1
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:44,215
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:03,878
(RECORD PLAYER SLOWING
TO A STOP)

3
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,506
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC RESUMES)

4
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:13,388
(RECORD PLAYER
SLOWING TO A STOP)

5
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:26,147
(SENTIMENTAL
VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)

6
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:02,812
(RECORD PLAYER
SLOWING TO A STOP)

7
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,192
(RECORD PLAYER WINDS UP)

8
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:17,494
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

9
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,447
(WIND HOWLING)

10
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:01,992
(HOOFBEATS APPROACHING)

11
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,099
Whoa, there!

12
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:21,936
(BIRD CAWING)

13
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:37,243
GUARD 1: Halt!

14
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,159
GUARD 2: Who goes there?

15
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:44,539
It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther
Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot.

16
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,837
King of the Britons,
defeater of the Saxons.

17
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,670
Sovereign of all England!

18
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,585
GUARD 1: Pull the other one.

19
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,922
I am, and this is my
trusty servant, Patsy.

20
00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,801
We have ridden the length of
the land in search of knights

21
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,307
who will join me in
my court at Camelot.

22
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,851
I must speak with
your lord and master.

23
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,603
What? Ridden on a horse?

24
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:08,771
Yes.

25
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,018
You're using coconuts!

26
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,144
What?

27
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,151
You've got two
empty halves of coconut,

28
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,148
and you're
banging them together.

29
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:19,157
So? We have ridden since the snows
of winter covered this land.

30
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,405
Through the Kingdom of Mercia.

31
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,282
Where did you get the coconuts?

32
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:24,537
We found them.

33
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:27,870
Found them? In Mercia?
The coconut is tropical.

34
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,663
What do you mean?

35
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:30,998
Well, this is a temperate zone.

36
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,459
The swallow may fly
south with the sun,

37
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:34,822
or the house
martin or the plover

38
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,970
may seek warmer
climes in winter,

39
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,215
yet these are not
strangers to our land.

40
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,593
Are you suggesting
coconuts migrate?

41
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,095
Not at all.
They could be carried.

42
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,099
What? A swallow
carrying a coconut?

43
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,058
It could grip it by the husk.

44
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,728
It's not a question
of where he grips it.

45
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,231
It's a simple
question of weight ratio.

46
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:59,865
A five-ounce bird could not
carry a one-pound coconut.

47
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:02,787
It doesn't matter.
Go tell your master

48
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,911
that Arthur from
Camelot is here.

49
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,495
GUARD: In order to maintain
air-speed Velocity,

50
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:14,375
a swallow needs to beat its wings
43 times every second, right?

51
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,422
Please! Am I right?

52
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,304
I'm not interested.

53
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,469
GUARD 2: It could be carried
by an African swallow.

54
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,430
GUARD 1: Oh, yes!
An African swallow, maybe.

55
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,804
Not a European swallow.
That's my point.

56
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,184
I agree with that.

57
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:32,609
Will you ask your master if he
wants to join my court at Camelot?

58
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:36,613
But then, of course, African
swallows are non-migratory.

59
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,235
GUARD 2: Oh, yes.

60
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,903
They couldn't bring
a coconut, anyway.

61
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:44,162
GUARD 3: Wait a minute! Supposing
two swallows carried it together?

62
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,949
GUARD 4: No, they'd
have to have it on a line.

63
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,496
GUARD 3: Simple. They'd
use a strand of creeper.

64
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,124
Held under the dorsal
guiding feathers?

65
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,250
Why not?

66
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,753
MAN: Bring out your dead!

67
00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,423
(PEOPLE SOBBING)

68
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:04,716
(CLANGING)

69
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:09,763
(CLANGING)

70
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,528
(COUGHING)

71
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:29,749
Ninepence.

72
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,539
(MEN MOANING)

73
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,553
Bring out your dead.

74
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,721
Here's one.

75
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,060
Ninepence.

76
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:54,732
I'm not dead! What?

77
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,310
Nothing. Here's your ninepence.

78
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,485
I'm not dead!

79
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,652
He says he's not dead.

80
00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,820
Yes, he is.

81
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,398
I'm not! He isn't?

82
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,778
He will be soon. He's very ill.

83
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,074
I'm getting better!

84
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,902
You'll be stone
dead in a moment.

85
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,660
I can't take him like that.
It's against regulations.

86
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,365
I don't want to go on the cart.

87
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,083
Don't be such a baby.

88
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,205
I can't take him.

89
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,331
I feel fine.

90
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,412
Well, do us a favour.

91
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,496
I can't.

92
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,173
Can you hang around a few minutes?
He won't be long.

93
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:22,002
Got to go to the Robinsons'.
They've lost nine today.

94
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,837
When's your next round?
Thursday.

95
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,763
I think I'll go for a walk.

96
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,678
You're not fooling anyone,
you know.

97
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,179
Isn't there
something you can do?

98
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:32,934
I feel happy.

99
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,139
(GRUNTS)

100
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:35,607
Thanks very much.

101
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,067
Not at all.
See you on Thursday.

102
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,268
Right.

103
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,610
Who's that, then?

104
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,109
I don't know. Must be a king.

105
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,614
Why?

106
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,016
He hasn't got
shit all over him.

107
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,512
Old woman! Man!

108
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:17,395
Man. Sorry. What knight lives
in that castle over there?

109
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:18,607
I'm 37.

110
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,817
What?

111
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,903
I'm 37. I'm not old.

112
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,897
I can't just call you "man."

113
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,448
You could say "Dennis."

114
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,005
I didn't know you
were called Dennis.

115
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,740
You didn't bother to find out.

116
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,571
I did say sorry about the "old
woman," but from behind...

117
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,954
What I object to is that you
treat me like an inferior.

118
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,410
Well, I am king.

119
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,911
King? Very nice.

120
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:41,339
How did you get that?
By exploiting the workers!

121
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:45,173
By hanging on to outdated
imperialist dogma which perpetuates

122
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:48,255
the economic and social
differences in our society!

123
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,340
If there's ever going
to be any progress...

124
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,509
There's some
lovely filth down here.

125
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,593
Oh!

126
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:55,102
How do you do?

127
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:58,182
How do you do, good lady? I am
Arthur, King of the Britons.

128
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,390
Whose castle is that?

129
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:00,688
King of the who?

130
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,856
The Britons.

131
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:02,982
Who are the Britons?

132
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:06,190
We all are. We're all Britons.
And I am your king.

133
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,278
Didn't know we had a king.

134
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,110
I thought we were
an autonomous collective.

135
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:13,072
You're fooling yourself. We're
living in a dictatorship.

136
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:16,249
A self-perpetuating autocracy
in which the working class...

137
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,793
There you go.
Bringing class into it again.

138
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,041
That's what it's all about.
If only people...

139
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,377
Please, good people.
I am in haste.

140
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:25,713
Who lives in that castle?

141
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,293
No one lives there.

142
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,469
Who is your lord?

143
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,388
We don't have a lord. What?

144
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,637
I told you. We're an
anarcho-syndicalist commune.

145
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,270
We take turns to act as a sort of
executive officer for the week.

146
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,346
Yes.

147
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:39,897
But all
the decisions of that officer

148
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,941
are ratified at
a biweekly meeting.

149
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,017
Yes, I see.

150
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,320
By a majority in
the case of internal affairs.

151
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,396
Be quiet!

152
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,607
By a two-thirds
majority in the case of...

153
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,904
Be quiet!
I order you to be quiet.

154
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,411
"Order."
Who does he think he is?

155
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,745
I am your king!

156
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,121
I didn't vote for you.

157
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,994
You don't vote for kings.

158
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,709
How did you become king then?

159
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,250
The Lady of the Lake,
her arm clad

160
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,206
in the purest
shimmering samite,

161
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:08,419
held aloft Excalibur
from the bosom of the water,

162
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,466
signifying,
by divine providence,

163
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,924
that I, Arthur,
was to carry Excalibur.

164
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:15,971
That is why I'm your king!

165
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,020
Listen. Strange women
lying in ponds,

166
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,563
distributing swords,
is no basis

167
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:23,938
for a system of government.
Supreme executive power

168
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,270
derives from
a mandate from the masses.

169
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,613
Not from some
farcical aquatic ceremony.

170
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,780
Be quiet!

171
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,985
You can't expect to wield
supreme executive power

172
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,661
'cause some watery tart
threw a sword at you.

173
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:36,954
Shut up!

174
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,998
If I went around
saying I was an emperor

175
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,201
because some
moistened bint had lobbed

176
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,332
a scimitar at me,
they'd put me away!

177
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,455
Will you shut up?

178
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,540
See the violence
inherent in the system.

179
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,459
Shut up!

180
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,302
See the violence
inherent in the system!

181
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,338
Help, I'm being repressed!

182
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,468
Bloody peasant!

183
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,970
What a giveaway.
Did you hear that?

184
00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,145
That's what I'm on about.
Did you see him repressing me?

185
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,487
(KNIGHTS GRUNTING)

186
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,246
(KNIGHTS SHOUTING)

187
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:31,626
(GRUNTING)

188
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:40,718
(SHOUTING)

189
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,104
(BOTH GRUNTING)

190
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,193
(GROANING)

191
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:00,905
(GROANING)

192
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,888
(SHOUTING)

193
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:20,933
(GURGUNG)

194
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,343
(THUDDING)

195
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,990
You fight with the strength
of many men, Sir Knight.

196
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,329
I am Arthur,
King of the Britons.

197
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,835
I seek the finest
and bravest knights

198
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,175
in the land to
join me in Camelot.

199
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,975
You have proved yourself worthy.
Will you join me?

200
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:11,693
You make me sad.
So be it. Come, Patsy.

201
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,691
None shall pass.

202
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,151
What? None shall pass.

203
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,691
I have no quarrel with you,
good Sir Knight,

204
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,573
but I must cross this bridge.

205
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,870
Then you shall die.

206
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:27,705
I command you, as King of the
Britons, to stand aside.

207
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:31,622
I move for no man.

208
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,625
So be it!

209
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,419
(BELLOWS MENACINGLY)

210
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,060
(SHOUTING)

211
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,411
Now, stand aside,
worthy adversary.

212
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,033
'Tis but a scratch.

213
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,701
"A scratch"? Your arm's off.

214
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:07,949
No, it isn't.

215
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,200
Well, what's that, then?

216
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,748
I've had worse. You liar.

217
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,501
Come on, you pansy!

218
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:19,756
(SHOUTING)

219
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,881
Victory is mine.

220
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,683
We thank thee,
Lord, that in thy...

221
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,760
(GRUNTS)

222
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,804
Come on, then. What?

223
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,355
Have at you.

224
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,484
You are brave, Sir Knight,
but the fight is mine.

225
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,187
Oh! Had enough, eh?

226
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,774
Look, you stupid bastard.
You've got no arms left.

227
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,325
Yes, I have. Look!

228
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,194
Just a flesh wound.

229
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,788
Look, stop that. Chicken!

230
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,367
I'll have your leg. Right!

231
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,282
Right! I'll do you for that.

232
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,496
You'll what?

233
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,002
Come here.

234
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,500
What are you going to do?
Bleed on me?

235
00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,880
I am invincible!

236
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,385
You're a loony.

237
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:05,761
The Black Knight always triumphs.
Have at you!

238
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,058
Come on, then.

239
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:12,726
(MUMBLING)

240
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,395
All right,
we'll call it a draw.

241
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,317
Come, Patsy.

242
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,861
Oh, oh, I see.

243
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:22,857
Running away?
You yellow bastard!

244
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,068
Come back here and
take what's coming to you!

245
00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:27,287
I'll bite your legs off!

246
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,794
<i>MONKS: J” Pie Jesu Domine.</i>

247
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:39,791
<i>J* Dona eis requiem</i>

248
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,293
(CHURCH BELL RINGS)

249
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:46,176
<i>J” Pie Jesu Domine.</i>

250
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:52,684
<i>J” Dona eis requiem J”.</i>

251
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,984
WOMAN: A witch!
MAN: We found a witch.

252
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,403
(PEOPLE CLAMOURING)

253
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,029
We got a witch.

254
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,201
We found a witch.

255
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,501
We've got a witch.

256
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,955
Burn her!

257
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:23,050
(CLAMOURAPPROACHING)

258
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,303
We have found a witch.
May we burn her?

259
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,175
ALL: Burn her!

260
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,311
How do you know she is a witch?

261
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:35,972
She looks like one.

262
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:37,731
(PEOPLE AGREEING)

263
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,476
Bring her forward.

264
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,396
I am not a witch.

265
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,648
But you are dressed as one.

266
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,365
They dressed me up like this.

267
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:47,825
ALL: We didn't!

268
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:50,491
(SPEAKING NASALLY) And this isn't my nose.
It's a false one.

269
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,157
Well?

270
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,325
Well, we did do the nose.

271
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,502
The nose?

272
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:00,004
And the hat.
But she is a witch.

273
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:03,341
ALL: Burn her!

274
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,260
Did you dress her up like this?

275
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:08,345
ALL: No. Yes.

276
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:12,016
Yes, a bit. She has got a wart.

277
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,519
What makes you
think she is a witch?

278
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,559
Well, she turned me
into a newt.

279
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,187
A newt?

280
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,695
I got better.

281
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,232
Burn her anyway.

282
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:28,653
Burn her!

283
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,363
Quiet!

284
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,200
There are ways of telling
whether she is a witch.

285
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:39,585
Are there?
What are they? Tell us.

286
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,375
Do they hurt?

287
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,708
Tell me,
what do you do with witches?

288
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,252
ALL: Burn them!

289
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,129
What do you burn
apart from witches?

290
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,052
More witches!

291
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,132
Shh!

292
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,097
Wood.

293
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,935
So, why do witches burn?

294
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,614
'Cause they're made of wood?

295
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:10,949
Good.

296
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,077
(PEOPLE MURMURING)

297
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:16,622
So, how do we tell whether
she is made of wood?

298
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,162
Build a bridge out of her.

299
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,541
Ah! Can you not also
make bridges of stone?

300
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,626
Oh, yeah.

301
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:28,126
Does wood sink in water?

302
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:29,631
No.

303
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:30,924
It floats.

304
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,763
Throw her into the pond!

305
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,347
(ALL SHOUTING)

306
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,602
What also floats in water?

307
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:39,850
Bread.

308
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,772
Apples. Uh, very small rocks.

309
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,938
Cider. Cherries. Gravy. Mud.

310
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,152
Churches. Lead.

311
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,442
A duck!

312
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:51,820
Exactly.

313
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:55,278
So, logically...

314
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,451
Ifshe

315
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,624
weighs the same as a duck...

316
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:04,624
She's made of wood.

317
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,167
And, therefore...

318
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:09,838
A witch! A witch!

319
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,807
We shall use my largest scales.

320
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:31,273
(ALL CLAMOURING IMPATIENTLY)

321
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:40,657
Right. Remove the supports!

322
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,000
ALL: A witch!

323
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,707
It's a fair cop. Burn her!

324
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,589
(ALL SHOUTING)

325
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:01,014
Who are you, who are so wise
in the ways of science?

326
00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,724
I am Arthur,
King of the Britons.

327
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,472
My liege.

328
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:08,226
Good Sir Knight,
will you come to Camelot,

329
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,819
and join us at the Round Table?

330
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,481
My liege, I would be honoured.

331
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,316
What is your name?

332
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:16,693
Bedevere, my liege.

333
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,870
Then I dub you Sir Bedevere,

334
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,664
knight of the Round Table.

335
00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:27,913
NARRATOR: <i>The wise Sir Bedevere was the
first to join King Arthur's knights.</i>

336
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:30,874
<i>But other illustrious names
were soon to follow.</i>

337
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,216
<i>Sir Lancelot the Brave.</i>

338
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,883
<i>Sir Galahad the Pure.</i>

339
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,682
<i>And Sir Robin, the
Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot,</i>

340
00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:42,010
<i>who had nearly fought
the Dragon ofAngnor,</i>

341
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:45,187
<i>who had nearly stood up to the
vicious Chicken of Bristol,</i>

342
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:49,062
<i>and who had personally wet himself
at the Battle of Badon Hill.</i>

343
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:52,736
<i>And the aptly named Sir
Not-appearing-in-this-film.</i>

344
00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:55,861
<i>Together they formed a band</i>

345
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:59,786
<i>whose names and deeds were to be
retold throughout the centuries.</i>

346
00:21:59,902 --> 00:22:02,371
<i>The Knights of the Round Table.</i>

347
00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:06,409
That, my liege, is how we know
the Earth to be banana-shaped.

348
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:09,003
This new learning
amazes me, Sir Bedevere.

349
00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:10,955
Explain again how
sheep's bladders

350
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:12,881
may be employed to
prevent earthquakes.

351
00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:13,958
Certainly, sir.

352
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,042
Look, my liege.

353
00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,889
Camelot. Camelot.

354
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:23,099
Camelot. It's only a model.

355
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,260
Shh!

356
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:27,430
Knights, I bid you welcome
to your new home.

357
00:22:27,638 --> 00:22:30,232
Let us ride to Camelot!

358
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:32,102
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

359
00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:33,853
<i>J* We're knights
of the Round Table.</i>

360
00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:35,358
<i>J” We dance whene'er we're able.</i>

361
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,532
<i>J” We do routines and chorus
scenes With footwork impeccable.</i>

362
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:41,861
<i>J” We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham andjam and Spam a lot.</i>

363
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,289
<i>J* We're knights
of the Round Table.</i>

364
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,918
<i>Our shows are formidable.</i>

365
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:55,374
<i>J” But many times
We're given rhymes.</i>

366
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:58,336
<i>J* That are quite unsingable
We're opera mad in Camelot.</i>

367
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:01,805
<i>J* We sing from
the diaphragm a lot</i>

368
00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:05,175
(MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY)

369
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:15,528
(RHYTHMIC CLANGING)

370
00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:18,155
<i>J” In war we're tough and able.</i>

371
00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:21,154
<i>J” Quite indefatigable.</i>

372
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,861
<i>J” Between our quests
We sequin vests.</i>

373
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:27,164
<i>J” And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot.</i>

374
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:31,539
<i>J* I have to push
the pram a lot J”.</i>

375
00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:39,927
No, on second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot.
It is a silly place.

376
00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,299
Right.

377
00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:50,434
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

378
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:53,891
<i>Arthur.</i>

379
00:23:54,224 --> 00:23:55,692
<i>King of the Britons.</i>

380
00:23:57,519 --> 00:24:00,147
<i>Oh, don't grovel. If there's
one thing I can't stand,</i>

381
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:01,277
<i>it's people grovelling.</i>

382
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:03,075
<i>Sorry. And don't apologise.</i>

383
00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:05,448
<i>Every time I talk to someone</i>

384
00:24:05,527 --> 00:24:07,120
<i>it's "sorry this,"
and, "forgive me that, "</i>

385
00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,869
<i>and, "I'm not worthy. ".</i>

386
00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:10,328
<i>What are you doing now?</i>

387
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:11,746
I'm averting my eyes, O Lord.

388
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:14,624
<i>Don't. It's like those
miserable psalms.</i>

389
00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:16,376
<i>They're so depressing.</i>

390
00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:18,290
<i>Now, knock it off! Yes,</i> Lord.

391
00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:21,878
<i>Right. Arthur,
King of the Britons.</i>

392
00:24:22,503 --> 00:24:25,131
<i>Your knights of the
Round Table shall have a task</i>

393
00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:27,888
<i>to make them an example
in these dark times.</i>

394
00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:29,260
Good idea, O Lord!

395
00:24:29,385 --> 00:24:30,728
<i>Course it's a good idea.</i>

396
00:24:31,387 --> 00:24:35,108
<i>Behold, Arthur,
this is the Holy Grail.</i>

397
00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:40,022
<i>Look well, Arthur, for it is your
sacred task to seek this grail.</i>

398
00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:42,694
<i>That is your purpose, Arthur.</i>

399
00:24:43,565 --> 00:24:46,364
<i>The quest for the Holy Grail.</i>

400
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,332
A blessing from the Lord.

401
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:54,326
God be praised!

402
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:53,973
Halt!

403
00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:03,821
(HORN BLARING)

404
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:06,072
Hello!

405
00:26:13,655 --> 00:26:14,781
Hello!

406
00:26:16,492 --> 00:26:17,994
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
Hello. Who is it?

407
00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:21,957
It is King Arthur, and these are
my knights of the Round Table.

408
00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:23,674
Whose castle is this?

409
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:27,177
This is the castle of my
master, Guy de Loimbard.

410
00:26:27,461 --> 00:26:31,341
Go and tell your master that
we have been charged by God

411
00:26:31,757 --> 00:26:33,851
with a sacred quest.

412
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,554
If he will give us food and
shelter for the night,

413
00:26:36,637 --> 00:26:39,516
he can join us in our quest
for the Holy Grail.

414
00:26:39,848 --> 00:26:43,022
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't
think he'll be very keen.

415
00:26:43,102 --> 00:26:45,196
He's already got one, you see.

416
00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:47,527
What?

417
00:26:47,648 --> 00:26:48,888
He says they've
already got one!

418
00:26:50,234 --> 00:26:52,032
Are you sure he's got one?

419
00:26:52,194 --> 00:26:53,992
Oh, yes. It's very nice.

420
00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:57,036
I told him we've
already got one.

421
00:26:57,199 --> 00:26:58,200
(SNICKERING)

422
00:26:58,450 --> 00:26:59,451
Uh, om...

423
00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:02,250
Can we come up and have a look?

424
00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:04,499
Of course not!
You are English-types.

425
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:07,217
Well, what are you then?

426
00:27:07,334 --> 00:27:08,426
I'm French.

427
00:27:08,502 --> 00:27:12,473
Why do you think I have this
outrageous accent, you silly king?

428
00:27:12,965 --> 00:27:14,512
What are you doing in England?

429
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:16,180
Mind your own business.

430
00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,646
If you will not
show us the Grail,

431
00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:21,606
we shall take
your castle by force.

432
00:27:21,682 --> 00:27:24,856
You don't frighten us,
English pig-dogs!

433
00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:29,406
Go and boil your bottoms,
sons of a silly person.

434
00:27:29,690 --> 00:27:33,570
I blow my nose at you,
so-called Arthur King.

435
00:27:33,777 --> 00:27:37,873
You and all your
silly English knights.

436
00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:42,036
(RAZZING)

437
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:46,373
What a strange person.

438
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:48,125
Now look here, my good man...

439
00:27:48,208 --> 00:27:50,586
I don't want to
talk to you no more,

440
00:27:50,878 --> 00:27:54,132
you empty-headed,
animal food-trough wiper.

441
00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:57,267
I fart in your
general direction.

442
00:27:57,759 --> 00:28:02,686
Your mother was a hamster, and
your father smelt of elderberries.

443
00:28:04,933 --> 00:28:07,607
Is there someone else up there
we could talk to?

444
00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:11,611
No. Now go away, or I shall
taunt you a second time.

445
00:28:13,942 --> 00:28:17,617
Now, this is your last chance.
I've been more than reasonable...

446
00:28:17,779 --> 00:28:19,201
<i>Fetchez la vache! Quoi?</i>

447
00:28:19,281 --> 00:28:20,703
<i>Fetchez la vache!</i>

448
00:28:23,118 --> 00:28:26,167
If you do not agree to my
commands, then I shall...

449
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:28,086
(BOINGING) (cow MOOING)

450
00:28:28,165 --> 00:28:29,462
Jesus Christ!

451
00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:31,839
Crikey!

452
00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:32,920
(GRUNTS)

453
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:36,761
Right! Charge!

454
00:28:38,842 --> 00:28:41,140
(CATAPULT FIRING)

455
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,108
(JEERING VICIOUSLY)

456
00:28:49,811 --> 00:28:50,812
(CAT YOWLING)

457
00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:53,990
Run away! Run away!

458
00:28:54,691 --> 00:28:55,863
(KNIGHTS SHOUTING)

459
00:28:59,154 --> 00:29:01,077
(RAZZING)

460
00:29:04,493 --> 00:29:05,653
Fiends! I'll tear them apart.

461
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:06,828
No, no.

462
00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:09,836
Sir, I have a plan, sir.

463
00:29:13,418 --> 00:29:18,140
(WIND BLOWING)

464
00:29:19,716 --> 00:29:23,687
(SAWING)

465
00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:27,478
(CLATTERING)

466
00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:35,691
(CAT YOWLING)

467
00:29:35,941 --> 00:29:38,444
(SQUEAKING)

468
00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:40,029
(CREAKING)

469
00:29:40,112 --> 00:29:44,618
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

470
00:29:49,538 --> 00:29:54,044
(M ETAL CLAN KING)

471
00:30:06,221 --> 00:30:08,440
(RUMBLING APPROACHING)

472
00:30:37,461 --> 00:30:39,088
(GUARD 1 SPEAKING FRENCH)

473
00:30:45,385 --> 00:30:46,432
GUARD 1: <i>Un</i> cadeau.
GUARD 2: What?

474
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:47,512
A <i>present. Un cadeau.</i>

475
00:30:47,596 --> 00:30:50,099
<i>Oui, allons-y. Let's go.</i>

476
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:04,113
(FRENCH GUARDS CHATTERING)

477
00:31:12,579 --> 00:31:13,580
(CASTLE DOOR CLOSES)

478
00:31:14,122 --> 00:31:15,339
What happens now?

479
00:31:15,415 --> 00:31:20,296
Well, now, Lancelot, Galahad,
and Iwait until nightfall,

480
00:31:20,754 --> 00:31:24,930
and then leap out of the rabbit,
taking the French by surprise.

481
00:31:25,425 --> 00:31:28,053
Not only by surprise,
but totally unarmed!

482
00:31:29,054 --> 00:31:30,306
Who leaps out?

483
00:31:31,181 --> 00:31:33,525
Uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I.

484
00:31:34,810 --> 00:31:36,608
Leap out of the rabbit.

485
00:31:37,979 --> 00:31:38,980
(MOANS)

486
00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:42,317
Um...

487
00:31:42,484 --> 00:31:45,613
Look. If we built this large,
wooden badger...

488
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:47,739
(CATAPULT FIRES)

489
00:31:49,616 --> 00:31:51,994
ALL: Run away!

490
00:31:58,625 --> 00:31:59,626
(ALL SHOUTING)

491
00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:02,970
<i>History for Schools. Take 8.</i>

492
00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:04,340
DIRECTOR: Action!

493
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,599
Defeat at
the castle seems to have

494
00:32:06,716 --> 00:32:08,593
utterly disheartened
King Arthur.

495
00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:11,271
The ferocity of
the French taunting

496
00:32:11,346 --> 00:32:13,474
took him
completely by surprise.

497
00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:18,104
Arthur became convinced that
a new strategy was required

498
00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:20,398
if the quest for
the Holy Grail were

499
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,695
to be brought to
a successful conclusion.

500
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:25,618
Arthur, having consulted
his closest knights

501
00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:28,075
decided that they
should separate,

502
00:32:28,196 --> 00:32:30,290
and search for
the Grail individually.

503
00:32:30,699 --> 00:32:32,542
(HOOFBEATS APPROACHING)
Now, this is what they did...

504
00:32:32,701 --> 00:32:33,702
(BELLOWING)

505
00:32:35,829 --> 00:32:36,876
Frank!

506
00:32:45,172 --> 00:32:47,595
(NARRATOR READING)

507
00:32:48,550 --> 00:32:51,394
<i>So, each of the knights
went their separate ways.</i>

508
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,974
<i>Sir Robin rode north, through
the dark forest of Ewing,</i>

509
00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:57,726
<i>accompanied by his
favourite minstrels.</i>

510
00:32:59,019 --> 00:33:02,740
<i>MINSTREL: J” Bravely bold Sir
Robin Rode forth from Camelot.</i>

511
00:33:03,482 --> 00:33:07,578
<i>J” He was not afraid to die
O, Brave Sir Robin.</i>

512
00:33:07,903 --> 00:33:11,874
<i>J” He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways.</i>

513
00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:15,043
<i>J” Brave, brave, brave,
brave Sir Robin.</i>

514
00:33:16,745 --> 00:33:20,545
<i>J* He was not in the least bit
Scared To be mashed into a pulp.</i>

515
00:33:21,249 --> 00:33:25,470
<i>J” Or to have his eyes gouged
out And his elbows broken.</i>

516
00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:29,592
<i>J” To have his kneecaps split
And his body burned away.</i>

517
00:33:29,925 --> 00:33:33,099
<i>J* And his limbs all hacked
and mangled Brave Sir Robin.</i>

518
00:33:34,596 --> 00:33:36,690
<i>J* His head smashed in
And his heart cut out.</i>

519
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:38,688
<i>J” His liver removed
And his bowels unplugged.</i>

520
00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:41,691
<i>J* His nostrils raped, his bottom
burned off And his penis... J”.</i>

521
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:44,740
That's, uh,
enough music for now, lads.

522
00:33:45,565 --> 00:33:47,533
Looks like there's
dirty work afoot.

523
00:33:50,111 --> 00:33:52,990
DENNIS: Anarcho-syndicalism is
a way of preserving freedom.

524
00:33:53,114 --> 00:33:56,584
WOMAN: Dennis, forget about freedom.
Don't drop that mud.

525
00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:02,419
<i>(ECHOING) Halt! Who art thou?</i>

526
00:34:02,666 --> 00:34:05,419
<i>J” He is brave Sir Robin,
brave Sir Robin... J”.</i>

527
00:34:05,502 --> 00:34:06,799
Shut up!

528
00:34:07,629 --> 00:34:10,974
(STAMMERING) Nobody, really.
I was just passing through.

529
00:34:11,258 --> 00:34:12,510
<i>What do you want?</i>

530
00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:14,014
<i>J* To fight and... J”.</i>

531
00:34:14,094 --> 00:34:15,311
Shut up!

532
00:34:15,512 --> 00:34:16,513
Um... Oh!

533
00:34:16,638 --> 00:34:18,436
Nothing. Nothing, really.

534
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:20,608
(STAMMERING) Just to pass
through, good Sir Knight.

535
00:34:20,725 --> 00:34:22,318
<i>I'm afraid not.</i>

536
00:34:23,103 --> 00:34:24,104
Ah.

537
00:34:24,312 --> 00:34:26,656
Actually, I am
a knight of the Round Table.

538
00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:29,159
<i>You're a knight
of the Round Table?</i>

539
00:34:29,568 --> 00:34:30,615
I am.

540
00:34:30,694 --> 00:34:31,741
<i>In that case,
I have to kill you.</i>

541
00:34:31,861 --> 00:34:32,908
<i>Shall I?</i>

542
00:34:32,988 --> 00:34:34,035
<i>I don't think so.</i>

543
00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:35,202
<i>What do I think?</i>

544
00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:37,121
<i>Kill him. Let's be nice to him.</i>

545
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:38,292
<i>Shut up. But...</i>

546
00:34:38,368 --> 00:34:39,415
<i>And you!</i>

547
00:34:39,494 --> 00:34:41,542
<i>Get the sword out.
I want to cut his head off!</i>

548
00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:42,964
<i>Cut your own head off.</i>

549
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:44,424
<i>Yes, do us all a favour.</i>

550
00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:46,547
<i>What? Yapping on all the time.</i>

551
00:34:46,668 --> 00:34:48,136
<i>You're lucky
you're not next to him.</i>

552
00:34:48,211 --> 00:34:49,428
<i>What do you mean?</i>

553
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:50,471
<i>You snore.</i>

554
00:34:50,547 --> 00:34:51,594
<i>I don't.</i>

555
00:34:51,715 --> 00:34:53,262
<i>You've got bad breath.</i>

556
00:34:53,383 --> 00:34:54,930
<i>Only because you
don't brush my teeth.</i>

557
00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:57,388
<i>Stop bitching,
and let's go and have tea!</i>

558
00:34:57,470 --> 00:34:59,438
<i>All right!
We'll kill him first,</i>

559
00:34:59,556 --> 00:35:01,558
<i>and then have tea and biscuits.</i>

560
00:35:01,683 --> 00:35:02,980
<i>Yes. Not biscuits.</i>

561
00:35:03,059 --> 00:35:06,529
<i>All right! Not biscuits.
But let's kill him anyway.</i>

562
00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:07,693
BOTH: <i>Right.</i>

563
00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:11,409
<i>He's buggered off!</i>

564
00:35:11,526 --> 00:35:12,618
<i>So he has! He's scarpered.</i>

565
00:35:12,694 --> 00:35:14,037
<i>J* Brave Sir Robin ran away.</i>

566
00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:15,113
No!

567
00:35:15,196 --> 00:35:17,039
<i>J* Bravely ran away, away</i>

568
00:35:17,115 --> 00:35:18,241
I didn't.

569
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:21,036
<i>J* When danger
reared its ugly head.</i>

570
00:35:21,161 --> 00:35:23,038
<i>J” He bravely
turned his tail and fled.</i>

571
00:35:23,163 --> 00:35:27,043
<i>J” Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.</i>

572
00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:31,221
<i>J* Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat.</i>

573
00:35:31,421 --> 00:35:33,469
<i>J” Bravest of the brave,
Sir Robin J*</i>

574
00:35:33,548 --> 00:35:34,595
Ineved.

575
00:35:36,718 --> 00:35:40,723
<i>J” Pie Jesu Domine.</i>

576
00:35:41,264 --> 00:35:45,735
<i>J” Dona eis requiem J”</i>

577
00:35:47,062 --> 00:35:48,063
(EXCLAIMS)

578
00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:53,610
(WHOOPING)

579
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:01,576
0oh.

580
00:36:05,413 --> 00:36:08,087
(NARRATOR READING)

581
00:36:08,792 --> 00:36:10,089
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

582
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:20,845
(ANIMAL HOWLING)

583
00:36:41,449 --> 00:36:42,450
(ANIMAL HOWLING)

584
00:37:02,095 --> 00:37:05,349
Open the door.

585
00:37:06,516 --> 00:37:09,645
In the name of King Arthur,
open the door!

586
00:37:10,103 --> 00:37:11,901
(WOOD CREAKING)

587
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,326
(PANTING)

588
00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:17,902
(DOOR SLAMS)

589
00:37:18,695 --> 00:37:19,742
Hello!

590
00:37:20,321 --> 00:37:24,042
Welcome, gentle Sir Knight.
Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

591
00:37:25,326 --> 00:37:27,044
The Castle Anthrax?

592
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,246
Yes.

593
00:37:28,705 --> 00:37:30,753
It's not a very
good name, is it?

594
00:37:30,832 --> 00:37:35,383
Oh, but we are nice, and we will
attend to your every, every need!

595
00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:38,681
You are the keepers
of the Holy Grail?

596
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:39,932
The what?

597
00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:41,175
The Grail. It is here?

598
00:37:42,177 --> 00:37:45,181
But you are tired,
and you must rest awhile.

599
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,057
Midget! Crapper!

600
00:37:47,348 --> 00:37:48,850
MIDGET AND CRAPPER:
Yes, O Zoot?

601
00:37:48,933 --> 00:37:50,401
Prepare a bed for our guest.

602
00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:52,104
Thank you, Zoot.

603
00:37:52,228 --> 00:37:53,480
Thank you.

604
00:37:53,563 --> 00:37:55,236
Away, away, varletesses!

605
00:37:57,025 --> 00:38:01,155
The beds here are warm and
soft, and very, very big.

606
00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:02,997
Look, I, Uh...

607
00:38:03,072 --> 00:38:04,433
What is your name,
handsome knight?

608
00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:06,827
Uh, Sir Galahad the Chaste.

609
00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:11,006
Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot.

610
00:38:11,873 --> 00:38:13,796
Oh, but come.

611
00:38:13,917 --> 00:38:15,840
Please, in God's name,
show me the Grail.

612
00:38:17,045 --> 00:38:20,015
You have suffered much.
You are delirious.

613
00:38:20,089 --> 00:38:21,386
Look, I have seen it.
It is here.

614
00:38:21,549 --> 00:38:22,846
Sir Galahad!

615
00:38:22,926 --> 00:38:26,897
You would not be so ungallant
as to refuse our hospitality.

616
00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:28,932
(STAMMERING)

617
00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:30,016
Oh!

618
00:38:30,183 --> 00:38:35,189
I'm afraid our life must seem very
dull and quiet, compared to yours.

619
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:38,570
We're eight score
blondes and brunettes,

620
00:38:38,691 --> 00:38:41,114
all between 16
and 19 and a half,

621
00:38:41,528 --> 00:38:44,577
cut off in this castle,
with no one to protect us.

622
00:38:45,740 --> 00:38:47,242
It is a lonely life.

623
00:38:48,034 --> 00:38:53,006
Bathing, dressing, undressing,
making exciting underwear.

624
00:38:54,582 --> 00:38:57,131
We are just not used
to handsome knights.

625
00:38:57,460 --> 00:39:00,088
Nay. Come. You may lie here.

626
00:39:02,257 --> 00:39:03,429
But you are wounded!

627
00:39:03,508 --> 00:39:04,634
No, it's nothing!

628
00:39:04,926 --> 00:39:09,773
You must see the doctors immediately.
Please, lie down.

629
00:39:12,934 --> 00:39:14,686
Well, what seems
to be the trouble?

630
00:39:15,603 --> 00:39:16,900
They're doctors?

631
00:39:17,188 --> 00:39:20,362
Uh, they have
a basic medical training.

632
00:39:20,441 --> 00:39:23,115
Come, come,
you must try to rest.

633
00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:26,949
Dr Piglet! Dr Winston!
Practise your art.

634
00:39:34,414 --> 00:39:35,757
Try to relax.

635
00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:37,475
Are you sure that's
absolutely necessary?

636
00:39:37,667 --> 00:39:39,169
We must examine you.

637
00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:43,757
There's nothing
wrong with that.

638
00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:45,509
Please. We are doctors.

639
00:39:47,969 --> 00:39:49,516
Look, this cannot be.

640
00:39:50,096 --> 00:39:51,143
I am sworn to chastity!

641
00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:52,398
Back to your bed!

642
00:39:52,473 --> 00:39:55,272
Torment me no longer.
I have seen the Grail.

643
00:39:55,602 --> 00:39:56,945
There's no Grail here.

644
00:39:57,061 --> 00:39:58,438
I have seen it.

645
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,027
I have seen... WOMEN: Hello.

646
00:40:06,821 --> 00:40:08,164
(BECKONINGLY) Hello.

647
00:40:27,842 --> 00:40:28,934
Zoot!

648
00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:31,729
I am Zoot's
identical twin sister, Dingo.

649
00:40:33,014 --> 00:40:34,186
Where are you going?

650
00:40:34,349 --> 00:40:35,521
I seek the Grail.

651
00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:37,856
I have seen it
here in this castle!

652
00:40:38,978 --> 00:40:43,358
Oh, no. Bad, bad Zoot!

653
00:40:43,691 --> 00:40:45,284
What is it?

654
00:40:45,401 --> 00:40:47,028
Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot!

655
00:40:47,528 --> 00:40:51,704
She has been setting light to our
beacon, which is Grail-shaped.

656
00:40:52,158 --> 00:40:54,456
It's not the first time
we've had this problem.

657
00:40:54,535 --> 00:40:56,253
It's not the real Grail?

658
00:40:56,537 --> 00:40:59,507
Wicked, bad,
naughty, evil Zoot.

659
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:02,927
She is a bad person,
and must pay the penalty.

660
00:41:04,671 --> 00:41:06,924
Do you think this scene
should have been cut?

661
00:41:07,006 --> 00:41:09,850
We were so worried when
the boys were writing it.

662
00:41:09,926 --> 00:41:11,553
But now we're glad. It's better

663
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:13,271
than some
previous scenes, I think.

664
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,148
<i>Ours was better visually.</i>

665
00:41:15,223 --> 00:41:17,976
Ours was committed. It wasn't
a string of pussy jokes.

666
00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:19,276
Get on with it.

667
00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:20,611
Yes. Get on with it!

668
00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:23,356
ALL: Get on with it!

669
00:41:23,898 --> 00:41:25,741
I am enjoying this scene.

670
00:41:26,484 --> 00:41:27,861
<i>Get on With it!</i>

671
00:41:28,444 --> 00:41:29,445
(SIGHS)

672
00:41:31,906 --> 00:41:33,453
Wicked, wicked Zoot!

673
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,461
She must pay the penalty.

674
00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:40,924
In Castle Anthrax,
we have one punishment

675
00:41:40,999 --> 00:41:42,751
for setting alight
the Grail-shaped beacon.

676
00:41:43,084 --> 00:41:46,054
You must tie her down on
a bed, and spank her.

677
00:41:46,254 --> 00:41:48,382
WOMEN: A spanking! A spanking!

678
00:41:48,548 --> 00:41:51,051
You must spank her,
and after you've spanked her,

679
00:41:51,134 --> 00:41:52,477
deal with her as you like.

680
00:41:52,552 --> 00:41:53,678
And, then, spank me.

681
00:41:53,761 --> 00:41:54,808
And me!

682
00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:56,021
And me. And me.

683
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:58,600
Yes. You must give us
all a good spanking!

684
00:41:58,725 --> 00:42:00,272
WOMEN: A spanking!

685
00:42:02,437 --> 00:42:05,190
And, after the spanking,
the oral sex.

686
00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:06,570
ALL: The oral sex!

687
00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:08,071
(DOOR OPENING)

688
00:42:08,317 --> 00:42:10,445
Well, I could stay
a bit longer.

689
00:42:10,570 --> 00:42:11,571
LANCELOT: Sir Galahad!

690
00:42:11,654 --> 00:42:12,655
Oh. Hello.

691
00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:15,158
Quick! You are in great peril.
Why?

692
00:42:15,283 --> 00:42:16,375
No, he isn't!

693
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:17,584
Silence, foul temptress!

694
00:42:17,660 --> 00:42:18,832
She's got a point.

695
00:42:18,911 --> 00:42:20,003
We'll cover your escape!

696
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:21,376
Look, I'm fine!

697
00:42:21,497 --> 00:42:22,794
Wait, Sir Galahad!

698
00:42:22,915 --> 00:42:24,633
I can tackle this
lot single-handed!

699
00:42:24,751 --> 00:42:26,469
Yes, let him
tackle us single-handed!

700
00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:28,217
(WOMEN CLAMOURING IN AGREEMENT)

701
00:42:28,296 --> 00:42:29,673
No, Sir Galahad. Come!

702
00:42:29,756 --> 00:42:32,054
Honestly, I can handle
this lot easily!

703
00:42:32,133 --> 00:42:33,430
Yes, let him handle us easily.

704
00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:34,761
Go! Quick!

705
00:42:34,844 --> 00:42:38,314
Wait! Please! I can defeat them!
There's only 150 of them!

706
00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:41,483
He'll beat us easily.
We haven't a chance.

707
00:42:41,642 --> 00:42:44,395
(ALL CLAMOURING DISAPPOINTEDLY)

708
00:42:45,605 --> 00:42:46,822
Oh, shit!

709
00:42:47,231 --> 00:42:49,984
You were in great peril.
I don't think I was.

710
00:42:50,068 --> 00:42:51,570
You were in terrible peril.

711
00:42:51,652 --> 00:42:53,825
Let me go back,
and face the peril.

712
00:42:53,905 --> 00:42:54,952
No, it's too perilous.

713
00:42:55,031 --> 00:42:57,250
It's my duty to sample
as much peril as I can.

714
00:42:57,325 --> 00:42:59,077
We've got to
find the Holy Grail.

715
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:00,457
Let me have just
a bit of peril?

716
00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:01,921
No. It's unhealthy.

717
00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:02,963
I bet you're 93V-

718
00:43:03,039 --> 00:43:04,165
No, I'm not.

719
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:07,381
NARRATOR: <i>Sir Lancelot
had saved Sir Galahad</i>

720
00:43:07,502 --> 00:43:09,345
<i>from almost certain temptation.</i>

721
00:43:09,629 --> 00:43:12,178
<i>But, they were still
no nearer the Grail.</i>

722
00:43:12,465 --> 00:43:16,095
<i>King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not
more than a swallow's flight away,</i>

723
00:43:16,177 --> 00:43:18,145
<i>had discovered something.</i>

724
00:43:19,180 --> 00:43:21,729
<i>That's an unladen swallow's
flight, obviously.</i>

725
00:43:21,808 --> 00:43:24,277
<i>They were more than two laden
swallow's flights away.</i>

726
00:43:24,352 --> 00:43:26,605
<i>Four, with a coconut
on a line between them.</i>

727
00:43:26,687 --> 00:43:28,280
<i>If the birds were...</i>

728
00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:30,279
ALL: Get on with it!

729
00:43:30,358 --> 00:43:31,405
<i>Oh, an yWaY,</i>

730
00:43:31,484 --> 00:43:34,954
<i>on to Scene 24, which is a smashing
scene, with some lovely acting,</i>

731
00:43:35,029 --> 00:43:37,248
<i>in which Arthur
discovers a vital clue.</i>

732
00:43:37,323 --> 00:43:39,200
<i>There aren't any swallows,
but I think you can hear a...</i>

733
00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:40,284
(THUDDING)

734
00:43:40,368 --> 00:43:41,369
(NARRATOR GROAN S)

735
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:42,544
(CACKUNG)

736
00:43:42,620 --> 00:43:46,466
And this enchanter of whom you
speak, he has seen the Grail?

737
00:43:51,212 --> 00:43:52,714
Where does he live?

738
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:54,507
Old man, where does he live?

739
00:43:55,842 --> 00:44:00,723
He knows of a cave. A cave
which no man has entered.

740
00:44:01,139 --> 00:44:03,483
And the Grail.
The Grail is there?

741
00:44:03,558 --> 00:44:05,276
There is much danger.

742
00:44:05,351 --> 00:44:09,401
For beyond the cave lies
the Gorge of Eternal Peril,

743
00:44:09,939 --> 00:44:12,408
which no man has ever crossed.

744
00:44:12,859 --> 00:44:15,237
But the Grail.
Where is the Grail?

745
00:44:15,903 --> 00:44:19,077
Seek you the Bridge of Death.

746
00:44:20,616 --> 00:44:23,369
The Bridge of Death?
Which leads to the Grail?

747
00:44:23,578 --> 00:44:24,704
(CACKUNG)

748
00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:30,589
(BIRDS CAWING)

749
00:44:46,601 --> 00:44:47,602
(woon SNAPS)

750
00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:56,444
(RUSTLING)

751
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,048
Who are you?

752
00:45:10,124 --> 00:45:13,674
We are
the knights who say "Ni"!

753
00:45:13,753 --> 00:45:15,033
No! Not the knights
who say "Ni"?

754
00:45:15,087 --> 00:45:16,259
The same!

755
00:45:16,339 --> 00:45:17,340
Who are they?

756
00:45:17,423 --> 00:45:20,176
We are the keepers
of the sacred words.

757
00:45:20,635 --> 00:45:23,980
IINilll llpenglll
and "Neee Wom"!

758
00:45:24,805 --> 00:45:27,354
Those who hear them
seldom live to tell the tale.

759
00:45:27,433 --> 00:45:31,779
The knights who say "Ni"
demand a sacrifice.

760
00:45:31,854 --> 00:45:34,403
Knights of Ni,
we are but simple travellers

761
00:45:34,482 --> 00:45:37,235
who seek the enchanter
who lives beyond these woods.

762
00:45:37,318 --> 00:45:42,996
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
ALL: Ni! Ni!

763
00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:49,001
We shall say "Ni" again to
you, if you do not appease us.

764
00:45:49,622 --> 00:45:50,714
What is it you want?

765
00:45:50,831 --> 00:45:51,957
We want

766
00:45:53,876 --> 00:45:55,674
a shrubbery.

767
00:45:56,504 --> 00:45:57,551
A what?

768
00:45:57,672 --> 00:45:59,674
Ni! Ni! (GROANING)

769
00:45:59,799 --> 00:46:01,767
Please! No more!

770
00:46:01,842 --> 00:46:03,094
We will find you a shrubbery.

771
00:46:03,177 --> 00:46:05,600
You must return
with a shrubbery,

772
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:09,059
or else you will never pass
through this wood

773
00:46:09,558 --> 00:46:11,026
alive.

774
00:46:11,269 --> 00:46:13,692
Knights of Ni,
you are just and fair.

775
00:46:13,771 --> 00:46:15,148
We will return
with a shrubbery.

776
00:46:15,273 --> 00:46:16,650
One that looks nice.

777
00:46:16,732 --> 00:46:18,700
Of course.
And not too expensive.

778
00:46:18,776 --> 00:46:19,777
Yes.

779
00:46:19,860 --> 00:46:22,454
NOW go!

780
00:46:32,873 --> 00:46:33,874
(THUDDING)

781
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,344
(ILLUSTRATOR EXCLAIMING)

782
00:46:37,837 --> 00:46:41,887
(MUTTERING)

783
00:46:55,771 --> 00:46:56,897
(CLATTERING)

784
00:47:00,901 --> 00:47:01,948
(GRUNTING)

785
00:47:05,906 --> 00:47:08,250
Stop that! Stop that!

786
00:47:08,409 --> 00:47:11,253
Go on, clear off! Go away.

787
00:47:14,415 --> 00:47:15,883
And you, clear off!

788
00:47:16,417 --> 00:47:17,418
(SUN MUTTERING)

789
00:47:21,297 --> 00:47:22,344
Bloody weather.

790
00:47:22,923 --> 00:47:24,846
(NARRATOR READING)

791
00:47:28,679 --> 00:47:30,898
(FROGS CROAKING)

792
00:47:31,599 --> 00:47:34,523
One day, lad,
all this will be yours.

793
00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:35,815
What, the curtains?

794
00:47:35,936 --> 00:47:37,153
No, not the curtains.

795
00:47:37,271 --> 00:47:41,697
All that you can see, stretched
out over the hills and valleys.

796
00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:43,619
That'll be your kingdom, lad.

797
00:47:43,694 --> 00:47:45,446
But, Mother. Father, lad.

798
00:47:45,613 --> 00:47:48,082
But, Father,
I don't want any of that.

799
00:47:48,157 --> 00:47:49,283
Listen, lad.

800
00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:51,745
I built this
kingdom up from nothing.

801
00:47:51,869 --> 00:47:54,292
When I started here,
it was a swamp.

802
00:47:54,789 --> 00:47:57,793
Other kings said I was daft to
build a castle on the swamp.

803
00:47:57,875 --> 00:48:01,004
But I built it all
the same to show them.

804
00:48:01,504 --> 00:48:03,302
It sank into the swamp.

805
00:48:03,381 --> 00:48:06,225
So, I built a second one.
That sank into the swamp.

806
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:08,143
So, I built a third one.
That burned down,

807
00:48:08,302 --> 00:48:10,145
fell over,
then sank in the swamp.

808
00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:12,223
But the fourth one stayed up.

809
00:48:13,057 --> 00:48:15,151
And that's what youWigeLlad.

810
00:48:15,267 --> 00:48:17,565
The strongest
castle in these isles.

811
00:48:17,686 --> 00:48:19,984
But I don't want any of that.

812
00:48:20,564 --> 00:48:22,362
I'd rather... Rather what?

813
00:48:22,566 --> 00:48:24,568
I'd rather just.

814
00:48:25,694 --> 00:48:27,071
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS)
sing.

815
00:48:27,196 --> 00:48:28,573
(RECORD PLAYER SLOWS
TO A STOP) Stop that.

816
00:48:28,656 --> 00:48:31,455
You're not going into
a song while I'm here!

817
00:48:31,534 --> 00:48:33,878
In 20 minutes,
you're marrying a girl

818
00:48:33,953 --> 00:48:37,958
whose father owns the biggest
tracts of open land in Britain.

819
00:48:38,082 --> 00:48:39,379
But I don't want land.

820
00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:40,843
Listen, Alice.

821
00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:42,545
Herbert. Herbert.

822
00:48:42,628 --> 00:48:46,007
We live on a bloody swamp, we
need all the land we can get.

823
00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:47,933
But I don't like her.

824
00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:49,427
Don't like her?

825
00:48:50,219 --> 00:48:51,687
What's wrong with her?

826
00:48:51,762 --> 00:48:56,063
She's beautiful, she's rich.
She's got huge

827
00:48:56,767 --> 00:48:58,189
tracts of land.

828
00:48:59,270 --> 00:49:04,197
I know, but I want the girl
that I marry to have

829
00:49:05,109 --> 00:49:08,204
a certain special something.

830
00:49:08,279 --> 00:49:09,280
(MUSIC RESUMES PLAYING)

831
00:49:09,363 --> 00:49:11,206
Cut that out!

832
00:49:11,282 --> 00:49:12,283
(RECORD PLAYER STOPS)

833
00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:15,165
You're marrying Princess Lucky,

834
00:49:15,286 --> 00:49:17,505
so you'd better
get used to the idea!

835
00:49:18,831 --> 00:49:19,878
Guards!

836
00:49:20,332 --> 00:49:23,586
Make sure the Prince doesn't
leave the room until I get him.

837
00:49:23,669 --> 00:49:26,639
Not to leave the room,
even if you come and get him.

838
00:49:26,714 --> 00:49:28,762
No. Until I come and get him.

839
00:49:29,091 --> 00:49:32,311
Until you come and get him,
we're not to enter the room.

840
00:49:32,428 --> 00:49:37,275
No, you stay in the room and
make sure he doesn't leave.

841
00:49:37,558 --> 00:49:38,730
And you'll come and get him.

842
00:49:38,893 --> 00:49:40,065
Right.

843
00:49:40,144 --> 00:49:43,819
We don't need to do anything, apart
from stop him entering the room.

844
00:49:44,106 --> 00:49:45,608
No. Leaving the room.

845
00:49:45,733 --> 00:49:47,235
Leaving the room, yes.

846
00:49:47,485 --> 00:49:48,486
All right?

847
00:49:48,569 --> 00:49:49,570
Right. Oh, if...

848
00:49:49,653 --> 00:49:50,779
Uh, if we're...

849
00:49:50,905 --> 00:49:52,077
Yes?

850
00:49:53,741 --> 00:49:55,960
Look, it's quite simple.

851
00:49:56,035 --> 00:50:00,256
You stay here and make sure
he doesn't leave the room.

852
00:50:01,415 --> 00:50:02,416
All right? (HICCUPS)

853
00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:03,626
Oh, I remember.

854
00:50:03,709 --> 00:50:06,053
Uh, can he leave
the room with us?

855
00:50:06,462 --> 00:50:10,308
No, you just keep him
in here, and make sure...

856
00:50:10,382 --> 00:50:12,680
Oh, yes! We'll keep
him in here, obviously.

857
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,307
But if he had to leave...

858
00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:15,933
No. Keep him in here!

859
00:50:16,055 --> 00:50:17,352
Until you, or anyone...

860
00:50:17,431 --> 00:50:18,774
Not anyone, just me.

861
00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:20,021
Justyou_.

862
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:21,226
Get back.

863
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:22,561
Right? Right.

864
00:50:22,645 --> 00:50:24,647
We'll stay here
until you get back.

865
00:50:24,730 --> 00:50:26,073
And make sure he doesn't leave.

866
00:50:26,190 --> 00:50:27,533
What?

867
00:50:28,859 --> 00:50:30,327
Make sure he doesn't leave.

868
00:50:30,444 --> 00:50:31,946
The Prince?

869
00:50:32,029 --> 00:50:33,622
Yes, make sure
he doesn't leave.

870
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:35,374
Yes, of course!

871
00:50:35,449 --> 00:50:37,076
I thought you meant him!

872
00:50:37,159 --> 00:50:40,834
It seemed a bit daft me having
to guard him when he's a guard.

873
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:42,665
Is that clear?

874
00:50:42,748 --> 00:50:44,091
Quite clear. No problems.

875
00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:45,297
Right.

876
00:50:47,503 --> 00:50:48,755
Where are you going?

877
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:50,131
We're coming with you.

878
00:50:50,214 --> 00:50:54,344
No, I want you to stay here, and
make sure he doesn't leave.

879
00:50:54,843 --> 00:50:56,095
Isee, nghL.

880
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,639
But, Father...

881
00:50:58,806 --> 00:51:00,558
Shut it, and get that suit on.

882
00:51:02,935 --> 00:51:07,736
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS)

883
00:51:08,315 --> 00:51:09,532
(RECORD PLAYER STOPS)
And no singing!

884
00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:10,609
(HICCUPS)

885
00:51:10,693 --> 00:51:12,661
Oh, go and get
a glass of water.

886
00:52:01,285 --> 00:52:02,537
Well taken, Concorde!

887
00:52:02,661 --> 00:52:03,878
Thank you, sir, most kind.

888
00:52:03,954 --> 00:52:05,501
And again!

889
00:52:05,789 --> 00:52:08,884
Over we go! Good, steady!

890
00:52:09,001 --> 00:52:11,220
Now, the big one!

891
00:52:12,046 --> 00:52:13,423
Come on, Concorde!

892
00:52:13,505 --> 00:52:14,506
(ARROW TWANGING)

893
00:52:15,215 --> 00:52:17,309
Message for you, sir.

894
00:52:19,887 --> 00:52:21,730
Concorde, speak to me!

895
00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:33,116
"To whoever finds this note."

896
00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:37,242
"I have been
imprisoned by my father,"

897
00:52:37,655 --> 00:52:40,249
"who wishes me to
marry against my will."

898
00:52:40,366 --> 00:52:42,915
"Please, please come
and rescue me."

899
00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:46,835
"I am in the tall tower
of Swamp Castle."

900
00:52:46,914 --> 00:52:50,259
At last! A call!
A cry of distress!

901
00:52:50,334 --> 00:52:53,508
This could be the sign that
leads us to the Holy Grail!

902
00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:58,218
Brave Concorde, you shall
not have died in vain!

903
00:52:58,550 --> 00:53:00,268
I'm not quite dead, sir.

904
00:53:02,346 --> 00:53:04,974
You shall not have been
mortally wounded in vain!

905
00:53:05,057 --> 00:53:07,355
I think I could
pull through, sir.

906
00:53:08,394 --> 00:53:09,566
I see.

907
00:53:09,687 --> 00:53:10,859
I think I'm all right
to come with you.

908
00:53:10,938 --> 00:53:12,690
No, sweet Concorde! Stay here.

909
00:53:12,773 --> 00:53:15,993
I will send help as soon as I
have accomplished a daring and

910
00:53:16,068 --> 00:53:18,787
heroic rescue in
my own particular...

911
00:53:20,781 --> 00:53:21,782
(GROANS)

912
00:53:22,116 --> 00:53:23,914
Idiom, sir? Idiom!

913
00:53:24,076 --> 00:53:25,276
No, I feel fine, actually, sir.

914
00:53:25,285 --> 00:53:26,912
Farewell, sweet Concorde!

915
00:53:28,455 --> 00:53:31,629
I'll, uh, just stay
here, shaHI, sH?

916
00:53:33,627 --> 00:53:34,799
Yeah.

917
00:53:37,464 --> 00:53:41,219
(WOMEN GIGGLING SOFTLY)

918
00:53:41,969 --> 00:53:45,143
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

919
00:53:50,978 --> 00:53:55,074
(MINSTREL MUSIC
PLAYING FAINTLY)

920
00:54:13,917 --> 00:54:15,294
Morning. Morning.

921
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:57,961
(SHOUTS)

922
00:55:00,130 --> 00:55:01,177
(DISTRACTEDLY) Hey!

923
00:55:20,692 --> 00:55:24,538
(LAUGHING MAN IACALLY)

924
00:55:28,784 --> 00:55:31,958
(SHOUTING)

925
00:55:38,126 --> 00:55:39,127
(EXCLAIMS)

926
00:55:52,516 --> 00:55:54,644
You're not allowed
to enter the room...

927
00:55:54,726 --> 00:55:55,727
(SHOUTING)

928
00:55:56,937 --> 00:55:59,907
Fair one, behold your humble
servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

929
00:55:59,982 --> 00:56:01,905
I have come to take...
I'm terribly sorry.

930
00:56:02,025 --> 00:56:03,948
You got my note!

931
00:56:04,278 --> 00:56:06,121
I got a note.

932
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:08,123
You've come to rescue me?

933
00:56:08,574 --> 00:56:09,871
Well, no, you see...

934
00:56:09,992 --> 00:56:11,335
I knew someone would.

935
00:56:11,618 --> 00:56:13,962
I knew that
somewhere out there,

936
00:56:14,037 --> 00:56:16,290
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC STARTS)
there must be someone...

937
00:56:17,082 --> 00:56:18,129
(RECORD PLAYER STOPS)

938
00:56:18,250 --> 00:56:19,297
Stop that! Stop it!

939
00:56:20,794 --> 00:56:21,841
Who are you?

940
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:23,547
I'm your son. No, not you.

941
00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:25,132
I'm Sir Lancelot, sir.

942
00:56:25,299 --> 00:56:26,801
He's come to rescue me, Father.

943
00:56:26,925 --> 00:56:28,302
Let's not jump to conclusions.

944
00:56:28,468 --> 00:56:29,845
Did you kill all those guards?

945
00:56:29,928 --> 00:56:30,929
Uh...

946
00:56:31,263 --> 00:56:33,015
Yes. Sorry.

947
00:56:33,140 --> 00:56:34,312
They cost 50 pounds each.

948
00:56:34,433 --> 00:56:35,559
I'm awfully sorry.

949
00:56:35,642 --> 00:56:39,772
Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot.
I've got a rope ready.

950
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,858
You killed eight
wedding guests and all!

951
00:56:43,025 --> 00:56:45,403
Well, you see, I thought
your son was a lady.

952
00:56:45,485 --> 00:56:46,782
I can understand that.

953
00:56:46,862 --> 00:56:48,034
Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry!

954
00:56:48,113 --> 00:56:49,205
Shut up!

955
00:56:49,323 --> 00:56:50,950
You only killed
the bride's father!

956
00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:52,701
I didn't mean to.

957
00:56:52,826 --> 00:56:55,579
Didn't mean to? You put your
sword through his head!

958
00:56:55,662 --> 00:56:57,084
Oh, dear, is he all right?

959
00:56:57,205 --> 00:56:58,627
You kicked
the bride in the chest!

960
00:56:58,707 --> 00:56:59,947
It's going to
cost me a fortune!

961
00:57:00,042 --> 00:57:01,259
I can explain.

962
00:57:01,335 --> 00:57:03,178
I was in the forest,
riding north from Camelot,

963
00:57:03,295 --> 00:57:05,093
when I got this note.

964
00:57:05,172 --> 00:57:06,424
Are you from Camelot?

965
00:57:06,548 --> 00:57:07,845
Hurry, Sir Lancelot!

966
00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:10,014
I'm a knight of
King Arthur, sir.

967
00:57:10,093 --> 00:57:13,142
Very nice castle, Camelot.
Very good pig country.

968
00:57:13,847 --> 00:57:15,315
Is it?

969
00:57:15,432 --> 00:57:16,900
I am ready!

970
00:57:17,017 --> 00:57:18,815
Would you like to
come have a drink?

971
00:57:18,936 --> 00:57:20,734
That's awfully nice of you.

972
00:57:21,063 --> 00:57:22,565
I am ready!

973
00:57:22,689 --> 00:57:24,236
I mean, to be so understanding.

974
00:57:24,358 --> 00:57:26,201
You see,
when I'm in this idiom,

975
00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:28,237
I sometimes get
a bit carried away.

976
00:57:30,113 --> 00:57:31,205
(PRINCE GRUNTS)

977
00:57:32,157 --> 00:57:34,831
(ALL SOBBING)

978
00:57:34,910 --> 00:57:38,414
Now, this is the main hall. We'll
have all this knocked through...

979
00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:40,170
There he is!

980
00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:42,008
Bloody hell.

981
00:57:44,336 --> 00:57:48,261
(ALL SCREAMING)

982
00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:53,394
Hold it, please!

983
00:57:53,512 --> 00:57:55,310
See what I mean?
I get carried away.

984
00:57:55,389 --> 00:57:58,313
I'm really most awfully sorry.
Sorry, everyone.

985
00:57:58,392 --> 00:57:59,860
He's killed the best man!

986
00:58:01,395 --> 00:58:05,866
Hold it, please, hold it.
This is Sir Lancelot

987
00:58:05,941 --> 00:58:10,947
from the Court of Camelot, a
brave and influential knight.

988
00:58:11,738 --> 00:58:13,081
And my special
guest here today.

989
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:14,617
Hello.

990
00:58:14,700 --> 00:58:16,293
MAN: He killed my auntie!

991
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:21,708
No, please! This is supposed
to be a happy occasion!

992
00:58:21,790 --> 00:58:25,761
Let's not bicker and argue
about who killed who.

993
00:58:26,503 --> 00:58:31,009
We are here today to witness
the union of two young people

994
00:58:31,133 --> 00:58:33,477
in the joyful bond
of holy wedlock.

995
00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:35,103
(PEOPLE MURMURING)

996
00:58:35,178 --> 00:58:38,978
Unfortunately, one of them,
my son Herbert,

997
00:58:39,641 --> 00:58:41,735
has just fallen to his death.

998
00:58:42,561 --> 00:58:46,065
But I don't want to think
I've lost a son, so much as

999
00:58:46,523 --> 00:58:48,241
gained a daughter.

1000
00:58:48,942 --> 00:58:52,196
For, since the tragic
death of her father...

1001
00:58:52,279 --> 00:58:54,373
He's not quite dead!

1002
00:58:55,741 --> 00:58:58,790
Since the near fatal
wounding of her father...

1003
00:58:58,869 --> 00:59:00,621
He's getting better!

1004
00:59:02,581 --> 00:59:05,926
For, since her own father

1005
00:59:06,001 --> 00:59:09,346
who, when he
seemed about to recover,

1006
00:59:09,796 --> 00:59:12,970
suddenly felt the icy
hand of death upon him.

1007
00:59:13,050 --> 00:59:14,051
(MAN GROANING)

1008
00:59:14,176 --> 00:59:15,348
He's died!

1009
00:59:15,844 --> 00:59:19,519
I want his only daughter
to look upon me

1010
00:59:19,598 --> 00:59:24,069
as her own dad, in a very real,
and legally binding sense.

1011
00:59:25,896 --> 00:59:30,618
And I feel sure that the merger,
the union between the Princess

1012
00:59:31,318 --> 00:59:35,039
and the brave but dangerous
Sir Lancelot of Camelot...

1013
00:59:35,489 --> 00:59:36,911
What?

1014
00:59:37,032 --> 00:59:38,454
Look, the dead Prince!

1015
00:59:38,533 --> 00:59:41,332
(ALL GASPING)

1016
00:59:41,411 --> 00:59:43,038
GUARD: He's not quite dead!

1017
00:59:43,163 --> 00:59:44,790
HERBERT: I feel much better.

1018
00:59:44,873 --> 00:59:47,752
You fell out of
the tall tower, you creep!

1019
00:59:48,043 --> 00:59:50,717
No, I was saved
at the last minute.

1020
00:59:50,796 --> 00:59:52,013
H ow?

1021
00:59:52,089 --> 00:59:53,762
I'll tell you.

1022
00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:55,099
(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)

1023
00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:57,644
Not like that! Not like that.

1024
00:59:57,719 --> 01:00:01,440
ALL: <i>J” He's going to tell
He's going to tell J”.</i>

1025
01:00:05,852 --> 01:00:07,775
Quickly, sir, come this way!

1026
01:00:07,854 --> 01:00:11,734
No, it's not right for my idiom.
I must escape more...

1027
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:15,157
Dramatically, sir?

1028
01:00:15,278 --> 01:00:16,825
Dramatically.

1029
01:00:16,905 --> 01:00:17,952
Wheel

1030
01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:28,834
(ALL CHEERING)

1031
01:00:28,959 --> 01:00:31,758
Excuse me, could somebody
give me a push, please?

1032
01:00:34,381 --> 01:00:35,382
(CAT SCREECHES)

1033
01:00:36,883 --> 01:00:37,884
(CAT SCREECHES)

1034
01:00:39,052 --> 01:00:40,053
(CAT SCREECHES)

1035
01:00:41,429 --> 01:00:42,430
(CAT SCREECHES)

1036
01:00:44,599 --> 01:00:45,600
(CAT SCREECHES)

1037
01:00:47,561 --> 01:00:49,234
Old crone!

1038
01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:54,364
Is there anywhere in this town
where we could buy a shrubbery?

1039
01:00:55,193 --> 01:00:56,194
Who sent you?

1040
01:00:56,278 --> 01:00:58,747
The knights who say "Ni"!

1041
01:00:58,822 --> 01:01:01,666
No! We have
no shrubberies here.

1042
01:01:01,741 --> 01:01:05,871
If you do not tell us where we can
buy a shrubbery, my friend and I

1043
01:01:06,246 --> 01:01:07,498
will say...

1044
01:01:08,707 --> 01:01:11,551
We will say "Ni."

1045
01:01:12,127 --> 01:01:13,470
(GROANS) Do your worst!

1046
01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:17,675
Very well. If you will not
assist us voluntarily...

1047
01:01:21,386 --> 01:01:22,558
Ni! No!

1048
01:01:23,305 --> 01:01:25,603
Never. No shrubberies.

1049
01:01:25,932 --> 01:01:27,650
N00! Nu.

1050
01:01:27,934 --> 01:01:30,187
No, it's not that, it's "Ni."

1051
01:01:31,021 --> 01:01:33,444
No, you're not
doing it properly.

1052
01:01:33,523 --> 01:01:35,070
Ni. You've got it.

1053
01:01:35,150 --> 01:01:38,154
BOTH: Ni!

1054
01:01:38,236 --> 01:01:41,331
Are you saying "Ni"
to that old woman?

1055
01:01:41,448 --> 01:01:42,495
Um...

1056
01:01:42,574 --> 01:01:43,621
Yes.

1057
01:01:43,700 --> 01:01:46,123
What sad times are
these when passing

1058
01:01:46,244 --> 01:01:48,622
ruffians can say "Ni"
at will to old ladies.

1059
01:01:49,206 --> 01:01:52,426
There is a pestilence upon this land.
Nothing is sacred.

1060
01:01:52,751 --> 01:01:54,845
Even those who
arrange shrubberies

1061
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:56,547
are under considerable
economic stress

1062
01:01:56,630 --> 01:01:58,632
at this period in history.

1063
01:01:58,715 --> 01:01:59,967
Did you say "shrubberies"?

1064
01:02:00,133 --> 01:02:01,430
Yes.

1065
01:02:01,509 --> 01:02:04,558
Shrubberies are my trade.
I am a shrubber.

1066
01:02:04,638 --> 01:02:09,235
My name is Roger the Shrubber. I
arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

1067
01:02:10,018 --> 01:02:11,065
Ni!

1068
01:02:11,186 --> 01:02:12,233
No!

1069
01:02:13,230 --> 01:02:16,200
Knights of Ni, we have
brought you your shrubbery.

1070
01:02:16,274 --> 01:02:17,366
May we go?

1071
01:02:17,484 --> 01:02:18,610
It is a good shrubbery.

1072
01:02:18,818 --> 01:02:20,912
I like
the laurels particularly.

1073
01:02:21,029 --> 01:02:23,157
But there is one small problem.

1074
01:02:23,698 --> 01:02:24,824
What is that?

1075
01:02:24,908 --> 01:02:28,879
We are now no longer
the knights who say "Ni."

1076
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:30,121
Shh! Shh!

1077
01:02:30,205 --> 01:02:32,173
We are now the knights who say,

1078
01:02:32,249 --> 01:02:35,799
"Ekke Ekke Ekke
Ptang Zoo Boing"!

1079
01:02:36,670 --> 01:02:38,798
Therefore,
we must give you a test.

1080
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:42,510
What is this test, knights who
until recently said "Ni"?

1081
01:02:43,218 --> 01:02:45,391
Firstly, you must find

1082
01:02:46,096 --> 01:02:47,848
another shrubbery!

1083
01:02:49,015 --> 01:02:51,484
Not another shrubbery!

1084
01:02:51,559 --> 01:02:55,314
Then you must bring it here
beside this shrubbery.

1085
01:02:55,522 --> 01:02:57,195
Higher, so you get
the two-level effect

1086
01:02:57,357 --> 01:02:59,075
with a path going
down the middle.

1087
01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:01,198
OTHERS: A path! A path!

1088
01:03:01,278 --> 01:03:04,407
Then, when you have found
the shrubberies,

1089
01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:08,081
you must cut down the
mightiest tree in the forest

1090
01:03:08,827 --> 01:03:12,001
with a herring!

1091
01:03:13,248 --> 01:03:14,921
We shall do no such thing.

1092
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:16,252
Oh, please.

1093
01:03:16,334 --> 01:03:19,463
Cut down a tree with a herring?
It can't be done.

1094
01:03:19,546 --> 01:03:20,718
(SCREAMING)

1095
01:03:21,214 --> 01:03:23,091
Don't say that word. What word?

1096
01:03:23,174 --> 01:03:25,176
I cannot tell. Suffice to say,

1097
01:03:25,260 --> 01:03:27,979
it's one of the words
the knights of Ni cannot hear.

1098
01:03:28,054 --> 01:03:30,978
How can we not say the word if
you don't tell us what it is?

1099
01:03:31,057 --> 01:03:32,058
He did it again.

1100
01:03:32,183 --> 01:03:33,184
What? "Ls"?

1101
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:37,815
No, not "is"! You wouldn't get
very far in life not saying "is."

1102
01:03:37,897 --> 01:03:39,399
My liege, it's Robin.

1103
01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:41,610
<i>J” He's jacking it
in and packing it up.</i>

1104
01:03:41,735 --> 01:03:43,908
<i>J” And sneaking
away and buggering off.</i>

1105
01:03:43,987 --> 01:03:46,240
<i>J* And chickening out
and pissing a pot.</i>

1106
01:03:46,364 --> 01:03:48,583
<i>J” Yes, bravely he is
throwing in the sponge J*</i>

1107
01:03:48,658 --> 01:03:49,910
Robin. My liege.

1108
01:03:49,993 --> 01:03:51,620
It's good to see you.
Now he's said the word!

1109
01:03:51,703 --> 01:03:54,297
You haven't given up your
quest for the Holy Grail?

1110
01:03:54,372 --> 01:03:55,652
<i>J” He is sneaking away
and... J”.</i>

1111
01:03:55,665 --> 01:03:56,837
Shut up!

1112
01:03:57,334 --> 01:03:58,506
No, far from it.

1113
01:03:58,626 --> 01:03:59,843
You said the word again.

1114
01:03:59,919 --> 01:04:01,796
I was looking for it.

1115
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,508
(GROANS) here in this forest.

1116
01:04:04,716 --> 01:04:06,810
No, it is far from this place.

1117
01:04:06,926 --> 01:04:09,054
Stop saying the word!

1118
01:04:09,137 --> 01:04:10,309
The word we cannot hear!

1119
01:04:10,430 --> 01:04:11,602
Stop it!

1120
01:04:11,765 --> 01:04:12,766
He said "it" again!

1121
01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:13,850
That's it!

1122
01:04:13,933 --> 01:04:16,903
I've said "it." I've said
"it." I've said "it" again!

1123
01:04:16,978 --> 01:04:19,197
That's three "its"!

1124
01:04:25,403 --> 01:04:27,576
NARRATOR: <i>And so
Arthur and Bedevere and.</i>

1125
01:04:27,697 --> 01:04:29,870
<i>Sir Robin set out on
their search to find</i>

1126
01:04:29,949 --> 01:04:33,874
<i>the enchanter of whom the old
man had spoken in Scene 24.</i>

1127
01:04:35,413 --> 01:04:38,257
<i>Beyond the forest they met
Lancelot and Galahad,</i>

1128
01:04:38,333 --> 01:04:40,711
<i>and there was much rejoicing.</i>

1129
01:04:40,794 --> 01:04:41,795
(CHEERING)

1130
01:04:52,263 --> 01:04:54,482
<i>In the frozen land of Nador,</i>

1131
01:04:54,557 --> 01:04:57,356
<i>they were forced to
eat Robin's minstrels.</i>

1132
01:04:58,019 --> 01:04:59,612
<i>And there was much rejoicing.</i>

1133
01:04:59,687 --> 01:05:00,688
(KNIGHTS CHEERING)

1134
01:05:01,898 --> 01:05:03,571
<i>A year passed.</i>

1135
01:05:05,318 --> 01:05:07,412
(SHIVERING)

1136
01:05:07,487 --> 01:05:09,330
<i>Winter changed into spring.</i>

1137
01:05:09,406 --> 01:05:10,407
(MURMURS APPRECIATIVELY)

1138
01:05:10,490 --> 01:05:12,663
<i>Spring changed into summer.</i>

1139
01:05:13,076 --> 01:05:15,545
<i>Summer changed
back into winter,</i>

1140
01:05:15,620 --> 01:05:17,714
<i>and winter gave
spring and summer a miss</i>

1141
01:05:17,789 --> 01:05:20,008
<i>and went straight on
into autumn.</i>

1142
01:05:20,458 --> 01:05:21,459
(GRUNTING)

1143
01:05:21,543 --> 01:05:22,795
<i>Until one day.</i>

1144
01:05:41,438 --> 01:05:44,692
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1145
01:05:44,899 --> 01:05:46,242
Knights,

1146
01:05:47,485 --> 01:05:48,737
forward!

1147
01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:54,284
(EXPLOSION)

1148
01:05:59,372 --> 01:06:00,453
(ARTILLERY SHELL WHISTLING)

1149
01:06:04,377 --> 01:06:05,458
(ARTILLERY SHELL WHISTLING)

1150
01:06:07,380 --> 01:06:09,758
(SHELLS WHISTLING)

1151
01:06:25,773 --> 01:06:28,367
What manner of man are you
that can summon up fire

1152
01:06:28,443 --> 01:06:30,571
without flint or tinder?

1153
01:06:30,737 --> 01:06:32,910
I am an enchanter.

1154
01:06:35,909 --> 01:06:37,752
By what name are you known?

1155
01:06:37,911 --> 01:06:39,754
There are some who call me...

1156
01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:43,083
Tim.

1157
01:06:43,249 --> 01:06:44,546
Greetings, Tim the enchanter!

1158
01:06:44,626 --> 01:06:47,004
Greetings, King Arthur.

1159
01:06:47,837 --> 01:06:49,510
You know my name? I do.

1160
01:06:52,759 --> 01:06:54,932
(FLAME TH ROWER ROARING)

1161
01:06:57,555 --> 01:07:00,274
You seek the Holy Grail.

1162
01:07:00,892 --> 01:07:03,987
That is our quest. You know
much that is hidden, Tim.

1163
01:07:04,062 --> 01:07:05,279
Quite.

1164
01:07:13,530 --> 01:07:15,953
Yes, we are looking
for the Holy Grail.

1165
01:07:16,199 --> 01:07:18,122
Our quest is to
find the Holy Grail.

1166
01:07:18,243 --> 01:07:20,120
Yes, it is.

1167
01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:21,959
(ALL AGREEING)

1168
01:07:23,331 --> 01:07:24,878
And so we're looking for it.

1169
01:07:24,999 --> 01:07:26,592
Yes, we are.

1170
01:07:26,668 --> 01:07:28,011
We have been for some time.

1171
01:07:28,127 --> 01:07:29,504
Ages.

1172
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:36,557
So, anything you could
do to, uh, help would be

1173
01:07:39,013 --> 01:07:40,139
very

1174
01:07:41,432 --> 01:07:42,775
helpful.

1175
01:07:42,892 --> 01:07:44,235
Look, can you tell us where...

1176
01:07:48,064 --> 01:07:51,113
Fine, I don't want to waste
any more of your time,

1177
01:07:51,192 --> 01:07:55,117
but I don't suppose you could tell
us where we might find a, om...

1178
01:07:55,989 --> 01:07:58,117
(STAMMERS)

1179
01:07:58,199 --> 01:07:59,826
A what?

1180
01:08:01,995 --> 01:08:03,588
(SHOUTING) A grail?

1181
01:08:03,663 --> 01:08:05,836
Yes, I think so.

1182
01:08:06,374 --> 01:08:07,466
Yes.

1183
01:08:07,584 --> 01:08:08,631
(ALL AGREEING)

1184
01:08:08,710 --> 01:08:09,836
Yes!

1185
01:08:10,962 --> 01:08:11,963
Oh!

1186
01:08:12,046 --> 01:08:13,389
Thank you.

1187
01:08:13,506 --> 01:08:14,883
Splendid!

1188
01:08:18,636 --> 01:08:21,230
Look, you're a busy man...

1189
01:08:21,306 --> 01:08:25,982
Yes, I can help you
find the Holy Grail.

1190
01:08:26,394 --> 01:08:31,195
To the north, there lies a cave.
The Cave of Caerbannog.

1191
01:08:31,274 --> 01:08:35,620
Wherein, carved in mystic runes,
upon the very living rock,

1192
01:08:36,070 --> 01:08:39,415
the last words of
Olfin Bedwere of Rheged

1193
01:08:41,534 --> 01:08:46,506
make plain the last resting
place of the most Holy Grail.

1194
01:08:47,373 --> 01:08:48,875
Where could we
find this cave, Tim?

1195
01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:50,502
Follow!

1196
01:08:52,003 --> 01:08:56,053
But follow only if
ye be men of valour.

1197
01:08:56,507 --> 01:08:59,932
For the entrance to this cave
is guarded by a creature

1198
01:09:00,428 --> 01:09:03,682
so foul, so cruel,

1199
01:09:03,765 --> 01:09:07,019
that no man yet has
fought with it and lived.

1200
01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:13,567
Bones of full 50 men lie
strewn about its lair.

1201
01:09:14,108 --> 01:09:18,488
So, brave knights,
if you do doubt your courage

1202
01:09:19,030 --> 01:09:21,874
or your strength,
come no further,

1203
01:09:22,158 --> 01:09:27,130
for death awaits you all with
nasty, big, pointy teeth.

1204
01:09:29,582 --> 01:09:31,459
What an eccentric performance!

1205
01:09:33,419 --> 01:09:37,094
(WIND HOWLING)

1206
01:09:43,262 --> 01:09:44,559
(MEN NEIGHING)

1207
01:09:45,014 --> 01:09:46,436
They're nervous, sire.

1208
01:09:46,516 --> 01:09:49,144
Then we'd best leave them
here and carry on, on foot.

1209
01:09:49,227 --> 01:09:50,695
Dismount!

1210
01:10:03,825 --> 01:10:07,830
Behold the Cave of Caerbannog!

1211
01:10:10,289 --> 01:10:11,757
Right, keep me covered.

1212
01:10:11,874 --> 01:10:13,376
What with?

1213
01:10:14,127 --> 01:10:15,253
Just keep me covered.

1214
01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:16,504
Too late.

1215
01:10:17,839 --> 01:10:19,011
TIM: There he is!

1216
01:10:22,135 --> 01:10:23,136
Where?

1217
01:10:23,261 --> 01:10:24,308
There.

1218
01:10:25,304 --> 01:10:26,772
What, behind the rabbit?

1219
01:10:26,889 --> 01:10:28,357
It is the rabbit.

1220
01:10:30,476 --> 01:10:31,648
You silly sod!

1221
01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:32,937
What?

1222
01:10:33,020 --> 01:10:34,488
You got us all worked up.

1223
01:10:34,564 --> 01:10:36,282
That's no ordinary rabbit.

1224
01:10:36,357 --> 01:10:38,780
That's the most foul, cruel and

1225
01:10:38,901 --> 01:10:41,324
bad-tempered rodent
you ever set eyes on.

1226
01:10:41,487 --> 01:10:45,162
You tit! I soiled my
armour I was so scared!

1227
01:10:45,241 --> 01:10:48,745
Look, that rabbit's got
a vicious streak a mile wide.

1228
01:10:48,828 --> 01:10:49,829
It's a killer!

1229
01:10:49,912 --> 01:10:50,913
Get stuffed.

1230
01:10:50,997 --> 01:10:52,157
He'll do you up a treat, mate!

1231
01:10:52,165 --> 01:10:53,257
Yeah?

1232
01:10:53,332 --> 01:10:54,584
You manky Scots git!

1233
01:10:54,667 --> 01:10:55,884
I'm warning you.

1234
01:10:56,002 --> 01:10:57,754
What's he do? Nibble your bum?

1235
01:10:57,879 --> 01:10:59,677
He's got huge, sharp...

1236
01:11:00,673 --> 01:11:02,425
It can leap about...

1237
01:11:02,884 --> 01:11:04,511
Look at the bones!

1238
01:11:04,677 --> 01:11:06,350
Go on, Bors, chop its head off.

1239
01:11:06,429 --> 01:11:10,184
Right. Silly little bleeder. One
rabbit stew coming right up.

1240
01:11:12,518 --> 01:11:13,770
Look!

1241
01:11:13,853 --> 01:11:14,854
(SQUEAKING)

1242
01:11:16,856 --> 01:11:18,358
Jesus Christ!

1243
01:11:18,524 --> 01:11:20,026
I warned you!

1244
01:11:20,109 --> 01:11:21,110
I've done it again.

1245
01:11:21,194 --> 01:11:22,195
I warned you.

1246
01:11:22,278 --> 01:11:25,623
But did you listen to me? No,
you knew it all, didn't you?

1247
01:11:25,782 --> 01:11:30,333
It's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?
Well, it's always the same.

1248
01:11:30,411 --> 01:11:31,663
I always...

1249
01:11:31,788 --> 01:11:33,040
Shut up!

1250
01:11:34,540 --> 01:11:36,383
Charge!

1251
01:11:43,633 --> 01:11:45,180
(KNIGHTS SHOUTING)

1252
01:11:46,010 --> 01:11:50,106
(KNIGHTS SCREAMING)

1253
01:11:53,059 --> 01:11:55,482
ALL: Run away!

1254
01:11:58,856 --> 01:12:02,281
(LAUGHING)

1255
01:12:04,904 --> 01:12:05,871
How many did we lose?

1256
01:12:05,947 --> 01:12:06,948
Gawain.

1257
01:12:07,031 --> 01:12:07,998
Ector.

1258
01:12:08,074 --> 01:12:09,075
And Bors. That's five.

1259
01:12:09,158 --> 01:12:11,126
Three. Three.

1260
01:12:11,452 --> 01:12:15,127
We better not risk another frontal
assault, that rabbit's dynamite.

1261
01:12:15,248 --> 01:12:17,842
Would it help to confuse it
if we run away more?

1262
01:12:17,917 --> 01:12:19,544
Shut up and change your armour.

1263
01:12:19,669 --> 01:12:21,296
Let us taunt it.

1264
01:12:21,420 --> 01:12:24,173
It may become so cross
that it will make a mistake.

1265
01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:25,429
Like what?

1266
01:12:26,676 --> 01:12:27,768
Well...

1267
01:12:30,930 --> 01:12:32,853
Have we got bows? No.

1268
01:12:32,932 --> 01:12:34,132
We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

1269
01:12:34,225 --> 01:12:35,351
Yes, of course!

1270
01:12:35,434 --> 01:12:37,186
The Holy Hand
Grenade of Antioch.

1271
01:12:37,270 --> 01:12:40,069
It's one of the sacred relics
Brother Maynard carries.

1272
01:12:40,147 --> 01:12:43,276
Brother Maynard! Bring up
the Holy Hand Grenade.

1273
01:12:44,735 --> 01:12:47,705
BROTHER MAYNARD:
J” Pie Jesu Domine.

1274
01:12:47,780 --> 01:12:51,705
<i>MONKS: J* Dona eis requiem.</i>

1275
01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:55,163
<i>J” Pie Jesu Domine.</i>

1276
01:12:55,288 --> 01:12:59,009
<i>J* Dona eis requiem.</i>

1277
01:12:59,125 --> 01:13:02,800
<i>J” Pie Jesu Domine.</i>

1278
01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:06,349
<i>J* Dona eis requiem.</i>

1279
01:13:06,507 --> 01:13:10,057
<i>J” Pie Jesu Domine.</i>

1280
01:13:10,136 --> 01:13:13,982
<i>J” Dona eis requiem J”.</i>

1281
01:13:14,724 --> 01:13:16,021
How does it, uh...

1282
01:13:16,726 --> 01:13:17,898
How does it work?

1283
01:13:17,977 --> 01:13:19,320
I know not, my liege.

1284
01:13:19,478 --> 01:13:20,821
Consult the Book of Armaments.

1285
01:13:20,897 --> 01:13:24,697
Armaments 2: 9-21.

1286
01:13:28,029 --> 01:13:32,000
"And St Attila raised the hand
grenade up on high, saying,"

1287
01:13:32,658 --> 01:13:36,788
"'O Lord, bless this thy hand
grenade, that with it thou mayest"

1288
01:13:36,871 --> 01:13:40,546
"'blow thine enemies
to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'."

1289
01:13:41,208 --> 01:13:44,303
"And the Lord did grin
and the people did feast upon"

1290
01:13:44,378 --> 01:13:49,350
"the lambs and sloths and carp
and anchovies and orangutans"

1291
01:13:49,884 --> 01:13:52,307
"and breakfast cereals
and fruit bats and..."

1292
01:13:52,386 --> 01:13:53,888
Skip a bit, Brother.

1293
01:13:55,681 --> 01:13:57,809
"The Lord spake, saying,

1294
01:13:57,892 --> 01:14:00,486
"'First shalt thou
take out the Holy Pin,

1295
01:14:01,312 --> 01:14:05,692
"'then shalt thou count to
three, no more, no less.

1296
01:14:06,651 --> 01:14:09,279
"'Three shalt be the number
thou shalt count,

1297
01:14:09,362 --> 01:14:12,366
"'and the number of the
counting shalt be three.

1298
01:14:12,990 --> 01:14:16,585
"'Four shalt thou not count,
neither count thou two,

1299
01:14:17,119 --> 01:14:19,838
"'excepting that thou
then proceed to three.

1300
01:14:21,165 --> 01:14:23,463
"'Five is right out.

1301
01:14:24,627 --> 01:14:28,131
"'Once the number three, being
the third number be reached,

1302
01:14:28,547 --> 01:14:31,847
"'then lobbest thou thy Holy
Hand Grenade of Antioch

1303
01:14:31,926 --> 01:14:35,681
"'towards thy foe, who,
being naughty in my sight,

1304
01:14:36,347 --> 01:14:37,974
"'shall snuff it."'

1305
01:14:38,683 --> 01:14:39,809
Amen.

1306
01:14:40,017 --> 01:14:41,064
ALL: Amen.

1307
01:14:41,143 --> 01:14:42,235
Right.

1308
01:14:42,895 --> 01:14:45,148
One, two, five!

1309
01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:47,108
Three, sir! Three!

1310
01:15:13,300 --> 01:15:15,644
(ALL PANTING NERVOUSLY)

1311
01:15:33,112 --> 01:15:34,614
There! Look!

1312
01:15:35,489 --> 01:15:36,615
What does it say?

1313
01:15:36,741 --> 01:15:37,867
What language is that?

1314
01:15:37,950 --> 01:15:40,203
Brother Maynard,
you're our scholar.

1315
01:15:40,369 --> 01:15:41,962
It is Aramaic!

1316
01:15:42,288 --> 01:15:45,132
Of course. Joseph of Arimathea!

1317
01:15:45,458 --> 01:15:46,505
Of course.

1318
01:15:46,584 --> 01:15:47,585
What does it say?

1319
01:15:47,668 --> 01:15:51,013
It reads, "Here may be found"

1320
01:15:51,130 --> 01:15:54,725
"the last words of
Joseph of Arimathea.

1321
01:15:55,468 --> 01:15:58,688
"'He who is Valiant
and pure of spirit

1322
01:15:59,472 --> 01:16:01,691
"'may find the Holy Grail

1323
01:16:02,016 --> 01:16:06,317
"'in the Castle of Aaargh."'

1324
01:16:08,230 --> 01:16:09,402
What?

1325
01:16:10,149 --> 01:16:13,995
"The Castle of Aaargh."

1326
01:16:14,653 --> 01:16:15,905
What is that?

1327
01:16:16,489 --> 01:16:18,662
He must have died
while carving it.

1328
01:16:18,741 --> 01:16:20,084
Come on!

1329
01:16:20,201 --> 01:16:21,578
That's what it says.

1330
01:16:21,702 --> 01:16:25,332
Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't
bother to carve "Aaargh."

1331
01:16:25,498 --> 01:16:27,171
He'd just say it.

1332
01:16:27,291 --> 01:16:28,918
That's what's
carved in the rock.

1333
01:16:29,168 --> 01:16:30,289
Perhaps he was dictating it.

1334
01:16:30,294 --> 01:16:31,295
Shut up!

1335
01:16:31,378 --> 01:16:32,470
Does it say anything else?

1336
01:16:32,588 --> 01:16:33,680
No!

1337
01:16:33,756 --> 01:16:37,010
Just "Aaargh."

1338
01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:41,389
Aaargh.

1339
01:16:41,514 --> 01:16:45,235
Do you suppose he
meant the Camargue?

1340
01:16:45,351 --> 01:16:47,319
Where's that?
In France, I think.

1341
01:16:47,394 --> 01:16:50,864
Isn't there a St
Aaargh's in Cornwall?

1342
01:16:50,940 --> 01:16:52,442
No, that's St Ives.

1343
01:16:52,525 --> 01:16:54,698
LANCELOT: St Ives.

1344
01:16:54,860 --> 01:16:56,362
(EXCLAIMING)

1345
01:16:56,862 --> 01:16:59,365
No, "Aaargh."
At the back of the throat.

1346
01:16:59,448 --> 01:17:02,577
No, "Ooh,"
in surprise and alarm!

1347
01:17:02,868 --> 01:17:04,211
Oh, you mean a sort of an "Ah!"

1348
01:17:04,286 --> 01:17:05,583
Yes, that's right.

1349
01:17:05,913 --> 01:17:06,914
Ahhh!

1350
01:17:07,289 --> 01:17:08,336
My God!

1351
01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:10,176
(ROARING)

1352
01:17:11,127 --> 01:17:13,846
It's the legendary
Black Beast of...

1353
01:17:14,130 --> 01:17:15,928
Aaargh!

1354
01:17:16,090 --> 01:17:19,060
ARTHUR: That's it! Run away!

1355
01:17:24,014 --> 01:17:25,231
(ALL SHOUTING)

1356
01:17:28,853 --> 01:17:30,355
Keep running.

1357
01:17:35,067 --> 01:17:36,034
(WHISPERING) We've lost him.

1358
01:17:36,110 --> 01:17:37,157
(BEAST ROARS)

1359
01:17:37,236 --> 01:17:38,237
(KNIGHTS SCREAMING)

1360
01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:41,073
NARRATOR: <i>As the horrendous
Black Beast lunged forward,</i>

1361
01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:44,456
<i>escape for Arthur and his
knights seemed hopeless.</i>

1362
01:17:44,577 --> 01:17:48,582
<i>When, suddenly, the animator
suffered a fatal heart attack.</i>

1363
01:17:48,914 --> 01:17:51,463
<i>The Cartoon peril was no more.</i>

1364
01:17:52,251 --> 01:17:55,130
<i>The quest for the Holy Grail
could continue.</i>

1365
01:18:07,266 --> 01:18:08,939
There it is!

1366
01:18:09,143 --> 01:18:11,191
The Bridge of Death.

1367
01:18:11,312 --> 01:18:13,360
ROBIN: (UNENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Great.

1368
01:18:13,522 --> 01:18:16,492
ARTHUR: Look! There's
the old man from Scene 24.

1369
01:18:16,609 --> 01:18:18,407
BEDEVERE: What's he doing here?

1370
01:18:18,527 --> 01:18:20,325
He is the keeper of
the Bridge of Death.

1371
01:18:20,821 --> 01:18:23,165
He asks each traveller
five questions.

1372
01:18:23,282 --> 01:18:25,205
Three questions.
Three questions.

1373
01:18:25,284 --> 01:18:27,753
He who answers
the five questions...

1374
01:18:27,828 --> 01:18:28,875
Three questions.

1375
01:18:28,954 --> 01:18:31,127
Three questions,
may cross in safety.

1376
01:18:31,290 --> 01:18:33,418
What if you get
a question wrong?

1377
01:18:33,500 --> 01:18:37,004
Then you are cast into the
Gorge of Eternal Peril.

1378
01:18:37,296 --> 01:18:38,798
Oh, wacko.

1379
01:18:38,923 --> 01:18:40,470
Who's going to
answer the questions?

1380
01:18:40,549 --> 01:18:43,393
Brave Sir Robin, you go.

1381
01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:46,138
I've got a great idea.

1382
01:18:46,805 --> 01:18:48,307
Why doesn't Lancelot go?

1383
01:18:48,390 --> 01:18:51,143
Yes, let me go, my liege. I
will take him single-handed.

1384
01:18:51,227 --> 01:18:52,979
I shall make a feint
to the northeast...

1385
01:18:53,145 --> 01:18:54,897
Hang om.

1386
01:18:55,147 --> 01:18:56,427
Just answer
the five questions...

1387
01:18:56,482 --> 01:18:57,734
Three questions.

1388
01:18:57,816 --> 01:19:01,821
Three questions, as best you can.
And we shall watch and pray.

1389
01:19:02,029 --> 01:19:03,872
I understand, my liege.

1390
01:19:04,156 --> 01:19:07,751
Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot.
God be with you.

1391
01:19:12,206 --> 01:19:13,253
Stop!

1392
01:19:14,833 --> 01:19:17,131
Who would cross
the Bridge of Death,

1393
01:19:17,211 --> 01:19:19,509
must answer me
these questions three.

1394
01:19:19,672 --> 01:19:21,845
Ere the other side he see.

1395
01:19:22,049 --> 01:19:25,053
Ask me the questions,
bndgekeepen I'm not afraid.

1396
01:19:25,344 --> 01:19:27,187
What is your name?

1397
01:19:27,346 --> 01:19:29,223
My name is
Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

1398
01:19:30,015 --> 01:19:31,733
What is your quest?

1399
01:19:32,017 --> 01:19:34,019
To seek the Holy Grail.

1400
01:19:34,520 --> 01:19:36,693
What is your favourite colour?

1401
01:19:37,106 --> 01:19:38,198
Blue.

1402
01:19:38,315 --> 01:19:39,362
Right. Off you go.

1403
01:19:40,859 --> 01:19:42,736
Well, thank you very much.

1404
01:19:47,199 --> 01:19:48,416
That's easy.

1405
01:19:51,453 --> 01:19:52,545
<i>StOP-</i>

1406
01:19:53,247 --> 01:19:55,545
Who approacheth
the Bridge of Death,

1407
01:19:55,666 --> 01:19:57,919
must answer me
these questions three.

1408
01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:00,547
Ere the other side he see.

1409
01:20:01,380 --> 01:20:04,133
Ask me the questions,
bndgekeepen I'm not afraid.

1410
01:20:04,216 --> 01:20:05,934
What is your name?

1411
01:20:06,051 --> 01:20:07,803
Sir Robin of Camelot.

1412
01:20:08,262 --> 01:20:09,764
What is your quest?

1413
01:20:09,888 --> 01:20:11,390
To seek the Holy Grail.

1414
01:20:11,724 --> 01:20:13,897
What is the capital of Assyria?

1415
01:20:16,729 --> 01:20:17,981
I don't know that!

1416
01:20:18,397 --> 01:20:21,276
(SCREAMING)

1417
01:20:26,739 --> 01:20:27,865
Stop!

1418
01:20:28,741 --> 01:20:30,459
What is your name?

1419
01:20:30,576 --> 01:20:32,294
Sir Galahad of Camelot.

1420
01:20:32,536 --> 01:20:34,664
What is your quest?

1421
01:20:34,747 --> 01:20:36,044
I seek the Grail.

1422
01:20:36,874 --> 01:20:39,423
What is your favourite colour?

1423
01:20:39,501 --> 01:20:40,673
Blue.

1424
01:20:40,753 --> 01:20:41,800
No! Yellow!

1425
01:20:42,004 --> 01:20:45,178
(SCREAMING)

1426
01:20:48,010 --> 01:20:49,011
(CACKUNG)

1427
01:20:49,261 --> 01:20:50,308
Stop!

1428
01:20:50,554 --> 01:20:52,522
What is your name?

1429
01:20:52,639 --> 01:20:54,607
It is Arthur,
King of the Britons.

1430
01:20:55,017 --> 01:20:56,769
What is your quest?

1431
01:20:56,935 --> 01:20:58,687
To seek the Holy Grail.

1432
01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:02,900
What is the air-speed velocity
of an unladen swallow?

1433
01:21:03,650 --> 01:21:06,529
What do you mean? An African
or European swallow?

1434
01:21:07,571 --> 01:21:09,073
I don't know that!

1435
01:21:09,281 --> 01:21:13,161
(SCREAMING)

1436
01:21:15,329 --> 01:21:17,707
How do you know so
much about swallows?

1437
01:21:17,831 --> 01:21:20,505
You have to know these things
when you're a king.

1438
01:21:36,392 --> 01:21:39,441
(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

1439
01:22:00,374 --> 01:22:01,421
Lancelot!

1440
01:22:07,881 --> 01:22:08,973
Lancelot!

1441
01:22:13,220 --> 01:22:16,474
(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)

1442
01:22:17,808 --> 01:22:19,105
ARTHUR: Lancelot!

1443
01:24:08,710 --> 01:24:13,090
The Castle Aaargh.
Our quest is at an end.

1444
01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:33,326
God be praised.

1445
01:24:36,905 --> 01:24:38,373
Almighty God,

1446
01:24:38,448 --> 01:24:42,328
we thank thee, that thou hast
vouchsafed to us the most holy...

1447
01:24:42,494 --> 01:24:43,495
(CATAPULT FIRING)

1448
01:24:44,454 --> 01:24:46,548
(SHEEP BLEATING) Jesus Christ!

1449
01:24:47,749 --> 01:24:50,047
Hello, stuffy English knights

1450
01:24:50,127 --> 01:24:53,051
and Monsieur Arthur King, who has
the brain of a duck, you know.

1451
01:24:53,130 --> 01:24:56,134
So, we French fellows
outwit you a second time.

1452
01:24:56,216 --> 01:24:59,220
How dare you profane this
place with your presence?

1453
01:24:59,803 --> 01:25:03,683
I command you, in the name
of the knights of Camelot,

1454
01:25:03,932 --> 01:25:06,902
to open the doors of
this sacred castle,

1455
01:25:07,102 --> 01:25:10,572
to which God himself
has guided us.

1456
01:25:10,772 --> 01:25:13,195
How you English say?
One more time,

1457
01:25:13,358 --> 01:25:15,781
I unclog my nose
in your direction,

1458
01:25:16,069 --> 01:25:17,571
sons of a window-dresser!

1459
01:25:17,654 --> 01:25:20,248
So, you think you could
out-clever us French folk

1460
01:25:20,324 --> 01:25:23,874
with your silly knees-bent, running
about, advancing behaviour.

1461
01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:26,751
I wave my private parts
at your aunties.

1462
01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:29,462
You cheesy lot of second-hand,

1463
01:25:29,541 --> 01:25:31,635
electric donkey-bottom biters!

1464
01:25:31,710 --> 01:25:33,838
In the name of the Lord,

1465
01:25:33,920 --> 01:25:37,675
we demand entrance
to this sacred castle!

1466
01:25:37,758 --> 01:25:40,557
No chance,
English bed-wetting types.

1467
01:25:40,636 --> 01:25:42,764
I burst my pimples
at you, and call your

1468
01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:44,894
door-opening request
a silly thing!

1469
01:25:44,973 --> 01:25:48,398
You tiny-brained wipers
of other people's bottoms.

1470
01:25:48,477 --> 01:25:52,152
If you'll not open this door, we
shall take this castle by force!

1471
01:25:54,024 --> 01:25:56,493
In the name of God
and the glory of our...

1472
01:25:58,153 --> 01:26:00,702
Right! That settles it!

1473
01:26:01,490 --> 01:26:04,619
Depart at this time, and don't
be approaching any more,

1474
01:26:04,701 --> 01:26:06,999
or we fire arrows
into your heads,

1475
01:26:07,120 --> 01:26:09,418
and make castanets
out of your testicles.

1476
01:26:09,498 --> 01:26:11,125
Walk away, just ignore them.

1477
01:26:11,208 --> 01:26:15,133
And now remain gone,
illegitimate-faced bugger-folk!

1478
01:26:15,253 --> 01:26:17,551
And, if you think
you got a nasty

1479
01:26:17,673 --> 01:26:19,926
taunting this time,
you ain't heard

1480
01:26:20,008 --> 01:26:23,558
nothing yet,
stuffy English knights!

1481
01:26:24,554 --> 01:26:25,931
(JEERING)

1482
01:26:45,409 --> 01:26:46,877
We shall attack at once.

1483
01:26:46,993 --> 01:26:48,495
Yes, my liege.

1484
01:26:48,662 --> 01:26:50,539
Stand by for attack!

1485
01:27:50,182 --> 01:27:51,604
French persons!

1486
01:27:51,767 --> 01:27:52,984
(JEERING)

1487
01:27:53,059 --> 01:27:56,529
Today the blood of many a valiant
knight shall be avenged.

1488
01:27:56,855 --> 01:28:00,200
In the name of God,
we shall not stop our fight

1489
01:28:00,317 --> 01:28:05,073
till each one of you lies
dead, and the Holy Grail

1490
01:28:05,197 --> 01:28:08,792
returns to those
whom God has chosen.

1491
01:28:09,159 --> 01:28:10,285
(FRENCHMEN LAUGHING
IN DERISION)

1492
01:28:10,368 --> 01:28:11,620
ARTHUR: Charge!

1493
01:28:11,703 --> 01:28:15,583
(ALL SHOUTING)

1494
01:28:33,058 --> 01:28:35,402
(SIREN WAILING)

1495
01:28:38,897 --> 01:28:41,320
Yes, they're
the ones, I'm sure.

1496
01:28:41,525 --> 01:28:43,243
(POLICEMEN SHOUTING ORDERS)

1497
01:28:43,318 --> 01:28:45,412
(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)

1498
01:28:47,072 --> 01:28:48,289
Come on.

1499
01:28:48,406 --> 01:28:49,658
Put this man in the van.

1500
01:28:53,578 --> 01:28:54,921
Put him in the van.

1501
01:28:55,038 --> 01:28:56,415
Get a blanket over that one.

1502
01:28:56,665 --> 01:28:59,259
Come on, back! Right back!

1503
01:29:01,461 --> 01:29:03,714
That's an offensive weapon,
that is.

1504
01:29:04,256 --> 01:29:06,600
(POLICEMEN BARKING ORDERS)

1505
01:29:07,008 --> 01:29:09,306
All right, sonny,
that's enough. Pack that in.

1054
01:29:09,427 --> 01:31:11,555
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