It's...
Monty python's flying circus.
Good afternoon.
Afternoon.
Ah... lovely day, isn't it?
Ar... 'tis that.
Are you here on holiday or...?
No, no, I live here.
Oh, jolly good.
I say, those are sheep, aren't they?
Ar.
Yes, yes, of course, I thought so.
Only... why are they up in the trees?
A fair question
And one that in recent weeks Has been much on my mind.
It is my considered opinion That they're nesting.
Nesting?
Like birds?
Ar... exactly.
Birds is the key to the whole problem.
It's my belief that these sheep are laboring
Under the misapprehension that they're birds.
Observe their behavior.
Take for a start the sheep's tendency
To hop about the field on their back legs.
Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree.
Notice they do not so much fly as plummet.
Observe, for example, that ewe in that oak tree.
She is clearly trying to teach her lamb to fly.
Talk about the blind leading the blind.
But why do they think they're birds?
Another fair question.
One thing is for sure:
A sheep is not a creature of the air.
It has enormous difficulty In the comparatively simple act of perching.
As you see.
As for flight, its body is totally unadapted To the problems of aviation.
Trouble is, sheep are very dim.
And once they get an idea into their heads
There's no shifting it.
But where do they get the idea from? From harold.
He's that sheep over there under the elm.
He's that most dangerous of animals--
A clever sheep.
He's the ringleader.
He's realized the sheep's life consists
Of standing around for a few months And then being eaten.
And that's a depressing prospect
For an ambitious sheep.
He's patently hit on the idea of escape.
But why don't you just get rid of harold?
Because of the enormous commercial possibilities Should he succeed.
and what exactlyare the commercial possibilities of a vine a viation?
bonsoir.
ici nous avons
les diagrammes modernes d'un mouton anglo-francais
ce n'est pas...
maintenant...
nous avons, dans la tete, le cabine.
tres bon.
ici, ou se trouve
le petit capitaine anglais, un monsieur trubshawe.
Vive brian, wherever you are.
d'accord, d'accord.
maintenant, je vous presente mon collegue
le pouf celebre, jean-brian jatapathique.
maintenant, le mouton...
Le landing...
Les wheels, bon.
bon.
Les wheels, ici.
c'est formidable, n'est-ce pas?
est bon, ooh, ah.
de la machine...
de la a vion...
de la baa, baa, baa.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, baa.
de la derriere du mouton...
Chug, chug, chug.
ah, merci beaucoup.
suivez la piste.
tais-toi.
pardon.
pas de tout.
mais...
ou sont les bagages?
ou... les voyageurs?
les voyageurs.
Gaspard?
merci.
les voyageurs.
les bagages.
ils sont... ici!
premiere classe, deuxieme classe...
et maintenant...
Baa, baa, baa.
Maa, maa, maa.
comme ca...
demonstration fantastique.
sur trois... un, deux trois.
maa, maa, maa, maa, maa, maa...
We get a lot of french people around here.
Oh, yes.
All over, yes.
And how do you get on
With these french people?
Oh, very well.
So do i.
Me, too.
So does mrs. ames.
Yes, yes.
Yes, I like them.
I mean, they think well, don't they?
I mean, be fair... pascal.
Mm, blaise pascal.
Jean-paul sartre.
Yes, voltaire.
Ooh.
Rene descartes.
Hmm... hmm.
Hmm!
And now for something completely different--
A man with three buttocks.
Good evening.
I have with me mr. arthur frampton
Who has...
Mr. frampton, I understand that you, as it were
Have...
Well, let me put it another way.
I believe, mr. frampton
That whereas most people have two...
Two...
You... you.
I'm sorry?
Ah, yes... yes, I see.
Um... are you quite comfortable?
Yes, fine, thank you.
Um... mr. frampton...
Vis-a-vis your rump.
I beg your pardon?
Your rump.
What?
Your... posterior.
Derriere.
Sit-upon.
What's that?
Buttocks.
Oh, me bum!
Shh.
Well, mr. frampton, I understand, mr. frampton
You have a 50% bonus
In the region of what you said.
I've got three cheeks.
Yes, yes, splendid, splendid.
Well, we were wondering, mr. frampton
If you could see your way clear...
Here, what's that camera doing?
Nothing, nothing, nothing at all, mister.
We were wondering if you could see your way clear
To giving us a quick...
A quick visual...
Mr. frampton, will you take your trousers down?
What? get off!
I'm not taking me trousers off on television.
Please take them down.
No.
Just a little bit.
No.
Now...
Now, look here, mr. frampton
It's perfectly easy for somebody
Just to come along here to the bbc
Simply claiming that they have
A bit to spare in the botty department.
The point is, mr. frampton, our viewers need proof.
I've been on persian radio.
Get off!
Arthur figgis knows I've got three buttocks.
How?
We go cycling together.
'strewth!
And now for something completely different--
A man with three buttocks.
Good evening.
I have with me mr. arthur frampton who...
Mr. frampton, I understand that you, as it were
Have...
Well, let me put it another way.
I believe, mr. frampton, that whereas most people...
Didn't we do this just now?
Why, yes.
Well, why didn't you say so?
I thought it was a continental version.
And now for something completely the same--
A man with three buttocks.
Hello.
Oh, did we?
And now for something completely different--
A man with three noses.
He's not here yet!
Two noses?
Ladies and gentlemen, wasn't she just great, eh?
Wasn't she just great?
And she can run as fast as she can sing.
And I'm telling you because I know.
No, only kidding.
Seriously now, ladies and gentlemen
We have for you one of the most unique acts in the world today.
He's... well, I'll say no more
And just let you see for yourselves.
Ladies and gentlemen, my very great privilege to introduce
Arthur ewing and his musical mice!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have in this box
23 white mice--
Mice which have been painstakingly trained
Over the past few years to squeak at a selected pitch.
This is e-sharp.
And this one is g.
You get the general idea.
Now, these mice are so arranged upon this rack
That when played in the correct order
They will squeak "the bells of st. mary."
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, on the mouse organ
"the bells of st. mary."
Thank you.
Oh, my god!
Oh, stop him!
Stop him!
For god's sake, stop him!
Next.
Are you the marriage guidance counselor?
Yes-- good morning.
Morning, sir.
And good morning to you, madam.
Name?
Mr. and mrs. arthur pewtey... pewtey.
And what is the name of your ravishing wife?
Wait!
Don't tell me.
It's something to do with moonlight.
It goes with her eyes.
It's soft and gentle, warm and yielding
Deeply lyrical and yet tender and frightened
Like a tiny white rabbit.
It's deirdre.
Deirdre... what a beautiful name.
What a beautiful, beautiful name.
And what seems to be the trouble
With your marriage, mr. pewtey?
Well, it all started about five years ago.
We started going on holiday to brighton together.
Deirdre, that's my wife, has always been
A very good companion to me.
I never particularly anticipated any marital strife.
Indeed, the very idea
Of consulting a professional marital advisor
Has always been of the greatest repugnance to me.
Although, far be it from me
To impugn the nature of your trade or profession.
Do go on.
Well, as I say, we've always been good friends
Sharing the interests, the gardening and so on
The model airplanes
The sixpenny bottle for the holiday money
And, indeed, twice in the month
Setting down in the evening to do the accounts
Something which deirdre... deirdre, that's my wife
Particularly looked forward to on account of her feet.
I should probably have said at the outset
That I'm noted for having something of a sense of humor
Although I've kept myself
Pretty much to myself over the last two years
Notwithstanding, as it were.
And it's only been comparatively recently
That I've begun to realize...
Well, perhaps "realize" is not the correct word.
Imagine... imagine
That I was not the only thing in her life.
You suspected your wife?
Well, yes... yes.
At first, frankly, yes.
Her behavior did seem at the time to me
Who was, after all, there to see
To be a little odd.
Odd?
Yes, well, I mean, to a certain extent, yes.
I'm not by nature a suspicious person--
Far from it.
I have something of a reputation
As an after-dinner speaker, if you take my meaning.
Yes, I certainly do.
Anyway, in the area where I'm known
People, in fact, know me extremely well.
Right.
Will you hold this?
Thank you.
Yes-- anyway, as I said
I must learn to face up to the facts
Stop beating about the bush
Or I'd never look myself
In the bathroom mirror again.
Anyway, so...
Would you mind running along for ten minutes?
No, no.
Make it half an hour.
Yes, I'll wait outside, shall i?
Yes, well, that's perhaps the best thing, yes.
Certainly put my mind at rest on...
On one or two... points there.
Now, wait there, stranger.
A man can run and run for year after year.
Till he realizes
That what he's running from is hisself.
Gosh!
Now, a man's got to do
What a man's got to do
And there ain't no sense in running.
Now, you got to turn and you got to fight
And you got to hold your head up high.
Yes!
Now, you go back in there, my son
And be a man.
Walk tall.
Yes.
Oh, I will!
I will!
I've been pushed around long enough.
This is it.
This is your moment, arthur pewtey.
This is it, arthur pewtey.
At last...
You're a man!
All right, deirdre, come out of there!
Go away!
Right, right.
These historic pictures of queen victoria
Taken in 1880 at osborne
Show the queen with gladstone.
This unique film provides a rare glimpse
Into the private world of a woman who ruled half the earth.
The commentary, recorded on the earliest wax cylinders
Is spoken by alfred lord tennyson, the poet laureate.
Well, hello, it's the wacky queen again...
And who's the other fella?
It's willy gladstone
And when these two way-out wacky characters get together
There's fun aplenty.
And, uh-oh, there's a hose pipe.
This means trouble for somebody.
Uh-oh, charlie gardener's fallen for that old trick.
Queenie's put him in a heap of trouble.
Uh-oh, that's one in the eye for willy.
"here, you have a go."
"well, doggone it, where's that water?"
Uh-oh, there it is, all over his face.
Well, hello, what's britain's wacky queen up to now?
Well, she's certainly not sitting on the fence... she's painting it.
Surely nothing can go wrong here.
Uh-oh, here's the p.m., coming back for more.
And he certainly gets it.
Well, that's one way to get the housework done.
Oh, dad, look who's come to see us!
It's our ken.
Ah, and about bloody time, if you ask me.
Aren't you pleased to see me, father?
Yes, of course he's pleased to see you, ken.
All right, woman, all right.
I've got a tongue in me head.
I'll do the talking.
Bligh!
I like your fancy suit.
Is that what they're wearing up in yorkshire now?
It's just an ordinary suit, father.
It's all I've got, apart from the overalls.
How are you liking it
Down the mine, ken?
Oh, it's not too bad, mum.
We're using some new tungsten carbide drills
For the preliminary coal-face scouring operations.
Oh, that sounds nice, dear.
Tungsten carbide drills?
What the bloody hell is tungsten carbide drills?
It's something they use in coal mining, father.
"it's something they use in coal mining, father."
Your bloody fancy talk since you left london.
Not that again.
He's had a hard day, dear.
His new play opens
At national theatre tomorrow.
Oh, that's good.
Good?! good?!
What do you know about it?
What do you know about getting up at 5:00 in the morning
To fly to paris, back at the old vic for drinks at 12:00
Sweating the day
Through press interviews, television interviews
Then getting back here at 10:00 to wrestle with the problem
Of an homosexual nymphomaniac drug addict
Involved in the ritual murder
Of a well-known scottish footballer?
That's a full working day, lad!
And don't you forget it!
Oh, don't shout at the boy, father.
Hampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it?
You had to go poncing off to barnsley.
You and your coal-mining friends.
Coal mining is a wonderful thing, father.
But it's something you'll never understand.
Just look at you.
Oh, ken, be careful!
You know what he's like
After a few novels.
Go on, lad, go on.
Out with it-- what's wrong with me?
Your tit!
I'll tell you what's wrong with you.
Your head's addled with novels and poems.
You come home every evening
Reeling of chateau la tour.
Don't, don't!
And look what you've done to mother.
She's worn out with meeting film stars, attending premieres
And giving gala luncheons.
There's nowt wrong with gala luncheons, lad!
I've had more gala luncheons
Than you've had hot dinners.
Oh, please, please.
Oh, no!
What is it?
Oh, it's his writer's cramp.
You never told me about this.
No, we didn't like to, kenny.
I'm all right, I'm all right, woman.
Just get him out of here!
Oh, ken, you'd better go.
All right, I'm going.
After all we've done for him.
One day you'll realize
There's more to life than culture.
There's dirt and smoke and good, honest sweat!
Get out, get out, you laborer!
Hey, you know, mother?
I think there's a play there.
Get agent on the phone.
Aye, I think you're right, frank.
It could express...
It could express
A vital theme of our age.
Oh, shut up!
Shut up!
Well, that's better.
Now, for something completely different--
A man with three buttocks.
We've done that!
Oh, all right, all right!
A man with... nine legs.
He ran away!
Oh, bloody hell.
Uh...
A scotsman on a horse.
Harold!
Come back, harold!
Harold!
Come back, harold.
Oh, blast!
Good evening, and welcome once again to the epilogue.
On the program this evening we have monsignor edward gay
Visiting pastoral emissary
At the somerset theological college
And author of a number of books about belief
The most recent of which is the best-seller my god.
Good evening.
And opposite him, we have dr. tom jack
Humanist, broadcaster, lecturer
And author of the book hello, sailor.
Good evening.
Tonight, instead of discussing
The existence or nonexistence of god
They have decided to fight for it--
The existence or nonexistence to be determined
By two falls, two submissions or a knockout.
All right, boys, let's get to it.
Your master of ceremonies for this evening
Mr. arthur waring.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen
And welcome to a three-round contest of the epilogue.
Introducing on my right, in the blue corner
Appearing for jehovah
The ever-popular monsignor eddie gay.
And on my left, in the red corner
Author of the book the problems of kierkegaard
And hello, sailor
And visiting professor of modern theological philosophy
At the university of east anglia
From wigan, dr. tom jack.
Now, dr. jack's got the flying mare there.
Flying mare there.
What's he doing?
And this is going to be a full body slam.
Full body slam there.
And he's going in again.
No, he's standing back.
Well, there we're...
We're leaving the epilogue for the moment.
We'll be bringing you the result of this discussion
Later on in the program.
Oh, my god!
Oh!
Isn't he an impressive figure of a man?
People all over the country...
...defacement of public property
And this sort of thing has got to be stopped.
Destruction, defacement has got to be put to an end.
This country is not standing
For vandals and hooligans running about.
Oh, yes, that's much better.
Oh, isn't he a lovely little...
Wait a minute, buckaroos.
This has gone far enough.
Look out!
Get away from me!
Get it away, get it away!
Yes, the mouse problem.
This week, the world around us
Looks at the growing social phenomenon of mice and men.
What makes a man want to be a mouse?
Well, uh, it's not a question
Of wanting to be a mouse.
It just sort of happens to you.
All of a sudden, you realize
That's what you want to be.
And when did you first notice
These, shall we say, tendencies?
Well, I was about 17
And some mates and me went to a party
And, uh, well, we had quite a lot to drink
And then some of the fellows there
Started handing cheese around.
Well, just out of curiosity, I tried a bit and...
Well, that was that.
Yes, and what else did these fellows do?
Well, uh, some of them started...
Dressing up as mice a bit.
Um...
And then when they got the costumes on, they...
Started squeaking.
Was that all?
That was all.
And what was your reaction to this?
Well, I was shocked.
Yes.
But, uh...
Gradually I came to feel
That I was more at ease with other mice.
A typical case, whom we shall refer to as mr. "a."
Although his real name is this.
What is it that attracts someone like mr. "a" to this way of life?
I have with me a consultant psychiatrist.
Well, we've just heard
A typical case history.
I myself have over 700 similar histories, all fully documented.
Would you care to choose one?
Mr... arthur aldridge of livington.
Well, that's amazing.
Thank you.
Amazing... thank you, janet.
Kargol, speaking as a psychiatrist
As opposed to a con jurer...
Oh.
What makes certain men want to be mice?
Well, we psychiatrists have found
That over eight percent of the population will always be mice.
I mean, after all, there's something of the mouse in all of us.
I mean, how many of us can honestly say
That at one time or another, he hasn't felt sexually attracted to mice?
I know I have.
I mean, most normal adolescents go through a stage
Of squeaking two or three times a day.
Most youngsters, on the other hand
Some youngsters, are attracted to it by its very illegality.
It's like murder.
Make a thing illegal, and it acquires a mystique.
Look at arson.
I mean, how many of us can honestly say
That at one time or another
He hasn't set fire to some great public building?
I know I have.
The only way, the only way to bring the crime figures down
Is to reduce the number of offenses.
Get it out in the open.
I know I have.
Hmm... the amazing kargol and janet.
What a lot of people don't realize is
That a mouse, once accepted
Can fulfill a very useful role in society.
Indeed, there are examples throughout history
Of famous men now known to have been mice.
veni, vidi, vici.
And of course, hilaire belloc.
But what is the attitude...
Of the man in the street towards...
This growing social problem?
I'm down on them.
I'd strangle them.
Well, speaking as a member of the stock exchange
I would suck their brains out with a straw
Sell the widows and orphans and go into south american zinc.
Yeah, I'd stuff sparrows down their throats
Until the beaks stuck out through the stomach walls.
Oh, well, I'm a chartered accountant
And consequently too boring to be of interest.
I feel that these poor, unfortunate people
Should be free to live the lives of their own choice.
I'd, uh, split their nostrils open with a boat hook, I think.
Oh, well, I mean, they can't help it, can they?
But, I mean, there's nothing you can do about it
So I'd kill them.
Clearly the british public's view is a hostile one.
Hostile.
But perhaps this is because so little is generally known
Of these mice men.
We have some film now
Taken at one of the notorious weekend mouse parties
Where these disgusting little perverts meet.
Mr. "a" tells us what actually goes on
At these mouse parties.
Well, uh, first of all
You get shown to your own private hole
In the skirting board.
Then you put the mouse skin on... uh...
Then you scurry into the main room
And perhaps take a run in the wheel.
The remainder of this film was taken secretly
At one of these mouse parties
By a bbc cameraman posing as a vole.
As usual, we apologize for the poor quality of the film.
Well, uh, then you steal some cheese-- brie or camembert
Or cheddar or gouda, if you're on the harder stuff.
You might go and see one of the blue cheese films.
Then there's a big clock in the middle of the room
And about 12:50, you climb up it and then...
Eventually it strikes one and you all run down.
What's that?
That's the farmer's wife.
Perhaps we need to know more of these mice men
Before we can really judge them.
Perhaps not.
Anyway, our 30 minutes are up.
Good night.
And here is the result of the epilogue:
God exists by two falls to a submission.