1 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,355 It's... 2 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:25,259 Monty python's flying circus. 3 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,739 The larch. 4 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,042 the larch. 5 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,747 Mr. larch, you have heard the case for the prosecution. 6 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:24,384 Is there anything you wish to say before I pass sentence? 7 00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:27,421 Well, I'd just like to say, my lord, I've... 8 00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,290 I've got a family-- a wife and six kids-- 9 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:34,561 And I hope very much you don't have to take away my freedom 10 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,864 Because... well, because, my lord 11 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,066 Freedom is a state much prized 12 00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:41,802 Within the realm of civilized society. 13 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,505 It is a bond wherewith the savage man may charm 14 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,306 The outward hatchments of his soul 15 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:50,010 And soothe the troubled breast into a magnitude of quiet. 16 00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:53,046 It is most precious as a blessed balm 17 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,249 The savior of princes, the harbinger of happiness. 18 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,684 Yea, the very stuff and pith of all we hold most dear. 19 00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,319 What frees the prisoner 20 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,621 In his lonely cell 21 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,623 Chained within the bondage of rude walls 22 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,024 Far from the owl of thebes? 23 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,426 What fires and stirs the woodcock in his springe 24 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,262 Or wakes the drowsy apricot betide? 25 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,797 What goddess doth the storm-tossed mariner 26 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,300 Offer most tempestuous prayers to? 27 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,002 Freedom! 28 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,436 Freedom! 29 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,504 Freedom. 30 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,641 It's only a bloody parking offense. 31 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:23,977 I'm sorry I'm late, my lord 32 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,013 I couldn't find a kosher car park. 33 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,716 Uh, don't bother to recap, my lord. 34 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,451 I'll pick it up as we go along. 35 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:32,786 Call mrs. fiona lewis. 36 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,821 Call mrs. fiona lewis. 37 00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:37,524 I swear to tell the truth 38 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,493 The whole truth and nothing but the truth. 39 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:41,762 So anyway, I said... I said to her, I said 40 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,830 They can't afford that on what he earns. 41 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,533 I mean, for a start, the feathers get up your nose. 42 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,703 I ask you, four and six a pound, and him with a wooden leg? 43 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,305 I don't know how 44 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:52,339 She puts up with it 45 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:53,874 After all the trouble she's had 46 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:54,975 With her you-know-what. 47 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,343 Anyway, it was 48 00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:58,278 A white wedding, much to everyone's surprise. 49 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,647 Of course, they bought everything on the hire purchase. 50 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,083 I think they ought to send it back where they come from. 51 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,918 I mean, you've got to be cruel to be kind. 52 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,187 So mrs. harris said, so she said, she said, she said 53 00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,223 The dead crab, she said, she said. 54 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:11,358 Well, her sister's gone to rhodesia 55 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,026 What with her womb and all 56 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,561 And her youngest 57 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:17,231 Her youngest as thin as a filing cabinet 58 00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:19,766 And the goldfish, the goldfish, they've got whooping cough. 59 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,401 They keep spitting water at the bratbys. 60 00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:22,836 Well, they do, don't they? 61 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,204 I mean, you can't, can you? 62 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,073 I mean, they're not even married or anything 63 00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,207 They're not even divorced. 64 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:28,375 And he's in the k.g.b. 65 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,409 If you ask me. 66 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:30,944 He says he's a tree surgeon 67 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,746 But I don't like the sound of his liver 68 00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:34,781 All that squeaking and banging every night 69 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,016 Till the small hours. 70 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,218 Well, his mother's been much better 71 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,254 Since she had her head off, yes, she has. 72 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,489 I said, don't you talk to me about... 73 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,092 Don't you talk to me about bladders, I said. 74 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:49,296 Mr. bartlett, I fail to see the relevance of your last witness. 75 00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:53,000 Uh, my next witness will explain that, if my lordship will allow. 76 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,968 I call the late arthur aldridge. 77 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,270 The late arthur aldridge. 78 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:58,205 The late arthur aldridge? 79 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,107 Yes, my lord. 80 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,476 Mr. bartlett, do you think there's any relevance 81 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:03,977 In questioning the deceased? 82 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,412 Uh, I beg your pardon, my lord. 83 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,181 Well, I mean, your witness is dead. 84 00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,516 Yes, my lord... well, uh, virtually, my lord. 85 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:10,951 He's not completely dead? 86 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,053 No, he's not completely dead, my lord, no 87 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,288 But he's not at all well. 88 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:15,489 What? well, if he's not dead 89 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:16,924 What's he doing in a coffin? 90 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,493 It's purely precaution, my lord, if I may continue. 91 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,395 Uh, mr. aldridge, you were... 92 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,829 You are a stockbroker 93 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,032 Of 10 savundra close, wimbledon. 94 00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,635 What was that knock? 95 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,937 It means "yes," my lord-- 96 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,805 One knock for "yes" and two knocks for "no." 97 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:32,940 If I may continue. 98 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,975 Uh, mr. aldridge, would it be fair to say 99 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,476 That you are not at all well? 100 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:38,745 In fact, mr. aldridge 101 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,214 Not to put too fine a point on it 102 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,683 Would you be prepared to say that you are, as it were 103 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,419 What is generally known as, in a manner of speaking... dead? 104 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,927 Mr. aldridge, I put it to you that you are dead. 105 00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:57,531 Aha! 106 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,132 Where is all this leading us? 107 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,503 That will become apparent in one moment, my lord. 108 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:05,372 Mr. aldridge, are you considering the question 109 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,374 Or are you just dead? 110 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,615 I think I'd better take a look, my lord. 111 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,362 No further questions, my lord. 112 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,197 What do you mean, "no further questions"? 113 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,132 You can't just dump a dead body in my court 114 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,567 And say "no further questions." 115 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,002 I demand an explanation. 116 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,504 There are no easy answers in this case, my lord. 117 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,006 I think you haven't got the slightest idea 118 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,040 What this case is about. 119 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,542 My lord, the... the... 120 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:44,278 The strange, damnable, almost diabolic threads 121 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,780 Of this extraordinary tangled web of intrigue 122 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,415 Will shortly, my lord 123 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,285 Reveal a plot so fiendish, so infernal, so heinous. 124 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:53,654 Mr. bartlett, your client has already pleaded guilty 125 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,988 To the parking offense. 126 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:58,292 Parking offense, schmarking offense, my lord. 127 00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,694 We must leave no stone unturned. 128 00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:02,529 Call cardinal richelieu. 129 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,498 Oh, you're just trying to string this case out. 130 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,499 Cardinal richelieu? 131 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,000 A character witness, my lord. 132 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,510 Hello, everyone. 133 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,980 It's wonderful to be here, you know, I just love your country. 134 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,482 London is so beautiful at this time of year. 135 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:25,118 You are cardinal armand du plessis de richelieu 136 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,054 First minister of louis xiii? 137 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,689 oui. 138 00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:30,424 Cardinal, would it be fair to say 139 00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:33,760 That you not only built up the centralized monarchy in france 140 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,563 But also perpetuated the religious schism in europe? 141 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,632 That's what they say. 142 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,367 And did you persecute the huguenots? 143 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,202 oui. 144 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,104 And did you take even sterner measures 145 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:45,706 Against the great catholic nobles 146 00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:47,708 Who made common cause with foreign foes 147 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,710 In defense of their feudal independence? 148 00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,211 I sure did that thing. 149 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,746 Cardinal, are you acquainted 150 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,282 With the defendant, harold larch? 151 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,985 Since I was so high. 152 00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,420 Speaking as a cardinal of the roman catholic church 153 00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:01,922 As first minister of louis xiii 154 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,223 And as one of the architects 155 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,092 Of the modern world already 156 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,562 Would you say that harold larch was a man of good character? 157 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:13,000 Listen, harry is a very wonderful human being. 158 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,801 My lord, in view of the impeccable nature 159 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,304 Of this character witness, may I plead for clemency? 160 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,939 It's only 30 shillings. 161 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,608 Not so fast. 162 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:22,609 Why not? 163 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:23,777 Uh... uh... 164 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,379 None of your smart answers. 165 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,947 You think you're so clever. 166 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,782 Well, I'm dim. 167 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:33,754 Dim? consternation, uproar! 168 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,157 Yes, and I have a few questions I'd like to ask 169 00:07:37,191 --> 00:07:39,293 Cardinal so-called richelieu. 170 00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,795 bonjour, monsieur dim. 171 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,230 So-called cardinal 172 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,332 I put it to you that you died 173 00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:46,834 In december 1642. 174 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,101 That is correct. 175 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,637 Aha! he fell for my little trap. 176 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,543 Curse you, inspector dim 177 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:59,046 You are too clever for us naughty people. 178 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,647 And furthermore, I suggest 179 00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,850 That you are none other than ron higgins 180 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,485 Professional cardinal richelieu impersonator. 181 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:07,387 It's a fair cop. 182 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:10,791 My life, you're clever, dim, he'd certainly taken me in. 183 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,326 It's all in a day's work. 184 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,361 Well, with a brilliant mind like yours, dim 185 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,597 You could be something other than a policeman. 186 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,397 Yes. 187 00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:18,398 What? 188 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:24,071 If I were not in the c.i.d., something else I'd like to be. 189 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:27,774 If I were not in the c.i.d., a window cleaner me. 190 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,877 With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub 191 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,945 And a rub-a-dub all day long. 192 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,814 With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub 193 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,616 I'd sing this merry song. 194 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:39,820 If I were not in the c.i.d., something else I'd like to be. 195 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,690 If I were not in the c.i.d., a window cleaner me. 196 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,626 With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub 197 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,561 And a rub-a-dub all day long. 198 00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,496 With a rub-a-dub-dub and a rub-a-dub-dub 199 00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:51,098 I'd sing this merry song. 200 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,366 Hey! 201 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,835 If... I were not before the bar 202 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,670 Something else I'd like to be 203 00:08:56,703 --> 00:09:00,941 If I were not a barrister, an engine driver me. 204 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,477 With a chuf-chuf-chuf and a chuf-chuf-chuf... 205 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,520 Chuf... 206 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,105 The larch. 207 00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:34,708 the larch. 208 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,825 This man is no ordinary man. 209 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,760 This is mr. f.g. superman 210 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,063 To all appearances no different 211 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,665 From any other law-abiding citizen. 212 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:23,724 But mr. f.g. superman has a secret identity. 213 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:28,028 When trouble strikes, at any time, at any place 214 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:31,465 He is ready to become... bicycle repairman. 215 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,178 Hey! 216 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,546 There's a bicycle broken. 217 00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:47,114 Up the road! 218 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:50,317 hmm... goodness 219 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,320 this sounds like a job for bicycle repairman. 220 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:56,623 but how to change without revealing my secret identity? 221 00:10:56,657 --> 00:11:00,027 If only bicycle repairman were here. 222 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,361 Oh, yeah. 223 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:02,462 Wait! 224 00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:04,932 I think I know where I can find him. 225 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,334 Look-- over there! 226 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,343 Bicycle repairman! 227 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:18,445 But how? 228 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,617 Look! 229 00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:27,788 Is it a stockbroker? 230 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,489 Is it a quantity surveyor? 231 00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,358 Is it a church warden? 232 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,492 No! 233 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,462 It's bicycle repairman! 234 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:42,536 Why, bicycle repairman 235 00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:45,038 Thank goodness you've come. 236 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,074 Look. 237 00:12:15,536 --> 00:12:19,173 Why, he's mending it with his own hands! 238 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,742 See how he uses a spanner 239 00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:23,944 To tighten that nut. 240 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:33,520 Bicycle repairman, how can I ever repay you? 241 00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:35,189 Well, you don't need to, guv. 242 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,390 It's all right. 243 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,824 It's all in a day's work 244 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,226 For bicycle repairman. 245 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,632 Our hero! 246 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,302 Yes, wherever bicycles are broken 247 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,571 Or menaced by international communism 248 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,472 Bicycle repairman is ready... 249 00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:55,342 Ready to smash the communists, wipe them up... 250 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:58,946 And shove them off the face of the earth. 251 00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:02,316 Mash the dirty red scum! 252 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,751 Kick them in the teeth where it hurts! 253 00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:05,986 Kill! 254 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,821 Kill, kill! 255 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:10,224 Filthy bastard commies! 256 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,893 I hate them, I hate them! 257 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,494 Ah! 258 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,465 Ah! 259 00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:20,834 Tea's ready. 260 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,736 Coming, dear. 261 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:35,148 Hello, children, hello. 262 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,317 Here is this morning's story. 263 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,219 Are you ready? 264 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:42,189 Then we'll begin. 265 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:46,527 "one day, ricky the magic pixie went to visit daisy bumble 266 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,629 "in her tumble-down cottage. 267 00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,297 "he found her in the bedroom. 268 00:13:50,364 --> 00:13:52,533 "roughly, he grabbed her heavy shoulders 269 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,569 Pulling her down onto the bed and ripping off her..." 270 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:01,975 "old nick the sea captain 271 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,478 "was a rough, tough, jolly sort of fellow. 272 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,280 "he loved the life of the sea 273 00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:08,782 "and he loved to hang out down by the pier 274 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,918 Where the men dressed as ladies..." 275 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:19,960 Oh... uh... 276 00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,298 "rumpletweezer ran the dinky tinky shop 277 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:28,335 "in the foot of the magic oak tree by the wobbly dum-dum bush 278 00:14:28,402 --> 00:14:31,839 "in the shade of the magic glade down in dingly dell. 279 00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:34,374 Here he sold contraceptives and..." 280 00:14:41,782 --> 00:14:43,350 Discipline... 281 00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:44,852 Naked... 282 00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,690 With a melon? 283 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,143 benedictus benedicat 284 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,345 pereusum christum dominum nostrum. 285 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,813 benedictus benedicat... 286 00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,450 pereusum christum dominum nostrum. 287 00:15:20,721 --> 00:15:22,055 Whoo-hoo! 288 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:27,794 Hello again. 289 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,631 Now here's a little sketch by two boys from london town. 290 00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,432 They've been writing for three years 291 00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:34,434 And they've come up with a little number. 292 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,703 Here it is, it's called "restaurant sketch." 293 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:39,573 It's nice here, isn't it? 294 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:40,807 Oh, very good restaurant. 295 00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:41,909 Three stars, you know. 296 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,277 Really? 297 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,278 Good evening, sir. 298 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,445 Good evening, madam. 299 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,980 And may I say what a pleasure it is 300 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,248 To see you here again, sir. 301 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:49,316 Oh, thank you. 302 00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:51,351 Hmm, well, there you are, dear. 303 00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:52,853 Just have a look there. 304 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:53,921 Anything you like? 305 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:55,856 The boeuf en croute is fantastic. 306 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:59,026 If I may suggest, sir, the pheasant a la reine-- 307 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,529 The sauce is one of the chef's most famous creations. 308 00:16:02,563 --> 00:16:03,597 Mmm, that sounds good. 309 00:16:03,664 --> 00:16:04,865 Anyway, just have a look. 310 00:16:04,932 --> 00:16:06,166 Take your time. 311 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,368 Oh, by the way, I've got a bit of a dirty fork. 312 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:09,803 Could you get me another one? 313 00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,071 I beg your pardon? 314 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,306 Well, it's nothing. 315 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,007 I've got a fork-- a little bit dirty-- 316 00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,309 Could you get me another one? 317 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:16,343 Thank you. 318 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,511 Oh, sir, I do apologize! 319 00:16:17,578 --> 00:16:19,546 Oh, no need to apologize, doesn't worry me. 320 00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:21,181 Oh, no, no, no, I do apologize! 321 00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:23,617 I will fetch the headwaiter immediatement. 322 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,785 Oh, there's no need to do that. 323 00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:26,653 Oh, no, no, I am sure the headwaiter 324 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,755 He will want to apologize to you himself. 325 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,224 I will fetch him at once. 326 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:32,626 Well, you certainly get good service here, don't you? 327 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,795 They really look after you, yes. 328 00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:37,197 Excuse me, monsieur, madame. 329 00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:39,066 It's filthy! 330 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,134 Gaston!-- find out who washed these up 331 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,237 And give them their cards immediately! 332 00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:43,971 Oh, no, no... 333 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,105 No, better still-- 334 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,273 Can't afford to take any chances-- 335 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,574 Sack the entire washing-up staff! 336 00:16:47,641 --> 00:16:49,076 No, look, I don't want to make any trouble. 337 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,477 Oh, no, please, it's no trouble. 338 00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:52,112 It's quite right that you should point 339 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,247 These kind of things out. 340 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:54,281 Gaston-- tell the manager 341 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,516 What has happened immediately! 342 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,852 No, no, please, I don't want to cause any fuss. 343 00:16:58,919 --> 00:17:00,220 Please, it's no fuss. 344 00:17:00,254 --> 00:17:03,190 We simply wish to ensure that nothing interferes 345 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,726 With your complete en joyment of the meal. 346 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:06,760 I'm sure it won't. 347 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,161 It was only a dirty fork. 348 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:11,365 I know, and I'm sorry! 349 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,634 Bitterly sorry! 350 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,870 But I know that no apologies I can make 351 00:17:16,937 --> 00:17:20,340 Can alter the fact that in our restaurant 352 00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:24,411 You have been given a dirty, filthy... 353 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:25,779 Smelly piece of cutlery! 354 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:26,780 It wasn't smelly. 355 00:17:26,914 --> 00:17:27,814 It was smelly! 356 00:17:27,915 --> 00:17:29,383 And obscene and disgusting! 357 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,784 And I hate it, I hate it! 358 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,219 I hate it! 359 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:35,088 Nasty, grubby, dirty, mangy, scrubby little fork! 360 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,123 Oh... oh... oh... 361 00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:38,492 That will do, gilberto... gilberto. 362 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,527 Good evening, sir, good evening, madam. 363 00:17:40,594 --> 00:17:41,562 I am the manager. 364 00:17:41,595 --> 00:17:42,696 I've only just heard. 365 00:17:42,763 --> 00:17:43,730 May I sit down? 366 00:17:43,764 --> 00:17:45,232 Yes, of course. 367 00:17:47,301 --> 00:17:49,303 I want to apologize 368 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:54,107 Humbly, deeply and sincerely about the fork. 369 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,610 Oh, no, please, it was only a tiny bit dirty. 370 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,478 Just... couldn't see it. 371 00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:02,082 Oh, you're good, kind, fine people for saying that 372 00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,383 But I can see it. 373 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,219 To me it's like a mountain... 374 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,621 A vast bowl of pus. 375 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:08,755 It's not as bad as that. 376 00:18:08,889 --> 00:18:11,859 It gets me here. 377 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:15,195 I can't give you any excuses for it, there are no excuses. 378 00:18:15,229 --> 00:18:18,765 I've been meaning to spend more time in the restaurant recently 379 00:18:18,866 --> 00:18:20,701 But I haven't been too well 380 00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:23,437 And things aren't going very well back there. 381 00:18:23,504 --> 00:18:26,206 The poor cook's son has been put away again 382 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:29,309 And poor old mrs. dalrymple, who does the washing up 383 00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:31,345 Can hardly move her poor fingers 384 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:34,147 And then there's gilberto's war wound. 385 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:38,218 But they're good people and they're kind people. 386 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:41,889 Together we were beginning to get over this dark patch. 387 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:45,392 There was light at the end of the tunnel 388 00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:47,461 When this... 389 00:18:47,528 --> 00:18:50,063 When this... happened! 390 00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,700 Could I get you some water? 391 00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:55,802 It's the end of the road! 392 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,277 You bastards! 393 00:19:04,678 --> 00:19:07,948 You vicious, heartless bastards! 394 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,386 Look what you've done to him! 395 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:14,922 He's worked his fingers to the bone 396 00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,124 To make this place what it is 397 00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:22,596 And you come in with your petty, feeble quibbling 398 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:27,935 And you grind him into the dirt! 399 00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:30,103 This fine, honorable man 400 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,640 Whose boots you are not worthy to kiss! 401 00:19:35,776 --> 00:19:38,445 Oh, it makes me mad. 402 00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,082 Mad! 403 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:46,353 Mad. 404 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:48,355 Easy, mungo, easy. 405 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,356 Mad. 406 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:50,357 Mungo! 407 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,358 Oh, the war wound! 408 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,193 The wound, the wound! 409 00:19:53,227 --> 00:19:54,561 It's the end! 410 00:19:54,595 --> 00:19:56,730 They've destroyed him! 411 00:19:56,797 --> 00:19:57,998 The end! 412 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,568 He's dead! 413 00:20:01,602 --> 00:20:04,071 They killed him! 414 00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:06,273 Revenge! 415 00:20:06,340 --> 00:20:07,774 Revenge! 416 00:20:07,808 --> 00:20:09,176 No, mungo! 417 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,111 Mungo! 418 00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,813 Never kill a customer. 419 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,083 Oh, the wound, the wound! 420 00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:17,284 The wound again! 421 00:20:25,092 --> 00:20:27,694 Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife. 422 00:20:29,029 --> 00:20:30,597 Oh, no, come on, no! 423 00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,132 No, no, no, no! 424 00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:34,735 Well, there we are, then, that was the restaurant sketch. 425 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:37,504 Nice little number, bit vicious in parts, but a lot of fun. 426 00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:39,239 But how about that punch line, eh? 427 00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:40,641 Oh, you know what I mean? 428 00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,743 Oh, really. 429 00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:53,287 Tired of that drab, boring life you lead? 430 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,290 Then purchase a past. 431 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,559 Yes, thousands of people have led 432 00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:02,196 Far more interesting lives than you will ever lead. 433 00:21:32,826 --> 00:21:35,729 They undoubtedly continue to lead interesting lives 434 00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:38,498 Whereas you just as assuredly will not. 435 00:21:41,335 --> 00:21:45,539 Bits of their lives are being made available for purchase. 436 00:21:45,606 --> 00:21:47,207 For only 15 shillings 437 00:21:47,274 --> 00:21:49,810 Dullards like yourself can obtain 438 00:21:49,877 --> 00:21:54,014 Beautifully framed photographs of other people's lives. 439 00:21:54,081 --> 00:21:55,883 Hang them in your den. 440 00:21:55,949 --> 00:22:00,420 Stand them on your desk or next to your bed. 441 00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:05,125 Pretend they are pictures from your past. 442 00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,302 Hello, I'm uncle frank and family. 443 00:22:15,369 --> 00:22:17,671 Mind if we stay a couple of nights? 444 00:22:17,704 --> 00:22:18,772 Or a month? 445 00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:19,973 Or three years? 446 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,742 Hello, we're uncle george and agnes. 447 00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:22,809 Where's the bathroom? 448 00:22:24,311 --> 00:22:26,246 Shut up! 449 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,649 Oh, shut up! 450 00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:30,250 Oh, sorry. 451 00:22:30,317 --> 00:22:33,387 Not good enough. 452 00:23:36,817 --> 00:23:38,151 Good evening. 453 00:23:38,185 --> 00:23:41,421 Here is the 6:00 news read by michael queen. 454 00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:44,157 It's been a quiet day over most of the country 455 00:23:44,224 --> 00:23:46,159 As people went back to work 456 00:23:46,193 --> 00:23:49,096 After the warmest july weekend for nearly a year. 457 00:23:50,497 --> 00:23:52,866 The only high spot of the weekend was the meeting 458 00:23:52,966 --> 00:23:55,469 Between officials of the n.e.d.c. and the o.d.c.n. 459 00:23:55,536 --> 00:23:56,503 In bradford today. 460 00:23:57,671 --> 00:23:59,540 Mr. ted johnson of the n.e.d.c... 461 00:24:13,754 --> 00:24:16,790 In geneva, officials of the central clearing banks 462 00:24:16,857 --> 00:24:18,959 Met with herr voleschtadt of poland 463 00:24:19,026 --> 00:24:22,462 To discuss non-returnable loans on a 12-year trust basis 464 00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:26,066 For the construction of a new zinc-treating works 465 00:24:26,133 --> 00:24:31,038 In the omsk area of krakow, near the bulestan border. 466 00:24:31,071 --> 00:24:35,142 The board of trade has ratified a trade agreement 467 00:24:35,209 --> 00:24:36,944 With the soviet union 468 00:24:37,010 --> 00:24:41,548 For the sale of 600 low-gear electric sewing machines. 469 00:24:41,615 --> 00:24:45,219 The president of the board of trade said he hoped 470 00:24:45,285 --> 00:24:49,256 This would mark a new era of expansion in world trade 471 00:24:49,323 --> 00:24:53,927 And a new spirit of cooperation between east and west. 472 00:24:55,896 --> 00:24:59,366 There has been a substantial drop in gold reserves 473 00:24:59,433 --> 00:25:01,235 During the last 12 months. 474 00:25:01,268 --> 00:25:03,570 This follows a statement by the treasury 475 00:25:03,604 --> 00:25:07,140 To the effect that the balance of imports situation 476 00:25:07,207 --> 00:25:12,045 Had not changed dramatically over the same period. 477 00:25:12,079 --> 00:25:15,082 Still no news of the national savings book 478 00:25:15,148 --> 00:25:18,218 Lost by mr. charles griffiths of porthcawl 479 00:25:18,285 --> 00:25:20,153 During a field expedition 480 00:25:20,187 --> 00:25:23,423 To the nature reserves of swansea last july. 481 00:25:23,490 --> 00:25:24,992 Mr. griffiths' wife said 482 00:25:25,058 --> 00:25:28,195 That her husband was refusing to talk to the press 483 00:25:28,262 --> 00:25:33,066 Until the savings certificate had been found. 484 00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:36,703 In cornwall, the death has been announced today 485 00:25:36,770 --> 00:25:39,806 Of the former minister without portfolio 486 00:25:39,940 --> 00:25:42,509 General sir hugh marksby-smith. 487 00:25:42,576 --> 00:25:46,980 Sir hugh was vice-president of the rotarian movement. 488 00:25:47,014 --> 00:25:49,850 In the match between glamorgan and yorkshire 489 00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:52,719 The yorkshire bowler nicholson took eight wickets 490 00:25:52,753 --> 00:25:53,720 For three runs. 491 00:25:53,754 --> 00:25:55,722 Glamorgan were all out for 36 492 00:25:55,789 --> 00:25:59,760 And therefore won the match by an innings and seven runs. 493 00:25:59,826 --> 00:26:01,795 Weather for tomorrow will be cloudy 494 00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:03,730 With occasional outbreaks of rain. 495 00:26:03,764 --> 00:26:05,933 That is the end of the... 496 00:26:16,577 --> 00:26:18,846 The larch. 497 00:26:36,396 --> 00:26:38,765 The horse chestnut. 498 00:26:42,069 --> 00:26:43,770 Eric, do you think 499 00:26:43,837 --> 00:26:46,974 You could recognize a larch tree? 500 00:26:52,346 --> 00:26:53,814 I don't know. 501 00:26:55,582 --> 00:26:56,984 What's your name? 502 00:26:57,017 --> 00:26:59,253 Michael. 503 00:27:00,420 --> 00:27:02,022 Michael, do you think you know 504 00:27:02,089 --> 00:27:03,724 What a larch tree looks like? 505 00:27:07,528 --> 00:27:09,997 I want to go home. 506 00:27:11,832 --> 00:27:12,799 Bottom. 507 00:27:14,868 --> 00:27:16,537 Are there any other trees 508 00:27:16,603 --> 00:27:19,506 That any of you think you could recognize 509 00:27:19,540 --> 00:27:21,408 From quite a long way away? 510 00:27:21,441 --> 00:27:25,946 I want... sketch of eric's, please. 511 00:27:26,013 --> 00:27:27,014 What? 512 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:28,782 I want to see a sketch of eric's-- 513 00:27:28,916 --> 00:27:29,816 "nudge, nudge." 514 00:27:29,917 --> 00:27:30,817 A what? sketch? 515 00:27:30,918 --> 00:27:31,952 Eric's written a... 516 00:27:32,019 --> 00:27:33,620 I've written a sketch. 517 00:27:36,089 --> 00:27:37,958 "nudge, nudge," eric's written. 518 00:27:37,991 --> 00:27:38,959 "nudge, nudge." 519 00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:39,960 "nudge, nudge." 520 00:27:43,030 --> 00:27:44,464 Is your wife a... a goer, eh? 521 00:27:44,498 --> 00:27:46,233 Know what I mean, know what I mean? 522 00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:47,668 Nudge, nudge, nudge, nudge. 523 00:27:47,701 --> 00:27:48,669 Know what I mean? 524 00:27:48,702 --> 00:27:50,170 Say no more, know what I mean? 525 00:27:50,237 --> 00:27:51,205 I beg your pardon? 526 00:27:51,238 --> 00:27:52,406 Your wife... does she, uh... 527 00:27:52,472 --> 00:27:53,473 Does she go, eh, eh, eh? 528 00:27:53,540 --> 00:27:55,075 Know what I mean, know what I mean? 529 00:27:55,142 --> 00:27:56,243 Nudge, nudge, say no more? 530 00:27:56,310 --> 00:27:57,411 Well, she sometimes goes, yes. 531 00:27:57,477 --> 00:27:58,846 I'll bet she does, I'll bet she does 532 00:27:58,946 --> 00:27:59,947 I'll bet she does. 533 00:28:00,013 --> 00:28:01,481 Know what I mean, know what I mean? 534 00:28:01,548 --> 00:28:02,516 Nudge, nudge? 535 00:28:02,549 --> 00:28:03,517 I'm sorry-- 536 00:28:03,550 --> 00:28:04,718 I don't quite follow you. 537 00:28:04,785 --> 00:28:05,752 Follow me, follow me! 538 00:28:05,853 --> 00:28:07,087 I like that, that's good. 539 00:28:07,154 --> 00:28:09,356 A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh? 540 00:28:09,423 --> 00:28:10,924 Are you trying to sell something? 541 00:28:10,991 --> 00:28:14,161 Selling, selling, very good, very good. 542 00:28:14,228 --> 00:28:15,762 Oh, wicked, wicked, you're wicked, eh? 543 00:28:15,863 --> 00:28:17,331 Know what I mean, know what I mean? 544 00:28:17,397 --> 00:28:18,365 Nudge, nudge? 545 00:28:18,398 --> 00:28:19,867 Know what I mean, nudge, nudge? 546 00:28:19,933 --> 00:28:20,968 Nudge, nudge? 547 00:28:21,034 --> 00:28:23,770 Say no more! 548 00:28:23,837 --> 00:28:25,706 Ah! ooh! 549 00:28:25,739 --> 00:28:28,041 Your wife, is she, uh... 550 00:28:28,075 --> 00:28:29,776 Is she a sport, eh? 551 00:28:29,877 --> 00:28:31,345 Well, yes, she likes sport, yes. 552 00:28:31,378 --> 00:28:33,080 I'll bet she does, I'll bet she does. 553 00:28:33,146 --> 00:28:34,314 She's very fond of cricket 554 00:28:34,381 --> 00:28:35,349 As a matter of fact. 555 00:28:35,382 --> 00:28:36,350 Who isn't, eh? 556 00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:37,351 Know what I mean? 557 00:28:37,384 --> 00:28:38,819 Likes games, likes games? 558 00:28:38,919 --> 00:28:41,755 Knew she would, knew she would, knew she would. 559 00:28:41,788 --> 00:28:43,924 She's been around, eh? been around. 560 00:28:43,991 --> 00:28:44,958 She's traveled. 561 00:28:44,992 --> 00:28:46,093 She's from purley. 562 00:28:46,159 --> 00:28:48,161 Oh, oh, say no more, say no more! 563 00:28:48,228 --> 00:28:49,463 Say no more, purley! 564 00:28:49,530 --> 00:28:51,031 Say no more, purley, eh? 565 00:28:51,098 --> 00:28:53,233 Know what I mean, know what I mean? 566 00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:54,268 Say no more. 567 00:28:54,301 --> 00:28:56,036 Your wife interested in... 568 00:28:57,604 --> 00:28:58,705 Photographs, eh? 569 00:28:58,772 --> 00:28:59,940 Know what I mean? 570 00:29:00,007 --> 00:29:02,643 "photographs?" he asked him knowingly. 571 00:29:02,709 --> 00:29:03,677 Photography? 572 00:29:03,710 --> 00:29:05,646 Yes, nudge, nudge, snap, snap 573 00:29:05,679 --> 00:29:07,147 Grin, grin, wink, wink 574 00:29:07,214 --> 00:29:08,048 Say no more. 575 00:29:08,081 --> 00:29:09,082 Holiday snaps? 576 00:29:09,149 --> 00:29:10,684 Could be, could be taken on a holiday 577 00:29:10,751 --> 00:29:11,752 Could be, yes. 578 00:29:11,885 --> 00:29:13,654 Swimming costumes, you know what I mean? 579 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,589 Candid photography, you know what I mean? 580 00:29:15,622 --> 00:29:16,590 Nudge, nudge. 581 00:29:16,623 --> 00:29:18,325 No, no, we don't have a camera. 582 00:29:18,392 --> 00:29:19,493 Ah. 583 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:20,961 Still... whoa! hey? 584 00:29:20,994 --> 00:29:23,463 Whoa! hey? 585 00:29:26,533 --> 00:29:28,468 Look, are you insinuating something? 586 00:29:28,502 --> 00:29:30,470 Oh, oh... 587 00:29:30,504 --> 00:29:31,471 Yes. 588 00:29:31,505 --> 00:29:32,472 Well? 589 00:29:32,506 --> 00:29:33,740 Well, I mean you are 590 00:29:33,807 --> 00:29:35,776 A man of the world, aren't you? 591 00:29:35,809 --> 00:29:38,378 I mean, you've been there, haven't you? 592 00:29:38,445 --> 00:29:40,480 I mean, you've been around, eh? 593 00:29:40,547 --> 00:29:42,149 What do you mean? 594 00:29:42,216 --> 00:29:45,385 Well, I mean, like you've done it. 595 00:29:45,452 --> 00:29:49,523 I mean, you know, you've slept with a lady. 596 00:29:49,590 --> 00:29:50,557 Yes. 597 00:29:50,591 --> 00:29:51,825 What's it like? 598 00:30:31,865 --> 00:30:34,334 The larch.