1
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:14,014
my, isn't it hot in here!

2
00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:03,363
and now for something
completely different.

3
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:17,778
and now for something
more completely different.

4
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,380
it's...

5
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:27,588
monty python's flying circus.

6
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:35,696
[captioning sponsored by the
u.s. department of education

7
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:39,967
and a&e television networks]

8
00:01:56,149 --> 00:02:01,054
"oh, mr. belpit, your legs
are so swol... swollen."

9
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:02,756
"oh, mr. belpit?"

10
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:06,293
"oh, mr. belpit, your legs
are so swollen."

11
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:09,029
"oh, mr. belpit..."

12
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,197
excuse me,
excuse me.

13
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,532
i saw your
advertisement

14
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,599
for flying lessons

15
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,635
and i'd like to
make an application.

16
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,936
nothing to do with me.

17
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,171
i'm not in this show.

18
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,505
oh, i see.

19
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,874
"oh, mr. belpit..."

20
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:21,975
do you... do you...

21
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,243
do you know
about them--

22
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,344
the flying lessons?

23
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:25,646
no, nothing
to do with me.

24
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:26,780
i'm not in this show.

25
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,781
this is show five.

26
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,316
i'm not in
until show eight.

27
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:30,417
oh, i see.

28
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,452
i'm just learning
my lines, you know.

29
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,955
"oh, mr....

30
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,624
oh, mr. belpit,
your legs..."

31
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,193
a bit awkward, eh?

32
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:40,127
yes.

33
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,361
i'm a bit stuck.

34
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,030
well, try over there.

35
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,332
"oh, mr. belpit..."
oh, yes, thanks.

36
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:46,900
not at all.
thanks a lot.

37
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,870
"oh, mr. belpit,
they're so swol...
swollen."

38
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,973
"oh! m... mr. belpit,
your legs..."

39
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,875
excuse me, i saw
your advertisement

40
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:55,943
for flying lessons

41
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,878
and i'd like to make
an application.

42
00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:58,879
appointment?

43
00:02:58,912 --> 00:02:59,880
yes, yes.

44
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:00,948
certainly.

45
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:05,552
would you come
this way, please?

46
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,161
morning,
mr. jones,
mr. barnes.

47
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,830
morning.

48
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,308
morning, mrs. wills.

49
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,478
morning, love.

50
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:39,786
take this to
marketing, would you?

51
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,934
just follow me.

52
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,170
oh, be careful.

53
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:59,806
yes, nearly tripped.

54
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,544
we'll be there soon.

55
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,713
good. it's a long way, isn't it?

56
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,449
oh, get hold of that.

57
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,285
watch it.

58
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:12,853
morning.

59
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,522
morning.

60
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,228
up the stairs.

61
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,462
yes.

62
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:26,333
be careful, very steep.

63
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,503
almost there.

64
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:30,704
morning.

65
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:33,373
morning.

66
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:40,914
will you come
this way, please?

67
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:44,651
in here, please.

68
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:45,652
thank you.

69
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,087
hello, i saw your
advertisement

70
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,155
for flying lessons

71
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,890
and i'd like to make
an appointment.

72
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,159
well, mr. anemone's
on the phone at the moment

73
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,428
but i'm sure he won't
mind if you go on in.

74
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,462
through here.

75
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,498
ah, won't be a moment.

76
00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:00,501
make yourself at home.

77
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,970
no, no, well, look,
you can ask mr. maudling

78
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,838
but i'm sure
he'll never agree.

79
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,374
not for 50 shillings, no.

80
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,309
no. bye-bye, gordon.

81
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:10,611
bye-bye.

82
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,045
oh, dear.

83
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,715
bye-bye.

84
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,416
missed.
now, mr. uh...

85
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,451
chigger.

86
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,553
mr. chigger, so you
want to learn to fly.

87
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:20,254
yes.

88
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,555
right, well, up on the table

89
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,956
arms out, fingers together,
knees bent!

90
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,024
no, no, no.

91
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,026
up on the table!

92
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,662
arms out, fingers
together, knees bent.

93
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:29,897
now, head well forward.

94
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:30,998
now, flap your arms.

95
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,232
go on, flap faster.

96
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:34,535
faster, faster, faster,
faster, faster, faster.

97
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:37,070
now jump!

98
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,372
rotten, rotten.

99
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,140
you're no
bloody use at all.

100
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,176
you're an utter
bloody wash-out.

101
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,911
you make me sick,
you weed!

102
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,379
now, look here!

103
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:46,413
all right, all right.

104
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,881
i'll give you
one more chance.

105
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:48,882
get on the table.

106
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,050
look, i came here to learn

107
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,185
how to fly an aeroplane.

108
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:51,785
a what?

109
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:52,819
i came here to learn

110
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,054
how to fly an aeroplane.

111
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,290
oh, an aeroplane.

112
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,559
oh, i say,
we are grand, aren't we?

113
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:03,230
oh, oh, no more buttered scones
for me, mater.

114
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,365
i'm off to play the grand piano.

115
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:07,634
pardon me
while i fly my aeroplane.

116
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,336
now, get on the table!

117
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,371
look, no one
in the history
of the world

118
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,307
has ever been able
to fly like that.

119
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,042
oh, i suppose
mater told you that

120
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,443
while you were
out riding.

121
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:17,744
well, if people can't fly

122
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,079
what am i doing up here?

123
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,080
you're on a wire.

124
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,081
oh, a wire?

125
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,216
i'm on a wire, am i?

126
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,651
of course you're
on a bloody wire.

127
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,553
i am not on a wire;
i am flying.

128
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:27,387
you're on a wire.

129
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:27,888
i am flying!

130
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,089
you're on a wire!

131
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,124
i'll show you whether
i'm on a wire or not.

132
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,125
give me the "oop."

133
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,126
what?

134
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,061
oh, i don't suppose

135
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,229
we know what an oop is.

136
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,531
i suppose pater thought
they were a bit common

137
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,366
except on the bleeding
croquet lawn.

138
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,367
oh, a "hoop."

139
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,769
"oh! an hoop."

140
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,771
thank you, your
bleeding highness.

141
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:45,772
now... look.

142
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:46,840
go on!

143
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:47,808
right the way along.

144
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,177
all right,
all right,
all right.

145
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,778
there, now, where's
the bleeding wire?

146
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,146
that hoop's got a hole in.

147
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,415
oh, eton and magdalene,
the hoop has an hole in.

148
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,783
of course it's got a hole in!

149
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,119
it wouldn't be a hoop otherwise,
would it, mush?

150
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,922
no, there's a gap
in the middle, there.

151
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,758
oh, a gap, a gap in one's hoop.

152
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:07,828
pardon me, but i'm off
to play the grand piano.

153
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,463
look, i can see
you're on a wire.

154
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:10,464
look, there it is.

155
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:11,965
look, i told you,
you bastard--

156
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:12,966
i'm not on a wire.

157
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:13,800
you are. there is.

158
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:14,968
there isn't.

159
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:15,536
is.

160
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:16,203
isn't!
is!

161
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,037
isn't!
is!

162
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,705
isn't!
is!
isn't!
is!

163
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,741
anyway, this rather
pointless bickering

164
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:25,179
went on for some time until...

165
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:26,914
gosh, i am glad

166
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,483
i'm a fully qualified
airline pilot.

167
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,652
the british airline
pilots association

168
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,821
would like to point out
that it takes a chap six years

169
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:41,261
to become a fully qualified
airline pilot, and not two.

170
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,396
thank you.

171
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,630
i didn't want to seem

172
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,933
a bit of an old fusspot
just now, you know

173
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,535
but it's just as easy
to get these things right

174
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,138
as they are easily found
in the balpa handbook.

175
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,074
oh, one other thing--
in the sherlock holmes last week

176
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,710
tommy cooper told a joke
about a charter flight

177
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:59,313
omitting to point out
that one must be a member

178
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,648
of any organization
that charters a plane

179
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,550
for at least six
months beforehand

180
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,953
before being able
to take advantage of it.

181
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,790
did rather spoil the joke
for me, i'm afraid.

182
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,592
yes, ah, yes, yes.

183
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:15,162
my wife has just reminded me
that on a recent high chaparral

184
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:18,599
kathy kirby was singing glibly
about "fly me to the stars"

185
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:22,202
when, of course, there are no
scheduled flights of this kind

186
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:25,172
or even chartered,
available to the general public

187
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,507
at the present moment.

188
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,509
although, of course,
when they are

189
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,444
balpa will be in the vanguard...

190
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:31,845
or the trident.

191
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,448
little joke for the chaps
up at balpa house.

192
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,049
uh, one other small point.

193
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,652
why is it that
these new lurex dancing tights

194
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:42,089
go baggy at the knees after
only a couple of evenings' fun?

195
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,258
bring back
the old canvas ones, i say.

196
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,826
it is incredible, isn't it

197
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,595
that in these days
when man can walk on the moon

198
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,497
and work out
the most complicated

199
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:51,932
hire purchase agreements

200
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,067
i still get
these terrible headaches.

201
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,370
all right, i seem
to have wandered a bit

202
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,738
but still, no harm done.

203
00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,707
jolly good luck.

204
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:04,378
are you going
to be in there all day?

205
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:08,415
other people want
to go, you know!

206
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:11,418
the door's jammed,
if you ask me.

207
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:12,352
ah! that's better.

208
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,387
oh, my god.

209
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,588
ah, i'm terribly sorry.

210
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:17,457
i thought this
was the bally toilet.

211
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:19,393
this is
the control cabin.

212
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,594
oh, i know that.

213
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,629
i'm a flying man,
you know, yes.

214
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,031
bally stupid mistake.

215
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,032
cloud's heavy.

216
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,400
what's the reading?

217
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:29,069
uh, 4.8-- steady.

218
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,971
if they had all these
dials in the toilet

219
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,005
there wouldn't be room

220
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,541
for anything else,
would there?

221
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:36,410
hello, geneva, this
is roger five-o.

222
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,612
what is your
cloud reading?
hello, geneva.

223
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,480
i wouldn't fancy
flying one of these

224
00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:41,648
sitting on the toilet.

225
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,150
i mean, it'd
take the glamour

226
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,918
out of being a pilot,
wouldn't it?

227
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,254
flying around the world
sitting on a toilet.

228
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,422
geneva here.

229
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,590
4.9-- heavy. over.

230
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:50,858
serious?

231
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,227
no, not if it keeps
at that level, no.

232
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,328
mind, mind you

233
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,296
if you did fly it
from the toilet

234
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,265
it'd leave
a lot more space up here

235
00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,566
wouldn't it?

236
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,069
well, i'd better get
back to the cabin, then.

237
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,137
uh, sorry about
the silly intrusion.

238
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,340
bally stupid.

239
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,810
the door's jammed.

240
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:21,922
bally piece of luck.

241
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:28,262
oh, hello.

242
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,030
everything
all right
at the back?

243
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,832
yes, they're
quiet as dormice.

244
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,368
dormice?

245
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,036
all right,
don't anybody move.

246
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,172
uh... except to control
the airplane--

247
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:41,108
you can move a little
to do that.

248
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,109
can i move?

249
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,210
uh, yes, yes, yes.

250
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,711
you can move
a little bit, yes.

251
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:45,946
sorry, i didn't
mean to be

252
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,581
quite so dogmatic
when i came in.

253
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,983
obviously, you can all
move a little, within reason.

254
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,219
there are certain
involuntary muscular movements

255
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,254
that no amount
of self-control can prevent.

256
00:10:54,288 --> 00:10:56,623
and obviously, any assertion
of authority on my part--

257
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,258
i've got to take
that into account.

258
00:10:58,292 --> 00:10:59,960
right, i mean,
one couldn't,
for example

259
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,328
stop one's insides
from moving.

260
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,696
no, no-- good point,
good point.

261
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:03,931
and the very fact
that the plane

262
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:04,932
is continuously vibrating

263
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,667
means we're all moving
to a certain extent.

264
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,268
and we're all
moving our lips

265
00:11:08,302 --> 00:11:09,269
aren't we?

266
00:11:09,303 --> 00:11:10,270
yes, yes.
yes, yes

267
00:11:10,304 --> 00:11:11,371
absolutely.

268
00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:13,140
no, the gist
of my meaning was

269
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,274
that sudden, uh...

270
00:11:14,308 --> 00:11:15,876
exaggerated
movements!

271
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:19,980
exaggerated, violent
movements are... are out.

272
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,448
well, that's
the great thing

273
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,016
about these
modern airliners.

274
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,952
i mean, i can keep
this plane flying

275
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,620
with only
the smallest movement

276
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:28,956
and pancho here
doesn't have
to move at all.

277
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,424
oh, that's marvelous.

278
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,759
ooh, and i don't
really need
to move either

279
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:37,498
unless i get an
itch or something.

280
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,132
well, that's wonderful.

281
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,635
60% success, eh?

282
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:42,636
60%, yeah.

283
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:43,637
oh, dear.

284
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,106
anyway, bearing
all that in mind

285
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:50,377
will you fly this plane
to luton, please?

286
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:51,378
well, this is

287
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,180
a scheduled
flight to cuba.

288
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,314
i know, i know.

289
00:11:54,348 --> 00:11:56,216
that's rather
why i came in here

290
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:58,385
with that point
about nobody moving.

291
00:11:58,418 --> 00:11:59,920
oh, i see.
within reason.

292
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:00,921
within reason.

293
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:01,922
within reason,
right.

294
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:02,990
yes, um, you know...

295
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,458
i want you

296
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:05,993
to fly this plane
to luton!

297
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,194
please.

298
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,896
right, well,
i'd better turn

299
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:09,897
the plane
round then.

300
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,231
uh, stand by--
emergency systems.

301
00:12:11,265 --> 00:12:13,267
look, i don't want
to cause any trouble.

302
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,035
no, no, we'll manage,
we'll manage.

303
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,570
i mean, near luton
will do, you know.

304
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,105
harpenden, do you go
near harpenden?

305
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,206
it's on
the flight path.

306
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,440
okay, well,
drop me off there.

307
00:12:20,474 --> 00:12:21,441
i'll get a bus
to luton.

308
00:12:21,475 --> 00:12:22,543
it's only 25 minutes.

309
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,877
you can
be in luton
by lunchtime.

310
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:24,878
well,
that's smashing.

311
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,246
there's no airport
at harpenden.

312
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,881
oh, well, look,
forget it, forget it.

313
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,049
i'll come to cuba

314
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,851
and get a flight back
to luton from there.

315
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,352
well, we
could lend you
a parachute.

316
00:12:32,386 --> 00:12:34,188
no, no, no, no, no,
i wouldn't dream of it.

317
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:35,289
i wouldn't dream of it--

318
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,757
dirtying a nice,
clean parachute.

319
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:37,758
i know, i know.

320
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:38,692
there's
a bale of hay

321
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:39,660
outside basingstoke.

322
00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:40,661
we could
throw you out.

323
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:41,795
well, if it's all right.

324
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:42,796
sure, yeah.
yeah!

325
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:43,797
not any trouble?

326
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:44,798
no, none at all.

327
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:45,866
that's marvelous.

328
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,067
thank you
very much.

329
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,535
sorry to come
barging in.

330
00:12:48,569 --> 00:12:49,503
bye-bye.

331
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:50,604
thank you.

332
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,139
bye.

333
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,442
thank... you...!

334
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,531
take this bus to cuba.

335
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,786
from these glens and scars

336
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:43,590
the sound of the coot and
the moorhen is seldom absent.

337
00:13:43,624 --> 00:13:47,461
nature sits in stern mastery
over these rocks and crags.

338
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:51,465
the rush of the mountain stream,
the bleat of the sheep

339
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:55,469
and the broad, clear highland
skies reflected in tarn and loch

340
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,437
form the breathtaking backdrop

341
00:13:57,471 --> 00:14:00,741
against which ewan mcteagle
writes such poems

342
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:05,712
as "lend us a quid
till the end of the week."

343
00:14:05,746 --> 00:14:08,882
but it was with more simple,
homespun verses

344
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:12,653
that mcteagle's unique style
first flowered.

345
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:16,123
"if you could see your way
to lending me sixpence

346
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:18,125
"i could at least
buy a newspaper.

347
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,027
that's not much to ask anyone."

348
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:23,330
one woman who remembers mcteagle
as a young friend--

349
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,500
lassie o'shea.

350
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:30,904
oh... mr. mcteagle
wrote me two poems

351
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:34,975
between the months
of january and april, 1969.

352
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,211
could you
read us one?

353
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,313
och, i dinna
like to, though.

354
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,315
they were kind of personal...

355
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:44,218
but i will.

356
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,088
"to my own beloved lassie.

357
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:51,492
"a poem on her 17th birthday.

358
00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:54,695
"lend us a couple of bob
till thursday.

359
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,530
"i'm absolutely skint.

360
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,632
"but i'm expecting
a postal order

361
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,468
"and i can pay you back
as soon as it comes.

362
00:15:01,502 --> 00:15:03,637
love, ewan."

363
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,473
beautiful.

364
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:14,548
since then, mcteagle
has developed and widened

365
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,116
his literary scope.

366
00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:18,919
three years ago he concerned
himself with quite small sums

367
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,288
quick bits of ready cash--
sixpences, shillings.

368
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,789
but more recently

369
00:15:22,823 --> 00:15:25,192
he has turned his extraordinary
literary perception

370
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,461
to much larger sums--
15 shillings, funt4.12.6d...

371
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:28,962
even nine guineas.

372
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:31,331
but there is still nothing
to match the huge sweep

373
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,967
the majestic power of what is
surely his greatest work:

374
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:37,371
"can i have funt50
to mend the shed?"

375
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:42,209
can i have funt50 to mend the shed?

376
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:45,846
i'm right on my uppers.

377
00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:47,681
i can pay you back

378
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:52,085
when this postal order comes
from australia.

379
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,821
honestly.

380
00:15:53,854 --> 00:15:59,059
hope the bladder trouble's
getting better.

381
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,129
love... ewan.

382
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:11,171
there seems to be no end to
mcteagle's poetic invention.

383
00:16:11,205 --> 00:16:14,608
"my new checkbook
hasn't arrived" was followed up

384
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,710
by the brilliantly allegorical

385
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:19,746
"what's 20 quid
to the bloody midland bank?"

386
00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:22,416
and more recently
his prizewinning poem

387
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:27,855
to the arts council:
"can you lend me 1,000 quid?"

388
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:33,093
i think what mcteagle's
pottery... poetry is doing

389
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:39,366
is rejecting all the traditional
cliches of modern pottery.

390
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,368
no longer do we have
to be content

391
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,705
with keats's "seasons of mists
and mellow fruitfulness"

392
00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:47,274
wordsworth's "i wandered
lonely as a cloud"

393
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:50,511
and milton's "can you lend us
two bob till tuesday?"

394
00:16:50,544 --> 00:16:54,248
"oh, gie to me a shillin'
for some fags

395
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,917
"and i'll pay yer back
on thursday

396
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,520
"but if you can wait
till saturday

397
00:16:59,553 --> 00:17:04,158
i'm expecting a divvy from
the harpenden building society."

398
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:07,161
oh, sod 'em.

399
00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:14,134
...working my fingers
to the bone...

400
00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:35,656
as a highlander,
i would like to complain

401
00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:39,293
about some inaccuracies
in the preceding film

402
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,695
about the poet ewan mcteagle.

403
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,731
although his name was quite
clearly given as mcteagle

404
00:17:44,765 --> 00:17:47,334
he was throughout wearing
the cameron tartan.

405
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,504
also i would like to point out
that the balpa spokesman

406
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:53,140
who complained about
aeronautical inaccuracies

407
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,142
was himself wearing
a captain's hat

408
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,411
whereas he only
had lieutenant's stripes

409
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,146
on the sleeves of his jacket.

410
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:02,683
also, in the inverness
pantomime last christmas

411
00:18:02,716 --> 00:18:07,387
the part of puss in boots was
played by a native of new guinea

412
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,923
with a plate in her lip...

413
00:18:09,957 --> 00:18:11,091
so that every time

414
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:12,860
dick whittington
gave her a french kiss

415
00:18:12,893 --> 00:18:15,762
he got the back
of his throat scraped.

416
00:18:15,796 --> 00:18:17,431
look, would you mind going away?

417
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:20,400
i'm trying to examine this man.

418
00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:22,336
it's, uh... it's all right.

419
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:25,873
i... i am a doctor.

420
00:18:27,508 --> 00:18:33,981
actually, i'm a gynecologist,
but this is my lunch hour.

421
00:18:35,916 --> 00:18:41,922
i have a nasty feeling
i am somebody's lunch hour.

422
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:58,939
actually, i find violence
extremely distasteful...

423
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:05,379
only it was the only part
offered, and i need the work.

424
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:06,340
pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake,
baker's man.

425
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:08,442
good morning, madam,
i'm a psychiatrist.

426
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:09,877
you look like
a milkman to me.

427
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:11,945
good. i am in fact
dressed as a milkman.

428
00:20:11,979 --> 00:20:13,447
you spotted that--
well done.

429
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,448
go away.

430
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,216
i'm going to show
you three numbers

431
00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:17,451
and i want you
to tell me

432
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:22,589
if you see any similarity
between them.

433
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:25,759
they're all number three.

434
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:28,729
no. try again.

435
00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:30,097
they're all number three?

436
00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:31,965
no. they're all number three.

437
00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:33,800
right, now, i'm
going to say a word

438
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:35,002
and i want you to say

439
00:20:35,035 --> 00:20:37,304
the first thing
that comes into your head.

440
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,772
how many pints
do you want?

441
00:20:38,806 --> 00:20:40,908
uh... three?

442
00:20:40,941 --> 00:20:42,176
yogurt?
no.

443
00:20:42,209 --> 00:20:42,843
cream?
no.

444
00:20:42,876 --> 00:20:43,877
eggs?
no.

445
00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:44,978
you're quite
clearly suffering

446
00:20:45,012 --> 00:20:46,513
from a repressive
libido complex

447
00:20:46,547 --> 00:20:48,081
probably the result
of a product

448
00:20:48,115 --> 00:20:49,283
of an unhappy childhood

449
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,418
coupled with acute
insecurity in adolescence

450
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,686
which has resulted

451
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:54,555
in an attenuation
of the libido complex.

452
00:20:54,588 --> 00:20:55,689
you are a bloody milkman!

453
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,291
don't you shout at me, madam.

454
00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:58,392
don't come that tone.

455
00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,726
now then, i must ask you

456
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,495
to accompany me down
to the dairy

457
00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:03,130
and do some aptitude tests.

458
00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:06,200
i've got better things to do
than come down to the dairy.

459
00:21:06,233 --> 00:21:08,468
mrs. ratbag, if you
don't mind me saying so

460
00:21:08,502 --> 00:21:09,870
you are badly in need

461
00:21:09,903 --> 00:21:12,372
of an expensive course
of psychiatric treatment.

462
00:21:12,406 --> 00:21:13,841
now, i'm not going to say

463
00:21:13,874 --> 00:21:15,742
a trip to our dairy
will cure you

464
00:21:15,776 --> 00:21:18,479
but it will give hundreds
of lower-paid workers

465
00:21:18,512 --> 00:21:19,646
a good laugh.

466
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,882
all right, but how
am i going to get home?

467
00:21:21,915 --> 00:21:23,317
i'll run you
there and back

468
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:24,751
on my psychiatrist's
float.

469
00:21:24,785 --> 00:21:27,588
all right.

470
00:21:45,272 --> 00:21:46,940
what are all those?

471
00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:50,811
they're case histories.

472
00:21:57,784 --> 00:21:59,720
psychiatrists!

473
00:21:59,753 --> 00:22:04,057
psychiatrists! psychiatrists!

474
00:22:04,725 --> 00:22:05,692
yes, sir?

475
00:22:05,726 --> 00:22:06,693
good morning.

476
00:22:06,727 --> 00:22:07,961
afraid our regular
psychiatrist

477
00:22:07,995 --> 00:22:09,196
hasn't come round
this morning

478
00:22:09,229 --> 00:22:10,430
and i've got
an ego block

479
00:22:10,464 --> 00:22:12,366
which is in turn making
my wife over-assertive

480
00:22:12,399 --> 00:22:14,701
and getting us both
into a state of
depressive neurosis.

481
00:22:14,735 --> 00:22:15,802
i see, sir,
who's your regular?

482
00:22:15,836 --> 00:22:17,771
jersey cream psychiatrists.

483
00:22:17,805 --> 00:22:19,039
oh, yes, i know them.

484
00:22:19,072 --> 00:22:21,341
right, well, uh...
what's your job, then?

485
00:22:21,375 --> 00:22:23,443
i'm a doctor.

486
00:22:23,477 --> 00:22:25,312
didn't i see you just now
under a scotsman?

487
00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:28,582
yes, but i am a doctor.

488
00:22:28,615 --> 00:22:31,251
actually, i'm a gynecologist
but that was my lunch hour.

489
00:22:31,285 --> 00:22:34,154
what does this
remind you of?

490
00:22:34,188 --> 00:22:35,522
two pints of cream?

491
00:22:35,556 --> 00:22:36,657
right. i should
definitely say

492
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:37,891
you're suffering

493
00:22:37,925 --> 00:22:39,493
from severe
personality
disorder, sir

494
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:41,161
sublimating itself
in a lactic obsession

495
00:22:41,195 --> 00:22:42,296
which could get worse

496
00:22:42,329 --> 00:22:43,797
depending on how
much money you've got.

497
00:22:43,831 --> 00:22:45,199
yes, yes, i see.

498
00:22:45,232 --> 00:22:47,634
and a pot
of yogurt, please.

499
00:22:47,668 --> 00:22:49,570
i would like to take
this opportunity

500
00:22:49,603 --> 00:22:52,139
of complaining about the way
in which these shows

501
00:22:52,172 --> 00:22:54,241
are continually portraying
psychiatrists

502
00:22:54,274 --> 00:22:56,543
who make pat diagnoses
of patients' problems

503
00:22:56,577 --> 00:22:59,246
without first obtaining
their full medical history.

504
00:22:59,279 --> 00:23:01,315
mind you, that's just
a pat diagnosis

505
00:23:01,348 --> 00:23:04,551
made without first obtaining
your full medical history.

506
00:23:04,585 --> 00:23:06,787
i feel the time has come
to complain about people

507
00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:08,322
who make rash complaints

508
00:23:08,355 --> 00:23:10,858
without first making sure that
those complaints are justified.

509
00:23:10,891 --> 00:23:12,559
are you referring to me?

510
00:23:12,593 --> 00:23:13,727
not necessarily.

511
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,329
however, i would like
to point out

512
00:23:15,362 --> 00:23:17,130
that the balpa spokesman
was wearing

513
00:23:17,164 --> 00:23:20,400
the british
psychiatric association
dinner dance club cuff links.

514
00:23:20,434 --> 00:23:22,169
yes, i noticed that, too.

515
00:23:22,202 --> 00:23:25,839
these are not british
psychiatric association
dinner dance club cuff links.

516
00:23:25,873 --> 00:23:26,874
sorry.

517
00:23:26,907 --> 00:23:27,908
they are, in fact

518
00:23:27,941 --> 00:23:29,443
british sugar corporation

519
00:23:29,476 --> 00:23:31,879
gilbert and sullivan
society cuff links.

520
00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,414
it is in fact a sort of in-joke
with us lads here at balpa.

521
00:23:34,448 --> 00:23:36,783
i think the last speaker
should have checked his facts

522
00:23:36,817 --> 00:23:38,385
before making
his own rash complaint.

523
00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:39,887
yeah, that'll teach him.

524
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,755
however, i would just like
to add a complaint

525
00:23:41,788 --> 00:23:43,891
about shows which have
too many complaints in them

526
00:23:43,924 --> 00:23:45,926
as they get very tedious
for the average viewer.

527
00:23:45,959 --> 00:23:46,927
i'd like to complain

528
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,195
about people who hold things up

529
00:23:48,228 --> 00:23:49,796
by complaining
about people complaining.

530
00:23:49,830 --> 00:23:55,169
it's about time
something was done about it.

531
00:23:55,202 --> 00:23:57,671
nurse! would you
take mrs. pim

532
00:23:57,704 --> 00:23:59,706
to see dr. cream,
please?

533
00:23:59,740 --> 00:24:00,941
certainly, doctor.

534
00:24:00,974 --> 00:24:02,509
walk this way, please.

535
00:24:02,543 --> 00:24:07,247
oh, if i could
walk that way, i...

536
00:24:13,153 --> 00:24:14,888
mrs. pim to see you,
dr. cream.

537
00:24:14,922 --> 00:24:16,456
i just want another
five minutes with audrey.

538
00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:17,457
could you show mrs. pim

539
00:24:17,491 --> 00:24:18,492
into the waiting
room, please?

540
00:24:18,525 --> 00:24:20,994
yes, doctor.

541
00:24:21,028 --> 00:24:22,930
right, audrey, when did
you first start thinking

542
00:24:22,963 --> 00:24:26,166
you were a cow?

543
00:24:47,387 --> 00:24:49,323
"jeez, mr. belpit

544
00:24:49,356 --> 00:24:53,427
your legs is all swollen."

545
00:25:13,313 --> 00:25:16,517
"oi! mr. belpit...

546
00:25:16,550 --> 00:25:21,121
your great legs
is all swollen!"

547
00:25:21,121 --> 00:25:24,324
"ah! mr. belpit

548
00:25:25,159 --> 00:25:29,329
your legs are all swollen!"

549
00:25:37,137 --> 00:25:38,105
good evening.

550
00:25:38,138 --> 00:25:39,339
tonight on it's the mind

551
00:25:39,373 --> 00:25:41,175
we examine
the phenomenon of deja vu--

552
00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:43,043
that strange feeling
we sometimes get

553
00:25:43,076 --> 00:25:45,145
that we've lived
through something before

554
00:25:45,179 --> 00:25:47,614
that what is happening now
has already happened.

555
00:25:47,648 --> 00:25:48,849
tonight on it's the mind

556
00:25:48,882 --> 00:25:50,684
we examine
the phenomenon of deja vu

557
00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:52,586
that strange feeling
we sometimes get

558
00:25:52,619 --> 00:25:56,123
that we've lived...

559
00:25:58,392 --> 00:26:00,093
anyway, tonight on it's the mind

560
00:26:00,127 --> 00:26:01,962
we examine
the phenomenon of deja vu

561
00:26:01,995 --> 00:26:05,199
that strange...

562
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:13,807
good evening.

563
00:26:13,841 --> 00:26:15,175
tonight on it's the mind

564
00:26:15,209 --> 00:26:17,144
we examine
the phenomenon of deja vu

565
00:26:17,177 --> 00:26:21,882
that strange feeling
we sometim...

566
00:26:23,784 --> 00:26:26,053
...mes get...

567
00:26:26,086 --> 00:26:27,454
that...

568
00:26:27,488 --> 00:26:32,059
we've lived through something...

569
00:26:39,266 --> 00:26:41,768
good... good evening.

570
00:26:41,802 --> 00:26:43,670
tonight on it's the mind

571
00:26:43,704 --> 00:26:49,676
we examine the phenomenon
of d-d-d-d-d-deja v-v-v-vu

572
00:26:49,710 --> 00:26:53,647
that extraordinary feeling...

573
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,451
quite extraordinary...

574
00:26:57,518 --> 00:27:01,355
no, fine, thanks, fine.

575
00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:04,925
oh, thank you.

576
00:27:07,127 --> 00:27:09,029
that strange feeling
we sometimes get

577
00:27:09,062 --> 00:27:13,333
that we've lived
through something before.

578
00:27:13,367 --> 00:27:17,437
no, fine, thank you. fine.

579
00:27:21,241 --> 00:27:24,044
thank you.

580
00:27:25,212 --> 00:27:27,748
that strange feeling...

581
00:27:27,781 --> 00:27:29,883
no. fine, thank you. fine.

582
00:27:29,917 --> 00:27:32,052
thank you.

583
00:27:32,085 --> 00:27:33,787
look, something's
happening to me.

584
00:27:33,821 --> 00:27:36,356
i... um... i think
i'd better go and see someone.

585
00:27:36,390 --> 00:27:39,193
goodnight.

586
00:27:44,698 --> 00:27:47,501
wait! hey!

587
00:27:50,537 --> 00:27:52,506
oi, haven't i seen you
somewhere before?

588
00:27:52,539 --> 00:27:53,707
no, doctor, no.

589
00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:58,846
something very funny's
happening to me.

590
00:28:07,821 --> 00:28:10,157
hey!

591
00:28:13,393 --> 00:28:15,729
oi, haven't i seen you
somewhere before?

592
00:28:15,762 --> 00:28:17,097
no, doctor, no.

593
00:28:17,131 --> 00:28:22,236
something very funny's
happening to me.

594
00:28:23,036 --> 00:28:28,475
"oh, mr. belpit,
your legs are so swollen."

595
00:28:49,763 --> 00:28:50,864
ah, come in.

596
00:28:50,898 --> 00:28:52,766
now, what seems
to be the matter?

597
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:58,005
i have this terrible
feeling of deja vu.

598
00:29:08,248 --> 00:29:09,249
ah, come in.

599
00:29:09,283 --> 00:29:11,385
now, what seems
to be the matter?

600
00:29:11,418 --> 00:29:16,623
i have this terrible
feeling of deja vu.

601
00:29:20,961 --> 00:29:24,932
[captioning sponsored by the
u.s. department of education

602
00:29:24,965 --> 00:29:26,934
and a&e television networks

603
00:29:26,967 --> 00:29:30,571
captioned by
the caption center
wgbh educational foundation]

604
00:29:30,604 --> 00:29:31,738
ah, come in.

605
00:29:31,772 --> 00:29:33,941
now, what seems
to be the matter?

606
00:29:33,974 --> 00:29:39,179
i have this terrible
feeling of deja vu.