It's important to arrive late,
even at your own party.

196
00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:50,106
- It's my party.
- Oh, yeah, these people are here for you.

197
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:54,670
- I'm letting you bask in the glory on your own.
- Hurry up, OK? Or you'll miss my speech.

198
00:10:54,793 --> 00:10:56,590
- What?
- I'm doing a small speech,

199
00:10:56,713 --> 00:10:59,466
about safety precautions
and fire exits and stuf.

200
00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:02,266
- Might even pop a couple of jokes in.
- Please don't.

201
00:11:02,393 --> 00:11:07,421
We all like having fun, but it's even more fun
when we can have safe fun.

202
00:11:07,553 --> 00:11:09,589
(dance music)

203
00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:30,388
I've got it, Saboo!
A concept is formulating.

204
00:11:30,513 --> 00:11:33,744
Fleetwood Mac's Tusk in its entirety.

205
00:11:33,873 --> 00:11:34,544
Oh!

206
00:11:34,673 --> 00:11:37,824
Watch the room crumble
at the awe of the H-Man.

207
00:11:37,953 --> 00:11:42,549
Are you insane? There's at most one track
I could get away with, of maybe Rumours.

208
00:11:42,673 --> 00:11:45,267
Oh, come of it!
Tusk, in its entirety -

209
00:11:45,393 --> 00:11:49,545
with the pauses, as Lindsey Buckingham
intended it to be heard.

210
00:11:49,673 --> 00:11:53,029
Why don't you just give me a.44?
I can spray my brains on the decks.

211
00:11:53,153 --> 00:11:57,988
- Oh, what is your beef with the Mac?
- The same beef every right-thinking man has.

212
00:11:58,113 --> 00:12:00,263
They are bullshit munchers!

213
00:12:00,393 --> 00:12:03,590
- Start thinking outside the box.
- The box is there for a reason.

214
00:12:03,713 --> 00:12:05,829
To keep bald men like you inside it.

215
00:12:05,953 --> 00:12:09,468
You are so square!
What do you want to lay down?

216
00:12:09,593 --> 00:12:13,347
I would like to play "Would I Lie To You?"
By Charles and Eddie.

217
00:12:13,473 --> 00:12:14,349
Aaaargh...

218
00:12:14,473 --> 00:12:17,226
- All right, fair enough. Good choice.
- Thank you.

219
00:12:17,353 --> 00:12:20,584
- Slam it down.
- Can we have the music of for a minute?

220
00:12:20,713 --> 00:12:24,183
- Who's this joker?
- Howard Moon. It's my party. It's my birthday.

221
00:12:24,313 --> 00:12:27,544
Oh, happy birthday, son.
How old are you?

222
00:12:27,673 --> 00:12:30,710
- 32.
- Oh! You're older than me.

223
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:39,152
Hi. Hello. I just want to say thanks
for coming... to my birthday.

224
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:43,024
Thank you very much.
Didn't know I had so many friends.

225
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:45,542
- Who are you?
- Ha-ha! Who am I?

226
00:12:45,673 --> 00:12:47,823
Who are you? Right back at you.

227
00:12:48,353 --> 00:12:52,471
Oh, a little announcement to the owner
of a blue Mazda which is parked outside:

228
00:12:52,593 --> 00:12:54,311
Get another car.

229
00:12:54,993 --> 00:12:57,666
- (bangs mic) Hello?
- My God, look at his breasts!

230
00:12:58,873 --> 00:13:01,387
Yep. Um, so... it's my birthday.

231
00:13:01,513 --> 00:13:03,902
The big 3-2. Time flies, eh?

232
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:07,389
Especially when you're having fun.
A few ground rules:

233
00:13:07,513 --> 00:13:11,506
Don't go into the shop - there are objects
that could get broken and are valuable -

234
00:13:11,633 --> 00:13:13,669
and my room's out of bounds.

235
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,102
Unless you're a young attractive girl
who likes jazz -

236
00:13:16,233 --> 00:13:19,305
and then it's just down there,
on the right. Ha-ha!

237
00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:24,987
(nervous laugh) Lester Corncrake there,
good friend of mine. Whoo!

238
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:29,426
Uh, I don't really know him that well.
I just met him on the bus.

239
00:13:29,553 --> 00:13:31,384
Ha-ha! Ow!

240
00:13:31,513 --> 00:13:36,029
Yeah, so... Well, it's been a crazy old road,
I tell you that.

241
00:13:36,153 --> 00:13:39,065
Phew! Seems like only yesterday
I was a young guy in Leeds

242
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:42,583
with a head full of dreams
and a passion for jazz-rock fusion.

243
00:13:42,713 --> 00:13:47,741
But I followed those dreams and that passion,
and they took me to Doncaster...

244
00:13:47,873 --> 00:13:49,625
(electro music)

245
00:13:54,273 --> 00:13:56,104
(cheering)

246
00:14:08,073 --> 00:14:12,066
Friends. People of Camden.
You are the chosen ones.

247
00:14:12,193 --> 00:14:14,423
- He's amazing, Who is he?
- Is he Christ?

248
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:18,910
You have been brought here for one purpose,
and one purpose alone:

249
00:14:19,033 --> 00:14:25,108
To bask in the glory of my outfit
and party like you've never partied before!

250
00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:26,825
(cheering)

251
00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:34,670
Oh, yeah, and it's Howard's birthday as well.

252
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:38,546
- Music.
- (electro music)

253
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:48,424
I know it's the extreme-sports calendar shoot
this weekend, but I just can't make it.

254
00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:52,831
No, I'm not going to Naboo's party.
I've got a headache. It's practically a migraine.

255
00:14:52,953 --> 00:14:54,909
Oi, you, bighead! Come over here.

256
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:58,912
- I've got to go now. Bye.
- Lend me a pound. I know your sister.

257
00:14:59,033 --> 00:15:03,311
- Yes. I do not have a sister.
- Don't backchat me, bighead. I'll bust you up.

258
00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:08,063
This bighead business... I actually have a
relatively small head for a man of my stature.

259
00:15:08,193 --> 00:15:11,629
I like your hat, man. Can my mate Ricky
borrow it? Cos he likes it.

260
00:15:11,753 --> 00:15:15,746
- This would not suit Ricky.
- The thing about Ricky is, hats do suit him.

261
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:18,307
- He's got one of those faces.
- That may be so,

262
00:15:18,433 --> 00:15:21,391
but it's forbidden for a peasant
to touch a shaman's garments.

263
00:15:21,513 --> 00:15:24,311
Wicksy, bust out the knife.
Jab up this joker!

264
00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:26,867
Ah, swordplay!

265
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:30,622
Easy!
I've gotta go to Costcutter for my mum.

266
00:15:30,753 --> 00:15:33,062
- Argh!
- Urgh!

267
00:15:33,593 --> 00:15:36,551
OK... to Oddbins.

268
00:15:36,673 --> 00:15:39,346
(dance music)

269
00:15:39,473 --> 00:15:41,464
- Hey!
- Thanks for upstaging me, Vince.

270
00:15:41,593 --> 00:15:46,542
Sorry. I have to make a big entrance like that
so everyone feels they've had contact with me.

271
00:15:46,673 --> 00:15:49,870
- Are the Queen Mum? Where's my present?
- It's coming. I've ordered it.

272
00:15:49,993 --> 00:15:51,870
Sure it is. It's my birthday, remember?

273
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,826
- You're not having a good time?
- You're picking up on that?

274
00:15:54,953 --> 00:15:56,864
- You're tense.
- I am. Where's that girl?

275
00:15:56,993 --> 00:16:00,542
- What girl?
- Pencil-case girl. The one I had magic with.

276
00:16:00,673 --> 00:16:04,222
Why do you always fixate on one girl?
You gotta play the field more.

277
00:16:04,353 --> 00:16:07,345
If I don't get some action soon, I'm going gay.

278
00:16:07,913 --> 00:16:09,869
- What, you?
- What's so funny?

279
00:16:09,993 --> 00:16:12,826
- You're the least gay person ever.
- You've got me all wrong.

280
00:16:12,953 --> 00:16:16,389
- I could go gay like that, sir.
- It's not like buying a ladder.

281
00:16:16,513 --> 00:16:18,265
I've seen men checking me out.

282
00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:21,351
- Have you? You're ridiculous.
- Checking out my hot pumpkin ass.

283
00:16:21,473 --> 00:16:24,351
Anyway, that is so out of the blue,
you've creeped me out.

284
00:16:24,473 --> 00:16:28,148
- Don't worry, I don't fancy you.
- All men do - I'm the Confuser.

285
00:16:28,273 --> 00:16:31,026
(camp voice) "Is it a man? Is it a woman?
Not sure if I mind."

286
00:16:31,153 --> 00:16:34,304
- Can you sort me out with someone?
- Let's play some party games.

287
00:16:34,433 --> 00:16:37,550
- Sounds good.
- Get you into the spirit. It's your birthday.

288
00:16:37,673 --> 00:16:40,710
I'll grab some girls, yeah?
You go down to Naboo's shop.

289
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:45,065
- All right. Hang on, that's out of bounds.
- Rules are meant for breaking.

290
00:16:45,193 --> 00:16:48,344
Sometimes rules are best bent,
just to breaking point...

291
00:16:48,473 --> 00:16:50,509
Can you just get downstairs, please?

292
00:16:51,153 --> 00:16:56,068
In you go. Hey, Brad Pierce.
Shaun Richards. Easy tonight.

293
00:16:56,193 --> 00:16:58,912
Hey, where do you think you're going?
Who are you?

294
00:16:59,033 --> 00:17:02,708
- I am a parka person.
- Bob Fossil. No way!

295
00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:05,791
Come on, Bollo, let me in.
For old times' sake. Please?

296
00:17:05,913 --> 00:17:08,552
Bollo under strict instructions -
no Bob Fossil.

297
00:17:08,673 --> 00:17:11,631
Listen, do you take bribes?
How about this?

298
00:17:11,753 --> 00:17:14,142
- It's a key to a bike I had in the '70s.
- No.

299
00:17:14,273 --> 00:17:15,911
Um... a song?

300
00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:17,830
♪ I am singing

301
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:20,547
- No.
- How about I talk to you like a baby?

302
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,823
- (baby voice) Hi, Bollo.
- No.

303
00:17:22,953 --> 00:17:25,342
Come on, Bollo.
Remember Paris?

304
00:17:25,473 --> 00:17:27,907
Listen, Fossil, I'll give you five seconds.

305
00:17:28,033 --> 00:17:30,422
If you're still here, I'll pull your head of.

306
00:17:30,553 --> 00:17:35,581
Keep your hair in check, carpet man!
I got plenty of other parties to go to.

307
00:17:35,713 --> 00:17:39,467
Note to self:
I got no other parties to go to.

308
00:17:39,953 --> 00:17:43,992
Yes, and the clever part is,
I didn't even have a Micra!

309
00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:47,069
- Yeah, that's a dynamite story.
- Yep.

310
00:17:47,193 --> 00:17:51,027
Oh, wow! They're really coming
out of the walls, aren't they, Naboo?

311
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,984
- Who?
- The ladies.

312
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,832
- Yeah. How is your wife?
- Well, she's good.

313
00:17:55,953 --> 00:17:58,228
As long as she doesn't find out
what goes on here.

314
00:17:58,353 --> 00:18:00,867
- You want me to cover for you again?
- I love my wife,

315
00:18:00,993 --> 00:18:04,190
but when I see these chiquitas...
drives me insane.

316
00:18:04,313 --> 00:18:06,429
- What do you do?
- I don't do anything.

317
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:09,909
- What's your secret?
- This is my secret.

318
00:18:16,073 --> 00:18:17,825
My God!

319
00:18:17,953 --> 00:18:20,706
Smooth as the bonnet of a Porsche.

320
00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:28,184
When you are the moon,
when you look at Earth - the Earth -

321
00:18:28,313 --> 00:18:32,352
the only thing you can see
is the Great Wall of China.

322
00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:38,867
So when I went for an eye test the optician
said, "Can you see the Great Wall of China?"

323
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,223
I said, "Yeah, but it's a bit blurry."

324
00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:44,072
He said, "Is it better now?"

325
00:18:44,193 --> 00:18:46,309
"What about now?"

326
00:18:46,433 --> 00:18:48,708
"Can you see it now?"

327
00:18:48,833 --> 00:18:50,824
"And if I do this?"

328
00:18:50,953 --> 00:18:53,262
"And what about now?"

329
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:56,988
"And what about... Better or worse?"

330
00:18:57,113 --> 00:18:58,831
"Is it more fuzzy?"

331
00:18:58,953 --> 00:19:01,626
"Has it come into focus?"

332
00:19:01,753 --> 00:19:02,868
"And now?"

333
00:19:02,993 --> 00:19:05,746
By this time,
his face was really close to mine -

334
00:19:05,873 --> 00:19:08,706
it was frightening in the dark!

335
00:19:13,873 --> 00:19:17,707
We're gonna play a little game now,
a little game called spin the bottle.

336
00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:21,189
- My kind of game.
- Carla, grab us that bottle from the side.

337
00:19:21,313 --> 00:19:23,349
Yeah, sure.

338
00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:26,429
Cheers.
Howard, do you want to do the honours?

339
00:19:26,553 --> 00:19:28,783
Don't mind if I do, sunshine.

340
00:19:28,913 --> 00:19:31,302
- Have you ever done this before?
- Course.

341
00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:33,549
The call me the Spindoctor. Ha-ha.

342
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,186
Chicka chicka!

343
00:19:35,313 --> 00:19:37,873
I can make this bottle land wherever I wish.

344
00:19:56,553 --> 00:19:58,669
Best out of three?

345
00:20:03,633 --> 00:20:06,193
Best of five?

346
00:20:08,513 --> 00:20:12,904
- What the hell's going on here?
- Cool your boots. It's spin the bottle.

347
00:20:13,033 --> 00:20:16,548
Yeah, with my bottles.
This is valuable, ancient stuf.

348
00:20:17,473 --> 00:20:19,782
- Oh, my God. Nobody move.
- What?

349
00:20:19,913 --> 00:20:24,145
This is bad. Bad juju.
This is no ordinary bottle you smashed.

350
00:20:24,273 --> 00:20:26,468
- What do you mean?
- This had a demon inside.

351
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,151
- What?!
- You've released it.

352
00:20:28,273 --> 00:20:30,150
- Where is it?
- It's hiding.

353
00:20:30,273 --> 00:20:33,071
- Where?
- Inside one of you lot.

354
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:37,027
Actually, it's gonna be all right.

355
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,189
This demon only possesses
the body of a virgin.

356
00:20:39,313 --> 00:20:40,792
Aaaaargh!

357
00:20:40,913 --> 00:20:43,302
Get it out! I can feel it inside me!

358
00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:45,549
Only joking.

359
00:20:45,673 --> 00:20:48,187
It's just an ordinary bottle.

360
00:20:49,753 --> 00:20:53,029
- (someone clears their throat)
- Now everyone get out.

361
00:20:56,593 --> 00:21:00,381
- Where do you think you're going?
- Um... with you?

362
00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:07,552
Wow! I love your outfit, it's amazing.
You look like an Eastern princess.

363
00:21:07,673 --> 00:21:12,508
- Who are you?
- An extreme-sports calendar model.

364
00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:14,908
- Cool.
- Now come here.

365
00:21:15,353 --> 00:21:19,710
- Sorry, what did you say?
- An extreme-sports calendar model.

366
00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:23,223
- Wait. You're not the head shaman's wife?
- Yes. He's upstairs.

367
00:21:23,353 --> 00:21:26,663
- What are you doing, then?
- What he's been doing to me for six months.

368
00:21:26,793 --> 00:21:29,432
Yeah, not with me, you're not.
He's got a sword.

369
00:21:29,553 --> 00:21:31,509
I gotta get out of here.

370
00:21:32,153 --> 00:21:35,782
- Nice little place you've got here.
- Oh, shit! Shh.

371
00:21:35,913 --> 00:21:39,064
- How's it going?
- Vince is great, but Howard's a jerk-of.

372
00:21:39,193 --> 00:21:41,229
What?

373
00:21:41,353 --> 00:21:44,584
- Who goes there?
- There's someone in my stockroom!

374
00:21:44,713 --> 00:21:47,352
Show yourself.

375
00:21:48,753 --> 00:21:52,223
- Hello, Dennis.
- Methuselah! What are you doing here?

376
00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:56,505
Never mind about that, What are you
doing here? Where's your "migraine"?

377
00:21:56,633 --> 00:21:58,589
Um... it-it cleared up.

378
00:21:59,553 --> 00:22:03,705
- Who was in there with you?
- A young and handsome man.

379
00:22:03,833 --> 00:22:06,905
- I'm going to slice him in two!
- Oh, Dennis!

380
00:22:07,033 --> 00:22:09,024
- Who is he?
- I will never tell you.

381
00:22:11,153 --> 00:22:13,906
- Perhaps you don't need to tell me.
- Dennis...

382
00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:17,867
Out of my way!
I'll deal with you later.

383
00:22:17,993 --> 00:22:20,029
(dance music)

384
00:22:20,593 --> 00:22:22,106
Ugh!

385
00:22:22,233 --> 00:22:26,146
- These alcopops taste kinda funny.
- It's a glowstick, you berk!

386
00:22:27,473 --> 00:22:29,703
Do us a favour.
Hide this cape, will you?

387
00:22:29,833 --> 00:22:35,624
Don't mind if I do, Vince. I've always
appreciated your style and everything.

388
00:22:35,753 --> 00:22:38,108
Ah! There you are!

389
00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:40,622
Prepare to die, you prancing tit!

390
00:22:40,753 --> 00:22:43,267
(demonic roar)

391
00:22:43,393 --> 00:22:45,270
Whoo-whee!

392
00:22:45,393 --> 00:22:47,953
Skiddy-de-bip-bip-bop! She-bop!

393
00:22:48,073 --> 00:22:49,745
Ow! Ooh! My head!

394
00:22:51,553 --> 00:22:53,430
Let that be a lesson to you all!

395
00:22:56,153 --> 00:22:59,987
Dennis, you dimlo! What the fuck are you
doing? That's the wrong geezer.

396
00:23:00,113 --> 00:23:02,104
- You flipping truncheon!
- (Harrison) Oh!

397
00:23:02,233 --> 00:23:04,747
Oh. Right.

398
00:23:05,753 --> 00:23:08,665
Yep, sorry about that.
As you were.

399
00:23:15,033 --> 00:23:16,864
- Hi.
- Hi. What are you doing here?

400
00:23:16,993 --> 00:23:22,386
Head shaman's gone mental - thinks I got of
with his wife. He's gonna chop my head of.

401
00:23:22,513 --> 00:23:24,743
- What are you doing here?
- I'm in hiding.

402
00:23:24,873 --> 00:23:27,433
- What?
- Hiding from the shame and embarrassment

403
00:23:27,553 --> 00:23:31,751
- that is my birthday party.
- It doesn't matter that you're a virgin. It's fine.

404
00:23:31,873 --> 00:23:36,424
Women respect that. They don't mind
that you've not gone beyond a kiss.

405
00:23:37,033 --> 00:23:39,388
- You've never kissed anyone, have you?
- So?

406
00:23:39,513 --> 00:23:42,585
- Ever held anyone's hand?
- I don't like people touching me.

407
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:47,104
Anyway, I've had deeper relationships in
my mind, at a distance, than you'll ever have.

408
00:23:47,233 --> 00:23:50,908
- The incident with the binoculars?
- That was never proved, OK?

409
00:23:51,033 --> 00:23:55,265
- It was in the Guardian!
- Look, I don't flit about. I don't play the field.

410
00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:58,829
When I make that leap across
the physical boundary, it'll be forever, sir.

411
00:23:58,953 --> 00:24:00,068
(grunt)

412
00:24:00,193 --> 00:24:04,027
Ah, there you are, you prancing kingfisher.
Prepare to die!

413
00:24:04,153 --> 00:24:07,463
I'm not interested in your wife.
We were just in a cupboard together.

414
00:24:07,593 --> 00:24:10,744
Just in a cupboard with
an extreme-sports model? I don't think so!

415
00:24:10,873 --> 00:24:13,148
I'm not interested in your wife.
I'm in love.

416
00:24:13,273 --> 00:24:16,743
- The lies of a backtracking worm!
- I'm in love with Howard.

417
00:24:16,873 --> 00:24:20,024
- Oh, yeah, we're in love.
- Prove it.

418
00:24:28,033 --> 00:24:29,182
Ugh!

419
00:24:32,433 --> 00:24:33,946
Ugh...

420
00:24:35,793 --> 00:24:39,581
- Huh?
- I'll go and rethink a few basic principles. Bye.

421
00:24:39,713 --> 00:24:41,066
Bye.

422
00:24:41,193 --> 00:24:44,947
- (chuckles) Thanks, Howard.
- Thank you.

423
00:24:45,073 --> 00:24:47,029
- What?
- Thank you for the gift of love.

424
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:51,863
- It was just a kiss!
- A light went on. You flicked my switch, baby.

425
00:24:51,993 --> 00:24:55,463
You've got to stop falling for people
who give you a bit of afection.

426
00:24:55,593 --> 00:24:59,472
- Don't pretend you don't love me.
- Love?! Howard, you've gone mad.

427
00:24:59,593 --> 00:25:03,029
- That's what this is all about - me and you.
- What do you mean?

428
00:25:03,153 --> 00:25:06,190
The arguing, the bickering,
it's because of sexual tension -

429
00:25:06,313 --> 00:25:10,465
the deep, powerful, molten sexual tension
that's been brewing up between us.

430
00:25:10,593 --> 00:25:12,948
- I don't think it was.
- You've shown me the way...

431
00:25:13,073 --> 00:25:15,223
- You're gonna fall.
...given me the keys.

432
00:25:15,353 --> 00:25:18,026
- The keys to what?
- The keys to a whole new kingdom.

433
00:25:18,153 --> 00:25:20,508
A whole new kingdom of gaydom!

434
00:25:20,633 --> 00:25:24,308
I'm a gay! I'm a massive gayist!

435
00:25:24,433 --> 00:25:26,663
Whoo! Pucker up.

436
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:29,468
(both yell)

437
00:25:29,593 --> 00:25:33,063
- (boing)
- (both) Argh! Whoo!

438
00:25:33,193 --> 00:25:36,151
- (boing)
- Told you I'd got you a present.

439
00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:41,552
- You could have wrapped it.
- How cool is this?

440
00:25:42,553 --> 00:25:45,067
- Howard, hi.
- Hi!

441
00:25:45,193 --> 00:25:47,627
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you. You came back!

442
00:25:47,753 --> 00:25:50,313
- Yeah.
- Sorry, what's going on here?

443
00:25:50,433 --> 00:25:52,469
- She came back.
- Did she? Great.

444
00:25:52,593 --> 00:25:55,471
- I thought you loved me.
- That was a momentary lapse.

445
00:25:55,593 --> 00:25:57,788
Listen, Fiddler on the Roof,
we kissed up there.

446
00:25:57,913 --> 00:26:00,143
What goes on on the roof stays on the roof.

447
00:26:00,273 --> 00:26:02,867
- Maybe I should leave you two alone.
- Yeah.

448
00:26:02,993 --> 00:26:06,144
We're having relationship problems.
Nick of and get some Twiglets.

449
00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:10,312
Don't go anywhere. Wait there. Vince,
you're a great guy, but... the timing was of.

450
00:26:10,433 --> 00:26:14,631
Unbelievable! I've never been chucked in
my entire life, now I'm being chucked by you!

451
00:26:14,753 --> 00:26:18,382
- You'll meet someone else.
- I'll never love again.

452
00:26:18,513 --> 00:26:20,902
- Hi.
- Hey!

453
00:26:21,033 --> 00:26:24,423
- Forget it. I'm over you.
- Care to bounce?

454
00:26:27,233 --> 00:26:29,952
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Ooh, such a good time

455
00:26:30,073 --> 00:26:32,826
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Shoes all in a line

456
00:26:32,953 --> 00:26:34,989
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Everybody somersault

457
00:26:35,113 --> 00:26:38,071
♪ Somersault, summertime
Everybody sing along

458
00:26:38,193 --> 00:26:40,582
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Ooh, such a good time

459
00:26:40,713 --> 00:26:43,352
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
White socks slipping down

460
00:26:43,473 --> 00:26:45,987
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Stilettos are a no-no

461
00:26:46,113 --> 00:26:47,262
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Ooh!

462
00:26:47,513 --> 00:26:48,741
♪ Bouncy, bouncy
Ooh!

463
00:26:48,873 --> 00:26:53,947
♪ Every time I bounce
I feel I touch the sky!

464
00:26:56,593 --> 00:27:00,825
Well, looks like everything
turned out all right.

465
00:27:00,953 --> 00:27:03,421
It was one hell of a party!

466
00:27:03,553 --> 00:27:05,509
Oh, all right? Who are you?

467
00:27:05,633 --> 00:27:07,863
- Hey...
- You're one hot shape!

468
00:27:07,993 --> 00:27:09,631
...I'm an old blind man!
- Come here!

469
00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:12,187
- No! What are you doing?
- Give it to me!

470
00:27:12,313 --> 00:27:14,588
- Take it like a man!
- Skiddly-doo-no!

471
00:27:14,713 --> 00:27:16,351
- Argh!
- Yes, it's an outrage!

472
00:27:16,473 --> 00:27:18,031
- A little to the left!
- An outrage!

473
00:27:18,153 --> 00:27:20,348
- Oh, yeah! No! Argh!
- An outrage!

474
00:27:20,473 --> 00:27:25,866
Oh! Feel my multi-hexagonal
textured alien barbed penis...

475
00:27:25,993 --> 00:27:29,702
- Skiddly-doo-no-no! I don't like it!
...deep inside you!