1
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:16,817
It's...
2
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:20,487
Monty python's flying circus.
3
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,654
Well, where is he?
4
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:58,659
Hmm... hmm.
5
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,827
Well, what is it, dear?
6
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,362
It's from the bbc.
7
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,832
They want to know if I want
to be in a sketch on telly.
8
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,668
Ooh, that's nice.
9
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,069
Why, it's acting,
isn't it?
10
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:10,170
Yes.
11
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,572
Well, I'm a plumber.
12
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:12,573
I can't act.
13
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,474
Oh, you never know
till you try.
14
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,610
Look at mrs. brando's
son next door.
15
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,679
He was mending the fridge
when they came
16
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,380
And asked him to be
the wild one.
17
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:21,915
What do they
want you to do?
18
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:24,351
Well, they just want me
to stand at a counter
19
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:26,453
And when the sketch starts,
I'll go out.
20
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,721
Oh, that sounds nice.
21
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,756
That's what they call a walk-on.
22
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,325
Walk-on?
23
00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:33,427
That's a walk-off,
that's what this is.
24
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,031
Where is he, georgie?
25
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,900
He should have been
here hours ago.
26
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,401
He bloody should have been.
27
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,171
What else did it say?
28
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,205
It just says
29
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,241
"we would like you
to be in a sketch.
30
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,243
"you are standing
at a counter.
31
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,445
"when the sketch
starts, you go off.
32
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,380
Yours faithfully,
lord hill."
33
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,449
Oh, well, you better
be off, then.
34
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,184
Well, what about the cat?
35
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,186
Oh, I'll look
after the cat.
36
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:00,854
Goodness me,
mrs. newman's oldest
37
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,155
Never worried
about the cat
38
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,791
When he went off to do
the sweet bird of youth.
39
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,193
All right, then,
all right.
40
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,461
Bye-bye, dear.
41
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,496
Bye-bye, and mind you,
don't get seduced.
42
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,533
It'll make a change
from plumbing.
43
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,275
Dad, frank's got
a television part.
44
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:28,982
You missed him.
45
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:38,559
Good morning.
46
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,560
I'm a bank robber.
47
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,894
Uh, please don't panic.
48
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,529
Just hand over
all your money.
49
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:45,032
This is a lingerie shop, sir.
50
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,534
Fine, fine.
51
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,203
Fine.
52
00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:54,908
Adopt, adapt and improve.
53
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,210
Motto of the round table.
54
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,711
Well, um...
55
00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,112
What have you got?
56
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,515
Uh, we've got corsets,
stockings, suspender belts
57
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,016
Tights, bras, slips, petticoats
58
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,651
Knickers, socks
and garters, sir.
59
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,186
Fine, fine.
60
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,789
Fine, fine.
61
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:12,359
Um... no large piles of money
in safes?
62
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:13,393
No, sir.
63
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,862
No deposit accounts?
64
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:15,829
No, sir.
65
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,398
No piles of cash
in easy-to-carry bags?
66
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,133
None at all, sir.
67
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,136
No luncheon vouchers?
68
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,171
No, sir.
69
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,506
Fine, fine.
70
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,943
Well, um...
71
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,512
Adopt, adapt and improve.
72
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,183
Just a pair of
knickers then, please.
73
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,121
Well, that was a bit of fun,
wasn't it?
74
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,725
And a special good evening
to you.
75
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,560
Not just
an ordinary good evening
76
00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:48,929
Like you get from
all the other announcers
77
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,998
But a special good evening
from me...
78
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,102
To you.
79
00:03:55,169 --> 00:03:56,670
Well, what have we got next?
80
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,938
This is fun, isn't it?
81
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,808
Look, I'm sorry if
I'm interrupting anything
82
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,710
That any of you
may be doing at home
83
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,180
But I want you to think of me
as an old queen...
84
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,247
Friend.
85
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:10,417
Well, let's see
what we've got next.
86
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,319
In a few moments, it's a tree
87
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,755
And in the chair as usual
is arthur tree
88
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,256
And starring in the show
89
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:19,293
Will be a host of star guests
as his star guests.
90
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:23,697
And then at 9:30, we've got
another rollicking half hour
91
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,766
Of laughter-packed squalor
92
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:28,702
With yes, it's
the sewage farm attendants.
93
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:34,374
And this week, dan falls
into a vat of human dung
94
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,310
With hilarious consequences.
95
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:41,215
But now it's the glittering
world of show business
96
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,583
With arthur tree.
97
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:03,504
Hello, hello, people,
and welcome to it's a tree.
98
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,540
We have some really exciting
guests for you this evening--
99
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:10,077
A fabulous spruce
back from a tour of holland;
100
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,478
Three gum trees
101
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,648
Making their first appearance
in this country;
102
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:18,051
Scots pine and the conifers;
and elm tree bole--
103
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,087
There you go, can't be bad--
104
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,489
An exciting new american plank;
105
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:25,392
A rain forest
and a bucket of sawdust
106
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:28,362
Giving their views
on teenage violence;
107
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:31,198
And an unusual guest
for this program--
108
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:33,333
A piece of laminated plastic.
109
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,835
Hi there.
110
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:39,206
But first, will you
please, please welcome
111
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:40,974
A block of wood.
112
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,881
Well, block, nice to have you
on the show again.
113
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,083
Well, uh, thanks, tree.
114
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,286
I got to pay the rent.
115
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,991
Super.
116
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:01,195
Well, what have you
been doing, block?
117
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,764
Well, I've just been starring
118
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:08,735
In several major multimillion-
dollar international films
119
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:14,241
And during breaks on the set,
I've been designing a cathedral
120
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:18,278
Doing wonderful unpublicized
work for charity
121
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:21,715
Uh, finishing my history
of the world, of course
122
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:23,016
Pulling the birds...
123
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,017
Oh!
124
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,888
Uh, photographing royalty
on the loo
125
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:33,660
Averting world war iii--
can't be bad-- and, uh...
126
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:34,761
Learning to read.
127
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,798
The full renaissance bit,
really.
128
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,900
Super, super.
129
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:43,203
Well, I've got to stop you
there, block, I'm afraid
130
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,872
Because we've got someone
131
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,708
Who's been doing cabaret
in the new forest.
132
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,577
From america,
will you welcome, please
133
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,746
A chippendale writing desk.
134
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,214
Thank you, mr. tree.
135
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,884
I'd now like to do
a few impersonations
136
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,219
Of some of
my favorite englishmen.
137
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,288
First off, long john sliver.
138
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:06,827
Arg, jim boy, arg, arg.
139
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,996
And now, edward heath.
140
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,798
Hello, sailor.
141
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:17,404
Now, a short scene from a play
by harold splinter.
142
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,710
Wasn't that just great,
ladies and gentlemen?
143
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,179
But wait a minute.
144
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:28,182
We've got something else I just
know you're going to love.
145
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,633
Yes, sir, coming right up
146
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,636
The vocational
guidance counselor sketch.
147
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,924
Vocational guidance
counselor
148
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:13,093
Vocational
guidance counselor
149
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,996
Vocational guidance
counselor
150
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:19,867
Vocational guidance
counselor.
151
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,042
Ah, mr. anchovy.
152
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,077
Do sit down.
153
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,111
Thank you.
154
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,613
Take the weight
off the feet, eh?
155
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:33,413
Yes, yes.
156
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:34,515
Lovely weather
157
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:35,983
For the time of year,
I must say.
158
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,684
Enough of this gay banter.
159
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:38,852
And now, mr. anchovy
160
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,354
You asked us
to advise you
161
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,355
Which job in life
162
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:42,789
You were
best suited for.
163
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,191
That is correct, yes.
164
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:46,727
Well, I now have the results
here of the interviews
165
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,929
And the aptitude tests
that you took last week
166
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,498
And from them, we've built up
a pretty clear picture
167
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,133
Of the sort of person
that you are
168
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,669
And I think I can say
without fear of contradiction
169
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,238
That the ideal job for you
is chartered accountancy.
170
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,142
But I am a chartered accountant.
171
00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:03,644
Jolly good.
172
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,779
Well, back to the
office with you, then.
173
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,514
No, no, no,
you don't understand.
174
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,850
I've been a chartered accountant
for the last 20 years.
175
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,686
I want a new job-- something
exciting that will let me live.
176
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,389
Well, chartered accountancy's
rather exciting, isn't it?
177
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,990
Exciting?!
178
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,592
No, it's not!
179
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,228
It's dull, dull, dull.
180
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,363
My god, it's dull.
181
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:27,000
It's so desperately
dull and tedious
182
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:31,705
And stuffy and boring
and desperately dull.
183
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,473
Well, uh, yes,
mr. anchovy
184
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,843
But you see, your
report here says
185
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,445
That you are an
extremely dull person.
186
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,781
You see, our experts
describe you
187
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,850
As an appallingly dull fellow
188
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,886
Unimaginative, timid,
lacking in initiative
189
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,921
Spineless,
easily dominated
190
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,791
No sense of humor,
tedious company
191
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:53,594
And irrepressibly drab
and awful.
192
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,596
And whereas in most professions
193
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,965
These would be
considerable drawbacks
194
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,868
In chartered accountancy,
they're a positive boon.
195
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:04,671
But you see, I came here
to find a new job, a new life
196
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,673
A new meaning to my existence.
197
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:07,708
Can't you help me?
198
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,309
Well, do you
have any idea
199
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,611
Of what
you want to do?
200
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:11,678
Yes, yes, I have.
201
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,946
What?
202
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,015
Lion taming.
203
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,522
Yes, yes, of course,
it's a bit of a jump, isn't it?
204
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:24,458
I mean, chartered accountancy
to lion taming in one go.
205
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,193
You don't think
it might be better
206
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:28,395
If you worked your way
towards lion taming
207
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,596
Say, via banking or...
208
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:30,731
No! no, no, no, no, no!
209
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:31,798
I don't want to wait.
210
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,200
At 9:00 tomorrow
211
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,636
I want to be
in there taming.
212
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,204
Fine, fine,
but do you...
213
00:10:37,271 --> 00:10:39,139
Do you have any
qualifications?
214
00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:40,140
Yes, I've got a hat.
215
00:10:41,175 --> 00:10:42,142
A hat?
216
00:10:42,176 --> 00:10:43,710
Yes, a hat, a lion taming hat.
217
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,345
A hat with "lion tamer" on it.
218
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:46,947
I got it at harrods.
219
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,482
And it lights up,
saying "lion tamer"
220
00:10:48,549 --> 00:10:49,616
In great, big neon letters
221
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,152
So you can tame them after dark
when they're less stroppy.
222
00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:53,387
I see, I see.
223
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,556
And you can claim reasonable
wear and tear--
224
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,224
Switch it off during
the daytime--
225
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,126
As allowable
professional expenses...
226
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,561
Yes, yes, yes
227
00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:03,730
I do follow the strategy,
but you see, the snag is
228
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,934
If I now call mr. chipperfield
and say to him
229
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,135
"look here, I've got
230
00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:10,737
"a 45-year-old
chartered accountant with me
231
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,739
Who wants to become
a lion tamer"
232
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,875
His first question
is not going to be
233
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,543
"does he have his own hat?"
234
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:17,778
He's going to ask
235
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,980
What sort of experience
you've had with lions.
236
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,382
Well, I've seen them at the zoo.
237
00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:23,951
Good, good, good.
238
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,586
Yes, they're brown,
furry things
239
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:28,055
With short, stumpy legs
and great, long noses.
240
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,123
I don't know what
all the fuss is about.
241
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,325
I could tame one of those.
242
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,492
They look pretty tame
to start with.
243
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,762
And these, um, these lions,
how high are they?
244
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:38,599
Well, they're about
so high, you know.
245
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:40,801
They don't
frighten me at all.
246
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:41,935
Really?
247
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,037
And do these lions eat ants?
248
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:44,938
Yes, that's right.
249
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:47,908
Uh, well, mr. anchovy
250
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:50,944
I'm afraid what you've got
hold of there is an anteater.
251
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,479
A what?
252
00:11:52,513 --> 00:11:54,915
An anteater, not a lion.
253
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:57,351
You see, a lion is
a huge, savage beast
254
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:01,321
About five feet high, ten feet
long, weighing about 400 pounds
255
00:12:01,355 --> 00:12:07,094
Running 40 miles an hour with
masses of sharp, pointed teeth
256
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,762
And nasty, long,
razor-sharp claws
257
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,197
That could rip your belly open
258
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,765
Before you could say
"eric robinson."
259
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:12,900
And they look like this.
260
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,374
Time enough, I think,
for a piece of wood.
261
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:25,112
The larch.
262
00:12:27,381 --> 00:12:29,716
Now, shall I call
mr. chipperfield?
263
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:30,851
Uh, no, no, no, no.
264
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:31,952
I think your idea
265
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:34,188
Of making the transition
to lion taming
266
00:12:34,288 --> 00:12:36,723
Via easy stages,
say, via insurance or...
267
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:37,925
Banking.
268
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:39,993
Or banking, banking,
yes, banking.
269
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,862
That's a man's life,
isn't it?
270
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,231
Banking-- travel,
excitement, adventure
271
00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:46,967
Thrills, decisions
affecting people's lives.
272
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:48,502
Jolly good.
273
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,636
Shall I put you
274
00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:50,904
In touch with the bank?
275
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,072
Yes...
276
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,340
No, no, no.
277
00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:54,741
Look, it's
a big decision.
278
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,343
I'd like just
a couple of weeks
279
00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:57,878
To think about it,
you know?
280
00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,713
Don't want to jump
into it too quickly.
281
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:00,714
Maybe three weeks.
282
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:02,316
I could let you know
definitely then.
283
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:06,486
Well, this is just one
of the all-too-many cases
284
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:09,823
On our books
of chartered accountancy.
285
00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:11,825
The only way that we can fight
286
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:14,561
This terrible, debilitating
social disease
287
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:18,131
Is by informing the general
public of its consequences
288
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:20,667
By showing young people...
289
00:13:20,701 --> 00:13:22,603
Perhaps I could do it,
just for a bit...
290
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,038
That it's just not worth it.
291
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:28,942
So please, give generously
to this address:
292
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:47,828
Oh!
293
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,665
Well, that was fun, wasn't it?
294
00:13:51,732 --> 00:13:53,200
No, it wasn't, you fairy.
295
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,003
Oh, hello, sailor.
296
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,372
Here, you wouldn't have got
on one of our voyages.
297
00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,540
They were all dead butch.
298
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,276
Mmm, that's not what I've heard.
299
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,752
There is an epic quality
about the sea
300
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,420
Which has throughout history
301
00:14:13,487 --> 00:14:16,823
Stirred the hearts and minds
of englishmen of all nations.
302
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:20,727
Sir francis drake, captain webb,
nelson of trafalgar
303
00:14:20,761 --> 00:14:22,729
And scott of the antarctic
304
00:14:22,763 --> 00:14:26,200
All rose to the challenge
of the mighty ocean.
305
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:30,037
And today, another englishman
may add his name
306
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:35,008
To the golden roll of history:
mr. ron obvious of neaps end
307
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:39,046
For today, ron obvious hopes
to be the first man
308
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,415
To jump the channel.
309
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:48,689
Ron, now, let's just
get this quite clear--
310
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:52,159
You're intending to jump
across the english channel.
311
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,127
Oh, yes, that is
correct, yes.
312
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:56,196
And just how far
is that?
313
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,299
Oh, well, it's 26 miles
from here to calais.
314
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,201
That's to the beach
at calais?
315
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,570
Well, no, no, provided
I get a good lift-off
316
00:15:03,604 --> 00:15:06,273
And maybe a gust
of breeze over
the french coast
317
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:09,209
I shall be jumping
into the center of
calais itself.
318
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,480
Are you using any
special techniques
319
00:15:13,547 --> 00:15:15,516
To jump this
great distance?
320
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:16,550
Oh, no, no.
321
00:15:16,617 --> 00:15:17,451
I shall be using
322
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:18,852
An ordinary
two-footed jump
323
00:15:18,886 --> 00:15:19,987
Straight up
in the air
324
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,154
And across
the channel.
325
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:22,623
I see.
326
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:25,158
Ron, what is
the furthest distance
327
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,194
That you've jumped so far?
328
00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:31,765
Oh, uh, 11 foot, six inches
at motspur park on july 22.
329
00:15:31,832 --> 00:15:34,168
But I have done nearly
12 feet unofficially.
330
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:38,672
I see, uh... ron, ron,
aren't you worried
331
00:15:38,739 --> 00:15:44,778
Ron, aren't you worried jumping
26 miles across the sea?
332
00:15:44,845 --> 00:15:45,779
Oh, no, no, no.
333
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,147
It is,
in fact, easier
334
00:15:47,181 --> 00:15:49,449
To jump over sea
than over dry land.
335
00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:50,617
Well, how is that?
336
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,920
Well, my manager
explained it to me.
337
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,955
You see, if you're
five miles out
338
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,523
Over the english channel
339
00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:58,425
With nothing but
sea underneath you
340
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,960
There is a very
great impetus
341
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:00,994
To stay in the air.
342
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,231
I see, well, uh,
thank you very much, ron
343
00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:05,732
And the very best of luck.
344
00:16:05,766 --> 00:16:06,967
Thank you,
thank you.
345
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:10,470
The man behind ron's
cross-channel jump
346
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,640
Is his manager,
mr. luigi vercotti.
347
00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:16,810
Mr. vercotti... mr. vercotti.
348
00:16:16,877 --> 00:16:18,312
Mr. vercotti.
349
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,313
What?
350
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:20,814
Mr. vercotti...
351
00:16:20,848 --> 00:16:23,317
I don't know what
you're talking about.
352
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:25,385
Uh, no, we're from the bbc,
mr. vercotti.
353
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:26,086
Who?
354
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,588
The bbc.
355
00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:28,789
Oh, oh, I see.
356
00:16:28,856 --> 00:16:32,292
I thought... I thought
you were the, um...
357
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:33,360
I like the police a lot.
358
00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:34,828
I've got lots
of time for them.
359
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:36,396
Well, uh, mr. vercotti
360
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:39,366
What is your chief task
as ron's manager?
361
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:40,534
Well, my main task
362
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,970
Is to fix a sponsor
for the big jump.
363
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,505
And who is the sponsor?
364
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,373
The chippenham
brick company.
365
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:49,009
They pay all the bills,
in return for which
366
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:52,646
Ron will be carrying half a
hundredweight of their bricks.
367
00:16:54,815 --> 00:16:55,883
I see.
368
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,585
Well, it looks as if
ron is ready now.
369
00:16:58,652 --> 00:17:00,153
He's got the bricks.
370
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:03,924
He's had his passport checked
and he's all set to go.
371
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:17,437
And he's off on the first-ever
cross-channel jump.
372
00:17:22,009 --> 00:17:25,112
Will ron be trying
the cross-channel
jump again soon?
373
00:17:25,179 --> 00:17:26,680
No, no, I'm taking
him off the jumps
374
00:17:26,747 --> 00:17:29,082
Because I've got something
lined up for ron next week
375
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,084
That I think is very much
more up his street.
376
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,252
What's that?
377
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:35,455
Ron is going to eat
chichester cathedral.
378
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:42,396
Well, there he goes,
ron obvious of neaps end
379
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,565
In an attempt
which could make him
380
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:48,168
The first man ever to eat
an entire anglican cathedral.
381
00:18:11,892 --> 00:18:12,893
Well, uh,
I think, david
382
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:13,994
This is something
383
00:18:14,061 --> 00:18:15,796
Which ron and i
are really keen on.
384
00:18:15,863 --> 00:18:16,997
Ron is going to tunnel
385
00:18:17,064 --> 00:18:20,667
From godalming here
to java here.
386
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:23,670
Java.
387
00:18:23,737 --> 00:18:26,673
Yeah, I personally think
this is going to make ron
388
00:18:26,707 --> 00:18:28,342
A household name overnight.
389
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:29,276
And how far has he got?
390
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,144
Well, he's quite far now, dave,
391
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,312
Uh, well on the way.
392
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:33,714
Well on the way, yeah.
393
00:18:33,747 --> 00:18:35,415
Well, where is he, exactly?
394
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,850
Yeah.
395
00:18:36,884 --> 00:18:37,851
Where?
396
00:18:37,918 --> 00:18:39,486
Oh, well, um, you know
397
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:41,855
It's difficult to say, exactly.
398
00:18:41,889 --> 00:18:43,891
He's, you know, in the area
399
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,959
Of, um...
400
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,629
Ron, how far have you got?
401
00:18:48,662 --> 00:18:51,164
Oh, about two foot, six,
mr. vercotti.
402
00:18:51,265 --> 00:18:53,300
Yeah, well, keep digging,
lad, keep digging.
403
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:55,669
Mr. vercotti, are you
sure there isn't a spade?
404
00:18:56,837 --> 00:19:00,207
Uh, mr. vercotti,
what do you say to people
405
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,809
Who accuse you
of exploiting ron
406
00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:04,678
For your own purposes?
407
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:07,014
Well, that's
totally untrue,
david.
408
00:19:07,047 --> 00:19:08,115
Ever since
I left sicily
409
00:19:08,182 --> 00:19:10,117
I've been trying to
do the best for ron.
410
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,852
I know what ron
wants to do
411
00:19:11,919 --> 00:19:12,986
I believe in him
412
00:19:13,053 --> 00:19:14,421
And I'm just
trying to create
413
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:15,622
The opportunities
for ron
414
00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:17,591
To do the kind
of things he
wants to do.
415
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:18,926
And what's he going
to do today?
416
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:20,527
He's going to split
a railway carriage
417
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:21,562
With his nose.
418
00:19:24,932 --> 00:19:26,333
The only
difficult bit for ron
419
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,168
Is getting out
of earth's atmosphere.
420
00:19:28,202 --> 00:19:31,572
Once he's in orbit, he'll be
able to run straight to mercury.
421
00:19:41,148 --> 00:19:43,250
I am now
extremely hopeful
422
00:19:43,317 --> 00:19:45,452
That ron will break
the world record
423
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:47,120
For remaining underground.
424
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,689
He's a wonderful boy, this
425
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,792
And he's got this
really enormous talent
426
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:55,062
This really huge talent.
427
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:56,730
That's a bit sad, isn't it?
428
00:19:56,797 --> 00:19:58,365
Shh, it's satire.
429
00:19:58,432 --> 00:20:01,168
No, it isn't,
it's just zany madcap humor.
430
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:02,236
Oh, is it?
431
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,744
Good morning,
I'd like to buy a cat.
432
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:11,979
Certainly, sir.
433
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,981
Got a lovely terrier.
434
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:16,850
No, I want
a cat, really.
435
00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:18,285
Oh, yeah.
436
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:21,054
How about that?
437
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,625
Well, that's
the terrier.
438
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:26,827
Well, it's as near
as dammit.
439
00:20:26,894 --> 00:20:28,428
Well, what do you mean?--
I want a cat.
440
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:29,696
Listen, tell you what.
441
00:20:29,763 --> 00:20:32,366
I'll file his legs down a bit,
take his snout off
442
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,368
Stick a few wires
through his cheeks
443
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,036
There you are,
lovely pussycat.
444
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:37,404
It's not a proper cat.
445
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,105
What do you mean?
446
00:20:38,172 --> 00:20:39,006
He wouldn't meow.
447
00:20:39,039 --> 00:20:40,941
Well, it would howl a bit.
448
00:20:42,109 --> 00:20:42,976
No, no, no, no.
449
00:20:43,010 --> 00:20:44,511
Have you got a parrot?
450
00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:48,115
I'm afraid not, actually, guv,
we're fresh out of parrots.
451
00:20:48,182 --> 00:20:51,618
Tell you what, though, I'll lop
its back legs off, make good
452
00:20:51,652 --> 00:20:54,021
Strip the fur,
stick a couple of wings on
453
00:20:54,054 --> 00:20:57,925
And staple on a beak
of your own choice.
454
00:20:57,958 --> 00:21:00,060
No problem, lovely parrot.
455
00:21:00,127 --> 00:21:01,228
How long would
that take?
456
00:21:01,295 --> 00:21:02,296
Oh, let me see
457
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,097
Stripping
the fur off, no legs...
458
00:21:04,164 --> 00:21:05,132
Harry?
459
00:21:05,165 --> 00:21:06,133
Yeah.
460
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:07,801
Can you do
a parrot job on this, uh
461
00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:10,437
Can you do a parrot job
on this terrier straight away?
462
00:21:10,504 --> 00:21:12,940
No, I'm still putting
a tuck in the airedale
463
00:21:12,973 --> 00:21:14,608
And then I've got
the frogs to let out.
464
00:21:14,675 --> 00:21:15,576
Friday?
465
00:21:15,609 --> 00:21:17,077
No, I need it for tomorrow;
it's a present.
466
00:21:17,144 --> 00:21:20,814
Oh, dear, it's a long job,
you see, parrot conversion.
467
00:21:20,881 --> 00:21:23,350
Uh, tell you what, though,
for free
468
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:24,718
Terriers make lovely fish.
469
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:27,087
I mean, I would
do that for you
straight away.
470
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,856
Legs off, fins on,
stick a little pipe
471
00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:30,224
Through the back
of its neck
472
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:31,225
So he can breathe
473
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:32,659
A bit of gold paint.
make good.
474
00:21:32,693 --> 00:21:33,861
You'd need
a very big tank.
475
00:21:33,927 --> 00:21:35,562
It's a great
conversation piece.
476
00:21:37,197 --> 00:21:38,398
Yeah, all right,
all right.
477
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:41,935
But... only
if I can watch.
478
00:21:42,002 --> 00:21:45,339
Oh, I thought that was
a bit predictable.
479
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:47,341
It's been done before.
480
00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:50,043
Yeah, we did it
for caesar's christmas show.
481
00:21:50,110 --> 00:21:51,078
No, you didn't.
482
00:21:51,111 --> 00:21:53,247
You did jackand the beanstalk.
483
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,358
Here, what was
that picture?
484
00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:05,492
Shh... next.
485
00:22:10,731 --> 00:22:12,199
Good morning...
mr. phipps?
486
00:22:12,232 --> 00:22:13,700
That's right, yes.
487
00:22:13,734 --> 00:22:15,435
Um, do take a seat.
488
00:22:15,502 --> 00:22:17,137
Right, sir.
489
00:22:17,204 --> 00:22:19,439
Now, could you
tell us, roughly
490
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:22,109
Why you want to
become a librarian?
491
00:22:22,176 --> 00:22:25,179
Well, I've had a certain amount
of experience
492
00:22:25,312 --> 00:22:27,214
Running a library at school.
493
00:22:27,314 --> 00:22:29,383
Yes, yes, what sort
of experience?
494
00:22:29,449 --> 00:22:34,721
Well, for a time
I ran the upper science library.
495
00:22:34,755 --> 00:22:35,856
Yes, yes.
496
00:22:35,923 --> 00:22:37,624
Now, mr. phipps,
of course you do realize
497
00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:39,426
That the post of librarian
carries with it
498
00:22:39,493 --> 00:22:41,161
Certain very important
responsibilities.
499
00:22:41,228 --> 00:22:43,564
I mean, there's
the selection of books
500
00:22:43,597 --> 00:22:46,200
The record library
and the art gallery.
501
00:22:46,333 --> 00:22:50,103
Now, it seems to me that your
greatest disadvantage is
502
00:22:50,137 --> 00:22:52,606
Your lack
of professional experience
503
00:22:52,673 --> 00:22:55,742
Coupled with the fact
that being a gorilla
504
00:22:55,809 --> 00:22:58,245
You would tend
to frighten people.
505
00:22:58,345 --> 00:22:59,313
Uh, is he a gorilla?
506
00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:00,347
Yes, he is.
507
00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:02,015
Why doesn't it
say on his form
508
00:23:02,082 --> 00:23:03,050
That he's a gorilla?
509
00:23:03,083 --> 00:23:04,418
Well, you see
510
00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:06,687
Applicants are not required
to fill in their species.
511
00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:07,721
What was
that picture?
512
00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:08,722
Shh!
513
00:23:08,789 --> 00:23:10,524
Mr. phipps,
what is your attitude
514
00:23:10,591 --> 00:23:12,860
Towards censorship
in the public library?
515
00:23:12,893 --> 00:23:14,294
How do you mean, sir?
516
00:23:14,328 --> 00:23:15,863
Well, I mean for instance
517
00:23:15,929 --> 00:23:18,732
Would you stock last exit
to brooklyn or groupie?
518
00:23:18,765 --> 00:23:20,133
Yes, I think so.
519
00:23:20,167 --> 00:23:21,835
Good.
520
00:23:21,902 --> 00:23:25,739
Yes, well, that seems to be
very sensible, mr. phipps.
521
00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:27,741
I can't pretend
that this library
522
00:23:27,808 --> 00:23:29,543
Hasn't had its difficulties.
523
00:23:29,610 --> 00:23:31,778
Mr. robertson--
your predecessor--
524
00:23:31,845 --> 00:23:35,415
An excellent librarian,
savaged three people last week
525
00:23:35,482 --> 00:23:36,650
And had to be destroyed.
526
00:23:36,717 --> 00:23:37,684
I'm sorry, sir.
527
00:23:37,718 --> 00:23:38,919
Oh, no, don't be sorry.
528
00:23:38,986 --> 00:23:40,320
You see, I don't believe
529
00:23:40,354 --> 00:23:42,222
That libraries
should be drab places
530
00:23:42,322 --> 00:23:43,790
Where people sit in silence
531
00:23:43,857 --> 00:23:45,325
And that's been
the main reason
532
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:46,593
For our policy
of employing
533
00:23:46,660 --> 00:23:47,895
Wild animals
as librarians.
534
00:23:47,961 --> 00:23:50,230
And also
they're much
more permissive.
535
00:23:50,330 --> 00:23:52,933
Pumas keep hank janson
on open shelves.
536
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,134
Yes, mr. phipps.
537
00:23:54,201 --> 00:23:56,170
Mr. phipps, I love
seeing the customers
538
00:23:56,236 --> 00:23:57,704
When they come in
to complain
539
00:23:57,738 --> 00:23:59,173
About some book
being damaged
540
00:23:59,206 --> 00:24:00,941
And ask to see
the chief librarian
541
00:24:01,008 --> 00:24:03,510
And then you should see
their faces
542
00:24:03,577 --> 00:24:07,014
When the proud beast leaps
from his tiny office
543
00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:11,018
Snatches the book from
their hands and sinks his fangs
544
00:24:11,084 --> 00:24:12,953
Into their soft...
545
00:24:12,986 --> 00:24:14,855
Mr. phipps--
kong--
546
00:24:14,888 --> 00:24:17,824
You can be our
next librarian.
547
00:24:17,858 --> 00:24:21,795
You're proud, majestic
and fierce enough.
548
00:24:21,828 --> 00:24:23,363
Will you do it?
549
00:24:23,430 --> 00:24:25,365
I don't think I can, sir.
550
00:24:25,399 --> 00:24:26,033
Why not?
551
00:24:26,099 --> 00:24:28,368
I'm not really
a gorilla.
552
00:24:28,402 --> 00:24:30,871
I'm a librarian in a skin.
553
00:24:32,105 --> 00:24:33,140
Why this
deception?
554
00:24:33,207 --> 00:24:34,408
Well, they said it would be
555
00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:35,676
The best way to get a job.
556
00:24:35,742 --> 00:24:37,377
Get out,
mr. librarian phipps
557
00:24:37,444 --> 00:24:39,146
Seeing as you're
not a gorilla
558
00:24:39,213 --> 00:24:40,681
But only dressed up
as one
559
00:24:40,747 --> 00:24:41,915
Trying to deceive us
560
00:24:41,982 --> 00:24:43,884
In order to further
your career!
561
00:24:45,853 --> 00:24:47,387
Next?
562
00:24:51,058 --> 00:24:54,027
Ah, mr. pattinson, sit!
563
00:24:54,094 --> 00:24:55,662
"dear mirror view
564
00:24:55,729 --> 00:24:57,497
"I would like to be paid
five guineas
565
00:24:57,564 --> 00:25:00,167
"for saying something stupid
about a television show.
566
00:25:00,234 --> 00:25:01,869
Yours sincerely,
mrs. sybil agro."
567
00:25:01,935 --> 00:25:04,538
"dear david jacobs,
east grinstead, friday.
568
00:25:04,605 --> 00:25:07,140
"why should I have to pay
64 guineas each year
569
00:25:07,207 --> 00:25:10,244
"for my television license
when I can buy one for six?
570
00:25:10,310 --> 00:25:12,179
"yours, sincerely,
captain r.h. pretty.
571
00:25:12,279 --> 00:25:14,748
"p.s.-- support rhodesia,
cut motor taxes
572
00:25:14,781 --> 00:25:17,351
Save the argylls,
running-in please pass."
573
00:25:17,417 --> 00:25:18,752
"dear old codgers
574
00:25:18,785 --> 00:25:21,622
"some friends of mine and i
have formed a consortium
575
00:25:21,655 --> 00:25:24,424
"and, working with sophisticated
drilling equipment
576
00:25:24,491 --> 00:25:26,960
"we have discovered
extensive nickel deposits
577
00:25:26,994 --> 00:25:28,161
"off western scotland.
578
00:25:28,262 --> 00:25:29,963
The cincinnati mining company."
579
00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:32,432
"good for you, ma'am!"
580
00:25:32,466 --> 00:25:33,767
"dear old codgers
581
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,270
"I am president of the united
states of america.
582
00:25:36,336 --> 00:25:37,771
Yours truly, r.m. nixon."
583
00:25:37,804 --> 00:25:41,441
"phew! bet that's a job
and a half, ma'am."
584
00:25:41,508 --> 00:25:44,378
"dear sir, I am
over 3,000 years old
585
00:25:44,411 --> 00:25:47,181
And would like to see any scene
with two people in bed."
586
00:25:47,314 --> 00:25:49,383
"bet that's a link, ma'am."
587
00:25:49,449 --> 00:25:53,120
"bet that's a link, ma'am."
588
00:26:07,968 --> 00:26:10,137
Vera, vera, darling!
589
00:26:10,237 --> 00:26:11,638
Wake up,
my little lemon.
590
00:26:11,672 --> 00:26:12,673
Come to my arms.
591
00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:15,175
Oh, maurice,
what are you doing here?
592
00:26:15,209 --> 00:26:17,177
I could not keep
away from you.
593
00:26:17,277 --> 00:26:19,146
I must have you
all the time.
594
00:26:19,179 --> 00:26:21,148
Oh, this is most
inconvenient.
595
00:26:21,181 --> 00:26:23,483
Don't talk to me
about convenience.
596
00:26:23,517 --> 00:26:25,485
Love consumes
my naughty mind.
597
00:26:25,519 --> 00:26:27,154
I'm delirious
with desire.
598
00:26:28,589 --> 00:26:29,690
What's that, vera?
599
00:26:29,756 --> 00:26:31,191
Oh, uh, nothing, dear
600
00:26:31,225 --> 00:26:32,926
Just a trick
of the light.
601
00:26:32,993 --> 00:26:33,961
Righto.
602
00:26:33,994 --> 00:26:35,362
Phew, that was close!
603
00:26:35,395 --> 00:26:37,097
Now, then,
my little banana
604
00:26:37,164 --> 00:26:38,599
My little fruit salad.
605
00:26:38,632 --> 00:26:40,501
I can wait for you
no longer.
606
00:26:40,534 --> 00:26:42,169
You must be mine,
utterly.
607
00:26:42,236 --> 00:26:43,470
Oh, maurice.
608
00:26:43,537 --> 00:26:44,404
Vera!
609
00:26:44,438 --> 00:26:45,739
How dare you!
610
00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:46,507
Roger!
611
00:26:46,573 --> 00:26:47,741
What's the meaning
of this?
612
00:26:47,808 --> 00:26:49,643
Oh, I can explain
everything, my darling.
613
00:26:49,676 --> 00:26:50,978
Who's this?
614
00:26:51,011 --> 00:26:53,180
This is maurice
zatapathique,
roger thompson.
615
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,148
Roger thompson,
maurice zatapathique.
616
00:26:55,182 --> 00:26:56,149
How do you do?
617
00:26:56,183 --> 00:26:57,150
How do you do?
618
00:26:57,184 --> 00:26:58,719
How could you do this
to me, vera
619
00:26:58,785 --> 00:27:00,220
After all we've been through?
620
00:27:00,254 --> 00:27:01,955
Damn it, I love you.
621
00:27:02,022 --> 00:27:04,358
Vera, don't you
understand?
622
00:27:04,391 --> 00:27:06,393
It's me that loves you.
623
00:27:07,761 --> 00:27:09,162
What's happening,
vera?
624
00:27:09,263 --> 00:27:10,464
Oh, nothing, dear.
625
00:27:10,531 --> 00:27:13,133
Just a twig brushing
against the window.
626
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:14,168
Righto!
627
00:27:14,201 --> 00:27:15,536
Come to me, vera.
628
00:27:15,569 --> 00:27:17,004
Oh, not now,
roger.
629
00:27:17,037 --> 00:27:18,906
Vera, my little
hedgehog
630
00:27:18,939 --> 00:27:20,407
Don't turn me away.
631
00:27:20,474 --> 00:27:22,543
Oh, it cannot
be, maurice.
632
00:27:22,609 --> 00:27:26,513
Hands off, you
filthy bally froggie.
633
00:27:26,547 --> 00:27:28,549
Oh, ken, ken biggles!
634
00:27:28,615 --> 00:27:30,784
Yes, algy is
here as well.
635
00:27:30,851 --> 00:27:32,319
Algy braithwaite?
636
00:27:32,352 --> 00:27:33,554
That's right,
vera.
637
00:27:33,620 --> 00:27:34,721
Oh, god, you know
638
00:27:34,788 --> 00:27:36,757
We both still
bally love you.
639
00:27:36,790 --> 00:27:37,758
Oh, biggles!
640
00:27:37,791 --> 00:27:38,759
Algy!
641
00:27:38,825 --> 00:27:40,827
Oh, but how
wonderful!
642
00:27:42,129 --> 00:27:43,497
What's happening,
vera?
643
00:27:43,530 --> 00:27:46,400
Oh, nothing, dear,
just the toilet filling up.
644
00:27:46,433 --> 00:27:47,401
Righto!
645
00:27:48,468 --> 00:27:49,870
Excuse me, could
you tell me
646
00:27:49,903 --> 00:27:51,972
Where is mrs. vera
jackson, please?
647
00:27:52,039 --> 00:27:53,507
Yes, right
and right again.
648
00:27:53,540 --> 00:27:54,508
muchas gracias.
649
00:27:54,575 --> 00:27:55,542
Righto!
650
00:28:03,517 --> 00:28:04,651
Oh, vera
651
00:28:04,718 --> 00:28:07,287
Remember acapulco
in the springtime.
652
00:28:07,354 --> 00:28:09,323
Oh, the herman rodrigues four!
653
00:28:11,592 --> 00:28:13,126
Vera! I distinctly
heard
654
00:28:13,260 --> 00:28:14,795
A mexican
rhythm combo.
655
00:28:14,862 --> 00:28:16,530
Oh, no, dear,
it was just
656
00:28:16,597 --> 00:28:19,032
The electric blanket
switching off.
657
00:28:19,066 --> 00:28:21,535
Oh... well, I'm
going for a tinkle.
658
00:28:21,568 --> 00:28:22,736
No, you can't do that.
659
00:28:22,803 --> 00:28:25,038
Here, we haven't
finished the sketch yet!
660
00:28:25,105 --> 00:28:26,073
Dash it all
661
00:28:26,106 --> 00:28:27,975
There's only
another bally page.
662
00:28:28,008 --> 00:28:30,310
I say, there's
no one to react to.
663
00:28:30,344 --> 00:28:32,012
Don't talk
to the camera.
664
00:28:32,079 --> 00:28:33,046
Oh, sorry.
665
00:28:34,915 --> 00:28:36,149
It's no good you coming in.
666
00:28:36,216 --> 00:28:37,684
He's gone and left the sketch.
667
00:28:37,718 --> 00:28:40,354
Yes, he went
for a tinkle.
668
00:28:40,420 --> 00:28:41,889
Ooh.
669
00:28:41,955 --> 00:28:43,557
Shh...
670
00:28:43,624 --> 00:28:45,125
I think my wife
is beginning
671
00:28:45,192 --> 00:28:46,593
To suspect
something.
672
00:28:46,627 --> 00:28:49,162
I felt that ending
was a bit predictable.
673
00:28:51,331 --> 00:28:55,469
Yes, indeed, there was
a certain lack of originality.
674
00:28:58,005 --> 00:29:02,042
However, it's not necessarily a
good thing just to be different.
675
00:29:02,109 --> 00:29:04,111
No... quite, there
is equal humor
676
00:29:04,178 --> 00:29:05,445
In the conventional.
677
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,756
But on the other hand, is
it what the public wants?
678
00:29:15,822 --> 00:29:17,591
I mean, with the new
permissiveness
679
00:29:17,658 --> 00:29:19,626
Not to mention the balance
of payments
680
00:29:19,693 --> 00:29:21,828
And the undeniable fact that...
681
00:29:23,263 --> 00:29:25,566
I agree with that
completely.
682
00:29:28,202 --> 00:29:29,870
That's it, I'm getting
out of this show
683
00:29:29,937 --> 00:29:31,071
Before it's too late.
684
00:29:32,105 --> 00:29:33,073
Too late!