1
00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:13,447
It's...
2
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:17,484
Monty python's flying circus.
3
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,986
Oh, good, that'll be
the vet, dear.
4
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,621
I'd better go
and let him in.
5
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,460
It's the
vet, dear.
6
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:01,528
Very glad, indeed
7
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,729
You could
come round, sir.
8
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:03,730
Not at all.
9
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,265
Now, what seems
to be the problem?
10
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:06,300
You can tell me.
11
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:07,401
I'm a vet, you know.
12
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:08,802
See? tell him, dear.
13
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:09,803
Well...
14
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:10,838
It's our cat!
15
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,339
He doesn't
do anything.
16
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,808
He just sits out there
on the lawn.
17
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,644
Is he... dead?
18
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,580
Oh, no.
19
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,348
Thank god for that.
20
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:23,917
For one ghastly moment
I thought I was...
21
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,352
Too late.
22
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:28,789
If only more people would call
in the nick of time.
23
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,023
He just sits there
24
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,525
All day
and every day.
25
00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:32,559
And at night...
26
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,127
Shh! almost
motionless.
27
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,263
We have to take
his food out to him.
28
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,731
And his milk...
29
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,333
Shh! he doesn't
do anything.
30
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:40,534
He just sits there.
31
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,936
Are you at your wit's end?
32
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,105
Definitely-- shh-- yes.
33
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,607
Hmm, I see.
34
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,109
Well, I think
I may be able to help you.
35
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:50,577
You see...
36
00:01:58,685 --> 00:01:59,987
Your cat is suffering
37
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,689
From what we vets
haven't found a word for.
38
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:08,462
His condition is typified
by total physical inertia--
39
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:11,098
Absence of interest
in its ambiance--
40
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:13,667
What we vets call "environment."
41
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,135
Oh...
42
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,104
Failure to respond
43
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,773
To the conventional
external stimuli:
44
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,278
A ball of string,
a nice juicy mouse, a bird.
45
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:28,382
To be blunt,
your cat is in a rut.
46
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:33,120
It's the old...
stockbroker syndrome
47
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:35,355
The suburban
fin-de-siecle ennui
48
00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:38,525
Angst, weltschmertz--
call it what you will.
49
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,593
Moping.
50
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,461
In a way, in a way.
51
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,364
Hmm, "moping,"
I must remember that.
52
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,166
Now, what's to be done.
53
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:49,169
Tell me, sir, have you
confused your cat recently?
54
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:50,003
Well, i...
55
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:50,637
Shh! no.
56
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:51,839
Yes, well...
57
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:53,273
I think I can definitely say
58
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,275
That your cat badly needs
to be confused.
59
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:55,909
What?
60
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:56,643
Shh! what?
61
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:57,945
Confused--
62
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,580
To shake it out
of its state of complacency.
63
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:00,781
I'm afraid...
64
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,750
I'm not personally
qualified to confuse cats
65
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,854
But I can recommend
an extremely good service.
66
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,089
Here is their card.
67
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:11,892
Oh, "confuse-a-cat."
68
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,027
"confuse-a-cat, limited."
69
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:14,962
Oh.
70
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,705
Squad!
eyes front!
71
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,941
Stand at ease!
72
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,945
Cat confusers...
73
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,448
Confusers... ho!
74
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,334
Well, men,
we've got
75
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,170
A very difficult
cat to confuse today
76
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,472
So let's get straight
on with it, jolly good.
77
00:03:58,505 --> 00:03:59,473
Thank you, sergeant.
78
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:02,142
Confusers!
79
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,877
Attend to the van
and fetch out...
80
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,513
Wait for it!
81
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,383
Fetch out
the funny things!
82
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,422
Move, move,
move, move!
83
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:19,226
One, two,
one, two
84
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,994
Get those
funny things off!
85
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,474
Right, get
rid of that!
86
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:35,843
Get a move on,
move it.
87
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,211
Round about this way.
88
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:42,049
Further back,
over there, leave it down.
89
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,250
One, two, one, two.
90
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:50,057
Confusers! fall... in!
91
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:59,132
Stage ready for
confusing, sir!
92
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:00,234
Very good.
93
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,802
Carry on, sergeant.
94
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:05,105
Left turn!
95
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,341
Double march!
96
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:13,247
Right, men, confuse the... cat.
97
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:25,859
My lords,
ladies and gentlemen...
98
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,554
I hope to god
it works.
99
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:06,159
Anyway, we shall know
any minute now.
100
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,237
Oh, I can't
believe it!
101
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:18,772
Neither can i.
102
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,674
It's just like
the old days.
103
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,009
He's cured.
104
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,544
Oh, thank you,
general.
105
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,346
What can we ever
do to repay you?
106
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,081
No need to, sir.
107
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:32,219
It's all in a day's work for...
108
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,687
Confuse-a-cat.
109
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:20,667
Have you read this, sir?
110
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,169
No-- oh, yes, yes, yes.
111
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,472
Anything to declare?
112
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,074
Yes-- no! no!
113
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,676
No, no, nothing
to declare, no.
114
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,879
Nothing in
my suitcase, no.
115
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,281
No watches,
cameras, radio sets?
116
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,250
Oh, yes,
four watches...
117
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,751
No! no! no...
118
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,453
No, one watch.
119
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,054
No! no, not
even one watch.
120
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,489
No watches at all.
121
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,925
No, no watches
at all.
122
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,760
No precision
watches, no.
123
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:49,897
Which country have you been
visiting, sir?
124
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:50,964
Switzerland...
125
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,232
No! no,
not switzerland, ha!
126
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:53,433
Not switzerland.
127
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,469
It began with "s"
but it wasn't switzerland.
128
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:56,436
Oh, what could it be?
129
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,804
Terribly bad
memory for names.
130
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,473
Uh... what's the name
of that country
131
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,108
Where they don't
make watches at all?
132
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:03,544
Spain?
133
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,478
Spain! that's it.
134
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,479
Spain, yes, mmm.
135
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,347
The label says "zurich," sir.
136
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,552
Yes, well...
it was spain, then.
137
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,988
Zurich's in switzerland, sir.
138
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,824
Switzerland,
yeah, mmm, mmm...
139
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:18,992
Switzerland.
140
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,360
Yeah, mm-hmm...
141
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,062
Where they
make the watches.
142
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,230
Ah! yeah...
143
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,569
Ooh, nice shed
you've got here.
144
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,737
Have you got any
swiss currency, sir?
145
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,039
No, just the watches.
146
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,073
Ah! just my watch.
147
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,710
Just my watch, uh...
my watch on the currency.
148
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,245
I've kept a watch
on the currency
149
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:40,280
And I've watched it
and I haven't got any.
150
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,115
That come out a bit glib,
didn't it?
151
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,025
Have you got an alarm clock
in there, sir?
152
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,594
No, no, heavens no, no.
153
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,128
Just vests, ha!
154
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,802
Sounded a bit like
an alarm clock going off.
155
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,337
Well, it can't have been.
156
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:04,872
It must have been a vest...
157
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,373
Uh... going off.
158
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,741
Going off.
159
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:17,584
All right!
160
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,020
I confess,
I'm a smuggler.
161
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,555
This whole case
is crammed full
162
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:22,923
Of swiss watches
and clocks.
163
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,758
I've been purposely
trying to deceive
164
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,360
Her majesty's
customs and excise.
165
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,561
I've been
a bloody fool.
166
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,230
I don't believe you, sir.
167
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,635
It's true, I'm guilty
of smuggling.
168
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,103
Don't give
me that, sir.
169
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,138
You couldn't smuggle
a piece of grease-proofed paper
170
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,506
Let alone a case
full of watches.
171
00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:41,141
What do you mean?!
172
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,876
I've smuggled watches
before, you know!
173
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:45,612
I've smuggled bombs, cameras,
microfilms, aircraft components.
174
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:46,980
You name it,
I've smuggled it.
175
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,148
Now, move along, please.
176
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,083
You're wasting our time,
move along, please.
177
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,351
Look! look at this.
178
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:57,324
Look, for all I know, sir, you
could've bought these in london
179
00:10:57,391 --> 00:10:58,492
Before you ever went
180
00:10:58,559 --> 00:10:59,660
To switzerland.
181
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:02,429
I wouldn't buy 2,000 clocks!
182
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:03,363
People do.
183
00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:04,097
Now close her up.
184
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,132
Move along, please.
185
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:06,533
Go on,
don't waste our time.
186
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:08,302
We're out to catch
the real smugglers.
187
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,503
I am a real
smuggler!
188
00:11:09,570 --> 00:11:11,038
I'm a smuggler,
everybody!
189
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,406
Don't you understand?
190
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:13,407
I'm a smuggler!
191
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:14,942
I'm a lawbreaker!
I'm a smuggler!
192
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,344
Poor fellow,
I think he needs help.
193
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,112
Right, cut the
wisecracks, vicar.
194
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,948
Get to the search
room and strip.
195
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,918
Well, to discuss
the implications of that sketch
196
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,887
And to consider
the moral problems
197
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,556
Raised by the law enforcement
methods involved
198
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:31,558
We have a duck,
a cat and a lizard.
199
00:11:31,592 --> 00:11:32,993
Now, first of all
200
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,996
I'd like to put this question
to you, please, lizard:
201
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:39,533
How effective do you consider
the legal weapons
202
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,003
Employed by legal customs
officers nowadays?
203
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,574
Well, while you're
thinking about that
204
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:49,576
I'd like to bring
the duck in here
205
00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:51,578
And ask her,
if possible
206
00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:54,982
To clarify the whole question
of currency restrictions
207
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,718
And custom regulations
in the world today.
208
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:02,456
Perhaps the cat
would rather answer that?
209
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:05,726
No? lizard?
210
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,096
No.
211
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,431
Well, uh...
212
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:14,635
Let's ask the man in the street
what he thinks.
213
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:18,038
I am not a man, you silly billy.
214
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:23,544
I'm not in the street,
you fairy!
215
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:26,013
Well, uh, speaking
as a man in the street...
216
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,350
What was the question again?
217
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,885
Just how relevant
218
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,921
Are contemporary
customs regulations
219
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,789
And currency
restrictions
220
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:38,125
In a modern, expanding
industrial economy?
221
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,700
Oh, never mind.
222
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,003
Well, I think customs men
should be armed
223
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:53,040
So they can kill people carrying
more than 200 cigarettes.
224
00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:56,877
Well, I think that, uh...
nobody who has gone abroad
225
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,179
Should be allowed
back in the country!
226
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:02,349
I mean, uh... blimey!
227
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:03,884
Blimey!
228
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:07,821
If they're not keen enough
to stay here when they're here
229
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:10,290
Why should
we allow them back, huh...
230
00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:12,125
At the taxpayers' expense?
231
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,260
I mean, be fair!
232
00:13:13,327 --> 00:13:15,796
I mean, I don't
eat squirrels, do i?
233
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,798
I mean, well, perhaps I do,
one or two
234
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:20,067
But there's no law
against that, is there?
235
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,335
It's a free country!
236
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,037
I mean, if I want to eat
a squirrel now and again
237
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,906
That's my own business,
isn't it?
238
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,841
I mean, I'm no racialist!
239
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,209
I...
240
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,213
Oh...
241
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:46,560
I think it's silly to ask
a lizard what it thinks, anyway.
242
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:47,928
Why?
243
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:52,132
I mean, they should have
asked margaret drabble.
244
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:54,768
Well, I think customs people
are quite necessary
245
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:57,671
And I think they're doing
quite a good job, really.
246
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:58,739
Check.
247
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:05,946
Door's open.
248
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,282
Oh, yeah.
249
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,784
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
250
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,253
My name's police
constable henry thatcher
251
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:14,755
And this is a raid.
252
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:15,956
I have reason to believe
253
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,558
That there are
certain substances
254
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:18,592
On the premises.
255
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,894
What sort of
substances, officer?
256
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,763
Er, certain substances.
257
00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:25,332
Well, what sort of
certain substances?
258
00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:28,802
Er, certain substances
of an illicit nature.
259
00:14:28,836 --> 00:14:30,504
Could you be more specific?
260
00:14:30,571 --> 00:14:32,039
I beg your pardon?
261
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,273
Could you be clearer?
262
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,641
Oh, oh, yeah.
263
00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:36,710
Certain substances
on the premises
264
00:14:36,777 --> 00:14:38,779
To be removed
for clinical tests.
265
00:14:38,846 --> 00:14:41,148
Have you got anything
particular in mind?
266
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:41,982
Well, what have you got?
267
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:42,850
Nothing, officer.
268
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,818
You are sandy camp, the actor?
269
00:14:44,852 --> 00:14:45,652
Yes.
270
00:14:45,686 --> 00:14:46,887
I must warn you, sir
271
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,922
That outside I have
police dog josephine
272
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,123
Who is not only armed
273
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,392
And trained to sniff out
certain substances
274
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:53,594
But is also a junkie.
275
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:55,996
What are you after?
276
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,064
Oh!
277
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,098
Oh, oh!
278
00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,099
Oh!
279
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,100
Oh, oh, oh!
280
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,101
Oh, oh... oh!
281
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,135
I've...
282
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,637
Here is
a brown paper bag
283
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,239
I have found
on the premises.
284
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,840
I must confiscate
this, sir
285
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,576
And take it with me
for clinical examination.
286
00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:10,811
Wait a minute.
287
00:15:10,878 --> 00:15:12,379
You just got that
out of your pocket.
288
00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:13,413
What?
289
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,848
Well, what's
in it anyway?
290
00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:17,284
Sandwiches?
291
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,519
Sandwiches?
292
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,754
Blimey! whatever
did I give the wife?
293
00:15:20,821 --> 00:15:24,258
"dear bbc,
east grimstead, friday...
294
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:27,427
"I feel I really must write
and protest about that sketch.
295
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:30,931
"my husband, in common with a
lot of people of his age, is 50.
296
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:33,367
"for how long are we
to put up with these things?
297
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,569
Yours sincerely,
e.d. debenham, mrs."
298
00:15:35,636 --> 00:15:37,971
"dear freddy grisewood,
bagshot, surrey.
299
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:39,473
"as a prolific letter writer
300
00:15:39,540 --> 00:15:42,109
"I feel I must protest
about the previous letter.
301
00:15:42,176 --> 00:15:43,877
"I am nearly 60
and am quite mad.
302
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,580
"but I do en joy listening
to the bbc home service.
303
00:15:46,647 --> 00:15:48,549
"if this continues
to go on unabated
304
00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:51,118
"dunkirk, dark days of the war,
backs to the wall
305
00:15:51,185 --> 00:15:54,488
"alvar liddell, berlin airlift,
moral upheaval of profumo case
306
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:56,223
"young hippies
roaming the streets
307
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:57,791
"raping, looting and killing.
308
00:15:57,858 --> 00:16:00,827
Yours, etcetera, brigadier
arthur gormanstrop, mrs."
309
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,834
Well, I think they should
attack things like that...
310
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,068
With satire.
311
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,103
I mean, ned sherrin.
312
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,638
Fair's fair.
313
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:14,875
I think people should be able to
make up their own minds for me.
314
00:16:14,942 --> 00:16:16,577
Well, I think they should attack
315
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,346
The fuddy-duddy attitudes
of the lower middle classes
316
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,481
Which permit the establishment
to survive
317
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,517
And keep the mores
of the whole country
318
00:16:23,584 --> 00:16:25,619
Back where they were
in the 19th century
319
00:16:25,686 --> 00:16:28,222
And the ghastly days of
the presexual revolution.
320
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,528
Well, that's,
er, very interesting
321
00:16:34,595 --> 00:16:37,598
Because, er, I am, in fact,
made entirely of wood.
322
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,734
Well, I think they should
attack the lower classes
323
00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:43,937
First with bombs and rockets,
destroying their homes
324
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,974
And then when they run
helpless into the streets
325
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,109
Mowing them down
with machine guns.
326
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:53,647
And then, of course,
releasing the vultures.
327
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:56,083
I know these views
aren't popular
328
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,719
But I have never
courted popularity.
329
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:01,455
I think there should
be more race prejudice.
330
00:17:01,522 --> 00:17:03,023
Less.
331
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,926
Less race prejudice.
332
00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:08,228
...and several butcher's aprons.
333
00:17:08,262 --> 00:17:12,232
In fulham this morning,
a jeweler's shop was broken into
334
00:17:12,299 --> 00:17:15,435
And jewelry to the value
of £2,000 stolen.
335
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:20,073
Police have issued this picture
of a man they wish to interview.
336
00:17:20,174 --> 00:17:22,009
The man is in his late 20s
337
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:25,679
Wearing a gray suit,
a white shirt and a floral tie.
338
00:17:25,746 --> 00:17:27,681
Will anyone who sees this man
339
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:30,984
Or can give any information
about his whereabouts
340
00:17:31,018 --> 00:17:33,487
Contact their nearest
police station?
341
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,855
Ah...
342
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,257
Oh, we've just heard
that police have detained
343
00:17:37,291 --> 00:17:38,926
The man they wished to interview
344
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:40,894
In connection with
the jewel robbery.
345
00:17:40,928 --> 00:17:42,496
But after questioning
346
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,933
Police have ruled him
out of their inquiries
347
00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:47,301
And released him.
348
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,469
Sport.
349
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:52,639
Ah, they say, however, that
acting on his information
350
00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:54,975
They now wish to interview
a newsreader
351
00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:56,610
In the central london area.
352
00:17:56,677 --> 00:17:58,879
Police are concentrating
their inquiries
353
00:17:58,946 --> 00:18:01,481
On the british broadcasting
associ...
354
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:02,916
Excuse me a minute.
355
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:08,055
We understand a man
is now helping police
356
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:09,756
With their inquiries.
357
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:12,326
And that is the end of the news.
358
00:18:13,794 --> 00:18:16,230
And now, "match of the day."
359
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,609
Uh, I'm terribly sorry.
360
00:18:28,642 --> 00:18:30,811
It's not, in fact,
"match of the day."
361
00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:32,946
It is, in fact,
edited highlights
362
00:18:33,013 --> 00:18:34,882
Of tonight's romantic movie.
363
00:18:34,915 --> 00:18:36,350
Uh... sorry.
364
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,753
Ooh! I'm sorry.
365
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:43,257
On bbc2, joan bakewell will
be talking to michael dean
366
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,726
About what makes
exciting television.
367
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:49,429
Ah, sorry about all that.
368
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:53,033
And now,
back to the movie.
369
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:54,101
Oh, bevis.
370
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,536
Oh, darling.
371
00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:57,871
Oh, should we?
372
00:18:57,905 --> 00:18:58,872
Why not?
373
00:18:58,939 --> 00:18:59,973
Oh!
374
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,509
Be gentle with me.
375
00:19:45,886 --> 00:19:48,355
Oh, bevis, are you
going to do anything
376
00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:51,758
Or are you just going to show me
films all evening?
377
00:19:51,792 --> 00:19:52,960
Just one more, dear.
378
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,094
Oh!
379
00:20:18,352 --> 00:20:20,721
Whoa! charles atlas!
380
00:20:20,754 --> 00:20:24,091
With the world's most
perfectly developed body.
381
00:20:24,124 --> 00:20:25,926
Tired of being pushed around?
382
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:28,962
Would you like to do
some pushing around instead?
383
00:20:29,029 --> 00:20:31,899
Would you like a body that
can't fail to attract women?
384
00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:35,836
A body that is the envy
of other men?
385
00:20:35,903 --> 00:20:38,772
Oh, I must get
one of those.
386
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:42,309
Then let me have your skinny,
scrawny little body
387
00:20:42,376 --> 00:20:44,311
For just 15 minutes a day.
388
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,680
I've heard that one
before, ducky.
389
00:20:48,115 --> 00:20:52,586
Let me slap 50 pounds
of he-man muscles on you.
390
00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:54,288
Thick, herculean arms...
391
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:55,822
A deep, massive chest...
392
00:20:55,856 --> 00:20:58,525
Atomic-powered legs,
shoulders a yard wide
393
00:20:58,592 --> 00:21:03,697
And right in the privacy
of your own home.
394
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,733
What's my secret?
395
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:09,102
It's dynamo tension.
396
00:21:09,136 --> 00:21:13,607
Muscles pulling against muscles,
the natural way.
397
00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:17,978
Here's living proof.
398
00:21:18,045 --> 00:21:20,113
And there's no need
to stop there.
399
00:21:24,918 --> 00:21:26,854
So don't delay.
400
00:21:26,887 --> 00:21:28,488
Send today
401
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:32,125
For my gigantic, free,
78-page muscle-building course.
402
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,162
Postman.
403
00:21:37,598 --> 00:21:41,034
And start building a body
you can be proud of.
404
00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:04,758
You know, I really en joy
interviewing applicants
405
00:22:04,825 --> 00:22:07,127
For this management
training course.
406
00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:09,796
Come in.
407
00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:14,067
Ah, come and sit down.
408
00:22:14,134 --> 00:22:15,102
Thank you.
409
00:22:20,107 --> 00:22:22,042
Would you mind
just standing up again
410
00:22:22,075 --> 00:22:23,143
For one moment?
411
00:22:25,412 --> 00:22:26,413
Take a seat.
412
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:27,514
I'm sorry?
413
00:22:27,581 --> 00:22:28,549
Take a seat.
414
00:22:28,615 --> 00:22:30,117
Yes.
415
00:22:30,217 --> 00:22:31,285
Ah!
416
00:22:33,921 --> 00:22:34,955
Good morning.
417
00:22:35,022 --> 00:22:37,057
Good morning.
418
00:22:37,124 --> 00:22:39,259
Good morning.
419
00:22:39,326 --> 00:22:40,727
Good morning.
420
00:22:44,798 --> 00:22:46,166
Tell me, why do you
say "good morning"
421
00:22:46,233 --> 00:22:47,868
When you know perfectly
well it's afternoon?
422
00:22:47,935 --> 00:22:49,670
Well, you said "good morning."
423
00:22:53,207 --> 00:22:54,641
Good afternoon.
424
00:22:54,675 --> 00:22:56,243
Good afternoon.
425
00:22:56,310 --> 00:22:57,277
Oh, dear.
426
00:23:00,214 --> 00:23:02,282
Good evening.
427
00:23:02,349 --> 00:23:03,317
Good-bye?
428
00:23:07,187 --> 00:23:08,288
No.
429
00:23:18,198 --> 00:23:19,800
Aren't you
going to ask me
430
00:23:19,867 --> 00:23:21,101
Why I rang the bell?
431
00:23:21,201 --> 00:23:22,669
Er, why did you
ring the bell?
432
00:23:22,736 --> 00:23:24,371
Why do you think
I rang the bell?
433
00:23:24,438 --> 00:23:25,405
Five, four...
434
00:23:25,472 --> 00:23:26,907
Three, two...
435
00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:28,108
One, zero!
436
00:23:28,242 --> 00:23:29,142
Well, i, i...
437
00:23:29,176 --> 00:23:30,143
Too late!
438
00:23:35,616 --> 00:23:38,118
Good night
439
00:23:38,185 --> 00:23:39,319
Ding-ding-
ding-ding
440
00:23:39,386 --> 00:23:40,954
Ding-ding-
ding-ding-ding.
441
00:23:41,021 --> 00:23:43,490
Good night
442
00:23:43,524 --> 00:23:44,591
Ding-ding-
ding-ding
443
00:23:44,658 --> 00:23:46,059
Ding-ding-
ding-ding-ding.
444
00:23:46,093 --> 00:23:47,995
Um... this is...
is the interview
445
00:23:48,028 --> 00:23:50,497
For the management
training course, is it?
446
00:23:50,531 --> 00:23:51,532
Yes-- yes, it is.
447
00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:52,833
Good night
448
00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:54,368
Ding-ding-
ding-ding-ding...
449
00:23:54,434 --> 00:23:57,137
Oh, dear, I don't think
I'm doing very well.
450
00:23:57,237 --> 00:23:58,071
Why do you say that?
451
00:23:58,105 --> 00:23:59,139
Well, I don't know.
452
00:23:59,239 --> 00:24:01,308
Do you say it
because you didn't know?
453
00:24:01,375 --> 00:24:02,676
Well, i...
I don't know.
454
00:24:02,709 --> 00:24:03,677
Five!
455
00:24:03,710 --> 00:24:07,414
Four, three,
two, one, zero!
456
00:24:10,384 --> 00:24:11,351
Right.
457
00:24:15,989 --> 00:24:17,925
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
458
00:24:17,958 --> 00:24:19,927
Well, why did you think
I did that then?
459
00:24:19,993 --> 00:24:20,928
Well, I don't know.
460
00:24:20,961 --> 00:24:21,795
Aren't you curious?
461
00:24:21,828 --> 00:24:22,329
Well, yes.
462
00:24:22,396 --> 00:24:23,597
Well, why don't you ask me?
463
00:24:23,664 --> 00:24:24,631
Name?
464
00:24:24,665 --> 00:24:25,132
What?
465
00:24:25,232 --> 00:24:25,933
Your name, please!
466
00:24:25,999 --> 00:24:26,800
Um, er, david.
467
00:24:26,834 --> 00:24:27,801
David. sure?
468
00:24:27,835 --> 00:24:28,635
Oh, yes.
469
00:24:28,669 --> 00:24:29,670
David... shaw.
470
00:24:29,736 --> 00:24:31,138
No, no-- thomas.
471
00:24:31,205 --> 00:24:32,306
Thomas shaw?
472
00:24:32,372 --> 00:24:33,607
No, no-- david thomas.
473
00:24:38,345 --> 00:24:40,380
Good night
474
00:24:40,447 --> 00:24:41,582
Ding-ding-
ding-ding...
475
00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:43,217
Oh, dear, we're
back to that again.
476
00:24:43,283 --> 00:24:44,852
Good night
477
00:24:44,918 --> 00:24:46,053
Ding-ding-ding-ding
478
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:47,354
Ding-ding-
ding-ding-ding.
479
00:24:47,421 --> 00:24:49,122
I don't know what to do
when you do that.
480
00:24:49,223 --> 00:24:50,157
Well, do something.
481
00:24:50,224 --> 00:24:51,225
Good night
482
00:24:51,291 --> 00:24:53,260
Ding-ding-
ding-ding...
483
00:24:53,327 --> 00:24:54,294
Five!
484
00:24:54,328 --> 00:24:55,562
Four! three!
485
00:24:55,629 --> 00:24:56,797
Two! one!
486
00:24:58,699 --> 00:25:00,133
Good!
487
00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:00,634
Good?
488
00:25:02,069 --> 00:25:03,036
Very good.
489
00:25:03,070 --> 00:25:04,037
Do it again.
490
00:25:07,307 --> 00:25:10,377
Very good indeed.
491
00:25:10,444 --> 00:25:11,912
Quite outstanding.
492
00:25:11,945 --> 00:25:13,413
Ah, right, ready now.
493
00:25:17,451 --> 00:25:18,819
Right, once more.
494
00:25:18,852 --> 00:25:20,487
Good night
495
00:25:20,554 --> 00:25:22,089
Ding-ding-
ding-ding
496
00:25:22,189 --> 00:25:24,124
Ding-ding-
ding-ding-ding.
497
00:25:31,331 --> 00:25:33,634
Wha... what's going on?
498
00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:35,435
What's going on?
499
00:25:35,502 --> 00:25:36,737
You got very good marks.
500
00:25:36,803 --> 00:25:37,771
Well, I don't care.
501
00:25:37,804 --> 00:25:39,139
I want to know what's going on!
502
00:25:39,239 --> 00:25:40,874
I think you're deliberately
trying to humiliate people
503
00:25:40,941 --> 00:25:42,009
And I'm going
straight out of here
504
00:25:42,075 --> 00:25:43,110
And I'm going
to tell the police
505
00:25:43,177 --> 00:25:44,211
Exactly what
you do to people
506
00:25:44,278 --> 00:25:45,479
And they're going
to make bloody sure
507
00:25:45,546 --> 00:25:46,513
That you never
do it again.
508
00:25:46,547 --> 00:25:47,514
There, what do
you think of that?!
509
00:25:47,548 --> 00:25:49,249
What do you
think of that?
510
00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:53,053
Very good marks.
511
00:25:53,086 --> 00:25:54,087
Oh, oh...
512
00:25:54,154 --> 00:25:55,622
Well,
do I get the job?
513
00:25:55,656 --> 00:25:57,124
Er, well, I'm afraid not.
514
00:25:57,224 --> 00:26:00,227
I'm afraid all the vacancies
were filled several weeks ago.
515
00:26:07,201 --> 00:26:08,335
Hmm.
516
00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:09,870
Well, that was all good fun
517
00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:11,772
And we all had
a jolly good laugh.
518
00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:14,608
But I would like to assure you
519
00:26:14,675 --> 00:26:16,743
That you'd never
be treated like that
520
00:26:16,810 --> 00:26:20,113
If you had an interview here
at the careers advisory board.
521
00:26:20,147 --> 00:26:22,049
Perhaps I should
introduce myself.
522
00:26:22,082 --> 00:26:24,551
I am the head of the
careers advisory board.
523
00:26:24,618 --> 00:26:27,588
I wanted to be a doctor,
but there we are.
524
00:26:27,654 --> 00:26:31,792
I'm head of
the careers advisory board.
525
00:26:31,859 --> 00:26:33,594
Or a sculptor--
something artistic.
526
00:26:33,660 --> 00:26:35,562
Or an engineer,
with all those dams
527
00:26:35,596 --> 00:26:38,532
But there we are, it's no
use crying over spilt milk.
528
00:26:38,565 --> 00:26:40,901
The facts are there
and that's that.
529
00:26:40,934 --> 00:26:43,036
I'm the head
of this lousy board.
530
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,674
Never mind.
531
00:26:48,976 --> 00:26:51,111
Now, I wonder if you've
ever considered
532
00:26:51,245 --> 00:26:54,248
What a very profitable
line of work this man is in.
533
00:26:57,518 --> 00:26:58,986
Burglar!
534
00:27:02,422 --> 00:27:03,657
Burglar!
535
00:27:07,628 --> 00:27:08,629
Yes?
536
00:27:08,695 --> 00:27:10,531
Burglar, madam.
537
00:27:10,564 --> 00:27:12,032
What do you want?
538
00:27:12,065 --> 00:27:14,801
I want to come in
and steal a few things, madam.
539
00:27:14,868 --> 00:27:17,271
Are you
an encyclopedia salesman?
540
00:27:17,304 --> 00:27:18,772
No, madam,
I'm a burglar.
541
00:27:18,839 --> 00:27:19,973
I burgle people.
542
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,942
I think you're
an encyclopedia salesman.
543
00:27:21,975 --> 00:27:23,210
Oh, I'm not,
open the door.
544
00:27:23,277 --> 00:27:24,578
Let me in, please.
545
00:27:24,611 --> 00:27:26,947
If I let you in, you'll sell me
encyclopedias.
546
00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:28,348
I won't, madam.
547
00:27:28,382 --> 00:27:30,017
I just want to come in,
ransack the flat... honestly.
548
00:27:30,083 --> 00:27:31,051
Promise?
549
00:27:31,118 --> 00:27:32,085
No encyclopedias?
550
00:27:32,152 --> 00:27:34,621
None at all.
551
00:27:34,655 --> 00:27:35,622
All right.
552
00:27:35,689 --> 00:27:37,157
You'd better come in, then.
553
00:27:38,392 --> 00:27:39,426
Mind you,
I don't know
554
00:27:39,493 --> 00:27:40,827
Whether you've ever
really considered
555
00:27:40,861 --> 00:27:42,362
The advantages of owning
a really fine set
556
00:27:42,429 --> 00:27:43,497
Of modern encyclopedias.
557
00:27:43,564 --> 00:27:44,932
You know, they can do
you really wonders.
558
00:27:44,965 --> 00:27:48,202
That man was a successful
encyclopedia salesman.
559
00:27:48,268 --> 00:27:51,605
But not all encyclopedia
salesmen are successful.
560
00:27:51,638 --> 00:27:54,808
Here is an unsuccessful
encyclopedia salesman.
561
00:28:00,380 --> 00:28:03,483
Now here are two unsuccessful
encyclopedia salesmen.
562
00:28:08,956 --> 00:28:11,658
I think there's a lesson there
for all of us.