1 00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:38,403 Good evening, and welcome to the money programme. 2 00:00:38,436 --> 00:00:41,573 Tonight on the money programme, we're going to look at money-- 3 00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:44,809 Lots of it, on film and in the studio 4 00:00:44,843 --> 00:00:46,578 Some of it in nice piles 5 00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:49,380 Others in lovely clanky bits of loose change 6 00:00:49,414 --> 00:00:52,283 Some of it neatly counted into fat little hundreds 7 00:00:52,317 --> 00:00:55,119 Delicate fivers stuffed into bulging wallets 8 00:00:55,153 --> 00:00:57,121 Nice, crisp, clean checks 9 00:00:57,155 --> 00:01:01,392 Pert pieces of copper coinage thrust deep into trouser pockets 10 00:01:01,426 --> 00:01:04,028 Romantic foreign money rolling against the thigh 11 00:01:04,062 --> 00:01:05,563 With rough familiarity 12 00:01:05,597 --> 00:01:07,932 Beautiful wayward curlicued bank notes 13 00:01:07,966 --> 00:01:10,335 Filigree copper-plating cheek by jowl 14 00:01:10,368 --> 00:01:12,303 With tumbling hexagonal-milled edges 15 00:01:12,337 --> 00:01:14,672 Rubbing gently against the terse leather 16 00:01:14,706 --> 00:01:19,511 Of beautifully balanced bank books! 17 00:01:20,879 --> 00:01:23,214 I'm sorry. 18 00:01:23,248 --> 00:01:24,983 But I love money... 19 00:01:25,016 --> 00:01:26,518 All money. 20 00:01:26,551 --> 00:01:30,889 I've always wanted money to handle, to touch 21 00:01:30,922 --> 00:01:33,057 The smell of the rain-washed florin 22 00:01:33,091 --> 00:01:34,592 The lure of the lira 23 00:01:34,626 --> 00:01:36,628 The glitter and the glory of the guinea 24 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:39,764 The romance of the ruble, the feel of the franc 25 00:01:39,797 --> 00:01:41,366 The heel of the deutsche mark 26 00:01:41,399 --> 00:01:43,635 The cold antiseptic sting of the swiss franc 27 00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:47,639 And the sunburned splendor of the australian dollar. 28 00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:52,010 I've got funt90,000 in my pajamas 29 00:01:52,043 --> 00:01:54,546 I've got 40,000 french francs in my fridge 30 00:01:54,579 --> 00:01:56,347 I've got lots and lots of lira 31 00:01:56,381 --> 00:01:58,516 Now the deutsche mark's getting dearer 32 00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:01,252 And my dollar bills would buy the brooklyn bridge 33 00:02:01,286 --> 00:02:04,255 There is nothing quite as wonderful as money 34 00:02:04,289 --> 00:02:06,658 There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash 35 00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:09,828 Some people say it's folly, but I'd rather have the lolly 36 00:02:09,861 --> 00:02:12,030 With money you can make a smash 37 00:02:12,063 --> 00:02:16,167 There is nothing quite as wonderful as money, money, money, money, money 38 00:02:16,201 --> 00:02:20,171 There is nothing like a newly minted pound money, money, money, money 39 00:02:20,205 --> 00:02:22,941 Everyone must hanker for the butchness of a banker 40 00:02:22,974 --> 00:02:26,744 It's accountancy that makes the world go round, round, round, round 41 00:02:26,778 --> 00:02:28,213 You can keep your marxist ways 42 00:02:28,246 --> 00:02:29,681 For it's only just a phase 43 00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:33,117 It's money, money, money makes the world go round 44 00:02:33,151 --> 00:02:34,819 Money, money, money, money 45 00:02:34,853 --> 00:02:39,557 Money, money, money, money, money! 46 00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:42,961 Now... 47 00:02:42,994 --> 00:02:45,563 It's... 48 00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:53,037 Monty python's flying circus. 49 00:03:50,328 --> 00:03:54,032 I bling a dispatch flom prymouth. 50 00:03:54,065 --> 00:03:55,533 "flom prymouth"? 51 00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:58,403 Flom sil flancis dlake. 52 00:03:58,436 --> 00:04:02,841 Entel and apploach the thlone. 53 00:04:14,319 --> 00:04:18,223 What news flom prymouth? 54 00:04:19,724 --> 00:04:23,695 Dlake has sighted the spanish freet, youl majesty. 55 00:04:23,728 --> 00:04:28,199 So! phirip's garreons ale hele. 56 00:04:28,533 --> 00:04:29,701 How many? 57 00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:33,338 One hundled and thilty-six men of wal 58 00:04:33,371 --> 00:04:36,241 Broody herr. 59 00:04:36,274 --> 00:04:39,711 Is dlake plepaled? 60 00:04:40,211 --> 00:04:45,717 He has oldeled the whore freet into the blitish channer. 61 00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:49,154 So, we must to tirbuly. 62 00:04:49,187 --> 00:04:51,156 Reicestel! 63 00:04:51,189 --> 00:04:53,525 Sil wartel lareigh! 64 00:04:53,558 --> 00:04:55,426 Groucester! we sharr lide to... 65 00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:56,995 Groucestel! groucestel! 66 00:04:57,028 --> 00:04:58,530 Not "groucester!" 67 00:04:58,563 --> 00:05:00,265 Come on. ret's get one light. 68 00:05:00,298 --> 00:05:01,733 Reicestel! 69 00:05:01,766 --> 00:05:03,201 That was telliber. 70 00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:04,435 What? 71 00:05:04,469 --> 00:05:05,537 Telliber. 72 00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:07,172 When you have the rine 73 00:05:07,205 --> 00:05:08,840 Ling your berr. 74 00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:09,974 Ling my berr? 75 00:05:10,008 --> 00:05:11,643 Ling, ling. rike this. 76 00:05:11,676 --> 00:05:13,178 And cut the broody herr. 77 00:05:13,211 --> 00:05:14,345 Erizabeth! 78 00:05:14,379 --> 00:05:15,446 Yes? 79 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,282 You should be on a bicycer. 80 00:05:17,315 --> 00:05:18,449 Why?! 81 00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:20,718 You rook odd rike that. 82 00:05:20,752 --> 00:05:22,821 I do not look odd like this. 83 00:05:22,854 --> 00:05:24,355 It's that lot that looks odd. 84 00:05:24,389 --> 00:05:26,991 It's bleeding weird having half the tudor nobility 85 00:05:27,025 --> 00:05:29,661 Ligging around on motorized bicycles! 86 00:05:29,694 --> 00:05:32,030 It's vely sullearist. 87 00:05:32,063 --> 00:05:33,031 Horse feathers! 88 00:05:33,064 --> 00:05:34,098 Listen, mate, I'm beginning 89 00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:35,099 To have my doubts about you. 90 00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:36,100 What you mean? 91 00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:37,769 I'm telling you straight, mate. 92 00:05:37,802 --> 00:05:40,238 I don't think you're luchino visconti at all. 93 00:05:40,271 --> 00:05:41,840 Oh, of coulse, I am. 94 00:05:41,873 --> 00:05:45,477 Me vely impoltant itarian firm dilectol. 95 00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:48,379 You are a nip. 96 00:05:48,413 --> 00:05:49,647 Lubbish! 97 00:05:49,681 --> 00:05:51,850 Me genuine wop! 98 00:05:51,883 --> 00:05:55,253 Alliveldelchi loma 99 00:05:55,286 --> 00:05:56,387 He's bluffing. 100 00:05:56,421 --> 00:06:00,258 Vo-rale, oh-oh-oh-oh... 101 00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:01,759 Oh, is that the time? 102 00:06:01,793 --> 00:06:04,028 I must fry. 103 00:06:04,062 --> 00:06:07,832 Not so fast, yakomoto. 104 00:06:10,101 --> 00:06:12,737 Shut up! 105 00:06:13,204 --> 00:06:15,073 Allow me to introduce myself. 106 00:06:15,106 --> 00:06:17,775 I am inspector leopard of scotland yard 107 00:06:17,809 --> 00:06:20,612 Special fraud film director squad. 108 00:06:20,645 --> 00:06:22,514 Leopard of the yard?! 109 00:06:22,547 --> 00:06:26,784 The same, only more violent. 110 00:06:30,088 --> 00:06:33,992 Right, slit-eyes yakomoto, I'm arresting you 111 00:06:34,025 --> 00:06:37,629 For the impersonation of signor luchino visconti 112 00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:40,698 Famous italian director of such movie classics 113 00:06:40,732 --> 00:06:44,235 As obsessione, 1942 114 00:06:44,936 --> 00:06:46,638 La terra trema, 1948 115 00:06:46,671 --> 00:06:49,307 And bellissima, 1951-- 116 00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:52,911 A satisfyingly ironic slice-of-life drama. 117 00:06:52,944 --> 00:06:56,080 1957 brought to the silver screen 118 00:06:56,114 --> 00:07:01,085 His I bianche notte, adapted by dostoyevsky 119 00:07:01,119 --> 00:07:03,822 A mannered and romantic melancholy of snow and mists 120 00:07:03,855 --> 00:07:06,658 And moonlit encounters on canal bridges. 121 00:07:06,691 --> 00:07:09,828 Boccaccio 70 followed five years later 122 00:07:09,861 --> 00:07:12,230 And the following year saw... 123 00:07:12,263 --> 00:07:14,399 The leopard! 124 00:07:14,432 --> 00:07:15,834 So impressed was i 125 00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:18,670 With this motion picture treatment of the risorgimento 126 00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:21,039 That I went along to somerset house 127 00:07:21,072 --> 00:07:22,941 And changed me own name to "leopard" 128 00:07:22,974 --> 00:07:28,746 Preferring it to me original handle, "panther." 129 00:07:32,283 --> 00:07:34,319 I digress. 130 00:07:34,352 --> 00:07:37,956 1969 saw the damned, a gotterdammerung epic 131 00:07:37,989 --> 00:07:40,225 Of political and industrial shenanigans 132 00:07:40,258 --> 00:07:42,060 In good old nazi germany 133 00:07:42,093 --> 00:07:45,763 Starring helmut berger as a stinking transvestite 134 00:07:45,797 --> 00:07:47,799 What should have his face sawn off 135 00:07:47,832 --> 00:07:51,336 The curvaceous charlotte rampling as a bit of tail 136 00:07:51,369 --> 00:07:54,973 And the impeccable dirk bogarde as von essen. 137 00:07:55,006 --> 00:07:57,876 The association of the latter with signor visconti 138 00:07:57,909 --> 00:08:00,512 Fructified with dirk's magnificent portrayal 139 00:08:00,545 --> 00:08:04,082 Of the elderly pouf what expires in venice. 140 00:08:04,115 --> 00:08:07,619 And so, yakomoto... 141 00:08:08,753 --> 00:08:10,655 Blimey! he gone! 142 00:08:10,688 --> 00:08:11,990 Never mind. 143 00:08:12,023 --> 00:08:13,625 I'll have you instead. 144 00:08:13,658 --> 00:08:15,994 I haven't time to go chasing after him. 145 00:08:16,027 --> 00:08:18,530 There's violence to be done. 146 00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:21,199 Oh, yes. 147 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,715 All right, buster. 148 00:08:37,749 --> 00:08:40,485 Hands up! 149 00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:55,466 I would like to ask the team 150 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:59,838 what they would do if they were hitler. 151 00:08:59,871 --> 00:09:01,206 Gerald? 152 00:09:01,239 --> 00:09:03,842 Well, I'd, uh... annex the sudetenland 153 00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:07,679 and sign a nonaggression pact with russia. 154 00:09:07,712 --> 00:09:09,047 Norman? 155 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,951 Well, I'd do the reichstag bathroom in purples and golds 156 00:09:12,984 --> 00:09:16,087 and ban abortion on demand. 157 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,622 Liberal rubbish! 158 00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:20,225 Klaus, what you want with your jugged fish? 159 00:09:20,258 --> 00:09:21,459 Halibut. 160 00:09:21,493 --> 00:09:23,862 The jugged fish is halibut. 161 00:09:23,895 --> 00:09:26,898 Well, what fish you got that isn't jugged then? 162 00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:28,066 Rabbit. 163 00:09:28,099 --> 00:09:29,868 What? rabbit fish? 164 00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:31,369 Yes. it's got fins. 165 00:09:31,402 --> 00:09:32,537 Is it dead? 166 00:09:32,570 --> 00:09:35,507 Well, it was coughing up blood last night. 167 00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:41,613 All right, I'll have the dead unjugged rabbit fish. 168 00:09:43,014 --> 00:09:44,916 Well, that was really horrible. 169 00:09:44,949 --> 00:09:46,751 Oh, you're always complaining. 170 00:09:46,784 --> 00:09:47,919 What's for afters? 171 00:09:47,952 --> 00:09:50,622 Well, there's rat cake, rat sorbet 172 00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:53,424 Rat pudding or strawberry tart. 173 00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:54,893 Strawberry tart?! 174 00:09:54,926 --> 00:09:56,761 Well, it's got some rat in it. 175 00:09:56,794 --> 00:09:58,897 How much? 176 00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,098 Three. 177 00:10:00,131 --> 00:10:01,900 It's rather a lot, really. 178 00:10:01,933 --> 00:10:07,005 Well, I'll have a slice without so much rat in it. 179 00:10:07,038 --> 00:10:08,039 Appalling. 180 00:10:08,072 --> 00:10:10,275 Moan, moan, moan. 181 00:10:10,308 --> 00:10:11,509 Hello, mum. hello, dad. 182 00:10:11,543 --> 00:10:12,644 Hello, son. 183 00:10:12,677 --> 00:10:14,445 There's a dead bishop on the landing. 184 00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:15,814 Where did that come from? 185 00:10:15,847 --> 00:10:16,815 What do you mean? 186 00:10:16,848 --> 00:10:18,416 What's its diocese? 187 00:10:18,449 --> 00:10:21,186 Well, it looked a bit bath and wellsish to me. 188 00:10:21,219 --> 00:10:22,720 I'll go and have a look. 189 00:10:22,754 --> 00:10:25,690 I don't know who keeps bringing them in here. 190 00:10:25,723 --> 00:10:26,925 Well, it's not me. 191 00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:28,660 I put three out by the bin 192 00:10:28,693 --> 00:10:30,728 And the dustmen won't touch 'em. 193 00:10:30,762 --> 00:10:32,197 Leicester. how'd you know? 194 00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:34,098 Tattooed on the back of his neck. 195 00:10:34,132 --> 00:10:35,967 I'm going to call the police. 196 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,936 Shouldn't you call the church? 197 00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:39,437 Call the church police. 198 00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:41,306 All right. the church police! 199 00:10:41,339 --> 00:10:43,041 Yes? 200 00:10:43,074 --> 00:10:45,810 There's another... there's a dead bishop... 201 00:10:45,844 --> 00:10:47,245 Suffragan? 202 00:10:47,278 --> 00:10:49,681 There's another dead bishop on the landing. 203 00:10:49,714 --> 00:10:50,949 Suffragan or diocesan? 204 00:10:50,982 --> 00:10:52,083 How should I know? 205 00:10:52,116 --> 00:10:54,385 Its tattooed on the back of their necks. 206 00:10:54,419 --> 00:10:55,386 Ere! 207 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:57,489 Is that rat tart? 208 00:10:57,522 --> 00:10:59,858 Yes. 209 00:11:00,391 --> 00:11:02,260 Disgusting. 210 00:11:02,293 --> 00:11:03,261 Right! 211 00:11:03,294 --> 00:11:04,496 The hunt is on. 212 00:11:04,529 --> 00:11:06,698 Oh, lord, we beseech thee... 213 00:11:06,731 --> 00:11:11,136 Tell us who croaked leicester. 214 00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:15,340 All right, it's a fair cop 215 00:11:15,373 --> 00:11:16,808 But society is to blame. 216 00:11:16,841 --> 00:11:17,976 Agreed. 217 00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:19,711 I would like the three by the bin 218 00:11:19,744 --> 00:11:21,379 To be taken into consideration. 219 00:11:21,412 --> 00:11:24,782 Right. and now, I'd like to conclude this arrest 220 00:11:24,816 --> 00:11:26,584 With a hymn. 221 00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:30,021 And did those feet 222 00:11:30,054 --> 00:11:33,324 In ancient times 223 00:11:33,892 --> 00:11:38,696 Walk upon england's mountains green 224 00:11:39,898 --> 00:11:44,135 And was the holy lamb of god 225 00:11:46,571 --> 00:11:51,476 On england's pleasant pastures seen... 226 00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:54,479 Oh, shut up! 227 00:11:55,613 --> 00:11:58,149 Thank you. 228 00:11:58,183 --> 00:12:00,585 What? 229 00:12:07,292 --> 00:12:10,328 Ere. oh, ooh. 230 00:12:13,865 --> 00:12:16,901 Ow! oh. ah, oh... 231 00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:18,102 Oh! 232 00:12:18,136 --> 00:12:20,605 Oh, oh, whoa! oh. 233 00:12:20,638 --> 00:12:22,974 Oh! whoa! 234 00:12:23,007 --> 00:12:25,076 Oh. oh-oh. 235 00:12:25,109 --> 00:12:27,979 Oh, oh, oh! 236 00:12:30,181 --> 00:12:33,151 Oh! ooh! oh! 237 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:38,089 Whee-hee-hee! whoa! 238 00:12:38,122 --> 00:12:39,157 Yahoo! 239 00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:40,158 Yay! 240 00:12:40,191 --> 00:12:41,359 Whee! 241 00:12:41,392 --> 00:12:46,364 Meanwhile, in the jungle next door... 242 00:13:23,868 --> 00:13:25,537 What a simply super little place. 243 00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:27,338 Yes. they've done wonders with it. 244 00:13:27,372 --> 00:13:28,940 You know, this used to be one 245 00:13:28,973 --> 00:13:32,177 Of the most swampy, disease-infested areas of the whole jungle 246 00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:35,280 And they've turned it into this smashing little restaurant. 247 00:13:35,313 --> 00:13:39,284 Here you are, omkami. thank you. 248 00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:40,819 Well, hello, mr. akwekwe. 249 00:13:40,852 --> 00:13:44,255 Hello there, mr. spare-buttons- supplied-with-the-shirt. 250 00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:45,723 Nice to see you again. 251 00:13:45,757 --> 00:13:48,259 These are some of my fellow explorers. 252 00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:51,596 Sir charles farquarson, brian bailey, betty bailey 253 00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:55,066 And this is mr. akwekwe who started the whole place. 254 00:13:55,099 --> 00:13:56,167 It really is super. 255 00:13:56,201 --> 00:13:57,302 Oh, terrific idea. 256 00:13:57,335 --> 00:13:58,503 Thank you all. 257 00:13:58,536 --> 00:14:03,508 May I recommend the alligator purees? 258 00:14:30,435 --> 00:14:32,303 Now then, have you decided? 259 00:14:32,337 --> 00:14:35,340 Uh, yes. well, there's two avocado vinaigrette here 260 00:14:35,373 --> 00:14:37,609 And what are you going to have, brian? 261 00:14:37,642 --> 00:14:39,978 Uh, quiche lorraine for me, please. 262 00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:45,283 Right. so that's two avocado, one quiche. 263 00:15:01,466 --> 00:15:05,403 So, that's two avocado, one quiche. 264 00:15:05,436 --> 00:15:06,805 And a soup of the day. 265 00:15:06,838 --> 00:15:09,307 Right. 266 00:15:09,741 --> 00:15:11,209 And to follow? 267 00:15:11,242 --> 00:15:13,778 Uh, two chicken a la reine, please. 268 00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,613 Uh, with sauce provencal, please. 269 00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:16,948 And one scampi desiree. 270 00:15:16,981 --> 00:15:19,450 And a boeuf bourguignon with a green salad. 271 00:15:19,484 --> 00:15:20,718 Right on. 272 00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,921 Two chicken, one scampi 273 00:15:22,954 --> 00:15:27,225 One boeuf with the green salad. 274 00:15:27,258 --> 00:15:28,693 There may be... 275 00:15:28,726 --> 00:15:30,028 A little delay. 276 00:15:30,061 --> 00:15:32,664 That's fine, but we have to be out by 3:00. 277 00:15:32,697 --> 00:15:36,701 Yes, sir. yes. we'll try. 278 00:15:37,302 --> 00:15:40,104 We'll try. 279 00:15:51,616 --> 00:15:53,284 The bbc would like to announce 280 00:15:53,318 --> 00:15:55,887 That the next scene is not considered suitable 281 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,021 For family viewing. 282 00:15:57,055 --> 00:15:58,723 It contains scenes of violence 283 00:15:58,756 --> 00:16:01,726 Involving people's heads and arms getting chopped off 284 00:16:01,759 --> 00:16:03,228 Their ears nailed to trees 285 00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,797 And their toenails pulled out in slow motion. 286 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:09,033 There are also scenes of naked women with floppy breasts. 287 00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:11,903 And also at one point, you can see a pair of buttocks 288 00:16:11,936 --> 00:16:15,140 And there's another bit where I swear you can see everything 289 00:16:15,173 --> 00:16:19,644 But my friend says it's just the way he's holding the spear. 290 00:16:19,677 --> 00:16:22,514 Because of the unsuitability of the scene 291 00:16:22,547 --> 00:16:24,482 The bbc will be replacing it 292 00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:30,822 With a scene from a repeat of gardening club for 1958. 293 00:16:48,573 --> 00:16:52,744 And now, back to the story. 294 00:16:58,616 --> 00:17:01,252 That was a nasty business back at the restaurant. 295 00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:04,155 Yes. I thought most places took barclaycard nowadays. 296 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,591 Where do you think they're taking us, brian? 297 00:17:06,624 --> 00:17:07,725 God knows. 298 00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:08,860 Look! 299 00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:11,563 The sacred volcano andu! 300 00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:13,665 Which no man has seen before. 301 00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:17,535 No, no, no. next to that. 302 00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,304 No, no, no, no. nextto that. 303 00:17:19,337 --> 00:17:21,439 The forbidden plateau of roiurama. 304 00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:22,774 The lost world. 305 00:17:22,807 --> 00:17:25,443 Thrown up by mighty earth movements 306 00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:28,146 Thousands of millions of years ago. 307 00:17:28,179 --> 00:17:32,050 Where strange primeval creatures defying evolution 308 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:34,986 Lurk in the dark, impenetrable forests 309 00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:38,022 Cut off forever from the outside world. 310 00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:39,891 I still can't see it. 311 00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:42,961 You don't think that's where they're taking us. 312 00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:46,764 Yes. and god knows what we'll find there. 313 00:17:46,798 --> 00:17:47,999 What page, please? 314 00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:49,200 What? 315 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,702 What page in the script? 316 00:17:50,735 --> 00:17:52,904 Page seven. 317 00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:55,406 "come on, you dogs. we have far to go. 318 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,941 We must lose no time." 319 00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,310 Come on, you dogs. we have far to go. 320 00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:00,712 We must lose no time. 321 00:18:00,745 --> 00:18:01,713 Come on, you... 322 00:18:01,746 --> 00:18:02,914 Come on, you dogs. 323 00:18:02,947 --> 00:18:04,315 We have time to lose. 324 00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:08,119 This has gone too far. 325 00:18:09,387 --> 00:18:11,189 Meanwhile, back in london 326 00:18:11,222 --> 00:18:15,460 At the british explorers club in the mall... 327 00:18:15,493 --> 00:18:19,497 Any news of betty bailey's expedition, hargreaves? 328 00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:21,666 Uh... 329 00:18:21,699 --> 00:18:23,034 Uh... 330 00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,402 Page... page nine. 331 00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:27,572 Oh, thank you. 332 00:18:29,407 --> 00:18:32,143 Uh... the lost world of roiurama. 333 00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,912 That's... that's my line. 334 00:18:33,945 --> 00:18:36,748 Oh. sorry. 335 00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:39,184 Where were they going, sir? 336 00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:43,388 The lost world of roiurama. 337 00:18:44,255 --> 00:18:47,058 Yes, sir. we've got a telegram. 338 00:18:47,091 --> 00:18:49,327 Oh. 339 00:18:52,230 --> 00:18:55,099 "reads it." 340 00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:58,102 "expedition superb, weather excellent. 341 00:18:58,136 --> 00:19:00,505 Everything wonderful." 342 00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:02,440 I wonder what's gone wrong. 343 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,075 For god's sake, be careful... 344 00:19:04,108 --> 00:19:05,877 Wait a minute. 345 00:19:05,910 --> 00:19:08,413 I'm going to go after them. 346 00:19:08,446 --> 00:19:12,917 Oh! for god's sake, be careful. 347 00:19:24,028 --> 00:19:26,431 My god, betty, we're done for. 348 00:19:26,464 --> 00:19:28,566 We'll never get out of here. 349 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,702 We're completely lost. lost! 350 00:19:30,735 --> 00:19:32,804 Even the natives have gone. 351 00:19:32,837 --> 00:19:34,405 Good-bye, betty. 352 00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:36,207 Good-bye, farquarson. 353 00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,842 Good-bye, brian. 354 00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:42,180 It's been a great expedition. 355 00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:45,016 Great expedition. 356 00:19:45,049 --> 00:19:48,253 All that'll be left of us is a map, a compass 357 00:19:48,286 --> 00:19:51,990 And a few feet of film recording our last moments. 358 00:19:52,023 --> 00:19:53,258 Wait a minute! 359 00:19:53,291 --> 00:19:55,660 What is it? 360 00:19:55,693 --> 00:19:59,097 If we're on film... 361 00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:01,900 There must be someone filming us. 362 00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:04,002 My god, betty! 363 00:20:04,035 --> 00:20:06,704 You're right! 364 00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,640 Look! hello! 365 00:20:08,673 --> 00:20:10,575 Great to see you! 366 00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:12,343 Super to see you. 367 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,579 Super! 368 00:20:14,612 --> 00:20:15,880 How are you, mates? 369 00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:16,881 Jolly good! 370 00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,349 Wait a minute! 371 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,885 What is it again? 372 00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:25,056 If this is the crew who were filming us... 373 00:20:25,089 --> 00:20:28,760 Who's filming us now? 374 00:20:30,595 --> 00:20:31,729 Look! 375 00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:32,797 Cut there, man. 376 00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:33,798 Cut there. 377 00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:35,266 No... no good. 378 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,068 How we going to get that feeling 379 00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:39,504 Of personal alienation of self from society 380 00:20:39,537 --> 00:20:41,806 With this load of bulldog drummond crap? 381 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,776 When I was doing la notte with that monica vitti gal 382 00:20:44,809 --> 00:20:45,877 She didn't give me 383 00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:50,882 None of this empire-building shit, man. 384 00:20:50,915 --> 00:20:54,686 Not so fast, akarumba. 385 00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:56,654 Allow me to introduce myself. 386 00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:58,022 I'm inspector baboon 387 00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:01,125 Of scotland yard's special fraud film director's squad. 388 00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:02,360 Jungle division. 389 00:21:02,393 --> 00:21:03,828 Baboon of the yard! 390 00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:06,498 Shut up! 391 00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:08,633 Right, akarumba. 392 00:21:08,666 --> 00:21:12,670 I'm arresting you for impersonating signor michelangelo antonioni 393 00:21:12,704 --> 00:21:14,172 An italian film director 394 00:21:14,205 --> 00:21:16,141 Who co-scripts all his own films 395 00:21:16,174 --> 00:21:19,911 Largely jettisoning narrative in favor of vague incident 396 00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:22,113 And relentless character study. 397 00:21:22,147 --> 00:21:24,849 In his first film cronaca di un amore, 1915 398 00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:28,686 The couple are brought together by a shared irrational guilt. 399 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,455 Le amiche followed in 1955 400 00:21:30,488 --> 00:21:34,225 And 1959 saw the first of antonioni's world-famous trilogy 401 00:21:34,259 --> 00:21:38,029 L'avventura, an acute study of boredom, restlessness 402 00:21:38,062 --> 00:21:41,332 And the futilities and agonies of purposeless living. 403 00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:43,168 In l'eclisse three years later 404 00:21:43,201 --> 00:21:46,437 This analysis of the sentiments was taken up once again. 405 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:50,041 "we do not have to know each other to love," says the heroine 406 00:21:50,074 --> 00:21:52,477 "and perhaps, we do not have to love." 407 00:21:52,510 --> 00:21:55,947 The eclipse of the emotions finally casts its shadow 408 00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:59,984 When darkness descends... 409 00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:13,331 Signor antonioni first makes use of color to underline... 410 00:22:13,364 --> 00:22:14,999 And now on bbc 1 411 00:22:15,033 --> 00:22:21,206 Another six minutes of monty python's flying circus. 412 00:22:21,973 --> 00:22:23,007 Yes, sir. 413 00:22:23,041 --> 00:22:25,076 I'd like to have an argument, please. 414 00:22:25,109 --> 00:22:26,144 Certainly, sir. 415 00:22:26,177 --> 00:22:27,645 Have you been here before? 416 00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:29,113 No. this is my first time. 417 00:22:29,147 --> 00:22:31,649 I see. do you want to have the full argument 418 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:33,985 Or were you thinking of taking a course? 419 00:22:34,018 --> 00:22:35,520 Well, what would be the cost? 420 00:22:35,553 --> 00:22:36,788 Well, yes, it's five... 421 00:22:36,821 --> 00:22:39,023 It's one pound for a five-minute argument 422 00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:41,292 But only eight pounds for a course of ten. 423 00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:43,394 Mmm... well, I think it's probably best 424 00:22:43,428 --> 00:22:44,662 If I start with the one 425 00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,664 And see how it goes from there, okay? 426 00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,000 Fine. I'll see who's free at the moment. 427 00:22:49,033 --> 00:22:50,535 Uh... mr. du-bakey's free 428 00:22:50,568 --> 00:22:52,604 But he's a little bit conciliatory. 429 00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:53,638 Mmm. 430 00:22:53,671 --> 00:22:55,707 Yes, uh, try mr. barnard-- room 12. 431 00:22:55,740 --> 00:22:58,543 Thank you. 432 00:23:02,814 --> 00:23:04,716 What do you want?! 433 00:23:04,749 --> 00:23:06,284 Well, I was told outside... 434 00:23:06,317 --> 00:23:07,452 Don't give me that 435 00:23:07,485 --> 00:23:09,921 You snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings! 436 00:23:09,954 --> 00:23:10,922 What? 437 00:23:10,955 --> 00:23:14,259 Shut your festering gob, you tit! 438 00:23:14,292 --> 00:23:16,628 Your type makes me puke! 439 00:23:16,661 --> 00:23:20,365 You vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert! 440 00:23:20,398 --> 00:23:21,366 What?! 441 00:23:21,399 --> 00:23:23,468 I came in here for an argument! 442 00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:24,736 Oh! oh, I'm sorry. 443 00:23:24,769 --> 00:23:25,737 This is abuse. 444 00:23:25,770 --> 00:23:26,738 Oh. oh, I see. 445 00:23:26,771 --> 00:23:27,939 That explains it. 446 00:23:27,972 --> 00:23:29,908 No. you want 12a next door. 447 00:23:29,941 --> 00:23:30,909 I see. 448 00:23:30,942 --> 00:23:31,910 Sorry. 449 00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:32,911 Not at all. 450 00:23:32,944 --> 00:23:34,412 Yeah, that's all right. 451 00:23:34,445 --> 00:23:37,315 Stupid git. 452 00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:39,884 Come in. 453 00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:43,021 Is this the right room for an argument? 454 00:23:43,054 --> 00:23:44,589 I've told you once. 455 00:23:44,622 --> 00:23:45,890 No, you haven't. 456 00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:46,624 Yes, I have. 457 00:23:46,658 --> 00:23:47,759 When? 458 00:23:47,792 --> 00:23:48,326 Just now. 459 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:49,460 No, you didn't. 460 00:23:49,494 --> 00:23:50,562 Yes, I did. didn't. 461 00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:51,396 Did. didn't. 462 00:23:51,429 --> 00:23:52,263 I'm telling you I did. 463 00:23:52,297 --> 00:23:52,964 You did not. 464 00:23:52,997 --> 00:23:53,965 I'm sorry, is this 465 00:23:53,998 --> 00:23:55,200 A five-minute argument 466 00:23:55,233 --> 00:23:56,734 Or the full half hour? 467 00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:58,736 Oh! oh. just the five-minute one. 468 00:23:58,770 --> 00:23:59,737 Fine. 469 00:23:59,771 --> 00:24:00,738 Thank you. 470 00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:01,739 Anyway, I did. 471 00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,575 You most certainly did not. 472 00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:06,144 Now, let's get one thing quite clear. 473 00:24:06,177 --> 00:24:07,979 I most definitely told you. 474 00:24:08,012 --> 00:24:09,080 You did not. yes, I did. 475 00:24:09,113 --> 00:24:10,081 You did not. yes, I did. 476 00:24:10,114 --> 00:24:11,082 Didn't. yes, I did. 477 00:24:11,115 --> 00:24:12,083 Didn't. yes, I did. 478 00:24:12,116 --> 00:24:13,852 Look, this isn't an argument. 479 00:24:13,885 --> 00:24:14,986 Yes, it is. no, it isn't. 480 00:24:15,019 --> 00:24:16,754 It's just contradiction. no, it isn't. 481 00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:17,755 Yes, it is. it is not. 482 00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,257 It is! you just contradicted me. 483 00:24:19,290 --> 00:24:20,258 No, I didn't. 484 00:24:20,291 --> 00:24:20,925 Oh, you did. 485 00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:22,293 No, no, no, no. 486 00:24:22,327 --> 00:24:22,994 You did just then. 487 00:24:23,027 --> 00:24:24,462 No, no, nonsense. 488 00:24:24,496 --> 00:24:25,430 Oh, well, this is futile. 489 00:24:25,463 --> 00:24:26,364 No, it isn't. 490 00:24:26,397 --> 00:24:27,365 I came here for a good argument. 491 00:24:27,398 --> 00:24:28,900 No, you didn't. you came here for an argument. 492 00:24:28,933 --> 00:24:30,435 Well, argue is not the same as contradiction. 493 00:24:30,468 --> 00:24:31,703 It can be. 494 00:24:31,736 --> 00:24:32,937 No, it can't. 495 00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:34,939 An argument's a collected series of statements 496 00:24:34,973 --> 00:24:36,541 To establish a definite proposition. 497 00:24:36,574 --> 00:24:37,775 No, it isn't. yes, it is. 498 00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:39,210 It isn't just contradiction. 499 00:24:39,244 --> 00:24:40,411 Look, if i argue with you 500 00:24:40,445 --> 00:24:42,147 I must take up a contrary position. 501 00:24:42,180 --> 00:24:43,481 But it isn't just saying, "no, it isn't." 502 00:24:43,515 --> 00:24:44,482 Yes, it is. 503 00:24:44,516 --> 00:24:45,517 No, it isn't. 504 00:24:45,550 --> 00:24:47,452 Argument's an intellectual process. 505 00:24:47,485 --> 00:24:50,021 Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying 506 00:24:50,054 --> 00:24:51,923 Of anything the other person says. 507 00:24:51,956 --> 00:24:53,324 No, it isn't. yes, it is. 508 00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:55,860 Not at all. now, look... 509 00:24:55,894 --> 00:24:56,861 Thank you. 510 00:24:56,895 --> 00:24:58,596 Good morning. 511 00:24:58,630 --> 00:24:59,597 What? 512 00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:00,598 That's it. 513 00:25:00,632 --> 00:25:01,633 Good morning. 514 00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:03,701 But I was just getting interested. 515 00:25:03,735 --> 00:25:05,603 Sorry. the five minutes is up. 516 00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:07,939 That was never five minutes just now. 517 00:25:07,972 --> 00:25:08,973 Afraid it was. 518 00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,042 No, it wasn't. 519 00:25:11,075 --> 00:25:13,211 Sorry, I'm not allowed to argue anymore. 520 00:25:13,244 --> 00:25:14,212 What?! 521 00:25:14,245 --> 00:25:15,980 If you want me to go on arguing 522 00:25:16,014 --> 00:25:18,516 You'll have to pay for another five minutes. 523 00:25:18,550 --> 00:25:20,885 But that was never five minutes just now. 524 00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:23,888 Oh, come on! 525 00:25:23,988 --> 00:25:25,757 This is ridiculous. 526 00:25:25,790 --> 00:25:28,560 I'm very sorry, but I told you 527 00:25:28,593 --> 00:25:30,595 I'm not allowed to argue unless you pay. 528 00:25:30,628 --> 00:25:33,665 Oh, all right. 529 00:25:33,698 --> 00:25:35,066 There you are. 530 00:25:35,099 --> 00:25:36,067 Thank you. 531 00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:37,802 Well? 532 00:25:37,836 --> 00:25:39,604 Well what? 533 00:25:39,637 --> 00:25:41,139 That was never five minutes just now. 534 00:25:41,172 --> 00:25:42,740 I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you pay. 535 00:25:42,774 --> 00:25:43,875 I just paid. no, you didn't. 536 00:25:43,908 --> 00:25:46,344 I did. I did! I did! 537 00:25:46,377 --> 00:25:48,012 Look, I don't want to argue about that. 538 00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:50,448 Well, I'm very sorry, but you didn't pay. 539 00:25:50,482 --> 00:25:53,318 Aha! well, if I didn't pay, why are you arguing? 540 00:25:53,351 --> 00:25:54,319 Got you. 541 00:25:54,352 --> 00:25:55,153 No, you haven't. 542 00:25:55,186 --> 00:25:56,187 Yes, I have. 543 00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:57,622 If you're arguing, I must've paid. 544 00:25:57,655 --> 00:25:58,957 Not necessarily. 545 00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:00,458 I could be arguing 546 00:26:00,492 --> 00:26:02,060 In my spare time. 547 00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:03,394 I've had enough of this. 548 00:26:03,428 --> 00:26:07,732 No, you haven't. oh, shut up. 549 00:26:08,933 --> 00:26:10,201 I want to complain. 550 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:12,470 You want to complain? look at these shoes. 551 00:26:12,504 --> 00:26:13,538 I've only had them three weeks 552 00:26:13,571 --> 00:26:14,772 And the heels are worn right through. 553 00:26:14,806 --> 00:26:15,840 No, I want to complain about... 554 00:26:15,874 --> 00:26:16,941 If you complain, nothing happens 555 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:18,076 You might just as well not bother 556 00:26:18,109 --> 00:26:19,077 And my back hurts... 557 00:26:19,110 --> 00:26:20,645 I want to com... ow! 558 00:26:20,678 --> 00:26:22,280 No, no. hold your head 559 00:26:22,313 --> 00:26:24,516 Like this and then go, "wah!" 560 00:26:24,549 --> 00:26:25,517 Try it again. whoa! 561 00:26:25,550 --> 00:26:27,218 Better, better, but, "wah! wah!" 562 00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:28,419 Hold your hands here. 563 00:26:28,453 --> 00:26:30,421 No. now... 564 00:26:30,455 --> 00:26:32,357 No, that's it, that's it! good! 565 00:26:32,390 --> 00:26:33,825 Stop hitting me! what? 566 00:26:33,858 --> 00:26:34,893 Stop hitting me. 567 00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:36,394 Stop hitting you? yes. 568 00:26:36,427 --> 00:26:38,396 Well, uh, what did you come in here for? 569 00:26:38,429 --> 00:26:39,531 I came here to complain. 570 00:26:39,564 --> 00:26:41,132 Oh, I'm sorry. that's next door. 571 00:26:41,166 --> 00:26:43,301 It's being hit on the head lessons in here. 572 00:26:43,334 --> 00:26:44,402 What a stupid concept. 573 00:26:44,435 --> 00:26:45,470 Right. hold it there. 574 00:26:45,503 --> 00:26:46,471 What? what? 575 00:26:46,504 --> 00:26:48,239 Allow me to introduce myself. 576 00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:51,442 I'm inspector fox of the light entertainment police 577 00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:53,478 Comedy division, special flying squad. 578 00:26:53,511 --> 00:26:54,946 Flying fox of the yard?! 579 00:26:54,979 --> 00:26:55,947 Shut up! oh! 580 00:26:55,980 --> 00:26:57,649 No, no, no, no. "wah!" 581 00:26:57,682 --> 00:26:58,683 And you! 582 00:26:58,716 --> 00:27:00,185 He's good. 583 00:27:00,218 --> 00:27:02,353 You could learn a thing or two from him. 584 00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:05,223 Right, now you two, me old beauties, you are nicked. 585 00:27:05,256 --> 00:27:06,691 What for? 586 00:27:06,724 --> 00:27:10,528 I'm charging you under section 21 of the strange sketch act. 587 00:27:10,562 --> 00:27:11,529 The what? 588 00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:12,864 You are hereby charged 589 00:27:12,897 --> 00:27:15,500 That you did willfully take part in a strange sketch. 590 00:27:15,533 --> 00:27:17,535 That is a skit, spoof or humorous vignette 591 00:27:17,569 --> 00:27:18,937 Of an unconventional nature 592 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:21,239 With intent to cause grievous mental confusion 593 00:27:21,272 --> 00:27:22,640 To the great british public. 594 00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:24,242 Evening, all. 595 00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:25,243 It's a fair cop. 596 00:27:25,276 --> 00:27:26,244 And you tosh! 597 00:27:26,277 --> 00:27:27,245 Wah! 598 00:27:27,278 --> 00:27:28,246 That's excellent! 599 00:27:28,279 --> 00:27:30,315 Right, come on down to the yard. 600 00:27:30,348 --> 00:27:31,316 Hold it, hold it. 601 00:27:31,349 --> 00:27:32,717 Allow me to introduce myself. 602 00:27:32,750 --> 00:27:34,319 I'm inspector thompson's gazelle 603 00:27:34,352 --> 00:27:35,954 Of the programme planning police 604 00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:38,523 Light entertainment division, special flying squad. 605 00:27:38,556 --> 00:27:40,525 Flying thompson's gazellle of the yard? 606 00:27:40,558 --> 00:27:41,526 Shut up! 607 00:27:41,559 --> 00:27:42,527 Ahh! 608 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,528 He... he's good. 609 00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:44,596 Shut up. wow! 610 00:27:44,629 --> 00:27:45,597 Rotten. 611 00:27:45,630 --> 00:27:46,598 Ahh! 612 00:27:46,631 --> 00:27:48,266 Good. 613 00:27:48,299 --> 00:27:50,635 Right. I'm arresting this entire show 614 00:27:50,668 --> 00:27:51,736 On three counts: 615 00:27:51,769 --> 00:27:54,372 One, acts of self- conscious behavior 616 00:27:54,405 --> 00:27:56,674 Contrary to the "not in front of the children" act 617 00:27:56,708 --> 00:27:59,410 Two, always saying, "it's so and so of the yard" 618 00:27:59,444 --> 00:28:00,945 Every time the fuzz arrives 619 00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:03,081 And three-- and this is the cruncher-- 620 00:28:03,114 --> 00:28:05,583 Offenses against the "getting out of sketches 621 00:28:05,617 --> 00:28:07,752 Without using a proper punch line act." 622 00:28:07,785 --> 00:28:11,356 Namely simply ending every bleeding sketch 623 00:28:11,389 --> 00:28:14,993 By just having a policeman come in and... 624 00:28:15,026 --> 00:28:16,928 Wait a minute. 625 00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:17,929 Hold it. 626 00:28:17,962 --> 00:28:21,232 It's a fair cop. 627 00:28:21,432 --> 00:28:22,801 And now on bbc 1 628 00:28:22,834 --> 00:28:26,771 One more minute of monty python's flying circus.